Time to Blossom: Accepting My Transgender Daughter | Elizabeth August | TEDxPasadenaWomen

Elizabeth August shares her story about the magnitude of a mother's love. This young mom tells how she had to grieve the death of a son while simultaneously celebrating the birth of a daughter, when her five-year-old, who was born male, asked to present as a girl.
Elizabeth is a dedicated elementary school teacher entering her 11th year in the classroom. She teaches social justice and acceptance of others and strives to teach students to think critically and be solution-oriented. She works to create a safe and open environment in her classroom.
Over the last few years, Elizabeth’s journey as a mother of a transgender child opened her eyes and heart to what acceptance really means, and how adults not only need to teach children to accept others, but accept themselves. Her experiences have fostered her passion to ensure civil rights for all people. Elizabeth believes that by accepting and sharing our true selves with each other, we can create a diverse and loving community.
Elizabeth studied Psychology and is married with two children.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@soqhiaa]

parents should NEVER be worried about being judged for accepting their kids.

[@khaliah7754]

For real!

[@acetabulatiapfropfen3898]

But they are. And as long as they overcome it it's okay.

[@danhoenn]

I think it’s okay to be worried and it’s understandable that they can be afraid, so long as they don’t let that fear blind their judgement about how to best care for their gnc kids

[@kathleendallmann3127]

In an ideal world that would be the case, but we are social beings and everyone, some more than others, are effected by how others treat us.

[@yesnoxo7776]

sophia yes they should we are most certainly judging

[@Victoria-cg5np]

“My crown won’t stay on” I loved that.

[@DragonPeople-xb8sp]

Lööpy Boi trump for 2020

[@addisonavery9204]

@@DragonPeople-xb8sp This isn’t a place to spread propaganda. This is about a little girl and celebrating how her mother appreciates her.

[@DragonPeople-xb8sp]

Addison Avery trump for 2020❗️

[@Cygerion]

@@DragonPeople-xb8sp I agree but maybe not the best place to put it

[@nagitokomaeda6601]

@@DragonPeople-xb8sp this has nothing to do with the comment or video

[@first782]

Idk y I'm bingeing LGBT ted talks at 5am, but I love it.

[@abby-schmidt]

Really? O! I'm doing the same but at 2am been doing it for hours XD

[@azraeltarquin7946]

That comment and picture are actually perfect

[@hannah06412]

Okay. This has been me today.

[@Sol-uq4bw]

mood

[@maxikelly99]

Honestly same. I'm just here having the water works.

[@evaeldora464]

I love how as she tells her daughter’s story , she goes from using “he” pronouns to “she” pronouns :)

[@MangoMcSalsa]

@Marcia Roberts maybe if you realized he was who he was the whole time and stopped acting like he was someone else, rather than the same person you raised he might respond differently? :/ I'd be pretty pissed at my folks if I came out to them as bi and they acted like they had lost a straight child and had that child replaced, I was bi the whole time, there was never a straight kid to lose. Just my observations on life and parental support.

[@prehistoricwatergun0136]

@Marcia Roberts There likely were indicators,you might have not noticed them or chose to ignore them.If you want the best for your kid and for them to be able to make better life decisions you need to support them. The suicide rate for trans people is so high,but its far lower when they have supportive parents. You want to raise an upstanding citizen and not a criminal with a host of mental health issues? Stop the way you think and actually listen. This isn't about you,its about them.

[@GalaxyGal-]

Marcia Roberts As a trans person, it is most preferable to use our current pronouns and name regardless of what time period you’re discussing. Using our deadnames is like treating us as a different person and disregarding our sense of who we are. That wasn’t a scolding. I’m just telling you how it is. What I am going to scold you on is that you legitimately see your son as two different people. Seeing as you’re willing to do this with strangers, it’s not too far to assume you alienate your son this way. Your son was always there. I don’t think you understand that, as children we hide things from our parents, especially sensitive secrets that our parents might not understand. This includes his trans identity. You need to work out whatever issues you have with your son. Listen to him. Actually listen. Give him a platform to speak, and he should do the same for you.

[@GalaxyGal-]

Also to OP, it’s a seemingly great artistic move, but it really harms us as trans people. It’s de-legitimizing what we constantly say about ourselves.

[@alexiachapman6823]

@@GalaxyGal- I saw the talk more as the journey the parents went through when finally, truly identifiying with their daughter who was born biologically male. Whilst there has to be stories told from the trans person's point of view it helps that there are also those from the parents, to help other parents understand.

[@HackerXCal1b3rAkaX]

Im 15 and trans and my parents still would never accept this... What a great mom!

[@Vipera01]

You need to accept your birth gender, not the other way round.

[@VileCarnival]

Vipera01 Ugh, another sjw. Get out.

[@Vipera01]

I'm not an SJW. I'm the exact opposite of that.

[@nightingem]

Vipera01 Hey, did you know that the APA and all other reputable medical organizations acknowledge transition is the best treatment for trans folk?

[@Vipera01]

Did you know that APA did this on political pressure, not on scientifical researches?

