Transitions & How They Can Trigger Depression · ASD Autism

Warm welcome~
Some of you may or may have not noticed, but I took a two week mental health break to honor my well-being and take extra care of myself while I transitioned into working with a new device. I had not anticipated to feel a bout of depression upon trading in my old laptop, but here we are. I think moments like this is a good reminder to those of us with Autism that changes can be a very difficult time for us. Whether that's people coming in and out of our life, moving, a new schedule, a new set of rules to follow, a new skillset to master, a new haircut, a new blanket, and even a new work device--whatever it may be, bring awareness in the fact that not having someone or something there, that you have grown so accustomed to, can really shake up your world once it's gone. Learning about and how to work with someone or something new is also very overwhelming. If it takes you some time to readjust, transition, and get used to your new normal, then THAT IS OKAY. Give yourself that time. Honor what you may feel during this transition. If you find yourself feeling a little depressed like I was, then know you're not alone. The feeling of being sad, confused, and maybe even paralyzed will pass. And before you know it, you will have become completely acclimated to this new normal!
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[@anabelle1508]

I can relate to so much of what you say. Thank you for your videos, they really resonate with me deeply. I am a 47 year old French woman, recently diagnosed with autism and even more recently with ADHD. Learning to understand and accept myself better. It’s healing to hear other women’s experience and feel this unique sisterhood-autismhood.

[@anabelle1508]

And yes, the strength that we have to overcome so much and fight to get through immense life challenges is mind blowing.

[@thethoughtspot222]

So happy to have you Anbelle🤍

[@i.laurence6430]

Same! A year later and a year older, late diagnosed in France, the road to understanding ourselves in this new light and looking at past events and patterns differently is a long one. So thank you all for sharing, it's a huge confort to know that, in fact, we are legions of sisters.

[@carlottak4496]

I am amazed. I never knew someone who experienced these same things while living in a “appearingly average life”. Do you recognize the cognitive dissonance involved in being surrounded by “normal people” at school and work when in your past you have been homeless, crippingly depressed, lived mostly during the nights and forgot the world outside.. ? Talking of masking… heh.. I masked to not show how poor I was, how confused and alien I felt. And still, I feel I survived this also because of autism. The love for my interests kept alive a part of my heart. How many of us lived through this kind of challenges and worse? How great is that we are alive to share our stories and be warmed by each other’s strength. Damn I feel dizzy from an overload of love for people I don’t even know in real life lol :)

[@anabelle1508]

Yes, the things that we have to carefully avoid to not reveal elements of our lives that don’t fit the mask… There is also this poverty aspect. Coming from an intellectual, middle-class family, it’s painful for me to constantly be too broke to go to the museum or the movies or to read the latest novels before they are available in the libraries or to go on holidays to learn and experience new things, and most of all, to not be able to provide these experienced for my children is very very painful and frustrating. It doesn’t help getting out of the « autistic bubble » and feeling part of my community, it reinforces the feeling of being different and less than… Not to mention the financial dependance that leads to abuse a lot of times… My love to all of you who go through this as well, in silence. We ARE strong women and men.

[@camillezendzian1285]

Having sleep as a coping mechanism is something that, unfortunately, I feel such shame around. But it feels nice to hear that others have this mechanism and they understand that sometimes, sleep is the only escape. I've lost years of my life to this. Thank you for sharing Irene 💙

[@Jay-pt8yp]

I do the exact same thing. Lately I’ve been telling myself “it’s not a big deal I don’t need to go to sleep” at any minor inconvenience I’ve gotten better tho now I only sleep during night hours!

[@leenaparsons9876]

Moving has always been a big grief process for me, lasting at least a year. When I moved from a small town to a big city, I felt angry and resentful for probably a year afterward. When I moved away to university, even though I wanted to go, I struggled with the grief for the first year. When I moved back to the city from my university town, I went through an even longer grief process, which lasted at least two years, I think.

[@virana999]

I just last month had to move to a city after living in a small village my whole life and have been having the same issues, so is there something that helped you? Anything at all? (Aside from what's in the video of course. I just thought you'd know something specific because of the similar situation /gen)

[@madiherr555]

when u talk about the escapism that comes w sleep and sleeping a lot i can really relate to that & appreciate u talking about esp bc part of me tended to romanticized that part of my depression bc my dreams were so much more comforting than reality

[@Grizzlyyy3064]

I totally agree!! All of my dreams are from when I’m little, the people who are in the dreams, most are set in school, and the actual dreams themselves are me just talking to people or doing things I’ve done when I was little. I think my brain finds comfort in when I was little as I masked sooo much.

