Thriving after Narcissistic Abuse with Dr Ramani Durvasula

This week on #CoffeeWithCandice I speak to world-renowned clinical psychologist Dr Ramani
To say I am a fan of hers is an understatement her teachings on dealing with, dating and growing up with narcissistic people has helped me so much in my own journey towards healing
Her scope of knowledge is massive and it’s no wonder she’s every top talk shows go to guest
We covered:
-Who narcissists prey on?
-The best way to cope with narcissists during a lockdown?
-How to heal after narcissistic abuse
-How to identify narcissistic people
#CandiceMama

[@rondanatan6198]

I identify so much with what the doctor is saying about narcissists. I left my narc husband of 26 years recently and I met a wonderful person who isn’t a narc. I’m healing from trauma, abuse and invalidation. I feel the rebirth of me. I love my life. Thank you God for the gift of a second chance in life👍🙏🤗

[@CandiceMama1]

Congratulations and wishing you love and continued healing ♥️

[@rondanatan6198]

@@CandiceMama1 Thank you so much!!! Peace and love🙏❤️

[@bigfan2452]

@@CandiceMama1 t

[@user-vm6en5tu3d]

“There’s always a door, walk out of it.” -Dr Ramani ❤️🚪

[@Soulful_Life_Coach]

I left the covert narc after 27 years. Its been 10 weeks. Thank you so much Dr Ramani. You have helped me heal through these last 10 weeks xx

[@dubliners0999]

I'm mostly estranged from my twin sister who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). After decades of my looking for her acceptance and always being criticized, I've distanced myself. After a phone conversation a month ago, I'm no longer answering her calls or texts and will only include her in group email with my other sister. It's the only way to take care of myself. I've been clean and sober for decades, been to therapy, and attended Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Codependents Anonymous, and Alcoholics Anonymous (my primary program). I live 2300 miles from my dysfunctional and have plans to retire even further away. I've rebuilt my "family" by connecting deeply to program friends and connect only with 2 family members--one who is in recovery. To people who say, "Oh, you have a bad program because you haven't mended your relationship with your twin sister," I simply reply, "I've already made my amends. Now I'm drawing boundaries. You're not familiar with NPD, are you?"

[@littlet4583]

I love you Ladies!!! So much help! I especially love cutting out and off toxic people. I literally just block them, life is better without seeing that garbage.

[@haliec4713]

I absolutely was addicted to the narcissist, I thought if I stayed I’d die and if I left I’d die, especially emotionally. I couldn’t see a way out, being stuck in abuse was so demeaning and traumatising yet I couldn’t get out of the quick sand. After a physical assault I told a close friend and she supported me until I could leave. It has taken me 2 years to feel better after so much isolation and therapy. I’m in a good place now most of the time. Finding out who I am and trying everyday to love myself. I still have flashbacks but I see them as reminders to why im grateful to be out and thriving now. Yes I met mine 3 months after my mother past away and he proclaimed I met him so soon because he was obviously sent to look after me during the grief. He said all of the right things until he got me to move in with him and then I felt he hated me from then on until I left.

[@MsSheilaC]

Thank you Dr Ramani. I have been binge watching your videos for almost a month now. It has radically changed me. It has allowed me to release last bits of sentimentality about toxic relationships. I understand so much about my life and the choices that I made, and how I was formed, and even some of the mistakes I’ve made as part of that legacy. I’m determined to do better and I am determined to utilize everything you’ve taught us in my relationship choices moving forward. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@rfeyman3682]

Wish I found Dr Ramani Duvasula earlier! I spent decades going to therapists and so many of them just do not understand the dynamics and realities of dealing with highly narcissistic people.

[@drewstein1992]

Brilliant brilliant interview- both women are so smart and beautiful Candace you a top interviewer Dr Ramani you are a great guest

[@CandiceMama1]

Thank you for watching Drew - I appreciate you

[@dannyjohn4358]

YES WE NEED OUR MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS TO STEP UP AND PARTICIPATE IN HELPING OUR SOCIETY TO IMPROVE MENTALLY.... DR RAMANI WE NEED MORE PROFESSIONALS LIKE YOU IN IMPORTANT PLACES.

