What Nobody Tells You About Dementia Stages (Until Now)

[@DandyLion.Wishes]

My concern is that after a life of caring for others, not in a profession but because it's how I am, I find myself disabled old and alone and stress over two thoughts, dementia and strokes. I have no one to step up as I did for others so I live in fear.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm sorry that you're feeling alone at a time when you need help yourself. I would encourage you to seek support, whether that's from family, friends, a spiritual community, your primary care doctor, or another professional trained to help (or maybe a combination of those sources). I hope that this community also gives you some sense of being supported.

[@hopemares8296]

So sorry to hear that after u helped so many people no one comes around..but don’t worry what u did in helping people is a blessing. God is with u .. and u will be on god bless

[@suzanneemerson9787]

This is terrifying. I’m totally alone. No family, friends moved away or dead, church closed in the pandemic and never re-opened, and no money for assisted living. I’m forgetting things, having difficulty thinking, and had to give up driving because of my vision deteriorating. In my area, assisted living care costs an average of $12,000/month. The better places cost much more, and ones costing less don’t have private rooms. Spent my life taking care of others, and now there’s no one to care for me.

[@miaharvey7112]

​@@suzanneemerson9787 Can you afford to pay for a carer to come to your home occasionally to help you out?

[@krenee2266]

​@@suzanneemerson9787 What part of the country are you in?

[@teenamalanga5342]

It’s called the “long goodbye” for a reason. As a hospice nurse, I met so many wonderful people and caregivers who were dealing with these issues.

[@treehugnhipi3765]

What’s really sad is when you don’t have a team, and assisted living/memory care facilities are outrageously expensive. Our system is hugely broken for dementia care. It is a completely different situation without without a team or financial resources.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

It's so true, that people who are alone or even feel alone have such a harder time. I'm hoping that our community can come together to offer some support, and maybe even direct people to more resources that might help in their unique situation.

[@treehugnhipi3765]

@@thisbeautifulbrain thank you. that would be amazing! let's hope some gifted brain finds how to treat and cure these dementias. my mom passed last year after more than ten years with lewy body dementia. it was an overwhelming journey. thank you for your thoughtful coverage of this devastating disease (s) and the challenges that come for everyone involved. i am sorry about your daddy.

[@kepi52758]

My fathers care costs abt $12,000.00 a mo. It’s incomprehensible for the average person to be able to afford that, and the price goes up depending on the care he made need, if he can’t dress himself that’s extra , medication etc.. sad

[@treehugnhipi3765]

@@kepi52758 so sorry to hear that debbie. yes, my mom was in a memory care facility for the last six years of her life and it was super expensive, and you're right--the average person cannot pay that kind of money. it is sad...so very sad. sending you a big hug...

[@Print229]

@@kepi52758 Yes!! BOTH my parents got dementia and I'm an only child with young kids. The bills are absolutely *shocking* as are the behaviors that come from dementia. Terrible disease and 30% of people age 65 and older right now are expected to get it... and it's expected to go up! The system needs to change FAST!

[@myfatcatelliott8840]

My grandmother and I were extremely extremely close and when she first told me she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I was in complete denial. I told her she was misdiagnosed that maybe she should stop having her nightly nightcap, etc. then I started to realize she really was declining And I remained in denial, putting sticky notes all over her host of names of things names of people which she had to do. I thought I could just keep doing that forever and I could stay ahead of her Alzheimer’s. About 12 months later,came the absolute worst day… the day that she could not remember who I was. I started crying hysterically, it was as if our relationship had never existed. I mean who existed for me, but it was like it never existed for her. She then gave me the greatest gift. She put her on around me, and although she did not know who I was, she told me “I know that you were not like these other people (meaning the nurses), I know, I feel kindly to you, I know that you are someone to me. Don’t be sad because I’m not sad anymore” and that gave me peace.

[@krmccarrell]

That's an amazing story! Thank you for sharing that.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Oh my goodness, what a path you've been on. I'm so sorry for your loss, but her response really illustrates the love and care that people still experience, even in late stages of dementia. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@samsalamander8147]

My Nana in the end called me that lady who does stuff for me but at least she trusted me for the most part. She actually died in the end because she refused her blood pressure medication, she thought we were poisoning her sometimes and she ended up having a stroke and then she died a couple weeks later.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@samsalamander8147 Goodness, that's quite the path. I'm glad she had the ability to continue to trust you for the most part, as the dementia process can be so lonely and confusing. Thank you for sharing.

[@samsalamander8147]

@@thisbeautifulbrain she also was mostly blind she could only see a little bit out of her peripheral vision so her brain would fill in the blanks with hallucinations, she tried to convince me there was an army of ants in her room building a bridge over her head to get her, she described it as an actual army with a “Mean General” who was bossing around his subordinates and making them try to attack her, I felt so bad. I had my Uncle come over and pretend he was terminex and pretend to spray for army ants. You would think with the dementia she would eventually forget about it but it was her most consistent persistent hallucination.

[@annairwin8147]

Seeing both my parents go through this.....ABSOLUTELY horrific disease🙏🙏😔

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Anna, I'm sorry your family had to deal with this. It really is so hard. I hope that our community of people who understand the struggles can be of some comfort.

[@treehugnhipi3765]

i am so sorry, anna. so devastating...🙏

[@mrymidgley]

Same here both parents

[@Kellycreator]

@@mrymidgley 😢

[@Bec_loves_Jesus]

Same, it's so heartbreaking 😢

[@RoySATX]

My father, my family and I went through this with my father. It was unbearable, especially in the later stages. Just when I would think it couldn't get worse my Father would have a moment of clarity, a few fleeting, brutal moments where he would be in the moment present, aware of his situation and all the horror and sadness he was feeling would fill his face and then it would pass, each time taking a bit of me with it. My deepest sympathy for all of you.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Roy, thank you for sharing your story, and a big hug for all of the hardships you and your father went through.

[@lovejago]

And my Deepest Sympathy for you Roy. Life just FUCKING SUCKS sometimes. GOD BLESS YOU❤‍🩹

[@visionvixxen]

This is so excruciatingly, awfully sad… for all of us… I want to bring comfort. I want to find a way to not just find something good in all this, but to make it so no one or their families have to go through this🙏

[@orion5992]

Thanks! My father also died from Alzheimer's in 1987 ... There's NOTHING worse than watching a parent drift away into ... nothingness.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm sorry for your experience and loss. I hope that coming together with others who have similar experiences might help in some small way.

[@TattooedGranny]

What is the timeframe of these stages?

[@gailmckay5551]

2012 for me. Took care of him for two and a half years. So sad to see.

[@mariatomko4278]

@@TattooedGranny Timeframe varies wildly. With my mom from first outward signs of Alzheimer's to the end was less than 2 years. In others that process takes many years

[@nevillegoddard4966]

@orion5992 That must have been awful for you, I'm sorry. My mum died from cancer just before the plandemic, but her body faded away to nothing, rather than her mind. She couldn't eat any more. They're calling akzheimers type 3 diabetes nowdays, so I have been minimising my sugar & carb intake for the last 10 years. It turns out that humans, apparently, don't need ANY sugars or carbs! The tiny amount of glucose we do need can be manufactured by our liver. We've been fed the grossest of lies on nutrition by the authorities, to keep us sick, & to maintain the bank balances of medicos! Shame on them! In addittion, humans are NOT designed for a 'balanced' diet as we've been told, but for a CARNIVORE diet! As I have discovered, virtually every single OTHER creature on this earth is designed for a SINGLE food type, not a 'balanced' diet, so why should humans be any different? Human digestive physiology is most similar to carnivorous animals, apparently, so, following the philosophy of Dr. Ken Berry & many others, I'm going carnivore for a while! Meats, including ALL its fat, cooked in meat fat, eggs, dairy & water. No veggies (or very little, but I like onion & carrots), ZERO sugar & carbs. I'm trying this as an experiment, but I'm pretty confident, after seeing the results of others on long term carnivore diet. People have cured their diabetes, lost up to 150 lbs weight, cured allergies etc.....! I have long believed that large sections of the medical establishment DON'T WANT us to be cured of what ails us, because then they lose customers! The more I investigate, the more this appears to be true. Even the dietician societies have been corrupted! The food pyramid is upside down! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 Following the food pyramid just accelerates us towards diabetes, obesity, systemic inflammation & death! I'm so disgusted in most of the medical system. Instead of being the 'noble' profession of healing the sick, it's the LOWEST profession of all, keeping people sick, & priofiting from it. The drug companies are the worst offenders of all. So I'm hoping my complete departure from the standard, recommended diet will benefit my health, both mental, & physical. The standard American diet - the SAD diet, how ironic! Now I've just gotta give up the darn smokes, I'm doing that at the same time!

[@Print229]

I could write a book on all the things nobody told me I'd face taking care of my parents with dementia. While this video is a start, it's really only about 10-20% of it. My advice is to join at least two support groups for people with dementia and listen to the stories from other caregivers. Never miss a meeting. Never think, "Oh, that won't happen to me." You'll need ALL that information and more.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Support groups can be very useful! Thanks for bringing this up.

