Author Mel Robbins explains the 'Let Them' approach to living

Award-winning podcast host and bestselling author Mel Robbins joins TODAY to share her new book “The Let Them Theory: A Life Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t’ Stop Talking About” that encourages people to find peace in what’s in their control and what's not in their control. Robbins also opens up how writing the book “saved” her relationship with her daughter, Sawyer.
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#melrobbins #advice #author

[@melisasv]

This is what the serenity prayer is all about. Nothing new, but her language may help other people

[@emiliaescobar7652]

Exactly, a lot of people go through life with ups and downs, this has been going on for years, and some people realize at one point in their lives, they have to let things/people go, just like the serenity prayer that's been around for ever!

[@marytheresejacksonlutz2533]

Thought the same. Let Go and Let God

[@rr7firefly]

Yes, for a lot of people, unless wisdom from old sources is updated to suit the mindsets and lifestyles of people today many of them can't figure it out. Plus, many people like to plug into what they see as a trend.

[@maevey3]

That's what she said in this piece

[@nylabrookes]

​@@maevey3Right she literally said this in the video!!

[@dawnwolfe9465]

As a therapist, I believe the "Let Them" approach, while empowering in some contexts, can be polarizing because it risks prioritizing self-preservation over genuine connection. While boundaries are essential, true healing and growth often emerge from leaning into discomfort, fostering empathy, and exploring the deeper "why" behind others' behaviors rather than simply stepping back. In today’s world, where polarization and disconnection often dominate, the "Let Them" mindset reflects a broader societal trend of prioritizing individual boundaries over collective understanding.

[@mariee.5912]

That's why we need to read the book or have the guidance of a professional.

[@wolftress2503]

Fellow therapist here and I agree. Especially in this age of entitlement and being very I focused.

[@wwlt.trevor0512]

I assumed it meant to be applied during a very heated moment. But, yes, I agree with you on the points you made. Both perspectives should be taken into consideration.

[@susanb5058]

I agree with you completely and appreciate your comment.

[@beyerlearningsolutions6819]

Ahem. Attention to all you psychologists. Let HER do her thing and you go do yours.

[@9liveslisa]

I use "go with the flow". It reminds me to stay chill and carry on no matter what is happening.

[@Pstrawberry-t7s]

I like that!

[@donnapaulina_1234]

Many years ago, I was always curious to understand why when so many other people resonated with what someone was saying or teaching, like Mel Robbin’s for example, I often wondered why I simply didn’t or don’t. Then I stopped wondering and just accepted it. Having this acceptance, without trying to evaluate or criticize myself or the other person - that was and still is an amazing feeling. And I’m still always wishing the other person the best for them. ✌🏽❤️

[@janetbeatrice9505]

Sounds like a nice version of "let them" 🙂

[@AvalonMisty]

"Let Them - Just Let Them" poem by Cassie Phillips If this poem in any way influenced Mel's thinking and writing...ethically Cassie Phillips should be acknowledged for her work's contribution.

[@diamonds0613]

I agree

[@SuperSilverJay]

This needs to be everywhere. It is shocking to me she is promoting this as if it's her original idea

[@vonettadevo]

I just started the audiobook and don't find the idea is a radically new concept or anything I haven't heard before but can see its appeal to people, especially as they start a new year of reflection. Just brush it off, keep it moving, no one has time for drama, never let them see you sweat, the only person you can control is yourself. All things we've all heard before that speak to the same idea. I think she is simply putting a spotlight on this mindset and bringing it to the masses in a way that will get a lot of traction, not saying that she originated the concept. She did mention the Stoicism philosophy, which is to focus on what you can control and accept what you can't. So it seems like she is simply popularizing a well-known mindset in a way that will obviously get a lot of her fans, old and new, on board.

[@maevey3]

"If" being the operative word.

[@maryannsimms7189]

She has acknowledged many times that she didn’t come up with this concept and plays it by many different ideas and theories that came before.

[@shinebabyshine.]

This immediately reminds me of "Let Them - Just Let Them" a poem by Cassie Phillips, which went viral in the past few years. I think her work should be acknowledged by Mel

[@CynthiaAva]

Yes, I immediately thought of that when I saw the title of the book.

[@izahhhhh]

Same! Like, is she really going to take all the credit? I haven't read the book, but it's pretty shameful if she took someone else's work and not only built upon it (which is great) but acts like she's the one who can take all the credit.

