i have no mouth, but i must traffic.

Play War Thunder now with my link, and get a massive, free bonus pack including vehicles, boosters and more: playwt.link/valefisk
War Thunder is a highly detailed vehicle combat game containing over 2000 playable tanks, aircrafts and ships spanning over 100 years of development. Immerse yourself completely in dynamic battles with an unparalleled combination of realism and approachability.
Patreon: / valefisk
Twitter: / valefisk
Twitch: www.twitch.com/valefisk
Company of Heroes
Cities Skylines 2
Total War: Warhammer II
Crusader Kings III
Crusader Kings II
Democracy 4
Hearts of Iron IV
Hoi4
#pain#gaming#valefisk

[@Valefisk]

Play War Thunder now with my link, and get a massive, free bonus pack including vehicles, boosters and more: playwt.link/valefisk

[@mobiiuz129]

Woohoo I love the snail!

[@MegaGullas]

I'm amazed the War Thunder sponsorship did not mention the amount of times actual classified military documents have been leaked on its forums by *far* too passionate players...

[@teaflavouredcoffee83]

balls (sorry for being late)

[@choobs8511]

Nuh Uh!!!!

[@YotoBoto]

Since you are not sponsored from paradox, how well does the game run? Do you think the game runs decently even potential 3060s graphics cards etc?

[@commanderkevin996]

People are discussing 15 minute cities. Meanwhile Vale over here creating a 15 hour village

[@jake748]

Everybody else creating a 15 fps city

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

Least horrifyingly inefficient city in Texas.

[@mediaspam9696]

@spiffingbrit

[@onrch]

Truly, the American Dream.

[@miscellaneous2160]

@@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563 As a Texan, yeah

[@184thearchitect2]

> tries to maximize car crashes > accidentally reinvents traffic calming, a genuine strategy to reduce accidents

[@PointsofData]

Task failed successfully??

[@TheFlutterQueen]

​@@PointsofDatatask succeeded unsuccessfully

[@Dunryan]

What in the vid was traffic calming?

[@iYehuk]

Can't wait for "No Despawn mod" and "Drivable cars"

[@tac6557]

"lemme drive that truck"

[@patrickt101]

@@tac6557lemme fly dat plane 👀

[@tac6557]

@@patrickt101 blind asian driving a plane?

[@tac6557]

@@patrickt101 bro they deleted my asian driver comment for hate speech LMAO

[@selectionn]

@@tac6557 they delete almost everything slightly offensive now, its incredibly cringe. Ive gotten like 10 warnings so far, and a 24hr comment ban once. they are going full fun police it seems

[@NatjoOfficial]

Need to give this to one of those KZbinrs who fix cities and stuff, message them anonymously “hey, I’ve got this really really bad traffic problem in my city, can you take a look at it for me?”

[@tosfanax8322]

I was thinking the same thing!

[@coalzilla8567]

Absolutely, great idea

[@juliancalero8012]

"also can you try too keep the aesthetics of the city"

[@graye2799]

You mean the armchair urban planners.

[@ocomolinaehain1795]

That and RTGame

[@amgoose3493]

Vales brain firing on all cylinders to maximize a tiny little side feature

[@LuciaRose]

*to maximise traffic problems involving death

[@Virtrial]

cylinder* there's just one in there

[@johannesviljoen9656]

turbocharged, 5l, single cylinder rotary engine.

[@averagetectonicplateenjoyer]

to be fair all cylinders is in the negatives

[@Draconlykos]

Im hallucinating. The goose is moving in my peripheral. It is coming for me. Send help

[@redstone59]

needs more 8 lanes merging into 2 lanes and back to 8 again

[@thedeathray8620]

So, a french toll-booth?

[@phyllotaxis]

Boston hell

[@JuneNafziger]

@@thedeathray8620at least toll booths force you to be not at full highway speed at the merge point

[@Marshall.R]

@@phyllotaxis At least Boston has some semblance of decent public transit, you need to gut all public transportation and walkability/bikeability for optimal suffering

[@Astro_weeeeee]

16 lanes, merge into 2, toll booth at each merge, back to 16, back to 2 with another booth, repeat for 500 miles

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

2:58 *The word Valefisk is looking for is “traffic incidents.”* *Because “accidents” implies there’s no one to blame.*

[@chinsaw2727]

The Valefisk Road Incident

[@heartysquid]

Mornin Angle!

