Walking The Gritstone Trail | A Spontaneous Start and Unexpected Finish

The Gritstone Trail is a 35-mile route that runs for Disley to Kidsgrove along the western edge of the Peak District National Park. It's a great trail for anyone looking to bust out a long day or experience their first over-night walking experience. That being said, things don't always go to plan, especially when walking with long-term mental ill health.
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[@BASHADweller]

What a very honest and brave video to upload Abbie. You could've just not bothered and no-one would be any wiser but in doing so I am sure this will help someone out there who also goes through the same mental health issues that you do. As one of the fortunate ones who does not suffer from mental ill health, I couldn't begin to wonder what it is like but I do know it can't be easy and it takes a lot of guts to share this. Like you say, the trail isn't going anywhere and you'll be back to finish it one day. Thanks for sharing. Atb Shaun

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Honestly, I was tempted. But I seek to practice what I preach - authenticity and the cultivation of courage. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. Stay WILD. Abbie

[@jeffstone28]

Very well said, BASHA. Abbie, I so appreciate that you posted the video, including the panic attack and sharing your dealing with mental ill health. It can affect anyone or our loved ones and we need to keep pushing aside the stigma our society stubbornly attaches to mental ill health. Thank you again for opening up the discussion and I wish you many happy, invigorating miles on the trail.

[@Forestcityflygirl]

As a multiple (C-PTSD -DID) who also suffers from periodic cause unknown panic attacks and anxiety, I could tell from the moment you confessed that something had triggered you. Not because you showed it, only because of how you described how you were feeling in the moment. I could totally relate to the dissociation you were feeling. I also understand the "great divide" between the experiences of our internal world and our outer world, ie how we look to others, like nothing is wrong, while inside we are having a meltdown. Its a form of protection, to not have the outer world match the inner world. And as you went on through your walk, you started to bring those two worlds together to match each other. and at that point you became aware of just what you needed to do. That was beautiful selfcare and authenticity at its best... Thank you for sharing your process with us, your viewers. It was very brave of you...so much respect for you. Job well done. Cheers from London Ontario Canada

[@laurapoffenberger9219]

I don't think I've ever seen a more understandable expression of what it's like to live with mental health issues. My heart goes out to you and all who suffer with this. Thank you for sharing when things don't go as planned. It's good to see in practice that you can give yourself permission to change your plan. God bless.

[@DavidBall770]

The most important video you've ever done. Thanks for showing it to us!

[@sunprancer]

Viewing this video as you enthusiastically took us along with you on the trail, Abbie, my heart went out to you as you slowly declined not physically but mentally. Depression is a beast from Hell & very difficult to deal with more so when it rears its ugly head from nowhere, yes as a fellow sufferer I definitely identify & sympathise with you my friend. Thankfully, through your experience of mental health disability hitting you out of the blue whilst on the trail shows us all the true courage you undertook as you battled with your Demons....I applaud you Abbie for uploading this video to show that despite your bubbly personality & enthusiasm for the great outdoors that there can be personal set-backs one has to endure....you eventually came to the correct decision so therefore Abbie you was triumphant over the Panic Attack....bravo Abbie! We are all rooting for you & greatly appreciate you sharing these magnificent nature experiences....WTG Abbie....hugs from Paul :)

[@QueenNoTeetha151]

I actually found it more interesting with not everything working out perfectly. Made it seem more real as if I was walking along with you. I have major anxiety problems and its stopped me from doing loads of things but I still brave up and keep trying just like you seem to. We have to keep battling on,don't we! Funny thing is,I love to travel/explore nature and yet traveling/exploring is my most difficult thing to achieve!

[@jazzman1626]

Abbie, I just can’t help but admire you and look up to you. I wish I were as strong as you. Despite your struggles, you still manage to be such a kind, gentle, deeply adorable lady with the most beautiful smile. You are an inspiration for so many of us, and you brighten dull days with your smile.

[@walkandcamp]

That brought a 50 yr old guy to tears. Thanks for sharing Abbie.

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thank you for watching and commenting.

[@allandehn]

You're amazing Abbie. You have all the reason in the world to be deeply proud of yourself for being so self caring in such an enormously difficult situation - bravo you. Bless your heart ❤️🙏

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thanks so much Allan. Stay WILD! Abbie

[@dreadlocksoutdoors492]

You have the gift of eloquence, thanks for sharing.

[@09jenniew]

I love you videos especially this one, your honesty and vulnerability is inspiring. I too am struggling right now with my mental health and all I can manage is hiding under my quilt. You simply are incredible.

