The Wine Magician

In this episode of Fringes, Victor goes to the Loire Valley to meet the Wine Magician, aka Nicolas Joly, the soft guru of biodynamic agriculture in France. This winemaker produces a mythical Anjou wine enjoyed by French Kings for almost a century. He'll teach Victor how to make some wine using obscure druidic potions and following convoluted cosmic rules.
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[@mr.oppenthunder2527]

Main problem with vice: The reporter draws attention to himself and away from the actual story.

[@eliasunalan5244]

and he has an accent making me aggresive

[@spicymanchego2286]

+Elias Ünalan Haha!

[@spacedtime6597]

I dont think he is crazy. He puts all his ideas and passion into what he does, and gets great results.

[@420SanJuan]

how many frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one, he just holds the bulb and all of europe revolves around him..

[@thiagomadeira1444]

in a beautiful vortex ;)

[@gabel13]

after he said "Sort of Like a spiritual experience?" at 8:13 it sounded like the dude replied "fuck yes" haha

[@lurkmoar4]

Here's my main criticism about the new comment system: BRAVEHEART Robert the Bruce (narrator): I shall tell you of William Wallace. Historians from England will say I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes. The king of Scotland had died without a son, and the King of England, a cruel pagan known as Edward the Longshanks, claimed the thrown of Scotland for himself. Scotland's nobles fought him, and fought each other over the crown. So Longshanks invited them to talks of truce, no weapons, one page only. Among the farmers of that shire was Malcolm Wallace, a commoner with his own lands. He had two sons: John and William. Malcolm: I told you to stay. William: Well, I finished my work. Where are we going? Malcolm: MacAndrews. He was supposed to fess up when the gathering was over. William: Can I come? Malcolm: No. Go home, boy. William: But I want to go. Malcolm: Go home William or you'll the back of my hand. John: Follow him, William. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Malcolm: MacAndrews; MacAndrews. Great Jesus! William: Ah! (screams) Malcolm: It's all right! William! John: William! Malcolm: It's all right. Easy lad. Dead Page Boy: William! (in Wallace's house) Campbell: We fight them! MacClannough: Every nobleman who had the will to fight was at that meeting. We can not beat an army. Malcolm: We do not have to defeat them. Just fight them. Now who's with me. Campbell (among others): I am, Wallace. MacClannough: Alright, alright. Malcolm: Ay. Malcolm: Where do you think you're going? William: I'm going with you. Malcolm: Oh, you're going with, hey? And what are you going to do? William: I'm gonna help. Malcolm: Hey, and a good help you'd be, too. But I need you to stay here and look after the place for me while I'm away. William: I can fight! Malcolm: I know. I know you can fight. But it's out wits that make us men. See you tomorrow. John: Ha! Hamish: English! William: Get down! Hamish: With your father and brother gone, they'll kill us and burn the farm. William: It's up to us, Hamish. Both boys: Ahhhh! (Throw rocks) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- William: Da? Da? Campbell: William, come here lad. (Funeral) Priest: (speaks Latin) Argyle: William, I am your uncle, Argyle. You have the look of your mother. Argyle: We'll stay here tonight. Tomorrow you'll come home with me. William: I don't want to leave. Argyle: You didn't want your father to die either, did ya? But it happened. Did the priest give a poetic benediction? "The Lord bless thee and keep thee"? William: It was in Latin. Argyle: You don't speak Latin? Well that's something we shall have to remedy, isn't it. Argyle: The Lord bless thee and keep thee. The Lord cause his light to shine on thee. The Lord lift up his continence upon thee. And give thee peace. Amen. Dead Malcolm: Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow her. (Campbell plays bagpipes) William: What are they doing? Argyle: Saying goodbye in their own way. Playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes. It was the same for me and your daddy, when our father was killed. (William looks at sword) Argyle: First, learn to use this (mind), then I'll teach you to use this (sword). --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert the Bruce (narrator): Many years later, Edward the Longshanks, King of England, supervised the wedding of his eldest son, who would succeed him to the thrown. As bride for his son, Longshanks had chosen the daughter of his rival, the King of France. It was widely whispered that for the princess to conceive, Longshanks would have to do the honors himself. That may have been what he had in mind all along. Longshanks: Scotland, my land. The French will grovel to anyone with strength, but how will they believe our strength when we can not rule the whole of our own island? Longshanks: Where is my son? Isabella: Your pardon, my Lord. He asked me to come in his stead. Longshanks: I sent for him and he sends you? Isabella: Shall I leave, my Lord? Longshanks: If he wants his Queen to rule when I am gone, then by all means stay, and learn how. Please. Longshanks: Nobles. Nobles are the key to the door of Scotland. Grant our nobles lands in the north. Give their nobles estates here in England, and make them too greedy to oppose us. Advisor: But sire, our nobles will be reluctant to uproot. New lands mean new taxes, and they are already taxed for the war in France. Longshanks: Are they? Are they? The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of Scots. Perhaps the time has come to reinstitute an old custom. Grant them prima noctes. First night, when any common girl inhabiting their lands is married, our nobles shall have sexual rights to her on the night of her wedding. If we can't get them out, we breed them out. That should fetch just the kind of lords we want to Scotland, taxes or no taxes. Advisor: A most excellent idea, sire. Longshanks: Is it? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert the Bruce (narrator): Now in Edinburgh, gathered the council of Scottish nobles. Among these was Robert, the 17th Earl of Bruce, the leading contender for the crown of Scotland. Robert the Bruce: I hear that Longshanks has granted prima noctes. Craig: Clearly meant to draw more of his supporters here. Robert the Bruce: My father believes that we must lull Longshanks into confidence by neither supporting his decree nor opposing it. Craig: A wise plan. And how is your father? We missed him at the council. Robert the Bruce: Ah. His affairs in France keep him long overdue, but he sends his greetings. And he says that I speak for all the Bruces, and for Scotland. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- William: (rides home and smells air) (wedding celebration; music playing) William: You dropped your rock. Hamish: Test of manhood. William: You win. Hamish: Call it a test of soldiery, then. The English won't let us train with weapons, so we train with stones. William: Well, a test of a soldier is not in his arm, it's here (mind). Hamish: No, it's here (arm) (Hamish hits William) William: Hamish? Hamish: Uh huh. (drumming, rock throwing contest) Campbell: Here you go, son. Show him how. Come on! Haha, my boy! William: That's a good throw. Hamish: Ay. Ay, it was. William: I was wondering if you could do that when it matters. As it, as is matters in battle. Can you crush a man with that throw? Hamish: I could crush you, like a worm. William: You could? Hamish: Ay. William: Well then do it. Would you like to see him crush me like a worm? Crowd: Ay! William: Then do it. Hamish: You'll move. William: I will not. Campbell: He'll move. (Hamish misses, William hits Hamish) Campbell: Fine display, young Wallace. William: You alright? You look a widdy bit shaky. Hamish: I should have remembered the rocks. William: Ay, you should have. Get up you big heap. It's good to see you again. Hamish: Ay, welcome home. Girl: William, will you dance with me? William: Of coarse I will. (Horses ride in) English lord: I have come to claim the right of prima noctes. As lord of these lands, I will bless this marriage by taking the bride into my bed on the first night of her union. Scottish man: By God, you will not! Lord: It is my noble right. (They ride off with bride). Smythe: Ha ha. Ha ha. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (raining, outside of Murron's house) William: Good evening, sir. MacClannough: Ah, young Wallace. Grand soft evening, huh? William: Ay, is that. I was wondering if I might have a word with your daughter. MacClannough: What do you want to have a word with her about? William: Well, ah, Murron, would you like to come and ride with me on this fine evening? Mrs. MacClannough: In this? You're out of your mind. William: Oh, it's good Scottish weather, madam. The rain is fallin' straight down, well slightly to the side like. Mrs. MacClannough: She can not go with you. William: No? Mrs. MacClannough: No the no, anyway. William: No the no. MacClannough: No the no. We'll see you later. Murron: 'O the weather's just fine. It's hardly raining. Mrs. MacClannough: Did you no hear what I said? Now get--Murron. It's you she takes after. William: How did you know me after so long? Murron: Why, I didn't. William: No? Murron: It's just that I saw you staring at me and I didn't know who you were. William: 'O sorry, I suppose I was. Are you in the habit of riding off in the rain with strangers? Murron: It was the best way to make you leave. William: Well, if I can ever work up the courage to ask you again, I'll send you a written warning first. Murron: 'O it wouldn't do you much good. I can't read. William: Can you not? Murron: no. William: Well that's something we shall have to remedy, isn't it. Murron: You're going to teach me to read, then? William: Ah, if you like. Murron: Ay. William: In what language? Murron: Are you showing off now? William: That's right. Are you impressed yet? Murron: No. Why should I be? William: (in French) Yes. Because every single day I thought about you. Murron: Do that standing on your head and I'll be impressed. William: My kilt may fly up but I'll try. Murron: You certainly didn't learn any manners on your travels. William: I'm afraid the Romans have far worse manners than I. Murron: You've been to Rome? William: Ay, my uncle took me on a pilgrimage. Murron: What was it like? William: (in French) Not nearly as beautiful as you. Murron: What does that mean? William: Beautiful. But I belong here. Mrs. MacClannough: Murron, come in now. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- William: Sir, I know it was strange of me to invite Murron to ride last night, but I assure you I-- Campbell: MacClannough's daughter is another matter. I've come to fetch you to a meeting. William: What kind of meeting? Campbell: The secret kind. MacClannough: Your meetings are a waste of time, Campbell. Campbell: Your father was a fighter, and a patriot. William: I know who my father was. I came back home to raise crops, and God willing a family. If I can live in peace, I will. MacClannough: You say you want to stay out of the troubles? William: Ay. MacClannough: If you can prove it, you may court my daughter. Until you prove it, my answer is no. William: No? MacClannough: No Wallace, no. William: Didn't I just prove it? MacClannough: No. William: No? MacClannough: No. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- William: Of coarse, running a farm is a lot of work, but that will all change when my sons arrive. Murron: So, you've got children? William: Well not yet, but I was hoping that you could help me with that. Murron: So you want me to marry you, then? William: Well, that's a bit sudden but alright. Murron: Is that what you call a proposal? William: I love you. Always have. I want to marry you. Is that a yes? Murron: Ay, that's a yes. William: We best hurry. He'll be waiting. Murron: Wait. William: Where are you going? William: What's that? Murron: You'll see. William: Father. William: I will love you my whole life; you and no other. Murron: And I you; you and no other forever. Priest: (speaks Latin) William: When am I gonna see you again? Tonight? Murron: I can't. William: Why not? Murron: My dad's gotten suspicious. William: Not as suspicious as you (?). When? Murron: Tonight. William: Tonight? Murron: Ay. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Smythe: Look lively, sergeant. Smythe: Where are you going lassie? Oo, that looks heavy. Let me help you. Murron: That's fine. Smythe: 'O, you remind me of my daughter back home. Smythe: Hello lassie. Soldier: Keep going, Smythe. (lots of screaming) Smythe: Ah, you bitch. William: Are you alright? Murron: Ay. William: Can you ride? Murron: Ay. Smythe: Come back here, you bastard. William: Meet me at the grove. Ride. Smythe: They're getting away. William: Murron? Murron? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Magistrate: All of you know full well the great pains I've always taken never to be to strict, to rigid, with the application of our laws. And as a consequence, have we not learned to live together in relative peace and harmony? Ha? And this day's lawlessness is how you repay my leniency. Well you leave me with little choice. An assault on the king's soldiers is the same as an assault on the king himself. (He kills Murron) Magistrate: Now, let this scrapper come to me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Soldier: There. (points at William) (fighting starts) Magistrate: Corporal, summon archers on the tower, now. Hamish: Hold still, father. Campbell: Ahh, boy! (William kills Magistrate) Campbell: MacClannough, MacClannough! Crowd of Scotsmen: MacClannough, MacClannough, WALLACE, WALLACE! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Murron's Funeral) Priest: (speaks Latin) Mrs. MacClannough: (crying) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Campbell: What cha waiting for, boy? Hamish: Here. You can do it. I'll hold him down. Morrison: Here. You can do it. I'll hold him down. Campbell: Ay, straight in, boy. I know it seems like a waste of good whiskey, but indulge me. AHHH. Hamish: Hold him! Hold him! Scottish man: Let him go. Sorry. Campbell: That will wake you up in the morning, boy. Watch guard: There's somebody coming. Arm yourselves. Hamish: There's somebody coming. Campbell: MacGregors, from the next clan. MacGregor: We heard about what was happening, and we don't want you armidants thinking you can have your fun without us. William: Go home. Some of us are in this. We can't help that now. But you can help yourselves. Go home. MacGregor: We'll have no homes left when the English garrison from the castle comes through and burns us out. And they will. William and Campbell: Welcome! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (William's army enters, dressed as English patrol) English soldier: Patrol returning, my Lord. English Lord: So, what news? (William hits Lord) English Lord: I have dispatched 100 soldiers to Lanark. They will be returning now. William: Were they dressed like this? Actually, it was more like 50. Make it quick. Morrison: Do you remember me? Lord: I never did her any harm. It was my right. Morrison: Your right? Well I'm here to claim the right as a husband. William: I am William Wallace, and the rest of you will be spared. Go back to England, and tell them there that Scotland's daughters and her sons are yours no more. Tell them Scotland is free. Burn it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (in English castle) Longshanks: Scottish rebels have routed one of my garrisons and murdered the noble lord. Prince: I heard. This Wallace is a brigand, nothing more. Longshanks: And how would you deal with this brigand? Prince: Like any common thief. Have the local magistrate arrest him and punish him accordingly. Longshanks: Leave us. Wallace has already killed the magistrate and taken control of the town. Stand up. Stand up. In the morning, I depart for France to press our rights there, and I leave you here to quell this little rebellion, understood? Is it? One day you will be a king. At least try to act like one. Prince: Get away from me. I will need my military council. Nicolette: (in French) I hope your husband goes to Scotland and meets Wallace and then you'll be a widow. English soldier: After them. English leader: No point resisting. You're outnumbered and trapped. Now where are the rest of you? Where's Wallace? