Where No Man 22 - Banned From Argo

[@billymanners9629]

This sounds like a folk song where every starfleet ship has their own version about the alleged secret lives of their senior officers, all with the same argo chorus.

[@thishonestgrifter]

I love that concept!

[@ghostmadlittlemiss]

There’s a fairly good TNG version knocking around somewhere. I believe instead of Klingons, it went something along the lines of, “A Borg cube appeared from nowhere, like a tiger from the mist. With their eyes upon that planet, it was futile to resist,” and then they scare the Borg off with their antics! 😂

[@argokarrus2731]

@@ghostmadlittlemiss Do you at all remember the name? Also, I love how that implies that almost every Starfleet ship has been banned from Argo Port.

[@cardboardcrafter2482]

@@argokarrus2731 Perhaps there is a challenge within Starfleet for crews to cause as much shenaniganry as possible and then get banned from Argo, but they do it infrequently enough that Argo hasn't noticed.

[@argokarrus2731]

@@cardboardcrafter2482 Honestly that sounds like something the real-life US navy would do

[@Crazael]

This song reveals who the true heroes are. The team manning the transporters.

[@pretzelbomb6105]

Starfleet Academy probably has a 6-month course on being the crew’s designated/getaway driver on shore leave.

[@queenman5794]

Seriously, get these transporter teams are needed on the Enterprise, how many problems could have been solved by competent beaming of the problem away?

[@pretzelbomb6105]

Rhys T. Newbert I personally believe they actually do solve 70% of the ship’s problems and the other 30% are what gets shown in episodes.

[@queenman5794]

@@pretzelbomb6105 Thats an Afirm good buddy

[@Wertsir]

You mean the greatest mass murderers in Starfleet?

[@madgizmo2212]

These sounds like every sci-fi tabletop RPG campaign ever.

[@Technoblood]

LoL! So true.

[@adamhauson1211]

Sounds like my Emperion character, XD.

[@formlesscorvid5336]

Yes

[@DARTHPIZZAROLL]

This sounds like a future warning of something my Traveller group will do and I'm terrified

[@wilfchapman-gandy8120]

Literally this happened at a small station, they split the party, stole a hoverbike, and started three separate bar fights.

[@uguku]

When we pulled into Argo Port in need of R&R, The crew set out investigating every joint and bar. We had high expectations of their hospitality, But found too late it wasn't geared for spacers such as we. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. The Captain's tastes were simple, but his methods were complex. We found him with five partners, each of a different world and sex. The Shore Police were on the way-we had no second chance. We beamed him up in the nick of time-and the remnants of his pants. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. Our Engineer would yield to none at putting down the brew; He out-drank seven space marines and a demolition crew. The Navigator didn't win, but he out-drank almost all, And now they've got a shuttlecraft on the roof of City Hall. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. Our proper, cool First Officer was drugged with something green, And hauled into an alley, where he suffered things obscene. He sobered up in Sickbay and he's none the worse for wear, Except he's somehow taught the bridge computer how to swear. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. The Head Nurse disappeared awhile in the major Dope Bazaar, Buying an odd green potion "guaranteed to cause Pon-Farr." She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart, And a painful way of walking-with her feet a yard apart. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. Our lady of Communications won a ship-wide bet By getting into the planet's main communications net. Now every time someone calls up on an Argo telescreen, The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. Our Doctor loves Humanity; his private life is quiet. The Shore Police arrested him for inciting whores to riot. We found him in the city jail, locked on and beamed him free- Intact except for hickeys and six kinds of VD. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. Our Helmsman loves exotic plants; the plants all love him too. He took some down on leave with him and we wondered what they'd do, 'Til the planetary governor called and swore upon his life That a gang of plants entwined his house and then seduced his wife! And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. A gang of klingons landed, and nobody seemed to care. They stamped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there. Half our crew was busy there, and invited them to play, But the klingons only looked at us, and turned and ran away. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us any more. Our crew is Starfleet's finest, and our record is our pride. And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide. We're sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss; At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us!

[@virginiaconnor8350]

Jorma Still laughing to this day. Bought the record ages ago. Cassette tape broke and no turntable to play it on for many years, I didn't know if I'd ever hear it again til I found it on my Snart Phone. Not all technology is bad and some old technology still exists: I found a turntable at a Thrift store that works.

[@Beacuzz]

I love that kirk is with multiple gendered bed partners, bones started a riot in a brothel (

[@megamadd9220]

Much love for the lyrics to one of the best drinking songs ever! 🍻🖖Here's to you chiefy!

[@katz86]

++++

[@miyurosewood3837]

I aways thought that it's "And now they've got a shuttlecraft *IN* the roof of City Hall."

[@snurt256]

I know it definitely wasn't intended, but I love the interpretation of the Engineer's verse that this is a setting in which Scotty outdrank seven Astartes.

