What Humans Call A Basic Toolkit Is Actually An Arsenal Of Deadly Weapons In Disguise | HFY Story

[@MAXYMUS1213]

Human mechanics are like mercenaries heavily armed with weapons of mass reconstruction

[@Magpiebard]

Mercenaries heavily armed with weapons of mass reconstruction and a fundamental innate refusal to accept universal laws of nature/god/science as more than entertaining (or worse frustrating - nothing scarier to witness than a mechanic who has scraped their knuckles one too many times and now view whatever is being difficult as an actual active enemy. Sensible people back up a touch... which is why most of us are constantly and willingly risking our eyebrows to lean over and want to look at the show because we might miss a neat bit. Sensible doesn't describe most of us.) suggestions.

[@jeffreyyoung4104]

As a technician, I have always known the dual use of my tools, in cases of emergency. Thankfully, I was never required to use them as weapons though.

[@Erin-Thor]

“The phrase; I’m going to need a bigger hammer dictates an emergency evacuation.” 🤣

[@wadenewman5054]

You've never thrown a wrench into the drywall before?

[@wadenewman5054]

I've gotten pretty good at patching holes now lol

[@derekbryant6137]

Somewhere in the Galaxy a galactic OSHA book has burst into flames

[@jeannettecampbell8862]

Only one?

[@derekbryant6137]

@jeannettecampbell8862 maybe more than one your reply made me laugh thank you have a great day

[@jeannettecampbell8862]

@ you’re welcome. thank you.

[@Durtly]

Humanity: Peaceful Recommended revision: Humanity: Mostly Peaceful (Heavily Armed)

[@leorapsonjr7659]

Earth, mostly harmless.

[@AfterTheFlashGamer]

Aliens: “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU HUMANS DOING. I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE REPAIRING “OIL RIGS”

[@RealEnerjak]

"Fire up the chainsaw"😂 I admit that made me laugh because it's exactly what I was thinking.

[@JustPixels7]

To be fair, I wouldn't call a chainsaw a maintanence tool.

[@jellybean2032]

I think you might have a limited idea of what maintenance encompasses ​@@JustPixels7

[@apveening]

@@JustPixels7 But it is, how else do you shape arborous elements when landscaping?

[@reubenlaoagan7598]

​​@@apveeningI mean... unless you have a sizable garden on a spaceship... I can see why they would otherwise think than it being a tool for maintenance 😅

[@Videos_of_Glory_man]

​@@reubenlaoagan7598 sheet metal or weaker metals.

[@Rosivok]

And even in space you still can't find the 10 mm hex head

[@HrLBolle]

Not the elusive 10mm

[@stevewilson6723]

An even rarer hex head size is used to change the brake calipers on 1988 Jeep Cherokees, and that is the 7mm hex head. It is not included in most hex head kits. Pop-out a 7mm hex head bit on a 3/8 drive and watch the amazement of anyone who had changed the brakes before without the proper tool look at you in amazement.

[@alecdickens1042]

What are you talking about it's right...uh...hm.

[@snorkus4790]

Duct tape, WD40, and a multi tool has allowed me to travel the world and cross the equator four times.

[@cambobaginds9274]

In my time it wad called a Swiss army knife. New or old they are the best regardless of the name. I hope your parents didn't make you wear a pith helmet for safety .

[@khathaway414]

Add in some baling wire and you could build the USS Enterprise.

[@vanguard9067]

Baling wire

[@vanguard9067]

@@khathaway414agree. See below:-)

[@alexitrinune]

stop sliding in a water displacer liquid

[@davidbeattie4294]

A little self deprecating humor is always good for a laugh. The only thing missing from that maintenance shop was a blacksmith's forge. Imagine what the Federation would have made of white hot metal being beaten into shape by a massive hammer.

[@Jenny-h8t]

It’s not the tool you need to worry about it’s the person using it. As they say anything can be a weapon.

[@ArgonianSkaleel]

there's a huge difference though between something that *can* be used as a weapon and something that's *intended* as a weapon

[@rosewinter8693]

Credit card sharpened along 1 edge makes a nice cutting knife you can keep in your wallet & ink pen can be a pokey, stabby, thingy!!!

[@Jenny-h8t]

@ yep your that person😜🤣😂

[@Hypercube2017]

@@rosewinter8693and technically, a knife is both a tool _and_ a weapon! As are axes, hatchets, and other sharp or heavy things.