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Im sorry to hear that you too are struggling. Hiding under your quilt is okay. If that is your safe place, be safe there. But be kind to yourself and know that you are loved and needed and there are brighter times ahead of you. You might like to watch my Coping at Christmas video. Although the season has passed us, there might be some tips in there that could help you with your day to day. Take care and stay WILD. Abbie

[@seakayaker1470]

Jenm21 Hang in there, it will get better. You are loved and people do care. X

[@pshearduk]

Hope you are feeling better. If you aren’t please reach out to someone, anyone, even me. We all are here for one another x

[@TheCashmanianDevil]

"To sing with the birds that wake me"? Okay, what you're doing is quite special. Your vlogs are adventures. As opposed to the 20 min mountain walks others publish, they feel as though we're joining you on a journey in real time. Your enthusiasm, your thoughtfulness, your boundless hope, mate, good work.

[@miffyonabike]

What a brave video! Have lived with anxiety problems in the past I can understand how you feel, sort of your body telling you to do one thing (turn and run, take a rest etc) and your mind something else (you will regret giving up, push on, get a grip, etc). The mind is not always helpful in these instances. Your body was telling you exactly what was right for you at that particular moment. Fantastic taking us with you though. Films like these from a person with mental ill health are doing more to show the public that anyone can be grabbed by this illness. You are very strong, thank you for all that you do.

[@Amber-gl9zq]

Dear Abbey, Please don’t worry about showing us the views, focus on yourself! It was so brave if you to post this and I admire you for that. I am 15 so don’t get much chance to go walking, although I love it, due to schoolwork and I have no one to take me, and most don’t want to go camping or anything but the times when I go to the Peak District and Lyme Park (I only live about half an hour away), we never get many good views-I’ve only been on a few big walks(mam tor, Lyme park and teggs nose) and some smaller ones in Lyme park and believe me it’s is ALWAYS foggy- I climbed Snowdon last summer and could see about 3m in front of me if that-walking hard and getting no views, especially at the time of year you walked the trail, is a characteristic of this area, so don’t feel disappointed in not seeing views and showing us them because it’s hard to pick a day when you can see anything other than fog at this time of year! I know how it feels to walk hard and have no views as a true reward at the top and along the way but it’s ok because it can motivate us to go again; I’m glad you decided to return to the trail and hope have a better time in further trails, Love your videos and hope you come back stronger from this, Amber 🙂

[@K9HighlandsSearchTeam]

Wow Abbie that caught me by surprise, I thought I was going to watch a hiking vid because I have seen several of yours over the past year or so which are always good watching. You always seem bubbly and full of life. Like you I am a keen hiker and Wild Camper, so there I was sat at my desk with the laptop, cup of coffee in hand ready to follow your travels on this trek and learn a lot about this trail. But instead I was glued to the laptop for different reasons. I have to say straight away I think its a very brave video to upload on KZbin because you didn't have to do it, you could have cut so much out and no one really would have known. I watched it a couple of times because I couldn't believe how your condition unravelled so quickly, it looked like one map reading mistake lead to another and then the voices as you say battered you for making the mistakes which in turn just made you more confused and muddled. I was worried that even though you were physically solid as a rock fitness wise that because you were mentally getting uptight that you could be distracted and have a fall or something similar. I learnt a lot form this video regarding mental health ( I hate using that term) and I am sure many others will too because like they say seeing it for real is worth a hundred words. I again reiterate that I think you were very brave for showing it, maybe the odd fool won't understand or feel for you in the right way but many hundreds will have the correct understanding of the issues involved. Its easy for others that don't suffer from similar conditions to criticise, mock or pick fault about the contents of the video but they are the ones with the real problems. You handled it very well considering the battles you were going through during the hike, I know I could not have done it myself, I find it hard enough to map reading at the best of times lol. Take care, I am going to have to check your other vids out now (for the right reasons) and have just subbed. Atb Bill.

[@robertleathers5630]

Wow. Thomas Heaton recommended this video and I almost didn't watch as it was 50 minutes long but I am so glad I did. As a dad my heart broke for you as I watched your struggle and felt inside I wished I could be there to support you and encourage you. It opened my eyes to what panic attacks are like and hopefully will make me more cognizant of those around me who struggle with that same issue. I was happy to hear you reached out to your mom and dad as I am sure they are a great source of support and strength. I look forward to your next journey on this trail and look forward to you breaking out that camera gear as the views, what little we saw, were amazing. Wishing you many happy hiking miles ahead!

