Victims of Divorce

[@Joy80JJ]

Reading all these comnents I feel blessed my parents had 7 kids were married 40 yrs when my mom passed away & then 2 yrs later my dad. We were lower class didn't have much...but we did have each other's love. All 7 of us agree we had a wonderful childhood.

[@mube8885]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@TruckstopHick]

A large family, and an intact home with loving parents are all the riches we need.

[@LadyMaria]

Glory to God! ☦ 🤗 That so beautiful and blessed!! Money isn't everything, sure it pays for essentials like food and clothing and stuff but family is the best thing ever! May God bless you all. ☦︎ My parents have been married 44 years, still strong, many ups and downs. They've lived up to their vows especially now in sickness and in past times of being poor. Husband's parents have been together one month longer in marriage than my parents.

[@LoraEv-r8i]

My parents divorced when I was 5 yrs old- the moments leading up to it and (the aftermath was so much worse) both left such tremendous psychological scars that gave me a bad start in life. I am pushing 30 now and still unmarried but hopefully my season of being unmarried ends soon. Thank you father for your wisdom.

[@SgtPiper]

You might have a calling to monasticism you should at least try it

[@Howardlandscapingllc]

I’m there with you brother. It’s caused a lifetime of substance-abuse, pornography, addiction, and so much psychological hurt that has alienated me and isolated me from even people in my own church communities. I wouldn’t necessarily listen to the guy above you. First, try to get some help I found EMDR is a super successful treatment method because I also Was molested as a child and that was the only thing after years of psych meds and talk therapy, which never worked, but EMDR did work. TSM is also a super effective treatment for trauma. I’m like you and my entire life. There’s been a gaping wound that has longed for a wife and family. I felt my family was taken away from me had about five or six years old and I’ve never been the same since. I also tried the monastic route and I can tell you all that came up was how badly I actually wanted to get married and so I left very quickly. This is after selling all my possessions and having no discernment and joining them monastery as a catechumen

[@lindaphillips4646]

☦📿💝📿☦ May God bless you with what is His Will for you. The Orthodox Church is a hospital for our souls. May it bless you. ☦

[@Howardlandscapingllc]

@@SgtPiper orthodox don’t have “callings”, that’s Roman Catholic. both vocations are a choice to us and aid in our salvation. I tried to comment earlier and it looks like my comment didn’t post. I agree with you, OP, and just say I’ve also suffered very similarly with a lifetime of hurt. I’m 35 now and I’ve been single basically 16 years. life full of substance abuse, isolation, severe depression Struggles with sewer slide and believe me, it’s not like I don’t pray or fast. I know how hard it can be, and how isolating and lonely can feel. My only bit of wisdom I could perhaps give is to look into both EMDR and TMS treatments. I have friends who are psychiatrists and run their own clinics, they are also Orthodox, and as much as it would be great if everything could be solved just by going to our prayer corner, sometimes our illnesses are physical, even if that’s within the brain. these friends of mine have told me that the success rate of those two treatments is staggeringly high versus medication‘s and talk therapy or CBT. I’ve done EMDR and healed from some massive traumas, but the divorce and other major ones I’ve gone through still need to be addressed in that modality. It’s been a problem and barred me from both, having steady employment, struggling the substance abuse still and obviously having healthy relationships with the opposite sex. I had so much success though from EMDR that I’m going back so that someday I can be healthy enough enough to have a wife too. God bless you and I pray for you to you may also find that with your heart desires.

[@kirerunte1046]

Same, grew up to a single mom, my family loves to pick terrible people to marry, I'm over 30, never married, and I'm not interested in monasticism, thankfully I've worked for decades now and can't afford anything so I'm just grateful I'm not homeless and still have the ability to eat and work jobs that don't pay

[@vaquera9368]

My husband divorced me after 26 years of marriage. He went on a Christian dating site while he was my husband and met another woman. So, he took me to court and bifurcated our marriage. The judge granted him a divorce since I refused to sign the papers. He told the judge I was holding him hostage in the marriage and I needed to be divorced to realize it was over. He married her three months after he divorced me in 2016. I was a homeschooling mother of four children who are now young adults. Three are now divorced. None of our children serve the Lord. I was talking to my youngest son about the Lord and wondered how his father who grew up in the mission field with missionaries parents not be affected by the path his children have chosen. Breaks my heart all the time that my kids aren’t walking with the Lord…Pray for my children please. Thank you.

[@timmy1tap678]

I'm so sorry. Yeah my wife left 9yrs ago for a "separation" so to speak. I thought we were working thru things. Then I find out few months later she became pregnant with some other man's child. Obviously we're divorced now. But it was heartbreaking. Anyway, as the yrs go on my son, who's now 21yo, is finding his way to God. I think of when Solomon said in Proverbs to teach a child in the way they should go and when they're old they won't depart from it. All we can do is teach them the good and right way and if we do so, then wisdom says that often they'll find their way home eventually as they get older. However, divorce throws a whole monkey wrench into raising our children properly. It's so devastating to families. I truly feel for u. May God help and keep your children safe and lead them back home. Lord bless u sister

[@vaquera9368]

@@timmy1tap678 when I was married, a friend told us how he was going to his cousins wedding who was remarrying his wife who had had an affair twenty years ago which resulted in a pregnancy. They divorced because of it. For twenty years, they both had not remarried and now they had reconciled. He forgave her and he told his cousin, “How could I not forgive her when Jesus forgives me for so much.” Reconciliation is possible because of forgiveness, which I forgave an affair from my husband three years into our marriage. I’ve forgiven now. It’s all in the Lord’s hands. Thank you for sharing.

[@felicia6497]

❤praying with you

[@ElonMuskrat-my8jy]

​@@vaquera9368How terrible.

[@cindirose3390]

Oh Sister, you are not alone.

[@tylerstewart7699]

My parents divorced when I was in senior year of highschool. It still had a huge impact on my life to this day at 26. My prayers go out to anyone who has been hurt by divorce. It's a lose-lose situation for everyone involved.

[@MC-ze8wj]

Same. My parents divorce my senior year in high school after fighting bitterly all my childhood, and deliberately dragging us into their fights again and again. I think I will always struggle with the scars I got from then. Especially that my parents were so busy fighting we basically raised ourselves, I was totally rudderless. That and FR Josiah's comment on insecurity really hits home. We are unfortunately the norm in our society but we can change that. I will never allow this to happen to our family, my husband is on the same page.

[@kirerunte1046]

Yup grew up to a single mom, I'm just grateful i can afford food and I'm not homeless, been working for decades and I'll probably never be able to afford much but o well

[@Everlong8640]

😊

[@Emerald_City_]

@@MC-ze8wj the conspiracy against the Family is of unseen proportions and magnitude, so we can hardly change it, but we can change our own private circle and don't let them invade our private space. It should be a realistic aim.

[@marianaxia6309]

@@MC-ze8wjMay God bless your marriage and help you both continue growing closer and closer to Christ.

[@arielthemom3310]

My parents are divorcing after 43 years together. It doesn’t matter if you’re a kid or an adult. It hurts the same, leaves a huge, gaping hole inside, although the logistics are different.

[@thebootjournal6037]

So true. My parents divorced after 17 yrs of marriage when I was a kid, remarried each other, and then divorced again after another 26 yrs of marriage. It sucked when I was a child for all the reasons the Fr.said in this video. And watching them divorce again as an adult has a whole other set of consequences on the adult children and grandchildren. It highlights even more the selfishness of no fault divorce. My Mom ended their marriage both times as one of those Boomer women who were supposedly unfulfilled. It's time to ban No fault divorce in the US. Yes, there are legit reasons for divorce, but randomly unfulfilled isn't one of them. It's hard as an adult to watch your parents divorce especially because the parents usually want to complain to their adult kids as though the adult kids are their friends rather than recognizing that it's the adult children. We had to set very firm boundaries with our parents in this situation. I hope you can find some peace with what you are going through.

[@Emerald_City_]

May God give you the comfort and strength and the wisdom not to repeat their grave mistake.

[@irishlizzie]

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. My parents divorced last year, also at 43 years married. It was horrifying to me as a 36 year old, married with 6 kids, and it continues to hurt my siblings, my grandparents, my husband and children, aunts and uncles, and of course I see how awful it has damaged my parents’ souls. God is the only one who can bring anything good out of this trauma and we are so far from any good coming from this but I have hope. I saw it from my aunt’s divorce and my sister’s. Lord have mercy on all children of divorce.

