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[@lisas.1002]

I never understood why my Mother called me “the strong one” and I decided it was good to be strong. But silent suffering builds resentments not strength.

[@nikribble]

Same. It took me years to accept that I had been SA'd as a teen because for years I thought admitting it meant I was vulnerable and wasn't strong and I valued being strong over anything else.

[@Jennifer12714]

This

[@kyramm6206]

@@nikribbleI really understand this

[@itsdsanti3784]

I’m realizing this as I’m becoming a young adult.

[@Padraigp]

True. Don't do that. She didn't day be the silent resentful one

[@voilet-the-non-violet-vulpix]

“You’re so quiet & easy to deal with!” “Thanks, I make sure to do all my crying silently in my bed, so you can’t hear it & get annoyed at me or tell me I’m crying over nothing 😊👍”

[@atiredweeb8551]

This. "Why are you crying?" "I'll give you smth to cry about." "Stop crying or you'll get more." "Thats just stupid" "You're too young to be stressed." Why yes I *do* have vulnerability issues! Ty for causing them!

[@voilet-the-non-violet-vulpix]

@@atiredweeb8551 the hypersensitive to emotionally unavailable & asocial pipeline is so real

[@autumnzephyr]

Ugh, I can't stand the phrase "I'll give you something to cry about." My narcissistic father was infamous for saying this 🙈

[@Mochi-re8cv]

OMG

[@Mochi-re8cv]

@@autumnzephyr 😭😭😭😭😭

[@annab3818]

I see myself in this, and it makes me really sad for my younger self and frustrated that I still deal with the consequences at 31 years old.

[@littleamy20]

same for me, trying to undo the harm of this in my late 30s. it's devastating in an understated way

[@LittleLulubee]

Same for me, and I’m already 50 😭😭

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

Same Anna, it took me until well into my 30s to begin to change these patterns

[@meredith2277]

I can relate as well, Anna, and at 41 am working on some of my patterns that resulted from being a quiet, perceptive introvert.

[@MegaMagicalMegan]

34 here and it can be really awkward because you can have a wonderful and loving family but STILL suffer from having squashed yourself down to be manageable and help out and make life easier for siblings and parents and teachers and it gets to a point where nobody can fully see you and even YOU can’t fully see you at all times because your default is to accept less and be less, burden less, bother less, feel less, think less, hurt less, and you can never really bring it up because it feels invalidated since your family loves you...and because change is terrifying and feels like something you want to avoid forever. I don’t know. Like you’re too much for yourself to handle after so many years like this too. Like it’s important to stay small. As if small and quiet = safety. Especially raised as a girl, we’re often encouraged to stay quiet and be pleasant and safe due to our gender as well. Everything is a danger & everything is an inconvenience and there’s a lot of judgment involving our evolving bodies and everything too. But I digress - good luck everyone!!

[@Danka42]

"Rewarded for not giving my input" really sums up my childhood

[@hollowhorned6852]

There is also this; I’m an introvert because I was given the clear signs that if I give my input, or say how I’m feeling that my parents would react negatively, but I also noticed that when my parents were giving me positive attention it was bec I was going to be given a duty, stress, or being set up to be in trouble. Here is what I learned, that being on my own is the safest, that when being given positive love or attention to be on high alert for manipulation or being given a responsibility bec loving me is a burden, so every ounce of positive love comes with a heavy dept that I’ll never be able to pay back, so I avoid attention over all. Relationships are impossible, bec them treating me well means no matter what I do, I owe this un-payable debt which builds up a resentment to both myself and them but mostly myself for wanting love in the first place.

[@AdrienneJung.M]

You’ve just put words to a feeling I’ve had my entire life. That part about the unpayable debt building up every time you are given basic love and attention is frighteningly spot on. My parents were both OCD level perfectionists, I am the oldest of 5, and the next sister after me had a lot of health issues. So I learned to be helpful, fly under the radar, and that I shouldn’t make my parents lives any more difficult than they already were.

[@meenamusallam]

@@AdrienneJung.Mive found my ppl

[@neko3571]

So you became dismissive avoidant over all? I want to understand this ( I am anxious so I suffered a different kind of abuse.)

[@hollowhorned6852]

@@neko3571 yeah; when in relationships my brain screams that no matter what I do they have no reason to stay, love, or tell me anything bec I’m always falling short; so being in a romantic relationship is beyond stressful, let alone friendships. My longest relationship was a relationship of convenience, both of us just didn’t want to be single; but both of us knew we couldn’t rely on each other for certain things; (they would remind me they don’t love me about once a month, usually after being intimate ) Not a healthy way to live, but there was a weird mix of pain and relief when it was said to me. The feeling of panic when people said “we are friends” bec all of a sudden I owe them time and attention that was exhausting for me, like the ability of saying “no” was just taken away from me, so all of my favours, nice gestures are a duty and not a curtesy, so they don’t count.

