Want To Lose A Friend? Lend Them Money | *ABA RAGES*

[@Shade_Rock]

No one tells a better story than someone who needs some money.

[@youtubestudiosucks978]

There once was a, - give me coffee now

[@LibranSoldierofFortune]

Be a Oscar worthy story

[@TheJarlath9]

Bro my mother in law used to call and ask money for for her boyfriend in jail

[@champ7139]

Wait a sec someone stole your comment damn

[@Shade_Rock]

​@@champ7139they probably stole some money too lol

[@phenwii3787]

My mom always told me “If you ever lend anyone money be prepared to never see it again”.

[@pjtasteology2726]

My Moma too so when I give I just tell them you can have it.

[@phil6731]

Same and if it doesn't come back just know that person is probably also not coming back and they saved you some time

[@tawsha6503]

That’s the only way to go, don’t give what you can’t lose and be ready to tell them people no the next time

[@HypocritesExposd]

I’ve learned the truth of that statement firsthand

[@TheGruffRoom]

I lend with the assumption that I won't get it back, but don't tell me that you are going to pay me back by a certain time, cause then I'm gonna get mad when I don't get it back.

[@tayzonday]

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given: never loan people money. If I have it, I give it and that’s it. If I don’t, I don’t. Debt collecting poisons relationships.

[@SilentMerc331]

If someone asks you for money and they have no intention of paying you back or they always asks you for stuff. That's someone you shouldn't assosiate with.

[@brianbelcher7279]

If you have it, give it? That's a great way to go broke. Your "friends" are going to be like, " oh this pushover tay is always good for a 20." Every week they expect you to have 20 bucks to your name... And if you have it, you'll give it, right? Then your "friends" will never need to work. You're such a good friend👍😀! You won't stay dry... You'll surely feel the pain. Maybe YOUR friends growing up were actually trying and actually were down on their luck and happened to need money. But we know too many people that aren't even trying. They won't hold a job for themselves, but expect you to get up every morning and do an 8.5 hour shift just to spend all your earnings on them. And they don't even give you head for it. You get nothing! YOU LOSE! Chocolate rain on them fools 💩

[@lynchsc420]

That goes for loved ones. But I have made money loaning money. Also a gray networking tool in certain circles.

[@outseteddy6306]

@@brianbelcher7279I believe “if you have it” implies, you have to spare.

[@AmaInsightz]

I do this too, my father taught me this. But he also said that you have to make clear you have boundaries. Otherwise brokies will ask you for money frequently and have the audacity to be mad at you when you finally say no. Lol

[@DeathsRHM]

I remember getting mad that I lent £20 to a guy who never paid it back and afterwards completely ghosted me. Went to complain about it to my dad and he responded with "you paid £20 to rid yourself of someone untrustworthy, that's a bargain". I stopped being mad almost instantly he had a great point. Edit: People keep referencing a really old movie called A Bronx Tale as the source of this quote, I get it my dad used a quote from an old movie to make me feel better.

[@shauleen]

They really could have done £2 a week and be done.... just disrespectful ...

[@Darksphere101]

20 is exactly my maximum, and it's totally worth it for getting rid of shitty people lol

[@bombomos]

That's great advice

[@MusMasi]

someone asks for money very easily is a red flag for me, especially a lot of money, I immediately do not trust them with anything.

[@rickyt7666]

Sounds like your dad quoted a Bronx Tale. He probably didn’t but it’s a good quote and I never forgot it.

[@jackson12802]

My husband and I loaned about 10k to a family member. For my mental health I had to let it go and accept the fact they are not going to pay us back. My husband warned me not loan money especially if you need it back. Never in a million years would I have thought this family member would not pay us back. That person not paying us back hurt my heart more than our finances.

[@reynadana]

Man, for such a large amount I would have a contract drawn up.

[@aladdout9454]

the heartbreak part is true. Its shitty knowing someone doesn't respect you enough to pay you back. It hurts your pride at some point like, how are you not bothered by when yk you aren't being responsible towards me

[@bonganipeter9433]

Make peace with it,

[@atticusseverus]

@@reynadana Damn straight.

[@Astelch]

Had a friend who is with the marines and let’s just say I ended the friendship after a decade. Man’s living a degen life partying it up and faking a story of his mother in the hospital and being behind payments. What’s even more crazy is my other friends who got finessed by him still talk to the bum. For me I can’t do it you had a good circle of people who cared enough about you to help you out and here you go betraying their trust. What let’s me sleep at night is I will always be better than him; man’s always yell racism whenever he doesn’t get hired and feels entitled that he deserves more while never putting in the work. That victim mentality will never get him anywhere plus he said he wants to go in the medical field. Man’s didn’t couldn’t even graduate high school and cheated to get his ged at 24😂😂. His ego in space

[@Marco.of.Substance]

"Why are you coming at me over that little bit of money?" This is the response I always got when I asked them to repay the loan.

[@leevkop8229]

People who use that excuse infuriate me so much because that argument goes both ways. If it's a little bit of money then you could've paid it back.

[@Eiramilah]

passive aggressive mess

[@ShesSoDesi]

OMG "All that over a few dollars?" lol

[@handsomesquidward5160]

Honesty...Why ask for a loan if you're not going to pay it back, thats6the whole point of a loan. And if it's only "A little bit" then they should have no problems paying it back.

[@nyshyn307]

​@leevkop8229 Also, if it's such a little bit of money, why did you need it so immediately that you had to ask? 😂😂😂

[@javonicasapp1203]

You know what's worse? When someone owes you money but gets an attitude with you about it as if you're the problem!

[@billyin4c514]

Ha! That when you're with a real pos.

[@MusMasi]

or when they keep saying they cannot pay you back yet they spend money on luxury items worth more than your debt, while your debt goes on for years.

[@Astelch]

Speaking from my experience is when you block them on all platforms they get a friend middleman to tell you to unblock them and that they “need” to talk to me which I laugh bcuz he’s probably asking for more money living a lifestyle he can’t afford. Caught hella red flags when he said took him 3 weeks to get a debit replaced. His phone got destroyed. And eventually ghosting. A lot of shameless people out in the world

[@bence1830]

I'm not lending anyone money anymore. But I hated the fact you even have to constantly remind them, hey you said you give it back tomorrow, it's been a week. Like they forget about it the moment you give it to them.

[@natelipscomb6530]

That money is always little when you have it to em already but when they needed it it was a life saver.

[@cainabel615]

I learned my lesson decades ago about lending money. I never do it. I’m not a bank. I GIVE money. If I can’t afford to give it away, I won’t lend it. Once I give it away, I always tell people don’t worry about it. If they can pay it back fine. If they can’t it’s a gift. No hard feelings ever over that.

[@Aliyaaaa]

Same, usually I make it clear that I don't want it back. I don't want that uncomfortable feeling of running after my money. Bigger amounts obviously only go to my closest people.

[@adim00lah]

Yeah, I don't loan people money, if I have it and they really need it, I'll just give it to them, and tell them they don't have to pay me back.

[@manzanasrojas6984]

Good decision... Cant recall how many times i lend out money to "friends" who only got it under the premise to pay it back "in x amount of time", times that i had to turn every penny myself to get by and still was nice enough to lend it out just to then get ghosted or gaslit into how iam pressuring them so much to pay it back by the time they AGREED to give it back by.... And dont get me wrong, these people were my real friends and not some acquaintances. We dont call people friends as easily as you do in the US, and yet, when it comes to money, friendships are over in no time. TLDR: Dont lend out money. To no one. Learn to say no. Most people put themselves and their desires, needs, etc over everyone elses, I had to learn that the hard way.

[@adim00lah]

@@manzanasrojas6984 If someone really needs it, and as you said, they a friend you known for a long time or family, and if you got it like that, just give it to them, and tell them they don't have to pay it back. Cuz more than likely they gonna be too broke to pay you back if they asking for money. Now if they always asking for money, then you may have to just tell them no or cut them off.