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert: Father? Leper: Ah, come in, come in. Robert: A rebellion has begun. Leper: Under whom? Robert: A commoner named William Wallace. Leper: We will embrace this rebellion. Support it from our lands in the north. I will gain English favor by condemning it, and ordering it opposed from our lands in the south. Sit down. Stay a while. Robert: This Wallace, he doesn't even have a knighthood, but he fights with passion and he inspires. Leper: And you wish to charge off and fight as he did. So would I. Robert: Well, maybe it's time. Leper: It is time to survive. You're the 17th Robert Bruce. The 16 before you passed you land and title because they didn't charge in. Call a meeting of the nobles. Robert: But they do nothing but talk. Leper: Rightly so. They're as rich in English titles and lands as they are in Scottish, just as we are. Admire this man, this William Wallace. Uncompromising men are easy to admire. He has courage, so does a dog. But it is exactly the ability to compromise that makes a man noble. And understand this: Edward Longshanks is the most ruthless king ever to sit in the thrown of England. And none of us, and nothing of Scotland will remain, unless we are as ruthless. Give in to our nobles. Knowing their minds is the key to the thrown. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prince: Wait. Wait. Look. This is right and this is left. Carry on. Carry on. Nicolette: (in French) When the king returns, he will bury them in those new clothes. Scotland is in chaos. Your husband is secretly sending an army north. Isabella: (in French) How do you know this? Nicolette: (in French) Last night I slept with a member of the War Council. Isabella: (in French) He shouldn't be telling secrets in bed. Nicolette: (in French) Englishmen don't know what a tongue is for. Isabella: (in French) Ah. This Scottish rebel, Wallace. He fights to avenge a woman? Nicolette: (in French) I nearly forgot. A magistrate wished to capture him, and found he had a secret lover. So he cut the girl's throat to tempt Wallace to fight, and fight he did. Knowing his passion for his lost love, they next plotted to take him by desecrating the graves of his father and brother, and setting an ambush at the grave of his love. He fought his way through the trap and carried her body to a secret place. Now that's love, no? Isabella: Love? I wouldn't know. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- William: You know, eventually Longshanks will send his whole Northern Army against us. Campbell: Heavy cavalry, armored horse; shake the very ground. Hamish: They'll ride right over us. William: Uncle Argyle used to talk about it; how no army had ever stood up to a charge of heavy horse. Hamish: So what'll we do? Campbell: Run, hide, the highland way. William: We'll make spears. Hundreds of them. Long spears, twice as long as a man. Hamish: That long? William: Ay. Hamish: Some men are longer than others. Campbell: Your mother's been telling stories about me again, ah? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Guard: Volunteers coming in. Faudron: William Wallace, we've come to fight and to die for ya. William: Stand up, man. I'm not the pope. Faudron: My name is Faudron, and my sword is yours. I brought you this. Guard: We checked them for arms. Faudron: I brought you this. My wife made it for ya. William: Thank you. Stephen: (laughs) Him? That can't be William Wallace. I'm prettier than this man. Alright Father, I'll ask him. If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen? Hamish: Is your father a ghost or do you converse with the Almighty? Stephen: In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God. Yes, Father. The Almighty says don't change the subject; just answer the fooking question. Hamish: Mind your tongue. Campbell: Insane Irish. Stephen: (pulls dagger on Campbell) Smart enough to get a dagger past your guards, old man. William: That's my friend, Irishman. And the answer to your question is yes; if you fight for me you get to kill the English. Stephen: Excellent. Stephen is my name. I'm the most wanted man on my island, except I'm not on my island, of coarse. Mores the pity. Hamish: Your island? You mean Ireland. Stephen: Yeah. It's mine. Hamish: You're a madman. Stephen: I've come to the right place, then. (everyone laughs) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Faurdon trys to kill Wallace, but Stephen saves him) Stephen: Sure didn't the Almighty send me to watch your back? I didn't like him anyway. He wasn't right in the head. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hamish: William, it's our runners. Morrison: The English are devising an army towards Scotland. William: Will the nobles rally? Runner: Robert the Bruce and most of the others will not commit to battle. But word is spread, and highlanders are coming down on their own. Morrison: Ay, in flocks of hundreds and thousands. William: Are you ready for a war? Mornay: Well, what news? Horseman: We're outnumbered, at least 3 to 1. Mornay: How many horse, then? Horseman: 300, maybe more. Mornay: 300 heavy horse? Lochlan: We must try to negotiate. Short soldier: What are they talking about? Tall soldier: I can't hear, but it doesn't look good. The nobles will negotiate. If they do a deal, then we go home. And if not, we charge. Mornay: 300 heavy horse; we have no chance. Short soldier: I didn't come here to fight so they can own more lands; then I have to work for them. Tall soldier: Nor me. Alright lads. I have no time for these bastards; lets go home. Lochlan: Stop men. Do not leave. Wait until we've negotiated. Short soldier: William Wallace? Tall soldier: Can't be. Not tall enough. Stephen: The Almighty says this must be a fashionable fight. It's drawn the finest people. Lochlan: Where is thy salute? William: For presenting yourselves on this battlefield, I give you thanks. Lochlan: This is our army. To join it you give homage. William: I give homage to Scotland. And if this is your army, why does it go? Tall soldier: We didn't come here to fight for them. Short soldier: Home. The English are too many. William: Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace. Short soldier: William Wallace is 7 feet tall. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- William: Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his ass. I am William Wallace, and I see before me an army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight? Tall soldier: Fight against that? No, we will run, and we will live. William: Ay, fight and you may die, run and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom. (cheering) English lord: They seem quite optimistic to me. Maybe they do want to fight. Cheltham: Confrontation might be a foregone conclusion, my lord. But none the less, I think we should deliver the king's terms. Lord: The king's terms will never live up to them. Cheltham: My lord, I think--. Lord: Alright, offer them the terms. Craig: They're coming out. Shall we go and meet them? Stephen: Fine speech. Now what do we do? William: Just be yourselves. Hamish: Where are you going? William: I'm going to pick a fight. Hamish: Well, we didn't get dressed up for nothing. Cheltham: Mornay, Lochlan, Craig. Here are the king's terms. Lead this army off field and he will give you each estates in Yorkshire, including hereditary title, from which you will pay--, from which you will pay him an annual duty--. William: I have an offer for you. Mornay: Cheltham, this is William Wallace. Cheltham: From which you will pay the king an annual duty--. William: I said I have an offer for you. Lochlan: You disrespect a banner of truce? William: From his king? Absolutely. Here are Scotland's terms. Lower your flags, and march straight back to England, stopping at every home to beg forgiveness for 100 years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today. Cheltham: You are outmatched. You have no heavy cavalry. In two centuries no army has won without--. William: I'm not finished. Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own ass. Mornay: I'd say that was rather less cordial that he was used to. William: You be ready and do exactly as I say. On my signal, ride round behind our position and flank them. Mornay: We must not divide our forces. William: Do it, and let the English see you do it. Mornay: They'll think we've run away. William: Take out their archers, and I'll meet you in the middle. Mornay: Alright. Priest: (speaks Latin) English Lord: Insolent bastard. I want this Wallace's head on a plate. Archers. (Scots scream) Stephen: The Lord says He can get me out of this mess, but He's pretty sure you're fooked. Ah! (Scots scream) William: Ride! Lord: See, every Scot with a horse is fleeing. Our cavalry will ride them down like grass. Send the horse; full attack. William: Hold! Hold! Hold! Now! (lots of screaming) Lord: Send the infantry. Cheltham: My Lord? Lord: You lead them. (lots of fighting) Lord: Retreat! William: Alright. William: (screaming) Scottish army: (screaming) WALLACE! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Craig: I knight thee Sir William Wallace. Sir William, in the name of God we declare and appoint thee guardian and high protector of Scotland and thy Captains as aides-de-camp. Stand and be recognized. Robert: Does anyone know his politics? Craig: No, but his weight with the commoners can unbalance everything. The Balliols will kiss his ass so we must. Balliol supporter: Sir William, Sir William. Inasmuch as you and your captains hail from a region long known to support the Balliol clan, may we invite you to continue your support and uphold our rightful claim. (screaming) William: Gentlemen!, Gentlemen! Balliol supporter: Now is the time to declare a king. Mornay: Wait! Then you are prepared to recognize our legitimate succession. Balliol supporter: You're the ones who won't support the rightful claim. Mornay: Those were lies when you first wrote them. Balliol supporter: I demand recognition of these documents. Craig: Gentlemen! Please, Gentlemen! Wait! Sir William, where are you going? William: We have beaten the English, but they'll come back because you won't stand together. Craig: Well what will you do? William: I will invade England and defeat the English on their own ground. Craig: Invade? That's impossible. William: Why? Why is that impossible? You're so concerned with squabbling for the scraps from Longshank's table that you've missed your God given right to something better. There is a difference between us. You think the people of this country exist to provide you with possession. I think your possession exists to provide those people with freedom. And I go to make sure that they have it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert: Wait! I respect what you said, but remember that these men have lands and castles. It's much to risk. William: And the common man who bleeds on the battlefield, does he risk less? Robert: No, but from top to bottom this country has no sense of itself. Its nobles share allegiance with England. Its clans war with each other. If you make enemies on both sides of the border, you'll end up dead. William: We all end up dead; it's just a question of how and why. Robert: I'm not a coward. I want what you want, but we need the nobles. William: We need them? Robert: Ay. William: Now tell me, what does that mean to be noble? Your title gives you claim to the thrown of our country, but men don't follow titles, they follow courage. Now our people know you. Noble, and common, they respect you. And if you would just lead them to freedom, they'd follow you. And so would I. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Royal Governor of York: Damn it! The sodomite my cousin the prince tells me he has no troops to lend and every town in Northern England is begging for help. Soldier: Wallace rides! Governor: To which town? Soldier: To here my Lord. Governor: Bring the food and provisions inside, double the wall guards, seal the gate, now! Soldier: Quickly, bring in the provisions, seal off the gate, NOW! Soldier: Sir, we can get you out if you leave now. Governor: I am not about to tell my Uncle I've lost him the greatest city in Northern England. William: Come on! Scottish soldiers: AAAHHH! (lots of cheering, gate on fire) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (back in London) Soldier: Make way for the King. Philip: It's not your fault. Stand up to him. Prince: I will stand up to him and more. Longshanks: What news of the North? Prince: Nothing new, Your Majesty. We've sent riders to speed any word. Longshanks: I heard the word in France, where I was fighting to expand your future kingdom. The word, my son, is that our entire Northern Army has been annihilated. And you have done nothing. Prince: I have ordered conscriptions. They are assembled and ready to depart. Soldier: Excuse me, sire, but there is a very urgent message from York. Longshanks: Come. Leave us. Soldier: Yes, sire. Prince: Wallace has sacked York. Longshanks: What? Prince: Wallace has sacked York. Ah! Philip: Sire, thy own nephew. What beast could do such a thing? Longshanks: If he can sack York, he can invade lower England. Philip: We would stop him! Longshanks: Who is this person who speaks to me as though I needed his advise? Prince: I have declared Philip my High Counselor. Longshanks: Is he qualified? Philip: I am skilled in the arts of war and military tactics, sire. Longshanks: Are you? Then tell me, what advice would you offer on the present situation? (Longshanks kick's Philip out the window) Philip: AAAHHH! (Longshanks kicks Prince) Longshanks: I shall offer a truce and pie him off. But who will go to him? Not I, huh, if I fell under the sword of that murderer that might be my head in a basket. And not my gentle son. The mere sight of him would only encourage the enemy to take over the whole country. So who do I send? Whom do I send? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- William: I'm dreaming. Murron: Yes you are, and you must wake. William: I don't want to wake. I want to stay here with you. Murron: And I with you. But you must wake now. Wake up, William. Wake up. William, wake up. Campbell: William, a royal entourage comes, flying banners of truce, with the standard of Longshanks himself. Isabella: I am the Princess of Wales. I come as the king's servant and with his authority. William: To do what? Isabella: To discuss the king's proposals. Will you speak with a woman? Isabella: I understand you have recently been given the rank of knight. William: I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are. Isabella: Did God make you the sacker of peaceful cities, the executioner of the king's nephew, my husband's own cousin? William: York was the staging point for every invasion of my country. And that royal cousin hanged innocent Scots, even women and children, from the city walls. Oh, Longshanks did far worse the last time he took a Scottish city. Hamilton: (in Latin) He is a bloody murdering savage. And he's telling lies. William: (in Latin) I never lie. But I am a savage. (in French) Or in French if you prefer. (in English) You ask your king to his face, ask him, and see if his eyes can convince you of the truth. Isabella: Hamilton, leave us. Hamilton: My lady? Isabella: Leave us. Now. Let us talk plainly. You invade England, but you can not complete the conquest so far from your shelter and supply. The king desires peace. William: Longshanks desires peace? Isabella: He declares it to me, I swear it. He proposes that you withdraw your attack. In return he grants you title, estates, and this chest of gold which I am to pay to you personally. William: A lordship and titles. Gold. That I should become Judas? Isabella: Peace is made in such ways. William: Slaves are made in such ways. The last time Longshanks spoke of peace I was a boy. And many Scottish nobles, who would not be slaves, were lured by him under a flag of truce to a barn where he had them hanged. I was very young, but I remember Longshank's notion of peace. Isabella: I understand you have suffered. I know about your woman. William: She was my wife. We married in secret because I would not share her with an English Lord. They killed her to get to me. I have never spoken of it. I don't know why I tell you now except I see her strength in you. One day you'll be a queen, and you must open your eyes. You tell your king that William Wallace will not be ruled, and nor will any Scot while I live. