What are the stories behind your tables' most dramatic or funniest quotes?

[@starlessedge8743]

OMG I CANT BELIEVE IT THE CHICKEN WING AT STRAHD WAS MY PARTY LMAO

[@ADMICKEY]

Y'all did a great funny

[@S4murai_Screwed]

*YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!*

[@alexanderlucard4810]

The line itself was hilarious. But more than that, I was impressed by the sheer level of pettiness your party got up to. This guy invites them to his home, and tries to be the spooky vampire lord, and they respond with “your fit is trash, nerd”, steal his shit, break a different window each just to break as many windows as possible and throw a chicken leg at them. How the fuck did he not murder the lot of them on the spot? That was incredible to hear about without context.

[@senor-achopijo3841]

The chicken wing might have caused only 1d4 bludgeoning damage to Strahd, but that kind of mental damage can kill gods.

[@winnerwannabe9868]

2d4. It was a crit!

[@aidanjones8288]

“We’ve come a long way since the bucket days?” When my group first started a campaign, one of my friends, who was new to Dnd at the time, spent a solid 15 minutes investigating a normal bucket. The rest of us were laughing too hard to stop him. After that, every time we faced a large story moment, like killing a dragon for the first time, and we always said that line.

[@magenstaffarts]

“Is he ever gonna use that glaive?” My DM had valid concerns about my bard’s habit of collecting new weapons. To be fair, Lance does not take weapons he doesn’t intend to use

[@BoredTAK5000]

“You see the goblin children running towards you. *You* see the lit dynamite on their backs” evil but dramatic

[@lechking941]

now THAT is one way to make a paladen posable breack voe, if they love kids of all races.

[@BoredTAK5000]

@@lechking941 Anakin Skywalker wouldn’t have a problem

[@ADMICKEY]

@@BoredTAK5000 or goblin slayer

[@lexsamreeth8724]

We had a campaign centering around curses. My character was a leonin cleric who was the only survivor of a mysterious plague that had wiped out his village, and he was constantly haunted by the spirits of his kin. As the campaign continued, it became evident that everyone was somehow linked to one of the demon lords. The sorcerer turned out to be a simulacrum created by Graz'zt. Our paladin was literally the daughter of Baphomet. Our fighter and our rogue were being used as pawns by the seperate heads of Demogorgon. But my cleric's link to his demon lord, Orcus, was a bit harder to nail down. At least, until we were facing off with an egotistical ifrit price in the Brass City. My character had already made friends with several of the demons that were being forced to be gladiators and punching bags, and they had hinted that somehow, he was bearing the power of Orcus within him. During our confrontation with said ifrit prince, my cleric had managed to seriously piss him off, using his war domain to help land a massive hit on him, and thwarting several of his lair actions. I openly taunted him, as Cleric had something of a self-punishment complex. The ifrit responded with Power Word Kill. The DM described me falling dead. And then feeling himself stir as strange memories welled up within his skull, even as his flesh fell away, revealing clean bones - and distinctive horns. So, to the ifrit's absolute terror, this massive unit of a leonin, carrying a maul on his back and with cursed chains clinging to his forearms, stands back up after he's been very clearly slain, and I then say the single most bad-ass line I've come up with so far. "I am Orcus. Demon Lord of Undeath. You may beg now."

[@zachrousseau1097]

This just happened at our last session. The party entered an eating contest as part of a village fair, and we’re all doing well, making steady constitution saves to keep eating more and more disgusting items. At one point, we are handed a large, alive clam that we must pry open before we can eat it. Our sorcerer/rogue asks to cast a spell that blasts the clam with radiant energy in order to cook it through. The creature being attacked must make a dex save or get blasted, and we joked that since the clam is alive it should roll a save. Our DM rolls the dice: NAT 20. We all begin howling with laughter, completely derailed the session for a few minutes. In my mind I imagined that another contestant accidentally bumped the table just as our sorcerer cast the spell, knocking the clam out of the way before it rolled back into place.

[@viniciosout]

😊

[@yoface2537]

"I'm up for anything I have an m1 garand" my artificer just returned to the campaign after months of robotics and thus had a lot of new technology, including some firearms and a tank, I also had no idea what the current plot was and thus when they made a decision on what to do next I had no good ideas and thus the random quote

[@kevinthomas4064]

Another cple I just remembered "Just as you've gotten the halfling BBEG dead to rights with a pointblank sbot from your flintlock..... you're hand twitches causing the bullet to ricohet off the metal floor into your crotch..... yes.... that brass ball hit you straight into your brass balls" - When Brass Dragonborn Hunter gets a Nat 1 "You curse your luck in anguish as your fiancee ruins months if intel work by the emperor by picking up your scent in this ballroom even though you're wearing a expensive artifact if disguise.... and she's a half-dragon not a bloodhound"

[@goldenfox76]

That life domain clerics line was on the same level as god may forget but i wont

[@kamilee4123]

“What’s a room?”- my bard, attempting to act really really stupid to get out of combat. I rolled like a 15 and plus modifiers I convinced the NPC that I was that dumb. We got out of combat. “Good people give babies guns” -druid/paladin’s player on our plan to get a bunch of kidnapped children out by giving them swords and having them attack their captors. Also, the name Brad for NPCs and chocolate milk being alcoholic have just become running bits in all our campaigns thus far.

