Thoughts of a Vulnerable Narcissist | 10 Covert Narcissistic Behaviors & Corresponding Thoughts

[@jolene7277]

They can be extremely kind and polite to strangers in an unfamiliar setting. They don't show their cruel side to everyone.

[@nd612]

Jolene: When I first set eyes on your comment I knew you knew the Covert and I didn't read it all yet. We know this and they are NOT good people. Talk about depth of not caring is some weird sh-t to be around. They just don't care. They will portray delightfulness to a stranger and come home to their partner and alienate, neglect them, ignore them and proceed to do obnoxious behaviors constantly knowing damn well it bothers you. No more because I'm getting pissed off right now. Bye.

[@ellakad6148]

Then threaten them , they fear of you r going to tell to someone

[@zikoha1239]

This!!!!!!

[@marywalsh8438]

My mother...😏

[@SidneyBroadshead]

They like to groom victims. Once they have them on the line or they get bored, they move on.

[@jonesy2892]

Vulnerable narcs really do have that Jekyll and Hyde thing down to an art. It leaves others in a constant state of confusion and anxiety. This is really how they trap their victims. First comes the charm, then comes the evil. It's maddening.

[@cherylcaardillo1702]

Run for the hills

[@cherylcaardillo1702]

Yes Soooo scary it took me 14yrs to know abou this

[@beachbliss9366]

@@cherylcaardillo1702 I didn’t understand my mother is a VN until I was in my mid 40s. It took to age 51 to completely go no contact. And I finally have a life that isn’t pandering to her drama, envy and sabotage.

[@explorer0213]

Abuse is abuse get rid of them. No contact.

[@kathychloe1181]

Every freaking time. I've got to do something

[@SILLYSCHIZOID]

my mother conveniently has forgotten my entire childhood. Of course, well, the axe forgets but the tree remembers.

[@irenemax3574]

Hmm, I reckon the axe remembers delivering the blows that temporarily blunted it, leaving it unusable until it has been sharpened. I can see the axe proudly surveying a forest of limbless trees and stumps...

[@AZDC99]

You got the "It wasn't so bad" LIE. Or my favorite, "That never HAPPENED" sort of revisionism. THESE PEOPLE ARE ABSOLUTELY EVIL. There IS no low they won't stoop too. Blameshifters Inc they all are at the end of the day

[@janycebrown4071]

Some of us need to be our own parent 😢 Love yourself and always honour who you are 💕🤗❣️

[@nataliamach7248]

Both my parents have conveniently forgotten my entire childchood and my sisters :D

[@tyyneviljakainen5108]

well said

[@amiller9628]

They can dish it out but can’t take it. Truer words never spoken!!!

[@jenniferlawrence9473]

It's so interesting to me that almost everyone in the comment section is the victim of the narcissist, but no one is stepping up saying, wow, I think that's me!

[@deena3003]

Its very true. I said that to my ex narc and he went into a narc rage.

[@vasilijenicic6806]

@@jenniferlawrence9473 They like to think of themselves to be more similar to grandiose narcs tho

[@iamwell5654]

That’s my fiancé to a T! So passive aggressive since I moved in. I’m in the process to taking steps to leave. I’m not sure it’s because he’s a covert racist but wants me to control while looking like he’s not racist

[@alisonlee1578]

@@jenniferlawrence9473 that’s because narcissists would never even watch this video

[@sallymc965]

Timestamps for your benefit: 1. Blame shifting 4:21 2. False accusations then playing the victim 6:22 3. Claiming memory problems 7:31 4. Bringing up a sore topic on purpose 8:45 5. Stealing credit for someone else's work 9:50 6. Starting fights for seemingly no reason 10:44 7. Ending relationships without warning 11:47 8. Money flaunting 12:33 9. Acting cold and distant 13:43 10. Temporarily acts confident and dominant in social situations 14:23

[@scott7008]

so if you mirror a Narc, what happens.....because its impossible to handle a female narc, as the law is behind women, and men are dead.

[@saharsin7413]

@@scott7008 In what world law is behind women??

[@scott7008]

@@saharsin7413 italy. Very legally skewed towards women and children

[@saharsin7413]

@@scott7008 I'm in a so called feminist region, Skandinavia. I have a case with a police over a Narcissist man who has raped and abused. I'm telling you police doesn't give a damn at the end of the day. He is just an other white man getting away with everything he has done. So no, when comes to action Law is not behind women.

[@scott7008]

@@saharsin7413 move to italy. You are super protected

[@shelleyboggs]

Narcissists move VERY fast in relationships. It's not uncommon to hear, “I love you", and/or be bombarded with love songs/texts/memes a few weeks after meeting them. By rushing into sex/intimacy, they fast-forward the relationship. They get their targets to fall for them before he/she can realize something is amiss. I believe this is also the reason they tend to be VERY good lovers. Sex is usually the “hook” in toxic relationships. Narcissists lack genuine personalities. So, they mirror their targets. If you find you have “so much in common" with a new person, your likes are their likes, and your dislikes are coincidentally their dislikes as well, raise your antennas! They may be mirroring you. This is the “soulmates" hook… You'll also notice that they'll spend more time telling you who they are, verses showing you. As time goes on, you'll notice the words they used to describe themselves do not fit their personality - at all. But, they will fit YOURS!!! Passive-aggressive behavior and irrational/unexplained anger, are also major red flags. Pay attention to how a person treats you the first time you say, “No”, and/or when things don't go their way… If they give you the silent treatment, grow cold, and/or pull away, do not overlook it! Most importantly, if someone pulls away, or goes silent, after you set a boundary - DO NOT pursue them! This is how they groom you to be the chaser in the relationship. It's emotional abuse/manipulation! Pay close attention to people who portray themselves as victims. NOTHING is EVER their fault! EVERYONE, including the family pet, has done them wrong… ALL of their ex's are “crazy” and mistreated them… They’re great, but no one appreciates said greatness… Simply put, it's bullshit! No one should have a laundry list of bad experiences. If they do, RUN, because they're the common denominator! Narcissists tend to have a history of failed/short-term relationships. Believe it or not, it's hard for Narcissists to find people to deal with them long term due to their instability and poor behavior… Superficial relationships/friendships. I've noticed they don't have anyone they're genuinely close to. This is due to their inability to bond and form true attachments to people. Their relationships are shallow and based on surface-level bs. They'll refer to someone as their bestfriend, but you’ll notice they barely speak. Or, that the person is never really around. Or, only shows up when it's time to party, etc. They may also speak down on/poorly of said “bestfriend” behind their back. Narcissists tend to be condescending, two-faced and downright mean! Based on my experience, they cannot talk about deep subjects (i.e. fears/emotions). Or, how a situation truly made them feel. Or, what their childhood was like in detail… They don't want to go there. I suspect, it's because they can't. They don't know themselves well enough. They can't connect. They also live in a world of dishonesty. They're very dishonest with themselves about who they truly are. A poor relationship with their Mother/primary caregiver. Underlying issues between Narcissists and their Mother's (abuse, neglect, don’t get along, etc.), seems to be common. People that I've known who've displayed strong Narcissistic tendencies, ALL had bad relationships with their Mothers! I think it's worth mentioning, their Mother's also displayed strong Narcissistic traits… I'm fully aware and understand that there are healthy adults who have toxic Mother's. However, if you're spotting several red flags in an individual, including this one, pay closer attention! They're selfish! Some are selfish from the very beginning. Some start out generous and slowly begin withholding. Some act helpless and needy. They manipulate people into doing things for them, but never give back. It's not only financial and material selfishness. They're selfish emotionally, affectionately, conversationally. sexually and with their attention. They withhold validation and support. EVERYTHING has to be about them, their needs, their wants and everything happens on their terms. Anger, rage, silent treatments and disappearing acts are common - when they don't get their way. Pathological lying. Narcissists are professional liars. It's their second nature. If you call them out, they'll have no issue staring deeply into your eyes as they tell another lie! You'll hardly ever get the truth. Even with unchallengeable proof of the truth, they'll hold on to the lie. It's actually quite fascinating to see them in action - once you know what you’re dealing with. They also have the uncanny ability to provoke doubt in their victims (even when you KNOW the truth), because their lies are so convincing! Beware of people who do not seek conflict resolution. Many Narcissists enjoy drama/chaos! Remember, these are high-conflict personalities. Many of them NEED to argue and fight! Peace to a narcissist, is what chaos is to non-disordered people - unsettling. This is why they repeat behaviors that trigger a negative response. They need tension, anger and high/out of control emotions. They're known for calling people crazy, drama queens, insecure, etc., but never admit what they did to provoke those responses. And, when you attempt to discuss/resolve something, THEY said/did, they’ll gaslight, stonewall and/or flip it back on to you. They're extremely disrespectful, rude and lack self-awareness. They have an issue with being called out on their behavior and project/deflect to avoid accountability. “Normal” people want to get along, for the most part. So, they seek fair compromises when conflict arises. Narcissists want to “win” and conflict IS their niche. This is how many Narcissists get their way - they wear people down via conflict. Immaturity. It’s one thing to be playful and lighthearted (in appropriate settings), as an adult. It’s something completely different to be immature. Narcissists suffer from arrested development. They do not know how to respond to situations/people/stress/life appropriately. They have a child-like mindset. They truly believe everything is about them and have no concept of the needs of others. By nature, children are takers. They have no concept of reciprocation. They believe their Parents (and everyone else), exists to meet their needs. When their needs aren’t met, or they don’t get what they want, they become mean and throw tantrums. Narcissists cannot think outside of themselves and their wants/needs - like children. They’re completely unaware that people are individuals with their own agency, needs, wants, opinions... They truly believe people exist to serve them. They believe their job is to receive. They’re children trapped in adult bodies, who cannot consider anything/anyone other than themselves! Above everything I've stated, trust your intuition! Narcissists give off an uneasy vibe. They try very hard to appear cool, calm and collected - on the surface. But, you can feel their energy. It's very off-putting. They also tend to have more noticeable negative qualities, than most people. But, you have to stop justifying and making excuses, in order to see things clearly. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. Observe, listen and trust yourself. No one should be allowed to grant themselves a position in your life. Vet people and YOU decide if they'll be a liability, or an asset, to you. Lastly, take cues from your body. If you ever feel your mood changing, feel anxious or feel your stomach knot up, in the company of someone, don't dismiss it! It could be a sign that you're in bad company!!! Additionally, If you suspect cheating or other forms of manipulation and need to gather evidence for your own peace of mind, you may consider reaching out for assistance. For more information, you can contact: MetaspyHub@gmail. com.