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Longshanks: Ah, my son's loyal wife returns unkilled by the heathen. So he accepted our bribe? Isabella: No, he did not. Longshanks: Then why does he stay? My scouts tell me that he has not advanced. Isabella: He waits for you at York. He says he will attack no more towns or cities, if you are man enough to come and face him. Longshanks: Did he? The Welsh bowmen will not be detected arriving so far around his flank. The main force of our armies from France will land here to the north of Edinburgh. Conscripts from Ireland will approach from the southwest to here. Prince: Welsh bowmen, troops from France, Irish conscripts. Even if you dispatch them today they will take weeks to assemble. Longshanks: I dispatched them before I sent your wife. So our little ruse succeeded. Thank you. And while this upstart awaits my arrival in York, my forces will have arrived in Edinburgh behind him. You spoke with this Wallace in private? Tell me, what kind of man is he? Isabella: A mindless barbarian, not a king like you, my lord. Longshanks: You may return to your embroidery. Isabella: Humbly, my lord. Prince: You brought back the money, of coarse. Isabella: No, I gave it to ease the suffering of the children of this war. Longshanks: haha! That's what happens when you send a woman. Isabella: Forgive me, sire. I thought that generosity might demonstrate your greatness to those you mean to rule. Longshanks: My greatness will be better demonstrated when Wallace returns to Scotland and finds his country in ashes. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hamish: William, there's riders approaching. Personal escort of the princess. You must have made an impression. William: Ay. Hamish: I didn't think you were in the tent that long. William: (in French) Miss. Nicolette: (in French) A message from my mistress. William: (in French) Thank you. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stephen: It's true. The English ships are moving up from the south. I don't know about the Welsh yet, but the Irish have landed. I had to see it with me own eyes before I could believe it. Hamish: What the hell are the Irish doing fighting with the English? Stephen: I wouldn't worry about them. Didn't I tell you before, it's my island. William: Hamish, ride ahead to Edinburgh and assemble the council. Order it. Hamish: Ay. William: Your island? Stephen: My island! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mornay: This time our only option is to negotiate. William: My army has marched for more days than I can remember, and we still have preparations to make. So I'll make this plain. We require every soldier you can summon. Your personal escorts, even yourselves. And we need them now. Craig: With such a force of raid against us, it is time to discuss other options. William: Other options? Don't you wish at least to lead your men onto the field and barter a better deal with Longshanks before you tuck tail and run? Robert: Sir William. Craig: We can not defeat this army. William: We can. Robert: Sir William. William: And we will. We won at Stirling, and still you quibble. We won at York and you would not support us. If you will not stand up with us now then I say you're a coward. (Hamish swings axe) William: And if you are Scotsmen, I am ashamed to call myself one. Robert: Please, Sir William. Speak with me alone. I beg you. Robert: Now you've achieved more than anyone ever dreamed, but fighting these odds it looks like rage, not courage. William: It's well beyond rage. Help me. In the name of Christ help yourselves. Now is our chance, now. If we join, we can win. If we win, well then we'll have what none of us have ever had before: a country of our own. You are the rightful leader, and there is strength in you. I see it. Unite us. Unite us. Unite the clans. Alright. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert: This can not be the way. Leper: You said yourself, the nobles will not support Wallace. So how does it help us to join the side that is slaughtered? Robert: I gave him my word. Leper: I know it is hard. Being a leader is. Now son, son, look at me. I can not be king. You, and you alone can rule Scotland. What I tell you, you must do. Not for me, not for yourself, but for your country. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Soldier: Make way. Coming through. Make way lads. Hamish: The Bruce is not coming, William. William: He'll come. Mornay and Lochlan have come. So will the Bruce. Longshanks: Quite a lovely gathering. Wouldn't you agree? General: The archers are ready, sire. Longshanks: Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. Their dead cost nothing. And send in the infantry and cavalry. General: Infantry, cavalry, advance. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Irish advance and shake hands with the Scottish Army) Longshanks: Irish! William: Glad to have you with us. Watch this. General: Mornay, Lochlan? Longshanks: I gave Mornay double his lands in Scotland and matching estates in England. Lochlan turned for much less. Archers. General: I beg your pardon, sire. Won't we hit our own troops? Longshanks: Yes, but we'll hit theirs as well. We have reserves. Attack. General: Archers. Longshanks: Send in our reinforcements. General: Send in the rest. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Longshanks: Bring me Wallace. Alive if possible. Dead, just as good. Send news of our victory. Shall we retire. (William hit by arrow) General: Protect the king. Robert: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (William sees that Robert has duble crossed him. He is shocked) Robert: Get up! Get up! Get him out of here. Stephen: Jesus! Robert: Go! Stephen: Ah! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Campbell: I'm dying. Let me be. Hamish: No, your going to live. Campbell: I've lived long enough to live free; proud to see you become the man you are. I'm a happy man. (Hamish cries) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Leper: I'm the one who's rotting but I think your face looks graver than mine. Son, we must have alliance with England to prevail here. You achieved that. You saved your family, increased your land. In time, you will have all the power in Scotland. Robert: Lands, titles, men, power, nothing. Leper: Nothing? Robert: I have nothing. Men fight for me, because if they do not, I throw them off my land and I starve their wives and their children. Those men who bled the ground red at Falkirk, they fought for William Wallace, and he fights for something that I've never had. And I took it from him when I betrayed him and I saw it in his face on the battlefield, and it's tearing me apart. Leper: Well, all men betray. All lose heart. Robert: I don't want to lose heart. I want to believe as he does. I will never be on the wrong side again. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Mornay's dreaming) Mornay: (crying) Ah! (Wallace kills him and jumps out window) Scottish noble: Lord Craig, is it true about Mornay? Craig: Ay, Wallace rode into his bead chamber and killed him. More a liability now then ever he was. And there's no telling who'll be next. Robert: Maybe you, maybe me. It doesn't matter. Craig: I'm serious, Robert. Robert: So am I. Haha! (Lochlan drops on table) Craig: Search the place. Noble: Lochlan. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Common towns people talking) Common Scot: William Wallace killed 50 men. 50 in one. Commoner #2: 100 men, with his own sword. Commoner #3: Cut through them like Moses through the Red Sea. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Longshanks: His legend grows. It will be worse than before. Hamilton: He rallies new volunteers in every Scottish town. And when he replenishes his numbers, -- Longshanks: They're sheep, mere sheep. Easily dispersed if we strike the shepherd. Very well. Take a flock of your finest assassins and set a meeting. Hamilton: My lord, Wallace is renowned for his ability to smell an ambush. Longshanks: If what Lord Hamilton tells me is correct, he warmed to our future queen and would trust her. So we'll dispatch her with the notion that she comes in peace. Hamilton: My Lord, the princess might be taken hostage, or her life be put in jeopardy. Longshanks: My son would be most distressed by that. But if she were to be killed, we would soon find the King of France a useful ally against the Scots. You see, as king, you must find the good in any situation. Assassin: It's William Wallace sure. And he's given up his sword. Be ready. (lots of screaming, hut is burned) William: My lady. I received your message. This is the second time you've warned me of danger. Why? Isabella: There will be a new shipment of supplies coming north next month. Food and weapons, they will-- William: Why do you help me? Why do you help me? Isabella: Because of the way you are looking at me now. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stephen: Just when we thought all hope was lost, our noble saviors have arrived. Off with hoods. Craig: Sir William, we've come to seek a meeting. William: Well, what's the point? You've all sworn loyalty to Longshanks. Craig: An oath to a liar is no oath at all. Every man of us is ready to swear loyalty to you. William: So let the council swear it publicly. Craig: We can not. Some scarcely believe you are alive. Others think you pay the Mornay's wages. So we (?) to Edinburgh. Meet us two days from now. Give us your pardon and we'll unite behind you. Scotland will be one. William: One? You mean us and you. Craig: No, I mean this. It's the pledge of Robert the Bruce. Hamish: You do know it's a trap. Tell him. Stephen: I think if the Bruce wanted to kill you he'd have done it already at Falkirk. William: Ay. Stephen: I know, I saw. Hamish: I ain't leaving him aside. What about the others? The scheming bastards couldn't agree on the color of shit. It's a trap, are you blind? William: We've got to try. We can't do this alone. Joining the nobles is the only hope for our people. You know what happens if we don't take that chance? Hamish: What? William: Nothing. Hamish: I don't want to be a martyr. William: Nor I. I want to live. I want a home, and children, and peace. Hamish: Do ya? William: Ay, I do. I've asked God for these things. It's all for nothing if you don't have freedom. Hamish: That's all a dream, William. William: A dream? Just a dream? What we've been doing all this time; we've lived that dream. Hamish: You dream isn't about freedom. It's about Murron. You're doing this to be a hero because you think she sees you. William: I don't think she sees me. I know she does. And your father sees you, too. (Hamish hits William) Stephen: Jesus?! Shall I come with you. William: No, I'll go alone. Stephen: I'll see you after. William: Right. Stephen: Sooner rather than later, I hope. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Craig: He won't come. Robert: He will. I know he will. Guard: My Lord, he approaches. (Robert sees trap) Robert: NO! Craig: Stay out of it, Robert. Robert: Get Away! Get Away! Craig: The Bruce is not to be harmed. That was the arrangement. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert: Father! You fooking bastard. Why? Why? Leper: Longshanks required Wallace. So did our nobles. That was the prize of your crown. Robert: Die! I want you to die. Leper: Soon enough I'll be dead. And you'll be king. Robert: I don't want anything from you. You're not a man, and you're not my father. Leper: You are my son, and you have always known my mind. Robert: You deceived me. Leper: You let yourself be deceived. In your heart, you always knew what had to happen here. At last, you know what it means to hate. Now you're ready to be king. Robert: My hate will die with you. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Executioner: William Wallace, you stand intained of High Treason. William: Against whom? Executioner: Against your king. Have you anything to say? William: Never in my whole life did I swear allegiance to him. Executioner: It matters not. He is your king. Confess, and you may receive a quick death. Deny, and you must be purified by pain. Do you confess? Do you confess? Then on the morrow you shall receive your purification. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Guard: Your Highness. Isabella: I will see the prisoner. Guard: We've got orders from the king that no one-- Isabella: The king will be dead in a month and his son is a weakling. Who do you think will rule this kingdom? Now open this door. Guard: Majesty: Come on, back on your feet. (Guard kicks William) Isabella: Stop it. Leave me. I said leave me. William: My lady. Isabella: Sir, I've come to beg you to confess all and swear allegiance to the king, that he might show you mercy. William: Will he show mercy to my country? Isabella: Mercy is to die quickly, perhaps even live in a tower. In time, who knows what could happen. William: If I swear to him, then all that I am is dead already. Isabella: You will die. It will be awful. William: Every man dies, not every man really lives. Isabella: Drink this. It will dull your pain. William: No. It will numb my wits, and I must have them all. For if I'm senseless or if I wail, then Longshanks will have broken me. Isabella: I can't bear the thought of your torture. Take it. William: Alright. (They kiss, and William spits it out) Isabella: I have come to beg for the life of William Wallace. Prince: You're quite taken with him, aren't you. Isabella: I respect him. At worst he was a worthy enemy. Show mercy, O great king, and win the respect of your own people. Even now you are incapable of mercy. And you. To you that word is as unfamiliar as love. Prince: Before he lost his powers of speech he told me his one comfort was he would live to know Wallace was dead. Isabella: You see, death comes to us all. But before it comes to you, know this. Your plot dies with you. A child who is not of your line grows in my belly. Your son will not sit long on the thrown, I swear it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- (crowd cheers) William: I am so afraid. Give me the strength to die well. Common man: Here he comes! (crowd throws food at him) Executioner: Now behold the awful prize of treason. You will fall to your knees now. Declare yourself the king's loyal subject, and beg his mercy, and you shall have it. (no response) Executioner: Rope. Stretch him. That's it, stretch him. Pleasant, yes? Rise to your knees, kiss the royal emblem on my cloak, and you will feel no more. (no response) Executioner: Rack him. Enough? (they put William on the cross, and begin disembowelment) (William in serious pain) Executioner: It can all end, right now. Peace. Bliss. Just say it. Cry out mercy. (crowd repeats "mercy") Executioner: Cry out. Just say it. Mercy. Hamish: Mercy lad, mercy. Stephen: Jesus, mercy. Executioner: The prisoner wishes to say a word. William: FREEEEE-DOMMMMMM! (William is beheaded) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Robert (narrator): After the beheading, William Wallace's body was torn to pieces. His head was placed on top on London Bridge, his arms and legs sent to the four corners of Britain as a warning. It did not have the effect that Longshanks planned. And I, Robert the Bruce, rode out to pay homage to the armies of the English king and accept his endorsement of my crown. English noble: I hope you've washed your ass this morning. It's about to be kissed by a king. Craig: Come. Lets get it over with. Robert: Stop. You have bled with Wallace, now bleed with me. Craig: Ah! Hamish: Yea! (Throws sword; sword lands) Crowd: WALLACE, WALLACE, WALLACE, WALLACE. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! (Scots charge) William (narrating): In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields at Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom.

