We have a *colorism* problem.

We need to talk about the prevalence of colorism in our society. In this video I share three difference stories on colorism which go through (a) how colorism is ingrained in us from a young age, (b) colorism in the marriage/dating/relationship market and, (c) skin bleaching.
Feel free to share your personal experiences on colorism and the obsession with fair skin in the comments section below.
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On Mindy Kaling's representation: • Mindy Kaling is not my...
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Sources:
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Chapters
00:00 Intro
03:22 Story 1: Ruin them kids
06:06 Story 2: Skin color and the marriage market
09:27 Story 3: Forced to bleach your skin
11:43 We can't become the aunties and uncles of the past

[@toriyt2714]

It’s not wether it’s beautiful or not, it’s about maintaining social hierarchy that regulates access to privileges and resources. Colorism isn’t personal, it’s business.

[@bfbmain]

This is a very valid point. Thank you!

[@Oscarnodwannabe]

Omg I didn't think about it like that! Such a great point! This applied especially in the USA.

[@DivineBrightLight222]

You go girl 🎉

[@bevs9995]

yes true. But another thing people dont realize: its legacy. how about we ask how all this color-differences came to be within the same country

[@AnakinsMom]

As a Black woman in America this conversation is always relevant and needs to happen across many cultures. I appreciate your tact and analysis as always!

[@AalayahTamera]

I love that you pointed out how colorism transfers into the dating scene beyond arranged marriages. Often times people carry on the ideas they were raised with!

[@bfbmain]

Yes, exactly this! Unlearning can often take years, if not generations.

[@acesthetic]

Thanks for this video! Colorism is still so prevalent in our society yet people act like it doesn't exist. It's time they admit it does.

[@amaude]

such a good point. i remember having conversations with some relatives in nigeria where they basically denied that colourism was 'as big a deal as they make it out to be' all whilst bleaching their own skin and frequently implying that being dark was a bad thing . i felt like i was going insane!!!

[@acesthetic]

@@amaude I'm so sorry you felt that way. Your feelings are completely valid! The hypocrisy of those people: 📈📈📈

[@amaude]

@@acesthetic but it’s unfortunately all that alot of people know and its only with perspective and education that you can almost de brainwash yourself

[@acesthetic]

@@amaude Right :(

[@malanmoody8313]

Being bothered by someone's color is such a weird thing to me. I understand how it all got started, but that will always be strange...

[@mynameispeaches]

What’s considered dark for many ethnicities is still light skinned to black people. When I hear a Dominican or Hispanic say Oh I’m not colourist I have dark skinned relatives, they could be referring to someone like Eva Longoria. I’m like if you think that’s dark, I must look like a brick of charcoal to you.

[@zamar2158]

People are only going to refer to their own circumstances. Dark in europe is a brunette vs blonde, in west asia its the actual skin colour but with eye colour considered as well, in india it's various shades of brown from medium olive to dark brown , China its tanned vs not... they are not going to refer from a sub saharan perspective. And yes, the world over does consider blacks as the darkest. But that's OK, your features suit your skin colour, does not look good on other colour. Similarly, Arabic features look best on light olive skin, and will not suit very dark or black skin. While colorism is a thing, features matter too.

[@TheMspoodle2]

I will be the first to say that majority of fair skin women will age like bananas and milk. Darker skin and plump women age very slow, it's the main reason I would not want to be lighter skin or thin.

[@FashionRunwayyy]

I am a black african girl, my skin is light, but not too light. My skin alters the shade frequently (naturally), and I have noticed that people would compliment me like this "OMG, you look so beautiful, so fair! Are you applying anything on your skin", but if I got darker "What happened to you? You used to be so light and beautiful, I am mean you are still beautiful, but you used to be more beautiful". Litteraly everyone in Mozambique associates light with beauty, dark with ugliness.

[@zippy3253]

OMG this is my exact experience growing up in Nigeria😂

[@EbonyHoopGyal]

My ex used to sun bathe with me during the early spring. Once summer it, he asked one day with voice full of disgust, "But now aren't you going to get dArKeR??" Before that day he treated me like i was so beautiful. It was so off putting.

[@YumeraChauque]

Hi, I am in Moz and this happen to me all the time🫂🫂🫂

[@monaannalisegedi2501]

I think the story with the child is far worse, it’s so sad the child is already being conditioned. My mother says the same thing and I’m from an African background. My skin is always commented on. Although, I love my complexion it can be vexing.