[@jessjenkins5474]

There's an article online about exactly that. It was a bit eye opening 😮

[@HilarySilver]

She deserves more than just getting credit- Mel literally stole the IP of someone who is a virtual nobody compared to her and took it as her own. IMO it's outright theft. We all need to help bring this to light.

[@ajordan1847]

Whoa, if this is true. Very disappointing. Mel should give credit, because it's not a new concept. Not sure how IP works. But if there are strong similarities, then that's an issue.

[@hair399]

I LOVE THIS BOOK! Had an opportunity to put this theory into action this morning while driving on a busy unfamiliar road. I got pulled over by a traffic cop for driving too fast in a school zone. Somehow, I didn't notice the flashing school zone street lights and thought I was driving the speed limit. Needless to say, I was not happy about getting a traffic ticket, especially first thing in the morning, but I was listening to Mel on audiobook at the time and instead of getting upset with the kinda rude cop, I just said "let them and let me". The lesson for me was to pay closer attention to traffic signals when driving. This simple practice on my part completely changed the outcome of my day. Thanks Mel!

[@vonettadevo]

That's great, and it saved you a lot of stress if the situation had escalated.

[@janetbeatrice9505]

That is NOT an easy situation in which to apply this. Admirable!

[@AshishShrivastava-q6i]

You didn’t realize that you had to pay attention to traffic signals when you were driving? Really? that’s a lesson? Where did you learn to drive?

[@janetbeatrice9505]

@@AshishShrivastava-q6i That's unrelated to her comment. It's easy to miss the flashing lights in school zones, but again - she offered an excellent example of using this technique well.

[@hair399]

As my grandma would say "Bless your heart"​@AshishShrivastava-q6i

[@jovandavidovic1]

Yeah... Let people be who they are. You cannot control their thoughts or the way that they act. Save your energy and focus on yourself. 😊

[@rutzybaby]

That is soo TRUE! I've been taking over responsibility and making myself overburdened with stuff that's not even mine! I just realized I just need to let them! You're awesome Mel. I will be optimistic just like you or the least try to! ❤

[@juliadonovan5798]

Live and let Live!

[@CariGomar]

Love the Let Them theory ❤

[@Faith_and_Hope_07]

Without even watching this video yet, Mel is the best!! Transparent. Honest. She gets me. That's my friend as she says in her intro. God bless her. Bring her back to syndicated TV if she wants though she probably has a lot more freedom to speak the way we follow her on KZbin and the podcast. Whatever gives her the best platform but the freedom to be who she is ❤

[@emily16338]

she makes it so simple and easy to understand which makes her AMAZING

[@jillcytryn2621]

So amazing.. I have been working on this for so long, , saying "don't give them the power" but Let them is easier to remember!!

[@juliadonovan5798]

The Serenity Prayer!

[@christopherwanamaker828]

A similar thought process and lesson I came up with a couple of years ago as I was turning 35 was that as I get older I will say and do things that other people who I'm surrounded by will not understand, like, or agree with and that's not my problem, that's their problem. There closeminded negative thoughts, feelings, and opinions have absolutely nothing to do with me. So, "Let Them" think, feel, and voice their opinion all they want, I just don't have to listen or care because that's my choice. If they like me great, if they don't who cares, its not a big deal. Love and believe in yourself first and foremost!

[@kristirichards2249]

Mel is the greatest. Right up there with Tony Robbins!

[@lydiafomuso7168]

I love Mel. I have followed her for a couple of years now!

[@noemisolano4748]

I didn't know people where getting tattoos saying the name of Mel's book. I have shown Mel's anxiety videos that are on KZbin in my groups. I can relate to Mel as I have anxiety too. Change comes when people change themselves. I learned I can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I'm learning I have to help myself more because it's something no one else will do or can do

[@Coolcatz2500]

I love Mel Robbins, congrats on your new book!!

[@pritiohara9025]

I'm so so proud of mel❤

[@BH-ns9xg]

I love it. She’s amazing!

[@GM-yq9du]

Geez, wish I’d thought to put this in a book. Fair play to Mel, never underestimating how people need different avenues to get to the same place. Like many others have said here.. this is the Serenity Prayer, that my grandmother and most of the houses I visited as a child, had hanging on their kitchen wall. I guess with every generation, it gets increasingly difficult to block out the noise and remember the basics that your gut tells you if you choose to listen.

[@cynthiaholland13]

I ABSOLUTELY need to read this

[@Range3333]

Love what Mel is saying ❤

[@misottovoce]

Three concepts that have impacted my life: Not my circus, not my monkies (a Polish saying), It is not my business what other people think of me. And The Serenity Prayer. I'll add another: I AM.

