#trans

Welcome all! My name is Evan and i made this video to share my experience of living as a 47 yr. old trans-gendered guy in the South.
Join me on my own discovery about my masculine identity as a trans-dimentional human.

[@SirSpaceFrog]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing yourself. You are so incredibly beautiful it hurts. It's not the same, but I was very close with my grandmother who raised me on her farm in Texas. Just outside of Austin. Growing up she only one I ever felt loved me unconditionally, who always put me first and was always there for me. It's as you said, it wasn't completely unexpected, she lived to be 98 and had been mostly confined to her bed for several years. I would regularly come to mostly just sit and keep her company towards the end. Eventually though I felt as if my life had been put on hold and more than anything else I really wanted to leave Texas and have a new experience, to try living life more fully than I felt I was. One day when I felt I just couldn't take the stagnancy any more I told her I was planning to move. In all my life she had never asked me for anything, but she begged me not to leave. Ultimately I left anyway and she died 2 months later. The experience broke me in ways I didn't think were possible. The feelings of guilt I experienced all but crippled me for years and every single thing I thought I wanted became a shallow reminder of my choice, empty and devoid of happiness. It's been ten years but to this day I still cry and am crying now. I think the way the choice presents itself will be different for everyone. But it feels like there are really only three options. You can push it down, harden yourself in ways at the expense of sensitivity, distract yourself for periods of time though the grief always catches up, or embrace it and let the pain set you on fire. I've done all three and while it's ultimately a personal choice, for me the sorrow became a reminder of the memories and love I still feel. I would never be willing to give that up again, for anything. Thank you again for being and sharing who you are. In the truest sense of the word. Namaste. 💙🙏 POLO & PAN - Pays Imaginaire

[@evanistrans-dimentional2092]

Matthew - your story touched me deeply and I shed tears while reading your words. Thank you for sharing yourself so openly and honestly. Men I grew up with didn't show feelings unless they were anger/sadness/grief or happiness. And all ways were ways of action rather than words. Actions are great yet, words also have power and need to be heard. I hope we both heal in time and become the true masters of ourselves while receiving love and abundance from ourselves as well. Take care and love and light you brother.