[@jettruuts5422]

I worked in a beautiful 24 bed Dementia unit purpose built. It is challenging and yes you can get violence perpetrated against you! In NZ we call it the long goodbye because you loose your loved one a very long time before they die. Mums and Dads who family have never heard them swear or do things sexually inappropriate! Why can't I when my mind is sound choose to have a slip away pill. To be able to die with dignity in the arms of the man I adore or a loving friend or family member! I know there are legal issues here regarding family who want people gone to get their hands on money or home. But really we can deal with that. IT SHOULD BE SOUND MIND MY BODY MY CHOICE. 😢❤

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

The long goodbye sounds like anticipatory grief - grieving before the person actually dies. Dementia is such a hard road. And yes, many people are advocating for things like Death with Dignity. Choices in life (and death) are so important.

[@barbaragraceful]

Hopefully soon aid in dying will be legal everywhere. What is the point of this drawn out torment, we wouldn't let our animals suffer like this.

[@dm4859]

I would like the same. To be euthanized and not require the extensive care with me not in my right mind.

[@reginehein8416]

Thank you very much for your empathy in your words! ❤ My mother suffered from dementia and she died ten years ago. The painful process is still in my mind and I couldn't help but tear up again. The only thing that I could do was to kiss and embrace and to talk to my mother tenderly. She was a good mother, always on my side and remembering her kindness and goodness and wisdom still give me strength! Now I'm 60 and a grandmother. The gruesome illness exists all over the world. I'm from Germany!

[@patriciaanzelc5386]

I experienced the same with my mom. She died in 2014. Still mis her everyday. ❤

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Regine, I'm so sorry for your loss and the hardships you and your mother endured. Thank you for sharing your story and love.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@patriciaanzelc5386 Hugs to you.

[@aliciamari85]

I went through this journey, and even more challenges that have broken me to my core, with my own daughter. From her 2016 diagnosis at just 4 yrs old, I fought this losing battle with her. Every support system we had just failed us, and I never felt so alone and afraid in my whole life. Nobody talks about having a child with dementia, and by the time it's over it's too traumatic of an experience to even share. I could write several books, mentor parents, and advocate like crazy about every broken system failing us and our most vulnerable today, but thanks to the trauma,poverty, isolation and sufferings from grief and all the ptsd symptoms I'll do well just to survive another day. She passed in Dec of 21, at only 10 yrs old, and since then I've lost everything, and I do mean everything, and I'm about to officially be homeless today. Due to the mistreatment we experienced from hospice, as well as my mental health facility, and all the social workers who were supposed to help us I have extreme fear of people now, and so I can't just reach out for help like how I used to so many times before. I am so hurt still, and I miss her so much. Life is still a living nightmare for me, even though she is no longer suffering. I cannot believe how horrible her life was in the end, and to have every bit of dignity in the face of death robbed from us was one of the worst kinds of betrayals I have experienced. I am no longer living. Just barely still breathing.

[@hamishr]

I have lost in a similar way to you… the only thing, the only, (and it took going through some shit to get there) was to honour the one I lost by slowly but surely committing to try and make as many good decisions as I could to build a positive life for me and then those around me… in this way, the one I lost has never really died, I carry them in me every single second of my life, I choose to do life as I would if they we’re still beside me right now. Their memory and spirit lives on in me; as does Lydia Rose in you. Be kind to yourself Alicia, the honour you can and will carry for her will see and get you through anything. Best wishes, you’ve got this!

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Alicia, I'm so sorry for your suffering. They say that one should never lose a child, and I feel your grief. I hope that sharing with our community can provide some small sense of comfort.

[@aliciamari85]

@@hamishr I don't have this. I really don't.

[@aliciamari85]

Cln2 batten disease is what claimed my daughter, and as a single mother without support I couldn't understand why we didn't deserve in home nursing, or respite care, or any kind of support from our community. Why is it that some people get help and some do not? It's almost as if society cherry picks who is deemed as helpable, and who will suffer their plight alone. Caregiving 24/7 til her last breath on my own did not prepare me to join back into the work force. Being deprived of food, sleep, and any relationships outside of my home didn't exactly mold me into a better human being. I became bitter, burned out, easily distracted, easily startled, quick to anger, quick to cry, and overall such a scared person.

[@andreabontempo643]

I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. What an awful thing to deal with as a mom. If you believe in God I believe He can get you through the difficult times. Just pray for guidance. I will pray for you too. God bless you.

[@katelee670]

I watched my mother rot away from that.. it was awful.. she didn't know me anymore.. that hurts more than you think

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Kate, I'm so sorry for your experience and loss. I wish I could do more to help, but bringing people together is one small thing I can offer.

[@katelee670]

@@thisbeautifulbrain it wasn't pretty.. next question is will it happen to me.. I've been hearing rumors that it's runs in the family.. I'm 57.. so far i don't have any problem s..

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@katelee670 there is so much that you can do to influence your future! Although genetics plays a role, our environment and behavior are also huge in determining brain health. I hope some of my other videos inspire you on these ideas, and I'll be making more that walk people through specifically how to implement what the research says.

[@katelee670]

@@thisbeautifulbrain yes thanks for the update.. I'll look into it..

[@ronaldmangal2338]

Sad

[@jeneendove906]

It's very true. Thank you for sharing this information. I had 40 years of nursing this is so true. It's wonderful your father had you kids.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Jeneen, I'm so glad it resonated with you. We feel lucky to have had him.

[@cyberwolfe]

This was an EXTREMELY well-made video. I'm not so sure why the KZbin algorithm recommended this video to me, but I enjoyed and learned a lot watching it. Thank you! 💖

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Chris, I'm so glad it was helpful!

[@RedRonFJB]

Both of my parents also went through this too but my mother's dementia was exacerbated when she was hospitalized for pneumonia. At first she responded quickly to antibiotics but then started to have swallowing difficulties. They made her NPO (nothing by mouth). She quickly became worse and more confused, Eventually she developed aspiration pneumonia and pleural effusions. She was on high flow oxygen and very weak. It was a horrible decline complicated by my younger sister and brothers denial of what was happening.My sister wanted a feeding tube placed because she was focused on nutrition. My mother was dying but my sister couldn't accept it. She passed away in the hospital before we could even transfer her to hospice.....but I fought with my siblings each step of the way as they fought with the doctors. They could not see what was happening. I have worked as an RN for 35+ yrs but I couldn't get them to understand what was happening.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so sorry for your experience. Family disagreements can make things so much harder. Aspiration pneumonia is such a common complication with dementia patients - thank you for sharing this valuable information.

[@RedRonFJB]

@@thisbeautifulbrain thanks for the reply. I think what bothered us the most is that before my mother's hospitalization for pneumonia she was eating and drinking. Then within a week or so she developed the swallowing issues and it progressed rapidly from that point on.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@RedRonFJB That does sound unusually fast, and frustrating to see something change so abruptly and severely.

[@bernadettekavanagh9984]

Thanks for this, I worked with dementia for over 23 years, one lady I cared for was aware of her memory going, and the poor lady was terrified. She went from totally independent, shower each day, perfect makeup and outfits, to not knowing how to wash and feed herself, it was heart breaking to experience. Now a days forgetfulness at first is put down to having a 'senior moment '. And caring for someone is both mentally and physically exhausting.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I feel you in your comment about caregiving being a challenging role, and about the sadness of watching people decline. 💚

[@tinabren]

Very emotionally demanding I take care of my mom who lives in the apt downstairs she is declining .

[@KatsCorner]

I work work with dementia clients and it is so tragic and you pretty much summed up the path to heaven that most dementia patients take. I is such a hard journey. I am hoping for a cure and so sorry about your father.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Thank you for your insight and kind words.

[@MsAchampion]

My mother has early onset dementia. She is still with us mentally, however we've had a few episodes where she went and got onto the bus, ride to the train station and forgot where to go, so she just sat there all night. 😢 Two of my three adult children went looking for her, and my daughter remembered the one time that i told her about her grandmother being at the train station and forgetting how to get home, so i had pick her up in the past. I appreciate you sharing the story of your sweet daddy. Your voice is like that of a good teacher 😊. ❤

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm sorry about your mother's struggles, and appreciate your sharing your story with us all. Getting comments like yours really makes my work wonderful.

