Trans Guy: Socially Transitioning Expectations vs. Reality

[@SannaiSan]

I think the funniest part of transitioning is my mum, and the pause. She hasn't quite got her head around the male pronouns yet, so when she introduces me to people it's: "This is my.....SON." The pause and the emphasis. I never knew whether to cringe or crack up.

[@IfYouMeetAWolf]

That's kinda cute tho lol

[@kainovember]

Raine Ashyr 😂 I did this with my sister for so long cause she's not fully trans, so I was like "my..... Sister" or "my... Sibling" "oh yeah this is... Skyler.. Yeah.."

[@6xlord907]

My mom does that, too. I think it's her way of reminding herself and getting used to the thought of having another son. I don't mind it much, I think it will fade in time. Maybe she does it to show me acceptance, too. Either way, weird but sweet ^^

[@VilePrincessLollipop]

It's good she's trying, though haha

[@sebkus9591]

you’re lucky my mum doesn’t even try to not call me her daughter

[@thecomedyclownfish1731]

I once had a girl apologize for 30 straight minutes of class for calling me by the wrong name. I wanted to literally melt into the floor never to be seen again.

[@rayvonfalls]

Getting misgendered by strangers makes me feel a lot worse than I ever thought it would but I love those moments when a stranger uses the correct pronouns. Even though they don't know it they've made my day.

[@rayschindler640]

Ray Schmidt YES!!!! I got gendered correct for the first time over the summer and my mom corrected the guy because I wasn't out yet

[@zeecaptainz]

I feel both of you on a spiritual level

[@chaicreationsCA]

I like your pfp haha :))

[@francescalanigan-meade9615]

Since working in Customer facing roles, I've completely stopped Gendering and Use They Them pronouns, or Loosely Hey Guys! interactions! :P It makes it less awkward to misgender!

[@zacharie-theow4394]

AGREED

[@Mousy677]

also I definitely got the Name Confusion thing omg "hey ollie" who- oh wait That Me"

[@erikh8645]

So glad to know I'm not the only one that happens to! :)

[@olivertwisted5542]

Ollie Embourne lol we're both Ollies

[@claudiahelen1]

Ollie Embourne SAME OMG! 😂

[@thehockeyvlog3010]

Oliver Twisted lol I am changing my name legally to Ollie

[@olivertwisted5542]

skycraferking20 oh lol I just legally changed my name to Oliver, my nickname is Ollie. But that's awesome! More unique!(:

[@raephillipssmith4125]

Another trans KZbinr called Aaron Ansuini came up with this way to slyly correct people when they use the wrong pronouns. (Aaron's pronouns are he/him) Person: Here she is (or other sentence with wrong pronouns) Aaron: Who? Person: you! Aaron: Oh! I thought you said 'she'! Hope you guys understand and I hope you find it useful!

[@raephillipssmith4125]

Anett Bazingá I'm very confused by your comment... At the start I said "Aaron's pronouns are he/him". So..??

[@raephillipssmith4125]

Anett Bazingá Well you see that some non-binary people have 'binary' names. And he could have been non-binary but more masculine so he picked a more masculine name. (He is binary though, I was just making an example)

[@george9592]

Rae the Tiger I will have to try this, misgendering is really hard to deal with, especially with strangers.

[@raephillipssmith4125]

Light Yagimi Cool! Good luck!

[@finallyrob4231]

I just give a brief, kind correction "That's Rob now" or "That's he/him/his now" and then I move on. No bad feelings, no sarcasm, nothing, just moving on.

[@samd77666]

What's the most awkward for me is when people don't realise they just used the wrong pronoun. Like, they don't notice that they slipped up. And I don't know how to tell them, even though they're accepting of me as being trans

[@ravenprince6918]

"here she is." "who?" "you!" "Oh. Thought you said 'she'." (from Aaron Ansuini)

[@assassinscreedreallifepran1080]

EXACTLY!!

[@amyrebecca6836]

My brothers transitioning, it’s all very new but it’s funny my mam goes between she (only out of habit) and he, and their new name and their old name all within about 10 minutes 😂

[@luckyflx]

I just developed this weird silemt stare I give my friends when they use the wrong pronouns, until they notice by themselves. It's not a good solution, but oftem I'm too anxious to speak out after being misgenderd on accident again and again by the same people.

[@olivertwisted5542]

Not passing and being misgendered all the time is the worst. I'm a pretty feminine guy, I'm not straight & I like makeup & dresses. I don't believe style is gendered or should be but because of these things even though I've been out for over a year, my legal name is Oliver & my legal gender is male, I've been on T for 3 months & I have a date set for top surgery I don't pass. I don't want to put my personality in the closet to pass but it's a catch 22 & I try to be understanding & patient but it just sucks balls & I'm constantly feeling like shit because of it. I love watching your videos, it helps me focus on the future & what I'm working towards instead of dwelling on my current situation.

[@olivertwisted5542]

bigenderbitch exactly! Femme trans boys have it rough but we're tough(:

[@xanaxxx2011]

Oliver Twisted if you want to pass work harder/ you can't blame someone for using common sense, we don't all live on tumblr.

[@olivertwisted5542]

xanaxxx2011 I've never used Tumblr. I'm not obligated to spend my time explaining myself & arguing with the ignorant. Take it somewhere else.

[@actuallysstutters]

how did you get on T only being out for a year?

[@olivertwisted5542]

sstutters its different depending on where you live. I followed the requirements for where I live. I've actually been out for a year and almost 2 months & I'm nearing 4 months on T.

