Understanding Trauma Survival Responses: Fawning and People Pleasing w/ Dr. Kate Truitt

In this psychoeducational video, Dr. Kate Truitt introduces the trauma survival response fawning, or people pleasing. This response is learned when we understand we can appease the perpetrator in order to stay safe.
Fawning is very common in children who grew up in chaotic or dangerous homes. It ensures us that we have value to the person hurting us by aligning with their beliefs, desires, and needs; seeing who and what they are; and finding ways to be supportive of them. This can lead to an undervalued sense of self, since our own sense of self doesn’t help us survive. Fawning can also cause a devaluation of self, lack of boundaries, overextension, and self-sacrifice.
Dr. Kate explains that there is an opportunity to change the fawning process by identifying what our wants and needs are. If we haven’t done this before, this can be very difficult. When we are fawning, every behavior we do feels like a “need to” behavior. “Need to” behaviors are really tied into our core biology, however by taking a loving step back we can ask ourselves if we need to or want to.
By mentally categorizing our behaviors, we can start to move into agency within our relationships. This is an exciting opportunity to learn more about who we are.
#peoplepleasing #stoppeoplepleasing #neuroscienceoftrauma
For more information and blogs visit DrTruitt.com, find inspiration on Instagram @Dr.KateTruitt, ask Dr. Kate your questions and get video replies at her TikTok channel @Dr.KateTruitt, join Dr. Kate live on Clubhouse @DrKateTruitt, and subscribe to us here for weekly videos!
Want to learn more? Dr. Kate hosts live virtual workshops teaching self-healing in your hands tools and techniques. Join her and the Viva Excellence team to build your at home brain care program! Register here: www.vivaexcellence.com/self-havening-healing-in-your-hands-workshop.html
Dr. Kate Truitt is a clinical psychologist, neuroscientist, as well as holds a MBA in Healthcare Administration. She is the CEO of the Trauma Counseling Center of Los Angeles, Chairman of the Board of the Amy Research Foundation, and leads her flagship organization Dr. Kate Truitt & Associates located in Pasadena, CA. Her teams of expert psychologists and psychotherapists provide individual therapy, group therapy, executive coaching, and neurofeedback throughout California via telehealth.
Contact us today to learn more or to begin your healing journey with one of our expert team members: 626-524-5525 or www.drtruitt.com
© 2022 by Dr. Kate Truitt All rights reserved. No part of this video may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without the written permission of the copyright holder.
In this video Dr. Kate mentions the CPR for the Amygdala workshop. Please find the complete playlist here: kzbin.info/aero/PLHr7ALZRVEPbl0_w-xt5KqbAF-5LJgnkF

[@ErikaNeilLCSWJD]

Love this Kate- “need to, want to, don’t want to.” Very helpful guide for an experienced fawner!

[@DrKateTruitt]

Thank you so much, I'm glad it was helpful 💗

[@Hummingbird1880]

This was a great summery of what fawning is and how to overcome. I am 37 and just learning about this concept, wow! I have been on the healing journey for a long time and made so much progress but only now realizing there is a name to my coping mechanisms since I was a kid.

[@DrKateTruitt]

I'm a recovering people pleasing fawner too. It was so eye opening for me when I began to really learn about and explore the intricacies and origin of this survival tactic. I'm delighted you're here and honored to be a part of your journey. In my book Healing in Your Hands I explore this concept more deeply 🤗💕

[@cloui443]

I used that response growing up, thank you for validating it ! Learning to set boundaries was the most life changing thing I did for myself as well as building emotional intelligence (they go along, now I know) :)

[@DrKateTruitt]

You're welcome! I sincerely appreciate your kind comments💗

[@isabegreen3034]

Good day Dr Kate. This was really helpful to me in accordance with my marriage and boundary issues my husband has been experiencing - tnk u. You shed the light on boundary issues like 'Me & Mommy are one', to 'I am separate'. You linked the compliant with 'please and appease' survival. Through your positive spin on fawning and the 'easy' way to manage it into better boundary development, you gave me hope that the development of boundary gates of 'I need to', 'I want to', I might want to' and 'I don't want to' is actually still possible. Vey grateful 3 u!