[@bfbmain]

Agreed, it's horrifying these concepts are ingrained in children so young. I'm glad you're confident and love your complexion despite what you've gone through 🩷

[@sunny_726]

Thank you for this video. Colourism is so ugly and unwanted. Yet people condone it , instead of condeming it. I have taught my child to love her skin, to take care of her skin. To embrace her skin and be proud of it. Her skin is a reflection of me and her ancestry, her history, her tapestry. And if anyone tells her otherwise, or makes her inferior about her skin, she knows how to grow a thick skin, I removed my daughter from a community who would judge her as an inferior because of her skin. Stories to tell, there are too many, but when people come to us with their colourist attitude, we know they are not company we want to keep or we see them in a very negative light, people who can't see the light, people who have been living under a rock, people who I see as inferior intellectually. I'm old and immune to all this colourism crap but from my daughter's I want to say thank you with all my heart, thank you for making the world a happier place for them, so they don't have to feel the frustrations, hurt and turmoil we endured for something we had no control of, the skin we were born with. Please continue, we applaud you 🎉

[@bfbmain]

This means so much to me. Thank YOU! 🩷

[@evediby2183]

Everything you've spoken on here is also relevant in West Africa too. It's very sad as all these men and women have beautiful skin but most of them time it gets ruined when they bleach their skin for a long time and then stop, not to mention how dangerous and cancerous skin bleaching is.

[@brisasanchez8572]

My fraternal grandmother was a light skinned Latin woman, think honey coloring from her hair to her eyes. All of her grandkids had lighter coloring except me. I was born around the same time as a cousin and she told anyone that would listen that she now had two little contrasting babies as new grandkids. Him, her little ball of “snow” and me (can you guess where this is going?) her little ball of “dirt”… needless to say in many ways she minimized my worth based on my skin and coloring. I remember seeing her at an event a couple years back and she was so surprised I looked pretty, lol. Thankfully my mom made sure I knew I was beautiful from the beginning, but I have to say I doubted many times because of all the jabs around coloring and even weight. European beauty is all about being light and slim, after all, and living in the US did not help. Btw, I love your videos, you are so eloquent and address so many topics that are so important, you’re doing such a great job!! 🥳

[@bfbmain]

Thank you so much for sharing! 🩷

[@excentriqueesque]

The obsession with light skin is a phenomenon found in many different cultures and oftentimes is connected to the perception of wealth. It's well established that wealthy people could afford to stay imside and not be exposed to the sun. Among Europeans this shifted once people with a tan were associated with being able to afford a vacation in a sunny region. Many light skinned girls risk their health by overexposing their skin to too much UV radiation. Or they spend a lot of money on self tanning products. I think the obsession with skin colour will be a thing of the past once these connotations become meaningless but that may take some time.

[@kingofhearts1072]

That concept of wealth is more East Asian, China, Japan, etc. Now what about “featurism”?

[@iqraeffendi747]

Firstly, loveeee your outfit and your earrings! On point! And as always, loveeee how you handled this topic. It is still so so so prevalent in our society. I hope our generation tries to be better or at least raises the next generation to completely eliminate this!

[@bfbmain]

Thank you so much!! 🩷🩷🩷

[@mc23243]

Colorism exists among white people as well regarding different shades of white, but not as severe. I come from a country where almost 100% of population is white and I remember being praised for having very light skin especially by my grandmother who has darker skin. Same grandmother never fails to mention that my little cousin is "dark" and she wishes this little beautiful girl had lighter skin. At school couple of girls who had darker skin were bullied by boys and called ugly for their color, which is disgusting. During my teenager years and adulthood, it became fashionable to get tanned, so you have to have light skin and deliberately tan it to be considered beautiful. I could not get tanned as I get sunburnt easily, so I was ashamed to show my light skin for many years and felt very unattractive.

[@kk-gc1ii]

I know in some Mediterranean European countries this is true but in the states in reverse where media tanned is better then being pasty and exotic people or Foreign people are preferred.

[@DivineBrightLight222]

My family always bullied me and abused me when I looked too pale yet they are racist. Ironic.

[@iidentifyasjeffbezos]

What country is this? This is eye opening!

[@thezu9250]

@@iidentifyasjeffbezosThe change is to do with wealthy people travelling abroad and returning tanned. Before being tanned was associated with field work so the rich especially women needed to be fair.

