Three(ish) Seconds from Every Vox Machina episode - Critical Role (C1 Spoilers)

[@Belphegor82]

So I had way too much time on my hands and - no wait, that's a lie, I didn't, I just love this video and these characters a slightly insane amount. So here's a transcript of all the three(ish) seconds per episode: EP 01 MATT: Grog... GROG/TRAVIS: ...recites poetry. EP 02 VAX: And the troll dick. EP 03 SCANLAN: ♫ Clarota healing ♪ EP 04 PIKE: It's me, Pike! EP 05 GROG: I would like to trip Vax. EP 06 TIBERIUS: I encourage - I encourage violence. EP07 VEX: I've been invited on a field trip, guys! EP 08 KEYLETH: We're dumb we're dumb we're dumb we're dumb! EP 09 MATT: Grog is now riding a shark. EP 10 PERCY: This is a terrible plan. I think it's a brilliant idea. EP 11 GROG: I have an intelligence of six, watch this! EP 13 PERCY: We are time bandits. EP 14 GILMORE: I'm sorry, was I being summoned? EP 15 GROG: I'M THE GOLIATH OF THE WORLD EP 16 VEX: Forget it! My spell is stupid! EP 17 SCANLAN: That's not even chicken, that's just a piece of wood. EP 18 LYRA: You burned my... kind-of-boyfriend?! SCANLAN: Not the face. Not the face. EP 19 PERCY: I'm sorry! I'm a genius! I'm sorry! EP 20 KASH: Any more than twice and you're just playing with it, pal. EP 21 VAX: My sister's gonna kill me... EP 22 VEX: YOU. LOST. THE CARPET!?? EP 23 VICTOR: You said you need black powder, yes? Yes? Come in, come in! EP 24 GROG: Maybe I don't know. Let's say I *assume*. EP 25 PERCY: Your soul is forfeit! DIE! DIE! EP 26 VEX: Keyleth is definitely a cow. EP 27 VAX: I'm pretty sure it's 'sigoogle'. EP 28 KEYLETH: Hey, Percy gonna do what Percy gonna do. EP 29 SCANLAN: Three hours later, we're still trying to open the door! EP 30 SCANLAN: I turn into... a triceratops. EP 31 PERCY: We may have just started a revolution. EP 32 VAX: *flails* EP 33 VAX/LIAM: You know I'm in love with you, right? (And I kiss her.) EP 34 KEYLETH: What's the matter, Sylas? Afraid of a little gnome and a druid? EP 35 GROG: I walk up behind Vax and I pants him. EP 36 CRAVEN EDGE: Are you to be my wielder? GROG: What the shit? EP 37 KEYLETH: Hey, boo. I'll see you soon. EP 38 SCANLAN: And knowing you're part of me makes me love you even more. EP 39 MATT: Nineteen misses. *stunned silence* SCANLAN/SAM: *Nineteen* misses!? EP 40 VAX: Do not go far from me. EP 41 VEX: No offence, darling, but you look like shit. EP 42 SCANLAN: Is Clarota still here with us? EP 43 PERCY: God I love other people's problems. EP 44 VAX: Take me instead, you raven bitch! EP 45 PERCY: Your secret is safe with my indifference. EP 46 VEX: Your broom fell into lava! EP 47 SCANLAN: They're slave ghosts. EP 48 KEYLETH: I turned to him and I go 'high-five'. ...okay. EP 49 SCANLAN: ♫ Trollollollollolololollolo...♪ EP 50 PIKE: I mean it stabbed me, so yeah, I'm uncomfortable. EP 51 SCANLAN: ♪ The stars at night ♫ Are big and bright (clapclapclapclap) ♪ Deep in the beard of Strongjaw ♫ EP 52 PIKE: I'm a barbarian too! EP 53 VEX: We totally planned at dawn! EP 54 VAX: And I'm a tiny Vax. EP 55 PIKE: ♫ I'm gonna Guiding Bolt him right up the butt ♪ EP 56 PERCY: I am Percival Frederickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the Third. KEYLETH: No kidding. EP 57 SUN TREE: Sun Tree, a-okay. EP 58 VEX: I wanna shoot the rakshasa! EP 59 GROG: I'm just saying, is there anyone who would miss you if you're gone? EP 60 PERCY: Lady Vex'ahlia. Baroness of the Third House of Whitestone and Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt. EP 61 VEX: Teeny-tiny little piece of shit. EP 62 KEYLETH: Remember when we almost died because I picked a flower? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ EP 63 PERCY: Life needs things to live. EP 64 VEX: He loved you well, Princess. EP 65 SCANLAN: Thank you so much! ...what do you think? Little spice? EP 66 PERCY: This is not an animated series. EP 67 VAX: That's bardic magic, bitch. EP 68 PERCY: Sorry my issues have guns. EP 69 GROG: Get a fucking nap, man. We'll convene in the morning. EP 70 VAX: We need to talk to you about something very important and if it doesn't go well Scanlan's going to erase your memory BUT - EP 71 SCANLAN: ♫ Yenk you will be our friend ♫ EP 72 VAX: We've gotta find Larkin, though, what do you we do about him? EP 73 KEYLETH: Kash, oh hi! Fancy meeting you here. Shit. EP 74 MATT: *toots* EP 75 GROG: I'm not so hot on the numbers, either. EP 76 SCANLAN: Keyleth, your hair's still on fire. EP 77 SCANLAN: ♪IIIIII DON'T WANNA DIE♫ EP 78 VAX: THIS IS A GAAAAME EP 79 GROG: Nah, fuck that, I kill him too. EP 80 PERCY: You died as you lived. KEYLETH: ...a fucking dumbass? EP 81 LAURA/VEX: I come up from the water and go OOOH! *epic laughter* EP 82 VEX: Can I pet your wings? EP 83 MATT: Yeah, every 30 days she can repeat the saving throw. *cheers, flailing* GROG/TRAVIS: She fell off!! EP 84 GROG : ♪ Please bring him back to me...♪ ;___; EP 85 TARY: This is going to be fun, fun, fun! EP 86 TARY: I thought that I could... but I can't. And I neeeeeed to... EP 87 TARY: And it was the metric system! EP 88 VAX: See you, motherfuckerzzzz... EP 89 random old English guy: I mean, my house is in ruins and I haven't seen my grandchildren... EP 90 GROG/TRAVIS: Ooooh shit, Voice of the Tempest!! EP 91 VEX: You ate a *soul*, Keyleth!? EP 92 TOVA: I want to turn into a bear. EP 93 MATT: Oh, Keyleth goes down. EP 94 GROG: Who talks back? PIKE: Nobody! EP 95: VEX: Trinket! VAX: What are you - what - VEX: *Sic 'im!* EP 96 PIKE: There actually is a curse on our family. It's called diabeetus. EP 97 KEYLETH: No, it's fine. TARY: It's fine. KEYLETH: We're gods. EP 98 PIKE: Well, you said you have things that'll... fuck you up right. EP 99 MATT: *flails* *honks* EP 100 VEX: Dun dun DUUUNNN! EP 101 KEYLETH: Maybe there's something in our own technology, in our own magic, that can help inform us? SAM: *pulls something unspeakable out of his giant tankard and makes a face* EP 102 SCANLAN (and company): ♪ Counterspell! Baby don't hurt me ♫ Don't hurt me ♪ No more ♫ EP 103 VEX: I'd already laid claim on your boots. EP 104 PERCY: What a beautiful tree you found. It casts so much shade. EP 105 SPRIGG: House gone, imp gone, burny burny, sad sad, pray, nothing happened. Now I'm blue. EP 106 SCANLAN/SAM: Sure. I'll sing to a book, Matt. EP 107 KEYLETH: It's hard to compete with a god. EP 108 TALIESIN: *knocks his coffee mug over* Aah. EP 109 SCANLAN: I want to see you naked. EP 110 GROG/TRAVIS: Shit, I can't do reverse math. SCANLAN/SAM: ...you mean subtraction? EP 111 KEYLETH: I don't want to move that far forward because there's uhh... No I don't move that far forward! EP 112 ARTAGAN: I wish to strangle you till death. EP 113 VEX: How's it feel, bitch? How's it feel? EP 114 SCANLAN: Oh, but I Counterspelled it at eighth level. Ooooh. EP 115 VAX: How *lucky* I have been to have had all of you. How lucky indeed. END EVERYBODY: *breathes, cries* SAM: ...What a nice story :')

[@anneb2646]

taliesin: this is not an animated series! just you wait, buddy. just you wait.

