Re-Parenting - Part 35 - Relationships - Part 1

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Parenting involves teaching your child how to choose good friends, be a good friend, and giving them the tools to have a healthy relationship. Complex Trauma greatly works against that in many ways. Why is that? What does a healthy relationship look like?
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[@davidnorman2134]

I'm 47 years old and feel emotionally like I'm 13 years old and all those survival tools hit home to me. Thank you for sharing these things I've never met or heard anyone who seems to understand internally me

[@indigosmyth7475]

Same! I'm 40yrs old but am aware parts of me are a 14yr old girl, but in saying that don't be too hard on yourself, there are people that are 5yrs old inside and never want to grow and never will grow❤

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Thank you so much. I so wish that all of what you know about C-PTSD was widely known, understood, and accepted. ☮️❤️

[@jennifertomlinson7726]

Thank you

[@belindaborja8788]

This guy is depressing!

[@menotyou6254]

I do not find him depressing at all he’s speaking the truth and the truth will set you free.

[@angelicacroitoru4946]

Maybe he's not most cheerfull guy, but for those who had early childhood trauma It makes sense.

[@davidsquire5731]

***At 7:56, Tim says we need to fully accept the other person for there to be a healthy relationship. But this is only a partial truth. Since self-abandonment, or dissociation, is the first survival tool that’s “picked up”, self-rescue is the first “healthy relationship tool” that needs to occur before acceptance of another person is possible. If we don’t start here, we will never be able to fully accept anyone else. Unconditional Love to ALL.

[@Mom_Luvs_Tech]

You’ve changed my life.

[@astronaut6542]

Thank you so much. You nurture and validate my recovery journey. Thank you for that.

[@JoJoJo789]

Your work is amazing, thank you for all of your VALUABLE content. The world needs people like you 😄

[@verumbellator6899]

Thank you for all that you do for the the lost souls in this world. You are much appreciated.

[@smilingfawn1594]

My Picker is Broken !!!!!!!

[@PuntedKitten]

I'm always impressed by your work, sir. Thank you for your efforts.

[@darias8573]

It's truly amazing that we are not taught from a young age the ABC's of relationships. We are truly clueless about what a healthy relationship looks like, and only when we choose to educate ourselves do we realize how many of our relationships have been unhealthy and how little we know of the basic dynamics of relationships. Thank you so much for these video's. ❤

[@clareryan3843]

So true😣 Im SO GREAT at friendships! Never figured out how to do a long term intimate relationship😳 three years max and Im out of there

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Shame, yes. Such a difficult emotion to deal with.

[@wintabelay9061]

I would go to his church if he was in my neighborhood

[@BookWorm2369]

Great lecture as always. I have listened to dozens of your lectures and they have helped me so much on my healing journey. I am looking forward to diving deeper into the topic of relationships as it is where I would like to grow right now. I'm finally in a place where I can start making attempts at healthy relationships. This is after 5.5 years of diligent psychological work. I find myself more social and more easily reaching out to others; my social anxiety has decreased and I don't feel so intimidated by other people anymore (my shame has shrunk!). What I seem to struggle most with is if I am repeating my same relationship patterns or if I'm changing them. I'm usually good at spotting where I need to make changes and seize the next available opportunity to do this, but with relationships I feel stuck. I know that I get anxious about being in relationships because Im still learning the skill of setting boundaries. So I will get anxious about becoming overwhelmed in a relationship, but I remind myself that I can set boundaries and it will be ok. The part where I struggle is I'm worrying that I'm pushing away people who might be good for me and that I'm still giving people who are not good for me a chance to get close to me. I second guess myself repeatedly when it comes to these relationship scenarios. I believe myself to be a fearful avoidant attachment style, working toward secure. I have stopped all attempts at dating and I'm focusing on myself and my children, which sounds good, but am I just avoiding relationships? I feel really good right now by building my life and having routines that keep me grounded. Should I just stick to that until I feel a more solid sense of self? Thanks again 🤗

[@melissad.6722]

wow this message is God timed for me!

[@Spritual-life-lessons]

17 K ppl watched and so many less likes, how is that even fair? His podcast literally changed my life !!!!

[@emusic96785]

Another terrific presentation of a complex topic 👏🏽

[@mariacliment2767]

The best video I have ever watched about cptsd

[@georgieeve2026]

Thank you :) ♡ 🙏

[@theindigopickle]

Here's the rub.. you have to work on your healthy character, healthy attachment styling, etc. before you can be in a healthy relationship. And.. there are particular attachment styles, narcissistic tendencies, that really come out with full force within an intimate relationship. Heal this inner discord, (by yourself) wounds that are typically only truly seen whilst in an intimate (unhealthy) relationship.

