Van-life is WAY harder for women

[@MelanieHamlett]

My views were down this last week. Then they shor up a couple days but now I’m not so sure. Anywho, It’s really discouraging and scary financially. I never know if it’s the content or the algo. If yuh like this, please help this get to my subs with a comment (even just emojis) to help get it into the algorithm. Also, I love it when folks add their stories, wisdom, resources, red flags, etc 🙏🏻🙏🏻💕💕

[@LilithsCosmicLounge]

Do you think you are you blacklisted on YT? 👀

[@elainethompson6514]

Does it help to comment under comments, or is it more helpful to post a new comment of our own?

[@MelanieHamlett]

@@LilithsCosmicLoungei don’t think so. I hope not!! Sometimes my views go through weird of ups and downs but sometimes they’re down way longer than normal and then I get scared

[@MelanieHamlett]

@@elainethompson6514im not sure actually . I wish i understood all this more 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[@TracyW1965]

I'd love to know your take on these youtube channels about van life. I've seen a couple who are single women but there's usually a man somewhere in the background. I just feel like I need a shower after watching some of these people.

[@andreeanasca8216]

"I`m way more afraid of a man walking up to me than a bear" haha sad but true for so many of us

[@alohaXamanda]

I live in my car for financial reasons. It’s not glamorous at all. I don’t make 3x the rent anywhere in the US despite having a master’s degree. I left an abvsive relationship and left everything behind. Because of the trauma of the relationship I will NEVER live with roommates.

[@dianeandersen1926]

Oh yes, definitely. I could write a book about the craigslist roommates. I’ve had to deal with while waiting for my Social Security to kick in. Thank goodness I bought a home when I did. Otherwise, I would be out there too. I feel so bad for women that are living in their cars because of the predators out there. Please be careful and take care.

[@Blech-h9z]

I inherited my house. Otherwise I would be living in my car, too.

[@alohaXamanda]

@@Blech-h9z I'm really happy you had that option and I hope you are able to stay housed!

[@K9Kungfu]

I hope you find safety soon

[@alohaXamanda]

@@K9Kungfu I'm lucky that I'm in a larger/taller body so I have a certain level of safety compared to other women/AFABs, but I do hope that soon I am able to find a good remote job that pays a living wage so I can do car camping for fun, instead of survival

[@watermelonlover745]

Im glad someone is telling the truth. Its insanely difficult for women to be free.

[@cruiseny26]

Look what happened to Gabby Petito. She was trapped in a van with an abuser. I knew he was a liar when it came out that he left her stuff outside of HER van so that she can calm down and threatened to abandon her in the middle of nowhere….

[@AnthonyBuisson-ug5iv]

🙏💯💯😔

[@Blech-h9z]

And then left a suicide note vilifying her.

[@alohaXamanda]

Seeing the bodycam footage of them in Moab was SO triggering to me as I was still in my abvsive relationship and I saw my own reactions to abuse in her. Lauren Cho disappeared around the same time after doing a road trip with her ex boyfriend. I've always followed MMIW and elevated their stories on my social media but Gabby's story helped to wake so many people up to disappeared women and IPV, and I'm really glad for that

[@cruiseny26]

@@alohaXamanda me too. I was fresh off of leaving my abusive relationship when she passed and that bodycam video was just so triggering. My heart just broke for her.

[@alohaXamanda]

@@cruiseny26 I'm so glad you made it out, even though I know from personal experience that getting out of the relationship and away from the person doesn't necessarily mean the abvse ends or that you are totally free, it still means they can't get to you as easily.

[@illbeyourstumbleine]

When I lived out of my car in my twenties I considered myself homeless 😂 my abusive ex put an eviction on my record when I escaped him and no one would rent to me. I felt like Pretty Woman, walking into these places with tons of money (I was a cocktail server) and no one would rent to me bc that eviction. Finally some sweet old man said I had trusting eyes and rented me his mother’s old home for 350 a month! Still miss that place 20 years later.

[@Passions5555]

Curious, did your ex put an eviction on your record?

[@illbeyourstumbleine]

@@Passions5555 I left the house that we lived in together but was in my name. I basically knew he wasn’t going to pay the rent because he was worthless and didn’t have a job, but I saw my chance and left with just the clothes on my back.

[@kgs2280]

@@illbeyourstumbleineSometimes you do what you’ve gotta do. I did stuff like that, too. Drove across the country living out of my car (and sleeping in the woods sometimes) because I had to get away from an abusive situation (it was actually my mother instead of a man). But before I got the car, I just hitchhiked around the country (Old hippie here! And it was actually safer in the early 70s). I slept wherever I could, rest stops, highway interchanges, woods, wherever. I certainly wouldn’t do it now!

[@KurosakiLuvar01]

@@illbeyourstumbleinethese men Are such cowards. They never just fckin LEAVE. He was a chicken-shite scared to grind out there on his own. He needs a mommy-girlfriend.

[@XtineJohnes]

@@kgs2280 there seriously needs to be an evaluation of why USA got so violent. Watch the Soft White Underbelly interview where he interviews a woman who talks to serial killers as her job. She says there are 2,000 known serial killers on the loose right now in the USA that are known about, so you can imagine how many there are when you add the ones that still haven't been discovered. What happened to the USA?? I also remember when things were semi-safe.

[@liquidtoaster]

It's bad enough being in a house with an abuser. No way in HELL would I voluntarily put myself in even closer quarters with one.

[@Blech-h9z]

Remember all the women dragged across the frontier? We only know them by the letters they wrote, they had babies, fed the camp, did the laundry when they could (nobody washing across the salt desert) , drove teams, built houses, went stark raving bonkers, died, they died a lot, all because their husbands decided to "go west young man". And middle aged men. And old men

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

One of my German great grandmothers followed her husband to America, very much against her will. She refused to learn English and only allowed German to be spoken in her home.

[@FallacyBites]

Tasting History on KZbin just did an episode on the Oregon trail, and one of letters talk about how he wished he'd learned to cook and do laundry, cuz there weren't any women around his group to do it. I would HAAAAAAATE to be a woman on the oregon trail

[@KurosakiLuvar01]

@@FallacyBitessounds like men nowadays still lmao

[@Stressymessy]

SUCH A GOOD POINT

[@gratefuldudettesreign4101]

Speaking of nastiness, my brother just used the toilet and didn't flush his 💩. I'm tired of repeating myself and mentally exhausting myself over things that are common sense. 🙄

[@elainethompson6514]

I dumped an ex for this and constantly pissing on my bathroom floor and mat. Like, why am I constantly repeating myself and cleaning up piss when I don't have any kids? I feel like they do this stuff on purpose, that it gives them some sick satisfaction to know we had to clean up after them in the most demeaning way possible.

[@gratefuldudettesreign4101]

@@elainethompson6514 And skidmarks in their underwear. Being that nasty is a literal health hazard. 🤢🤮 Men are literally conditioned by society to expect a hot, submissive woman to marry and clean after them. To these men, a woman is just a free appliance.

[@Rose-kj7rz]

​@@elainethompson6514my brothers would purposefully pee BEHIND the toilet, just so they could laugh at me when my mother would make me clean it up. And she wondered why I didn't want to give her grandkids....

[@ARS-fn6px]

Thats how men make women chronically ill.

[@gratefuldudettesreign4101]

User-dt5h7jg8eoje67 Nope. He's in middle school. Not preschool when you are learning how to potty train.

[@aal62976]

I live in a single-family house. With a dog. Her hair is everywhere. All the time. No way I'd purposefully live in a vehicle with her.