[@victoriadolton4762]

I found what you wrote to be very interesting. My 95 year old father is a narcissist. He is everything that you described... plus! My mom passed a few months ago. She first went into the hospital and was intubated and put on a ventilator. After five days he was so angry. He said to me, "WHEN IS YOUR MOTHER COMING HOME?" "IF SHE'S NOT COMING HOME NOW, SHE DOESN'T NEED TO COME BACK". She needed to go to rehab after the hospital stay, so I stopped by their place (assisted living) to pick up some clothing for her. When I opened up the drawer, I found her clothing cut up. My parent's had been married 76 years. My mom was a lovely person. I know she was afraid of him, but once in the hospital, it was like a light bulb turned on and she felt free. She told me she never wanted to see him again. I gave him that message and she went to a different facility. So the last two months of her life she had peace because I refused to tell him where she was at. I was the scapegoat of the family growing up and the one that was physically abused. He killed my beloved pets. My sister was the invisible child and not abused. Although, she saw alot and now suffers from mental illness probably from childhood trauma. My father told me at great length the other day that he misses my mom. I told him that I never wanted him to talk about my mom EVER again. He said, ok. I only stuck around because of my mom, but now I just go through the motions to pay his bills and not get accused of elder abuse for not overseeing his existence at assisted living. Thanks again for what you wrote. Take care! 💝

[@toniweston4330]

WOW! Very insightful!

[@teresadvorak6145]

Met a spy? I don't know about that name. I hope your not spying on people. If you are really helping people, then thank you ❤

[@edwhatshisname3562]

Things like ASD and ADHD can produce similar behaviors in people, at least from outside appearances, so I would be careful with that. At least when it comes to making conclusions about people. The two can be hard to separate, and unfortunately some narcissists seem to realize this, and either believe themselves to be on the spectrum or will lie and use that as an excuse to cover for their bad behavior.

[@ravindrafernando6087]

Very good description. Cheers !

[@doreenzimmerman7410]

Dr. Grande, as a 63-year-old woman who has been dealing with VN's since the day I was born, I want to thank you for helping me to gain so much clarity in my thinking about all the confusing aspects of my life. Insight is a beautiful thing and I will be forever grateful for your wise words!!!

[@gsafadi2]

Doreen , before you started the treatment, did you had any insight ? Like you knew that something was off ?

[@doreenzimmerman7410]

@@gsafadi2 , Sandra Wegman is correct but I will say that I knew something was off in my life for many years but I always thought it was a very tangled web of specific circumstances and personality traits coming together in a unique way. It was not until I heard the term "covert narcissist" (or vulnerable narcissist as Dr. Grande prefers) that a light went on. From listening to Dr. Grande, I have gained a perspective that has taken a lot of weight off my shoulders.

[@gsafadi2]

@@doreenzimmerman7410 i know how it feels. 😊

[@sara-zx4wu]

I feel so happy reading this. If I'm Being honest I'm thinking off My own mother who is the same age, and throughout the years became more and more beaten down due to these People. She is a Beautiful soul, My biggest wish is for her to be able to see things for what they really are. This is what i would say to her: I hope you found you're way back to who you really are, know this core off you was never lost. I see you Always, please reach out' and join me in a world without fear.

[@mareksumguy1887]

Doreen Zimmerman careful, now... Dr “Grand” is actually a covert narcissist.

[@Herr.P]

They are so damn good at twisting everything you say against you too. Often you feel completley drained of energy when you dealt with one of thoose predators.

[@lma6808]

Don't give them too much credit now. Being a leech isn't a strength or skil.l it means they're so bad at everything they do, they have to take from everyone else.

[@cross2833]

I've given up having conversations with the VN in my life and have just retreated into myself since that is the only option I have.

[@eahannan]

The narcissist gets worn out too. They deflect responsibility onto you.

[@vaporknight4393]

Restate that you spoke clearly and your words don't require reinterpretation. Here's the piece you might be missing in your puzzle.

[@vaporknight4393]

When you work with lots of money on the line or peoples lives on the line you don't allow people to reinterpret because that is how the airplane falls out of the sky next time we get it into the sky, or that is how the building burns down, or that is how the bridge collapses. Take your pick and I advise people to learn what communication is, how it happens, and how to be effective with it if you're going to use it as your primary tool when dealing with people other than yourselves.

[@pennywisethedancingclown4024]

I’m a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist and, while some of us are definitely on the abusive end of the spectrum, a lot of us save our anger for ourselves and lament over the gap between our lives and our ideal selves. With my narcissism, there’s actually a strong disinterest in others so I don’t feel the need to exploit or harm anyone, it’s just this core belief I have that I’m secretly better than others in some unnameable way.

[@tanickasinclair7035]

This is Jennifer Sinclair. Same with my mother.

[@Jessicahurst1]

Appreciate your honesty and insight.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

And I'll bet money you're desperately unhappy. Ya dummy, if you help others, you can't be unhappy. Especially if you're a drunk or addict. I'm not saying give money or a place to live or a job. Just wisdom and honesty.

[@valeriewalker5831]

Thanks for sharing

[@00RoxPink]

If you don't mind me asking what led to you getting a diagnosis? Usually I would figure that victims of narcissism are more drawn to seeking diagnosis rather than a narcissist

[@Professional_Nobody]

If a narc criticizes you, just say thank you, ill use that criticism to become a happier person when I’m making my next relationship emotionally fulfilling.

[@777jones]

lol this comment brims with hostility. I love it

[@bri3449]

Lol thanks, I’m using that

[@Kneekneee]

Lol I had replied with something similar and was told I'm "nice nasty"😒

[@thewatcher8580]

Just ignore it completely. Or keep it simple if its a direct criticism. Say thanks

[@andreaalfoldy1689]

I like saying "you think so? That's too bad" or "that sounds like a you problem"

[@charlotteboyett-napper4780]

I was in a relationship for 7 years to a VN. Very destructive to me emotionally! I had to get therapy for the severe anxiety that plagued me because of his manipulations. He has tried to Hoover me since and I considered reuniting with him, but now that I am informed, I set my boundaries very clearly and I can spot his behaviors and call him out on them right away. I have confronted his excessive drinking and get blamed for it “I drink because we are not together” is the reoccurring line. Now he did the disappearing act when I stood firm. No more narcs for me!! It feels good to be strong again!!

[@delfinagonzalez6716]

Wow. In still in the relationship, it's been 13 years. But I'm slowly kicking him out, otherwise I'll have other issues with his childishly attitude.

[@mauricepatrickoconnor5634]

Same here, I had enough back in 1997. Toxic and soul destroying individuals.

[@charlotteboyett-napper4780]

I was in fear that I would never find anyone again. Such a lie from the enemy. My counselor did the best he could with me but the true revelation came when I prayed and asked God to show me the truth about my VN and I literally asked God “please take these feelings I have for him away. I keep getting sucked back in”. I went around and around on that merry go round for 4 years until it finally dawned on me to ask God for truth and to take those feelings of dependence away. It took about a month or so of prayer and I finally started to feel free. I was still vulnerable to Hoovers for a good year but I finally moved on and the anxiety is gone.

[@mauricepatrickoconnor5634]

20 years ago, I asked God for the gift of discernment and He granted my prayer. I don't hate the narcissist that destroyed my life rather I pray that the individual comes to recognise the havoc they've done to myself, themselves and others. "Love your enemies as you love yourself". Jesus Christ

[@domoarigatomr.ubuntu7218]

I can't imagine being so closely involved with a narc. The mere thought is nightmare inducing, I hope the best for you and everyone else struggling with their attachments.

[@kimpettersson6605]

I had some vulnerable narcissistic traits when I was younger, mood swings, anxiety and depression. My self esteem swung along with the mood, and problems with social anxiety and shame. It felt like the world was a dystopia where bad people would get all the rewards, and the "polite, caring and orderly people like me" finished last, a bit of incel oriented thoughts I guess. Eventually you realize that it's the high school mentality that is toxic, and not the world in general. It felt like my peers hated me for having good marks, like everyone who was better than them needed to be destroyed. I tried sertraline and it helped a lot, and also finding more optimistic friends. Narcissism causes more narcissism so it's important to try and break the cycle. My life is great now and I'm really grateful for everything I have 🥰

[@BarcelonaChill]

Congratulations. From a vulnerable narcissist battling to become better i applied you.