[@williamrosen3179]

Remember, the main Astartes chapter that drinks is the Space Wolves, and they can hold their strong mjod very well

[@Biotear]

​@@williamrosen3179Leman Russ himself returning fron the warp to make this engineer an honorary Space Wolf for his sheer alcoholism.

[@utubrGaming]

Bjorn's dreadnought being tipped over, passed out drunk, with electronic mutterings of "space VIKINGS, not FURRIES, allfather damn it..."

[@dolos4301]

So that's why those wolves were mumbling about some "damn Tech Preist" and his "damned detox systems"

[@-cosmicrogue-]

I'm just _happy_ that this song exists.

[@chriskringle6029]

Exactly. A+ for Novelty

[@formlesscorvid5336]

So am I

[@tiralana8360]

It's definitely a mood lifter. 😁

[@oz_jones]

RIGHT?

[@Beljeth]

The liner notes for my copy of "Folk Songs for Solar Sailors" describes Banned From Argo as "the song she most regrets having written."

[@MarytheFilker]

There's a reason for that: she wrote it as a filler for the original album it appeared on, an LP called _Solar Sailors (which is part of the above-mentioned CD). The engineer called the band the night before the recording date, and said that they needed about 7 more minutes of music to fill the LP. Les wrote it that night. The band liked it, they recorded it, and it quickly became the most asked-for song from that album. Thing is, this was in _1977_...after being asked for it several times a convention at EVERY con she went to (and she went to quite a few, often as the Filk Guest of Honor), she got rather thoroughly sick of it and said she'd only do it once a con...then once a year. Then the parodies started sprouting up from everywhere (there are over 100 that I know of; my husband and I collected about 80 of them in the songbook, _Bastard Children of Argo_, now out of print). Nowadays, it's not unheard of to have a designated time for Les to do BFA at a con, with pro and con votes with $$, and the proceeds going to whatever charity the con is sponsoring.

[@TooFewSecrets]

@@MarytheFilker Never knew the filk scene had a kill/save the animals equivalent.

[@RobotsEverywhereVideos]

@@MarytheFilker Oddly wholesome, and sounds about right for this particular song

[@odstbag337]

I think this song is why Space Station 13 is as crazy as it is Some admin kept spamming it until the players said "Screw it," resulting in the modern SS13 experience.

[@manarayofhope2374]

Bpl

[@dakotadawn5789]

*Space station 13’s assistant anthem*

[@brotherargosofthehonorable6472]

When the assistant gets insulated gloves kzbin.info/www/bejne/fXq2n4d7eL1re8k

[@vermojonson8835]

HELP MAINT SHITSEC

[@DzheiSilis]

More like Banned from Cargo

[@Esoteric_5075ism]

>tfw banned for just having a little fun

[@wasteoftimestudios2585]

@@Esoteric_5075ism officer please the plasma in science was completely justified.

[@Tundra-ec3ii]

If kirk and riker were on a ship together.

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

they would fuck everyone in their sights ..... or each other (there is probably a fanfic of that)

[@ghostmadlittlemiss]

@@PeoplecallmeLucifer I don’t know what fanfics you read but Kirk would never cheat on his t’hy’la with Riker! No way! 😂

[@MattJohno2]

Hell, I bet they'd even try fucking each other at some point...

[@Weissquell]

@@MattJohno2 Maybe, if Q would turn one of them into a woman. Which one may it be?

[@snakerattleroll6678]

So do you think it's a coincidence the Head of Security was drugged with something green the same day the Head Nurse gets her hand on a green potion?

[@jamestaylor3429]

@johnmburt1960 That does it. Now you've gone too "Pon Faar".

[@shannon1234550]

The Head Nurse, Christine, had a crush on Spock, the Vulcan first officer. Pon Farr was a state where the Vulcan male basically went into heat.

[@formlesscorvid5336]

...

[@Commanderbarron]

Cyndie Chaffin holy shit it is exactly like the enterprise and her crew I knew it was based off Star Trek but holy shit

[@paulatredies]

@@shannon1234550 I know this is rather late but it is just one of those things that really bugs me. Females go into heat, males go into rut. That said, I really gotta get my supervisor too listen too these. He's quite the trekkie.

[@rairarku2964]

3:52 When plants are better at picking up women than you.. 😖

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

it's called hentai and it's art

[@jaypea30]

@@PeoplecallmeLucifer *ITS ART MOM*

[@divinemoments5344]

Terrans are possibly the only species in existence who poison themselves for entertainment. Wondering if that'd make aliens unnerved or happily indulge in the same activity.

