Unpacking Parental Trauma | Chosen Family Podcast

Ashley recovers from a shot, Mak discusses her blossoming femininity, and Alayna discusses her love of horror movies. This week’s listener question tackles supportive parenting tips for a Dad.
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[@Coco-bu7st]

“beep boop OOOHHH Ashly’s negative mOOOOd” Sincerely, ablest

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

wish I could pin this

[@Coco-bu7st]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficialoh my god I love u

[@marine2875]

Merch material!

[@ashgavs]

i also wish i could pin this.

[@Coco-bu7st]

@@ashgavs YAY DAD THINKS IM FUNNY!!!

[@spriddlez]

For the father, the biggest thing you can do is accept and embrace who they are and what they like. My mom loves me very much but she has never made an effort to understand what I like and why. Meanwhile my dad is happy to listen. He went back to the store when he realized the stuffing at Thanksgiving he bought had chicken stock and found one without (I'm vegetarian). My mom instead makes salads with anchovy paste and goes "it's just a little bit." I love my mom but the acceptance I get from my dad is the most precious gift he ever gave me. So try to emulate that

[@kbwolfe9491]

A lot of people who are anxious tend to like horror because it's a good way to safely experience and exercise anxiety without being in actual danger. It's almost like a replacement for the anxiety you feel all the time but you get relief from it when it's over because it's not a real situation that you have to keep thinking about

[@frimchi]

You said this so well

[@coolsenjoyer]

For some reason most horror movies I've seen don't really do it for me but I love playing horror games exactly for this reason

[@frimchi]

@coolsenjoyer I think Five Nights at Freddy's is therapeutic for me because I need to concentrate soo hard 😂

[@coolsenjoyer]

@@frimchi I think I mostly like survival horror because to me its therapeutic to shoot my anxieties in the face

[@frimchi]

@coolsenjoyer do you have some favourites..?

[@parmisvazifeh140]

Nothing feels better than a warm hug from chosen family after f up your final test

[@morganne2006]

Awww dude I hope you did better than you think you did!

[@mollyclarity]

you're still a valuable human ❤

[@parmisvazifeh140]

@@morganne2006 ❤❤

[@parmisvazifeh140]

@@mollyclarity ❤❤

[@random_folk]

❤

[@Neveko]

The episode hard cutting after Alayna crying "Ashleyyyy..." was literally too perfect

[@kaylynrenee98]

Thanks to my messed up sleep sched I’m always one of the first viewers. It’s like my chosen fam spidey senses tingle💖

[@Griff780]

For real it's 2 am for me and hear I am watching lesbians talk about clothes

[@kaylynrenee98]

@@Griff780 it’s 2am for me also, i love this for us. it’s chosen fam bonding hour😂💓

[@25aflArrie]

Same!!

[@emublockmaster3081]

4am gang 😎(why yes, my mental health is simply ✨peachy✨at the moment)

[@kaylynrenee98]

@@emublockmaster3081 FELT this in my bones😭🫶🏻🍑

[@lc360]

The never been kissed thing is on my mind non stop these days dude. I'm 28 and my OCD growing up was rooted in relationships and intimacy so i was very 'please don't touch me' for all of my late teens and early 20s. I'm mostly over it now but it's left me as this total blank slate and i don't even know what to do about it. Going nearly thirty years without basic intimacy is so weird and i think I'd honestly cry if someone did kiss me. I don't know why I'm posting this comment. Maybe in case someone else has been through this? Idk. Shout out all my neurotic touch starved homos

[@DesertIslandDisk]

Ash, don’t you mean…uranus is ascending? 😂

[@gil8548]

Alayna teasingly trying to therapise dad and baby in the beginning was so cute 💜

[@MsSarah999]

Its unethical. Shes training to be a real life pscyh. She doesnt understabd the ethics of that position and therefore does unethical things.

[@hdbordercollie]

@@MsSarah999 huh??

[@jelloman54]

To the father, I've been 18 for a few months now and have gone no contact with my mother. She was mentally and emotionally abusive. Both my sibling have also gone NC within 6 months of each other and she still thinks everything is our fault. Talk to them, make them feel like you want to be around them, notice the little things and do something with it (my dad, who I love very much, saw I bought myself specific granola bars and bought even more for me, and even though I have way more granola bars than I need I found it very sweet), play games, ask about hobbies, just be there. I know that as a parent you still have to be a parent and sometimes they'll be upset with you, but you can be there parent *and* a friend. As someone who has a shitty parent and a loving parent, I know what I would have preferred.

[@zelaodessa]

You really missed out on some great jokes with Ashley saying she's a bottomless source of energy... and it being an asstronomical event.