[@mightymouse1005]

Children raised by narcissist are likely to attract them because growing up with them it seems normal. Empaths attract narcs

[@mdee860]

Yes! Mighty Mouse, so true - they feel "familiar" to us. They feel normal, but in reality, truly normal people "feel" boring to us. We need to re-program ourselves. I heard a good saying: Look for the Fireplace🔥, not for the Fireworks 🎆

[@septemberdawnluketz]

Unfortunate story of my life 😞

[@koobie83]

💯

[@alohawhy]

😭

[@josefwoodend]

This is why I am learning about narcissists. I realized I'm surrounded by them.

[@TheeRighteousOnee]

When you catch narcissists in a lie, they continue to deny. It feels as though you are talking in circles. They never own up to their reactions or they just might throw out an "I'm sorry" after a while of arguing just to shut you up but it really has no merit. I know because I deal with it in my relationship.

[@gtattsUS]

I had a narcissist employee. After she didn't get thanked in our group meeting for donating to our hospital charity fund, she apparently felt insulted by me. A week later in our meeting, she informed me she had donated $25,000 anonymously to the charity fund. This was patently false as she earned $45K, drove a 10 year old car, lived in a $100K trailer home and was a single mom sending her son to college at the time. I was dumbfounded. When I mentioned that her name had not been on the list I was given, and that the HR department said no such donation had been made, she became irate. She aggressively said "Prove it" and stormed out of my office. She would not back down on this or on other occasions when she told obvious lies.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

I had this and worse. Decided I'm better off in my cars, if necessary. Best choice I ever made. Only wish I did it sooner.

[@IamINyourTV]

I just got out, finally. I still miss her, the trauma bondage really sucks...

[@torigibson1257]

oh god, me to. I'm so mad at myself for letting someone around me that's toxic. Deny Deny Lie, it gets so old & I feel stressed & older & now fatter from all the toxic behavior I endure:(

[@wendybond2848]

My children and I say that it is like talking to a revolving door.

[@timk7073]

I initially watched these videos to figure out why some of my family members act the way they do. As I dig deeper, I realize that I also have some of these covert narcissistic tendencies. I hope I can grow out of this and change. Thank you for the great information!

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

What about day to day stuff, like stepping aside for women with their hands full and such. Or if you have a dog, don't make the dig walker stand in the street to avoid yours? I see this every day where I live and people wonder why I'm single. Lol. Because I wouldn't live w someone who puts themselves first like that. I've had grown men plow right past me or actually shove past me.

[@maritzacaruth9283]

Your awareness & desire to change makes me think you can & will. I started out seeking insight on several family member's behaviors too. Glad we have more clarity and choices going forward. Peace and blessings. 🙌

[@69SalterStreet]

A lot of people with narc parents are kind of shaped to reflect their parents. Noticing and changing is the biggest battle 😢

[@p.bamygdala2139]

I'm really struggling after watching this video. I genuinely can't decide if I'm suffering from a covert narcissist in my life, or if I'm the covert narcissist and they're reacting to me. I wish there was clarification as to the scale and scope of symptoms. It is improbable that I'm the only person watching and wondering this.

[@glueplay]

Yeah what pisses me off is that he never responds in comments and hearts them only when the person is praising him or the video.

[@janemorrow6672]

Dr Grande does make new videos when a question prompts him.

[@delaryn3563]

Exactly my question. I guess the only way to properly find out is to speak to a psychologist yourself because there are so many small differences to take into consideration, it's what they've studied since years. Very informative videos still.

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

It's great how you sidestep yourself in this way. Many people here only see problems in others. I actually don't find it important, to find one person to blame à la "You have been first, you are the evil one" but to see that both partners are in a way trapped in this maladaptive interactional pattern. So the question is, how can I break the pattern effectively - It really doesn't matter who is the one who does this first, wether this is you or your partner. So it might be best to start observing your own reactions and start thinking about possible alternatives and slowly exchanging them by those you found out to work better for the relationship. If the partner sabotages this evidently, than you have at least a proof that you aren't the only one who acted in a problematic way. Good luck.

[@markoperic5023]

for me it all started when I finaly fixed my mental healt.. I was in bliss.......... then I remember a girl that was shy like me...... and I wanted to help her. be a hero... a saviour.............. but the problem here was... as soon as I though of myself as a hero, a vilian was born...... eventualy after 1 month. I got pulled in her rabbit hole of crazy........ and I kept going and going. and ignoring my intuition that was screaming from the inside.......... then the vilian started winning inside my head. and I was a victim in my head...... then I walked up to the girl that I loved and all broken,. I broke her heart as well............ it was very hard for me to let her go...... but I let her go. because... I couldnt live with myself knowing I have her in a cage. she would be like a bird without a song............. I created this hell in my head....... guess Im covert narcissist. by what Ive done.........

[@FiciousCritik]

Faking a sincere tone, I told a narcissist, "I'm not as smart as you are." The feigned humility was incomprehensible for him, rendered him bewildered, tongue-tied. He changed the subject. Delightful :)

[@springfauna1465]

Omg, I used to tell my ex-narc "I'm not as clever as you are." because he was so sneaky and deceitful. Sometimes I think he took it as a compliment.

[@prezidenttrump5171]

You two would get railroaded by anybody with an IQ over 17.

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

@@springfauna1465 I've never been complimented on my cunning in a while. That's a great feeling! Still, it does seem a tad forced. When you compliment a narcissist - or anyone for that matter - be specific in which feats of wit are superior. I take particular pride in my ability to influence a room without bringing any attention to myself.

[@Cabutronize]

Haha, well they are in essence VERY predictable so it's possible to really throw them off with stuff like that. They are still human though, and it's a really cruel thing to do to them. They never deserved to get the disorder in the first place, yet they got it anyway. And all their feelings & behaviours, although extremely toxic, are a result of that disorder. 'Getting back at them' for their wrongdoing to you is really cruel for that reason. Best thing is to go no contact without trying to hurt them back. There is no shame in wanting to hurt them as it is a logical reaction of your brain to do so, but by not acting on that desire you're being the best person you could possibly be in that situation.

[@ganjagun7]

@@Blue_Azure101 is every person who insults others a narc? 🤔 and i even think the guy was just trying to provoke a comment like yours...

[@2007cgarza]

The vulnerable narcissist in a relationship in my situation only present hard for the significant other. Other people will perceive something off, but it's the partner who is being slowly boiled. As others have posted, behind closed doors, when that person isn't making major efforts to present normally, at home and without others present, we experience their insecure raging. And it takes sometimes decades for us to realize that that isn't because of something we've done, that we aren't enough, but because that person is so insecure they have been chipping at our self esteem to make themselves feel better all that time. When you realize it finally, it's maddening.

[@Kharizmah]

... but don't ever tell them they're insecure.

[@passionateexcellence]

The best part is, after each video I have a full understanding and no confusion about what you're presenting. Clear, calm, concise. Rekindled my love for psychology. Your an excellent teacher Dr. Grande.

[@Sally150]

pseudo science.

[@cdorothy444]

Agreed with the big comment

[@Flamsterette]

*YOU'RE

[@-septimus-345]

I am a vulnerable narcissist. Envious, dependent, resentful, hypersensitive, insecure, longing to be a high-status person. But I am extremely honest and being a kind person is important for my self-esteem. So I avoid the dishonest behaviours which you described.

[@saurabhyadav4899]

Do you lie, manipulate or gaslight?

[@joey_youtube]

@- septimus - how's life been

[@BIBLE-UNBUTCHERED]

Septimus, the "drive to succeed' overflows into your previously stated characteristics. I'm here to tell you when you achieve that success level - the grand first prize is Loneliness. Less is more

[@marcodallolio9746]

I'm not entirely sure you can have a diagnosis without the behaviors associated with it, or forms of functional impairment. Envy, resentment, sensitivity and insecurity are feelings and traits a good deal people have to contend with and hopefully overcome at one point or another in their lives, if they don't translate in consistent behavioral patterns it must mean that at least you've found ways to regulate them and cope, and at best that you were being too hard on yourself when you wrote that comment

[@robotix2106]

@@BIBLE-UNBUTCHERED exactly I hate to quote Kendrick when talking about faith but how much does a dollar cost, maybe your place in heaven.

[@KatherineGrey-pz9on]

Usually, by the time you learn the person is a "covert narcissist", you have already 'dealt' with them in one way or another. You cannot and will not recognize the person as a 'covert narcissist' just by looking at them or having casual interactions with them. You have to observe, listen, and understand what you SAW,what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that. Now don't that sound easy. The better question is how do you STOP 'dealing with' a covert narcissist once you understand what you SAW, what you HEARD, and WHY you SAW and HEARD that? The 'best way' to 'deal with a covert narcissist' is to STOP listening, STOP observing, STOP wondering WHY, and STOP having ANY interaction with them. If you MUST have interactions with them, limit the interactions as much as possible. No "hi, how are you doing", no "hi, I wish I had time to talk to you", no "hi, it's nice to see you", just "hi, hope you're doing well, I've got to run" or just "hi" and keep walking. If at all possible avoid ANY setting or situation where the narcissist or a 'flying monkey' can observe you or listen to you. 'Flying monkeys' are the narcissist's 'possessions'. Dealing with or interacting with anything or anybody the narcissist 'owns' is considered the same as 'dealing with' or interacting with the narcissist. The more you 'deal with' a covert narcissist, the more you will have to 'deal with'. Do not 'run' from a covert narcissist unless you can 'run' totally away from them. When you 'run' from a narcissist, it makes them feel powerful and important. They like that and will make a sport out of watching you 'run'. Once you 'learn' the person is a 'covert narcissist', you have to 'learn' to either 'covertly' avoid the hell out of them or 'overtly' have NO CONTACT with them and refuse to 'deal with' them. This all SOUNDS so simple and easy, but ask anybody who has ever "dealt with" one and they'll tell you it's one of hardest things they've ever 'dealt with'. Additionally, Metaspyhub@gmail. com is a company that is ideal if you need to be able to confront a cheating spouse because they have some of the most advanced features in the industry.