[@JustMe-uv9vq]

The satisfaction of a video exactly 10 minutes long is unreal

[@DarkSuperNinja]

I was 15 when I came out at high school, and one of my friends asked me if I had a sex change! xD I was just like "mate, its not that simple; I can't just go to the hospital and demand a sex change immediately!" xD

[@miriamgross2532]

Same I came out to one of my friends and the first thing he said was “so did you have an operation?”

[@elijahdenk4130]

Omg me too I came out to my friend he goes "so you had a surgery then?"

[@dumpstercub2902]

*running up to the ER desk and ringing the bell furiously* I DEMAND GENDER AFFIRMATION SURGERY

[@AshtontheCryptid]

As a non binary person, I LEGIT had someone ask me if I didn't have genitals now. Yeah sure, because that's how it works. 😂

[@resijade4342]

@@AshtontheCryptid weird, when i "came out as nb" i just lost my genitals. after i eventually realized i was trans, they came back. guess its not the same for everyone

[@jasmin-hn5mt]

I'm 13 and I came out to my school a few weeks ago. I haven't said anything to my sisters (age 6 and 7) but they kinda caught on and started following it like ?? it's amazing how accepting young children are lmao

[@zeliahnale9718]

I told my 10-year-old sister about my friend who is a trans woman and she caught on pretty quickly. What really helps is hearing it and talking about it out loud and saying it yourself. Just normalizing it makes it so easy for kiddos to catch on and accept.

[@shslkinnie2340]

When I first came out my six year old sister caught on and did better than my parents and everyone else, and everyone was great about it. Then I had to change back because my grandparents were visiting and we didn't want my sis to out me. We haven't changed back ever since bc I shouldn't worry about my sexuality and gender.

[@paxton4601]

Wish I had that courage, I’m also 13 but I could never- well I guess your 16 cuz this was three years ago... have a nice day! Stay safe! 😊

[@Power-Experiment]

Yep

[@xjjasminn7416]

@@paxton4601 yes im 16 now haha! i didn't even realise this comment would still be up... i eventually ended up detransitioning but that wasn't because of anybody else, it just didn't feel right for me. it's good to experiment with your identity! thank you for your support though, have a nice day :P

[@juniper617]

My FTM friend was born Jaime and is still Jaime. The beauty of gender neutral names. :)

[@ashtonrochamusic6043]

My ex boyfriend was pretty good with my pronouns and name, but every once in a while he would slip up and call me "baby girl". When he did, he would freak out and keep apologizing even though I told him it was fine XD

[@broncobrooke]

jamie is a floating head in this vid ????????

[@fluffyhaku9073]

Oh gosh the catastrophil. What a dansaster.

[@Geeky.rainbow.vampire]

Brooke Litton-Shebiel with a weird white floating triangle below.. Wonder what happened to the rest of his Torso

[@ViralButNotReally]

Ofc a phannie made a camo joke sjsjsjjs

[@xxmyharturhandzxx]

Hmmmm... interesting

[@ponyonoodles6568]

And occasionally a random hand??

[@Jamie_L.]

Do you guys doubt yourselves often? Ive come out to some ppl as ftm but I always have doubt, like "What if Im not actually trans?? What if I end up cis later?? What if I never figure it out???!" I feel like I'll never be sure.. (Also I just find it funny that my name is Jamie too)

[@spicybiscuit5530]

Jamie Lezcano I do...it seems to happen every time I feel sure I'm trans though

[@navidfardi6453]

I'm filled with doubt alot of the time

[@MaxWell-fi7rc]

I do that. But it’s at the weirdest times like if I’m passing super well at one point I’ll spend like an hour worrying about if I’m lying to myself about being trans

[@lucasmaher4554]

I feel like doubting yourself isn't talked about much, but most trans people experience it, including me! :'D

[@bitchboi3495]

I'm always doubting myself, asking if I'm actually trans, if I've made a mistake. That's why I'm finding it hard to come out fully and pushing my name or pronouns, incase I've made a mistake

[@teddyr1718]

Coming out reaction expectations vs reality Expectation: "AUIJSWJIODSPQBOIDSQQWBDUI WE HATE YOU!! You'll forever be BIRTHNAME!!!! YOURE WRONG AND WE DONT ACCEPT YOU and you're DISGUSTING! EUGH" Reality: Oh hey neat, thanks for telling me. Wanna get pizza

[@yournamehere6514]

honestly though that's what happened with me.

[@purplefire2834]

Teddy R Yeah. When I come out to people who know me but I know they're supportive, I get scared... even though there's no reason to. They'll just say "Oh okay. I heard this thing the other day [unrelated topic]..."

[@zylhanie808]

one of my friends refuses to call me by the right pronouns and calls me his 'little sister' because "that's how he's always seen me and still sees me"

[@purplefire2834]

I sort of understand the last part, but he should keep that to himself and respect your pronouns regardless. However, the longer you've known someone, the harder it is for them to accept it. My mom took six months, many reminders, a letter, and a talk with two LGBT+ experts before she came around. Just saying, he might change his mind or realize what he's doing.

[@jameshailbot223]

You were lucky then, most my family said basically "birth name, you will always be my baby girl. you're my daughter and this is just a faze." and then class mates were worse

[@gh0stcup]

I don't think many people talk about socially transitioning and how scary it is. I've only just started coming out as genderqueer and trying to explain to people that I'm not female like they think, but I'm also not male, I'm just sort of in the middle, is very complicated for people who don't know.

