What I LEARNED Living With A NARCISSIST (Covert Narcissist)

[@RICHARDGRANNON]

What's the #1 thing you pulled from the video?

[@ckay9006]

That you survived and thrived .

[@teresabaptista7016]

... How vulnerable we all are to any form of abuse.

[@tullyarcher6226]

How knowing about cluster B or at the very least basic psychology would save a lot of people from this kind of targeted abuse. Knowledge is the power to protect yourself. There were so many parts of this where you got suckered in because you just didn't know something.

[@user-cs5to9cp3t]

Everyone ever is a victim of something. Real or percieved. It is how we choose to react that defines us.what doesnt kill us (mentally, spiritually, emptionally) will make us a stronger us.

[@user-cs5to9cp3t]

Everyone ever is a victim of something. Real or percieved. It is how we choose to react that defines us.what doesnt kill us (mentally, spiritually, emptionally) will make us a stronger us.

[@chibbledorf]

You know you're cured when you don't feel the need to watch Richards videos every day. But you probably can't get there without watching Richards videos every day.

[@viktorija4485]

😊😂 Its truuue! 😂

[@berniebarclay2183]

I come back to them every now and then to remind myself to never do that shit again! And also because my codependency issues are still there and he really helps with that.

[@Jeweli.]

I like the refreshers and the encouragement. I wouldn't say I was a co dependent anymore but I still have CPTSD. I find it very hard to trust others and also take a sharp intake of breath like gasping if anything sudden happens, like if I drop something, or a loud beeper or doorbell going off next to me and I wasn't expecting it. (had to turn that right down or I'd let out a scream.) My poor neighbours! It doesn't scare me, I'm just very vocal about it.

[@Jeweli.]

I would get desensitised to that if it happened to me a lot I expect though. It's strange how it's an automatic reaction over something not even scary!

[@uneattheapple1919]

I consider myself cured and very lucky to overcome the trauma but after several years something drowns me back to these videos. I reopened the case. It doesn't bring any negative emotions, that's how I know I had fully recovered. Even when I am attracting other narcissists into my life, which I quickly recognise now and just go no contact with these people, it doesn't disturb me at all. I just see it for what it is and move on. I think what brings me back to rethink narcissists, psychopaths and other personality types is that I had discovered something more about what might be the reason for their sick behaviours and manipulations.

[@Sam-es2gf]

"Scammed" is how I felt too. The hardest part out of all of it for me wasn't the abuse, manipulation, etc, it was that I had loved a ghost.

[@leprechaunalley7207]

Eloquently said. You took the words right out of my heart.

[@viktorija4485]

Exactly the same here. Its so hard realizing that I've been worried about my own sanity...

[@antoinqueen8261]

Me too

[@BDCsSanctuary]

Same here.

[@kimgordon3695]

They're emotionally unavailable

[@endiiir1]

Actions always speak louder than the words. Narcissists know exactly what you want to hear. Stay quite and just observe. Observation is such a powerful tool.

[@brendaartgirl]

Same yes agreed stay quiet and it gets exposed. The things they do though, twisted smh.

[@helenhingston2661]

Me too. At about the 3 year mark I just began to stay quiet and watched. I also looked up silent treatment and what it was used for, one of his favourite controlling mechanisms. I had never met anyone who who could turn off their feelings the way he could. Once I started to educate myself I could clearly see the manipulation and there is always a sub text in everything they do. Loved this video, everything that was said about the healing process and how long it takes really resonated with me. I have learnt so much from this relationship about myself and what love is.

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Yes correct

[@carolinospelt2932]

That‘s really the smartest advice. They learned what to say in which situation but it doesn‘t mean anything to them. Watch them in quiet and you‘ll know!

[@Kristel280]

His words about women "the more I say to them in the initial phase that I am probably not the right person for them, the more they want me"

[@slimpickens7822]

I didn’t realize I was living with a narcissist until I had cancer. And I began to realize how coldhearted the woman I live with was. And the scam isn’t a financial one it’s an emotional one. They drain you of your compassion and love. And when you need compassion and love in return they consider it a weakness of yours.