[@noemi2823L]

So I got married recently and I’ve withdrawn a lot from my family when I was younger they would pay attention to me when they needed something or as you worded it it was to be given a duty or stress. I wanted so desperately their attention that I would do my best at whatever task I was given but still anything I did was never appreciated so now that I’m married I’d rather withdraw because once I’m asked to help with something it goes deeper and deeper and they just keep asking for more, it’s mental energy spent on them when a lot of times I barely have the mental energy for myself. So I’ve learned that for me it’s better to withdraw not completely but a lot I’m learning to set boundaries I’m learning to just say no I’m learning that I don’t need to give explanations or excuses I need my mental energy for myself I need to take care of me then my husband then if I have the mental health and energy I can help others I spent too long not putting myself first I couldn’t handle the pressure of being the strong one, I wanted to scream like my sister but I just kept silent What they don’t know is I almost k*****d myself

[@muffinkitty6904]

My dad yelled at me so many times for talking too much. Guess what happened? I started talking less, but he would still yell at me if I got excited and started talking "too much" again. Now it's hard for me to get excited about things unless I'm by myself because I'm safe then. Now he wonders why I have social anxiety and can't just fix it.

[@dionisiahenry6817]

Geez, that must have been so hard to deal with. You would think a parent would be happy to see that their child is excited about something. This is the kind of stuff that makes me afraid of becoming a parent myself. I'm afraid that I will project my trauma onto my own child. Wouldn't know how to live with myself if I did.

[@cinderling5472]

😢

[@Mochi-re8cv]

Same I feel so emotionally numb I wasn’t or haven’t felt any joy since ….years

[@katherineklevenow1808]

Tell him why

[@Elyanley]

​@katherineklevenow1808 without therapy, this will only lead too rejection. "So much drama about nothing" etc. Even with therapy,it can be hard for people to change. In my own group therapy we had a girl who went through similar with her mum, and it was hard for both.. the mum wanted to change and help her daughter, but old habits and opinion die hard. Unless the dad opens himself up for criticism and wanting to change (and who wants to ever be painted at fault?) it might be better for them, for now, to only work for themself and leave them out. Once they are in a better place,they at least can take a possible rejection better.

[@jacqsilvey2000]

You hit the nail on the hammer!! I’m the eldest and the quietest. My mum told me once that I’m the favourite because I don’t cause any stress. I told her that I don’t want to be in that position.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

I can relate for sure + was teased often in my family for being the "Christ child" who could do no wrong, when in reality I was struggling big time inside

[@nicolehegarty4749]

That sounds like me and my family except my family made it clear that I was not the favorite

[@nilanjasa007]

I am always praised too as a "good" girl. I don't want to be good.

[@Mochi-re8cv]

@@TheHolisticPsychologist 😭😭😭😭

[@Testsubject99807]

Eldest daughter syndrome. I was loved for making things easier until I didn't. It results in so much backlash from the parent but it's wonderful being an individual rather than trying to be a 'good' kid. 🥲 Being able to openly feel is something that I'm still working on but things are better. ☺️

[@zieuc964]

I was this as a child. When I got ‘fussy’ my mother would scream in my face until I cried. I kept to myself and was forced to grow up quickly. Never taught how to socialize so I became an introvert. Took me until I was an adult to stop hating her (after she changed and apologized first) This taught me to take the bare minimum when it came to a partner, because even if they showed me the smallest bit of attention it was enough. Thankfully it’s not like that anymore. Give your kids love and attention, people. Or don’t have kids at all.

[@StopLookandListenwithSamantha]

🫶🤗

[@pattifrye438]

This is me and my two daughters. One needed sooo much attention and the other was always easy. I have spoken to the "easy" kid about this and how I feel bad that her sister sucks up so much of the attention and we (I mostly) allowed it to happen. I recognized it some time ago and am trying to be better about it while also trying not to resent the "needy" child over it. They are still teens so I'm hoping its not too late to have a better balance. Edit:thank you ladies (I'm assuming) for your guidance and kind words. I really appreciate it.