[@dianehaskins8640]

@@thisbeautifulbrain For the 2 years prior to us moving my parents to assisted living we would not let my father be alone. Outside their apartment he needed guidance on which direction to go. Thank you for the video.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@dianehaskins8640 You're so welcome. I'm sorry for your family stress, but appreciate your being in our community and sharing your story. 💚

[@punkroxgirl]

I have some of these symptoms because of adhd, ptsd, and they are symptoms I’ve always had, mostly from adhd, and I’m 49. I do not have any trouble driving and I don’t have any issues with traveling in new places. However, the symptoms that I don’t have..driving or navigating issues, judgement problems or personality changes… I have noticed in my mother that is almost 69. Her memory symptoms are different from the ones I have from adhd, but the main thing I notice is that she gets confused any time she is driving out of town. She has had personality changes and can be aggressive or violent at times. She retired a year ago and it’s getting worse. She also ignores me and it’s like she just can’t communicate well. She sometimes acts mean in a childlike way. I have lived with her for the last 6 years because she was living alone and I got out of a bad relationship and needed a place to live, so I thought it would benefit both of us. It’s been terrible though. She refuses to believe that anything is wrong with her. I’m nervous to even be in the car with her if we go out of town. She has assaulted me several times (she’s taller and much heavier than me and still quite strong) and then she says I’m crazy or wrong. She even called cops and lied to get them to take me to be evaluated! She seems to have very narcissistic traits and i don’t know if that’s related or just her personality. I feel like I’m spending all my energy on just trying to deal with her, but I’m also afraid to leave her living alone. I’ve tried to talk to other family members but they don’t believe me because when she sees them, she’s very good at masking her symptoms. She flat out refuses to talk to a doctor about any of this and she was a nurse. She vehemently denies that she could have any of these issues. I don’t know what to do. The type of forgetfulness she has is very different from the kind I have from adhd. I forget where I put things a lot, but that’s because I’m often thinking about other things and don’t pay attention to where I’m putting things. However, it’s not usually hard to find them because I leave them in the same areas. I don’t forget things that I am focused on. I also notice my symptoms are worse when I don’t sleep well. My mother has been sleeping more and more. She sleeps for a long time at night, at least 8 hours, but now needs to nap for hours after doing anything outside of the house. Because she was a nurse for 30 years, she knows what to say or not say to doctors. I am very overwhelmed by all of this and that her side of the family refuses to see it or believe me. She makes it seem like I’m crazy to them so they don’t believe me also. I’ve never had anyone do these things to me in my life until these last 5-6 years. I had not lived with her since I was 18. I am just at a loss about what to do and it’s affecting me in every way. I have terrible anxiety all of the time now and I even have nightmares about things she has done. She is very different at home from when she is out with family or going to doctor appointments. How can she ever be examined for these things if she refuses? She doesn’t have any close friends and she’s been divorced 3 times, so it’s like she’s hyper fixated on me and lately she’s starting to accuse me of things that don’t make sense. She also lies in a way that reminds me of a child. She will get alcohol, usually wine, and hide it in her room, and will drink the whole bottle in one night, but it’s not all the time. She has started constantly overeating unhealthy things and gained a lot of weight, but she’s always telling me that she’s eating less or eating healthier and she’s not. She has always been an impulse spender, but it’s getting worse and it’s expensive things. I can sometimes have impulse control issues from adhd, but I am very aware of it, so I satisfy the impulse by buying very cheap things or by just putting things in an online shopping cart but not actually buying them. She just doesn’t seem to be able to use any coping mechanisms. Many of my symptoms are helped by coping mechanisms I’ve learned over the years. She seems to have lost the ability to prioritize also. My grandfather, her father, had Alzheimer’s. I have talked to my own doctors and therapists and they just tell me to get away from her, and that her behavior is toxic, but I’m still afraid to leave her to live alone and I also don’t yet have the money to move. I have been putting all my extra money into the serious dental issues I needed to fix. I’m completely overwhelmed because my diet has changed because of the dental issues and I don’t sleep enough because of anxiety. This makes dealing with her issues much harder for me. I don’t know how to break this cycle without abandoning her. I lost my dad when he was 60…9 years ago (they divorced when I was 3) so that adds to my anxiety about her health issues. I don’t want to have something really bad happen to her before she has to get help, but she is just getting more unreasonable about admitting to her symptoms because she’s terrified of ending up like my grandfather. Her ability to be in denial about things is just so strong that I don’t even understand it. She is always criticizing, judging, and shaming me for things that she just makes up in her head. I have faults like most humans do, but not the ones that she claims. I’m also very self-aware because I’ve had years of good therapy while she seems to have very little self-awareness and always refused to have therapy. I feel trapped at times, but some of that feeling is because of the isolation from the last few years because of the pandemic. Some of it is because of the effects that dealing with her has caused though. It makes me exhausted. We also live in a rural area. I never struggled this much until I lived here. When I ask her what she will do when she starts needing help because of her age, she says she would rather die than have to depend on anyone else. I wish there was a way to balance being able to focus on my own needs without abandoning her.

[@janebrown7231]

What you are saying is really very concerning. You should not be coping with this on your own. I totally understand where you're coming from on the overlap between features of ADHD and Dementia But you also are very good at separating them. Like you, I have strong ADHD features, a mother who was a narcissist (lifelong of course, not just later), and she developed dementia and eventually died from it. My suggestions would be: Don't ignore the situation, don't let yourself go under, don't for a minute doubt what you are seeing and experiencing, even when your relatives gaslight you. Gather evidence, in video form, of the way your mother behaves towards you. Set up a couple of old phones where you can quickly and quietly start videoing. Get in touch with social services and make sure they know exactly what's going on. I don't know your country but in the UK, if you ask social services for a joint assessment under the Care Act they have no option, they have to provide that assessment quickly and of course free of charge, and follow it up with a care plan .A joint assessment would be of your mother's and your needs. You would have to tell them that she disguises her needs and will not tell the truth, and they should understand that perfectly well, especially if you have the family doctor onside first, with the aid of your video evidence. Your own needs in this context would be to have regular breaks, other carers coming in, protection of your own mental and emotional well-being, and so on. Try to think it through and discuss it with others ahead of time, and be sure that you are identifying enough of your own needs - it's vital. You have absolutely no obligation to continue caring for your mother - do remember that. I know it's complicated by you living in her house, but try to separate all the factors. If you are paying rent to stay there, or are paying the equivalent of rent for example by doing chores, try to see yourself as a tenant with a landlord. Being a tenant does not mean you take emotional crap from the landlord, and it doesn't mean you have to look after the landlord and make your own life hell. Your relatives (like mine) don't want to believe you because they may have to take some responsibility. They are gaslighting you and undermining what you know to be true. If your mother has dementia, which sounds very likely, and has always been a narcissist, she will exhibit a massive increase in symptoms as an interaction between these conditions, (believe me, I've been there) and it is not your job to be her victim. Your job is to alert everybody you can that there is a problem and then withdraw enough to save your sanity. There are many years ahead, you have to pace yourself. Try to stay firmly convinced that you absolutely deserve a happy and fulfilling life, and that MUST be your first priority. Wishing you well. ❤️

[@punkroxgirl]

@@janebrown7231 thank you very much for your thoughtful and validating response. I very much appreciate the time and thought that you put into it. You have suggested the same things that someone else with experience suggested. I have not yet found a way to take video, but I have spoken with a mobile crisis organization several times. They are always willing to come to the house if needed, but usually I feel better after just talking to them on the phone after she has these episodes, and then once I’m calm, I’m exhausted, but they do keep a record of all my calls. The last two times she assaulted me, I called the police myself. They couldn’t do anything because they didn’t see it happen and my goal was not to have her arrested. I just wanted to be safe and to have another record of my reports. What makes it more difficult is that my mother was a crisis nurse in an ER, so she knows how to make herself seem like there’s nothing wrong. However in the last year, when i actually called police and told them that she assaulted me, it seemed to scare her and make her less aggressive because she had to seem calm when they came. It was almost like it made her snap back into reality. After those two times and me constantly reminding her that there’s no excuse for putting her hands on me, she has seemed to realize that she can’t just get away with that. The first time I called the cops was because she started laughing hysterically while she was attacking me and it was very disturbing. Between these episodes, she acts very nice, but not knowing when it could happen again makes me even more hypervigilant. She knows that if she touches me again that I won’t hesitate to call police. I do thinks it’s both narcissism and dementia. As you said, I did see a drastic increase in the symptoms of both. However, I was in denial about the narcissistic part in the first couple years until a psychiatrist had a long talk with me about it when I described what was happening. I’m torn between caring about her at her age, and having two cardiac stents recently, and the resentment I have for the trauma she has caused me and her inability to have empathy. The last year since retiring, she seems more vulnerable and has actually apologized sincerely afterwards…something she would never do before. I still have trouble forgiving her though and I think that will take time and distance. I certainly can’t trust her. It’s just very hard for me not feel sorry for her. She genuinely doesn’t understand how toxic her behavior is and she can’t figure out why I tell her that I feel like she doesn’t care about me. The last couple years, she doesn’t even remember some of these episodes. After the last year, I do agree with what you said, and I am refusing to be her victim. I spent this last year having my teeth removed and getting dentures, but the process will be finished soon and I’m going to try to save money again so I can eventually find a way to move. I no longer have contact with the rest of the family. It never helped and they never believed me when I was very desperate so I honestly don’t want anything to do with them. The only aunt I was close to died 4 years ago. I used to let myself feel too guilty about leaving her here alone, but I have finally overcome that and do believe that I deserve better than this. It took a lot for me to get there though. I appreciate everything you said because the reinforcement of hearing it again is very helpful and I thank you very much for that. I am sorry that you understand this from experience. I hope that you are happy and well also ❤️

