We stayed at the WORST REVIEWED RESORT in the World | The Yard

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This week, the boys are live from Fête 3 in the UK! The boys talk about Miles being followed by sheep at 2am, the mysterious resort of Pontins, and how Antonio's pizza is the best food around... (Episode 105)
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00:00:00 - intro
00:00:34 - welcome back to the yard
00:01:09 - welcome back to pontins
00:02:41 - fete 3
00:05:30 - the pontin apartments
00:08:35 - the boys have been getting packed
00:12:55 - praying to pontins god
00:13:35 - JT or JB?
00:14:10 - the journey to pontins
00:16:55 - miles & josh get lost in the countryside
00:23:46 - something blocks miles & josh from getting home
00:27:30 - slime & aiden begin to worry
00:28:37 - the state of the pontins rooms
00:29:37 - the boys make it back
00:31:03 - miles celebrates with the crypto bartender
00:32:39 - Factor!
00:34:22 - the boys do a money match
00:37:04 - nick & miles take a tour around pontins on a kart
00:37:30 - dino world
00:39:50 - english salarymen
00:40:40 - 'mr chuckles says dont enter the pit'
00:42:00 - abandoned buildings
00:43:20 - surrounded by thousands of pontineers
00:44:43 - pontin history
00:45:15 - chippie trough
00:48:11 - hungrybox food reviews
00:49:19 - miles & josh settle with diplomacy
00:51:47 - seagulls
00:52:54 - Cash App!
00:55:40 - the fun bounce zone
00:56:35 - pontins mystery pills
01:00:00 - the pontins shipping container
01:00:40 - casino
01:04:10 - miles goes to the local gammon pub
01:06:15 - the royal pontin guards stop miles & josh from entering
01:09:40 - miles mission to get his phone back
01:11:40 - miles has his phone held ransom
01:15:20 - london smashers form a squad to help miles
01:17:00 - drunk zain
01:18:47 - the london smasher squad activates
01:22:21 - the boys get a food delivery
01:23:30 - the boys try to get zain packed
01:28:40 - joshman makes top 8
01:29:49 - fecfec & i4
01:31:46 - the final pontins review
01:35:44 - thanks for watching
The Yard is a show hosted by Ludwig, Nick, Slime, and Aiden.
#theyard #podcast

[@cocalicoman]

I love that each of the episodes Miles has been on is basically just him telling stories because he’s such a good storyteller

[@AlexDaeling]

He is podcast grease as the lads on the screen say

[@bobert.o.1827]

i cant find the other eps with him. i know theres at least one more that’s hilarious.

[@T0NI_]

@@bobert.o.1827 I believe the only other non-patreon ep he's been on was a while back when the whole pod was just one continuous story about a party they went to

[@Bub00n]

the bird passing by at 46:44 like its a Pontins resident is so funny to me

[@marston301]

I thought nobody else noticed it lmao

[@Bippah]

Homie is just on his way to the pools match

[@Ash-tv4ow]

It is CRAZY that slime enjoys Pontin's more than Italy...

[@joznski]

It is expected.

[@hydro5168]

i cannot believe there is someone who has both watched the italy episode and also is surprised that he enjoys the slop land more than italy

[@suned3128]

@@hydro5168 He’s just a little piggy

[@Gr0g0811]

More funny stuff

[@HeyLeFay]

The scuffed a place is the more he enjoys it.

[@conc0n]

what a week for the yard to go from the worst reviewed resort to having to eat at 10 different fast food restaurants

[@phogfant]

11* don't get it twisted

[@jazzyjoker9084]

smoked by mizkif

[@gonzillagorilla]

@@jazzyjoker9084let’s be honest, smoked by simply and russel

[@chrispified]

the grand british experience

[@Krinios]

Maybe I didn't notice him pull it out earlier but Miles pulling out his phone after telling the entire lost phone story was so funny after not knowing if we got it back

[@LunarySSF2]