[@maxolivia4911]

Maybe consider therapy for yourself? Kids are extremely hyper aware of how their parents feel about them and if you fear you might feel resentment towards your child for how they move around in the world then therapy can really help you figure out where this resentment is coming from. It's also worth it in order to learn how to balance out your attention between the two of them as well. Parenting is an incredibly intense and tough job. There's no education for how you nurture the emotional and psychological health of children and they are vulnerable to your every emotion yourself. There's no shame in acknowledging you may be struggling with how to give them all they need. You are their safety, their first experience of how others view their value, their worth, their strengths etc. You are becoming the voice inside their heads for the rest of their lives so you want to make sure that voice is positive and empowering and encouraging. I'm sure that's what you want to create. I've been in therapy myself for three years and I promise it's life changing. And your girls deserve all of the kindness, gentleness and encouragement in the world to make sure they enter the world never feeling shame for expressing themselves. And neediness is neutral. It's simply part of some people's personality. It's certainly part of mine. And I have excellent communication skills now to make sure I request what I need to feel loved, secure and confident in all my relationships

[@pattifrye438]

@@maxolivia4911 well I worry about the resentment later on down the line when they're adults and the easy kid doesnt come visit me in the nursing home lol. The needy kid and I have a great relationship. I want to have one with the easy kid too. That's why I'm working on it.

[@Kirbyinthevoid]

It's possible the "needy" child has special needs. That was me and I definitely didn't want to "suck up all the attention" by chronically not having my needs met and being unable to "cope" due to being on the spectrum.

[@pattifrye438]

@@Kirbyinthevoid she was always emotionally immature and stubborn. We had to spend hours every night doing homework because she would just shutdown and refuse to do her work even though she didn't struggle with the learning. She spent a good chunk of one school year in the principals office doing her class work because she wouldn't do it in class. The easy kid rarely brought work home cause she always finished it at school.

[@WTFgirl621]

@@pattifrye438 i was just like your "needy" one; I never did class work, I regularly spaced out and did my own thing, or I was getting into trouble for doing something I wasn't supposed to do. This sounds like Neurodivergency, which is a term used for those whose brains are wired differently, for example ADHD. I think it would be great for your whole family to maybe talk to someone and see if maybe your child could benefit from some outside help. I know I sure did!❤

[@ilikecheeseandbeef7203]

"Its not that im the strong one. I just learned to hide how i feel." THAT ONE HIT.

[@leslieholland6477]

I am the “hero” archetype in my family. I had the burden of always needing to be perfect and accomplished to make the family and myself look happy and successful. My parents felt I was “well adjusted” and emotionally secure. The absolute opposite was true. My parents ignored my emotional needs.

[@badflamer]

"Hero" in the western mythos i a euphemism for "sacrifice". Never let yourself or anyone you know be made into a hero. Champion your causes and values, but do not indulge the idea that any singular entity ought to be the martyr for it, absolving all others of responsibility.

[@recoveringsoul755]

They reward quiet, but are unaware you're getting bullied at school, needed therapy for SA, needed someone to talk to us, and take an interest. Im a giid listener, but u had needs too. All those neglected needs have just built up over time to the point it's overwhelming and i can't function.

[@Letycs]

It's even worse when you're expected to be the hero and you end up not accomplishing any of the multitude of things they tried to push you into. So now, not only are you dealing with all the inner turmoil from being the good kid, but also an added layer of guilt for ending up being worthless.

[@harpurr53]

"give it to your sister and never wonder if the same pressure would have pulled you under". Shout out to all the eldest daughters out there

[@lilmamizworld5487]

Definitely me. I feel like I'm not allowed to feel anything or say anything

[@X3N0_M0RPH3]

LEAVE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE

[@pumpkinspice7279]

Ugh this is too true 🥲 I always hated when my parents babied my sister for being loud and needy, then coddle her because she has anxiety, aka, anger issues. But they don’t believe me when I have anxiety too, because mine I hide away from them. Mine is crying and silent dread, staying awake all night. But I can’t have anxiety or attention because I don’t yell and scream like my sister. I’m proud of all us introverts for surviving this environment. Let’s hope for either getting them to understand what they’re doing or finding loving, attentive partners (if you’re looking for one)

[@imeldag888]

This's so true, and it's me. I don't talk about what I feel, and always say 'yes' just to please people. And learn as I'm getting older by watching people, reading etc...