[@TairyGreen89]

I was 2 when my parents divorced. I have no memory of them together. Thank God I am now married and we are raising our children in the Orthodox Church.

[@mube8885]

❤❤❤❤🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@LjubavLove3]

My son was 2 when we divorced. This gives me hope. 🙏🏻

[@ucheanagor5720]

So sad. I feel your pain. May God bless you.

[@1234kingconan]

I have no memory of my parents ever being loving towards each other. They divorced when I was 8. I was abused a lot by my mom probably can't even talk about it without being banned from here. I like Orthodox because they're the only ones who aren't afraid to speak out about the evil in the world that actually harmed people like us. The "liberals" out there are enabling people who hurt kids. Why can't they be so compassionate towards kids as well as people who want divorces? The adults who want divorces get to choose. The kids don't get choices. That's what makes me sad about what they do.

[@withSeraphim]

What an extremely timely reflection Father Josiah! I have been considering this course of action for a while now, but this reflection actually has caused me to step back. Sadly, I don't have a Priest who I can talk to, so your video was sent to me! Thank you and God bless you!

[@purestress2597]

Please please for all that is holy find a priest to talk to. Look for help and it will be found. Whatever is there please be patient.

[@Emerald_City_]

It's so easy to find an orthodox priest in your vicinity

[@CocotheNut]

Then go get one Just look up "Orthodox churches near me" and email the priest at the nearest canonical church and start a conversation, bam you now have a priest

[@Surelyserious1]

I can’t talk to my priest either. Mostly because they don’t have time ! We have 500 active parishioners. I fear we are going to be coming to a place in this country where no priest will be able to talk to individuals. .

[@Emerald_City_]

@@Surelyserious1 I don't believe that. Have you tried, before you say you can't?

[@constable117]

My parents divorced when I was 2. It was not so bad, my dad was well off and gave into all my moms demands. My mom and I lived in poverty, then when I was around 12 my dad initiated a custody battle and it was probably the most miserable moment of my life and it still affects me almost 15 years later. My dad has had 5 wives, my mom 3 husbands. My relationship with my parents is basically non existent. My older half sister has been divorced and is about to get remarried. Her children have been horribly affected by this. My other older half sister’s marriage is tenuous at best. My little sister has contemplated suicide, and it something I did too when I was 13 or so. I’m terrified of marriage because of the last thing I want is another failed marriage in a long line of failed marriages and to do this to my children.

[@manwe254]

Do not be afraid of marriage the Lord is our helper and guide.

[@lindaphillips4646]

☦ THE LORD through the special blessings in His Holy Orthodox Church can heal us of many things.. I know HE works in other places, but this one is filled with Grace. I have no doubt about your words and fears. Perhaps living in the Embrace of His Holy Church can restore to you what you lost.. and what you probably would like to have.. just a thought. ☦📿💝📿☦

[@kirerunte1046]

​@@manwe254thankfully when ur super poor, marriage and family is the last thing on ur mind, poverty is a blessing and curse

[@Emerald_City_]

I much sympathize with you. Look at it this way: we don't choose our parents. We also don't choose how they bring us up and what they do in our childhood. We have to take what "life" (God) puts before us. But there comes a point when we become adults. It is a gradual process, but there comes a moment when you may eventually be seen as a grown up person. From that moment on you have your life in your own hands and are responsible for it. You can influence both yourself and the rest the right way. Time to do it!

[@lindaphillips4646]

You just got a wonderful messsge from 'eu'. One step at a time.. which i have to tell myself for other reasons every day. I DO HOPE you have or will have an Orthodox Church connection. I say that ALL the time..but of all the ways i sought to help me with things especially from the past, it has been the Holy Orthodox Church and everything about it and its sacraments that opened the doors for healing for me. It is possible to enjoy the blessings of being healed..or to be in the process which takes our whole life, i think. It is possible to be able to pity those who have failed us..and GOD and wounded themselves. It is possible to forgive them and to begin to plead with the Lord for their salvation. No pressure here. Just hope and love.. (It is also possible to reconsider getting married.. because you are in the arms of the Lord and His Holy Church..) ☦📿💝📿☦

[@alidaweber1023]

I suspect that too many Christians don't truly understand what marriage is.

[@StephanieMoDavis]

I suspect too many Christians don't truly understand what Christianity is.

[@alidaweber1023]

70F and happily married here. I've seen enough to convince me that this is equally an issue for both sexes.

[@alidaweber1023]

@keerankenny4374 Stop trolling. Nobody here is concerned with whatever misandry or misogyny you are trying to insinuate.

[@joekey8464]

"In the name of God, I, take you, to be my wife/husband,... for better, for worse,.....until parted by death. This is my solemn vow." (a vow is a solemn promise) Marriage is a solemn promise to God, with the same magnitude as the vow of a priest in his ordination at Holy Orders. (priest is for life)

[@parler8698]

Exactly

[@samcooper8422]

This is why the Church is against Divorce. "Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak" Book by Leila Miller

[@joekey8464]

"I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel,

[@1234kingconan]

They hate it when mistreated children become adults and start speaking up. They wish we'd all just stay quiet. Our life experiences are not very liberal and politically correct.

[@Drew039]

Thank you, Father. May the Lord have mercy on me for being divorced. Signing on the dotted line when my wife filed for divorce is the sin I grieve the most.

[@Emerald_City_]

@@keerankenny4374 his wife tempted him, and he agreed.

[@LadyMaria]

​@@keerankenny4374My ex wasn't the victim when he got served, he was the one who walked away after being abusive and a narcissist.

[@Emerald_City_]

@@keerankenny4374 well, not the ENTIRE church... probably not even the most part of it

[@Emerald_City_]

@@keerankenny4374 this one is a goldie... "abuse" is a magic word, a token, a wild card, which as soon as voiced, becomes self-evident with no need to elaborate - the husband gets the blame by default. Try it the other way around, and there are fortress walls between you and making the truth beginning to look plausible. After all, you are a man! Your role is to be the abuser, not the abused...

[@LadyMaria]

​​​@@Emerald_City_My ex did knock my kidney out of place by body slamming me on the ground on multiple occasions. I think that's abuse? Not sure. /s But, you know, maybe I deserved it for daring to question him.

[@CocotheNut]

Father, could you please do a reflection on abusive marriages? There's so little Orthodox content on it

[@in2orthodoxy]

Elder Aemilianos' work on vigilance and discernment comes to mind. Many vulnerable people fall prey to narcissists and realize sometimes too late that the spirit of Leviathan is not tamed by man.

[@Emerald_City_]

@@in2orthodoxy *discernment* being perhaps one of the most neglected goals and virtues in today's Church

[@jonathannunez5992]

My reflection is be careful who you choose. Follow God’s law, and don’t be in a rush. Keep your eyes opened for red flags.

[@ItsWorkingTogetherForMyGood]

Very little indeed.

[@Lancer-y5g]

The vast majority of divorce are not due to abuse. In 90% of divorces one of the parties wants to keep the family in tact

[@robertashley2714]

I am part of the first generation largely affected by divorce. I was lucky, my parents remained together. I watched many of my classmates suffer. My friends who came from broken homes really liked hanging out at my house and having dinner with my family. One of them told me it was because my family was normal and they missed that experience.

[@Emerald_City_]

Know the feeling... I fell in love with a fantastic family, three kids, superb relatives, all settled and taken care of. It was a blessing just to be among them. But after a couple years the wife got interested in another men and chose me first. I declined but she went on with the others. No talking to her helped. My model family and their happiness crumbled before my own eyes. All of a sudden there was an insurmountable amount of trouble coming at those people. A kid ended up in jail. None was unaffected. She destroyed the family for what? She has much less now and everybody is left with the big scars.

[@cindirose3390]

I am pretty sure I was one of your dinner guests. Yes, first generation kids are now grandparents and most of us now see our grandlds are not better off.

[@maplenook]

Gen X

[@johnathanellis9010]

So glad the algorithm gave me this

[@clbaird40]

My mom decided when I was 10 to divorce my dad for no reason except that she was "unfulfilled". I would have to say it ruin my life. At least it was a devastating experience. When she was on her deathbed I asked her if she would have done anything different in her life. To my horror, she thought intently for a few moments and says "no, no, I don't think so".