[@BostonCeltics3409]

These comments are already old. *Yawn*

[@SerChade]

lmfao, what a fucking joke!

[@roumi123]

FUCK YOU KZbin! THIS SUCKS !

[@maxpowers3494]

It is collapsed so there is no problem. You are only the millionth dumbass to make that joke though. You are a waste of your own time.

[@InsubstantVibrator]

comment zombies everywhere!

[@frederickwerk2386]

I worked for Mr Joly once, a very inspiring man.

[@darcystrutt5192]

I believe it was either Kierkegaard or Varese who succinctly summed the wine enigma with the following: "Winos deal with it. Winos never get afraid of nothing but running out of wine. That's the only thing that panics a wino. A wino could deal with Dracula"

[@jerebuck]

I recall old boys always chucking a cow horn in a midden on any English farm in the 1950s. It was standard practice.

[@kahmdseven4649]

holy shit, this winemaker is an actual hardcore occultist and metaphysician

[@kylechristoph6243]

This is my new favorite documentary to watch with a couple glasses of wine😋makes me wanna go just be a weird French wine hippy

[@TophDaddy]

I feel as if I'll always hate the taste of wine, but I'm sure, once my taste buds develop I'll try it when I'm in my midlife crisis and love it.

[@papersplease]

I'm there right now, bud. You won't regret it.

[@Dunnbar]

I didn't like it at 15. Dried out my mouth,and tongue, at 18 and now 19 I drink that shits no problem. Taking large sips for me makes it easier, and it helps that taste bud development

[@TophDaddy]

Jeez, being 17 I have only ever cringed at the thought of drinking wine ever again. But after hearing these replies I'm looking foreward! Thanks guys!

