We've Been Lying To You | Chosen Family Podcast

Ashley, Alayna, and Mak talk about their favorite and least favorite fan interactions. Alayna explains why she feels haunted by the name Emily. This week’s listener question involves an allegedly straight roommate who is giving mixed signals.
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[@andreaalvarez1100]

a t shirt that says “Went to an Ashley Gavin show and all i got was an arrogant little wave”

[@ashgavs]

Making these now

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

this is literally the best idea I’ve ever heard

[@user-ux6ii2lm4z]

@@ashgavs what if it just said "all I got was an arrogant little wave" and then it's like an inside joke 😁

[@yeahokay...actuallynah]

ok, I love that "you have succumb to the flaws of extreme arrogance" is still alive and breathing. Do we need a tee?

[@ignorance_is_not_bliss]

i hope we as a society never forget that

[@spiderlinz]

every time I hear it I think “damn that would look good on a t-shirt”

[@rtd1791]

Absolutely

[@min_nad]

I need the tee!!!!

[@liasnclr]

That and, “I have a question of practicality”

[@julzamidala2865]

Millennials (Alayna & Ashley): send Mak the soundboard. Gen Z (Mak): I'll just download an app. 😂

[@the_rest_is_confetti]

I'm halfway through and just waiting for Ashley to change all their names to Emily. Anyone else?

[@yeahokay...actuallynah]

Mak saying "no smoke" then Alayna and Ashley urban dictionary-ing it is a great example of the family dynamic.

[@robbie-wn6mk]

petition to rename the pod the chosen emily podcast

[@Griff780]

Petition to rename ourselves Emily

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

stop it

[@ashgavs]

@@AlaynaJoyOfficialI think it’s a good idea

[@robbie-wn6mk]

the fact that you both saw this and responded just made my month. love the pod so much

[@emmyisurmom]

i agree ​@@ashgavs

[@PeachNEPTR]

I met Ashley at a show and maybe I’m the right kind of autistic and anxious but at the meet and greet she (you, since beep boop I guess?) was great as far as I’m concerned. We didn’t have much time to talk for taking pictures, and during the Q&A I didn’t even have it in me to ask anything because I was just having a bad day as it was and was close to leaving before getting to the show because I was close to a panic attack. The show was amazing, I had a lovely time, and I thanked her for bullying me into coming to see my first legit live standup, and she complimented me and engaged with what I said and I don’t think you can ask for more than that. I don’t know how to expect more than that. It’s such a limited window to interact with people and from what I saw, Ashley was trying to make everyone she interacted with feel like a person. It must be a challenge.

[@ashgavs]

Okay I’m crying

[@kapowjam3462]

"I don't care what your father says, you're a genius too" 😂 Alayna slipped that in

[@kerizella]

let's just collectively add "arrogant little waive" to the 'cool ideas for Chosen Family merch' file

[@parmisvazifeh140]

Mak was on fire this episode😂

[@fambi1271]

I ran into Ashley on my way to the bathroom at one of her shows and I almost fell over I was so starstruck, she said hi and thank you and it was such a blessed 10 secs and I cannot imagine someone seeing that as a negative experience

[@MargoBTS]

I’m a cashier at a grocery store in a small town, everyone knows us because they see us a lot, we’re kind of “famous” in our town just because everybody sees us a lot. I’m on an extremely small scale have a different personality when I’m cashiering than I do in reality, I’m quieter when I’m at home. Ashley, I met you at SS a few months ago and you were so kind to me! It was actually my first “queer” event I’ve attended after coming out during the pandemic (yes I’m one of those 😂) so I was very excited! You also just happen to be my favorite comedian! Thanks for being so awesome!!

[@ashgavs]

That’s really kind of you to say ❤ thanks for supporting the show

[@kerizella]

honestly i agree with ashley's "f this girl", nothing's more hurtful as a lesbian than a staight girl making out with you (and more----, we've all been there), just to hear her say in the end "i'm not attracted to you" or the classic "it was a mistake"! it'll hurt but fellow listener please try to find someone who won't say these awful things to you... coming out is a journey but hurting people along the way isn't acceptable, you deserve better

[@SavannahGlenn]

chosen family ❌ chosen emily ✅

[@nicolegulino]

This listener is living a sapphic wattpad fan fiction ... good luck, babe, to the "straight" girl

