What a Therapist Wants You to Know About ADHD & Sex | Therapist's ADHD Tips

[@emilydivis6369]

My partner has ADHD and autism. I have ADHD and suspect I'm also autistic. We've had a *lot* of conversations about sensory sensitivities and how to accommodate them. For instance, he can't stand the sensation of hair in his mouth, but we both really enjoy cunnilingus and we don't want to just take that activity off the table. Problem: it's really difficult for me to shave my pubic hair without missing any spots. Solution: he shaves my pubic hair. And it turns out to be a wonderful, intimate little ritual for us even if there's no sex afterwards. And the best part of all of this is that neither of us ever saw the other as the problem. Having a relationship where we can freely tell each other what's going on and trust that we'll be met with compassion is HUGE.

[@Nelia2705]

I love that for you two 😊

[@MissCaraMint]

Love the healthy communication and problem solving for you.

[@aaunyea4799]

That's actually really cute!

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

Hmm, TBH, I probably would have just gone with a dental dam, but it sounds like that works as well.

[@hhhsp951]

I'm happy you two have that trust and openness with each other, that's super important and I'm glad you've found that!

[@AlexandraUtschig]

Not ADHD, but Autistic, and I have body fluid issues. Once I asked my mom for advice, and she just told me to get over it (this was long before I knew I was Autistic). Thanks for normalizing not enjoying certain things.

[@TheoRae8289]

I have an ex who is so repulsed by bodily fluids that he wore a rubber to wank.

[@coolliz21]

My bestie uses vinyl gloves! She says it’s a game changer.

[@TheoRae8289]

@coolliz21 I do that too when I can afford a box. They really are.

[@ginasmitasin479]

French kissing always felt like I was being assaulted…glad to know I’m not alone.

[@himenyx153]

My ex used to get super annoyed when I didn’t want to kiss him unless he brushed his teeth, and I didn’t want him to touch me unless he washed his hands. I was okay with a simple peck but he would always try to stick his tongue down my throat and lie and say he brushed his teeth but like I CAN TELL. Key word: EX. Also with like bodily fluids and stuff… I only feel comfortable if the person has a good diet and stays hydrated if that makes sense. I love hearing everyone’s personal perspectives about this.

[@andrianabartlett687]

Distractions are why I can’t Netflix and chill. I’ll be Netflixin in while they be chillin 😂

[@himenyx153]

I used to watch the tv over my exes back while feeling absolutely nothing during intercourse LMAO.

[@jessicawilson1751]

I often get distracted during sex. I once had sex while watching Demolition Man and started laughing over something in the movie.

[@Rabbitzan]

Games.. for me oops sorry exs

[@nyssalynn5216]

Omfg accurate

[@marajones1828]

The Netflix is why I would miss the social cues that they wanted to "chill"...that and the autism.

[@elegantmelon2336]

I think the main way my ADHD shows up in regards to sex (other than the getting caught up in my own head thing) is that when I first get with someone, I basically hyperfixate and want it all the time. But then once it becomes routine, I have little to no interest anymore.

[@Crystal_Blue_Persuasion]

I'm like that. Even at 68, in the beginning I want to go-go-go, until I don't anymore.

[@d2greene3695]

Everybody

[@Hawaiianstyle65]

OMG so so so me

[@CandraCosplays]

I'm the same. 2 years of crazy addiction and now it's more routine and like "I guess I could have sex"

[@TyWorth]

@@d2greene3695I get what you’re saying but it’s important to remember it’s *not* everybody. My last relationship ran up against this because six years in my drive had only increased and hers evaporated. Worked on it for a long time and realized we just weren’t compatible there and that’s fine! We’re still good friends. Communication is a hell of a drug.

[@ImmortalAmbitions]

This needed to be said louder for the people in the back.... "JUST BECAUSE THE WORLD IS NOT MADE FOR YOU, DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BELONG HERE."

[@catfeatherss]

Exactly. My theory is that the people with the right toolset to design and build a functional society are not us. While they were building and planning and following through, we were chasing butterflies, so we didn't get much say in how it all works, but we definitely still fill other societal needs. We see things differently and our perspective is a necessary complement to the non adhd group. ☯️ We're not the same, but we are not less.

[@zaraandrews600]

The last guy I dated had ADHD. I have autism and am about to be assessed for ADHD myself. It was a long distance relationship, and I just remember feeling so uncomfortable when he spoke about him leaving his last relationships because he got bored of the sex. Then he talked about all the different types of kinks he wanted to try out with me. It was obvious, to me, that this was just part of his ADHD, but it still felt like there was a lot of pressure on me to say yes. I told him about my body dysmorphia and how my autism can make sex really uncomfortable for me, and he just really didn't understand. I felt like, to him, I was just someone for him to have sex with, especially when he festishised me being bi. In particular, he spoke about a female friend of his joining us. I never told him, but I was also going through the process of realising I was asexual. Thankfully we never actually met in person when dating, as I broke it off when I realised it just wasn't going to work.

[@Zosio]

Yeah, as a fellow bi woman, a guy being the one who **initiates** the threesome convo is a red flag. A lot of people don't understand that being attracted to more than one gender doesn't automatically mean you want a threesome. Not to knock on the idea. It's something that's always been hot to me in theory, but I'm just not at a point in my life where I'd actually want to try one. Maybe in a more casual context 🤷‍♀️

[@cassettetape7643]

​@@Zosio You mean bi ≠ polyamorous, WHAAAAAAAAA????????🤯 (/s)

[@kyu2o337]

I feel like testosterone combined with a culture as prudish about sex as ours just sets guys up to objectify women unless they're very mindful and introspective about their own biases. I'm a very empathetic and analytical person, but I still struggled with objectification in my younger years when I was a lot more hormonal. It was like if I was physically attracted to someone this switch would trigger that blocked my understanding that they could possibly not feel the same way toward me. I cringe a lot when I think about my early days of "romance".