[@Navigata1]

Dope

[@dmani8791]

Man i feel this shit. I have a friend i lent 30 bucks earlier this year. Man straight up told me after dodging me for a week he was too broke atm to pay me back when he said. Fast forward 5 fking months and man tryna act like everything cool. Its not even a lot of money, but the principal is what matters to me. I barely wanna associate with dude after this much less be his friend

[@tyheildes6210]

Baby, even if it was $1. If they say “loan me I will pay you back by X” it is a verbal contract. It hurts when someone undermines your generosity, intelligence and own finances. It shows they do not respect you. Which hurts double because it’s normal a friend or family member that asks. 😢

[@MsMak03]

Ask him about your 30 bucks

[@dmani8791]

@@MsMak03 i have, just says he doesnt have it. From what people say about hik he does that with anyone that lends him money tho i just had no idea 🤦🏽‍♂️

[@dmani8791]

@@tyheildes6210 exactly, its all about respect fr

[@jocelync.2034]

Bruh I have a friend that I’ve been friends with for forever, she owes me $50 and this mf buys everything for our friends and recently bought something of $20 yet she had just told me she didn’t have the money yet to pay me back bruh😭😭 and I’m a broke af college student. Idec if she doesn’t pay me back soon tbh but the fact that once she has the money she doesn’t pay me back and instead buys dumb things costing $20-40 it irks me.

[@marcp4389]

I loaned a friend $2k. Taking him to court next month. He’ll be paying interest and my legal fees.

[@adrian-dragosbalaban6401]

How do you take somebody to court over that? How do you prove it?

[@Welari12]

​@@adrian-dragosbalaban6401 any form of writing counts as a contract, and they'll have to pay you back + pay interest on the loan to the gov. I have to do the same for 6k at the end of the year...

[@commissarkitty3553]

@@johjohn8744 hes losing thay 2k if he doesn't do anything might as well teach that guy a lesson.

[@bullseyebulldog8001]

@@johjohn8744it’s about sending a message

[@marcp4389]

@@adrian-dragosbalaban6401 did a bank transfer along with messages of him promising payments and evading me for the past year.

[@caasik013]

That's the part that always annoys me. If you need help, just ask for help. Don't pretend this a loan, makeing these promises and assurances, just to get indignant later.

[@jessieis]

This! Unless it's a lot of money (which i don't give out), just keep the money and do what you need to do.

[@enmanuel1950]

Honestly that's the part that pisses me off the most. When you ask someone for your money back or even try to get date out of them they act offended like you're asking them for money when you just want what they owe you back.

[@Crono2077]

People that do that usually don't really need help that bad, they are the kinda of people that always borrow and never return and end up destroying multiple relationships.

[@Gchildwarrior]

And when I'm lent money, I have enough guilt as a reminder to pay them back. Some people need that part in their lives 😂

[@zachrichardson5581]

Precisely. That's why I have a similar mindset to Preach here. I almost always automatically assume any money I give out will not be coming back to me. More importantly if someone is really in a bad situation and just needs money, it's not a loan in that sitauation it's just financial help.

[@iriesister]

I’m 100% with Aba. I feel the exact same. It’s very disrespectful. It’s happened to me more than once. Now, I’m with Preach - I don’t lend more than I’m prepared to lose or I only lend to those in that very tight circle who I know and trust. Some people have no morals and no integrity.

[@waleedsnead1559]

I don't lend money to no one

[@meldrickedwards1892]

@@waleedsnead1559 Nobody cares.

[@meldrickedwards1892]

Nobody cares.

[@AZ_The_Dude]

"Who raised you? I met your mom- it wasn't her!" Is such a hard line holy shit!

[@maling5907]

I found out the hard way. I gave a lot to my family and friends, but when I needed help, nobody was around to help me. It was a sticking feeling when I saw they could help but chose not to. I learned to say I cannot and keep it moving.

[@marshaanderson7105]

Same thing happened to me. And now it’s a big fat NO to everyone.

[@atticusseverus]

Oh hell do I know this feeling quite well....family who used our kindness but ignore us in the few times of need we had.....friends who were happy to use our kindness and always ask for help.....but never be around or able to help the very few times we needed a hand. Better to just not have anything to do in regards to needing help from others, cause I don't expect any of them to actually help.

[@frankb9149]

just make you less of a CONSUMING MAMMAL , when you look at it in the long run , could also be looked at as much more Appreciative of the SMALL things , perhaps

[@mmc1227]

I know they were mad.

[@robertstone9988]

Loand a cousin money to pay him and his girlfriends rent. Few months later they are split up and I need that money back to fix a car. He tells me I need to go find his ex and ask her for the money calls shes the one who borrowed it not him.

[@wolfpack4128]

That comment on "sometimes helping people ain't helping them" is so true and so lost in a world where "gentle parenting" is all the rage. People dont understand why I as a parent would let me daughters fail at things that I could have prevented. Because lessons come from failure. Everyone knows this but ignores it. The things that stick in your mind didn't come from a lecture or random advice. They came from pain.

[@bazhumke4040]

wisdom is rare these days you're doin it right

[@marcuskif]

Did something similar with my little cousin we went to buy something from ebay. He text the guy saying we're here 30 mins later nothing. We can wait another 30 mins my cousin text the dude nothing 15-20 mins he finally understood yeah it ain't gonna happen then said let's go.

[@sourgummiescureyourpain4555]

Honestly, afaik part of gentle parenting is letting them make mistakes and not crucifying them for it. Making mistakes is part of getting better at anything.

[@salmahahmed4672]

@@sourgummiescureyourpain4555sometimes people hear a term, come up with their own interpretation without actually looking into it, and then act as if their interpretation is reality. I agreed with you, part of gentle parenting is letting children make mistakes when their young, in the hopes of them learning lessons that will save them when they’re older. But people hear gentle and think spoiled.

[@smolbean2803]

I would agree, except only partly because this kind of thinking can blow up in your face. My best guess is that this only works with the little things. If it’s anything that can be potentially harmful then no, don’t let them figure it out themselves, let them figure it out from someone/somewhere else. There’s a good reason why the whole “let them make their own mistakes” is being lost today, it’s just not safe to do that. They don’t need to learn from their own mistakes, encourage them to learn from the mistakes of others. And no, these lessons that we learn absolutely do not come from just our pain, but from being able to draw your own conclusions. It’s why you don’t need to smoke and develop lung disease to learn it’s bad for you, other people around you already did it for you to have that knowledge.

[@the_eternal_darkness_8436]

Mama always said, “never lend money you ain’t willing to lose” some of the best advice I’ve been given

[@Cheekydr4]

Facts. Out of all the times I've lent out money, I've gotten paid back maybe once. Because I've only ever lent what I was willing to lose, I've never let finances strain my relationships. I say no when I can't, and when I can I don't expect it back.

[@wolfpack4128]

Exactly, and never lend to friends you aren't willing to lose.

[@Cheekydr4]

​@@wolfpack4128facts

[@deleted_acoount_0530]

No one tells a better story than someone who needs some money.

[@AbaNPreach]

Thats a fire line.

[@tonybablony2041]

@@AbaNPreachthe brother stole it though. Major plagiarism W!

[@champ7139]

That's hilarious

[@ericoliver1603]

@@tonybablony2041 he borrowed it

[@DrThier32]

Ding ding ding 😭😭

[@Vincent_Preston]

I've cut ties with 2 people who did this. What annoyed me the most is when I reminded them, and they said "no I dont" bc it was so long ago or "you have savings, so why do you care so much?" After this, I dont associate with people who ask for money.

[@Tarumarugan]

I have 3 rules to lending money: 1: don’t do it 2: if you do it, done expect it back 3: never lend to someone you don’t trust without a contract.