[@NMYCORNER]

I'm a sixty-two year man. As I listen to your talk, your words about Ryder take me back to my childhood. But instead of the support, let's just say I got the opposite. I've watched your talk many times. I guess in my mind, I'm imagining what it would have been like to be Ryder. I also tear up every time I listen to you. Tears of joy for someone, although not me, for the innocent, the most vulnerable. I lost my Mother to illness when I was at the age of six. I like to think that if she were around to help my overwhelmed, out of his element Father, things would have been different. Now as I have have more days behind than in front of me, I chose to support myself. I just want to tell you that, stories like yours help to strengthen me. Words that help to make me understand, that I too am worthy of love and of loving myself. Thank you...Ebony.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

Then you know that in some ways things have improved a lot for those who are younger. Each good deed we do (great or small) leads to a better world for us all, or at the very least helps to open doors for those who come later. I am sure that you have done your part in this as well, just by being tolerant of others and not judging them. Your life has meaning beyond *your* life. All of us who embrace compassion have the best reason ever to be proud. Peace and prosperity to you. ^-^

[@shoppinglist4326]

I hope that you continue to love yourself and remember you are worthy or love and respect

[@keving7940]

i feel bad because my dog was about too fall asleep and his names Ryder and every time she would say ryder he would look up and awaken

[@smokerbuddy4204]

Hhahahahahahaha

[@1c0nic_player]

lmao

[@TheMisfit291]

What a wonderful mom. I am so glad she embraces her daughter fully. My own mother has said she loves me but will not support me in my transition. How in the hell can you love someone and refuse to support them? I am thankful that Ryder has such supportive parents. I just wish we all did.

[@patriciastymiest6903]

That is their way of supporting them. HOWEVER this shoukd be done with love abd compassion and NOT condemnation! I haveca few people in my life that I love that are doing things I do not NOT agree with, and I would be there for them if they ever needed me. Just a thought.

[@YamCherie]

Stephanie B, My hope for you is that your mom will come to the realization that your life is your journey. Parents spend so much time guiding and teaching their children, and that propels them to have a vision of where your life will lead. The fact that you're blazing a different path does not mean that you don't value her guidance, or that you aren't taking some of her input with you on your journey. It's hard for a parent to see you go in a direction that she hasn't explored and has no sense of familiarity or security with. Your mom can reframe this in her mind and realize that it is because she did a good job with you, because she led you to stable ground, that you were able to trust your own mind and navigate in the direction that you are meant to go in. What you are going through takes a level of confidence and self trust. That is coming from you, but it is also coming from her. You had to trust your mother to raise you to the point that she has, and it will be an adjustment for her to now relinquish the driver's seat to you. But you got this. You got the wheel!

[@YamCherie]

zon723 Where are you getting the idea that this is about playing with certain toys? That there is nothing more to it? That's a very exaggerated over simplification.

[@mishmash3968]

YamCherie coming from a parent of a bi daughter, it isn't our right to change our children to fit what we imagined them to be. As parents it is our job to love and protect them as they are and be their advocate- not one of their obstacles or enemies... as if they don't have enough to contend with in this world without their family making it more difficult. For some reason a lot of parents believe how THEY feel, how THEY look to other's is more important than their children happiness and that is abuse. Children are a privilege. We don't own them, nor is it our right to tell them how they need to live their life. I am tired of people excusing or sympathizing with the parents in the wrong and who are going out of their way to hurt them for their own selfish reasons.

[@Dutch3DMaster]

It's hard for me to realize how parents can choose to bring a child into the world (which, in turn, has no choice in the matter) and, for whatever non-harmful decision choose to not support them in what they want to do in life. A transfriend of mine had to basically break the ties with his parents who do not accept him. There have been many, many times where I have felt incredibly lucky with my parents, the rest of my family, my environment, my friends, work.

[@MeghnaRIyer]

"We learned that sometimes it isn't letting go of the son you thought you knew, in order to open your heart to the daughter that was always there."

[@katrinaj.7348]

I thought that was so beautiful

[@meadowrae1491]

I remember the exact moment I first felt dysphoria. I was six years old. People saying that kids don't know don't have a clue what they are talking about. I am still living as my assigned gender at birth and it really sucks. I don't feel safe coming out. I would love to have the support this child had. Instead, I was forbidden from certain sports, pretended to be straight, and forced to wear dresses and girl shoes. I'm now sorting all of this out at 31 and it's not fun.

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

I'm sorry to hear that, my man. I hope you can find the support you need to feel safe coming out and being yourself.

[@marciaosullivan3200]

When I was six I wanted to be a dude I grow out of it

[@ihatethisusernameupdate]

@@marciaosullivan3200 Ok? Good for you, I guess?

[@whalecat8049]

My veeerrry earliest egg memory was me at about four or five asking my sister, "Do you ever feel like you want to be the other gender?"

[@Sweethart27]

Wow, hugging you right now!

[@lorimurphy1295]

Wonderful story! When my daughter told me he was a boy, he was 18. That was 15 years ago. There were no support groups, no books and no way to navigate the waters from f to m. All I could do was love him. And that's what I did. Today, he's 33 and happy. Looking back, there were signs but I didn't see them. Bravo to parents who see them early and accept their kids for who they are. We didn't have the words then. Today, he's my son and living his authentic self.

[@amandacogger3075]

Lori Murphy you are a wonderful mother wish there were more like you out there I hope both you and your son are keeping well

[@xxgoddessgachaxx7237]

Broz Gilson I’m sorry I know this was posted a month ago but how does telling someone that they are wrong or putting them down help anyone I agree people who are trans like me will always be biologically male or female but preaching hate isn’t going to get rid of gender dysphoria it only increases our suicide rate

[@amandacogger3075]

@@xxgoddessgachaxx7237 don't listen to haters! I cannot understand what a trans person goes through due to not being trans myself but there is nothing wrong with you being trans it is not your fault you were born in the wrong body and you may not be able to change your dna but there is a lot more to the gender you are then dna you have to have to have the mindset of the gender you were born with and people also need to take into account all the things that happen whilst still in the womb

[@EndAntiwhiteism]

@@xxgoddessgachaxx7237 why don't you transition your child to their biological gender instead?

[@mikalahh]

@@brozier6672 But then you're not part of that family though. If her daughter chooses to be a boy, then it's her choice. All we can do is respect it.

[@TlalocsSanctuary]

What an amazing mom. I wish my mom did that. Instead she dragged me out of a school club, took away all “Influences” (Phone, etc), and sent me to the basement and called me a freak. Please be grateful if your mother, father, or guardian accepts you for who you are.

