Things People Say That Push Our Buttons

[@shellyswt]

The scripture that comes to mind is “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.” Prov. 26:4

[@zmae22]

I don't think too much scripture applies to Tracy's messages. I've listened to many and there's nothing promoted in her messaging in line with scripture so I think you meant to post this on someone else's page 😊 this is not someone I'd ever guess was a Christian other than I have seen her say she reads devotionals on IG but that's not really a Christian in my mind. If she hadn't posted that, I'd never have guessed she's a person of faith based on any message she puts out or how she speaks/ portrays herself to the world. Maybe you meant this for another post though?

[@seaglasscolor]

One time an acquaintance at church said to me: “You are too thin.” It hurt, and so later I confronted this person about the statement she had made to me and that it had hurt me. This person broke down in tears and said that the truth was that she was jealous of me. Jealousy is an uncomfortable topic, but I believe all of us should guard against letting it take up residence in our hearts. Each of us is unique, valuable, and beautiful in our own way, because we are created by God and are His children.

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you for sharing your story, Anne. Before you even shared the outcome of confronting the person, I predicted it. A comment on thin, skinny, etc., always comes from a jealous person unsatisfied with their body. It's not coming from a place of concern. It's hurtful and counterproductive. Relationships can be compromised over jealousy and competitiveness. I hope this comment is viewed by those that need to see it. Thank you for sharing your strong message and wisdom with the community.

[@jacquelinenoel2992]

I thought the same when I read you church lady’s post. I’m trim, well dressed, and get comments that are hurtful. I, too, wonder if jealousy plays a part. My elderly mother insisted this is the case. Mom is a kind soul, and taught me kindness, to overlook rudeness with grace…We all LOVE Tracy for helping us with the stark reality of others’ behaviours. Thank you, Tracy! 🌹

[@1queenruler]

I’m a slender lady and I had a woman say to me that “every time I see you I feel fat.”. I just replied “that’s terrible to say that to yourself, you should love the body that you have” (in a very kind manor).

[@valeriestilwill3988]

Thank you for this Tracy!I loved that you said no response is a response. I'm a nurse and several years ago on a hospice unit it was so busy. A volunteer turned to me and said. " I hope you don't feel as bad as you look" I shook my head and walked away. It's hard to do but no response is best with incredibly rude people.

[@freeandfabulous4310]

“Other people are our best teachers!” I love that!

[@dianes5658]

I suffered from secondary infertility. I was unable to get pregnant after my first child. I had a woman tell me I was selfish for only having one child. I also had a mom of 6 tell me that you're really not a mom if you only have one.

[@TracyHensel]

I'm sorry you endured such comments from unhappy women.

[@nancycobb4479]

Love this kind of content. Thank you.

[@andreacannon1263]

Thank you for your wonderful advice Tracy, it's very important to learn how to deal with narcissist people because they can destroy your life. I have spent many years of my life learning about human behavior, and I'm still learning new things everyday but I realized recently that we are going through a new pandemic, called Narcissist Personality Disorder. In my opinion humanity is divided in two different groups the empaths and the narcissist. It seems like the only way to improve your life is to be honest to yourself, identify what group you belong to and take action. God bless you all !

[@jenniferklimas2353]

The people triggered by folks with financial peace/personal wealth. It can push buttons. You can see the ruffled feathers. Their viewpoint is that this came out of thin air or magically was given/inherited ignoring (of course) decades of hard work, savings, overtime, good careers that had upward mobility, getting out of debt very early, kids who adult well. We get asked by the same people about our travels, it triggers a couple of folks in our circle. I stay very vague or silent. You get the blah, blah of ‘must be nice’, wished I could’, ‘you just went…’. I love not explaining myself.

[@TracyHensel]

Great points. Thank you for sharing.

[@1971_happylifedog]

Great video. Sometimes people say very hurtful things without realizing or meaning to. Unfortunately, the downside is that we do live in a time when even constructive criticism is taken as hate, jealousy and toxicity. Many people will chock things down into these categories when they know someone is right yet are unable to see any flaws in themselves. Narcissism is a huge problem today.