[@lindaphillips4646]

☦📿💝📿☦ no words come to mind, just ☦📿💝📿☦.

[@DyzeDyze]

My mother divorced my father for the same reason. She prioritized her ego and self indulgence over long term effects on the child. I forgave her and my father already. But same as your mother, she has no regrets. I think when ego is big, you can’t see the hurts.

[@mahederayele6683]

May she never told you so your views of your dad won’t change. I doubt no women just leaves a marriage, especially with children

[@helenexarheas378]

@@mahederayele6683correct, no woman leaves a happy marriage! Mothers generally protect their children and even on a death bed, she will take her feelings to the grave!

[@louiseyvette2261]

​@@mahederayele6683nope, not true. Lots of women are selfish these days

[@eguogwuhenrietta9713]

My parents are not divorce but they are as good as divorced, they are separated and my father left everything about our family 10yrs ago.. My poor mum doesn't believe in divorce, so she continues to suffer alone today.. I pray for her everyday with all the effort she is making to keep our family together.

[@biffkline8771]

So much of the pain, damage, and delinquency in this country can be directly attributed to divorce and single parenthood. This is important work you our doing, fr Josiah. Thank you.🙏☦️

[@ElonMuskrat-my8jy]

13%

[@marianaxia6309]

I agree 100%! :)

[@1234kingconan]

100% this

[@FoothillsFreedom]

My parents divorced before I could talk. I may never marry. I've worked hard. Found a way to finish my undergrad with all costs paid. Gotten a property of my own. And it's not that I'm afraid to lose what I have. I just have such a hard time with connecting with women at all, and the achievements are too little, too late. I'm glad to watch your videos of late Father. You were instrumental in my conversion. I don't know if I'll ever have human love but I know God loves me. I miss your lectures, and visiting your church. I hope I'll be able to again in the next year at some point. Pray for a society that values marriage.

[@megamaze00]

My parents divorced when I was 6. It is a fact that parents do not love their children as much as they did when they were married. I see it now as an adult when families I know get divorced. I felt it intensely as a child when my parents made it clear that they couldn’t wait for their time with us to be over.

[@Emerald_City_]

A textbook definition of losers

[@marianaxia6309]

Your comment broke my heart. What we most desire as young children is the love and approval of our parents. If we feel like we lost that early on because of willful lack of desire from our parents to love is, we feel like no one loves us or that we aren't worthy of love. Yet, one beautiful thing about God is that we are able to be adopted as children to Him via our Baptism and Chrismation. His Fatherhood covers us with love

[@1234kingconan]

Thanks for sharing this I had this same experience. When my dad remarried (which he did as quickly as he could) his new wife and her daughter made it clear I was no longer welcome in the house and my dad didn't protect me, so I had to move in with my abusive mother. I hope one day I will see this life as a blessing.

[@Psalm91ArmorUp]

Divorced dad here with two little ones. I’m able to now show immense amounts of love to my kids now that my jealous, childish ex is gone from daily life and not competing for every minute of my attention. Covert narcissists… 🙄

[@TheB1nary]

I had to consent to my previous wife divorcing me after she had multiple affairs - one of which with my own Dad. I was devastated and then shunned by my local Baptist Church. I was handed a tape by the Pastor at the time entitled, "On God's Junkheap". The refrain of the message was that if you are divorced, God is finished with you. Even 36 years later I haven't recovered from this. It has destroyed my trust in the Church and made me very wary of friendships. Although remarried and happily married to a lovely Christian woman for 30 years now, I always feel a deep sense of grief and shame. I was made to think I was at fault. No children thankfully - but I can imagine the shame and despair is no less for children in the midst of divorce. God bless you Father Trenham!

[@papercut7141]

What a horrific way for your church to treat you. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, I hope God will grant you peace from this

[@ruralsquirrel5158]

Protestants generally make it up as they go along, often following cult of personalities with their preacher at the corner church. Your former Baptist church was WRONG.

[@joyfullyhomegrown]

This is so sad, Lord have mercy! May our gracious Lord bring you healing.

[@jtika1978]

Grief and shame were defeated on the cross. You’re allowing the enemy to have that stronghold in your mind, especially if it’s kept you from the church. Jesus died for His church, so you should rethink your stance. Those people do not represent Christ.

[@soliel8999]

I, unfortunately, know first hand what your talking about. I have been ostracized for being abandoned with 7 children. They think surely I must be an immoral woman or, since now I am poor, a mooch. So I am shunned. What about my fatherless children? Could they at least practice true religion towards them?

[@Asceticlifeofmotherhood]

My parents also divorced when I was 8. I suffered greatly during my childhood and still grieve over it. The lord was/is my comforter indeed.

[@Biljana-l2l]

YOUR A GOOD MAN FATHER !!! THANK YOU !!❤❤❤

[@kevingreen3923]

My parents weren't divorced but they weren't close growing up. They always seemed distant and had this. "It goes without saying" frame of mind, and they weren't people of faith. So when I got married, I remember thinking and saying, "Do I want to be like them?" My answer was no. I had become Christian prior to marriage, and my wife was a faithful Christian, so we agreed on a lot of the same things, and we have talked about many different things. We don't always agree or might have different opinions. However, we still love one another deeply and care for each other deeply. Only God can bring 2 different people together and sustain those 2 different people. I enjoy being married, and life is never dull or boring. Every day is a blessing. Thank you for your words of wisdom, father.

[@Mrs.CGraves]

Sometimes the pain we experience growing up is God revealing to US how to raise our Families differently. We can love our families, yet reject their example not in indignation but revelation. Thank you Jesus for always being the mirror, and thank you Holy Spirit guiding the Way.

[@kevingreen3923]

Thank you for sharing this, I greatly appreciate it

[@JoeHonestTruth]

Divorce is the symptom of the underlying illness which is love and affectionate relations fading away leading to coldness, disrespect, and escape from such troubles. Love and all its blessings must be constantly nurtured, rejuvenated, and fortified. Deep love, commitment and respect is the bond to keep marrieds together for the long haul. It is critical that very sufficient courtship and mutual introspection happens to make sure both are right for each other and are vowing truly to stay married for life. There are countless reasons for divorce, but one of the top reasons has been a mismatch and poor spousal selection from the get go. Effective Christian pastoral services preceding the marriage really helps the couple to discern that they are right for each other and have a mindset marriage is for life.

[@user-ez3ie7yv2k]

You are right…honest truth.

[@jeffblanro7952]

My son is a victim/please pray for my son Diego, Father. God Bless us all!

[@Emerald_City_]

God help you all!

[@CynthiaWithLove]

My father never married my mother and he left when I was a year old.Why would he do that? I was so cute😢 I'm over 50 and a fatherless home is so hollow. Those hollow spaces are never filled. Believe me.😔

[@Emerald_City_]

Of course. The soul knows no age...

[@CynthiaWithLove]

@@Emerald_City_ I've learned it's so important to incorporate joy and soul filling activities in life. Like a healing pill. God heals us. Only Christ. Without Him, I am lost completely. (prayer, fasting, creating, church activity, healing music) Every time I feel the anger, I find ways to love and extend love.

[@CLIPSFAMILYGUY]

Why did your mother have sex before marriage?

[@NerdyScubaDiver]

I’m so sorry. I feel your hurt.

[@louiseyvette2261]

You deserved so much better! You were a precious child and deserved two loving parents and a family life ❤

[@emily-zv7fs]

Thank you for speaking to this so clearly. I'm an only child and I grew up saying that my parent's divorce didn't affect me much, but the older I get, the more that I realize that was just a lie- it negatively affected me in a profound way. God has been so faithful, though, and He's blessed me with a wonderful little family for my husband and I to steward. As a side note, after my parent's divorce, my dad took me to an OCA church for a few years and I felt like I saw functional, loving families for the first time. I felt very much like I didn't fit and later married a Protestant, but I'm grateful for my time in the OCA church. It gave me something to aspire to, even if it was a little uncomfortable for me to try to find my place.