[@bonthebunnycat667]

;w; oof, I hope you are able to express as who you truly are very soon

[@TlalocsSanctuary]

Bon The Bunnycat thank you so much..♥︎ i really appreciate it, thank you..!!😊

[@sarahwales6276]

That first picture melted my heart, how do you look into his eyes and not feel overwhelmed with love and compassion?

[@Anarchy1080p]

ummmh ok?

[@rachaelshort1704]

you mean her?

[@koltonshawn9945]

Sarah Wales why wtf would you call her that

[@antioppressiveaction2732]

YES!

[@alicelee2967]

Her?

[@darkwood_8224]

I finally figured out that I was a boy at the lowest point in my life. At the time I isolated myself accidentally through homeschooling, and was incredibly depressed. It was like that for 2 years, and towards the end of it I was told that my brother’s ex boyfriend had died and nobody thought to tell me. That made it worse. Before then I already knew what was happening in the back of my mind, but I was in control. After being told about his death I lost the security of knowing who I was, and started questioning my whole life. I was incredibly scared. I didn’t want to be trans, I knew exactly how hard it was and I knew I wasn’t prepared for that. I started to sleep less and less, let my schoolwork get away from me, and cried whenever I was alone. I skipped meals and barely drank water. Eventually, it got to the point where I saw that I was- maybe not definitively- but I was suffering from dysphoria and I had to make it better. I accepted myself for the most part, but I still wasn’t sure. What if I was just making this up? What if it would go away? I needed another breaking point, so I asked for a haircut. Prior I had hair so long I kept it in double braids. Cutting them off was ridiculously symbolic. That was the happiest day of my life. I could barely stop smiling! It was then when I was sure enough that i could at least tell someone. Anyone. So the first person I told was my mom. And then my sister. And then my few friends. And then my brothers. And then my dad. And I still wasn’t completely sure, I couldn’t be completely sure, because of how dysphoria works and how it fluctuates and how it’s intensity varies. But I knew I could always go back, so there was no harm in trying. And I transitioned, my hair was cut, I got binders, and I went to public school... where only the principal knew I wasn’t a cis boy. I’m now the happiest I’ve ever been, and this past year when I’ve been living as who I feel comfortable as, has truly been the happiest year of my life.

[@octoyak]

I know this is kind of late but I'm super happy for you man ❤️ Keep going, you are amazing and valid ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[@Sweethart27]

Sending you great energy and hopes that you'll find a voice of strength!

[@enigmatube6946]

I wish the world was more accepting, supportive, and nicer to people who are transgender. To be transgender in this world is extremely scary, and uncomfortable when everyone tries to box you, and you just want to be comfortable on the inside.

[@oclover8994]

Ddot Norreh: Congrats my friend you have spoken like a true demon Smh!

[@oclover8994]

Actually no I don't buddy cause I like spreading nothing but LOVE and if you consider me a "demon" for that then by ALL means I am the biggest LOVING demon out there haha much love and respect God bless!!! 💜

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

@Ddot Norreh : You are *not* the normal person anymore. You are a relic. A broken, rusty, old, useless machine from a bygone era. Deal with it, or grow up and join the world. We are working towards *freedom for everyone.* If you are against that, then there is no room for you in this society anymore. *And then shame on you for for dishonoring all those millions of brave souls who have fought and died for your freedom.* But if you are with us in supporting freedom for all, then I will support your freedom as well.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

@uKnow : Humanity has evolved quite a lot over the last 2,000 years. You are welcome to grow and learn, and to become more aware of the world around you in all it's wonder. You are welcome to become more compassionate and tolerant of others as well (just like Jesus suggested so many millennia ago), if you so choose.

[@mariog1490]

Mx. Enigma so u don’t want disagreements, not fascismo, right? I sure do love she suppressing of ideas because F E E L I N G S

[@monicadaniels784]

Support like yours might have saved me 50 years of pain, shame, guilt, and denial. I am now finally happily transitioned. Don't let anyone tell you that your support for her is wrong. With love and respect!

[@sadsparkii]

keep being yourself!

[@sophiesakura2719]

my parents coached me to lie to the the school counselor and told me to play with the boy toys no matter how much i wanted to play with the girl toys. Took away my stuffed animals when i was five and My dad yelled at me for saying i wanted to be a girl when i was 5 and then forgot that it ever happened. Getting rid of toys behind my back and undermining my happiness.

[@00RaveRat]

No, this is so wrong and im so sorry for this. I hope your life and family/friends are treating you better. You got this girl!

[@meepmoopiethe3rd]

This is why it's important to let kids express themselves. I know so many people who knew they were trans as young as 3 years old, but their parents were so resistant that they ended up not coming out until they were, like, 30. If you're not going to be supportive of your kid no matter who they are, don't have a kid.

[@DraeaTube]

Thank you so much for this. As a “tomboyish” female, I’ve always thought overly masculine or feminine preferences were societally imposed. I swore that if I ever had a girl she would never be exposed to the princess culture. I can’t describe how hard this hit me. It’s not just society! Now if I have a girl and she wants pink dresses, I will be ok. This is so huge for me I can’t even begin to explain. It may sound superficial with such a short explanation, but questions of gender have tortured me throughout my life. I have gained an understanding and finally, acceptance, where before there was nothing but anger and distain. Thank you thank you thank you.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

Your introspection is inspiring and that is easily the greatest trait any human can own. Because from that well of introspection will spring every other trait that wisdom holds. ^-^

[@sophiesakura2719]

gender roles and expectations are overrated

[@rileymclellan8953]

I can’t watch any of these without crying. Parents accepting their children like this and letting them be who they are is so beautiful. My step-brother is ftm and my step-dad won’t accept him or use his preferred name or pronouns and it’s caused a lot of problems with our family.