[@cb3391]

Particularly for deathworlders

[@boqndimitrov8693]

scared of a screwdriver??my poor alien friends!what would you think if you could see what john wick can do with a pen!!?

[@Tony.Dreamer]

3 guys in a bar with a pencil

[@TorpedoMonger]

With a fucking pencil! Who the fuck can do that?!

[@SniperStorm11]

A freaking Pencil!

[@Allegheny500]

The question no one is asking; How the heck do the Aliens build and fix their ships without similar tools?

[@Hypercube2017]

I am curious what kind of tools they use, if they’re not used to welding, hammering, or cutting tools.

[@robertdeese1831]

@@Hypercube2017 my guess is they have advanced far enough to not need "Crude" tools as much anymore, maybe its mostly really advanced replicators/3d printers, highly advanced construction techniques, and other stuff, with the "Crude" tools having taken a sorta rather rare sorta deal. like. maybe they USED to utilize the "Crude" type of tools, but theyve advanced so far, they have trouble recognising that theres a species even capable of using them

[@Hypercube2017]

@ yeah, that’s kinda what I’m thinking, like maybe nanites or molecular modification tools.

[@Jim_Jones_Guyana]

@@robertdeese1831 No Hype-rspanners or self sealing stem bolts

[@andrewkyes2428]

Nano bots?

[@noahkleugh9323]

Thanks for maintaining my laughter.

[@bluefalconssuck5881]

I'd take over their home planet with a lathe, mill, CnC machine, and a Pez dispenser.

[@ArgonianSkaleel]

Those aren't weapons. They are tools, really. They don't want to see the actual weapons based on the tools, though.

[@weremuppet7625]

Or rather, going by humanities technological development so far, the weapons (or military tools) that the "civilian" tools are based on 😉

[@baileydombroskie3046]

Scythe: handheld tool made of a wooden handle and a steel curved blade attached to the end of the handle on a angle. Used to cut hay in farming practices. War scythe: a normal scythe that has the blade turned to point in the same direction as the handle. Meant to chop limbs during medieval wars. Farmers during wartime often reshaped there scythe to use as a weapon. This description wud terrify these wimpy aliens to death.

[@stevewilson6723]

A pick axe handle was a preferred weapon used during the depression

[@C.L.Hinton]

"Every tool is a weapon, if you hold it right"

[@jamiepatterson1214]

The missing cultural context has caused plenty of problems for the observer(s). Without a practical reference, the aliens only had weapons on the mind when they saw all of the tools. To those who knew what the tools were used for found it humorous how the aliens reacted to each type of tool, some sympathy had to be felt for the aliens because of how scared they were of what might happen when the tools were picked up. Stories like this one are a nice change and a fresh perspective to many of the stories about the Earth kicking butt and taking names later.

[@jeffwobrak5205]

It's politicians like these who just cost Peanut the Squirrel and Fred the raccoon their lives. The phrase,"We're from the government and we're here to help you" should always be considered a threat.

[@itsmeagain1745]

That was an absolute disgrace. The department is carrying out an 'internal investigation'. Yeh - right...

[@LawrenceKennard]

This is great and unique it's a Sci-Fi story

[@TrikeRoadPoet]

Tools, are what you make of them, and with them!!!

[@kylemcmillan2480]

That Pepsi was probably the most hazardous.

[@stevewilson6723]

Do you mean the ferrous oxide remover? I am drinking some Throwback with some ethanol right now ( Bacardi spice).

[@rbleisem]

Would work better if the aliens were planet bound, you know. How else could they get in space, right? Did they grow their spaceships?

[@akseminole]

I agree, what do their ships use for technology? Biotech?

[@vykryl65]

Could be using 3d printers or replicators. Advanced far enough that they tell a computer what to print, then it plugs together like Legos. There's also a big difference in a tool kit for working on a computer and working on large machinery. Who knows how far removed the aliens in this story are from their own species blue collar workers

[@akseminole]

@@vykryl65 Considering that they view even primitive tools as weapons, it seems unlikely that they could have technologically evolved to a point where they don’t Need even primitive tools to fix things. What’s worse is when they are fascinated by handheld tools that can “melt metal”. Again, if they used biotechnology to create their ships and other technology, I can accept the premise that they are a space faring civilization, but otherwise… the technology to create the technology to create the 3D printers must be kept in the same room as their antimatter weapons…

[@vykryl65]

@akseminole could be this pack of aliens are isolated from real work. Kind of like humans that say food comes from the store, but they have no idea about how the food gets there from a farm or ranch

[@ZenTeT]

scare the aliens with basic tools lawls

[@payne8081]

Mr ballen once said that saving the world from aliens would be done with puppies and spices. Because it's what we have to offer that's no where else in the galaxies

[@markmaher4548]

God help these aliens if they ever called....THE A TEAM

[@jasonshirrillmusic]

this story is my favorite so far.

