"Was I ABANDONED Growing Up?" Detached Parents -Psychotherapy Crash Course

[@Star-dj1kw]

Signs your parents were emotionally detached / abandoning: 1. 1:44 they are workaholics 2. 3:22 parents Putting Themselves first 3. 4:31 Permissive Parenting (no boundaries, no rules) 4. 5:16 Authoritarian Parenting Style 5. 6:35 Over Reliance on babysitters 6. 8:24 Bribing, Grooming to Manipulate (also can include trauma bonding) 7. 9:57 A Parent with Addictions 8. 10:22 Abusive Parents 9. 10:55 parent who says: I’m always too busy 10. 11:49 parents who easily BLOWS UP 😡 11. 12:19 Parents act fake in public 12. 12:36 Parents with no stress coping skills

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I love when you guys do this! Thank you.

[@truth4utoda]

Emotionally detached parents destroy because they are immature and all about them. Thanks Tamara for this!

[@realhealing7802]

You have just described my parents. They instilled fear in me to keep me under their control. These people are mentally sick. They shouldn't be parents!!!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Yes. Agree. A lot of parents exist like this and should have never become parents. It's sad to think that these people can become parents when perhaps there are loving people hoping to have children but never do. It's quite the dichotomy.

[@elamanecera]

same, this is so unfortunate

[@christinerobertson9596]

You are describing my mother. She didn't want me, but sure didn't want my father or his family to have me.

[@SSMITH-so6fn]

Love your work. They are highly invested in public appearance , and highly immature n violent behind closed doors. I am a black man , and my mother is like this. She enjoys organized chaos, and playing the victim.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you! I"m glad to have you on the channel! Welcome. Yes, this is very typical of these parents. In most situations it's a complete nightmare.

[@amandatarkington6877]

All about the public appearance; mine is a professional victim also!

[@nanateetee4029]

I’m almost 45 and still struggle after years of therapy. What can I do to heal myself? I also have major guilt because I now know I made similar mistakes with my own children (we’ve talked and they say I wasn’t but I know I blew up and yelled a lot and thought it was normal). BOTH my parents were detached. I was raped under my fathers roof a few times because of his absences, my mother married my abuser and is still with him. How do I heal? Oh and they’re good people. My father owned his own business and my mom is a nurse. Neither accept any responsibility for being bad parents.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I wish I had that answer Nana. That's a tough one because there are many reasons why healing can be difficult for us. Sounds like trauma therapy may be helpful or at least reading up on intergenerational trauma. Stay tuned. I"m working on a book with this very topic.

[@penyarol83]

It sounds like you already have a lot of self-awareness & some healthy ego strength which is good. Idk if you like to read but for me, Alice Miller was key to my healing bc she really speaks to the abused child in all of us with so much understanding & truth. I read all her books & they really allowed me to get at that deep trauma & to throw off the bonds of repression that my parents, especially my dad, insisted I live with. It was in breaking thru that repression to get at my deeply-held feelings of rage, grief & even hatred I felt for him/them, that I could get all of it out & start to genuinely heal. Almost no one else I have found helped me to do that like her. Bc her priority really is squarely on the abused child, it’s feelings, needs, & restoring emotional justice to the picture, while many people on some level still protect abusive parents at the expense of children.

[@mypanexogamouslineage965]

My father has always been an emotionally and reality-detatched parent.

[@The_TOPshow]

Same ):

[@duchessofessex2550]

Unfortunately this is my core issue. Thank you for highlighting it.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Did you grow up under an emotionally detached parent? Please like, share, and comment if helpful to you. 🙂 You may find this channel helpful in your "research" on narcissists kzbin.info/www/bejne/fam4YXWEhc6aaa8

[@gerardocuauhtemoc19]

My dad is a compulsive gambler and i remember he would be absent for excessively long periods of time when i was younger (months at a time sometimes). I remember his excuse for these binge-gambling absences was always that he was "working". And he was a hypocritical authoritarian. Do as I say not as I do.