[@nylaclancy2655]

Yes..!!

[@beautifulbutterfly5578]

That is why You got a cancer in the first place, You were drained living energy by this vampire.

[@vettevegas8549]

Exactly.

[@asmaeelife]

A cousin of mine had a similar experience as yours. Hope you’re doing now better physically and emotionally

[@diamondgold5277]

@Slim Pickens I pray you have Recovered and way far away from the Narcissist, them are the people that makes us sick, it's lot's of people and Dr's agreeing to this.

[@stallions456]

I truly believe that only when you have been in a relationship with someone with NPD can you comprehend the experience. It is mindfuckery you have a difficult time processing and even more difficult time trying to explain it to someone else. Thank you for your thoughtful videos- you are helping more people than you know.❤️

[@ezrc9294]

Best comment ever "I truly believe that only when you have been in a relationship with someone with NPD can you comprehend the experience. It is mindfuckery you have a difficult time processing and even more difficult time trying to explain it to someone else."

[@catmomjewett]

You’re right. I’ve thought someone was a friend and told them what I go through only to find I’m suddenly a deluded, dishonest crybaby. If they meet my oh so sweet husband who worships the ground I walk on? Well..you know. Richard has changed my life. ❤️

[@anitaelliott8684]

Very well said!

[@catmomjewett]

Yeah. Can’t explain to someone else. Being preempted so you look bad when you tell the truth. I have one cousin who believes me. No sibs. Not my son. My daughter gets it, but too much damage done for us to have a loving relationship. Even my therapist of 2 1/2 years scolded me after meeting him. She believed he just wanted to make it work! Make WHAT work?! My total annihilation? Richard has made an incalculable difference in my life.

[@racso1160]

Its crazy how you feel alone after this .. . Only a few will understand … I had to stop talking to my own family bcUse I keep repeating myself . If I say one day Im fine the next they they won’t undertans why I feel so bad .. and ask me why?? Its frustration over pain and sadness .. I had to cut them out cause my head his tired

[@kklo1560]

This is a reminder that even in adulthood, parts of your innocence can be stolen, something covert narcissists do quite naturally

[@sama3033]

That's exactly how I feel. There's an added level of darkness to my life I didn't have before. It's really uncomfortable, that new knowledge. Lost innocence.

[@melissamiller6182]

It's so heartbreaking when you realize you were conditioned to it sometimes. I didn't realize my stepfather was a covert. I got together with a malignant. My whole world turned upside down. Feels like I'm trying to heal 2 dark entities at once. 🤔😔

[@kklo1560]

Melissa Miller you can heal. I’ve been participating in Richard’s courses since January. The 30 day challenge changed my life. I now journal, meditate, but the most important change has been honestly identifying & accepting emotions. All of them. I listen to my body now, it’s a miracle how in the end it does want to thrive.

[@matthewtoddbehindthescenes367]

That is a really good and original point.

[@jeniferfuhrman1525]

Yes, I totally felt like I lost my innocence. I was becoming someone I didn't like!

[@vam9785]

Victim and a predator at the same time ... gosh that resonated

[@berniebarclay2183]

Yeah, completely. Not like a normal break up at all. My partner of 21 years left me three years ago. (He isn't a narc) and I was utterly devasted, heartbroken and full of grief. However, my head wasn't fucked up at all. Had a relationship for just over a year with a narc and was IN BITS. Had to do so much work to get back on track. I still miss my long term partner but have no regrets and we are on friendly terms. I wouldn't piss on the narc if he was on fire though. Garfgh!

[@ivanichiva]

They are all victims but they think:I suffer let others suffer while we are like: I suffer I don't want others to suffer.

[@catelewis7223]

So frustrating...when they are so charming to everyone.