[@SuperAstor]

Great video! The argument that I often see is that 'I have a type, we all have our preferences and it should be fine to be attracted to lighter skinned people. ' obviously its fine. I usually push back against that a bit because if your preference matches society standard of beauty, is it really your personal preference? There is a need to think critically how our preferences are influenced by what society deems desirable.

[@bfbmain]

Yes absolutely, very well stated! 🩷

[@aprajitasingh7532]

That second story happened with me too and now I am so disgusted with the idea of arrange marriage. It's like our parents have to pay more because they have a dark skinned daughter. Relatives keep saying that your daughter is not beautiful enough and if you can't manage much money to give as dowry , she might remain single forever!

[@tatjana7008]

I live in Europe and I think arranged marriage can have it advantages. After this practice have been ended for Asian families, Asian women struggled and still struggle to get married, because Asian men prefer white women and can go after them now. I have many female cousins who can't get married, despite successful career and personalities, just because Asian men marry white women. Since men can find a spouse as long as they can provide financially, and for women looks is currency, I feel sorry for my cousins who struggle of loneliness in 40ies.

[@user-ov9eu4gx3z]

I once dated an Indian man and everything was going fine but I had a bikini photo shoot which required me to get a spray tan. After the photo shoot, i went to see him and he freaked out at how tan my skin (temporarily) was. I waited for a week until the spray tan washed off to see him again. Not surprisingly, i stopped seeing him shortly thereafter.

[@nikitag8378]

Absolutely love your videos. You’re speaking for an entire community. As a darker skinned Indian girl I feel seen

[@bfbmain]

Thank you so much! 🩷

[@Ahalya190]

I have opted out of the dating market because I’m tired of being settled for. I live in India so it’s impossible for me to find a man who actually finds dark skinned women attractive. It’s not just about dating tho I feel like my skin colour affects my confidence even though there’s nothing wrong with me. I find it hard to engage in irl political activism because I feel like I won’t be heard. I personally think I just look fine but damn I just want someone to tell me I’m good enough. I have done everything in my control to fit the standards apart from my skin colour. Sorry this sounds dumb

[@sharranjami]

I am one of 3 interracial children and the only brown child. Growing up I was constantly told that because I'm brown I was going to end up on welfare and that i was ugly. My white looking grandmother used to put bleach in my bathwater to lighten my skin.

[@bfbmain]

I'm horrified by this! I'm so, so sorry you had to experience this.

[@sharranjami]

@@bfbmain Colorism is terrible in the Black community. Particularly in the interracial Black community. But it looks like it's everywhere which is very sad.

[@thezu9250]

@@sharranjami This whole colourism thing is so bizarre abroad. As someone from the horn of Africa, the idea of marrying someone foreign that makes your children look lighter is actually seen as a negative because they would be not really East African. So it was weird to live in North America where some blck people wanted to mix with someone to have their kids look lighter. Our ethnicity would rather you marry someone extremely dark than marry someone of European ancestry or anything other than our ethnicity. It was always weird how people would compliment certain features that I have then try to associate that with some thing non-African. It was weird to see how certain blck people would not be interested in me once they realize that was fully African. I guess some of the features that we have naturally are somehow associated with being mixed whereas for us its a”blck” feature. So it was really about being less blck. I think the history of East Africa is a little bit different from the colonial/subjugation perspective. So they’ve retained this idea that they are the beauty standard. Even growing up in North America, I never looked at the women in magazines that were not east African and coveted anything that they had. I thought that was just normal until I met other people.

[@sharranjami]

@@thezu9250 It's hard to understand and I was in the middle of it. It's confusing when you're with your siblings and people don't immediately connect that you are related simply because of the shade of your skin. I love being Black, I wouldn't change it for the world. I see beauty in African features and culture. I wish people can just appreciate the beauty in everyone.

[@MsOrganicBlack]

@@thezu9250 And that's why I, as a Nigerian, admire you East Africans more than other Africans. You guys were, thankfully, less affected by colonization so you were able to maintain your sense of pride, worth, respect, and esteem.

[@Altajp]

My dating preference used to be only BM.When I was a teen I surrounded myself with non black girlfriends because I saw that they were getting a lot of attention from BM. Little did I know that those guy would never notice me because of the color of my skin. Now i surround myself with all kinds of people but more importantly i no longer base my dating preferences on skin and I notice that people from all races show interes in me.

