UNDIAGNOSED AUTISM + ADHD: My College Experience |Embracing Awkward

#neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autism #audhd #autistic #aspergerssyndrome
In this video I talk about my college experience. The highs, the lows and the weird...Hope you enjoy!
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[@JonBrase]

It's interesting: My own brand of AuDHD had no trouble with college, it was moving into the workforce that was a huge struggle.

[@embracing_awk]

Hi Jon, how interesting! I think everyone is different. I've had difficulty with both, but I think work is honestly a little bit easier for me than school. Can I ask what you do for a living?

[@JonBrase]

@@embracing_awk I've worked in various IT positions since graduating college, wasn't my major or original plan, but definitely should have been. During school I did very well on tests, and very well on homework insofar as I did it in the first place (and I did just enough to keep the adults off my back). Adult life turned out to be more like homework than like tests. :-) I'm an avid reader, and the place my ADHD sent my attention when I was supposed to be listening to lessons was to reading ahead in the textbook, so I was well ahead of my peers on knowledge, but behind on life skills. I was reading on a college level in 4th grade (I obsessed over an undergrad-level astronomy textbook that I got from somewhere or other until it literally fell apart), so I basically coasted through gradeschool and college, and then when I got out of college: 1) My social anxiety made job applications and interviews difficult (Neurotypical American males will generally say to an interviewer that they're confident they can do a job if they're about 60% confident, which is not how I roll and makes for an interview culture that's difficult for me to navigate). 2) To have pursued the career path I had been planning on given my major, I would have needed a much more entrepreneurial personality than I actually have, plus a secondary skillset would have been a huge plus, and something more STEMish than my actual major would have been a better fit for me anyways. 3) The energy burn from various AuDHD issue is such that I can do a 40 hour workweek, but only just. I've spent a good chunk of my career in low-level burnout, which has made it difficult to pursue career advancement, and has taken a toll on my self-care. 5) I made an effort to pursue a fairly generalist skillset once I decided to go for a tech career, and many entry-level positions are generalist, but I'm figuring out that it's difficult to take advantage of AuDHD hyperfocus to boost productivity when wearing a lot of hats, but it's difficult to find your way into a higher-level specialist position when your performance as an entry-level generalist is low (and when you don't have much energy to plan next steps after your workweek).

[@MummyMagicBristlecone]

I’m with you. College was still very little studying for me (AuAdhd), pretty good grades regardless. It was law school and beyond that felt like trauma

[@laurenlens6635]

College was such a struggle. After the structure of high school, I found it really difficult to schedule classes and actually go to them when I had huge gaps of time between them. I would go back to my dorm as soon as a class was over, then I wouldn't want to go back out for my next class. I didn't want to be seen. Those things were hard enough, then my parents pulled my funding and I had to start working nights to pay for housing and it wasn't enough so I ended up couch surfing and sleeping in my car. I was also a biology major and after I failed organic chemistry during my 4th semester I gave up and dropped out. It's been 20 years and I'm so disappointed that I don't have a degree. I'm a hard worker and very focused if I can maintain inertia, so I've excelled in the job market but I have terrible imposter syndrome and many opportunities are not available to me simply because I lack that piece of paper. I really wish I could rewrite that chapter of my life but I try to remember that I did my best under the circumstances.

[@CaptainSmiles]

Hi I’m AudHD (etc) and currently in my doctoral taking a break (for the 5th time). Happy I found your channel. Fun fact: I had a channel (closed now) years ago called AwkwardTones. I’ve since had two amazing daughters who have been diagnosed and just as cool as I am. Love your channel.

[@embracing_awk]

Good luck on your doctoral studies. Glad you found my channel as well. Wish you and your daughters the best!

[@AfroTae]

College started to suck for me becuase I burned out. I was a first gen so I had to do everything on my own. my freshmen year I had a blast until I took a very stressful summer job (retail and you know how working is for us) and then I transferred to a bigger school ( I'm realizing small schools suit me best) and I was so discombobulated. I didn't have a period to rest after something that took a lot out of me and I crashed and burned for a long time until I figured out what was happening and got diagnosed. Resting is very crucial for me and I really underestimated my recovery periods.