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

I can definitely relate Imelda + spent so much of my life suppressing what I feel to please other

[@fiendeceuninck8705]

​@The Holistic Psychologist me too and now with my psychologist it's nearly impossible to even recognize how I feel and what I think

[@Laura-Yu]

Damn the people pleaser thing is so true…

[@juancena1259]

​@@fiendeceuninck8705have you tried meditating and Journaling

[@Adzukii-Sama]

True:((

[@1980shameka]

I NEED the role playing and since I still struggle with identifying both how I feel and exactly where those feelings originated from, this is tremendously helpful. It can be quite embarrassing at 43 (almost 44 in about 2 months) to not know how to identify how you feel.

[@hollyslager2883]

hello fellow alexithymia sufferer. I know how you feel I am glad these videos are helping you

[@rodae27]

​@hollyslager2883 thank you for that. I never knew

[@nikolettlukacs6951]

I know how you feel, I’m 43 too and just feeling so frustrated, still trying to figure out who I am and also which feeling belongs to me which is not mine. It’s consumes so much energy to live like this.

[@zareenbhatti9118]

I don't know how I feel about my boyfriend 😑 the most annoying thing is: my family never cared about me as a child, so why do they feel they have any right to give input to who i'll marry 😅

[@RJ_Ehlert]

Good old Childhood Emotional Neglect.

[@listentotheanimalscreamsha1511]

This is me I raised and protected myself the best way I could.

[@TheKillaShow]

Alot of people need to hear this. You did the best you could with the tools you had. Dont beat yourself up over it.

[@MimiBrooks91]

Yep, my life explained in a KZbin short

[@RainbowAnimeCupcake]

This was me growing up. My sister has severe anxiety so I was often put on the back burner, but I’m also AuDHD so I was usually caught up in my own world anyway. No one ever offered help when I really needed it so I even hid my physical pain, which almost killed me a few times. It even continues into my adult life. My sister is married and I’m not but we both plan on having kids. She was offered a job across the country from where we all live now and my parents were planning to move there with her to help with any potential grandkids cause she can’t handle that by herself. I asked well what about me? Are you gonna leave me here by myself? What if I have kids too? And they literally said that I’ll be fine and my sister needs their help much more. Theyll never know how much that broke my heart, even though my sister didnt end up taking the position in the end.

[@ExplosionMare]

I'm glad at least that your sister stood up for you

[@captainpotatord6984]

​@@ExplosionMareshe didnt?

[@ExplosionMare]

@@captainpotatord6984 She did, I think. She didn't take the parents' stance

[@bumblebuddha8000]

This was my older sister. I dealt with my mother's behaviors by being a chaos agent. I never knew until middle age how traumatized my sister really was by our upbringing.

[@KhadijahW.]

"you're the strong one" wow that hits home

[@clairvaux8459]

My siblings and I 💀 We're all introverted and our mother is extroverted, so there is a certain gap in understanding. Because she's a working single mother, she praises us for not being disruptive. My elder siblings ended up being extremely private, quiet and closed-off. They rarely share anything about themselves, especially to family. I learnt there is nothing to gain by talking so I also stay silent and tended to figure out most things by myself, whether to process feelings or to find ways to entertain myself :^))))

[@MizuSky]

It's like how my mother said I'm resilient, and I always bounce back. It's not that I was resilient, it's that I was ADHD & I was always punished for crying/ attention seeking (Attention seeking for children is not a bad word for those who view it poorly, it is an appropriate and valid behaviour for children to display as they need care and attention.)

[@maedayxx]

These make me wanna cry, they're so accurate😭

[@alicemarshall0823]

I was the same way as a kid. Didnt talk much, kept to myself, didnt tell anyone when i was struggling or needed help. My kom aotra ignored/neglected me. I was givin everything na child needs but she was emotionally neglective and didnt care to go into deep feelings with me so i just leaned to keep everything inside qnd creat my own fantasy wirld where im poved the way i want

[@hyss.]

This struck SO hard. I was seen as an outcast because I was so quiet compared to the rest of my family. I was also a "gifted child" in Elementary and always held to high expectations, coming from an Asian family with a lot of generational trauma. Only last year did I realize I probably have ADD along with other mental health problems that everyone brushed off back then. Currently I'm trying to get an official diagnosis for ADD. Hope I can see a therapist some day, but for now I'm on my own. It's been so hard, but I hope I'll at least play a part to break the chain of our family's issues...

[@dionisiahenry6817]

Oh man. I can relate to the "gifted" label thing. It hurt more than it helped, I think. Even though I really enjoyed my "gifted" classes, the high, constant expectations from my mom nearly fucking killed me. My teachers were awesome and very encouraging, but damn... At home it was a different story. I hope you can get some support because no one deserves to deal with unraveling the tangled mess of their childhood alone. For now, just know you are definitely not alone... We see you ❤

[@SoutaCherry]

I’ve started to realize how much I’ve done this over the years, it’s come to a point where it’s second nature. I realize that no one really knows what I go through because I never mention it, even when I wanted to. But I always felt like it was a bad time or I didn’t want to ruin the mood.