[@gotit4cheap368]

same

[@NatureLover-pj2qe]

I’m non-binary and I can relate

[@Holyfiremolotov]

I hated coming out. Can't bind cause of asthma, so I don't pass, but people ask me so many rude things and I'm just seen as female all the time by everyone. I'm quite convinced I will never pass. XD I dunno if it's cause people in Yorkshire are more blunt or just ruder? But people have no shame when asking stuff here. I even had a dermatologist, who, upon reading my notes and seeing I was trans and FtM, started calling me she and even the nurse was like 'Can I ask; when are you having the op?' 'Do you use the men's room?' 'You look female.' ¬_¬. I'm two years into transitioning and my family still call me she and just don't try at all. -___- I'm used to my name and pronouns, but no one uses it. My friend uses a nick name and my family have shortened my name into a female name. I've given up at this point. I never get apologies.

[@JOHN-kc1pw]

Holyfiremolotov That's really sad to here and I hope things get better for you in the future. By the way I like your profile picture!

[@bryntendo]

I've always had a really great, close relationship with my dad. When I came out that didn't change... But when I started T and hadn't seen my parents for a few months, I went for a visit - With my broadened shoulders, deeper voice, and almost full beard... I realised my dad didn't hug me at all, he called me 'mate' and 'buddy', he just clapped his hand on my shoulder as a goodbye as I left... I know he doesn't have a *problem* with it as such, but God he radiated awkwardness like I'd never seen. My mum didn't act any different - Probably because I was never a 'daughter' and I have an older brother so maybe she already knew how mothers are with sons or something - I dunno. But that was sad for me, feeling an unspoken block between my dad and me =/ He's a great guy, I'm sure he can sort it out, but it was a bit of a shock to me, I'll tell you that much =/

[@Ross_mo]

Bryn Jackson I hope he will adjust. especially if he spends time with you more often, hopefully he will get used to the new you and start to feel comfortable around you again

[@emmakrumm6399]

You'll get there. And if it doesn't get comfortable with time, pleeaase talk to him Edit: *didn't, just saw this comment in three years old

[@puncultured7392]

I came out to my mum last September and she completely ignored me, she's basically said that to call me her son and my preferred name would be an embarrassment to her. she refuses to introduce me as a boy and once made a joke about me being trans in front of her friends (she literally said to them 'ha, she thinks she's a boy in those clothes, she looks like a lesbian')

[@spacecowboy2285]

Ash Eastham My family was a bit like that in the beginning, so I get where you're coming from, man. I'm here if you need to talk. Your name is cool btw

[@invmawk]

That really sucks I hope you’re situation only gets better

[@sasha-gx9hw]

Have things changed now with your mum?

[@aqvanii]

OMG MY MOM ALSO IS LIKE THAT, well she luckily didn’t make fun of me but she also said that me being trans is an „embarrassment“ to her and it makes me A.N.G.R.Y.

[@the.mind.electric]

Can i punt y'alls unsupporting moms /j

[@Okuajub]

i first came out to my best friend and having her be like "of course!! What should I call you?" was just so. . i dont know but it was just a warm feeling deep in my chest? It felt really lovely being accepted in a... not so great situation right now. I am very lucky to have found your channel and as a transman myself it is deeply comforting to have someone with similar experiences sharing their thoughts. :)!

[@finallyrob4231]

About responding to the name. I was actually really called Rob yesterday, Made me feel very good to be respected this way even though I am far from passing right now. Made my day.

[@themoviegeek782]

I want to be called Rob too!

[@finallyrob4231]

Hi Rob

[@themoviegeek782]

Hey, Rob!

[@JOHN-kc1pw]

Finally Rob Sup Rob!

[@bridgetnash1980]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am a bisexual cis woman. i still like your videos because you're just a happy and funny guy and you seem really positive which is what KZbin and the LGBT community needs.

[@kaiomewolf]

The best thing for me so far has been my work place... I never expected them to be so supportive and helpful with my transitioning (as of 4/13/2017 I have only been out for about five months and haven't started HRT yet). My boss even gives people angry looks when they use my old name and corrects them for me! The ones I've worked with the longest have some slip ups some times, but not as often as I thought! Thanks for all your adorable videos Jamie! :D

[@corylusbluefox9482]

For people wanting to change their name in the UK, I did mine this Summer without needing to pay any money. I just did a Deedpoll, without the help of a lawyer, which is totally legal, and accepted by every organisation I needed to change my name with.

[@beelzebubbbx]

In Italy you need to have a court date, where basically the judge gives you permission to change your name and have surgery, so yeah, I kninda envy you lol

[@samd77666]

This is such a similar experience to mine! Cool! Transitioning at high school is very awkward for everyone involved aaaah

[@jk-jl2lo]

Sam Dooley Do you have any tips for transitioning in high school? I'm currently a freshman and i'm unsure of when to come out and socially transition because of the schedule and school year.

[@topsyturvy1097]

epickitty58 oo I feel you! I'm in..... I think my junior year? (I'm british, here it's just year 7) of middle school and v v nervous about the whole thing, because everyone knows me.

[@ohnah7591]

How I came out as pan to my mother : Me, at a restaurant : *sees a plant* "I'm in love with this plant" "But plants have female pronouns-" (I live in France, ya feel ?) "Yeah so ?" "Well unless you're into girls-" "I'm pan." "Oh okay, want to play uno ?" How i came out as trans to one of my friends : *Sees some random cute guy on insta* "I'd be gay for him" "But you're a girl how can- O H" Not coming out as trans to my parents though, when I told my mAtErNaL pArEnTaL fIgUrE that I thought I was maybe ftm/non-binary she immediately said "You'll always be my daughter, you can't change that. Also hell no you aint getting a binder that shit dangerous." *_So is the anxiety that my dysphoria gives me which makes me literally feel suicidal mother_*

[@Rachel-fi4sc]

I hope your mother has become more educated and accepting. I hope you're in a better place mentally. You are valid and you have a whole community beside you. Xxx

[@zaxtonjay197]

Weirdest question I've gotten was from my mom "so you want a ding dong?" And I just said yes with a straight face just cause one I knew she'd feel awkward and two it was the easiest thing to do for me.... honestly it was halarious

[@solgudinde]

Jamie.. I'm in the process of socially transition to live as a guy, and this video just made me so darn happy. Thank you. Thank you for your support and for sharing your experiences. You made my night a lot easier. :)

[@420fruitloop_]

I just came out 30 minutes ago to my entire family and I'm shaking but happy.