[@maggiedoor6093]

Thanks for sharing, views or no views we ( Husband and I) watch your videos with such enjoyment. We can relate to your health issues, having close friends or family that suffer with anxiety, depression and self doubt. I have my own issues of anxiety and when life situations overwhelm me, I literally can't make a decision one way or the other. It's like my brain shuts down. No doubt you will return to this trail one sunny day and the house and the gardens that you missed , will be beautiful.

[@iangorner]

My wife and I just watched your vid. Wonderful work under trying conditions. My wife was becoming a bit concerned for you ( me too). I could show parts of your vid to my first aid classes to help them understand a panic attack......I would need your permission and that of St. John Ambulance. I try to teach empathy for those who suffer.....this vid certainly would do that. Our thoughts and prayers to you for your courage.

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment Ian. I would love to hear your thoughts on where you could see the panic etc. It is interesting for me to watch things too. I never look like how I feel...!! You are welcome to use this video any time and if I'm needed to attend and talk about stuff, count me in! Appreciate the prayers. Stay WILD. Abbie

[@iangorner]

@@AbbieBarnesWILD in my teaching this week I have referred my students to your channel..especially this one. At the end of a discussion on panic attacks I talk about your you tube channel your love of the outdoors and your great personality.

[@rosie85rsr]

‘Stopping is not failure’ this is such an important message that should be applied to so many different areas of life! Thank you for posting this video, it really touched home with me. Your well-being always comes above the completion of the trail.

[@sharonthompson1363]

I adore your videos Abbie. Thank you so much for sharing your walks, and so much of yourself. This is The most inspiring "get out there and walk" video I've seen yet. I tell you this as an Aussie with dubious mental health ( it comes it goes) and an even more dubious sense of direction but who desperately wants to walk in the UK. Thank you.

[@stephengirling7859]

It's not about success or failure...it's about the experience. I, for one, am absolutely loving walking along with you on all your expeditions. Great views and great company. Truth is hard to come by these days.

[@cheriwhite902]

I am humbled by your honesty and courage to share this difficult personal journey and to model for others the importance of choosing self-care. Sending you a huge hug. I was happy to see that you later came back and completed the trail. As you said, it didn’t go anywhere. We gain strength and wisdom from the challenges and stumbling blocks life places in front of us. ❤️

[@hadorstapa]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Abbie. Must have been horrid to live through, but so good for so many to hear and see. Know that you are loved.

[@hulsfamcalcan]

I came to watch the hike, I got excited when I saw Disley and environs (where I lived for a few years) and then was immersed in your real inner journey. Like so many others have said you showed great courage in letting us see your struggle. I started to watch your videos because I am going through a serious health challenge myself right now and they motivate me. Finally, and coincidentally I saw on Facebook also today that you completed the Gritstone trail. 👍🏻Keep on Abbie: you are making a difference!

[@philworsley2329]

Hello Abbie. I have just watched this video on a gloomy day up in Manchester and my heart goes out to you. Incedibly honest and open film about not only the outdoors but of mental health issues and the battle against the inner demons. The thing that impresses me most about all this is that you understood what was going on, you faced up to it and you made the right decision. Never ever beat yourself up over choices that you make (easy to say I know) and always believe in yourself and your decisions. Not every day is a good day but you will always come through - because you are Abbie Barnes. Stay Wild

[@paramidge8935]

Abbie, your intelligence, generosity and compassion are your great protective factors - and of course the wilds. I appreciate that it remains a struggle but believe you are one of life's survivors. Keep keeping on.

[@karenhatton7058]

I have struggled with my mental health for over 20 years, I have to sometimes take things a minute at a time. Thank you for your honesty and I wish I could give you a hug x

[@johnalden5821]

I used to be a regular runner, and I am now a hiker/backpacker. Some days/trips, I have found that I just don't have motivation or energy -- for whatever reason. It's here where I fall back on the slogan of "hike your own hike." And sometimes that means not hiking. There will be another day. I look forward to seeing more of your videos!

[@theheftyhiker847]

I could feel your struggle there abbie it was a very heavy atmosphere with the weather and no blue skys. I live not far from there and it can be a moody place when the weathers bad!!. But on the plus side you did the right thing and that walk will always be there!! Your still amazing love the videos!! ATB

[@ianelliott3917]

Hi Abbie just watched your video and it really moved me I cant begin to understand your pain but it does feel that you are putting yourself under to much pressure to achieve your goal rather than just enjoy the trek for what it is. Please just try to enjoy the journey for what it is and forget about the end goal I find spontaneous journeys far more enjoying and often end up doing something completely different and always have fun doing it.You have a very bubbly outlook on your journeys which inspires me to get out and do more. Don't beet yourself up and just enjoy the moment as I have enjoyed watching your journey. feel well and take care.