[@pathofthetrickster]

It's taken me like about 20 years to realise I'm neurodivergent and looking back at my high-school it was the most stressful time. I didn't want to go in, I was having panic attacks in assemblies and not knowing why. And when I got into end of year assessments, I would do the same.... sleep. I didn't think I was depressed or I wasn't addicted to sleeping (addicted to gaming though) I was just so tired after classes I would nap every evening. I thought I had a physical problem making me so tired, bit now I realise it was my undiagnosed ADHD and mild autism

[@salla7513]

this was when i was a kid, but i remember being in third of fourth grade, when my parents decided to sell our car to then get a new one. i was A WRECK, i couldn't fathom why they would want to get rid of out car. aaand then came the day we had to take it to the new owner. i screamed and cried and had a total meltdown, sitting in my carseat kickboxing the hell out of the back of the drivers seat. i was bitter as hell at my parents for the longest time, to the point where i could understand to some extent the practical reasoning behind it. now i just lol about it but also can see how my traits showed as a kid. last year i got diagnosed with adhd and have some traits of asd, but not enough for a diagnosis according to the doctor. your videos help me understand myself, and i can relate to you so much. thanks 🤍

[@soraninja]

Sleeping is the closest thing to being; not here. no-one can hurt you or ask anything of you. I have been there. It changes you forever. But just remember there is always something worth living for!

[@julietteferrars3097]

I turned 21 last year and was supposed to be excited, but I actually fell into a heavy depression and couldn’t enjoy any of the celebrations. I still get surprised for some reason whenever I respond differently from the neurotypical people around me and have to remind myself that I am autistic and have a hard time with big things- whether happy or sad or stressful. Change and transitions are very difficult for me, so I need to give myself grace and compassion during those times. Thank you for sharing, Irene. ❤️

[@itsiraa]

I just want to add that for me, it’s exactly how you explained it, BUT ALSO: I’m doing the dishes for example, I have the hardest time transitioning into another task - like afterwards doing laundry. I continue to find other things to do in my kitchen with the water running because that is what’s comfortable now. When I move to another task, I at first feel very uncomfortable and then once I’m in it, I will have a hard time doing the next thing. It can also apply to very small things. Like a certain pyjama that I wore for way too long because I don’t want to feel that uncomfortable again changing it or transitioning into something else entirely that feels different.

[@julietteferrars3097]

Exactly the same for me. ❤️

[@julietteferrars3097]

Exactly the same for me. ❤️

[@YeeWhoEnterHere]

I "lost" a cuddly Donald Duck toy when I was 6 and still feel sad about it, I'm 48 now.

[@Smallfries12345]

I feel the same about my Blue’s Clues toy I lost. I will never forget that day.

[@SunnySideUp393]

11:27 i am at this point right now. after i graduated high school in 2021 i was severely burnt out because of how much i pushed myself to mask. i hit a breaking point. only lasted a month in a job, took a gap year, and since then i've been unemployed and just rotting away in my room. i tried to go to college last year but i didn't even last a semester. went right back to sleeping all day and just feeling numb all the time. i've reached this point you describe perfectly. nobody's going to come save me. no matter how much i dream, i am the only person who can get me out of this. and yet despite this, i am dealing with physical health issues that make it nearly impossible to work minimum wage jobs. i am on the job hunt again, my grandma helped me with a cover letter, and i have a patchy resume i'm trying to put together. it's hard. it's so hard teying to sell yourself when you are utterly convinced that you're incapable of doing anything. but this is a major change that i need to initiate, because if i don't i will rot here forever.

[@JoULove]

My whole life I've described myself as average and felt like my life was just ordinary and nothing particularly bad ever happened (which is how it looks from the outside). Which meant that when I got burned out and depressed I couldn't figure out why.

[@lovebug4263]

Fate must have brought me here. I was looking into trading in my laptop to get something newer and after looking into it I noticed I had a sinking feeling. I realized it was happening for the same reasons you described. I'm also planning to move from a home I've lived for years and feeling the same feeling with that on a bigger scale. Thanks for sharing this. Appreciate your content and the effort it takes to make it!

[@msasian09]

When you talk about being in that depressive state and sleeping all day and feeling an addiction to sleep, I have felt that exact feeling. For so many years and my dad called it seasonal depression. But to me it wasn't seasonal it felt like it was when the school year started up and I knew I'd have to be in school pretending or worse just an outcast. So I slept alot during highschool... I would immediately do my homework and then sleep. Then even while I had my first apartment I went through the same thing. Then again in my second apartment after my finally getting out of an abusive relationship of 5 years. It's crazy how sleep can be a safe place. I would just want to sleep so I could pretend that I was always in my dream world. Idk sounds silly.

