Understanding Avoidant Personality Disorder (AVPD)

[@sunshine9122]

This video described me perfectly and made me very sad... the ONLY person to truly perceive me as adequate, worthy, accepted, and truly, deeply loved and cared for died ten years ago. I miss my husband deep to the core of my heart and soul.🙏🕊❤😢

[@ablup]

How the f do you know how other persons perceive you? You have no idea, so just stop making assumptions.

[@zezezep]

i feel for the loss of your soulmate

[@sunshine9122]

@@zezezep Thank you, Chris. I really appreciate it.❤

[@biancachambugong4620]

@@ablup AvBP have this lack of insight. They believe that others don't view them as worthy or adequate and they certainly don't view that of themselves

[@SunnivateLindert]

I used to have this really bad and it made my life so much harder, but I’ve gotten a lot better over the past 2 years and I’m really happy about that :)

[@artemaniaco293]

go to therapy

[@arunsoma10]

but how?

[@TJDW]

@@artemaniaco293If you love to waste time and money, that’s a good option

[@dmills7375]

@@arunsoma10I wonder the same thing.

[@Yoshi92]

I have AvPD and it makes me unable to work. I sometimes ghost friends & family for days/weeks/months or even years, not even my GF is safe from it. Idk why, this personality disorder is so deeply engrained within me, I even have the feelings of anxiety & inadequacy in my dreams...

[@Uncapital]

if you do all that how tf you have a gf?

[@midnight_horizen8184]

@@Uncapitalhe’s an emotionally unavailable man. Put two and two together

[@dmills7375]

@@midnight_horizen8184what does that mean exactly? How does your response address his question? Not trolling. That’s a serious inquiry.

[@midnight_horizen8184]

@@dmills7375 Not all of them obviously. But there’s a pretty clear trend in women’s (again not all of them) attraction in emotionally unavailable and cold men due to the whole “I can fix him” mentality or “I’ll get his sweet side”.

[@shinnie489]

​​​@@dmills7375he's saying that if the op is avoidant and not validating, his girlfriend will most likely have savior complex

[@arelcrest5048]

Right now, I‘m dating a person with avpd. She starts to open up to me. Before, she was very hesitant and asked for forgiveness for small things she saw as mistakes. I give her a lot of time and space whenever she needs it. We found topics where we feel comfortable. Now, we could also talk about heavier matters. She told me, she feels relieved that I like her the way she is. Because this young woman (!) she has got hidden talents! A special feeling for animals and nature in general and we have even more interests in common. I like her way. I enjoy being calm and sometimes also quiet with her. To enjoy small things with her. To me a lot of people are rough, are so loud, are so intense. She feels like a little cosy home to me with a small cute fireplace. And the fire warms our bodies and souls. So, don‘t give up. Because there are people like me who are looking for somebody like you. Because you are very special and you might be completely alright the way you are. You can become even better and heal your wounds. It‘s possible. 🍀✨ I wish you a lot of love. ❤️

[@Pikay-mm2ii]

This gave me goosebumps. I hope your girlfriend realizes how lucky she is.

[@soppo6176]

Avoidance is a trauma reponse

[@AngelaGoodwin-fh6fw]

I believe I have this. I have all the symptoms. For all or most of my life, fear has dominated my life, and I don't know where it comes from. In my 60s now and I've never had a romantic relationship, owned or even leased a home, or been able to hold down long-term employment, except a nanny position I held for over 10 years. I'm seeking a therapist as I type this.

[@dmills7375]

Can definitely relate. I’m in the same age range. Externally, I have all the “trappings” of a normal life, ex of for relationships. That has always been a struggle and has overshadowed everything else. Gave thought about counseling, but also wonder if at 60+ years old is this just who I am. ☹️

[@NorthernGuy-v1x]

Risk can result in reward or in loss. But you can't have reward without risk. I'm trying to embrace this myself, and am in the same boat as you.

[@nikhilsharma-ns4xm]

I'm suffering from avpd. Lost all friends. Didn't have any female friend in life. Fearful to talk to girls. Even fearful to get out of house as neighbors will judge me as a shy, introvert guy. This judgement fear even makes me anti social. Just working most of the days from home and not going office to prevent social situations there. Now getting pressure from family for marriage. They see me everyday but still can't predict that something's wrong with me. I've spent most of my life in my small personal room. Extremely fearful to even marry bcoz i know if i get married, my wife will judge me as an antisocial, shy guy without any friends and this relationship will end soon. I am extremely fearful of my future. Now from few weeks getting suicidal ideations to end this pain.