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thanks for the comment. Compassion is what I strive for in every conversation with myself. The trip itself didn't knock my mental health, it is a chronic thing I have to deal with every day of my life which means it follows me to the trail too. I love being on the trail for the fact that it is a trail - a journey of explorations since you never know what is around the next corner. Never beating myself up, but I do strive to produce content that people enjoy and make sure I take the steps needed to capture things properly. Walking isn't just walking for a walkings sake for me really. There are a lot of layers to it. Anyway, stay WILD! :)

[@ianelliott3917]

@@AbbieBarnesWILD thanks for the insight to your strugles. I would just like to say you videos are enjoyable because of the honest and enthusiastic way you come across thanks

[@janetwenlock6762]

Hi Abbie, thank you so much for showing this video and being so honest. I am struggling with my mental health too and can relate to not being able to make a decision, tight chest, telling myself to breathe and be calm etc. Walking in God’s beautiful creation helps me so much too. My husband and I walked the West Highland Way this year, in memory of our parents and in aid of South Cheshire CLASP (the charity I work for) and to help our mental health. It was a struggle but we did it! And it was beautiful. While training for it we walked the Gritstone Trail over 3 days and we got a bit lost too but we had much better weather and enjoyed the views. Your videos have inspired us and given us lots of practical tips. Thank you. You are a beautiful lady.

[@gavintheurquhart]

Abbie.... thank you. This is so freeing seeing myself in the mirror. Really appreciate your ability to actually keep filming despite how you feel. You have motivated me to get out there. I LOVE being out there in the WILD and it's where I feel my soul being hugged. Really love watching your videos as you are so motivational. I realise this is an older video now and I've watched LOT of your content. Thank you for being you.

[@MrOj53]

The scallop was a sign that you should hike to Santiago. Buen Camino

[@Dezzls]

Agreed! Buen Camino Abbie.

[@jimmycburfield5997]

As a human being and as a mental health nurse this video is an inspiration. Thanks for posting.

[@turnermw602]

What a brave young lady you are. Please take care and be kind to yourself. x

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thanks for watching.

[@johnschooley3631]

I watched this in the Midst ( or the beginning?) of Corona Pandemic . I'd say your mental health is far greater than your mental illness. Your courage is inspiring. Thank you for being you! It so deeply touched my heart.

[@jimbosupernova]

Wow, I can only echo the warm words of my fellow commenters. Your honesty is astounding. I hope you get some fulfilment by sharing and helping others like me who suffer from similar mental health issues. You have a true gift thank you so much for sharing it with us.

[@rosalynhollidge6200]

Well done Abbie.. for finding your safe place. I suffer with PTSD and chronic anxiety so I felt every bit of your pain. You are helping so many by being so honest. I started watching your videos because I am planning on moving to Scotland from the South for peace and tranquility - so can totally relate. Thank you for your bravery and generosity in sharing 🙏

[@leejohnstone7500]

Be kind to yourself is the best phrase you can hear. It typically comes from someone who knows. I find that unless I have done meticulous planning I am also prone to doubt myself. The outdoors is without the best medicine available. Keep up the good work and be kind to yourself.

[@wullymc1]

I landed on your site by accident and you have really grown on me. I was watching your climb up Ben Nevis and I was there with you in retrospective spirit. When you had the panic attack and then saw those people I felt for you so much. A very emotional roller coaster of a video. No one was happier for you when you pulled through and made it to the top. So here I am about 6 videos in. Keep up the good work.

[@steveakka]

Wow what a woman you are Abbie...that video moved me to tears..keep doing what you're doing Abbie you truly are an inspiration. The old boots are coming out again because of you! 👍 Keep making these brilliant videos and take care.

[@jasonwinney3491]

When you pass someone in the street or on a trail you don't know what their going through in life, giving them a smile or having a short chat can turn the day back around on it's feet again.

[@ericnorsman9203]

Dear Abbie, firstly, thanks for another inspiring post, you NEVER disappoint! Secondly, after watching your posts for some time now, I (as a 53 year old someone with MH issues) thoroughly believe that the light that is your courage, humour, determination, compassion and intelligence are your best tools with which to do battle with your darkness. Be brave, your abilities are evident to us all. Best wishes!