[@julietteferrars3097]

It’s not silly. ❤️ I hope you’re doing well today.

[@adonaimakhofola2696]

thank you so much for this video. I'm going through a transition right now, and depression is knocking at the door. I'll be good after a week.

[@turbotambourine]

I can relate a lot to your experience though my trauma may not be as significant. I’m a graphic designer and I feel like subtle things like updating software and having something work slightly different can have a big impact on productivity. I can ride waves and push but much less now than I used to be able to. I worked at an ad agency for 3 years and it was all consuming and after that ended I needed to be in pjs for about a week. I build a bike for my partner as a method to cope and decide on a project for myself. I find that I can only push so hard on things that I personally don’t want to do now. I’m not sure it’ll ever come back actually as so much of that way feels tied to being irreplaceable in the workforce. As a kid of immigrant parents, it’s a messy thing for my mind. Having a tireless work ethic is an asset sure but it’s also completely exhausting. I’m considering a change to something else, just don’t know what yet. Anyway, thanks for your videos, very helpful for me and navigating being a parent to an autistic kiddo (and likely autistic myself).

[@jenthejen]

no need to apologize! take care of urself

[@thethoughtspot222]

🧡🧡🧡

[@ness.ness.]

thank you so much for this video! for nearly the past year I've been struggling with whether or not I'm autistic-im awful at trusting my gut instinct and so I'm really not sure. but what you said really did resonate with me. recently I've been dealing with a sort of transition/loss to do with one of my friends. the silly thing is it's not like we aren't friends anymore, but because of circumstances our dynamic has drastically changed in a short time. i didn't think to connect this to my recent low mood and inability to function, but it would actually make some sense! it's comforting to hear you say this won't last forever cos in my mind these things feel like they'll go on forever

[@montetiger866]

Thankyou. I relate to your story so much. I had the exact same experience with depression,autism,adhd, alexytheima and severe-ish quadreplegic cerebral palsy which amplifies everything alot. Thanks 🧡

[@garrettwilliams6246]

Irene = 🐐 Greatest Of Allll Time !

[@MillenniWolf]

Wow everything you said in this video is relatable. College fucked me up too and I’m in the process of trying to get myself out of that post-college burn out state. I recently finished college and have been taking time to figure things out during this transition period in my life. But seeing this video has given me some hope that I’ll get out of this rut eventually. I’m glad I watched this. Hopefully focusing on being creative will help me feel better again.

[@manyasinghleo]

Pausing the video here, which I shouldn't have since I don't know if I'll be able to go back and continue it with the same amount of focus, but had to say it - the point about trading in the laptop for a new one and being affected by it so much dang that's exactly what happened when i exchange my old phone for this new one and I didn't see it that way back then but everything was the same outside of the device but seemingly everything changed, and one pattern which I didn't focus on before I was very very connected to my BF through my phone, like on every social media, msging apps, literally everywhere which had built up over the years we were together but everytime I exchanged my device (2 times total) we lost a lil of that connection, like legit broke up after I got this phone, seems like a silly thing for them to be related, yes a lot of other factors like my depression and seperation anxiety and adhd did have a part in it but the timeline matches scarily accurately Okay will go and watch the vid now though my brain's buzzing with these thoughts now.

[@corifriday6743]

Thank you so much for this. I am not officially diagnosed, but I've been doing a ton of research into autism these past couple years and I feel confident in saying I'm autistic and high functioning. I had a period of my life where I was in school and working full time, similar to you, and I look back and wonder how I ever managed that. I graduated from college recently and am in a weird transition period while waiting to take my board exams, and it feels like the depression I always distracted myself from is hitting full force. I feel constantly empty and like I always need to be productive, yet I never end up doing anything but sitting around because I feel paralyzed about doing anything that isn't productive (ironic I know). I manage to hit the gym several times a week and usually get my daily step count in, but thats about all I can handle. It comes with an immense amount of guilt; feeling like you are an inferior person for what you're going through. It really is insidious. I appreciate your words about just riding these waves when they come, instead of forcing yourself through it. Maybe I need to stop forcing myself. Thank you so much.❤

[@KupcakeKitty]