[@MesoCarib]

4. Rule 1. 🙂

[@shenlong3363]

5. Rule 3 has almost no effect legally, do never count on that.

[@angellugo9993]

​@@shenlong3363it does lol, get a witness and/or record it and it'll hold up if they signed since with a witness or evidence of it then it's legally binding

[@DavidTxanin]

I used to have a "friend" who needed help with money almost monthly. He was going through a hard time wasnt living at home anymore because of fam drama so I didnt mind helping him as a friend. He kept asking every month and while he always paid me back eventually it was really pissing me off hearing him complain about money problems when he couldnt hold a job and ORDERED UBER EATS TWICE A DAY EVERYDAY. I got pissed at him one day for ordering food while we were gaming, and this dude gets angry with me, tells me its not my business (i guess its not tbh), then gets the rest of the friend group on my case because im the douche. I stopped giving him loans and he suddenly forgot I existed. I definitely was used, but thank God i didnt lose anything besides time

[@Stuitercactus]

If he ows you money, it is your business that he is ordering food.

[@yingyang7448]

Uber Eats twice a day, bruh... That's hundreds down the drain each and every month.

[@matickills789]

@@yingyang7448trust I got a niece with the same issue with Starbucks delivered to my house. Orders it like 3 times a day and doesn’t even finish what she orders

[@TheTayquann]

Minimum order is like what 10-13$ right? thats over 700$ a month on food i cant

[@brettolson2727]

Omg I can’t imagine spending that much ordering in each day. Cmon how stupid are you with your money.

[@siopowar]

I 100% relate to Preach. My mindset is that the money I "lended" is gone. If they say they'll repay me, sure whatever- but what you do next will affect your friend credit 😂

[@XbadXbadgerX]

I had one of my best friends ask me for $150 for rent. Promises over and over she will pay me back. This was 3 months ago and I was in the middle of going to a new job and moving. But I had it so I figured why not help you & your child out. Meanwhile, never seen a cent. My issue is...don't tell me youre gonna pay me back if you aren't.

[@thegoodoldboys100]

Lended? It's lent, you dolt.

[@TheHolonConcept]

I lost a few "friends" because I lent them money, called one of them out after he didn't stick to his "next week" proposal. I called him a coward for ignoring my calls and basically ghosting me for over a month and he got mad at ME 🤡 A few years later or so I saw him at a party and he just casually asked for a cig. I laughed at him and said f--k off! That was almost 6 years ago and to this day he's acting like that didn't happen. Accountability seems to be dying out bro

[@Astelch]

Had a friend do me dirty and he’s in the marines. Not a real vet he’s just a truck driver that joined the military to party and spend his entire check on a sports car/bike. 😂😂😂 that bum that stole from multiple friends acts like he’s a victim when they dnt respond to him. We all moved discords without him and he’ll @ us if anyone wants to play valorant with him for almost a year and no one replies. He still hasn’t been able to read the room😂😂

[@daverussell8897]

I've lost friends lending money. I've learned that you gotta set boundaries and say no at times. This is the quickest way to break relationships.

[@jamespaul6315]

Thats also why they say dont go into biz with family or friends. Money makes things weird for the most part

[@ST-rj8iu]

friends don't ask friends for money. nor to move your stuff.

[@Gchildwarrior]

I just cut off a college friend. She was just a mess. I even questioned in my mind whether she even had a terminal illness from all the emotional stories she told me. And then she has a whole baby afterwards. I no longer answer her texts.

[@2muchReality7ven]

​@@Gchildwarriormm mm mm...unfortunately it sounds like it was for the best.

[@lee02jepson]

You didn't lose friends over the money, it just spotlighted who was actually a friend + who was not. You want to lose the false friends. A friend lent a mutual friend $200 a yr ago + has never been paid back or contacted again. She told me 'our friendship was only worth $200, good to know'. I told her 'well shes lost 2 friends with that $200 b/c if she will do that to you she will do it to me, so I'm out, she just doesn't know it".

[@georexbazooka3490]

My grand father went through this. Out of the everyone in his generation, he was the most successful one. I’ve watched every one in the family, ask him for money, and never pay him back. They would say that they’ll pay him back. When he would ask for it, they would shame him and make him out to be the bad guy. Because of that, i stayed distant with family. I also give him money as a thank you for everything he’s done when i see him.

[@meldrickedwards1892]

Sure...

[@andresemidey9679]

I see you playing the long game. 15-20 dollars here and there, boom all of a sudden you got the whole oil tycoon inheritance.

[@thegoodoldboys100]

You're a sneaky parasite.

[@joelt7869]

@@andresemidey9679 Strategic risk

[@ABIGPLAN]

My friend told me a horror story once. His friend borrowed money from him "for his mother's funeral". And then kept borrowing on top of it without giving anything back, but keeping making promises that he is on a verge of finding a job and starting giving it back. My friend I guess was too naive or a fool, but he kept lending. And once he reached the boiling point, he went to the borrower's house, and his mother opened the door.

[@jotnarringlefinch7742]

I hate to ask this, but is there a part two? Lol, holy shit that's sad

[@ABIGPLAN]

@@jotnarringlefinch7742 I'm from Ukraine. Not long before the war, my friend started collecting the debt little by little. Then the war started, and the borrower guy mobilized. Last thing I've heard about him, he was asking for money again to buy equipment like armor or some shit.

[@xkristina1222x]

Yo that’s real foul

[@malkahbatyisrael290]

Wow, 😳just 😲WOW 🤯!

[@johnkinsela77]

If you haven't got an invitation to the "funeral", then you aren't close enough to be loaning them money. If you're not tight with someone to know their mother, don't loan them money👀

[@jabulanitheron9268]

My sister taught me 2 rules. 1)Family will never pay you back. 2) whatever money you lend to a friend, that's the price of the relationship

[@diaryofanotdgirl]

So true. My partner has a bank account with money put aside for his family that he keeps for when he knows they will ask. It’s unreal. Where’s the shame?? He feels like it’s his duty to help his family and tbh they don’t ask for large sums. Just a 20 or 40 every so often.

[@alexaitcheson2397]

You all got shit friends😂

[@williampowell3378]

Excellent advice

[@shaquilleedwards8635]

Also never give people money because they WANT something. Only when the NEED something like gas, food and or bills but this also means don't give up money everytime they ask.

[@mtlmenace8590]

@@diaryofanotdgirlif its 20 or 40 its fine lol their family i would never say no for 20 or 40 for a family member but iff they start asking 350-400 now it become a lil bit complicated

[@David-sc3jv]

Literally just lost my best friend from college over money. Once we graduated we were roommates and this guy never had enough for rent and we’d continue to incur late fees which he expected ME to pay. Also turns out he was making me pay more for rent then I should’ve anyway. Also came to find out that he made an attempt to sleep with my ex (he was also dating my ex’s best friend at the time). Some people are just scumbags.

[@jazminewaters2404]

Damn, glad you cut them out. No sense of shame or even guilt.

[@meldrickedwards1892]

Sure..

[@thegoodoldboys100]

If that was your best friend, I don't want to see who your worst enemy is.

[@guomydays]

Thanks Preach for mentioning family members regarding money related issues. I grew up witnessing so many unhealthy family dynamics due to money. I can’t help but feel angry for my parents, they are the most giving human beings ever, they do harm to none and they’re being taken for granted so many times. And these so called “family members” have the audicity to be mad at my parents. It’s insane.

[@mercb3ast]

My cousin was living in a small house that her brother owned on his property. The only rule was, if she had someone move in with her, they had to pay rent. If she was alone, it was rent free. So, of course she finds some scumbag to move in, and then throws a tantrum when her brother says, he has to pay, or he has to go. Massive blow up ensues. Her brother throws both of them out. So she is now homeless, my mother who is separated from my father, asks my dad if my cousin can stay with him until she finds her feet. He says yes. Almost a year later, she hasn't moved out. My dad passes from a heart attack he was 71, she certainly may have been a cause, she's an absolute piece of work. So my mother allows my cousin to live in the house until the following summer paying minimal rent (basically enough to cover the property taxes/utilities etc), until the following summer (about 9 months) when my mother was going to sell the house. She skimped on the rent, not paying it in full. She asked my mother to give her the house, as a gift? I guess. She then had two of her adult children plus one of their fiancées move into the house with her. Her two dogs used the house as their toilet. They urinated and defecated everywhere. Finally, we got someone to finally get her to move out. When my sister and I arrived to pack up the remainder of my dads stuff, we had to rip out ALL the carpeting. There were holes smashed in the floor. The fridge was full of rotting food. It was a fucking disaster. To top it all off, she managed to get her mother, my mothers sister, to blame my mother for I don't fucking know what. So these two women, who had been best friends their entire lives, in their late 60's and early 70's no longer speak to one another over my piece of shit cousin. My mother, was like a mother to this girl. Hell, all of those cousins. She did their taxes. She drove them to school events when they were kids, when their own mother wouldn't or couldn't be bothered. She was this particular cousins ENTIRE support system for most of her life. Then she did this shit. Just fuckin' wild. My mother stepped up to find her a place to stay, and in the end, when she exploited my mother and tried to screw her over, my mother got blamed for it.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

It works both ways too. I remember a girl at my old job needed a new car and she told me her dad and step mom offered to buy her one and she refused because she knew they were doing it so they could manipulate her with "we bought you a car and you won't even do this for us?"

