34 - A Beautiful Dream

November 1, 2013 - The Wallaby family successfully lobbies the School Board to finally allow a computer in school to help their daughter Megan. Plus, a concert from Dark Owl Records and Amnesty Day at the public library.
This episode was co-written with Zack Parsons.
Weather: "Having Fun" by Tom Milsom.
Become a member on Patreon today to help us keep making Welcome to Night Vale and get cool stuff, like Director’s Notes, bonus episodes, and even a new character named after you.
/ welcometonightvale
Music: Disparition, disparition.info
Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com
Produced by Commonplace Books. Written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook.
HEY WHY'S THERE NO VIDEO? Welcome to Night Vale is a audio podcast. All standard episodes have no video component. To subscribe to the podcast, go to iTunes, Stitcher, or find our RSS feed at nightvale.libsy...

[@Prizzlesticks]

"There will be fewer ice cream flavours, but they will be better." Computer for president. I can get behind that.

[@oliviablackburn3907]

Me too. I wish they would do that with chips.

[@TheFearChannel]

Life is like a box of chocolates: I'm trapped inside, and all of my friends are slowly being eaten.

[@alexanimates6397]

mood

[@brennaw.3345]

Life is like a box of chocolates: soon to be devoured.

[@justeundonut-moi.7979]

It's too quickly consumed, and once It's over you want more, but It's too late, you ate it all.

[@Em_Elizabeth]

And you'll be next

[@oliviablackburn3907]

And only the nasty ones are left to rot. Lol

[@benjaminmallia8950]

"Tuesday is a joke. a terrible terrible joke" I hear on a Tuesday after an exam

[@davybones1723]

Plus it's when dean dies

[@saillihou2224]

I'm hear on a Tuesday 2 years later and It sucks

[@vanillaicecreamcheesefries]

it's also Tuesday today it's 12 am and I need to wake up at 6 tomorrow

[@arturoreyescortez2476]

I feel bad for Megan and the computer. Also, tne computer's plans are good, and I bet they could have defeated Desert Bluffs and Strex Corp.

[@ambermcausland6024]

Cecil probably only went to the school because he ran out of interns

[@daffy1997]

Amber McAusland Either that or he was there for his niece.

[@Takisan111]

I thought interns were simply drafted by a vague yet menacing secret government organization to fill job slots that need filling. Not unlike how scouts are selected.

[@daffy1997]

@x y He has a niece Janice. But at this point in time she has not been mentioned.

[@starrkid9448]

"Desert Bluffs will no longer exist" XD

[@NovaStella_]

+starrkid94 Wait, isn't that what the episode that just came out today is about?! WAIT WAIT

[@sarah57920]

DAMN IT WHY DID HE SAY "I AM BACK" I WANTED HIM TO SAY " IM OUT OF THE CLOSET"

[@jayrose8622]

Babywolfz ME TOO

[@littlemisslouis1856]

Bro I thought you said "I AM BLACK" and honestly that's a whole different thing and idk why this is funny to me

[@Takisan111]

Funny as it would have been, I think it would have been a little pointless seeing as they never made his sexuality a secret. Heck, the first episode features him swooning over Carlos.

[@soverytired6152]

You know what I wanted? For Carlos to save Cecil...

[@JJ-oe5tm]

LittleMissLouis the Apache tracker be like

[@sarastbns]

starring: siri's deranged second cousin

[@starrkid9448]

You mean Evie?

[@brokenenginemount1476]

+starrkid94 cleverbot

[@killmenowprettyprett]

+Cameron Phang Sang I don't think cleverbot is smart enough to figure out how to do all that

[@brokenenginemount1476]

killmenowprettyprett she can try

[@vivipotee4252]

Kiki, from glee

[@EarthlyMaidenLita]

"Cecil is made of blood and unfinished leather" I...suppose he is, yes. "The butterflies do not inject venom." Well, I mean, that sorta takes the fun out of it...

[@johnstoehr5340]

Not if we (me, Cecil, and Carlos) have something to say about it!

[@Rainkit]

I felt kind of sad when they unplugged the computer. It just wanted to make the hand happy. Poor Megan....

[@oomusd]

+AKArainkit like all computers, they just want to make the hands operating them happy

[@JamieAshleyWoods]

+oomusd Or hand.

[@s-kaye-h6583]

Okay but Cecil can read the ancient prophecy????? Most likely in a forgotten language??????? Just a thought...