I pause the video soon as you Apologized to make this comment. We need to stop saying Sorry and explain ourselves for giving ourselves some TLC and for things out of our control. It is nothing to be sorry about. Thank you for making content-free for your viewer. Done with my soapbox and now back to the video. Lol

[@EllyTaliesinBingle]

🤍

[@RickNelsonMn]

@23:50 asking what experience of change triggered an emotional response. Depression, anxiety and survival mode responses are familiar to me. I read an article about a father who was going to do whatever it took to help his daughter process and hesl from SA. I was intensely overwhelmed. I imagined if that was done for me at 16, about 38 years prior at that day. I cried a week. This was 2015 and I had again been fed up with standard therapy. Talk, rational cognitive choices and acknowledge reality with limitations. These failed me up to then for over 40 years. I was nearing 55 and knew my depression had changed, become bigger. My anxiety more pronounced. It's about my age going towards 56 in early 2017 that what I had learned in late 2016 about ptsd, trauma, neurodivergency and trauma therapy took hold. I grabbed it like a life ring thrown to me in the ocean. That motivation is part of my neorodivergent intersections, I see a thing that important and impactful and it gets a focus that I won't let go. My focus was to find pro bono EMDR after reading it could help. I knew something was very off about my brain. My inability to process without umpteen tangents, losing focus, though determined not to. This time I was desperate. I also called a help line and then a local SVC sexual violence center. My ptsd was now so powerful, every nerve fired too hard and physical pain was constant. That became a medical issue a year later. I relate deeply to your sharing the experience you lived and live. I have had some of that pro bono therapy from 2017 to around mid 2020. Covid stopped us, me. I know everything you're talking about and a lot of the therapy required. These videos are of great interest to me. They'll take time with self care to go through. Best wishes.

[@namope359]

Hello. I've been going through your channel throughout Spring Break and it's been like I'm being read to filth lately hahaha. I've been reckoning with how I'm ND and how it specifically affects my own life, especially as I'm going through another major transition right now (End of Spring Break) and in the immediate future (Graduating with my Bachelors). Otherwise, I do thank you for your videos and your channel. It gives me a lot of courage to keep going and to not settle for less than what I deserve. Best!

[@muscovy5000]

SO reminiscent of my experience too. Especially the sleeping addiction.

[@inner_kundalini]

The Slow Down Look section resonated so strongly I'm trying to not dissassociate and stay with myself. Thank you for starting your channel, Irene. Thank you for sharing your experiences, because through you and other women's ASD videos I am learning that you all doing or reacting the very same way I do. We are indeed a Sisterhood and I'm so glad to be a part of it ❤

[@ingvildhgh5755]

I love to hear that you're allowing yourself that time when it's needed ❤ I've become so much better at that myself after my diagnoses. I remember when I was 10, we moved and I had to change schools. I struggled for months after that, and cried every single night at bedtime. I don't remember missing my friends all that much, I honestly think it was the huge disruption and the upheaval of my world that triggered it. I remember I just felt overwhelmed but couldn't express it or describe it.

[@qbee1312]

Happy late birthday!! 🧁🥳

[@nicoleacosta586]

I think this is why i was okay being autistic, because people generally never check in on me, and its not their fault, I just want to not feel so depressed.❤

[@ruthbennett7563]

Thank you for presenting this. It is helpful, despite the differences in our ages & situations.

[@wintermatherne2524]

In my experience, the necessity of making a living will not allow me to honor my needs. I like food and shelter. Government assistance is not an option because to stay qualified, you must stay below the poverty line at all times. While it is logical and it's nobody's fault, it's miserable feeling as if you're penalized just for existing, but I must remind myself that regardless of how I feel, I can't hold anybody responsible and demand recompense as it's nobody's fault.

[@garrettwilliams6246]

We have the same birthday !! You are definitely the G.O.A.T. !!

[@Alayhoo]

This is so relatable. I have a work laptop that’s out of warranty and my organization wants to get me a new one. But if I get a new one, I have to give the old one back. So when I told them I’d rather not get a new one and wait until October of this year when I’ll have no choice but to get a new one, they were shocked. People don’t usually turn down a brand new laptop. But as I told them, this laptop has been with me since the pandemic (I work in health care). It’s been such a trooper. It feels like a friend! I know it’s going to be really tough when I have to give it up. I’m going to be so sad.

[@shanzoni1200]

Your videos make me feel so seen I haven’t been officially diagnosed but it is scary how we much my experience matches yours

[@valeriesurtel6792]

I needed to hear this. I have to create a whole new routine for summer vacation and it is taking a toll on my mental health. It's good to know that I can give myself time to get used to new things. Thank you for your advice, you're really helping a lot of people with this information about autism.