[@MusMasi]

@@mercb3ast seen this type of thing so many times.

[@kevinkaol3681]

my shameless self would have still taken that car offer.@@Aaron-kj8dv

[@michaelrichards5340]

Your parents are like my mom, my mom has given her entire life to her family with zero returns, and as I grew up I could see the other side, the side where she sees her sacrifices mean ntn to them but even so, even in her anger she still for some reason helps, now recently she literally had a mental breakdown where she was hospitalised from just talking gibberish, during her break she attacked our grandma, her mom, which is the person that's abused her her whole life, I'm happy she met a spouse kind enough to take her out of that living situation and into his own home so she can just live without feeling the need to kiss everyone's ass. Move your parents if you can, they will not stop giving

[@CreativeLegend2023]

Never trust someone who says "nobody ever did nothing for me" or "no one ever helped me". They're probably lying.

[@SunshineSuperstar]

Nah that's whack! Lots of people say that shit and it's 100% true!!!

[@CreativeLegend2023]

@@SunshineSuperstar sure

[@alanabarett1005]

This came at the perfect time, I just fucked up and lent my mom some money. She spun the same bullshit story most people do, I learned my lesson the HARDEST way. Now I'm 23 and out 2k, I hope shes happy wherever she is.

[@ChristinaGina]

Wtf that’s your mom though…she birthed you. No offence but without her you wouldn’t even be able to here to type this comment.

[@hubrisbrutus6805]

My mom has done me the same way…she will give me stuff and then mention it when I LEND her money. So now I don’t lend her money and I don’t take anything she gives me.

[@erickiyoshiphillips2323]

wow that's crazy im blessed to have great parents. my parents never asked for money or anything in my entire life.

[@ericdale4641]

I'll side with Aba on this one. I helped a friend out. I wasn't paid back, completely ignored, in fact. The real hurt isn’t the money, it's the experience itself that makes me even more cynical and negative myself and less generous.

[@oz_jones]

Worst thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies

[@animeuniverse5586]

I relate, I lend some money to my friend when I had some and didnt even ask for it until I was in dire need but low and behold mf ignored my messages. Never gonna give even one buck unless they re suoer close to me

[@rooftopentertainment640]

100 %@@oz_jones

[@MusMasi]

@@oz_jones they were your enemy the whole time.

[@telise8730]

I have a very close family member who hasn't had the best track record when it comes debt, borrowing and paying back. I've decided to look at this way, this person has a lot of great qualities and has done a lot for me, but handling money was just something they couldn't do well and spending was almost like an addiction. You wouldn't give an alcoholic alcohol, or heroine to a drug addict, so I can't give money to someone having financial issues and expect that they are suddenly going go be able to manage money wisely on their own.

[@kyuugetsu3387]

the 2 best ways to lose a friend in life: 1 - lending them money 2 - borrowing money from them

[@itspartan117]

And worst thing in life about money is put yourself in debt

[@meldrickedwards1892]

B.s.

[@michaelgerow3161]

And talk politics or play Mario party

[@sycronice]

I'm just like Aba, I feel shame to even have to ask for money. I pay my loans ASAP to get it off my back.

[@Gchildwarrior]

Same. Even if it's small like a meal, it would be the first thing on my mind

[@mikemontgomery2654]

Totally. That debt bothers me until it’s paid back.

[@WastePlace]

Yep. If I ever do borrow or ask for a favor I always feel like shit til I can pay the person back

[@ennisdelmar807]

Some of us dont even ask unless we're one hour from dying

[@Pdrock2001]

Same here I will literally die before asking someone for money 💰 . No loans , no lending out money . You are a reasonable adult lookout for yourself don't expect me to be sympathetic on yo ass .

[@219Thompson]

I've borrowed money a couple of times from friends when I was desperate and did my best to pay them back as soon as possible, just because I HATED the feeling of being in someone's debt. Ironically, I've given $20k+ to my relatives over the last decade or so, and I've honestly never expected to get it back(much like Preach said). I don't know how people could stand that feeling of being in debt to someone like that, I despised every day of those 2-week gaps before my next check came in. In fact, it inspired me to save better and start investing money, so it ironically worked out for the better.

[@rebeccamark546]

People don’t know how to live within their means…people are financially illiterate. I wish they would teach this in schools. People run up credit cards and pay exhorbitant interest and pay for the item 3 times what the original price was. This is how your credit score works. They know if you are a good risk meaning are you the type of person who historically pays their debtors. If you don’t and your credit score is bad then nobody wants to do business with you or lend you money, or if so, at an astronomical interest rate to offset the probability that they will not get their full amount back. Another observation: I’ve never seen someone who managed to got a co-signer for a loan or car ever pay their payments through til the end. They start off paying the payments but somewhere along the way (usually about 6 months or less) they stop making the payments and screws the co-signer to end up with a bad credit score or stuck paying out the remainder of the loan. Don’t ever co-sign for someone. If their credit is that bad that means they will not pay you back either.

[@illusionist1430]

I learned as a kid. My mom and my uncles would always say, "When you loan money to a friend, you're buying an enemy." People grow through adversity. Who am I to block your blessing?

[@meldrickedwards1892]

Idiotic b.s.

[@BearBoulder]

This is one of those topics I 110% identify with Aba on. I've been poor for a long time in my life. My parents were irresponsible, my family members were irresponsible. I was the only one who said "I don't want to be like this. Asking for handouts, relying on things I shouldn't or don't need too if I can help it." I admit I probably let my money go more than Aba does, but I still do my damnedest to save and keep my pockets full so I can have a better future. I've lost friends and caused serious issues with people because of lending money and getting straight up stiffed. I don't wanna do that to people, and im right there with Preach on "if you lend it, the money's already gone." to me too. I want the money back, but I also know that there's a chance it might never come back. That's why I'm VERY selective on who I give money too as a loan. If I buy something for you, or give you money for something - don't pay me back. I'm not asking for it back, but if you ask ME for money? Don't be upset if I say no, or if I say yes - and you don't pay me back, we're done as friends.

[@Sar-ahG]

Friends are overrated - so are extended family -- until you you get yourself secure You can always lend an ear and a helping hand and do what you can but money… No but I have advice on how to get some if you’re willing to work for it

[@BearBoulder]

@@Sar-ahG It entirely depends on your dynamic with your friends and extended family. My uncle is the only guy I really trust family wise, and my half sister/sisters. My brother, father and other family I just don't get along with well, or have a close bond with. As for friends, it's a long story not really meant for this type of situation.

[@spidle2653]

As someone in the 1% of earners, 18-23, youll make it out, i promise, ive seen enough stories like you to know mindset matters more than circumstance

[@spidle2653]

Just keep up that accountability mindset, if its all your fault, you control everything

[@MrKconnell1]

… wait which one is aba?

[@adreak9868]

Here in Poland we have a saying: "Chcesz stracić przyjaciela? Pożycz mu pieniądze" which translates to "Want to lose a friend? Lend him money"

[@AWeeCuntfromLiverpool]

I pressed "translate to English" to see what it'd translate as. It was accurate 😂

[@JDmix123]

Same 😂

[@HishighnessMrL]

​@@AWeeCuntfromLiverpoolWe're all just living the same lives on god

[@AWeeCuntfromLiverpool]

@@HishighnessMrL haha sounds like it

[@MaureenCheer1]

@@AWeeCuntfromLiverpool😂😂 I did the same 😂

[@avivastudios2311]

People have bad habits and instead of getting help they need to see the sequences of their actions. Great message. Also love the part about questioning their character. "Why are you asking someone you barely know?"