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

It is a pleasure to share with you guys. Thank you for watching and sharing. Take care and Stay WILD! Abbie

[@enyabroc1624]

"It's ok to not be ok." These words give me strength Abbie. The courage you show in each video is encouragement indeed. Cheers! 🌺💐🌺💐

[@galeoutdoors9530]

Love watching this . I repect how open you are about mental health. . Fair play to you . Looking forward to your next adventures. Take care

[@bigguy64]

What a brave video you've shared Abbie. You're strong. I know how hard you're doing it. Respect. Boyd

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thank you for watching. I appreciate that. Stay WILD! Abbie

[@Elizabeth-vk4si]

Getting turned around when you are out walking can be daunting. I got confused on one of my walks which wasn't even as far as this one is that Abbie's doing. Fortunately for me I took my dog with me and believe me she had the best sense of direction and smell and I relied on her to get us back to where I parked the car. My dog helped me with feeling anxious and I always felt safer when I had her with me. Some days things just don't go smoothly for whatever reason but I think just the awareness that things aren't flowing smoothly is enough to realize it may be best to let it go and try another day. We are human and some days we just aren't as strong as others, it doesn't make us failures and we can achieve tomorrow what we can't today. You did a good thing to listen to yourself and your are in no way a failure.

[@markkenward3895]

Hi Abbie. I discovered your videos a couple of months ago while searching for posts on the south downs way (the Jack and Jill windmills are right on my doorstep). I've been enjoying working my way through your 'back catalogue' ever since and it's helped inspire me to start my own adventures. I found this particular video so touching to watch. While it's not nice to see someone struggle, your honesty and your strength really touched a chord with me. Thank you for posting this. I think many people will appreciate what you are doing to illuminate mental health issues and finding therapy in the great outdoors.

[@riccioxborrow3061]

Love this episode. Keep on. Walking

[@cherigreen4471]

Abbie you are a wonderful person and doing a great job! You showed great courage in showing your vulnerability and self doubt. You made the right decision to try the trail again at another time when you feel strong and confident. Love your beautiful smile too! Lots of love from the USA.

[@williamaustin3261]

A really pretty walk! Very English! Countryside and weather! Thank you !

[@Ronaldstenson]

Hi Abbie, Well done on being extremely vulnerable, you have extraordinary courage, you clearly have a gift to share with the world. Take care and keep making these videos.

[@crazysoxcourier]

such a brave and honest video. I myself suffer with mental health issues, I keep them hidden and rarely talk about them as I know people suffer much more than I do mine are only mild by comparison. well done for looking after you! I look forward to watching you do this trail again in better weather! missing paths and going the wrong way is so frustrating but sometimes just like you where you are rewarded with epic views and experiences! thank you for sharing

[@stevesmith3990]

Don't beat yourself up Abbie, it takes a lot of guts to get out there on your own and plan to wild camp in the middle of nowhere, especially in January! Its a very brave things to do. I've realised that walking in wintry/lousy weather does not do it for me, in fact it makes me miserable so I tend not to do it anymore. Roll on the spring and summer, hope you're feeling better now, all the best, Steve.

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thanks Steve! Stay WILD! Abbie

[@Tim_G_Bennett]

Thank you for showing the real life side of mental health. I find that I'm okay until I get worn out and then my emotional regulation is no more and I start crying. You did great looking after yourself, sometimes that's the hardest thing to do. Wishing you many happy hikes in 2019.

[@BigBadStu17]

What a fantastic video, you're inspirational. Sometimes you've just got to do what you have to do, things don't work out. You're right the trail will still be there for another time. Keep it up and take care.

[@renskedollekamp6392]

I think it's very brave and beautiful of you to post this. It's okay not to be okay sometimes, as long as you are safe. Personally I actually liked seeing what it's like in the hills with all the mist and rain, since all people show is perfect weather and perfect views. But how interesting it can be to be totally incased in clouds?! Also, I always like getting lost, in big cities I actually do it on purpose to discover new things. It feels nice if you don't have to be somewhere. Maybe try walking a route that just has a general idea (for example keep heading north/keep walking along a coast/whatever you like) and enjoy everything you see. That way you don't have the pressure of finding a trail or getting somewhere in time.

[@flatandsplat]

Wow! How brave of you to post this video. Funnily, from the first few minutes I could see you were not quite yourself. You did the right thing to go to where you felt safest and I thank you for sharing this. Its important for people to see. I look forward to watching conquer Gritstone.

[@louisemitch1]

Thank you for this video Abby - the countryside is amazing. I too love the outdoors which is why I like watching your trips. The way you describe what you went through is absolutely how my son describes. He also has severe mental health issues, and you have helped me know what he goes through. That you still get out there and walk is amazing. Sadly his tendency is to shut himself in his room. You have a good support system with your family. Keep going! Lots of love from me ..