[@DyzeDyze]

My parents divorced when I was 10. I always told myself this was ok. Until I encountered God the Father, I totally melted down. This weekend, I’m going to a retreat for adult children of divorced parents to heal my wounds. May God grace me the healing that I need so that I can persevere in my marriage and parenthood.

[@angierodriguez4729]

If there is infidelity and/or abuse, divorce is the best answer for the parents and children, that is my opinion, my life and my brother’s was hell when my parents were married, my dad cheated on my mom for almost 20 years until she got tired of his disrespect and betrayal, she worked full time, took care of the house, cooked for us and was emotionally abused constantly by my dad who was an arrogant, a manipulative person, liar, a cruel husband and a cheater. He would work all week and then disappear during the weekend. Women are told to “endure” and I never hear anyone hold men accountable for their actions, cheating is a betrayal and it automatically breaks the vows of marriage, once that contract is broken there’s no point in going back, people who cheat very rarely change, they are selfish and like to justify their betrayal while drowning in self pity, it’s just pathetic. My life changed for the better after my parents divorced, no more chaos, screaming, arguing, there was sadness and way less money but my mom and I had peace, and peace of mind is superior to happiness.

[@elizabethkennedy9626]

I am a Christian woman got divorced ,became a single mother of five children, I moved to the country to make what little money I had go far, that was twenty years age, four of my five children are now happily married, I never began another relationship and are still happy being alone

[@lSomeGuy367]

Walking in my life, short 30ish years, I noticed when people spoke zealous wrath towards a sin that they were probably guilty of the very same sin. Didn't understand that this wrath was signaling two actions. First, is a call to understand the severity of the sin, and to gain in your hatred of sin for wounding your brothers and sisters. Second, is to approach them with the word of God and repentance. This revelation came to me in this reflection, as a child of divorced parents. I honor and love both my parents. I will hate the sin of divorce forever. Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on us.

[@peteroleary9447]

_"Many a man has been lucky in marrying the woman he loves. But he is luckiest in loving the woman he marries."_ G.K. Chesterton

[@adelinacod5683]

Greetings from a Christian orthodox romanian Family! God bless you and your Family!💖🌸🌼

[@jillnovak5359]

Thank you for this message and teaching. I got divorced 15 years ago and then entered the church 5 years ago. It is my sorrow and I mourned so much to be divorced and the burden I knew it would lay upon my children I tried so hard but I could not hang on after so many years and candidly poor advice from a priest 15 years ago opened the door for me to give up the fight. God is merciful. Mary help of Christian’s pray for us.

[@bavlyfahmy9776]

God bless you, Fr. Josiah!

[@anothercat1300]

I grew up in a Divorced family. I definitely have struggled in every way imaginable. I've been isolated and by myself for the whole time. It's made it difficult to have a relationship with God in a way that normal people simply don't understand.

[@kittang9252]

Dear father, I want to pray for you that god gives you more than enough love, care, strength, companionship, comfort in everything you go through every single day. The journey of a priest seems so lonely and important, god bless you and your family. Wish you good health and can continuously be the tool god used to help us ♥️♥️✝️ love you and praying for you! Amen!

[@1234kingconan]

Thank you for saying this. I grew up with the propaganda that parents getting divorced is a good thing. I still am not able to speak through the unspeakable amount of pain I had growing up with divorced parents because mostly people would rebuke and not believe me. I still don't talk about it, and it's a big barrier to feeling like life is a good thing. I have spent most of my life feeling resentful about even being born, crazy as that sounds. But I guess as long as you're alive there's hope things can turn around. I hope you keep talking about this, because all those selfish people out there are totally happy hurting kids and shaming anyone who tries to speak about their experience of being harmed / abused / neglected / etc as children.

[@MC-ByzChant]

Marriage is sacred and when my ex husband told me he didnt love me any more and didnt want to be with me what was i supposed to do? I prayed and fasted ardently and he still threw me out. When i approached the priest for pre marriage support he laughed at me. What should i have done? Thank God i was not married long enough to have kids only i have been the victim suffering deeply from this one bad decision in my life thank God through my divorce that He brought me to service in His church and that has been the blessing out of tragedy. My hope is in Christ. I also want to mention that despite divorce being a grave sin and a tragedy, with much love and respect to you Father, in some cases divorce can save a person. I met a victim of divorce recently who confessed that she watched her dad bash her mum until she was injured everyday in front of her and her brothers since they were small. Thats all these children saw growing up. Until they became adults and arranged their mums escape and divorce from their dad. Thank you for highlighting this tragedy. My tears and pain came to the surface in this video. May our sweet Lord Jesus have mercy on us

[@joyfullyhomegrown]

I’m so sorry for these terrible experiences. When your spouse abandons you, that is something outside of your control. I think what so many people (including Christians) forget is that there are not knit two options: remaining married in the same household OR divorce. Divorce, in the western mindset at least, insinuates the ability to re-marry. There are cases in which people need to be separated for a time, but not divorced to allow godly counseling and reconciliation. When reconciliation isn’t possible, it’s sometimes the choice of a couple to live celibate moving forward. While there are specific situations in which a divorce and remarriage are somberly blessed by the Church, we often forget that there are other avenues that allow for repentance and reconciliation. 🙏🏼

[@MC-ByzChant]

​@@joyfullyhomegrownThank you for responding to my comment. Yes of course i agree keeping the marriage together and trialling other ways to reconcile is wise. And i did try that. We separated for a month to get clarity and thats the time i used to fast and pray. We also did couple counselling. Unfortunately though the church nor the priest offered support so i had to try other options. I was devastated that my marriage ended and have not taken it lightly having felt grieved that i have upset my Lord. Hence why i am still single after 18 years. I was the main victim in my divorce and its taken nearly 2 decades to heal with Gods help. I have made it my mission to offer my life in service to God and the church as my repentance. Lord have mercy

[@ItsWorkingTogetherForMyGood]

I wonder what the Orthodox church's stance is on cases of divorce due to abuse. From my little research, the marriage institution is put above the safety of the individuals.

[@AntiquatedApe]

God knows your heart and what you've been through. He has a special judgment tailored just to you! He loves you and everything good and bad is written in the book of life!

[@aurian18]

Women never take accountability for their actions.

[@NBM9055]

Father, thank you for your final prayer. I divorced when my child was very little, this was due to domestic violence. I do pray for my ex and for his happiness. And yes, children will suffer BUT if I stayed, I would have ended up dead or disabled. I divorced for my child so she can live a safe life 🙏🏼

[@jonathannunez5992]

You still don’t get it.

[@seanferry6883]

@@jonathannunez5992what gives you the authority to say what this individual in her individual circumstance “gets.”? I would leave that to her priest. And please forgive me a sinner.

[@NBM9055]

There are many divorces that can be reconciled. Some however, cannot be. In my case, if had stayed I would have ended up dead and my child would have been raised an orphan. Plesse note, what father has mentioned is true. In my case, through God's grace and me accepting His will, my child ended up graduating in top 0.03% in the country, and is now going to be a Doctor 🙏🏼 as for me, I worked hard to recover and trusted in God's plan for me. I went from having an incomplete degree to graduating from pharmacy school. From being a stayed at home mom to being a head of microbiology department. God is great and I owe it ALL to him. Sometimes its God's will to depart from a dangerous marraige in order for Him to shine His glory on the path.

[@mube8885]

@@NBM9055❤❤❤❤

[@marianaxia6309]

@@NBM9055 May God continue to bless your and your child's life. A symptom of the fall that we cannot easily escape is that some people are not willing to repent and reconcile with God. If they cannot reconcile with God, how hard will it be for them to reconcile, love, protect, and cherish another human? This is why in my comment on the video, I mentioned that divorce is just a symptom of some deeper problems (spiritual, psychological, and physical) in marriages. These are also topics that we need to discuss - for example: domestic violence, which is never OK! What do we say about domestic violence and what can be done about it? What type of therapy or counseling is needed?

[@LukeStultz]

I went through this divorce nightmare when I was 12 and my youngest brother was 5. It was the most heart-wrenching thing to watch my parents cause so much pain/ fear in the family and then make it harder by divorcing. At 44 I still see the effects in my life - though I’ve been blessed to get married later in life - and especially in my brothers and sister’s life. At this point in life I only pray that my parents are able to find peace in their lives with God- we’re not getting any younger. To all those kids suffering through your parents divorcing, you have my prayers. If I had any advice, I would seek God in all things. He will be your peace when things seem out of control.