[@papersplease]

Chris Fernandez noob tip for drinking red wine (among other things): aerate it by swishing around in your glass, sip, hold it in your mouth and suck some air through your teeth so the oxygen and wine react. It might taste "bad" as you start out, but over time your buds will start to appreciate the subtle flavours. Source: 36 year old, early mid-life crisis, now wine lover, occasional drunk.

[@TheRealDVairsoft]

papersplease Or try better wine. I didn't like wine til I visited Italy and France and tried REAL wine. Delicious.

[@StreamlinedChaos]

This was all pretty interesting, and then he brought out the dung, animal skulls, and astrology...

[@WuShogun212]

I can't tell if most of the people at VICE are awkward or they get camera shy or maybe these weird people they talk to make everybody else awkward, either way we need interviewers with a soul not these robot-like people who barely have a personality. Eddie Huang is a perfect example of the kind of people VICE needs to send out to interview people. Still love the work you guys do though.

[@VICpowner]

a squander of what could have been a journalistic qualitative Vice episode. As a wine-, and Vice enthousiast, sending some awkward blue haired "journalist" that can only make weed analogies as a means to be funny, to a guy that managed to change wine making culture and managed to perfect it in a complete different way, is a missed opportunity.

[@drknudy]

The dog was the best character, great casting!

[@delphos1223]

I speak French, and Vice enters so many curse words in the subtitles that were not spoken by the people.

[@fuflang]

I think he messed up astronomy with astrology.

[@faceironfrank]

so every time we flush a shit we are Dynamizing it? that's all I learnt from this

[@AlexisCardona]

Then you completely missed the message.

[@OverlordOfEcchi]

8:11 Blue haired dude: "Spiritual?" 8:12 Wine Magician: "Fuck yes!"

[@shit3151]

I was researching about wine (I'm beginning as a waiter and have to serve top notch wine) and ended up with this. Like what the actual fuck?

[@1spore2]

This guys informality is hilarious. I enjoyed watching it.

[@gabriellevanneste5978]

Please take no notice of the negative comment(s). This interview with Nicolas Joly is fantastic. A great insight into his winemaking, and nice unscripted footage which shows the philosophy of the Jolys. No makeup! Say no more……..

[@dkapbboy]

This is actually fascinating. Hes using esoteric astrology to make wine. Alice Bailey is smiling somewhere.

[@MrPlutonicLove]

Aye, it just makes sense to use astrology to farming since you deal with living organisms and medical astrology is already more widely used. Mercury retrogade...

[@trionic1000]

The secret is all the effort and love that goes into the wine production. Not the cosmic mumbojumbo. That, he could do without...

[@tobynsaunders]

That is madness. Organic, hey, fine... I mean, alcohol isn't a great drug, but hey, artisinal, organic, fine, but all that mythology doesn't add a thing but placebo for some impressionable people.

[@deadmanssuit]

Cow dung infused with multi-planetary forces and I'm out..

[@slaudet]

haven't seen a vice vid in like 3 months that is actually interesting

[@devinharwood915]

this was great, minus everyone complaining some people care about energy pathways and spirituality.

[@NoshNosher]

Mainly because those things don't exist.

[@christianmendoza4060]

@@NoshNosher Exist or not, its freaking cool

[@Gregjann]

Actually I know this blue haired journalist and he's one of my favourites because of his style and his way of thinking

[@nofurtherwest3474]

Do you know what song that was in the beginning?

[@surfurgirl2007]

im a wine magician too; i can make it disappear ahhh ahhh ;) hahaha no ok

[@kylechristoph6243]

Lmao same😂 I may not be good at much, but I can drink more pinot grigio than a real housewife

[@astonmartinman]

Interesting to see this man's point of view, but a damn shame they used such an unprofessional reporter. Saying things like "some guy" and "stuff" throughout the video, not to mention he admits to being completely unqualified for this video due to no experience with wine tasting! Maybe just send someone who actually knows wine and can give an educated commentary, rather than someone who underhandedly mocks what's around him. Very disrespectful. Would love to see more videos with qualified reporters like the man who was in all of the Ukraine videos with his knowledge of the people, language, and topic matter.

[@Ian-jg6pj]

+William Grabb Vice makes casual documentaries for the every-man. We are supposed to be able to connect with the reporter, who is often just as clueless as us to the subject of the video as we are. Take that how you want it, but I find many of their videos well made and I enjoy watching them.

[@Johannesduelund]

Haha. This is classic and so ironic. The critique you so deliciously give, is more or less what you could apply to yourself in the scenario, since you clearly missed Vice's concept - no disrespect to you though, but be careful for criticising a branded concept. It's like criticising IKEA for making cheap furniture. As Ian also mentions, Vice has a specific and very clear concept - being obvious from many clues - "casual documentaries for the every-man". Saying "stuff" and "some guy" as well as the visualised difference of "normal" vs "biodynamic" was hilarious, and besides the "casual/for the just as clueless", I find it welcoming, making the seriousness digestible. I found this doc almost genius. Both giving critique, showing respect and letting Joly state his mind. Vice when its best. Thumbs up Vice. GGWP.

[@alexcyr1545]

I live in Germany, and during a trip through France people told me to let sunlight shine through the wineglass lol.

[@RedRoverTW]

Nicolas Joly's wines are some of the best anywhere.

[@erniebrewer2542]

Totally new age bull! Just one thing he said resonates, "wine should make you feel something!"

[@sergicrisan5564]

I'd love to hear more of a chemistry explanation from a chemist.

[@Schnozinski]

I know this guy (obviously) loves him some pseudo-science, but damn if he doesn't make some fantastic wine.

[@jeffturner8927]

Biodynamic farmers are usually in two different schools. One school tends to follow Steiner in his (literally) off the planet ideas and is not ashamed to proclaim his bizarre philosophy. The other school follows Steiner's ideas but they are a bit embarrassed to fully expound his theories to the public, so they try to couch it in some scientific mumbo jumbo. Each school is basically deranged.

[@elifschitz]

8:12 did he say "fuck yes" to his question?

[@ski4life19]

"Faut qui ait " which means "must have" hahahah but it did sound like it hahaha

[@TimeTraveIer_0]

Subaru Wrx il faut qu'il y ait* merci de pas apprendre des bêtises à des personnes non-francophones

[@89hikey]

this guy can probably grow the best bud in the world

[@vjiced]

nope the soil and climate in france will never beat equatorial countries

[@CycocelVocalist]

just as I start drinking wine, excellent

[@duranarts]

3:00 "Cool ass church"

[@ArpanDebnath_online]

In India for millenniums organic manures have been prepared with cow dung and other organic components..Hybrid and chemical infused farming for profit is killing the masses and the soil..Planetary forces also play a part in crop health which is why there are lunar calendars which farmers in India still follow for the healthiest of crops and not the plentiful

[@Flair978]

He is by no means crazy. It's simply working with nature and natures forces in Harmony.

[@MrAlmost006]

Vice has failed on many of their reporters. Send someone that has respect and not freakish blue hair, who knows nothing about the subject. We watch these episodes to become educated on cultures and subcultures. ask people hard questions and challenge why they think how they think, so we can relate and appreciate them more

[@Johannesduelund]

lul, its vice... jesus, give this dude a lesson pläääääzzz You probly a fan of PewDiePie too, I'm i right?

[@nofurtherwest3474]

anyone know what song that was in the beginning?

[@messitup]

Pretty intriguing.

[@kakashi1992e]

This guy is completely off his rocker

[@m.s9551]

"that has been", that has been what, why does he interrupt this legend so much.

[@AlexPye]

For all of you saying he's crazy and whatnot you haven't understood the way of life in the south of France. I do believe his wine tastes better as he's not covering his vineyard in sulfates. He's got a tougher job on his hand than most standard winemakers down there which also goes to show he cares deeply about the quality of his grapes/wine.

[@benbishop7775]

I totally buy into alternative organic agriculture and permaculture but biodynamics seems too wrapped up in religion, spirituality, and woo-woo. I'm sure there are elements that absolutely work but I can't believe that whether you keep your cow manure in a bull horn or a garbage can makes any difference on the growth of plants.

[@manygaga1]

Ben Bishop my opinion too, biological and organic: great...astronomy: euh, no

[@nubpuncher6969]

+Ben Bishop I think that having it in the horn may help, but not for the reasons he talks about. It may help to enrich the soil.

[@benbishop7775]

I wouldn't imagine it would help it that much, and if it did, it's something we can test and confirm.

[@nubpuncher6969]

Ben Bishop After years, I could see some of nutrients in the horn making it's way into the soil. Getting an analytical test for something like this would prolly be hundreds of dollars though.

[@BOOSETO]

Well put sir

[@Edeinawc]

Lack of respect. Really, that's the only thing that stood out to me. There's dozens of people bitching about how the reporter looks like a hipster and this and whatnot, but what stood out to me the the most is his absolute lack of respect towards the person he is supposedly interviewing. You don't have to agree with anything that person says, but at least you need to give them respect.

[@BronzeAgeSwords]

This is stunning best thing on vice for a while but it kept reminding of Les shadoks Les Shadoks (Série 1 / Episodes 1 et 2)

[@alucardian101]

I used to go to Camphill Rudolf Steiner schools in my youth and I will be honest it is not a mind wiping operation. It's a haven for individuals with alternative needs who lack the care they deserve from the outside world. The first time I saw a gun was in primary school with it pointed at my face (unloaded). I was traumatised to the degree Camphill was the only option. I truly believe they helped make my life worth living again, along with living in Karl Koenigs room and beside Rudolf Steiner's study.

[@Thewinemaker2839]

Abracadabra to the wine hahahah. Thanks for your work.

[@imthatguyhere]

Well this guy has quite the system if bullshit. Man got lucky with his formula and has good land.

[@bushpilot223]

You guys notice KZbin comments are for the most part back to normal?? This video hasn't been changed yet but many have. The top comments are back, you can reply to anyone again, you can vote comments...I'm hopeful that they will also stop trying to force Google+ on everyone. Fuck Google+!

[@irishelk3]

This got me into wine

[@eLeeSeeUhh]

So I am assuming these wines are more expensive? what is the name of his company?

[@Joe30pack]

I'll give the wines a try, but this dude is fuckin' crazy.

[@allbills175]

Interesting reading about pseudoscientific biodynamics: wordonthegrapevine.co.uk/biodynamic-viticulture-pseudoscience/ "Steiner claimed that black people were distinguished by an “instinctual life”, as opposed to Caucasians who were to be distinguished by an “intellectual life”. Furthermore, he believed each race had a geographical location where they should live and considered black people in Europe to be “a nuisance”. As if this were not enough, Steiner also suggested that there were a hierarchy in races and that a soul with good karma could hope to be reincarnated into a race which is higher up in the hierarchy No surprises which he thought were the inferior races. These racist beliefs have not added into obscurity, claims of racism in Steiner schools are rife even now."