[@ShenryRNBSN]

Just finished my mental health rotation and I decided to delve back into these personality traits and styles. Man so much more information in these videos than a whole semester of nursing school.

[@baronesselsavonfreytag-lor1134]

I get more out of these videos than I did from grief therapy.

[@caitm8209]

Try living with one of these people too and you will be an expert.

[@jessicariddell1976]

@@caitm8209 for sure! A marriage to one comes with a free psychotherapy PHD!

[@dm3144]

Well … man Henry … if you look like your pic you can be my nurse anytime! Lol 😂 Good luck

[@caralee2617]

A covert narcissist may respond in a variety of ways when discovered, depending on the particular circumstance and the person. When their behavior is criticized, a covert narcissist may occasionally become aggressive or defensive and reject or abdicate responsibility for their actions. They might try to gaslight the person who exposed them by getting them to doubt their own sense of truth or perspective. Narcissists frequently employ this strategy to keep control of the relationship. In other situations, a covert narcissist could act more violently or aggressively in an effort to retake control or establish dominance. They could try to control or intimidate the person who has exposed them, or they might lash out with abusive language or actions. A covert narcissist may also retreat or isolate themselves if their actual nature is discovered. They might make an effort to separate themselves from the person who exposed them or try to avoid any sort of conflict. Being masters of manipulation, narcissistic people frequently possess a special ability for charm, which allows them to get away with manipulating others. They might be able to beguile people into believing they are not actually narcissists and convince them that they are to blame. The process of exposing a covert narcissist may be extremely taxing and even dangerous, so it’s vital to keep that in mind. It’s crucial to exercise prudence and have a solid support network in place, including friends, family, and a therapist. You can process your experience and develop a strategy for dealing with the circumstance in a secure and healthy manner with the aid of a therapist or counselor. Additionally I hired a private detective *Barryinvestigation@gmail. com* . Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

[@annatetiad.4991]

so glad you got a PI. I should have done that in the past, but found out so much a few years later - but it turns out, I found out the truth when I was ready to hear it. Always trust your intuition. When things don't feel right, it is likely they aren't. My ex was leading a double life, but I've done the healing work (it isn't easy). The best thing anyone can do is live the best life you can for yourself....cut the toxicity out if possible. Surround yourself ONLY with people who lift you up. Covert narcissists actually have no identity, so they try to steal yours. They suck the life out of you completely.

[@syzygy4365]

This sounds like my kid's dad. He likes to cover up his bad behavior with lies. I remember when we first got together I was working and bought us a new apartment. Lied to me about having a job, lied about looking for jobs, make up excuses to cover his ass. Then resorted to telling me that he was testing me to see if I was mentally strong enough to live on my own because I was "too close to my parents". He seriously had me fooled. I didn't know about covert narcissism or the warning signs and why I was getting played like a yo-yo.

[@valeriewalker5831]

I love that Dr Grande has many subscribers without using any crazy transitions or cuts, he just get his audience with his pure professionalism that you can’t simply fake and I love it! Thank you ahha

[@batsls1]

I'm blown away. I can't believe how accurately this describes my ex husband. Previously I suspected he was something of a narcissist but it didn't quite line up with his behaviour. This is it. Having to co-parent, I still end up sucked into this tennis ball game. I criticize something he did to the kids, he launches a verbal assault to wound, jumps to other sensitive topics, denies abusive episodes from our marriage, calls me the lunatic, shows my feedback is unimportant by bragging about something that makes him superior to me. Thank you so much for helping me understand what his motivations are.

[@gsafadi2]

Its funny when you said that the vulnerable knows something is off. I had a grandiose and vulnerable narcissist friend in my life, the grandiose always said that "people act crazy, people are stupid, everybody is wrong" . But the vulnerable in the ocasions that he was in a life crisis he would say: "i think im a little crazy, i think im paranoid, i have a lot of hate inside.." Its like he knew something was wrong in those moments, and then he would later "forget" that he said those things. And both said to me at some point: "i have a love/hate relationship with my mother" 😐

[@pmf026]

That's form of manipulation. They're saying these things because it is expected, "I saw it in the movie, that's good line, normies say these things all the time".. yeah. Don't fool yourself, they don't forget shit. Whatever they say is pretentious/mask.

[@shadrach6299]

Dave Jones I dated one who had “trust issues” . He wouldn’t pay any bill online. He had trust issues bc he couldn’t be trusted.

[@gsafadi2]

@@shadrach6299 same with my friend.

[@KK-bq3ns]

@@pmf026 so true. they forget absolutely nothing!

[@ethanpoole3443]

shadrach I’m not sure that is necessarily a good example of trust issues being evidence of being untrustworthy. It may well be perfectly accurate for one specific individual and their tendency to project but certainly not a universal example/truth of untrustworthiness, which is how it came across to myself. I don’t care for online banking as I don’t really trust such either as the only “paper trail” (more accurately, audit trail) it leaves is a strictly digital one, so if anything happens in the banking system that corrupts that digital record there will exist no reliable evidence of payment rendered (I’m rather intimately familiar with computer security, hence my concerns). I also have deep seated trust issues with respect to relationships (and hence have not been in any for over 25 years though I desperately desire such), but not because I am untrustworthy. Most who know me have no issue whatsoever trusting me with just about anything, whether personal or of great value, and would describe me as trustworthy almost to a fault. My trust issues come from a history of considerable past abuse in childhood coupled with abusive partners when I tried dating in my early 20s and those experiences are what have left me unable to trust others. So while projection is a legitimate concern with certain personality types one must also be careful not to see projection in every similar example as one may have great difficulty trusting others without necessarily being untrustworthy themselves (nor is their lack of trust necessarily reflective of you or even how they may perceive you as some of us simply have very traumatic pasts, unfortunately, and trust can take a very long time to establish).

[@TexanWineAunt]

Number 6- random fights: sometimes they want to spend time away from you (to cheat or use drugs, or just be alone, but rather than be open…) so they start a fight and storm away. Or they want an excuse for abusing you with some stonewalling or other punishment.

[@stariadreamtea]

Oooh spot on.

[@paigewesterfield1840]

Or they want to wind the other person up so they can then say they’re crazy or similar.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

It's the mentality of domestic violence. These people never change. Just dismiss them or don't give them any money, a job, use of your stuff or a place to live. It's a cycle. Lundy Bancroft says that they keep and foster a resentment f9r weeks. Months, years. Until they deem the victim "asking for" abuse of some sort and blow up. 😒 It's usually just a "sucker punch" of a mean or rude comment. It can and often DOES progress to physical abuse. Im.all for pressing charges and restraining orders, but assume you'll be called a liar in court by everyone. Even if you have zero record and they've assaulted every woman they ever were with, as it turns out. Ask for a permanent restraining order and block them. Assume they might well come after you, keep your eyes OPEN, and be armed. Mace, whatever you need. Yell FIRE if they get within 50 feet of you. People love a good fire and you'll have witnesses.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

So, you met my parents, huh? One said nobody would ever gaf about me when you get mad at the games and abuse of extreme emotion immaturity. More than once, they said it. Lol.

[@maxsmart9116]

I started walking away towards the end of our relationship out of frustration with the constant gaslighting.

[@julietten5614]

My ex-husband would always shift the blame or deny it happened. If you confront him with evidences or point out to logical inconsistencies in his thinking process he would tell you that you are overreacting or just stop the argument and avoid you for the entire week, then came back like nothing happened.

[@gisellesinclair6811]

Thank goodness he is an EX!

[@patty100ch]

Definitely a narcissist

[@wildwoodskimberlynewworldd5282]

YES

[@darlenealessio7609]

Exactly where did they become wired this way in the womb, starting with their limbic system of the brain development this seems likely

[@gtattsUS]

My husband's mother is like this. He has mentioned events from his childhood where she came off as less than a perfect mother. She completely denies it ever happened. Granted, he tends to suffer in silence when things go wrong, but she may be the reason. Once he fractured his ankle and she wouldn't take him to the doctor. Another time he had a concussion and severe headaches for days, and again she said it wasn't important enough to go to the doctor.

[@genxmum5569]

Describes my ex husband of 20 years perfectly. Most resentful person I have ever met. Pouted like a baby every time his kids achieved anything.

[@somyan8540]

Wow that's disgusting,not allowing not even your own children to become successful. Uterly distyrbing. Such parents are a case for years and years of therapy.

[@mariebernier3076]

@Goodnuff Fornow When will you decide that they aren't the problem?

[@elisabethmclean1230]

Yes! My dad is like this to me, he will praise my achievements, and then suddenly be oddly jealous and critical the next second.

[@BobRooney290]

i'd be proud as hell if it were my kids. was he ever part of their success? kinda important to have that as a child growing up.

[@Hlafdige1]

@SubversiveMemes Because they act better for long enough, and you feel genuinely sorry for their troubles, which are often real. It's only over time that you realize there's no way to help them, they are alone in their aloneness and you are merely being pulled into their dark cloud.

[@nedrabickham6161]

Married and divorced from a covert narc.. Your description is spot on. Especially the blame shifting and false accusations. We're divorced and I am trying "no contact" even though we have a son together. So without me as a target, he goes after, for example, my son's teachers! Interesting dynamic.