[@shagunnk55]

I made the mistake of giving my boyfriend a second chance and things are the same but Dr.Ramani's videos has helped me so much.I finally broke up with him but I know I still have a battle to fight. He started gaslighting me again but this time I identified the pattern early. I understand narcissism so much better now because of her videos. The invalidation and the discard can be so bad but now I know that I am not to be blamed. Thank you to both of you amazing ladies. It can be a very lonely battle to fight but the knowledge that you are imparting is so helpful.Also people who haven't experienced it themselves will never understand it.Don't ignore the red flags and always listen to your gut-feeling.❤️

[@CandiceMama1]

Never forget you are strong and as Dr Ramani said it is a battle however when you dive into all the amazing things you have always wanted to do. You will get further away from the toxic cycle. I believe in you and know you have a beautiful life waiting for you to create. Sending you much love and strength

[@shagunnk55]

Candice Mama Thankyou so much.❤️

[@nthabelengkomane7021]

Every time I hear of someone that got out of a relationship with a narc... my heart just jumps happily. It gives me hope that i will get out and have my life back fully. I've still got that what if I leave and he changes thing and i read in dr Ramani's book that this person will never change.

[@CandiceMama1]

@@nthabelengkomane7021 I am sending you love and strength. I know you will get to a point where you reclaim your life and thrive. Wishing you all the best

[@melindatimpf7737]

Don't go back. Move forward, put him in the rear view mirror, keep away!

[@jmfs3497]

Great interview! Two of Dr Ramani's statements really rang true with my experience. "I [work] with someone who doubts my reality. I'm always confused in this relationship. Nothing I do ever feels like it's enough." 3:48 and "I used to be able to do all these great things for people, and NOW I can't help anybody" 5:58

[@kmduarte2005]

I find myself nodding emphatically and saying “yes, yes, this is what it is exactly” throughout this video. Thank you for putting it into words and validating what I’ve been thinking and feeling for sooo long.

[@annaimush7235]

Thank you for this interview! I’m getting over the narcissistic abuse recently and Dr.Ramanis’ video’s help me to understand, heal and secure myself.

[@lindiwedube6884]

Amazing discussion. Thank you Candice and Dr. Ramani Especially the closing remarks about a song not sung, books not written, etc. I hope many will recover and use their silenced talents

[@valeneravae8211]

I actually think of forgiveness differently. I forgive people and I accept they are who they are. But, I DON'T FORGET. I don't put up with anyone who crosses that line. I walk away, I quit, or they quit. We're in this together. Kindness is free. Hate always has a price. Thank you for this video.

[@margaretclamor2494]

Two wonderful women!I am from Asia, and narc word is not a thing here, I believe God was on my side that I discovered the word,and I am experiencing all of the abuse, and even left a 27 year of marriage in exchange of this "shit narc"...also I discovered I am an empathetic and Co dependent. We agree to stay in one roof because we have a business,,, ahhhh,,,it's my money. 3 years with this relationship. It sucks,, I am still with malignant.

[@CandiceMama1]

Margaret, wishing you healing and sending you strength and love ❤️

[@annmariekeim7692]

I started using this technique of walking away from narc.abusive behavior and cutting them and it works great. The toxic person will look at me with an angry face but i know i have avoided a lot of abuse. Before your videos i might have given more chances. Now i am so much more sure of myself. I am becoming a narcissist warrior. Thank you dr ramani for this incredible wisdom and help

[@mdee860]

Until 2 yrs. ago, I only understood what an Overt Narc was. Hard not to as they practically wear a flashing neon sign. Dr. Ramani & Dr. Carter opened my eyes & are helping me to heal. I was always unconsciously drawn to them because they were so familiar to me. So grateful for the knowledge, which equals power! Thank you so much. Oh - 11:04 - starts a SOLID GOLD lesson - so true!!! 👏👏👏 PS: Candace - love your hair & what does your tattoo say???

[@vibehigh5280]

I agree with you dr.ramani, disengaging and unenabling narcs is work and oftentimes people see us as the "bad guy" , "too strict or rigid" and so on. Thank you for sharing this video!

[@CandiceMama1]

Thank you for watching.x

[@cindisowder2182]

Have a narc daughter. I now realize my narc ex worked on her hardcore as a tiny child when he had visitation. She blames me for everything he did to her. So much for getting away from it. I’m having to heal at 56 because I’ve had a strong narc in my life from father & sister, my ex, and then my daughter for 32 years. She discarded me after I helped her heal from a c section and took care of the baby while she rested. I’m devastated and am only dealing by thinking of them all as dead, because that’s easier, which is horrible.

