“We argue daily b/c he can’t stop talking about Ramit”

[@ramitsethi]

00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@ringodax12]

It was striking to me that they both often referred to her as emotional and him as rational and numbers driven when he is clearly HIGHLY emotional about this issue. Interesting gender dynamic.

[@TheFawks1980]

Yes!! Thank you for pointing this out! So glad Ramit spent the time to address his mental and emotional state. It's not benefiting anyone

[@TheahLil]

Agree. She was the one being rational and he was being emotional regarding the money.

[@tallgrasslanestitches6635]

I’ve noticed this, but I hope that it’s starting to be in upcoming generations. But I have noticed that a lot of guys will say I’m rational; she’s irrational, while simultaneously being incredibly emotional, but they understand the motivation behind their actions and label it logical, and haven’t taken the time to understand their partners motivation, and therefore the her actions to be irrational. I feel like the dynamic can really ruin what could otherwise be some mutually beneficial and healthy relationship.

[@sarelloo]

This is a really common pattern on this show. The one who is into number and spreadsheets is actually the one making all the bad decisions, and the "carefree" one would actually be better at money but they are kept in the dark.

[@Guedjinator]

My partner and I started laughing when we saw today’s title because who can relate 🙋🏻‍♀️ We didn’t argue, but I definitely talked about Ramit daily after I found the podcast and the book. A year and a half later, we’re down to 1-2 times per week, with Tuesdays being Ramit Day 😂 excited to start today’s episode!

[@lowlowseesee]

same lol

[@ST-wo3uw]

Same! 😂

[@NicoleJurek488]

Same

[@KayyDGee]

I love this!! My family jokes now that it’s “Ramit Tuesday”, instead of taco Tuesday! 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 My kids hearing these convos throughout our home makes me so glad that he’s a consistent content creator!

[@Guedjinator]

@@KayyDGeeyes, Ramit Tuesday! 🎉😂

[@krix823]

29:22 "your feelings might be real, but they are out of sync with reality" ...that's a whole word.

[@Seunonyoutube]

He is not 'quirky'. He is anxious.

[@ireneanderson5629]

As a practicing therapist I so appreciate your support of therapy. Poor guy trapped between two parts of his inner self - I wondered if the worrier in him was internalized from his trauma surviving immigrant parents who had to be hyper vigilant in Viet Nam and the states; the other a kid who desperately wants to play and have fun. In my opinion the opposite of worry is faith, faith that you will manage whatever comes your way. It was frustrating how he could feel reassured by his wife around some things but then doubt her financial acumen when she sounded thoughtful and aware talking about money plans. Almost like if she didnt join his worry she didnt care. Ramit, I loved how you equated worry with care- and that if you didn''t worry you didn't care enough. Great episode

[@kelvinkao7436]

She actually did use the word "faith" in the episode!

[@Tsjhn]

I hope his therapist addresses this: it’s not a mindset he can switch on and off and “be changed by tomorrow”. Seeking to talk with Ramit hoping that he would have the answer and reassurance that they are doing well enough or have the solution to their worries, doubting and changing course after reading Ramit’s (or any other thought leader) book is not helping. Hope Nathan and his therapist are able to rebuild his calm and confidence in his own decision making and to let go of internalized expectations. And, for Nathan (and Linda) to understand that their current and future dynamic regarding his anxiety and compulsiveness, could also be shape the beliefs and mindset of their children.

[@MsAFunk]

This was the best episode you've had in a while. In a lot of ways, I can relate to nathan's anxiety-- especially the part where he tries to cover up that anxiety with facts and numbers, while completely ignoring that you CANNOT cover up highly-charged emotions with facts. We see the phrase "Facts don't care about your feelings!" so often nowadays, and it's less honest than the reverse: "Your feelings don't care about facts!"

[@kingsofbattlegaming1540]

Firstly, I have to admit, this is quite amusing because I know for a fact my wife is likely done hearing me talk about Ramit! I even started to think I was going overboard when I brought up our money dials during a work lunch yesterday. That said, this conversation is incredibly insightful. Just 25 minutes in, we’ve already touched on the core lesson Ramit aims to teach his entire audience. It clicked for me a few videos ago, but this one really solidified it: having a lot of money doesn’t automatically lead to feelings of accomplishment, safety, or security. It’s all about mindset. I think many people in the audience still don’t fully grasp this idea-that it's not the number in your bank account that matters, but your perspective on it. I’m really impressed by the success of the couple in the video, and while I’m admittedly envious of their financial achievements, it’s also sobering to see that despite having a net worth over $1 million, they still experience anxiety and insecurity about money. That’s a powerful reminder that financial security alone won’t solve all of life’s challenges. Thank you once again, Ramit.