28:46 i wanna add on a few things since i was also attending - my room had a broken window and had some bird shit on the couch - the apartment in the zone behind me was unoccupied but had a DEAD SEAGULL inside (i could see it from my kitchen) - one apartment had deadly mushrooms growing on the walls - many of them didn't have water heaters, though aiden mentioned that, but i really wanna insist that there was a significant amount of rooms that somehow didn't have water heaters - one player opened his apartment and it was completely trashed - someone had a broken sink in his bathroom - one room had dried blood on the mirror... which obviously is very unsettling but best week of my life and would totally go there again next year

[@arkain1]

Unfortunately, Pontins has been shutdown. Can't wait to see what shithole the boys' Melee adventures will take us to next!

[@lizzierose0033]

It's so incredibly normal for a British resort and the way they describe it as a dystopia of grime and cartoon animals is magical

[@thepenguin9]

As a brit this is just peak comedy

[@RichardULong]

thank you for confirming that you do indeed live in a dystopian hellscape

[@arkain1]

Are you telling me there's no practical differences between a British "resort" and, say, a mental asylum for the clinically insane? They can literally film the sequel to Shutter Island or Silent Hill in this depressing place, and not a single thing needs to be changed.

[@ronjaelena5029]

nå tq-.sek.

[@thenightjackal8876]

@@arkain1 Silent Hill? You mean an average day in the life of a true Brexit geezer?

[@catto1980]

This is a dream come true. As someone from the UK, it's great seeing the depression hotspot known as Pontins get some exposure to a wider audience

[@arkain1]

The fact that they are fully staffed tells me that they're actually doing well financially, which begs the question: who in their right mind would take a family vacation to this "resort" besides the Smashers?

[@aidso819]

​@@arkain1the less fortunate

[@LaurenceWhiting]

@@arkain1 I actually think this Pontins in camber sands recieved some money from the government to house asylum seekers, I could be wrong and it didn't go through but it was definnitely on the cards

[@lylukk]

@@arkain1 they're cheap. that's the main appeal. a lot of people can't afford to travel abroad so these are a "good" option, during the summer holidays there's lots of stuff for kids to do, family entertainment etc. there's a long history behind these holiday camps in the uk. they were once extremely popular but thats since fallen and so a lot of them are very run down now

[@rigel555]

RIP Pontins Camber Sands, it was beautiful while it lasted, respecc The good always die young

[@pT5xRebELZz]

as a english viewer the fact that you did the pod right outside of pontins so fucking funny its unbelievable, its the shittier version of something shitty called Butlins

[@ralual]

I don't know how many places you've visited in the UK boys, but here every single county has one of these "resorts". It's essentially our version of low level mental asylums, where the staff and patients annually rotate between being guests and employees. The patients slowly eat away at the staff's sanity but in return gain some themselves, so after 5 years they're all an acceptable level of crazy for general society, so are re-released into the normal world, then the place is refurbished for a month before the newest cohort move in, you guys must be here just before a refurb cycle. Cool to hear your guys' fresh opinions on a place like that, as rowdy teens we'd go to our local one and throw rocks and stuff to distract the patients off their pathing and basically played a non-lethal Last of Us. Would highly recommend trying, good memories...

[@ItsWindHere]

I cant tell if this is satire or real

[@Sheerspeechcraft]

​@@ItsWindHerewhy would it be satire?

[@ChessHistorian]

@@Sheerspeechcraft some people live in good countries

[@jimmypownall4409]

@@ItsWindHere its real. alot of them were built after ww2 when there was a sudden economic boom so poorer families started going on holiday but air travel was still prohibitivly expensive so your best option for a holiday was to travel to a different part of the country. at the time places like these were seen as pretty nice and they were huge buisness'. Butlins which was the biggest chain of all in one resorts had 9 seperate locations across the country. Once air travel became afordable and as our comprehensive rail network started to close many local branches its was not much more money to go to Europe and so these sorts of resorts started clsoing, butlins now only has 3 locations. The resorts now are often very dated becasue they havnt had the money to refurbish for a long time. My grandfather lived in Bognor Regis which has one of the last Butlins and he used to call it Butlitz, which was fitting.