[@janebrown7231]

@modernmeursault Thank you for answering, and I'm glad that you have taken a number of steps in the direction of protecting yourself. My experience had a lot in common with yours... I too suffered PTSD (from spending my childhood with a narcissistic mother), and only relatively recently have I realised how severe that PTSD really was and is. And my mother also worked in the medical field and knew just how to pull the wool over the eyes of anyone who mattered. Until the later stages of dementia she knew perfectly well that she was acting a part and fooling people... she would leave the consultant's room and laugh, "There you are. I certainly fooled him!" And she was right, they were so easily misled. I also developed a cardiac problem, and I'm pretty sure it was the result of stress. Like you, I had to abandon all hope of getting help from family, my two sisters. I didn't hear from them until after my mother's death, but they certainly showed up to get a share of the money. I know that what I said earlier isn't news to you but you're right, sometimes it does help to hear it from somebody else. I understand the dilemma of knowing you need to get away but also feeling you have to stay and look after her. But that is black and white thinking. I encourage you to change that to, "I need to get away, but I also need to make sure my mother is looked after." In other words, do not accept that it is your responsibility to look after her. Anything you do for her is choice, because of your kindness, but it is NOT your responsibility. There is a middle ground between black and white. If you can make sure she is looked after (with input from others), you could feel comfortable about leaving. 'Leaving' might consist of moving away from her, or staying where you are but removing yourself mentally and emotionally, or something in between. I certainly found it a lot easier when I simply stopped engaging with my mother... we still talked, but I simply would not accept any emotional engagement with her. Engagement with a narcissist always results in damage. What I found is that it's all too easy for the years to slip by, taking a physical, mental and emotional toll, so that when that person dies, you have spent so long under stress that you no longer have the energy or health to lead the life you deserve to lead. I really hope that doesn't happen to you. Wishing you the strength to make change happen and put yourself first. ❤️ Thank you for your good wishes... I'm in a much better place now, although I've ended up caring for another narcissistic family member after an emergency. But I'm now much better at boundaries and it's tolerable - and I've followed my own advice about getting others involved in that care and responsibility. 👍

[@eclark3849]

See Liver Doc for a scan to watch bile flow Gastro Doc for motility tests damage to intestines tests

[@eclark3849]

check damage to the digestive system most docs give cheap crap tests also viral vires chem tox tests

[@lorihamlin3604]

I can sympathize with your dilemma. My mother and I always butted head, she was very opinionated and suspicious of others but a good Mama none the less. She’s now 97 and in the beginning stages of dementia as well as almost blind. I had a tendency to argue with her until about 6 months ago when she moved into assisted living which she fortunately had the money for a few years of care. It’s a small local facility where staff and residents in good health watch out for each other although she’s beginning to isolate by the day. I’m retired so go daily to help get dressed and with her lunch. She’s embarrassed eating with others as she can’t see her food. Hospice care has started and I’m told she can receive care for the number of years of her life. Nurse visits 2x week, someone bathes 3 x a week and volunteers stop by regularly. They regulate her meds and medical issues. This might be worth checking into..it’s no longer just for last few days of life anymore and as individual needs come up they are there. If she becomes a wandering outside risk she won’t be able to stay where she is so I’ll have to deal with it if and when that becomes an issue. Hang in there..I know how tough it must be for you with work and family to take care of. Be kind to yourself and let the guilt go. You can’t turn back time..aging is just brutal.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Lori, these are great ideas. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@dianehaskins8640]

This video is spot on. My father passed away at 97 with the beginning of severe symptoms, my mother is 100 and has severe symptoms but still recognizes us and is able to communicate her needs. We did our best to keep them home until about 5 years ago. We had home health aides come in to help. What people need to understand that this is very expensive, insurance does not cover. Insurance does not cover assisted living. I knew my mother had dementia but realized it was in the severe stage when she wasn't changing her clothes in the assisted living.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm sorry you've had to experience the full spectrum of dementia severity, but your message is so helpful. Thank you for sharing.

[@oibal60]

My mum at 80 developed dementia quite quickly. We had to put her on a nursing home, at euro 1,200 a week! (We had to sell the house.) She passed (via starvation (which is typical) at 91.)

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so sorry to hear about your family's experience. I hope our community and sharing your story might help in some small way.

[@kerynl.sanchez9891]

Why starvation?

[@oibal60]

@@kerynl.sanchez9891 They lose their ability to swallow.

[@JoeNegan]

My cousin just stopped eating and was severely dehydrated. She was 82.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@JoeNegan Joe, this sounds like a sad experience for your family. I'm sorry.

[@gigitonsvajv]

My Father who is now deceased had Dementia. There were little signs as described in this video. The tipping point was he forgot where he lived. He was still able to drive but one day he went to the grocery store and didn’t come back for hours. Then my sister who lived with my parents noticed him driving around and around the block where they lived. She finally flagged him down. It was at that moment we knew that it was a red flag. So my Mom had to hide his keys (and hers) from him. He would ask where they were and she pretended not to know. It never dawned on him that they kept a spare key. Eventually he stopped asking for them. At the end he forgot names of loved ones.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and the decline that happened to your father. 💚

[@andrewrees8749]

My father did a similar thing, he took his car to the local shop to get his daily paper, but then walked back home,and forgot about his car, he passed away 4 yrs ago,with dementia, and sadly my mum has it too, she is in hospital now, as she became too much for the nursing home to look after her, became very aggressive, sadly I can't deal with the situation, so don't visit her, she's not the mother I once had. It's just all so stressful, for us all.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@andrewrees8749 I'm sorry for your stress and loss. Thank you for sharing, as I think many people can relate to your situation.

[@fourdayhomestead2839]

I worked longterm care for 42yrs, now in home care. Keeping family at home as long as possible is better for patient.

[@curlgirl4265]

This is beautiful that you are giving this information out. When you are going through caring for someone with dementia it can be hard to find the information you need. You give the info in such a compassionate and gentle way. I wish I had your information when my parent went through it. It is such a painful and heartbreaking experience to watch someone you love go through it. It is equally devastating for the person when they are aware they are struggling. It is something that stays with you long after the person is gone. I am sure you are giving hope and guidance to many who are in need of it. God bless you!

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really do hope it helps people who are struggling, and maybe brings us all a little closer.

[@normalove8116]

Thank you for your beautiful video. I work in a skilled nursing facility. In Activities department. I have learned to stay connected to my residents through love, touching them and holding them through music and listening to them, letting them know they matter. It's wonderful when sometimes their only response is reaching out to hold your hand. God help us all to be more compassionate. ❤ some day we might be like another person other days like ourselves. God is teaching us how to be more like him. I'm praying every day for help to make a difference in this world to reach out to those who lost their voice but can still feel our Love. 😊

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Norma, you sound like you are wonderful at your work and in general. Thank you for having such a caring heart and sharing it with us.

[@Tina-bp7wt]

Thank you. This has to be the most helpful video about the stages and decline of dementia I have seen. I am slowly losing my cognitive ability. Please keep helping to educate people so they understand us better ❤

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Tina, the idea that this is helpful to people fills me with appreciation and a desire to keep going. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[@LINDAOZAG]

I do technical photos, and videos, downloading, and making movies and slide shows almost daily....All of a sudden I am a total blank. Will stop drinking wine immediately. Will definitely mark every password with details and every battery and camera and all my Entry cards ASAP. Must go old today to get another camera. Fortunately, I have the business card otherwise I wouldn't know where the business is located. This happened before, a few months ago when I was supposed to go into the movie studio as a movie extra as a patient in a TV show. Instead, I took myself to the ER in a real hospital!!!!!!!!! I spent the night. Have no idea why this happened before. Scary times now. My parents were in very good mental condition so it isn't something I know about.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@LINDAOZAG Sudden changes are a red flag - not usually for dementia, but for some acute medical or other issue. Yes, please do consult with your medical providers as soon as possible, so you can figure out what caused this sudden major set of problems.

[@seviregis7441]

If and when I ever recognize this process in myself, and my ability to make a meaningful difference in life, help others, and care for myself, I’ll just stop eating. I will never agree to become a barely alive burden on others or a prisoner in my own body. I have taken care of many people as they passed through those stages until they died. And after seeing that so many times, I committed to myself that I would never drift away like that. So sad for those trapped in it.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Sevi, it sounds like you've had many experiences that have really shaped your perspective. Thank you for sharing with us.