[@HoodedxFreak]

Anne B I imagined him turning to the yet and saying Yet. Haha

[@GammaAlanna]

That was my one meta joke.

[@jtroxler8]

HoodedxFreak if the series gets to that point, they should keep that line in just because.

[@cssruth]

And Liam screaming "this is a game" I'm just like yeah... It was just a game....now it's a franchise

[@codytheisen5655]

@@GammaAlanna To save my sanity (and rewatching the entirety of C1 again): What was the context of Percy/Taliesin saying that line anyway?

[@Taneth]

"My sister's gonna kill ME" "You... LOST... The Carpet?!"

[@scooby45247]

even i sank in my chair out of fear at that moment..

[@bill_goldenjw8023]

Percy: Your secret is safe with my indefference. Also Percy: Life needs things to live.

[@kaitlynwickham6237]

"I'm sorry! I'm a genius! I'm sorry!"

[@JustAJinx-ci6hg]

Sam: I NEED TOOO

[@alexandreboutaudvalarini5638]

"I'm sorry my issues have guns." Percy.

[@Spellcaster_podcast]

Episode number?

[@GammaAlanna]

Episode 68 - About 3hr40mins into the G+S upload

[@mossinsomnia650]

It’s my favourite one liner for no good reason

[@chrayez]

I must say I love the simplicity of “19 misses” ...pause... “19 MISSES?”

[@brilobox2]

Not sure why they were surprised by that, a shield and plate armor accomplishes the same thing.

[@seanleonard5]

3:39 for the amazing Transition of initial Taryon to bullied Taryon

[@GammaAlanna]

I enjoyed telling little stories with some of the clip transitions.

[@feltrix334]

This is glorious and you deserve a medal for compiling it. Travis: "I can't do reverse math." Sam: "You mean subtraction?"

[@slidetrombone]

to be fair, he's not so hot with the numbers...

[@dragonrider1817]

Travis did say in a talks machina episode that he got noticeably dumber after playing Grog.

[@blakewalton428]

He has an intelligence of 6 he knows what he's doing

[@IrisGlowingBlue]

+

[@lesliehenderson7914]

2:06 "I'm a barbarian too!" And Then She Was

[@TheDangerNoodle]

Shes a monstah

[@lyaura3vb82]

How can I feel so many emotions in five minutes cheesesus christy

[@thisjust10]

Same. Vox machina gets me in the feels this was wonderful

[@NaomiKFCHutchin]

House gone, imp gone, burny burny, sad sad, pray, nothing happened, now I'm BLUE!!!!

[@toonezon4836]

I don't know what arc he said it in, maybe chroma conclave, but I really hope Taliesin's/Percy's line "this is not an animated series" makes it into the animated series

[@Neutral_Tired]

It won’t, there’s no such thing as an animated series in Tal’Dorei and they’re not putting the players in the series, it’s just a series about vox machina, not the critical role cast

[@toonezon4836]

@@Neutral_Tired sure, but there is the concept of a 4th wall, & they're sure as hell not above breaking it

[@feltrix334]

Eh, either way, it happens in Marquet, deep into the Chroma Conclave's arc, so it won't come around for a while.

[@hollyburns8708]

just wanted to circle back to these comments bc while the show is about the vox machina, there is a hell of a lot of easter eggs, breaking the 4th wall, and direct references to their inside jokes and exact words they said in the live campaign. So it really feels like the CR cast is with them

[@haylox669]

“But it was the METRIC system”! Le sigh

[@rcdehaai]

And Matthew was drinking right when that was said

[@12chains]

I can't believe you took the time to go through 114 episodes for a 6 minute video. You are the Critter we want and don't deserve. THANK YOU FOR THESE AMAZING COMPILATIONS!