[@kaseyquickshot532]

that definitely puts what Slime said at 1:02:31 into a different context lol

[@iamabigfan6849]

miles = smiles

[@ebenezer-scrooge]

slime = lime

[@saucy_dragon1566]

Nick = sick

[@echobox3045]

@@ebenezer-scroogeslime = grime

[@xDandruff]

Honestly, Ludwig has never been so based as he is in this episode

[@ebenezer-scrooge]

effortlessly based even

[@tannr]

based on what?

[@Skydiamond_1171]

@@tannr Based on PEAK

[@___sum875]

​@@tannra true story

[@yusefabuissa6685]

This is extra based even for Miles, incredible ep

[@jacobbeaudway2258]

Fun fact: at around 20 mins, Nick for the second time in Yard history refers to the top at the end of inception as a dreidel, despite it very much not being one! (It’s not four sided with the gimmel, hey, nun, shin, necessary to play the actual game) regardless I appreciate the Jewish allyship of simply calling every spinning top a dreidel

[@ebenezer-scrooge]

now i think about it, beyblades are just high tech dreidels

[@slimewire]

LOL we got u

[@smile4cs]

who CARES

[@jrennerc]

​@@smile4csslime did as he replied to the comment.

[@buiItnotbought]

There's a beyblade named draciel

[@torsteinblomberg9786]

As a Norwegian and a full time addict snuser, its so insane how they make snus sound like a crazy drug that you throw in with the boys on freaky Saturday. I love this podcast man

[@voidrius]

It might just be perceived that way for people who've never seen it before. A guy who offered me coke once in Barcelona got scared and left when I offered him snus lol Crazy to see the boys dabble in my culture though, truly the crossover this morning needed

[@Batkudev]

Yeah, like every highschool student here in estonia does 3 and 4 dot ones

[@voidrius]

@@Batkudev do you guys get tobacco snus in estonia somehow? i know the nicotine pouch stuff is sold there and we recently got it legalized in Finland too but we still go over the border to sweden to get snus

[@Batkudev]

@voidrius usually get tobacco ones from sweden yeah, just nicotine ones in stores

[@torsteinblomberg9786]

Sweden is our drug dealer aswell LMAO

[@Triplicata]

Always a great day when Miles is on the scene.

[@VictoriaVague]

It's where I plan to go to die. Like Dignitas, minus the dignity.

[@milkycrotch7280]

such a beauty

[@ricochico1144]

Miles and Josh truly are the golden boys of this podcast

[@AJKayyyy]

so i listened to this yesterday, and the whole time they were describing this place, i was just imagining them sitting in a desolate Chernobyl-esque amusement park. knew instantly i had to watch the video

[@noahmay7708]

Pontins is the other pripyat

[@saifali9853]

Love that this is on the Pontin's wikipedia page: Direct discrimination against Irish people In March 2021, the i newspaper revealed an internal Pontins document listing surnames associated with "undesirable guests", all being common Irish surnames. This was done in order to filter out bookings from gypsies and travellers. This was investigated by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) who found Pontins was "directly discriminating on the basis of race" and breached the Equality Act 2010.The Britannia Hotel Group, which owns Pontins, signed an agreement with the EHRC promising to end the practice.

[@squillz8310]

that's fucking wild

[@oceanlnr9414]

Lmao

[@Miihaal_]

Pontins was such a surreal weekend I'm glad to have this episode as evidence of what we all endured, the night after this was filmed felt like an absolute fever dream. Appreciate the boys for making the trip out.

