Why Are People "More Autistic" After Diagnosis? 🧠

[@Willow0.o]

"I've known you my whole life, and I don't think you've autistic" well I've known myself my whole life too, so..

[@Zara_Beth]

THIS

[@TotallyNotACannibal2]

@FredCarpenter-pb6bdHow tf does it change your IQ 😭😭? Like since when does a disorder make ppl dumb lol 💀 istg these ppl

[@lyeondoe4990]

Lol complete opposite for me. My older brother and my friends all think I'm autistic for some reason (my friend's autistic so I trust them more than the "professional " who denied I had autism lol)

[@sakaimae]

@@lyeondoe4990 I get you 100% 😂

[@Willow0.o]

@@lyeondoe4990 tbf autistic people do tend to notice other autistic people before diagnosis, a sort of ND version of gaydar lmao

[@OopzyDayzy]

the other day my neighbor was cutting down a tree, and i braved asking him if i could have the wood, and i ended up joyfully prancing off with a huge piece of trunk, and went back for more smaller pieces. Autistic Joy is amazing. its going to fuel so many craft projects! becoming comfortable being who we ARE rather than how we think people want us to be is a long process, but it builds momentum. being able to say "thats just how i am" about things we have been judged and self-judged about is incredible

[@Claire-pq1yd]

That’s awesome! That makes me happy just thinking about your joyful happiness. It really does make life more exciting when you can be yourself and truly enjoy the small moments that bring so much joy.

[@autumn5852]

@FredCarpenter-pb6bd 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@PeachyHeartOC]

A passion like that is one of my greatest wishes, that's awesome

[@LilChuunosuke]

I may act more autistic now, but as a child, I constantly got punished for "pretending to be disabled for attention" which lead to decades of shame and self depricating comments every time I allowed my authentic self to come out for even a fraction of a second. I feel like I've been chained down for over 20 years and I've finally been let free!

[@Littlegirly2000]

@@LilChuunosuke same here my parents did the same thing I was punished for things out of my control and for “asking for attention” when in reality I wasnt. Now I learned to hide that side of me and I studied other people to act more like them so no one can tell I’m different but sometimes that gets exhausting and it shows in rare occasions. I hate looking people in the eyes tho so I loook at the floor instead.

[@Enick-o8z]

Tank you. My parents say the same thing everytime I do something singly abnormal. They said to my parents at school that I was autistic and they freaked out. I liked to hear you taking about yourself.

[@Kwadratura]

When I was a kid my mother jelled at me saying to "not act retarded" because she feel ashamed of me in fron of other people

[@saffsholistichealth]

And sadly if a child is just very empathetic (I was still am) the adults like oh it's not that bad or stop crying. .. tho they mean well at times. .. bottling emotion in then for the child is not good

[@saffsholistichealth]

It's so freeing tho when u find out isn't it? I feel more free than ever ❤

[@lissaw_vi]

This is so relatable. I always feel so guilty doing all those "autistic things" in public, I feel that I'm not "autistic enough" to behave like this. I always think to myself that I lived for 16 years without behaving "like an autistic person", so it means that I don't Need to behave like this, it means I'm not Allowed to do this. I'm starting to realise just now how good it makes me actually feel, how much happier, how much less anxious. And yes, I can go into supermarket without noise cancelling headphones or plushie toys, but it's so much more comfortable with them. It's something that I still have to realise and accept.

[@gigahorse1475]

I felt the same way. My heart was literally pounding when I first wore earplugs when family was over even though they are invisible. I felt like I was committing the ultimate sin by wearing them when I don’t *need* them. Now I’m more comfortable with just doing what I want so I’m not overloaded or in pain. I shouldn’t have to tough it out. One time I kept them out the whole time when family was over, and at the end exploded and nearly had a meltdown over… a pen not working. So I know I need them way more than I thought I did.

[@ambrosesky]

if it helps you, then do it. even if you "dont NEED it." i dont NEED to carry all of my pens around in my pocket every single day, but i feel safer and more prepared doing so. just because you CAN put the fire out with your bare fingers, doesnt mean youre not allowed to blow it out or dunk it in water. meaning just because youre ABLE to and CAN go without headphones and plushies, doesnt mean youre not allowed or supposed to. as long as youre not trying to hurt anyone with what you do, you do what makes you the most comfortable and safe. sry if this was repetitive. i just try to help people. youre allowed to take up space and make noises. and you DID behave like an autistic person, you just didnt realize it or know what it was.

[@LilChuunosuke]

Yup! Last time I went to a concert, I tried to not wear my ear defenders because I felt like I didn't "need" them, only to later experience agonizing jaw pain from how tense the sensory overwhelm was making me. I put on the ear defenders and felt so much better. Sure, I *could've* toughed it out and kept them off and looked "normal," but blending in is not so vital to me that I'm willing to cause myself unnecessary distress and pain.

[@lissaw_vi]

@@ambrosesky "just because you can put the fire with your bare fingers doesn't mean you're not allowed to blow it.." Such a beautiful phrase, one that really forces to think about it from a different angle.

[@ambrosesky]

@@lissaw_vi hey, i do my best to make things applicable to situations :)

[@Ozzie_drawz]

This is why getting diagnosed is so important. SO many people get told they only want a diagnosis because “they want to show off their disorders” or whatever, when getting actually diagnosed helps people understand themselves and feel like they aren’t alone

[@karenmacrae3189]

Why would getting be helpful to anyone? IM 65 and self diagnosed. I don’t tell people I’m autistic but knowing/assuming I am has been very beneficial to me and my quirks. As for being diagnosed, is there a medication for autism?

[@Ozzie_drawz]

@@karenmacrae3189 I believe there is

[@steeviebops]

@@karenmacrae3189 For me, getting diagnosed helped prove to myself that I'm not just "weird" or making things up. It was important for me but I understand that not everyone can or wants to get diagnosed.