[@Nan-Elle]

@collars and cuffs Because people don't require a psychiatric assessment of a possible mate in most cases. They marry, and at times a child is born into the family before the person realizes what kind of mate she is dealing with. Doesn't that seem like maybe it happened in Nedra's situation?

[@ayeshaakber3996]

The vulnerability of narcissists is much clearer to me through this video. It has erased my confusion that how traits of borderline, paranoid, and grandiose time after time come up with a particular narcissism. In fact these are the red flags to distinct a vulnerable narcissist from other types. Thank you so much Dr. Gundry.

[@littlemissprickles]

I think that calling these "thoughts" is a mischaracterization. Personally, I was the victim of what I'd say classifies as a covert/vulnerable narcissistic parent. I came to this realization 11 months ago, and in that time I've learned so much about my parent, my childhood, how that parent shaped me even in subconscious ways, and how I had adopted some of the same behaviors. I had to dig my way out of the hell they created. And I learned that many of the defense mechanisms that got me through adolescence and the mindset created through being manipulated, emotionally abused, and gaslit for 20+ years translated poorly in adulthood and became narcissistic behaviors. I don't think, for the most part, that these are conscious "thoughts". I'd probably call them motivations. Because when I looked within myself, I found some of these motivations. It was only by understanding my mother's behavior patterns that I was able to find the strength to look at the parts of her that seeped into my nature. Only then could I see my victim mentality. Narcissism seems to be a multigenerational curse of poorly-raised humans getting stuck with the wounds of childhood and never properly accepting their lot in life, taking responsibility for their own actions and agency, and taking on the painful burden of truly changing for the better on a fundamental level. But to call them thoughts is to imply that narcissists actively choose to act this way, knowing that it's fucked up and wrong. I'd venture to hypothesize that a number of them are unaware of normality and how far from it their perspective has been warped.

[@Beanybag2]

Absolutely correct. I was completely unaware.

[@kalamyfriend]

Mahalo, thank you, for this. I wish you healing and the strength to change. This was something I needed to hear. I can make a change. Aloha nō, mālama pono, take care

[@avertingapathy3052]

Thanks for clarifying this. Comments like these should be required reading for the ones getting stuck in KZbin narc bashing buzz titles and subsequent lists. It's a complex and nuanced issue. Wish me luck.

[@cnj5936]

Well said

[@mandylee4533]

I understand because my late father was one. I couldn't understand then why my childhood was unhappy and always felt something abnormal when compared to my friends'. This is insightful...

[@holymason7]

Im a vulnerable narcissist but not a lot of people admit that. Its a healthy sign to know what you’re dealing with and if you’re trying to solve it. I’ve had childhood trauma, so it is somewhat related to it

[@scottlaux6934]

Keep up the good work.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

This was so helpful thank you. Some thoughts that stood out to me. "I'm deeply hurt by receig this criticism, but hurting you will bring me some relief" "The idea of criticism is offensive to me, critism is offensive to me. Critism is only for people who are not perfect" "I only value the feedback from perfect people, and you dont fall into that category" "You criticised me, which shows you sont love me, so I am going to hurt you" "I didn't think you'd have the confidence to stand up for yourself, now I have to remove myself from the situation that I caused" "I like to see people suffering without my actions being the direct cause of their suffering, o that my actions cannot be blamed" "I felt sad today so it felt fitting that I try and make you feel sad too" "I know that high status people earn a lot of money and I want to be regarded as a high status person" "I will show you that I have power and then you will follow me" ⭐"I know that I'm weak and I'm trying to over compensate by dominating others" ⭐

[@steadypace1262]

This description fits the Covert narcissist well.This type is a real Jekyll and Hyde character, I have dealt with a few. The worst one of them has some sadistic qualities so I pegged them as a malignant covert narcissist.I wasn't sure exactly what I was dealing with as they could act overt in others company,as in not wanting to be ignored but the pretend shy was still there.Of course that is the coy charm they show to seem attractive to people.They are always on the lookout for new narc supply.The dumb act they put on sometimes is intentional to make them look like an innocent victim.There is so much more to this sly person.Good video.

[@healyourselffirst8824]

Yes, it does from my experience also. It took me awhile to sort out the behaviours that you called qualities 🧐 Sadism reared it’s ugly head occasionally and I refused any contact when he was Dark, then he exhibited extreme paranoia each time I pulled away. The coy and shy/sly seemed to always be there even when he became aware that I could see right through it all. I only came to the ‘malignant vulnerable’ and ‘psychopathy’ conclusion today after an accidental meetup. It’s all so sad really. I wish I had Dr Grande’s professional detachment on hand at times.

[@steadypace1262]

@@healyourselffirst8824 I think that these malignant covert narcissists are the most damaging to be around.All narcissists do a push and pull thing to their targets what they call the mean/nice cycle.Learning to emotionally detach from these dysfunctional people is necessary to keep some peace of mind.Unless a person has been on the receiving end of a narc they can have no idea of how bad it can be.Keep well.

[@steadypace1262]

@@Sally150 Not from what I know and can see lol, funny question how are things going for you.

[@reswobiandreaming3644]

@@healyourselffirst8824 Do you want some low neurotism? Mine is set close to zero and I don't think it's all that wonderful at times. :/

[@pollywelch5932]

thanks for sharing ... I agree !

[@chocolatesouljah]

4:19 - Blame shifting, False Accusing... 6:27, Then Playing the Victim, 7:32 Claiming to Have Memory Problems, 8:48 Bringing Up A Sore Topic on Purpose, 11:15 - I have a need to that you're not meeting and I need to recognize that need without telling you what it is.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

It's the garden of resentments. Lundy Bancroft. Let's say a couple goes to dinner 2 weeks ago. They had a good time. Then, he's mad about how SHE got the attention over him for 10 minutes. He'd been nurturing the bratty anger that whole time. It might lead to physical abuse or murder, too. StF AWAY from these types. Parents w Emotional Immaturity are the sort to pee on your parade. So, tell them NOTHING.

[@LanaMyslyvetsPlanners]

“I have a need your not meeting and I need you to recognize this need without me telling you” Try getting this Before the first date, and all through Instagram posts , cuz.”they won’t call you”.

[@0ptimal]

Watching these videos I've diagnosed and undiagnosed myself several times. "Oh that sounds like me", "aw hell no", "wait I kinda did that before", "wtf who would do something like that". Lol. Anyways, great videos, very interesting.

[@JagoffCitizen]

I know. I was a psychopath 15 minutes ago.

[@rufusdusol9453]

😄

[@koobie83]

Recognising that you have behaviours like this indicates that you couldn’t be a narcissist because a narcissist would never see themselves as being wrong - ever. Lol

[@Fefe559]

same! I am absolutely a vulnerable narcissist with a touch of sociopath & avoidant personality disorder & suicidal ideation lol

[@timblackburn1593]

Very cool - sounds like you're saying these are integral but regulatable characteristics of the human condition, sometimes fuelled by more resentment/power than is good for us? Opposite ends of the same spectrum. What must it be like to be throwing little balls of carefully nuanced nudges at people all day?

[@amityzhang1441]

Just want to express my deep gratitude for this great video. So accurate and clear, it literally saved my mental well-being. I have been suffering from CPTSD, anxiety and severe depression for over 2 decades (with CPTSD misdiagnosed as BPD in the first decade). I began to suspect that my mother is a vulnerable narcissist at some point, but the information I found online (there’s much more on GN than on VN) didn’t quite match her behaviors. Then, I found this video, and she actually got 10 of them. This explains a lot, makes me see the cause behind my CPTSD, and help me deal with years of self-blaming. Before this, I always think I’m a “real evil” person who blames their mother for their own problems (as she made me believe). So, thank you, and thank you.

[@angelmossucco]

I’m happy for your insight and i hope it leads to peace.

[@kittysparkleeyes]

My father is a full blown narcissist with malignant tendencies. I have always been a massive people pleaser and craved approval, so I know I am overly generous and i constantly try to placate.. even when I shouldn't. However, I now realize I have some vulnerable traits myself. They don't really affect my relationships persay because unless someone directly criticises me I am ok, and when they do, I just withdraw or become sullen, even if I feel a lot of rage inside. However, I now realize it has affected greatly my life choices. My need to be the best or at least highly competent at anything I do means I don't do anything, because failure or feelings of shame crush me. I have a unskilled job, although objectively I am well above average intelligence. (Based on test scores not self perception) I just had a melt down about my art because my bf offered me constructive criticism on my drawing. People at work constantly ask me why I am in the job because I am "so talented " and say I am wasting my life.. but I just cannot face failure and criticism and that is ruining everything. I know that in the job I am in, I can never fail. Like I said, I have empathy and self awareness, and I contain my emotions so I don't believe I am full blown npd, but yes I believe these traits massively affect my life. I think a lot of us are more affected by narcissistic parents than we realize. I wonder if anyone else here recognises these traits in themselves.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Loom out for "constructive criticism" from unqualified jackasses. They do that to p*ss on your parade. And put you down.

[@maritzacaruth9283]

I absolutely do. Your words spoke to me in a profound way. I have been complacent for the same reason. It is no way to live, happily and authentically. I am also artistically inclined & appreciate your comment so much. Peace and blessings to you. 🌻

[@orionhodges4073]

I didn't recognize these traits in myself until I was about 19 or 20. My best friend who was one of my roommates at the time and we also worked together driving long distance just us two. He told me off one day and it was justified. I was offended by what he said but cuz he was right. I also noticed that everything he said were things that really bothered my about my dad.