[@Name_error_0001]

this is so weird as someone who lived and went to school not 20 minutes from here to see the boys just chilling its ruining the illusion of them living entirely separate lives from my own

[@inhaleknives8598]

that's crazy you could've driven up the road miles and josh were on and them hop into the ditch

[@jay-nz2cl]

i pray more smash events are held in these shitty 2000's family resorts in the uk id actually go to these for the hell of it. never went to pontins but this feels right somehow

[@nuhwuh]

i know NOTHING about melee bar what I learn from this podcast, last week I saw a poster for a friendly melee meetup and competition. I went knowing nothing and met some really nice people who taught me the ropes, something I would have never done if it wasn't for the yard so cheers boys

[@Madkroniik]

glad to see my childhood "holiday resort" get the glory it deserves

[@gwen6622]

i think this podcast and episodes like this one in particular do such a good job of showing people what the melee community is like. i found you guys through melee, not the other way around like i assume a lot of your viewers, so *i* know that the melee community are cool and fun and wild and have really out of the ordinary senses of humor but are really tight knit and stuff, *i* know that we just wanna play our favorite game and any success that does or doesnt come out of that is secondary, but i think you guys do a great job of conveying that to people who dont know anything about melee or the community. like, genuinely. i get why people who dont play melee would look into it after watching the yard, because i think you do a great job of showing why it's appealing. it's not just the game. the game is great and that's a huge part of it, but there's an essence that this community has that very, very few other communities have.

[@tdewtneros9519]

This is the most deranged episode yet. Basically filmed in an SCP location. I could not predict what would happen in the next second though the whole thing. All time greatest contender imo.

[@borannkek]

3:27 "it's a startling fusion between Chuck e Cheese and a concentration camp" damn Aimen coming out swinging

[@calypso4882]

Am i being recommended this today because Pontins Camber Sands closed permanently yesterday? I guess so

[@LeonMassey]

Worst room I've ever been in, absolutely gash food, one of the local pubs had THE most annoying bellend inside getting mad at tennis, can't wait to go back next year.

[@slimewire]

YESSIRRR

[@Drag0nSlayer420]

Aimen talking about the shitty place he had to stay in in such a fun way just proves that slime was right when he said that he should have stayed in the Hong Kong facilities for stories

[@rowgesage936]

Slime going "we can live a perfect life here" threw me

[@nailniall]

The Chuck E. Cheese / concentration camp crossover sounds very accurate for Pontins/Butlins

[@ashhellwig]

I love seeing Miles on the pod, he’s such a great story teller.

[@haphapp7282]

I love how they spent all that time basically describing Zyns lol

[@webbey5047]

the bird at 46:45 has me actually cry laughing

[@fluffypuncakes3464]

The sun peeking out from the clouds during Slime’s review of this mystical land known as Pontins was truly mesmerizing

[@gemoxcore]

Every Thursday I wake up and wait with baited breath for The Yard Podcast.

[@BlueLily342]

This is by far my favorite episode of The Yard I think about it daily

[@ilovesteez]

this is such a good episode, also, pontins sounds like it would make a great silent hill-esc horror survival game

[@lizzyf02]

Would love to see a full episode of the yard does urban exploring LOL

[@Amelia-ge7uz]

this episode was truly fantastic. everything about it was such a fever dream. the packing. the watermelon. the dudes vaping in the background. they painted the pontin's experience so well.

[@joshsaundxrs]

between the ages of about 8-15 (i’m 25 now) my parents took me to pontins every single year, it is blowing my mind to see you guys just sat at one of them, also captain croc supremacy

[@biggest_mac5060]

Slime describing Pontins like it’s the Shimmer from Annihilation just makes me wanna venture into the goop

[@gaysara]

I think I've watched/listened to this episode like 6 times. I just love to come back to it

[@awkwardsilence430]

So cool the yard visited the Twilght Zone for this ep, hope they make it back to reality soon.

[@jasonjavelin]

Always love The Yard On Location bringing slop near you✔️

[@TheoHiggins]

All I know about Pontins is that they once fired comedian Lee Mack, and that I'm thankful that my parents could afford Center Parcs so I never had to go myself

[@assmal8531]

One of my top eps for sure. Also love the framing of the resort behind the pod

[@saifamer9576]

Nick living like a sloth bear really rounds him out as the coolest podcast member.