[@christinedlgRGV]

I have read and re-read a book called LET GO NOW by Karen Casey, which speak to this concept from the POV of co-dependency/AA and spirituality and it has been profoundly impactful. I share it with anyone who could use some support in taking a step back from the compulsion to help others fix things in their life. AND, like Mel, learning to "Let Go" with certain parts of my relationship with my daughter -- from about 14 to 22 year old -- allowed both of us to get space when we needed it. She's 25 now and we have the most wonderful loving relationship.

[@markuserikssen]

She's got a point, she's an icon, she's a legend and she is the moment

[@dmwhite5]

Excited to get a copy of this book!

[@georgiafrancis9059]

In a nut FIX what you can and ACCEPT what you can't change or control.--------------Thus "let them"...... besides, if you try to change them, they will dig their heels in like you couldn't imagine and will just laugh at you for trying to control them. LET THEM

[@annefitz7346]

Hey Mel. So happy for you! Congrats

[@TerryWadeThompson]

Much love ❤️ Mel. Great mindset and interview.

[@brookeshipman9968]

❤❤❤❤❤ 11-8-20 clean for 4 years ❤

[@cosmic_pursuit]

Good job!!

[@liannefranklin3235]

Wow! brilliant advice.

[@HilarySilver]

Cassie Phillips actually created and started the Let Them Movement in 2019 and then wrote a poem in 2022 that went viral.

[@angeslinda]

Looking forward to reading the book. A powerful message. ⭐️

[@joynulisch4227]

Isn’t there a poem Let Them?

[@kmillard81]

what we resist persists

[@thaliaventouris3855]

And what you look at, goes away.

[@lindafuller446]

The Prison of Need Kapil Gupta Same idea, extremely helpful!

[@mtjoy747]

I think my father did this to a degree, Let Them I mean, sometimes when it looked like I was making a mistake with whatever, Dad would explain why HE thought I was going to do something wrong, but then he would "let me" learn from my mistakes, like giving you a very good chance to get out of it, but if you don't, and get burnt, you understand why.

[@denisericcardi4902]

I think Mel is brilliant and has helped many people. She has created a great product in herself. Just remember she has created a persona of relatability when in reality she has made millions $$$ from her self promotion. The Let Them theory is not her idea nor is it her daughters idea. As another person has noted this originates from Cassie Phillips. And anyone who has friended Oprah is a hard no for me😣

[@dorothytenute2710]

Do you know from a fact that she has read Cassie Phillips? Also she never said it was her daughter's idea. Her daughter was responding to how Mel was behaving with her controlling nature

[@musikalitet]

Let Them ….. it is a fantastic inspiring poem written by Cassie Phillips ….

[@Phillyall]

It's literally the serenity prayer. :)

[@misottovoce]

'Literally' not (which means exactly)...but carries the same message as the Serenity prayer, yes.

[@marysmith6000]

There's no god involved so no, it's not.

[@richardpvancouver7520]

Mels pretty cool .I say the serenity prayer often .It's tough especially in this age of entitlement to accept that you can't control other people's behaviour.

[@NicoleAZ145]

This like the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k. Also the serenity prayer, live and let live, etc. This is not a new concept, but I hope it helps people.

[@anaarias9089]

You go girl!!!!🎉🎉🎉

[@YdnickniL]

Life changing quote.

[@Ttingey01]

Yes Mel and Sawyer!!! Great job!! I bought five books - one for me and four for loved ones! Thx!! ❤❤❤

[@agoogleuser3905]

Love her

[@ericacasey2547]

I just love her

[@KathKeel]

This is so good! Thank you.

[@Jhennieten]

I love that I can use let them to let go of stress. Someone steal your sandwich? Let them. Someone spit on your coffee? Let them. Someone is using your online identity? Let them!

[@dorothytenute2710]

No, that's not what it is about

[@NotWhoYouThinkThisBe]

😂

[@tkazeck]

Does she really think the let them theory was her original thought? That theory has been around in psychology for decades. Including being a French theory for raising children. I’m all about the book but don’t act like you invented the theory. Plus that fact that Mel didn’t acknowledge Cassie Phillips…plagiarism

[@beyerlearningsolutions6819]

Congratulations! Well deserved 🎉

[@donnamoore6520]

It's so funny how we learn from this young Germination. Because I have heard my daughter say this. Let them let me Thank you my dream last night I was worried about every thing I said yesterday. And then I woke up to this Amen every thing Left.Dont cry I am crying.