[@anderjem6528]

This was literally me my whole life. My brother was a handful (still can be) and so when he acted out I just went off and did my own thing to let my mom handle it. I felt so invisible because my brother acted out and got all of moms attention, but I didn’t want to cause more issues for her so I just played silently in my room and behaved as well as I could. I learned at a young age to get along in life you have to be independent and silent. No one wants to deal with my problems so I handled most of my problems myself.

[@StopLookandListenwithSamantha]

Look up dysfunctional family roles. 🤯 it was mind blowing for me when I read about the similarities

[@havocsTeacher]

I don't think I've ever had a video explain my childhood so perfectly before... It sucks being stuck with the label of "strong one". I was never strong, I was scared and being shown through both my parent's words and actions that I wasn't ever going to get help. I'm still reeling from that trauma years down the line so.. thanks mom and dad 🎉

[@EcstaticTeaTime]

I'm an only and this is why it bugs me if someone calls me extroverted. I am better one on one and need time to myself. Put me in a group of more than 4 people and I become just like the little girl. My parents listened to me (most of the time) but my peers did not so I learned that even if I offer a suggestion in a group and say it multiple times, it takes someone else saying those exact words for other people to listen and think it's a good idea. I would rather be a ghost if I am treated like one.

[@Chibi-kittenplays]

offfff this hit home. I even started to refuse to give Xmas wish list because I so desperately wanted them to get to know me and learn what I wanted.

[@recoveringsoul755]

Right?! If they KNEW us, they would know what gifts we want or need without having to ask or guess

[@kriskross6934]

Felt this to the core with my parents and my brother, I was always the kid you didn’t need to check in on cause I had it “together”. But I didn’t and even after my brothers death I was expected to have it together for everyone else even down to helping with funeral planning barely 16

[@THIRDEYEOPEN1214]

EXACTLY my life. EXACTLY. My mother and me, 74 and 47, respectively (I'm the youngest), have now reached a stalemate. I've spoken my mind (big time), set my UNBREAKABLE BOUNDARIES, and now? The next move is hers. And if there's no movement at all? I've made my peace with that. I absolutely LOVE this channel and am so glad I stumbled across it about a week ago. It's EXTREMELY validating and healing. Subscribed after ONE SHORT. You're helping SO MANY. Not that my opinion of your choices matters? But leaving your private practice and helping others on THIS GLOBAL PLATFORM? Brilliant. You will reach so many more. Thanks, and keep em coming! 👌🏾

[@dionisiahenry6817]

Agreed! My favorite part of the shorts is when the girl playing the child says, "here's what I'm learning". Congratulations on standing up for yourself btw. It's not easy to do!

[@arabesque4403]

This is hit me , it’s me 😢 I was hiding my feelings all the time to please my Narcissistic mother, now I distance myself from her and I am trying to change my personality.

[@Vibing1305]

This validates my feeling, I have always know that theres a "problem". I have always rewarded with compliments even though I did nothing at all just because I am quiet. Nobody seems to understand my sadness in my life bcs they highly believe that I have it so good, they goin to compliment the way I live, so quiet and lucky then move on, not asking what I feel living like that or seems to understand it downs me. Its like just passing by bcs they have to for the sake of involving you or striking a convo. Despite it though, I dont blame anyone nor I have real hates towards them, maybe bitterness because I just want to be listened. On the bright side, I became a good listener and an open minded person but sometimes it's frustrating..? That no one can seems to do that to you too. It's so captures my case. Sorry for the tedtalk Edit: grammar

[@allison6842]

this also can be caused by siblings... not many talk about it but like if you have a bossy sibling and you happen to be more passive hiding from them becomes a habit.

[@zk9494]

I love these roleplays!!! It shows people what your videos look like in family dynamics

[@yoonmin5065]

I teared up....literally who i am as the eldest + daughter + asian household.

[@amym.845]

My family has generations of trauma and mental illness. Almost everyone of your videos fits my life in one way or another. Thank you for posting to giving light to things that I still don't understand.

[@katerinaspencer1554]

Its just that if they know you're upset they try to make you explain so they can brush it off but I didn't always know why i was upset or they just wouldn't take it seriously until i was screaming and having a temper tantrum

[@sheenalee7602]

This is me. I feel really bad for my younger self and even now at 38 i still deal with this. I've always been considered the strong one and i have learned to bottle everything in. Now, I'm a single mother and sometimes I feel like I suffer in silence because I don't have anyone to talk to or to relate to me and my needs.

