The Worst (Ancient) Olympics Ever

The time a battle broke out during the pentathlon. The time a Roman dictator hijacked half the events. The time Nero ruined the chariot race. This video discusses three of the lowest points in the thousand-year course of the ancient Olympics.
For much more on the ancient Olympics and ancient athletics, check out my book “Naked Statues, Fat Gladiators, and War Elephants: Frequently Asked Questions about the Ancient Greeks and Romans."
www.amazon.com/Naked-Statues-...
If you're so inclined, you can follow me elsewhere on the web:
/ toldinstone
/ toldinstone
/ toldinstone
/ 20993845.garrett_ryan
0:00 Introduction
0:33 The Olympics that got invaded
2:46 The Olympics that were stolen
4:06 The Olympics that Nero ruined
6:42 Conclusion
Thanks for watching!

[@stateofflorida5082]

Everyone in Rome collectively let out a sigh of disappointment that Nero hadn't been killed by those horses.

[@backalleycqc4790]

I can just imagine everyone's faces... smiling and cheering with glee to see him fall and the doom they knew was coming for him, and then when he escaped death, smiling and cheering with mock glee in the hopes that Nero didn't notice their earlier response.

[@LususSaule]

Nero was very popular with ordinary Romans because he was generous towards them. It was the Roman aristocracy who despised him. Nero's popularity among ordinary Romans was such that after his death many claimed to have spotted him incognito, in the same way people claimed to have seen Elvis after his death.

[@nothisispatrick4644]

The Plebs just cheered him on, while the Patricians just wished him to fall of his horse and die.

[@stateofflorida5082]

@@nothisispatrick4644 I think his public popularity look a *slight* hit when he openly murdered his mother, both of his wives one after another (The second of which he killed by kicking her in the stomach as she was heavily pregnant), instigated the burning of Rome, castrated guys for fun and then humiliated them by forcing them to be brides in public marriage ceremonies all of which is without mentioning his love of banging anything that moved.

[@MrGksarathy]

@@stateofflorida5082 We really can't take those accounts at face value, given who wrote them. Was he a tyrant who engaged in plenty of murder? Probably. The more lurid accounts of his cruelty? Less likely.

[@beautyforashes2022]

"After a delay, the games resumed," As if an all out war breaking out isn't any more of an incovenience than a sudden down pour. What a crazy story, I love it!

[@noahkiger9788]

when it rains, it wars

[@paoloviti6156]

Crazy but possibly when the war broke out the spectators and the Olympics participants were never touched...

[@hansvonmannschaft9062]

It wouldn't surprise me if that happened because... wars were more common than Olympic games!

[@reidleblanc3140]

when Persia invaded, Greece said "wait wait, but we're not done with the Olympics yet." they took that shit SERIOUSLY.

[@brianlowe904]

Idk what you’re talking about Nero coming by to be a one man Olympic show is great. He even added events that’s hilarious

[@thekarnyx]

Nero be like: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hXKoe2aZbtWGqac

[@RagbagMcShag]

I imagine him like a King Jong Un of sports

[@nikolaykrotov8673]

Pretty cool that Nero help games twice in a row so he can win more often. That's class.

[@claudiussmith8798]

🤣 you are right... I mean you could see several normal olympics in a lifetime, but that show was a onces in history event....

[@frankmarano1118]

@@nikolaykrotov8673 what a gigachad lmao

[@volkhen0]

Nero’s competition must have looked like Alladeen championships from Dictator movie.

[@Scarabola]

lol this also came to mind

[@davidec.4021]

Lmaoo yes

[@brokoblin6284]

I bet its based on him

[@marcleslac2413]

Yep

[@marcleslac2413]

Yep, the alladeen news is we have a epic movie

[@nokomarie1963]

Nero seems to have been even crazier than I thought.

[@aimeeinkling]

And I just recently saw a video from the British Museum that tried to say that he wasn't as awful as historians have made him out to be.

[@garyfrancis6193]

I don’t think he was crazy just power mad. He thought himself an intellectual and great artist and as emperor no one could disagree. Just about anyone wiyall Thant power of life and death would go a bit crazy. He was sort of Nancy Pelosi in a toga.