[@MelanieHamlett]

Exactly. A dog in a van just seems like a nightmare

[@AnthonyBuisson-ug5iv]

👍💯💯

[@whosaidthat4299]

I could not live in a van with my hairy, 23 pound main coon beast 😂

[@Blech-h9z]

Dog fur was a condiment when my kids were little.

[@KateeAngel]

I live in an apartment alone, and MY hair is everywhere 🤣

[@hollanddaze4954]

Medical School is the same way. FATHERS/HUSBANDS do well because their wives are working, paying bills, cooking and maintaining HIS home. Single medical students have to balance it all alone and often with NO support as their parents are low income as well.

[@elishh8173]

I totally know what you mean..

[@WynnWynn-gl3fk]

Plus, it was gabby who almost got arrested for DV and not her male abuser who then only days later ki11ed her!

[@starlingswallow]

RIGHT?! Exactly!!! I think of her too when I hear the phrase "Van Life" 😢

[@LaraSatoriHarris]

True.. but that's all areas of our culture.

[@MelanieHamlett]

I will never unsee that video of her bf being calm as a cucumber and her being so upset and the cops bro-ing it up with the abuser bf and then almost arresting HER for dv. That video haunts me

[@continuousself-improvement1879]

​@@MelanieHamlettI bet my lunch money that bro-cop is an abuser himself.

[@WynnWynn-gl3fk]

@@MelanieHamlettthen bill maher took it as a take away to make fun of those wanting the van life and not the dv situation! Me too, that video of her haunts me!

[@cheshirecat1212]

There’s a guy living in his van at my local dog park. Been living in his van for 12 years. Soon as I mentioned that I was considering getting a van to travel in the recent past he said ‘Yeah, it’s a lot harder for women.’

[@yumimusaka800]

I did once see this KZbinr "disguise" her van by putting macho bs on the outside so that creepy guys will think a big burly man who hunts live there and leave her alone. Maybe that's what some of those "manly man" looking vehicles are for 😆

[@FallacyBites]

That's savvy!

[@kgs2280]

@@FallacyBitesYeah, I love that idea!

[@dianeandersen1926]

Mel, I want to share a story about my Toyota Prius. This happened two years ago it overheated and I took it to the Toyota dealer and they told me I needed a brand new engine. I didn’t have the $5000 at the time to get a rebuilt engine. I took it to mom and pops shop down the street and it was the radiator And the water pump only,not the engine. They did this for $800 out the door. So it may not have even been an engine that you needed. I couldn’t believe it. I got a little bit of my money back from the Toyota dealer. They charge me almost 1000 for a diagnosis and a thermostat. Yes, even the dealer will try to rip you off. Be careful out there ladies. 💕💕

[@ggoodvibes23]

Yes....always get 2 or 3 estimates on any repair.

[@XtineJohnes]

That's why they're called "Stealerships". My old one in New Hampton, NY was honest and the woman who was always handling my case was really good to me, hooked me up with many free things - thank you Jenn! Miss you!! The one where I live now in NJ had a guy who told me I would need new front and back brakes!! I was like WHAT? I just bought the car. I didn't do it. I brought the car. back in to replace a tire and told one of the managers what the guy had said to me. They investigated and he got fired - he was trying to rip me off! That's the most egregious attempted rip off I've had yet. You REALLY have to watch it if you are a woman and are dealing with any type of mechanic. Learn as much as you can about your car yourself.

[@dianeandersen1926]

@@XtineJohnes yes, I watch Scotty Kilmer on KZbin lol. And try to go through all the KZbin videos so I know what I’m dealing with when I’m dealing with these men.

[@AndyyWithAY]

If nothing else it seems like periods would be hell living out of a vehicle.

[@MelanieHamlett]

Yes! That too!! And the mice eat your tampons!!

[@starlingswallow]

@@MelanieHamlettwhaaaaaaaat?!?? Aaaaahhhhh!!!!!😅

[@LaraSatoriHarris]

Menopause is THE BEST.

[@jessecaw.3714]

Wow, yes!

[@dianeandersen1926]

And IBS! 😢

[@videoreferenzen1549]

Not Van-Life but last year I was looking at a long-weekend-mini-house type thing that was part of a vacation/mini-house park (this is Germany). The manager showing us around asked: „Is this for you or your mother?“ I replied: „It’s for me“. Aaaannnnd immediately noticed my mistake by the glint in his eye. I suddenly knew I could never buy: „You can never spend your time here alone. All these guys will want access to your attention. You will be creeped out, unable to relax and not feel secure“. Same with women who park their mobile tiny house on some nice camping grounds…or buy a flat. There will always be this one dude who ruins it all for you. Men do not have this problem. (Edit: Typo.)

[@MelanieHamlett]

Yesss! This!! Even when we find a perfect setup, some dude will come and make it feel unsafe I swear

[@videoreferenzen1549]

@@MelanieHamlett There was one hilarious moment though: The manager said: „Now, it has been reported that this area (I didn’t know; I was from out of town!) has a problem with Neo N+z1s. But we don’t“! Two minutes later I looked into one of the tiny gardens and told my mother: „Look, there’s a Prussian flag from the German Empire.“ 😂

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​@@videoreferenzen1549Oh God!

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

It's infuriating

[@AwsomeEnforcer]

Wasn't there a Lesbian couple somewhere in America who were murdered by some man who also either lived at the campsite or worked with one of the women and KNEW she lived on a campsite. It's a recent case also; I wish I remembered their names.

[@catdevereux1274]

What amazes me about the USA is you can't sit outside a store ,or stand outside a store or walk on the sidewalk for too long or it's 'loitering' In the UK we can loiter, we can sit outside of establishments, sit on the side of the road , sit on a wall etc and not be bothered by the police, as they have better things to do. I'd be scared to walk across the street in America.

[@personmcdudeguy]

You misunderstand; those laws just give cover to property owners and police to get rid of homeless people. A well dressed non homeless person would (usually) not be targeted. Still terrible though.

[@really5453]

​@@personmcdudeguyI couldn't even begin to count the amount of times that I was automatically assumed to be stealing visiting a store and not buying anything or using the bathroom possibly just because of the color of my skin.

[@Blech-h9z]

Nobody is talking about homeless women in their 40s, 50s, 60s. I knew two, and that was in a 4 year period, in a small town .

[@elishh8173]

It's so dangerous for women to be homeless. They are constantly in dangerous situations because of men, get raped and abused. And being older on top of that, it's not fair. It's not ok. I have been homeless and its hell.

[@BlackMaven528]

I lived with roommates for many years and there were many times when I needed to retreat to my room just to get some space and privacy. The thought of living with another person in such cramped quarters with nowhere to escape if/when I need it is very anxiety-inducing.