[@marilynwhite6286]

Sooo good! Let them...✌

[@anntoinettesasenbery7119]

Wow- wonderful - thank you 🙏🏻

[@violetfrankson5924]

Amazing ❤🎬

[@joshremington]

i love Mel

[@Robin-mj6jv]

Cassie Phillips!!!!!!!

[@Psmcdoug]

Of course Mel is right. She is reminding people what Viktor Frankl taught the world after WWII in his book, Mans Search for Meaning.

[@gabbernardo5455]

The best 🎉🎉

[@fembot521]

She did not come up with this. I can’t believe she is profiting off this.

[@jessjenkins5474]

It's a tad awkward 😮

[@LILERICNYC]

Exactly my thought!

[@mimimoungovan9238]

She is an entirely different person than she was a few years ago. So good to see.

[@lmperez1665]

I think Mel is right. I could write a book like hers. It would be titled, “ Leave them alone” or maybe “ Mind your own business.” Same concept right?

[@NotWhoYouThinkThisBe]

I think it's more like, "Let them believe what they want. I know what's right for me."

[@safourasalami]

Mel is so loveable lady ❤❤❤

[@gerrydooley951]

Mel just shakes her head when complimented, doesn't say thanks. She is a grifter. We have always had these self help people in popular culture Norman Vincent Peale, Werner Erhard, Wayne Dyer. What she is saying is just the Seinfeld, "serenity now" and also, you can't control what other people do.

[@AkhilaBeatstv]

She's Amazing. thank. you

[@geraldineyoung1554]

Absolutely stunning

[@SighDown]

This is not a brand-new theory at all - it’s ancient. Zen Buddhism, for example. Another example: ‘Let Go and Let God.’ This whole thing reminds me of ‘The Secret’ book craze. However, this new one may speak to certain people, so it does serve the greater good.

[@vonettadevo]

Yeah, maybe it's bringing this concept to a whole new audience, and it will be beneficial to them. Not a new idea, but she's making it very accessible and easy for her fans, who are a built-in audience, and new fans who are discovering her for the first time.

[@Itstonytime77]

This is just buddhist philosophy

[@rr7firefly]

Thank you for bringing some light into this consumerist culture. Here we have a new book and everyone is going to buy it. (Pandemonium!) . So much easier to be spoon fed than to look into something profound.

[@1Phedre]

100% it's Buddhist philosophy. And very useful!

[@lten01]

She acknowledged that

[@sethtravis2137]

I’m on chapter 7!

[@rr7firefly]

And your life now has been salvaged?

[@BambiBryant]

How’d you get it so early!

[@vonettadevo]

@@rr7firefly What is this comment for? Like, why?

[@rr7firefly]

@@vonettadevo I'm asking for indications that this book might be worthy of investigation. Okay? (is it worth buying?)

[@vonettadevo]

@@rr7firefly Your comment read as sarcasm/cynicism to me, not as genuine interest in how valuable the book was or you would’ve said that.

[@enjoylongbeach]

"let them" buy my book.

[@srich9016]

Yes thought the same thing. I immediately thought of Let Them by Cassie Phillips written I think in 2008. Shame she doesn’t get some credit. Guess you have to have friends like Oprah to make you famous. Like Dr Phil and Dr Oz.

[@siat11]

Nothing new in this "let them" concept. Im not sure what all the hype is about.

[@vonettadevo]

It's not new, and I was wondering as well, but decided to listen to the audiobook to check it out. I can't say it's anything profound but it does drive home the idea of letting things go and freeing yourself.

[@dorothytenute2710]

She has an ability to write in a way or break things down for people that they can see how to apply to their everyday life. People that haven't been exposed to Buddhism, Stoicism, Serenity Prayer, etc., can start to apply some of the principles so it is reaching a broader audience. That's all

[@vonettadevo]

@ I agree, she’s applying these age-old philosophies to modern problems in a way that’s relatable. As I listen to the book more, I can say I like the way she presents it.

[@AllisonSherman7]

Amazing-video! My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life as anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I'm saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him...

[@BonnieSetliff]

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about two years ago, but I could not let him go, so I had to do all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring him back, now we are back together, and I must say I am enjoying every moment!

[@AllisonSherman7]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach one.?

[@BonnieSetliff]

His name is Owen Abiola, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...

[@AllisonSherman7]

Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked him up online. impressive.

