10 Borderline & Bipolar Thoughts and Behaviors | BPD vs Bipolar

[@amandafranklin1914]

I think my favorite grandiose bipolar plan was starting a successful sewing business. I don't know how to sew. That one's pretty harmless, so it still makes me smile to think about it.

[@09mtcamp]

😂 I have been there before myself

[@gga474]

This did make me laugh because one of my Bipolar 'big ideas' was that I would make and sell customised clothes and accessories. I bought a £200 sewing machine and easily another £100 on bits and pieces, then some more on fabric.... I have no idea how to use this damn sewing machine or read a pattern but it does look pretty on my table 🤣🤣🤣

[@saramilena.]

Jajajajajjajajjaja omggg

[@whoever6458]

That sounds like more fun that I usually have with my mental illnesses. I knew sewing was pretty much out for me since I was little since my mom has a sewing machine and the first time she taught me to use it, she left for a brief time and I managed to sew part of my finger down. lol Good thing I have a high tolerance for pain.

[@AntiFaGoat]

Mania = the Dunning-Kreuger Effect as an emotion

[@angeliqueguerra1631]

Self harm for me was a transfer of emotional pain to physical pain which was easier to handle.

[@epicmercury333]

Angelique Guerra Interesting insight. Thank you.

[@delyta.]

Yep! Same here.

[@thelordmemnoch]

Same for me. I took up boxing to release pain and it helped me tremendously.

[@drkmoondrkmoon9244]

Agree...i would do that sadly

[@satsumamoon]

Inner pain always manifests in the physical. Some people would feel its not acceptable to cause physical pain deliberately to themselves so they "unconsciously" create illnesses . .

[@thegrumpygecko2390]

Also I find one of my most craved symptoms of mania is the self confidence that I feel when manic. Normally I am insecure, and belittle myself and my looks. When I am manic it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me. I feel great I indeed.

[@dimitrijejovanovic6779]

its like being on coke lol

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Does that make you want to avoid the treatments?

[@xoce6210]

@@tarawalsh-arpaia3928 im not diagnosed, but i get what hes saying exactly. for me i always avoided treatment when i thought i was suddenly "healed" for a day or three. super happy, suddenly everything is bright again and i feel super good looking, as if im sexier than everyone.

[@susankeith326]

@@dimitrijejovanovic6779 Exactly! Only the high is long-lasting.

[@CutiePie232]

Yeeees I'm so shy and insecure in nature, when manic I'm absolutely different

[@jaredmello]

Great video! The fear of abandonment is the big BPD trait I have noticed in myself and others. The more I care, the more the fear of abandonment comes up. If I guard my feelings and control them, my relationships work. If I don’t, my fear of abandonment comes back and I act more codependent

[@ForzaTerra89]

Romantic love and fear of abandonment go hand In hand. My ex had bpd and he would push away assuming I would abandon him pre-empting my betrayal tha5 ironically it eventually caused me to leave. Fear of abandonment doesn’t mean being super clingy. Obsession is kind of normal in the honeymoon phase of a relationship and dies down naturally over time. Sometimes he’d assume I’d leave when there was no evidence and call me up but later on in the same day didn’t want to talk to me or care to interact with me. It’s not simply a case of being clingy

[@zahrabandali7343]

I can totally relate, Mello. I have BPD and in a relationship and the more I am open about my feelings, the more I fear abandonment. I struggle with keeping my feelings to myself in a relationship because I love so hard! When I love so hard I want them to know everything including my fears and insecurities. This doesn’t help at all. It pushes them away in my eyes. I am regarded as an insecure person with low self esteem and low confidence. So this is where I can relate you when you say keeping your feelings to yourself. It’s just safer.

[@ForzaTerra89]

Zahra Bandali my ex had BPD and he wasn’t like that at all. He was the opposite side but if he thought he’d messed up or done something wrong he’d call me crying and love bombing me then even an hour later could completely not care. Wanting to tell all, That’s just what happens when you fall in love. If you’re pushing pulling that’s more BPD. Or assuming the other person will betray you, even if there’s no evidence then beating them to the punch, that’s fear of abandonment in BPD. All you’ve described is just typical when someone actually falls in love. Sounds more like a one sided relationship than something being wrong with you cause when that’s mutual it’s fine

[@MJ-od5sh]

I am reading about all this as the guy am seeing or ment to be is very Euphoric one minute in terms of excitement to see me . Then the text messages are distant, the phone calls are none existent. Then he’s back on form again. There is so much past trauma in his life , childhood neglect , sexual abuse , death of his partner 10 years ago still affects him, she was 26 years older than him as well, & personally he has not had enough help for . He def shows the signs of CPTSD & BPD / NPD am worried as there has been some nasty contradictory behaviours . In like he slags his female friends off & Hates them but the next min meeting up & going for lunch with them. He tells me one particular girl said he should block me ( no reason when I have been nothing but nice & patient with him ) . Seems to be some weird story telling going off. He’s always trying to make me jealous by talking about other women which is really weird , I don’t bite to this though. Am beginning to worry am seeing narcissistic traits which I will not deal with. I feel I should run as all my mates are telling me this, but I have seen him break down on me & cry , he tells me he talks to his dead wife still . He is also still talking about his recent ex of who he split a year ago from . He hates her , but wants to be friends but doesn’t want her back but then she’s not that bad but then is again. It’s all crazy stuff . Currently I have had to take a step back from as the drama is far to much for me . Any advice to what this is ? Because it’s not normal , I want to help him be there for him but it’s to early days to have all this trouble .

[@gga474]

@@MJ-od5sh I've lived with 4 different Borderlines at various times in my life, two of them are immediate family, one a friend who I lived with for 3 years and the other was my ex's mum, she was a massive issue in our 8 year relationship. This is not going to get better until the stuff in the past has been dealt with and they can admit to and address their own behaviour. They need professional help. Your care or love isn't enough. Of the 4 people in my situation, 3 of them have no insight whatsoever and 1, the quiet Borderline, only has a little but is still in denial about how their behaviour affects other people. They are ALL manipulative in their own way. My advice would be to get out whilst you're relatively unscathed.

[@E.Pluribus.Unum.]

I was with a lady for a year and I realized that I wasn't helping her. That this storm over our heads would be forever. I thought I could walk with her into the sunshine... until I realized she was the source of the storms. I had broken things off. I feel as though the relationship was comparable to quitting cigarettes cold turkey. The cigarettes try to pull on the strings they've hooked into you over time and you must stay strong and remember that they're only going to bring more pain and perpetuate the degeneration. Remember you care more about your health than you do cigarette smoke. On the other side you will be able to see clearly and the murk is a temporary change to the landscape as you keep moving forward. Stay strong out there folks and a very special thank you to Dr. Grande for his wonderful work.