[@PJArnhar]

One of my best friends and very precious kept saying "you look tired". After about the 3rd time, I looked right at her and told her she looked tired. She quit saying that I looked tired. That said, she's a great friend and was maid of honor at my wedding. :)

[@amyhilger2919]

Another wonderful video Tracy! No response is a response; love that! I think digs from friends hit especially hard because we’d like to think they would celebrate our successes & be happy for us rather than try to make us feel bad. Great reminder for us all to not want to behave that way; thank you! ❤

[@hydrangeamoon]

A lot of the older women around me who couldve been like mothers or strong examples to me failed me. It took me a lot of years to realize that thet were actually wounded children themselves and that they were in fact jelous of me. Maybe because i was thin and had my youth. Everytime they would see me they would just say, "youre so thin, do you eat?" Constantly criticizing my appearance. When it was because I was growing into an attractive young woman . It got so bad i tried eating snowball cakes and Whole milk to gain weight so these ladies would finally approve.When i finally figured out as a teen they were just miserable and jelous I started to stand up. One would come to ask if i I was getting smaller and i replied, "No YOU must be getting bigger!" I feel bad about that but i was young and pushed. Then they stopped saying i was too thin and started saying I was just a bad kid. And the gossip was terrible. Its hard to accept when you have a good heart that people will abuse even a young kid because you threaten them in some way.

[@MyMaria1224]

No response is a respond! Perfect thank you Tracy! ❤❤

[@Kelly_Forrest]

I became a mother as a teenager and had 3 children when I was very young. “You know there’s a way to fix that,” was definitely one I heard a lot. “You’re too young, “I know you’re not their mother,” etc were daily comments I would receive both from well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning people. I actually developed a bit of an anxiety over going out places because of it and would intentionally run errands in the less affluent areas of town as it seemed to happen to me less in those areas. It affected my life and self-esteem so deeply for so many years. In my 30’s I really felt like I got over it and could laugh it off. But then I became a new mother again at 40. And little did I expect but all the comments came back … but now about me being an older mom. I’m glad I’m not as affected as I used to be, but it still grinds my gears.

[@TracyHensel]

Thanks for sharing your story, Kelly. It's like you couldn't win with people. Keep building on being unaffected and silently thank uncouth people for being great teachers as to what NOT to say to anyone.

[@lisaoconnell1365]

Such a great video. I was single until I was 49 and I was constantly being asked why I was single and if I was dating. When I got married, no one gave a darn! It just goes to show it's not always about you when you get those rude comments. And Tracy, I love your outfit today. That necklace is giving me 80's vibes, I need to polish my omega and start wearing it again. Thanks for the great content!

[@emilymorris5988]

Many years ago I was in a deep depression, and I had total strangers such as a grocery cashier and bank teller remark on how I looked. They said “you look sad, are you alright” or something similar. They seemed to be genuinely concerned about me, although they did not know me. It did not offend me at all, in fact, it made me feel better that a total stranger could see something was not right about me and was concerned. I actually appreciated that someone unknown to me could recognize the pain I was going through.

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you for sharing, Emily. It makes sense you found comfort in this, considering you were genuinely going through a difficult time.

[@andreacannon1263]

I'm so sorry about that hard period of your life, I hope you are feeling much better now. I went through a deep depression few years ago and I was feeling so lonely. The girlfriend of a close friend was the only person who took the time of coming to my house and prayed for me while we were holding hands, we both cried. She was not my friend, she was even more, she was an angel sent by God. God bless you sweetheart !

[@PJArnhar]

I love you and your family! My husband and I married at age 35 almost 20 years ago so when we announced our engagement people asked is this your first marriage for both of you? We said yes, and they'd reply, are you kidding me?! Another is when we adopted our precious girls, people would say, can't you have your own? Was something wrong. To be honest, people who didn't matter asked those questions so I really didn't care. There have been comments said to me that I let get under my skin more than I care to admit. Thank you for posting this video!

[@lolajacomino6574]

Yes!!! Great video Tracy. I’ve been guilty too. I’ve learned to connect my brain before letting my tongue go. I’ve done it without any ill intention, still is wrong. We’ve to work on it all the time. Thank you again for your work. You look amazing 💫

[@linnybee8000]

Very helpful, Tracy. Thank you. xo~linda

[@rap01]

love, Love, LOVE this video, and you are so right. You definitely had my attention. Love you Tracy!