[@alexjoseph7772]

There's always mysterious puddles on the floor in the disabled toilets at my school which are slightly worrying but worth it to not use the female bathroom

[@NovaDraconis]

I came out to my mother and dad last summer. My mother reaction was very negative and today she said that "If you die for me anything changes!". My dad still loves me, he lets me wear male cloths and even use male pronouns but he still uses the "she" with me. This bothers me, because I think I'm depressed for my Dysphoria. I don't want to hear my birth name anymore, I want people to call me "Oliver" and not "Sheila". I'm 16 y/o and I had doubts about my gender since I was 13. But only when I was 14 (almost 15) I realised that I wasn't a girl. I hope to go on T the next year, because my dysphoria is very strong. (Sorry my English)

[@yournamehere6514]

stay strong and keep going. it can't last forever. Also what I do, since I haven't come out yet, is I'll make up some crazy story that I'm a demon and I'm controlling a female body and just attempt to make this hell generally more fun. I also daydream all day long that I was born male and that I'm in a cartoon. I have strange ways of dealing with dysphoria so sorry if none of this helps.

[@naomirmckay3368]

always confuzzled - I get you. sometimes I feel like I'm in a book or something and the authors a sadist and that's why everything's so fucked up.😔

[@lisalentile177]

Im always happy to hear the birth name I hate it when ppl say dead name I corrected my son about his friend calling his name dead name it gives me the creeps as if you never lived I think it's very important to know you were a person before always a person and always counted you were not dead just not the correct gender is all

[@tylerhagen2586]

My mom yelled at me and cried when I said I wanna change to male and have male parts then Welshmen I told my dad he just said your a girl and you my daughter not son my parents don’t even support me and they never will I bet😢😔

[@Raduselderbrother]

stay strong, my handsome man. 👍

[@yearningjon]

Changing my name by deedpoll was wayyyyy harder. They kept refusing on the grounds that I was trans and asked for medical proof except everytime I gave them what they asked for they'd send it back and raise the bar. It took 7 months and a very angry letter to resolve it.

[@satansson7880]

I'm just starting the process of socially transitioning. I've just come out to everyone, cut my hair and got men's clothes. Stuff like that.

[@stasacab]

Everything I ever had was dynamited when I started transitioning. My congregation disfellowshipped me and I was fired from my job. Congregation members would not talk with me. This situation never changed. I did not have money, I could not afford rent, so I became homeless. I met people when I was homeless, I did sex work. When I had a home, it got burglarized. My family did not speak with me. This lasted a long time, like 25 years. There were good moments, though. When my spouse died, the hospital was very understanding of my grief. I have gotten my family back. I worked hard and earned people's respect.

[@jelliemish]

Jamie it feels so good to hear your thoughts on this subject, cause I am in the socially transitioning stage right now and man, can I relate. I needed that. Especially since lately, my brain has been using every tiny little thing to go on a questioning spiral. Stuff like feeling weird with my new name cause I'm not used to it yet or the fact that I'm not happy like 100% of the time and other stuff you talked about too. So yeah it just feels good to see that others have / had the similar experiences.

[@catpoke9557]

Hi... I just want to know, if you're comfortable, do you still feel weird with your new name? I'm.. trying to figure things out.

[@oliverdesheles4778]

I'm trans but I haven't come out yet. I am scared that the few friends I have will reject me. And that my family will freak out because we are a christen family. I am 13 and publicly identify as female but I want to change that. Any suggestions?

[@oliverdesheles4778]

fwew! I sat here sraring at the comment button for about 10 mins.

[@yournamehere6514]

I have weird ways of dealing with dysphoria since I haven't come out yet so I dont know how much help they'd be to you

[@yournamehere6514]

Cat Silence I daydream that I'm a male demon possessing a female body and give a little more plot than that though. I also daydream that I'm male born cartoon character. yet again, I normally add more of a plot than that

[@ccassidy9090]

Start small and test the waters. Tell maybe one friend at first who you trust, see how they react. Also, try to gauge out your family's opinion on trans people by bringing it up in a casual conversation and see how they react. So something like "I saw on TV a person who was trans, what do you think about that?" You're still pretty young so it's going to be hard, but you'll get through it. Have a look around your local area, and see if there are any groups for trans or LGBT people. It depends where you live, but there might be something. If you don't feel comfortable being openly trans at school then you don't have to come out straight away, if your family are okay with it then you can be openly trans at home and then work your way up from there. Ultimately, do what you think will make you happiest and most comfortable, but also stay safe. If you're seriously worried your family will really negatively react, maybe wait until you're a bit older and more ready to deal with consequences. But... people can be more accepting than you might think. It depends who they are, and where you live, but if your friends are good friends then they'll accept you for who you are, because there's nothing you can do to change it. And it will get better. Even if it's not for a while and it really sucks for a long time.