[@garlicnoodles]

I'm surprised VICE stuck with such a close-minded know-it-all for these interviews. Let's accept that M. Joly states his philosophies in a very New Age way. Now stop and think critically. We're learning new shit all the time, so perhaps we should take a moment to accept that we may not know everything about everything. Farmers have used almanacs for centuries to determine when to plant; the alignment of planets (e.g. the Sun) dictates the seasons on Earth or the ocean tides (e.g. the moon). Why do we really think he's so crazy for thinking about his planting in terms of the planets or his ritual for fertilization or the fact that he uses some kind of process that somewhat resembles a centrifuge? Suspend your disbelief a bit. It might do some good. The interviewer admittedly doesn't know a thing about wines, so I watched this whole thing without even finding out if the wine was good. Which was really what I wanted to know.

[@UnbeltedSundew]

VICE is not interested in objectivity and all it's presenters are biased, sadly this system allows for such poor presenters such as this fellow and indeed seems weighted in favour of finding the douchest of the douches. However it does maintain a certain amount of honesty in that the presenters are not deceiving anyone about their bias.

[@pandasan406]

I tasted it and I can tell you : it's freaking good ! So they can watch the moon cycle or bury horns all they want, if in the end it's a good organic (and cheap) wine then I won't complain.

[@washingtonwine-hwy12]

Great video: allowed N. Jolie to speak for himself.

[@filipechannel]

beautiful place.

[@Eveseptir]

Well he says something smart. About how to taste wine. I agree, its a personal and spiritual experience that doesn't need to be dissected.

[@Hadrien29PALMS]

Un grand Monsieur ce Nicolas Joly

[@gaurav_bhardwaj]

Makes sense if you think about it.. i believe it

[@zoucr]

Just because i go to an Waldorf school does not mean im a wierdo. If you dont know people how go to one, dont call them wierdos. Not a nice move at all.

[@FaddaWolf]

Some loco shit here. Old dude and son are both crazy

[@yoitsdan]

The great think about biodynamic winemaking is that the few that I have tried have been absolutely delicious. It's a shame that organic wine production has become confused with all this druidic weirdness because all this crap results in the wine produced being unobtainable due to it being hideously overpriced. Frogs Leap in California are doing great things, producing Organic and biodynamic wines at competitive prices without all of this bullshit. Give it a try folks.

[@fritzki1]

Up to 3:35 "Yeah I guess the narrator is alright, the accent really isn't that much of a hindrance to enjoying this documentary." At 3:35 "Durr it's like hashish hurrrr yeaaaaah *awkward silence*" --> WHAT A FUCKING TOOL

[@fionaflorissax]

excellent work, Nicolas seems like quite a character and Victor makes a fine presenter. Do I detect a slightly Meadesian influence at 02:35?

[@downerlane]

Is there anyway to find the music in this video? Particularly the first tune. Thanks

[@Hunter2387]

This narrator is one bro ass frenchie. love it haha

[@bloopsauce]

This journalist is a BEAST

[@csycrzn]

I'm sold tomorrow I'm buying a case!

[@PeridotNYA]

I can totally believe it, even if it sounds fanciful. I believe that biodynamy works well because I have recently been purchasing fresh white grapes that are grown using bio-dynamics by Thompsons. The taste is clean and sweet. This vineyard intrigues me, I would just love to have a taste of a bio-dynamically grown wine.

[@KeirBo]

Maybe he should a documentary on that magical hash he speaks of that only requires a few puffs.

[@sYnerGyZniGmA]

for French-language VICE docu. i'd like also to see something on Absinthe in Pontarlier or Val du Traver , etc etc etc ...

[@BayAreaWrecker]

His hair color would of gotten spears through his heart in any another village

[@robertmowe9686]

This was awesome, informative

[@TheGerogero]

That story with Einstein and garlic is actually with Bohr and a horseshoe.

[@amhilec]

i like this guy

[@mrbuddy0008]

Those guys are a bunch of goofy new age quacks but this video was both amusing and entertaining.

[@briankaul1201]

The secret of French wine genius revealed: cow shit in a 3 year old, buried horn. Who didn't suspect something of this nature?

[@robinoflynn8311]

12:28 "tu veux chercher un joint?".. means "you want to go get a joint?"

[@nadamasdisponible]

You can tell.from.his complexion that he drinks a ton of flred wine.

[@eelsgothegoods]

this is very interesting, more posts like this, experts who create something new and intriguing.

[@BlueVineBox]

biodynamy was improvised by steiner in around a day. Oh, and before you reply about how I don't know anything about him, I went to one of his schools.

[@paulwregg7011]

best music i ever heard. whats the intro?

[@paulwregg7011]

and at 8:17?

[@MistressOP]

im wondering the same thing

[@noah9869]

intro was 'Opera Pigs' Sapient starts at 1:46 in the ''sapient - ''Opera Pigs'' (slump)'' version on youtube, I agree really cool song, most of the song is different but still nice.

[@nickyang1143]

He had me until the cow dung went into the horn...

[@BaffledSpoon]

Now I really need a drink.

[@HAYDENtheMANDOLOR]

I like this guys hair

[@korostyle]

this guy should label his wine "made by witch"

[@naseboeg113]

whats the song in the beginning called?

[@ashleym9366]

what a gross misrepresentation of Steiner on the reporter's part. His schools (Waldorf) are the fasting growing form of alternative education in the US and he truly was a genius. Hardly the 'weird kid on the block'. He's really such an extraordinary person, it's so sad they've belittled him like that

[@RedroomStudios]

+Jen n I think it's important to ridicule superstition.

[@Underneaththebottle]

I find biodynamic wines to be alot more "raw" tasting. Despite the hocus-pocus, the finished product is different!

[@canihasrecon]