[@anthonyfanchin1144]

The chicken wing is part of my top ten funniest moments I’ve heard on this channel 😂

[@shiroitaka5948]

DM: "You killed not one, but two people with your chair.." Me: Do I... level up? Context: My character, Hermes, is an Alchemist in Pathfinder. Hermes had made his first chair in a bar where we fought our first bounty target, but did nothing with it. Fastfoward to turning in the bounty, I made another chair because funny, and chilled in it for a bit. One of our party members got a bounty put on his head for some reason and was put in jail. The rest of the party decided to break him out, but I decided to stay in the bar. I decided I wanted to sell my chair, so I rolled a performance check and failed miserably. So my character got on top of the table and yelled "WHO WANTS IT!?", prompting a bar fight. Loud explosion comes from the jail (party member used a fire punch or something), and bar fight ensues. Hermes throws his chair at someone and knocks two people out, then throws an alchemist's fire in the middle of everyone, catching everyone on fire. We all run out, and try to escape (considering I just committed arson). And that's basically the jist of that encounter.

[@connormellin7777]

CONTEXT

[@shiroitaka5948]

@@connormellin7777 Updated with context now lol

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

PANR has tuned in.

[@BusiedSasher]

As PANR always does.

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

@@BusiedSasher indeed.

[@hahaheart1]

"You can't just lie your way into being a potted plant" Two of my players snuck into a room where there were a few people talking. One of the players declared that they'd pretend to be a plant. I just stuttered a confused "What???" then they rolled a nat 20 on deception. One of my players rolled a NAT 20 on pretending to be a plant I just bluescreened. After a long silence only broken by more confused noises, I ruled that they could keep the NAT 20 for later, but they could not just squat and be a plant, because no matter how good you are a lying, a random potted plant that talks and looks very much like a tiefling isn't going to fool anyone, especially in a hidden room. Everyone agreed that it was the right move, but the player seemed a bit disappointed, but seemingly got over it, and went with not being seen a different way.

[@kadentaylor6786]

“Eat the liver.” - Me egging my friend on to each some poor dude’s liver. Mind you, we were still in the opening tavern scene at this point,” and the quest hadn’t even started.

[@otakubancho6655]

So,that would make her an end of life cleric.😈😈😈

[@samzilla1281]

In the last campaign, my bard was that kind of bard. It wasn't completely my fault. The DM made me roll for seduction often, just because I said hi. At one point, she decided every time I went to bed with an NPC it automatically led to a pregnancy. I often heard the phrase there's a bun in the oven. The funny one was when I flirted with an elf. My character was a homebrew demigod. If he fathered a child it would look like the mother. I flirted with an elf, her half orc boyfriend wasn't happy, then I flirted with him. Cue "there's a bun in the oven but we're not sure whose it is until it's born"

[@lechking941]

gezus at lest ya bard became a good comedic relife even if unintended. at lest if there is one thing ya did is help spread some love around XD

[@robertpowell1464]

"Little Mutton" Its currently on ongoing joke since one of the party members decided to try and extinguish a bonfire in hell by jumping in it. Eventually the character gets revived, but everyone still makes roasted goat jokes since she's a satyr. Fast forward a while and they are in a lair of mindflayers that were willing to make a deal to rid them of some pests. The one addressing them is interupted by satyr character asking questions and as a sign that the mindflayer could see their pasts, he addresses her as "Little Mutton." Her character took some offense at that, but the players including that PC's player, were all laughing.

[@senor-achopijo3841]

Shopkeeper: "Wait, how many cookies do you have?" Ranger: "I don't know!" The party once met a tortle druid named Hopa who was like a grandma to them. Lovely, wholesome lady, everyone loved her. Unfortunately, she was really old and passed away after the party defeated a boss. Hopa always carried a bag full of cookies, which she often offered to the party. After Warlock tried the first one, they found out, those were her "special" cookies, made with green flour (wink wink). After passing away, she gave the party her cookie bag. Ranger, being very curious and brave, wanted to see how many cookies they still had. As he looked into the bag, he only saw darkness inside. He flipped the bag upside-down and a mountain of cookies spilled out of the bag. Yep, it was a bag of holding with an infinite supply of Hopa's special cookies. Later on, they entered a shop to buy stuff, but being the stingy rats that they are, they tried to pay for their stuff with cookies. That's where the quote kicks in. I was the DM, and I laughed my ass off at how sincerely Ranger's player said it. It was brilliant. I even let them pay for armor with cookies. P.S: Those cookies also came in handy much later. The party was trying to get their hands on a magic gem that would help them defeat a boss. In order to get said gem, they had to win a horse race. The party thought: "Wait, why don't we drug the competition?" So they built a cookie-selling stand. A couple of nat 20s later and the MFs drugged almost all of the competition and even profited from it. I love D&D XD

[@Rinasan28]