[@EthalaRide]

Liam blowing out the mic shouting "THIS IS A GAME" is a mood.

[@tabithahood7690]

I love how Liam repeats this exact sentiment in campaign two 😂 When the Mighty Nein traveled to the fire plane with Yeze, Luc, and Marion, I think

[@ReyaitheShadowWolf]

"There actually IS a curse on our family... it's called 'Diabeetus'." Fuck, I had completely forgotten about that moment!

[@paranoidkiwie]

Oof, that must have been a hard choice between Grog's singing for Scanlan vs his "FIX HIM!!!"

[@GammaAlanna]

They are actually from different episodes, instead of "Fix Him" I had Marisha falling off her seat after using Feeblemind.

[@dragonrider1817]

I think that is the right choice. Marisha falling off the bench will always be funny, and it’s better without context.

[@Tigertail94]

2:45 "This is not an animated series!" Oh how this phrase aged well.

[@highvoltage988]

Pike's "diabeetus" line gets me every time.

[@kaitlynwickham6237]

I'm so mad at myself for forgetting that. 😂

[@nickbeutler]

They should make a version of this but instead of 3 seconds from each episode it’s 4 hours from each episode

[@GammaAlanna]

You might be onto something here

[@TyrannoLime]

That would be crazy, dude. What if they were like... separated so that you could just go directly to the episode you want.

[@crystalc906]

Okay, but @ 4:28 Keyleth’s emotional statement coupled with Sam’s picking a hair with a nasty face is literally too funny to me.

[@GammaAlanna]

Sam was definitely the focus for that clip, wasn't until I posted that I realised how serious Keyleth and Percy were haha

[@Kay_Sea251]

Based on questions he answered, I don't think that was a hair...

[@canadiancanucklehead8310]

Things I forgot that I needed to hear daily: “I encourage violence.”

[@GeeGe.]

Personally I'm a much bigger fan of "I encourage peace", engraved in a bittersweet tombstone.

[@Nobanion]

Critical Role will always have the best “without context” lines of all time.

[@sjgraham010]

I was expecting: "I'll counter spell" "What level" "......9" The clip used was the only other possible choice

[@GammaAlanna]

The 8th Level Counterspell is fun and happy, 9th level is bittersweet and sad...didn't want the end too be too sad

[@leme9542]

That was the perfect simulation of the Vox Machina viewing experience. I went from laughing to screaming to crying in under six minutes. I guess I'll just go die now.

[@swagpotato720]

Every single one of these moments is seriously ICONIC Forgot how much I miss campaign one until you brought it back. Now the nostalgia is hitting me hard.

[@misterdayne2792]

That was the fastest 5 minutes and 40 seconds I've ever experienced.

[@dragonrider1817]

“19 misses” Travis panics That’s a good moment.

[@herz5159]

"I mean it stabbed me so yeah im uncomfortable!" lmao

[@adamhodgson4580]

3:57 - "Oh shit, voICE OF THE TEMPEST!" One episode later... "You ate a soul, Keyleth!!??!?"

[@TheMadnessUncaring]

I rarely comment, but the feels, such major feels. This is like years of condensed nostalgia and emotional attachment. Thank you for making this (and making me smile)

[@MsCunningLinguistic]

Lmfao the sheer emotional whiplash of those two last ones 😂

[@foolproofmayonnaise7407]

The once per timeline Taliesin Jaffe L that is “life needs things to live” is so fucking funny

[@harleyquinn3254]

You know this is a great show when just from 3 seconds you can feel the exact emotions of some of these moments in some of these episode

[@Boundwithflame23]

Some of my favorites Grog: I would like to trip Vax Tibs: I encourage...I encourage violence. (These fit together so well you'd think they were from the same episode if you weren't paying attention to the shirts the players are wearing) Matt: Grog is now riding a shark (Somehow still makes sense out of context) Vex: Keyleth is definitely a cow (Good thing she didn't say this after Kiki and Vax started dating) Vax: We need to talk to you about something very important and if it doesn't go well Scanlan will erase your memory but... Scanlan: Yenky will be our friend Vax: We've gotta find Larkin though. What do we do about Larkin? (Another set of quotes that fit really well together) Scanlan: I want to see you naked (Y'know most of the lines you picked could easily fit in a video titled "Critical Role Out of Context") There are more but I don't think I could've come up with something witty to say for every one.