[@nicoled4416]

Ashely said "STILL the Chosen Family Podcast" and I almost spit out my water from laughing

[@claraboe2755]

I had this weird moment in the line for the merch after ashleys show where i was like: why does she look like an american woman in her mid thirties tho? And my mind immediately put all my internalised stereotypes of americans on her. And it was so weird because my mind hadnt done that before when i listened to the podcasts, watched the stand-up and not even in the show when i saw her in real-life on the stage. And then at the merch table i just had this realisation: yes she is an american woman in her mid thirties after a long day. And it isnt weird that shes not like on stage or on a podcast episode - shes just exhausted and in a room full of strangers. And what we see on stage is obviously a stage persona and what we see on the podcasts is them letting us get a "sneak peak" of their friendship. And we should be really grateful for that! (Sorry for ranting 😅)

[@stephtaylor6292]

Mak with the insightful psychological observations this episode!!! 🙌

[@Mialotic]

My dudes, they've definitely mentioned bulk recording. Looking forward to this week's banter. I recommended it to a baby gay recently

[@emilymons11]

Me, Emily, watching this 👀

[@muustyx]

I dread running into one of you (or any artist or content creator I really like) because of that very reason. I'm autistic and deeeeply mentally ill and would 100% assume that you hate me for no reason and then I'd obsess over it literally forever and would never ask for fear of being a burden (which, in this case I would definitely be haha). Either way, I'd regret not saying hi and I'd feel like a burden for doing so! Ugh! I can't win. Hopefully I'll meet y'all at a meet & greet or something like that instead haha.

[@Scoutflows]

Fr like "hi I recognize you and love your work i especially love how much you hate when we do this" except I do acctually love how honest they are I just don't know what to do if I see them now

[@ewmily]

Im so glad I can't sleep

[@ripley2995]

bro right 😂

[@L00kninjas]

Being lulled to sleep by their voices. Even Ashley's yelling at us 😆

[@BayAreaBerk]

When you wake before the Alarm, but cant get more than cat naps, but then you realize: "Its Wednesday!"

[@alexwhitelaw2003]

is it the first time you've told us you just swap tops I'd say every 2 3 episodes you bring it up lol😂... if not more regularly lol

[@LamAnopro_]

read as swap toys

[@eiluvart0416]

as someone with misophonia ashley warning alayna she’s eating and just being so respectful about it makes my heart so happy🥰🥰 everyone please be like ashley

[@stephben8042]

Alayna was so patient in revealing the stalker lmao

[@zazujw]

“OH IVE HAD MY DAY BABY”

[@shae113]

For the listener question, I found if I’m having to question a relationship or my view & their view of things don’t line up, it’s not a relationship. Healthy relationships require both people to be on the same page. No matter what, you & your roommate are not at the same point. You are clear about your sexuality, she’s not. Accept that you had an awesome make out session & that’s it. She’s not in a place to be a good partner, you deserve somebody who embraces you & the relationship fully.

[@stanleysidds8792]

love maks background (so many plants!!)

[@anakiwaanaka2815]

When Mak said when you see someone else do something you see it as a character flaw but when you do it you think I am having a bad day ect... I thought no I always do the opposite of that. I think balance is key because see it the opposite isn't good either.

[@kylieclark7080]

I don't care how I would get treated, having the chance to meet and talk to any of you would be amazing, genuinely a dream of mine. Growing up in a small town in Montana has been somewhat difficult. Listening to this podcast and watching your videos has given me a special and safe place. Thank you for everything you do! ❤

[@Zweigenhaft9]

The conversation around fame is so interesting... My father was an actor, on hundreds of tv episodes in the 60s - 80s, and got to the level of fame where it's like you'd be watching law and order and recognize him but have no clue who he is? This is pre imdb before you could just look it up. So my whole childhood he only ever got noticed twice, but he still got to do his dream and make his art. He always talked about how grateful he was for not being super famous and I never understood it until I was an adult.