[@Altajp]

Like your content btw😊, the first story is the worst for me, his first thought wasn't even about the child's safety; parent of the year!

[@lolatiffhur]

A lot of desi women avoid spending time in the sun even if they are lacking in vit D that only the sun can fulfil.

[@comehometheyremykidstoo2678]

Another thing that i realized is how colorism evolved. Long time ago in Asia (before colonization) darker skin was associated with impoverished and lower class, since it was common for people who tended to be darker to work outside. On the other hand, lighter skin would be preferred since it meant being upper class and wealthy. Nowadays after colonization, people look at things like Eurocentric features and skin. Not to mention that the problem isn’t just in Asia unfortunately, it’s everywhere. In Black and Hispanic communities, it’s very common to see preferences in lighter skin with dating and such. Some say it’s a personal preference, which i’m not denying cus some do prefer that, but to say colonization and beauty standards have nothing to do with it? I raise my eyebrow at that TLDR: light skin was praised even before colonization, nowadays it’s beauty standards. the problem is everywhere. I personally think having preferences with lighter skin has to do with beauty standards and colorism. Also Awesome video as usual!!🩷🩷

[@comehometheyremykidstoo2678]

BABE WAKE UP BROWNFIREBALL JUST UPLOADED

[@bfbmain]

LOL 😂🩷

[@sparklinglily101]

I stumbled across your channel today and am so happy to see a fellow Pakistani brown girl because I've been losing my mind being surrounded by lighter skinned Pakistanis. After moving to Europe, I've started hating my color because it's the first thing people point out. What makes it worse is that I liked a guy who happened to be fair and he didn't want to commit to a darker skinned girl because his kids could take after her. He was fine with flirting with me however. I cut him out of my life. I have people telling me that I have great skin, yet it's the only thing that stops me from receiving equal treatment abroad. Anyone telling you that tanned is the standard is lying. White will always be the standard for women. I am tired of people telling me otherwise. The most ironic thing about my situation is that I can relate to the first clip. The blonde hair colored eyes gene didn't get passed down to me or my siblings because my mom (white passing) married my dad (very dark). I got a lovely combination of their features, yet it hurts me when people can't see it that way too. I've accepted that I'll never be beautiful in Desi/most countries, so I've stopped trying to find skincare hacks to brighten my skin. P.S you look very similar to me.

[@Married2MyXBox360]

Amazing channel ❤❤

[@NinjitsuHiboshi]

Preach, we need more content like this, jazakallah!

[@chandanakothur295]

Love your content so much!!! This one hits home so hard but I'm hoping we as a society will do better

[@evelyndill5688]

Just wanted to share a positive story. I live in a collage town where I frequent karaoke. The other night I saw a really cute Indian couple duetting a couple songs together. The girl was much darker than the guy but they were with a group of pretty diversely shaded people. They seemed really happy. That's all.

[@wordswrittenbyme2109]

You are the honest unwavering strong supportive voice. We need talking about these topics.

[@seabreeze1436]

I agree, but the post-colonial mindset is something so pervasive and generational that it’s going to take a lot of individual and social re-envisioning to change. Until white skin/fair is treated equal to non-white skin/fair skin, these types of scenarios will continue. Skin color holds social implications, which I don’t agree with, but weighs on people’s self-identity.

[@zamar2158]

BS. Colorism existed is all places way before europeans came into contact with asia etc. This is one thing we have to stop blaming others for and accept as a major flaw in our own societies. Look at our art, paintings, history, mythology, religious texts, stories etc... you'll see the worship of light skin prevalent for many millenia.

[@toriyt2714]

You make great content. Keep it up 👍🏾

[@bfbmain]

Thanks so much! 🩷

[@kbnseya9146]

You said it all 👏🏾

[@Vdogg333]

South Asian women complain about racism but obsessed with fair skin????. I have a aunt in Portland who wanted a only fair skin daughter in law???? LOLOL

[@KnijMagz]

I as a Black Man, cannot wait to watch this video in its entirety. I have been wanted to hear about colorism in a recent video from someone who is South Asian. Edit: just finished the video. I think the last story was the worst because it's one thing for these standards to be imposed onto you, but to accept, conform, and adhere to the colorist standard is so sad.