[@karenkohler3686]

Hi from joburg! Thanks so much candice & DR Ramani for helping make the world a better place! Your video's have been life changing and I've seen them all (and filled 2 notebooks), take care

[@CandiceMama1]

I so appreciate you watching from my hometown Karen .x

[@nthabelengkomane7021]

Hi my fellow jozi peep🙋‍♀️

[@Legacykshort]

Dr. Ramani speaks to my soul. Thank God for her.

[@annemccarron2281]

It's amazing how many therapists do not really understand narcicissm. I wasted years with multiple therapists who didn't know diddly squat!

[@dd4138]

Dr Ramani has saved my life. Honestly if it weren’t for her I would have lost hope so long ago.

[@nangia_vivek81]

It was an excellent discussion. Have learnt so much from Dr. Ramani Durvasula's videos

[@CandiceMama1]

Thank you for watching. x

[@nikolaigerardo1168]

dont know if anyone gives a damn but if you guys are bored like me during the covid times you can watch all the new movies on instaflixxer. Have been watching with my girlfriend lately xD

[@bradytorin5699]

@Nikolai Gerardo yup, have been watching on instaflixxer for since december myself :)

[@melindatimpf7737]

My narc ex said he didn't know how he'd live if we didn't work out...what?.... eff that, NO ONE deserves that pressure

[@jonathanvermillion7263]

God bless you Ramani it was a hard day today and your words give me strength and hope and soothes my tumultuous soul

[@chaitrakeshav]

Wow! Thank you for this, Candice!

[@perreletmyriam5512]

Really important work. Again Dr. Ramani you helped me so much. The whole world should know about your incredible work. Thank you so much.

[@toorealformyowngood241]

Wow, those words at the end about how we are silenced by narcissists and our talents are unknown to the world due to the narcissist discouragement. I cried,....because I felt that. One of my dreams was squashed by my ex narc. F him, I'm going to do it now.#HumanRaces🙏🏿🙏🏾🙏🏽🙏🙏🏼🙏🏻

[@Legacykshort]

'How to validate them, how to please them, & how to avoid an argument with them.' Exhausting! 😣

[@josun2222]

This makes me feel like I need to see a counselor. Went from a dad that I couldn't please to husband that was controlling to another controlling man that died. Was then love bombed by a man 2 months after my boyfriend died. Several more narcissistic people in my life until I hit rock bottom with a man that fit all 9 traits to fit NPD.

[@lt827]

What a great overview of Dr. Ramani's guidance. It hits on all the key points. Thanks #CoffeeWithCandice.

[@florencetoh6116]

This is mind-blowing. Please have more exchanges

[@CandiceMama1]

Thank you Florence, I will get Dr Ramani back

[@Truthseeker0926]

It really is mindblowing....watch the reat of Dr. Ramani's and Dr. Rankin who coined the term in 1985.

[@wilmaboot]

Loved this discussion. Honest, articulate and HELPFUL. Congts

[@katarinawright1228]

I've made the mistake of spending too much time & energy with the toxic people and letting the good people in my life not get the love they deserve from me. Hopefully, the good people still care and will accept my love.

[@kathykalfayan1704]

Dr. Ramani it inside when it counts and you are beautiful lady beautiful you helping lotta people you’re saving lotta people God bless you God bless you I’ve been following you one year exactly and you change my life I’m getting much better than before I need still to work on it but your video helped me a lot and I hope they help lotta people I love you so much God bless you you’re beautiful I’ll be honest with you I wish I can meet you one day I know it’s my Waze maybe one day

[@CandiceMama1]

Dr Ramani is incredible, thank you for watching

[@aliciafranco321]

POWERFUL VIDEO!

[@samr9336]

Thank you so much for this interview. I am thrilled to hear Dr Ramani wants to train therapists in South Africa. We really need it here!

[@CandiceMama1]

Its amazing and I think very needed. Thank you Sam

[@samr9336]

@@CandiceMama1 I'll be there in a heartbeat!

[@missstephyjane]

Incredible discussion ✨

[@kerrioshea1691]

Candice thank you. I would really appreciate another coffee chat between yourself and Dr Ramani talking more about 'Thriving' after Narcissistic Abuse. Please Thank you.