[@biffgee6797]

Excellent!

[@ihspstanktribe]

Telling me how when, and if i get to use my tools is a sure-fire way to piss me off and kick you out.

[@gromnokriptide]

I really enjoyed this story and these comments are also killing me😂😂 man I love space stories.

[@dramspringfeald]

As somone who's done Prison Maintenance, this is literally ado staff coming through the shop. Like seriously, watching some upper head turning a shade of grey when you wip out 200 feet of pipe snake, audibly gasping at the tool box and complaining that "this and that shouldn't be here" while going through the electrical cart is anything but euphoric

[@dramspringfeald]

I kept 4' of reinforced zip ties with a modified barbed end so I could unclog sinks instead of putting a repair order in.

[@dramspringfeald]

Checking in contractors is such a pain in the ass. Everything every tool, screw bit, nail, screw, all of it has to be documented, counted for and checked on the way out.

[@gabrielbehling5228]

I don't get why they don't understand the tools. This feels like they force alien stupidity in this one

[@tstorm3706]

The author completely lost me when the aliens didn't know about leverage. There's silly, and then there's stupid.

[@midnighthunter32]

I love this story 😊

[@GEKKOtheMIGHTY]

The stories are great. But how many characters are named raxethore?

[@payne8081]

I love hearing how someone else might view humans

[@Mella.B]

I have to wonder what they use to build their ships and stuff if they’re so shocked by every kind of tool imaginable

[@basildraws]

The natural question here is how DO the aliens do it? If they can’t manipulate metal or channel electricity, how do they have technology at all? You’ve missed the whole point of this encounter

[@lowkeyarki7091]

yeah still trying to think of something for that, heck as funny as the domestic house cat being an apex predator in any other planet it makes it hard to imagine how the other species evolved

[@eternallylearning2811]

I would like to see a story about a human whos first instinct is not to terrorify the shit outta these poor aliens

[@andreasdieske9149]

What will they think about gardening tools like hedge trimmers or chemical weed killers?

[@bluesun4682]

So I'm sure I'm thinking too much into it, but how exactly do the aliens build and maintain their own space vessels?

[@shadowlance267]

This is pretty much every welder I've ever known.

[@QuietlyWatchingTheWorldBurn]

"Im going to need a bigger hammer" im freakin 💀

[@cambobaginds9274]

And always have your towel

[@cambobaginds9274]

And your walking stick learned that as a child when we lived in india.its more then just a peace of wood .🎉 it's a peace maker if used correctly

[@nirfz]

Makes you wonder how they build and maintain their own ships and stuff. And if they don't have a maint crew and engineers themselves.

[@Erin-Thor]

💙 Great story! But what is most impressive is you have clearly edited and LISTENED to the AI voice, I haven’t heard a single mispronunciation like “haven T,” or “Ass Pecks” for aspects.

[@Eileen139]

how are the reps building items?

[@markbandy4142]

Awesome 👌

[@FaithMidnight]

Anything can be a weapon if you use it wrong enough.

[@urando3042]

How are these aliens spacefaring if they are scared of every tool?

[@jamesjacobsen7540]

They forgot to ask about the towles 😂

[@josephlathrop1914]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Laught the whole way through

[@josephjennings9687]

Pretty sure this is the first time I've seen a starfleet ship spoofed in one of these ai renderings.

[@mikemcginley6309]

Good story

[@CaelumTheChisel]

Normally I enjoy these but I could not hold back the suspension of disbelief. Just what kind of tools would they use to build their ships? They know metallurgy but faint when the humans melt metal? Bleh this.one was a miss

[@gabrielbehling5228]

Agreed. They seemed to deliberately make them very dumb as a bad joke.

[@cb3391]

What do you expect from us deathworlders, but " dual purpose" implements

[@thefalsegod0]

I’d like to know what the aliens use to build if they’re this terrified of regular tools, did all their infrastructure just materialize from thin air?

[@walterholder6077]

So not a 10mm socket anywhere!

[@patrickbrand4262]

Wait until they see "duck tape" 😈

[@stevenstevens2528]

Funny stuff.

[@battlehenge4]

I’m going to need a bigger hammer. TO THE ESCAPE PODS!