[@lcmarina]

I love my skin & that upsets people. Its like they expect me to hate my skin just because they do. 😅

[@Oscarnodwannabe]

Asking guys their celebrity crush is a good way to determine their "preference". However, as a lighter skinned Black woman I don't have to go that far as my skin tone and features are usually brought up in the initial conversation with a guy that's interested in me.

[@EbonyHoopGyal]

I'm a Black American and for the first time live and work amongst a large population of Indian people. I have never met so many people actually darker than me that say racist remarks to me. It sadly shocked me/:

[@TheSimplethings007]

I couldn't agree with you more regarding this topic. Its crazy how society is pushing white skin to be the skin to have. It bothers me. I believe more people should be talking about this

[@user-ov9eu4gx3z]

What's ironic is that white people and a lot of white men prefer women with a darker complexion.

[@thezu9250]

Yeah but even they wanted lighter skin in the past until being tan became associated with being wealthy/cultured.

[@no-thanks]

Yes !!!

[@enkay.1209]

I can't speak for everyone, but as a Punjabi I think there's multiple factors leading the fair skin preference in our culture: 1. Socio-Economic Classism: People who work indoors vs hard manual labor outside will usually have lighter skin due to lack of sun exposure. So having a skintone lighter than average means you are wealthy and therefore more desirable. 2. Mughal, Central and West Asian Colonialism: Much of modern day Pakistan and Northern India dealt with some type of foreign rule of invaders fron West or Central Asia, those people tended to have lighter skin than locals, plus different facial features - but not "too different" like Europeans. So this also affected South Asian beauty standards. 3. British/European Colonialism: Probably the most talked about factor, but only really came into existence within the last 400 years or so. Even though the Britsh East India company set up in the coastal areas, it was a slow an steady process for the rest of the subcontinent to come under their control - with some areas remaining independent or very little direct interaction with colonists. But by 1947, much of South Asia was controlled by the British and this affected many social aspects of society in addition to economic. 4. The global reach of Modern White American/Western European beauty standards via advertising, Hollywood, modeling industry etc: Pretty self explanatory.

[@arielmurdoch6931]

I believe colorism existed before colonialism, since workers were often in the fields or outside in general and the wealthy class was indoors. I dont mean to devalue the impact of colonialism and the disruption it had to the cultures affected but I believe it is important to note that skin color was an indication of class before Europeans colonized other parts of the world.

[@kingofhearts1072]

What about “featurism”? Usually these two go along with each other. What you’ve described is mostly said about in East Asian countries like China or Japan, not so much the rest of the world.

[@graciegr2467]

Meanwhile my red haired see- through skinned German mum would spent her days in the summer lathered in oil in the sun, go to the solarium regularly. While she doesn't do the latter anymore she to this day cannot be convinced to wear her shade of makeup and always wears 2-3 shades darker plus bronzer. She used to take me to the solarium as a 13 year old. When I was a baby she fed me carrot juice en masse because she heard you would tan from it. It made me sick one day and to this day I cannot touch carrot juice. We are all fine and beautiful just the way we are! This is infuriating to think about that so many wonderful women are being torn down, disrespected and told awful and UNTRUE things about themselves. Also where is your top from? Sorry for the detour but that is so pretty and slightly Edwardian-esque

[@quackeddiamonds6497]

not to mention you cant get burnt through glass bc it blocks uvb

[@tatjana7008]

I used to know one German woman who worked in escort in her 20ies. After she hit 30, demand decreased so she decided to settle down. She found rich Indian man living in London, and moved in with him. She shouldn't work, so was bored and cheated on him with his 10 friends. When he found out he forgave and understood her, because she looks like an angel and he forced her into this situation. He forgave his friends too, because he is lucky to have this beautiful white woman and they don't. I'm more then sure they got married some time later. These internal insecurities due to colorism must be cured, because we can't have even more generations who hate themselves

[@RaeesAhmad-ye9pi]

❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@sophie5693]

This is an interesting video for me to watch, thank you for uploading this. I also wanted to say some things from my perspective as a white european woman. I understand that there is an beauty standard which unfortunately influences the expectation of women's looks all around the globe. I can barely understand how it feels like to grow up with such a pressure of having as light skin as possible when your cultural background/heritage is other, but it must feel terrible. Meanwhile you can also experience dumb/rude comments as a light skinned european from other europeans for having a fair skin tone. They call you a ghost, albino or that your appearance is "sick"and make fun of you. This is because us europeans are influenced by the US American beauty standard which is the tanned woman with sun kissed lighter hair. If you don't fit into this picture of a beach girl, people will also comment on you for having "too light" skin. And this is crazy. It seems like no one can barely fit into this so called beauty standard. This is why every drug store offers a huge range of self tanning products. It becomes some kind of competition of who has the deepest tan in summer. Being tanned is more like a status symbol, like rich people can afford to go on vacation in exotic countries and get tanned while relaxing. No one should feel bad for their individual skin tone. Everyone is beautiful as they are. P.s. Sorry for my grammar and sentence structure, English is not my native language but I tried my best

[@Ali-gb7mf]

Didn't Michael Jackson bleach his skin?