[@megancurtis9502]

Now I want to know who your dad is 🤔

[@nena7316]

this episode should’ve been named chosen emily instead of chosen family lol

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

omg

[@nataliejo.22]

Well Ashley, I loved the ✨arrogant little wave✨ you gave me when I said hello before your comedy show in Des Moines!! (Granted I did realize afterwards that was bad timing since you were about to go on stage… I was just super excited lol) They say it takes 10 positive compliments to counteract one negative comment. Idk how some people can be so critical, they really don’t see how it can effect you… you all have done so many amazing things for our community! I will forever be thankful for you three as you all helped me come out (and I’m sure so many others). P.S. bring the entire chosen fam to your comedy show in Omaha 👀

[@leolovsen1448]

Maaak you ate this episode🫰

[@RDawn]

My sister bought me a hat at your austin show, Ashley! She asked you to sign it and said that you were very nice and cool. Glad she went when I couldn't and sad I couldn't go :')

[@ashgavs]

I remember she said she bought it for you

[@RDawn]

@@ashgavs ❤️❤️

[@zazujw]

Not the urban dictionary check by mom and dad 😂

[@Im-lx3qt]

I love this episode! So great to have more vulnerability, philosophising, and analytical discussions about the world and how humans act and operate.

[@baileytbh]

as a socially awkward human who hasn't had much experience in public areas I had a very nice time at both your Nashville, and Louisville shows Ashley! I enjoy supporting cool gay women even if it scares the shit out of me. I don't enjoy small talk either so I understand that so much! Ashley you were more than correct when you said something along the lines of people are only anxious when we haven't had much experience with it talking about going out in public for me that is right on the money the more I throw myself into situations that I know I am uncomfortable in "exposure therapy" the better I get at handling them. I would say you slayed and ate at handling every different interaction from your fans, and I want to come to every show you have that I can drive to!

[@alpha2legs]

Seeing famous, semi-famous, or otherwise parasocially relevant people in public has always been anxiety inducing for me. One half of me wants to let the person know that I enjoy their art and how they have affected my life. But the other half goes through a spiral of how they are still just people, I have no idea how their day is going, if they want to be interrupted, or if they are even the same kind of person they portray in their craft. 99.9% of the time I end up saying nothing, because my autistic ass can’t stand being interrupted by people I’m not expecting to see-even if they are a friend-when I’m out and about. That being said, my chosen family rocks, and all three of these women are a huge part of my weekly routine. Sending you all the best vibes. ❤

[@aliciaswift24]

Humans are beautifully imperfect and how amazing is that to connect with someone who is as imperfect as me, it's a completely new way to be vonrable.

[@Max.in.the.daily.]

I love it as usual. Ffs so great😂😂😂

[@skallywalla502]

Thank you for sharing about how being recognized can impact your lives. Honestly, I was shocked to hear that y'all have dealt with that. I think I had it in my head that this is just a niche little part of KZbin, and so I would probably be shocked to run into any of you out in the world. I wonder if that's also fueling people's responses - that they think of this as such an intimate space, the only one where you are, really, and then here you are, existing in the world outside it. I appreciate the heads up should I ever find myself in any of y'all's corners of the world. May you continue to be able to exist in peace. 🙏🏻

[@akacj7]

omg a friend of mine just went through the same thing - was in a situationship with a girl who was like i have relatinoship trauma, i wanna take it really slow, like SUPER slow. then however many months later is like i don't have romantic feelings for you. so now my friend is like WTF just happened, all these things that were said and done and there's "no romantic feelings" so deeply messed up.

[@tambob82]

Dad stepping on Mom's bit IMMEDIATELY.

[@circleofleaves2676]

Speaking of Emily Dickinson, have you guys watched the show Dickinson? It's SO good.

[@permatired_]

@ashgavs we met for 30 seconds at your Manchester gig, you were the best, generous with your time and signed some merch. I on the other hand, nervously initiated a conversation about love hearts. I apologise and have rerun it in my mind many times since.

[@hyleore]

I know the name of the producer at the end is probably "Brent" but I always hear "bread"

[@Samij3406]

Best start to the day!!

[@Taurus_Butterfly]

When I waited on Meredith Viera, I just discreetly told her I've always enjoyed her. When I waited on Blake Shelton, I just kept looking at him, trying to figure out why he looked so familiar, didn't realize why till he later 😆I realize celebrities are just human beings like everyone else, I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable in any way. That fan was so disrespectful to Mak. If it was me, I wouldn't have approached at all seeing you upset, unless you were alone, I might've asked if you were okay. I get people have their own journey, but I hate when people fuck with people. I've been fucked with more than once. It's hurtful and aggravating.