[@DrKateTruitt]

Thank you so much for your kind words and feedback! I'm glad to hear that my video was helpful in addressing your marriage and boundary issues. I appreciate your gratitude and I'm grateful to have been able to make a positive impact. Thank you for watching and supporting my channel! 💖

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

im a fawn /fight male there is hardly information on us thank you for providing some insight on fawn types

[@DrKateTruitt]

You're welcome. Understanding this dual response is important in recognizing the complex ways people cope with and adapt to traumatic experiences. Sending you much warmth and healing ❤️❤️‍🩹❤️

[@georgiasam8045]

I was most definitely did this in my past.

[@DrKateTruitt]

I'm glad this was helpful 😊

[@ccharles848]

I love how you put a positive spin on all of these behaviors by mentioning the opportunities to make changes!🤗

[@DrKateTruitt]

Thank you for your comment, I'm glad to hear that you appreciate it and I'm glad it was helpful

[@awaisjamil9956]

thank you so much, this is exactly what I needed

[@DrKateTruitt]

You’re so very welcome. You’re definitely not alone. Sending you so much warmth and healing 💗

[@Lavender_Bee_]

Thank you! This is really helpful.

[@DrKateTruitt]

You're so welcome! I'm glad you find it helpful 💗😊

[@ThatsWhat-She.]

There should be category of, I don't want to do this but if I don't, there will be undeserved unprovoked consequences, and I will be the target for that harm

[@DrKateTruitt]

Absolutely, your insight highlights the complex dynamics of trauma survival responses. Recognizing this is a powerful step towards healing and understanding your boundaries. Remember, it's okay to seek support and to prioritize your well-being. Sending warmth and strength your way. 💗

[@lauriegills773]

This is a lot for me to process. But so good!!!

[@DrKateTruitt]

I'm glad this resonates with you 💗 Take the time to process what you need in your healing journey. Sending you warmth and healing ❤️❤️‍🩹❤️

[@electricyouare2222]

There's only so much beauty a man can handle before he loses his ability to focus. The soothing voice doesn't help..

[@katherinenicholson9752]

What???

[@michellemoore2524]

57 had no contact with my mother for 12 years. She's 78 now. I'm staying with her and struggling with childhood trauma. It just keeps bubbling up. I'm trying to move forward .... I had no idea.....Feeling more broken, like I've made no progress in my life? How can that be?

[@DrKateTruitt]

I'm truly sorry to hear about your experience. This is one of the common questions I get and I've created this video: www.tiktok.com/@dr.katetruitt/video/7324888967411813675 You're not alone in this and healing is possible. Sending you much warmth, strength and healing ❤️❤️‍🩹❤️

[@michellemoore2524]

@DrKateTruitt Now I'm bawling my eyes out. Someone heard me! I can't even wrap my head around how difficult this has been. She's old and feeble and still a master narcissist and manipulator, I can't imagine what I thought coming here. I just want my mama to love me! I have no patience with her nonsense, and agree with very little of what she says. She definitely has some kind of dementia. I thought maybe I could find some closure and peace. She is struggling mentally and physically and I want her to be okay, but not at my expense. I feel I need to walk away or be destroyed. Shouldn't I be stronger than that? Thank you so very much for responding to me. I will most definitely keep on keeping on and look at the other videos.

[@philipholding]

The flight,fight, and freeze responses are autonomic ( involu tary). However, the fawn can not be autonomic because you need cognition to reason and placate the predator. Therefore, it is not an automatic survival response like the others. it's a learnt behaviour.

[@DrKateTruitt]

Thank you for sharing your insight. 💕

[@user-xs4nc1wx8u]

Interesting about identifying needs and wants in the context of boundary setting, would be interested in learning about needs in terms of being able to reach out and communicating them to the people around you......as someone who used to be very good at this, a very neglectful long term relationship had left me very out of of touch with myself struggling identify and meet my own emotional needs and communicate them effectively to others

[@DrKateTruitt]

I'm truly sorry to hear about what you're going through. You're not alone in this journey. Feel free to read this in-depth blog I wrote about Breaking the Pattern of People Pleasing to Live Our Best Lives: drtruitt.com/breaking-the-pattern-of-people-pleasing-to-live-our-best-lives/ A Guided Meditation for Setting Boundaries in Relationships with Dr. Kate Truitt: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eHeQlqeGrthsj7csi=kvzLc7MzaByHbYJh Sending you much strength and healing ❤️❤️‍🩹❤️