[@copiouscat]

@@kyu2o337damn this was def deep. Thanks for sharing this perspective

[@ginasmitasin479]

Good for you for figuring this out about him and knowing your boundaries.

[@heartsandpulseras]

I feel like one of the things related to my ADHD that impacts my sex life the most is issues with task initiation. If my partner initiates, it is rare that I am not in the mood, but I rarely ever feel enough in the mood to initiate myself. (I guess this is also likely because I have more responsive desire, which I think I also learned from you, Mickey!)

[@Nelia2705]

Uh, you might like Hannah Witton's Input about responsive and spontaneous desire! And the book "come as you are" by Emily Nagoski (it's geared towards people with vaginas and clitoris I think)

[@flowersandeverythingelse2369]

@@Nelia2705 I might have found Hannah Witton's kzbin.info/www/bejne/e2q5eGtof6ZkhLM "Sexual Arousal, Desire and Attraction: What's the Difference?" I'm excited to have come across this creator's channel, thanks to your recommendation! @heartsandpulseras I feel the same, it's taken several years of coordinating in a long-term relationship for my partner and I to begin to understand this in one another! Thanks for sharing

[@Clovergirl143]

THIS. I've never been able to put this feeling into words before, but so much this. If my partner initiates, it's very rare that I'm not going to be in the mood. But it's so rare for me to feel in the mood on my own to initiate first. I might initiate non-sexual physical touch like hugs or cuddling, but usually that's not in a sexual manner.

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

@@Nelia2705 I learned about premature penetration the hard way. Before I lost my virginity, I thought that was only something that applies to assault, but if a guy is with a woman that doesn't have any patience, you can have issues with everything being ready for the penetration as well. And that's not pleasant for anybody, I'm assuming that hurts for the woman, but it definitely did hurt me as well.

[@Nelia2705]

@@SmallSpoonBrigade I'm sorry this was done to you 🥺 It does sound physically and emotionally painful 💔

[@unicorntamer2207]

I have adhd. I assumed that because I just don't think about intimacy very often, I must be ACE. But I enjoy intimacy with my spouse when it happens. My partner is wonderful, and we talk about everything. I'm very safe, can always say "no" at any time. But my partner thinks about intimacy a "normal" amount, and I kept putting guilt on myself because I would just forget about intimacy. Even though my partner is fantastic at intimacy. I couldn't figure out why I didn't think about intimacy a "normal" amount. We figure out a bit of a solution. Cuddling is the most important thing. My partner needs cuddling more than intercoarse. When we come home from work, we get in bed and have 20 minutes of cuddle time. Sometimes, the cuddles lead to more intimacy, but it's not an expectation. Sometimes, we put on mood lighting or make it spicy, but we're very vanilla most of the time.

[@PigeonLord]

Im ADHD + ASD, I'm the same way and I think it stems from the whole "Out of sight, out of mind" aspect of ADHD 😅 if something is not laid out in front of me in some way to remind me, I will likely forget and/or it won't even cross my mind.

[@unicorntamer2207]

@@PigeonLord I just got diagnosed with ADHD (at age 28), and I asked the doctor about autism and he was like "nope" and my sister has autism. My brother has ADHD. I'm still figuring everything out for me.

[@unicorntamer2207]

@@PigeonLord Also, I like your user name (:

[@That_Awkward_Mum]

I like the sound of that. ❤ 😊

[@Edge_Walker]

Just FYI. You dont need to hate sex to be asexual. I also enjoy sex yet am asexual

[@linglingspacewhales1977]

My hyperfixations stop me from having sex… it sucks but like, sometimes crafting just hits the spot

[@nicolemitchell446]

Omg! Same!

[@PigeonLord]

Yeah sex is great and all but have you ever successfully threaded a needle?? /jk Fr tho i feel this 😂

[@aprilbowser9720]

Haha. Same!

[@teradarby407]

So much yes!!

[@nicolebro8399]

Underrated comment. I love this sm😂😂😂

[@parissinclair6513]

I would love for you to make a specific video about struggles to orgasm due to different disorders or causes (i.e. ADHD, antidepressants, body dysmorphia, etc.) and how to cope/still enjoy sex and/or maintain self-esteem.

[@copiouscat]

THISSSS TOOO 😩🎯🎯🎯

[@glittergoat91]

Yes to this. Because not every woman can achieve orgasm or 'squirt' its absolutely vulgar to even mention 😅😂 but I hope she talks about these issues.

[@Shoot4AlarmFire]

Same

[@Hexane88]

+1

[@breezy_1864]

antidepressants affect sex?!??

[@yuzu-tsuyu]

I almost didn't click on this, thinking, "I don't really care about sex"--during the decade(s) of trying different antidepressants before finally getting an ADHD diagnosis, I always scoffed at the warning I might lose my sex drive. I was incredulous that anyone suffering from clinical depression could have any sex drive to begin with. 😅 But this was insightful and validating, so I'm glad I did. I really appreciate the non-sensationalized and common sense way you broach these subjects.

[@Paigewe]

I feel like a lot of times when my depression is the worst, my drive goes up. I think it’s a dopamine hit thing. Like my body wanting some endorphins .

[@ChristopherSadlowski]

LOL! I did lose my sex drive when I started Wellbutrin in college. I think I was 19 at the time? I had a...I guess a "medium" sex drive? I was comfortably somewhere between asexual and overdrive. However, that side effect I was okay living with. I was on that medication for a few years until I asked my doctor if we could see what happens if I titrate down and eventually off of it. I was able to stop the medication but I always needed therapy on and off as I noticed my depression creeping back up. I know more people who have tried and found they needed medication all the time so, as usual, I think I'm the weirdo who has an uncommon case. Literally all my health problems have some weird twist that doctors don't often see happen.