[@ramitsethi]

Excellent comment. Thank you for internalizing and sharing the lessons I teach in this podcast!

[@kingsofbattlegaming1540]

@@ramitsethi Absolutely! I only discovered your channel a few weeks ago, but I’ve already gained so much value from your content. Warm Regards!

[@archeanchaos-s4c]

I think alot of it is mindset and when things change quickly it takes a while to adjust. Most of my life I was getting small raises and by 40 I was making six figures with a small savings for how much i made, single income marrried, 2 kids. Then at 45 my whole life changed and now I make over 200k and have over 800k net worth, plus my kids are grown and moved on. I still worry about money, but my goals are much bigger and I worry about ensuring I get there, but what if I lose my job or something happens. I just keep telling myself I am so lucky to be where I'm at and jst trust yourself.

[@paerage]

My family is also from Vietnam. Overnight had to leave everything behind only taking what they could carry. The title to their house, their jobs, community, social capital was stripped away in an instant. Many people were robbed of everything they had and thrown overboard by pirates while trying to escape by boat. The intergenerational trauma from these experiences is SO deep. My mom and all her siblings also pushed education hard on us for the exact same reasons. I think at the end of the day they’re still Bracing themselves for shit to hit the fan and have to leave everything, but their kids’ Ivy League degrees will always protect them. I wish Nathan and the whole family peace and ease and the opportunity to celebrate what they have created for themselves.

[@Capycorg]

Such a traumatic experience... Glad your family is OK now.

[@NYang-io7jz]

Exactly!!!

[@kirbiejohnson4475]

Ramit, honestly this was your best episode ever!!! I was getting anxious just listening at Nathan thinking he was not good enough. What a weight to carry around on the inside, while you are successful on the outside. I'm so glad Nathan is seeking counseling. Good luck to you mental health Nathan!

[@coya8coy]

I am more like the husband. I have read many finance books and I gleaned a little something from each, but what I learned from Ramit is to chill the f$&@ out. I have anxiety and have a need to control everything. I automated everything I could and simplified my budgeting.

[@TuBui2]

In Vietnamese culture there's a quote that I often heard growing up: "The first generation builds the empire, the second generation grows it, the third generation destroys it". This in many ways expands to the mindset that, as kids of our successful, 1st generation, immigrant parents, we're responsible for expanding their success. How ridiculous would it be to have had "everything given to you" and to have done less than them?

[@FinFiverr]

In the north of England the equivalent to your saying is "there are three generations from clogs to clogs".

[@KayRay1966]

Or this version of the same message: Hard times make strong men, strong men make good times, good times make weak men, weak men makes hard times.....

[@oceanmonster8937]

He is compulsive.... not impulsive. from a psychiatrist.

[@mirabai305]

I'm just at the point of the show where Nathan admits all his talk of therapy was about the past and he's not actually in therapy. Land sakes, he needs it! Just getting a handle on his anxiety, fear, and insecurity would be such a change to his rich life. I hope he hears Ramit in this area.

[@a.a.6762]

Exactly 💯

[@ESforest]

She is calm, collected and responsible. He is emotional, alarmistic and compulsive.

[@ek6007]

I've heard another podcast talk about how we can become addicted to suffering, because suffering equates to others needing us and therefore we're valued. But you have to accept that there's 'good enough' and find value within yourself. The husband on this show has to learn how to do that.

[@NickiBluIs]

Ramit, every episode: How you feel about money is highly uncorrelated with how much money you have. Commenters, every episode: Why do they feel bad when they have so much money???? 😅😅😅

[@ramitsethi]

Sigh

[@rocioiribe5841]

enter this episode as case in point, again.

[@TR-lh9yz]

This is an underrated comment. Literally this happens EVERY episode.

