Weekly Vlog: 30 Years of Coin Flips

On Friday, August 9, I celebrated 30 years clean and sober. When I lay in bed that morning, I felt suspended in time: then, and now, and all the points in between.
I want to talk with you today about the passage of time in a recovery journey. Being clean and sober for 30 years feels utterly improbable and surreal-like I’ve been flipping a coin and it keeps coming up heads. The first coin flips, especially, were true miracles.
It was a miracle the day I hit bottom-I’d been smoking crack all weekend, with no food, water, or sleep for five days. I was sitting in the crack house wearing a blonde wig because I’d been working as a call girl, and the vision I got was a crystal clear awareness of the contrast between who I was and the identity I had imagined for myself when I was a kid.
When I was 11 years old, I wanted to be an astrophysicist- a scientist and an academic. The cognitive dissonance between what I wanted to be and where I was was mind-blowing. I knew, at that moment, that unless I got up and got out, my life was never going to be anything but what it was at that moment.
So I got up and walked out the door. That was the first coin flip. It felt like I had a 50-50 shot.
Then improbability kicked in. I thought I was just going to quit. I didn’t think it would be hard. I didn’t know I was an addict and an alcoholic. Then the next coin flip: I had a date with a guy and he took me to a 12-step meeting on our first date. THAT coin flip seems very improbable. It was a Tuesday night, and that’s what he did on Tuesdays, at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco.
I stayed clean and sober for the next week, and he took me back to the meeting the next week. And the coin flips kept coming, and each time they came up heads.
Addicts tend not to get clean and sober. Same with food addicts. But we have people in BLE who’ve been flipping the coin for years and coming up heads.
Being Bright doesn’t mean you don’t have to work for it. It does get easier, though. To use my coin metaphor, what happens is that you take actions that weight the coin in your favor. I didn’t feel, when I woke up today, that I wasn’t sure I’d be clean and sober. It’s not a certainty, but it’s likely. Why? Because I have taken so many actions to weight the coin. So when I flip it, it’s likely to come up heads.
The actions I took over the years changed my identity. I now identify as a recovering addict and alcoholic, clean and sober. I do not drink or do drugs. I don’t eat sugar or flour, and I weigh and measure my food faithfully.
I saw someone at the ten-year luncheon who had a tattoo that read “If the cost is my peace, it’s too expensive.” I relate to that. Last night I went out to dinner, and the salad looked like a little too much. I went over to the trash bin and flicked some of the salad in it. I don’t ever want to walk out of a restaurant wondering if I ate too much food.
A few years ago, I wondered if I could pick up drinking alcohol responsibly and safely and have it work for me. I took that idea to David and most definitely did not think it was a sound idea, and his reaction snapped me out of it-and once again the coin flipped in my favor.
Time, in recovery, takes time. You don’t get a single year Bright without putting in the time. It isn’t one big Herculean effort. But the time passage isn’t exactly linear. Not linear at all. In fact, I do believe the passage of time in recovery is logarithmic.
The early days tend to take forever. Those first hundred days of Bright Line Eating is several eternities because you’re changing everything about yourself. It takes so much focus and many coin flips each and every day. And all day, every day, you have to hustle to do things that will weight the coin.
After a year, you may feel like you’re reborn. To have gone through a full year is miraculous. After two years, you start to feel like you know what you’re doing if you’re really working the program. It gets easier.
When you get to 5, 7, 10 years, you’re such a different person. When milestones come around, you feel like you’re in an incredible state of grace. You’re Bright, and in your Bright Body, and you feel awestruck that it feels so good. After that, the years start to race by quite quickly, and eventually you feel like you’re just getting credit for not dying.
The secret to staying willing to weight the coin is that you must fall in love with the growth you experience. Pour yourself into each new challenge, whatever that might be, whether that’s working on your marriage or getting a new degree or finding new ways to be of service in your relationships. There’s always a new frontier of growth. When you stay engaged, you’re doing what it takes to weight the coin. And it’s all worth it. So very, very worth it.
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[@newtonjohnm]

A timely message, thank you. Why take unnecessary risks with our food? It makes good sense to weight the coin, in order to stack the risks in our favour.

[@Brightlineeating]

🥰🥰

[@ISeeYou912]

You have me in tears with this one. I've been stuck in a few cycles that are slowly resolving, and it is intense.

[@Brightlineeating]

🫂🫂Sending you love!

[@kathrynlively9173]

Heading into year 8, this makes so much sense. Thank you - and congratulations.

[@Brightlineeating]

💞💞🧡🧡

[@williammann8994]

October 21, 1985, Some times it's minute by minute you weight the coin. Then minutes become hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, months to years, Then as Pink Floyd said, 10 years have gone behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. BUT that starting gun was way back in that first minute you came to realize that some thing bigger than you could help you and you turned your life and addiction over to it. Again, another great Blog Doc.!!!❤❤

[@Brightlineeating]

💞🌟

[@fionah3433]

Dr.Thompson, you have had an amazing life! Incredible story...things continue to get more amazing with BLE and all you have done to help yourself and others. Long may you run.

[@Brightlineeating]

Thank you for taking the time to comment! 👏👏🤗🤗

[@DerekMehraban]

Hi Susan! Just listened to your Vlog and it was very good. I just celebrated 28 years, 8/13/96. The drugs and alcohol is way in the rear view mirror, but the food, and other comfort addictions (spending, sex, screen time) are still begging my attention. I've been thinking about it. Getting sober in AA got me 85% better, which is a big improvement. And then I spend the rest of my life working on the last 15%. I have been abstinent from sugar and processed flour before. But I am not currently. I know abstinence works for me, where moderation does not. I appreciate all you do for the world. And I hope to collaborate w/ you someday as you are an impressive person, and I think the clearest and most compelling sober teacher out there. Peace.