[@emosalads8668]

Your name Here omg lol that's so awesome😂😂

[@zacharie-theow4394]

I'm literally watching this an exact year later and I dunno why that makes me happy

[@lavenderempress]

As a trans girl starting my social transition currently this video was very helpful. Thank you ❤

[@amaden959]

I'm currently still in at my very start of transitioning and coming out to my two closest friends and my dad and although they don't exactly get it, they let me explain that this is how I always felt and I am still me. The only thing that has changed that I stopped trying to convince myself and other otherwise. So yes, it is so uplifting. Next step is telling my mother and her boyfriend and I remember how coming out regarding my sexual orientation was such a drama point I am very nervous. Knowing that my sister will be there next to me and supporting me is the best thing in the world. I expressed the fear that if she does that and parents will not accept me, they will not "love" her anymore either and she said, she will stay with me anyway and I never felt so valued in my entire life.

[@neonheart8907]

The most annoying thing for me after I came out is some of my relatives acting as if I'm gonna be really offended when they slipped up on my name or pronouns "Oh hey (birthname), I MEAN RUFUS IM SO SORRY" "it's ok don't worry" "IM SORRY YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE ME TIME TO GET USED TO IT" "....I said it's ok" And then there's the people who don't seem to understand I'm trans and still use she pronouns even though I have a masculine name??

[@rauchenisttoedlich]

My classmates and friends are s o accepting. One of them was like "nah, you're still birth Name to me" But she stopped soon with that idk why teachers... I'm not out to them, one figured out and started calling me noah lmao Family... Nope, out but nearly kicked out so back into tha closet! Dad told me that mum cried herself to sleep because of me so I'm acting as girly as I can without getting so depressed that I kill myself. (I still think that that's going to happen soon, terrified) At least they don't force me to wear Dresses. They started to sort out the few Boy clothes I have tho and replace them with Girl ones again.

[@AleXSutcliff]

Omg please stay strong.. I'm 23 and I live with my fiance, but if my mum would know she would hunt me down lol :D And it's kinda weird even with my fiance's family cuz they are lovely but I don't think they would accept that.. But I have my fiance, and he is amazing even though is hard but beautiful at the same time. You have right to be yourself, your best version. Sending hugs.

[@lisalentile177]

Please hang in there I know it feels like an eternity but one day you will be out on your own and can live the way you want what's so hard about parents that they don't want to support one day thier child will disown them I would shudder at the thought of my son disowning me I pray that things will get better for you please don't give up this is temporary with your parents suicide is final

[@AleXSutcliff]

Thank you so much... I'm actually really lucky cuz I have my fiance.. We are together for 7 years..He is my rock my love my everything...He didn't know anything about lgbt...but he loves me for me and we are also best friends, that helps when relationship stuff gets harder...For us is harder to find friends and we cannot tell anybody about me being trans because he would lost his job etc... But life is hard, but there are also nice things...I'm healthy and I have love... I will die anyway some day... I don't need to rush :) thank you so much for your comment.. and sorry for my english :)

[@tealkerberus748]

AleXSutcliff hey, please don't apologise for your English. You've made the effort to learn our language in order to communicate with us, when we have not made the effort to learn yours - that gives you the moral high ground. Enjoy it, don't just meekly hand it over!

[@tealkerberus748]

Really hoping you're okay. Shitty parents putting their own prejudices ahead of your needs is horrible, but please, they don't own you forever. One day you will be living on your own income and in your own home and your parents will have no further say in how you live your life - you can do whatever you need to do to make your body and your life fit the person you are inside. And if your parents can't accept that, well, at that point you don't actually need them in your life, you can simply stop returning their calls, it's fine. You don't owe them anything. Whatever good things they have given you, you owe to whatever children you may one day have, whether your own or others' that you help raise. You can stay close to your parents because they have become someone you love, respect, and cherish, or if they stay toxic you can cut them out. Toxic parents are a short term problem. The goal is to survive this time and live to enjoy your freedom later.

[@rumplestilskin1656]

That moment when people can't tell your gender so they go for sir! I just died of happiness

[@oliversanders3406]

"Big scary mess of things" wow very reassuring I cant wait to come out

[@user-cigsafterdnd]

Hello Jamie! I just wanted to say that i’m a big fan and that i started watching your videos a little over a year ago, when i wasn’t sure if i was a trans male or not. I am 13 years old and i’m in gender therapy and soon be able to get further into transitioning. I love you and I love your videos :)

[@erikh8645]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this video! I've been going through social transition (pre-t, pre-top surgery, etc) for about the past 6 months. You summed up very well pretty much all my experiences (except legal name change, haven't gotten up the courage to do that yet). I'm doing it in my 30s, so not at school, but dealing with people who don't know at work can get awkward. I have to say it is terrifying for me to come out to people, but the feeling of relief afterward that they finally know and I don't have to hide that part of myself anymore is the best. Thankfully I've had support and love from all those close to me, but it can still be challenging. Sorry for all the ramble, but during the times when it gets overwhelming and I think "what the hell am I doing?", knowing others went through this awkward scary phase and came out just fine is heartening!

[@anabakea7946]

I'm only out to few people, all of whom are very accepting and try their best to use the right pronouns,but i actually have a very hard time using the right pronouns for myself since I'm so used to the wrong ones and it's rather frustrating

[@gravelfilledSoap]

Same

[@TwitchyMoth]

I usally get called "he" by strangers because I pass well, most of the time. I'm pre- everything and realy happy that I get not missgendered often. Haha jokes to the side. I hate it in school and at home. My parents know but they tould me if I come out in school they will do something horrible. And in school when we have new teachers "Oh now names. Whats your name young boy?" and the whole class is like "Haha thats a girl!" and I always get this feeling of wanting to stand up and tell everyone that I'm a boy. But I'm just so scared what my parents might do.

[@invmawk]

Noel Linné what will the do?