"If I cry, do you think they'd let us stay here for free?" - My sweet, barely of-age halfling cleric after our human fighter shoved her in a sacred fountain three times in a row

[@TinySwanGrandAdventures]

Not D&D but rather Vast Grimm "Congratulations! You've completely killed the door! There was a control panel to open the door that you failed find and press but you succeeded in killing the door. Good job!" -Our DM after we Esworded an electrical door

[@Darkinu2]

I'm just listening to this as background music but the Strad VS Chicken Wing story made turn around and laugh like a idiot 😂😂

[@aaronreynolds1504]

"You're on a bus!" is my groups. We we're playing a game of Hunter: The Reckoning. we had traveled from Sacramento to Las Vegas following a lead. While investigating the lead we discovered information that we needed to get to Los Angeles and it was time sensitive. Four out of five of us decided to fly back with the fifth opting to take a bus because it was cheaper. The four of us who flew ended up in a fight with a vampire, and the fifth guy kept trying to coordinate the fight. This got old quick and somebody finally snapped and said "Player, you're on a bus." and it kind of became my groups way of saying stop interrupting.

[@DarkCheeld]

Every time someone wants to use the Polymorph spell. We say it is time to Clam Em. Its a spell we try not to abuse to much.

[@theultrasceptile]

12:05 yeah baby!

[@NexeL_NKC]

“Are you black?” “Yes, I am.” For context: this was from a previous session. My party just came out of an underwater library run by a dragon opposed to Tiamat. We’re in the city of Waterdeep, and trying to escape the wrath of an aspect of Tiamat, long story, and another dragon attacks the city. It causes a breach in the city walls where we manage to escape through a hoard of monsters entering through said breach. We make it to the forest, where we come across this little 14 year old girl. She offers us camp and food, so we decide to stay with her. Due to her being a child, we’re a little suspicious. Environmental tells alert us that something’s up. So we question the girl. We have a player who’s playing a 14 year old blind wizard. Think Toph from Avatar The Last Airbender. With ZERO hesitation or context, she blurts out “Are you black?” We’re all as players and DM, not African American. Cue us losing it. Turns out, the girl we were talking to was indeed an adolescent black dragon, polymorphed to a 14 year old. And as a bonus, she caused the breach in the city. That was the greatest laugh I’ve ever had as a player.

[@lechking941]

god blind PCs can be some of the best weapons agesnt OOC party members and the DM

[@infinityc2859]

"You're going to waste all your time fighting over teeth!" -The DM (not word for word) Basically my brother and I play a sibling crime duo in the campaign we're currently playing. We took down some enemies and my brother and I decided our characters would rip out some of the enemies' teeth as trophies. For some reason our characters don't know how to attach the teeth to string to make necklaces so we threatened the only member of our party who knows how to make them. Another player took our teeth to stop us from making the necklaces and I put my character's dagger against his throat. After probably an hour of just fighting over teeth, my brother and I were allowed to keep the teeth but we didn't make them into necklaces.

[@kevinthomas4064]

"Congradulations.... you've pissed off one of the Ravnica ruling guilds newest guild leaders..... roll a d20 con saving throw for corn damage"

[@nataku5379]

Thankfully the canoe came from the sky and they didnt get caught in a canoese

[@disableddragonborn]

We need a stockpile of cookies from the first story ASAP.

[@Gaiacrusher9fan2]

7:35 They basically turned the spider queen into the spider girl from Monster Musume.

[@wesleythomas7125]

What a way to go out! Smushed by a boat! Canoe beleive it!?

[@billgottschall1808]

My Warforge tries to heal the party wounds with mending, after learning that it doesn't work like that he moves on, and then tries to use it to bring back dead party members later.

[@notgarybusey]

I was playing as a hobgoblin from a town where jazz was popular. One day, we were exploring a dungeon with a kobold NPC named Meepo, and I explain to the dungeon master that the nae-nae is a popular dance to do to jazz music. I then ask if I can teach Meepo how to nae-nae. Since I'm proficient with the saxophone, I'll need one, but there's none to be found in the dungeon. Thankfully, there's barrels of raw meat that the goblins in this dungeon cook for food, so I ask what I'll need to roll to assemble the meat from the barrels into a meat saxophone to play jazz for the Kobold to nae-nae to. This gave my group the iconic quote from the DM: "No meat saxophones!"

[@tylermurray2191]

This is slowly becoming a thing. Party -"We need bait to lore out this thing....get little netnet!" Me- "AGAIN!" To be fair, my character is a small Thri-keen who often rides his battlesmith bear CUPCAKE(bear cupe mode) who doubles as a bag of holding, so if I got in trouble, it would be possible me to get out faster then most.

[@lechking941]

lol, tiny races are the most comedic things to live because its as if anytime something smol is alive it HAS to have a personality bigger then it.

[@rollforapples6625]

In an Ancient Greek setting campaign the party needed to climb up into a giant statue. We came to it and looked up, and the DM, in a moment of silliness said that yes, the statue was anatomically accurate when someone looked up it's skirt thing that was part of it's armor. Upon finding the switch the module said would open up the secret door in, he decided where the hole would be by saying "I invented the penis."