[@sherrieludwig508]

I am enduring this with my last blood relative. my 90+ year old maiden aunt. She had lived on her own states away until her late 80s, when a health problem forced hospitalization and a stay in rehab, so we drove all night, got her settled in the rehab, packed up her cats and moved them to my house two states away, and when she came out of rehab she lived with me and my husband for over five years. We did things together, had a lot of fun. Then, her increasing physical problems as well as her diminishing capacity made it necessary to move her to the best rated nursing home in the area. I visited daily, for most of this year. Suddenly, recently, she FLIPPED. She was violently angry with me, the staff at the home, and insisted she had driven there just that day and was being held prisoner so I could steal her money and leave her to die. She does not want to see me, the staff cannot console her or reason with her, and she refuses to talk with me or my husband except to curse us. I have stayed away for the last several days, calling the facility to get updates. She is still horribly angry. They are testing her for a urinary tract infection which could precipitate this altered mental status, but I am at wit's end as to what to do.

[@ginger6582]

My mother is 95 with dementia. She lives with me. She had 2 bad angry episodes. Both times due to UTI infections. Antibiotics cleared it up. She had fallen now and is in a hospital bed at my house, foot broken 2 places. I must wash and clean her and hand feed her. She is having trouble eating and swallowing. Must use a straw to drink. Must cut her food up in very small pieces. The medical van takes her to the Orth next week to see if the cast can come off or be changed. Therapy and a nurse come to the house weekly. I can't see her walking again. I put family videos on for her to watch or the radio but find her sleeping through the videos. I kiss her at night and tell her I love her but she is legally deaf and blind. Then I go to bed in my living room and cry. For anyone going through this please buy a bed alarm and use it earlier than you think you might need it. Had I done it earlier she may not have fallen and I am having a real hard time with that. She will only tell me when she has had enough to eat and never complains. She is losing weight. She has been with me for 6 years. It is very painful to watch them go down daily. I will be lost without her.

[@ginger6582]

PS UTI infections are common with the elderly and will make them do and say things they don't mean. I have to soak mom's medicine in water, dissolve them and put in applesauce or pudding. She gets 2 eyedrops a day in her right eye, takes a thyroid pill before breakfast, 6 pills at breakfast and 2 pills at supper time. Had a life line for her until 2 months ago as she could no longer use it. I ran into a lost friend of mine and she babysits for me so I can get groceries, go to the pharmacy and my dr appts. I know the end is near but I don't know how to prepare for it.

[@YosemiteLee]

Be aware that high sugar fruit juices can sometimes cause UTIs in older folks.

[@sherrieludwig508]

@@YosemiteLee she doesn't like them, she mostly drinks tea, coffee or water. Doesn't like sodas either.

[@YosemiteLee]

@@sherrieludwig508 That’s great about her drink choices. Praying for peace for her. Comfort and encouragement for you Sherrie, you’re a good niece and these situations are among the hardest we face in life. My Father lived we us until he passed and there were minimal problems. My grandfather with dementia on the other hand became violent, paranoid and continually vexed others. Tragic to watch this after a hugely successful career as well as empowering others onward to success. I have resolved to remember all the good memories of him over the bad, he helped me face my fears and for that I will always be thankful. Much Grace to you during this difficult season❤️

[@mustangnawt1]

My Papa passed away in 2020. He has Alzheimer’s for about a decade. Thank God for his wife and my Mom. He started to become quiet, stopped telling jokes-which I really missed. He called everyone baby. We knew why. Put blanks in his gun. He became angry with his wife, not in his nature. He said some mean things to my Mom and to me. But we understood. We always understood. I miss my Papa, so very much. His life was amazing and honorable, he did not deserve to fade away. Not @ all. Miss and cry for him all the time. A man’s man. We deserve to be able to die without prolonged suffering

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Gosh, I hear you about missing your papa. I feel the same. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@andreabontempo643]

They are finding out Alzheimers is fungal related. Simple remedies like Miconozal can reverse it. We are exposed to molds and fungus everywhere.

[@derekturner3272]

After seeing my grandpa go from the strongest, kindest, bravest man I've ever known, to a fearful, angry and frustrated shell.... I decided that I will make a ball cap with a "small charge" in it linked to a button that reads, if you don't know what this button does, PUSH IT NOW. My only fear in life is no longer being my independent self and becoming a burden on my loved ones. I think we seek to stay too long, sometimes. That we should embrace closing the last chapter before the sad ones get written.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Derek, many people wish for high functioning until the end, and then a swift goodbye. Atul Gawande's book Being Mortal is a great read on quality of life versus longer quantity.

[@42shoes]

The dying process requires giving away all things of this earth. First it's material objects. Then habits. Then people. When there is no tomorrow, there is no need to learn or remember.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

There is a lot to be said for non-attachment, in life and in death.

[@MultiAnne36]

I just got beat on trying to protect one of these dementia patients from another one. My back is still sore. When they can still walk but are also combative and their minds don't work it can be very challenging to manage their care. A lot of my colleagues are frustrated and looking for a career change.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I started out as a CNA caregiver in a nursing home, and understand the challenges of the job. I'm going to be making a video on how to assist people with moderate stages of dementia, where behavior changes often become more challenging like you describe. I hope those ideas might be helpful to you too.

[@GeneSavage]

I'm so sorry your dad and your family had to go through dementia. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@flowerpower9541]

I believe i have mild beginnings, im in my early 50s. I watched my grandmother die from altzheimers, she went into a nursing home for a short spell, was brought home because it was so horrible. I swear, i will NEVER go into a nursing home. I will choose death with dignity. God bless everyone, this awful disease. Thankyou for this video. Your family was blessed. Your father was blessed by all of you. Prayers for your sweet memories of your father. As i have of gramma

[@maryloy967]

Thank you for posting this. Growing up, I always watched my mom be the one to step up and care for family members as they went through stages of dementia. She’s always been my hero for that. Now I’m married with small kids of my own and my husband’s aunt is showing more and more signs of possible decline in her abilities. She’s always been a very independent woman with a strong personality and walked to the beat of her own drum. My husband, brother in law and I are all the family she’s got left. The moment she gets defensive about anything, my husband and brother in law throw up their hands in frustration. I won’t deny that she can be a difficult person who can become abrasive after longer periods of time (even before the decline). She has limited funds and won’t agree to help of any kind but it’s getting more and more concerning with time. I feel awful but I’m not my mom. I don’t have her amazing organizational skills and I work full time along with caring for my two small kids. I have no idea what to do.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Mary, I empathize with your situation and applaud you for caring about your husband's aunt. It sounds like you could use some support in finding small but impactful ways to help her, while still managing your own busy life. I'm getting inspired to do a video on this! It will include things like connection (encouraging her to be connected to others and staying connected with her yourself), practical support (identifying a few key things that she isn't doing well, and choosing one of them for you or your family to help address), and healthy behaviors (I have several videos on the importance of heart/brain eating and exercise - so helping promote those aspects even in little ways like bringing her a healthy meal). They key would be to pick ONE thing and take action, which keeps it small enough you don't feel so overwhelmed, but still helps you feel like you're making a difference.

[@maryloy967]

Thank you so much Dr. Amy! Your sage advice and kind words are appreciated, more than I can put in to words. I’ve subscribed to your channel and I’ll be checking out more of your videos as well to stay well informed. Thank you so much again!

[@tehlaytee3042]

pray s u nvr ever pray for in ur life. I was taking care of my mum, 94 n my disabled brother. n somehow, God is there in d midst of all of it. when v r on bended knee n hand clasped, there is an external force at work, beyond human explaination. God bless u. take care n warmest regards.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@tehlaytee3042 Thank you for your faith and positive wishes to others.

[@christinewhitehair6889]

Dear Mary, your plate is full. I feel for your aunt and you, but when you take on too much everything suffers. When children are involved, they come first. Plus your aunt sounds like a tuff one. Maybe just emotional support will be all u can give.

[@KiJiHoon]

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with vascular dementia and she is declining rapidly - it hasn't been a year yet since her diagnosis and she's now shouting r*c*st things at people in public and at her carer, she's never been like this, her personality has gone from a joyful God loving gentle lady into the complete opposite. I have a hard time understanding exactly how and why this can happen to people and wished medical professionals warned us that things like this can happen. She is unaware that she has dementia at this point and thinks everything is normal. Our family are doing everything we can to support her but sometimes it feels impossible. I appreciate you making this video and raising awareness. Thank you.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so sorry for your grandmother's decline and struggles. I'm glad she has your family to be supportive, and that the information is helpful.

[@lovejago]

Im So Sorry your family had to go through with this. But on the other hand, I'm grateful you can share it with all of us. And with that said. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY💞

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Thank you for being a part of our community!

[@DanielHYNg]

All these 3 stages are so important to overall human health that we don't actually notice. You have blended the story beautifully into the video.

[@meinthewild312]

You just described my father’s downward spiral. He had my mom and all of his children to help. What terrifies me is that I live alone on a farm and far away (14-16 hours) from my nearest sibling, have no children and am not married. I have a plan, but I have no idea at what age this May start happening so I have no idea when I should implement the final stages of the plan.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so glad you're being thoughtful and planning for the future. Having people on your team who know of your plan and can help you implement it would be very helpful, even if they don't live near you.