[@goodmeasure777]

@Beyond Bewildered, Beautifully wrote.

[@jenniferhagan6695]

Good analogy

[@ES-qu1jd]

@Beyond Bewildered Why was she the source of the storms? What was she doing?

[@shiginope]

i love these videos of the “thoughts of...” because i think it helps people empathize with one another since we can really understand one another with these videos

[@gsafadi2]

Yes !!

[@epicmercury333]

Agreed.

[@LaceyAnn]

I was going to leave a similar comment. Well said, thanks.

[@nefelibata4190]

You may understand some, that's all.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

That's a a lovely, humane way of looking at this. My mother handed me one of her psych textbooks once from medical school and she warned me of the 'I have it!' "disease", because ALL of the personality disorders sound like all of us and everyone else. That is what he refers to as sub-clinical symptoms, without the disorder.

[@chunkyMunky329]

Thank you for your scientifically informed, insider look at this mental health topic

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Ha ha ha. Cute.

[@seancancook1]

A monotone hello. This is Dr. Large. We are creating an interesting dialog in the comments.

[@johnmcdonagh50]

@@seancancook1 . God rest her 🙏 god Tom she could have been anyone she really could have 🙏🙏🙏❤️

[@bizarte24_]

It's possible to get well someday.

[@valentinacabreraungo4267]

Cute

[@pmag3200]

I wish there was such a thing as KZbin when I was in my 20s. Along with Doctor Grande and many others on KZbin sharing their knowledge. It would have helped me self-reflect and become more successful in life. Thank you for sharing your knowledge Dr. Grande.

[@sonnyca]

I wish there was KZbin in my mother’s womb so I could have educated myself about parental narcissistic abuse. Beat that!

[@musicobsessive123]

its never too late! you survived it, you know what was going on now, and thats what matters. from here you can grow, up and onwards

[@pmag3200]

@@musicobsessive123 thank you Almighty wisdom for reinforcing my statement. I'm very well aware of that.

[@musicobsessive123]

@@pmag3200 my apologies if i came off as patronizing, it wasn't my intent. i can relate to what you said and have felt a hopelessness "if i had only known". it hurts. i was attempting to reassure myself as well. sorry again, hope you have a nice night [day?]

[@pmag3200]

@@musicobsessive123 thank you for clarifying and you have a great day too I hope you're way younger than I am but I do realize and still have some time to make changes but just to let you know I'm 53 there's not much more time going for me to make things right unless I win the lottery 😁 but you take care good luck

[@paper-chasepublications9433]

I was diagnosed with BP1 in 2001 and I must say... this is an extremely accurate description, as usual. Thanks for sharing, Doc!👍🏽👍🏽

[@NickNicometi]

How has said diagnosis altered your psyche and reality day-to-day?

[@howabout.no.]

@@NickNicometi I can tell you my experience. Being diagnosed with bipolar 2 with psychotic symptoms back in....2016? Or something like that lol. It turned my life upside down for a good 3 years, it was absolutely horrible and also did explain things for me. But I got worse for quite some time once diagnosed, I think just because I fell too hard into the diagnosis in a bad time. The more I associated myself with the diagnoses, the worse I felt. I was prescribed risperidone for it. I took that for 2 years after trialing a few other antipsychotics with no success. I've been off risperidone for a couple years now and feel much better but quitting the risperidone was also incredibly difficult.. I didn't know if I was going to be right again, and I don't think I have been. My memory has been affected in a very bad way. It has improved but during my time on risperidone, I had the memory of a goldfish. And I wish that was an exaggeration. It's not. It was debilitating.

[@marlak4253]

Thank you for providing more clarity between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Your videos are a service to behavioral science professions.

[@aflawedhuman2046]

I wish I could afford to be evaluated or whatever..I've got a few issues and no clue why I'm different...I started to see a behavioral person but then I lost my insurance and just don't go to the doctor anymore lol

[@willm2255]

I have BPD and everything you said was like a light bulb switching on and very accurately put. Thank you for making people aware and helping them to understand BPD better.

[@LisaOray]

Same for me. But I have both

[@wjohnson9233]

After more than 25 years of struggling with Bipolar 1 my younger brother committed suicide on 19 December 2021 at the age of 53. I’m absolutely certain our late mother had Bipolar also. Prayers for all those struggling AND their families💙

[@Nice-ck7rq]

So sorry for your loss may your brother rest in peace

[@sheronlyn2693]

Yes BP is known to be a genetic trait.

[@IdahoMouse2007]

Prayers 🙏 for you & yours ♥️ I am so sad for your loss 😔

[@202triciae]

Youngest daughter took her life March 2020. After going over her struggles with her husband, she was def bpd. Hindsight is 20 20. At her younger years, behavior we thought was just teen behavior. But she was married for 4 years to a very quiet, under reactor, his own words, he thought my daughter, Meghan was an over reactor, she threatened him 3 times with suicide thoughts, she did not seek help, she was a registered dietitian and had her Masters in nutrition. She did not want to be on drugs. Anger was out of control. Her husband said she could not calm herself. She left 7 notes for her husband. She was 32, in great physical health, was a rock ice climber, again her husband said she kept trying to climb higher, never felt perfect. My baby girl, I really dont know If she could have been saved. She was not afraid of death and thought mistakenly that he would be better without her, she saw this has the only solution. We had no idea what was going on between them, we knew she was depressed, anger, wanted to leave her husband, she told us those feelings, but had no idea how extreme she was . She was abusive towards her husband. I'm so saddened. Omg, Dr.. Grande is basically describing my daughter. She was text book BPD.

[@NickNicometi]

🙏🙏🙏

[@jvs2095]

I really enjoy watching your content. In 2012, I was 16 and diagnosed with Bipolar II. My struggle with the disorder has always been depression and not so much hypomania. In 2019 I was reevaluated again and I had an additional diagnosis of BPD co-occuring with PTSD. All of the symptoms for bipolar and borderline you described really resonated with how I feel all the time. These periodic mood swings coupled with the daily ones are very intense and difficult to live with. After I started watching your channel last year I decided to get help beyond the medication I was taking and I did DBT. I didn't know what DBT was before I started watching this channel and I'm happy that I stumbled upon it so I can work on getting better now. Thank you 😊

[@less2worryabout]

An absolutely well thought out book for you " the manufacture of madness"

[@SimoniousB]

@@less2worryabout it’s 55 years old, but a great historical opinion piece.