[@Metal0sopher]

Reminds me of Trump. Can you imagine if Trump had the absolute power of an emperor? He would first shoot someone on 5th ave. Grab every woman he meets by the p... Buy Greenland. Force Norwegians to be immigrants to the US. Force brown people to build "the wall" in slave chain gangs. Steal the oil from Iraq. And god knows how much more.

[@Lucius1958]

@@garyfrancis6193 You misspelled "trump"...

[@MichelleVisageOnlyFans]

Nero most likely was a Psychopath. His narcissism, selfishness, charm, promiscuous sexual behavior and enjoyment of killing is all strong evidence of this. To add to that, the fact that his mother shared many of the traits shows an indication of Psychopathy running in the family.

[@diewaarheid9431]

More than 1800 victory crowns?! Listless, obviously brow-beaten attendant: "Very well done my lord. You completely dominated the Opening Of The Small Hut Door event." As he ducks into the small room. A Super pumped, and very naked Nero: "Off Course I did peasant! What is next?!" He says while flexing his pectoral muscles in turn. The attendant says somewhat distracted, while looking around the room: "Uhm..., Well..., Oh, Yes, the Lifting Of The Small Pail Over In That Corner event! Off course, sire." "Let's ******* Do This!!" Nero utters while menacingly advancing on the bucket.

[@Eulers_Identity]

Hahahha, this made my day! Thank you 😂

[@ethanripp2322]

😊

[@corporalkills]

Every time I hear more about Nero, his neck beard makes more and more sense

[@JozefLucifugeKorzeniowski]

his neck beard was basically a comb over but for a person who has a zero jawline.

[@yewtoob2007]

In 165AD, the halftime performance by Peregrinus Proteas was a flop.

[@LOLERXP]

I don't know what you mean, the kids loved the marshmallows

[@denizmetint.462]

I thought his performance was awesome

[@MichelleVisageOnlyFans]

He recited a two hour long epic poem, can you blame people for hating that half time?

[@John_Fugazzi]

I heard he was just a burnout.

[@jonathantan2469]

No wardrobe malfunctions there... 😆😆😆

[@mouadchaiabi]

"It was never forgotten that a Roman Emperor competed at the Olympics... and made them into a travesty." The fact that a _Roman Emperor_ competed in the Olympics surprised me. The fact that he fugged it all up did NOT surprise me.

[@magdalenusrex346]

Regarding Nero's reign, from modern perspective, it's almost a blessing for him he came in when the Roman Empire was at a height and his stupidity didn't do fundamental damage. He wasn't doing irreconcilably devastating and evil atrocities during the Empire's crossroads-point like Caracalla, or sitting on his ass watching a dying empire like Honorius/Valentinian III. He was a manchild foisted the throne to an Empire that was by powerful enough to take the hit of his incompetence.

[@Blox117]

i think you mispelled joe biden

[@MichelleVisageOnlyFans]

I wanted to go see Nero racing the chariots, but it was impossible to get the tickets. The second they put them online they were all sold out!

[@wdsftygt]

Nice joke church boy.

[@magneato981]

Yeah I hear you. They wanted an arm and a leg for the gladiator fight.

[@MichelleVisageOnlyFans]

@@wdsftygt Jealous much? That's all you got for a "joke"? Calling somebody a church boy on KZbin? LOL? Did you have tough upbringing? Bad parents? Mommy didn't love you? Sweetie, you won't heal your frustrations from childhood trauma by calling random people on KZbin "church boy"! LOL!!!

[@pajeirussaurio1405]

I had to pay a whole solidus to get in

[@owenmiller1402]

@@MichelleVisageOnlyFans nice tangent church boy

[@thatoneguy7191]

2:31 “Not pictured: desperate siege” lmao this is brilliant 🤣

[@niklask8753]

Imagine at the modern olympics an army suddenly occupies the arena

[@pajeirussaurio1405]

Or if all of a sudden a president or prime minister decided to compete and won all the events

[@niklask8753]

@@pajeirussaurio1405 yeah these were crazy times back then

[@gothenmosph5151]

While not during the games, Olympic stadiums have seen foreign militaries occupy them in two different cities. One of course is Berlin from the 1936 games, the US army briefly used facilities there to hold troops and as storage. The other is Sarajevo from the 1984 games, there was actually a battle at the main stadium there and the facilities were used for months.