[@kyu2o337]

"I really appreciate the non-sensationslized and common sense way you broach these subject." For real! Imagine a world where this was how everyone approached sex, as a normal thing that most people do, lol.

[@imacds]

I feel like I didn't "lose" a personality or a sex drive from Prozac as I was too depressed to really have it in the first place. When my life got a bit better, I started noticing that antidepressants were suppressing my enjoyment of positive feelings. That is how I knew I felt ready to get off of them.

[@infinitecurlie]

In the same boat!

[@sen_mei]

The more I learn about healthy sexual relationships, the more I see how unhealthy my relationship with my ex spouse was. Thank you for your content! It is helping me to see I am not broken.

[@chillero3heftig712]

sex as a fantasy is so much better than irl sex it can never be good enough irl for me no matter how right everyone is doing everything i swear... and then people telling me its because of the wrong or right person is so invalidating

[@BrianTurnerPiano]

I was going to like this but thought I’d leave it at 69 😅

[@chillero3heftig712]

@@BrianTurnerPiano i appreciate this comment, it made my day

[@kaylahevans8334]

As the wife of someone with ADHD the hurt feelings and feeling like he forgets about me a lot is definitely a big thing in our marriage. It took a while for me to realize that it is a result of his ADHD and not him ignoring me on purpose. Scheduled intimacy is also something that has helped us a lot. Sometimes we just say we'll take extra time at bedtime (we sleep in separate beds so making plans in advance is good) to snuggle and hang out and if that leads to more, great. If not, we still spent quality time together.

[@zaraandrews600]

I just really hate other people's DNA on me. Last time I kissed someone I immediately hopped in the shower after they left as I didn't like having another person's smell on me. This was also before I realised I was asexual.

[@KateCat420]

As a fellow ace, I thought something was wrong with me after my first (and only) kiss because I was so disgusted even though I liked the person - but now I know it's just not what I'm built for

[@gamewrit0058]

💜💜💜

[@michellerhodes5477]

My husband is like this. He's not diagnosed as neurodivergent (I am) but I see so many signs. It used to bother me that he took a shower after we had sex. I felt like he thought I was dirty or something but then I remembered I have to wash my hands thoroughly after eating something with my hands (like a sandwich, burger, or pizza) because I can't stand the smell or feeling of anything on my fingers/hands. I think he's asexual as well. Our relationship has never revolved around sex so it works for us but people think we're really weird for not having sex much. We just enjoy time together regardless of what we're doing.

[@aaunyea4799]

I'm aroace and thinking about having someone's sweaty body on my icks me out.

[@nicolebro8399]

I've been thinking I am asexual but I never can tell if it's just like a problem or like maybe I'm not, but this was also how I felt questioning my sexuality😂 but I'm totally a lesbianism no questions. And I enjoy romantic stuff but not that much, and nothing sexual. I'm not the biggest on relationships, how do you distinguish some ways to tell?

[@Br0th3r7]

Oh my actual god!! Ok I thought I was the only one to not like to kiss people with tongue! I genuinely thought i was really weird. THANK YOU so much for saying that

[@bangsandbullets]

SAME! I hate it so so much. I always thought I was the wierdo but omg the idea of it just makes me want to crawl out of my skin

[@beyondallmeasure]

Same. I feel so seen.

[@weissel1]

Me too! I've always hated it and I always get an "Okkkkk...but how do you really kiss someone?" when I tell a new partner this.

[@dliap98]

for real. i feel so seen. i literally thought nobody would want to date me because of this. it just gives me the ick so bad

[@Br0th3r7]

Omg, thank you guys for answering, so glad to know i'm not alone! It's disgusting

[@ZAB_Nailz]

Do you have a video about sex after trauma? I feel like that’d be really helpful for those of us who avoid intimacy because of past trauma.

[@copiouscat]

THISSS

[@caseybear4517]

THISSSSSSS with a neurodivergence flair, please! 👌

[@GlitterEnby]

Yes!

[@lizzybeary]

I would *_LOVE_* to hear Mickey talk about this!

[@LeftoverPuppies]

YES

[@justvibinginouterdarkness]

Always a lovely day to talk openly about sex, especially concerning over looked populations with different needs! (lol munch on 😂)

[@MickeyAtkins]

As soon as I said it I was like oh god lol 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@InfernoMutant]

I might be adhd, haven't been tested, but two things that really struck me about what you said is impulsive sexual behavior and sensory issues. I can be so easily triggered, and if that desire is satiated quickly, frequently after the fact, or even during, I realize 'wait.... this isn't what I want' and I didn't know this was something that could be associated with adhd. Also definitely get distracted really easily during sex. The best thing I've found is for my partner to lick or do something sexy with my ear, bc I hear that so loudly and it overwhelms that distraction, and as long as I genuinely enjoy the person, that is really sexy to me.

[@Lady.Fern.]

I have to keep my eyes closed the entire time or I get too distracted and fall right out of the mood. I have no issue with my body showing etc but definitely prefer it to be pitch black for less visual distractions like I end up counting spots on the ceiling or other random dumb ass things 😂 😅 I can not 69 because of this as well lol I can’t focus on both pleasure and pleasing so it’s no fun I feel like I’m missing out on the experience both things get half assed instead of being able to fully immerse myself.

[@Nelia2705]

​@@Lady.Fern. same for me when it comes to 69 or touching each other simultaneously 🥲 maybe a blindfold or sleeping mask could help you out for the visual distractions? I've used them with a partner who sometimes had difficulties with eye contact - it helped them relax a lot.