[@williamsrdan]

"Don't hug the dragon." At the end of a huge dungeon, where my character died after suffering many pit traps in a single room. The rest of the party arrives in a frozen cave, where a little girl asks them their True Names.... One of the female players in our group decides the girl is cute and tries to hug her..... Promptly gets backhanded 100ft in a 50ft room..... halflling splat. The little girl in the frozen cave was a frost dragon.

[@lechking941]

XD ya know if ONLY that went better and somehow ya friended that draggon just from a overly true hearted hug. but alas we got asplattered halfling.

[@maxblake5564]

“I ROLLED A (insert number between 1 and 20 here)!!! DO I HIT THE HORSE?!?!?! Context: we were playing Waterdeep: Dragon Heist (no significant spoilers ahead), when some of the irl dumber players started considering attacking a horse (we were on a busy street). Fed up with their bs, I decided to actually roll to punch a horse. Side note, my character was a chaotic neutral School of Necromancy Tiefling Wizard. Not overly relevant to the story, but I thought it worth mentioning. Anyway, my attempt to literally punch a horse led to me creating a running joke where I would randomly roll a d20 and ask if I hit the horse. Even when there were obviously no horses around (like if we were in a bar). It actually got so bad that after I punched a talking horse, I got on the bad side of the talking horse population in Waterdeep, leading to several talking warhorses trying to trample me to death in the streets.

[@casualgamefreak]

This one's from the second campaign of my Saturday group. We've been playing for five and a half years together, and we're currently on our fourth campaign, but this moment from campaign 2 stands out as just a brilliant play that set the tone for the last parts of the campaign. We were traveling on our airship, acquired many a session before, to a city we were quite familiar with and often used as a base of operations. We arrive at the city and find it flooded and under siege, with a Leviathan running around and wrecking shit. The BBEGs were doing battle with it, evidently attempting to beat it into submission so they could use it for their evil plan. We start surveying the area from our airship, when Hadrian (our elf wizard) starts directing Vaira (my Githyanki Blood Hunter/Cleric, long story) to get us closer to the creature. He wanted to get within 60 feet, specifically. We start wondering what Hadrian's plan is, what he wants to get in range to do. He's had many a fun moment in the past with various spell effects, but his player then asks if the Leviathan is native to the Material Plane or if it's from another plane. The DM responds that indeed, the Leviathan is not of this plane. Immediately, we're thinking Banishment, a spell with 60 foot range that has a stronger effect if the target is native to a plane other than the one in which the spell is cast. Immediately, we start voicing our concerns. Even if Hadrian were to banish the creature, it likely would not delay the BBEGs for very long, as they could simply re-summon it with the vast resources they had. And then Hadrian uttered the words that changed the tone of the campaign forever. _"I'm not trying to banish him."_ And he pulls out an Iron Flask. You see, a while before this, we had raided an underground fortress used by the BBEGs as a base of operations. Though the traps inside remained, the BBEGs had already abandoned it. That said, in addition to a reveal regarding Vaira's backstory (a character who was thought dead was in fact alive), we also had managed to acquire an Iron Flask from the place. It's a powerful item that fit in with what we knew of their plans, but they appeared to have left it behind when vacating the place. The Iron Flask can be used to target a creature from another plane within 60 feet. That creature must make a DC 17 Wisdom save or be trapped within the flask. If a creature is inside, an action can be used to release it. The Leviathan makes its Wisdom saving throw. 16. We didn't celebrate yet. We knew such a powerful creature would surely burn a Legendary Resistance to nullify the failed save. And then the DM informed us. _The Leviathan was out of Legendary Resistances._ And that is when we celebrated. What followed was the party, for the first time, outright having the upper hand on our BBEGs. We proceeded to chase them down and harass them, taunting them and laughing at them the whole time. Our big moment was only possible thanks to their actions, after all, leaving the flask behind and fighting the Leviathan to run it out of resistances. We managed to kill one of them (though not permanently -- thanks, Clone spell), forced another to ditch in the ocean, and forced the last two to flee via Plane Shift. The campaign was never the same after that. After what was previously a struggle to gain any traction at all, we were suddenly in a position where we could begin to strike at the BBEGs directly, and indeed we were the ones they were reacting to for pretty much the rest of the campaign. It was a fun time.

[@zackmarkham4240]

"Tasha's Hideous Laughter" very early on, around level 5, we were fighting a Horned Devil and it wasn't going well. It was flying 60 feet over us and our Bard had a crazy idea, cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter. The Horned Devil failed, fell 60 feet, broke it's neck, we won! Our Bard killed something with Tasha's Hideous Laughter! So, the spell name itself is an in-joke for us. "Dont' summon wolves again" One session of the other campaign we play, out druid used summon woodland beasts... and summoned TWENTY WOLVES while inside an enemy base. What the DM EXPECTED to be a 2 hour fight turned into a SIX HOUR FIGHT spread across TWO SESSIONS. The other casters in the party soundlessly agreed to cast counterspell on him if he tries to summon wolves again.