[@arelcrest5048]

I wish that your life gets better. 🫂❤

[@isabelle_16]

I’m going through the same thing😔 I start therapy next week

[@arelcrest5048]

Right now, I‘m dating a person with avpd. She starts to open up to me. Before she was very hesitant and asked for forgiveness for small things she saw as mistakes. I give her a lot of time and space whenever she needs it. We found topics where she (or we) feel(s) very comfortable. Now, we could also talk about heavier matters. She told me, she feels relieved that I like her the way she is. Because this young woman (!!) she has got hidden talents! A special feeling for animals and nature in general and we have even more interests in common. I like her way. I enjoy being calm and sometimes also quiet with her. To enjoy small things with her. To me a lot of people are rough, are so loud, are so intense. She feels like a little cosy home to me with a small cute fireplace. And the fire warms our bodies and souls. So, don‘t give up. Because there are people like me who are looking for somebody like you. Because you are very special and you might be completely alright the way you are. You can become even better and heal your wounds. It‘s possible. 🍀✨ I wish you a lot of love. ❤️

[@isabelle_16]

@@arelcrest5048 wow that is amazing for you. I won’t give up. Thank you for the kind words❤️

[@nataanda2486]

I hope you have found a therapist. please get help. its heartbreaking!

[@micahcraven6576]

God this is me to a t. Its terrible. We hate feeling isolate but too scared to put ourselves out there. Such a sucky feeling. I feel lonely every day.

[@dmills7375]

Right!!!

[@frackit284]

Gotta remember being with someone with apd, could have ourselves feeling close to the same, which could make you feel you have this, but it’s good to be self aware regardless

[@JustGabe]

2:34 described me perfectly as why I avoid social interactions :/ even with my own parents!!

[@digitalian99]

it's almost 2 years that i've not talked to any of my relatives - i didn't even attended by grandma's funeral - that's how much i avoid social interactions

[@steffysanta2729]

Why would someone with this disorder ghost someone who had been there for them for years? Why would they just dump a good friend that walked them Off many ledges? I am trying to understand but it makes no sense to me. Now they have no one to listen to them when they are excited or when they are upset or when they are scared. This person has no one now.

[@talulatree5297]

Yes, why would they push love away?😢

[@michaella5799]

They are self obsessed

[@JustGabe]

because of an irrational fear that we may be "seen as what we believe we really are", and the irrational belief is that we believe we are inadecuate, insufficient, boring, that we may have nothing relevant to give, etc. I've lost so many great friends because of this. And it sucks to act so irrationally despite the interest of people of being close to me.

[@CristyB66]

@@michaella5799nope

[@CristyB66]

Listen carefully, he explains it perfectly.

[@talulatree5297]

Thank you for making this video. 😢

[@NorthernGuy-v1x]

I suffer from this. Everybody is at a distance, at best, and intimate relationships are a non-starter. Love the band-aid falling off at 4:15 though. Needed the laugh. 😊

[@anotherlyric]

But where does this disorder come from? Childhood trauma? But what if you think you had a good childhood?

[@wellnesslenses]

Not necessarily, the exact origins have not been pinpointed, it could be a number of things. Thank you for watching!

[@kristofhorvath6868]

There are a few things that increase the probability of this personality disorder. Neglect, trauma, bullying, genetics.

[@dmills7375]

What I do know (for me) is that it is a coping mechanism, so it’s definitely learned behavior. I think it comes from childhood trauma.

[@JustGabe]

It could've been a parent who didn't believe you were good enough to do things on your own, transmiting the idea that you aren't capable enough nor trustworthy enough. Or maybe a childhood friend you trusted so much that you believed his/her criticism towards you and made you feel ashamed for who you are. Or maybe the bullying you may have suffered that caused you to deeply withdraw from people out of fear of being made fun of. Or, like in my case, all the above.

[@Malignant88]

I can relate it to childhood trauma. From 6 to 8 years, I had a teacher who would publicly humiliate me in the classroom. Among other situations.

[@solvermelho9721]

ChatGPT script with AI voiceover, terrific.

[@d.1169]

I would imagine after many decades ( maybe for or five) the isolation will gynomorph ( the male version) into a complete exuberance

[@System.error84]

I can work on my own but not follow routines. I take social life like a diet. Walk walk walk

[@jarofpixies]

You keep saying the same thing over and over for 10 minutes

[@rosec1466]

😂

[@marier7336]

You are describing me 😐

[@iAmMarcellus]

Eh, social isolation isn’t bad if you survive until the end 🤷🏽‍♂️.

[@fluffaduck6206]

Do you fall under AVPD? And how do you help someone with it?

[@iAmMarcellus]

@@fluffaduck6206 there is no help. Just make sure they don’t kill themselves. Every day alive is a win for them. Whether they realize it or not.

[@thehighpriestess978]

@@iAmMarcellus I tend to agree with you. Getting help? That depends too much on the doctors,therapists,etc that you are dealing with. For the most part, they are useless. I think that unless the person helping you knows how it feels personally, the *formulas* they were taught to use, do no good at all.

[@Yoshi92]

@@iAmMarcellus Kinda true, I guess.

[@TheLace]

Stay isolated then.

[@flodfellow]

I genuinely struggle with being sympathetic, empathetic, attunement, and being reciprocal. I'm not autistic though. (?)