[@That_Awkward_Mum]

I've found that I get really easily distracted by music, and have to try not to laugh when we end up in sync with whatever happens to be playing in the background! 😂

[@islandgirl024]

Get tested first

[@drrodopszin]

Elements of light bondage can help here: a blindfold, plugging your ears... But honestly, it's realizing that this is a neurological thing, it's not your choice and then having a partner who can accommodate: "alright no music then!" Or "Let's put on the sound of the waves of the ocean". But the problem with ADHD is that if you don't adapt and you want to forcefully ignore your issues they are just going to make you stressed, which is super not sexy.

[@LangkeeLongkee]

I just started the video and I hope we are gonna talk about how your mind wanders in the moment and you have to recentre yourself lol

[@aazhie]

Omg right? Though I think I'm lucky that a good partner can keep things interesting and fun. And I learned it is normal for neurotypical folks to also get a little derailed sometimes, even during good sex

[@dliap98]

seriously. it's so difficult to actually stay in the moment and then it makes me feel guilty

[@hwoods-kg1jf]

@@dliap98 same here :( my mind just wanders so much. I've also been with the same guy for 14 years and we both have a lot of physical and mental health problems so it makes sex already difficult. I've just come to the conclusion that I'll never have a good sex life ever again :( It's really depressing but sex isn't everything in life. There is so much more to our relationship than just sex and I guess it's just something I have to accept. Limitations suck :(

[@Sleipnirseight]

Yes!!! And then I start getting anxious because I'm battling my attention span. Propranolol has helped a lot, but you do kinda have to take it ahead of time lol

[@RachelBigler-kv5yl]

"hm I wonder if this applies to me" also me: struggles to O with my partner and needs to rewind this video 3 times to actually hear it after I get distracted* ... oh yeah this is for me

[@lizzybeary]

I always feel SO guilty for getting distracted.

[@lilme7052]

She is speaking incredibly fast though

[@ironmaven1760]

same girl...I get so so distracted. So much so that my own enjoyment is a non-issue..because of ME ....😭

[@TrebleCat]

The distractions piece is brutal for me. Especially squeaky bed 😭

[@JaimeGstl]

Yes!

[@judydunmire6751]

I get distracted by things that remind me of TV or books. They feel inauthentic and bore me. Examples are kissing my neck. Bluh.

[@drnstjhn]

@@judydunmire6751lol that's not inauthentic. that's just foreplay. maybe you're asexual?

[@valloriebarnes9800]

This is when dirty talk or sweet admiring talk comes in for me. If we are talking it keeps my head in the game!

[@risarae5143]

I love how fast you talk.... I've never been so engaged in content so thank you!

[@DarkestLove191]

I watch everything in AT LEAST 1.5 speed, sometimes upwards to 2x or 3x, because I can't stay focused if it's slow. Even the other ADHD people in my life are like wtf how do you listen to this?? Lol. My ADHD is just super fast, unfortunately, and I can't stand waiting for other people to finish talking. I feel like time has slowed and I'm trying so hard to stay focused but I find myself becoming to frustrated to stay focused and end up distracted in my own thoughts about being upset that I can't do it.

[@markdeffebach8112]

I'm listening at 2x which is the fastest choice I have.

[@RinkShadow]

Reactive desire is a problem for me. I totally do forget sex exists.

[@didderbugakakatie]

I also do NOT like kissing with tongue. Especially with new people. (I’ve only ever liked it with one person, and I was deeply in love at the time.) I never thought to link this to my sensory issues caused by my ADHD. Huh, thanks for the revelation.

[@Harley24986]

THIS! totally not a tongue person. It kinda grosses me out.

[@fax_machine]

I feel so seen...and read to filth.

[@Kimmaline]

Ditto! Lol.

[@grey29825]

Lmao when the impulsive part came on I felt so called out and so validated simultaneously 😂

[@the-craig]

I see what you did there! 😅

[@ZAB_Nailz]

ADHD and autistic here. Omg yes, ew, saliva. Also, bodily fluids, particularly my own (cis female) ick me out. Also, I get so easily distracted, it’s so difficult for me to stay “in the moment” with my fiancé. Last, I have such a hard time not overthinking everything about sex, which leads to a form of “ADHD paralysis” where I build it up and then can’t get in the mood. Ugh, life is hard lol. Oh, also, because autism lol, I generally don’t like being touched. Which, as you can imagine, makes things really difficult for me and my fiancé. If we’re talking “love language” nonsense (imo), his is very much physical touch, which can make him feel unloved or unattractive, which makes me feel really bad. Fr last thing, idk if this is just me, but any time there is any kind of physical affection, I automatically think that he wants sex. Which obviously causes issues.

[@athenarocks7657]

Ooh I relate so much, especially with the last part. It’s nice to see we’re all here learning more about our selves tho ❤

[@dumbdonny4824]

Some men only engage in physical intimacy when they're aroused and sometimes we feel that pattern even if they don't see it. Maybe practice physical intimacy that doesn't lead to sex. Set a boundary and see if it's respected.

[@tigerofwu]

Exactly!

[@redredrumxo]

It is so nice to be seen in this way - it can be really difficult to put these kinds of feelings and thoughts into words to share with others, whether it's your partner or a friend to commiserate with

[@athenaamethyst8385]

For kink- thanks for talking about safety and aftercare! Just wanted to mention that things like in person BDSM classes and conferences are a thing. Also, munches are great places to learn from other kinky people.

[@leilap2495]

I’ve been repeatedly shamed by my own partner. Why I didn’t realize that it was not okay until after I was diagnosed, makes me sad. I refuse to accept their adamant assertions that I am the problem and will not allow them to treat me this way anymore.

[@Princess_Porcelain]

Same!! I'm constantly being told I'm the problem and that there's something wrong with me because I don't want it EVERY SINGLE DAY. He expects it very very literally every single day and it's so frustrating that he can't understand how I feel at all. 😩

[@Harley24986]

I feel like I went the opposite way. I'm autistic and sex became an obsession in a sense for me even though I have touch issues outside of it. My drive is so high even my husband had to adjust. At the end of the day, paying attention to our partner's needs, desires and communicating well can solve most issues. Thanks for covering this!