[@teydegennaro]

im so sorry, that's terrible. I hope everything works out, my parents accept me for who I am, I feel so bad it can't happen for everybody (they still don't understand 'they' pronouns yet, but they're working on it! )

[@bokunojinsei]

I'm so glad to see that some children are getting this kind of support now--that some are getting the opportunity to be who they are when they're younger. I didn't have that chance. It's good to see that there are those who get it.

[@ebaymotorhomes]

Your parents did it to you, boku. You're a shill.

[@haloorion405]

I came out when i was 14. I was so terrified of how my parents, or my friends, would react. I wasn't ever a masculine person, but I was still scared. Four years later, almost two on HRT, and I know coming out was the best thing I ever did. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me more than anything else, a sister who loves me just as much (in a completely different way), and a family that supports me as much as baby boomer Presbyterians can. I'm so so happy for my situation, and I hope every other trans person who reads this gets the transition I'm having.

[@aylbdrmadison1051]

You have so much to proud of. Peace and prosperity to you. ^-^

[@teydegennaro]

I'm so proud of you! I came out at 12 as genderfluid, and my family accepts me for who I am, luckily. My transition is very different from a normal binary tranformation, because since my gender fluctuates, I have a boy's haircut and boys and girls clothes and shoes, and bras and binders. I feel so lucky to never have to go through surgery for my gender, and I hope anybody out there who does have to has a amazing transition and recovery! -love, the genderfluid kid💚✌️

[@femboyrules7594]

Nice and thanks for shaving your story. You're doing a great warrior.

[@marciaosullivan3200]

@@teydegennaro 12 wtf

[@marciaosullivan3200]

@@madisonboni9973 advice don't make up genders and confuse gender with personality

[@khristiantoelupe8354]

💕💕💕 as someone who’s transitioning in her early 20’s, my parents both told me they could tell I was different from the get go. After I came out late last year, 2019, they were not shocked at all. Now living as my true self, hormones, weave, makeup, etc. they’re starting to see me more and more now. Their oldest daughter, only daughter, thriving, and still taking the lead like she has always done in the past with her younger brothers, I’m doing a lot better now!

[@meganmueller]

I cried from beginning to end. When I was 5, I told my mom I wanted to be a girl. She discouraged me multiple times, until I started repressing it. It took 33 years and the death of my mom to finally overcome that repression and start transitioning. I'm happier than I've ever been now, but my mom never got to know who I really was, because she was so committed to me being who she wanted me to be.

[@comajuice]

Whilst i understand she calls her daughter by her deadname and uses male pronouns for artistic reasons, i do want parents or people in general who are watching to please not do this to trans people you know.

[@errrkt]

Yeah I had the same thought, but it helped me understand her perspective as a Mother going through the journey with her daughter.

[@aninbadra]

I was thinking the same! It was a bit uncomfortable, but I guess to reach out to more people some adaptation was required. I don't know. Hopefully Ryder's opinion was asked

[@leo-kl9nh]

yes! i commented about this. its so weird that she shares her deadname and uses he/him

[@Hoclem]

I don't want to accuse anyone of gatekeeping, since this is a highly personal issue. That being said, I believe that just being part of the trans community does not give someone the grounds to speak on behalf all trans people's experience. I think that it comes down to the trans person that you're specifically speaking about, what their preferences are, on a case-by-case basis. Like, if my family were to misgender me by referring to me as a little boy in the past, I would understand. Because they truly remember me as being that, regardless of how I felt inside. This is unique to me, though! It's a complex psychological task when you have been taught the gender binary for 20 40 or 60 years. I think we need to have some compassion for the people just trying to learn, trying to make us feel comfortable. But we also have to remember that they are people too, and as much as we have struggled, it isn't ALL about us. It's a 2 way street. But again, if someone prefers not to be deadnamed or have their past pronouns brought up, then they are entitled to that! The uncomfortable truth is, however, not everyone is going to respect that. And if they don't respect it, they really aren't respecting you. So it's up to you how to respond to that. I DO think your message comes from the right place, which is your heart, and that makes me happy. I wish you all the best

[@isMrPopoBlack]

Parenting with real love and acceptance, what a novel idea. We need more of this in the world.

[@sadsparkii]

we actually do

[@meagan8666]

So very touching. I shouldn't have listened to this at work...I couldn't stop the tears. This really spoke to me. What great parents.

[@IceNixie0102]

YES I'm only three minutes in, sitting at my desk sorting paperwork, and my trying to cry silently so no one will notice.

[@ihatethisusernameupdate]

@Ddot Norreh You didn't even spell crocodile right

[@ihatethisusernameupdate]

@Ddot Norreh True, it doesn't help you become any smarter or nicer.

[@ihatethisusernameupdate]

@Ddot Norreh It's really funny how you try to excuse it as the truth when it's really just you wanting to be mean and edgy. Your opinion isn't a fact so don't act like it is. Grow up.

[@ihatethisusernameupdate]

@Ddot Norreh Uh, hello? You clearly can't see her face. You can't know if she cries or not. Sometimes people get emotional by videos so you can't know for sure.

[@watcherboy2723]

People who don’t understand or “agree” with non binary or gender fluid should listen to people’s stories. I used to be kinda sketchy about it, but if you listed to people’s stories, you get a better understanding.

[@eeveebeeveeboo]

Yes!! I'm Genderfluid, and people like you are honestly the best. We get pushed the the side a lot, told to pick a gender, etc. It means a lot to have understanding people!!

[@fuckoff407]

@@eeveebeeveeboo you're both clearly female.

[@cooper8184]

“My crown won’t stay on” that mom helped her daughter be the queen she is today 🥰

[@thenumiranasinghe]

Thank you Elizabeth for showing me the perfect person to grow up into. I am 16 and is strictly against gender phobias. The tears this evidence gave me taught me a different reality. Thank you for being a life changer.