[@gayasparagus]

Lmaooo

[@Zweigenhaft9]

If it's an intramuscular shot, sometimes when pulling the needle out, if it's not pulled perfectly straight the tip can slice like a paper cut but like in your muscle and leave everything super aggravated and sore and achy

[@meaganromain9295]

I think I was annoyed by my parent when I felt like she *suddenly* wanted in when she had never shown interest, care or attention before. I think being consistently present could be helpful at maintaining connection regardless of sometimes being "annoying". Also if they express being annoyed, you could ask them how they want to recieve your care/presence/support

[@rubaabdullayeva2879]

13:46

[@audreyauthier23]

Good thing Ashley’s a stand up comedian then 🙃

[@jcwebb264]

I heard somewhere that we will always fuck up our kids bc we'll be the parent WE needed when we were kids, rather than the parent our kid needs. Anyway, parenting is hard.

[@schrys2005]

Im one of those people who commented for the first kiss thing but listen, I wouldn't do it cause if we are shy or whatever enough to not have our first kiss we would be shy enough to not do all of that in camera 😂

[@ignorance_is_not_bliss]

ashley mentioning the thing her mother does made me audibly flinch in relatability so i'd rather repress that thought lmao

[@mariannetfinches]

I have no idea what you mean & my teeth don't hurt at all, thanks for asking

[@gofortori]

Here as a fellow member of the “had flight anxiety until I flew first class” club 🙋🏼‍♀️ having more space and not being terribly uncomfortable, plus the added a service, really helped allay my anxiety. Money CAN BUY HAPPINESS

[@-dinonugget-7073]

Dude I was watching a different video and I realized it was 12:00 and I thought, “hey it’s Wednesday, I wonder if chosen family podcast is out…nahhhh they wouldn’t post right at 12:00” THEN I REALIZED THERE WAS A NEW EPISODEEE! The surprise.🎉

[@mang0l0v3r]

Still hoping and waiting for “succumb to the flaws of extreme arrogance” merch lol

[@JustsBob]

For me positive parental support is knowing my parents took time out to support me and made sure I knew that they would always have my back. I knew if I messed up they would make sure I took responsibilty but still be there for me. If I had ever done something criminal they would have taken me to the cops but not cut off their support.

[@_asantesana_squashbanana_]

I used to be able to sit down and watch this pod and relax, but between uni 5 days a week and a 6 hour daily commute on PT i have to listen to it instead. Hypes me up on the way to classes. Thanks amigas. ❤

[@katiehanson6253]

My mom has been my hero always, and i would not ask for help. Ever. Im 35 and my mom is my best friend, and helps me heal daily. Period.

[@franz9850]

Luckily I've already had my first kiss, but I would still love to see that show, it seems like such a cute concept. It would be fun if you asked the contestants what their dream dates are and matched people up by that. Love you all regardless, this podcast always cheers me up :))

[@AlenaLea94]

I jumped onto this video so quickly! Much love ❤

[@irked_me5735]

literally relate to all the stuff Ashley talked about her mom. to this day my mom still guilts me when we got on the phone questioning why I haven’t called (regardless of circumstance, if I was working, in class, etc.) and the moment that i want to talk about my emotions - she doesn't seem to have emotionally availability for that and it all becomes too much… so then i just dont tell her things which sort of feeds thus cycle. with that said honestly we are both made for comedy 😂

[@outsideskippy1997]

Regarding the discussion about parenting tips, I just wanted to add that the passive aggressive response to a child wanting to reach out can be expanded to all aspects of parenting. All of my friends (from highschool) and I are in college, and I have by far the best relationship with my parents. My friends say that its so surprising that my parents don't yell at each other, or don't get mad at us for swearing. But most importantly, they don't burden me by continuously asking "am I a bad parent?". this question makes it difficult to bring up things you want your parents to do differently, etc.

[@geebee3148]

Swear this is the only podcast I can sit through the whole thing while I get ready 😂 love it, hope your butt feels better Ashley ❤

[@KalhyceK]

I had a really bad end of my day. I'm happy that I saved this for my evening. Thank you, guys, for bringing some laughs to our days.

[@ChristineMurray93]

Ashley, it sounds like we had the same childhood. Except instead of my father being dead, he was alive and helped my mom carry out the abuse while posing as the "good parent". It's a long road to healing and I really appreciate you being so frank about your experiences. I feel less alone.

[@kelbyrogers9741]

I want Alayna's horror movie recs!

[@187942]

MAK YOUR PLANTS REMIND ME OF ME AND I LOVE IT

[@julzamidala2865]

So good, thank you! Ashley if you read this, I hope your bum feels better and I'm sending you all the love for having to maturely handle your mother from such a young age, she must have been really traumatized by it all... and it should never had been you who had to deal with it all.

[@notadoctorMD]

Lol, the every 5 year t-shirt changeover is like Ashley molting.

[@lexythompson9131]

The banter at the beginning of this episode was perfection

[@scubagoldfish45]

I love all the deconstructed ratification!