[@CalebFKottke]

I know I'm three years late but I want to try to help. If this is still happening, ask yourself "is it worth it"? Is it worth it to be myself even if my parents will hurt me in some way? I've been weighing my own options for coming out to my parents, and I keep coming back to this question. No matter what happens, there's an amazing community that has your back and if you need any help, just reply to this comment and let me know, I'll do whatever I can to help.

[@TwitchyMoth]

@@CalebFKottke Thank you. I am not well beyond this problem but I am thinking about younger me and it would have really helped. I am out everywhere. I started T. I comfortable in my gender. I hope you will have what you need and want too. :) Thank you

[@violetstorn3250]

I'm not trans but I am in the process of changing my name, and it still takes me a few seconds to react to my "new" name (and then I jump with joy for hours after because that person used the proper name) it's just such a relief hearing that I'm not the only one who's experienced this, thank you Jamie!!

[@sophie228]

I'm thinking about transitioning but I'm worried if later I change my mind and people won't accept me what should I do 😯

[@Jammidodger]

Think things over a bit more, there's no rush or time limit on figuring things out, so just go at your own pace and be sure before taking any big steps.

[@sophie228]

Jammidodger Thank you so much

[@drewg.4779]

unicorn sparkle Idk if you've heard of the podcast You're so Brave but it's made by two trans guys and they have an episode on detransitioning (it's one of the most recent ones, I wanna say around number 43?) that it might help to listen to bc they talk about how they didn't really doubt whether or not they wanted to transition they were kind of just projecting other people's doubts.

[@_x_asc6]

Btw what have you done rn??

[@_x_asc6]

Im thinking of moving out somewhere new, faking my death and starting a new life (an unrealistic idea but wv)

[@dewey_the_fish1742]

I want to transition so badly, but my mom is transphobic :(

[@sweepy6648]

@Ellie Ann I cannot stand when my parents try to push me back into the closet as if ignoring it will make it go away man.. anyways I hope ur situations got better for both of u since it’s been a few years now!

[@joutakujo2256]

Same

[@0925-g5y]

My school has the disabled toilet at the top floor and an elevator is non existent... good job

[@Waeku]

so one year before today I had tried to hint it to my parents about the fact that I was trans. they completely ignored it until two months later I actually came out. Once again my mom did not want to face the reality and just ignored it until I asked at Christmas if people could refer to me with male prounouns for the night. Right now I am simply waiting for the Gender therapist to actually say it to them (it's my second time seeing one, my parents not accepting the result of the first one) and they really try harder to understand it and accept me. They still refer to me as female most of the time and tend to correct themselves when they call me by my preferred prounouns as an habit (I was often called a boy when I was younger) but they are making their way slowly up in their mind I intend to change my files for the school after summer wich makes me incredibly happy because I am so used to being called by William or Ash by my friends that I tend to not respond when others call me by my birth name and write down on the worksheet the names I am more comfortable with.

[@BigKicksMix]

I tried to tell my mum and she cried and then completely ignored it... Do you think I could come out/ socially transition at college anyway or should I try again at a better time? I can't live as female anymore and I've replaced my entire wardrobe with "male" clothes and have and use a binder so like... people will notice, but argh I don't know what to do! She didn't try at all that's what hurts!!!!

[@daynaheald666]

Many Platypodes talk to her again and tell her how you feel and how you want her to try. if you are ready to start socially transitioning do it :)

[@jaimewilliams5609]

Many Platypodes and if what Dayna just said doesn't work you should just force it on her. whenever she refers to you as she just loudly say "he"

[@loganolaviansley8043]

I had the same experience. My mom cried and pushed it away. But I have talked to her again and she is getting better with the idea. My step dad uses my right name more often. It's hard at first, but it does get better. I just came out at the start of February so it's difficult but they will learn what to say and others will too

[@Ross_mo]

keep being yourself. socially transition with everyone else, and eventually she will get the idea. Maybe when she sees that other people are ok with it, she'll catch on and start respecting your wishes as well. If not, at least she will see that you're serious about this. and you will learn to live your best life despite her.

[@lazylittledragon]

The name I chose is similar to my birth name so A. It was easier to adjust to and B. If someone slipped up it wasn't as noticeable.

[@alyssabat]

Mad Custard my name is very similar to my birth one as well, and the abbreviation is the same so those who are close to me can call me by the same nickname

[@nonchnlantx6205]

Ik I'm late to this but my chosen name is Miles and my birth name is Kaylee So the slip ups are just- I try to politely correct them but the times people don't slip up I feel so at home

[@idiomatic444]

Same

[@thehoodedclaw7631]

I just wanna thank you for making these incredible videos they really help me get through things and understand my situation and the people around me's situation so thank you so much Jamie I relate to mostly all of your content because I'm Transgender FTM so a big big big thanks I can't say it enough ❤️😊

[@Vj45459]

Dude - I watched your story on buzzfeed, it's totally amazing. I am just wondering how on planet earth you got that facial hair (beard)?

[@Jammidodger]

Thanks :) It's testosterone and genetics

[@help3229]

My parents: *constantly misgendering me* My friends: *comforting me* "their their"

[@timpind.8237]

hehehehehe I liked that one, nice

[@JacobKnighta]

For literally like 5 months after coming out and changing my name, I still looked if I heard my birth name😂😂 oops

[@andrewatthatangle6482]

I have started to social transition and im so thankful for videos like yours. Thank you. Your videos have helped so much

[@igreatlyandpowerfullydisag3681]

There was a kid on my bus who was told I was a guy but didnt believe it until I told him myself I literally have a visible mustache, I have a masculine face, I bind, I've been on T for more than 6 months It just hurts to be called the wrong thing

[@jaynadeau7777]

I changed my first name because I hated it with extreme passion, and sometimes 20+ years later it will randomly pop up somewhere and it's such a shock--WHO?