[@rotdpj1653]

This is fairly moving to me. I'm a teen that's trying a fierce battle with my parents to help with a mtf transformation. This gives me hope. I'm planning to show this to them, in hopes they'll understand.

[@whalienabi]

I hope everything goes well for you ❤️

[@samanthapatrick4345]

I hope everything goes well for you sending hugs and love your way 🤗🤗🤗💗💗💗☮️🌈🏳️‍🌈🌠

[@whalienabi]

@Tochtli I hope that everything goes well for you, hope the best for you in life!

[@ira__s]

"We learned that sometimes it is in the act of letting them go of the son you thought you knew in order to open your heart to the daughter who was always there."

[@sherlocked776]

I cried through this whole thing, it was amazing, not only for her to accept her daughter as her daughter but also that she was willing to let her "son" play with "girls" things, somehow that's difficult for parents to see as okay still, and just the unconditional love and support and honest struggle, amazing

[@shanasampson3667]

You are amazing parents! I’m mtf but didn’t get to start transitioning until my late 40’s. Four years in l’m so much happier now. A lot has changed in 50 years and I’m so happy for your daughter to be in an family that accepts her!

[@qunrcm591]

Congratulations on your transition! I hope everythings going well! ♥️♥️♥️

[@abbywolffe4114]

I don't know why but the vision of a three year old boy happily skipping through princess dolls and dresses is so heartwarming to me, I'm low-key gonna cry

[@kyrahhanson8084]

I CRIED WHEN SHE SAID THAT SHE FINALLY MET HER DAUGHTER BEING HER AUTHENTIC SELF.

[@janfilbeck6376]

Our 13 year old grandson has become our new granddaughter. Our love hasn't changed but our worries have increased 10 fold.

[@00RaveRat]

Why are you so worried? Not trying to intrude on personal life just seeing if I can help you

[@soulexee]

lol cringe

[@00RaveRat]

@@soulexee be quiet, these grandparents are by far one the most accepting people ive seen on this platform. Let them be and realize that maybe somethings are best let alone

[@soulexee]

@@00RaveRat lol cringe

[@Xilotl]

We start young. When I was a year old, I played with cars (I didn't know until an uncle told me). I went through a journey, and now, I'm transmasculine.

[@1c0nic_player]

damn there are a lot of categories and stuff is there like a list with descriptions somewhere?

[@Jazxtsy]

ok but y is that little picture of ryder hold his toy so cute, im deadass crying

[@oliviakorotki6527]

An absolutely amazing woman and mother.

[@DaarthNox]

I wish that I had a mom like you when I was growing up. I am 29 years old, and I have been hiding who I really am for the majority of my life, because growing up I was punished for wanting to be more like a girl. It happened over and over again, until i gave up. I gave up trying to be me from the age of 7 or 8, until the day before Christmas 2018 I told my wife, shes tells me, "that makes sense". The second week of January 2019, I tell my mom, to this day my mom hasn't said one word to me.

[@HeatherLikesArt]

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing rejection from your mom. That must be so hard. After 29 years it probably was a huge shock to her. I have a son who is nearly your age and came out a short while ago. It was a huge shock to me. I admittedly Have been going through many emotions but I am supporting my child and accepting and loving her. And we'll be ok. Maybe your mom needs time. I'm glad your spouse is more understanding. I hope you get the love and help all you need. It took courage for you to say how you feel and to come out. Hugs from another mom.

[@1c0nic_player]

i hope your mom comes around sorry you have to go through that

[@anastaciav]

“Let’s find something to keep that crown in place “. I love this mom.

[@frog4899]

bro im about to cry i wish all parents were that supportive :')

[@f0na279]

I love so much that she led into her story addressing Ryder as a boy, and then when Ryder told her parents she was a girl Elizabeth addressed her as a girl. Elizabeth didn't question, or explain why she changed the pronouns, she just did. Really puts an accent on how this girl is her true, beautiful daughter. This is so beautiful. What a wonderful mother!

[@sam9470]

This mom is such a great person. When me and my brothers were growing up (btw I’m a girl), my dad refused to let my brothers play with me. I didn’t understand why but they weren’t allowed to play dolls with me, play dress up even tho they wanted to, and when I finally dressed them up(dress and makeup) my dad threw a fit and grounded them. Thinking back on it now it makes me disappointed that my dad was so closed minded.

[@mishmash3968]

Finally a parent who gives their child the right to be themselves. Much love and respect💗 So often I hear parents playing victim because their child is not straight, many speakers now. Our job is to love and support unconditionally, not judge, criticize and play dictator.

[@merkur18]

It is also the job of a parent to discipline, teach, and guide.

[@mikalahh]

@@merkur18 Yes, guide, but there are some things that only a child alone can choose. Like gender, a parent cannot choose their child's gender.

[@endofdays7708]

@@mikalahh a child cannot choose their gender as well, they are born with it, to think that a 4 year old understand the complexity of being a girl that they can decide that they are no longer wants to be a boy and the parents let the baby just do his thing while they follow along, who is leading who here?

[@loishavert71]

@@endofdays7708 If you haven't experienced that yourself, how do you know?

[@thespotteddeer219]

You better believe that little kid is the cutest I have ever seen.

[@mayak8963]

this made me tear up, she's so lucky to have such incredible parents

[@spiralsun1]

Awesome. I am so glad she mentioned the self-acceptance thing. That so could have been a train-wreck. My life was. It started as school refusal and then absolute horror and hatred of school, of myself, and life in general. I literally had vivid fantasies that my people who left me behind on Earth would one day come back for me. Talk about feeling alienated. Yikes. Many years later, many failed relationships later, here I am. I came out a year and a half ago. I cried through the whole video.