[@skylar-dm]

I love how at 4:16 Marisha picks up her mug and puts it down in the next episode. Smooth and confident- like a goldfish.

[@bbtman1]

“What a good story” “Let’s do it again” Alright well now I’m crying at work

[@michaelfradley6950]

I’m so glad you included the “I’m gonna SHOOT the rakshasaaaa” That’s my #1 favourite random underrated line from campaign 1.

[@GammaAlanna]

I had forgotten it until I was going through that episode - its such a good line

[@johnrankin7135]

I personally enjoy "that's our Grog!"

[@LydiaTereK]

When I found Critical Role, they’re already halfway through C2; from my research, I also knew that they were playing in a different story with different characters in the same universe. I saw the quality difference between C1E1 and C2E1, and I decided to go watch it from the very beginning (because I knew it would kill me if I missed the inside jokes and references from C1 if I did otherwise) and binge watched the entirety of C1 and up to C2E99. Best decision ever. (The wait for C2E100 was the worst cuz I finished e99 as soon as quarantine started lol but it was worth it)

[@helloimellieful]

THIS BROUGHT BACK SO MANY WONDERFUL MEMORIES AND NOW I AM FILLED WITH NOSTALGIA AND MELANCHOLY

[@TheShoo]

"YOU LOST THE CARPET?!"

[@elliefleming3534]

This is making me want to go back and re-watch all 115 episodes.

[@natalie9402]

Okay, that’s it, I have to watch campaign 1 now.

[@marisapoulsen]

great choice! have fun!

[@jtroxler8]

Nat B it is going to take forever. Don’t worry, it’ll be worth it.

[@KuroiHoshiV]

Good luck, you're going to need it

[@sabinrawr]

Or to rewatch it, in my case...

[@a_Fax_Machine]

I've started rewatching it. We'll worth it.

[@leigh5745]

Sitting here crying my eyes out. Another wonderful, amazing video ❤

[@15drasedrase]

oh god... ending it on that... was not expecting to cry before bed but here we are!!!

[@cassmaelou]

How lovely that this didn't even feel almost 6 minutes long... Beautiful editing, thank you for this.

[@blakewalton428]

"sure I'll sing to a book Matt"

[@GraveyardRomance]

0:54 never gets old

[@annak.9483]

Maaaaan this was super funny until everyone was crying 🤣❤😭😭😭😭😭 this is such a great idea! Please please please make one for the Mighty Nein too once the campaign is over! Thank you for sharing :)

[@GammaAlanna]

I've already started working on the C2 video - hoping it doesn't end anytime soon though!

[@annak.9483]

@@GammaAlanna ohhhh awesome!! Looking forward to it :)

[@magpie8351]

This is one of my favorite videos in existence tbh

[@telosladd7706]

It really be one of those days...

[@druid_zephyrus]

3 more seconds for Travis's response, "Let's do it again"

[@a_Fax_Machine]

I've been saying "I want to shoot the rakshasa!" for days but nobody understands.

[@michaelfradley6950]

Mustang_II_ SAME!! It’s just the funniest voice inflection, it’s so catchy

[@TheDanerdude]

Holy shit. The time and difficult choices it must've taken to make this video. Bravo, bravo.

[@olga1231]

wow 3 seconds managed to make me cry

[@Wisper200]

House gone, imp gone, burny-burny, sad-sad, pray, nothing happen, now I'm blue

[@TenBigHotMen]

"I can't do reverse math"

[@mollyhunter6239]

The cuts right before everything devolves into chaos are 👌

[@wheels5296]

A good bit is also "WHATS MY MOTHERS NAME:

[@mazie1874]

I love this so much, I have no idea how many times I’ve watched this but it’s amazing.