[@hollyslager2883]

Well there is councilors or God I mean he is the free councilor. He also does not need appointments

[@Sarah-zr1nj]

I feel you, sister. I’m 39 and I feel the exact same way. I got therapy for it, and was able to confront my parents about how I suffered in silence because I was the “good child,” who didn’t cause trouble while my sister terrorized my family. They pushed back at first, but once I told them that I forgave them because they didn’t know any better, they relented and apologized to me. I still carry the scars of not having my needs fully addressed as a kid, but it was cathartic to be able to tell my parents about it and to forgive them.

[@asdeathmorgan2371]

I have a twin brother, he's always been the extroverted one and I was the quiet child. I always felt invisible in my home. This really hit home for me

[@SeaBlueJay]

I feel so unbearably called out. I didn't realise this was the cause of a lot of my problems when it comes to healthy relationships. I'm so used to telling others the comforting words they crave, but never getting those words back in return.

[@TheNextBestSelling]

I was this child growing up for sure and whenever I did express my feelings I am told I'm just trying to look like a victim and then everyone focuses on the more vocal dramatic family members. I just learned to just keep everything to myself and find healthy coping mechanisms. I use writing as an outlet. If my family ever read some of my work, they'd probably know who's the inspiration.

[@purple_blued]

I felt this so much. I was a naturally extroverted kid, but I learned really early on to mask as the introverted and low-maintanence one, because I knew that would give my family more time to focus on my brother who is mentally disabled, and required more supervision than me. I don't have any resentment towards him or my family (like I've heard some other "glass children" have), but I do wish I'd been given a bit more attention, because I myself am developmentally disabled, but because my disability was easier to mask/harder to see, it was overlooked until I was 16.

[@BlinkinFirefly]

GUH, the truths in these videos hitting so hard

[@shimmerine1]

And then we peace out as soon as we graduate from high school and go low/no contact. Strong one indeed.

[@suprememaz]

Whoa. A lot of dots just connected. Although in my world it was less, “rewarded for being quiet” and more “not judged for speaking up”. Seriously, thank you for these shorts.😊

[@binurijayasinghe6565]

Yep. felt that. Been there. Still going through utterly. Even if I'm 26

[@clararob9869]

This is me and im scapegoated too. Was told how independent i was my whole life, as i would take myself for walks at 3. So clearly wasn't being watched. When i was a teenager mum went to a clairvoyant who (so she said) didn't have ti worry about me because i was sensible. However I was first drunk at 8, and drinking on the streets with friends at 13, took my first drugs at 16. All the while being looked through by my mum, so not sensible at all. I believed that i was independent si my hyper independence became worse with age, my 20s were full of drink and drugs which was a blessing and curse because MDMA actually made my mind more open / less anxious/ depressed amd started me on the road to recovery. Im now 45 and trying very hard to put myself first and understand that my feelings and voice matter. .

[@dionisiahenry6817]

Damn. I'm so sorry you went through that! My dad had a similar experience growing up. He was a full blown alcoholic by the time he was 11. His dad was an alcoholic and he said that's the only time he got to spend with him... When they were drinking together. Absolutely heartbreaking 💔

[@AnimeLover4Life3395]

I was the middle child and only girl. My parents' hands were so full from my brothers that even if I did come to them with a problem, they would tell me to stop seeking attention. I to this day am unable to talk to someone when something is wrong.

[@patriciastreufert9636]

This sure is the truth!

[@sapsoup422]

As someone with a sibling with behavioral and addiction issues nearly my entire life, thank you for this. Far too often we’re ignored and at times neglected because parents assume there’s nothing wrong with us. When in reality, we’re just too afraid to speak up about our own issues.

[@ConnieWobbles]

I'm an extrovert and this was my experience, except without the warm level of engagement shown from the parent in this video. I get the point your making but as an extrovert that was expected to be silent and antisocial, hiding how you feel is a response to how you're treated, and how you might be punished, not necessarily about personality type. Even extroverts learn to suppress their nature if they have to. And not all extroverts are able to be expressive or seen by their parents.

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

I couldn't agree more Connie + think most of what we call "personality" is a response to our environment including our relationships

[@green1eyed1leopardes]

This is me as well. I'm in the weird *extra* one in the background. My family didn't get me or humored me and peers tormented and bullied me.