[@calabash115]

I’m the guy who played the character who died in the Canoe story, my friend who didn’t shut up about canoes still tries to get them in whenever he can. Between the rest of us in the party we often try to elude to canoes without saying the word, “Some long boat-like vehicle” and such. We really annoy the DM… but in a good way, we have a good laugh.

[@lechking941]

ya know ya in good with THAT as a thing.

[@bassmikemikepugh8971]

HA! one of my comments finally made it on a video and Brian read it wrong! lol!

[@ampedturtle4033]

Congrats! Bummer! And now you have a good story

[@bassmikemikepugh8971]

@ampedturtle4033 and something to lightly tease him about on Discord!

[@THECHEESELORD69]

Me, one of our two wizards talking to the former queen of drackenhime, I look around for a flower form my time (for context my PC was sealed away in a tomb for like 60000 years) DM is trying to come up with a name for the flower, my friend blurts out “veinus penius trap” we all proceed to lose our shit, it took is a few minutes to recover from that, I swear I have never laughed that hard in my life until then!

[@ToxicMynd]

"Dont be a hero. People too often rely on heroes and their faith breaks when they see you fail or your flaws becom prominent. Be a good person instead, good people inspire others to step up too and they dont have to be flawless. Take me for example kid, I smoke, drink, and go to brothels. But I've saved more lives with my medical skills than I can count and I make people happy fixing whats broke with my skills woth tools. Dont be a hero kid. Just be a good man." -Dr. Spriggs Sapho, 35 year old saphire kobold with 2 docorates in medicine and engineering talking to the party's 18 year old draconic sorcerer.

[@CassDonquixote]

"You could promise me the moon and the stars and it would mean fuck all." Said by my cyborg monk to our captain after he got the monk's boyfriend captured and "Promised to fix it"

[@darkfox9218]

" So you are so unlucky... the God of luck... the god you worship!... Despises you so much you are forbidden from entering any of their temples?

[@gbpakgirl26]

“Why can’t I revive a god? My character has killed 20 DMs!” This was back in my online group (Group spilt because Timezones, all of us was in the Americas while 1 dude lived in Rome or smth) that we met each other and played on a Public Minecraft Server. Yes, we found each other via Minecraft. Anyways, the Min-Maxer in the group challenged me which I had a level 20 Warlock against his god that supposedly killed 7 DMs. Yeah he rolled around 100+ d100s for damage and I died instantly. A few months later, I decided to make my own Homebrew monster to beat his. By the time I finished it he said something along the lines of “Other gods made me mortal and I died. No revive could work because of some curse.” Fun Times

[@ezio4999]

player. I roll to fart on the lit wooden spoon as an attack. Dm. roll for attack Player.(rolls) Nat 20 Dm. .... you cast fireball

[@miken5448]

"27" We had this one player who regularly would talk as though he was an expert on the rules and regularly try to tell players and DM they were doing something wrong when they were not. Often this included bragging about how his character from a different campaign did these things so he knows exactly how it works. Same player also regularly kept trying to do things that were clearly against the rules (making extra attacks without the action to do so, rolling stealth while 5 ft from npc staring directly at them in the middle of a well lit room), and would always claim he was a noob unfamiliar with the system and didn't realize how those things worked when called out. It all became personified as we regularly saw him roll a 12 or so on die, and declare with his modifier it is a "27" (this started at lvl 1 btw). Always a 27 result on mediocre rolls, combined with constantly trying to stealth while in plain view of everybody with nothing to hide himself with. This became an inside joke with the rest of the players. Now, we all consider at 27 to be better than a nat 20, and whenever someone gets a 27 we joke "The Legend 27, I just mysterious turn invisible for no reason."

[@EdridgeRonin]

“ tell me something, do they have doujins where you come from? “ Here’s the context, this was my third time DND and each and every time before this was a PVP session just to learn the ropes. These two were the PVP session but it was one on one. Each and every character I had either was unfinished, or they were level five. Each character the other guy had was around level six to level 20. So yeah, I was kind of fucked. I picked Havoxx my Verden warlock sorcerer and scrambled to see if I should add anything to the build (didn’t need to). And the guy I was facing against picked his elf blade singer wizard named Yuta Okkotsu. now before you say anything yes, he did basically make an elf version of Yuta from jujutsu kaisen. To say the least I was internally panicking, but I quickly reassured myself “ it couldn’t be that bad” I thought in my blissful ignorance. When I tell you guys that this was by far the most frustrating fight I’ve ever been in, everything I’ve tried either was negated missed, or repelled back into my face. I even tried grappling, and even that failed. As my character is laying on the ground, with a rapier in his face being told to concede while saying that “ you make for a better bard than a sorcerer”. Havoxx was basically on the brink of losing it as I finally got the idea and remembered my ace in the hole. Havoxx began to pose on the ground as if he’s begging for forgiveness and said “ speaking of bards tell me something friend do they have doujins where you come from?” While yuta was confused Havoxx slammed his hands to the ground as he cast arms of Hadar. Once I rolled for damage it was extremely high, everything was starting to look up for a second… until yuta’s player revealed that he had necrotic resistance. So instead of. Yuta getting ripped apart by energy tentacles, they were just gently massaging him. After that Havoxx gave Yuta the finger as Yuta casted sleep, then proceeded to be stabbed in the heart. Moral of the story: if you’re about to engage in a game of PVP and someone pulls out an anime character, just know that you’re about to enter a world of pain.