[@valoeghese]

Is this a Hot Fuzz reference

[@PointsofData]

​@chinsaw2727 I'm glad you added "road" because "Valefisk Incident" could be indicating ten different things in each individual video he makes

[@macnbac3476]

Traffic intentionals

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

I love how, when thinking of what the best techniques to maximize road fatalities could possibly look like, Vale immediately went for suburban sprawls, stroads, nonsense intersections, and redlining, then proceded to integrate elevated highways and inaccessible healthcare into it. When a maniac wishes to imagine how to maximize deaths on the road, they think of America.

[@lagg1e]

To be fair, stroads are a crime against common sense.

[@Cdrsan]

my neighborhood, yes in real life, is a 1.5 car wide road, can barely pass by others, and it leads to a 4 way intersection with A 7 LANE HIGHWAY, like huh???? It's actually hell lmao

[@beatthegreat7020]

Ah, my favorite Pole.

[@faustinpippin9208]

@@Cdrsan can i get the name of the street? im really curious how this looks like

[@ThatOliveMrT]

We truly live in a society Bottom text

[@NovelPond]

Least sane Urban planer. Where are all the highways that split poor neighbourhoods. 2/10 please add more lane.

[@Angry_Cinnamion_toast]

well more lanes = less crashes

[@patrickplus9815]

Hi noval

[@DrawerSkull]

just one more lane...

[@NovelPond]

plsplsplsplspls@@DrawerSkull

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

​@@Angry_Cinnamion_toast it was Einstein who once said:just one more lane

[@galaksina]

All I want to see now is the natural followup: What's the worst, slowest, longest and most hellish road Valefisk could come up with.

[@thedeathray8620]

Even though it's a different game, he has a video about a bus route going 1 way that takes 10 years in-game.

[@lagg1e]

I have no mouth but I must bus. It's likely he already did that. It's a bit like snowpiercer but everyone is conscripted into the bus driving service.

[@galaksina]

@@thedeathray8620 Oh right, I do remember that. Perhaps a twist could be giving a really messed up road and telling people to try and untangle the mess of a pasta dish that is roadways.

[@midori_the_eldritch]

​@@galaksinayes.

[@dr_mafarioyt4313]

@@galaksina Hmm… oh god, imagine if vale made that highway in city skylines 2, busses and all… but each bus has to double back in a poorly designed bus route

[@goldenindustries]

On their website, they say accidents are triggered when an accident check succeeds on a road. Meaning it's like a percentage based on factors or whatever. They then select a random car to gain physics and collision and accelerate it in a random direction. Any car hit becomes a physics object with collision as well. Idk if making wacky intersections causes more accidents, but it's still cool as hell.

[@asj3419]

It would be really ironic if accidents turn out to just have a flat per-car percentage chance of happening. It feels like his intersections where weirdly safe from the stats.

[@julibean5125]

@@asj3419 it is essentially that. Accidents are random, only the amount of cars will differ with the location, since you can involve more cars on an intersection.

[@goldenindustries]

@@asj3419 Its a percentage on each road segment. I doubt traffic flow changes it

[@Ghostly3011]

@@goldenindustriesSo if you made each road of several segments, then accidents would happen more often?

[@NothingXemnas]

I am thinking that, if traffic accidents are a percentage based on car amount/density, then ironically there would be more accidents on SLOWER traffic. Cities Skylines classically sets speed limits based on the type of street/road, and the slower the speed limit, higher is the amount of cars per kilometer or mile. So basically, making a very crowded, very car-centric city with low speed 4-lane streets could DRASTICALLY increase the amount of cars per mile of pavement and consequently the rate of accidents.

[@tempest_asf]

i cant believe vale Gerrymandered the city so he could witness more car accidents instead of just hearing about them

[@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563]

redlining moment

[@patrickt101]

@@grzegorzbrzeczyszczykiewic563this comment and reply are increidble

[@Villain_in_Glasses]

At least if you work as a hearse driver in this city you can do no wrong. Set off whenever the hell you feel like it and by the time you reach the city someone will have died of old age.