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Im sorry to hear that your son struggles too. It is so horrible and my heart goes out to him. I understand where he is at. Just keep supporting and loving and guiding him to find the things that set his soul on fire. Stay WILD. Abbie

[@bigtoe333333]

In addition to having great sympathy for your ongoing challenge in managing mental health issues, I just wanted to say that I think you have a real gift for this sort of thing Your narration is intelligent, lively, engaging, and warm, and it feels very authentic in portraying a true passion for the outdoors, which is something that does not shine through in many outdoors vlogs It would be great to see your wonderful gift of narration given a much wider audience- you certainly deserve that and your talents are worthy of it.

[@buck197]

Well done young lady and keep on your path. A very brave video and thanks for sharing. Xxx

[@cheerio3847]

I'm thankful you posted. It may not have been the hike & video you planned - but it was still a good one on both points. I enjoyed what I saw, not being from Britain - the terrain is interesting even if I cant see far, I still enjoy the architecture of what you pass and how the public walks all cross each other and seem to cover the countryside. I like watching the hedges, stone walls, little bridges, farms & animals etc. You still got a day of good walking, you got to scout out a trail for future hiking when the weather is better. It would have been more upsetting to make the nav error in good weather and missed lyme park when it would be gorgeous - but now you know the nav gets a bit tricky there and what to do when you come back. It is a very accessible trail, it amazes me it starts right at the train station - and it seemed a very quick train ride for you. So, you can come back and be spontaneous any time you have a couple days together and the weather report is positive. I look forward to seeing what I saw today in a different season. As for the mental health - I think you did very well dealing with this episode. You recognized that things were off, made some alternative plans then continued on to see if you could. When being outside and walking wasn't working, you had those alternative plans to fall back on and exited. Its not a failure - its just being sensible and recognizing that today just wasn't the day to be where you were. You made the safe sensible choice, this was a 'self assigned' task so your self can also re-assign it! Change the due date. You push yourself quite often, so I see it as a good choice to decide that pushing it isn't always the best option. Like a willow - sometimes you have to bend to the forces in order to spring back up strong. You tested it, pushed back somewhat and carried on then decided that approach wasn't working. That's not failure, that's good decision making and choosing to move the battlefield to a better location where you can win. I feel with mental illness issues, you have to be flexible in how you work with each episode because every instance is unique. You are very brave for showing this.

[@TrevorLockwoodsuffolk]

I'm in tears now, and that's because I know just how you feel, what you are going through. I love your honesty. I love you, as a strong person who is facing difficult challenges. Your answer is to get out into this wonderful world. Yesterday I did the same, went for a long walk. Today, I'm indolent, finding it hard to do anything. I'm going to find another of your walks - that will help.

[@DovieRuthAuthor]

The most beautiful and beneficial video you have ever done. Thanks for sharing your heart and mind. Your honesty is a lesson to us all. x

[@JP-ht7ks]

Thank you for sharing, not only the beautiful hike, but your experience.

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thank you for watching.

[@SoloHiker]

You're an inspiration Abbie, I love your honesty on both your errors in navigation ( which we all can make ) and your struggles with mental health. As someone who has suffered with anxiety myself, I totally relate to how you must have been feeling and the conflict in the thought processes you were experiencing. I was almost in tears myself remembering how that feels. God bless you you the right thing for yourself, the trail will be there for another time. All the best

[@davidayres45]

Not what I was expecting when I started watching the video Abbie. But that was a very strong and emotional experience. I also love walking, have walked a lot by myself, and also been through mental health issues. Your work is really quite special so keep walking, stay strong and keep being Abbie.

[@amanitamuscaria7500]

It's weird Abbie, I said out loud (I'm alone here) when you turned back to the Bowstones - DONT! But you did. I felt that was where it started. I always trust my instincts when I get those strong feelings - but then I don't struggle with your issues. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't trust my gut feelings. They're nearly always right. But then I'm 67 and I wasn't as sure of them at your age. I think you're incredibly brave - much braver than me. All power to you, girl. Your videos remind me of that song - Nobody gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down, oh no, I got to keep on moving!! I live in Sheffield, by the way.

[@eloisebrynlee]

That trek was wonderful Abbie. I really enjoy your winter walks. 🥾🧣🥾🧣🥾🧣🥾 I liked the way you stayed on camera and were able to talk about your issues. This really helps others too. x

[@davejobling1998]

Nice one Abbie. I love your relaxed style, and honesty. Those hills and valleys aren't going anywhere....hopefully next time you will get the views.