[@thewriteplaceforme6874]

Very good follow-ups! I'm glad Nathan took comments in the session in a positive way. I worried that when he found out that the CSP wasn't the A++ work he expected it to be, he'd check out. But he didn't, and good for him! My ex was a goal setter, and he'd sacrifice and work and even suffer to achieve it. Then he'd reach that goal and realize it didn't make him happy. So he'd set another goal determined that the new goal would make him happy, especially if he suffered for it even more. (The goal usually had to impress his unimpressable father in some way too. Bonus mental stress.) As far as i know, he achieved a lot of goals and was never happy about any of them and didn't enjoy the journey either. I'm glad Nathan is committed to therapy - everyone will benefit from it.

[@williamle1498]

He sounds like me. The goal post is always moving and it's impossible to enjoy the fruits of our labor. It's a double-edged sword because the anal retentiveness in many way drives my (and probably) his success. I always feel like if I throttle down, I'd fail. Sigh.

[@thewriteplaceforme6874]

@@williamle1498 If therapy isn't in the cards for whatever reason, I found two books helpful or perhaps I should say insightful: Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar and The Year of Living Danishly by Helen Russell. (Of course after Ramit's book...) My goal was to be happy. Hard to do with someone who just doesn't find happiness anywhere. But I wish you the best in finding that illusive middle ground of goals and happiness.

[@thewriteplaceforme6874]

@@williamle1498 If therapy isn't in the cards for whatever reason, I found these books helpful/insightful: Happier by Tal Ben Shahar and The Year of Living Danishly by Helen Russell. Wishing you the best on finding the middle ground between goals and happiness. (My previous comment somehow got lost in the KZbin ether...)

[@lazyhomesteader]

I'm the ultimate worrier - this podcast has helped me so much.

[@lowlowseesee]

im glad you found it. worrying is not a way to live at all. not a rich life

[@TheDrjay86]

This is definitely a Ramit Masterclass! Strong work 👍🏾👏🏾

[@bleepbloop4826]

It blows my mind that they're worrying about $40-50 purchases when they make 30k a month! Insane!!!!

[@Playingwithproxies]

.0013% of their monthly income .002% after taxes 😂😂😂 yeah it’s completely insane

[@rebeltheharem7028]

Okay, that is a bit too much. Someone making 1K a month should worry about that, not someone making 1000 times that...

[@doright8355]

This kind of rich people makes me sick to the core.

[@Yugiboii]

@@doright8355 try to learn from them, they may not have to worry about bills but it seems they have many other worries … like Ramit says the amount of money you make doesn’t change how you feel about money

[@ignaciosantana6898]

Yeah like a $100 webcam is real nice and would be nothing at 30K income like she sounds and looks so bad. I get that it is not important to her probably but the statement of it says much of them.

[@jenlollygag6815]

Absolutely love the fact that Ramit suggested that they add Nathan's therapy to their CSP. It's so important to set aside the time and resources to take care of yourself ❤️. Anxiety disorders are real and they can make seemingly easy decisions feel paralyzing. Even worse, you are unable to enjoy what you have in the moment because you are consistently worrying about the next thing. It's literally something you must get help for so I was so happy when he pointed it out 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

[@elize2952]

It was really striking to see them stressing so much and then realizing that they make in a month what I make in a year. Everything is relative. I wish them good luck and for them to get a bit more in touch with reality

[@dking1362]

Same! And financially, I'm fine!

[@tashiannamcdonald]

😊😊😊

[@Aheucjrbdkjebrjd888]

Wow so many of us watching it within the hour of release 😅 good morning y’all!

[@lowlowseesee]

morning! IWT gang lol

[@candecarro]

Yes! Good morning, all!

[@thehoteldeveloper]

It is good! And a big day today.

[@mangomadnnesss]

Morning!

[@bibiblocksberg2081]

If I learned one thing on this channel it's how much relatively wealthy people in the US are worrying about money. To the point they can't sleep or they fight with their spouse. I'm not saying this never happens here in Europe but I can say that I"ve never experienced it in my personal environment. And comparativly we are much less wealthy. I think it's the difference in culture. It seems like here in Europe we're more relaxed about finances.

[@klt9874]

You guys are also much more relaxed in life! Typically Europeans work to live and not live to work and are not overconsumers like Americans. This is just a general observation.

[@GraceTheBabbler]

I think it’s because we have a better safety net generally. So if something was to happen we wouldn’t be destitute & homeless.

[@klt9874]

@@GraceTheBabbler agreed.