[@ParadoxAAA]

Not even halfway through, but as a Houstonian, I can say you've successfully made Houston 2. Your only obstruction to ultra traffic chaos is not having Houston drivers.

[@selectionn]

there should be a policy thing you can implement that deletes the speed limit so we can truly emulate Texas and New york drivers

[@Jabbersac]

add a "Boston drivers" mod where everyone on the road is a homicidal maniac

[@bizooty8782]

Can mix it up with the comatose California drivers. Nothing says safe like going 35 in a 65

[@enuinrose]

I love the fact he went to recycling, twice. While looking for cemeteries/crematoriums.

[@rubbykibress7808]

don't want to create any waste now do we?

[@genericuser984]

the rigor mortis adds a, strong and chewable texture :)

[@LoneWolf-qq9oy]

It's called alternate food services

[@PointsofData]

Wha, never heard of soylent before? Snowflake

[@timothymclean]

I'm disappointed that the corpse pit is just a big hole with some cemeteries in the bottom, and not a chasm with bridges over it where your traffic accidents take place.

[@Solll0]

Most Sane CS2 Player

[@killer_of_moscal31]

That's ain't no counter strike 2

[@MeLoNarXo]

Didn't expect to find out that Solll is Norwegian by looking at his pfp

[@Craighawk234]

As someone from Houston this is a pretty accurate representation of the city, 10/10

[@queuedjar4578]

It got a little too real when he started making all the residential areas random ass snaking labyrinths with one exit into tollways/freeways. For those unenlightened literally just pull up houston on google maps and look at the roadways for city design lovecraft horror. It's beautiful in a very cursed way.

[@josearteaga295]

Bro was just going to say that

[@donpollo3154]

I thought the title said 'Minimising Traffic Accidents in Cities Skylines 2' and I thought that was out of character for Valefisk until I saw it actually said 'Maximising', causing me to say 'THAT'S MY BOY' out loud and frightening my dog

[@MossyMoht]

Well now the title is “I have no mouth, but i must traffic” soo

[@asherwoodrow7471]

@@MossyMoht it was probably changed because it wasnt doing very well in the algorithm, it happens all the time with thumbnails as well

[@donpollo3154]

@@MossyMoht rip my comment then

[@Wise_That]

I love how Vale keeps trying to invent new, terrible highways to cause accidents, but keeps finding that the normal pattern of "stroad" design with one big wide road that has all the services on it is way worse than he can purposefully engineer.

[@GlitchDX]

I'd like to see valefisk and spiffingbrit pass a save file back and forth and see what kind of hell they brew up.

[@luvenin]

Add Let's Game it Out to that save file!

[@PointsofData]

RTGame too

[@dragon_draws]

maybe stick graystillplays in there too

[@edwardtrollip4913]

With DougDoug on the side

[@my_kneecaps7706]

22:16 I regularly go on trips to rural Vermont, and am happy to confirm that gravel road bridges are totally common. They just lay it onto a concrete & steel bridge the same way they do onto the dirt. During hurricane Irene the wooden and metal bridges made out mostly fine, in varying degrees of being knocked over - but when the nearby gravel one went down it WENT. Looked a miniature, bridge-shaped landslide. Ofc, its not really any worse - its not like you're gonna use a damaged bridge, regardless of what its made of. But the gravel spilling into the water definitely adds something to the, uh... aesthetic?

[@MountainSoftware1984]

Vale is the worlds greatest civil engineer

[@lagg1e]

unreal civil engineer plays.

[@thversagnamorethingi]

A ci-evil engineer if you will

[@bigerik4600]

not so civil engineer

[@patrickt101]

Every American city needs his expertise tbh, imagine LA with Vale as mayor 🫡

[@patrickt101]

@@lagg1eunderrated comment my friend, this has to be one the highest IQ references I’ve seen in a YT comment before

[@heck_n_degenerate940]

“There’s no wiki I can go to and find the perfect formula for traffic accidents.” I thought you were American Vale, just go outside and take a look at our road layouts.

[@trekt9641]

I love how near every detail of this hellhole is directly inspired by US-American city design

[@mellow_mallow]

really makes me feel right at home having come from Arizona. The loop 202 is fucking insane, multiple accidents a day almost every day. I know because I had to take it to school and every morning there was a new accident. Sometimes in the afternoon too. Fun times

[@EdenNeedsAYoutubeHandle]

The people using that crosswalk are playing a game of Frogger with their lives every time they step into that intersection.