[@amjadshamsan4551]

This is me 😢😢 and I thought the more extroverted and loud you are the more attention you get , and that is how i lost myself and became someone else

[@greyladydamiana]

This goes double if you’re the middle child

[@transsnack]

Or the extra. Being the "baby of the family" is only a perk when you were wanted and planned for.

[@MsScully25]

Having those videos in my reel, I realize how messed up my childhood was and it explains soo much of my adult life struggles.

[@WorgenGrrl]

Any time I expressed myself and how I want to do things, my mother shut it down because I wasn't doing it her way (and was never fully clear on what that was) and she knows better because she's my mother.

[@Star-dj1kw]

This deserves a big video 😢

[@nicolehegarty4749]

Omfg this one really hurts. This one hits home the most of all of your videos I have seen so far. Wow ouch. My mom is gone now too.

[@arianna5754]

Yup, can relate. I have a very extroverted twin brother who has some learning and attention challenges that made him far more rambunctious than me, while I was more introverted, did well in my studies, and generally kept a low profile. Thus they had to put most effort into my brother, especially in elementary school when he acted out the most. Because I knew he needed help I didn't complain, but I was so shy that I struggled to make friends for a long time, and felt ashamed to ask for help if I was having trouble with certain subjects because I had to be "the good one." I have a great relationship with my folks and brother now, but I don't think they realized how lonely I felt growing up.

[@asaris_]

Gee, that's so me. 🤣 No one ever even asked me how I'm doing or what's going on in my life.

[@Diarrheagod]

I always love the moms facial expression at the end of these 😂😂 never gets old

[@try8042]

Wow, that's literally me! “You're the strong one you don't need as much help as your sister.”

[@NikD215]

I kept to myself to maintain peace; my room was safer than any common area in the house. I was able to avoid my mother and her anger. I was scared ishless of my mother and wanted to be far away from her. Also, she was barely home and when she was, she no interest in me as I was a boring child. Whenever my mother neglected me and ppl called her out on, she would say it was because I was strong. Well, I had no choice, I knew I couldn't rely on her. I had to fend for myself.

[@ExplosionMare]

I feel like for a long while, my parents would at least for the most part be able to help my sister with her problems but because mine weren't "obvious" and sounded like overreacting to them, I wasn't helped until I finally made it clear how desperate I was for help. I'm sure they didn't mean to push me aside or pick favorites but it's always going to be strange to me how I had to get to such a bad point for anyone to realize how serious I was about needing help. I get it, you can't mind read, but I had reached out a few times long before things were really bad and I wasn't taken seriously. I do wonder now if this and a lot of teachers putting the class down at school is what made me so introverted. Of course, nerves and self-confidence issues will always be a main factor but this video is helping me realize that I'm definitely one of those people that hates to be a bother, especially to people who I know may not react well. At least I finally learned to stop being such a people-pleaser.

[@mauriciolopez1235]

Spot on! Yeah... The strong one... I'm completely shattered really..

[@tiffanihenson7777]

Expressed this to my mom and a day later she sent me video from this channel to mention her trauma to me instead of discussing/validating mine. I was speechless. Still feeling invisible at 30.

[@swankelly]

My mom always says I was the easy one. I did everything I was supposed to, always behaved and would pretty much take care of myself. I never did anything wrong until I was 15 and got pregnant. ;)

[@FallenSummer84]

thank you for these shorts! I have learned a lot with your approach. Appreciate you both.

[@aquadraws5833]

When I was a kid and whenever I had issues in school or with other people my parents would never interfere or believe me until the situation got escalated. Even when I warned them about it. They would always ask “well are you sure you didn’t provoke them/ do something wrong first?”. After a while I just started to not tell them anything and handle things myself by any means necessary. It wasn’t until senior year of high school that I had a breakdown in front of my mom (whom I have a complicated relationship with) that I told them some things. My mom also had a breakdown when she learned I was being abused by multiple people for about a decade and she didn’t know because whenever I tried to talk to them at first they dismissed it. They managed to create a “my burdens are mine but my family’s burdens are also mine” mentality with me which is why I prefer being alone (so I don’t have to deal with everyone else’s bs and relax a little)

[@CafeWillows]

This hits home , with everything that happened. I fucking hate "the squeaky wheel gets the grease". I still resent my brother and mother so much, and even my father fell into this roleplay. Thank you for giving words to our experiences.

[@HeartFeathers]

I was told voicing my feelings and disagreeing was talking back. I learned to be quiet and hold everything in because it was the only way not to be yelled at.