[@SnowySpiritRuby]

It's also helpful because there are certain resources out there that are only available if the person has a formal diagnosis, or at least difficult to impossible to obtain without one: e.g. getting accommodations in school - I'm thinking college in particular, since that's what I have experience with regarding accommodations - can be anywhere from difficult to impossible without it (obviously depends on the school, but point remains). Getting Voc Rehab services might be another one that requires it. Not saying it should necessarily stay that way (I have a friend who has been struggling in school because her family can't afford to get her formally evaluated, and therefore any accommodations she gets are solely up to her professors' discretion), but right now that's how it tends to be.

[@iheartsharks333]

i feel like when people find out that they're autistic, they also become "more autistic". As im typing this i'm realizing that we are saying the exact same thing.

[@turoni314]

And then you start wondering why you're "acting" more autistic and whether that's really you and then you get to the real problem of thinking who even am I really

[@donaldlyons17]

Wait their level on the autism spectrum should not have changed..... You don't think the behaviors start to make more sense once one knows something is up with a person?

[@meptune0335]

@@donaldlyons17 i feel like (for me at least this is different for everyone) when people know they have autism, they adapt to their own needs more, begin to be themselves and let themself unmask, and be themselves for once. that’s probably why some people say things like “you don’t seem autistic”.

[@donaldlyons17]

@@meptune0335 What trying to be like others only makes sense to me but again I also can't speak for other people either!!

[@AstarTiamat]

@@donaldlyons17 they stop pretending when they can justify their actions that people call weird.

[@TentoesMe]

When I was an ASD boy, they did not have the letters ASD, just LAZY and BRAT. When I found out at age 58, I quit pretending to like things I did not just because everyone else did. And now, I just stim freely.

[@TentoesMe]

@fifigogiso-m8e Yup! Still a boy. Just an old fart now. Still a brat, though😉

[@PrescottSF]

Wow, that first part is incredibly sad. I’m so glad the world is way more accepting to autism now than it used to be

[@RobertThomas3322]

Yeah, the message that this is overwhelmingly only happening to women is sign that this will become what the modern feminist movement has become...us vs them.

[@TheDutchCreeperTDC]

I feel genuinely sorry for all my older family members that are autistic. There is so much (silent) judgement towards them for just being who they are and they never got the support they needed because they were just disregarded as difficult people. There is so much (internalised) ablism under older generations and most people don't realise it. I feel like this sentiment has been so tangible that it has led me to not even seriously consider I might be autistic until I was 24 (As a kid, I used to play by lining up all my cars in traffic jams and I knew all the car brands before I could make sentences for crying out loud!)

[@benlisle7623]

Amazingly i was thinking a few days ago that i show my autism more since my diagnosis 18 months ago and similarly my mental health has been the best it's been for years!

[@Zara_Beth]

me too!!!

[@ro2_602]

"Oh, okay. I am human. I am normal. I'm just a neurodivergent type of normal. I'm just autistic". This was such a nice sentence to hear. I'm very accepting of myself and accomodate to my needs as much as I can, but somehow I barely think like that. Yes. I too am quite normal! There are many other autistic people! I'm not alone and there's bound to be people that can relate to my experience!

[@Zara_Beth]

i’m so glad it resonated!! ❤

[@user-oc8jp2bk2y]

Why people frequently percieve being percieved as not normal as something negative? Does non-normal means bad? I don't think so. Normal people are by definitioin are the overwhelming majority. Being neurodivergent is by definition being not normal.

[@user-oc8jp2bk2y]

I don't get it, was my comment got deleted or something? Not seeing it Anyway, repeating, why do you clinging to being "normal" like being not normal is a bad thing? Being not normal is okay, and neurodivergent s ain't normal by definition.

[@ro2_602]

@@user-oc8jp2bk2y I'm not saying "not normal" is a bad thing. I, like many others, want to feel like they belong somewhere. Hence the comfort in "a neurodivergent type of normal".

[@user-oc8jp2bk2y]

​@@ro2_602 Now I see, there seems to be several definitions for the word "normal" and it's annoys me now. Like not just being from the majority normal but also... I d call it "reasonable". Confusing.

[@despairinthedeparturelounge]

Hi Zara, I was wondering if you could make a video on all the tools you use to accommodate and make yourself more comfortable as a neurodiverse person. Eg. headphones and sunglasses. I feel like I’m in a permanent struggle living in a neurotypical world and I think a video that could help people find materials to help aid themselves would really help so many people. Keep doing what you’re doing, you are helping so many people, and I can’t wait to read your book!

[@Zara_Beth]

great idea, i’ll do a video one day on it!!

[@dorkafricska6102]

I'm self diagnosed for about three years (autism and adhd). And ever since I learned about these topics I'm slowly unmasking, and people say "You weren't like this", "Just because you found out you're autistic you don't have to show it more" and "This isn't the real you, stop it"... but yes, this IS the real me! I wish people understood I've been hiding who I really am for 20+ years to please them, and it would feel so nice if they supported me to end that unhealthy chapter.

[@carolgnojewski6593]

I have had that too! One of my best friends replied by saying no, you're not. You're just highly capable. Frustrating and I am sorry you have experienced this too.

[@LoveEachDay94]

I've come to learn that allistic people pretend not to understand and also make communication purposefully muddled and difficult. They're extremely selfish and two faced. It's not our communication that is the failure most of the time, it's others apathy to our communication in the face of their own self interest.

[@dollkye]

Please don't do self diagnosis, the same symptoms can be for a lot of different things, go with a professional. I don't say this in any harmful way, I'm currently in process of going into the tests to know if I have austism or adhd. But we aren't professionals, and we must admit that, please let the people who studied all of this things be the ones that make the diagnostic

[@butterblix]

@@dollkye self-diagnosis is only invalid if you diagnose yourself off a couple ticktocks or something, I too am self diagnosed and the sheer amount of research I've done is more than most professionals have studied autism and ADHD 🤷‍♀️. Ofcourse I should ask for an official diagnosis but I don't really think I'm in a safe environment to mention it right now.