I met god the other day. I know what you’re thinking. How the hell did you know it was god? Well, I’ll explain as we go along, but basically he convinced me by having all, and I do mean ALL, the answers. Every question I flung at him he batted back with a plausible and satisfactory answer. In the end, it was easier to accept that he was god than otherwise. Which is odd, because I’m still an atheist and we even agree on that! It all started on the 8.20 back from Paddington. Got myself a nice window seat, no screaming brats or drunken hooligans within earshot. Not even a mobile phone in sight. Sat down, reading the paper and in he walks. What did he look like? Well not what you might have expected that’s for sure. He was about 30, wearing a pair of jeans and a "hobgoblin" tee shirt. Definitely casual. Looked like he could have been a social worker or perhaps a programmer like myself. ‘Anyone sitting here?’ he said. ‘Help yourself’ I replied. Sits down, relaxes, I ignore and back to the correspondence on genetically modified crops entering the food chain… Train pulls out and a few minutes later he speaks. ‘Can I ask you a question?’ Fighting to restrain my left eyebrow I replied ‘Yes’ in a tone which was intended to convey that I might not mind one question, and possibly a supplementary, but I really wasn’t in the mood for a conversation. .. ‘Why don’t you believe in god?’ The Bastard! I love this kind of conversation and can rabbit on for hours about the nonsense of theist beliefs. But I have to be in the mood! It's like when a Jehova’s witness knocks on your door 20 minutes before you’re due to have a wisdom tooth pulled. Much as you'd really love to stay… You can’t even begin the fun. And I knew, if I gave my standard reply we’d still be arguing when we got to Cardiff. I just wasn’t in the mood. I needed to fend him off. But then I thought ‘Odd! How is this perfect stranger so obviously confident - and correct - about my atheism?’ If I’d been driving my car, it wouldn’t have been such a mystery. I’ve got the Darwin fish on the back of mine - the antidote to that twee christian fish you see all over. So anyone spotting that and understanding it would have been in a position to guess my beliefs. But I was on a train and not even wearing my Darwin "Evolve" tshirt that day. And ‘The Independent’ isn’t a registered flag for card carrying atheists, so what, I wondered, had given the game away. ‘What makes you so certain that I don’t?’ ‘Because’, he said, ‘ I am god - and you are not afraid of me’ You’ll have to take my word for it of course, but there are ways you can deliver a line like that - most of which would render the speaker a candidate for an institution, or at least prozac. Some of which could be construed as mildly entertaining. Conveying it as "indifferent fact" is a difficult task but that’s exactly how it came across. Nothing in his tone or attitude struck me as even mildly out of place with that statement. He said it because he believed it and his rationality did not appear to be drug induced or the result of a mental breakdown. ‘And why should I believe that?’ ‘Well’ he said, ‘why don’t you ask me a few questions. Anything you like, and see if the answers satisfy your sceptical mind?’ This is going to be a short conversation after all, I thought. ‘Who am I?’ ‘Stottle. Harry Stottle, born August 10 1947, Bristol, England. Father Paul, Mother Mary. Educated Duke of Yorks Royal Military School 1960 67, Sandhurst and Oxford, PhD in Exobiology, failed rock singer, full time trade union activist for 10 years, latterly self employed computer programmer, web author and aspiring philosopher. Married to Michelle, American citizen, two children by a previous marriage. You’re returning home after what seems to have been a successful meeting with an investor interested in your proposed product tracking anti-forgery software and protocol and you ate a full english breakfast at the hotel this morning except that, as usual, you asked them to hold the revolting english sausages and give you some extra bacon. ‘ He paused ‘You’re not convinced. Hmmm… what would it take to convince you? May I have your permission for a telepathic link?’ 'Do you need my permission?' 'Technically, no. Ethically, yes' Might as well play along I thought. 'OK - you have my permission. So convince me' 'oh right! Your most secret password and its association' A serious hacker might be able to obtain the password, but no one else and I mean NO ONE knows its association. He did. So how would you have played it? I threw a few more questions about relatively insignificant but unpublicised details of my life (like what my mother claims was the first word I ever spoke - apparently "armadillo"! (Don't ask…)) but I was already pretty convinced. I knew there were only three possible explanations at this point. Possibility One was that I was dreaming, hallucinating or hypnotised. Nobody’s figured out a test for that so, at the time I think that was my dominant feeling. It did not feel real at the time. More like I was in a play. Acting my lines. Since the event, however, continuing detailed memories of it, together with my contemporaneous notes, remain available, so unless the hallucination has continued to this day, I am now inclined to reject the hallucination hypothesis. Which leaves two others. He could have been a true telepath. No documented evidence exists of anyone ever having such profound abilities to date but it was a possibility. It would have explained how he could know my best-kept secrets. The problem with that is that it doesn’t explain anything else! In particular it doesn’t account for the answers he proceeded to give to my later questions. As Sherlock Holmes says, when you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Good empiricist, Sherlock. I was forced to accept at least the possibility that this man was who he claimed to be. So now what do you do? Well, I’ve always known that if I met god I would have a million questions for him, so I thought, ‘why not?’ and proceeded with what follows. You’ll have to allow a bit of licence in the detail of the conversation. This was, shall we say, a somewhat unusual occurrence, not to mention just a BIT weird! And yes I was a leetle bit nervous! So if I don’t get it word perfect don’t whinge! You’ll get the gist I promise. ‘Forgive me if it takes me a little time to get up to speed here, but it's not everyday I get to question a deity’ ‘The Deity’ he interrupted. ‘ooh. Touchy!’ I thought. ‘Not really - just correcting the image’ Now That takes some getting used to! I tried to get a grip on my thoughts, with an internal command - ‘Discipline Harry. You’ve always wanted to be in a situation like this, now you’re actually in it, you mustn’t go to pieces and waste the opportunity of a lifetime’ ‘You won’t’ he said. Tell you! That’s the bit that made it feel unreal more than anything else - this guy sitting across the table and very obviously accurately reading my every thought. It's like finding someone else's hand inside your trouser pocket! Nevertheless, something (other than simply having given my "permission") made me inclined to accept the invasion, I had obviously begun to have some confidence in his perception or abilities, so I distinctly remember the effect of his words was that I suddenly felt deeply reassured and completely relaxed. As he had no doubt intended. Man must have an amazing seduction technique! So then we got down to business… ‘Are you human?’ ‘No’ ‘Were you, ever?’ ‘No, but similar, Yes’ ‘Ah, so you are a produc.t of evolution?’ ‘Most certainly - mainly my own’ ‘and you evolved from a species like ours, dna based organisms or something equally viable?’ ‘Correct’ ‘so what, exactly, makes you god?’ ‘I did’ ‘Why?’ ‘Seemed like a good idea at the time’ ‘and your present powers, are they in any way similar to what the superstitious believers in my species attribute to you?’ ‘Close enough. ’ ‘So you created all this, just for us?’ ‘No. Of course not’ ‘But you did create the Universe?’ ‘This One. Yes’ ‘But not your own?’ ‘This is my own!’ ‘You know what I mean!’ ‘You can’t create your own parents, so No’ ‘So let me get this straight. You are an entirely natural phenomenon.’ ‘Entirely’ ‘Arising from mechanisms which we ourselves will one day understand and possibly even master?’ ‘subject to a quibble over who "we ourselves" may be, but yes’ ‘meaning that if the human race doesn’t come up to the mark, other species eventually will?’ ‘in one.’ ‘and how many other species are there already out there ahead of us?’ ‘surprisingly few. Less than fourteen million’ ‘FEW!?’ ‘Phew!’ ‘And how many at or about our level?’ ‘currently a little over 4 ½ billion’ ‘so our significance in the universe at present is roughly equivalent to the significance of the average Joe here on planet Earth in his relation to the human race?’ ‘a little less. Level One, the level your species has reached, begins with the invention of the flying machine. The next level is achieved when a species is no longer dominated by or dependent upon it's own primary - your Sun. They are able to prosper away from their own, or indeed any other, stellar system. Humanity is only just into the flying machine phase, so as you can imagine, on that scale, the human race is somewhat near the bottom of the level one pack’ ‘Do you mean we will one day control our own Sun like Kardashev and Asimov talk about?’ 'quite the opposite. Those are the visions of an evolving mechanical species who imagine that bigger machines are better and stronger and that we will always need more and more energy to achieve mastery of the universe. The truth is the exact opposite. The more advanced we become, the less energy we require and the less impact we make on our environment. You manipulate matter, which requires enormous amounts of energy. We manipulate energy, which requires none. As a consequence, you would not, for example, even recognise a level two species as a lifeform unless it chose to let you ' ‘ all these evolving species; they are your "children"?’ ‘I like to think of them that way’ ‘and the point?’ ‘at its simplest, "Life Must Go On". My personal motivation is the desire to optimise the intelligence of the Universe. In your own terms, I strive to maximise pleasure and minimise pain. A great deal of pleasure, however, arises from communications between separate entities. Once you’ve achieved my level, we tend to cease to be billions of separate entities and become one ecstatic whole. A single entity that cannot die unless it loses the will to live. Advanced and self contained though I am, or perhaps, more accurately, because I am so advanced and self contained, one of the pleasures we lose along the way is that simple joy of meeting new and unpredictable minds and either learning from or teaching them. Thus, in large part, the point of the exercise is to provide company. I am the first eternal in this Universe. I do not intend to be the last’ ‘so you created a Universe which is potentially capable of producing another god like yourself?’ ‘The full benefit will be temporary, but like most orgasms, worth it.’ ‘this being the moment when our new god merges with you and we become one again?’ ‘don’t play it down, that’s the ecstatic vision driving us all, me included - and when it happens the ecstasy lasts several times longer than this universe has already existed. Believe me, it really is worth the effort.’ ‘Yes, I think I can see the attractions of a hundred billion year long orgasm’ ‘and humans haven’t even begun to know how to really enjoy the orgasms they are already capable of. Wait till you master that simple art!’ ‘So it's all about sex is it?’ ‘Sexual ecstasy is merely a reward for procreating, it is what makes you want to do it. This is necessary, initially, to promote biological evolution. However once you’ve completed that stage and no longer require procreation, you will learn that ecstasy can be infinitely more intense than anything offered by sex’ ‘Sounds good to me!' 'How direct is your involvement in all this? Did you just light the fuse which set off the big bang and stand back and watch? Or did you have to plant the seeds on appropriately fertile planets?’ ‘The first significant level of the intelligent self organisation of matter is the arrival of the organic chemistry which forms the precursor for biology and the first primitive life forms. That chemistry evolved, mostly, in deep space, once the stars had created enough of the heavier elements, and purely as a result of the operations of the laws of physics and chemistry which your scientists have already largely understood. All I did was to set the initial conditions which triggered the bang and essentially became dormant for nearly 5 billion years. That’s how long it took the first lifeforms to emerge. That places them some 8 billion years ahead of you. The first intelligent species are now 4.3 billion years ahead of you. Really quite advanced. I can have deeply meaningful conversations with them. And usually do. In fact I am as we speak’ ‘So then what?’ ‘Do I keep a constant vigil over every move you make? Not in the kind of prying intrusive sense that some of you seem to think. Let's say I maintain an awareness of what's going on, at a planetary level. I tend only to focus on evolutionary leaps. See if they’re going in the right direction’ ‘And if they’re not?’ ‘Nothing. Usually’ ‘Usually?’ ‘Usually species evolving in the wrong direction kill themselves off or become extinct for other reasons’ ‘Usually?’ ‘There have been one or two cases where a wrong species has had the potential of becoming dominant at the expense of a more promising strain’ ‘Let me guess. Dinosaurs on this planet are an example. Too successful. Suppressed the development of mammals and were showing no signs of developing intelligence. So you engineered a little corrective action in the form of a suitably selected asteroid’ ‘Perceptive. Almost correct. They were showing signs of developing intelligence, even co-operation. Study your Troodons. But far too predatory. Incapable of ever developing a "respect" for other life forms. It takes carrying your young to promote the development of emotional attachment to other animals. Earth reptiles aren’t built for that. The mammals who are, as you rightly say, couldn’t get a foothold against such mighty predators. You’ve now reached the stage where you could hold your own even against dinosaurs, but that’s only been true for about a thousand years, your predecessors didn't stand a chance 65 million years ago, so the dinosaurs had to go. They were, however, far too ubiquitous and well balanced with the ecology of the planet, and never developed technology, so they weren’t going to kill themselves off in a hurry. Regrettably, I had to intervene.’ ‘Regrettably?’ ‘They were a beautiful and stunningly successful life form. One doesn’t destroy such things without a qualm.’ ‘But at that stage how could you know that a better prospect would arise from the ashes?’ ‘I didn’t. But the probability was quite high.’ ‘and since then, what other little tweaks have you been responsible for in our development?’ ‘None whatsoever. I set an alarm for the first sign of artificial aerial activity, as I usually do. Leonardo looked promising for a while, but not until the Montgolfier brothers did I really begin to take an interest. That registered you as a level one intelligent species’ 'If the sign is "aerial activity", how do you identify technological bird species?' "Same way. Intelligent flyers rarely become technologists though. They tend to evolve into adaptors rather than manipulators but the few exceptions develop flying machines rather more quickly than species like your own because they have a natural understanding of aerodynamics." 'but why would a bird need a flying machine?' 