[@ViridianForests]

I mean, they said they teach ancient babylonian in classes in the first episode (I think) so maybe?

[@voidpriestess42]

@@ViridianForests modified/unmodified sumerian but yeah tbh this isn't the weirdest thing to happen in Night Vale

[@0nullnil]

That IS weird...

[@jackmcawesome7087]

Cecil can't read the ancient language, but Cecil can read the community calendar. Cecil is the voice of night vale, and if something is part of his job as the town's voice, then he can and will do it, regardless of silly things like not knowing how to do that and physical impossibly.

[@Netherdan]

@@voidpriestess42 I like to think that "modified sumerian" is just sumerian with modern words in it as if it's still a living language

[@AwesomeTreee]

*looks at pc suspiciously*

[@ediegray8798]

I'm in shock that traffic lights actually turn red and green like normal. Like... woah.

[@skiesquiggles7319]

Whos to say it's "like normal"?

[@thatbleak1860]

Homer simpson: D'oh!

[@sharkpopsharkie]

Of course the traffic lights turn all of the normal colors red, green,yellow,blue,violet cyan,tangerine,mauve and §￦¿Ωฯuyop

[@taylinj4834]

Computer to Megan is like,"I will make you queen of everything you see; I'll put you on the map; I'll cure you of disease."

[@amandanaoexiste5298]

lets say we went and leave this town

[@taylinj4834]

Tãmbler Gurl and turned our future upside down.

[@amandanaoexiste5298]

lETS PLAY PRETEND THAT YOU AND ME

[@kaionlife]

OMFG l-/

[@punkpuppyluv]

the computer was a simp-

[@cassodembreankia2076]

How is it Cecil can sound so silky and sinister at the same time? It's not fair!

[@bobbthefox1378]

I wish I had Cecil's voice...

[@mxphxsto8334]

@@bobbthefox1378 same

[@Olivia-ek9ib]

I love how Cecil is literally getting trapped by cleaning supplies, yet he is so professional he brings us to the weather before he goes.

[@MichaelaPriddy]

I love Cecil. Throwing shade and pleas at the school board to help poor Megan and the children in wheelchairs.

[@ashstyles756]

Holy shot Cecil actually spoke out against the cloud and school board

[@ameliaturner7061]

Imagine how worried Carlos must get every time Cecil does something dangerous on the radio...

[@valerietures9532]

Cecil: and here's what the cat at the radio station sounds like! *unholy snarling* Carlos: OHMYGOD- *Two weeks later* Cecil: Goodbye listeners I'm getTING SUCKED INTO THE CLOSET SOME HELP MIGHT BE NICE- Carlos, sipping coffee: he'll be out in like, a minute

[@johnstoehr5340]

@@valerietures9532 It's definitely more like screeching.

[@Netherdan]

Like being completely honest when an evil computer asks him if he loves computers

[@Goldenglare_thewindeater]

At first when I heard "normalcy returns to night vale" I freaked out, but then I realized that he meant what was normal to them.

[@IceFireofVoid]

That is some fine weather we're having.

[@v.v365]

the word from their sponsors sounded like it was issued by Strexcorp, and Cecil's tone made himself sound like Kevin.

[@forgemakesstuff2734]

thank god i'm not the only one who was very disturbed by that sponser--

[@marypoppinshimself]

FOR REAL

[@emilyarmstrong83]

Why don't they get Megan a typewriter?

[@viktorthecreator4458]

+Emily Armstrong (GoneIn30Seconds) It's 2013, Emily! Who in their right mind uses a typewriter anymore! Who do you think Megan is, Steve Carlsberg?

[@emilyarmstrong83]

I have a friend who uses a typewriter. Seems to work for him. Also, didn't know Steve Carlsberg uses a typewriter.

[@cranberry6pointOh]

+Emily Armstrong (GoneIn30Seconds) long live analog! down with digital!

[@wakko21222]

@Hannibal Jack I assumed it was out of fear of what a computer like intelligence would do with power over all of Night Vale's paper?

[@BestOnThursdays]

Forbidden

[@SunnyTheOpossum]

“Cecil is made of blood and unfinished leather” Well at least we know for sure now that Cecil is... biological...

[@lustochka5717]

I think it is more correct to say that he consists some organic materials :3

[@honeycomb690]

Well, it just said "blood and unfinished leather" not what type

[@marcogypaetus9607]

Life is like a box of chocolates: a gift given to you by people who love you, yet full of things that are bad for your health.