[@dollkye]

@@butterblix it's okay if you can't right know, but even if you do research, the professionals know best, so it's recommended to go to them when you can. Also it can help you to ask for exclusive helps and resources for people with disabilities

[@sarahlogan2075]

Thank you for this video. You validated a number of things for me. I just self diagnosed and have noticed I am acting more autistic. What a relief, as you said, to be truly the persons we are.

[@MrLuthbel]

As an AUDHD adult man, i´ve been masking both ADHD and ASD for all my life. My therapist says I did a "female" masking in both disorders, "using" anxiety to fill the attention holes, mainly. When it came a moment of extreme anxiety, the cards castle I carefully did all my life fell, and all the symptoms came into place. I´m trying to put everything together, but I decided I will try not to mask. It´s exhausting, stressing and I don´t have the need to "pass" as a "normal" guy anymore. I prefer to live a healthier life. If someone feels uncomfortable, that´s their problem, not mine. Thank you very much Zara, these videos help a lot of people to feel that we´re not alone.

[@masongraffice9143]

Also yes it makes such a difference if you just listen to us and not judge us when we are telling you that we are autistic

[@the_reader_who]

3:51 “I didn’t even know what the inside was.” Something I very much relate to and am currently trying to fix. I’m not diagnosed with anything but I feel like this is another reason why diagnosis and/or self recognition (in my case of admitting I’m probably neurodivergent in some way or at least have habits that present as such) is so important because it enables energy to be taken away from masking and added to what matters (ie. Self care, having fun, working towards good outcomes) (Sorry for paragraph lol)

[@kumoyuki]

get a Dx. It will help clarify what you're dealing with. Self-diag is totally valid, but for removal of doubt (and the joy *that* brings) it's super helpful to have someone validate your suspicions. The only reservation would be for AFAB people, who should absolutely be assessed by a woman - particularly one who believes that women can be autistic. Fun story: when my assessor told me that I was autistic, she framed it as bad news. As long as she sounded like she was giving a terminal disease dx, I was so upset, then when she said "I'm afraid you are autistic", I was elated. "Whee! I *do* understand! And I am *right* about what's going on in my head!" :)

[@saffsholistichealth]

Yes sometimes I don't know or still don't know am I feeling sadness? Or anger? Sometimes I just don't know other times I do know

[@111music7]

"I don't need your approval to be myself." Very wise words ❤ Took me a while to be able to get to that point in my life. Still working on remembering it. One moment at a time.

[@MichelWingArtist]

This is fantastic. I related so much. Thank you. (Diagnosed at age 60!)

[@bossatronking3426]

I am a 63 yo male who just did a "screening" test that stated that I am a "high functioning" autistic like 2 of my 4 children. My wife's response was duh I knew that. I am now "seeing" for the first time my traits that other people have seen for years.

[@letsrock1729]

Why didn't your wife ever initiate a conversation with you about it? That's something I find weird in general...if the people close to us can 'see' things that we can't, why aren't they helping us by bringing them up in appropriate ways?

[@kaye_dee_did]

@@bossatronking3426 my hubby gets mad when I tell him I think he is.

[@kaisfp]

Also wives (at least my wife :)) don't tend to know a lot about autism specifically. My wife can perceive some of my autistic traits easily, but she didn't know they were autistic traits, those were just my "nerdy traits" to her. I mean she never told her friends when they visit us: "Joe doesn't really seem like it at first, but he is pretty autistic.", but instead she says stuff like: "Joe doesn't really seem like it at first, but he is a pretty big nerd.", and similar stuff.

[@NitFlickwick]

Most people have such a negative perception of autism that it would be seen as an insult, especially for anybody in the early millennial and older age group. The biggest value that is coming from people talking about autism on social media is the reframing away from the severe, pathological medical model of autism to one of difference that comes with challenges, so hopefully spouses will feel more comfortable with it.

[@isla_theegg]

i’m really enjoying the videos about your experience with autism, i’m not autistic myself but my sister is. it’s been hard to know how to help her as she’s very recently diagnosed but following autistic creators like you has been really helpful!! xx

[@raevynwoods9403]

When I'm really happy I feel like one of those dogs who wags their tail so vigorously that their whole body wiggles along. I wiggle my body and it makes the joy so much better! I'm glad you included the clip of your happy stims, I really recognised it.

[@pandadncr4825]

seeing people being themselves and accepting who they are with joy always makes me so happy to hear. i hope i‘ll one day be where u‘re at rn

[@sirbradfordofhousejones]

This video made me so happy. I’m one of those people who was diagnosed in the 1980s and was told “you were cured of your autism” because I masked it well. I’ve spent the last two years unmasking and the joy you showed is how I often feel when I’m doing my special interests. THANK YOU 😊

[@bnatural87]

I love the amount of acceptance you’ve found, it gives me hope for what is possible

[@felicityclark9599]

You have no idea how much this video resonantes with me. I got my autism and ADHD diagnoses almost three years ago when I was 18 (I’m now 21) and am still in the process of figuring out what accommodations I need. However in making these accommodations I have been told “you never used to be like this, you’re making excuses just because you’re learning what autistic people are supposed to be like”. But hearing you speak about this really makes me smile and realise that it is ok and these accommodations are there to help. Thank you for spreading the word 😊😊

[@NoElepints]

I might be autistic and now that I’ve realized that I have become “more autistic” you helped me so much, thank you 😊.

[@superE1113z]

@@NoElepints Keep being you, my friend. 🥹❤️‍🩹😄❤️✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾 I’ll do the same.

[@MrEd-ri5kh]

I like these short, fast-paced upbeat vids. I mainly watch KZbin after I take my night pills. I have my own disabilities. I find these vids relatable and healing on some level.