[@catelewis7223]

Yes I agree Anneka, but if it fools others even people close to you and they don’t believe you it’s upsetting.

[@starlingswallow]

YES! Everyone but *me* He saved the best acting for everyone else....I once asked him, "why do you save the best of yourself for everyone else?" He had no answer.

[@pippipster6767]

Yes ... the one I was dealing with I would tell, as it was true, that when nice it was not possible to meet anyone nicer. ‘But there was another side which was unbearable.’ Cliche perhaps ... but really is Jekyll and Hyde dealing with these very dangerous nuts.

[@danagough7123]

Which PROVES their having Complete ability to Choose and Control their behavior. They're just Stupidly misogynistic in thinking they can get by with Wrongs toward certain people in their lives. Note their boss is NOT one of them they would Try

[@eagleeye2300]

You got that right.

[@andymck6323]

Narcs Don't Have Relationship's They Take Prisoners . I Could relate to all you say thanks for sharing

[@georgesadak]

"Never mistake lust for a connection" very well said Richard and thank you for your direct approach and sharing your personal story with the world . you have helped me SEE things .

[@trayseewritesstuffh8757]

Words are words. Anyone can use them, Actions. Actions are everything. I dont need the words, show me.

[@AtomicSonicHalos]

... but, as a human with a heart you'll NEVER guess what those actions really are by a Narc. Like, you think he saved that baby from a fire ... when really he started that fire, and likes his baby meat rare.

[@just2_sharew_u526]

Yup, don't believe anything you hear and half of what you see. And that is for the center of the bell curve people LOL!

[@jackgoodings]

Exactly. It's not as straightforward as words and actions. It's all completely mixed up to a point where you dont know what it what, because nothing matches .. putting aside words matching actions for a minute .. there is contradiction in the words, and there is also contradiction in the action, very subtle, and explanatory, and we excuse lots of the bad words, the bad behaviour. It just is all over the place

[@trayseewritesstuffh8757]

Agree with comments regarding narc, that is an entirely different arena. One of which I won't play gladiator in again. When writing my comment I was speaking from a healthy relationship point of view, forward thinking on the future. 20 years in a marriage that ended in a few hours. Hardest pill I had to swallow, the aftermath. The realization that there was no Love in that 20 years. I spent 20 years in a game and didnt see it, why...because I have Narc mother. My childhood was very similar. Imagine family get togethers.

[@AtomicSonicHalos]

@@trayseewritesstuffh8757 BTW: Me too! I had to double-check that I didn't write this! 20yrs ... then quick confession of NO love ever--intentionally. Never. Just amputated the life I thought I had & the future I'd planned with him. You sound like you came out the other side now, whole again--& still open & friendly. Congratulations!!! You did GREAT! 🦄

[@tomobedlam9045]

One year with my Covert Narcissist/Dismissive Avoidant: MONTH one : Great MONTH two : Greater MONTH three : Fabulous (heavy love bombing starts/mirroring...) MONTH four : Heaven (I love you...) MONTH five : Seventh heaven... MONTH six : Mask starts to come off (devaluing starts...), No more love bombing which abruptly stopped. MONTH seven : full devalue/dismissive behavior, refusal to talk about issues by ignoring, silent treatment, she would just look away and it seemed I magically disappeared, aloofness, very strange behavior that you would not believe, until it happens to you. It's like they want you in the same house, but in different rooms. MONTH eight : distancing/lying begins (gaslighting also) begins sabotaging relationship by no longer putting in ANY effort. One sided relationships are not fun at all, so yes, you can be in a relationship and still feel lonely... MONTH nine : VERY passive/aggressive in nature, not a care in the world, lying clearly shows... MONTH ten : Frustration sets in... MONTH eleven : Everything is my fault... MONTH twelve : I left her for good, NO contact at all, PERIOD MONTH thirteen : MONTH fourteen : Her; closure letter mailed to me, but, she'd like me to respond (Hoovering) Me; Still NO contact, too late for her, I DID NOT RESPOND.