[@adenise__122]

would it have been better to live in an abusive marriage?

[@Emerald_City_]

@@adenise__122 yes it would. A marriage is not a screw or a washer, a certain type which is always the same. Abusive isn't a quality which have started right away and will never end. Nobody would have ever married then in the first place. Those people have promised each other and have known good times as well. Their set of solutions include many others, not just the divorce. The only marriage which suffers from really bad prospects are those with a psychopath, the anti-social personality disorder.

[@LukeStultz]

@@adenise__122 I’m not interested in these arguments.

[@Zach_Bloomquist]

My parents divorced when I was 5 going on six. All of these things applied to me especially a preteen and teen. I was deeply sad and depressed by the family situation of constant fighting and pain. I hated having to spend time with my father after a time because of what he did to destroy the marriage. As Christians we should be fighting for our marriages to not fail but all to often it is treated as a normal thing to divorce. And many in the protestant churches I grew up in treated my brother and I differently when they learned my parents divorced. We were shunned and made fun of from people we thought were friends and for a while it made me rather cynical about the church. But after a time I started to read books about the Jesus prayer and got an Orthodox study bible and it has helped my relationship to Christ immensely. We need to center on Christ and stop allowing our families to fall apart.

[@SugarbabySunny]

My ex husband developed an addiction and filed for divorce after I found out he was cheating on me. He was mad I listened to his voicemails and even called the cops on me for crying after I caught him. Now he’s got a 20 year old female friend he buys alcohol for in exchange for’fun’. I met a nice guy and pray God will let me marry him, and he’s a better dad figure.

[@central_scrutinizr]

He sounds horrific 🤮 I’m sorry you went through that and I’m glad you’re not with him anymore

[@ChickityChicken]

Shouldnt have a picked a bad boy.

[@clairederozier42]

Often one spouse is also a victim. You mention it at the very end. I wish you would lead with this. Those of us who endured so much suffering in an attempt to save the marriage are forever changed by the betrayal, guilt over failing to "win" the fight to save the marriage, as well as the death of everything built over time. After 25 years of devotion, the pain and devastating consequences forever changed me. I spent 2 years allowing myself to be gaslit and abused while praying and doing everything in my power to save the marriage. The shame we victims of divorce endure is palpable, but there are two people in a marriage and both need to want to save it. My church abandoned me at that time and it has taken me 10 years to reprioritize my faith. Most often there is one person who fails, and kills the marriage. Not both.

[@francikoen]

@cuzIjust 70% of divorce petitions are filed by wives because 90% of divorce petitions are provoked by husbands.

[@francikoen]

@clairederozier42 The priest's *lack of concern, for abandoned wives, is exactly why* men provoke so many divorces with anti-social behaviors. The speaker cries crocodile tears over children...but he doesn't give a damn about the hurt wives!

[@clairederozier42]

@@francikoen yeah - I was trying to offer some grace but I admit this is an area the church needs to work on. Of course divorce hurts children. It also can destroy people who end up divorced through no fault of their own. If clergy would focus their disdain on the behaviors and lack of commitment from the offending party it would be better. Where is the church lobbying politically to eliminate no fault divorce?

[@francikoen]

@@clairederozier42 American Bishops slept through the decade, starting in 1969, when men designed, promoted, passed and signed No-Fault Divorce Laws, before there were women Legislators or Governors, to cover-up for the spouse who provokes the divorce, with anti-social behaviors, who is usually the husband.

[@LadyMaria]

​​@cuzIjustMost men are p0rn addicted and many cheat, some are abusive, or run off. These are grounds for divorce.

[@deborahdills4670]

My husband of 36 years, an ex Naval officer walked out of our marriage, leaving me devastated and in shock. I know now I married the wrong man and stayed to long. We really didnt have much in common as we met while we were both serving on active duty in the Navy. I am Jew and was raised in that faith. He was a Mormon but not practicing. He did not say anything about remorse or offer any apology to me as to why he left. It only took me 4 months later to realize he was a full fledged narcissist who thinks he is the only victim. "A marriage to a narcissist is not a true union but a one-sided business deal. I was his supply and when he was exposed and he could no longer manipulate me, he left without notice. At least our 2 sons were grown young men.

[@deborahdills4670]

​@@ChickityChickenYep but knows that when you're 21 and in love. My marriage only last as long as it did because he was gone on 2 different submarines for long deployments and then on the USS Enterprise and then in corporate world in IT for years and years.

[@audreydavies6872]

@@ChickityChickenVery insensitive comment, you can’t possibly predict some of the horrors that await you in a marriage when you are young. A successful marriage takes two people to work hard at it, sometimes of them becomes abusive beyond words.

[@deborahdills4670]

@@keerankenny4374 Yes I am. There was no property to divide when we divorced, but as a military wife of over 20+ years, I am entitled to 1/2 my ex's military pension. He retired as an Officer rank of 0-4 Lt Commander. Also I get $547 of alimony each month and part of his social security too. Since our youngest son, now age 33 is mentally disabled since before 22 yrs old, he gets his father's social security also. Its a win now for me and my son, His father ran away in 2013 like he was on fire. and has no contact with either one of our sons. Crappy person,

[@CLIPSFAMILYGUY]

So how much money did you g Got out of Divorce? If a man is prepared to leave his money, then there is something wrong.

[@deborahdills4670]

@@CLIPSFAMILYGUY As a military wife if over 20 + years I am "entitled" to 1/2 of my husband's pension - per DOD rules. He didn't just leave money on the table. He retired as an O-4 Lt Commander over 20 years. .As a wife who raised 2 Special Education children , I didn't work and supported his careers during our 33 years together. I also get alimony and some of his social security (requirement was married over 10 years) Our disabled son , age 33 now also gets his father's social security since he was deemed disabled since before he was 22 yrs old. Don't worry, my ex has a master's degree from Naval Post Graduate school and he is fine.He is 65 and I am 66 years old

[@Paevoensis]

Thank you Father Josaiah for your love of families and marriage. I am fairly new Christian, a little less than 3 years when I decided to give myself to Christ. I had a child before I was Christian and married. Now I am married to a Christian man and we plan to have children together. My concern is my firstborn here. Her father is not a Christian. I can feel how she is suffering from this situation. I do not know what would be best solution to protect her heart, or is it too late? I have broken her and I just have to accept it and live with it. Of course pray for it. She lives mostly with me and my husband. I cannot rob her of her father completely. I just want her to be happy but I feel helpless. Thank you if you have time to respond. ❤🙏

[@salomaobulgaro]

This video came right on time for me, thank you so much father, pray for me

[@BasedLeifEriksson]

My wife and I divorced after just under 2 years. She was serially unfaithful and a compulsive liar. I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. I feel ashamed and like a failure. I thought that maybe she would change, or that God would work a miracle. I still hold to my faith but I don’t know what to believe about my situation and what it means or how it plays into God’s plan.

[@billbowers3443]

Thank you Father Josiah 🥲

[@angelachiorean5151]

Father , please pray for my mother Ana sick and happy marriage for my brother Adrian! ❤Thank you!

[@Emerald_City_]

God help you all!

[@ignatiusl.7478]

I'm Orthodox and my wife was unfaithful to me and wants a divorce. Pray for me and my two adult kids.

[@joseph-uq4hn]

The Rev Fr makes very good points here. My parents divorced when I was 18. My whole sense of who I was, who they were, what my "scaffolding" was disappeared. All that shared history ~ gone. I stopped believing anything anyone said. Became very cynical. Although I myself divorced years later it wasnt 1% the trauma of my parents divorcing. Fr is spot on. Its t e r r i b l e for the children. And thats just the beginning of the misery. Now you dont have "the family home" to touch base with everyone. You have mums place. Then dads place. Then this sibling and that sibling. And then their divorces. And then there is the people they become (a worse version of themselves) and their "partners" and by the tine you have served all that mayhem you find you have no faith, no energy and no life. Divorce is the lifestyle choice of one person, maybe two. For everyone else it marks a huge shift full of exhaustion, confusion and disarray. Save your marriage at all costs (where possible) and give your children many blessings through the sacrifice.