[@Zara_Beth]

i’m glad you like them!! ❤

[@BUBBL3S.0N.P4WS]

I was listening to you while watching the cat in the background😅 Edit 1:THIS IS THE MOST AMOUNT OF LIKE I EVER GOT THANK YOUUUUUUU👁️👄👁️

[@lisaslife83]

Same 😆

[@mariaandresfernandez5456]

Same😂

[@BirchStudent-cd4gb]

Same

[@CoolKidsArmy]

Me too i'm 4 sec. in and i really badly want to know its name😅 Much love and support from Belgium 🇧🇪✌️

[@mariaandresfernandez5456]

@@CoolKidsArmy His name is Jesse :)

[@Phoenix-yl3go]

Omg thank you so much for sharing! I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis of a disability that you can’t see on the outside (unless I do something people might see as ‘weird’) [I’m not yet comfortable sharing what that diagnosis is with the internet]. But thank you for sharing! I wish I could explain how important vids like this are, to me, right now especially, but also people like us. So glad you felt comfortable sharing with the internet! I will one day. -Phoenix

[@JCReturns4Me2]

Honey, you are SOOOOO brave. Just figured out this year that I'm a 62 yr. autistic person who is learning so much about myself. Being autistic right now is challenging as my hubby of 41+ years just passed away this past Monday unexpectedly. Trying to deal with this. PRAYERS are greatly appreciated. Much love to ya honey. 🙏✝️❤️🕊️💜🌹

[@rhyanonstuddert7384]

I love that you showed your happy hands, it's so validating to see someone else do this to. I'm still trying to process my diagnosis, even though it was well over a year now, I'm 33. But living your entire life hiding who I was, and not knowing who I was, is hard to undo, and I'm still not quite at that stage where I feel comfortable enough to show my autistic side to people yet, especially my family who were the main ones who made me feel like I needed to hide. Trying to learn to unmask around my partner has been easier, but still difficult, even though he is mostly supportive. It's still such a struggle and I'm currently in the middle of a several year long burn out from constant masking. Your video was beautiful.

[@colettej2504]

I was 30 getting diagnosed- this is exactly how I saw it. I’m now 40 and I’m far more ‘autistic’ openly now than I was before the diagnosis. It baffles my husband sometimes as we have been together since I was 20 but he always says he feels so honoured that I don’t mask around him. This is so perfectly explaining how I felt. Thanks

[@Proverbsthreefivethrusix]

@@colettej2504 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 I needed to hear that!!! Diagnosed at 40... Not even. Month ago!!!!

[@ZEROs0000]

Your stimming is absolutely adorable. I was diagnosed last week and my life perspective has changed. I've just started to allow myself to stim after all these years and see you do it so openly makes me get extremely excited and joyous. Although I still try to stop myself so I will have to work on it.

[@erikd4690]

"Convinced everyone, even myself," is a phrase that really resonates with my experience. Thank you for this!

[@skyboom7945]

Thank you for giving me and many others so much validation ❤

[@neoraven6895]

Thank you for leaving in that clip of you stimming because it actually made me cry to see someone stim the same way as me!!

[@Zara_Beth]

i'm so glad you feel seen 🩷

[@oneladybass]

Hi Zara, I don't normally comment on videos but I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your autism journey- I relate so much to what you say, I also got my autism diagnosis recently last November, but at the age of 40! I'm still in the adjusting phase but I know exactly what you mean about feeling 'more autistic' now, or rather I now finally know who I am, and I'm proud of it. ❤

[@Synthgothic]

Hi! I just turned 40 and have been researching the shit out of autism. It’s definitely been my most special interest. So nice to meet someone my age who’s just been diagnosed! 3 of my sons were diagnosed autistic within the past few years (I have a couple comorbid ADHDers as well). My 10 year old daughter will be assessed for autism soon. I am hoping it will all work out so that she can get the school accommodations that she desperately needs. But once all of my kids’ accommodations are squared away, I will be looking into a diagnosis for myself. I’d love to know more about your diagnosis story. It’s so nice seeing/hearing such lovely people that I can finally relate to ❤

[@christinesizemore3]

As an AFAB dxed at age 35, I relate to just about every single point you've made in this video. It was a revelation to be able to put a name to all my vague feelings of wrongness. A year later, I am nearly over the denial and imposter syndrome. I'm not actually a garbage human - I'm just noticably different, even if nobody could ever quite put a finger on it. I'm not subconsciously being contrarian - my brain & body have different needs. There's a LOT left to repair as a result of how I've let myself be treated all these years - I may never be a confident, capable, or totally independent human... but at least I can recognize & manage how I spend my time accordingly. ❤❤❤

[@rachelotremba8100]

Can you make a video describing your unmasking process and how you've been more okay stimming in public etc? I'm 23 and was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and I'm still struggling to unmask and I'd appreciate your perspective on it ❤️

[@margueriteraskolnikova7681]

Hi, I can only help you with my point of view, but what really helped me was first accepting it when I’m alone and not judging myself, understanding that this was normal and made me happy. When you are finally okay with yourself, you can then bit by bit feel better to unmask in public 🙏 Also, if your family/friends/partner know about it and know that it’s normal and important for you, that could really help you to feel free to unmask. In public, maybe try to unmask the invisible stims that you may have (for myself, it could be chewing the inside of your mouth, touching your nails with your fingers, or stim humming in your head), and then you can get to the more visible part. Hope you will be okay and congrats on your diagnosis !!

[@sharmalarm]

I watched this last night and again today. Made me cry both times. Every word resonates. Thank you, Zara 🙏🤗✨

[@Zara_Beth]

i'm so glad it resonates! ❤

[@or6913]

100%! I've had the same experience. I "act" much more autistic now after being diagnosed as an adult. I don't mask as much. And I now wear noise canceling headphones everywhere, wear a hoodie even in the summer (it helps me feel safer in a way, even though it's hot to wear), stimm more, etc. This has helped my mental health and helped with the never-ending anxiety and overwhelming world. Not to say I no longer suffer from anxiety and such, but it has helped. Thanks for sharing so I now know it's not just me that acts more autistic after being diagnosed.

[@mwaldrom]

Thank you for your authentic show of adult autism with other health issues

[@jeremysargent5037]

A diagnosis for me in the 1980s would have destroyed me and made bullying much worse. A diagnosis for people today is much more constructive because people are more understanding and knowledge really helps.