[@elize2952]

My mom and I moved to the U.S. 9 years ago and a phrase that’s stuck with both of us is “in other countries you work to live, in the U.S. you live to work”

[@HelloWorld-hb7yt]

because in America, we look around us, everyone seems to be doing better than us.

[@candecarro]

Lovely couple! Sustainable diapers are Sears, birdseye cotton- 24 diapers, 12 rubber pants, 12 safety pins = $100. One time and done, never buy them again. Now that’s sustainable.

[@dking1362]

BUT you must balance that with increased laundry: detergent, bleach, body waste entering the water system as well as increased water use.

[@candecarro]

@ All of that is incidental, on balance- of course it could be broken down further into the materials and energy/water resources needed to manufacture the disposables. And the poop has to go somewhere, either into the landfill or in the septic or sewer. Cost of disposable diapers anywhere from $.75 -$3. Each, 5-10 daily for two years (over 700 days. We’re talking serious coin here!

[@Happymavishappy]

Their kids are in daycare and most daycares don’t accepts cloth

[@TR-lh9yz]

They could increase their diaper budget by 1000% and it would not impact their finances.

[@Tomakri15]

I lmaoed off the title because I’m the person that started talking about Ramit with my bf almost daily when I found discovered this channel 😅 but we never argued

[@brianparsons6203]

People assuming interest rates can only go down is a dangerous assumption.

[@TheFawks1980]

Scrolled through the comments to find this! Why didn't Ramit address this?

[@aimeetannahill]

He did mention that she is a typical American homeowner thinking she can solve financial issues by refinancing her home, though he didn't call out the interest rate assumption specifically

[@TR-lh9yz]

When my wife and i bought our first house in the 1990s i remember we were so excited about it being a single digit rate. I think it was 8.8% or something like that. Much lower than in the 1980s.

[@trackee2024]

Yeah I would have modeled my life plan around the rate never going down and just assume if it does, that’s gravy.

[@storebrandryan]

I'd really love to see Ramit talk to, say, a barista making $30k a year. Everyone is always an insecure but wealthy couple.

[@Foundationsofgreatness]

Same here!!! I think an episode like that would be very helpful

[@hannahnguyen370]

I don't see any sign of happiness from his face. His attitude is going to impact his kids and his family.

[@andriiia]

yall didn’t even touch on (or featured) the conversation about how Nathan’s mindset around money would affect their kids. good luck to them! the mental health struggle and the selfishness of being the one who suffers so as to feel more “in control” or “more responsible” is super real

[@CleoPassier]

That surprised me too! I would really like these episodes to include a short summary of what was discussed in the material that didn't make the final edit ("Apart from what you've seen this episode, we also disussed x, y and z, and I showed [couple] how ... Now, let's listen to their follow ups"). Would give me (a worrier) peace of mind 😋. It really has the few times it was summarized in previous episodes.

[@CassRudolph]

People also have the ability to become so accustomed to anxiety/their anxious mind it is your baseline status and being safe actually triggers fight or flight. It takes a lot of work to reprogram that feeling but its so worth doing the work, speaking from experience.

[@lemondropkoigirl65]

What a wonderful couple. this episode hit home in many ways. Thank you to this couple and as always to Ramit.

[@Stivaka]

This was me however with baby steps and long lovely talks. We merged our vision life is good. Thanks Ramit.

[@Capycorg]

What a fabulous update! They really learned Ramit's lessons. I hope Nathan can find joy in his life - sounds like he's on his way. I have a bit of his qualities and i don't have the same background with generational trauma, so i can only imagine what he's up against.

[@Bea_22]

Great episode. Thank you to the couple for their vulnerability and honesty.

[@gingitkchula]

I liked this one. Unlike others it wasn't about reigning in spending, but rather about loosening up the scarcity mindset and understanding that they are in a good place and have enough. Loved the title. But please please please stop the side camera thing. We like you to be looking at us!

[@meskobe]

And if you really want to do the change in angle for variety's sake, maybe shift and look at the side camera for a few minutes every so often during a shoot. Then the angle will change, but we'll still have eye contact with you. ☺️

[@baileytran4013]

"The lack of worry is not relaxing it's laziness." This one hits hard. My father is a first generation immigrant from the Vietnam World. Nothing is assured. Everything is always running out. Hopefully this feeling will smooth out over future generations.

[@honjokun0615]

Did your parents push you to study and get degrees but refused to become doctors themselves as non-trad students because they're "too old" or whatever and refused to acknowledge their own weaknesses whatsoever? PS. Former Asian immigrant here. Noticed the toxicity among peers when they started pushing their own kids to becime doctors at age two.