[@cerise1683ify]

I had the pleasure of serving Preach at my job during an event. I was totally flustered and elated at the same time. Preach was so kind and so friendly (not gonna lie he had a face of I will take anyone’s head of their shoulders however in light of the city he came to that’s the correct ascetic😂😑). All of that to say I am of the same thought as Aba and Preach. Preach tipped me extremely generously. I am so thankful and grateful to have served you!!! THIS CITY LOVES YALL AND WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AGAIN😃

[@gnhun101]

Which city? It doesn't really matter, I'm just trying to understand some context to your comment?

[@s0ne01]

No offence, but i think it's aesthetics...

[@ashb4275]

@@s0ne01 Aesthetic - concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty. Ascetic - characterized by severe self-discipline and abstention from all forms of indulgence, typically for religious reasons. Both are words, although I don't think either make sense in the context of OP's comment haha

[@cerise1683ify]

@@ashb4275 Thank you. I could not exactly define the word I was looking for to describe. I think maybe i confused the two definitions. I just knew/know that Preach was and is so handsome, extremely attractive. He is nothing to play with… same straightforward he is showing is same in real life. Literally he should model. I don’t want my initial comment to be lost on an irrelevant typo or miss communication etc.

[@jermaineharris1723]

I definitely can relate to feeling shame for asking close friends or family for money. I'd rather suffer and do better then ask

[@LA_HA]

I don't feel shame in asking family for a loan once in a blue moon. I feel shame if I don't pay it back. I've loaned money to people who were good friends and never got anything back. We're no longer friends. Not because of the money. Because of the mindset Behind the money that leaked into multiple areas of our relationship to the point I finally realized those people were users and I was tired of being used. The most I'll now do is get the food check, pay for the movie tickets, and other minor stuff If... we trade off. If they stop taking their turn, we stop going out until they pay. I don't ask friends for money. Family gets more leeway before I stop helping them monetarily

[@omniomen7921]

I used to be that type of person in my teenage years and early twenties. I had no real friends Now at 33 i pay back with interest to show how greatful i am that they lent me the money in the first place. And that person appreciates the extra money ro the point that they want to lend me even more. God bless

[@smilechynwa]

I wish people would be more aware like you.

[@leevkop8229]

A lot of the people who won't repay loans think "being grateful" means saying thanks. That's not grateful that's just being happy with receiving something. Gratefulness is when you feel the desire to repay the person for their action. Giving them their money back shows you respect them, giving them something extra in return shows you appreciate them

[@omniomen7921]

@@Aleeshahaha I get what you're saying. But like preach said. If you lend the money just expect that it's gone. If it comes back it comes back. But most people make it personal. I have also had this same treatment from a younger homie from back in the day. When I tried to pay him back he just said nah don't worry about it. So once you lend the money it's in the either. If it's a land amount well thats a different story. But I get you.

[@Rundvelt]

I found the best way to lend money to family is to say to them "Hey, I won't lend you the money, but you can work for it." Never had anyone take me up on that.

[@MikeBarbarossa]

hand them a 🖌

[@swampsprite9]

Full time work? I certainly had rough times where I'd gladly work for a family member.

[@Rundvelt]

@@swampsprite9 Nah, I mean like "Oh, you need some cash, well you can start by cleaning the bathrooms and doing the dishes. Should take you an hourish and I'll give you $20. :)

[@mrarrow8135]

SWEET HOME ALABAMA

[@user-jn3bt3ep3d]

Lol you got your mama doing dirty deeds?

[@alexvasquez2464]

100% correct, and it's a lesson I learned the hard way. No such thing as lending money to family - those are funds you'll never see again, so either give it to them and move on or say no.

[@Dead1yProductions]

I let my blood cousin have 100$ because they couldn't put gas in their car and get food , haven't heard from them since and we were really close growing up lol

[@AnAZPatriot]

My younger brother borrowed $500 from me back when we were in our 20's. Family needed it, said he would pay me back when he could. No problem. Fast forward 20 years, brother needed some dental work, but wasn't making that kind of money or had that kind of insurance. I'm almost a millionaire by this time. Came to me with his hands out again, reminded him the Family Bank only allows one loan outstanding at a time, and he still has a $500 outstanding bill. He was incredulous, twenty years having passed and all. He paid me $500, and I turned right around and loaned him the $2k he needed for his teeth, and he got the picture, and had me paid back in less than 12 months.

[@johnmcnally2099]

Haha collecting $2000 feom your own brother when hes down and your a millionaire No wonder your rich

[@cellyszn20]

I'm with Preach. I remember covering my roommates rent. Gave him money to cover two months, he said he would pay it back. I started chasing it back. The dude held me at knife point, threatening to stab me. Ever since then, I just don't lend. I just give to people I've vetted to be sincere and just give the money I am ready to lose, like a donation and just let things be. It's not worth it unless you have access to the mafia to recover it.

[@bradycalibro1548]

Be your own mafia.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

That's the way I do it too. I lend money and in my mind I'm like "I'm never seeing this money again" but I lend it to people I trust now and when I get it back it's like a nice surprise lol

[@cellyszn20]

@jackwalker7304 ❤️ thank you

[@cellyszn20]

@@Aaron-kj8dv I don't even use the word lend anymore when giving it. Don't want the person to feel obligated to pay it back but I have friends now who I would profusely refuse the money and they insist and insist to which I'm like buy me food and call it quits. Of course in that scenario, I could take the money however my attitude to the whole thing has changed that I see taking the money back could create more inconvenience idk I am just done with whatever money that passes over lol

[@KrAyOnS1]

​@@bradycalibro1548aint trying to go jail

[@ccshredder9506]

This is what I'd consider "real" content. Basically, youre talking about certain things that happen across the board in society. Everyone knew that one person that never paid anybody back. Its a good feeling to know you guys are still "one of us", ykno? I would watch this kind of discussion over the YT drama bs

[@kaylas717]

Still one of us? You're degrading yourself and establishing your own inferiority when you put others on a pedestal and say shit like that.

[@meldrickedwards1892]

No such thing as "YT drama."

[@ccshredder9506]

@meldrickedwards1892 Its drama that transpires on YT. Either way, its toxic. No point in arguing semantics

[@spicycracker7828]

I would like to add Co-Signing: insurance, loans, mortgage, bills, etc. don't, I've seen it destroy friendships and it 'destroys' families too; imagine all the parents who co-signed their kids' student loans, *brutal*

[@raquelpk2]

Or going into business with family or in-laws .

[@dimigaming6476]

@@raquelpk2 sometimes turns out to be a great success too though.

[@goaway3717]

It can be a teaching moment too. My father co-signed a loan for my sister to get a car and the first thing he told her before going down that road was that the first payment she missed he would come get the car until he got paid the cash he had to pay out for the missed payment. He did it to. About a year or so later she missed a payment and he had me drive him out to her place and he drove the car back to his house. She must have learned the lesson well because she had the car payment in his hands by the next day and never missed another payment on the loan.

[@eli30013]

My mom is like this….terrible with money can’t cover her basics. Always asking us to do for her. All of her kids work she’s abled body yet refuses to work & uses her mental health issues (not invaliding this because mental health issues are serious) & that fact that she sacrificed to have her kids as if we owed her a ROI…she expects to for her adult kids to take care of her.

[@moisesmera7913]

That’s called parentification. And is a fail.

[@princeinparis]

well yeah!? she is your mom, you should care for her

[@Aliyaaaa]

​@@princeinparisyea sure but as a parent you usually don't want to burden you child from the very start, especially when the parent is still pretty young.

[@jamespaul6315]

Mental health issues can stop people working. Im not speaking about your mom cause i dont know her but absolutely dont discount that.