[@Brightlineeating]

28 years 👏👏👏Sending you peace and love!

[@debtfreedivas8513]

"A choice point. What am I going to do with this knowledge?" You have a powerful spiritual testimony, my friend! Honored to bear witness to your story.

[@Brightlineeating]

🫂😊

[@MelanieGold-ou4ts]

Keeping it REAL. Thank you, Susan.

[@Brightlineeating]

😊🌟

[@MsJamble]

I love the way that you have “caged the monkeys” that have been on your back…you will forever be able to step back and look at that cage without fear…knowing that you hold the keys to that cage tightly in your hand! In Georgia (other places too) we say “You Go Girl!”

[@Brightlineeating]

🌟😁🫂

[@KrisDilworth]

Susan, It is your transparency and continued growth that makes this program like no other. My first flip of a HUGE coin was hearing about BLE on the Food Revolution network, and they've been coming ever since.

[@Brightlineeating]

Thank you for commenting 🤗

[@finnianfinnian8359]

Such a blessing 🙏💕🎉🎉🎉

[@beverlythrasher8382]

God was not through with you, Susan, when you quit drugs and alcohol. I believe those things don't happen by coincidence.

[@Brightlineeating]

💞

[@sharonsgottapuzzle]

Congrats on 30 years🎉. I just passed my 24 year clean and sober anniversary, and now to be in sobriety with my food addiction and eating disorder since January is such a wonderful gift. Thank you sooooo much for BLE❤

[@Brightlineeating]

Congratulations on 24 years! 🌟

[@jacquleneschultz]

Thank you for picking up the coin and handing it to me so that I at least have a chance to flip it rather than continuing down the using path without awareness of another option.

[@Brightlineeating]

🥰🥰

[@dianajaimes2017]

What a beautiful way to put it.

[@ruthpalmer1620]

You amaze me. Your path, your honesty, you wisdom, your strength - congratulations on 30 years as well as the 10 yrs of BLE. You are a blessing to us. It was a miracle I found BLE and started flipping my coin. ODAAT! Forward we march!

[@Brightlineeating]

One day at a time 🥰

[@Krnhim]

This was very providential for me today as it is my 300th day of BLE and being bright (joined the Boot Camp in October 2023). I am so looking forward to completing my first year and yes, every milestone feels like a total miracle. Thank you for your hard-won insights and for allowing us to see a bit of your own miraculous journey.

[@Brightlineeating]

Bravo on 300 Bright days 🧡🧡🧡

[@Momzie11]

Love your transparency, openness and honesty and this heartfelt share!❤

[@Brightlineeating]

🧡We appreciate your words.

[@celinaatwi2797]

"We choose our habits, and then our habits shape us." (Attributed to Spurgeon). 30 years of the habit of sobriety has shaped you into a sober person.

[@Brightlineeating]

🧡🧡🧡

[@gilliancooke9525]

I weight my coin listening to the weekly vlog🎉

[@Brightlineeating]

🧡

Well said. I am passing this one along. 3 years and counting. Yea!

[@Brightlineeating]

Way to go on 3 years! 💞

[@laureleeduncan2566]

Wow, you so remarkable. Falling in love with your own growth is necessary to continue to weight the coin. It acknowledges the power of that love in the face of the random choices you make in life. I'm also taking home the role of identity in spiritual self-love. SO, that question we ask our kids -- what/who do you want to be -- is critical TO THEM. Perhaps also as a nation.

[@janicejohnson9953]

I've written down the essence of the last three minutes to remind myself as often as needed to summon up the willingness to weight the coin in my favor and to fall in love with the opportunities for growth and change. This feels very hopeful! Thank you!

[@katenash8045]

Susan, I believe you’ll be writing a memoir. Not a book about a program, or to teach, but the story of the many many miracles you have seen in the first decades of your life.

[@Krnhim]

I would enjoy that book!

[@JohnsDeb]

I would enjoy that book too❤

[@Brightlineeating]

So sweet 🧡🧡

[@dianajaimes2017]

That is such a good idea. I would love that book.

[@Brightlineeating]

Susan says she definitely has a memoir in her 🧡🧡🧡

[@lynncollier-nh8nm]

Youre truly an inspiration!❤

[@Brightlineeating]

🌟🌟🥰🥰

[@emcrone4101]

“If the cost is my peace, it’s too expensive” I LOVE THAT!!!!!!

[@Brightlineeating]

Right?! 🥰

[@emcrone4101]

Your date taking you to a recovery meeting was not a coincidence 🤩🙏🏿😂🙏🏻🥰🙏🏽 amazing…….

[@Brightlineeating]

🧡🧡🧡

[@finnianfinnian8359]

You're such a beautiful inspiration 🎉

[@Brightlineeating]

🧡

[@gmavon]

Brilliant Vlog!! Thank You 💖

[@Brightlineeating]

😁

[@cherieking2870]

Congrats on your 30 years! I agree with you. Being clean and serene is totally separate. As addicts, we have many symptoms and jump from one thing to another, but the most important thing is to not use! BLE has totally helped me with my food and eating healthy. Thanks Susan. Glad I found you and your program.

[@Brightlineeating]

💞💞💞