[@soot.mp3]

Oh what an omen it is, that the only structure spawned by default in Valefisk's city was a cemetery.

[@skeletonwizard708]

In the defense of everyone litterally dying to move to Big Harry Legs, that really would be like a heart-stoppingly gorgeous view.

[@Nixz_Leon]

Imagine the average fuel mileage, the absolute horrors

[@cybersaiyan9596]

imagine leaving with a full gauge and running out of gas in traffic.

[@schhhh]

28 feet per gallon

[@wendewang673]

28 gallons per foot@@schhhh

[@spynosocks]

valefisk never fails to dissapoint

[@Sunfurian]

So what's it you're disappointed about?

[@manboy4720]

valefisk always succeeds to not impress.

[@ventedbus4917]

Do you watch the lesbian furry tf2 mod user?

[@BierBart12]

@@Sunfurian Dude probably came from Schlatt's vids, where commenting something like this is a meme

[@spynosocks]

@@ventedbus4917 puro?

[@codyross7628]

As a Texan, this is very accurate to my average rush hour

[@BlatantFix]

"I have the sinking feeling I'm going to sound sound psychotic" - Vale were you under the illusion you've ever sounded sane?

[@StarWarsGirl2011]

i would give anything to get replays of the traffic accidents from the reports. i want to see the tumble.

[@PointsofData]

Someone will mod that, don't worry

[@BunkerFox]

The most American thing Vale has ever said "We'll have the buses go to neighbourhoods, that'll be hell"

[@sylveon_exe]

Vale never fails to create the Kiln of the First Flame in every city building game he plays, quite inspirational

[@Predator20357]

Valefisk scares me with how he wants to cause more suffering than an Urban Planner seeing someone Homeless

[@rannnoch]

Lost all of my extended family on our convoy up death highway, but at least my car made it and we got to see the Slam Dunkrates statue. I pray we survive the way back down.

[@TokuMGTT]

If you don't, just know that no one of significance will see it happen until your life is already over as you sit in your smoldering husk of a car. The traffic flies by, hundreds of feet above you. It's a Monday. They need to get to work. It's been happening so often now that they've simply stopped caring. The hearses don't run in this place - burying your dead in the yard is tradition at this point. But no one will bury you. The camera pans over to your lifeless body. A royalty-free "ding" sound effect reverberates across the skies in an ear-splitting cacophony. The uncaring god of the machine deems you unnecessary to the continued rendering of the universe. The camera pans away. You disappear. but fuck socrates was REALLY ballin hard so it was worth it i guess idfk

[@rannnoch]

@@TokuMGTT And now my soul is trapped in the ball pit, forevermore sancionados o7

[@nathaniellazo5912]

How many car accidents per vehicle? Vale: "Yes"

[@PrepareToDie0]

Should be more like vehicles per car accident am I right?

[@meowsicle7463]

I want a higher than 1:1 ratio on my desk by friday

[@nathaniellazo5912]

@thisguy00 I was thinking how many accidents are on all vehicle records in the city, but yours works too

[@JokingThief]

Gotta love the deep philosophical discussion in _I Have No City and I Must Skylines._

[@HawooAwoo]

One article I saw mentioned that a major factor on road accidents was road quality with unmaintained roads having a much higher likelihood of resulting in accidents while newly constructed/modified roads are much less likely to have accidents. P.S. I also suspect that when the game decides a car is going to have an accident it will more-or-less keep its current speed when "going out of control"; which means if a traffic jam car that's not moving gets into an accident, it doesn't actually go anywhere and just rotates a bit

[@BrutalJambon]

The end theory could also be that the devs aren't in the business of actually rendering accidents happening for a city builder, like it's not *that* kind of game. So accidents are a thing to simulate problems with traffic and road planning, but there isn't anything to see beyond a car suddenly changing it's state to an "accident".

[@lonewolfplays8084]

Vale, this is for _SCIENCE!_ You're the first one to go in depth on this mechanic, making you the primary source of knowledge!

[@kuiper443]

I keep forgetting Valefisk exists until he posts a new horror project and it happens to show up in my feed. Always a treat to see what the most recent monstrosity he's made is :)

[@ronaldyang2295]

I loved it when Vale saved for the Negev in CS2 to clutch for overtime. Those roads didnt stand a chance.