[@MattyMerecat]

Thank you Zara, as a fellow autistic person it is amazing to see someone be brave enough to open up about their struggles. It is amazing for me to see someone so so similar to my traits and everything I’ve been through. All the love to you. And once again thank you.

[@POLLYCHROM4TIC]

Thank you so much for making this video, Zara! Since my diagnosis in December '22, my parents have really been struggling to understand that the apparent "change in my personality" is actually me attempting to unmask & deal with some symptom regression. I hope sharing this video with them may help them to better understand that this turn of events hasn't been optional, nor entirely enjoyable for me (referring to people attempting to down-play or disregard certain autism symptoms that were simply just masked well for 27 years).🤞🏻 Thanks again.🤍

[@curly364]

Thanks for sharing. My husband was diagnosed with high functioning autism as an adult. I've seen him have 2 meltdowns in the last 6 years I've physically have been with him. He also struggles with depression and ocd but hides it well. I have a lot of chronic health issues and get anxiety. I never really felt like I fit in and always hid my anxiety even though I feel like I'm about to die or go insane. On the outside I look perfectly fine. It's frustrating I really wish I didnt have to struggle alone but I do because I'm embarrassed about it and hate drawing attention up myself. I can't hardly go grocery shopping anymore because it bothers my health issues. I have went in to stores wearing sunglasses usually because their prescription when I forget my regular glasses but it does help with the bright lights in stores for sure. I'm glad you have found things that help you and you can be yourself. It's really difficult trying to fit in but I actually like different. Normal is boring too me. FYI I also do that hand shaking that you do. I do it when I'm shy, nervous, and excited lol. Usually when I'm alone.

[@lisaslife83]

KZbin has been recommending your videos to me for a while now. I’m so glad I finally clicked on one a couple of weeks ago (although you’re A LOT younger than I thought you were 😬) but seriously, thank you for being so open, you’ve actually made me understand myself better and I’ve shown a couple of your videos to F&F because you seem to have a knack for explaining things in a way that people can understand. So thanks, and happy birthday for yesterday!

[@Ruby97543]

I just recently found your channel and it has been so validating! I only recently found out I was autistic and so I'm still discovering parts of myself that have been buried for such a long time. It took me such a long time to realise that I was autistic because all the people I knew of who were autistic were just not like me at all so being able to see somebody else like me means so much to me! Your stimming made me so happy because that's exactly how I stim when I am happy! Thank you for this video, it has helped me so much! ❤

[@nfah86]

Thank you, Zara. This was real and honest and very helpful. So glad you're feeling more with it in your head and better generally. Take care and God bless you!

[@WanderingExistence]

A lot of people don't understand neuroscience, a lot of people will not understand hyperactivity of stimming.

[@ellastones886]

Thank you so much for your amazing video!!! I have TS and I am on the neuropathway for autism (1.5 years into a 4 year long journey😭). I relate to your “cliche” point about knowing your whole life that you were ‘different’ and I completely understand that feeling. Your video makes me seem validated purely because I was having this conversation with my mum and she was saying that my traits have “came from nowhere” however I had a ‘breakdown’ I guess when I was 12 (when my tics increased) and that is when all my traits came up to the surface. On a side note, thank you for all of your help in the neurodivergent community - you are making a massive difference x

[@annettereynolds7457]

I was diagnosed when I was 55. I think you have said this perfectly. I didn't feel like I was able to express myself because I didn't have a diagnosis. Since then, I've felt much more free to be me, to be who I am, and not hide it away. People have been incredibly accepting and supportive.

[@Iamsocoolio2]

When I was diagnosed with ASD I was a baby and it’s so nice to know that I don’t have to hide it because I used to think I was different but now I realize being different might just be a good thing.I love ur channel and keeps up the good work :)

[@Andianco]

I found the video really relatable, specially the part about not knowing who you are any more. I went through something like that as well before and it is and awful feeling so I am glad that your journey is going so well. By the way, I love your little gallery with all the images on it, specially the Ghibli ones. Looks really nice and reminds me to the one I have in my room. 🥰

[@BigBlue-xt9ss]

My brother is autistic and some sounds to autistic people hurt them physically like my brother if you say *shhhhhh* he says feels like someone pokes him in the ear with needles! Also in social situation like a restaurant thats crowded its really hard for him because he cant cancel out the noise like other people can! ❤

[@masongraffice9143]

I am autistic and sometimes like people don’t think i am autistic and the would make jokes and I don’t want to tell them I am autistic and it is just crazy just to have to listen to those jokes and just say nothing because I am scared of being judged by them

[@_bouldering_3688]

Thank you so much for addressing this. I needed to hear it. I'm still too scared to openly stimm in front of anybody. You're inspiring me to try to be myself more and find out what helps me make my everyday life a little easier

[@dearestnovelite]

Before my diagnosis, mom would always get annoyed with me for having my comfort item (my pink blanket) with me while family was over, she would get annoyed with me if I brought it in the car with me during our aurora hunting at night or in the car with me to appointments. After my diagnosis, I told one of my friends about my blanket, he said it was wrong to be so attached to it. Now that I'm a young adult, I feel free because I can take it with me without people telling me no. Most of the time people leave me alone when I'm out in public. I bring it with me to the wellness centre and nobody cares that I have it or that I stim with it.

[@Xoana_14]

Thank you for sharing your unmasking experience. I received my autism diagnosis at the end of last year at 30 years old. Your experience of unmasking after diagnosis, people seeing you as "more autistic," and working out who you are underneath the masks so perfectly reflects my experience of it too. It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in my experience. I'm so happy to hear that you are embracing the wonderful neurodivergent person that you are. You're doing such amazing work raising awareness! Thank you! 😊

[@ameliaharma]

This is EXACTLY how I feel!! Thank you for explaining this for people!

[@saskiaegeland-jensen8152]

So grateful for your content about autism, it’s been really helpful to me as I’ve been realising I’m autistic too. I can’t wait to be able to read your book, I’m so pleased for you!