[@ItsLunaRegina]

Vivid fantasies that your people who left you behind on Earth would one day come back for you.......I understand that, because I had similar fantasies. It's very interesting to find someone else who has dealt with such a thing too. I hope you're well, and I wish you the best!

[@holland3106]

what a good mom so accepting 🥺🥺

[@specsa.1426]

Wow.. it seems I am reminded every day how much I lucked out in the parental department. I wish my parents were around to write a book on how they raised me. Not that I judge this mom for how she responded to the situation - there are many valid reasons to feel more fear than excitement when things like this happen. But man.. My parents have never hesitated to support me or any other kid they helped raise.. All of us had habits and interests that went against tradition. The only time they’d stop us is if we’re were hurting someone or ourselves, and they never projected their own hurt from confusion onto us. Any time they did get confused, they’d just ask. “Does this make you happy? Is it safe? And you’re not being forced/forcing someone else to do this too? Good, have fun” I hope the world can be full of parents like my own one day. We all deserve humans in our lives who love us for who we are, parents or not.

[@1c0nic_player]

yea im not trans but my parents are also the best

[@tyradarrow-jaime4712]

"& that we were the ones who were confused because we thought he was a boy" LOVE this so much! Elizabeth you're an amazing mom!

[@Sweethart27]

You, my love are what a lot of mothers SHOULD be in this world.... No, this universe! I send you my love for your story, your grace, your love of self and the beautiful love you have for your family! I bow to you from one great mother to another, YOU are the amazing!

[@joukhr]

the fact she's so supportive makes me so happy and emotional

[@hollyperrin7353]

I love how honestly she bears her heart and recounts her true feelings at the time, along with all of the details of these moments. She's so genuine.

[@fifthcarcrash]

strong woman... such a pity that some people hate to celebrate other individual's self acceptance

[@thelobb]

please don't be sad you're an incredible mom. its inspiring

[@xwxnum]

I’m Trans Male Found out at 11 years old Notice something was wrong at 9 years old It was scary I dint accept myself at first but then I started accepting myself and noticing their was nothing wrong with it Ik their is many people who aren’t accepted which makes me feel guilty since I was accepted... If u are accepted I’m here and u can talk to me anytime if u aren’t! U can do it! By the way I came out to my parents at 13 years old My therapist helped me

[@kariwilson7946]

Congrats on coming out! And I'm glad you're getting the support you need :)

[@xwxnum]

Kari Wilson thx u ^^ ✨✨

[@atis9061]

She's lucky to have you. This made me cry. So beautiful.

[@miracleshappen4483]

An outstanding example of parental love: the way it was meant to be!

[@kimbisdoes115]

"MOMMY!!!!!!!!!" Son crys. "What hun?" Mom asks. "MY CROWN WON'T STAY MOMMY!!!!!!!"

[@cockycookie1]

*daughter

[@GermAntibody]

I can't stop crying, you're a good person, I wish I'd had parents like you

[@xxnathxx8549]

Bro this little girl making me BAWL... kids gotta be the cutest and purest form of humanity like no one can convince me otherwise straight up

[@jamietallstone2646]

I’m just so amazed and in awe of this woman and her incredible bravery. It’s so hard to stand up and really admit to all your emotions in a world where she could be labeled as “unaccepting”. This is such an amazing story.

[@maryhakkinen6936]

Wonderful. You ARE the kind of Mom your child needs. Wish all Moms facing this situation were as enlightened and loving as you.

[@SolarpunkVince]

I wish I wasn't so busy with my parents' divorce and having (undiagnosed) ADHD when I was younger and I could have had this I sobbed when she talked about her daughter saying she wanted to be a girl when she was five I wish things were that easy I wish I'd realized this sooner I want to just be a little boy and have "I'm (going to be) a boy" be enough But instead I'm 17 years old, barely out and I struggle to talk about it and am constantly filled with self-loathing and doubt

[@feet4557]

Hope you’re doing better my dude!

[@adaaveryfiadhbogettiperez6716]

So, uh, hot take: don't impose gender on children based on their genitalia. Don't have kids if you aren't ready to raise and support an individual, unique human who is different from you. Please, really think about things before you create a new human, and please consider following the example of these parents, who saw beauty in their child's difference and gave her love.

[@tiffanyw3064]

YOU'RE AN OUTSTANDING MOM. we have two mothers coming to the meetings I go to, parents that support there children are amazing. I started transitioning 2 years ago, I am now 62, my family rejects me being trans, I wish they would try to understand. But I go to a fantastic church, they reflect the love of Jesus to me. Jesus and them make this easy. Tiffany

[@TwitchyMoth]

Honestly as a trans kid people like you are just inspiring. Thanks for being there thanks for being your self. Have a great day and a great life. (I hope your Family will at some point understand)

[@massagebyjustin25]

You are a brave and compassionate woman! Congratulations to you for your love for your child.

[@antioppressiveaction2732]

Isn't she an amazing speaker?!!! Love it- SO Compassionate.

[@jamistarbrite]

I was so touched by this , you did the right thing you loved Rider !!!

[@centraloregonoverland6148]

So very moving. Thank you for sharing so authentically and sincerely. 🙏🏼💙🌈💜🙏🏼

[@Jayden-uu8iw]

this is really sweet and lovely and I'm happy there are parents like this out here that are willing to change their perception and learn to accept their children. ngl I cried at the end, it hit really close bc my mom isnt accepting and I'm currently having to hide my transition behind her back. but its wonderful to see parents like this out here and paving the way for acceptance.

[@swarmsea]

This talk was so amazing! Elizabeth is a wondeful mom and a person.

[@Tktikipunch]

Much love and strength to you. It took so much courage to be out there and I'm so grateful you shared with us. You taught me so much. Thank you.

[@bodbn]

Hey check out this guy virtue signalling real hard.