[@johnhatton730]

its interesting that you brought up dismissive avoidant, hard to tell the difference till you realize they can be both

[@r3d_ti3_guy]

Month six - twelve was extended two months each for me. I put myself through a real learning experience! 2.5 yrs of hell on earth.

[@laraoneal7284]

Tom. Congratulations. I went no contact from my family of origin 20 years ago. Done forever. Thank God.

[@lawrencedavis5459]

Exactly what I experienced but over a ,18 month period. She left 2 times and came back. Never again.

[@mindylehrman6471]

Me too r3d... I should have left at the end of month 5 but was already hooked when it all started to fall apart. Two years later, I finally hit my breaking point. 8 months out, still healing little by little, one day at a time.

[@jensbasement3862]

They need constant validation and very draining pep-talks. ALL. THE. TIME

[@mandolaa]

Cause they are empty, hallow beings

[@DefineHatespeech]

Then if you confront them about their delusions, they insist there is nothing wrong with them. Doesn’t get more mentally sick than that.

[@mbaksa]

@@DefineHatespeech When I've been telling her how things actually are in the real world, I would often get a response "Why does it have to be like that?", and it often felt as if she was blaming me that the things, that I have zero influence on, are the way they are. Now I understand she was actually not happy with me tearing down her fantasy, because she wanted to live in a world of fantasy.

[@patient8098]

My eyes constantly rolled to the back of my head..

[@annastroie.6080]

"Being with somebody but also feeling like they're just not there". So true, my feelings exactly! Pathognomonic for narcissists and psychopaths!

[@alouise3557]

(Googles "pathognomonic")

[@AIXITstageleft]

I learned that the words "I love you" are a green light to the narcissist. It's what they wait to hear so they know they have you hooked in a little deeper and they can push you a little further. Every little bit you give is the ok for them to take a LOT more until you are completely gone. I went from an independent woman, apt, great job, full time school; he wasn't even making enough to file taxes. He was living at home in a hoarded up room. I helped further his career and his image, and now I'm a shell and he is the one with "everything" (appearances). That's ok. I'm taking me back and once he is left to live with only himself, his thoughts and his fragile ego, he will flail. But what I finally had to come to terms with is that I am NOT responsible for his inner insecurities. I have to find me again. I have to rebuild what I allowed him to take from me and I am doing it if it's the very last thing I do in this simulation.

[@Eightfinger]

Whenever you make concessions, or fullfill a wish that they have, they see it as bonus points they now can spend. My partner was relentlessly asking me to move in with her, to give up my old life. And if we had a problem, she always found a way to spin it as if that only happened because we don't see each other all that much. And after a year of hesitation, I was "finally ready" and sure enough that she is the only woman I want to spend my life with, and told her that yes, I can see that future for us, and I can fullfill that wish of hers now, because I feel the same. What followed was 2 weeks of hell, were she broke EVERY taboo and no go we had in our relationship. And then tried to portray herself as the victim of her own deeds. It was like 2 weeks of "BPD/Narcissism Bingo". She did EVERY SINGLE HORRIFYING thing I ever heard about BPD/NPD. She got me on the hook and then used my renewed love... to indulge herself at my expense. To test how far she can go now. As if she was getting off on power and control. Never, ever, make a Narcissist feel secure. Everything is a harsh trade negotiation. And you can't negotiate, if the other person knows you can't or won't back out of the deal. When there are no dealbreakers, they play god.

[@dylanLHaniif]

This is chilling... I shrank myself so he could look like a man.. He never once asked or demanded me to make these descision.. Its crazy how he tugged on my strings without verbal communication.. Mind games, silent treatment and the sad puppy dog victim eyes WORKED WONDERS on me.. Still trying to get him out my house while I am renting.... Its comical ....no more tears left

[@heatherlomaxmusic4776]

You NAILED it Richard! “The lights are on, but they’re just not there”...PERFECT!!! What happened to them?!?! Where did their soul go??!!