[@187942]

My mom died when I was 11. Similar to Ashley. My dad has been “present” but he is a “recovering” alcoholic. (I only put this in parentheses bc he’s 70 yrs old and he’s been through AA and all that bullshit 😊before I was born but his neurological disorder is making him deteriorate much faster than he should). I relate sooo much dude.

[@benc8698]

Abercrombie has good cropped mens tshirts Ashley!!

[@saralawlor8389]

18:33 was insanely Dwight Schrute coded

[@ttarotkidd]

aka autistic lmao

[@aineb2000]

Am I wrong or was there no intro at all today? Love it 😆

[@kriddle179]

Omfg you're dads funny asf 😂 I was half way through drinking 🤦😂

[@kaiya33123]

LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL!!!❤❤❤ Thank you so much for all the time you put into this podcast each week💞🫶

[@louis0320]

the camo discussion reminds me of that certain type of lesbian that can only be distinguished form a church girl by one septum piercing

[@stormydayvibes]

I achieved the deep understanding that everyone has there own thoughts, experiences and feelings at like age 14. . . I didn't realize that doesn't ussually happen until after teenhood. But that deffinate explains a lot of my peers behaviors in highschool😅

[@kayreece96]

No joke. Abercrombie did like a rebranding and they have nice basic cropped shirts in the mens!

[@sleepwalkinmoon]

after my exhausting exam today i NEEDED this man i love this pod so much

[@nena7316]

watching this video to not have panic attack while studying for a stats exam i have in 3 hours wish me luck lol

[@figleaf8948]

You got this 💪🏻

[@mariannetfinches]

Hope all went well

[@Jojopinapples]

Ashley's personality on this podcast reminds me of my friend Sam. Funny enough, Sam was planning to be a nun until she met her current husband.

[@kalpic11]

not Ashley calling me out for having never been kissed and being a chronic commenter

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

I love horror movies they are the best 🖤 and alayna you need to watch the first omen it's one of the best horror movies this year

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

The best thing about Wednesdays always cheers me up 👏❤ love you guys

[@Miss.sassycassy]

Being elevated does make parenting less stressful so you are able to be a better parent

[@peppersgofer]

I wonder if Mak used the AirPods or the Loop buds on the flight?

[@m.j5367]

Hi from Iran 👋🏻

[@187942]

I paused when Mak said “is it just me” and I thought that she looks more femme… then she said what she said lmfao omg

[@rosielb]

can confirm that my most patient parenting is when I'm elevated

[@youcouldntwriteit415]

Omg I love you guys so so much!! I actually tried climbing not long ago thanks to you guys and loved it. So hard with a missing leg but I’m so getting the lesbian arms now and have a total crush on ms joy! However watch this for the chat I’m a massive fan of how funny you guys are and watch this and have gay sex channel Ashley you inspired me get off my ass and just do stand up. Which is different when I can stand lmao 😂xxx

[@rachelbuck5673]

Omg I didn’t know Alayna was a horror girlie!! I also loved Hereditary and all the Jordan Peele movies so I’m gonna check out The Lodge I haven’t seen that one! My recs right now are When Evil Lurks (very scary, I think it’s English subtitles) and the original Psycho if you’re okay with old scary movies!

[@ahappynell8497]

The Yukon River Quest started today! Your gf should participate one year! There were a few cool peeps on paddle boards too!

[@feralcatwhisperer]

Angry tummy time is what my 8 month old granddaughter is doing right now b/c she wants to crawl so badly, but hasn't figured it out yet...just sayin'

[@liasnclr]

“I don’t wanna hear in the beep boop” 😂

[@yeahokay...actuallynah]

love the James B. Jones ref

[@bernardbenoitjanine6110]

The movie smile is very good !❤

[@MargoBTS]

Omg I went to school with Brandon Perea’s (Nope) brother, Brandon is great! Also my favorite horror movie is a classic, The Shining!!!

[@leolovsen1448]

Dinner took me by surprise😂😂

[@187942]

Oh Ashley, I feel you.

[@dancedancedance2458]

Insidious is my favorite horror movie!!

[@hi-yo1kq]

Here to defend those of us who haven’t had our first kiss yet from Ashley’s completely correct assumptions

[@xoyouaremysunshinexo]

Ashley, I’m going through the same thing! I turned 30 and I hate all of my clothes lol

[@katyavolyanyk379]

The baby scene from a horror movie is from “immaculate” I knew it right away

[@tambob82]

Wednesday is gay day! Just came from Pants, now y'all are here. 10/10

[@JustsBob]

Sorry about the shots. I've given depot shots (monthly/every 6 weeks injection) to clients and sometimes there just seems to be a random time when it does or does not hurt.

[@kylie6764]

Alayna, is the horror movie fascination come from your psychology perspective on things, because I find that is why I like some movies/shows/ books!???