[@KnineFeline]

This is true for first gen immigrant communities in general. Definitely notice this across other ethnicities too.

[@baileytran4013]

@@honjokun0615 oh yeah for sure. Although he became a doctor as well. His parents did not though but they did grind a ton.

[@honjokun0615]

@@baileytran4013 Thank you so much for the reply. I greatly appreciate the insight!

[@chelsea2690]

Congratulations to this couple - and I applaud their bravery. I hope they can both find contentment. 🕊️

[@kiskadee321]

It's funny that when we're insecure we don't accept/believe compliments/reassurances from those close to us because "they have to say that" or "they're biased" when often part of why we cannot accept those compliments/reassurances is because we were raised in an environment where family demonstrated that, no, they really don't have to compliment or reassure us at all.

[@shazrahman8556]

Great episode. It was pleasing to see that Nathan said that he now thinks that he is enough at the end of the episode.

[@trackee2024]

I empathize with Nathan. At every achievement and milestone, I can’t seem to feel good! Goal-oriented people really struggle to feel satisfied and safe. Danger around every corner.

[@dcheetham8603]

Nice new set up, Remit! cameras and audio is great.

[@dkayok]

I think there is something to be considered about being 1st gen American. My dad's parents came from europe as immigrants and very poor. He started working as a kid & remembers growing up and being told be nice to the american kids. He was a high achiever and did well - he took great care of us and also his parents in their old age. But there was a level of anxiety around money underneath it all as if it all might disappear.

[@AbiTheEngineer]

Wow Nathan has a lot of childhood deep rooted issues and it shows in the way he sees money. I really hope this conversation with Ramit helps him realize that he is doing great and has come a long way from what his parents had to go through. This conversation has really shown me how deep generational trauma could run

[@MissGirl1450]

"The opposite of worry is lazy." Now I've got something else to sort out in therapy. Thanks, Dad, for never letting me relax.

[@Capycorg]

Right there with ya!

[@NanetteLoves2Budget]

Isn’t this compulsive behavior vs. impulsive?

[@ireneanderson5629]

i think he does both - compulsive worrier, impulsive Amazon shopper..

[@FunStuffBuddy]

QUESTION - He’s a dentist….Did anyone hear what SHE did for a living? She makes just as much! Hats off to them! 🚨

[@Playingwithproxies]

I assume she works in his dental practice so he’s just supplementing her income

[@FunStuffBuddy]

@ ah! Good call. Didn’t even think about that.

[@elizmoore]

Agreed - this really irked me!

[@elizmoore]

@@Playingwithproxies She said she has a 401K employer match. I don't think she works for him.

[@FunStuffBuddy]

@@elizmoore good call

[@bagel_bandanna]

I hope this dentist can be more gentle with himself. He is in a great position financially and he is doing great for his family.

[@joannatillery]

Ramit pausing to say “You know I don’t catch … that ball!” At 1:13:48 🤣 great save

[@a.miller8316]

Omg... Listening to lenders who "promise" that rates will drop (while they earn a profit on your business) is so dangerous. Rates could stay high for years!!

[@Capycorg]

Omg I know... When they said "made a plan with the lender" I knew they got the hard sell. lenders are NOT advisors, they are salespeople.

[@amanda.c.ice.]

Such a great episode! I feel like I learned so much from this couple. They seem nice and I really hope they continue working on their relationship with money and themselves to truly live a more rich life in the future! ❤

[@yyt84]

I am so related to Nathan, also the same way! This video is exactly made for me! Thank you!!!

[@tonydaniels404]

I love Ramit, he has taught me a lot and I’m 57. What I notice here is that Ramit didn’t talk about team, to me, what I see is Linda creates anxiety. The clue is, they have separate money, interested to know why, they have enough money to go round, why not join finances. The other clue that they are playing solo strategies was that Linda suggested him reducing his pension payments rather than reducing investments and I sense (might be wrong) that if he had an employer that matched pens contributions and Linda didn’t, she would not either mention or entertain reducing her pension contributions. I think his discomfort with the idea was that he knows she sees her assets, his assets and wants to focus on making sure her share gets priority. I agree he has insecurities but I think that Linda is an important part of that challenge. Ramit didn’t take that on, which surprised me. Maybe I misread it from the edit but I see them needing counselling, not just him.