[@leanna107]

This sounds familiar to myself. Is this traits of aftermath or is this actually being npd? I get very overwhelmed with all the pain from a perceived failure and I find I just stay unfulfilled and away from anything that can hurt me so much. I stopped trying because I had been made to feel never good enough.

[@whitepouch0904]

At least you are self- aware. That’s the first step towards change.

[@thierrymarcellus9082]

I’m still in awe of the level of impartiality and professionalism in these videos... Congratulations and thanks!

[@AlterFunKtion]

You are hitting some points that's making me feel such high levels of embarrassment. I'm hitting myself in flashbacks about how I tend to be. I cant afford therapy so I'm kinda wondering how I can deal with myself if I am a vulnerable narcissist. I guess being aware of it is a good place to start.

[@northstar5919]

All people have all traits, but the amount is important. Watch also dr Les Carter

[@jneil2496]

I feel like I may be guilty too. I think it's a lack of self awareness. Sometimes I get so into my head that I'm not even thinking about how I must be making others feel. It's like I think the other person doesn't mind my pity parties. And I have such a bad habit of saying rude things if I feel attacked. And it's like, in my head, I feel like a douche and I even realize how ridiculous I sound as I say cringy and rude things. But it's like I have an angel and devil on my shoulder, but the angel just sits back and let's the devil take over. Also about the empathy thing. It's like I only feel empathy if Im long removed from the situation and reflect over it. And even though my apologies seem insincere just to get back together with a mate, it is sincere because I was left alone to sit in it and reflect. I just wish I could have self control. But I'm always feeling like a victim. It's like, well I lost my dad at an early age, my mom has became an abusive alcoholic after he dies, she remarried an abusive psycho I and was mistreated and bullied by peers in school due to being a quiet anxious kid. And now it's my turn to be number one and get the respect owed to me. But deep down I know it's not everyone else's fault. I just want to be ok with myself and not need to fish for compliments and remind people they aren't better than me even when they don't claim to be. I want to be a legit good dude.

[@nathangordon4891]

The mere fact you’re reflecting on it is a good thing, my mother is a vulnerable narcissist but I know for a fact she’d never admit to having some symptoms

[@DianaHernandez-gv7fc]

I am aware.of it too.

[@jeanettecook1088]

@@nathangordon4891 thanks for that comment...I was thinking the same thing. A VN will never even utter a self- exploratory question or admit the possibility that anything could be amiss with the VN. I think we all have traits like this sometimes... but VNs are like that all the time, and they believe in their own self-perfection at all times.

[@muzictalks]

The reality thing is soooo spot on. I used to always say like this isn’t realistic or how reality works. And they literally would be like idc it’s what I want. “I have the right to be selfish and uncaring if it gets me what I want”

[@renep7008]

Dr. Grande, Of all the content creators I follow, you are literally the only content creator I never skip ads. Respectfully.

[@MH-cv5ye]

Nice move, man. It's only right. The ads today were 2 mins long X2.

[@renep7008]

Judy Lee I totally understand where you’re coming from, and do not blame you. It’s just for me, Dr. Grande’s content is so valuable, there otherwise would rightly be a charge for services for such consultations, for it not being available here. So the least I could do is suffer the ads on a clearly monetized channel which is of value to me/us.

[@LuciaInman]

Judy Lee lol yes. I have premium too bc I can’t stand the ads. I get real impatient, lol. Would rather pay.

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

I've just started premium but I'm wondering how well premium actually consider content makers? I'm going to be paying for various things over the next yr as I find the right fit with my smart voice products...

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

I've noticed Dr Grande has Patreon , I've not ever used this & shall look into it.. he only charges $5 USD

[@raygayman5342]

You just explained my entire life. Now that I have a better understanding of myself, I can get the effective help I need. I’ve been asking myself forever why do I feel this way? Why do I act this way? Why do I push everyone away when their not giving me what I want or not acting the way I want? I’ve been asking myself for so long. Thank you so much.

[@gigiarmany]

🤔🧐narcs are usually not self aware, you might just be suffering from trauma from narcissistic abuse

[@MissSunny1966]

Dr. Grande, you entered your field to help people. So I want you to know, you've saved me with your videos. I'm not out of the woods, just seeing things clearly for the first time.

[@maegs1982]

Wow. When you talk about vulnerable narcissism, it sounds like your saying word for word things my ex has said to myself or others. Its shocking! Thanks for your amazing work. 🧡

[@yeetyeetyeet1967]

Its always the ex 😂

[@prezidenttrump5171]

@@yeetyeetyeet1967 It's because he dumped her, not the other way around. She was getting plugged right up until they day he told her to F off, and now she's on vids like this crying about her ex and acting as if she's in the right.

[@larswhitt1549]

Dont mind the a holes down below (we know who they are, lol) ... i know exactly what you mean, 100%: Can check on all behaviors as common.

[@LindyLooo99]

The sickest I ever felt was when I realized I was encountering a VN...... I found out I would not get closure, so I took it myself. I ended the relationship and cut off all contact. Being around them makes me sick. I refuse to play with their insanity. They can be alone for all I care.

[@webe6170]

@SubversiveMemes because they subvert that personality.

[@LovingLife990]

👍🤗

[@jaycievictory8461]

@Javier Donut Hi Javier. Please talk to your doctor. A lot of what you're feeling could simply be down to chemical imbalances in your body. Please reach out to a professional.

[@Karlien68]

@Javier Donut I am not so sure...a vulnerable narcissist wouldnt listen to this.

[@eslnoob191]

@Javier Donut You're definitely not a narcissist. Real narcissists have no introspection at all.

[@ladybird491]

Hear is also what I learned from narc husband. My husband is a vulnerable and grandios when it serves him. 1. Changing how invents happened 2. Doing you wrong first and then play victim when you decide to treat them the same. 3 play push and pull game in order to their need to act like single when they feel like it. 4. Focusing on your reaction to your abuse to make you feel bad for just reacting 5. Controlling all the dates and even the sex 6. Super nice to other women while ignoring me for long periods of time in front of them. 7. Pretending to be loving in front of important people like church members or school system or doctors. 8. Pretending to be an abused victim in front of doctors by making comments that suggest they are being abused.

[@patriciaodoherty5202]

I love your teaching style!I have learning disabilities but when I listen to you I can understand everything so clearly,I am grateful.

[@JustDr.S]

This was a great way of describing the behaviors of a vulnerable narcissist. By telling us the thoughts behind their actions, it's more easily understood. If you simply list the traits of this disorder, they can seem very different. Almost a depression or sad state of mind, with no 'ill will' or meanness on their part. You cleared this up for me, nicely. Thank you for this excellent analysis.

[@krystalogoke812]

Hi :). I seem to identify with the "depression or sad state of mind with no "ill intent"" part that you mentioned. I've been trying to figure out whether I am a vulnerable narc. There are parts of this video that I do unfortunately relate to. I was wondering if you could give me more insight on your own observations of people with this disorder?

[@aliyaha.3222]

It is more than interesting. It is useful material for healing. Reviewing an entire relationship with this in mind is devastating and liberating at the same time. Thank you Doctor.

[@oljerseysoul8724]

You just painted the picture of my WHOLE life of me being married to my VN husband !! This is him almost to a TEE !! He shows 9/10 of these behaviors !! Meanwhile i think im paranoid now so I will talking to my therapist about it who i will actually be seeing today 😁. Thanks again Dr Grande !!

[@ocelot714]

I feel like I am a recovering narcissist, like someone who recovers from other toxic substances. I don't believe people change internally, though we can identify, prevent, and modulate outside behaviors. It is a monster of toxicity, insecurity, and negativity inside of me. I watch videos like this to remind myself of things I've done or am capable of. I often warn people I meet of my tendencies, and I try to be as honest as I can(though I often overshare). I often fear I'm a ticking time bomb, like the old tendency will win in the end. Thank you for reading if you did.

[@2136-t5c]

So glad that I found your video! My mother is a vulnerable narcissist, and I have been afraid of walking down the same path as her. I have looked up so many articles, and always match some traits. I started more researching out of pure anxiety, then I found your video. Thank you for explaining motivation narcissists have, and I can finally convince myself I am not just a copy of my mother. Thank you so much for clearing my mind.

[@mirsmith4531]

Yo I can’t front this guy is nothing short of genius under this umbrella!!!smh his ability to convey in such intelligent clear manner is amazing!!all others have been seemingly all over place and leave you the job of organizing their research and information!

[@Sally150]

genius -

[@ai172]

Dr. Grande, this was a very informative session. I especially found the tennis ball blame shifting analogy very fascinating. I am married to a covert narc for the past 17 years and your 10 points validate his disorder to a T! Thank you💛

[@AI-ch3if]

LOL, you have the same username as me.

[@lilylunsford]

I think I’m the VN but I’m in a relationship I just wanted to ask you how you deal with your husband ?

[@cdorothy444]

My dad has this trait but not there others. He is still a good and agreeable person, limit to two criticism per day :)

[@horaciocapanelli-soto4710]

@lily lansford. How do you know you’re one?

[@RedPillDosage]

You just described my mom to the T. As an only child, with no stable father figure because she would remarry every 4 years, she had me believing for decades I was a terrible son for not following the path she already had planned out for me. It was a horrible way to grow up. I was looked at as a product instead of a human being. A way to show off to her friends and if I went against the narrative she would tell everyone how awful I was to gain sympathy. With your help I was finally able to see what was really happening. Thank you. I wish I could help others who may be suffering from narcissistic parents because it really is a big problem right now. These children do suffer tremendously. Peace to everyone out there.

[@wmluna381]

That is a terrible way to grow up. Do you still have a lot of ongoing contact with her at present?