[@johnathan6992]

As a Civil Engineering and Urban Planning student, I can confirm that Vale is truly a pro gamer

[@spynix0718]

"The more disgusting ans badly planned this is the better." - Vale. - The person who invented the American Suburb.

[@thewolfofthestars1847]

*shakes fist* ROBERT MOSES

[@RipOffProductionsLLC]

To be fair to American suburbs, they were designed to be spread out to minimize casualties/maximize survivors in the event that the Cold War went Hot, because even nukes have limits to theur blast radius.

[@IDaPugDude]

downhill rounded turns that move to the right with an obstructed view leading to sharp left rounded turns leading from the highway your on to another, also make it near a large drop off and if possible with a waterfall nearby

[@battadia]

The waterfall helps the city save on corpse disposal.

[@cloudkid1294]

That intersection looked like one of those puzzle games where you have to move different cars to make way for 1 specific car

[@nickkonkle541]

the concept of a malicious traffic engineer is so funny to me

[@RamadaArtist]

I like how, during the winter, the cars get covered in snow, but no one uses a snow brush, or even their wipers, so they just drive around seeming blind with their windshields covered in snow, and yet *somehow* still manage to not constantly crash into things.

[@brandonschwertley2723]

I am convinced Vale was on the board of directors meeting at Vault Tec on what to do with the vault's in Fallout.

[@lagg1e]

"Have one with human sacrifice". "So we can prove that humans are inherently good and will simply refuse?" "...yes..."

[@selectionn]

@@lagg1e Thats Vault 11 in fallout new vegas! just cleared it in my playthrough. unfortunately a very boring vault in the game honestly.

[@brandonschwertley2723]

@@lagg1e And we'll give this one lots of guns, because that's safe right

[@literallyastick5400]

You have successfully re-created India’s infrastructure.

[@justiceleague3000]

They need to add a "replay accident" feature. Maybe right-click on the accident symbol, select "replay accident" and a little window pops open showing the moment of impact and some of the aftermath. With larger cities, it's just not possible to ever get to witness the moment of impact unless you get really lucky. It can help players to diagnose and fix the issue that is causing the accidents.

[@Astrodexterous]

Regardless of the state the game is releasing in, I absolutely love that Paradox works with creators to promote their new games, both sponsored and unsponsored. Reviews from actual CS players will always be preferable to reviews from games journalists.

[@localidiot1012]

As a civil engineer you make my blood boil with this city

[@smoothlyrough512]

I love how they are driving with snow covered windshields. Most realistic city builder 🤦

[@M-I-LK]

As someone who lives directly next to houston, this is pretty uncanny how accurate this is.

[@xann2681]

You should build a city that is 100% on the side of a mountain and offroad accidents ALWAYS have the person fall at the side of the mountain into an inescapable pit, so you can see all offroad accidents piled up in a hole

[@jordanayling9841]

Vale is worried about sounding psychotic when it's just him torturing simulated people. Not realising he sounds psychotic when it's just him torturing his friends.

[@Virtrial]

Wow I sure to love typical American city design

[@Kikox4]

Valefisk: Creates the worst junction imaginable Americans: "I drive through 5 of those on my way to get milk"

[@quarreneverett4767]

So is that why people say their dad went for.milk and never returned

[@nickjonker503]

I'm dutch and the terror I felt around 14:29 is unreal. How could you do this.

[@rynnziolkowski4642]

Valefisk: First time in a while its just me recording, i might probably sound psychotic Vale 5 seconds later: Is casually exhuming an entire cemetary and moving it multiple times

[@propelledgaming9441]

I would scream at this traffic but I have no mouth

[@henrynagel7175]

This reminds me so much of all your pre 2020 videos. Honestly kind of a nostalgia trip

[@HolyDeathFridge]

I see what you meant about "sounding like an absolute maniac" the other day.

[@Major-Pleasure]

Love seeing an old school "Vale plays a game alone and loses his mind" style video, felt amazing to see again.

[@Timoruz]

This feature is literally the only thing I wanted from the sequel and somehow you’re the first I see actually cover it in detail.

[@maivioz]

Look guys looook! He said BALLS!!!!!!