[@XxTaiMTxX]

Terrans are also the only species that are amazing diplomats... and extremely good at terrifying warfare. You put our backs to the wall and drop diplomacy and begin "pyrrhic victory" tactics. We don't go without a fight and we make you pay for every inch you take. If things get even more dire, we just look to take you with us to hell. We don't give up, we just stick that middle finger up even higher, then ram your engineering section of your ship out of spite.

[@divinemoments5344]

At at our best when things are at their worst.

[@darwinprime]

Think of what a Terran is. It's an omnivorous pursuit predator, capable of eating meat both fresh and spoiled, as well as surviving toxic chemicals and environments that non-prumate lifeforms on their own planet struggle with. They breed explosively. Their is a high degree of genetic variance. No wonder Vulcans quarantined the entire sector until these Marauder's finally managed warp drive and HAD to be invited to the galactic community.

[@stw7120]

I know that I replying to year-old comment, but this is SO far from truth, that I can't resist. Moose and boars eat toadstools, because they can Dolphins devour poisonous fish, and it's proved that they do that only to trip And like anything that can metabolize naturally fermented fruits will do this, because alcohol is fun for them too. It's most common among birds, because they can easily find them, and apes, because they smart enough to seek them. Actually, we don't see literal animal addicts everywhere only because animals cannot get any drugs, usually. If you let nearly any living creature with a brain larger than a pinhead to choose between food with drugs and normal food, they will go for the drug and develop addiction. Just see that everywhere - people assume that some traits are human-only, just because animals have no ability to do this. For other example - all mammals time to time try to masturbate, they just have a very hard time with paws/hooves. And there a LOT more of that.

[@robertaylor9218]

XxTaiMTxX Hear hear!!

[@MizzWGGrrrl]

I really like this folksy arrangement. Banjos and fiddles and an Appalachian musical idiom do it for me.

[@orangemikelowrey520]

Yeah, that was her best sound, in the late 1970s when she was working with that marvelous crew. That, of course, was way back before she started breaking down in recent years (it's tragic).

[@Weirdo0258]

It's called filk music.

[@connorpickens7523]

This single song singlehandedly world builds better than any sci fi work in the last decade. (Minus Altered Carbon)

[@guilegale8942]

well, it IS based on Star Trek, so they had help.

[@dankuser8303]

The Expanse and RDM Battlestar Galactica: am I a joke to you?

[@SaintNyx]

@@dankuser8303 You beat me to it. That was my first thought as well.

[@EllAntares]

@@dankuser8303 Expanse is smol. ANd was smothered by owners through making it exclusive (only 1st season was available outside of domestic network)

[@dankuser8303]

@@EllAntares have u heard of VPN/ p i r a c y?

[@nizitamaruvaka2294]

This song was on my favorites list 30 seconds into it.

[@VonSnootingham]

+Roderick Cairns Same.

[@empressofromulas]

We always sang it at every convention

[@zenn_dragon]

Hail Cargonia!

[@coldmossonarock7743]

Until Securistan confiscates your weapons you punks

[@Gizmomaster7]

The enlightened QM's order space suits and tanks, and depressurizes cargo. Get miners to buy KPA's and Cargonia is eternally safe from invaders

[@dorph6407]

yeah what if i break in with a toolbox and greytide everything

[@FabiansLab]

shut up furry go back to cit

[@zenn_dragon]

2 years later, and I've honestly forgotten what video of his I heard this from. Anyone?

[@Zoie3x8]

4:20 now thats a feat, making a gang of klingons turn and run just by showing up to the bar XD

[@nizitamaruvaka2294]

You have to be one bad ass son of a gun to do that.

[@powersurge91]

Roderick Cairns If you noticed in the lyrics, they beamed half the crew of their ship into the bar, so what is that 150-200 Starfleet sailors vs 5-10 Klingons? hehehe Such a dirty trick to scare any small group off.

[@MichalSoukup1995]

You start somtething with one crew man, you pissed all crew...

[@tammycroft955]

A little late I know, but the Klingons walked in on half the crew ALREADY IN THE BAR. The Klingons decided that it was too crowded and left--fast! Listen to it again, PLEASE.

[@robertaylor9218]

Surge I like that one, but I figured that it was because the debauchery was too intense.

[@rocketjumper1380]

songs like these just make me happy! I'm partial to preservation of music, or just anything that has a story, and to kinda "immortalize" these on the internet honestly makes me so happy. Whoever put these songs up here, you're a true hero.

[@Joabungalous]

I'd want to do the same I have all songs downloaded on my phone also hey... ss13?

[@rocketjumper1380]

@@Joabungalous I haven't played ss13 in a year or so, community changed very drastically. After Sethhide, I was already burned out. Played it for 5 years in total, it holds a special place in my heart. To answer your question, yeah :D

[@Joabungalous]

@@rocketjumper1380 The game got better now I can say that it's safe to play now

[@rocketjumper1380]

@@Joabungalous How long have you been playing?