[@pinkypooky5779]

Thanks for explaining the different stages it’s becoming more often in all ages

[@chuck3441]

Thank you for all the information, i have ALS and still doing ok but my wife who took care of everything in my family from bill paying to raising 3 girls is showing signs of moderate dementia as you described, i feel terrible for her as i don't think she realizes what is happening to her, i don't know what to do for her, I think she needs help with hygiene for herself and I'm afraid she won't except help, I had thought I would be gone first but not sure now.

[@ydnassukyaj9131]

Please get both of you guys tested of Lyme disease. Kris Kristofferson was told he had dementia for eight years but his wife wouldn't accept that and force them to do a Lyme disease test and guess what it came up positive. He got treatment and got better. Also dr. Dietrich klinghardt a world-renowned doctor said every patient he had in the past 5 years told they had all of these girls logical diseases, dementia, ALS, Ms, dementia had all tested positive for Lyme disease. So please go get tested for Lyme disease. I gave this information to another gentleman that was told he had ALS and he went and got tested for Lyme disease in a few months later message me and said guess what I have Lyme disease. But you have to do testing at a specialty lab because testing with your doctor's office is very inaccurate doctor's office is very inaccurate. Try Galaxy Diagnostics laboratory or igenex which is best in California. Best of luck to you.

[@ydnassukyaj9131]

Chuck please read my message.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Chuck, I'm so sorry to hear of your wife's struggles. That sounds incredibly challenging. Small steps might be to explore initiating a conversation with her and see how she reacts, reaching out to your and her primary care doctor for help, and talking to other supportive people in your life. The Alzheimer's Association also has a lot of great information for family members (www.alz.org). I'm sending my best wishes your way.

[@caspiana3623]

Stress, food additives, sugars (yes, orange juice and popcorn), seed oils, carb-based food pyramid, pill-popping. My grandma learned to read in her 80s, 60 years ago. No meds, not a single gray hair, very moderate food intake.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

So many words of wisdom about living a simple and healthy life. ❤️

[@PoodleParti]

So your grandma is 140 years old now?

[@caspiana3623]

@@PoodleParti I wish.

[@ChannelWright]

Unfortunately, my Mom's going from stage two to stage three. At least it's happening very slowly. This was helpful.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so glad it was helpful to you, and I'm sorry for your family's struggles.

[@geoffoutdoors]

I've been a caregiver for my parents for twenty years. Dad is gone and I promised him I'd take care of my mother which i am by myself and I worry about these things with her. I "monitor" so to speak. Thanks for this video

[@heart1caligurl]

Me too... But mom triggers me all the time... Its getting rough but i promissed my dad... Uggg

[@geoffoutdoors]

@@heart1caligurl middle of the night trips to ER... just had to do it last night for her. She's okay just some allergic thing but still. Yes it is very hard

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Thank you both for being so loving to your family, even/especially in the hard times.

[@stevejaubert2892]

If you can in any way possible please discuss some of the things people can do to maintain their independence as long as possible as stages progress - like giving them something to do that fulfills purpose. It helps the person focus and feel less lost as things are changing. Also if you can mention to not treat them as if everything revolves around them. By that I mean Include them in your activities and let them help as much as possible rather than always trying to do everything for them. Impress upon family that as their parents decline it is important to value all the time left and make time at every chance to be with them. A great thing to do is to start a legacy book of memories and let them help with it like writing thoughts or adding photos. There's so much that happens often during these shared times including making peace with the past if there are old problems and it helps with acceptance of the end of life to where it is less frightening. It also lets the one afflicted feel like they are leaving something that will be valued by those they left behind. And thank you so much for you clarity and compassionate explanations that help relate how the stages occur and what they are like with your many examples.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Steve, I appreciate your ideas so very much! I will definitely plan future videos where I highlight things that help people maintain independence, including areas such as making sure that everyone can continue to engage in meaningful activities. I also share your passion for using things like memory books and documenting stories and experiences from one's life. It sounds like you have a lot of great experience and ideas in this area.

[@emilyeah]

This was difficult but good for me to watch. I am quite sure my mother is at the beginning stage of dementia. My father who died of a brain tumor had a sort of sped up version of dementia, within 2,5 months he went from not remembering certain words, having trouble with his memory, to losing control of his body step by step, to dying. At one point he gave his car keys to my brother saying he doesn't know how to drive anymore. The worst part was the super fast progression, day by day, and not being able to communicate with him about what was happening. Now I am going to try to communicate and plan ahead with my mother... Thanks for this video. I'm Swedish by the way.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Emily, I'm so sorry that your family is experiencing these difficulties, but I'm glad the information could help. Thank you for contributing to our community.

[@IVant2BAlone]

My grandmother had senile dementia, and I was her carecaregiver. Now mother has it, and I am her caregiver. It does not bode well for me.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

You are a gem for helping your family members. Just remember, that many contributors to dementia are NOT genetic, and that you can do a lot through your behaviors to have better brain functioning. I hope my other videos can give you some specific examples of this.

[@IVant2BAlone]

@@thisbeautifulbrain Thank you. I will check those videos out.

[@dorisfaust8965]

Please allow me an easy way out! Provide it. Pro death w dignity.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Doris, many people feel this way. Death with Dignity is active in the state of Oregon, but is limited in scope for who can use it.

[@carrier7399]

What is being called "Dementia" nowadays, used to be called "Senility" years ago. It was normal for people heading into their late 70's and early 80's to become senile to different levels. Forgetfulness, with even a healthy brain, happens to an aging brain, regardless. Rarely you will find someone who is still as sharp as when they were in their 50's and 60's.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

It's true, that there are changes associated with normal aging. Dementia is a different process, and I have a video all about the differences, in case it's helpful for anyone!

[@jesshothersall]

Senility and or dementia are not inevitable or normal. Neither of my parents had any signs of dementia, my mother was slightly forgetful, but still mentally efficient, dying of physical frailty at 91. My father was never forgetful and had no signs of any mental deterioration, dying of throat cancer suddenly at 88, just 2 days after cutting back the large hedge in their garden, and very physically fit otherwise apart from macular degeneration, which he made a joke of, explaining that he would 'sidle up to things" so he could see them out of the corner of his eyes, as they vanished if he looked directly at them.

[@ColetteJ]

I feel sad for families who watch their loved ones suffer with dementia. I work in a nursing home and worker at another facility with dementia victims, but I can tell you these souls have moments of clarity and its great! Also we who work with people who have dementia meet them when they already have the dementia so we only know them as they are with dementia we accept them in that state! The nursing home I work in now has the best staff, they love these residents, give them hugs, kisses, etc! I love these people! Yes its so sad at times, yes some residents can have moments of rudeness, but so do people who don't have dementia, but most of the time these people with dementia ate loving, funny, insightful etc. And the ones with severe dementia can't communicate like they used to, but they too can have moments of clarity or just look at you with love. Lets face it life here is tough, nothing is perfect and we will experience sadness, but we will also experience love and joy! God bless all the souls with dementia and all their families and caregivers

[@patriciaanzelc5386]

Thank you so much for the work you do. You sound so caring. My mom died of Alzheimer’s at age 91. She still knew me to the end. She didn’t talk much but she could sing if we asked her. She had a beautiful voice and knew the lyrics to hundreds of songs. I can’t sing at all.😢

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Colette, this story of love and support at your nursing home gives me so much hope for people who reside in them. It's true, people have moments of clarity and it's beautiful to connect with them in so many ways. Thank you for sharing.

[@ColetteJ]

Thank you for thanking me it means a lot! The sweet story of your Mom singing is a beautiful memory! She's in Heaven now beaming with pride over you her loving daughter. I have had some very special spiritual experiences with some of our residents

[@ColetteJ]

Oh Dr Amy I work at a very special nursing home! The staff are amazing! They truly love the residents, as do i, they kid around with them, ars very compassionate These residents are so blessed! I like telling our residents that we love them so much, I say it when they are dying too. We had a beautiful 99 year old resident who had a degree of dementia, she was with it for certain things. Nut you know like I wrote some have true moments of clarity it happens quite often with those who are still verbal.and the non verbal ones look.at you like they know what's going on they have just lost the ability to talk! But this one beautiful, and I swear she was so beautiful looking lady, 99 yeats old was dying, she had been bed ridden for a couple weeks, had not spoken, was not eating had not even opened her eyes at all, she was dying, so I went in her room, held her hand and was, in my mind praying to God and Jesus to please watch over her, be with her etc, okay, as soon as I stopped praying in my mind she pulled my hand to her mouth and kissed my hand! Wow!.See she was not cognizant in the way people are, yet somehow she heard or knew I was praying over her and I had not said one word out loud! There are wonderful.things like that that happen in nursing homes, but I am.getting yoo depressed to keep doing thus job, the suffering and deaths are really getting to me. Oh and with people with dementia can make you laugh. I worked, prior to thus current job, at a tiny assisted living facility where all.the residents had dementia, an aside here I never treat residents like they have dementia, act like they ate perfectly fine, but one sweet 90 something year old man asked me if I'd marry him, I said I really didn't know him well well.enough to marry him and haha he said he was very rich! And another funny incident was at this nursing home where a resident and his wife were talking to another resident, the resident asked the man how old his wife was, he looked at her and said, " So and do ( im not wtiting her name) how old are you, 90?" Haha she was 75, so she said, " Thanks a lot!" People with de!emtia, often still have great senses of humor too some of the things they say are too funny! These people tug at your heartstrings.