[@EeveetoUmbreon25]

6:10 “ah fuck! Right In the eye! Ah oh shit its a SPICY chicken wing!.... urg, i wanna go after them... but i need to clean this out” And thats how to critical hit with a chicken wing

[@Night4fingers]

"DM : 'No, I'm not giving a towel an armor rating". Context : Rockergirl was under the shower, fight breaks out outside the motel, she went to film with, well, just a towel on.

[@diggy5884]

Funny story, I am the DM for the WoW game at 8:40 , and was also the DM of the game mentioned in another episode, weirdest items in inventory kzbin.info/www/bejne/qIq2c6yoqrZ5Zrc . Both are from the same WoW campaign and it should be noted both writings are by different characters, as The one in this video is a Troll Shaman (like mentioned here), whilst the guy in the video I linked to is a goblin warlock. I do have some quotes from the same campaign to share. "Diggy, make this guy racist" - One player, talking to me, referring to a Human monk in a scarlet crusade monastery they were raiding, as the human was being polite towards them (later on he would convert to another religion, the argent dawn, and work alongside the party for a while) "Will you be my dad?" - The orc paladin talking to a Tauren (think of it as an equivalent for this setting to Minotaur) who dwarfed him by 3 or so feet in height "Roast her to deal psychic damage" - The same tauren from above "Going first is for losers" - also the same tauren from above

[@junglejim9739]

"10xp?" My first ever strahd campaign was with a bunch of co-workers and the dm had a terrible rule for leveling. He was running it as partial milestone and partial xp. All milestones would grant 100xp, killing creatures would net 10xp and every ability check would grant the player who rolled it 1xp. Now when it came to combat, only the player who dealt the killing blow gets the xp for the kill. This created a lot of competition and kill stealing from each other, especially the cleric who had guiding bolt.. we really didn't stand a chance competing against that. However, while we were in a town there was child npc who had stolen from one of us and we confronted the kid. One of the players looks the rest of us in the eyes and with a straight face says "10xp?". So that became the running joke anytime we came across an npc or any creature that could be killed. We never did actually murder hobo anything but that joke made things a little more enjoyable. And yes, anytime any of us coworkers play together, someone will randomly spout out "10xp?" At npcs.

[@WMFawn]

"BAWK BAWK MOTHER FUCKER" SENT ME

[@blakethegreatone2058]

All kills to shayla! This was after my friend shayla's monk went h.a.m. on a bunch of pirates and ripped their faces off.

[@Fiore_The_Demon_Child]

"The gift you receive is plus 3 charisma permanently and a new violin, never roll that high again." My party enter a tavern, I am a bard along with the warforged bard who has a built in piano and beat made by his own body. We decide to perform together and each roll 5 d20s, 10 nat 20s, my character's violin broke because how much she shredded, and she lost her voice.

[@torchrandom9059]

“You broke into my home and tried to kill me!” “You and your zombies started!” A lot of my campaign’s funk quotes work better without context (and arguably this one too), but this was from moments before we made peace, Allie’s, and friends with the local Necromancer of the Well

[@kitemaywilder1792]

i mean there are few who don't like cookies

[@jonathanmarks3112]

3:23 WHAT?!! 3:42 Oh dear. 4:43 HUH?! 5:14 LOL. 5:29 LOL. Requesting permission to use. 6:22 WHAAAAAT? 7:35 Sorlock? 11:28 LOL. 12:00 What the heck?! 14:36 LOL!

[@theonlyotherclone]

very first time (so our dm was very descriptive) we all played we were struggling to fight trolls there was one left, the troll was swinging at me and had moved to stand right next to/over our halfling paladin, paladin asks dm (because dm described how troll is only wearing loincloth type thing) >“ew so what do i see when i look up!?” >”i think you already know” so of course our paladin got a divine smite nat 20 and shoved his halberd right up the trolls ass and was sprayed with shit blood and other internals incredibly shocking and uproarous of course we no longer called it divine smite but rather… “holy shit” (our dm went even further and made him roll to try and pull his weapon out of the corpse as if it was excalibur so of course “asscaliber”

[@CyColt]

Lucille: attempted murder is a very steep lapse in judgment Lucille is our parties Chitine monk. The attempted murder is of a deep gnome that later proved to have deserved the attempt succeeding. The would be murderer is our parties Reborn Wizard... i think he's a Wizard at least.