[@rachelmoore5079]

You literally described my life in France, living in my car, and a broken old van, then another slightly better van. I was really sick most of the time. It was really hard. I think I’m still sick from the trauma of it. But every time I rented rooms the people were insane so it was still better than the alternatives. I spent so much of my life just figuring out where to sleep. Men used to just turn up knocking on my van. It was pretty scary

[@alessandramia111]

This might be a favorite topic; I lived in a van for a couple years and traveled solo. It's actually crazy how different some men's experiences are. I got stalked, broken into, almost trafficked, and random dudes would come up to the van for no reason. It was only men that wanted to "travel" with me though I never asked. I knew women that wore wedding rings, had men's shoes, would have to lie because they encountered creeps. I'm a part of a van life group and have met others; Seems a lot of those types stick together. There are parts of van life in general that are glamorized, but l've seen how much safer it is for men than women. A friend of mine knew Gabby Petito and it broke everyone's heart; Van life is crazy solo but it makes abusive relationships more intense if you're stuck with the predator. Van life was fun at times, though difficult. People can make it work with seasonal jobs, online work, and for a bit I volunteered at a state park and opened my barn doors to the beach. It was nice to take impulsive trips, meetups with new friends and other van lifers, to challenge my sense of minimalism and comfort. At times it was cozy and peaceful, and at others the exact opposite. Most people that need space and specific routine would be irritated; Being in a car is different to a van or RV or bus. I've known some people to quit after a week and others to live like that for years and enjoy it. Either way, be careful. Although DV is often people close to you, stalking and trafficking doesn't have to be. A quick story; I visited Columbia, SC once and took a walk by the river. Noticed some guy look at me and then stop ahead; He waited till I was close and asked too many personal questions, gave me a fake name, felt off. I politely high tailed it out of there, not even finishing my walk. He followed me and I saw another two men in a literal white van, with it running as they're waiting by the back door. Wasn't my worst experience but was the quickest and most random. Can and does happen to anyone. The actual van and lifestyle is one thing, but the vulnerability it can put you in is another. Thank you for covering this subject!

[@LaraSatoriHarris]

I'm in my fifties and moved into a van so my child wouldn't have to quit college in the home stretch. I can stay on my cousin's farm (parked up) and go into crew housing there to overwinter. I'm able to use my van between house-sits too. Yeah, it's hard, but it's better than some situations. I could still do it without my cousins, but it would be WAY harder. No more men. My van bed fits ME. Die alone with my cat? Don't threaten me with a good time. (and oh yeah, my van is a 4x4 econonline with a topper, big-ass wheels and tall as a bus... and still cute as smuck)

[@MelanieHamlett]

💕💕💕thanks for sharing 🙏🏻. I’m glad you have a place to get a break from it! And good plan… van life with no man is way way safer! I’m so glad I built a bed fit for one. Gave me zero option of letting a man into my sacred space

[@kgs2280]

Bless you for making those sacrifices so your child could stay in college. My parents wouldn’t give me a dime for college. I managed two years with a loan and work/study program, but the National budget got changed and that was the end of that. My parents would have been able to stay in their home, and I would not have wanted them to give it up for me, but I kind of resent that they wouldn’t help me at all. All I ever wanted was to get my degree. I did end up with an A.S. Degree, but that and six dollars will get you a cup of coffee!

[@LaraSatoriHarris]

@@kgs2280 Thank you SO MUCH for that! I don't think anyone has validated my decision like that before. I didn't realize I missed that. My kids don't want to live in the hometown again, and I'm alone; so it's not the same sacrifice it might be to some. They got their degree and are struggling now in LA (back into the fire but at least with a degree and where they want to be!). I wish you'd had the support you needed. You deserved it.

[@kgs2280]

@@LaraSatoriHarris Thank you, too. I’m a bit older than you, and my parents were very much from the “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” era, and felt we’d be stronger by doing everything on our own. Of course, me being a female, that meant I should get a husband and settle down, but I didn’t want that, so I guess they thought I would just fail until I gave up and got married. Without a degree I couldn’t find any work that didn’t pay minimum wage, and I really struggled, but I didn’t get married until I was 30, and I was always proud of that. And I did give up then, thinking I would be better off financially , but it wasn’t much better except that we were able to afford an apartment.

[@WhosaidIrene]

I live in LA and there is a woman and her dog living in a car outside my building. She doesn’t bother anyone and cleans up after her dog. We wave to each other when I walk my dog. Thankfully cops don’t come to my area and it’s quiet

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Princella Clark talks about how men and women aren't meant to live together. How stressful and unnatural it is for men esp to live in confined places; it's just really unsafe for women to live with their abuser/predators. I wish we were more Bonobo and less Chimp.

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

That last part...

[@ggoodvibes23]

I stopped following her, but this is the main topic of hers I will always agree with.

[@hevabmore]

​@ggoodvibes23 same. I think her message is good but she seems as verbally abusive as the men she talks about. No need to call supporters who you are teaching names (stupid, dumb, etc.)

[@jellyrolly]

@@ggoodvibes23 Yeah same. She recently turned into a mammy and said we need to feel empathy for incels. Like...what?

[@jellyrolly]

@@hevabmore I caught that too. She also was making fun of the hijab Crimson Cure (KZbinr) was wearing, referring it to as a rag or something. Just because you don't subscribe to someone's religion and disagree with it, doesn't mean you can openly degrade them. I don't even like Crimson Cure nor am I Muslim but that way she talked about her was eye opening. Princella's as aggressive as these aggressive men she describes.

[@WildRoseAlchemy]

I’m a solo female van lifer. I sold my house to buy a very nice van that I then built out myself to meet my needs- I could not imagine doing this in a smaller vehicle. I receive benefits from my time in the army. I also feel that what I learned in the military has helped me with being safe on the road. I have a dog 😊 and travel between friends and family who otherwise I wouldn’t get to see.

[@WynnWynn-gl3fk]

Why do you like that more than a home?

[@WildRoseAlchemy]

@@WynnWynn-gl3fk because I don’t have to work. My military benefits cover the costs of this lifestyle so I can be more free. They are not enough to cover rent/ mortgage. And I’m in a different phase of life now- the military was all about rigidity, I’m enjoying just flowing now.

[@ggoodvibes23]

You sound like another content creator Nomadic Introvert. Good for you! I know it's not for everyone but bug ups to any woman that can do it solo. 👌🏾

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

What we see on IG about van life is NOT true. A lot of those people on IG have money and a safety net (like their parents’ home or their own home) if things don’t work out. Some YT channels promote REAL van life (ex: Bob Wells’ channel), where people are living in their car/van/truck out of necessity and not because they want to. Some of the people that he featured were senior citizens getting a low Social Security payment ($1000 or less per month), and they can’t afford housing and/or are on a years-long waiting list for low-income housing. I think it was his channel that had a 60-something year old woman who was living out of a very old RV, and she was worried because she was one situation away from being completely homeless.

[@sharris3480]

I see a lot of van lifers with their men and like cats and dogs. The lady is always the one who cleans up everything every day

[@solitairewisdom995]

I did boondocking in my car for about four months while having a full time job. There is an element of fun and adventure but very few creators show the everyday grind of nomadic living. It isn’t as romantic as instagram pics portray. I never got a goodnight sleep and it affected health so much that I lost my job and ended up in a woman’s shelter. You do need a lot of money to make this life work.

[@MelanieHamlett]

Yes exactly!! The sleep issues too. Thank you! You don’t rest well in this lifestyle without money bc safety requires money! So for those who are living on a super strict budget, the first thing to go is sleep bc of safety and the elements

[@robynsalaver4069]

I wondered about those issues. Due to PTSD, I'm hypersensitive to sound and easily startle awake. I would think getting a good night's sleep would be difficult because of noise.

[@lyranorthernstar3802]

I’ve watched I few van life living and was shocked that children were sleeping in coffins or the same bed as their parents. And without a doubt they have heard their parents have sex. That is so disgusting disturbing it is child abuse

[@alicias.8482]

Thanks for this. You aren't lying about raccoons. A bunch of raccoons got in my tent while I was camping and opened a childproof bottle of prenatal vitamins and ate every single one.

[@kimberly8695]

Van life can indeed be dangerous. I saw a story sometime last year about a young Black woman who was teaching online while living in her van with her dog. Her van was very nice because she was working. One day two 🗯 guys came up to her van and started harassing and threatening her, and saying she didn't belong in the area. I believe her dog was a guardian breed, but she held it back for its own safety. That was one of the times I knew van life wasn't the way to go.