[@CandiceMama1]

I will work on that Kerri

[@kerrioshea1691]

@@CandiceMama1 Thank you. Thriving after NA is a challenge! Your sharing and Dr Ramani content is greatly appreciated.

[@PatriceDEvans]

47:49 Amen!!! @drramani I feel the same way . That's why I couch women who want to find love and marriage again after narcissistic abuse. I agree. God bless you. I wrote my autobiography Resilient Joy to finally have my voice heard after a lifetime of gaslighting,

[@Claudiotjie]

Candice Mama is way ahead of her time, wow, explosive

[@CandiceMama1]

Thank you Claude .x

[@777-s2k]

Thank you God for giving my life back!

[@emmaharper860]

I was stuck for 3 years but thanks to your videos which help me to understand what I was going through and it is a word for those individuals which people didn't know for decade's what it was call nor why they continued in a cycle of someone that is mentally Disturbed. 11/24/21 my divorce was finalized no contact no social media just calls from different numbers which I do not answer. Bless to have some peace🙏🙏❤❤

[@freshbreeze4684]

So priceless! Thanks you!

[@CandiceMama1]

Thank you Fresh Breeze

[@nthabelengkomane7021]

This is powerful ❤️

[@CandiceMama1]

Thank you for watching 🙏🏽

[@LuvandLight369]

This was so helpful 🙏😇😇🙏🙏 thankyou very much both of you 🙏😇👏👏👏💜❤️🥰😇👏

[@jimzucker]

ladies, what a great podcast

[@norahvoltaire2541]

Love this. Love Dr. Ramani!!

[@CandiceMama1]

Thank you for watching

[@josieyoung4813]

Trauma Bond-that makes complete sense.

[@CandiceMama1]

It really does

[@bhsimonson]

The last bit about children is gold.

[@oliviana2645]

Brilliant information

[@lifewithapurpose237]

13:04 your full-time JOB with the narc is spent figuring how to VALIDATE them, how to PLEASE them & how n̶o̶t̶ T̶R̶I̶G̶G̶E̶R̶ t̶h̶e̶m̶ to AVOID an argument with em

[@DocIme]

Agreed that one can only talk about superficial things with a Narc!! Can’t say anything good abt your life coz you wouldn’t want him to be not nice to you!

[@elizabetheasterly1515]

My husband actually said on our honeymoon something like and this too won't last. He was referring to the nice behavior. I guess that answers my own question. It didn't start later, narc was there all along.

[@bryanandrew7729]

I've been devorced for 1year 3 months when's the right time to meet someone new I was grey rocked gaslighted hoovered manipulated it's hard for me to trust anyone any more am I been unrealistic was married for 26 years with 2 kids she found a new supply

[@dvawva5197]

Dr. Ramani has stuck her neck out for the Greater Good and not many people do this. Other people bow down to known narcissists in their life; kissing the ring; and they're not ever going to stop. I'd rather die being brave than die being a coward. That type of dying is bleak.

[@eleonoramostert8917]

Question for you Dr Romani. I was and still am supporting someone who is in a grandioos Narcissistic ship, I would even go as far as Being A Dark Triad with psychopathic tendencies. I don't want to not support him but his partner has pushed everyone away as well as threatened them and myself. I've let the person who I support I will always be there for him but beed to take a step back as his partner us using others and myself to inflict more harm. Am I wrong to stay in the background?

[@ingramhamiter2200]

How do. Someone become a narcissist????

[@iolandamarzaioli1192]

Do somoeones understand the book cited?

[@CandiceMama1]

I believe the books are "Should I Stay or Should I Go" by Dr Ramani and "Do You Know Who I Am?"

[@Jenny-wl7eo]

❤

[@dannyjohn4358]

TOO BAD WE CAN'T DO THIS WORK 9N AFGHANISTAN....

[@craigsmith1365]

Sound is really bad

[@emmaharper860]

Yes cut them off!!!!!!!!!!! They don't like NOT being center of attention 😒 .

[@drelfredealberts5517]

Dear Candice, this is Elfrede.....I have attended free webinars remember ..you with a Hostess to that platform. You are an awesome Ambassador. I am in SA at the moment. Due to respect for you I pledge for your help as an Animal Advocate. I have just subscribed to your personal Web platform. I beg for your help . Please Candice. Pl gift me some o fyour precious time and do contact me via email. Sincere appreciation.