[@chirondurham]

When I was still working retail I had this older woman come up to my register and just INUNDATE me with "thank you, sir!"s and it made my freaking day, let me tell you

[@dantarctica9430]

My mom told me that if I rewrote my name on my Christmas presents (they were addressed to my deadname) so that they were addressed to my real/current name, she wouldn’t give them to me because “she wrapped and bought those presents for [deadname], and if I’m not [deadbame], I can’t have the presents.”

[@Butterscotchbreadcrumbs345]

What happened in the end? Did you get them or not?

[@gracemillikan4478]

I know this is an old video, but I feel like this is really helpful for me. I'm almost 2 weeks on T and it's been a learning process for everyone, including me!

[@wintergray1221]

When my afab brother changed his name, I was so upset. Not because I had to get used to a new name. He changed it to Dylan, but he doesn't look like a Dylan. He looks more like a Nate or an Owen.

[@anix8047]

Aaah, yes, the overapologising. I love that people understand they've messed up. I love that people think it's important and find it important to themselves! It just. Gets so awkward. (And it feels like something you're not allowed to complain about.)

[@ndaynan]

7:35 that is a perfect description of what I have been preoccupied with lately!!

[@aesaphyr]

I've only told three IRL people for now. One (who is extremely religious) is completely cool with it. One (who is gay) has no idea what it means and presumes it's no big deal. The third one (who's very liberal) has stopped speaking to me. It's funny how sometimes you can't predict who will stick with you and who will disappear from your life.

[@leaflover9625]

After watching your video where you showed old pictures of yourself, I think as your parent I would be relieved by your transition. You looked so unhappy in those pictures and now you seem filled with natural happiness. That’s all that’s important.

[@autisticnomad5421]

It was very helpful for me, especially the part about changing habits. I began social transition five months ago and I am eager to start testosterone as soon as I can, but little slips, like talking to my cat and accidentally referring to myself as "mommy" instead of "daddy" send me into a tailspin of second-guessing myself. It was a relief to hear you talk about habits because that's exactly what self-misgendering is, in my case, and I can lighten up a little bit on myself over that. I think people who are not Trans don't really understand how horrible it feels to be called "ma'am" by a stranger at a restaurant or gas station so I don't know any way to explain to them how much infinitely worse it feels to accidentally do it to *myself*!!

[@foreverwantingpie]

Love the positivity at the end!! You're the best

[@delta_g2831]

U make great vids with such amazing support for the trans community thank you

[@leothelazydude3534]

I AM TRANSITIONING AT SCHOOL AND PEOPLE ACT WEIRD ABOUT IT😂😂😂😂😂JUST WHYY😂😂😂

[@atlasshea4128]

Leo TheLazyDude I’m currently debating if it is worth me coming out with my real name in high school to feel more confident or if I should just wait until college where the transition of changing my name and pronouns will be easier for others. If I don’t fully come out this fall (my senior year of high school) then I think I’ll be content with my close friends knowing my identity.

[@navyblue8166]

“Although it felt right, and I knew it was right, its surprising how much you get stuck yourself in a habit of name and pronouns you’ve been using your whole life. Even if they make you uncomfortable.” THANK YOU!! I’m non-binary, and there have been times where I’ve introduced myself by my deadname or used my old pronouns in reference to myself.

[@jacksonb6385]

The first time I told someone who wasn't a friend or family they ask so loudly in a giant group of people "wait so you have a dick?!?!" And I was kinda like "haha yeah I wish. I actually have a female body but identify as a boy...heh...yeah." Then my friend and I kind of backed away cringing as this girl was an acquaintance.

[@2111jade]

When I started socially transitioning, I came out around my university just this year, January ninth. Everyone at school referred to me as he/him and Rory. I automatically responded to my name. Idk why but I did. It just felt right.

[@skylaro9107]

You're so inspirational❤️❤️

[@sobriety_deterrent1153]

I have 2 sisters and I often mess up their names even though I've known them for 19 and 21 years, so I can understand how someone could slip up and use someone's birth name accidentally lol.

[@deeplander]

I'm 15 and pre-everything but I came out in February and I've nearly fully socially transitioned. I can pass as male in public most of the time and I'm so so grateful for that

[@CarrionCarriesOn]

The weirdest question I got was "Do you sit down when you pee?" from my best friend and she felt really guilty about it, which was really funny to me because I had expected so much worse

[@jamiebisson2752]

I came out about a week ago. Still adapting to everything. Already feel so much better being my authentic self.

[@jasper2739]

The toilet video is privated and I’m so mad that I’ll never get to hear that story ;-; but it’s fine it’s your story

[@MF-dz7cp]

I'm 15 and the only reason I'm not telling anyone I'm trans is because I live with my grandmother and she constantly talks about how much she hates anyone who isn't straight or cis. I don't really know what to do about it though because I know if anyone finds out and she finds out, she's not going to be too happy

[@frederickfrankenstein]

Why is it that makes old ladies calling you "young man" or "what a handsome young man" or "what a nice young man" feels soooo good??????

[@Eli77468]

As a non-binary person, I hate it whenever people refer to me AT ALL. Because it is always “she” for those who know me and “he” for those who just meet me (strangers). I agree. I hate it more than I thought I would.