[@ToriEatsBricks]

Proud flipper 💪

[@eyeseajujubee]

Literally had someone say they weren’t attracted to me last weekend after we were intimate. It was hurtful and definitely a red flag. Not seeing the person again and walking away from them.

[@albertqhumperdinck]

Thanks for another great episode, Chosen Fam!

[@Scoutflows]

46:25 my fav thing ever if i ever see you in person at a store ashley i expect you to lay down and do this immediately

[@acssara]

Starting a petition for a merch drop on episode 100👀

[@flotle3927]

“the gift” LMAOO

[@samanderson2447]

who up succumbing to the flaws of their extreme arrogance?!🤪

[@julzamidala2865]

Alayna wins the internet with her callback to "see whatever they're looking for" 🤣🤣🤣

[@scubagoldfish45]

I haven't been lying to you, love the pod!!

[@JinxyXO]

This episode is sending me 😂😂😂

[@nicolegulino]

Mak coming for ashley made my day 😂 also arrogant little wave is crazy like you were being polite???? Tf

[@hollinberries2816]

in Alayna's defense I've never really noticed seeing Emily in my day to day life lol and i work in retail

[@RiverDoesTheThing]

Ashley said nothing will come out about Alayna and now we're gonna find out she's the inventor of child labor or something

[@JanneBernards]

She'll get her degree and become lesbian Hannibal Lecter.

[@BayAreaBerk]

There's an Eating People joke in there somewhere. besides, they always say: 'its the Quiet Ones...'.

[@emyrenwick]

Its a sign 😇 statistically someone has to love an Emily. Please 😇

[@lavenderladybugs]

13:51 this is something that’s always confused me like the idea that bumping into someone in public is seen as an experience for someone is crazy to me. like you’re at a grocery store not a meet and greet, people need to chill and realize that. and like even if you are a parasocial person, think about it like you’re bumping into an old friend then, if you saw them crying at the store wouldn’t you be concerned? not annoyed they were “rude”

[@jaccrossan810]

Not sure if Ashley was talking about restocking her T-shirts in this episode, but for a boxy cut made of stiffer fabric, I recommend Both& !

[@timothykrzywonski]

When people meet people they have a bias to assume that's how that person always is; I think it's called the fundamental attribution error, but it's more weird if the relationship is parasocial so they "call you out" for being a person.

[@emrywoods70]

Me at 1 am watching this. lol

[@gwynnturner8537]

I just realized I have an actual question for the question time thing .. will I get y’all’s Patreon and ask … I am not sure lmao but I appreciate yall a million times over

[@agnesmfa]

omg the thing mak said at the end is so true… I’m investigating my pass to see all the homoerotic friendship I’ve had without knowing it at the time … girl..

[@sergbastian5]

*AHEM* (uses Ashley voice) ALEX. WHY IS THE VID DESCRIPTION SO GOOD?? WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BE A BETTER COMEDIAN THAN ME? YOU KNOW I'M YOUR BOSS, RIGHT? STOP BEING BETTER THAN ME. Love, One of Ashley's (and, reluctantly, Alex's) fans

[@ashjean6990]

The Chosen FEMILY Podcast……Amazing episode as always 👍🏻

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

One of the best podcasts so funny really helps me get through the week love u guys ❤❤❤ and every Emily is probably offended too 😂😂😂

[@nicolegulino]

Ashley seems very sweet and shy irl ❤

[@avantikakulkarni5971]

Incredible episode fam! All 3 of you’ll killed it ❤

[@kapowjam3462]

Bc I'm ace and inquisitive my follow up question for fanfic roommate situation is if the roommate feels sexual attraction at all. She's probably allo and it is a bad situation but before I realized I was ace I did not know what was going on with me that I wanted to kiss someone I was dating but I couldn't even imagine wanting sex or sex akin activities with them.

[@liza-uw3sq]

yep, that's exactly what I thought too. I honestly didn't like their answer on this question bc that person could have been on ace spectrum and it wouldn't mean that they didn't want to have some kind of relationship with the other person

[@user-ux6ii2lm4z]

This actually happens to me with people I know. I personally think it's pretty pathetic. At my last job, people were complaining that I "ignore people". What was actually happening was I just wasn't feeling good that day and so there was a difference from my normal chattiness...I wasn't actually ignoring anyone. I personally just think it's really pathetic to take everything so fcking personally. If someone is being quiet, my first thought is "hmm..I wonder if they're okay" NOT "what a bitch" 🙄 like seriously, grow up and work on your self-esteem issues, cause dang. Also, though, ASHLEY YOU CAN'T THREATEN TO TOP US AND THEN NOT FOLLOW THROUGH

[@significantsoil5345]

Alright Emilys line up!