[@krisdenson1950]

True I didn't understand I was a vulnerable narcissist. Therapy has recently opened up some stuff for me. Very recently so more is to be discussed.

[@reneenowicki3294]

I recently discovered my dad is a vulnerable/covert narcissist. Finding your videos is really helping me cope with the emotional abuse that I never knew was happening. Thank you for breaking down the delusions - the dad to daughter cold shoulder is exactly what I experienced for at least 8 years.

[@Flamsterette]

I'm sorry that happened to you.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. Library has it

[@deepquake9]

I’m totally over it. No contact period! There went my empathy... for them

[@timg6176]

Lol, fancy seeing you here.

[@360.Tapestry]

how long until you broke? lol

[@hannelorekorsman3257]

GOOD FOR YOU, focus on making your life better, they can choose wether its with or without them. You set your boundaries. I would very mich recommend the “without them” option.

[@jillmobley8318]

If you feel it’s what’s needed. It likely is.

[@amarok5048]

After 39 years as a mental health professional, I concur that I was more exhausted dealing with the nonsense from my colleagues than I was from delivering care to my patients.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Yup. Try REAL Estate. Scam artists and greedy, two-faced liars galore.

[@conniethingstad1070]

best description ever of blame shifting!

[@ibrudejude]

Projection oh my blame shifting..just went through this again last night.... Been going on for 28 year's..

[@catsjavachat6565]

@@ibrudejude I'm in the same boat.

[@carolnahigian9518]

Yes I think he video taped my Family of Origin (laugh out loud))

[@symkoko1776]

true! I had to write everything down he said, so I can always remind me of this!!!

[@maricamaas5555]

DARVO = Deny, Attack, Reversing Roles of Victim and Offender

[@NextLevelTherapy]

Definitely on point. What’s missing is a rejecting nature and withholding love (affection, sex, time together, compliments etc)

[@lizzyhazel4085]

Spot on! You talked about my VN MIL. I can not believe there are many others like her. I spent 25 years doing kind things so she would like me and accept me into her family. She hated me more and more with every act of kindness. Now that I know about VN, I think it is funny that I never lashed out at her. She must be so frustrated with me. I am still with her son, 33 years married. He understands and loves me. We have an almost nonexistent relationship with her. She has turned some relatives against us. Their hatred towards us is extreme...so misplaced. I learn so much from you. Thanks a million, I mean a "Grande"! Hee.

[@bookworm8792]

Yeah, they hate when you're just normal, and won't get on the merry go round of hate with them!

[@namabest1]

It's worse when they're nice to your face and trash you behind your back because then everyone says you're the problem when you want to go no-contact.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

@@namabest1 Wtf would you announce it? Just tell them nothing and limit contact or don't have any.

[@PopeCop]

Having anxiety and often being unable to express negative feelings I was super scared I could be a vulnerable narcissist but after watching this I feel a lot better. I have issues don't get me wrong but it's now clear to me that this isn't one :) This was more helpful than you know. Thank you Dr Grande!

[@Eg-jd9zt]

May be anxious attachment. I suffer from that too due to a narcissistic father as a kid

[@Eg-jd9zt]

@Billy B yes and the abuse causes trauma for sure.

[@mamallama9866]

I have been searching for real clarity for so long now, and I have to say...I got a little caught up in some of the people who explain this or that and yadda, yadda. But you... You have really given real, relatable information that speaks to me, for sure. I wrote to a doctor and I received the reply about half an hour ago that made me search for covert narcissistic abuse. And here you are. Maybe just saving my dignity, after all. Thank you!

[@seekingenlightenment2380]

I think I may be a covert narcissist. I will be seeing my therapist soon and I don't want to be like this. Is there a way to turn not be this way anymore? Am I doomed to be a covert narcissist if it turns out that I am one? Some of the thoughts that you had mentioned are exactly what I think. It's very embarrassing to admit but I need to come face-to-face with it. I don't like having these thoughts because I believe them to be a hindrance to interpersonal relationships.

[@kvargas643]

Hey same here! I might or might not be a covert narc but I don't think this is a life sentence, maybe more of a huge set of behaviors, patterns, and modes of functioning that can be changed. The desire to change, daily self-reflection, self-compassion, therapy, and tons of weed (lol) has helped bring about the awareness I was lacking. It hasn't been easy and some days changing feels so overwhelming that I want to give up but the feeling passes (not always as quickly as I would like but, eh, c'est la vie). It sounds like you're already on the journey to change! Keep strong and know that the journey is worth every bit of effort it requires.

[@miranda6738]

Wow! Idk but I would say if you see this about yourselves you have a fighting chance to change

[@healyourselffirst8824]

As you are ‘Seeking Enlightenment’, that’s a pretty good thing 😊 Vulnerability is being present, however that feels to each of us. It’s easier to heal in a nurturing environment 🙏🏽🤗

[@brighteyes4020]

@@kvargas643 hats off to you for being able to see this about yourself!!! Good luck!

[@tinkerer67]

I'd suggest doing activities that grow empathy in you. The empathy and virtuousness in covert narcissists I've met is very fake. They say/do/think of those good deeds only for their own "happiness", to add more points into them. People with empathy do it for their happiness as well as for the others' happiness.

[@Vixinaful]

This truly is supereducational. Ive learned more from the internet than I have through any form of therapy Ive ever been in. And its free! Doesnt get any better. THANK YOU, Grande! Ive had one of three in my life for 3,5 years and I ended up bedridden in heartfailiure and nearly passed. Close to EVERYTHING you say in this video I recognize from saying he's the best at the office and that the coworkers are lazy and lets him do all the work while they do nothing and that he was the least paied at the job to having memory problems and "I dont remember saying that" I called his office and told them he was doing drugs and expected not to be believed (I had to, he went to work high) bc its hard to believe that shy little guy is a drug addict but good god, they not only believed me but said before I had the chance to his name and then "Ah, yes there have been problems around him" So I can only imagine what damage he's caused in that office, they basically sais they wanted to get rid of him and just needed a valid reason and this would be it so they asked e why I hadnt called earlier as in "We could have gotten rid of this guy earlier" he would also show me his bank accounts and how much money he had saved. i thought it was bc I told him I had been hit on by this rich dude but maybe not..since they do this to show how great they are. What a tasteless monster. I had a psychological crisis due to longterm psycholocal abuse according to the citys mental emergency room I called and his job wants him out, his ex doesnt want him back and tells him to move on (he ofc refuses to leave her alone) and reporting him to the police didnt help, he was at my door only 3 months later. Now he's in narcissistic hibernation aka selfpitying in depression bc noone wants anything to do with him except his druggie friends. But just wait, I'm recovering and when he comes next time I will INIHILATE him. If he thinks he's bad off now, he hasnt seen a thing what goes for narcissistic injury. What a little MONSTER! No wonder he in the beginning told me "Im broken" bc he really is. He's not even functioning, he lays all his free time on the couch self pitying and doesnt want any help for it. NASTY person, euw!

[@leahwilliams9333]

Why would you rat him out to his job?

[@Vixinaful]

@@leahwilliams9333 So you did NOT read what I wrote then, lol! I was trying to get him help for his addiction.

[@Brandi.Nicole]

Wow! 14 years of my life. 😮 I took a lot of blame and shame for years. Clarity is enlightening. Sad I endured and believed it but happy this video is here. I am grateful. ❤

[@kimberlygabaldon3260]

Yep. I used to work for one. The workplace scenarios are spot on. Especially the credit- taking. She didn't just take credit, but made up stories about how she had "discovered" things.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

I knew a guy who claimed to invent guitar chords. No sh*t. Time to go. There's many of them, but they're in a huge book somewhere, already

[@saltlifegull4091]

Dang, Dr. Grande, you're just GREAT! One on the absolute best on KZbin! Awesome that you provide documentation (cites) for your topics. You're better than a Harvard graduate and present information so clearly, concisely, and pleasantly that I watch every video of yours over and over. You're doing so much good for others suffering Narcissistic Abuse.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Leah Allen,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

[@LemuriaGames]

Utterly amazing summary of typical behaviour. I could spot the narc in my life in almost every one of them, and the thoughts behind them make total sense. From what I can see, you are spot on and really put it very well into words.

[@trenayhansen1]

Wow thank you so much Dr. Grande for your incredibly informative and helpful videos on the vulnerable narcissist. In particular your video on v.n abuse was so helpful to me after a relationship with someone I suspect very strongly was a vulnerable narcissist. Of course I'm not a medical professional so it is purely speculation. But regardless of if my partner was legitimately a v. narcicisst or not the abuse your video described was something he engaged in most of our relationship. Your video really helped put "a name" to it and was really validating and insightful. I appreciate your time, effort and knowledge of these important topics regarding mental health. Thank you!

[@katiegeyvanpittius7391]

Also not skipping ads for Dr Grande's videos. Every other (beside Earthen Vessels) really works up a kind of enmity against the narcissist. It becomes a frenzy and is not constructive. Dr Grande brings understanding, even walks in the narc's shoes to understand their ways. Wonderful, thankyou Dr Grande

[@aprilhoffman3090]

This shifts between too many different personality examples for me to get a clear understanding of just a vulnerable narcissist. Thank you for your time, regardless.