[@nelsonquinney2316]

Outstanding Great Comments

[@katherinesarra364]

Great video! My first thoughts go to my 80 something year old in-laws and mother. For years now I have noticed that likely because they have no hobbies, interests or much in the way of social lives for conversation content that one of the few “things” they have left to talk about is offering their opinions; usually negative, critical of someone or complaining. Thankfully my in-laws rarely direct comments at or about me but my mother will make comments that I have to realize are her just making an observation and saying whatever pops into her head without a filter and I try to just let it go and not take it personally.

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you for sharing. I would love to add to this, but I will only share that in our home, we call what you are describing - the filterless generation. Many are several years from 80-something, but they have the 'lack of thinking before I speak' going strong. It's quite comical, especially when you hear the thought process over and over and over. Thank you, people, for teaching us what not to do. Of course, we take it all with a grain of salt and it's never directed towards us, but rather about someone else or the noise of the world, that of course they are buying into.

[@janicechristner2924]

Man I am glad you brought it back to balance after reading the comments because you do have to judge the situation you are in and who you are talking to I like to joke around but I also am sure I have hurt someone unintentionally and Tracy could you do a video on narcissism my goodness everyone is calling people a narcissist and do I believe they exist absolutely but not everyone is a narcissist that hurts you that word got picked up and used out of context like a new fad or something that person that hurt you may just be broken or jealous or just unthoughtful

[@gaylestewart8196]

These are wonderful points and suggestions, Tracy!! And people really need to be so mindful that when they ask a young couple: “When are you going to have children?”- - that they may be asking this question of a couple who is desperately trying to have children and who have been experiencing infertility issues.

[@silvaemilyanwhite]

I don’t like being asked, “So what do YOU do?” right off the bat when I meet people. It’s usually women, not men.

[@TracyHensel]

Great point. Thank you for sharing.

[@PhillyGirl-pt3vq]

Tracy, you just came up on my feed so I thought I’d check out your channel. Wow, I must say you give a lot of advice and certainly devoted your life to your channel! You’re a busy woman! You said on your one video that your workouts are very challenging & hard. I didn’t see any workout videos. If there are I must have missed them. That’s what I was looking for. Nice channel.

[@TracyHensel]

Welcome, and thank you. For my services in diet and exercise, I work one-on-one with clients and offer group workshops

[@crystalduque7559]

My boss said this “oh you can afford to eat a candy bar.” And pointing out how thin I am lmao . Like super rude…

[@arielsolt5997]

one of your best, most insightful topics yet ❤ I always look forward to new videos from your channel! Thanks for sharing your life with us.

[@susanhouston5501]

Loved this, another home run. Thanks Tracy!

[@Laura-rx9mp]

Thanks Tracy. Lots to learn for sure! and like your husband, I don't care to hear "you look tired" . Cheers

[@LMPM0909]

When I was about 30 weeks with my first child I had to go away on business. On the way home, already exhausted, and walking through the Atlanta airport a woman yelled to me from one of the gates, “You are huge - there must be twins in there!!!” 😂 I still chuckle thinking about that encounter.

[@gokuvegeta3163]

You are awesome and you look amazing, your hair, your body, your skin, your sense of style, all of it, A+.

[@TracyHensel]

Bless you, and Thank you. What a wonderful compliment. I appreciate you taking the time to leave it.

[@suzannecosper8144]

So true. ❤

[@paulaujhelyi291]

Great video Tracy, it was a pleasure to listen to your view on this. Sometimes I wonder if I'm looking at things the correct way so it was nice for the confirmation - no response is a response.

[@suzannecosper8144]

Some of my favorites (not really) are people who ask - why are you so dressed up, why are you wearing makeup, why aren’t you drinking…

[@heathercrawford5501]

When I was younger I used to run a lot. I lost a lot of weight as I simply could not eat enough to keep it on at that time. I had met an aquaintance who remarked to me "omg are you anorexic?" This comment made me stop running , I gave it up totally. I wish I had known then what I know now.

[@idamantashi8529]

Wow, Tracy! I found this video to be highly informative and enlightening. I have often encountered comments that are hurtful to me. Despite being well put together and achieving success in my career, some people still try to provoke me with their words. However, I have learned to recognize that these comments often stem from jealousy.