[@lakshyapatel3842]

1:13:53 perfect moment to say 'to take back whats ours'

[@JanetRobinson-xe1tg]

That was the reddest watermelon I have ever seen. It almost looked fake! Good job- lots of good story content, I think it would be worth a visit there!

[@raymondwheeler1230]

at a spot in my life for the past year where this is the only hour and a half i enjoy out of my week

[@otterdisappointment6408]

This might just be my new favorite ep! Amazing job

[@d0onut]

I had no idea Slime was saying "CleanCheapHeat" until Miles mentioned a pistol. Even on the pachy episode I was like "wtf are they saying" lol

[@lylukk]

can't say i'd ever thought i'd see the boys at a pontins. these seem like world that should not cross over

[@cheesyfacechase4998]

The watermelon delivery is so insane to me. How does this just happen. That's amazing. Another note, this is such a degenerate episode and I love it

[@cryolumia]

This and the influencer rager episodes of the yard are by far my favorites- I love miles, but I also think he really brings out the best in all of you guys The storytelling is absolutely immaculate Also Nick really did a great job this episode

[@Groovester]

Sweet, always love seeing on venue episodes

[@kechulol]

love Donyel he is such a great story teller, always dope when hes on

[@kingly.]

Dude, I bet you guys had so much fun. It sounds like hell out there.

[@hayden4868]

this is probably my favorite episode, the nic gum, jb, and the entire story of them walking through the countryside are so funny omg

[@Patterrz]

Glad The Yard boys is seeing the best of Britain

[@x3dfritz0]

The way they describe this place feels like a fever dream: we got Aiden packed up spittin poison, zain drunk, nick searching for legendary smash duo french sisters, and Slime embracing the full chaos of british existence

[@fartymcgoo420]

i love when they talk about smash because i dont understand what they are talking about but its fun to see them excited

[@TheSnerfstify]

It’s so surreal seeing the yard at somewhere I used to go on holiday to as a kid

[@BBubblegum-ou5wq]

The Yard and…… PONTINSS??? A crossover I would never have expected 💀💀

[@zfatjesus]

Always glad to see more Don B around, loved his WoW classic streams.

[@arcticwolfy1573]

As someone who went to camber with some friends the other week, it’s wild to get a detailed review by the people that I least expected to have been

[@oswk9]

Lucky you guys don't have Irish second names otherwise Pontins is deemed to prestigious for the Irish travellers to be allowed access

[@kells9660]

explain

[@oswk9]

@@kells9660 Irish Travellers were banned from Pontins they enforced this ban by just refusing entry to people with Irish names

[@kells9660]

@@oswk9 literally why 😭

[@oswk9]

@@kells9660 Racism

[@wannewandels6314]

Don't know why but my favorite episode so far

[@r8gg]

46:07 trust me every single takeaway here is like that, menu of 500 items it is usually Indian but serves a very broad general breakfast menu we brits are picky. (these takeaways get sold every other year too they're common af)

[@richardvye9958]

The fastfood challenge convinced me to subscribe, this is quality content!

[@churropapi2204]

Whenever I close my eyes, all I see is him - RIP Tony Star, gone but not forgotten

[@rosedarling5897]

I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION AND HEARD MILES AND GOT SO EXCITED YESS

[@pappel1412]

It is always a flashbang to me when Slime makes a dark souls reference. I just never expect it

[@buiItnotbought]

What a beautiful wedding!

[@VidelleTV]

As a Dane, hearing them talk about snus was so funny - here we start out with the 3 dot if you wanna get into it and eventually move up to 4 whenever 3 eventually isnt enough

[@ghostdragonzero]

46:45 seagul loved watching all the ppl walking past

[@xRiizo]

This is hilarious . The fact you filmed this outside Pontins is incredible! Funny enough, you guys sitting on the side of the road filming a podcast is probably the least craziest thing that happened there that day.