[@disableddragonborn]

Not exactly a quote, but a nickname. I had started a ToA campaign, and realized that there's something about myself that affected how I made my characters in a drastic way. I've been in a wheelchair my whole life, and I've never known much about BMI, and it's different for people in wheelchairs from able-bodied people. I pulled up a BMI calculator on my computer and a lot of my characters were unhealthily underweight, because I could find the general heights of the race, but I was guessing what would be reasonable for weight. My ToA character, however, was a bit different. The character was my first gnome, and therefore the shortest character I had ever made. I learned through a BMI calculator that I made a morbidly obese rock gnome druid. A fellow party member then said something so brilliant that I retroactively renamed the character, since I ended up leaving that group before finishing the campaign. The party member said, "McThiccums". When I realized the BMI detail, I pictured blueberry Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka, so that plus "McThiccums" made that short experience in a campaign I never got to finish very memorable.

[@disableddragonborn]

I'd kinda love it if they used the character sheets I gave them to NPC my characters. Ever since I left, I mentally retcon'd my first character since the character was drastically different from the original plan and got screwed up by a plot detail nobody warned me about the continuing storyline, which forced me to improvise, something I am terrible with. The improvised detail I had to come up with on the spot forced me to change the character's overall demeanor for it to make sense, and the original character concept got scrapped.

[@disableddragonborn]

7:44 The ret con'd character is a warlock, and I had an idea for their patron that I never got to try to implement that would function similarly to the canon rolls. Basically, seeing as the character embodied chaotic neutral, the concept was a line, numbered 1 to whatever number is max on the die (I originally thought a D20, but that might overcomplicate the idea) and on one end is Sanguine from Skyrim (The original inspiration for my username before I became a fan of D&D) and on the other end is Sheogorath. The roll would determine just what type of chaotic the patron would behave like with each interaction. From debauchery to outright madness.

[@wulfila99]

Discussion among the party because the barbarian absolutely doesn't trust the rogue because the latter is undead and has no memory of his previous life. My druid (professor with two PhDs) goes on a whole Freudian psychoanalytical ramble in an attempt to explain to the rogue why the barbarian doesn't trust him (self vs. other etc). Druid: "I'm just saying... Unknown equals dangerous, and you are a pretty big unknown in this equation." Rogue: "Have I harmed any of you?" Barbarian: "Not YET." Cue the following quote: Druid: "I think... He who is unknown because he doesn't know himself is less dangerous than he who is unknown because he doesn't reveal anything." Straight wisdom, improvised on the spot, plus an in-character dig at the barbarian who just refuses to share anything about himself, but gives the rogue a hard time for literally not remembering who he is.

[@rachelbearce626]

There's a skeleton at the door. Leads to there's a skeleton at the door and he has a gun. We on a boat that was boarded by skeletons and the party hid in the captains cabin the skeleton knocked on the door my character opened the door saw it was a skeleton and closed the door. Skeleton knocked again opened the door again and this time he had a gun. Now the running joke is about the skeleton at the door.

[@jidderbug6611]

Me and my friends are playing a home brew game and we came across a boss fight with a home brewed version of Obama. He said if we payed 15 gold in taxes each we didn’t have to fight, I being a bard shot back with “no, you owe me taxes” I managed a 15 and somehow passed making me 1,200 gold richer. Gold is not common as we use silver. It’s my favorit uno reverse so far

[@kiarastardust]

"And the squirrel amputates both the captain's legs at the knees. So we had just hunted down a pirate captain. I was a squirrel (Yes an actual fucking squirrel) wildblade who already had a body count at that point. I had cut off the escape of the dwarf pirate captiain we where trying to capture. I rolled high enough to end the fight and chose not to kill him. So instead I used my tiny swords to cut off both of his legs. That was the day the dm truely regreted letting me make Socks the squirrel.

[@ZizZap4]

"Jim Carey is the shadow man." Not D&D. We play a tabletop that's similar in premise to Stranger Things, starring a group of teens uncovering and fighting back against dark secrets in the northeastern 90s suburbs. After uncovering a sort of "monster guide" and doing some additional research, we learned that the eccentric and reclusive estate owner/author who used to live in the town many years ago (and also wrote the monster guide) may have been possessed by some sort of shadowy humanoid figure in a way akin to an mental presence, the figure communicating to him via his own shadow and the two having tense conversations, based on the guy's anecdotal "fiction" writing. One of the party members, Jess, is older than the rest of us, being a high school grad who will be going to college at the end of the summer. She hates that she's babysitting several awkward kids who are younger than her. Naturally, the rest of us give her a hard time about it by seeking her out and including her whenever she's gotten some time to herself. In one instance, one of our characters went to the movies to blow off some steam, running into Jess while there since she works at the theater. Her character starts talking to Jess, and Jess tries to blow her off since she's working and doesn't like the younger teen, but she persists. Our DM does some google research and learns that, based on the campaign's setting, "The Mask" starring Jim Carey, and Jess suggests the other character go and watch it because it's popular. She obliges. As she comes out of the theater and back into the lobby, she starts talking to Jess again about possession, because The Mask is sort of about possession, and wonders if anything we've encounrered thus far could be like that. Then ANOTHER party member comes up -- a loner goth and "what are rules?" teen who's very into the occult. They overhear the others talking about possession and start asking if "The Mask" is an accurate representation of possession. (This is also the character who first found the monster guide, so they have some interest there as well.) Conversation pushes onward with Jess trying not to be associated with these two while the goth and the other teen talk back and forth about possession and cursed items and Jim Carey. One joking comment later and "Jim Carey" becomes a recurring inside joke as we say that he's the true identity of the shadow man.