[@GR8TM4N]

I feel like they should make a comedy film about Nero's olympics. Seriously. The man would be a comedic legend if he wasn't so disastrous and cruel in fact.

[@michaelstein7510]

Starring Chris Pratt as fratboy Nero. I’m surprised we haven’t had a Caligula reboot yet, but maybe the Ben Hur reboot being a box office bomb would scare studios from finding that.

[@BalkanRedneck]

A battle taking place next to the stadium, in the midst of the Olympics is like the greatest halftime show ever.

[@akidim13]

Nero was that guy that would ask you for some of your chips in school and when he would have some and you asked him for some he would tell you no

[@MichelleVisageOnlyFans]

So you mean evil psychopathic narcissist?

[@spkspkspks]

The "Not pictured: desperate siege" made me laugh out loud. Love the videos

[@classiccomedycinemaprogram1640]

My favourite youtube notification is toldinstone😊.... I feel like a character in a movie demanding- "More Input!".

[@barbarawillis5187]

The ancient events sound very current. Nothing changes in human nature.

[@Incognit05]

I didn’t know Nero was so talented!

[@davepowell7168]

I would have dared you to say that to his face.

[@backalleycqc4790]

You know, years after Nero's death, how much fun it would have been to recount his exploits especially the ten-horse chariot. That must have been incredible to see!!

[@cohencarpenter8338]

Modern day Olympic should be held in Athens every time. I think it would give it more historical significance and would also do well for Greek economy and would leave less abandoned stadiums across the globe.

[@secretsquirrel6718]

Im all for that. And you can only go one time in your life. And you cant be banned because your country is bad or something

[@RobinTheBot]

Greece would have to be a country who could be trusted to run an ethical and high quality olympic games, and to be blunt their government does not deserve that kind of monopoly. I hope their people bring them to justice and get back on track.

[@pauljones3017]

The last Olympics in Greece weren't really that good for their economy.

[@wankawanka3053]

In olympia with no fancy stadiums 😅

[@refindoazhar1507]

@@pauljones3017 mainly because it's a one off event. They have no use for the venue after that. If it becomes a regular event, the cost for subsequent games will be a lot cheaper as they already have a venue ready to be used.

[@magicbulletdancers]

who would've thought that I needed to know about ancient Olympics and (yes!) I want more. what an excellent video

[@alanmcintosh8087]

Maybe Beijing 200..? this was the games when the BBC had more TV staff than Britannia's Olympians. p.s Roof Tilers rarely miss

[@MrSilviut]

I can’t get enough of this channel

[@valmarsiglia]

Love that book cover design, it's reminiscent of classic Penguin titles from the 50s and 60s.

[@thefroggy5240]

That one dislike is from Nero himself.

[@jonathangonzalez3827]

Love your vids man

[@jeremycole1341]

Such a great channel

[@MichelleVisageOnlyFans]

Nero most likely was a Psychopath. His narcissism, selfishness, charm, promiscuous sexual behavior and enjoyment of killing is all strong evidence of this. To add to that, the fact that his mother shared many of the traits shows an indication of Psychopathy running in the family.

[@JaegerMatthias]

Nice. Very nice. Let's see Paul Allen's chariot horses.

[@ponyman13]

I'm convinced that the Olympics have always teetered on disaster due to the Original Snub. That is when the gods of Olympus threw a party and did not Invite Eris Discordia. We all know what happened next with her famous apple, but I'm convinced the gods of Olympus and their games still suffer to this day because of it.

[@garyfrancis6193]

No I don’t know about the Apple.

[@trr94001]

All Hail Discordia!