[@marianatb3082]

Wow, such an amazing episode! Got goosebumps at times while watching it. Also - loved the new background.

[@kimrigney6607]

I loved this episode. Thank you for helping so many of us through these videos.

[@jessicakullander8517]

OMG their annual investment is nearly our annual income. I just can't imagine

[@vgmijpn8ball]

Thanks for another great episode! Sounds like they learned a lot and have a great plan. I learned I need to stop letting my wife throw me her anxiety balls lol

[@MichellePapa-u4p]

What a great couple! The love and respect they have for each other is admirable!

[@goodolways]

"it's not natural to eat ceviche .... whatever" 🤣

[@RobertDavid212]

*Thank you😊 for this video, do you offer account management or have any recommendations?*

[@AdamNicholas-3d]

As a beginner investor, it's essential for you to have a guide. Myself I'm guided by Mrs Victoria Walters Hayward, a widely known consultant

[@JeremiahParker-]

If you’re using a good manager, it’s easier to earn from the market

[@ChosenKhaza-]

That's true. a lot of people today have been having lots of disappointments in trading in light of helpless direction and awful consultants

[@ColtonBeau41]

I've been trying to trade but I keep making losses and it's frustrating

[@ColtonBeau41]

Could you suggest a consultant for me?

[@ntimn8r]

This was a great episode! I think Nathan is relatable to a lot of people out there. Also, my girlfriend is a little sick of me talking about money lately. You should have seen her face when I told her I got us Ramit tickets in Chicago. Haha.

[@excitedaboutlearning1639]

I would've loved to have seen her face. Your comment made me laugh! Have a good one!

[@justeder01]

It took me a while to accept that daycare means less saving and investing. And I only had one kid in daycare at a time. Just keep that muscle working and youll come out the other side and barely know what to do with that $3000 per month.

[@zurijones8715]

I’d love to know where this couple lives. Sounds like they are rich and they are surrounded by even richer people so they can’t ever have enough because someone else has more.

[@paulaooook]

I’m going to guess Pacific Northwest

[@mattietriplett5313]

I knew right away he was a glass half empty person, perhaps he should practice gratitude and from that he will appreciate what he has…which frankly is a lot

[@eeveeta]

He needs to hear that compounding doesn't only apply to money. Resentment from family also compounds. Invest early on your loved ones

[@nickbegnaud]

You've mentioned giving up control of a lot of things on your plate over time. Is there still a task that you won't let go of that your team recommends that you shouldn't be doing anymore?

[@HelloWorld-hb7yt]

those are the most depressed millionaires i have seen.

[@123ls3]

Now this was a very good episode. No big man babies like in other episodes. A really beautiful couple that represents quite a normal and happy relationship.

[@amandascharf3870]

Sooooo....this couple are the perfect candidates for a zero-based budget like YNAB. I know, I know--budgets are a bad word. But detailed oriented worriers do well because it lets you zoom in, and zoom out.

[@mini_special]

loved the video and all the best to Nathan and Linda, but man... the music at the end.....CSI strikes again :) .... much prefer the older music and theme. Amazing episode as always!

[@morganfiaccato1871]

Does Linda have a crystal ball about the interest rate? I’m confused…

[@ignitionSoldier]

Yeah, I know right. A lot of people think like that and I really hope they don't get a hard lesson.

[@CliftonHamilton]

40 minutes in I was like... wait... they're arguing about nothing. Everything is fine, they have temporarily high costs. They don't need to change much of anything, they just need to suspend much of their savings/investings for a few years. If in 2-3 years, they aren't able to reduce costs on childcare, their mortgage, or increase their income, then they will have to take a heavy look at long-term and larger changes in their expenses. Dude just needs to calm down. They already have enough in their investment and emergency accounts to be able to take 2-3 years off.

[@CliftonHamilton]

This said: It makes sense to set a date where they reevaluate in 2-3 years, because many families think it's an emergency and we'll save later, and they never get around to later. I don't foresee that being a problem with this couple, but it still makes sense to make a specific deadline (YEARS in the future) at which they reevaluate. Obviously this doesn't mean stop budgeting in the meantime, but stop putting any weight on investments for that period.

[@rocioiribe5841]

@@CliftonHamilton i love your point about setting a date for later b/c that's the key thing to most things in life, we put things off or say "i'll decide later" but we never define when later is.