[@Bondubras]

"Off we go again, into the wild blue yonder" *warp* "lost again, son of a bitch." *Beat* "No, seriously. Where the hell are we?" Context: In a scifi Savage Worlds campaign, one of my characters, piloting a dropship that served as the hero ship for most of the party was just about to initiate a warp jump to begin the campaign. Cue my GM: "Roll for Astrogation." Now, this was the point where I realized that my pilot didn't even *have* that skill, so I was forced to roll an Unskilled check, which was d4-2. Nat 1, for a total roll of minus 1. Not only were we incredibly off course, but the ship ended up expending enough fuel that we were risking a TPK then and there. Anyway, just before we jumped, the younger sister of the pilot (think of a stereotypical 'roll to seduce' bard with pretty severe nymphomania trained as a diplomat to get an understanding of this character) said the first part of the quote, with the warp jump itself breaking the quote up. And after looking at the surroundings, that's where the second quote came in. The lack of navigation skill was explained in-universe by the pilot sleeping through her astrogation classes in the academy. Later in the campaign, after the pilot was able to finally get the Astrogation skill, we referenced the quote, except it went like "off we go again, into the wild blue yonder." And the pilot responded with "no, sis. No."

[@That14VA]

I love your videos man! Please keep up the good work! (mayb heart?)

[@MrRipper]

You got it!

[@That14VA]

:DD@@MrRipper

[@greed94]

We were fighting some Gorgons (the construct metal bulls, not the hot snake lady) that ran amok near a dog people town. Turns out, they were a weird amalgamation of flesh and construct, capable of reproduction. So what did we do? Let the male live, send him to a colleague for further studies, ripped off his metal dick and had a cleric restore it, then proceeded to turn the metal dick into a bong. It. Was. GLORIOUS.

[@vixbrabec]

i was a lion man warrior the rest were a plant bard, sloth man rouge, and a dragonborn ranger. were going though a dudgeon a castle made of flesh and steel. the local sky pirates wanted it gone, us being chaotic of some sort said ok. there was this chest in the dungeons 2end floor. I was a totally sure was a mimic soo i smash with war hammer. Surprise it was and the party instead of helping me said "lets use the potion of random roll on the mimic". It grows 6 feet, then becomes armored from Adamantine fangs, i nearly die after a few rounds we kill it and the bard use more potion on me and him. he gets healing a cloud of mist, i get healing and a fucking fireball erupts from me died later rived from death saves

[@spartanhawk7637]

Got a funny one and a dramatic one. Funny one is "Yes-yes." On it's own, not funny. However you have to realize that this is just a tic literally every single kobold in our game has. Imagine giving a serious speech to your military....and because one half of it is kobolds and the other half is constructed robots, all you hear is a chorus of "YES-YES!!" and "ROGER ROGER" As for the dramatic one, probably "Rebuild your dynasty." Basically the game is Kingmaker and the head of the party is the sole survivor of house Rogarvia (she accidentally ran into a fairy glade the night the entire house vanished because she got into a fight with her brother, and the glade's magical fey weirdness protected her.) That quote was the gnome druid's dying words after he tried to convince the BBEG to simply turn himself in. We succeeded in getting the kingdom on its feet, now we're working towards rebuilding the noble house. There's uh...there's a lot of cheesy romance at the table.

[@FizzieWebb]

3:43 No one tell this man about Shadows the Damned, where the main character, Garcia Hotspur, has a demon named Johnson that takes the form of a floating skull as a sidekick that turns into his guns, with the starting pistol being called "The Boner", which gets upgraded into the Hot Boner, which then gets a chapter specific upgrade (the number to a demonic phone sex hotline) to become the BIG BONER. Garcia yells out "Taste my Big Boner" when shooting the giant enemies in that chapter. The game was thought up by SUDA 51, if that explains things to anyone.

[@ollinsanchez7014]

We are a typlical party whit a barbarian a paladin, an npc druid healer our dm put so we cuould survie my an evocation wizard, we were exploring a new room thinking what we can loot, suddenly party is split and few enemies appear the healer manages to get close, but my wizard was so far away he did nothing, while the barbarian and paladin kill everything, then near the end when my wizard is finally in range, they kill the last minion and before we could said "time to loot" a lich appear in front of the healer, knock it unconcius, bring up more minions and heavily injuered the barbarian, then the paladin has no more divine smites, and nat 1 his attack, striking his own feet, then is my turn and whit a smile on my face I said I cast sickening radiance killing all minions, and everyone got silent (including the dm because he did not know i have that spell, just level up last sesions), then the barbarian help the druid, and he and the paladin ensure the lich would not leave the area, so he would die for radiant damage or exhation, while the druid them keep them alive. One of my favorite sessions

[@oskark312]

like NR:560

[@chrisR-B]

Nat20 abolish slavery mayor story is a DM that doesn’t understand what rolls mean >_>