[@Joabungalous]

@@rocketjumper1380 like a year and a few months

[@XxTaiMTxX]

While Tex of the Black Pants Legion brought me here... He didn't force me to add the song to my Favorite Music playlist. Man has got good taste. This song is delightfully fun and awesome.

[@Inqusitor_VDM]

What ep?

[@XxTaiMTxX]

@@Inqusitor_VDM I don't recall which episode. I thought it was the "Checkers: The Xeno-Hybrid Monstrocity", but I can't find the song on his videos anymore. It used to be at the ending. Seems like he replaced all the outro songs with the Cargonia one. Unless I'm silly and just can't find it. I'm not going to comb through like 800 videos of SS13 to find it ^_^

[@patrickbuckley7259]

@@XxTaiMTxX Still used in some of his older videos.

[@paxnerdvana8287]

Remind me to run away from any Enterprise crewman on shore leave.

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

why they sound like fun

[@LuizAlexPhoenix]

Lyrics: Leslie Fish - Banned From Argo When we pulled into Argo Port in need of R & R The crew set out investigating every joint and bar We had high expectations of their hospitality But found too late it wasn't geared for spacers such as we And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our captain's tastes were simple but his methods were complex We found him with five partners each of a different world and sex The shore police were on the way -- we had no second chance We beamed him up in the nick of time in the remnants of his pants And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our engineer would yield to none in putting down the brew He outdrank seven space marines and a demolition crew The navigator didn't win but he outdrank almost all And now they've got a shuttlecraft on the roof of city hall And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our proper cool first officer was drugged with something green And hauled into an alley where he suffered things obscene He sobered up in sickbay and he's none the worse for wear Except he somehow taught the bridge computer how to swear And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore The head nurse disappeared a while in the major dope bazaar Buying an odd green potion guaranteed to cause pon farr She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart And a painful way of walking with her feet a yard apart And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our lady of communications won a ship-wide bet By getting into the planet's main communications net Now every time someone calls up on an Argo telescreen The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our Doctor loves Humanity; his private life is quiet The Shore Police arrested him for inciting whores to riot We found him in the city jail, locked on and beamed him free- Intact except for hickeys and six kinds of VD And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our Helmsman loves exotic plants; the plants all love him too He took some down on leave with him and we wondered what they'd do 'Til the planetary governor called and swore upon his life That a gang of plants entwined his house and then seduced his wife! And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore A gang of pirates landed, and nobody seemed to care They stamped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there Half our crew was busy there, and invited them to play But the pirates only looked at us, and turned and ran away And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore Our crew is Starfleet's finest, and our record is our pride And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide We're sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss; At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us! And we're banned from Argo, every one Banned from Argo just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Argo doesn't want us anymore ...Wonder why?

[@alexschalk5439]

klingons, not pirates

[@razrboy20]

"out Captain's tastes were simple but their methods were complex; We found them with five partners each of a different world & sex"

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

Star trek online needs a quest for this

[@HM2SGT]

Why does that bring back memories now that I’m old. I wish I would win one of these quarter billion dollar lottery so I could afford to have this turned into a short animated picture. I think it would be a real hoot!

[@annasteen3698]

this was my first filk song, so it is fitting it is the last i hear before dying. thank you weyrdmuscman for all you've done

[@andrej4342]

wait... did you die? 🥺

[@annasteen3698]

@@andrej4342 i'm very sad to say i did not

[@andrej4342]

@@annasteen3698 I'm sorry you feel that way. Hope things get better for you...🙏

[@annasteen3698]

@@andrej4342 it only gets worse but i hope i can end it soon

[@andrej4342]

@@annasteen3698 do you wanna talk about it???

[@mylesbarrett2031]

Is it bad that i REALLY want this song to show up in the next season of Lower Decks?

[@evanboll4651]

How so? Like, the crew of the Titan get another distress call from the Cerritos and it's Tendi, who's somehow immune, Rutherford already sedated in a biobed behind her, trying not to lose her mind while the rest of the crew are all randomly singing this while some strange new plants are saturating the air with some alien spores? And Boimler has to fight to sedate Mariner before she does something to him that she'd most likely regret later? Or something equally crazy?

[@WyvernYT]

Every part of this is suitable for a Lower Decks episode.

[@mylesbarrett2031]

@@evanboll4651 I was thinking like a bunch of the Lower deckers singing the song in the Bar.

[@Goodroosters]

is what bad? lower decks? yeah it is

[@soylentteal]

Kirk: "I know a café there where the women are so...."

[@AlexOfArdrossan]

It's often changed to pirates, in situations where the band might not want it to be quite so explicitly Star Trek.