[@mjstow]

I've read tons about Borderline Personality Disorder, and watched loads of videos where sufferers describe their experiences/feelings. Watching the videos I'm always shouting "that's me! that's me!" My psychiatrist dismissed the idea out of hand... saying that I had "too much insight". That it was it. No further questions from him. Maybe I shouldn't self-diagnose, but "too much insight" and no thought from him wasn't very satisfying.

[@joshisaac9845]

Get a second opinion

[@MadelynDarby]

Definitely get a second opinion

[@amandacampbell1631]

Hmm 🤔 it seems impossible to have too much insight. I do hope you find someone that values your insight and can use it as a means of helping you.

[@weenietherescuedog9584]

As someone diagnosed with BPD and PTSD, I find it highly invalidating and dismissing when a mh professional tells me not to self-diagnose if I talk about how I have non-overlapping symptoms "exclusive" to mild autism, ADHD and Bipolar. After the rejection sensitivity plays itself out, I get myself to seek another professional's opinion.

[@RepentfollowJesus]

You have a psychiatrist who spends time talking with you? More than just , so how are you doing with your meds, feeling ok? Need refills? Ok call to make your next appt. Thats about all I get.

[@orchidisle1]

Thanks again Dr. Grande for taking a complicated subject and breaking it down to be better understood. It helps me realize that some of the differences between BPD and BP can be motivation which is completely different but expressed in a similar way. Which is why it is important to have a patient and thorough professional to make a diagnosis.

[@bonitatorres5543]

It wasn't until you made a comparison that I realized one could (and do) have BOTH! Very, very interesting Dr. Grande. You are truly a gem!

[@dijo9581]

This video had my head spinning and laughing! I have had CPTSD with bipolar tendancies (hypomanic not extreme mania) and I dated someone with BPD and this video totally described what was going on behind the scenes. I really appreciate how he descibes the difference in thinking. The person I was dating was always blaming everything on me while I was always relieved by the fact that it was an "open relationship" so I could just walk away and deal with my own feelings without feeling obligated to try and work things out with them. I am really amazed at how well he intellectualized the differences and explained it so well. Being in that situation it often felt like madness but the intensity of the connection kept us coming back until I knew very clearly it had to end. The intensity of projecting blame seems unavoidable with BPD and it builds over time whereas for me I was building less trust with each episode where I was being blamed for their feelings. Watching this video gave me a kind of comical animated view of that experience.

[@destinyh3717]

As someone with both, I appreciate your analyses! My bpd only started to get managed after my therapist worked with me on behavior and DBT and comfort in cognitive dissonance. I didn't even realize I thought differently. She turned to me one day and asked why I get the privilege to be right all the time and why everyone else must be wrong. It really changed my way of thinking because sometimes with how I think, even if I'm 100% sure I'm correct which I often believe, I might be wrong. It's not only humbled me but slowed me down on irrational behavior. Not all the time mind you, definitely not perfect. Thanks Dr. Grande!

[@misanthr0pic]

this made me reflect. i used to think i was 100% right EVEN MORE THAN NOW! i forgot about this. it calmed down but now it comes up when im splitting. (i’m constantly splitting i cannot maintain relationships anymore)

[@doreenachtymichuk7909]

it's funny. i watch your channel religiously, and the more I learn …. the more people around me seem to exibit unusual tendicies ! I must be careful to understand we ALL have bits and pieces of personality disorders, and it must be the degree it manifests before thinking a problem is presenting. thank you so much for an interesting, well thought out channel.

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Yes, my mother, a doctor, told me they teach that in medical school before anyone ever opens a textbook, especially psych. They call it the 'I have that' effect. Then 'You have that. She has this. You are schizoid.' etc. So the warning is essential.

[@ChopBassMan]

The more I watch Dr Grande videos, the more I realize that I have symptoms of many disorders. The only one I absolutely know that I have is substance use disorder (alcoholism. I've been sober 31 years and learning about my personal psychology has really helped me)

[@patriciadl3979]

100%

[@erust9465]

Excellent commentary as always Dr Grande! You’ve got a unique ability to explain things in an understandable, easy to visualize and digest way! Thanks for all you do!

[@ladymopar2024]

I like that is non-judgmental as well. I love that.

[@elisamastromarino7123]

I agree with other commenters that the "thoughts" version of these different disorders makes them easier to relate to. I watch These more than once. ☺ Thank you for all of these videos this week, Dr Grande. You've really outdone yourself. 🌹👍

[@tarawalsh-arpaia3928]

Yes, I agree. I also found, with a family member's mental illness, I take note of a consistent behaviour and then hold it up to a known symptom and there have been times where that has really opened my eyes to what was obvious but I could not see that. That was my shortcoming since I was too close to the person literally.

[@TonySantuccistudios]

Virtual hug for the person who made this video. Thank you for caring enough to spend time teaching us

[@katkatkatkat463]

Great video. I have BPD traits and I used to date a guy with bipolar; this explained the differences in our thoughts and motivations very well. Thanks!

[@sarahlynch4777]

Much deserved 1 million subscribers! From someone with bipolar who was suspected to have bpd- This was a phenomenal breakdown

[@262mommy]

Hi Dr. Grande- I have bipolar 2 with more mania than depressive episodes, and you hit the nail on the head as far as interpreting the thought patterns/meaning behind behaviors (at least in my own experience). My therapist mentioned the commonality between my situation and BPD and at the time it terrified me, but your distinctions make a lot of sense and help me distinguish my bipolar symptoms/traits. Thanks for your insights.

[@martingd777]

7:00 breakdown of criteria BPD vs BP

[@hollyccam]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder over ten years ago. For various reasons, including the fact that I am fairly successfully medicated, I question that diagnosis. But the bipolar descriptions in this video are so accurate to me it was uncanny. Even the nasty aspects of my personality described right in front of me made me feel...seen?? This is the best way I've heard this explained.

[@chchcho]

Yeah, I felt the same

[@aaronm.2718]

I just figured out I’m highly BPD. My wife can easily attest to this. Kind of a bitter sweet realization 🤔 On a lighter note, you sound absolutely 100% exactly like Edward Snowden. Well done👌🏻

[@debram5650]

This video was amazing. It really hit the nail on the head for me, as my diagnosis has fluctuated between BPD and bipolar for some time. Thank you.

[@madnessofkate3802]

This is extremely validating and I can’t thank you enough for posting it!

[@helenannelder8860]

It was very helpful to hear the different thoughts between BPD and Bi-polar Disorder. Thank you.

[@RoseRNCLNC]

Can't tell you how much this helps me. My husband has multiple diagnosis and dealing with him while trying to help him cope is exhausting. I feel the more I learn, the more I can be a more supportive partner.