[@eli30013]

Yes I agree with what you all are saying but at what point do have go without because your parents need to be responsible & take accountability for their choice. We do help our mother out but when you live above your means & look for kids to bail you out every time….this isn’t a one time or 2 times this is a on-going pattern for years

[@Cupofjoebro]

This makes me feel really blessed with my current friend group, we’ve gotten to the point where we’ll frequently pay for each other eating out, shopping , etc. I think what makes it work is there’s no expectation that anyone will pay for you so there’s genuine appreciation and desire to reciprocate when it happens. I think it also needs to work in the reverse too, when you drop money on your friends, it should be money you are able to part with.

[@meldrickedwards1892]

Well said.

[@marianobustamante2836]

It's crazy, I loved this subject. I'm 23 years old right now and in my family the youngest. That being said, I'm still the one who makes more money. Im usually the one who provides financially for the rest of my family especially after my dad had a medical accident which unfortunately took away his possibility to continue working. All of that said, it does feel very weird because my relatives have asked for loans and I feel like I take both Aba and Preach's stances. On one hand, I assume any money I lend is not coming back. At the same time, if it doesn't come back on time I'ma let you know. Not cause of the money, because of the respect. If you don't got it, you better have a good reason for it. Was funny to think about 😂😂 Ps: I love my family lol

[@jamespaul6315]

Do you mean you lend it to family not telling them you expect it back? Im confused lol sorry bro just want to clarify. Edit oh wait they know its a loan, fair enough, I get that.

[@54032Zepol]

Hey fam can I borrow some money and easy $200 it for a good cause I swear it is for school

[@akbar8427]

Same lol! I’m not the youngest but I’m 24 and i make more money than my 3 older brothers and I’m always the one paying for everything and buying everything. I don’t really care because I think that each person has his own way in life and since i got into trading about 3 years ago I expect to be a millionaire by 2030 and I always loved to be able to do things for others. Honestly my primary focus is making enough money to buy a house for my parents…

[@TURBOMIKEIFY]

That’s my little sister to me, her oldest sibling and brother. I feel disgusting every time I had to ask for money. Loser Status.

[@byronrush9802]

​@@TURBOMIKEIFYI know the feeling it's like an itch you just can't stretch until you pay that money back

[@DAEMonRaco]

the face of Preach when he triggers Aba is amazing XDD

[@e69alpha]

It's usual the other way around

[@marlom7882]

He was *waiting* for a moment like this

[@dahliaherrod4301]

He looked so happy. Watching him while hearing Aba spazz out was a real treat.

[@gogmaziosfuse1151]

REVENGE

[@leevkop8229]

I remember this girl I used to be friends with, she'd hang out at my place and eventually kept asking me to pay for the food and drinks since she had to "save for college". Me being a young naive man obviously did this several times. Imagine the absolute shock I felt when she didn't just go on holiday abroad once, but twice in a row. Some people sadly use you, they might say they're grateful, they might even be convinced themselves they're greatful, but if they show no intent of returning the favor in any shape or form they're not grateful, they're just happy that they got something out of you.

[@meldrickedwards1892]

B.s.

[@leevkop8229]

@@meldrickedwards1892 I don't mind if you don't believe me but it is a bit strange to call people liars for no reason lol

[@odachikun]

@@meldrickedwards1892 Hating for absolutely no reason, go take that elsewhere.

[@kairos_fluent]

Having money owed to you and that person not paying you is one of the most *stressful* experiences I've ever had. It feels like you've been robbed, not only did you lose money but you lost that friendship and yes, like Aba says, you really don't see that person the same way ever again. My two cents when it comes to lending money is that it has to be a life-or-death emergency AND the person has to be somebody you've known for many, many years where they have been generous to you also.

[@wmd13194]

The biggest mistake is believing ppl have the same sense of honour when it comes to that. I make sure I have what I need so I never am in a position to ask for a loan from someone I'd rather struggle than be like that. My parents always said that's its better to go without than owee someone. Ppl have no problem asking for money but paying it back is an issue

[@MusMasi]

you have been robbed.

[@BrattyBiker]

You guys touring and still upload shit for us, that's amazing!

[@3nim3nimabl3]

Scheduled uploads?😂

[@str8lurkn133]

I hope they upload clips from their tour.

[@sumdankdawg]

My mom told me (she’s learned this from her grandpa) when you loan money to close friends or family, don’t expect to give it back… so only loan money to folks you’re okay with giving money to…

[@patrickputman5146]

I'm the one who has always helped out other people and almost every time I end up regretting it. I've had to borrow from a friend once, and I honestly didn't feel bad about it because that's what friends are supposed to do, but I borrowed $1k from him after I lost my job, and when I got a new one I paid him back $2k. Friends supposed to help each other out, not take advantage of each other. I don't understand the loser mentality of just not doing what you say you will.

[@jamespaul6315]

I respect Abas view to be honest. You have to listen to someones story and understand the risks inherent in it and how much you might be willing to lose

[@ishidacoolp]

My mom always taught me to pay her and other people back no matter what!!! And I always did and always will. The person was kind of enough to help me when I needed it. My aunt on the other hand uses people financially. She would borrow money and never pay it back. Whether from my mom, grandmother, (R.I.P.) or someone else. One time my aunt told my grandmother (her mom) she needed to borrow $5,000 to pay bills she was behind. My grandma loaned it to her, then found out my aunt not only didn't use towards bills or pay it back. She took her daughter on a vacation with the money and mis spent it. smh.

[@MusicFanOnline]

There was only one time that I asked a friend for money due to an emergency where my wallet was missing that day(long story). I paid him back WITH INTEREST, because after me putting him on the spot like that and him being so nice and giving me money, the LEAST I could do was pay him back and with extra cash as a reward for his kindness. I don't understand the complete entitlement of "so-called" friends asking for money and then ghosting.

[@sourdoughsavant22]

Yeah that happened to me once and it was in a parking garage so I had to run her card back to her, it was sooo awkward 😅 then the card reader stopped working just when she goes to use it and she got stuck. I feel terrible 😞 sending her lots of bread and baked goods in her future

[@vincentfox4929]

0:38 its really weird that my Indian immigrant father said the exact same thing to me. "Never lend anyone any money you cannot afford to lose. Consider it gone the moment it leaves your hands and never expect it back. Its better for you to lose just a friend/relative than lose the money you lent and their friendship".

[@thomasbartkovsky8421]

I'm still growing up and I seek out as much advice as I can, since in a year or two ill be completely on my own. You two made some great points in this video. I've always thought that lending people small amounts of money was fine, but for me a dollar is worth more to me than the average person, so I make sure I get back my debts. You changed my mind on this, and probably will end up saving me lots of stress. Thank you.

[@betterbetty3542]

THIS!! We’re going through the same thing with our brother-in-law. We let them live with us while they were supposed to be saving and after 9 months (they were only supposed to be there a max of a couple months) we felt the only way to get our house back was to lend them first and last months rent plus living expenses and he swore he’d pay it back. After not seeing anything for a couple months my husband told him he only needed to give us $50/month. It would have taken him 10 years to pay us back and we didn’t even charge interest or anything and we STILL haven’t seen a penny. Come to find out he owes money to every single one of his siblings… Plus they just bought a puppy.

[@jazefzl]

Impeccable timing with this video, and your comment. Similar situation, My fiance had been lying to me about his brother paying rent the whole time he was with us. He kept it from me and just paid his rent for him, when I started asking questions about why he had no money (we make the same, and split everything 50/50) he just told me it's not my business. He even stuck his neck out to get him a job with us and his brother stopped showing up for work, and just relied on my fiance to give him money. His brother's gf also lived with us, they ordered uber eats like twice a week, smoke weed and can afford all that but not rent. All the while I had no clue what was going on. I feel like a fool. I was able to save money and have no debt, meanwhile his debt hasn't been paid down and he has zero savings. Idk what to do or what to believe anymore.

[@petermulinzi1288]

@@jazefzl how do u feel splitting 50/50?? i know it's off topic but tell me do u resent him for it?

[@lovetobe6118]

​@@jazefzlAre you still keeping this fiance who lied and deceived you? Are you going to be comfortable marrying someone who isn't honest with you?