[@edryctan672]

@@garyfrancis6193 The Apple for the fairest. Zeus tasked Paris, a Trojan Prince(see it now?) to gave the apple to one of the 3 goddess who felt that they are the fairest, Athena, Hera, Aphrodite. One gave Paris military strength, one gave Paris wisdom and one gave Paris the most beautiful mortal woman in Greece at the time, Helen of Sparta. Paris choose Aphrodite and gave her the apple, and Aphrodite gave him Helen love. Unfortunately, Helen is already married to Menelaus of Sparta. And Menelaus invoke the oath of Tyndareus. The oath of Tyndareus is done when Helen is seeking a husband several years prior. Her father, Tyndareus doesn't want to insult numerous potential groom for his child. So he ask the help of Odysseus(who came for Helen, but didn't feel that he have a chance). Odysseus gave Tyndareus idea for the oath and in return, Tyndareus help Odysseus to court Penelope. The oath make every suitor of Helen promised to protect the husband of Helen. With that, Menelaus become the husband of Helen and heir to the throne of Sparta. When Helen is with Paris in Troy, Menelaus called upon all of those who partake in the oath to come fulfill it, and this resulted in the Trojan War. Following the Trojan War, most of the Trojan royal family perished, only the junior line remained, of which Aeneas is a member. Aeneas, according to the Gods, is destined to be a king, who will start a new order (Rome). Aeneas is also the cause of the Punic Wars, but that's another story (the Aeneid).

[@edryctan672]

In short, you can say that Eris Discordia is responsible for the foundation of the modern world and the subsequent decline of the Greek era.

[@TheAncientMysteriesBeckon]

@@trr94001 Simple minded Fools. As if Eris cares for you. I find it hilarious those of your ilk surmise Eris to be synonymous with Chaos. The Mysteries are lost from those like yourselves.

[@daviddantonio5702]

Despite almost no redeeming features and being a total maniac...you can also feel kinda sorry for Nero at times

[@MichelleVisageOnlyFans]

Feeling sorry for a murderous psychopathic narcissistic maniac??? Boy, do you have your values twisted! 🧐😳👎

[@ianmeade7441]

@@MichelleVisageOnlyFans it's sort of like a cosmic pity, that someone in his position can be SO pathetic that it remains a historical amusement for literally thousands of years. Like god damn, he literally had a neck beard

[@absalomdraconis]

@@MichelleVisageOnlyFans : Oh, it's quite possible to feel sorry for him- _he got it from his mother._

[@planescaped]

@@ianmeade7441 Did he ever once think that maybe they were all giving him the wins and that he wasn't earning them? If no then wow he must have been borderline speshul. If he was aware and just didn't care then he was just pathetic. Either way, looks bad.

[@histguy101]

@@ianmeade7441 just think of all the idiots that grew their own neckbeards during Nero's reign because he was the emperor and a lot of people would follow his fashions.

[@tylermiddaugh1515]

your humor is top tier

[@gododoof]

I'm convinced the only reason Nero fell from the ten horse chariot was because he was absolutely shitfaced.

[@JonatasAdoM]

What a priceless channel

[@HamletProtege]

Very good video

[@lynxf]

6:00 I vivdly imagine a conversation between two spectators: -- I pray to gods everything is well! -- So do I brother, so do I.

[@fuzzycat7313]

This feels oddly nostalgic and calming

[@lukeconleyluke]

Been loving all your vids man keep it up, perfectly explanatory and no nonsense but still funny :)

[@egoman56]

wonder if you can do a video on interesting roman expeditions (trip to lake chad, etc)

[@noahn8130]

Wow im early. Thank you for your work, I appreciate everything you do for us.

[@mm-yt8sf]

"to the surprise of no one" i wonder how they handled gambling when an emperor was involved in the games 🙂

[@ok-kk3ic]

Have you done any videos on the greek world immediately after the Peloponnesian war? I was just reading about Critias, “a leading and violent member of the Thirty Tyrants,” and was surprised to find out that he was first-cousin to Plato’s mother.

[@jameswalker3416]

Mybe this is not the place to ask but could you do a video on vices and hobbies they might have had?

[@JoeyAZ]

ya know how in sports video games you can switch stats and things to make you undefeatable? Nero was just using his emperor status to do that in real life lmfao

[@XX-gy7ue]

EXCELLENT

[@dingo23451]

Jesus christ, Nero literally acted like Eric Cartman from south park.

[@robdoubleyou4918]

Humorous and topical. Gratias tibi!