[@rougarou8439]

I started ADHD medication about 6 months ago, and I noticed that as soon as I started taking my meds sex felt better and I don't get overestimate as much. It's amazing that medication can even help with your sex life.

[@BeaLucile]

Do you feel comfortable sharing which med that is?

[@rougarou8439]

@@BeaLucile atomoxetine

[@rougarou8439]

@@BeaLucile I take Atomoxetine

[@bluerbsi2341]

This would be great for a part 2 video!!!

[@evabarry2207]

I had this experience too. I can focus so much better with medication . It’s so much better

[@angelaobernesser9167]

Thank you so much for making this video! The thing I relate to the most is the part you mentioned at the beginning about simply forgetting that sex exists. I am such an "out of sight, out of mind" person with pretty much everything, and this area is no different. I always felt so annoyed with myself for being this way and have spent so much time questioning why I'm like this, so having you talk about this is so validating. I would love to hear more about this topic!

[@dectren]

I have a whole load of sensory issues including hating mouth noises and I've gotten a lot of comments wondering how I'm going to kiss someone or have sex. I would always laugh it off but I was still somewhat embarrassed of it. Thank you for talking about these things in a way that is affirming and makes sexual exploration feel more safe.

[@cynamentl]

I didn't think I could love Mickey more and then they share that they're kink-aware and do it in such an empathetic way 🥺

[@davebeat4121]

I was playing this video as I was cleaning up and about 7 minutes in I took a seat and listened to the rest of it. It honestly spoke volumes to feelings I had been experiencing my whole adult life. It gave me a little more understanding to my life and was extremely helpful. I had no idea that my ADHD was linked to my sexual experience and thought it was something else entirely, but as you spoke I understood as to the why and that it’s not a separate issue. Thank you

[@abbyz6767]

PART 2 PART 2

[@hwoods-kg1jf]

YES! YES!

[@dai-cherj7384]

Second Part!!

[@dliap98]

this is so validating. i really thought i was crazy and undesirable because of these things. thank you so much Mickey

[@PixxiStitch]

I have ADHD and have struggled with the things you mentioned but I never put the two things together. 😅 Oh my God, I feel so seen and validated rn.😭

[@luunara7065]

My partner and I talked from the start openly about what we need and what we want and found our way through our difficulties. I have ADHD and love new things, especially new partners, in bed. I can have a "plaything", but I need to tell my partner about them beforehand, or at least after something happend. You know, when I'm out and it just clicks, I don't always remember to write them... If they know them, it is even better, but not necessary. I'm relaxed after my "playdate" and my partner gets the benefit of a more emotional stable and cuddly wife, so it is a win/win for us. And I'm more in the world of kinks than my partner, so they can't always provide me what I need, but I love making love with them. I just need to be in the right headspace.

[@cassettetape7643]

Eye contact. I'm AuDHD and eye contact during any kind of penetration will take me out of my body faster than anything else. I've only ever confessed that to my current partner of 12 years because it was becoming an actual hindrance in my desire for intimacy. I've heard so many people talk about how much they enjoy eye contact during sex, & most of my partners have not been an exception. It has hindered my desire for intimacy so much in the past that last year I finally spoke up about it. It still makes me nervous; just typing this is making me shake a little. I have other sensory issues during sex, but none that have been so hard for me to talk about

[@bluester7177]

I don't have ASD but this is so true for me, the eye contact is horrible already in everyday life situations specially if I realize I'm not doing it and get on my own head about it, sex makes it sooooo much worse.

[@cassettetape7643]

@@bluester7177 I feel this so much!

[@Wayfarer889]

Oh yes! Totally agree. When I was young and wildly in love (limerance, really) eye contact wasn't as big of a problem with particular partners. But once I was out of that phase of life, eye contact (and talking!) will take me out of my body and put me back in my head in an instant. I have to keep my eyes closed and stay totally in the physical sensations for things to work right at this middle age stage of life!

[@slitheen3]

Eye contact is sooooo intense for me! I can enjoy it if we're both already REALLY worked up and in the moment as a way to rachet up the intensity, but even then it can become too much if it goes on too long. Mostly we just glance at each other and linger for a moment, then look away. Sometimes I like to wear a blindfold during sex just so that I don't have to worry about it and can focus on my other senses instead

[@Morbatx]

I’m 31 years old and this is single-handedly the most helpful advice I’ve ever had in regards to my own sexuality. Thank you so much for all you do! ❤

[@tyrreloneal5178]

Thank you so much for this! Being neurodivergent (autism and possibly ADHD), sex is often difficult for me to navigate, especially with being polyam and Covid aware!

[@Nelia2705]

Omg yeeees! Navigating STI conversations and everything is so important but so damn draining 😢 I still ask people to test for COVID before we meet and wear a mask indoors when several people come together.

[@inquisitiveyes]

I had once thought I was asexual. Apparently I was just picking up on other situations, my antennae knew it (subconsciously), my conscious awareness hadn’t connected the dots yet. I was never asexual just sensory overloaded and absolutely could not be sexual. So glad I better understand myself and that relationship is over from way back then! So much more tuned to myself now, so worth it to have moved on from all of that, no matter how hard it was then.

[@DomesticBliss-ish]

Amen! I have struggled with sex for awhile. I can have a super strong drive, but when it started into the rut I lost quite a bit of drive. But your explanation helps me put to words some of the things I would like and are interesting to me.... I'm not diagnosed ADHD or anything, but I definitely think I am, although I have PTSD around Certain sex related things so this is super helpful.