[@nancybartley4610]

For those who are older, mom stayed home. She could not hide in work. So "hiding in work" was not possible.

[@Gshkent]

For a parent who has been raised by a detached, manipulative and neglectful caretakers who is aware enough to know that they don’t possess the skills to address their child’s trauma in a beneficial way... Wouldn’t it be more appropriate they have their child get these modeled by someone appropriate and healthy?

[@penyarol83]

So give the child up for adoption?

[@Mz-ci8wg]

Those parents normally wont risk the blow done to their reputation if it gets out that they gave away their children for adoption. That was my case at the least. Was treated like trash or ignored, and already in a situation where i was being targeted by adult family members, sociopathic in their behavior and drawn to me because they saw i had zero protection. Not to mention the rest. But to the world outside, they pretended to be model parents. They were trash.

[@universal_stupidity]

This is my family exactly but I'm still a minor and have way younger siblings so rip

[@belle3055]

I know it’s sad. But I’m trying to break the cycle. Trying to heal so I can be better for my kids and younger siblings.

[@TLDAVIS1951]

This is a very troublesome topic for me realizing that my parents are no longer alive. Of course I never knew my father because they divorced as I was still in the womb. I can't identify any of those traits in my mom. What I can identify is the fact that I am and always have been an emotionally detached person. I didn't participate in making children with anyone. I never really had a girl-friend or any close friend. I've always been a loner. I never felt that I was neglected but I don't understand how I came to be the emotionally detached person that I am.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thanks for sharing this Thomas. This can be tough, especially when you look back over your life. This "detachment" may be the result of trauma and avoidant personality. In some ways, this isn't all a bad thing. But I'm sure the reality of this can be saddening.

[@tbmcnation]

Your videos are so tremendously helpful, Tamara!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm so glad! Thank you!!

[@Star-dj1kw]

Excellent video 👍🏼👍🏼

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you :)

[@tamistone2632]

Great channel, so organized ...thank you

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome. Thank you!!

[@HuricaneChampagne]

That was very painful

[@Trista1983]

Great vid! I desire to become a Psych. Nurse Practitioner & specialize in trauma counseling (generational trauma specifically). Do you have any recommendations (degree or certification programs)? I desire to do both (prescribe meds and counsel) Thank you!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Hi Trista, I would suggest looking into medical school to pursue a psychiatry track to prescribe and counsel. You may also be able to pursue a PsyD and take certification classes to prescribe. All the best!

[@macercan]

I wish you were close cause I could use a therapist like you

[@nikkihernandez5751]

I love this video I am in therapy ! super helpful.

[@nikkihernandez5751]

This was hard to hear but it was good.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I bet it was. :( So many told me this when I discussed this at a conference on trauma. After watching things like this video, selfcare is doubly important.

[@nikkihernandez5751]

@@TherapistTamaraHill It doesnt mean I didnt like it I like it just hard but helpful. It just reinsures me it did happen or confirms things for me. Thank you for all you do!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

💖😊 I know what you mean.

[@CDEEZ03]

Idk how to deal with this

[@belle3055]

I don’t know either. I’m the oldest daughter with 3 younger brothers and I don’t know how to prevent them from being affected by my parents emotional absence...

[@marleyofficialmedia]

@@belle3055 I dont think you can prevent. But if you heal yourself then your brothers will be safe around you in the future.

[@bartdoo5757]

Have you done a video about yourself? What was your upbringing like? What made you want to be a therapist?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I haven't Bart. Good question! I might just do that coming up real soon. You are the 10th person over the past 6 months who has asked about this.LOL

[@bartdoo5757]

@@TherapistTamaraHill I'm serious. I spend/waste a lot of time reading and watching videos. It would be a great way for everyone to understand you more.

[@btfields323]

My mother

[@Geeya6]

❤️