[@leggodt6340]

you have improved star trek for me today

[@mikhailkalashnikov7886]

I can't even describe the comfort that songs like this have brought to my life. I don't know why this resonates with me but, it does. I hear this and, I'm happy.

[@blackjac5000]

I heard there's a TNG version of it where Wesley gets repeatedly killed.

[@Mutos4]

Wesley "Kenny" Crusher...

[@MattJohno2]

please link it if anyone has it!

[@RVR121]

So many should be in joy you can still get this song. Please record off youtube while you still can someday it may fall to you to be the one who remembers this.

[@neroclaudius7284]

this sounds like a tabletop campaign gone wrong.

[@ghostmadlittlemiss]

Gone right, surely! Lol

[@darkdialga777]

@@ghostmadlittlemiss I mean, probably not what the GM had in mind, but a story the players will bring up for years as one hell of a session.

[@Tula-cs1ef]

Is this a song about the enterprise crew on a bender

[@PowerSkunk92]

Yes it is. Captain Kirk in an orgy. Scotty and Chekov in a drinking contest. Spock getting roofied. Nurse Chapel (I think) responsible for said roofie and taking advantage of it. Uhura hacking the network so that callers appeared naked. Bones inciting the local sex workers to revolt. Sulu's plants apparently going hentai on the mayor's wife. The Redshirts intimidating a crew of Klingons.

[@pretzelbomb6105]

In the Next Generation, they have to deal with a virus that causes people to act intoxicated, so I can see this happening.

[@ProfessorYana]

@@PowerSkunk92 > Redshirts intimidating Klingons Well, considering what happened on Deep Space Station K7...!

[@arvidfrykman9850]

Yes. This song is one of the most infamous parts of early "Trek" fandom.

[@billymanners9629]

I think this song makes more sense as a song made by the low ranking crew of the enterprise, about the fictionalised secret lives of their senior officers

[@NuclearBumpkin]

Rio de Janeiro was my ship's Argo.

[@Benex101]

Casablanca was mine. Shit, no one would believe what happened there, should i tell them on a sober monday morn.

[@argent1631]

Qq tu fes vei kkj

[@__-jt4tv]

Having just come back from the UK Board Games Expo- I'm 90% sure if someone made a tabletop game based on these hijinks, as a Sci-Fi cousin to *Red Dragon Inn*, it would sell like hotcakes. I love the song :-)

[@dixievfd55]

Banned from Argo, Quark's, and Club 47. Drozana station it is!

[@SirNevyn]

Thanks for posting...filk is hard to find by any method. Its great you've preserved these classics on youtube. Thanks again!

[@tyreseshawn3158]

Song so good i cant stop listening to it. Legend

[@Freudeheit]

Me and my friends playing ss13 replace argo with (server name here)

[@UnknownCartoonEditor]

Rodocks So True.

[@Duransurik]

i always thought it would be cool to change it up a little and make it banned from cargo haha

[@cghoselle]

Y u play with Rshoe?

[@lordquartich6389]

Wow, never know where you will find spess men

[@aeiou75]

i'm already permbanned from hippie and beestation, temp banned from /tg/. what do?

[@leifmyers5737]

seems like a nice group of robust spessmen

[@chengloki]

I have a cassette autografed by Leslie Fish. Some fantastic songs on that tape. I particularly like "Bones". =Stefan=

[@p1mpernel]

Nice to see the classics survive and thrive!

[@MarytheFilker]

I've always been of the opinion that this is the best recorded version of that song.

[@SG-yx5en]

Story of my life...

[@fredgarvinMP]

Well my horizons are broadened.

[@dullhockeystick3204]

When we pulled into Area 18 in need of R & R The crew set out investigating every joint and bar We had high expectations of their hospitality But found too late it wasn't geared for citizens such as we And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore Our captain's tastes were simple but his methods were complex We found him with five partners each of a different world and sex The shore police were on the way -- we had no second chance We picked him up in the nick of time in the remnants of his pants And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore Our engineer would yield to none in putting down the brew He outdrank seven space marines and a demolition crew The navigator didn't win but he outdrank almost all And now they've got a cutlass black on the roof of city hall And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore Our proper cool first officer was drugged with something green And hauled into an alley where he suffered things obscene He sobered up in medbay and he's none the worse for wear Except he somehow taught the ship computer how to swear And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore The head nurse disappeared a while near the G-loc bar Buying an odd green drug guaranteed to cause pon farr She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart And a painful way of walking with her feet a yard apart And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore Our lady of communications won a ship-wide bet By getting into the planet's main communications net Now every time someone calls up on an Arccorp ATC The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore Our Doctor loves Humanity; his private life is quiet BlacJac then arrested him for inciting whores to riot We found him down at klesher, locked on and broke him free- Intact except for hickeys and six kinds of VD And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore Our Helmsman loves exotic plants; the plants all love him too He took some down on leave with him and we wondered what they'd do 'Til Constantine Hurston called and swore upon his life That a gang of plants entwined his house and then seduced his wife! And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore A gang of tevarins landed, and nobody seemed to care They stamped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there Half our crew was busy there, and invited them to play But the tevarins only looked at us, and turned and ran away And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore Our crew is the navy's finest, and our record is our pride And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide We're sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss; At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us! And we're banned from Arccorp, every one Banned from Arccorp just for having a little fun We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four But Arccorp doesn't want us anymore ...Wonder why?