[@universe2198]

This is very informative. The” thoughts of “series really helps us to understand why they do what they do!!🙏

[@blacklotus1486]

? it's pretty difficult to read about people who refer to folks with certain disorders as "they" or as "borderlines" or "bipolars.". Even though narcissism has a noun form, it still isn't a helpful generalization.

[@jammerman28]

Your comment is very condescending

[@jenniferhagan6695]

I've been diagnosed with both before... I will say that it took me a lot of years to get where I am now.. a much more calm and thoughtful person. I have to really practice self reflection and examine my motives. I learned to be quiet... to listen... to allow myself the feelings I get but move through them instead of stuffing them down. It's not always an easy thing but it's important to control ones emotions. Meditation, gratitude and compassion have helped so much.

[@LarryLonson]

I'm bipolar and I'm tired of being like this. I want to be normal

[@sophg685]

Agreed. What I find is the depression can push you so low, the mania is such a relief when it comes around that you just want to make the most of everything before those shitty lows come back. I have BP2 and haven’t been tested as far as personality disorders or ADD go, but high traits from ADD, and Avoidant and Schizoid personality disorders.

[@tinawindham6958]

I feel for your struggles. I’ve struggled at least 50 years(61 now)and there is so much more help now. I hope you have a support system. That’s been the worst for me not having any. My pets are my best support but I’ve been having physical problems due to RA and it’s making it harder to give them everything . We used to take walks and rides several times a week but I can’t manage them at this point.,I hope you have a better life. 👍🏻

[@whoever6458]

I would like to note that I had an ovarian cyst that grew so big that I had to have it surgically removed and, of course, it significantly screwed up my hormones too. I was reading a biochemistry textbook, yes, a biochemistry textbook and found tears running down my face without the presence of sadness and completely without relevance to what I was reading in the textbook. I wasn't even distracted while reading. It's been many years now and so now I don't remember what I was reading in the biochemistry textbook in particular but it was one of the purely chemical parts of the book with no direct bearing on emotions or anything that would trigger me to cry for any particular reason. If anything, I felt absurd that I was inexplicably crying because all the tears made it more difficult to read and then I thought it also kind of creepy because I wasn't crying due to any emotion and there were many more tears than if something had simply gotten in my eyes. I haven't had anything weird like that happen since I had that ovarian cyst removed but I must say that was the weirdest crying experience I have ever had. The second weirdest crying experience also happened as a result of the stupid ovarian cyst but it was earlier on. I was having my period and it was really painful both physically and emotionally. I happened to not have been able to get to the store to buy any chocolate and I was on the phone with my mom. We all laugh about it now but it was serious at the time. I actually broke down and sobbed to my mom because I didn't have any chocolate. She has her flaws just like I do (but in a few different ways), but bless her heart because she drove all the way to my apartment and bought a bunch of chocolate for me. I don't think any of us can count on anyone else all of the time and sometimes we are left completely alone when we are really in need but, every so often, someone comes along and helps us out, be it our relatives or someone we know or even a total stranger. Whenever we can, we should strive to be that person who comes along and helps.

[@theG0AT616]

Thank you for another truly informative video! There are times I think "maybe it's BPD and not bipolar that I have" and then videos like this clear that right up. Especially the part about impulsivity being a symptom of bipolar even when not in an active episode! PLEASE PLEASE consider doing a video on bipolar symptoms that are present even between major episodes, I can't seem to find any accurate answers to that no matter how hard I research! 🙏🏻 Thanks again!

[@ladymopar2024]

Great video doctor G, With somebody that has a family member with bipolar You always break it out perfectly. I just finished watching. Unknown archives and his channel the last video he did. Was about family members with somebody with bipolar because he has it. It was a very enlightening and interesting video. If you have 35 minutes to watch. It's a very very good. I also love that you explained things in layman's terms And you don't talk down to us. You give us tools to handle family members, work situations I love it. This video is now one of many that I have put in my favorites. I hope you have a wonderful day.

[@Keepingitreal783]

Wow this is the first video of yours I've watched so far and all I can say is wow! My friend/roommate recently mentioned he thought I was not only bipolar (which I've been diagnosed) but also BPD. I thought no. But your video today had both and it astounded me how many traits I had for BPD! Ok, now my ears are open. I watch the whole video and have to admit I had focusing issues (I'm seriously starting to think I'm adhd after all these years) and tried to stay open minded and hell most of what you explained was me in a nutshell. I can't wait to watch all your videos. Thank you for making this one!

[@frankenz66]

Thank you for those clarifications. They really do seem to meld together in so many ways.

[@frankteng]

OMG this is enlightening, I recall growing up with the mindset that emotions make sense and the reasoning derived from them was completely if not more valid than without. I really screwed the pooch thinking myself into this state I’m in now.

[@stupidbeetle]

Hey Dr. Grande! I'm currently in the process of ending my marriage. As this process progressed, her suddenly strange behaviors and skeletons in the closet started coming out. Looking back, all the red flags were there. I find myself realizing the main reason for our divorce came down to me asserting boundaries over and over. I now realize that these attempts were ultimately viewed as rejection. My wife abruptly ended the marriage with a list of things that happened 6 years ago and presented no opportunity for dispute or compromise. She is ostensibly a completely different person now. Almost like her inner persona and outer persona have flipped. At first I wanted to blame myself, but the fact is that while I'm not perfect, the people closest to our relationship were able to convince me that I was a great partner and what's going on with my wife is really all about her. This allowed me to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship from the perspective of me knowing who I am and what I want out of life rather than seeking blame. I got into this relationship because she seemed to be on a good track. We got along great and my friends liked her. In fact, I met her through my friends. I've come to realize that my wife does not maintain long term relationships. When I first met her, I met her through her latest new friend group and so their perception of her was limited. I've learned that my wife is a chameleon with a long pattern of getting into longer term relationships with a guy who has it together and then spontaneously breaking up by cheating with a "fixer upper". She craves acceptance, especially from her family more than anything else and they ultimately let her down. Her mother is bipolar and frequently flies off the handle. Her behavior is the root of much of the toxicity in the family as her episodes are often extremely emotionally destructive events. My understanding is that growing up, my mother-in-law took her anger out on my wife for all kinds of reasons and berated her successes. This got me thinking about the rate of comorbidity between bipolar and BPD. Based on my experience with my wife and her family, I can see now how this phenomenon of bipolar and BPD would occur. My mother-in-law is terribly abusive when not properly medicated. I imagine her episodes would be an extremely damaging experience for a child. Everyone I have talked to from her past suspected she might be undiagnosed bipolar when they reflected on their experience. I would have to agree. I'm also finding myself realizing she has borderline traits that would subtly manifest throughout our relationship. It would be great to see a video exploring how bipolar and BPD could be linked.