[@kgs2280]

KZbin has quite a few stories of women living in a van and finding out how dangerous it can be. There are a lot of scary people out there.

[@KurosakiLuvar01]

They were most likely casing her. To check if she was with a man before starting to harass her to try to do worse.

[@XtineJohnes]

@@KurosakiLuvar01 I'm glad she had the dog with her, and I hope she drove up out of there and rented a house or apartment after that.

[@endTHEhegemony_Today]

I am so grateful that you posted this. I thought it would be so easy when I did van life with an ex-male partner (emotionally abusive king baby) It was more than a struggle, we slept in an orientation where I had to crawl over him in order to get out of bed, and the guy was an "angry if you destroy my sleep"er So often times if there had been tension in the room before bed and I was too afraid to jostle him I would be trapped in bad having to pee so bad, unable to sleep, with a full day of work ahead of me while he snored his pretty little ass off and acted like I was crazy for leaping out of bed the moment he showed inklings of being awake to run outside and into the trees to pee (we were not alone, parked adjacent to other male workers) The back pain was the worst, I kept a record, because we were both working full time, I missed over 25 days of work due to back pain created from having to wrench myself and crawl across him in bed for a pee He INSISTED on being on the outside of the bed, I had to be on the inside because the ceiling was shorter and I dont have a fear of small spaces(i do, those are just his words and I didn't have time to address them because it was alongside other more toxic things to even warrant a response) When he decided to break up with me, it was about a miscommunication from when I went to the city for a doctors appointment He waited for me 5o get home, sat there as I unloaded all the groceries, beer, etc, that I had bought for us, cleaned up the campsite, and then dropped the bomb that he was breaking up with me, and drove me to a family members house nearby where he had been before for dinner previously, and left me. I didn't even get to say goodbye to anyone I had been working with all 6 months Or grab the rest of y belongings, he very unceremoniously dropped some of my possessions at that relatives house about 8 months later when he left the area I did get paid back part of what he owed me in cash, but that was 2 grand too late over a year later LISTEN TO MEL, PEOPLE!!!!!! 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 Much Love!!

[@endTHEhegemony_Today]

I am so glad you mentioned Gabby Petito That m*rder took place the same month I was dropped off with family. And I learned about it because I got to reconnect to the internet and spend time on my phone. The way that laundry guy mirrored EXACTLY my ex partner, it was blood-chilling to follow that case, it helped wake me up from the limerance left after being in such an abusive and emotionally dependent relationship with that guy, I am still healing today, I am so grateful to have found these women-centered spaces, because I believe my life was saved that day hw broke up with me and I have to keep convincing the part of my brain which still wants to be with that bastard (I didn't like him, I wanted to BE him) 🖤💜💙💚💙💜🖤 Much Love!!

[@AnthonyBuisson-ug5iv]

🙏💯💯💖💖💖

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

They think we're crazy whenever we inconvenience them

[@dianeandersen1926]

@@endTHEhegemony_Today wow! I am so glad you got out when you did. Sending love.❤❤❤

[@kgs2280]

It’s funny/not funny that as soon as you said he’d get mad if you crawled over him to get out that he was the one who insisted on sleeping on the outside. He set that up just to have a reason to “punish” you for whatever his reason might be that day. What a bastard!

[@fburnsDubstepEnderFox]

I thought about Van life.... back when I was homeless (the process of buying a home let alone the money involved is insane). But van life is just so impractical. Gabby's case is something that should be taught to every girl growing up. Her story, and Betty Broderick's story. There's tons more.

[@dianeandersen1926]

Yep! Never count on these men! Always have a back up plan.

[@jeanettegarrod-williams9150]

Unfortunately you are very correct when you say stranger danger is not as dangerous as dating a man. Everyday I see news articles about women being un-alived. They are especially dangerous when you try to escape them.

[@kgs2280]

Exactly!

[@havunhuuto]

Thank you! Content that breaks down what is left unsaid (parental support, generational wealth etc behind career choices, living situations) is so so important. It helps making choices based on reality not image.

[@Jrsdigest]

As a hopelessly devoted minimalist, I thought van life would be for me. But being black and 🏳️‍⚧️ totally unrealistic😅 I am very thankful to have the home that I do and work that keeps me rooted in a supportive community.

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

I've been experimenting with minimalism recently and it's harder than it looks. Being too sparse can actually make organization harder.

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

But you probably already know that 😊

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@MayDay-yn3bw That's interesting. In what way?

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

@@rejectionisprotection4448 one example I can think of offhand is that if you only have one cup or bowl, you have to wash it immediately after use. If you aren't accustomed to doing that, it can be a major pain. Or a mattress on the floor. It saves money on a box spring and frame, but hoisting oneself off the ground can literally be painful. As I've said elsewhere, I'm old and disabled and need civilization.

[@michaelpierce398]

In the case of Gabby Petito, I read an article that basically said it was her thing. She wanted to do it and got a deal on the vehicle and I guess he forced himself into her trip. It was supposed to be a solo thing for her in the beginning. ( I wonder if this trip was a way to get away from him...?) I'm glad her parents won the case against his.

[@isa-morena]

That poor woman, he not only squeezed himself onto her trip to ruin it for her but he decided to end that and all future trips for her. That cowardice bastard.

[@KurosakiLuvar01]

Yes he invited himself. Obviously so she wouldn’t escape him and discover herself worth or meeting other people who can protect her from him…

[@sarahjaye4117]

This is so sad:(

[@natashabrown5303]

I did van life for about 6 months in 2019, with my dog and 1 other person. As much fun as it was, there are a lot of things I'd do differently. Mind you, I was living in a 13' cargo van, sleeping on a foam roll and keeping everything in milk crates. You are CONSTANTLY cleaning, organizing, re organizing, searching for things while bent double. Laundromat and cooking off a camp stove in public parks, being harrased by the police, not to mention I lost about 25 lbs in the process. Eventually, the hectic lifestyle caught up to me and I ended up having a mental breakdown and being hospitalized for a week.. so when I see people posting that glam version of 'van life' I pretty much just roll my eyes. It's never going to be like that and unfortunately too many people throw away everything and think they can function as a nomad and end up in a bad place. Oh ya, your house can be towed so don't forget that!

[@ChristianSchaffer]

Hey Melanie, solo female van lifer here 🙋🏼‍♀️ I’ll be entering my seventh year of living on the road full-time next month. I happen to live in a very nice van, which I paid for myself through freelance photography gigs in the outdoor adventure space. I also have adhd, and grew up on food stamps. Sooo unfortunately not a nepo baby, as many people like to assume. My van is nearly always clean and nice looking because as someone with adhd, I struggle to function in a messy environment. I lived in my SUV for 14 months and that was hella clean and organized as well 😅 Sounds like your experience/reality was different - though as you mentioned yourself, times have changed. These days, there are plenty of ways to mitigate or altogether eliminate many of the challenges you faced. Although, I definitely do agree with you on the community aspect. That part can be very hard. The whole lifestyle can be hard, but I think that mostly depends on one’s personality. I also think that’s one of the reasons why this lifestyle is so interesting - it varies widely, and can be uniquely catered to you and your preferences. Your personal experience/reality is totally valid, and so is mine. I don’t believe either reality is a “lie”

[@awkwardpenguinftw]

I would feel so vulnerable trying to sleep in a van/car. I slept in a car when waiting and very tired. Its so so cold and strangers look in and stare 🥴

[@anarcho-communist11]

Interesting! I always romanticized the idea of living like this so it's good to hear the reality. It's so disgusting how homelessness is criminalized especially when there's a housing crisis. This country is cruel.