[@keithperdue4993]

I guess aliens were unfamiliar with the concept of tools, huh? How are they with fire?

[@jeffreyyoung4104]

That is what 'plasma' is, fire. Which is why the aliens were upset seeing the plasma tools in the 'on' state.

[@ceu160193]

Maybe they are unfamiliar with concept of hand tools, since they use drones for maintenance.

[@keithperdue4993]

@ceu160193 So how were these drones built?

[@ceu160193]

@@keithperdue4993 Using automated production lines. If aliens have highly specialized society, they may have similar situation with us not knowing, where meat in stores comes from, since most of us do not have to butcher cow ourselves.

[@goatkiller666]

Why is there lumber on a space ship? Nails are useless on metal. A chainsaw assumes that there’s UNPROCESSED lumber. One of those rubber-headed mallets would be better for percussive maintenance.

[@akawater]

I wonder how they fix their own tech. Surely, they have tools too?

[@UlshaRS]

Don't tell them WHY chainsaws were invented. Hint: don't look it up unless you want to legit be scared of human medicine

[@DevendraMahendraSingh]

So, how exactly did the aliens develop their civilizations ???

[@stevewilson6723]

Look at human civilization; it used to be common to carry a knife and a revolver and nowadays the number of people who look at you weirdly for having a small neck knife on you is staggering. There is a common belief that being in a civilized area negates the need for people to carry basic tools.

[@lowkeyarki7091]

the only thing I can make sense of this is that most aliens species have specialize caste system meaning from birth to death they only ever focused on one thing meaning the diplomat and his security crew don't have the slightest idea about anything outside of their expertise.

[@vykryl65]

Wait until they see a tire buster inflate a tire with an arisol can a pocket lighter

[@murdock94]

Anything is if you have a reason to make it one.

[@Upt.Spider]

Wait until they find out about guns

[@jeffjames4064]

Wait till they discover toilet paper 😅

[@HrLBolle]

Bundeswehr Toilet paper. Not to be used for sanding down the paint on a car

[@midnighthunter32]

Ummm why is there a chainsaw on a space station

[@jeffreyyoung4104]

Some chainsaws work on metal rather than wood, as well as large circular saws and other power tools. We can adapt any tool for any circumstance, like cutting tile, wood, metal, whatever the job calls for.

[@johnarcher6150]

Zombies. Or angry trees. Or zombie tree science experiments.

[@theo.d.s.t.spartan2277]

They said they used it on trees they were growing in the space station.

[@midnighthunter32]

@ yeah caught that at the last Thank you 😊

[@ryuuzumakiwolf]

How would they fix stuff?! 😅😂

[@Call_Me_Baha]

the aliens in this one are a bit too stupid.

[@daniellane1605]

Sorry but couldn't get into it enough what fkn alien hasn't seen tools before

[@paulh6949]

11:11 xoxo Godbless xoxo

[@annak804]

Funny and entirely possible

[@playtym2893]

man for AI this is a flop

[@Andrew-tf8jt]

Chainsaws and nails are a must in space to clear all those trees and make shelves and such.......you need a new computer the one that wrote this is stupid.

[@VAMobMember]

Wuss aliens

[@vanguard9067]

AI authors just can’t help adding excessive, unnecessary, and pointless details. AI hadn’t learned yet that less is often more.

[@Debatra.]

This one is really dumb. They're terrified of a hammer to the point of diving for cover? Really?

[@reilleylawrence7248]

😂😂😂

[@EeBee51]

This could have been a fun story, but it was taken to the point that it became silly.... Surely any space faring species would have equivalent heavy engineering tools. To make the story work an explanation of how The Federation could repair a hull breach without a welder and nail gun is needed.. The continuous mis-spellings in the sub titles was both hilarious and horrifying... Please proof your stories before you post them

[@bryanstoudenmire]

😂😂😂😂

[@edparagonpc]

Anyone know if this is a real person narrating or just AI generated content, not rewarding a computer with my time.

[@AnthonyThomas-mw9mw]

Report 184522-ZURPL-452 - Humans have designated weapon vendors but also seem to have some that masquerade as material venders. These "hardware stores" will need new classification.

[@lawrenceschneider5637]

Want to give the aliens a heart attack give them a tour of home depot 😂

[@AnthonyThomas-mw9mw]

@@lawrenceschneider5637 I was more so considering Harbor Frieght before taking them to a mom and pop corner hardware store.

[@ryuuzumakiwolf]

How would they fix stuff?! 😅😂