[@ChristopherDonnerArtist]

These systems run in my family . Being careful of the friends I have makes a huge difference . Just keeping myself in check .

[@conniethingstad1070]

I will need to listen to this one again and take notes. I heard a lot of behavior patterns in someone that has mental illness that resembled many of these criteria. I like how you laid it out in this video. I would like to hear a little about the NPD and the movement between mania and depression.

[@Marcelube]

Thank you once more, Dr Grande. I'd like to see a video about the characteristics of a relationship between a borderline and a bipolar people.

[@beckycadman9076]

When I was initially diagnosed with bipolar (21yrs ago) there was significant gender bias with bpd. My psychiatrist assumed as bipolar I may have bpd. However after I was stabilised on meds she realised it was more complicated. Thankfully I was referred to a specialist who after much observation diagnosed me with a far more accurate ASPD. I showed no interest in rejection and lacked any emotional swings. Including my history it was clear I had no bpd traits. It was purely unmedicated Bipolar that mimicked certain bpd traits.

[@joanbaczek2575]

Antisocial personality disorder is still cluster b not JUST un medicated bipolar! Are you dense!?

[@beckycadman9076]

@@joanbaczek2575 think you misunderstood. Bipolar can mimic cluster Bs. So once bipolar is medicated and you stabilise, then an accurate assessment can be made on other disorders, like ASPD . Im bipolar WITH comorbid ASPD. Of course bipolar can be without Pds.

[@kelliearnold8498]

Great job. Yes I can’t tell why I’m upset a lot of the time. At one time I applied to answer 911 calls. I could never do that calmly.

[@brown.frown.]

Also, while in mania I have put myself in some extremely dire situations to where I could have been hurt, kidnapped, or who knows what. I get to where I believe everyone I speak to is my friend. Once I was walking my dog & a couple were outside. I started talking to them & next thing I was in their house. I was extremely thirsty due to meds & it was summer. They had no electricity & no.runnong water. I asked for a glass or bottle of water & that's how I found out they didnt have any. They had a 2 year old in diapers still in that house. But they were my friends! So all was okay. They offered me drugs & I tried it. Got more energy & continued walking my dog. Once I went back home, around a week of "adventures" with strangers & some I know, I began to come to & realized that I left that baby in that house. I non stop cried for idk how long & laid in bed for days. Yeah...bipolar is something else. Later on I went to check on them at that house. No one was.there & I was told they moved. I hope that Lil girl is safe & cared for. I still carry guilt.

[@lindadunn8787]

Here I am into the video less than half way and my impulsivity needs "off leash." Thank you so much. Your clear articulation helps so much. Ok. Back to listening. Thank you.

[@simplyonemortality8122]

Thank you for doing this video Dr Grande, it highlights some differences in possible thought processes between the two and actually I hope people actually realise that these two disorders should not be lumped together or understood as basically one in the same stereotypically. I agree mainly because treatment is very different and so is the understanding necessary to help people with either condition get to a point of helping themselves manage the disorder or condition too. I also think though it may be helpful for people to understand that general people shouldn’t really diagnose people (at all really) by what they say if they’re solely thinking or interpret that as if it relates to one of the ways for instance a person you describe on this video as “bpd” or “bipolar disordered” way might think. There are many potential crossovers and overlaps with other disorders which could “sound” like a person thinks in a disordered way depending on the interpretation of what is said, or how it “sounds”. For instance, things can look like or masquerade as something else. It is much more complex than just hearing what someone says ie if a person shares their thoughts and then the other person jumping to conclusions based on that. I believe this video thought comparison would be very difficult to do if incorporating the full complexity of Bipolar episodes (and how people could potentially think differently in such, and also considering a persons “baseline” thought patterns which are separate from the episodic thoughts too), both psychotic and non psychotic as well as Mixed affective states I think it would be difficult to predict what is actually going on internally thought wise given it would be really difficult to guess how psychosis develops in one person from the next. Mixed affective states are notoriously difficult to diagnose and often can be interpreted as BPD even by experienced clinicians. There are overlaps with Autism and bpd, bpd and bipolar mixed affective states, ptsd and bpd and many more. Some people may even have various comorbid disorders (or no disorders or conditions, just a different way of thinking and communicating) which could be interpreted as something different than what is actually going on and then end up misdiagnosed. People should really be aware of that rather than just educating themselves on one or two conditions at a rather basic level and then thinking they have the knowledge to differentiate. Also there are other things which should/could be considered such as Autism and other conditions which can affect what people say or how they communicate their thoughts and how that can be “generalised” by your standard person who has some but not a really thorough understanding of these different ways of thinking/thought processes or patterns. If someone jumps to the conclusion that a person who says something and it sounds “Bpd” (unfortunately people do think this way even without being knowledgeable about a condition in a through way) when in fact they aren’t fully understanding the picture - that could be really damaging for the person being accused. - There is notably an increase people now, in such times where the average person is learning about psychology etcetera via youtube and other platforms (or even the media), are accusing people of “gaslighting” them because they simply do not like the way they are treated or potentially they “think” they understand what the term actually means when in actuality they know about a tenth or less. People are just using these terms flippantly which can be quite damaging to a person who is accused of something which is neither true nor based from a clear understanding of such terms. In the UK there has been some reports in the media of a certain celebrity accusing a member of a television series as having done just that to her and quite frankly its quite scary how often such terms are being used / thrown about. It’s good that people are learning more about psychological conditions and that awareness is being brought to them, however, in someways, and depending on people and how they use this “new found knowledge” - if anything its not helping stigma and stereotypes, its actually perpetuating them because they now consider themselves qualified to diagnose people, or perceive any slight mis communications or perceptions of behaviour etc as pathological.

[@DanS8204]

Dr. Grande, this is an excellent summary, and I thank you for sharing it.

[@sloanefrances1881]

Dr. Grande I love your videos so much, i send them to my boyfriend and he watches them on his own time because i was recently diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. i always have to watch your videos, Dr. Tracey Marks's videos, and anything else i can find so that i remain as little of a danger to myself as possible!!! also, i tell Grant to watch videos like these so that he can help me catch my head if he sees i am having trouble doing it on my own (im currently not on anti-psychotic medication despite very-much needing to --even though i don't want to be on them again :)--) ANYWAYS i just wanted to express gratitude for your youtube channel AND i think it would be fantastic if you and Dr. Tracey Marks started a Podcast.