[@lollynight4604]

Noooo, I started to like the computer. He just wanted to make Megan happy.

[@TealCheetah]

"unfinished leather"

[@Cthulhuer]

//its nice to know that a grown man's hand has the same name as me. Lovely.

[@AwildTrollAppearsXD]

Same!

[@Rainkit]

+Gamzee Makara Oh! I didn't know your name was 01001101 01100101 01100111 01100001 01101110 !

[@Cthulhuer]

AKArainkit Well it is so now you know

[@theWeaverofTales]

"-normalcy returns to Night Vale." o.O

[@chandlercarter364]

Ikr

[@Takisan111]

Normalcy is simply a myth created by simple minded people who still believe that everything that was, is, or will be can be controlled.

[@MacTechG4]

"Desert Bluffs will no longer exist". ... Wonder if this was an intended plot thread or just a happy coincidence, how far out do they plan the story arcs?

[@Sigmundfruit]

presumably this has been on the backburner since Sandstorm

[@MugetsuFused]

MacTechG4 I feel like ,plot wise, there is realy nothing happening because it happens in real world time and big plot points like that are easier to plan than you or I think.

[@saillihou2224]

Trust me 3 years later it seems like they planned faarrrrr ahead with some ideas

[@axel8lover8]

the vacuum part made me laugh.

[@angelicfruitcake520]

same XD -Ashes

[@NovaStella_]

Just picturing Cecil calmly being dragged while he's still calm, like "Well deary me, seems like I might be...in a bit of...of...PERIL here...here's the weather!"

[@runicspyder]

+Laura Moore That's most likely what happened XD

[@bees288]

It's funny because he's out of the closet now

[@casinthetardisin221b2]

When was Cecil in the closet? He's been openly crushing on Carlos on live radio since episode 1.

[@casinthetardisin221b2]

Maybe.

[@saffronb-w1579]

Aubrey Lawrence tBH XD

[@andypalmer5095]

nora I just facepalmed so hard

[@casinthetardisin221b2]

And before Carlos, apparently he and Earl were a thing at some point, and then there was the boy from Luftnarp that he mentioned in passing. Yeah, i don't really think he's ever been in the closet.

[@chubbyGrimblr]

That was freaking depressing, poor computer.

[@sydneynegus5262]

I accidentally fell asleep listening to this episode and had a very creepy dream and woke up in a cold sweat. I wonder why lol.

[@johsmith2481]

Sydney Negus Fucking same!

[@cyberdefender2786]

life is like a box of chocolates. Only a few people like everything in in, and everyone else ignores what they don't like.

[@grayfruit]

Featuring special guest star Stephen Hawking.

[@DZrache]

RIP

[@plxnetastro]

*cries hysterically when remembering Stephen hawking*

[@miaschumacher948]

My though

[@Masala_Pizzaa]

Touché

[@arcalranem]

I didn't expect to see you here, grayfruit!

[@TheFailnaut]

"There will be fewer ice cream flavors, but they will be better." Okay, yep, the computer's good after all.

[@annalucas2215]

Where the heck is Carlos!?!?!?

[@kelly-bisson]

Most likely he was fending off an attack of all the electronic machinery in his lab whilst trying to figure out a way to contact Cecil without getting killed by his cell phone.

[@thefatelessone1899]

No that makes to much sense.

[@deathyboi2837]

Anna Lucas hes trying to show cecil what a non-floating cat would sound/act like

[@johnstoehr5340]

I know right he's probably on his way to help Cecil with his perfect hair

[@selenakirby9809]

Computer is such a pure soul.

[@joser7011]

One of my favorite hands down

[@MorticiaDeathgod]

Hahaha...I see what you did there.

[@TheFailnaut]

Jose R. You deserve a high five.

[@bananarama3201]

These puns are getting out of hand.

[@evaladyman]

Wow you nailed that pun

[@mistertea603]

Ohhhohoh....you got jokes don't you?

[@Therapist_Solarist]

I just love how cecil what to help Megan (Meghan (?) ) be happy. I love how he wants to throw away all order just so this child (adult sized) hand can have some joy.

[@nochill1233]

After those last few minutes I'm just gonna say... CECIL PALMER FOR MAYOR!!

[@lorrainehatch4308]

Hyrim McDonald for mayor!!