[@andrew30m]

Wow! Such an inspiring video. I’m really enjoying the back catalogue and enjoying your easy, yet detailed commentary. Its making my walking to do list two lifetimes long 🤷‍♂️😃 a nice problem to have, thank you. It doesn’t matter who we are, sometimes in the hills it all just starts getting a little out of kilter, be it the weather, conditions, route finding or just not enjoying the moment like we normally do. Taking stock, being reflective and making a retreat is so hard to do, extremely frustrating especially as many of us travel so far to be there and sometimes at great expense. When I look back at those times it’s with a sense of pride that with everything saying don’t give up, i used my growing ‘hill craft’ to make the correct decision, conditions aren’t right, the risks, motivation are wrong, returning safely is all that matters, the hill isn’t going anywhere.

[@pbrowny4726]

I feel your pain, your not alone.. and neither am I now! Thank you

[@paulrudd1063]

A very honest and compelling video Abbie. I think you show incredible courage to be so open about your inner doubts and anxieties. I think that the only way to drive away a dragon is to stare it down. Every time you do that, it gets weaker and you get stronger. I understand the comments you made in your latest video now, and I admire your resolve.

[@nicholasousby4042]

So glad I've found your KZbin channel and thank you so much for posting this video. By sharing your honesty about your mental health makes me feel like I'm not alone. When I'm out in the hills I can get anxiety attacks that come out of the blue, which doesn't make sense as it's also where I feel so comfortable and at home. Really hope you get back to the trail and actually see some of the lovely views because they are stunning! Who know's maybe I'll bump into you as I live in Manchester. Thank you again for putting this video up, it mustn't have been easy. Roll with the bad days and cherish the good ones :-) Much Love, Nick, x

[@pauljohnson9347]

Very moving and inspirational video. You are so brave. Thank you for sharing Abbie 💞

[@anthonym6594]

I'm sat watching your channel for the first time . I'm currently off work with panic attacks and feeling totally lost . Watching you struggle with your mental health was like a message sent . This is my first watch of your channel and now I'm hooked .Your a total inspiration and very brave . Hats off Abbie and thank you for uploading. Keep up the great work .

[@Davidm1fcf]

A great video, and thank you for sharing..... I was watching your "Return to the Gritstone Trail" video, and thought I should head here first so that the other one made sense. As others have said, a very brave, open and honest video that a lot of other people might not have bothered with, and then we would have been none the wiser about the struggle that you had been going through. I get from your videos, that they are a great help to you, but dont ever feel that you have to post because it is what your audience wants - keep doing what you are doing, one step at a time, and one trail at a time..... Thank you and all the best for 2020!

[@loopylou]

Wow, just wow. Thank you for sharing that. As someone who has struggled with anxiety and panic I know that wasn't easy 💖 Good on you for making the right decision. The decision that you needed.

[@stephanielilypot8699]

Lyme park is absolutely beautiful. It's one of my go to places when I need to relax

[@heatonreddishwalkers]

This is on my list for a first multi day hike and first overnight wild camp. Your journey has really captured how I feel even before I set a plan to walk it, yet your journey has cemented in me the confidence to try. Thank you for your honesty in this video, your personality and zest for life far outshines the shadows in your mind. You have taught me to be understanding of me. Thank you.

[@CatWalking]

Thank you, Abbie, brave girl! ❤️🌞

[@panzerthecat]

I already made a comment earlier in the vid. Now that I’m at the end of the vid I must add to my earlier comment. Two things that I want to add. Your hike is YOUR hike. Please don’t be upset that the views aren’t up to par. For me I’m sitting on my couch enjoying these beautiful places and wishing I was there with you. These are places I will NEVER see so anything you share with me is such a blessing. Thank you. Secondly, I have been on trails where I have felt the exact same way and turn right the way round and headed back. I still have no idea why I felt that way but I had to listen to that. With that said, I have also done it where I felt agitated and stressed and I pushed through and ended up having a lovely day in the mountains. The chemical for fear in the brain is the same chemical for excitement. So I work through the anxiety by asking myself questions such proper questions “am I ok right now” yes “am I safe?” Yes is anyone coming at me right now? Am I excited to be here? Yes can I continue on? Yes. Am I not well enough to continue? Yes. Hugs!!!

[@kevinedw2002]

Hi Abbie, Brave and inspirational. As many other people have already stated, it is important that we are open and honest about mental health issues and the ways they can affect our lives.