[@PulpTales]

it's gotten to the point where i click the thumbs up on Dr Grande's videos....then i click play

[@monicacruz4407]

I recognise every one of those in my ex partners, and some in my mother, the original narcissist in my life. I can even remember (and my mother has told me tales) instances of these behaviors in my grandfather. A friend who’s husband was narcissistic (or possibly had NPD) is now struggling with some of these behaviors in her daughter. I am noticing more and more how narcissism can pop up across generations, it’s so interesting to think about the interaction between inbuilt constitution or genetic factors, and what is learnt from environmental exposure. I do feel that the ability of parents to mitigate against trans generational trauma is being hampered by technology (there is less genuine connection between parents and children) and we are looking at a tsunami of poor mental health. That’s why these educational videos are so important, thank you, as ever Dr Grande

[@Kyle1444]

Be careful to think more interaction between disordered parents and their children(us) would be better. Doing the "grey rock" and being invisible have certainly giving me my own share of bs to fight with. I fought all the "learned" narcissism somewhat successfully, albeit now resembling a failed narcissist, because there is no context for how it's "supposed" to be. Now, being used to fending off the hordes of npds in the unfortunate circles i've ended up in, proves to be alienating for "normal" people as well, since ofc they see "grey rocking" as the schizoid anti social response. Digressing - technology is amazing, like having access to videos like this, but used in the wrong way, the instagram, snapchat and reality show generation, its intensely damaging if any of that is taken as normal. It would be imperative to teach young people and kids, that those behaviours are anything but normal. Narcissism is portrayed as the new normal in anything mainstream/tv/ads whatever today(since catering to the ego(overt) sells, or making you feel better/smarter in case of reality shows. Clear cut learned narcissism) The mimicking on its own, for non-narcissists(undeveloped young minds) are extremely damaging for generations to come already. It was bad 10 years back, but with smartphones, its next level insanity when they hit sexual maturity from what i have seen

[@victoriamakhmaltchi3177]

This is making sense,this describes confusing people alot,punishing us out of the blue,

[@debby3986]

Thank you so much for the delineation of vulnerable narcissistic behavior. I have been married to someone with this and my perspective and emotions have become confused. I am starting to untangle this and realize how abusive he is psychologically and emotionally. He lies and is revengeful quietly.

[@garymarshall8228]

People. The more I see and become involved with people the greater affection and gratitude I have for my dog. My Siberian Husky ... Athena.

[@cdorothy444]

Lmao k

[@cdorothy444]

Sometimes I think it’s because humans have a much larger cerebral cortex than other organisms proportionally. That’s way we are complicated and have mental disorders. Animals are like food, shelter, offspring, safety? Good.

[@sankari6114]

My dog's a narcissist

[@360.Tapestry]

i suspect who think like this are actually just awful. one's affinity for dogs doesn't automatically make them an awesome person who also judges others lmao

[@natalieburnham3300]

I do love animals more then people. They are who they are no games, just them.

[@michelemurphy3541]

This is 100%. I have first hand experienced every one of these points. Holy cannoli. I am so grateful for these videos…they hand deliver me sanity and I appreciate this very much! Thank You!!!

[@tea2blo]

My ex had "memory loss", he was so convincing that even his therapist believed him. The therapist said he had memory loss because he smoked pot when he was a teenager. The therapist had him start taking notes and recording conversations. Made him even worse. SO glad that you did this video. THANK YOU for the knowledge, typical garden variety behavior!

[@meesc3556]

Yeah, the classic "I have great memory when it comes to stuff you did, but I can never remember doing anything foul." To me that is something to look out for. When people "dont remember" doing something messed up instead of denying it.

[@thetrainwreck1469]

They doctor shop until they find one that agrees with them. If not, they fake it until someone finally agrees with them. My ex husband ate a PB&J sandwich before going to get tested for high blood sugar. If that explains anything. To prove he is diabetic? For attention? I don't even know.

[@thetrainwreck1469]

@@meesc3556 or they say you are crazy and you don't know what you are talking about, or start a fight about something else altogether.

[@gabiwenzelow7348]

My mother is a covert narcissist rather she has high traits on the spectrum. I found this video to be most helpful for trying to decode some of her irrational illogical accusations, thoughts and behaviors. Thank you! Good job 👍

[@jackpetersen7545]

Gabi Wenzelow,You got a lovely smile 😊

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

Don't tell the sh*t. That's what I do. The weather. That's all.

[@lealei8961]

thank you. this has helped me understand what i went thru with a longtime friend. i let go eventually upon realizing that there is nothing true in any relationship when you have to walk on eggshells all the time to keep them. ty.

[@westingtyler1]

someone I know, when being confronted with a bad thing they did ALWAYS does either: "I can't deal with this problem you have with me right now because I'm ALWAYS besieged by all these other problems I'm trying to deal with" or "hey, instead let's deflect to some terrible thing someone else did to ME that we can "be mad at THEM - them not being present-" together!"

[@courtneymariah4362]

100%

[@jmschroeder5302]

So yes this....

[@lauracatherine9925]

Thank you for making this video.'m depressed/anxious/OCD etc. So I was really beginning to think i was a vulnerable narcissist. Yet I don't do any of the blame shifting or avoiding issues by claiming memory lossand trying to do anything to hurt anyone. so I'm realizing that I might just have the traits of as someone who has PTSD rather than vulnerable narcissist.

[@AP-wq9dv]

This is so helpful, I was really unaware of the tactics my ex vulnerable narcissistic boyfriend used to bring me down. He would take painful things I shared with him and played them. In the final stages of the relationship and after hours of being put down I would get apoplectic over his blame shifting and then he would excuse me of being abusive when I responded. He would turn it around each time. Its so insidious and channels like yours are so very helpful. Thank God I got away.

[@teresasilva9424]

Sometimes our ego gets the best of us and we can be narcissistic in some ways. A great read on these kind of subjects is "The road less travelled". The author talks about taking responsibility, helping others grow instead of making them dependent on us because of our fears and so on.. Thank you for the great content!

[@jpmichael2036]

“I hate it when I sneeze and someone says, bless you, like… who are you to be blessing me” - Ex Narc

[@Kevinkapon]

I appreciate that you don't make narcissists out to be monsters. I've seen almost exclusively videos that seem to make it seem like someone with NPD is this self-absored monster.

[@jcrnda]

Concise and accurate! I can't help but wonder if those people have no point of reference or if they are even capable of understanding normal human emotions, if they can see the damage they are causing to those who love them. This is coming from first-hand experience of attempting to cohabit with a BPD comorbid vulnerable narcissist. They probably have to live in one non-stop drama all their life and require therapists 24/7.

[@sometimes7244]

Jjjjjjjjjjjjjiiuou

[@lynnec3372]

This was a masterful analysis of people that I encounter on my job in healthcare. Bloated sense of entitlement, the sporadic raging against ppl deemed inferior, with no repercussions after wounds inflicted plus tears and (see Kyle Rittenhouse) and theatrics if called out on this behavior, coworkers initially speaking to you expressing overtures of curiosity and friendliness and welcoming to team only to withdraw just as quickly sullen, passive aggressive and suspicious of you as they deem you a threat bc you “scare” them with your confident unbothered ness, will start arguments or questioning your intellect because you are of the “type” that is known to be derelict in form and duty. I work in a very provincial region of the US… its exhausting.

[@googlieking]

Dr. Grande Thank-you so much. It is a relief to hear these explanations.

[@pw1669]

So interesting! When my adopted daughter would get in trouble, I would try to find out how she connected the dots, what was her thinking. She would tell me mom, I looked around and saw how everyone was so happy and it's not fair that they had this good life and I didn't get that. She had severe trauma when younger. So sad. She would act up so they would feel as miserable as her. She wanted to draw them in to her pain like it gave her a sense of relief.

[@gtattsUS]

My daughter had a friend like that. She kept trying to make it better for her friend. Finally ended it, thank god. So much misery.

[@bash9032]

I am an adopted person and I recall being a self-harming, miserable teenager who thought it was so unfair that others were happy, had families they actually belonged to, etc. Now as an adult I am pondering all the ways I self-indulged in my misery and desperately sought after validation.

[@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823]

@@bash9032 Why not consider it makes you tough as hell. Look at what the Depression people had to put up with.

[@Elephantine999]

The concept of a "vunerable narcissist" is new to me and seems really useful in dealing with a loved-one who can be crazy-making. Thanks for this. :)

[@monetwhiteside8242]

Thank you for posting this, because it gives me hope that I can be better. But I’ve read a lot of the comments on here and it’s true. I’m at the point of my life where it’s like yes now I see the problem, but where do I go from here? I have a lying problem. I’m not peeling back and I’m like I’ve lied to the point that I’ve even lied to myself, so I can believe I’m not as bad as people say. And it’s so easy to say change the behavior. But it’s like okay, that’s just one part of it. Like Dr. Grande said, it’s like layers. Once you peel back and keep peeling back, what will you find. And that’s what I see in myself, now that I’m peeling back, I see an immature teenager living in a 24 year old body.

[@QuartuvLarry]

I’m pretty sure I’m not a narcissist, but one time I said something so horrible in public, that my mind balked, and completely purged the memory of even the thing I said. And there I was, everyone staring at me, shocked, and I couldn’t even remember what I said just a second before. Blackouts are real😳😳😳

[@Juliet_Capulet]

Becoming the victim after attacking...YES. A hundred times yes. Good info, Dr. G.

[@witwisniewski2280]

Getting into someones shoes gives far more understanding than from just theory. It also makes it possible for the victim to make the abuse conscious to them. Seems to me that narcissists attack and control through their victims subconscious effects in the victim, but putting explicit words on hidden actions should help them avoid injury. This route to awareness may be the most practical coaching method I've seen. Please - more!

[@dankorth1325]

Crazy this guy nailed about 12 traits of my dad. My mom's losing her eyesight now and instead of doing anything to help her, he is immediately throwing her in a nursing home.