[@bevsofroniuk1193]

so many tools to discard...relearn...

[@doriannemosich232]

So this is why relationships are so hard thank you for the truth the tools the guidence to start again!!! Thank You TIM!

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

I have struggled to watch this a bit simply due to some sound quality issues. I hear a high pitched noise all the way through. Just FYI.

[@natalyorlova5690]

Thank you so much! ❤❤

[@KBArchery]

You are an absolute angel! A minister of healing. Thank you for these videos. My husband and I are learning so much!!

[@thebluebutterfly5177]

We have this dynamic of earning love sadly with my children. My parents, despite their own work, is still heavily and deeply in conditional love. But I don’t know how to healthily manage getting away from that and not be taken advantage of.

[@aaa-e5g]

Something I have found in trying to have some kind of relationship with my parents is to have brutally realistic expectations (of them), and very clear boundaries in my own mind (for myself and my parents) before any contact is made. As parents I do believe they tried, and did provide for all of my physical needs - but not a single one of my emotional needs. Ever. I could never go to them for help with anything other than the physical. I don't know how your parents' growth is going but it's great that they are trying; other than a vague blanket apology for "anything I f*d up" a while back from my father, my parents have not changed at all... they have no emotional intelligence whatsoever. So coming to my point, I have found it helpful to fully expect them to not be there for me in any way that truly matters. In a way, I mean to accept them for who they are - and that includes their many and varied limitations. We talk only about superficial things or physical things... and that is a boundary I have set for myself, I simply will not discuss anything deeper with them as I know it will be dismissed, invalidated or flat out ignored in the same manner as any of my emotional needs ever were... something which has been tremendously harmful throughout my entire life and recovery. Contact has become (just) bearable since I made the conscious choice to not ever expect, ask for or share more with them. In your case, I guess, it's "meet them where they're at", and develop very clear boundaries with yourself about what is harmful to you and what you need to do to stay safe from that part of them in your recovery and life.

[@JMSsssssss]

Thank you for fixing the audio ❤️

[@playsavedthechild.2848]

Excellent Talk Tim. Thanks for extending these templates of thought and being on this platform. Be blessed.

[@bartwudarsky4406]

Tim you are my savior. You deserve a noble prize for all your videos. I wish during anger management this stuff was incorporated. It is an eye opening experience seeing why we have the emotional problems within ourselves. Please keep up the good work! Please keep spreading this so important information to everyone!

[@Spritual-life-lessons]

How can anyone gives unconditional love? We have a need from the other person and so they have, I understand the part of being equal. But I don’t understand unconditional love.

[@motherbear327]

I'm a tad confused. He says 12 needs, but I have 19 written down from the slides.

[@joeskys2362]

I thought being super responsible is a good thing. How can it be a bad thing.

[@davidnorman2134]

And this stuff your sharing has ruined my relationships, I just feel like I have zero relationship skills and just stuck in this sick behavior cycle.like a merigo round

[@PuntedKitten]

Are you willing to tolerate that feeling and put in the work? I know the feeling and I suspect many others watching this have the same feeling, but that feeling isn't destiny. We may need to grieve our losses, but I think if we manage to get a foothold and stick with it, we might get somewhere.

[@primalumina]

Mulțumim!

[@christyjones3590]

Big hug

[@angierox6964]

Thank you so much 🙏🏼

[@Vee0777]

Thank you Tim, it's a weird how i found you channel, but your explanation about complex trauma and then about relationship is so helpful And i thank God for what you are doing, it's such a blessing because many of us doing mistakes not knowing the reason why

[@menotyou6254]

I have learned that People and situations that feel familiar to the past it’s my warning to either proceed with caution or exit completelyI. It’s a beautiful journey and if the change has to happen with me then that means it’s definitely possible it’s exciting actually. Mahalo

[@annamaria9899]

This is so sad.😢 I am healing 4 years, but I have the feeling like I am just at the beginning or havent begun.😢

[@joostvanherpen3138]

all my ex girlfriends also had no father in their life, I have often thought about how that is possible.

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

its all sounds good but very hard to change, and i am depressed and discouraged!!!

[@olgakim4848]

Yes, very hard, indeed. But very possible. You can do it!

[@lawrenceleclerc6664]

@@olgakim4848 maybe

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

We’ll get a positive vocabulary start smiling. You can do it!

[@ChrisOgunlowo]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@yuliyacoello5391]

This is gold!

[@HeartlandShepherds]

Thank you Tim, your videos are really helping me.

[@lucicaoanea8485]

God bless you! Your life is a real bless for us.

[@maguyjabbour5896]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@anitabubic6094]

Bravoooo