[@MelanieHamlett]

💯💯💯 especially since women are usually unhoused BECAUSE OF MEN.

[@AnthonyBuisson-ug5iv]

👍💯💯💯

[@FallacyBites]

Oh yeah, you mostly end up at campgrounds that you have to pay significant money for. Community is also very important so that you can mooch-dock with sedentary friends (and then your friends have gotta be privileged enough to own their own home)

[@saijanaswamy7210]

And i keep seeing houses being built...but NONE of them pet friendly or affordable

[@melissashiels7838]

I lived in a van for 4 years with 2 or 3 other people, travelling around the US and Europe in a travelling theatre group. We didn't sleep in the van, we stayed with hosts and changed host homes every couple of nights. It was ROUGH. 2 bags of stuff each, to leave room for our crates of scripts and office supplies. I left that group 24 years ago and still have anxiety dreams about being back in it, never having my own space or privacy. One of my team leaders (a woman) was a malicious Narcissist and there was no rest for my nervous system, always being in such close confinement with her. I think the only way I survived was I was so young and adaptable.

[@K9Kungfu]

I tried to do van life with a useless man, I was homeless living in a tent last winter and now am housed. I do actually want to go back to vanlifing, but I am severely autistic and don't respond to things like people usually do (I throughly enjoyed a lot of elements of houselessness) . But vanlife requires DILLIGANCE and DISCIPLINE and continuously places you into situations where men are trying to grape you. You need to be proactive, and our mommy-boys-failure-to-launch men are the last thing you'd want. (the cat and the dog - both of which were disabled- were more useful and on point then my ex. ) my van broke down permanently in part to how useless my ex was. The city you're in changes everything too. Pooping in weird places. Staying clean is hard, driving for hours trying to find a safe and legal place to live. I'm in Canada so finding random places to park that are beautiful isn't too hard, but most of the time you're boiling in a Walmart parking lot lol. Ending up in a van with no family to help is homelessness on wheels. (also a big ass dog will 100% protect you from rapists even if the dog is a scaredy cat.)

[@MelanieHamlett]

Thanks for adding all this. 🙏🏻🙏🏻💕💕 yes the city vanlife vs wilderness is huge ! I did it in LA occasionally and it was a nightmare and scary especially when it came to something as simple as pooping. And you’re so right, being disciplined and diligent is critical and I’m not either when it comes to my home often bc of adhd. I get so overwhelmed. It’s taken so many years to figure out how to stay organized and I’m still not. Back then I had so much shame about my truck vs my friends. I was so chaotic! Anyway, thanks for sharing your story 💕💕🥹🙏🏻

[@K9Kungfu]

@@MelanieHamlett LA vandwelling would be terrifying, i would be afraid of everyone. In the woods a man is also scarier than a bear or cougar. "the worse thing an animal can do is kill me." Losing things in a small space can literally drive you insane. I understand the shame around neuro-divergance, espeically around things like organizing and "home making" and literally working so hard to try and do it and only getting 35% despite working 300% harder than someone that it comes naturally too. Probably way worse for women than men. edit: also I imagine even in your chaos you'd be a way better vandwelling partner than most dudes lol

[@FallacyBites]

Beautiful places for van life: friend likes to mock the people who put up videos bragging about the beautiful beach view they woke up to. The videos try to make it seem like it's just free parking everywhere! Viv will say, I KNOW that lot. Parking costs x $$$/ hour and overnight isn't allowed. She did not wake up in that lot, and if she did, she paid x$$$ in parking tickets on top of the x$$ hourly rate.

[@sighthoundlady15]

I felt so guilty and bad, like there was something wrong with ME not wanting to be trapped in a small RV with my husband. Talk about a “moody man” gives me phantom gastric ulcers pains just thinking about how horrible and awful that situation would be. 😭😫

[@jessecaw.3714]

YES! And also kids thrive in stable environments! Remember that family who travels around in a van with multiple kids?? How. Those poor people.

[@MelanieHamlett]

That too!!

[@alohaXamanda]

Well, IDK. There are plenty of non-white cultures that are nomadic or semi-nomadic so I wouldn’t necessarily make this blanket statement

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​​@@alohaXamandaYes, but in different countries which are more supportive and geared up for some of their citizens to live this way.

[@kimberly8695]

​@@alohaXamandaTrue enough, but those cultures likely have lived that way for centuries and are intricately familiar with the lifestyle.

[@robynsalaver4069]

​@alohaXamanda In nomadic cultures, doesn't the entire tribe move and not just a single family? That would make a difference as the kids would always have their friends and extended family with them.

[@nfbconnect]

Glad someone is telling the truth about this. I did 6 months on the back of a motorcycle with an abusive dude. We camped and hiked when off the bike. I made bad choices back then 😂

[@MelanieHamlett]

Ohhhhhh god. On a tiny bike with a man?! That’s even harder than a van im sure!! No indoor space at all!! 🤯🤯🤯

[@XtineJohnes]

@@MelanieHamlett Sounds like Bikers? Melanie, could you make a video on the dangers of Biker Culture when it comes to women? I am always horrified by the stories I hear about what has happened to women at the hands of Bikers. I have no idea why they are allowed to still operate their gangs in the USA and worldwide. I just feel like everyone is ignoring them, and women and kids are being really hurt by them. More needs to be published warning women not to get involved with them or even talk to them.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

​@@XtineJohnesThey're allowed to still operate because they're ONLY hurting women and children. Actually, they've probably got local deals going with their fellow abusers in the Police.

[@nfbconnect]

@@MelanieHamlett On a Triumph Bonneville 😂 We went 23,000 miles around North America - all the way up to Antarctica. There were high highs and low lows. I left three years later before we got married. His abuse got worse. I've been single ever since! Going on 7 years so I'm much safer now.

[@nfbconnect]

We weren't in the biker culture at all, but we crossed paths with groups. Luckily never had a problem with any.

[@Gracie.Gardener]

I love camping and exploring but van life is a hard no. I’ve heard too many stories from women, who have dealt with stalkers or had dangerous situations happen in very remote areas. We also must not forget poor Gabby, who was first treated like an abuser, then quickly had her life taken by a coward. Thank you for sharing your opinion Melanie!

[@MelanieHamlett]

Thanks so much for your comment 💕💕🙏🏻

[@katsnyder7809]

I could totally see one of these vans being fun for a weekend away or something. But I couldn’t live in one. I’d go stir crazy. Also, the vans you see online aren’t as cheap to put together as you’d think they’d be! Same with Tiny homes! Some of them cost just as much as a regular house!

[@MelanieHamlett]

Exactly!!! Some of these VANS cost more than a house!!! It’s fun for awhile if it’s by choice but long term it’s really difficult

[@dianeandersen1926]

😢 I looked into this because I went through horrible times with a work injury. Damn, I was considering suicide with so many health conditions. I don’t think I could live this hard life at this point. I feel so sorry for these elderly women that are forced into this. Society has really gone to shit with all the money going to the top!😢

[@MelanieHamlett]

Yea elderly women should never ever have to live this way. It’s hard

[@MelanieHamlett]

Thanks for sharing 🥹💕💕💕

[@AnthonyBuisson-ug5iv]

🥹🙏💯💖

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

I just turned 61 today and I know I'm too old for this shit. Would have loved it in my 20s tho...