[@crystallinepunk3164]

I remembe visiting pontins as a child for a christmas holiday. As a gift I got an RC helicopter & a trampoline. I immediately lost the helicopter by flying it so high it went over the top of the hotel building & then lost signal. I also remember they had these GIANT Coca Cola brand cups with straws. I wish I still owned one. Anyway Ludwig looks amazing this episode

[@juliusc810]

Let's start a fund to send Miles and Josh to a random location to get a story for the podcast. We could also send one of the yard boys to be their camera guy, like Bear Grylls's cameraman

[@parkerj5716]

I just came back from Ireland and it's good to know that both nick and I thought that sheep sound exactly like minecraft and the seagulls are way to big to not be robots.

[@jonas1015119]

reading the Pontins Wikipedia and theres an entire section about discrimination against irish people

[@ashtonthomas1708]

On god some of my favorite episodes are the ones with and/or about Miles. Need more Miles content fr fr

[@birm]

1:30:35 dudes in the background trying to run over the seagull had me dying

[@evanwaara7924]

Factor ad was so powerful that the power in my apartment went out as soon as Slime said don't you get it. Great stuff.

[@Dzuh]

seeing myself in the background of the yard is a surreal experience

[@ChonkyMonkey1]

Having grown up in the snus meta, and then hearing these guys discover it is so funny

[@Hunter_Kennedy1]

I could listen to miles tell story’s for hours he’s so good lmao 🤣

[@fluorescentfuneralalt]

Premo got a bunch of Joshman and Miles

[@Ultra_64]

Top 5 episode for me. Miles needs to be on the podcast more often.

[@SahlinAxel]

It's pretty funny to hear them talk about "snus", which is like the more accepted nicotine intake here in Sweden rather than ciggs. But what they refer to as "3 dots" is pretty much the average nicotine amount of "snus". Most of them don't have the "dot" system. For us the hard stuff, when it comes to snus, is "lössnus" (loose snus/ unpacked snus) which is "snus" without the fabric pillow around it. You just mold a chunk with your fingers, it's quite nasty. Also, Miles talking about how it makes you spit, that's only really if your not used to it, i doesn't at all. Apologies if this sounded elitist or condescending, not my intention, but i get how it could be interpenetrated that way. It's just quite funny to see people talk about a product that's so prominent here but rarely seen outside of not even Scandinavia but Sweden. Great episode tho!

[@G.0.]

Yea. I was pretty confused by the spitting bit myself. Since I started using it, I've always been under the impression that one of the benefits of snus is that you don't have to spit unlike snuff which is more popular here in America.

[@insertnamehere6227]

Listening to the audio version I didn't know where you guys were filming from, last place I imagined was just in the parking lot

[@the_sad_wallet1553]

It’s funny as a Swedish person to hear them talk about snus and the mythical 4-dot as if it’s some kind of ungodly substance reserved for gods strongest soldiers, meanwhile I’m sitting on the train and a couple with a 3 year old child are dropping 4-dots while sipping their triple shot espressos like it’s nothing. Truly a clash between worlds

[@patchycb]

The whiplash I just got from seeing this in my feed... How is that place still running!? I don't know anyone who's ever been ahaha

[@lrgogo1517]

4:15 I love moments that make it easy to imagine what species people's fursonas would be

[@gavinsmith3809]

Bro miles is the most interesting man in the world, every time I hear bro talking he’s recanting some crazy tale it’s crazy

[@svantewiktorsson]

There is a scale beyond the dots and it’s called mg/g. The 3-4 dot is usually 8-16 mg. But there is shit that goes up to 45mg and even 160 mg.

[@rickyspanish4335]

Its so crazy yall think we watch for Ludwig when we obviously come back every week for Slime.

[@nmx0014]

it took me the entire factor ad segment to understand that thats a cardboard box or something laid across them. i genuinely was so confused at what i was looking at i thought there was something was wrong with my vision

[@RayhemXD]

Hearing Slime call a council estate "projects" made me fucking die 😂

[@breadnommin7278]

Aiden is the most snatched mogul mail boy of all time