[@InternetTAB]

holy shit Banned From Cargo is a parody of this? WEW nice

[@xarglethegreat]

not sure parody is quite the right term, homage, tribute or rewrite fit just as well, its not a serious song to begin with

[@jamesstudholme3161]

If this is referenced in lower decks i wont be surprised.

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

What I want is a star trek online mission on argo

[@WyvernYT]

I would be delighted. It would be easy to mention that Mariner is banned from Argo.

[@marley7868]

@@WyvernYT "remember argo has historically delt with enough trouble from star fleet leave so be on your best behavoir"

[@pennding3415]

So no one is going to talk about what the head nurse did to the first officer?

[@thatnecrokhriz6142]

OMG I NEVER NOTICED THIS TIL NOW HAHAHAHAHAHA

[@TenNoZeorymer72]

If Starfleet had sea...err, star shanties. Oh wait, we had Riley and "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen".

[@jamieslingsby9907]

friend of mine had this on a playlist with carmen miranda's ghost and suchlike kinda songs. this song came on and immediately struck a chord with me, loved it ever since i heard it.

[@infernosgaming8942]

If I should ever do a sci-fi TTRPG (Age of Rebellion perhaps) I am definitely gonna use these songs for the bar scenes.

[@SlapstickGenius23]

Leslie Fish. The filk feminist who made the first commercial filk recording and the first filk hit.

[@gusty7153]

i like the part where the klingons stomped into the bar, looked at the crew, and went "nope! fuck this shit we're out!"

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

What had to be going on to scare the everliving shit out of the Klingons?!

[@ghostmadlittlemiss]

@@PeoplecallmeLucifer I’m pretty sure I sat through a version at a con (very difficult to sing along to when I was doing the tune from the other KZbin upload and the singer was doing this one!) where they were mid orgy with each other when the Klingons turned up! It was a slash con so lots of men on men sex (yes, I know, there were some female redshirts but not that many) was very on brand for us all! Lol

[@MattJohno2]

@@PeoplecallmeLucifer Hospitality and kindness, OR tribbles.

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

@@MattJohno2 Imagine a Klingon walking into a bar and there are a bunch of Shitfaced Federation officers playing bearpong or badmintoin with tribbles Yelling Qpla' when they notice them!

[@gusty7153]

@@MattJohno2 also dishonor. they prefer dying from combat. dying from anything else is dishonorable

[@D.Holliday112]

When spacers have a little too much fun on shore leave on a planet....

[@HeckleJeckle87]

How have I not heard this song before today!?

[@orangemikelowrey520]

I dunno, it's been around since 1977: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banned_from_Argo

[@quizzlie]

They're singing Banned From Argo You can hear the true fen hiss...

[@MizzWGGrrrl]

"Star Trek" fans? Or "Star Blazers" fans? (Kidding. But "Star Blazers" fans would understand.)

[@quizzlie]

Filk fans (fen), Andrea. Those are lines from They're Singing Banned From Argo, inspired after a filker heard Banned From Argo played far, far too many times over a convention weekend.

[@MarytheFilker]

The irony of that song is that it's a filk of another of Leslie's songs, her tune for the Kipling poem "Danny Deever". (It is by the great filk parodist Bob Kanefsky, BTW, and the lyrics can be found on his website www.songworm.com.)

[@InternetGravedigger]

My personal theory as to why the klingons ran away is they heard what happened at K7 and don't want to risk being stuck with a load of tribbles...

[@guypierson5754]

28 Downvotes, the people of Argo really don't forgive huh?

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

I mean .. .they did get a shuttle parked on the town hall, a riot, a hacked communication net and the captain just booked it together with his crew afterwards

[@captainspire9094]

Where has this been all my life? This is fantastic!

[@orangemikelowrey520]

It's been around since 1977, bubeleh! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banned_from_Argo

[@dan-juderobinson7555]

Best version of this I can find is this one.

[@mikethemaniac1]

So THIS is where GOAT got the idea.

[@daniely.9205]

how..do you teach a bridge computer how to swear?

[@InternetTAB]

captain is condom

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

"Computer, red alert" "AAAAA HOLY SHIT WE ARE ALL GOING TO FUCKING DIE!!!!!"