[@Ms.Enide0]

I was diagnosed with bipolar II for two years, but I was in psych ward for 3 weeks and they diagnosed me with borderline p. disorder, but I think I’m bipolar and this video just confirm my thoughts. Especially with not-clear thinking, I was not vey good able to say how my mania look, I feel great high energy, I making plans on coloring my hair, get tattoo, great plans on studying (make 2 years in one year) etc.. It’s things that I plan (I know what tattoo I want, I want coloring my hair) but I get courage to do it while hypomanic. I writing but while hypomanic I want to write book in two months (I never wrote a book, but I can write A LOT materials in hypomania). I’m angry without reason and cry without reason. My hypomania end with anger and frustration. It’s like you have Porsche and you want to ride 300 km/h, but you losing fuel, but you want to go and get angry and frustrated because you can’t ride so fast anymore. I was in relationship with BPD person and now I read a lot about BPD it was very common type of relationship with BPD patient. First she spoke to me like to only one person she can trust, person who can save her and never left her. Then she started being manipulative “I’m terrible and you will leave me!” then she started blame me for her feelings of emptiness and sent me photos of her bloody hands (she had problems with self-harm and anorexia) she idealised me and then was diappointed because I wasn’t like she want. Very short and intensive relationship. She didn’t knew her sexuality or if she like something or not. After my experience with her, I think I don’t have BPD. I think I have problems with recall my thoughts in mania or depression. If I’m in mania I don’t “remember” how bad us depression and while in depression I don’t “remember” the bad things that happen in mania (anger, frustration, hurting people I like) just “MANIA IS SO GOOD” so while in psych ward I could not describe them my thoughts in hypomania exactly. I can see why they think I’m BPD, but I think they interpred what I told them in wrong way. But I would never gambling, I want to go out and drink dance, go to concert or I start doing something new (embroidery, painting, writing) and then drop it when I haven’t energy to do everything at one time - because in depression I feel so bad I can’t do everything that I want to did and feel so worthless. Two of my therapists I had think I have schizoid traits, I think it’s quite accurate. I have problems to concentrate while manic and problems to remember while depressed. While in psych ward they said “You have to know reason for your feelings” and they didn’t accept “I don’t know” so I start to made up reasons that didn’t exist so they stop bothering me - big mistake. They still giving me same meds and treatment after changing my diagnosis to BPD, because my antipsychotics and antidepressants work for me. Sorry for my english.

[@Catlily5]

I know this is a while later, but I wanted to say I have bipolar disorder. The hospital would diagnose me with BPD because I would get very angry when manic. Outside of the hospital the mental health professionals were very surprised I was diagnosed with BPD. I act borderline when I'm manic but not much otherwise. They have now removed the BPD diagnosis. Maybe see how the mental health professionals observe you when you are not hospitalized to see if you really have BPD. I hope things are going well for you!

[@fionascheibel977]

I have BPD. I also have rapid cycling Bipolar, Autism, ADHD, OCD and severe anxiety. So it is never easy to know why i feel or do things.

[@molliechippeck4201]

I also have ASD, ADHD, and severe anxiety and suspect I might have bipolar 2 as well.

[@dimitrijejovanovic6779]

i think im near also lol, ive became more aware of symptoms after a relationship with one girl..she told me i cant feel empathy..so probably im a psycho with bpd and bi polar..but i think she was a narcissist..so i think im loosing my mind..

[@Consparicy]

Your like me lol

[@tidespath2240]

I watch this guys videos alot and he just never stutters ever

[@Pisces-1978]

This was an amazing vid!! So very helpful + accurate. Grateful that I live in an era where I can get on something called KZbin + learn about mental health issues. Both disorders were explained so clearly + simply. Much thanks + healthy mental health to all ✌💜

[@aldostefanini1392]

The impulsively section is spot on Dr. Especially in the mania phase. Psychotic thoughts are also very much a factor in the mania stage. Also i also think in my head while talking to people that they want to fight with me physically and i see a whole scenario playing off. But the conversation is as normal as can come but in the back of my head I'm always thinking about how the fight will end out always planning what will cause the most damage to the person if this fight had to break out. It becomes worrying but I know its not real(all in my head) even when talking to old people. I think that this must be part of the paranoia factor in being in the mania stage

[@tabithatodd79]

I recently got diagnosed with BPD and it's been one of the hardest roads I've been on.

[@sugarplum316]

Great explanation of the two. I have watched multiple videos, researched and it never clicked. Now I understand completely upon your excellent explanation. Thank you.

[@StephanieBadAzz]

Thank you for making this excellent video. 👍🏽 I feel like you understand bipolar and bpd very well. And I was diagnosed with a mood disorder and am being successfully treated.

[@ingridjercic8908]

Dr. Grande, this is undoubtedly the best video (and the channel) on KZbin that explains such fine differences of the mentioned disorders. This is so helpful that it is, perhaps, even beyond your comprehension, Dr. Grande. I want to thank you for your devoted work and also to congratulate you on your half of million subscribers (not that long ago, maybe in February or March this year, there was 200 000 subscribers). So, keep up the good work. Kind regards from Austria and Croatia.

[@chaptercviii]

I really appreciate this video. I'm a mental health professional and I also have a dx of bipolar disorder and I've noticed a lot of crossover and I'm very thought based when working with my patients and when working on myself, so this was extremely informative.

[@williamcabisca5058]

I have always tried to understand the symptoms and the effects on mood. Manias are when I try to slow down and realize things take time. This allows me to plan projects in steps allowing for mistakes, and time to communicate ideas to others. This allows me a springboard to understand others point of view. I can be bit of a passifist I hate arguing points because views change. I also tend to take things literally. I think a lot also.

[@ginasalinas7892]

I have long depressive or manic episodes, short mood swings within those episodes. And I have BPD. So I never get a break. I sent this video to my family. Thank you

[@AkiShiroi]

As someone diagnosed with both, I think this is 100% accurate

[@jakerivera7226]

God I’m a mix and match ( for many I have both ), maybe I should see a therapist....

[@AliCe-fk9ty]

@@jakerivera7226 me too, I'm currently getting diagnosed but they don't know what it is yet. I hope it's bipolar 2 though & not bpd

[@666blindrider]

I'm finally going to talk to my pchologist. Spoke to him one but I hate I have to do it over the phone. It's irritating.

[@Prosper1111]

After watching this I think I have both😔

[@may8768]

@@Prosper1111 better for you to see a psychiatrist so everything will be clear and you'll have your meds

[@kmdn1]

Your videos giving typical or possible "thoughts" that a person with a disorder might think are very helpful in understanding disorders for people who are not professional psychologists/psychiatrists. The more subjective look, through the eyes of the mentally ill person, gives us a much better look into what's going on in their heads rather than just how it appears on the outside (which I assume would be more helpful to a doctor who is doing the diagnosing).