[@peterfenton9516]

Hi Abbie just watch your video hats off to you and much respect for sharing your inner self ... A young inspiration is what you are stay strong

[@danensis]

I watched this a few days ago, and have been thinking about it since. It's not an area of mental health about which I know much, but I think it is very brave of you to put it on KZbin, so thank you for doing so.

[@peacemakeryates7030]

Abbie I take my hat off to you, a true insperation to all and an amazing role model with how open you are to talk about issues as so many people struggle in silence I hope you manage to get out soon as I really enjoy your vids keep on trekking oh and I got the akto after watching your review so a massive thank you and peace out✌️

[@kathrynbrock1558]

Thank you for being so honest. I suffer with a lot of anxiety and panic at decisions Since the death of my sister over twenty years ago. Something that still haunts me. So pleased you finished the trail .

[@NormanTheHedgehog]

I grew up on the west coast of North America in the State of Washington. The landscape along with the winter rain and fog felt so familiar. I also deal with depression. I know what it's like when normally fun activities don't feel fun. I was close to crying with you. I'm going to watch your return visit to the Gritstone Trail next. I'm hoping it was a better experience for you.

[@ajlbrew]

Hi., Abbie. Your video and how you are coping with your mental health, shows how really strong you really are. You seem to beat yourself up, because of a one mistake reading the substandard map, in the mist. I watched your video on the "West Highland Way" walk. You ARE a brilliant and strong person Abbie. For a young lady to go on your travels alone, shows How strong you are. Lots of love and support from YOUR SUPPORTERS.xx

[@googletookmyoriginaluserna4182]

Thanks for sharing your journey, struggles and triumphs all. Bless you, Abbie!

[@linedwell]

Loved this video. Imo it is a vital skill to know when to step back, stop off and regroup. 👍 Though admittedly, I also wanted to give you a hug and a cuppa too.. 😝

[@jread8756]

Big respect Abbie. I thought you were so honest and inspirational and I really enjoyed your commentary. You were very brave IMHO, tackling such a walk on your own and in such grotty weather. I hope you return to the trail one day and smash it!! Well done.

[@michaelpilling9659]

You were very brave and honest with yourself and you made the right decision to stop the walk. The decision making process all depends on what you have to decide on. Making contact with a loved one was correct. Anyway, the walk we completed was lovely despite the low cloud and mistakes navigating. Looking foward when we can do it again. I'm with you always.

[@jonmoore4588]

What a moving and candid commentary. Please know this, you are absolutely not alone in experiencing these feelings. You do however have an important and valuable tool in your toolbox, the ability to articulate how you are feeling. Communication with someone trusted is so incredibly helpful and one of the paths towards dealing with mental health issues. One of the others, is experiencing the outdoors, where, often, problems melt away to be replaced by more positive emotions and wonderment at the beauty of nature. To sum up, talking and walking, not necessarily together though. Personally, I find the trail and the challenges of navigation a marvellous form of catharsis - the stuff that bears down dissipates and I'm left with a less cluttered mind. Hope you find solace out there too.

[@gellis7048]

I saw the video and just wanted to show a bit of support for you. Look after yourself, I look forward to your next video.

[@AbbieBarnesWILD]

Thanks so much! Stay WILD! Abbie

[@WhenWillILearn]

I just had to search through a load of your videos to find this one. I watched it at the time and I wanted to do this walk, tomorrow is finally the day!

[@seakayaker1470]

Good on you Abbie, you made the right decision for YOU and that’s what is important; you are very brave. Be kind to yourself and take care.

[@tamsynmahoney-steel4167]

I love this. Thank you. I've been there so many times and take care of my husband who has mental illness, too. We are trying to heal through hiking and nature, but sometimes turning for home is the right choice. xxx

[@clivewinter8321]

Abbie your a real classic gem to people like me I value all your video's as well as a good friend of mine and your very good self I got back I to walking as u battled depression and anxiety but you are an inspiration to many people ease keep up the good work especially people like me who follow in your footsteps

[@philenglish3931]

Well, I enjoyed it, not watching you suffer of course, but the rest of it. Mist or no mist. I climbed a local hill with brilliant views a couple of days ago. I never saw more than 200m ahead of me but it was still a great walk. Like yours. Good to see you upload this. 90 percent of my walks go wrong to some extent. There are plenty of "my Facebook life" videos out there. Nice to see an honest one. A lot of people on KZbin seem to think they owe people something. Got to remember that what you're doing is largely a gift to viewers. You don't owe me anything. I put something in your PayPal because I like what you do. Though, to be clear, you still don't owe me anything. Thanks for your videos.