[@daisyrrivera7784]

Tracy, what a wonderful video. I wish I would have seen this 10 years ago. I used to have a best friend who would always say things to get a reaction from me. He would often say things like nice double chin, while touching my chin even though he himself had one. I used to think that I had to defend myself by attacking him back because that was the only way he’d stop. After many years of his verbal abuse, I told him that if he ever insulted me or called me any bad words, I’d end our friendship. What I didn’t realize in my early 20s was that if I would have ignored his comments he wouldn’t have gotten the satisfaction of getting to me. As I am now in my 30s I learned that he taught me a very valuable lesson, I will never let anyone get the satisfaction of pushing my buttons, I seemly smile and move on.

[@frenchiemomma201]

Great content. Thank you!

[@maryjanesandonato1165]

Great topic and spot on!

[@hollyjollyjo]

Very timely, Tracy! Thank you

[@kathyjohnson4823]

Good one 👍

[@nelsonquinney2316]

Happy Tuesday Everyone

[@lirazbehira]

Love you Tracy! I will pin this video and watch it every single time some one pushes my buttons. Great video! Thank you!

[@ajohonly3721]

My mil asked me the other day how much I paid for Chanel earrings and I thought I didn’t hear that well but ! She didn’t stop even after I said I’m not Comfortable sharing that, and she said why not and I said because I don’t want to. and then she continued to tell me how much she paid for this and that and I just sat there like is this really happening. I took a sip of my water and then I change the subject, but that was so uncomfortable.

[@latinacouponlady829]

It doesn’t bother me when my childhood friend tells me what she doesn’t have because I know she is jealous that I’m blessed! For example, my friend will say, “I don’t have a HUSBAND, I have to work!” And she says it like she’s scolding me, like don’t you feel guilty? Too funny! 😂 The difference between her and I is that I grew up (a very long time ago) sadly, she still has a mind of a teenager. She doesn’t believe in marriage. She only wants to co-habit. This is a reminder that I need to start praying for her again!

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you for sharing. It sounds like your friend was blessed too. She just didn't see her blessings, only yours. That's the real growing up she needed.

[@nelsonquinney2316]

Great Video Tracy

[@freeandfabulous4310]

I have a friend who constantly asks about my family when they know there is a rift there. “Where is your sister? I thought she would be here at your daughters graduation.” I ignore it, or change the subject but I may say next time “I know that’s I interesting to some people but I’d rather not discuss it’l

[@queenvashtiful]

A "friend"?

[@freeandfabulous4310]

@@queenvashtiful good point

[@elisabethbuettner2342]

My college roommate once said to me with a tone: "at least my legs aren't freakishly long like yours". Well, I am tall with long legs and she is not. I did not respond.

[@curlyhairsoprano]

Thanks for the timely video. Next week my daughter is getting married. I will keep some of the things you said in my mind when dealing with family.

[@TracyHensel]

What a special time, Lisa! I hope the wedding is everything your daughter dreamed of. Thank you for sharing how timely this video was. Best of luck as the loose ends get tied up in preparation for the big day!

[@skincarelover9568]

I have dealt with you are too skinny all my life, I’m happy with my body so I just smile 😊

[@robbd44]

Great video, Tracy. I have a friend who is usually miserable. She inserts comments always and I feel sorry for her so I usually will say something to answer her but not in a way that it pushes my buttons. I announced my son’s significant other was having his baby and her first comment was “ are they going to get married?” I know it is because her children have divorces under their belts and she feels badly about it. When I wear my hat ( I had skin cancer) she always comments “ oh I don’t wear hats, I don’t look good in them”. These are a couple examples of what she does. She never gives compliments. I just wonder what growing up was like for her. 😢

[@TracyHensel]

How Unfortunate your friend is so miserable. She's lucky you keep her around. In coaching, we would explore the 'why' behind that decision. Thanks for sharing.

[@robbd44]

@@TracyHensel I think we let many things slide for different reasons…even with our spouses and things they may have done. Sometimes we need to overlook things.