[@MidnightStarling24]

"I really want someone to care about me" and eventually someone will. But it is very likely that that someone will not be the right someone and will take advantage of this person who was never taught what it looked like to be loved.

[@rainbowbritebrini2150]

I’ve actually had this exact conversation with my mom… ❤Ty still matters in my thirties…

[@annjohnson8437]

This is so true! ❤

[@pancha_gacha]

I had (still have) the opposite problem. My mom always checked on me bc I was too quiet. Everyone thought that something was wrong with me because I wasn't like other kids, never liked going out, talking, etc. And I was like "Let me be, ✨thank you✨"

[@raegirl25]

*sigh* I've been coming across these shorts for the last hour (?) And each one is hitting close to home (pun NOT intended) but this one... this hits HARD...

[@dejoraeblack60]

I’ve felt this my entire life. Big moments in my life aren’t really as big a deal as they are for my siblings in my family. I stopped caring if my family gives any attention honestly for the longest I felt like because I’m the easy chill child that I got casted to the side a long time ago. It’s a process but I’m learning to heal and work through those emotions. I no longer resent my siblings but my parents are trying to make up for lost time and tbh I dont know how to take it because I don’t need it anymore. I’m preparing to move across the country and it only seems like because I’m moving they care. It’s strange. Anyways I’ve found family in people that aren’t blood but really do genuinely care about me and how I’m feeling. All big moments with them are celebrated and it’s been a blessing to genuinely feel cared about like I matter I exist.

[@crystalnicholson4825]

OMG, my mother and I literally had this exact convo! We're you that fly on the wall?? Anyway, didn't get me anywhere...went N/C a year and 1/2 ago after my 50yr lifetime of issues with my histrionic mom. So much better for my peace and well-being. 😔☮️😌

[@mostfrozenburrito]

I’m gonna cry 🥺🥺 I was always the “easy child” but that’s because I was too afraid assert my wants and needs like my sister who was more difficult and strong willed

[@G-Sagittastellium]

💯🙋‍♀️ thank you I love your videos they’re so relatable and educational!!

[@TheHolisticPsychologist]

I'm so glad you're finding them helpful Coffeehustle girl, thanks for tuning in!

[@violetmoon6233]

Thank you for honouring and seeing me as a child 🕊️🤍🙏eventhough my inner child is healed it feels good for my past self to be witnessed .

[@briannaalexis1]

I so feel this im the oldest and introverted while my brother is extroverted and im like yep just put on my headphones not bother anyone

[@renaissancerising888]

This hit so deep...

[@user-vr8re7dn3l]

So true! My sisters always said i was spoiled because i wouldnt get in trouble as much as my sisters, but i was always alone and my familys life was about worrying about my older siblings because they were drama.

[@Knight_Light]

I’m the middle child and learned to keep to myself unless I had to stick up for my siblings which made my parents hate me more.

[@cryingqbear3280]

wow this one hit hard that's exactly how my parents treat me, down to the sister being a "handful"

[@gavinr5576]

*ding!* That's the sound of this resonating with me and my experience. ❤

[@spacegirl226]

100% my life. Thank you for the validation.

[@carlistar27]

Literally had my mom talk about how I was such a good quiet helpful child while my older sister was loud and needed more attention every day even when she was a legal adult and I was still a child. Still trying to break the cycle of feeling like I am only of worth when serving others despite any emotional or physical struggles I a going through…..

[@bundle_of_raccoons]

I keep all my feeling bottled to be out of the way. Most of the time I end up blaming myself for not getting attention for all the emotions I bottled. It's painful to see my mom caring for my siblings. I want that. Thank you for making this.

[@patriciasmith2827]

Thank you for the validation. I can't blame my stay at home mom because she had her own trauma. So glad this is acceptable now to discover and explore and helps me to understand my childhood dynamics very late in life. ❤

[@Shaash_]

Made me cry,thank you

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

This breaks my heart. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, but I always felt pretty safe showing my emotions at home with my mom. Weekends with my alcoholic father were another story, as was school where I was bullied horrifically (I have cPTSD from both, but also standard PTSD from an incident of bullying that went WAY too far) but home with mom & my grandmother was always safe.

[@StopLookandListenwithSamantha]

The “lost child” per dysfunctional family roles. Learning about them was a huge eye opener for me. Thank you for sharing ❤ keep up the great work

[@rachaeldavis9669]

This video hit the nail on the head. My mother has actually said those things to me.

[@user-vc5iv3lg3x]

Holy moly, this is relatable.

[@danieljordan2442]

your vids make a lot of us cry lol 10/10 content 😅