[@ramitsethi]

Imagine how it would feel if I took the thing you stress the most out and told you to "just calm down"

[@CliftonHamilton]

​@@ramitsethi Fair point. In general, using the words "calm down" with someone panicking comes off as patronizing at best and often increases their stress level. You did a great job counseling them and pushing towards therapy was a huge win. It can be very difficult to change your mindset when you're locked in on a certain way of thinking. I'm sure a therapist will do a much more tactful job of explaining that this is the exact event he had been saving so much money for, so it makes sense that his savings rate would be heavily reduced during this period.

[@Lesmith82]

This was an excellent episode!

[@AsheSinclair]

It's not that complicated. T-T Why do people keep going so granular? Fixed expenses (50-60%), Investments (5-10%), Savings (5-10%), Guilt-Free Spending (20-35%), Debt (0-20%) Plug in the numbers based on your net monthly income and that's your budget. Automate your money and move on with your life.

[@nho415]

I'm a kid of Vietnamese refugees too. The intergenerational trauma is immense.

[@madisontran3020]

Same!!! 😊

[@MauriSky2437]

What would be worrisome to me is Nathan deciding to get yet one more person's perspective regarding what Ramit said. Only time will tell! I am impressed by couples who take measures to clarify and overcome their ignorance about their finances.

[@MssErika]

Loved the episode, best of luck to the family! ❤

[@fredvc]

Dude is assuming that both his kids want to go to college, that each kid will have 2 kids, that all grandchildren want to go to college, and that he somehow should be responsible to provide for that. Wtf? I was actually listening and trying to understand their dynamic until that part, but this is just a bit too much.

[@FromNyo]

I actually get where he’s coming from. I don’t make anywhere near the amount of money he does, but I come from a poor family, and the last thing I’d want is for my future children (if I decide to have some) or my children’s children to have to experience the way I grew up. It makes a lot of sense to not want that for your family regardless of the choices they make.

[@aimeetannahill]

It is his anxiety talking. If he pays for his kids education and gives them money for a house down payment, his kids will likely be more than able to do the same for their own kids

[@Raphanne]

He wants to have the option to do that to cover all basis. He is the type of person to have a plan A, B, C and D. I understand his intent, but of course, you never know what will happen.

[@fredvc]

Thanks for the feedback. It makes sense that he wants the best for his kids. But his sequence of assumptions has been extremely detrimental for his own life and consequently may cause significant effects on his children. If his money dial is to guarantee the success of his offspring and that’s what matters the most for him, the best way to set them up to success is to guarantee his own happiness and financial future.

[@dnah02]

Naw 7 percent ain't it I would have stayed at 3 and make it work unless I lived in the hood.

[@bethgordon7386]

I agree. We had a 3% mortgage. Instead of buying a new house once we paid off our mortgage, we began to save our monthly payment so we can renovate our current home. No way could we justify the increased expenses of buying a a new house even with the equity in our current home.

[@quietferocity]

Yep. 3% is basically free money lol

[@arnellmarie]

⁠@@bethgordon7386 we have a 3% mortgage & I was just telling my husband we sell for a bigger house. Your comment changed my mind. Thank you 😊

[@T8rB]

Damn 1.5 hours of telling this dude to go to therapy hahahaha 😅 hope he listens to that

[@trackee2024]

Ikr!! I was like dang Ramit, we get it. You think he’s too anxious!

[@JessicaChungMN]

I hope he gets support for his anxiety. You can’t optimize away that need for assurance and security. But 1000% recommend Ridwell!!

[@Capycorg]

Good to see that endorsement... I have been dragging my feet on spending the $$!

[@sruthiramesh4817]

He gets to buy an animal but she can’t get organic broccoli? They make 30000$ a month,but dude thinks they can’t afford organic groceries?

[@lmespinosa7320]

Yeah I was annoyed that he thought he could pay whatever he wanted for his things, but the things she wanted to spend on weren't good enough. He slandered the things she wanted to buy over and over.