[@Dreaming0fSunshine]

someone came up to me at my child’s soccer game , I was pregnant at the time and they said , “ WOW! You’re huge! You must be having twins because you are HUGE!” 😮I couldn’t even believe my ears, I told this person that no I was only having one child and she continued on to tell me that she couldn’t believe it because I’m so huge. Honestly, still unbelievable to me , especially coming from another mom 😅

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you for sharing. My daughter, who had a baby three weeks ago, had a few doozy comments said to her, too. Hearing what she shared, we chuckled more than once over the last few months. I am thankful we can laugh about it.

[@Lady_V_C]

My MIL said this to me constantly throughout my last pregnancy, even making jokes about I must not know my due date because I'm so big (for reference I'm a very petite woman, gained the right amount of weight, and she is overweight, and clearly jealous), but I couldn't believe my ears either!

[@crystalwilson2755]

People sometimes are socially awkward and don’t even know what to say, so they say those things like “you look tired” yes, other people are our best teachers 😅

[@jacquelinenoel2992]

“Don’t you remember? You forgot? We were all talking about it!” This is so rude! 😡

[@lindawright5984]

Thank you for this video. I am a generational cattle rancher. I am asked “How big is your ranch?” This is like me how much money I make. How rude! I use a white lie response of “I don’t know “or “I have no idea.” What do you think?

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you for sharing. Your response is perfect.

[@suzannecosper8144]

I think sometimes people just aren’t aware of how the comment or question is perceived by another person. In this case, if I had asked this question, I would just be trying to picture what your ranch looked like, and make conversation I grew up in the country and some people had smaller farms that may be specialized in one thing and some people had larger farms where they milked cows etc… Please understand I’m not saying that you are wrong to be offended by this question I was just providing another context. Anyhow, it just made me think about if someone asks me a question that I think has ulterior motives that maybe I could answer it in a positive way, but one that wouldn’t let them know the nosy thing that they’re trying to figure out. For example in this case, you might say we have steers, and we also have some other animals like ducks and goats, without answering the nosy question about how big the ranch is and that would keep the conversation going for the person who asked innocently but hopefully the nosy person would get the hint just a thought … I like your answer too though!!

[@LoisMary1]

I hate when people notice and comment on what I’m eating. I especially hate when someone says, “You did a good job on that!” Because what I hear is, “I can’t believe you ate all that.” 🤣

[@TracyHensel]

Oh my goodness, yes. I have had that said to me, too, because when I take a celebratory meal, I can eat a lot in one sitting. The comment is always followed up with, "It must be nice to get away with eating like that and staying so slim." Little do they know. Thank you for sharing.

[@ravenkesler9030]

Great video- The link for the strapless bra leads to,”Soft Embrace Front Closure Underwire Bra” looking for the perfect strapless bra.

[@TracyHensel]

Hi Raven. Thank you for informing me. I will update the link asap.

[@shannonnauer3367]

Awesome video! Question, what if let's say a co-worker that you are more than acquaintances with, but not good friends either...you can tell something is wrong in her life because of how she's acting different, almost sad. Just not herself...how do you ask if everything is ok?

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you. Great question. There is a difference between telling someone they look tired or troubled like I shared in the video, and asking how a person is. Be careful with basing assumptions about others. Often it's coming more from something happening in the assumer's life than the person they are basing the assumption on. If you are a savvy communicator skilled with asking indirect and open-ended questions, the co-worker may leave a cue to something being wrong, which could prompt a considerate (non-noisy) reply from you. But staying in your lane is wiser if she doesn't give you that cue. I will share that once in a while, a viewer will leave in the comment section of a video they can tell I am troubled when in fact, I am not the least bit troubled. I am passionate about the message I am delivering. Nothing more. While I know they mean well, it leaves the impression that the person lacks people and communication skills.

[@shannonnauer3367]

@@TracyHensel I've never been praised for my savvy communication skills, lol. I'd like to think I can hold my own, but I'm definitely working on it. Message received though.. I think I will stay in my lane for now, who knows, maybe she will end up coming to me. Thank you so much, Tracy, you didn't have to take the time for such an in depth answer, but you did, and I really appreciate that. Thank you again, much ❤️ from AZ.....Shannon

[@Mmmmkaaay]

My favorite thing to retort when people are nosey: "Why do you ask?" I have asked a newly married couple if they want children. Is that wrong to ask?