[@W1thmuchl0v3.m]

This is such a good video! My situations a bit different than this, I was diagnosed when I was 11 and I’m now 19 but because of the people I’ve been surrounded with growing up and raised by I still held everything inside not just because I thought I had to because I was so scared that I would never live a “normal” life if I didn’t that’s what I was told anyway. Another factor I’ve realised is that I have ADHD, which I’ve just been diagnosed with and put on medication for. I then found out that when you have ADHD and autism, ADHD can often mask some of the traits of autism and vice versa so since being on the medication I have become outwardly “more autistic“. It’s ridiculous because I’ve always felt like this, but because so many other things were also happening on top of me having autism and the fact that I was so scared of missing out on all the things everyone else seemed able to do so easily, everyone has assumed that even though I’m autistic and have even been diagnosed for eight years of my life that I’m just “not that autistic“. When I now explain something to my parents that I know is happening because I’m autistic and has become more prevalent for the prior reasons I have been shouted at because I “can’t blame everything on my autism” when these things that I am pointing out and often apologising for are the reasons I was diagnosed with autism in the first place and on the diagnostic criteria for autism but for them that doesn’t matter because they know I can “act normally” because I’ve done it before so none of that matters and I’m just making “excuses“. What many people who aren’t Neurodivergent don’t realise is that masking isn’t easy, frankly it’s exhausting and draining mentally, physically, and emotionally. it’s like putting on a show every single day that you’ve been rehearsing for your whole life but you still feel like you’re not quite getting your lines and stage directions right like all of the other actors are but then having to realise that’s because the other people aren’t acting they don’t have to practice how they smile in the mirror and how they respond to certain questions and situations so they seem “normal“ it’s just natural for them. If you’re not neurodivergent try and imagine all of those things you do subconsciously every day, simple things like saying hello to someone as you pass them in the street or smiling for a very quick picture, now imagine you have to think about all of those little things with as much effort as you would when learning lines and stage directions for a play that runs 24/7 whilst you’re simultaneously doing the play. It sounds impossible because it is and anyone in that situation is bound to mess up now and again, but because you’ve got some of your lines right It’s obvious that you can learn them, You don’t need help and everything must be fine which means when you do mess your lines up and you get upset and you feel overwhelmed, you’re met with anger and frustration because you learn your lines before you can do it again, there’s no excuses. I know that’s a bit of a long metaphor, but I feel it’s quite a good representation at least in my experience of how it feels to mask my actual way of thinking, the way my brain was developed and structured every single day. I remember a time when being told that I “don’t seem autistic” often felt like a compliment for me because everything around me growing up told me that autism is bad, that it is something that will hinder me for the rest of my life and will take most if not all of my choices and opportunities away (which is blatantly and factually untrue), however now in this situation where I have not got the option to mask as much as I had been for most of my life, those same words are the things that hinder me and take my opportunities away. The idea that autistic people who can also be independent don’t need support and can just do things because “their autism isn’t that bad“ is so harmful and ablest that I simply don’t know how people can think that! At what point did an autism diagnosis for one person mean they get support, accommodations and access to additional resources but for another autistic person, (which is often in my experience girls and women with autism) it means that they have a label that will be used against them often or at least in my experience and they will still be told to hide their thoughts and feelings, to be good and be quiet, and to most of all not stand out because it will ruin your life. It’s exhausting just living when you’re autistic because we have to put so much effort into tasks that people can do without even thinking, but then on top of that we are demonised and isolated socially because we’re “to weird“ which means we aren’t meant to “act autistic” because it makes people “uncomfortable” and then on the other hand if we’re “not autistic enough” in front of people we are “not really autistic” therefore not worthy or in need of support which leaves us isolated academically, medically, and once again socially. It feels like this impossible cycle where every option hinders you in someway. But what we have to realise as Neurodivergent people is it’s not really our neurodivergency that’s causing us these setbacks, it’s actually the lack of education and acceptance from all of the people around us. It is shown that over 75 million people in the world are autistic and those statistics are only counting people who are diagnosed with autism. Another statistic is that 1 in 100 people are autistic and once again that is only counting people who are diagnosed and also possibly missing those who are not comfortable enough to say they’re autistic. With those numbers alone, which I believe 100% do not even accurately represent the real scale of autism, it is absurd that everyone is not educated about autism and what it’s like living with it it should be taught in school and it should be taught at prenatal classes when people are having children and anyone who is an educator or a medical professional should be fully educated and understand autism in its entirety at least the best of their ability, and that’s not just young autistic boys, that’s understanding the differences in challenges that different people with autism face and seeing all of those experiences as equal. I don’t feel we should have to be “heard out” But I totally understand why that would be said and it’s because we feel we have something to feel bad for or apologise for, something we have to explain over and over again so people don’t get angry with us, but we shouldn’t have to do that and I’m only just coming to terms with this myself now. I just want to say here I am not speaking for everyone who has autism, Every autistic person is different and has different needs, challenges, ways of doing things, and experiencing life, this is just my experience and how I feel. Hopefully if you’re just getting diagnosed your experience will be totally different, You’ll be surrounded by people that support and accept you unconditionally, and maybe peoples views on autism now are different from how they were when I was younger. But if they’re not and you’re someone who feels the same or similar to this, I want you to know you are not alone, you are not strange and you are not too autistic or not autistic enough. There is no shame in living and existence that you had no control over and there is certainly nothing wrong with that existence. There are so many beautiful things about being autistic that people don’t talk about because they’re so blindsided by the things that affect them as non-autistic people, but at least for me, I know I would not get as much joy from the interests that I love the most if I wasn’t autistic and I truly don’t think I would be as compassionate as I am if I wasn’t autistic. Remember you would not be who you are without autism because it structures your whole way of thinking and learning which is not a bad thing. It’s not about “letting autism define you” but realising that autism is just your brain nothing more and nothing less. if you didn’t have autism it wouldn’t just take away the struggles that come with it but everything else as well, all the things that make you up into the beautiful person you are. I know this is very long and probably no one will read it all, but I thought it might help someone feel more seen and maybe even help me a little too start to surround myself by people who understand. You are so loved and you are worth more than you know. Have a good day. 🫶