[@unseenmolee]

i dont have adhd, at least not to my knowledge, but i am autistic and this was v helpful for me. just like accepting the reality of how my brain works and instead of fighting it, trying to find a way to actually help myself. i didnt know how much i needed this, ty mickey

[@Kimmaline]

Former CA public school sex educator....and I cannot tell you how helpful this is for me!!!! I'm on medical sabbatical from all my work, but I still consult and do little projects as I can (i.e. I was asked to be an advisor to some high school kids who want consent education to be mandatory at the state level, teachers who want info on queer sex ed line my inboxes, etc.) I'm not inexperienced on the topics of talking sex, to put it mildly...but I am giddily blown away how much this spoke to me!!!! There are always always so many things to learn. I love the way these dialogues on social media have such far reaching effects. Thank you for the work you put in to making this space. 💜 Also...I'm going to be that jerk. Sorry Mickey!!! *safER sex 😘

[@terrylafauci791]

Diagnosed with ADHD early on and later in life discovered I’m also a nympho…is that normal or related? I see a lot of people say they don’t like it and that puzzles me to no end.

[@gigafia5358]

Yep i I can relate. I get hyper sexual. Impulsive, hyper focus, kinks, distracted. Bored easy. My drive is bigger than my partner and its a problem for me. He also is not to much into intimicy, sometimes dont want physical touching?!

[@tonycrillis1740]

​@@gigafia5358right I could have sex multiple times a day fun play 😂 but making love to myself gets boring fast😢

[@bagelprince3]

thank you for this video! my partner has ADHD and i'm autistc so we have a lot of things in common/overlaps. this was a great way to learn what things they may not like that hadnt occurred to me.

[@jrj5893]

This has been an eyeopening watch for someone whose partner is ADHD, and makes a lot of things that happen between us make more sense. Is there a chance that you would do something like this for depression? I got my diagnosis for it, and while I know part of my... I hate saying 'issues' but that's the easiest term... are due to health complications, I feel like there are also connections to the depression, as well. Thank you so much for posting this!

[@catsrmylyf]

I can only imagine the years of shame I might've avoided had I seen this video earlier in life! 🙌 Even though I've always considered myself "sex positive," it still surprises me sometimes how much internal shame (& internalized ableism, frankly) I've racked up in my brain over the years when it comes to sex. Until fairly recently, sex felt like the one area in life where I couldn't hide how "broken" I was. I'm so glad to see videos educating on how untrue that is!

[@LaedeeTyme]

i love the goose

[@beritberit147]

This video changes a lot for me. I didn't know these things. I've had a lot of problems who is pretty shameful for me. I really want to say thank you. I feel less like a failure now❤

[@rebachick94]

I honesty thought I was the only one who doesn’t like kissing with tongue. It has nothing to do with bacteria or not liking saliva. I just don’t like it. It’s validating to hear that I’m not the only one.

[@Kick0a0cat]

I only have a possibility of liking tongue kisses when the dental hygiene is immaculate and we both still taste minty😅 I don't even like it, when I'm the one with the bad taste in my mouth.

[@mirisparkleslikewhoa]

Same here!!

[@allysandre695]

Thank you so much! Now I know, why I like to close my eyes. It is for concentration 😂

[@Shannon-mq5uk]

First thing that I thought of too…. I feel kind of bad, UNTIL I SAW THIS VIDEO!! ❤

[@BritneyT.]

This was such a great video, and soothed so many of the anxieties I've been having in the back of my mind. It's really great and frankly rare to have a generally safe and trusted source of education for this that isn't also exclusionary in some way. At least in my experience 😅

[@Tierneycristian]

I suffered severe depression and mental disorder several years ago as a teenage. Got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD, took so many ADHD medications. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

[@RobertaSandra-no3dy]

Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.

[@StephenHackle]

Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Australia. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.

[@nicholda436]

YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@JesseRobson-dk5cy]

Ive done shrooms last month in my house. It taught me how severely traumatized I was from alcohol. I healed from many mental traumas from my past and was able to forgive, let go. Shrooms to me is a remedy not a vice. I even felt more refreshed the morning after. So no hangovers. No depression mood for days. No anxiety.I now have a more calm mind

[@Marylongor]

How can i find him? Is he on Instagram

[@annekaffeekanne3754]

I have ADHD and easily distracted is my middlename ^^ Especially when my orgasm is near I get very sensitive to distractions. When I realize I get "out of my body" (nice term for it btw), I found out, that it helps me a lot to close my eyes and focus on the feelings my body is having. This helps me to stay in the moment - creaking beds are my orgasms worst nemesis though 😄 I am 33 and only got my diagnosis a year ago. This really help me understand myself and explain my needs to others a lot better. As a social worker I always thought I knew what ADHD was until I got my diagnosis and dived into all the books, podcasts and videos...And never would I have guessed that being neurodivergend influences a person this all-encompassing and that my habits even when having sex are linked to ADHD. Thank you for your videos!

[@Shoot4AlarmFire]

100% cannot orgasm with my eyes open. I have to focus on every sensation my body is having, and even then it is hard to get there! Glad I am not the only one....

[@SQUELCH-zj7il]

Im 25 and ive never had an orgasm. I don't know how people do it 😂 ive had sex probs a hundred times

[@chloe2264]

@@SQUELCH-zj7il Make sure you're with someone you feel strongly about and you feel safe with first and foremost. Assuming your female, get on top and be in control of every movement and angle and the pace. Sitting up on a couch is a really good angle for me personally, or have a pillow folded behind his head to prop him up a bit if in bed. Flex those muscles down there, find an angle or movement that feels good and ride it out. Being fingered first hits a lot of good spots and helps to speed things up too. Plus everyone feels different, so some you can't feel, some you feel too much, but some are just right. Gotta find what feels best for you! Good luck!