[@DanielleDrewa]

Okay how about a movie that the whole family lives a double life in order to travel like Hannah Montana but the whole family!

[@leenotnelson]

dear that "straight" roommate: good luck, babe!

[@kaiya33123]

I love you all so much🥹🥹💜

[@dios.fanni1]

I need all and every Emily to comment

[@joybubbles]

Blowing smoke is different from catching smoke.

[@shakesrear7850]

Kavorka: "the lure of. the animal"... Mmn!

[@zazeej]

Amazing episode as always!

[@atlantiswasinafrica]

Best episode yet 🎉

[@emilieloveskiwi]

Hello from an Emilie!

[@meganx1]

Ashley, you are my favorite host of this podcast, but at least once per episode for the past few months you have cut off someone when you know they are about to talk for a long time. This episode was at 33:40. You seem to need to bring the attention back to you when someone is about to say something that might take more than 10 seconds. It is getting a little annoying. This is clearly not a lag issue. I'm saying this as someone who greatly enjoys your content, not as someone who is trying to hate. It would make the podcast better if you could let everyone share a little more. beep boop.

[@GracefulRose]

As an Emily this was a really weird show to watch 😂

[@mariannetfinches]

So how long have you been following Alayna around, & how do you all coordinate? Do you have a rota? Very jealous because I don't know enough Mariannes to confuse a youtuber with me

[@GracefulRose]

@@mariannetfinches 🤣🤣 we Emily's just have a secret network 🤫

[@rachelgiles7500]

Ok. Alayna has passed on the curse. The last hurricane to hit Jamaica…. Was Hurricane Emily. Not joking. 🤯🤯

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING

[@AlaynaJoyOfficial]

THE HURRICANE WAS NOT BORN IN THE 90s

[@irradiated_woman8016]

28:38 fundamental attribution error!

[@emilyyy3]

im so sorry alayna😣

[@kalpic11]

fr bc its very rare to see someone accept an apology online. like why did you even ask for one? you want pure groveling or something. reminds me of the karens at work.

[@coriw6084]

I don't feel lied to...I think we've known you record 2 eps in a row. 🤨

[@_asantesana_squashbanana_]

I'm early 😎 too old to be making these comments tbh but I cant resist lol

[@emmyisurmom]

when ur name is Emily 👀

[@BayAreaBerk]

OKay, I'm yer Uncle Taz and Im'a tell ya: Ashley? Yeah, yer a Weirdo, but you're OUR Weirdo & we wouldn't want you to be any other person...

[@fannydoucet6750]

Oh ! Did I get this right ? 26:00 Did Mak just say "many of us" referring to autistics ? If so, welcome to the family 🥰

[@jul.m.2692]

Ah those people who don't put up a front, are bad at social interactions, reserved, genuine, blunt or suuuper introverted,with a sprinkle of neuroses/anxiety... our chosen family! Yes absolutely, y'all (Mak, Ashley, Jen?) are autistic, but we love you for it, and that doesn't take away from your genius people reading skills you have developed as a career. Bet there's many spreadsheets and books behind those.

[@zazujw]

Holy cow people’s entitlement and dissonance is so bizarre to me. Even if the personality you guys present on the pod or on stage was an exact reflection of your personality in more intimate settings, you can still have off / different energy days….feeling like you have to be on at all times because people don’t understand that you are a person is so exhausting and anxiety inducing.… People using the excuse of thinking that you won’t see something as though it’s still okay to be a dick when someone won’t hear you is wild and honestly so cowardly. Also….who gets annoyed at someone not dropping everything to give you 100% of their time before a work event AS THEYRE ACTIVELY SETTING UP?!

[@briannacruz2816]

When Ashley said I’m a weirdo, and I know that, that reminded me of the meme. I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. You see me with this hat? That’s weird. It made me laugh. I thought one of them would point it out to Ashley, but I guess they’re not on the same side of the Internet. Lol.