[@vincemincevince]

i got diagnosed the other week at the age of 45 it’s a relief not to have to force my self to make eye contact with people for starters. this is a great video that i haven’t really seen any one else talk about yet. thanks for making it

[@jenna739]

I definitely relate. I'm 22 and got diagnosed about a year ago. My third year of university brought me to my breaking point, and now I live in headphones and always have a fidget toy nearby. It made me realize that I was totally different than who I thought I was, and I'm okay with that. I'm happier and less anxious, and now I can shape my life around my wants and needs rather than my those of my manufactured identity

[@lovelyDaisyStewart]

OMG seeing your happy state made me cry! I flap my hands like that when I'm really happy or excited, but I've been so ashamed to do it that I only ever do it when I'm alone. Not even in front of my partner of 15 years!

[@saffsholistichealth]

Really resonate with you its sometimes hard to resonate wit some autistic people online but i love how you share stuff about u cause i feel like im watching myself speak in a way❤

[@MichelleKiwiGirlCrawfordvocals]

You have a lovely, sweet, and relaxed presenting style. I have started showing my true self more in the last 2 years since I've increased my singing performances 🎤🎶

[@joshtweedy6436]

Thank you! I’ve been trying to explain to my friends what’s going on with me. I’m not “different” I’m finally being ME. This is the best video I’ve seen about it.

[@Thismumslovesfashion]

Just found your channel. My brother is diagnosed it’s Tourette’s and my daughter just got diagnosed with ADHD but trying to get the doctors to assess her for Tourette’s too. You’re great, keep shining hun x

[@diversatree]

Awesome! So glad you can show who you are. I'm still working with that. Friends still think I must be strange. Working on helping them understand that we are ok the way we are.

[@godschildLeanne]

This has once again helped so much. I’m awaiting my assessment outcome. I have always done rapid blinking when concentrating or listening to someone. People were telling me to stop but that made it worse as I kept trying to stop it happening.

[@richmorecroft73]

So much of this resonates with me so thank you for making this. It took 48 years for me to realise I’m on the spectrum, and now I see it as it is, I’m finally beginning to realise who I am. I had zero sense of identity all these years and had no idea why. Trying to fit in is exhausting so no more of that nonsense! We are all different and some of us are more different than others. Each to their own.

[@gwape]

my parents have accused me of "acting more autistic" since i got the diagnosis. for instance i was rocking while watching a movie with my dad yesterday and he said "can you stop rocking? i swear, you've never done this before your diagnosis" (got a diagnosis around 5 months ago) and it hurt so much. it's different with strangers, because they don't know me at all, but with my parents, it stings the most...

[@rrl9786]

I'm twice your age but fully connect with and have experienced every single thing you're talking about, right up to the experience of sheer joy and freedom of being able to stim openly. I'm so deeply glad for you that you have been able to embrace yourself like this. There is truly NOTHING wrong with being autistic or with any of the variety of expressions of autism that different people exhibit. You are promoting an important message here and I'm so pleased to see that the younger generations have some positive autistic role models. Keep it up!

[@Tembershorts]

I'm pretty sure I'm autistic but my mom refuses to get me a diagnosis. I mask SO HARD and it's just so hard for me to unmask. My mom doesn't think I'm autistic, but also I don't unmask all too much around her. I've never been able to communicate well and I never felt like anyone understood me. It boggles my mind when I look back to fights I had with my siblings or my parents as a child or breakdowns I had, and knowing my mom missed the fact that I was autistic. I'm still struggling so much mentally because it's so hard to unmask, and I just wish I could have a diagnosis just so I wouldn't keep on convincing myself that I'm not autistic even though I most definitely AM.

[@julzbehr6696]

This is also very similar to other diagnoses, like when I got my hyperacusis diagnosis, I advocated and accommodated for myself, and my parents noted that it seemed to “get worse” but I felt better than I’d had in a long long time.

[@Zaroka811]

I only notice my symptoms coming out around a year or so ago, but the thing is, is that I have symptoms of SO many different disorders I can't tell which one/s I have, so that would include ADHD, autism, OCD, schizophrenia and others, and I'm currently trying to get a diagnosis. What you say is so true, as soon as I started noticing some symptoms, more and more have unearthed themselves and it's just quite overwhelming, really. I really want to get diagnosed to help me settle down and figure myself out. All I know is that this is who I am and that's fine.

[@unilovescrafts89]

THIS!!! People seem like it's a bad thing, but it's sooo good for self healing and other things ❤ Stimming can be such little things sometimes, and it's a really interesting, and the general concept is too!

[@mariguanabara1]

thanks for this video, very relatable. I was recently diagnosed and am going through that. neurotypicals have no idea how exhausting it is to constantly mask. the people who have questioned my diagnosis never had any idea of the amount of time it took me to recover after socialising. they never saw the afterwards when my energy was so drained that I was unable to deal with basic activities, the shutdowns, and whatnot. I no longer try to explain anything. it's exhausting, and I'm done accommodating for others.

[@katesvensen2261]

I found out I am autistic when I was 61. Everyone in my family said, "Yeah, it fits!" I remember an occasion when I was 5 or 6, my mother speaking to someone and mentioning autism, but dismissing it because I was not a boy. I don't know how autistic I seem. My stress level has decreased and my self-esteem has increased, because I have finally - after years of being the square peg - given myself permission to be myself unapologetically. I have also been able to free myself of much of the guilt and shame I've carried around after a lifetime of meltdowns.

[@jennifershuping664]

You’re literally describing me! I too always knew I was different but didn’t know why. Then one day a friend who had just been diagnosed was sharing the symptoms with me and I sat there and every symptom she said I was like wait that’s me too! Thank you for this video because now I have a way to help my loved ones understand!