[@pjlewisful]

The sweet and caring way of clearly explaining things is appreciated. My only sigling has Alsheimer's at 73. Her good hubby, daughter & I plan to take good care of her but, I gotta tell ya, if I ever get it, I plan to check out of Hotel Life as I have no kids, hubby, or relitives to help me and wouldn't want to live that way, anyhow.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm glad you're there for your sister, and understand what you're saying about not wanting to face something so hard alone (or at all). We're here to support you in avoiding dementia and living your best life.

[@michaelannen4168]

The love for your dad is obvious and he was a lucky man to have your respect

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Michael, I appreciate that so much. My heart aches for him, and I empathize deeply with the people who watch their loved ones struggle.

[@mijuajua4820]

Beautiful & kind video on this very devastating disease. Thank you for this video. I work in an assisted living and this is so heart breaking 😢 So sorry for your loss and everyone who loses a loved one to this.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Thank you for your kindness and for working in assisted living. We need wonderful people there!

[@beverlyquintela2754]

Sending you lots of love and light. Praying God would send you extra angels to comfort you during this difficult time

[@hartmut-a9dt]

Very good explanation. many thanks for this interesting video. ( 4:52 Very charming anecdote 😊 )

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@hartmut-a9dt, thank you so much for the lovely comment!

[@Auggies1956]

My wife and I are in our mid seventies are in early stages of this disease. I'm being proactive and reading and doing as much research as I can.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

That is amazing. I wish everyone was so proactive.

[@anneliesewright662]

My mom has dementia, and almost everyone in the family is too busy trying to make a living to find time to help. I'm learning from this experience that I need to set up a power of attorney for myself while I'm still of sound mind. I will also hire a professional caregiver because, even when family members care, they don't have what it takes to take care of anyone with dementia.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@Anneliesewright662, you are thinking like someone who is really going to have a better plan and outcome. Nice work!

[@LaNereNere]

Wow!!! For me, this is the most precisely explanation I have listen about dementia...♥️

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

So glad it is helpful to you! There's so much to learn that we don't get in school ...

[@fun23blue]

Your Sweet Daddy... SO charming! Thank you for sharing these beautiful stories.

[@intergalactic99]

My mum has dementia and i found this video very helpful!

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so glad that it could be helpful to you. You're not alone!

[@barbarahouk1983]

I am a retired psychiatrist (MD). I recently am widowed. My spouse had an atypical Parkinson's, Congestive Heart Failure, & venous stasis. In the last 10 yrs of his life I didn't take paying the bills away but I followed up. Yes, memory was failing. He was losing motor functions. Eventually balance was lost. He died of a cardiac arrest. He refused to seek final help for syncope fully knowing the only thing would be another cardiac catherization. He wanted to die at home, not in a hospital. I acted as an hospice care giver. I am fully qualified. I am a retired psychiatrist (MD).

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Barbara, it sounds like you cared deeply for your husband and supported his desires. Thank you for sharing.

[@JessieWhitham]

Love hearing your story and teachings ❤

[@mariabacila5227]

Thank you so much for the update on Ivory. You are a very strong person and my heart goes out to all your family!! I know the funeral will be

[@Cayuse2009]

I have had dementia for about 10 years and it seems to be advancing faster than I anticipated. I live alone on a remote ranch and do everything for myself, but seldom dare go to town anymore. My plan is to end my life when it gets to the point where it's too hard to continue. I don't believe that would be wrong to do as the quality of life is so low that there is no point in continuing.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm sorry that your condition is worsening faster than you anticipated. You sound wonderfully and fiercely independent, and I respect your ability to manage things as you see fit. If you have anyone to talk to about your situation, it could be especially helpful to get other ideas on things that might help. If you have family, friends, a doctor, neighbor, or spiritual community they might be a wonderful resource for you. I hope our videos and community might also be of help.

[@danskdna8550]

What if you aren't aware enough to know when things get bad, if you lose memory? How do you plan for that when alone?

[@DanFanG0]

Great video! Got some extended feedback if you are available for videochat at some point? Thumbnail is an awesome concept, your Dad's story really personalises and contextualises the information.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'd love the feedback, Dan. I'll DM you.

[@christyportia7707]

Thank you for detailed explanation.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

You're so welcome, Olaf!

[@maryellenblount6376]

We have been dealing with watching my Mom decline due to dementia over the last ten years. It's a terrible thing to watch.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

It is ... and I'm sorry for your family's experience. 💚

[@Andypandieful]

My mom is showing early signs. Forgot my dogs names. I can tell by her facial expressions when she “ checks out”. Then “ comes back”.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I hope that you can help her take steps to get checked out (maybe there's something that can be treated?) and receive optimal care and support. I have several videos on these ideas, if they're helpful to you.

[@betsybaldry9312]

Wow, that is a beautiful video FULL of great information!

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so glad it was useful, Betsy! Welcome to the community!

[@roses.trees.ocean.sky.90]

Thank you so much. 💐🎉 Appreciate your caring, practical and helpful post on dementia.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

You're so welcome! I'm so glad it's helpful.

[@candacebex4370]

I think my Dad has slipped into severe. It makes me want to formally write out to my children that if this ever happens to me to turn off my electricity so I can't burn the house down, and let me die in whatever way happens. I would do anything at all to care for my Dad but I don't ever want my kids to feel like they have to care for me or burden their lives.

[@SRose-vp6ew]

If you raised your kids to understand that all life matters and people aren’t a burden then you’ll never be a burden to them. I am young yet care for two disabled family members. It’s not a burden. I am learning to make it nice. I put toy boxes at both of their houses so my little girl can play while I take care and bring them to church with me even typing up the sermon notes bigger before hand so that they’re actually able to follow along with poor vision. I have also learned how to make meal plans for them both so they do better health wise. Things like nutritional yeast added to V-8 with a magnesium/garlic pill and blueberries and walnuts in their low carb yogurt all make for them doing better. Good tasting fish oil and liquid vitamin D are good as well but you always want to make sure nothing they’re taking goes against other medicines they’re on. I even buy little things they can enjoy giving my little girl.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Candace, fears of being a burden come up for a lot of people. Thank you for raising this concern. I will try to be more efficient in making a video on this topic, as I feel like it could benefit many.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@SRose-vp6ew Rosie, you sound like you're really making a positive difference for your family and others.

[@carrier7399]

That's not your choice. You are here in this life for a reason and it's up to God to decide what learning you need while you're here. Trust in God/Jesus, as He knows what is best.

[@maryellenblount6376]

Thank you for sharing your story and this valuable information.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

You're so welcome, Mary Ellen. Thank you for participating in our community!

[@michiganpatriot5321]

Thank you for this video.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

You're welcome, and I'm glad it was helpful!

[@davidwhelan4803]

Thank you for this video, you explained everything in a clear and kind way. Thank you so much.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

David, you're so welcome. I'm so glad it was helpful.

[@daveogarf]

Thank you so much! This was an eye-opening essay.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

You're so welcome, and I'm so glad you are here to share.

[@trainer0075]

Ageing and dementia can be very ugly. The most important thing in life is faith. Faith in Jehovah God. My Christian mother is practically in a vegetative state but can still understand and speak a little. My atheist mother-in-law is in the early stages of dementia. There is a big difference in these two mindsets as they aged. My Christian mother is emotionally fine. She knows she will die soon but looks forward to her eternal life with Jesus. My atheist mother-in-law is depressed and hates her life. Experiencing both their suffering at the same time has really made me appreciate the gift of God's mercy and promise of eternal life. I pray that many will read my comment and ponder it deeply.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Your message about faith and having a belief system is well taken. Spirituality is one factor related to brain health, and as you say, to many other positive benefits. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@OleScrappy]

Having faith is gained through accurate knowledge of God's Word. The more I study the happier I am, but ever more so when facing world conditions, pain and sickness, and death. Jehovah God provides the strength to get through any trial.

[@maryrea2314]

. you are so right we have to have faith and hope in Jehovah God . He is the only one that can make us strong . He will give us strength to go through any kind of illness.