'that's like asking why would your species need cars and other forms of mechanical transport. The technology lets you carry heavier loads, faster and for greater distances than just relying on your own physical abilities.' ‘OK, so what about our more famous "prophets"; Jesus of Nazareth, Moses, Mohammed…’ ‘hmmm… sadly misguided I’m afraid. I am not here to act as a safety net or ethical dictator for evolving species. It is true that anyone capable of communicating with their own cells will dimly perceive a connection to me - and all other objects in this universe - through the quantum foam, but interpreting that vision as representing something supernatural and requiring obeisance is somewhat wide of the mark. And their followers are all a bit too obsessive and religious for my liking. It's no fun being worshipped once you stop being an adolescent teenager. Having said that, it's not at all unusual for developing species to go through that phase. Until they begin to grasp how much they too can shape their small corner of the universe, they are in understandable awe of an individual dimly but correctly perceived to be responsible for the creation of the whole of that universe. Eventually, if they are to have any hope of attaining level two, they must grow out of it and begin to accept their own power and potential. It's very akin to a child’s relationship with its parents. The awe and worship must disappear before the child can become an adult. Respect is not so bad as long as it's not overdone. And I certainly respect all those species who make it that far. It’s a hard slog. I know. I've been there.’ ‘So, you’ve been taking more interest in us since the Montgolfiers, when was that? 1650s?’ ‘Close. 1783’ ‘Well, if you’ve been watching us closely since then, what your average citizen is going to want to know is why you haven’t intervened more often. Why, if you have the power and omniscience that goes with being a god, have you sat back and allowed us to endure such incredible suffering and human misery in the past few centuries?’ ‘It seems to be necessary.’ ‘NECESSARY??!!’ ‘Without exception, intelligent species who gain dominance over their planet do so by becoming the most efficient predators. There are many intelligent species who do not evolve to dominate their planet. Like your dolphins and most of the intelligent flyers we were just talking about, they adapt perfectly to the environment rather than take your course, which is to manipulate the environment. Unfortunately for the dolphin, theirs is a dead end. They may outlive the human race but will never escape the bounds of planet earth, let alone your solar system - not without your help at any rate. Only those who can manipulate the world they live in can one day hope to leave it and spread their seed throughout the universe. Unlike the adaptors, who learn the point of cooperation fairly early on, manipulators battle on. And, once all lesser species have been overcome, they are so competitive and predatory that they are compelled to turn in on themselves. This nearly always evolves into tribal competition in one form or another and becomes more and more destructive - exactly like your own history. However this competition is vital to promote the leap from biological to technological evolution. You need an arms race in order to make progress. Your desire to dominate fuels a search for knowledge which the adaptors never acquire. And although your initial desire for knowledge is selfish and destructive, it begins the development of an intellectual self awareness, a form of higher consciousness, which never emerges in any other species. Not even while they are experiencing it, for example, can the intelligent adaptors - your dolphins - express the concepts of Love or Time. Militarisation and the development of weapons of mass destruction are your first serious test at level one. You're still not through that phase, though the signs are promising. There is no point whatsoever in my intervening to prevent your self-destruction. Your ability to survive these urges is a crucial test of your fitness to survive later stages. So I would not, never have and never will intervene to prevent a species from destroying itself. Most, in fact, do just that.’ ‘And what of pity for those have to live through this torment?’ ‘I can’t say this in any way that doesn’t sound callous, but how much time do you spend worrying about the ants you run over in your car? I know it sounds horrendous to you, but you have to see the bigger picture. At this stage in human development, you’re becoming interesting but not yet important.’ 'ah but I can't have an intelligent conversation with an ant' 'precisely' ‘hmm… as you know, most humans won’t like even to attempt to grasp that perspective. How can you make it more palatable?’ ‘Why should I? You don’t appear to have any trouble grasping it. You’re by no means unique. And in any case, once they begin to understand what's in it for them, they’ll be somewhat less inclined to moan. Eternal life compensates for most things.’ ‘So what are we supposed to do in order to qualify for membership of the universal intelligentsia?’ ‘Evolve. Survive’ ‘Yes, but how?’ ‘Oh, I thought you might have got the point by now. "How" is entirely up to you. If I have to help, then you’re a failure. All I will say is this. You’ve already passed a major hurdle in learning to live with nuclear weapons. It's depressing how many fail at that stage.’ ‘Is there worse to come?’ ‘Much’ ‘Genetic warfare for instance? ‘Distinct Possibility’ ‘and the problem is… that we need to develop all these technologies, acquire all this dangerous knowledge in order to reach level two. But at any stage that knowledge could also cause our own destruction’ ‘If you think the dangers of genetic warfare are serious, imagine discovering an algorithm, accessible to any intelligent individual, which, if abused, will eliminate your species instantly. If your progress continues as is, then you can expect to discover that particular self-destruct mechanism in less than a thousand years. Your species needs to grow up considerably before you can afford to make that discovery. And if you don’t make it, you will never leave your Solar System and join the rest of the sapient species on level two.’ ’14 Million of them’ ‘Just under’ 'Will there be room for us?' 'it’s a big place and level two species don't need much space' ‘and, for now, how should we mere mortals regard you then?’ ‘like an older brother or sister. Of course I have acquired more knowledge and wisdom than you have. Of course I’m more powerful than you are. I’ve been evolving much longer and have picked up a few tricks along the way. But I’m not "better" than you. Just more developed. Just what you might become’ ‘so we’re not obliged to "please" you or follow your alleged guidelines or anything like that?’ ‘absolutely not. Never issued a single guideline in the lifetime of this Universe. Have to find your own way out of the maze. And one early improvement is to stop expecting me - or anyone else - to come and help you out.' 'I suppose that is a guideline of sorts, so there goes the habit of a lifetime! ' 'Seriously though, species who hold on to religion past its sell-by date tend to be most likely to self destruct. They spend so much energy arguing about my true nature, and invest so much emotion in their wildly erroneous imagery that they end up killing each other over differences in definitions of something they clearly haven’t got a clue about. Ludicrous behaviour, but it does weed out the weaklings.’ ‘Why me? Why pick on an atheist of all people? Why are you telling me all this? And why Now?’ ‘Why You? Because you can accept my existence without your ego caving in and grovelling like a naughty child. ' 'Can you seriously imagine how the Pope would react to the reality of my existence?! If he really understood how badly wrong he and his church have been, how much of the pain and suffering you mentioned earlier has been caused by his religion, I suspect he'd have an instant coronary! Or can you picture what it would be like if I appeared "live" simultaneously on half a dozen tele-evangelist propaganda shows. Pat Robertson would wet himself if he actually understood who he was talking to. Conversely, your interest is purely academic. You've never swallowed the fairy tale but you've remained open to the possibility of a more advanced life form which could acquire godlike powers. You’ve correctly guessed that godhood is the destiny of life. You have shown you can and do cope with the concept. It seemed reasonable to confirm your suspicions and let you do what you will with that information. I can see you're already thinking about publishing this conversation on the web where it could sow an important seed. Might take a couple of hundred years to germinate, but, eventually, it will germinate. Why now? Well partly because both you and the web are ready now. But chiefly because the human race is reaching a critical phase. It goes back to what we were saying about the dangers of knowledge. Essentially your species is becoming aware of that danger. When that happens to any sapient species, the future can take three courses. Many are tempted to avoid the danger by avoiding the knowledge. Like the adaptors, they are doomed to extinction. Often pleasantly enough in the confines of their own planet until either their will to live expires or their primary turns red giant and snuffs them out. A large number go on blindly acquiring the knowledge and don't learn to restrain their abuse. Their fate is sealed somewhat more quickly of course, when Pandora’s box blows up in their faces. The only ones who reach level two are those who learn to accept and to live with their most dangerous knowledge. Each and every individual in such a species must eventually become capable of destroying their entire species at any time. Yet they must learn to control themselves to the degree that they can survive even such deadly insight. And frankly, they’re the only ones we really want to see leaving their solar systems. Species that haven’t achieved that maturity could not be allowed to infect the rest of the universe, but fortunately that has never required my intervention. The knowledge always does the trick’ 'Why can't there be a fourth option - selective research where we avoid investigating dangerous pathways?' 'There is almost no knowledge which is completely "safe". As you can see from your own limited history, the most useful ideas are also, nearly always, the most dangerous. You have yet, for instance, to achieve the appropriate energy surpluses required to complete this phase of your social development. When you've mastered the relevant technology, it will eliminate material inequalities and poverty within a generation or two, an absolutely vital step for any maturing species. Your potential paths to this bonanza include the control of nuclear fusion - which you only began to explore in the context of potential mass extinction weapons and nano engineered solar energy harvesting or hydrogen cycling. And already your leading military scientists are looking for ways to develop equally dangersous weapons based on the same technology. And they will find them. You may not survive them. Similarly, you will shortly be able to conquer biological diseases and even engineer yourselves to be virtually fault free. Your biological life spans will double or treble within the next hundred years and your digital lifespans will become potentially infinite within the same period: If you survive the potential threat that the same technology provides in the form of genetic timebombs, custom built viruses and the other wonders of genetic and digital warfare. You simply can't have the benefits without taking the risks'. ‘I’m not sure I understand my part in this exercise. I just publish this conversation on the web and everything will be alright?’ ‘Not necessarily. Not that easy I’m afraid. To start with, who’s going to take this seriously? It will just be seen as a mildly amusing work of fiction. In fact, your words and indeed most of your work will not be understood or appreciated until some much more advanced scholars develop the ideas you are struggling to express and explain them somewhat more competently. At which point some of those ideas will be taken up en masse and searches will be undertaken of the archives. They will find this work and be struck by its prescience. You won’t make the Einstein grade, but you might manage John the Baptist! This piece will have no significance whatsoever if humanity doesn’t make certain key advances in the next couple of centuries. And this won’t help you make those advances. What it will do is help you recognise them’ 'can I ask what those advances may be?' 'I think you know. But yes - although you are at level one, there are several distinct phases which evolving species pass through on their way to level two. The first, as we've discussed, is the invention of the flying machine. The next significant phase is the development of the thinking machine. At your present rate of progress, you are within a few decades of achieving that goal. It marks your first step on the path of technological evolution. Mapping the human genome is another classic landmark, but merely mapping it is a bit like viewing the compiled code in a dos executable. It's just meaningless gibberish, although with a bit of hacking here and there, you might correctly deduce the function of certain stretches of code. What you really need to do is 'reverse engineer' the dna code. You have to figure out the grammar and syntax of the language. Then you will begin the task of designing yourselves biologically and digitally. But that task requires the thinking machine' ‘You say you avoid intervention. But doesn’t this conversation itself constitute intervention - even if people alive now completely ignore it?’ ‘Yes. But it's as far as I’m prepared to go. Its only effect is to confirm, if you find it, that you are on the right path. It is still entirely up to you to navigate the dangers on that path and beyond.’ 'But why bother even with that much? Surely it's just another evolutionary hurdle. We're either fit enough or not…' 'In many ways the transition to an information species is the most traumatic stage in evolution. Biological intelligences have a deeply rooted sense of consciousness only being conceivable from within an organic brain. Coming to terms with the realisation that you have created your successor, not just in the sense of mother and child, but in the collective sense of the species recognising it has become redundant, this paradigm shift is, for many species, a shift too far. They baulk at the challenge and run from this new knowledge. They fail and become extinct. Yet there is nothing fundamentally wrong with them - it is a failure of the imagination. I hope that if I can get across the concept that I am a product of just such evolution, it may give them the confidence to try. I have discussed this with the level two species and the consensus is that this tiny prod is capable of increasing the contenders for level two without letting through any damaging traits. It has been tried in 312 cases. The jury is still out on its real benefits although it has produced a 12% increase in biological species embracing the transition to information species. ‘Alright, so what if everyone suddenly took it seriously and believed every word I write? Wouldn’t that constitute a somewhat more drastic intervention?’ ‘Trust me. They wont’ 'and so it's still the case, that, should another asteroid happen to be heading our way, you will do nothing to impede it on our behalf?' 'I'm confident you will pass that test. And now my friend, the interview is over, you have asked me a number of the right questions, and I’ve said what I came to say, so I’ll be going now. It has been very nice to meet you - you're quite bright. For an ant!’ He twinkled. ‘Just one final, trivial question, why do you appear to me in the form of a thirty something white male?’ ‘have I in any way intimidated or threatened you?’ ‘No’ ‘Do you find me sexually attractive?’ ‘er No!’ ‘So figure it out for yourself…’

[@fireram734]

Biodynamic farming, especially in wine, is actually quite common, but the comments below are why people don't usually talk about it! If you knew your favorite wine was made through such superstition would you still buy it?

[@mondedemerde4339]

I LOVE VICELAND, THANKS FOR YOUR CHANEL

[@connorejh99]

'Or is this what happens when you have a midlife crisis' Midlife crisis? Called your hair mate.

[@GeekReviewsFTW]

I can't find the music from the beginning anywhere?/1!