[@hollyisyourfriendstranger]

I remain calm while being bipolar 1 by taking my medicine , going to a psychiatrist, and attending one-on-one therapy. And telling myself hitting people is now a felony. I also maintain a multi-tasking lifestyle, so I don't overthink stuff that I can't control. I try to also make sure goals are met before bed. I have to do it or I will go manic. Which never works because i don't finish my projects. Lol. However, the crying I wish I could one day, just _STOP_ but that has never stopped. Ever. I cried today because i bought so many things, only to realize I don't want to do that project that i thought was brilliant in my damn head! But I also start on something so random . Last week, I was going to make a doll house, and I ended up with 20 boxes from the store of different fairies. Must say I spent maybe 250? Now....I got a crap ton of tiny furniture and no spring or grass to go with it. Lmao. It's funny that I think about what I did. But hey, maybe one day, my manic mind will figure something out for them darn fairies and miniatures. Cuz, my job is never done. It's overtime, baby. And it gots all day and night, sometimes weeks of magnificent stuff that is brilliant!!! But the problem is....I got TO FINISH THE DAMN PROJECT! ONE DAY THOUGH! One day, I will! Or atleast I can tell myself that. 🤣 thats one thing I can count on religiously is that my brain is optimistic!! It tells me everyday I got this!!! But at the end of the day. It never disappoints for it to flip and say you got this tomorrow. Today was not your today. Lmao.

[@tinawindham6958]

This was a drybar comedy rant. I know it’s not funny bc I’ve been in your shoes. It’s just so spot on. My baby box turtles use my tiny stuff as photo props. They should do a tik tok skit. 👍🏻

[@gsafadi2]

Dr.Grande i love those videos about thoughts. Can you in the future make one on OCPD ? Great video! 🖒

[@epicmercury333]

Great suggestion, Dave Jones. A video like that would be very helpful.

[@LuciaInman]

Yes please! 🙏🏻

[@2legit2Kwit]

Dave Jones what is OCPD?

[@gga474]

@@2legit2Kwit I assume Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.

[@mkhan9764]

@ Angelique Guerra IMO tattooing is also an act of self-harm. I mean why not just use a sticking transfer image on your skin, that can be wiped/washed off/worn off when you have had enough of it - a bit like these so called Henna tattoos? But tattooing (especially multiple tattoos) is at another emotional/Psychological level - one correlated with self harm.🤔

[@PsychicMycelium]

9:11 - 9:40 I always find myself getting angrier because I dont know why Im angry. Then get angrier yet for feeling like my memory is slipping everytime it happens.

[@OwlCapone8630]

-Hulk

[@paulh2468]

Thank you Dr. Grande. An excellent primer, and the best comparison of the two disorders that I have seen or read.

[@christophermaynor1594]

Stop talking about me Dr. Grande.☺️ Regardless, your videos always bring me a lot of self awareness. It does help. I just wish there wasn’t so much stigma around mental health.

[@catherinehartmann1501]

So clear. So helpful. I have only felt frustration - throwing up my hands. You have given me the gift of empathy after a lifetime of What the ....?????!!!! Thank you.

[@mrs.reluctant4095]

Doctor, the weather today is even crazier than I usually am! This isn't too easy to achieve, I would think. I sometimes think it's sad, that you don't work in a clinic. You would be the perfect one to sit at a patients bed. 🌹 Just tell me in case you want to work in a hospital, I'll try to be as sick as needed to get there. 😊

[@isaacinternet]

When in psychosis I actually did step back and look at the psychosis, but it’s extremely hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. So even after stepping back to assess my experience, nothing really added up in an understandable way. It’s like being in a nightmare trying to step back and assess the nightmare while still dreaming.

[@lousunny5682]

Thank you Dr. Grande!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@skaarlet1449]

My younger son has bipolar disorder, diagnosed as early onset because he started to show indications of it before he was 18 years old, it's hereditary. His dad had untreated bipolar and committed suicide several years ago (after we were divorced. I had begged his family to get him help and they laughed in my face. Since we were divorced, there was nothing I could do as far as getting him help.) Thanks to this video, I see a lot of BPD in my son, too, that I had never considered before. He is now 19 and the two biggest issues we suffer with is he just doesn't want to be happy. Not that he can't be. He chooses not to be. When everything is going absolutely spot on, he'll invent something. That is the second problem: He lies. A lot. And he's not good at it. And woe be unto the person (usually me) who calls him out on his lies. When I was a teenager, and I've warned him of this, I was a pathological liar. And I was good at it. So I see his bs coming a mile away. Doesn't stop him. He lies to me at least 2-3 times a day. That's at minimum. Typically the lies are little and meaningless and when he's called out he'll make what I call his "poo-face" and move on. But on the big ones, he'll lash out violently by cursing and slamming doors. Thankfully, he still fears me just enough to prevent him being physically violent--for now. I am going to get him enrolled in some sort of clinical setting when he ages out of his pediatrician this year. I have a feeling he's going to need all the help he can get.

[@renovatio9529]

These disorders are hell, and even that is a understatement.

[@Mary-nm9dx]

Dr. Grande is so informative and inspirational! ❤️May God bless him.

[@LaceyAnn]

Thank you so much for these videos.

[@TheJSN1015]

You are amazing in your analysis. 🎉. I feel I have found an online therapist.

[@Zika-ub2rk]

Can you do this type of video, comparing thoughts of a vulnerable narcisst and a depressed person?

[@allisonb.8492]

Here to learn as I think my spouse has this. thanks

[@HouseMusicLover001]

My mind jumps to a ton of different things that I did/situations that happened in the past every time you talk about a bipolar symptom. I'll take this to my psychiatrist Edit 2 months later: I'm bipolar 2

[@jayduke8554]

Incredibly easy to understand and extremely helpful. Thank you so much

[@leilaschafernak-perez8814]

How do you know if an individual with BPD truly loves + cares about you and it’s not just idealization?

[@ES-qu1jd]

Good question

[@LilyWillow22]

How does anyone REALLY know?

[@echuparosa]

I had a dr who told me I probably had bipolar but the more I watch your videos I realize I'm not. But this did remind me of a few ppl I dated esp with the perfect true love thing. I was unfortunately *not* their perfect one true love.

[@wasode20]

Would you do a show on what might be driving hard core gamblers?