[@mikalahh]

@@bodbn Um, what?

[@MsMsmak]

I can't wait till these stories are not the sensational TED talks that they seem to be.

[@TwitchyMoth]

What are you tryna say

[@skybloomchannel]

What do you mean by that exactly?

[@clemtheclementine2167]

I think she means that she can’t wait until it’s not unusual for parents to behave like the speaker and for that kind of acceptance to be nothing out of the ordinary.

[@Feisenbach]

@Ddot Norreh Satan? Come on. You know we're in the 21st century, right?

[@mikalahh]

@Ddot Norreh It's 2019, deal with it. Change cannot be stopped, it is inevitable.

[@cassied.6731]

This made me cry, it was so good. I wish every mom was like this.

[@littlebit080780]

One thing I wonder, are there any TOMBOYISH transgender girls? It just seems like anytime you hear of a trans girl as a child, she is ALWAYS extremely fem and girly, likewise whenever you hear of a trans boy as a child, he is always extremely boyish. I just ask, b/c I'm a trans woman, and always knew my gender identity was female even at age 4, I was pretty girly, BUT around ages 7 and 8 I went through a tomboyish stage, I LOVED playing ball, climbing trees, catching bugs, etc.... MANY thought that I was "becoming normal" they would say things like, "See, I KNEW he's ALL BOY!" But even though I enjoyed doing boyish things, I STILL identified as a little girl and it pissed me off whenever ppl would call me a BOY just b/c I liked doing boyish things at that time.

[@virginiahall9054]

+littlebit080780 Yes, there are such trans girls. Many of us hung with the tomboys and therefore hid in plain sight.

[@littlebit080780]

It would just be interesting if there was a story about a young transgender girl who did not really exhibit any social feminine interests, hobbies, behavior, etc... Say a trans girl who had no desire to play with dolls, tea-sets, nor dress up like a princess, but who, rather, enjoyed playing ball, rough-housing, climbing trees, etc.. but STILL claimed to identify as a GIRL. I honestly thing a story like this would be great b/c it would give a chance to explain that one's Gender is strictly fixed in the BRAIN, and identifying as a girl is not really dependent on playing with dolls or dressing up like a princess, but it is, rather simply, IDENITITY. Though likely most trans girls will enjoy typical feminine interests, b/c I think most girls do.

[@virginiahall9054]

+littlebit080780 Yes. I know such a child. "Cathy Trimble," and she was my best friend growing up until the end of 2rd grade when we moved away. We confessed to one another. She was going to grow up "be a boy." I was, of course, headed in the opposite direction. But we were thick as thieves. For two kids who did not want to play with the kids of the genders we did not affirm, in secret we could be ourselves. Part native American she always wanted to play cowboys and Indians--hey, it was the 1950s. We watched TV--well, her TV--they were one of the few families on the block that had one, and we would play the roles of the characters and memorize the lines. We were best friends and kept each other sane in a world where trans-ness was likely a punishable crime. It was she who ran up, excited as could be, telling me that in the headlines Christine Jorgensen had changed her sex! I still have a faded black and white photo of Cathy and me along with Lynn and Jackie leaning against the side of my father's 1950 Studebaker. Lynn and Jackie shy. Me smiling slightly and Cathy grinning ear-to-ear with her infectious smile, head slightly cocked. In a way it was she who taught me to pass as a boy--to use a cap gun and climb trees and such. It has been 65 years since then. I sometime wonder whatever happened to her. I did try to look her up on the internet but I drew a blank. You out there, Cathy? I miss you. It's me, "Virginia!"

[@judithfurmston3731]

littlebit080780 Yep. My girlfriend is a massive tomboy. She grew up on fighty games, skater clothes, toy guns... In her tastes and mannerisms she's very "blokey". She's known she was trans for years and knows it isn't anything to do with her personal tastes.

[@SarahLJP]

I'm a trans woman and I would probably have been considered a tomboy had I been born cisgender. I liked a lot of boy typical things. I also liked some girls things. I remember asking my parents for a doll house when I was young. I had a pretty happy childhood overall. I still always had an inkling that I was different from the other boys. It wasn't until puberty hit that my dysphoria got really bad. I became really miserable but, I pushed it down until I was in my mid 20's. I'd finally admitted to myself that I was transgender. It took a few more years for me to work up the courage to transition. We all fit on the gender spectrum both cis and trans people. There is still some fluidity. I feel that trans girls that come out really young like Ryder are closer to the feminine end than those like me. They feel the dysphoria more strongly at a younger age. I'm assuming vice versa for trans boys.

[@madisonwilliams7365]

Simply Beautiful, a mother who has learned to listen to her spirit and thru that the spirit has blessed her and her family with true Love. Very Inspirational and powerful true Love is...

[@bodbn]

More like hot bullshit if you ask me lady. A sucker is born every minute.

[@sarahlouisestafford2448]

Vipera01 do some research on the subject x u might learn something about it.

[@mikalahh]

@Ddot Norreh So a mom that chose to love her child instead of disowning them like some parents, is a demonic lying spirit? That's surprising.

[@firoificat]

@Ddot Norreh lol... Like you know anything about holy spirits. If a god existed they would want you to love other no matter they're gander or a birth certificate... If that's not god then honestly I'd rather not follow them.

[@1c0nic_player]

@@firoificat lmao ive seen that name (@ddot norreh) a lot i think the acc got deleted all rejoice

[@AlphaMatt1000]

My 13 year daughter just came out and told me she is a boy, and identifies as one. I've been devastated all week, I do not know how to handle this.