[@Beacuzz]

In one of the early eps the went to a planet that changed the computer to a very "happy" voice. When ever kirk asked it to do something it sighed and called him pet names

[@mortanes2]

"Kurwa Spock"

[@Alexandar358]

With just the right amount of alcohol

[@daniely.9205]

also this is space station 13 in a nutshell.

[@tippy4674]

Love this, it gives me something to listen to while drunk and my imagination wants a good space bar to go to. Thank you sir

[@schmoorfderschmied1763]

Another beer, good sir? :P

[@SwiftrunnerXXY]

Oh god... this is the best song EVER.

[@davemcconnell4195]

Wow....Brings back some great memories.....back in the day, Leslie and I did quite a few conventions together.

[@MarytheFilker]

Hi, Dave!

[@orangemikelowrey520]

It's heartbreaking to see the way she's deteriorated. I finally had to de-friend her, and I'd called her "Fellow Worker" for about forty years now.

[@willparry530]

Hell it brings back memories for me and I'm just a fan of the show, lol

[@cynicalcitizen8315]

Thanks Texicus, I'll be saving this to my Playlist

[@adamhauson1211]

Star Trek music from Oregon, WTF have I found?

[@OspreyKnight]

We're a special breed out there.

[@kccash97]

My two favorite Where No Man songs are this one and Bones

[@willparry530]

You mean the one about how he could have had a medical career anywhere but he chose space and is therefore never bored?

[@margaretbasile1625]

Just love that you posted the lyrics ❤❤

[@petercooper456]

Sounds like an amazing weekend to be fair, I don’t know how long a shore leave is.

[@MommaShakespeare]

Never heard the the about the Klingons before. When I did I almost choked on my beverage.

[@orangemikelowrey520]

Paramount wasn't happy, so the Klingons got turned into generic "pirates" in later recordings of the song.

[@SFIUSSINDIANA]

Awesome little romp!

[@pjcdrummer]

I just saw this woman play a gig at Lunacon convention 2 weeks ago But she wouldn't play this some for some reason..

[@ssbohio]

I can understand how she would feel: This was (in the community) a hit that came out 30+ years ago. After that much time, I'd be tired of playing it, too.

[@cghoselle]

That and its one of the harder songs to keep pace with. Im not saying she couldnt but Id imagine it'd take a lot of energy to go up infront of every one and sing a 5 min fast pace song like this to a crowd

[@orangemikelowrey520]

She plays it ONCE per con, and only if she feels like it. It gets old after 40 years or so, y'know?

[@schmoorfderschmied1763]

Thank you for the weird music, man! But seriously, thank you, Weyrdmusicman!

[@Cernumospete]

That last one, that last one!!!!

[@Amethystasheryn]

This is lots of fun, thank you for posting it for us! :)

[@Tialakit]

I wonder if the computer was cursing in Vulcan or English after Spock's drugged reprogramming? This is Spock this is Spock on whatever the heck they gave him and that would be a drugged Spock fiddling with the computers....shouldn't we stop him doing that? Ensign he's three times stronger than you and drugged to the gills do you really want to explain to Bones how you got the broken bones this time? yeah I suddenly realize why even drugged nobody tried to stop him messing with the computer.....

[@Semilupus]

Can you even curse in Vulcan? I can't immagine that a highly logical people like the Vulcans having many swearwords in their language. I'd say, the worst they could say would be something like "That's highly illogical" and give you a disaproving and/or condescending look... maybe raise an eyebrow, too...

[@Tialakit]

You have to remember that not only are Romulans directly related to Vulcans but that Vulcans were originally an extremely warlike race. Warriors curse a LOT! Imagine Spock going to his quarters after a particularly bad away mission with Kirk, if he didn't curse before he met Jim he does now.....

[@MichalSoukup1995]

I like cursing in Elvish, you can tell the SOB that he is SOB and still it sound like a poetry.

[@draxiss1577]

It cursed in that one language Picard had to deal with in the episode when the Holodeck acted up. No, the other one. Not that one either. Keep going . . . THERE you go.

[@draxiss1577]

WAIT I CAN DO BETTER. The computer cursed in Minbari.

[@orangemikelowrey520]

Fun back in 1977, and still fun. The old DeHorn Crew and Leslie at her best, even with all the tape hiss and so forth! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banned_from_Argo

[@thienan2672]

Awesome song

[@Moonsong227]

I've only just now heard this song, but I get the feeling I have to listen to it enough to get sick of it so I can keep with tradition regardless

[@dadab22]

I never thought I'd hear a song mentioning a doctor getting railed by a klingon, but here we are.

[@tellingtomcat1936]

They need to make a „Lower Decks“ episode from this!