[@TracyHensel]

One never knows how others take comments and questions, which is why we should be mindful and good readers of people. While I personally wouldn't have a problem being asked a question as you described, I can't speak for others. Consider how well you know the couple and what type of vibe you get on them. I can think of many newly married couples who I would feel comfortable asking that question, but I wouldn't consider asking a couple I didn't know on a personal level.

[@evabothwell454]

Always enjoy your topics! I have followed you for many years,re watching many& now my 13 yr.old grandaughter gets tidbits of your,buget,phone,no whinging for things lol advice. I remember you once mentioned how you handled the sex talk could you let me know if you remember which video it was in.Thank you

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you, Eva. If you're referencing a recent video, I'd like you to check out my Q&A on Raising Children. I likely covered the topic in a Q&A. Hopefully, that's the one.

[@queenvashtiful]

I just had back to back surgeries on my hands and arms. I've had comments every day for the last month.😂

[@iHeartShaSHa]

Tracy, I’d love your feedback. I have a one year old baby girl, and every time we are around my mother in law, she “jokingly” asks me to leave, go away, or go in the other room so she can be with my daughter without me. Its very uncomfortable and always leaves me in a frozen state. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to join family events when my presence is not wanted. Any suggestions on how to end this behavior (respectfully) would be very appreciated. I don’t want her to ‘win’ by skipping events, but it puts me in an awkward position every single time, and the fact that she loves saying it loudly for all to hear makes me very uncomfortable.

[@TracyHensel]

It makes complete sense you would would be very uncomfortable. Asking to be alone with your daughter is very concerning. This is a red flag, What is your MIL doing that she cannot do in your presence? It's a parent's responsibility to protect their child. This is definitely worth addressing with you, MIL. It's not about you, but the care and concern for your daughter. I would ask your MIL in a polite and kind way what she is doing with your daughter that she does not want you present.

[@kimcoburn9798]

Wise, compassionate advice. Sharing both perspectives was eye opening.

[@bonnieblackmon7783]

There is a couple in our church that comments on my husbands weight EVERY Sunday. Even tho my husband says he knows they are just joking , he tries to leave service early to avoid them. They are older than us (we’re in our 60s ; them in their 70s) so I’m not “allowed”to address it . Any suggestions are welcomed!!😊

[@AshEJonas]

I ❤ u

[@bodireka459]

Ohh I also have a “friend” who always comment on my hair color… “I still can’t imagine you as a blonde I got to know you as a brunette it was so much better for you”. It’s getting really annoying 😅

[@TracyHensel]

What friends shouldn't say to friends, right? Thanks for sharing.

[@bodireka459]

@@TracyHensel I know… 🥹 Yesterday I met a friend and her daughter who has lost a lot of weight. I immediately said to her daughter that she has lost weight and stopped right there. I really didn’t want to make her think that now after loosing weight she looks good when she is such a pretty and sweet girl at any weight. I regretted commenting on her weight loss I should have just said that she looks great. Lesson learned for sure ☺️

[@TracyHensel]

Great work catching yourself, even if it was after the fact. Next time you'll be able to know better. Have you been able to watch my video on commenting on people's weight?

[@suzannecosper8144]

She is likely jealous.

[@bodireka459]

@@TracyHensel yes, very informative video full of wisdom and actually that’s why I remembered to stop and don’t comment further. ☺️

[@janicechristner2924]

Too bad her friend wouldn’t ask this woman for some help in this area she’d end up feeling better about herself and her husband would appreciate it too men like a woman that takes care of herself and dresses up and he may be a rough around the edges kind of guy but he would enjoy her efforts

[@michellegerdes8993]

You should cut your hair/have your hair short.

[@TracyHensel]

Yes! Great example!

[@bonnieblackmon7783]

I’m 61 and hear that all the time too!! Lol

[@jennifernicholle30]

Love that you filmed on your birthday weekend, your outfit is so fun! Today’s topic compliments our coaching session today, embracing the opportunity to grow through interactions🩷your recommendations for responding are subtle & classy. Thank you Tracy!

[@TracyHensel]

Thank you, Jenn! I appreciate you leaving such a supportive and lovely comment when you have so many other areas you could be giving your time to. I appreciate you! I am excited about what's to come in your life. You deserve everything you are going after!