[@maramapipepe1313]

I would have loved my dad to: know the names of my friends, know what I like and dont like... show an interest in the development of my self-hood, hobbies and/or community etc. Showing an interest and consistently showing up for your kids, even when its hard or they are being stroppy teenagers... goes a long long way. Being safe for them, no matter what has happened, what they've done or how much of a brat they have been (don't have to tolerate bad behavior, but focus on the _behavior_) means they will always come to you and want you in their life. TL/DR: Know what brings them joy, and help enable that. Hold space for them to fuck up and still be loved. Give them *attention*.

[@187942]

I am Mak when asked “do you ever panic about first aid?”

[@Denf0]

Ugh, I watched Hereditary on a second date and had to sleep with the lights on for weeks (we're still together 6 years later dw). Also I agree with Alayna, be annoyingly supportive now and the worst that will happen is the kid will look back on it in 10/15/20 years and think it was endearing.

[@swiftie4856]

Im abt to be 16 and i think the line between supportive and annoying isn’t there. It’s gonna be annoying. Like my dad is super supportive and it irritates me in so many ways but I do understand that he is supportive of me. I think at least for me it’s supportive and annoying at the same time no matter what you do

[@BayAreaBerk]

Ashley's T-shirt cycle is very Vulcan...

[@JoJoDo]

24:54 What's you favorite scary movie? lol

[@ttarotkidd]

Still waiting for Ashley to review the last mom & son episode!!!

[@fambi1271]

I feel so seen by Alana's love of horror movies

[@helpfuliavids]

There is no relief for me after a horror movie for a few days because I can't trust that it wasn't real 😂

[@circleofleaves2676]

It's tricky trying to find the right cut of tshirt. I'm a cis-woman and I don't like the women's cut of tshirt (on my body) that is slanted at the sleeve, tight under the arm (makes the armpit sticky and stinky) and tight across the chest and tummy. I prefer a men's cut tshirt - longer, looser sleeves, looser chest area and tummy area, but most of the time - because men usually have narrower hips/bum compared to women - those tshirts sort of bunch up around the hips for me.

[@kalpic11]

looking forward to Alayna’s podcast btw. try to rest as well Alayna just saying

[@swiftie4856]

I love horror movies like scream and Friday the 13th cuz they’re bad scary. Like the blood is so fake and it’s not that scary. They’re so fun lol

[@Raddiebaddie]

39:28 omg yessss so true mak

[@ahdvai2098]

Was Love Lies Bleeding mentioned before on the pod? If so which episode, I'm curious about everyone's thoughts

[@carimedueck4082]

Try sitting when you have a Bartholin Cyst. That was the worst pain I have ever experienced.

[@SandraLugn-nc1rk]

Achley telling everyone that she did not go to her mother whiff annoying beccose she understand she who'd be a emotional burden that her mother cold not take, Alayna saying that teenagers don't have teary of mind. First time Alayna was a bad therapist but in a perfect world she had been right and no teenager whold need to juse their theory of mind in the way Achley did. Love you so mutch ❤️❤️❤️ (and Mak being included like a adult was 👍). /Swedish bi-cis-woman whif complex PTSD

[@scarletgrace2864]

25 and not had my first kiss. I have diary entries from when I was 18 being like “hope I kiss someone soon… this is kind of getting weird now” 😅😭

[@Taurus_Butterfly]

I hate shopping, for clothes in particular, I have a body that's hard to fit. L.L. Bean discontinued pants I bought for work for years 🤬 I need to buy undies, hardly have any left 😆 Alayna, your baby is so sweet! 🐈‍⬛🥰 🤣Ashley"face down, ass up."

[@irradiated_woman8016]

Ugh, im gonna have to go think about my relationship with my anxious mother, thanks a lot! I just want to do the repressed WASP family thing and pretend its all fine! (maybe /s? im not sure.)

[@meaganromain9295]

I think they had the unsched tears of rejected parents for dinner

[@ignorance_is_not_bliss]

i was watching we're having gay sex episodes before this and i was so truly confused why they weren't talking about their gay sex of this week for a good 5 minutes

[@Raddiebaddie]

😆

[@WolfSlumberStudy]

arise cousins :3 it is time for ✨wholesome-homo-hugs✨

[@Embeth82]

The way Mak said Horror sounded like she was saying Whore although I'm British and a tiny bit deaf 😂 Hey does it count if I'm 41 and not kissed the right gender and not too many of the wrong gender thank god, asking for a ''friend''

[@187942]

Ashley really hit home w the dead parent and the nonexistent parent

[@damianoconsolidanger3508]

I will also participate to the show, but I leave in Italy

[@stephaliexoxo]

lol actually in the episode preview I thought Mak looked more masc- it’s almost like when long haired guys wear ponytails, doesn’t make it femme necessarily

[@honoraineco8074]

Time for a new dad