[@dianeandersen1926]

@@MayDay-yn3bw yes, it was definitely fun and adventurous then! Not so much now especially with health issues and IBS. It would absolutely suck out there, and I feel so much sympathy for the elderly women that are stuck out there with no other options. 🥲💝

[@bmay282]

Actually living in a car is super challenging, dangerous, and at times exhausting... It can be done in times of survival, but it's not the vacation lifestyle vanlifers pretend it is.. and worse, they make the struggle of a lot of people who are living in their cars out of necessity rather than choice totally invisible. ☹️

[@thesecretshade]

I know a female friend that basically lives in a van. Currently with her daughter to relax because it does get tiresome after awhile. Maybe men can linger around their van with no care but women can't do that remotely nor in a very public spot without having to be very careful about going to sleep without anyone knowing they are alone. I listened to many female van travelers and they said they go pee before going to sleep and don't get out of the van again for nothing because they don't want to be seen by a man. It's too dangerous if anyone knows they are sleeping in there. Way too many get stalked or got knocks on their vans in the night time. Freaked me out. I couldn't do it honestly. Camping is great tho lol

[@evolvewithqiana]

I actually believe that restaurants and grocery stores should put out food. We literally waste tons of good food every day while people are starving. It doesn't make sense.

[@JenStStjarna]

I’m feeling so isolated and lost today. Your stories are so helpful. This story reminds me of the year I went out to a little town and worked at a dude ranch as a cleaning lady that did outdoor education and how we all made shit money. And how my sister worked on Makinac Island and lived in a tent and worked on farms. It feels so liberating but no healthcare, it’s unsafe, it’s not normal, but it’s what makes me feel like my life is like a quilt- it has so many different pieces of knowledge and information and experience because I did different things. It’s wonderful to hear the real truth.

[@MelanieHamlett]

Oh wow thank you!!! 💕💕💕🙏🏻🙏🏻😭😭😭 I’m so glad too to hear that my stories comfort you. Also, a dude ranch!!!! 🤯🤯

[@AnthonyBuisson-ug5iv]

Thank you so much for for sharing this and for your support !! Wish you the best with love from France. 🙏💖💖💖💖

[@kiribull]

I love the romanticised/aesthetic van life idea, but quickly realised I'd have to be very very rich to be able to do that for any length of time without being completely miserable. I need quite a bit of comfort/financial safety to enjoy being on the road.

[@thebatiscosy]

I live in Germany and in every. single. apartment. I. ever. lived. in. there was at least one male neighbor who stalked me, or one older female neighbor who pitted everyone against me. And when there wasn't, there was a family with screaming stomping children 24/7. I am very, very tired of having my living space feel incredibly unsafe, and that's why I dream of living in a van or RV. Then, at least, I can pack my shit and leave. At least that's the fantasy and I do know that actually I'd be in more danger than in an apartment. I just wish I could finally have a home that feels safe. I dont understand why people make home hell for eachother. I can't wait of escaping this apartment right now. Again, older women making my life hell. I can't even plant some flowers in my garden without being loudly judged. I'm tired.

[@powerhouse2024]

THIS! Everyone talks about how scary van life is but literally being tied to a lease and being unable to move and the resident stalkers knowing where exactly you’ll be isn’t safe either. Can we just acknowledge that nowhere is safe for women? And there are always jealous women who do their part to make my life hell wherever I go. I’m a single mom, I have a 17 year old daughter who is now getting stalked by the nasty males in the neighborhood too. We literally do a business together as a family & stick together always because it’s so f’ing dangerous. This is an upscale neighborhood by the beach in the Gulf of Mexico. 3k a month in expenses - rent, utilities, internet. We counted how many terrorists we have in our resort style apartment complex - 15. FIFTEEN. Mostly men, some women (married to some of those men). We have literally just minded our own business. This happens no matter where I go. Leases are dangerous for people like us. This community Mel talks about is never something I have found. Not ever. Not for lack of trying or being capable of being in thriving, healthy relationships. People are drawn to us at first and then set about destroying us for reasons I will never understand. Men I understand -they can’t get access. But the women? No idea. I have to keep it moving for our safety. This might be hard for people to understand but life is stunningly unfair for literally no reason at all to some women who are literally just trying to do everything right & live stable healthy lives. The reality itself seemingly won’t allow it - no matter how insane that sounds.

[@BoopOnYourNose]

This is SOOOO informative, THANK YOU for posting this!! IG and tiktok don't address many of these points, all you see is pretty scenery with dogs & pets. Romantic scenes with boyfriends. Never about how expensive the vehicles are. And your point about mechanics charging women more for repairs? So true!! I even had a mechanic who I thought was a friend, we'd hang out with our friend group, knew him for years. Then when I needed some repairs I went to him. Guess who got hosed with a big bill? I asked my friends husband about this. He said yes, he gouged you. It's a real problem, ladies!!

[@ChristineSpringerElaine]

If you are going to live in a vehicle it's a good idea to learn or know about cars, enough to know when they are lying. Also there are female friendly mechanics (I think it's a certification) out there. ETA: not disagreeing with you, just adding to the discussion.

[@melusine826]

An older female friend who has 3... THREE houses, is telling me to sell my (currently not working) van and focus on on finding a rental (while i am caretaking / house sitting to not pay rent) and no job. Yeah.... she doesnt understand my response of "hell no!". To give up my only chance at freedom and autonomy when its taken so long to get where i am?

[@kgs2280]

Good for you! You know your life and needs better than anyone else.

[@legally_ellecee]

Thank you! I wanted to do van life for a long time because of the cost of living but this helps me understand the reality.

[@AnthonyBuisson-ug5iv]

🙏💯💯💖

[@mot7735]

Van life looks uncomfortable af. I wouldn't mind some time in an RV, but no van. I feel for those kids who get dragged into the van life or bus life with their parents :(

[@coolbreeze5683]

It's wild how van life and camping has become associated with the privileged. I found people in my life who grew up poorer and work hard to afford life's comforts absolutely despise things like camping and those who grew up with wealth love camping, roadtrips and "van life" as long as it comes with some comfort (almost like cosplaying homelessness). Manifestelle had an interesting take in her video about "being basic". Those who are of a particular class will always try to do things to set them apart from people of another class. One of her examples is how less celebrities and wealthy people are interested in diamonds now since lab grown diamonds have made them more affordable and common.

[@smoto8565]

RV life is better than Van Life. It is a whole tiny home, stand up, stay or move your home.

[@KurosakiLuvar01]

Yessss, the RV is where it’s at💖

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

The only way I would even think about Van Life is with a van called the Pebble RV. That costs 109 - 125k, so yeah you'd need to be well off for that. It looked so nice though.........

[@NotatHome4684]

Florida recently passed a bill (HB 1365) banning the homeless from camping and sleeping in public places.

[@MelanieHamlett]

I heard that. It’s enraging they will criminalize something they are causing!! I hate Florida so much. But I have family there so I worry more about Florida than I want to. Desantis is evil

[@NotatHome4684]

@@MelanieHamlett Yes not everybody that lives here sells a house up north and can buy a newer house cheaper than they’re from. Also, the home insurance is ridiculous and hurting the people that aren’t rich. 😡

[@kimberly8695]

​​@@NotatHome4684 Environmental concerns also impact the issue. Florida has non-rain-related flooding, and when hurricane season starts, it's way worse. Insurance rates are off-the-charts for people living close to water.

[@FallacyBites]

Yeah, more and more places are making it so you can't park anywhere without paying money

[@FallacyBites]

Oh! Van-life friend says that Oregon will allow you to be a resident there with continuous traveler(?--I don't remember the specific phrase) as your official status/address.