[@thepuffin-ss9ln]

I was dating a person whom i believe has this disorder. Spent 5 yrs with this person and everything was pretty good until year 3. Slow fade and ultimately ghosted me at yr 5. Saddest stuff ive had to deal with

[@serfanful]

You are not alone. After 2 years of break up i am still suffering. But knowing the cause was not me made me feel better and helps me to move on

[@NorthernGuy-v1x]

That's harsh. As a person who keeps people at a distance, I think it's unfair if we keep people around who we'll never let it. Really, it's selfish. Don't invest in a relationship with someone who will never let you in. Know the signs, and move on next time. Your life is too short, and your time too valuable. You deserve better.

[@Joshua-ej8rm]

What’s the difference between APD And SOCIAL PHOBIA & Agoraphobia?

[@ablup]

agoraphobia have nothing to do with people and socializing right? Its a phobia of an open spaces, I have an agoraphobia playing videogames.

[@Joshua-ej8rm]

@@ablup it’s a fear of being outside. If you’ve ever experienced it first hand, it’s something that can make you or break you.

[@NorthernGuy-v1x]

First one, people. Second one, places. I have both. I like being at home, alone. I almost never have people over to my home, and when I do, I feel extremely anxious and want them to leave as soon as possible.

[@bruh_hahaha]

meh. More people, more problems. 😵‍💫

[@TJDW]

You aren’t wrong

[@JustGabe]

Also, less people, less joy.

[@NorthernGuy-v1x]

My parents used to say "You don't need friends. Friends are just trouble." They clung on to each-other, and lived quite isolated, lonely lives. It was hard coming from a home like this.

[@Stuntfish]

I am pretty sure i have AVPD but never realized it. However, I've just went though my second divorce and am trying to analyze what happened. On a side note my ex definitely had narcissict tendencies so we made quite the pair lol.

[@elkay7740]

does anyone feel like covid worsened their condition??

[@NorthernGuy-v1x]

COVID: You must stay at home and spend all day communicating with others only using your computer! GAMERS: Alright guys, THIS IS WHAT WE TRAINED FOR!!

[@ericafreeman7351]

My avpd are so severe tha😢t I've gone two years not seeing my mother and she only lives 25 minutes from me. My whole family even. My bed is where I feel safest. I can always think of a million reasons not to do something. I hate the way this disorder affects my life. But I thank the Lord that He is revealing these things to me so that I can begin to heal in this area and be completely free. Avoidance is not the solution. Thank you Jesus.

[@JustGabe]

Please, go see your mother. She misses you and she doesn't give a damn if you believe you have nothing to offer. All she wants to know is how you are doing and listen to you, maybe just watch a movie or something.

[@NorthernGuy-v1x]

AVPD might not be keeping you in bed, it could be agoraphobia. Social avoidance and agoraphobic avoidance have different causes and different effects. If you can seek some help like a therapist they can tell you which one you might have. I have both. I've always had agoraphobic avoidance (don't travel) but was quite social. Now, I am not social at all either, and believe I have social avoidance.

[@anthonymendoza6210]

The male experience will either fall into his programming of procreation and life-long servitude to family or navigate life alone in relative peace.

[@NorthernGuy-v1x]

My logical brain says I should try to fit into society better and be "integrated". My soul screams to be alone, avoid people, and just walk with the dog off into the sunset. He could walk forever that dog. He gets me.

[@tudormiller887]

I'm sure I have AVPD. I'm also ADHD.

[@not_today_satan_7]

I don't even know how to respond to this video

[@alisonj9533]

Even if someone admired me id think BS!

[@digitalian99]

same... i cringe when someone praises me

[@theunwanted6122]

Why dose it matter to anyone but me. Not like I force myself on anyone just leave us alone . Let us be happy by ourselves. Oh wait that’s the problem everyone hates to see someone happy in themselves

[@dmills7375]

If you’re happy being alone perhaps you don’t have AvPD. I think one of the major symptoms is you crave relationships and connection, but fear forming them.

[@theunwanted6122]

@@dmills7375 yep it is . Why the longing And wanting a relationship is always there Insanity is doing some thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Why not learn to be happy on your own if relationships are nothing but torture from friendships family and even love ones at least I know I can trust me

[@isiahjenkins-tq8th]

​@@theunwanted6122true

[@dcyphyr]

Step one: make every kind of personality a "disorder". Step two: Sell medicine to "treat" the "disorder" Step three: profit

[@aylalampang6732]

Exactly. 💯

[@zeromega4541]

I'm glad you had a great childhood but people like me with avoidant Personality disorder had parents who were supposed to be there for them and weren't so we developed a couping mechanism that said it was our fault.

[@sebastianlindon8992]

So you think that being so afraid of social interaction to the point where it's what you constantly think about, to the point where it holds you back from progressing in life, to where you can't develop relationships with anyone, etc., is perfectly normal and doesn't need any treatment? You're an incredibly closed-minded and ignorant human being

[@Things606]

It’s only a problem when it becomes pervasive and negatively effects your life. It’s not just a type of personality because it’s harming your chances to have a full life

[@Uvvibes]

People are actually suffering with this