[@SQUELCH-zj7il]

@@chloe2264 Thanks for the advice. Sure I'll be moving in with my bf soon so we'll have more time to experiment. Most of our encounters are in places where I don't feel comfortable fully letting go

[@jadecoulter9064]

This video is EXTREMELY validating

[@douglasyoung927]

These are really important discussions to have. Thank you!

[@ZAB_Nailz]

Omfg, self analysis. How have I never heard of this with respect to ADHD and autism?! That is me in a nutshell.

[@smoss29743]

The sensory portion of this video is so spot on because I have a huge thing with textures and I just feel her 😅

[@catladycabaret]

loved everything about this, you speak to so many truth about what we deal with. and sensible things to try. thank you!

[@Jill-ih9dq]

This was helpful to me as someone with an ADHD partner. We’ve really been struggling to get to a place where we’re both satisfied with our sex life, as well as division of labor and such. I notice a lot of the things you mentioned in him, and this helped me understand a little better. Do you think you could talk more about how to support an ADHD partner while still getting your needs for intimacy, touch, etc. met? We are in couple counseling, but i’d love to hear your broad strokes perspective.

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@steceymorgan814]

Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Is he on instagram?

[@steceymorgan814]

Yes he is. dr.sporesss

[@unwantedInformation]

This is actually super helpful. I hadn't connected the dots that my mental issues with sex are related to the adhd.

[@keiths.9239]

Im undiagnosed but pretty sure i hot adhd. My spouce is a sexual. Ive had so many people look at me weird if i say i dont care about sex. Had a group of 7 captive desk workers be so shocked. I was shocked when some said they cant go a week without it. Im over here normally going 3 to 6 months without.

[@PurpleAmharicCoffee]

I may be a repulsed asexual but am still curious after receiving a new ADHD diagnosis.

[@copiouscat]

Sameeee

[@kellylyons1038]

Pretty sure i became asexual when she started talking about kink like it was okay 🤢

[@bluester7177]

I'm also ace and have adhd, haven't dated anyone for the better part of a decade now and I still clicked because it just sounds interesting.

[@heatherwhite2674]

As someone who was raised in the church, sex is a very unknown topic for me, so I love this, thank you. I often struggle with mentally being in the mood, but not physically, is it healthy to push myself if my partner and I want it, but I'm struggling?

[@butterfly29000]

I feel you! I wasn't taught anything about sex and being in a serious relationship, and now married, I have learned sooo much and feel there is still so much to learn. I think it's really important to be honest and vulnerable about this topic with your partner. I think there are healthy ways to push yourself, as long as you're feeling safe and desiring to do so. But I'd be careful because you also don't want to force yourself, you know? Taking a leap even when it's nerve wracking can be rewarding, but forcing yourself when you're really not feeling it may lead to resentment or other negative things. I think it comes down to building self trust and self awareness, and keeping communication open with your partner about how you are feeling. Good luck to you! 💛💛💛

[@butterfly29000]

And also considering what could be behind the mental desire but lack of physical one. Learning about types of arousal was really interesting for me, like being the mood for no reason versus taking your time to respond to a created mood (candles, romantic atmosphere, etc). So sometimes it might feel like the body hasn't caught up just because you need a little more time or are aroused differently than your partner.

[@cloud5544]

i really liked the language you used, very inclusive and supportive and just made me feel seen and supported in this

[@GlitterEnby]

Thank you for this fantastic video! Would you consider doing a part II that focuses on self-pleasure?

[@SydneyRichards]

I actually burst out in tears when I saw the words, "Your sensory issues don't make you a bummer" appear on the screen, and I started to audibly sob while watching the next 3 minutes of the video. I was not expecting to feel so seen and feel such an immediate wave of emotion while watching this. The emotion came so quickly and intensely, it was startling. Will definitely be bringing this up with my therapist next week hahaha.

[@thnkfrtheVenom]

I have trouble with falling into a self-sabotaging cycle of feeling self conscious that I take a long time to achieve orgasm and my anxiety over this makes it take even LONGER or even to the point where I end up not being able to because I literally become too numb/oversensitive down there from it taking so long. I then feel like I let down my sexual partner because I wasn't able to get there, and thinking they feel like they did all of that work for no reward. I literally had a friend have to wear a wrist brace for the next week because he practically got carpal tunnel from trying to help me 😭

[@Oreo-gd2zq]

I've been there and I totally relate to that guilt. The wrist brace is funny af though I'm sorry 😂

[@GloryThruHarmony]

I think its a case of being super patient with yourself and others being patient with you. It sounds counter intuitive but honestly its better than putting extra pressure on yourself, which then only leads to more of not being able to get there. Start off super slow and gentle and build it up. I think we see porn or have this expectation from movies etc of instant ecstasy but it doesn't necessarily work like that. The more we focus on achieving the goal of orgasm the more we put pressure on ourselves, funnily enough making it harder. The reward isn't you orgasming, the reward is just the fact that you experience any pleasure at all 🎉 orgasm or not. We tend to make sex about a performance when its meant to be about intimacy and just exploring one another ❤ hope this helps 😊

[@montanerdz]

Also remember a lot of women cannot orgasm from penetration. Look up tantric yoni massage and learn about a different way to be sexed. Penetration is not the only way to have good sex

[@HerebutNot]

Wow. Thank you! So many things covered here that I hadn’t given a lot of thought to but experienced through my whole adult life-especially #4 as it relates to distractions like sounds or internal dialogue/analysis. It’s like you turned on a lightbulb by helping me understand the experience from a different perspective.