[@lavangadevidasi5926]

Bogus. If someone leaves you you can’t manipulate them to get them back. Even if you manage for sometime they will leave you again unless the reason why they left you in the first place is resolved

[@joaquinben4458]

Let Them!!!

[@twilderlm2559]

I'm not dealing w any1 stuff any longer... been decided this. Which is y I stay n my own life.

[@marktaylorauthor1000]

I read one of Mel Robbins’ earliest books. It had a lot of good stuff. But she’s a professional self help coach. She only has a job if she can keep coming up with “new” self help concepts. The high five theory, the 3-2-1 theory, the “let them” theory. They seem like helpful concepts but these are blog posts or articles. But then she makes them into brands and marketing campaigns

[@k8tiebee]

I feel like Mel Robbins has basically taken the 12 Step program and rebranded it and made it seem like an “a-ha” moment ~ Let them let me is a take on let go and let god ~ the Al-Anon 12 step program emphasizes allowing others to choose what they want while placing the focus back on yourself and acknowledging you always have a choice

[@donnamoore6520]

Thank you I need this let them and let me . I will be in more control. I listen to you alote let them.and let me.

[@angelasmith1112]

Jesus is the answer.

[@petra_daniels]

good on you girl

[@allisona337]

Is this from them poem by Cassie Phillips ? Should you give her credit Mel

[@MaggieMiller1]

Serenity now - Mr. Constanza

[@Eleef7562]

My spouse has turned into cruel and abusive emotionally. It wears me down as i have to explain things always. I have quit my job to support him and most of the difficult times in his life. Now that i have got opportunity to find work after along time , though it feels daunting to start everything from the beginning. He's well off now for the sacrifices i have done for him. But he forgotten how much i"v gone through coz of him. I cant focus anything a day as he tries to bring his past life and it will all spoilt our relationship. I dont know why he do this. But i have no one to support me but im trying to come up. How can i let go of this situation and cope up .

[@jackiecolbert3915]

Amen ❤

[@Mark_R_Tho]

This is not new. She did not discover this “new theory” that’s taking the internet by storm. Byron Katie has been teaching this for DECADES. And as other people have commented, it’s essentially the Serenity Prayer. I love Mel. But she brands these “theories” as her own mind blowing discoveries to sell books. And that rubs me the wrong way.

[@makesnosense6304]

Saying "Let Them" assumes you were in control over something in the first place. Why would you do that?

[@thekingjamesversion]

🖤🖤🖤

[@vonettadevo]

Wrong daughter (Kendall was the one she talked about in the beginning in the book about her son's prom, not Sawyer). Honest mistake, it happens. In any case, listening to the audiobook now and liking her message, very empowering.

[@melissawatson9662]

If I was Kendall who made the original comment why is Sawyer with her promoting the book and wrote it with her??

[@vonettadevo]

@ Because it saved their relationship and other reasons I have no insights into because she didn’t say it in this clip. I don’t know, maybe Sawyer was available and wanted to write it with her.

[@cherylawitherell1800]

She needs to get a talk show again.

[@jordanmcdaniel1398]

Yes

[@melissawatson9662]

I’m very curious, was it Kendall or Sawyer who made the comment to Mel to ‘ let them’ at her son’s prom? I thought it was Sawyer but Mel just said Kendall made the comment??

[@krismorris4010]

Kendall

[@dorothytenute2710]

It was Kendall. Sawyer helped write the book

[@LadyPR1]

I love Mel!

[@christopher3386]

That woman in the background waving every time she's on camera, super annoying.

[@juliadonovan5798]

Let them!

[@evidtr2303]

Let them!

[@rr7firefly]

Where are the pom pom police when you need them? Normally she would already be hauled away in handcuffs.

[@rainbows449]

"Let "them" is a very ancient theory, nothing new.

[@cosmic_pursuit]

Yes, its called Stoicism. She explains that.

[@Jsteiner1974]

This is an anti-Karen, anti-authoritarian idea. I was wondering why so many women were so miserable and so insistent upon getting involved with everyone else's business. It's weird to me that anyone would need to read a whole book in order to understand such a simple concept. If something is outside of your control (and almost everything is), it makes no sense to get too upset about it. This is just common sense to emotionally mature people.

[@301-T-2]

Eh. I read the book. It’s great advice, but honestly it could have been a haiku. I am happy for her though. It appears to have helped her and made her some money.

[@Seanhassall]

This “new theory” is as old as the hills-a repackaging of Greco-Roman philosophies along with insights from 20th century psychology.