[@therealdallas4lyfe]

Never lend what you cannot afford to give. Some of the best advice I have ever received. If I cannot buy something and pay for it myself I don't need it. I never beg a dollar from anyone. Thanks Dad. People who are self made are a different breed of person and I 10,000% agree with both of your points in this video...another great one, thank you!

[@Ja.abbatta_V]

Words cannot express the pain I went through because of this.

[@Seraph-pw6ft]

The real insult is when they keep promising they’ll pay you back but every week they have enough money to buy themselves whatever they have on luxury items. I got scammed into believing they were going to get evicted, I found out they been buying pain pills and lying about. She even tried to get more money out of me after owing me for over a year. The relationship is probably over. This was an older coworker who considered me her “adopted son”

[@cashcleaner]

Even when she was undergoing chemotherapy treatments and surgery for her cancer, my late wife was still hounded by her younger brother for money to borrow. Over the years that I knew her she’s probably given him several thousands for one thing or another (he has a habit of being underemployed but still buys certain luxuries that he can’t afford). Even in her last weeks he was still asking for cash and nobody else in the family seemed to think it was inappropriate or even distasteful. It makes my blood boil thinking about it.

[@leriava]

Leeches have no shame. I'm sorry for your wife.

[@kerrian4564]

That's vile I am sorry!!

[@AA-tz2bm]

what an inconsiderate skrub

[@nickhero6329]

This aint it chief

[@robertamazzolini2751]

I 100% agree with Aba on this one. I'm young and still struggling but I helped a family member in need. Never again. I can only trust myself with money so that at least I can sleep in peace.

[@gouachedirge5787]

I needed this because as I was having a conversation with my mother in law and she asked me if my parents would lend her money and she’s already in the hole when it comes to money and that’s when saw this This is the sign I didn’t know I needed. Thank you. Just in the knick of time

[@Aliyaaaa]

Stay safe👐

[@HypocritesExposd]

Money tears families and friends apart. If she is loaned the money and doesn’t pay back, it might tear things up. If she is not loaned the money, it might tear things up. Some people just need to take responsibility for their poor money management.

[@kerrian4564]

Please do not do it!!

[@khalidm5939]

I personally would just give my mother in law the money depending on how much and the reason (only if you can afford to do so). If it is for a bs reason then I wouldn't, but if it was because of medical bills or something I would definitely do that. I am very close with my in-laws though.

[@KingXhuntR]

​@khalidm5939 same, if i can afford it , id just gift it.. this entire comment section on this vid is strange to me.

[@thecommenter0]

I needed to hear this. I bailed my sister and her ex (current boyfriend at the time) out of jail (they were actually wrongfully arrested) but I told them I needed the money back . Hearing yalls experience and comparing to my own, it sounds like I'm no longer lending money with the expectation of getting paid back. Which means I'm no longer lending money.

[@Morgan-tb8ns]

That’s a tough situation. Did they have anyone else they could have turned to?

[@vvsmixing]

unless you can’t eat or pay bills w that money then you’re morally obligated to bail your sis out. that’s family. no loan. her bf a different story though

[@Ligmaballin]

Why would you ask for money back? It's in your right sure, but isn't helping your family common sense? Did your parents ask for money back after all the times they fed you?

[@gnhun101]

Don't let these people guilt you. You owe no one anything. Wrongful arrest is terrible, but in most cases, you can avoid being arrested by staying calm and just trying to go home. For both of them to be arrested, means there's a deeper story, but no need to share.

[@Morgan-tb8ns]

@@Ligmaballin bail can be thousands of dollars. I would do it for family but yeah I would hope they pay me back

[@DanaK9210]

It’s so true about people needing a wake-up call and that lending money may be enabling someone’s bad choices. I am in my early 30s and having to dig myself out of credit card debt. I never borrowed from people (I was too ashamed to), but I was stupidly living above my means through a lot of my 20s and had to learn the hard way. If I had been bailed out of those situations, I would probably still be living that way. As it is, I’m set to pay off my debt by this time next year. Sometimes you play stupid games and win stupid prizes.

[@bonganipeter9433]

You guys touched a sensitive topic, and for the right reason, this got to be said. Money can cause chaos among friends. Hence, the rule of lending money you can afford to lose always works, but in the long run, it breaks the relationship.

[@tiffanydegoya]

I lend the money when I want the friendship to end. I did this to a friend and used it to distance from the friendship when they didn’t payback.They were also an energy vampire and would trauma dump on me. Now that I’m older I realize what she was doing to me, but at the time I didn’t. After me letting her live with me without her having to pay for anything for a month and this girl goes on Facebook and says in a post how no one has ever helped her or been there for her, I was so done.

[@stinga_]

If you can afford to lend do it. But if they ask again tell them to take it from the first debt 😃

[@noer.6954]

You better than me, cause I would have called her ass out on facebook

[@aliheartzuphrakonkham3005]

Omg I've gone through the same thing recently. We have been friends for 20 years and I was always there for her. But I realized she was never there for me. A mutual friend had to show me that they were manipulating me with out truly being a friend. It was so hard to realize they didn't have the same love for me as I did them

[@CurlyGirlChey]

I needed to hear this. I was too nice and gullible and I wish I had heard this before "loaning" my money. Thank you

[@Uncle_Apoc]

Respect to Preach but I stand with Aba on this. I hate owing people money to the point that I'll literally write it down in my phone until I pay it back. I'll write up signed agreements with payment plans. Paying back friends is priority 2 next to paying bills. So it irritates the hell outta me when mfs take too long to pay back a little cash, forget they owe you mone entirely, or are spending money when they still owe you. I have certainly loaned out money to people I've never gotten back, but I consider each time a down payment on removing cancerous tumors from my life.

[@Nygassso]

And most of the time it’s not even large amounts 😂 They’re gonna ask you for 100/300$ and then vanish for a year you see them spend the same amount in bullshit

[@killzone866]

i owe a dude at work a coffee and i havent forgotten lol. I cannot stand having to owe people anything. One time i sold my cousin a game (that i got an extra copy of) for cheap to be nice. This MFer told me when i got to his house after he opened the game that he didnt have the money. Holy fuck i was pissed. These fuckers were always smoking weed so i know they had cash. Never sold them anything again even when i got it cheap as they became unreliable in my eyes.

[@itsyaaveragegirl]

I think the most annoying part is when they get mad at you like your the one who is broke for asking for your money back. I don’t loan nothing, I give and assume you ain’t gonna pay me back. But you only got once to ask me for money tho.

[@lemaitrethemonk]

I lost a relationship with my brother over money. If you cannot afford to give the money away, with the hope of receiving it in return, hence the word "hope." Do not lend the money out to ANYONE if that is the case. Either mentally you have given the money away and you can afford to lose it, OR DO NOT LEND THE MONEY FOR ANY REASON WHAT-SO-EVER! There is no repair when trust is broken. Much love, health and blessings to everyone...

[@TheNeoSabre0]

I've been on both ends of the spectrum, I harbour guilt for it and the list is being worked through to pay people back whenever I can. We all face dark shit and I'm on the climb back. Some people never take the step in the right direction. The enabling comment from Preach is very true, I got bailed out of a lot of issues in my later teens and in my early twenties I thought I was owed help but never once thought I owed myself. Aba mate some of us have degenerate families who continue the cycle, I had to get away from my family before my life even went sideways.

[@armandoesparza1409]

My Mom always told me, if they are not embarrassed to ask you for money. They won't be ashamed when they don't pay it back.

[@PHlophe]

whew Chile, Armando. Tu Mama is a wise woman .

[@nickb6425]

All I'ma say is after a bad experience lending money to one of my family members, it taught me to not lend money to anyone anymore. And if I ever wanna cover a friend spontaneously for coffee or something, I make sure I actually want to treat them and am not hung up about them paying me back.