[@polinap8027]

Let this word be spread all over the world, oh Lord😢 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@eveadams953]

I’m a Roman Catholic. St Mary of Egypt is my confirmation saint. ❤

[@LadyMaria]

She's my baptismal Saint. 💕

[@MissyJ]

I was nearly an adult when my parents separated. An adult when they divorced. Their entire marriage was abusive and turbulent. It was still devastating. There's an idea that the damage divorce had on children diminishes once they're an adult. It doesn't.

[@Libby8000]

Agree. I had a similar experience.

[@svlun8987]

Thank you Father. I work in school and 80% of kids live with single mother or parents divorced and I see this trauma in their eyes already . I don’t know about parents believing , may be somebody atheist but I regret about kids . Nothing can make them happy unfortunately

[@user-ce7du2rq5n]

My parents divorce 5 years ago as a teen is still effecting me to this day and the trauma that comes with it has triggered bouts of anxiety and ocd. Thank you for this video and your amazing insight as always. I hope this inspires others to be patient, loyal parents and help fellow victims of divorce

[@StephanieMoDavis]

I am a child of divorce and can relate with this. What do we say to our brothers and sisters whom are in domestic abusive marriages, both physically and emotionally? Those not "equally" yoked?

[@kirerunte1046]

Those are outliers, 99.999999% of people should be married, the outliers should be excommunicated if they can't get there act together

[@StephanieMoDavis]

@@kirerunte1046 I was genuinely asking for a suggestion. Telling her she should be excommunicated isn't in my heart to do. What would you tell someone you love?

[@kirerunte1046]

@@StephanieMoDavis become homeless and penniless and show me who cares or loves you, I work and save money and I'm extremely poor, I don't love people that are part of the subjectivist death cult worldview, which 99.9999999% of people are, if people can't accept truth and a coherent worldview then you move on

[@bananewane1402]

@@kirerunte1046are you a troll? How is the victim of an abusive marriage supposed to “get their act together”?

[@kirerunte1046]

@@bananewane1402 people can't change and get there act together? People have no agency? If not then excommunicate them and let them live with the death cultists

[@carlafowler6607]

My husband had multiple affairs. He then met another women, who like him was a unbeliever. I was so lukewarm then. I never asked GOD if that man should be my husband when we got married. I would have loved to have children but I am grateful that I did not. To have a Christian mother and a outspoken atheists step mother would have been HORRIBLE. GOD knows the future and HE also released me from the past. HE IS ALWAYS WITH ME. ☦️🌿🕊️

[@marianaxia6309]

Lord have mercy! This is a much needed discussion, Father! Thank you for speaking up and helping all of us be mindful of the great tragedy that is divorce. Seeing the consequences of divorce is heartbreaking. The trauma that divorce causes to the couple and to the children is real and leaves long-lasting effects on all involved, as you precisely point out in this video. From my perspective, divorce in the Orthodox community is the most discouraging type of tragedy to our communities. It is a symptom of some deeper problems that need to discussed and brought to light. But despite it being a symptom, it leaves a trail of pain in its path that produces more broken people. Please keep addressing this issue and what can be done to re-invigorate the respect towards marriage and its sanctity. What makes marriage in the Orthodox Church unique? How is it different from a secular contract? What is the mystical meaning of marriage? What does carrying one's cross mean in marriage? Why is it meant to be a life-long commitment? How is choosing the right spouse from the beginning a key component of a lasting marriage? What is love? What is sacrifice? What is self-emptying? How can we apply the monastic virtues (such as self-denial and self-blame) to a married life?

[@georgfriedrichhandel4390]

My dear Father, I endured a divorce when my ex-wife told me that she didn't want to be married any longer. She was a convert to the faith and had been divorced once before I met her. The truth is, it was not a happy marriage by any conventional standard. She left home and at first I felt that annulling the marriage was the best thing but I later tried to reach out to her and ask that we reconcile and I asked her to come back so that we can save our marriage but she refused. I have come to the realization that she didnt want the marriage in the first place. She did it as a favor to me. I don't mean to say that it was all her fault. I was far from perfect. But I was the one who wanted to save our marriage. It took me a long time but I finally forgave her. Since we had no children, we lost touch after the divorce and I have no idea where she is or what's become of her but I hope she has come to realize the error of her ways and I hope she has since repented.

[@MD-gt8wo]

Never got married, mainly because I believe in this covenant, especially coming back to Christ. You had alot of good points, and could relate to what you said.

[@mrman5066]

Oh also with your narration on the stat about how divorce has caused less christianity, luckily I've made my parents divorce force me much further into christianity. I know it truly is NOT a good innoculative thing but thank the lord I've and maybe many others been able to cause me to grow stronger.

[@donnafletcher5386]

If GOD is not number one in a person's life, then a marriage won't be either. It is written in the scriptures if a married person is married to an unbeliever and that unbeliever allows you to be a Christian while being married, then it's to the unbelievers benefit to have a believing spouse. HOWEVER, if an unbeliever will not accept their believing spouse, then the believing spouse is freed from the marriage bond. That is scriptural Fr. Treham. What God hates worse than a divorce is a believer turning they're back on Him. I was freed because my spouse asked me to leave God because he didn't want the children to turn out like me. Proud to say three of my children continue in the Orthodox Christian faith. That is probably the best thing I gave them as a single believing Orthodox Christian mom is remaining faithful to God and staying in the church. As a child, I'm sure it's hard to understand why their parents couldn't be together, but Christ calls us first to Him, then to others. My kids beat the statistics. I believe it's because the Holy Spirit dwelled in our home and their will to do their best. All of them are very good workers, have a good education after highschool. Two have served our country in the Army. Sad, to say what I went through is happening more and more since this world has gotten more forgetful of God and who we were created for. Always choice God over anyone and anything because if you don't when it comes time to meet Him you may not be chosen to live eternally with Him. Abusive marriages (however they may come) are not blessed by God. God blesses virtues not vices because if He blessed vices we would never need to confess. We hold no value in imitating Christ's virtues while being abusive in a relationship. We are supposed to strive towards a sinless/righteous nature. Is it easy to choice the Holy Trinity? Just be prepared for a life of martyrdom and don't expect anything sweet to come along and if it does you'll be pleasantly surprised. The way I see it, married people are no better than those who aren't or have been. Married people sin just like the rest of us and if anyone thinks they're better/less of a sinner because they stuck it out it's just a temptation to fall. Saint Marie of France during WWII was married twice and both were divores. She left the second marriage because she wanted to remain single. She turned out to be a saint. The temptation to think I made it this far with someone so I must be rewarded when in actuality each marriage there are times of pain and sorrow and wanting to flee that can decrease the feeling of feeling connected. There's only one prefect marriage. The Bridegroom and the His Faithful Church. Without the Holy Spirit moving amongst a person's life nothing righteous can be obtained. So if we each claim to be chief of sinners, then we are never put ourselves anyone else, but instead be content with being a child of God working on moving towards righteous.

[@jerrykudos9445]

Keeping a man happy is very easy. How could you fail at it with all your good will?

[@twildy8917]

Thank you, Father! Some good advice here.

[@p.s.6952]

If there's pain why remain?..

[@twildy8917]

@@p.s.6952 self sacrifice is usually painful, but has its rewards.

[@mrman5066]

I'm a fan of this intro so far. My parents are divorced and there's just so much stupidity. This is one of the reasons I'm becoming catholic (& orthodox is closer to where I'm going than where I was). I'm a huge fan of the catholic church's blunt teachings on divorce. Anything to prevent divorce I'm for.

[@lindaphillips4646]

SO glad to see that you are being drawn to the Orthodox Church! It is a great blessing. A GREAT BLESSING to the world. It seems to have a special way of helping families..and supporting couples to stay together. (Not all do. But i think it is well below the 'norms'.) ☦📿💝📿☦ (WELL, i just watched more of Fr. JOSIAH's video. It seems that the Orthodox Church isn't doing as well as i thought. But i still can say that it can offer great help in troubles.. and always is able to help us learn and change. ☦☦)

[@kirerunte1046]

Rome is in shambles, good luck

[@lindaphillips4646]

​@@kirerunte1046amen..amen...amen.. ☦📿💝📿☦

[@Emerald_City_]

Aside from the serious major issues that divide orthodox from Roman church (the former intrinsically catholic, the latter just declarative) - aside from this important matter, there is another difference which comes to mind when reading your story. Romans strive to put everything in rules and definitions. For some people it seems to work, but... It's violation of the truths revealed by the Holy Spirit. There is no rule or law that can replace the essence and mark your spiritual path. I don't think the orthodox church is more lenient on divorce than the Roman papal church.