[@Harlequin22]

Hi, 16 year old undiagnosed autistic “girl” here! :D (I’m non-binary but I’m perceived as a girl in society) When I figured out I was autistic (at around 14 years old, almost 15) and the more I learned about autism and how it affected me, I told my mom about it and at first we were working on getting me assessed for a diagnosis. At first I wanted one because I wanted people to take my autism seriously and not call me a “faker” since a lot people these days think that people are just self diagnosing themselves as autistic for attention and because it’s “trendy” (which I disagree with). As I started to learn more about the process that goes it getting a diagnosis I learned that getting one it’s really expensive, it can affect my chances of immigrating to certain countries (I’m looking at u Canada and New Zealand🤨), etc. etc. I stopped trying to get one. Hearing your advice on how to navigate college made me realize that if I have a diagnosis, I have a higher chance in getting accommodations than without one. I don’t do traditional school anymore and I now do virtual schooling under a homeschool program because the school system in my area isn’t the best and it’s just better this way since I’m an easy target for bullying (since I’m ya know, autistic plus I can’t mask as well as others lol). I love the events and challenges they set up but I really struggle with doing my schoolwork not because it’s hard to understand but bc it sucks so much energy out of me and I get frustrated doing my assignments. I do better when my mom watches me but that’s inconvenient for her since she’s a busy women and I hate people being in personal space. I tell myself that hopefully I’ll do better in college since I get to choose classes that suit my interest and maybe I can get my professors to let me use special headphones to concentrate in class. I’ve tried making schedules and to help me but I can only follow them for a short period of time before I collapse. But anyways, great video and I’m glad u survived college!🥲 edit: sorry this is long, I had a lot to say at 1:58 am. :’)

[@SteshuShu]

I see some parallels as you were talking about your college life. I also had trouble with college (it was small and private and EXPENSIVE) while living on my own. I somehow dormed on my own, but if I DID roomed with someone, I would have been in a WORSE situation... I had to leave that college. I was on academic probation, and I was so confused about what was happening around me half of the time...I finished my degree at a city college 2 years later as planned as I changed my major 2-3 times...And not even using my degree anymore. Yay... If you're wondering, I'm, AuDHD dxed in Jan. of this year. I felt like sharing in hopes you feel less alone. I would like to add that there's no shame in going to a community college to get your gen eds out of the way. You save SO MUCH money.

[@embracing_awk]

Hi, sorry to hear about your experience. It's unfortunate that we have to relate on something like this, but it does make me feel a little less alone 🤎. Glad you were able to finish at some point. As you can see I'm still using my psych degree to some extent. Never know when that knowledge is going to come in handy!

[@stohandmadejewelrycraftcorner]

My college years were a constant struggle. I dropped several classes. I actually left school for a while. The classroom setting was too much. After taking a much needed break. I went back to school online. It was much better for me. You actually get a much heavier workload, but I could handle it. I didn’t have to deal with anyone face to face. It was much easier for me. I still didn’t finish everything, but I am planning to go back and finish. It will definitely be online when I return to school.

[@embracing_awk]

Take your time. THe way things are set up is not catered to us in MANY ways. Good luck to you and thanks for subscribing 😊

[@stohandmadejewelrycraftcorner]

@@embracing_awk Thank you so much. You are welcome.🙏🏾😊

[@maximum360]

I am scheduled to be assessed for both ADHD and Autism this week. Undergrad was rough and my grades show it. Grad school in Healthcare because my special interest so I did well there at the expense of other parts of my life. Jobs since then have been a challenge and it has to do with the everyday people interaction. My new goal is to find a stable job that allows the least interaction with people to kepp my sanity. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and I'm from Mercury and Pluto.

[@embracing_awk]

Glad to hear it, hope it goes smoothly ☺️. Completely understand you! It's very tiring. Most days personal and daily life tasks fall to the wayside. I'm looking for more remote/hybrid work now. Not sure if you can do that, but might be something to look into!

[@lmh-9367]

Love love your videos. I’m ADHD not diagnosed autistic but I’m looking to seek a second opinion. I share a lot of the same experiences with university and rn I’m on an extended leave from burnout and failed friendships. School is really really hard

[@Stargazer_koyin]

As a late-diagnosed eldest Nigerian daughter I related to this soooo much. I’m entering my senior year of college and I feel like I’m just now figuring things out, but I honestly am grateful I choose a school with a small student body because even at my small school I still find myself struggling socially 😅

[@jennifergreene7907]

Thanks for sharing your story! I’m waaaay out of college, but looking back at my college journey, I can relate. I stumbled into probably what ended up the best for me. When I graduated from high school, I couldn’t get it together for college apps as I didn’t have a parent doing that for me. My dad had passed already and being the youngest, my mom just didn’t have the bandwidth anymore (I’m pretty sure she was undiagnosed neurodivergent), but my high school had partnered with the local community college to lead a end-of-senior-year workshop to have us fill out the application and FAFSA forms. So it ended up being plug-and-play college for me, and I maxed out my time there - 3 years! 😆 By that time I was super ready to transfer to a university and had done mad research on which college I wanted to go to, which I got in. So, I felt way more mentally prepared for the culture shock of being in an unfamiliar environment (being older, mentally preparing for years, researching). So folks should not sleep on community college! Really useful.