[@Indianaeverheart]

Loving how you show up! Inclusive, nuanced, and clearly so experienced! Also just found out about beducated from this!!! You are so talented, and I want to be a sex therapist, and help people through difficult things, as well as giving great sex advice. Going through college right now doing a video-related program to help myself build a platform for myself. My biggest challenge is just the timeline for it all! I have ADHD and wish everything would happen quickly!! But in it for the long haul, and really preparing for a long career. I'm 25 writing this. You are big inspo #subscribed

[@vulpinelinguini]

This is my first time seeing one of your videos, and this comment is wayyyy off topic but… I love your “put a bird on it” thing on the wall behind you🤣 I haven’t seen a ton of portlandia, but that’s one of my favorite skits from the first season, and one of my favorite skits in general. Love the art all around you. :)

[@beyondallmeasure]

This is such a great video! Thank you for making me feel seen! ❤ I would love more videos on this topic.

[@37macherie00]

With sphyillis (cannot spell) being back, YES GET TESTED!!

[@lauriem2053]

Just fyi it’s syphilis.

[@astabaker9421]

😳 sensory sensitivities 😳 thanks for talking about this, I think I need to go get some dental dams lol

[@sarahbauer8729]

You’re the absolute best ever. But while I was watching this I was scrolling through a dating app and hit a STRING of Uber conservative, sex negative, victim blamey, misogynistic profiles and I felt like I was in a vortex of some kind. Glad to be out now!

[@hugsmileveryday]

Glad i found your channel and this video...finally have some answers to my "weirdness"

[@Lobotoyou]

Thank you so much!!! ❤ Super helpful ❤️ my spouse and I are both neurodivergent with different “brands” of the same diagnosis; put a lot of things in perspective for us, and opened up more dialogue! ❤️

[@Varia09_3]

Thank you so much! Your video helped me understand so much about past and present issues in life! I appreciate you always :)

[@hurraynature7449]

I suspect I'm autistic and my husband is ADHD. Every so often, I have days when physical touch is very difficult for me to handle (I dont tend to enjoy much physical touch to begin with, but sometimes I become extra senstized). On those days sex really isn't an option which frustrates my husband (who absolutely loves physical touch). I've struggled to help him understand that I don't want sex those days not because I'm not attracted to him but because I just can't handle the stimulus. Maybe if I share this video, he'll be one step closer to understanding.

[@claripossum2079]

When I was with my ex husband the distraction issue was HUGE for me. Wish I'd known then it was an ADHD thing lol. We also weren't that good of a match, that was definitely a factor.

[@techie_ania]

You are briliant! I've been reading so much about ADHD, as my partner has it, several of my friends have it and I'm suspected of having it (on a waiting list for diagnosis atm), and some of the things you've mentioned didn't occur to me to be related (like the forgetting about sex existing, for example) or the fact that you need to change routines (like your example with cleaning). These are things I do but didn't before connect them to ADHD 😮

[@caseybear4517]

I found a product that helped me manage my fluids "ick"... its called Splash Blanket. It's a super soft blanket that is waterproof! Has definitely helped my mind be at ease :)

[@jrj5893]

Thank you for bringing this up! I can't afford one of the original ones, but Amazon has something similar for pets, which will be good for trying out at least.

[@tonycrillis1740]

The wetter the better 😅

[@felineenthusiast]

this was very healing, thank you so much mickey

[@rachelk3532]

Wow I feel so validated ❤️ thank you for posting! Always enjoy your videos!

[@hank_430]

Welp now I understand why I need some sort of audio element during sexy time 🤣 my journey into understand the adhd aspects of my mind is very new so all this info has been so illuminated and affirming ♥️ thank you!

[@shellym9657]

Soooooo helpful wish I could have watched this 30 years ago when I was younger.

[@nicolebro8399]

........... Nothing has ever made more sense. I swear I've thought I've had ADHD but I can't get diagnosed just yetx this is helping me understand more especially that I should probably get a therapy for ADHD even if they don't tell us this stuff. Hollyyyy shhhiiiiit

[@ThisBigSandwich]

Thank you so much Mickey! That was super validating ❤

[@krippy840]

I believe trying out sex with out kink, and kink without sex, can be a helpful practice for self-care and discovery.

[@mohnnudel2393]

Thank you so much for this.

[@normalgamergal]

Some of this didn't apply to me as a demisexual, but wow did a lot of things get made clear to me! The body fluid stuff was always something I couldn't understand why it bugged me. I think my ADHD may also be one reason why I lean... dominant in the bedroom. I find passive roles really boring 😆

[@ellem8990]

Makes sense, since if it's up to the other person to do most things chance are they won't know when you need a switch up. When you're in control it's easier to follow whatever it is you desire/get the impulse to do to stay interested (obviously with consent).

[@kittyjuneo2218]

For this whole topic, I am on the 'want to but can't' side of things. I rarely get in the mood, but when I do my brain says yes but my body doesn't react at all. I don't have any PTSD related to this either, so I really don't know why this happens. Anyone else have this experience?

[@Wwumzymumzy]

I’m in a somewhat similar situation, the difference is I do have sexual childhood trauma. I’m interested in sex, but I’ve yet to meet anyone I wanted to have sex with. It just doesn’t cross my mind when I meet people and I feel too old, like I missed the window when everyone else was learning. At 29 you’re expected to be a pro, right? I’m just very insecure about the whole thing.

[@Wayfarer889]

Yes. I don't know if you are female, but for me it seems to be highly correlated to my monthly cycle. I track it, and have found that there are just certain days (sometimes the whole week) before my period when my body just will not cooperate. My partner and I have adopted a more relaxed attitude about it now. If it's not working for me, we just shift the focus to him and try not to worry about it. It happens.

[@hellokitty3214]

I know this is super late but my body wasnt interested until I learned to truly relax. My muscles are tight as a drum and them being incapable of loosening up made it so my body had no interest. Perhaps that could be contributing to your issues as well.

[@kittty55]

Damn girl! Sure wish you would've been around when I was young. You're very easy to relate to. Thanks.❤

[@juliafaye8764]

Wow. This makes so much more sense now 😂