[@Hamajaang]

I learned money management by forcing myself to pay back double to anyone I own back. If anyone gave me money when I was at my lowest (you know, the real ones) I always paid them back double the moment I got a paycheck. Once you are out of the negative, it’s all about learning to control your vices😅 When I give money, I’m with Peach, that’s just like gambling. More times then not, that money is gone. Hold yourself to a higher standard then the people around you. Stay strong y’all! Times are weird but, we’ll make it😂💪🏽 Money ain’t shit when it comes to the people who really got your back (those real ones). You become a tribe that helps each other stay on their ladders and climb to the top☝🏽

[@heytoast7129]

My older brother is a special one when it comes to asking our parents for money. These scenarios have all happened. He borrows money, then days later asks to borrow more and gets indignant when asked about the previous sum that was given to him. Borrows money, repays a small portion of it and then acts like he repaid the entire debt. Borrows money and within the week that follows, throws himself a big birthday bash (his 40 something b-day, maybe his 45th? Was years ago). Needless to say we haven't spoken in several years, between that and just his overall attitude, he can go kick rocks.

[@sourdoughsavant22]

I choked when you said 40, I thought he was in his 20s 😬

[@julesjmj5682]

Sadly this is my MIL. She uses her kids as piggy banks to pay off credit cards she wracked up and can’t afford to pay down. My husband and I stopped engaging with her because it became painfully obvious that she does it on purpose. Needless to say, we’ve been blacklisted from his family.

[@Lazalit]

In my innocent years, I lost count on how many people asked me for money. Worse, I gave them and promised me to give it back (yeah, I thought there were friends). Or even worse; those same people start to steal from others and are the same one preaching integrity and make them superior. I'm with Aba what he said about "How can they live like that with no shame."

[@thatyellowfellow]

Damn that sounds rough. Yeah there are a lot of scummy people out there. Like constantly able to look people in the eye after they rip them off. I personally can't function like that. Although you make it sound like you knew a lot of drug addicts and alcoholics as usually those are the type of people that can hang in a group and start stealing from one another, normal people don't usually continuously steal from one another because half of the party eventually leaves the non-profitable party behind.

[@gggz420]

damn bro you joined youtube 17 years ago that’s a big W i wish i still had my old account

[@VitaInDC]

Hope you two are okay; sending good vibes and prayers your way. 🕊

[@joshuaconniff7712]

University taught me all i needed to know about lending close friends money

[@ChitChat]

I grew up in the hood. If you loan $20 you'll never see it again. My wife is part of her immigrant community (now full citizenship) and they lend each other stacks and pay each other back constantly. I used to get whiplash when she told me she lent 2k+ to someone. But we'd always get it back. The hood tears everyone down. But it only cost me $20 to never have that dude ask me for money again.

[@continuumsanctum869]

Paying 20 bucks to expose a fake friend/family member is a small price to pay. Plus you can warn & save others!

[@craftingwithcodio]

I relate to this alot right now. I have a family member who is a single parent on disability. I help them financially on a regular basis, I claim this on my taxes and get some of it back. Recently i used my refund to host a family event and paid for everything, everything. All said and done it cost me around $3000. Then they had the nerve to tell me they could have paid for their portion themselves and implied I should have just given them money because “without them” i wouldnt get the refund in the first place. B*** without you I would have alot more in my savings then i do. 😡

[@fabioferrarese5600]

Damn this reminds me of that one time when i was walking out of the grociery store with my dad, and he recognized one of his old "customers" who got a car fixed in his workshop and then fucked off to another country for a couple of years, my dad walked up to him smiling and passive aggressively/sarcastically asking him when he would pay for the work that was done.

[@BrittanySimon]

As someone who has borrowed money AND ALWAYS paid it back, I take note of when others don't. I think it's about character. My parents taught me to be reliable and paying people back is apart of that. If someone doesn't pay me back, I'll never give them money again, they can ask Gawd the next time they need help 😂

[@queenseabee8113]

Once. My sister-in-law asked for a significant amount when in trouble. I said no. I will gift you some money because i have it. She insisted she'd pay me back, i said no. If you want money from me, it will be a gift, cause I'm not gonna allow our relationship to be ruined over money. Don't lend money. If you have it to give (and want to), give it, but don't expect it back.

[@billmelater6470]

The worst thing is when people call you "selfish" for not giving everything they demand.

[@Diamondr11Blue]

Nah watch them call you BROKE💀💀

[@keghan1]

My motto: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." Being an avid reader, I read that line somewhere and never forgot it. I live by it.

[@venusjinn4984]

My mom always said: "Can I borrow some money?", at 16/17 I learned real quick how to handle that behavior, I do not entertain it and I always get mine back

[@omnium_gatherum]

I remember reading a comment somewhere once, that was basically saying "if you can't use your own money for fun (the whole purpose of money in the first place) then you know the system is broken".... ....And it really dawned on me that there are a lot of people who actually think that's what money is for: to have fun. I think one of the most valuable things I've ever heard is that *money is a tool.*

[@crappyaccount]

very random but is ur username a king gizzard & the lizard wizard ref?

[@omnium_gatherum]

@@crappyaccount no, just a reference to the lack of method, rhyme or reason to my content... But now I must look into them lol

[@Nuarekt]

so much of everything that was said in this episode was true im actually thinking of my own family, where im at in life, where i want to be, and why i watch this channel, its everything i feel but am too defeated to express. Thank you for being open about it all.... i cant even look my own biological brother in the eye hes taken so much.... shit can be hard. Watching these videos has gotten me through some shit shit

[@theartsypanda4439]

I’m very uncomfortable to ask for money. Me and husband lost our house and we’re still hesitant to ask for money. We feel like our family is helping out enough by giving us a place to stay and helping us get to work. But we also buy groceries and give them gas money when we can while we’re trying to save for somewhere else. I couldn’t imagine asking for help and never paying someone back…how would you live with yourself?

[@Ravensidentity]

When people lend me money I always set a date on paying them back because to me it's not my money and I've always been this way. Even after paying people back I'll often surprise the person with a sentimental and/or practical gift as a thank you because I feel they deserve it for helping me when I know they didn't have to. I have medical issues that make it nearly impossible to work, but I still find ways to make money so I can stay on my feet. On the flip side because of my medical issues I've been homeless before where no one cared to help me and no one cared if I died and that's a terrible feeling I never deserved so when people have my back I'll always have theirs because I know how cruel the world can be.

[@catchingamuse3857]

12:41 I felt that one in my soul, Aba! Even when I was making less money, I "always seemed to have money". I tell them I'm meal prepping , taking mass transit, and brewing my own coffee. Instead of going to the movie theater, I just prefer renting a movie at home and make my own pizza. "That's too hard." It's not hard, you have to be disciplined. You can make a whole lot of money and still have money problems if you don't have your spending in check.

[@landmindssoul4636]

That's some good wisdom I'll store in my life

[@adunce.5422]

Lmao, this is just what I do naturally. I think most people probably do this.

[@catchingamuse3857]

@@adunce.5422 guess it depends on the city and people. You'd be surprised with the amount of people that justify Uber eats in a metropolitan city.

[@pr1me840]

It has been 2 WEEKS!!!!! and no new video??? My world is shattering...

[@JayUchiha17]

I agree with both of you. I lend money to trusted friends and still don't expect it back. If it's really small money to someone I don't exactly know, I just give it to them because I doubt I'll ever get it back. But on a serious note, I can't live my life oweing people money. That's a sad life to live.

[@PHlophe]

i lent gave money to 7 relatives and lent to another 2 . success rate of recovery only 1 . the rest they won't even show up at family functions because i am right there lol!

[@ozmalionheart]

My mother always told me 'Neither a lender or borrower I be creates a peaceful life for me.' And I carry that like a family motto!!

[@J-BKing]

Same mantra my mom had!

[@devoncrosson7159]

I love this. Especially toward the end about people spending what they can't afford and having the nerve to ask you for money. I feel everything Aba said at the end. I was the same way. Paid all the bills on next to nothing. Refuse to this day to get credit cards. It's not a stretch to say I am terrified of debt and super proud of myself that I kept everything afloat without racking it up. I borrowed money from time to time BUT always paid it back. I day to this day that my reputation is my credit line cause I nurtured that shit! Never have I even been late on paying back a loan. Now in the rare case I need to I have no problem.