[@xanderdaqueer3420]

i can make it 1:46 into the video without spoilers!! and im stopping myself there bc self control hell yeah. im thoroughly enjoying campaign 1

[@magicalsleeper]

Last time I went through this many emotions in 5 minutes I was under the influence of specific substances.

[@TimpanistMoth_AyKayEll]

This is (still) SO GOOD. Wonderful choices.

[@someguycalledsteven7141]

I still like the start where I assume it was the most like their home games.

[@WolfRebel]

Oh hell yes, so many amazing moments and not enough time in the world to continuously watch them all!!

[@vaguelyfunctioning]

I was laughing until the end... then you hit me with the feels. Ouch.

[@Endlessvoidsutidos]

and that's how five minutes can feel like a year of emotions :D) HOLY SHIT

[@moxom26]

It is my 1000th time watching this and I still cry... This is one of my favorite videos ever! I rewatched C1 after seeing this video to find all the little bits and bobs throughout each episode. Thank you for the rollercoaster of emotions in just one video ❤️

[@GammaAlanna]

I'm glad you enjoy it :)

[@sodawax3457]

Still one of my favourite CR videos. Makes me want to rewatch again.

[@wesleyw.2775]

Grogs face when Vex is yelling about the carpet is the perfect example of when your mom is yelling at your sibling and you KNOW you're next.

[@Volition366]

"life needs things to live"

[@tylervandewal2775]

The past years of my life went by in a flash

[@wickedpissa25]

This is.... perfect.

[@tngdragon]

Beautimus. Thank you.

[@D3adlyL0v3]

you made me want to rewatch cr1 because of the thanksgiving break thanks a lot time to spend another 3 months

[@Keiawyn]

I would never have expected this to make me cry.

[@karlsalvadoriks]

This is so cute. It makes me miss campaign one.

[@IrisGlowingBlue]

This is really cool! It must've taken you a Billion Years, holy shit. & I like how you've balanced a lot of the sillier moments with serious ones. Nice work 🌟

[@benjoe1993]

I wanna watch this entire campaign every day again and again. I want 448+8 hour days so I can watch it and catch a nice sleep.

[@havenhillsongs]

Holy SHIT what an emotional rollercoaster 😍😂😭 you're the hero we all needed 🙌🏼

[@VelcroGirlOfficial]

Thank you for reminding me it’s time for a rewatch

[@620n1]

I knew all these moment. So happy!!!!!!!!

[@danameyer2156]

You are the hero I didn't know I needed.

[@NovaStella_]

This made me hyperventilate, especially that last minute 😭

[@OrangeCoconutt]

This was so good!!! Thank you so much for this. This makes my heart happy and full. I love CR and Campaign 1 so much

[@eviebee]

ive never cried because of 3 seconds before, thanks :)

[@gingerholley4634]

Bless you

[@kpny8484]

And life needs things to live, good times, good times.

[@cathyshepard253]

That last part got me

[@DarknessHasFallen666]

This was bloody amazing! X

[@blacksilketchings]

Woof, and now I'm crying.

[@sodawax3457]

Amazing! So many feels! So many great moments! Great video!

[@breewiley4906]

I desperately want to make one of these for campaign 2 even though it's not finished and also thank you for this video, because it is delightful.

[@GammaAlanna]

There will definitely be one for when the campaign ends, I've already started work on it!

[@breewiley4906]

@@GammaAlanna YES GOD BLESS

[@virginiamooney4105]

THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS

[@matthewward2058]

A bloody mazing!! So glad I subscribed a while back 😍😍. I must have seen most of the clipped pieces on here but this is right amongst the top ones!!

[@alexmiller2489]

So gooooood

[@B.Long13]

So glad the sun tree made it in!!

[@GammaAlanna]

☀️🌳👌

[@cssruth]

Amazing!

[@kaitlynwickham6237]

"You died as you lived." "A fucking dumbass?!" If my characters don't go out the same way, I'll have failed at DnD.

[@corvid4933]

I was literally talking about doing this the other day!