[@ikewashere]

I’m a financial advisor/planner and I definitely piss my wife off talking about money too often 😂 learning to tone it down

[@gaelenoconnell-bidabadi]

This couple is literally overspending and worried about money, yet they make 30K a month... I love you, Ramit, and I watch almost all of your videos and like them and usually learn a lot but... I think this situation is hard for a lot of us, who make less than that, to relate to. I think a lot of us, if making 30K a month, could live on that.... and invest and sock away a lot more in savings, for our kids' college education funds in the process, etc. Not everyone has to buy a bigger better home and double their mortgage, even if they are high rollers. Some of us choose NOT to do that, keep the more modest house we have and live well below our means in the process.

[@tallgrasslanestitches6635]

The part I relate to is that, even though my income is much, MUCH less than what they make, there are many people who make less than I do, and the point isn’t the total income, the point is what I do with what I’ve got.

[@migi4272]

Does Linda sounds like Phyllis from The Office for anyone else

[@jwarnstarsmile]

Nailed it

[@kellster9239]

Daycare is temporary. They are financially the most stressful! We felt so rich when they finally got on that school bus 😂

[@rasheedaogburn123]

I will say being 33 and just starting to save and invest, I’m learning that it’s important right now to be aggressive in the areas I can because it’ll set me up better in the long run. I’m glad Nathan is getting what he needs to feel more confident in himself.

[@LisaBloomquist90]

The sound on her mic is awful and it was unlistenable on podcast format. Can you please send interview subjects decent mics? I have been on podcasts where I was sent a good mic. It makes the listening experience so much better.

[@Drewbarksdale10]

This couple is in the messy middle of life. High mortgage and expensive child care. They need to embrace low savings/investment rate. They can go into maintenance mode because they are ahead. This is a classic FOO from the Money Guys problem. They have to redirect some money short term because of their stage of life.

[@meskobe]

Exactly - my first thought after learning all the circumstances was, "Messy Middle!!"

[@Trix897]

I made the mistake of being impulsive when I bought my first condo and I paid for it dearly. It was a lesson I needed to learn, and I’m in much better financial shape, but man…I miss that condo…

[@Jpowellsuckballs]

Oh but housing only goes up as they say so FOMO to buy a house now at all cost..lol

[@carlafuqua1685]

Linda's voice has a unique cadence that I thought I recognized. Finally I realized, it's similar to Phyllis Smith.

[@FloatingWeeds2]

What is the safe withdrawal rate percentage at every retirement year? I'm 36 with 4m and have been using a 2% baseline + 0.1% for every year after 30. 40 would be 3%, 50 would be 4%, 60 would be 5%, and by that age would lock in my big lifestyle items like house, car, vacation spots, long term care with upfront cash purchases to ensure safety.

[@RB-gq2zy]

I was big on having a TON of categories and have reduced significantly. It was time-consuming, exhausting, stressful, unnecessary and unhealthy. I now lump many things into one category and feel so much better as I’m still tracking but much more loosely while arriving at the same result.

[@michellegreen1072]

For us, everything that is not a fixed cost or a utility bill is cash. Eating out. Clothes. Movies. It’s so much easier. I highly recommend it.

[@daviddiachidos8213]

As a Canadian, I am always jealous of their net income vs their gross income. I end up taking home half of what I make after taxes and deductions

[@tallgrasslanestitches6635]

Yup. And then I remind myself that if we get too sick to work, I’ll be able to afford whatever a doctor advises me, because it’s already paid for. :)

[@MY-kh9hx]

Like to the topic, even before watching! Love it! lol

[@WTF-sh4is]

As someone who is identical to Nathan, he should talk to a therapist.

[@Azel247]

31:24 I do not agree with this at all. Your loved ones are the ones who can be the most honest with you. They are the ones who can point out your shortcomings and tell you when you're doing something stupid. A stranger won't do that. Random people can throw out compliments like candy because it doesn't mean anything to them. A loved one's true advice and opinion is worth so much more.

[@tallgrasslanestitches6635]

I think his comment sprang out of his own insecurities. Something like “I don’t feel worthy of her love, so when she says something loving to me, I discount it.”

[@aphromew4502]

Applying 10 times over what period of time? I don't feel its all that wild and it got the results he wanted. Haha, would love to be on the show - just to see Ramit's eyes when he finds out how much I spend modifying my car. May have to look for that application

[@philcyr70]

I know you can't do anything about the guests on the show but when they show Ramit's camera with the guests its extremely low quality. Not sure if you are trying to match the quality of the guests but something that could be improved on.

[@MsJ.TeacherToTech]

So now we all know if we apply multiple times and write ✍️ emails to the staff 😂 we will be selected.