[@lindaphillips4646]

@@Emerald_City_ excellent answer. The Orthodox Church somehow allows the 'rules' to be known to us but they abide in our hearts in a different more loving way than the external regulations of the catholic church does, as a see it as a former prtnst who grew up with plenty of rules. 💝 I know the Church is truly against divorce, but i think it handles its serious concerns about it in a different way. Of course, it will allow a remarriage, but the service has a penitential aspect to it, as i have observed and been taught. The CHURCH lifts us up and helps us live with hope in so many ways.. How i wish i could encourage others who not be wary of it..☦📿💝📿☦

[@Tbear1990]

I still have issues in my life still, and i am turning 65 in September. Was always blamed for everything that went wrong. I never had self confidence at all. That has been repeated with my children. I swore I wouldn’t do that to my children. The family model is gone.

[@ChickityChicken]

Boomer 🙄

[@JunkSock]

Children should be the very center of society

[@johnsteiner2960]

I am a Latin rite Catholic Fr Josiah and I appreciate you bringing up the Annulment Scandal in the Church especially here in the US we are the divorce/Annulment capital of the world 90% plus of these so called Annulments go through yearly, they should be extremely rare and they're not it truly has become Catholic divorce and it's sickening to me and of course it goes hand and hand with no fault divorce.

[@bygonerenewal6278]

Thank you, Father. I needed this encouragement. Will return to this video often.

[@louiseyvette2261]

This is a good video. Thank you!!!

[@xnihilo64]

I am guilty of leaving my wife 27 years ago. I still feel the effects of my selfishness. I find it hard to find forgiveness for what I have done. Please pray for me.

[@eugeneshenesky2033]

Everything this man said is true

[@anonanon5927]

I'm 24 and my parents never divorced, but seeing the way society today views and treats marriage (even visible in some of the comments here) has made me not want to not get married at all ever since I was a young teenager.

[@maxvarjagen9810]

My parents divorced when I was two over selfish and petty reasons. I was cutting myself with a pencil sharpener blade before I turned 10. Hot kicked out of college for liability reasons once they found out I had suicidal thoughts. Cant make enough to live on my own now, have been wasting away living with my grandparents for years. Im 26 now. If i ever manage to get my life together, i still plan on getting married though. At this point i dont care about being happy, i just want to tell satan to go fuck himself, and i cant think of a hetter way to do that by having kids and raising them to be good people.

[@KryptoCosmo]

The temptation of divorce is heavy, even for Orthodox Christian believers. The enemy of God hates the unity of marriage and tries to break every marriage apart. God be with all married couples.

[@jerrykudos9445]

What happens to the marriage vow when it gets broken?

[@gabib.1780]

My parents were never married, my husband's father divorced his wife after having my husband with his mistress, his parents never married either...a mess. I grew up never having seen a happy family whether the parents of my friends ended up divorcing or cheating on one another, practicing domestic violence and alcoholism.... it's been so terrible that I never even had the ability to dream of the type of relationship I have with my husband of now 7 years. I didn't even know such happiness could exist. We had our struggles but had decided that divorce will never be an option.

[@milou22rh]

What about those children whose parents were in a completely dysfunctional marriage involving alcoholism and violence? My parents never divorced but I wished they had. Plus, they got married but not at church!

[@ruspesca8443]

The orthodox church does allow divorce, exactly for these reasons. He's speaking about people who divorce over a fight or two.

[@Emerald_City_]

@@ruspesca8443 also the reason has to be thoroughly investigated...

[@zkrtrt]

I'd posit that they married in accordance with the laws of men all the while dismissing the laws of God. In the legalese, it's a contract that can be easily entered and easily dismissed. In the eyes of God, it's a sacrament. The legalese, watered-down version of "marriage" is truly a mockery of what God intended it to be.

[@Emerald_City_]

@@zkrtrt indeed it is.

[@LPSCaitelyn]

I was manipulated and groomed when I was in high school by someone 10 years older than me. We got married while I was still in school and had 2 kids. I tried so hard to make it work with him, but my mental health couldn’t withstand it. I would think of unaliving almost everyday. I left after years trying to ignore my mental health.. I’ve been divorced for 3-4 years now and have a kid with my current bf. I recently had conviction in my heart and wanted to know how I could make things right with God considering my situation and that’s when I stumbled across orthodoxy. I’m afraid it’s too late for me now for a choice I made so young I didn’t know the consequences of what I was doing because my parents divorced when I was 2 and everyone I knew had multiple marriages so I know “til death do us part” but that’s never what I saw. I prayed to God so many times for forgiveness and this feeling never goes away. I’m scared to talk to a priest because I’m scared that I’ll be told I have to go back to that relationship or I’ll never be able to join Gods church. I can’t describe the amount of pain it makes me feel to know the pain I’ve caused for my children, but if I stayed in that environment I might not still be here today at all. I wish I never got married honestly. I know it’s a selfish thing to say but it’s true. I prayed so hard for God to heal my heart and change my mind but the thought of me having to go back to that makes me feel uncomfortable. I love God, and I’m so fascinated by the Orthodox Church. I wish I learned about it before I did what I did. It might’ve saved me from all this torment.

[@LadyMaria]

No, you won't be told you have to go back to that first marriage. I was married and divorced once before even remotely beginning to become Orthodox. I got remarried too. The Priests who I've talked to never suggested I get back with that guy, but stay with my now husband. We had the 1st marriage Crowning Ceremony in 2022 after almost 8 years of marriage so now the bond is eternal. Don't despair. Talk to a Priest about it. About your current situation, you will be told to become celibate until you are married. May God bless you. ☦

[@LPSCaitelyn]

@@LadyMaria god bless you, thank you

[@LadyMaria]

@@LPSCaitelyn May God bless you too and your children! 🤗

[@megaminiman]

Going through this myself. We married young (20) and are ourselves children of very early (4yrs and younger) divorces. We don’t have children so I’ve allowed that to quell my mind about such a hard decision, at least because there are less victims. I crossed many boundaries, which led her to resent me, which brought out our worst qualities. I still love her and she me. I want to be an example in todays world and have children with her and have a strong Christian family, but I have truly let many terrible things come between our bond. Neither of us are officially Christian but I’ve found orthodoxy after being exposed to Johnathan Pageau. I had a casual attitude about marriage when we first got married. I have convinced myself that my process of repentance can be fully realized only if we part ways and I take a less casual attitude in a future marriage. I ask for wisdom and the strength to not despair, God bless.

[@joyfullyhomegrown]

Hang in there and be in continual repentance. Build her trust back and pray, pray, pray. Resentment can fade and your marriage can be healed! I speak from experience.

[@megaminiman]

@@joyfullyhomegrown thank you for the encouraging words!

[@jerrykudos9445]

Wisdom you will get. Research divorce rap e.

[@iguessihaveyoutube8911]

my parents didn't even get a divorce but broke up when I was at the age of one, and many of what was said in this I can sadly relate to

[@Emerald_City_]

God give you the strength to reverse the flow of sad thoughts!

[@iguessihaveyoutube8911]

@@Emerald_City_ I thank you, May God bless you

[@blessedpursuitofmotherhood]

I also come from parents who divorced when I was 8. It was the hardest time of my life.

[@Emerald_City_]

God give you the strength to divert sadness into joy!

[@louiseyvette2261]

It's the children who suffer the most 😢

[@Emerald_City_]

@@louiseyvette2261 how do you know?

[@jerrykudos9445]

What happens to the vow when it gets broken?

[@ronevamonreal4357]

You give me hope. Thank you

[@randomman1642]

My husband cheated and physically abused me for 22 years and now wants to divorce me. I feel bad for both my children and myself. Thoughts please, i have remained loyal and given him chance after chance. Our spirits are destroyed by him.

[@LadyMaria]

Ask your Priest. In my lay opinion, you've done all you can do. If he's that way, it's for the best.