[@embracing_awk]

Agreed! I wish I had done a few years of community college and then transferred. Think that would have been a good option too.

[@moondvst4131]

Ooh excited to watch this!! I'm AuDHD and didn't know so I struggled so much trying to tough it out through university with a history of being severely depressed and depersonalized with brain fog throughout all of high school until recently when it culminated in burnout during my third year when I had to just stop. It was hard for me because I really like and enjoy what I was studying I just couldn't keep up with the school system and life's demands however small they were. It was frustrating watching everyone else managing just fine and me wondering what was wrong with me the whole time.

[@wazoowi]

PSSING MYSELF at you repeatedly calling her "white girl named after a season" and i still cant guess what it is.... Summer? Found your channel recently, just ADHDer here but so calming to hear you speak on your lived experiences. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with the internet

[@greenerme_86]

Literally sounds like my experience in my first university.

[@stayhoney6863]

I felt college was easier than any other time of my life. I failed everything until I was able to write essays in college. Essays come easy to me. Testing not so much.

[@A.With.The.Art22]

This was very relatable! I just got officially diagnosed, and through the self diagnosis journey college was such a big part of my autistic burnout story. That I’m still dealing with because I jumped straight into a job after dropping out. I did go to a community college for the first two years and that was a really good experience and definitely where I felt actually comfortable. I was an arts major so the classes were extra cozy. But as I transferred to a university and then the pandemic hit it was extremely stressful. The first semester wasn’t bad and I had my sister there with me (if she wasn’t there it definitely would’ve been worse). But the pandemic sent me into a stress and depression spiral that I tried to bounce back from in the following semesters but I dropped out with a year left. In retrospect I don’t think I truly wanted to transfer to a university. I just thought it was what I was supposed to do and I regret not stopping before that. There were definitely good sides but my health suffered because of it

[@embracing_awk]

Hi there, I can't imagine what it was like to be in college during the pandemic! I probably would have had a similar experience. I'm glad you had family with you. I It's better to prioritize your health and well being. Whether you finished college or not it's still an experience that teaches you a lot!

[@michellegabrielleee]

Wow I relate to this so much omg, & I was in college during the pandemic so it was 10x worse

[@user-xi7gz6sz4w]

Consider online education. Most prestigious universities, including U of I, have online degrees - no different than what you get on campus. In fact there are live online class chats and some students from all over the world. The only exception are majors that require labs.

[@AaliyahAbdulmalik]

Hi, my name Aaliyah and I’m a Nigerian Muslim girl, I relate to your channel a lot I also believe I’m autistic with adhd, I’ve not been diagnosed but I suspect that I am.

[@embracing_awk]

Hi Aaliyah, glad you related. Good luck to you on your journey!

[@karonkightlinger7073]

You articulate very well!! I bet you have a high IQ and a kind heart!

[@embracing_awk]

Thanks lol!

[@adrianna7]

Autumn!!! Id bet my life savings

[@embracing_awk]

Yes, VERY HUGE problem!

[@elladurbin1505]

Thanks for sharing, this made me feel less alone. Glad I found your channel!

[@embracing_awk]

I'm glad you found it too. Hope it continues to make you feel less alone!

[@Martina_E]

Summer or autumn

[@aviewer2871]

Summer or Autumn

[@migaromano]

I’m watching just to be educated about it but I honestly cannot relate to any of the things you experienced… college was a blast for me. Maybe I had one or two friends at the end but that never bothered me koz I just wanted to study. I did amazing in college and my GPA in Biology is stellar… sooo saying that… I agree that what you’re saying is just not normal… I guess it makes me think a lot on how different some people can experience a similar situation… very interesting.

[@kimzachris5340]

Double-like

[@MumOfManyForTheGloryOfGod]

Thank you for creating this channel as I was diagnosed later in life (adhd). I recently began my own channel too still building up on it but it’s about my experiences and based on conversations etc Processing information..#facts #neurodiversity #adhdmanagement #adhd #blackmentalhealth kzbin.infoDVRAXkJCuPc?feature=share

[@Saritastarsseed87]

Im the same..

[@danielafoslin2799]

27:10 Calling putting on makeup “female hygiene” is wild imo. I shouldn’t be forced to slather on expensive products to be considered “hygienic”. Got me heated a little not gonna lie. ✌🏼

[@embracing_awk]

Hi there, I was not implying that putting on makeup is "female hygiene". I was referring to it in terms of learning to mask. I learned other female hygiene practices from them. Don't want it to be misinterpreted!

[@cherylroberts5100]

I bet her name is autumn 🥮🍁