[@justinriedel5870]

Yes that would b great my bf def is actually starts to sweat when hes gambling

[@standupp698]

I have been on the extreme end of bipolar depression and mania. I honestly don’t know which state of mind was more terrifying. They were both very life threatening, and I didn’t know how to get out of either state especially since I could not think clearly and had no concept of plans for my future. With the depression I didn’t want a future at all and was hoping for it to just end. With the mania I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know I was bipolar at the time, and I was making quick and dangerous decisions I would never make in my right mind. I experienced one after the other. The feelings are dramatically different but equally terrifying in my experience. My medication probably saved my life. I struggle daily with the anger issues. I do work on them and seek a good therapist who can help me, but it’s hard to find an affordable one that’s not on an app these days.

[@drkmoondrkmoon9244]

I feel symptoms from both disorders, so im kinda confused if im either one or not, hard to know what i really have especially because i have narcissistic parent

[@koreyb1671]

-mania leads me to believe I can do anything -lofty goals / plans -but nah I totally got this -burn out -relapse / binge -depressed -identity crisis -feel confident from drastic change in physical appearance -repeat (I’m getting better tho)

[@ruby-qv5bd]

Thank you Dr. Grande for this video. You are always so informative and this information is so helpful to many. Just want to say thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with all of us out here. Appreciate you so much.

[@kianamehmet1696]

I have bpd and also receive medication. People with bpd are often prescribed mood stabilisers(like myself)

[@Freedommjw]

Could you possibly address hoarding? And, how it effects the people that live with hoarders? Is there any hope of change?

[@gga474]

I hope so!! I will be entering therapy soon for hoarding, complicated by Bipolar manic spending, trauma and Bipolar depression. I think there needs to be some insight and the want to address it and change. I don't have any dependants though, I live alone. I can imagine it's very traumatic to live with a hoarder. I wish you well.

[@toniswisher5588]

Absolutely fascinating…sheds light on so many of life’s experiences

[@weird-history-and-odd-news]

Dr. Grande, thank you for this series. I was diagnosed with Type 2 bipolar seven years ago after a crisis. I'm in my late 60's now, through therapy with two wonderful psychiatrists it was discovered that I had been bipolar since early teens, and misdiagnosed all those years because I only went to the doctor when I was depressed. I wonder if you could speak to possible crossover between bipolar disorder and the autism spectrum?

[@Polacerbic]

This as usual is disturbing and illuminating and scary because I have both and these two disorders almost seem like identical twins!? I will go through this again and take notes and make diagrams. Thank you

[@gnosticwarrior212]

Can you make a video about nonpathological narcissism and how it presents itself with other people?

[@brown.frown.]

I was once put on some concoction of meds by my doc that I no longer see...I had a miscarriage & apparently it's what triggered my episode. (Wasn't diagnosed until then) Anyway, these meds made me feel as if I were under water. Thought it would stop but it never did. This was around the time the movie Split came out. I obsessively watched film every day 3 to 5 times because I believed it held the answers to...life I guess? When James McAvoy said "The broken are the more evolved." I would get chills & completely believed this movie was my solution to...idk what even. Thanks bipolar & thanks meds!

[@vincec.202]

I'm at a real crossroads here and I'm about to give up. This is absolutely the case with my now ex. She's absolutely borderline and has highly narcissistic traits(primarily her relationships being defined as the classic cycle of narcissistic abuse...I'm in therapy from 6 years of it and enduring 3 full cycles in 6 years, the lack of empathy, remorse, compassion, and inabilityto self evaluate) so the minimization of her behavior and omission of any facts that would make her look responsible for ANYTHING in her life is exactly what is going on in her therapy sessions I can guarantee, so she's being medicated for Bipolar 2...and it has created a person that had a low level of empathy and remorse and was prone to fits of rage over anything or nothing to begin with into SOMETHING ELSE that's scary. It's as if she's reveling in her inability to care who she's destroying and enjoying it. I feel as long as it continues it's going to end in her total destruction. She was diagnosed only after a couple sessions, which is RIDICULOUS. I wish there was something I could do, but at this point cutting her completely out of my life and tossing the last 7 years in the trash can feels like my only option. Any suggestion on an alternative? I've tried to explain what she's doing, and of course it's taken as an attack on her ego, flipped around, and deflected at me without an iota of ownership.

[@izabelladelmonaco5017]

As someone who has borderline … sometimes it’s just best to move on . Start a new life and learn from it . I have been abused , the abuser , abused again and finally in this moment in my life at 22 I feel healthy once again and my relationships with family /friends / and a new romantic one feel like a breath of fresh air …. It takes time … lots of it . Lots of therapy and self love. And not always is there a success at the end. I told my boyfriend that I feel like a ticking time bomb sometimes. My intrusive suicidal thoughts keep me up at night and I think of my past, my abusive childhood , past suicide attempt etc … it’s not easy but I’m much better now than ever . This is my normal and I’m hoping that it will only improve with more therapy and self love . What I’m saying is you can’t help someone that doesn’t help themselves and you can’t love someone who truly can’t love themselves or maybe doesn’t even love you . It’s a hard pill to swallow . And believe me I am so sorry . Because like I said before I have also been the abuser and I know exactly what you are talking about. I thought I loved my first boyfriend. But I think my messed up mind really only kept him around because I wanted to feel loved not because I really loved him . I can’t take back the yelling, the insults, the cheating, I can only say sorry and realize how much I’ve changed for the better and move on . That was four years ago … I think it took my next relationship to really turn the tables and really show me that it’s not right to do wrong to someone who would die for you. I would’ve done anything for this man. I loved him like I never have loved myself . I cooked , cleaned paid the bills. I told him everything and gave him all my love . He still cheated . He still hurt me . He still insulted and broke me . It took the cops at my door called by concerned neighbors to see for myself that maybe I wasn’t being treated right . I guess I stayed before that because deep down I thought I deserved to be treated like that. What I’m saying is that it took different chapters of my life to change. Surpassing your mental illness challenges is a long journey and it doesn’t change your entire character going through one therapy session . It took my last relationship to somewhat humble myself to now appreciate the amazing man I have in front of me …. He isn’t Superman or James Dean. He’s a simple man with genuine love in his heart and it took me being at my worst with a bottle of bleach and a cocktail of drugs in my bathtub to appreciate life and the love someone like him has to give to someone as broken as me . you just have to take that first step for yourself … start a new life and heal. Someone will love you and show you that love everyday like you deserve. I don’t know you but You deserve the best and only the best …I hope this helps … I hope you have a blessed day .

[@izabelladelmonaco5017]

And I’m sorry I just realized your comment was a year ago , I’m upset that I couldn’t come across it sooner I hope you are better now and made a healthy decision