[@lindab6974]

I loved this chat. I watch a lot videos by women doing van life and one of the surprising (no so surprising) things that they talk about is having stalkers. Albeit, they have van life channels on you tube, but still, it just highlights how much more dangerous things are for women. Kinda suck, really.

[@tinkerbellrochester7021]

I live in a camper with my bf. We travel the US for his job. Weve lived this way since just before the pandemic starting. I love it! Im a Gypsy at heart. I couldnt do this alone though. Im almost 60 and its physical work. We have to move every 2 weeks & during the summer season the campgrounds and parks are full.Idk what Id do otherwise because I lost my home,everything over 10 yrs ago and have not been able to recoup any of it.I have great credit though! I so like the idea of a tiny home,a plot of land,fields of flowers and a little garden. Someday!

[@joyvive]

“Living in a van down by the river” 🚐 🌊

[@sarahjaye4117]

Lol

[@parler8698]

The ultimate insult.

[@starlingswallow]

Anytime I hear the word "Van-Life", I can't help but think about Gabby Pettito. 😢 UGHHHH!!! Great points as ALWAYS, Mel!! I'm shocked outdoor people don't get paid enough 😑 Most of those jobs are SO DANGEROUS!!!!! Goodness!!!

[@MelanieHamlett]

I associate vanlife with her too now unfortunately. I cannot imagine what a nightmare it was sharing such a tiny space with a man that scary. I wish she had gotten out of that lifestyle before it escalated to that point. But I’m guessing she had nowhere else to go in her mind. Bc she had probably committed hard by selling everything ect. That’s why it’s so so so risky to do this with men. You’re literally trapped with them in a tiny space cut off from your community 🥹🥹

[@MelanieHamlett]

And yeah it’s criminal how little they pay people to keep people alive outdoors!!

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

Right!? They should get hazard pay

[@Caseinpoint1777]

Life life is harder for women, so yeah.

[@FallacyBites]

Van-life: one friend loves it cuz one of the ways her adhd affects her is she has a strong need to keep moving. Her autism makes her want complete control over her space. Her van life experience looks like yours (but with a larger top on her truck. (Her job is remote, so she needs to always be somewhere with internet) My mom's retired cousins: their life looks like the fancy van-life instagram photos---cuz they have a massive retirement and can afford an enormous motor home. They're also neat freaks with ALL THE ENERGY.

[@susanmagpayo1850]

When I was younger, I used to envy the seniors who were basically nomadic. I would like to have the freedom to travel, but don't think that at my age I could handle it.

[@kgs2280]

Just remember that a lot of those seniors are doing it because they can’t afford rent.

[@folklorefanatic7193]

I am a recovering, hyper-organized hoarder. I can't imagine living in that small of a space. RV? Maybe, with a storage unit.

[@kendra31]

No way the vanlife instagrammers aren't cleaning 4+ hours a day just to take those pictures.

[@robynsalaver4069]

Thank you for sharing this. Van-life looks so dreamy that I've considered it. My reality check was ending up in a wheelchair recently. There's no way I could've managed living in a van or without friends to help.

[@officiallykayanna]

I appreciate how you understand very well how van life affects people of color. i realized that as a black woman I cannot for safety reasons do what you have done in your life. also black women tend to be trafficked more so alot of black girls and women go missing all the time. you are correct! its literally a priveledge to even live in a van lol. i feel the black women van lifers are sooo brave they are foolish. but i secretly admire those sistas. I wonder if van life in europe is more friendlier?

[@elishh8173]

I live in Europe and I would NEVER live in a van unless I had too. I'd rather live in a homeless shelter. Here no matter black or white you'd most likely get robbed, raped and even killed. I dont understand how you can want to put yourself in such a dangerous situation, in the US with all the racist cops and serial killers?! We women are victimised everywhere. Also I'm so sorry for how you and other black women are treated because of racism. It's sickening. If you are going to do vanlife in Europe, even though I REALLY don't recommend it, maybe do it in Scandinavia but that's still very dangerous. You know all the immigrants that have left their children and wives to come here? It's ONLY males. They come from countries where women are not allowed to be independent, they will be a threat to you when they see you are without a man. I have been gang graped by such men but also by a Swedish man so they are both equally bad. I hope I don't sound like a racist, I'm just telling you my lived experience to give you advice so you don't get into a very dangerous situation. Take care and I hope you can live your dream somehow. At least in the US you are allowed to have a gun, were not even allowed to have pepper spray to defend ourselves. So if you live van life in the US, get a gun with you.

[@NotatHome4684]

The closest I would probably get to van life would be living in a modular home close to the beach. 🏝️ 🚐

[@MelanieHamlett]

Yeah the bigger the space the easier it is! (Well, except for parking !!)

[@aliciaerickson9862]

You're right about cell phones. I pay $20 in Ecuador. Last ED visit for sickness (MD consult, IV fluids and antibiotics administered by RN, follow up visit) =$40 total. US is craziness.

[@gwencasey3472]

Thanks for all that you do, I'm in my 20s and i learn so much from your content ❤

[@AnthonyBuisson-ug5iv]

😍🙏💯💯💖

[@jessikajane4967]

Definitely van life is something not for me, but hats off to anyone who wants to take on this challenge 😂

[@MelanieHamlett]

🤣💕💕🙏🏻

[@chromesthesia]

Living in a van with like 6 kids and a man would be a NIGHTMARE! Especially making them live in little drawers. Argggggg!!! I'd rather be eaten by the Be Quiet monster

[@toscadonna]

I’d rather move to Siberia and live in a chum (tent made of reindeer skins) than live in a van in America. At least you can stand up in a chum, have a big wood stove, fresh reindeer meat, and clean water.

[@applem7637]

Commenting for the algo. ❤ I’m gearing up to move apartments and it’s a nice thought experiment to consider paring down to the essentials and move into a small space like a van… but maybe not. I’m very attached to my plants and they’d make me very nervous going over a bump.

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

Being too minimal can actually be inefficient

[@KonsciousKollective]

that van at 15:47 is giving man-child A-Team fantasies they never got to live in their childhood! also, I want to send this to my friend whose daughter wants to live the vanlife/tiny home life...reader: she is a Black woman in america! this is so unsafe and as Melanie is saying: expensive!

[@ButterflyBree]

I appreciate your thoughts on this topic since you lived it, long before it's trendiness. I learned from camping (sleeping on the ground), that I need to sleep on a surface that's at least 18 inches high. I have an autoimmune disorder with minimal pain and mobility problems. However, my body can't thrive in van life. I thought about it but it's just as expensive as living in a traditional housing situation. The cost of those vans and RVs have skyrocketed. I also need access to a traditional bathroom or something similar too.

[@MelanieHamlett]

Yes all great points! I’m hyper mobile so I can’t sleep without 200 pillow propping me up! I don’t know how on earth I did this for so long. I’ve got chronic back pain now and other issues. I can’t imagine doing this at my age with these issues especially. I feel so bad for women older who are forced to do this 🥹🥹🥹

[@FallacyBites]

Yeah, my van-life friend wasn't forced to be a van lifer, but she also wasn't NOT not forced to be a van lifer.

[@FallacyBites]

Mice: friend picked up two mice while trapped at the side of the road in new mexico for 36 hours. It took her a WEEK to evict them. They ruined almost all of her food. She had to puke her truck twice and scrub it all down to disinfect.

[@melusine826]

Thank you! As a woman at 45 in Australia, who is going to be living in an old van next year and have no savings- Yeah

[@carrino15]

I really enjoy the use of your instruments, it's funny and contribute to making a point.