[@efratlynn2791]

I think the reason for this is that we have learned to understand that everything we have experienced now is understandable to us and that there is a place for it and this gives us the ability to give place

[@exotic.bvtterz]

This honestly makes me feel so much better. Thank you. (Don’t have to read this, just life story ig) About in June, I was told by my doctor that she thinks I could be autistic, and ever since then,, I had been noticing myself “act more autistic” by trying to be myself. And it had confused me sm bc I was so used to masking, being quiet, keeping my life a secret and all that. And now, I’m still quite quiet but I had noticed myself stimming more then I did before, showing actual face expressions, talking about my interests to people I care about and feel comfortable around and seeing other autistic symptoms that are just like me and i actually think “that’s similar to me..”. But, like I had said, was so confused by my actions and thought I was faking. So I had tried to mask again, but it didn’t work. I was afraid that I was odd, lying to myself even though this professional had told me so otherwise, I was just scared of everything. I still too was thinking about that to myself until I had saw this video. I now understand a lot more about everything now. You, a stranger I’ve never seen before nor do I even know in real life, has told me it’s okay. I’m so thankful KZbin had recommended me this video, and I hope you know that I’m probably not the only one you’ve helped with this video. Thank you again, and even though I’m a complete stranger,, I’m so happy that you’ve came this far too. I’m proud of you. And those that are reading this message also.

[@fabiospectrum]

I loved your video! I'm so happy to see you doing well and being yourself! You're not alone! I can relate a lot, as I was criticised a lot and asked to stop or reduce my autistic traits (sadly for you, female gender is much harder). The flapping, rocking, jumping, vocalisations and other stimmings have returned to their natural expression and it's simply beyond description. And yes, after diagnosis we now are just totally free, no guily and no shame... ´cause we are who we are!! Please keep up this amazing work, which we need so much!

[@chrisgriffin698]

yes that happed to me, finding out my autistic state at 25 there was a big change to how I was interacting with other from then to now. thanks this was helpful.

[@Sapph1c_Mo0n]

I got diagnosed a year and a half ago at 14 (not sure if that is considered late tho) and I’ve been working on unmasking ever since. I definitely relate to be called weird and all that from people in my year in primary school. I got judged for (and still continue to get judged for) meowing even tho now I realise that I was stimming in my own way. I kept being called immature and annoying by someone in my friend group and often left out and even avoided by others. So happy you finally have answers for why you feel all these ways, I was so happy when I got mine. ❤

[@mariaandresfernandez5456]

Im so happy you were well enough to film this vlog! We missed you❤ I am looking forward to watching your next video! Like always lol

[@majonkie]

As a recently diagnosed 58 y/o woman, I’m finally discovering how I can authentically express myself. Yes, that includes showing intensity and other autistic traits. It feels liberating!

[@Kieran319]

I have been diagnosed autistic since the age of 3 nearly 4 years old as well as global developmental delay and learning disabilities and adhd and tic disorder and I love watching your videos

[@roberttruscott1669]

I appreciated your honesty and i thought you had a kind and authentic way about you. Thank you for sharing...it has helped me understand a bit more ☺️

[@janettesepp7254]

Your voice is so beatiful girl🥺❤ I know I'm some type of neourodivergent as well, and I've been watching many videos about autism. In some level I can relate to those experiences. And in the recent year or two I've noticed my stims and I love them ☺ Thank you for being genuinely yourself. The world need more of it.😘

[@lucydrewe-smith77]

I am currently being tested for autism and I am in my teans and you have made this so much easier for me thank you.

[@emmarevell6865]

Love this video, if I was more confident and decided to talk to my dad about being autistic I would show him your videos to help him understand

[@MayaHaynes]

Hey Zara, 31 and gender fluid autistic person here, AFAB. I relate to so much of what you’re saying. My meltdowns were misdiagnosed as panic attacks for years, they’ve recently been medically recognised because they are so severe and the main feature of my autism, which is a massive relief. I use ear defenders and Loop and sunglasses and because my meltdowns are so severe they affect my body sttrentgh and weakness and balance and I have cerebral palsy mildly in my legs, worsened by the severity of my meltdowns, , I use a walking cane all the time now, as I’ve been advised to by my doctors. I have four now, anll to match different outfits! I use one every day whenever I go annywhere and it’s made me so much more confident in going places by myself. Some people are so supportive, others not. I’m usually very shy but I wanted to share this with you to tell you how brilliant you are. Lots of love. 💗💞 x

[@mrsafety8227]

Your beautiful and think beautifully, don't change for anyone. The friends you attract when you are yourself and true friends.

[@reginachristensen578]

That's so interesting! My daughter is only 6 but since her diagnosis I also feel she is "worse". I thought it was my fault and I was accommodating unwanted behavior. But this makes so much sense and is so reassuring. Thank you so much 💓

[@Zara_Beth]

my parents also had this thought! ❤ know that it is not your fault, but accommodating and adapting (especially when autistic) takes a lot of time and support - you’ll both find your ways to cope and better work through things! sending love ❤

[@LizaLou884]

I’m not diagnosed but when I figured out that I am most likely autistic I started to act “more autistic” and I felt more like me. I love learning about myself and growing! ❤

[@idlikemoreprivacy9716]

Sounds liberating and encouraging, thanks for sharing your experience this way!

[@sachikawaii]

Ive been actively trying to let myself stim in public and be more comfortable with myself since figuring everything out, buying loop earplugs to wear outside the house to lower my sound sensitivity, wearing sunglasses more so i can cope with light more, telling people when im overwhelmed etc and i feel so much more at peace with myself now. I still grieve for my younger self being bullied and not knowing why, being overwhelmed and not being able to fix it etc but I feel so much happier as my actual self now.

[@tomasvoldrich]

I really liked the happy stim, made me feel happier also 😃

[@prismaticshards-p]

Im so happy to see youre feeling well enough to come back on! I hope it lasts, missed you around here! ♡

[@Zara_Beth]

I hope so too!! i love making videos 🫶🏻