[@lynncotto371]

Thank you for another awesome & relatable video 👍💓 really made my day 😊

[@anjachan]

Understand that. Take your breaks if you need them :) Im glad when you are feeling better. In the past I slept very much too. I wonder If I had depression. Probably yes ...

[@graceface420]

Great advice, thank you 🤍

[@michaelpieper5908]

Eeek, my X threw away all of my music CD's years after she found them in our old house. What's worse is that she told me she found them. I had been looking for them for over 8 years (thankfully I did have them all digitally backed up, but I was still very attached to them emotionally/physically), every CD is like a memory of a time in my life, just like I now attribute Wii elevator music to your videos. I was sorting through them with our Son over Skype, and had already sorted out the software CD's but we were leaving Music CD's to the following day because he had to go to bed. Come the next day, she had thrown all the Music CD's in the trash and said she would post the software CD's. Not even an apology, actually an excuse was made instead and I was blamed for not being clear or something (story of my life). And then she also never posted the software CD's. All those memories of my life had been thrown in the trash and it felt like a great loss that took me a long time to recover from. Over 300 music CD's, a lot of them very unique, with music that is no longer available due to my odd taste. What a tragedy.

[@Fish-fish_]

Between middle school and high school my family moved states, i had lived in that old house my entire life and i had to get rid of some things when we moved too, my entire first year of high school was just depression from that change

[@EllyTaliesinBingle]

Thank you for this video. Very balanced and helpful. Your diagnoses can actually be a real advantage too. You're helping a lot of people, for one.

[@terriregister4181]

Thanks!

[@airclairmusic1466]

If that has happened with a Laptop, imagine with a person!!

[@LurkingLinnet]

Hey Irene, I love your outfit and fashion sense and aesthetics in general. It would be very generous of you to provide us the links etc to access these as well to check out the whole outfits. ❤ U look great!

[@ingrossa]

I just started a new, exciting job two weeks ago. It’s amazing and I love it cause I couldn’t stand my old job anymore, but I’m just exhausted. Gotta remember to let myself acclimatize for a good while :)

[@jesiadams1814]

I love you! Thank u for your videos! I wish I could just sit and talk with you

[@mariecait]

i appreciate this

[@JaynaEM]

Wow I had the such a similar experience right after high school, my parents had a messy divorce, we lost our house and it was just me and my mom living in a garage of a family friend. I went from a 4.0 in HS to a 0.8 in college. Thinking about it, at the time I was going through it in a haze and didn’t process it, I would say, for 2-3 months later

[@ashmac87]

Whoa, we have a lot in common! Pretty cool.

[@manyasinghleo]

Well i did let my plants all die and now I can't make myself go to the roof (where my plants previously were flourishing, now it's all just dried up twigs) have been an year since i went to the roof, basically no one should let plants die it sucks more afterwards

[@donttalktomebye]

I just made the biggest transition of my life, bigger than medical transitioning, and it was moving across the country with literally nothing but some clothes and my cat. I knew it may be difficult, but the experiences ive been having has been beyond overwhelming. I also had to move in with my family before moving out here and so much trauma has been coming up during all of this. Not to mention, my original job fell through and so I'm in a financial pickle. However, with a lot of what you've talked about, i think if I didn't have the stress if finances and everything was "perfect" i would have slipped into a crazy depression unlike anything else. I'm still dealing with some heavy depression, but this really enlightened me. I'm a bit bummed that being stressed about being limited and poor is an easier state of being than rest and enjoying life, but this video will give me the knowledge of this possibility when i finally do get the routine and stability i am working for out here. I also don't have my car, which coming from a state without public transportation to a state with loads of it, has still be extremely hard to handle. Imm glad I watched this video and thank you for your candor

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

i can relate to the laptop thing.

[@floristfindspeace]

side note, the elevator music is so stimulating KSHSJSH

[@horheathetoad5655]

YOUR BIRTHDAY IS 4 DAYS AFTER MINE AAAAH

[@Grizzlyyy3064]

Your birthday is 4 after mine tooo loll but not on a leap year

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

sensory overload and stress give me Alexithymia

[@tallydufour92]

💙💙💙💙💙

[@pioneespy]

😊0

[@teh201d]

Aw man, I keep forgetting some people believe in horoscopes.

[@tranquiloteddy]

Strong sense of attachment may by an adaptation for motherhood, to pay attention to the baby?

[@balancedawareness]

oh great now i have autism