[@harukanishiyoko2708]

Mini story of mine I had been with my friends the whole week and I was called nothing but Marq, which is my name that I picked. I love it and being called by my name all the time made it easy for my brain to respond to that. Then I got back the next week and an acquaintance who didn't know about me being trans yelled, "Hey Maria! How was your spring break?!" It was the weirdest feeling because I was so used to Marq and I was just like, "What should I do????" The answer is obvious, but I was in a mini shock. Luckily I recovered quickly so the situation didn't get too awkward. But tgere was still that moment of, "What's going on right now???" happening in my head. 😂

[@grevels1548]

Negativesou Katsumi me too i was with my friends for almost 5 days and they all called me sam but when i got back to school i was called shannon for a question and i sat there for 30 seconds before realizing

[@melynn_0355]

I have yet to have the confidence to just not respond when someone deadnames me and I came out 2 years ago. Thankfully everyone with the exception of my family have been super nice and caring! I couldn't have ever asked for better friends

[@-cj-]

This gives me a lot of hope, thank you

[@Leo_666]

my mum has asked me if i still identify as a girl and i've told her no, multiple times, but she still refers to me and my sister as "girls" and constantly misgenders me. i would understand if she misgendered me by using she/her in front of others so that she doesn't out me, but constantly calling me a girl even when it's just us there? like? why? how hard is it for cis people to understand? i would tell her that i don't like it when she does that, but bringing up my gender with her always makes me incredibly uncomfortable. so i try to communicate through body-language, etc. that i'm not okay with it, and she understood once, but still keeps doing it? why? why is it so freaking hard to understand that I Am Not A F*cking Girl??? (sorry for ranting lol)

[@invmawk]

Leo C. It’s okay I feel the same way

[@sodig325]

My dad does the same thing

[@justinm6836]

My moms know and still does that shit to me and i straight up look like a dude so like when ppl in public hear theyre like 👀 and im like “...”

[@XymnalaSylph]

Getting used to switching bathrooms is definitely a nerve wracking part of it, in either direction, for probably different reasons.

[@SusanYTripp-lp4ss]

It's interesting. If I'd had the knowledge/self-awareness/language terms/courage, there's a chance I would've come out as a trans-teen or even pre-teen in the late-'70 - mid-'80s. However, it took until June 8, 2021 (~4 months after my 52nd b-day) to get hit with the self-realization I'm a transgender MtF. I came out first to my Primary Dr. so she could help put me in contact with the necessary therapists and start on that path. Then I started sending PM's or making phone calls to close friends and family; within ~10 days, I'd contacted Human Resources at work and was out on Facebook. Literally 2 weeks after I had my awakening, I suffered a concussion at work; just under a month after the concussion, I went on disability. While on disability, I started dressing every day and made a decision on a name. I have yet to start the legal proceedings for the name change, but I started HRT back in early December.

[@evanberger4155]

The biggest part of my social transition was transitionnig at work while working with the public. Almost all of my collegues are now used to my now name and male pronouns, but I keep getting called Ma'am by the clients and my cis collegues kind of dismiss it because they can't know so I can't be mad at them, but it still hurts everytime and make me sad. But my transition has also revealed some of my collegues to be good allies and even opened the ground for us to become friends!

[@ketunpoika]

I'm honestly grateful to my past self for that I changed my first name last year already, at a time when I just thought I "don't have a gender identity". I accidentally paved the road for the present me who already has all the coming-out-of-the-closet-as-a-trans-guy to do.

[@friendlyneighbourhoodweird335]

I know I'm late but thank you for this video Jamie, It's warned me of possibilities and stuff and I also feel better about myself a little cause sometimes I'll be thinking about myself and I accidentally use my female name and then I'll be like "wait what does that mean??" but hearing you say It doesn't mean anything and that I'm just breaking a habit really helps, so thank you. :)

[@olivertwisted5542]

I definitely expected a lot when I came out & for me the reality turned out to involve a lottt of patience lol. I kind of expected that I would come out & pass and people wouldn't use my dead name or misgender me but unfortunately that's not what happened. Now that I'm further along on my transition, looking back I think I was just very optimistic. Which is good but maybe not so realistic.

[@lisalentile177]

Why do you call it dead name it sounds as if you never lived the word dead I hate saying it that's just me it's your former name call it what you want

[@13Sammy]

Lisa Lentile Some people prefer the phrase dead name over birth name because to them the old name is kinda dead... like they kinda "killed" their old name What I figured is that people using dead name (not all of them though) have more problems with their old name than people using the phrase birth name I use birth name for my old name... I don't really have a problem with my birth name (it's a gender neutral one) and I almost decided to keep it but the people around me (in the country I live in) associate my birth name with a female person which annoyed me so much that I decided to change it... Though I can imagine calling my middle name dead name because I hate it so much...

[@cstorm7505]

Thank you so much for this video. I've been planning for months to come out as trans to my family and I have no idea how they're going to react. I'm hoping to come out this weekend, so the timing of this video couldn't have been better :D

[@luckyflx]

I feel you on the not responding to your name part! But it changed fairly quickly for me, and even though sometimes I don't react immediately, my old name starts to fade. I had a weird situation with a classmate who i wasn't out to who kept calling me by my old name over and over again, but I just didn't respond. On days where I'm called my new name most of the time, I immediatly connect to it. But when I'm im situatioms where I'm mostly called my brithname still, suddenly hearing my new name takes a while to process.

[@MsTindin]

I spent the whole video looking at your beard, because it's so beautiful and cool. Jamie, you're awesome!

[@PrinceJayMoriarty]

I’m going to come out as trans (ftm)at my job ((hardware store) 5 days from now. I’m so nervous but hopeful.

[@josephschubert6561]

I'm not trans, but at a summer camp I went to as a kid, the counselors all used a nickname like Ms. Popsicle or Mr. Bearfoot or London instead of their real name. My first time as a counselor I introduced myself with my real name twice, and there were times I'd hear my counselor name and be like, "oh wait, that's me."