[@jorgeblanco1929]

Mexican here. Can't say I've really experienced colorism because I have light skin, but there's no doubt it is very prevalent in my country. It's weird cause in the US for example you have people who are openly racist and almost proud. Here no one talks about it but it is very real and affects your education and employment, especially for women. I call it ninja racism and find it very unpleasant. That being said, when you mentioned the Pakistani father and his baby I realized I've basically been doing the same thing with no apparent external stimuli since I was a kid. I've always liked my face and skin, plus I get sunburnt easily and they say the sun will give you skin cancer so better safe than sorry lol all the girls I've been attracted to also have fair skin so at this point I'm not really sure if I'm racist or I just have preferences

[@annemarie497]

I think those aunties and uncles have a point. While it is wrong amd dangerous to use banned chemicals to skin bleach is it not in the benefit of the child to be taught to stay away from the sun? In the end you will still end up in the marriage market where the norm is lighter skin. Is not teaching the kid that it's ok to be dark a form of abuse since when he will face society he will have to work harder for the marriage market?

[@cornflower9258]

Sara is the worst

[@Amourbeauty_mua]

But bleaching your skin is not self hate is about the way you feel about yourself if u have low self esteem you’re going to fixed it by altering your appearance doesn’t mean I hate myself non black peoples tanning why we don’t say they hate themselves it very hypocritical to me I’ll still do it I’m not a a-shame if it bleaching is the best thing to do for self esteem

[@kingofhearts1072]

Yes it IS self hate. If you can’t appreciate how you were created(especially if you’re healthy) then that’s self hatred. When you look into the reasons/history for why people do this it is all about spreading hatred/racism/bigotry.

[@thezu9250]

It’s obviously a form of self hate if you are willing to seriously damage yourself and expose yourself to extremely toxic chemicals to make someone else happy.

It's not because of colonization that indian girls like white men. That's a cope. All indian girls I have met (through work) that I became friends with have told me if I went to India I would be worshipped by indian women. It boils down to indian girls liking the european phenotype

[@bfbmain]

Do you genuinely believe that there is no link between colonization and colorism?

[@toriyt2714]

It is definitely because of western influence on their culture.

[@DarkroomMedia007]

I would definitely agree that columnization Brainwashing can go only so far period when you take app the torch and continue to carry a generation at the generation worshipping white folks and their ideals in blah blah, you are choosing that and you agree with that toxic mindset period anybody can be oppressed for a certain period of time and have to go alone and hate it every step of the way period then when you're free to do whatever you want, you exercise your right to enforce your own beliefs In your own life and keep that going loud and proud. In my mind it's no different than people claiming they were oppressed by strict religious parents, Left home and began to absolutely hate all religion because of Well-meaning parents who were probably a little bit, maybe over zealous. I've come across a handful of people who Kind of seem to be bratty teenagers saying to rule the household who were not allowed to do it, and they're forever disgruntled at their parents were supposedly being too strict but as a grown up they do whatever they want and have cut off their parents. One co-worker said she was raised by Jehovah witness who didn't let her do anything according to her, she ran away from home and start living with her strange dad and didn't whatever she wanted to do but she still upsetAt her mom even though she ran away and let live with her dad at the age of 15 and this woman is 30 years old. I asked her if she was abused she was telling me "Well no, mom just wouldn't let me do certain things that I felt like was fun that all the other girls were doing like sleepovers and celebrating birthdays so that really p***** me off". People carry a grudge or people will carry a torch whenever they feel like it as an adult.

[@kk-gc1ii]

It’s largely their self hate just look at mindly Kalling

[@nsr165]

People usually feel more attracted to people who look different from who they saw growing up . Sure there is colorism but not all people get attracted to other races because of fairer skin .