[@reneerimene5511]

I am going through this with my husband of 48 years of marriage and I have to agree with the families who are suffering but there is light and Life in every darkness Jesus is and has been my answer you are never alone I am thankful he prepared me in the past I was a caregiver for the elderly whom many of those patients were to teach me about life's sufferings loneliness dependence on another most of all companionship Love hence that Job has skilled me for this Journey I think about all those that I worked with and cared for allowing me access into their lives and I know Jesus was with me to comfort them Love them heal them internally listen to their life stories lesson their pain and suffering and now here am I again but this time He is my strength my Hope my Faith to Believe for the impossibles for I know He Loves me unconditionally peace be unto all those going through these challenges that you are not alone 🙏 ❤

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

@@reneerimene5511 Thank you for sharing your story and faith. Our community can help people feel more connected and less alone when they see that others are struggling with the same problems.

[@joyj85]

Just starting to listen and popcorn and orange juice….. we were always tuna fish and popcorn. My mother just turned 80 on the 8th She began showing many more signs of her dementia at the beginning of 2022. She had had awful falls on ice and hit her head 2x on her car😢. She just wanted to make sure it would still run. Your daddy kinda reminds me of my dad ❤. Thank you for sharing!!!!❤❤❤

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Joy, thank you for sharing about your family, and for appreciating my sweet daddy!

[@maryannsobczak7174]

My sweet brother just entered a memory care facility. He has Parkinson’s and the dementia and falling have increased. It’s so sad to watch him decline. 😢😢

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Maryann, I'm so sorry to hear it. Watching decline is so hard. I"m glad he has you caring about him.

[@anniesshenanigans3815]

My friend loses things constantly. It seems like everyday we are searching for her phone. She seems okay, though. She does "recall" conversations that we have never had, though and gets quite upset about it.. saying that I am the one with a memory problem. She has had a terrible time with paying her bills. She will spend hours on the phone because she thinks there are errors on a bill, only to learn that she either paid it twice or didn't pay it at all. But she will still believe that it was an error on their part, not hers. She gets packages almost every day, and is always at the post office returning things. She is HUGELY in denial about ANY type of physical problem that she has that relates to her looks. After falling numerous times, her back and hips are starting to twist to the left and I had to take a picture of her to show her that she was crooked. So that she would finally go to the doctor and find out what is going on. Speaking of falling, she broke her shoulder at one point and vehemently denied osteoporosis, almost getting in a shouting match with the doctors office over it. She seems intelligent and very sharp, except these things are interspersed in her daily life and unless you are around her 24/7 you would not notice it. There are numerous other examples but I figure you get the idea. She does have long term care insurance, but I am not sure she would really let anyone put her in a nursing home!

[@michellecd4722]

She sounds like she may have ADHD. Most women are not diagnosed til midlife, the 50s, or later & they think it's dementia or Alzheimer's & it's not it's undiagnosed, untreated ADHD. When the hormones deplete in midlife they also drop in the brain as well. I can tell you from experience that my executive functioning skills are less than ideal going through this crazy hormonal time & I take birth control pills continuously still, 54 this summer. If she's long past that then it could be dementia or both.

[@eclark3849]

See a liver doc for a scan to watch bile flow a gastro doc for motility test damage to intestines

[@eclark3849]

Protein can build up in the body like what causes preeclampsia in pregnant women tests?

[@eclark3849]

Every 1 with this disease should get a blood kidney clean yet many caused by damage to digestive systen lack of tests

[@eclark3849]

Combi of b12 b6 b1 iron vid d can help may cure damage to the digestive system find good docs

[@vinitawadhwa2206]

Appreciate ur suggestions

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so glad they are helpful to you.

[@krickenthekraken8844]

This is my very first time watching you, and the subject interested me, because as a single person who’s going to be reaching their 60s soon, I really worry about the fact that I won’t have anybody to take care of me when I get older. But most importantly, that I won’t have anybody that I can trust that will take care of me, or not steal any money I might have. I’m very interested in finding out how to protect my future if you have any ideas about this, it would be great. I just subscribed to your channel.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Terry, I'm hoping that several of my videos might be of help. I'm hearing from more and more people who don't have a lot of family or other resources, and their concerns for their future. I'll add this idea to my future taping, where we can discuss this more and help people find sources of support in each unique situation.

[@catherinebirch2399]

If I develop dementia I want a quick exit in the first stage of the disease while I still have some dignity. I just can't bear the thought of ending up like a helpless child.

[@ij1373]

Same with my Swedish dad. He couldn’t work in an office. He was a crane operator until the day before he passed.

[@Jammmers]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@glasslinger]

Plan a graceful exit. Have a certain point in your decline when you decide this is IT! Game over. Have everything in order and then, well, you know!

[@OptiVida]

I always ask why, and hope others learn to learn from the details that surround the answer of why. What I’ve learned is to try our best to avoid a regular habit of daily sugar intake…. ❤😢

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Asking why sounds like a wonderful way to learn more and be fully engaged. What a great thing to share with us all.

[@beamertoy]

If I ever had dementia, I wouldn’t want people to spend the rest of my years tending to me. It sounds heartbreaking. I would want people to move on with their life. They have so much more ahead of them than to look after someone with severe cognitive decline.

[@lorahughes7050]

Mom couldn't remember where her house was,that was the end of her driving

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

That's certainly a red flag for problems. I'm sorry she had to experience that.

[@michaelbarber4813]

This is sue I’m caring for my husband who has had Parkinson’s disease for 18 years and dementia for 3 since lockdown we are still feeling like we are in lockdown I cared for my mam and dad and daughter with terminal cancer and now I’m losing my lover and my control too I’ve gained weight cos some days I’m so stressed I can’t stop eating because I don’t know what to do with myself 😢

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

I'm so sorry for your stress, and it sounds like eating is your method of coping and regaining some form of control. If you could meet with a counselor or psychologist it could really help.

[@torhildekmann7007]

So beautifuly told❤️ thank you🌸☀️✨✨

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

You're so welcome!

[@ClutchCarson]

Very warm, thank you.

[@susieroberts9745]

Excellent presentation!!!

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Thanks so much, Susie! I'm glad it is useful!

[@lorihamlin3604]

My farmer dad seldom left the farm and was a very quiet man who spent most of his time in the woods after turning over the farm to my brothers. About 90 he started getting lost in the woods but farm workers kept an eye on him. Then he stops wanting to go outside and getting confused (“reading” the phone book, eating a tube of toothpaste, eating puzzle pieces thinking they were hoecakes, climbing over fence and laying out rows to plant corn) My mother was 10 years younger and extended family was always around. It was about a year before he reached the point he didn’t know anyone. Fortunately he passed before we had to make tough decisions regarding care. Now my mother at 97 has starting showing serious signs of dementia but was agreeable about going into a local assisted living facility and hospice care has started. She is almost blind but otherwise healthy, can use Walker and go to bathroom, has a good appetite. There’s only one brother left in the area to help me with her care. She could get more help from staff but is rude to staff as she realizes she can no longer do for herself or control her life. I made the mistake of taking her to a late afternoon wedding and had to make a quick exit. It was too much, she didn’t know extended family and friends, etc. I won’t be taking her out of comfort zone in the future. It’s a learning curve and you take day by day. I could relate so much to your farm life and the devastating effects of very independent tough as nails parents losing that self sufficiently. Thank you for your help in understanding dementia stages.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Lori, you're so welcome. I have so much empathy for your family, and how independent people struggle as they lose abilities. Thank you for sharing.

[@Floppy-1235]

This was fantastic. I have early stage Parkinson’s. May I ask how old you dad was when he need full care?

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

His disease progressed slowly through his 70's, and in his 80's he needed more and more care. I'm so glad you're seeing information and being proactive in managing your health!

[@laraoneal7284]

Medications alone cause dementia. Benzos, Lipitor, all sleep medications etc. The average person post 59 are on an average of 5-7 medications per day.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Lara, thank you for highlighting this issue. Yes, medications can certainly be linked to cognitive problems. We should be especially aware of medications with anticholinergic properties, which can harm cognitive function and increase dementia risk. It's crucial for healthcare professionals to weigh the risks and benefits of medications, especially for older patients. More research is needed for safer alternatives! 🧠💊 #DementiaAwareness

[@kyreshlcsw2229]

I have all of that I always have. I have to take notes, my memory isn't great, I have a pill counter dispenser. But I also have add and epilepsy.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

It sounds like you've really learned to cope with the challenges you've faced. Nice work.

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

I love your smile when you talk about your daddy. I can see the love.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Diane, I appreciate the observation. There is so much love!

[@drbrog190]

so what I'm hearing is this (the mild stage) is essentially what ADHD people live with their entire lives, only the elderly version.

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

That could be an accurate comparison for some cases, yes! One concept is that mild dementia highlights problems that you can successfully work around, just like ADHD.

[@danskdna8550]

ASD, ADHD, menopause, anxiety, severe stress.

[@mickikindley7821]

My husband is moderate and increases daily but it’s ok so far he has a care giver everyday for two hours it helps

[@thisbeautifulbrain]

Caregiving help can be a lifesaver! Thanks for highlighting this.

[@eugenecourtney1778]

I was diagnosed Alzheimer, but i am so many meds for it, i'm not forgetful and use supplements. I am 67 years young.