[@JillyDarling]

This is my favorite video so far. On point! I lived in a beat up old mazda miata 2-seater convertible + my tent for 5 years. It's the opposite of cheap & glamourous 😁 Best thing I've ever done and 💯 do not recommend it especially for sola women. Oh, the travel tales, though... Keep telling the truth Melanie! Looking forward to your Patreon

[@judepamment1106]

Omg Mel the recorder is the best ! I see van life as my retirement. But I have the money to do it right and I'll travel rhe circuit in Australia that is the " GREY HEADED NOMADS " 🌻💜

[@draeblack5665]

I've done car life and even as a big guy I had plenty of scary moments and I can tell u now that the older you get the more the car life gets old real quick.

[@kacrichton4434]

I wanted to live in a narrow boat - freedom of being able to move around, but nice and slowly, and generally having a home mooring, haven't actually done it though...

[@lzal9204]

Idk how they are doing it. I would feel so unsafe living in a van. Especially if I was staying in middle of nowhere campgrounds by myself. I would have a dog and a gun. Lol. I don’t see how that is any kind of fun. But maybe it’s just because I’m older now and wouldn’t do it.

[@starlingswallow]

I would if I had to, but not for fun! 😂😅

[@MelanieHamlett]

I look back and realize how cluelessly reckless I was doing this for so long without even thinking about men. Now that I know just how terrifying men are from personal experience, I would probably do it waaaay differently

[@MayDay-yn3bw]

I'm old and disabled, I need civilization

[@dianeandersen1926]

And especially if you’ve had to fight like hell to get out of grape situations!

[@kgs2280]

@@MayDay-yn3bwSame. Sadly.

[@ellamarie84]

Melanie: this was riveting. I will probably watch it again. I have been so curious about the realities of hashtag van life for so long! I've searched for videos and come across some, but many don't seem to get into the nitty gritty of what sucks about it, day in and day out. Especially as a solo woman. This was great. I would love more of this topic from you! When you were showing pics of how messy it can get and that you would spend 2 hours just looking for stuff each day, I was like, WOW--indeed, the mental load seems SO heavy! Every little "daily living" task has additional steps added.

[@katipohl2431]

You are really full of experience and wisdom.

[@MelanieHamlett]

🥰🥰🥰💕💕🙏🏻 thank you!!

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

What an AMAZING life you have led so far 😄🤩

[@ianimal36]

I completely agree. I'm into hot springs and car camping and I have similar stories that you have around your time as a river guide, the parasitic predatory hobosexuals take over and ruin the jobs and living situations. If women took over these places could be sooo healing and serene, but ONE man ruins everything fast! They sleep in piles of trash and then see how you keep it clean and organized and just try to take ownership, like, "this is a good peaceful woman, let me disrupt everything and call her crazy when she gets mad about it" I stayed in a little camping trailer on a hot springs property and cleaned the pools and worked in a little bakery, it was really cool and peaceful until I started letting a hobosexual around and another man told me he was worried that dude was gonna burn the trailer down with me in it one night. I remember pulling into the little desert town where he was stating, where I refused to stay with him though he had a room in a house all of it was disgusting, the locals lived in trailers surrounded by trash and told myself, "Do not normalize this!" 😅 So why, if they appreciate the cleanliness and peacefulness WHY are they compelled to inhibit it and destroy it? I just don't understand their point Shakespeare sonnet 10 speaks on this Why men seek to destroy themselves and others when it should be their chief desire to repair, it's such a feminine theme, and it makes me think maybe 'Shakespeare was a Woman', which is also a readable book Another point is, everything is exhausting, which is why everyone is after some passive income, digital nomads begin to create coursework behind paywalls or design certification programs for the flocks, like the whole drop shipping thing that has ruined e-commerce and that popular IG CA immigration lawyer, Martinez, who sells a paralegal certification course But those views you can't get to are accessible in the "toxic masculine" vans, I appreciate 4x4 high clearance vehicles that can go places like that. That's actually the only kind of man I would talk to in the wild now, he's got money and he can keep it moving😅Like a superfine geologist or a stacked traveling nurse 😍

[@ChristineSpringerElaine]

I'm a paralegal and have three degrees. It was a good career but there's really no growth. Unlike the medical field, where there are multiple options for earning a good living without being a doctor, the lawyers continue to make it hard to earn more than $65k. Paralegals are competing with lawyers for business because states recognize that most people can't afford a lawyer and are creating other roles in the industry. However, I started an independent paralegal business and many people can't afford $75 an hour for doc prep either. I love my career but it doesn't love me back anymore. It helps me navigate my own life. But many lawyers want codependent people who anticipate their needs and will grind for them. I paid my dues and I think for myself. I went on an interview last year and they lawyers were apoplectic when I told them I didn't want to work 60 hours a week. Crazy times and losing access to various resources is driving many people (men) to madness.

[@cgarcia660]

I followed vanlife consistently for about two years when mothering three little kids became overwhelming. I liked dreaming about the escape and the solitude but I knew i couldn’t handle it. I think people should car camp for three nights to a week to figure it out but it is not comfortable.

[@mosestransported]

I’ve had someone suggest this to me as I live in Vancouver, Canada and the cost of living is crazy expensive. But I knew it would be a struggle and unproductive because any money I’d save would be spent in time trying to access public washrooms and gyms to shower. Truthfully, I think it was a way for this person to think they were giving helpful advice instead of offering any real help (I was searching for an apartment at the time). Plus, the cost of acquiring a vehicle and insuring it would be more than finding a place to rent! Never mind having to get rid of everything I owned or pay to store it somewhere!

[@MelanieHamlett]

Exactly!! The cost of trying to constantly access public bathrooms, showers, water etc. All that takes time and energy and is exhausting!

[@mosestransported]

@@MelanieHamlett Yes! Plus everything you mentioned in terms of safety, finding places to park, time organizing your items, how to care for yourself when you are unwell, access to health care, where to receive your mail. Great for a short term adventure but long term it’s much costlier (time, money and energy) than it seems at first glance.

[@kgs2280]

Not to mention vehicle repairs!

[@ChristineSpringerElaine]

I just wanted to add to be careful who spend time with when you are going through these transitions, especially if your confidence is low. They can really trigger you and it doesn't help when you aren't confident. I had a female friend "suggest" selling plasma and someone else made it sound like I would never find a place to live because of my pets, during a vulnerable time. When I get out of my current mess I am going to be very careful who I share anything with. I have also learned a lesson about befriending neighbors and won't be doing that again either.

[@anabelsama]

What I must say is, travelling with a dog in a camper must be way more comfortable than travelling to hotels, but living full time? Seems hellish

[@dianeandersen1926]

Lucky Melanie I lived out of my car when I was younger and it felt adventurous and fun, but I am going on 62 years old now and I know that it would really truly suck at this point!😢

[@MelanieHamlett]

Yeah it felt like an adventure as hard as it was, but I cannot imagine having to do this with my back problems and health issues and age now. As a woman in her 50/60’s , I cannot even imagine how hard this is

[@dianeandersen1926]

@@MelanieHamlett I always watch Bob Wells help all these women put their vans together. That is truly nice of him to spend his time and effort to try to help these women out. I didn’t get to watch that movie nomad, but it looks like it is very interesting in the trailers. My son and some of his friends were doing this before it was popular around 20 years ago to save money.❤❤❤

[@ggoodvibes23]

​@@dianeandersen1926I loved Fraces McDormand in Nomadland. It's on hulu now!