[@jackiem6728]

Hey there, this is coming from a teenager who has trans friends and understands the impact that parental acceptance can have on a young trans person. Before I say anything I want to congratulate you and appreciate that you listening to Ted talks like these is a great way to find other perspectives, and you should be proud of yourself for opening your views! I understand it may feel scary or strange to feel like you’ve lost a daughter, but please know that your son loves you and is still the same person, even if things are different from now on. I have no doubt that this time period of your life feels super uncertain, but by continually keeping an open mind about your kid’s identity and listening to how they feel, you and your son will get through this and it’ll help him blossom into a wonderful man. I’m wishing you guys the best!

[@LavaCreeperPeople]

she is a female and will always be

[@jellycat6187]

@@LavaCreeperPeople he was never a girl A trans person is what they choose to identify as and u don’t choose that

[@radubradu]

First you need to realize the trans cult is after your child, saying the child should cut you loose and join their "family" if you don't "affirm" her. So you need to act as if you play along, maintain the trust bond that the trans people are trying to severe. Then, find a good therapist who understand this for the mental illness that it is and try to help your daughter through therapy. Tell her she can socially transition first, but under no circumstances let her mutilate her body as she will never get those body parts back. Have her watch with you videos of detransitioners who have totally ruined their body because if this cult. Look for a support group and ask for advice. You can still save your daughter, do not give up on her.

[@jellycat6187]

@@radubradu firstly not a cult 2ndly I personally think transitioning medically should only come at 18 but certain circumstances means the teenager should transition early if their body dysphoria is rlly bad otherwise it should be held until 18

[@actionismylife]

My heart! I am trying not to cry- unconditional love and acceptance are so beautiful

[@LiamWuzHere567]

This made me cry,I’m hoping to come out soon

[@kitsunerobyn1103]

it's so good to hear stories like this... gender non-conforming youths NEED these kind of environment and resources . . . . . . . . If only the resouces were around and/or readily available when I was young... if my parents would have recognized the signs...maybe I would have not have led a depressed life through childhood... maybe I could have actually got my (accepting but set in their ways) parents to actually use my real name and pronouns... maybe I'd have been able to start my transition earlier... maybe I wouldn't have attempted suicide... or got SO depressed I lashed out and almost put my brother in the hospital (cue 3rd attempt afterwards)... gender non-conforming youths, and parents of said youths, need to hear stories like this, to help them accept themselves/their children...

[@evetownsend3007]

The pictures made me cry so hard with happiness this story is so heart warming how she came over her fear off her son transitioning

[@UnnamedArchive]

Every time I see people who do their best to accept people, it makes my heart feeling warm. Even if people make honest mistakes, I love hearing people genuinely trying to be accepting.

[@markus579]

I'm not trans but I'm a tomboy. I like wearing boys clothes and doing "stereotypical" guy things. However my mom isn't okay with the clothes and certain "guy" things. It's sad because we have such a good relationship I just don't know how to explain that it's ok that I like "guy" things.

[@kaffarghost3223]

You are amazing and wonderfully open. I’m inspired by you to be open minded and not force my children into a mold of what I ‘think/thought ‘ they should be. Thank you for sharing.

[@Ellenslife851]

Such a wonderful mom. Your such a great mamma for supporting your daughter. I feel for Ryder when I was her age I was afraid to be me. But now I’m striving to be the real me my mamma is super supportive and we have gotten closer now since I told her I’m her daughter. I want see all the girls or boys Ryder’s age to be able to express themselves

[@djstuntfox]

Very touching, thoughtful, hopeful, and sad at the same time. What incredible parents she had.

[@NorthernFella]

Love it especially when her daughter said no youre confused as to whether I am a boy or a girl! I am a girl!

[@topgurl9313]

The perfect mother, don't feel any guilt. You did the right thing.

[@daveevans4782]

A beautiful journey, on the verge of tears, thanks for sharing

[@GoldLeafPress]

I respect you and your journey for him and his transitioning!!!!! You are what every mother should be like. Unselfish and actually thinking of their child’s happiness and accept them

[@sleep2483]

I wish parents would stop acting like they're literally losing their kid when they come out as trans. They're not DEAD and they're not different. They're just going to look different. It's not the end of the world

[@maryisabell8760]

hisnamewasSoul It might be the end of their world when they want to change back and can’t . That it was NOT greener on the other side of the fence . When they find out HAPPINESS isn’t what is between their legs . Is all women happy just because we are female or males are all happy because they are men ? Let’s keep things REAL and see things for what they are . Acceptance is ACCEPTING the way GOD made U .

[@maxinefinnfoxen]

@@maryisabell8760 1. less than 1% of transitions follow to detransitions 2. transitioning doesn't even change what is between you legs, transition is usually hormones 3. no one said being their mental gender is the ONLY thing that makes them happy, just a really important one. try pretending to be a man for 15 years, good luck. 4. saying to stay the way God made us is making assumptions. why cant we say we were born trans? it the same thing. please research a topic on BOTH sides before completing your opinion, and God bless you.

[@angelarailey4812]

Children have been being gender neutral for many years at daycare. They choose whatever toys they want during what’s normally called “Center Time.”

[@Prettyboyred336]

This is how I was at 4. I was shunned and punished by my uncle and my mom's boyfriend. My older sister. A tom boy. Was supposed never punished or shunned. I had to learn how to hide, to survive. I'm still struggling to find my place in the world.

[@tashaw.950]

Wow! I'm so thankful that I didn't have to go through any of this. Your a fantastic mom! Keep doing what your doing sweetheart ❤

[@noodlellsouperllboy8879]

she is an amazing mom

[@marcgirouard3217]

I WAS NOT PREPARED TO CRY AT THE GYM TODAY

[@antioppressiveaction2732]

[@AlSidre]

Same 😂😁

[@dragonfly2577]

This was so touching! I’m planning on coming out to my parents as ftm, and I think I’ll show this to them. Thanks for lighting my shadowed path.

[@marlie4872]

This is the most adorable Ted talk, I'm so glad that she accepts her daughter :)