[@YaMumsSpecialFriend]

Ahh, o’l Nero no neck wins again, huh? (N.B, definitely wouldn’t have uttered that back in his day!)

[@v.marcoq.1393]

4:00 oh i love that sort of things

[@Official2Shitty]

2:00 modern day equivalent to someone shooting the stadium up

[@rickb3078]

Happy to see the number of subscribers keeps inching up with every video Nero surely is one of the greatest olympians of all time. He just won the stare down before the match and took that advantage to be victorious. Much like modern fight sports. And the rest is history. Phelps was good but he never won any event twice at the same Olympics

[@johnroberts4078]

I think 2020 may take the Golden Cake. Skateboarding? Surfing? does Greece even have waves?

[@magichands135]

Dude, Greek seas have no waves its amazing. Their hair is wavy af though.

[@davidhoward437]

I am struggling to grasp what point you're making. Do you think they had pistol shooting and bicycle racing in ancient Greece?

[@desiethereal8881]

@@davidhoward437 He just doesn't respect those sports, likely because he views them as sports for young people or sports that aren't high class enough, so that's why he thinks they shouldn't be at the Olympics.

[@zbs8334]

Can you do a video on ancient Roman coins?

[@CDNShuffle]

can u do a video on the Neronia

[@davepowell7168]

And I thought Munich was a bit rough.

[@histguy101]

Geez! Did no one remember to check the auspices?!!

[@malkomalkavian]

Powerful neckbeard on this Nero fella :)

[@aimeeinkling]

Imperial Neckbeard.

[@maxungar516]

my man nero out here running cheat codes

[@paoloviti6156]

Very interesting but I didn't know that imperor Nero not only participated but "won" so much, quite an achievement 😄😀

[@CustomVoiceArts]

Do you have another channel called beige frequency?

[@Gainn]

Based Nero. Chaddest of Emperors.

[@denizmetint.462]

Dude killed his wife and replaced her with a castrato. He could do and get away with literally anything.

[@denizmetint.462]

@Paul Miller Ok, that cracked me up.

[@santisoles9356]

This this is bussin

[@jimc.goodfellas226]

The level of egomania that Nero possessed is actually very impressive ngl

[@adewit5366]

Hmmmm, I been to.Olympia of is really lovely. A bit weird the Guido die not tell me about the battle.

[@MrSilviut]

They should make a movie “Nero Goes to Greece” - it would make for a great comedy

[@monkee693]

Homie really tried bringing 10hp to a 4hp race

[@JonatasAdoM]

The horses were probably afraid to trample Nero, that's how he managed it.

[@Fukoda]

Just subbed 2 u, btw why cant i add a Bell so i can get notified ?

[@otm646]

Is there some other cultural significance of a 10 horse chariot other than it's physical size? I am imagining him racing the Roman equivalent of a parade float.

[@worldcomicsreview354]

I guess the theory was it'd go faster and he'd definitely win

[@NPNN-xt4ot]

Olympics with real warfare. The only Olympics I'll watch on tv.

[@philipcallicoat9947]

Nero also heard St Paul preaching... (So I've heard?!)

[@neilhoganwa]

2021 Olympic makes the top of the list.

[@tonyl3762]

The emperor has no clothes.

[@kevinbergin9971]

Honestly, the Nero Olympics really weren't the worst of the 3 described. But he was Nero after all.

[@wankawanka3053]

10 horse chariot DAMN

[@LauraS1]

I know you have a doctorate in this but the pronunciation that I have learned from other scholars of Latin is "SOO-luh" not "Suh-luh" for Lucius Cornelius Sulla (my favorite dictator for some reason, I don't know why because he was thoroughly unlikable character). With his famous red hair and flawless white skin that would turn purple when he was angry (like mulberries in oatmeal so his contemporaries would say), he was pretty memorable just from looks alone but when you look at his back history (it's pretty sordid) and his military history, he was actually fairly remarkable. He was one of a few men who won the Corona Graminea (grass crown) for valor in battle and was very charismatic, much like his nephew Julius Caesar. Caesar had some interesting uncles. One was Sulla but the other was probably the Roman Republic's greatest general, Gaius Marius. Tough acts to follow but Caesar kind of blew them out of the water...but I digress.... Edited to add that if I ever get my hands on a flame-point Siamese cat, you can count on me naming him Sulla. Call me weird, you won't be the first. LOL 🤣

[@w15h0na5tar]

Nero- Oh, did I win again??