[@toastchildart]

ok but since my name is actually meghan this is bloody terrifying

[@ohnoohno110]

ToastChild same

[@megangoodson2817]

my name is Megan... lets just not argue about who's name is spelled right lol every other Megan/Meghan/Megyen that I have met argued with me about it lol... My mom walked in as soon as the computer said "Megan loves computer" and all that jazz and freaked out and thought it was actually my laptop because I was doing school and KZbin was on another tab and she told me to get away from it so I had to explain it to her.

[@dragonlady3852]

My name is also Meaghan, but I bet mine has the weirdest spelling.

[@fibibell3923]

"Welcome to computer" is what killed me

[@deerskewl]

But...What if you just got an electricity generator for the computer? That way it couldn't get into the power grid and stuff, so it would be safe for everyone!

[@painland]

I love how happy he sounded when talking about fire

[@johnstoehr5340]

he really did sound like kevin

[@NovaStella_]

Woah, the weather today was pretty cool!

[@SomeAHole]

Shame it was written by a monster.

[@oldaccount7705]

i know right, those recorders though

[@trebacca9]

I wish the WTNV people would make a channel that was just surreal free-verse poetry, no story necessary, like the computer's 'perfect world' segment. I would love it so much.

[@mialawson2530]

In 1986 the US government passed the 18 U.S.C. § 1030 also known as The Computer Fraud and Abuse act. In 1986 (in Night Vale) "The Event" happened causing all computers to be forbidden.

[@SupersuMC]

Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

[@theletters9623]

THE SPONSOR SOUNDED LIKE KEVIN KINDA

[@kld9992]

OwlGirl i know right!

[@kaionlife]

OMG MY THOUGHT so tooooooo

[@raabbbiit3361]

Where was the sponser!!!

[@itsprettystabby6331]

YEAH THAT SCARED ME

[@johnstoehr5340]

I KNOWWWW

[@Takisan111]

Let no one ever say that Cecil doesn't have a soft spot for disabled kids.

[@AllHailHelms]

why does this have so few views Night Vale is the best!

[@saillihou2224]

5 years later and I agree😂😅

[@megicath9765]

7 years later I also agree

[@whiterabbit038]

8 years later I also agree

[@Prizzlesticks]

I wonder... if the computer had improved the world as he described, including the erasure of Desert Bluffs (and presumably Strex), would all the terrible events that follow have happened? Oooooooor would he have gone all AM from 'I have no mouth, and I must scream'? >_> Food for thought.

[@Prophecyarmour]

Poor Megan, poor Computer. Hope Computer can be turned back on some day.

[@DannyHardLuckWoman]

"Tuesday is a joke. A terrible, terrible joke." Maybe the events in the previous episode happened on a Tuesday. o_o

[@freamoonlight9395]

"Unfinished leather" is by far the creepyest way to refer to skin

[@WISH_2000]

When i read the description, all I could think about was "ACTUALLY MEGAN I CANT SIT ANYWHERE"

[@HannahVaughn-j6b]

I am emotionally attached to the computer. Help!

[@Ch50304]

Aww, the story of megan and the computer is too sweet.

[@cathulu7975]

I mean, I love the faceless old woman who secretly lives in my house, but I think the Computer would be a fantastic town mayor

[@keljaic]

Bro they shoulda let that computer live. He was gonna erase Desert Bluffs!

[@professionalnerd4055]

But then we wouldn't have gotten Old Oak Doors. That episode destroyed my heart in the best possible way 😂

[@KingSpyros]

ALLL HAILL THE GLLOW CLLOUD

[@usagimazino4054]

Spyros ALL HAIL

[@nopeg5730]

ALL HAAAAAIIIILLL. ALL HAAAAAIIIILLL THE GLLLOWW CLOOOUUUDDD.

[@chai7218]

Computer had a solid plan tbh, the getting rid of desert bluffs was enough to convince me

[@magnusbeatle9573]

I can't believe I thought Cecil would make a full on Forrest gump reference

[@zozzleberryfin1735]

Hearing Cecil sound so eager during the commercial is unsettling.

[@professionalnerd4055]

Strexcorp was taking him over at the time. Strex was starting to seep into his voice. Good thing he overcame it later!

[@NovaStella_]

Steven Hawking makes a cameo in today's episode...

[@customercareskeleton]

Six years later this is still my favorite episode, the one that makes me cry

[@kaitlyndaenzer9799]

naturally i listen to this episode the same week my school is having library amnesty day...