[@fidd0042]

Vale's nasally laugh get me every time. The amount of fun he is having is evident.

[@eloryosnak4100]

35:16 Vale says "why would anyone be here" And then describes America

[@randomphoenix20]

I hereby declare my belief that a torture video playing war thunder stock should be made.

[@nniicckk1223]

I was literally thinking about the story of I Have No Mouth and must scream, literally 30 seconds before opening youtube and being suggested this video. I am truly terrified that technology has somehow accessed my thoughts to give me targeted suggestions.

[@ComedicLetter]

As instructor once said: there are no car accidents, only car crashes. Basically saying if you wreck your car, someone was doing something wrong

[@ndt_dynamite2247]

7:45 water pushing cars around was a feature in the first game, so yeah they probably did do that in the sequel.

[@Shadowrunner123]

When valefisk says his next content is 'longer', it is a threat and a promise and has the Jojo's Bizarre adventure ***[MENACING]*** tag floating behind it.

[@TrapeZoid_-117]

I love how Valefisk looks at online resources that say “here’s how to play the game effectively!” And thinks, “If I do the exact opposite, that would be a great video."

[@RADZIO895]

you're *the second* content creator who, after getting early acces to CS2, decided to recreate houston

[@WenhopOfficial]

As a wise man once said: “The hole must be dug.”

[@PatriPastry]

“Build some kind of labyrinth” in reference to city design is an incredibly funny phrase

[@pingcrose]

Its always a good day when vale posts

[@tromedlovdrolmai]

I'm still hoping to see a Second Annual Joe's Mongoose race video this year, and maybe even a 3rd next year.

[@Izunundara]

The final CS2 update should just be a little button that removes cars from on rails driving, giving them full physics and little driving AIs just so we can see actual crashes and cars trying to struggle up those 70° inclines

[@kabob0077]

10:02 Only Vale could make something this cool and Aesthetic by complete accident.

[@Angry_Cinnamion_toast]

its a good day when valefisk uploads

[@Taitou25]

That good city you shared clips of looks INCREDIBLE!

[@sdsign4229]

4:31 "I have the sinking feeling I'm gonna sound...psychotic." Okay, several things here, Vale: 1) You've already done many videos where you've convinced all of us you're psychotic in the presence of others, so your reputation precedes you. 2) It seems like you'd really love watching Josh from Let's Game It Out doing this kind of stuff too: making the worst cities and structures imaginable! Watching him might give you some more ideas for videos!

[@Valmanic_]

So glad the famous Houston Death Home is finally getting some representation!

[@taru3374]

Vale you should get a job in designing more USA citys

[@kungfukitten6735]

A true pioneer of traffic accidents

[@glassbirdfeather]

Vale says "real" cities youtubers, but Vale is the first person I was not surprised by having this sponsorship. At least he's played the previous game. And isn't otherwise exclusively a minecraft youtuber.

[@pointlesspaperclip2365]

Vale's channel motto should be "For the Bit :)"

[@jonasschoenwald671]

Now that's what I call pod racing

[@oscarbp7618]

Hey Vale, thanks for making this video, i had a house fire on friday and it is monday. Thanks for giving me entertainment

[@tl_s__w_t]

idea: one way roads only the only connection between the two seperate cities is 20 seperate roads going through a smorgasbord of bridges over roads for no reason to merge onto one road to then split back into 20 roads and some of them don't have ends and just go into circles that you can't leave because it's a one way road

[@__Makoto__]

I love when he says it’s finally his turn i see a truck turn sharp right onto the sidewalk. The valefisk way.

[@mc_mc_music]

New York moment?!

[@frantisekvobecky1142]

Hey Valefisk, insane video, I really loved it and i am going to buy this game thanks to your video. I have one unusual question however, i would really love to know what is the music you used in the intro od the video :D (0:12) Edit: Found it and it’s Haydn symphony no. 48 enjoy :D

[@WilboDraws]

I am also curious as to the music he uses

[@ventedbus4917]

Can you like this comment when you find out so I can know as well please?

[@frantisekvobecky1142]

Found it guys, it’s Haydn symphony no. 48 enjoy :D

[@Vok250]

"It's time to delete the hospital." "We need more parking lots." Wait are you my premier?