[@notablegoat]

Maybe this is blaspheme, but I wrote a Mass Effect version: When we pulled into Argo Port in need of R&R, The crew set out investigating every joint and bar. We had high expectations of their hospitality, But found too late it wasn't geared for people such as we. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. The Captain leads us bravely On our journey through the stars, She thought she'd like to blow off steam With a trio of Hanar, Their mates came then upon them and we had no second chance, We got her out in the nick of time -but the Hanar got her pants. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. Our Engineer would yield to none at putting down the brew; He out-drank seven space marines and a vorcha vulture crew. The Navigator didn't win, but he out-drank almost all, And now they've got a Kodiak on the roof of City Hall. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. Our Salarian First Officer was drugged with something green, And hauled into an alley, where he suffered things obscene. He sobered up in Sickbay and he's none the worse for wear, Except it seems he taught the city’s VI how to swear. And we're banned from Argo, everyone! Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun! We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. The Doctor hit the Red Light District For a shopping spree, And made a friend who taught her to “embrace eternity”. She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart, And a painful way of walking -with her feet a yard apart. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. Our Communications Officer won a ship-wide bet By getting into the planet's main communications net. Now every time someone calls up on an Argo holoscreen, The flesh is there, but the clothes they wear are nowhere to be seen. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. Our Gunner Chief loves animals from every world in space, He left a pyjak merchant cursing and red in the face, For after getting good and drunk, he ended the abuse, And snuck into the merchant’s ship to let the pyjaks loose. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. Our Helmsman also doubles as The ship’s greatest biotic, Decided to improve his skills With a substance most exotic, It got him in some trouble and he thought it only fair, If the policeman kept his distance some fifteen feet in the air. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. A gang of Krogan landed, and nobody seemed to care. They stamped into the nearest bar to announce that they were there. Half our crew was busy there, and invited them to play, But the Krogan only looked at us, and turned and ran away. And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. We are the Navy’s finest, and our record is our pride. And when we play we tend to leave a trail a mile wide. We're sorry about the wreckage and the riots and the fuss; At least we're sure that planet won't be quick forgetting us! And we're banned from Argo, everyone. Banned from Argo, just for having a little fun. We spent a jolly shore leave there for just three days or four, But Argo doesn't want us anymore. Wonder why...

[@HM2SGT]

👍🏻😸 good for you! That’s the beautiful thing about filk; it evolves. Everything needs to have a folk song. Now if only I could sing.😿😁

[@spacecorpse3212]

in my opinion anyone who likes space or anything taking place in space is a friend of mine

[@Cernumospete]

WHY DOES NOBODY THINK THAT THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE AGAIN? IN BETTER AUDIO QUALITY? ANYONE?

[@michealfeeney8920]

"Folk Songs for Solar Sailors" available through Random-factors.com

[@schmoorfderschmied1763]

I think its cool as it is.

[@ClickerQuiz]

This is funny as hell.

[@tuckerton296]

man, this is great music. Wish I could find a place to buy it.

[@eddypenfold742]

my kid's just run play the tape still miss the old Convenshion's

[@BeldansFire]

This is amazing. I love it.

[@xyonblade]

I had only previously heard the "banned from cargo" parody version of this song, but this is amazing too, nice.

[@DanielsPolitics1]

Finding parodies is often an excellent way of finding songs.

[@kennyk2698]

SS13 Vibes...

[@stephenpotter2777]

awesome, whoever is responsible - thankyou.

[@spacetrainbaby3737]

Thank you NN the 3rd very cool

[@depizan]

This is awesome. :D

[@Nyckname]

Never have been able to figure out what's so hard about landing a shuttle craft on city hall, or beaming someone into it and taking off again. Not much of a prank, that.

[@aeiou75]

I think the joke is that they did it while drunk as fuck. I mean, try driving a car drunk. You are likely to get yourself hurt. Or even better, try landing a plane drunk.

[@ProfessorYana]

@@aeiou75 Not to mention the classic prank of "disassemble a police car and *re*-assemble it somewhere highly implausible (like on, say, the rooftop helipad of a local skyscraper)...

[@LindaGailLamb.0808]

@@ProfessorYana Are you speaking from experience 😁😁?

[@ProfessorYana]

@@LindaGailLamb.0808 No, but I have heard stories of such things being done!

[@ellysiagallagher5510]

A sweet tale of debauchery And sin.

[@Alexander-tu3iv]

Oh shit just realized the first officer and nurse stories are connected. Man that's fucked up

[@thbran7417]

**Happiness noise**

[@Tialakit]

I'm just about crazy enough to fit into the crew. I can see it now the zoologist had to be pried from her den and when she left she took the biggest specimen she had with her. it ate the local security chief after he hit on her and now they're both in the brig with her pet staring at anyone else who enters.