[@louiseyvette2261]

I am praying for you!!! Nothing is impossible for God

[@AntiquatedApe]

A divorce for many children these days, is their first heartbreak. No matter how amicable, divorce leaves scars on everyone involved.

[@Foxie770]

All of society is a victim of divorce. Divorce is rarely a justifiable solution to conflict.

[@angelachiorean5151]

God deliver us🙏

[@_BirdOfGoodOmen]

My parents divorced when I was 2 and it seems like I find more and more how it's left its mark every day. My half-sister was already an adolescent when mom divorced her dad. She became an alcoholic. I found out I needed to avoid the stuff myself.

[@wasandickow1530]

Thank you so much father for you bringing this subject. I am a catholic woman who is divorced 8 r years a go after 25 yeas of marriage My exhusband walked away on me and my 19:43 other two daughters and never asked about them or being part of lives. He took with him my older daughter she was 25 years old at the time and we never seen her again. Me and my other two kids still trying to reach her and contact her but no hope, she not answering to our calls or messages. He got married after one year exactly of the divorce and our Catholic Church gave an annulment and when I questioned it they said the marriage was not based on the truth from the beginning and my ex husband already admitted to his lies and his emotional abuse to me. But I wonder how can they annul a marriage produced three children? I am still not having peace with my church about it and when the bishop tried to explain it to me , it didn’t make any sense. And at the end he was the one who walked out of the marriage not me, I tolerated his odd behaviors and tolerated the unsecured feelings in order for me to save our marriage and to keep the kids together.

[@tayloranderson1291]

My wife and I are on the edge of divorce due to my addictions and selfish actions. She is truly an amazing mother and wife and the guilt and regret from everything I've put her threw. I was baptized and became Orthodox in the church before we got married. I have lied to her repeatedly about marijuana and porn and have taken out all of my stress and guilt out on her when she gets upset and tells me how I make her feel. Please pray for us I know we can be an amazing couple together and raise our beautiful children. I wish I would have truly gotten help long ago as I have hurt those that love me most. Lord have mercy on me as I am a sinner. Any advice to working on my issues, becoming a better Man helps. Great videos you post

[@marshclem2255]

Becoming a better man takes work. Talk to your priest for guidance

[@liuton2005]

I grew up in a foreign country without a father because of divorce and now I have to fight against social services to be able to see my own son. In fact I can see him only 3 hours a week and today I should see him. He is only 4 years old and they took him from me when he was only 10 months. The reason? Because I started reading the Bible and warning them (my fiance and her parents) about the times we are living. I truly wish I was never born.

[@Emerald_City_]

By no means succumb to this feeling! It is just temporary, you are on the winning track. Please *talk to an orthodox priest* wherever you live. I've been through it, and made it out of it. Take this blow together with Christ and He will help you and your son. It is the temptation of the modern times, for the modern Christians. No more torture chambers or burning etc. but this. But things don't remain the same. Soon you'll see how much better it will come. Just don't surrender to desponding feelings!

[@hautecouture2228]

That might not be the only reason. The chances of any man who grew up without a father to have a succesful relationship and marriage are pretty slim. You should look at statistics and outcones for fatherless children particularly boys

[@socol76]

Honestly, with all due respect, sometimes there are legitimate (yet still a very difficult decision to make) reasons to divorce such as abuse and infidelity and the other partner not wanting to change or go to counseling.

[@morkoan70]

The Orthodox church gives many legitimate reasons for divorce: and they usually involve things such as abuse, adultery, addiction (the three As), and undisclosed (and I would add untreated) mental health diseases.

[@LadyMaria]

​@@morkoan70Abandonment too.

[@maggiegentilini6294]

@@morkoan70thank you, this is helpful .

[@morkoan70]

@@LadyMariagood one

[@morkoan70]

@@maggiegentilini6294you’re ver my welcome, Maggie.

[@arialight77]

I'm reading the book ^^

[@FaithInJesusChristMySavior]

I slept with someone i loved before marriage. I learned later she had mayor issues. I was affraid to leave her, because i didnt want to anger God. Eventually she cheated and broke our bond. 1 day after i learned about Hosea. I think God showed me how much pain this makes him feel. So from that moment i promised God that i will never do it again beforearriage and i will trust him and put my faith in him.

[@ChickityChicken]

My wife and I never consider it, because we cant.

[@CarlylePhelps]

The Rib: I’ve heard “the rib is the guardian of the heart.” So a helper was formed to humble man’s conceit. Once joined in marrow, the bond could not be torn apart. A simple, deathless separation is a demonic deceit. “Be fruitful and multiply!” The cry from the mountain’s garden. “Be profitable and wait.” The hiss from the hedonist pit. No earthly currency could be more valuable than our children. One pass through borrowed time is all we get. As the bone is one, so the cage is one unity- Reaching through time like fingers or deep roots- Branching into a tree’s story of procreation and identity. The stock raised and buried by produced fruits. Man’s rib carried a seed and nurtured it into humanity. Two became one to participate in a unique potentiality.

[@jtika1978]

Did you write that?

[@CarlylePhelps]

@@jtika1978 I did.

[@jtika1978]

@@CarlylePhelps well it’s awesome

[@CarlylePhelps]

@@jtika1978 thank you very much! I try to write a sonnet a week and post it here on the KZbin-the subject matter last week happened to line up with this video. Peace be with you.

[@central_scrutinizr]

The line “one pass through borrowed time is all we get” made my eyes well with tears. How true, and how badly I wish I had more time to have more children.

[@lucdrouin2625]

Message of Love and Hope to wounded children of divorce: First seek the Kingdom of God: Love, peace, humility, patience, and forgiveness. You have been hurt? The pain is awful? This is the true and only solution that will heal your soul. Do the impossible, just like Jesus Christ did on the cross - He forgave all of us! Children of divorced parents can be full of anger, confusion, distrust, parental alienation, even afraid to remarry or even have their own children which is the true purpose of marriage as both bride and groom serve each other and embrace: Love, peace, humility, patience and forgiveness with each other just as Jesus Christ of Nazareth did with us! Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the way. Praise Jesus Christ of Nazareth forever!😇

[@lucia7546]

I divorced an abusive man and i found freedom! I married my beloved saviour and find happiness in Christ alone! There can be a happy ending to the issue of divorce! With this in mind God allows it!

[@jerrykudos9445]

Men don't change after marriage. You piked him. You knew what you were getting yourself into.

[@LadyMaria]

​@@jerrykudos9445Actually, many don't. Sociopaths are very good at hiding things, fooling the most perceptive people. And yes men do change.

[@jerrykudos9445]

@@LadyMaria Many don't.... means that they don't but you knew. You chose to ignore it for reasons/qualities important to you at that time.

[@jerrykudos9445]

@@LadyMariaor you want to tell me that he changed (most men don't change) under your supervision and influence for the worse. That you bring out the worst in men. Well at least in in this one.

[@LadyMaria]

@@jerrykudos9445 I haven't shared anything about my life with you, nor is it your business. But blaming someone whose situation you do not know, as you have, is the sign of a person who likes to hurt others, which is a 🚩. Sociopaths are everywhere, actually. The fact that you seem to be hostile to this fact is alarming. Anyway, if men don't change then they can't repent and thus are stuck in their sin, and Christ is wrong. If they don't change then they also couldn't pick up addictions, or have different hobbies from time to time, like new things, or anything else. A slight change can affect everything. So what you said is wildly inaccurate.

[@Celtic_Iron]

My ex partner is a drug addict. How would you approach the situation father ?

[@justasurvivin9237]

Divorce is a selfish act. My wife cheated and I forgave her. But she filed for divorce. I had 2 suicide attempts. I looked up the rates of suicide amongst divorce spouses. Men committed suicide at a very large rate 8 men to every 2 women. I lost my faith since. God has blessed her with a happy life and new marriage. I struggle to read the Bible now. Verses that God hates divorce and adultery, I don't see it. It comes off as just words. I feel punished. Lost everything. We had 3 kids. I adopted 2 oldest. I been there father since they were 2 and 3. We had 3rd child together. But none of that meant anything to my wife. My wife broke my heart and God broke my spirit. It's been 7 yrs. I have prayed for understanding but still feel lost.

[@mchristr]

Are you in Christian community? It is vital that you let other Christians come along side and help carry your burden.