[@davidyodheyvavhey6621]

That was fun

[@marctemtemi4590]

What do you mean by Sulla being one of the most infamous dictators. Lucius Cornelius Sulla Felix was a mega chad!!

[@dmacmillion]

Nero would have been funny if so many people hadn't died because of him.

[@vtdemocracy7520]

Kinda like Trump.

[@cringewave5807]

@@vtdemocracy7520 your comparison is ridiculous. he's out of office and biden is worse anyway. get over it. this is a channel about rome, why bring that petty political stuff here?

[@vtdemocracy7520]

@@cringewave5807 because I think logical parallels can be drawn between Trump and the Populari that destroyed the Roman republic? I mean, it’s pretty obvious why I would put that. And also to say Biden is worse than Trump is laughable.

[@aimeeinkling]

@@cringewave5807 I was about to say the same thing as VTDemocracy. I could totally see Trump doing the same thing as Nero.

[@RuminatingWizard]

@@vtdemocracy7520 So do the doctors say your brain damage is temporary or not so much? I'm Joe Message and I approved the Biden.

[@df5295]

Nero didn't finish the race but won the gold medal! That's pretty good! 🤣

[@wankawanka3053]

They didn't use gold medals

[@DingaLingu]

Nero is what i call, unconserned with convention

[@NPNN-xt4ot]

Nero (in Mel Brooks style): "It's good to be the king."

[@markshaw2009]

As long as you don't piss off Nero, he sounds like a great guy to party with.

[@refindoazhar1507]

I started to understand why some people think lower class citizen of the time actually loves him. He sounds like a funny guy (to laugh at) as long as you are not his target, and he proudly display it for the world to see.

[@ComfortRoller]

Nero was a infamous self tanner and never lost a golf game.... oh wait hmm

[@yoursotruly]

"played the liar(sp)" LOL

[@SlurpeeBoy9999]

It's good to know that we have progressed since then. Nowadays we wait until after the Olympics before starting a war.

[@garyenwards1608]

The Young History Guy

[@jarod144]

Good timing. This one might be the worst modern Olympic

[@thomasde343]

Can something get so big as in humans eating alot that no one cares about the olympics. even the gym crowd with crap spandex crap shoes and a crap hair cut people do not see it this is the celebration of every country it should be big

[@thebedlamboy2248]

The thumbnail seems accurate...

[@HorsesArePeople2]

Who's to say the judges were terrified? Maybe he actually was just a really good singer...

[@TylerAyyy]

Tell us about how the ancients beat the heat, were they just used to always sweating?

[@TribuneAquila]

Definitely Brawndo. Its got what plants crave!

[@dudester873]

I tell this to people who always back up Nero as being such a great guy! They'll say, No, Nero didn't start the great fire of Rome to build his palace. No, Nero didn't have Christians blamed and killed for it. And no, Nero didn't have his mother killed. And I retort that this Olympic cheat hardly compares to Julius, Augustus and Marcus Aurelius.

[@absalomdraconis]

I'm not so sure about his mother, but it's hard to blame him in her case.

[@TVBasil]

Nowadays nobody fights over the Olympics.

[@worldcomicsreview354]

Ancient greece: We postponed the Olympics for two years because a foreign emperor told us to. Tokyo: We can't possibly postpone it two years in the face of a global pandemic.

[@joshual8195]

99.97% survival rate

[@norymusic]

No one man should have all that power

[@lazur188]

this channel kinda underated imo or well "underwatched"?

[@RagbagMcShag]

thats gonna change sooner or later

[@yoursotruly]

The gold medal goes to the Akkadians for the most realistic competition ever, this is the best Olympics, not the worst, "I saw the Olympics and an entire war at no extra charge!"

[@scotth6814]

Sounds like Nero was the Kim Jong-un of his time.

[@gretasimmons8987]

That’s too funny 🤣😆😂

[@vitabricksnailslime8273]

Stricken?

[@logans6619]

Nero was quite a degenerate tool