[@runicspyder]

RUN LIKE HELL

[@Goldenglare_thewindeater]

Jessica Corlichsdcghj my library had trees. What does that mean?

[@EayuProuxm]

Night Vale has a ham dispenser? Forget everything else, it's a perfect place.

[@walterduncan6404]

but computer, if you fixed everything, we would all be dead. Because that is the only way we would be 'perfect' in the eyes of perfection.

[@amandanaoexiste5298]

who the fuck are you, Ultron?

[@walterduncan6404]

nah man will egbert

[@butallislost]

Will Egbert is your actual last name Egbert or.....? Cuz the first thing I thought of was homestuck

[@soverytired6152]

I really really wanted Carlos to save Cecil. Like, really really wanted to.

[@EayuProuxm]

It's nice that Night Vale's wild cars generally obey the laws

[@fourth_wall_broken3550]

Spoilers for future episodes! I really like this one. It's one of the first times we see Cecil go against the general populaces opinion. He specifically mentions not just Hannah but also that people who need wheelchairs are suffering as a result of this We later find out he has a niece who needs a wheelchair who goes to this school

[@ErenYeagerlovesLevi]

Welcome To Night Vale Episode 34- A Beautiful Dream Starring Cecil Baldwin and Guest Starring Steven Hawking.

[@klillym1461]

Awe, poor Meghan, Computer just wanted to help you 😢

[@DUCK-3076]

I’m gonna miss that computer. *single teardrop*

[@watcherglowcloud]

“The school board then announced that the purchase of a new Computer would be made during the next alignment of the red star of Betelgeuse” Beetlejuice BEETLEJUICE B E E T L E J U I C E

[@leocherry]

"don't be alarmed is what I said 5 minutes ago" wow Cecil's got great short-term memory

[@the.youtube.of.sam.gotter]

Computer is my favorite character

[@luridparadise3702]

The day that I catch up on these podcasts will be a sad day; I love binging this podcast

[@MugetsuFused]

5:30 sounds like Kevin and Strex needs to GET. OUT.

[@TheLilacButterfly]

Cecil has been attacked a lot recently-

[@twodicat8776]

i really like the weather this time. not too cloudy, a bit on the misty side though.

[@nobodynowhere000]

This weather is so nice!

[@DKHAKDHSJS]

okay but that weather tho- 🔥🔥🔥🔥 (possibly the first one i've ACTUALLY enjoyed!)

[@ju5t_br125]

It's different in spotify, idk why it's a completely different song on youtube

[@frogwithlegs]

​@@ju5t_br125probably copyright problems

[@stuffness8098]

Life is like a box of chocolates: You always realize your mistakes too late.

[@kristinbassett28]

"Fewer ice cream flavors-" WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!?!?!?!?!?

[@professionalnerd4055]

But they will be better.

[@mrt4091]

Dont know what the fuck it was but as soon as the hand started speaking around 9:20 i started bawling, im not the emotional type to cry either but i just sobbed uncontrollably with panic😂

[@MichaelTheAnimator.]

i went from laughing at the computer when it took over to feeling sad... when he was talking about the dream..

[@the.youtube.of.sam.gotter]

RIP Computer. I actuality cried a little when it died.

[@FerretLance]

Eeeeeeeek! During this episode's end my power flickered! I was so scared.

[@TheRealEvilkitten3]

samsonite: brought to you by the church of the lightless flame, apparently

[@0nullnil]

LMAO yea I really didn't expect the Desolation to make an appearance in this podcast.

[@MorrahaDesigns]

Anyone else hear the computer and have a moment of confusion thinking it was Gary from Red Vs Blue?

[@toomany_bones]

I'm not exaggerating when I say this podcast restored my love for life and childlike whimsy, that I quite possibly never had, 10/10 would recommend

[@baileehill439]

The computers speech almost made me cRy

[@johnstoehr5340]

Saaaaaaaammmmmmeeeeee

[@HJRatzzz]

wow! tom milsom! i haven't listened to his music in a few years. gosh, what great weather

[@waffleartz8581]

the computer is so real to everything it said

[@lilliansunshine7499]

Fantastic weather, one of the best

[@lorrainehatch4308]

Ah yes the totally hooded janitors who are not the hooded figures

[@arcadia_758]

The word from the sponsor sounded less like Cecil, more like Kevin. I'm kind of scared