[@davidbudzynski4847]

Almost schizoid isn't it?

[@heatherlomaxmusic4776]

David Budzynski like living in Zombieland

[@just2_sharew_u526]

What happened? Richard explains in lots of videos. search for Complex Post Traumatic Stress.

[@leorarochelletobias5815]

Heather Lomax Music there are “soulless“ beings on Earth 🌎 beware!

[@sueskeie4627]

Mine was schizoid and paranoid. Very covert though.

[@return2innocence221]

Piglet "how do you spell love?" Pooh "you don't spell it you feel it" best advice ever (if your not feeling it they are just empty words ;)

[@uneattheapple1919]

I was terrified when I discovered at the age of 45 that love means different things to different people. I thought love meant kindness, care, empathy, compassion. When a narcissist seduced me with his lies and I woke up to the lies I couldn't believe that people actually call lies love. I was nothing but a narcissistic supply for the ever-hungry ego. It was a big awakening to hell on Earth.

[@angieholt736]

@@uneattheapple1919 Well said!!!! Thankfully we escaped, but they are still living their hell on earth. Instant karma for them. I am a much stronger person due to the pain inflicted by an empty shelled narcissist.

[@chuckprichard3691]

Feelings are a funny thing. You certainly don't want to ignore them, but they can lie to you, too. Also they can be ephemeral.

[@Mrscory77]

“ Only a wounded heart knows the secret of a soul”~ Rumi 🌞🙏♥️☯️💫

[@elizahope7784]

Can totally relate. Married to a covert for 28yrs. Getting to the end of healing 7 1/2yrs. later. I thank God for my deliverance and recovery. I loved who I THOUGHT I was married to. So so so sick relationship.

[@x-2954]

The confusion you experience while with a covert narcissist is indescribable. I've had boyfriends that were abusive but it's just so different. CN are so convincing that not only will the things they do break your heart but it completely throws u off because it's something u can't even picture them doing. If that makes sense. They make u believe they are a certain kind of person not capable of doing the things that your ex's did or what would hurt u most. That's what's so confusing then they blame u somehow because it's always your fault. I have been with a covert narcissist for 10yrs. No matter how many times I have been through the cycle or seen him rage I still can't picture it when he is love bombing me. Its the craziest thing. I guess everyone is different but for me the constant state of confusion is the absolute worst and most abusive part. But there are plenty other ways they abuse their partners… Withholding and silent treatment. You feel like your going to explode inside. Mine does this so I freak out and then he can blame me for the argument. Physically abusive. When a CN feels trapped they will do anything they can to regain that power and control. Or take something from you what u won't give them. Sexually abusive. Blaming u for watching porn, sex shaming u, withholding sex, having sex with u while your asleep. Blaming you for everything. Blaming you for having to blame you! Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Barryinvestigation@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me.

[@miharu00]

yes I have experienced very similar to what this video explained and you too. It is unimaginable level of manipulation and they convince you that they have to do this because they are so traumatized (by parents or someone close). So you feel it is their special fate or something they were chosen to do, so on...that is what they want you to believe, as a hero who had to go through tremendous suffering because of their parents, family, etc. Then you feel like they have a right to behave the way they do and they can get away with anything including lying endlessly and accuse you for everything even if you don't say a word that is mean or hurting. I was in a battle with this narc so when I didn't know, I used to talk back and said some mean things but after I started to realize who he was, I withdraw talking with words that are hurting and attacking. Yet, they never stop and they can just say whatever and curse you to the deepest. I have completely detected their tactics (almost) so I have zero interest in them as a partner or someone I can be close to. If I detect those traits with people, I know what to do. Run! and never ever give them any chance to abuse you.

[@Hguychildandyouth]

Yes, I fell in love with an illusion. The immense pain one suffers in a relationship with a narcissist is devastating. During the relationship, it was the pain of always being in a state of not being able to have true intimacy that began my path out of the darkness.

[@loriallen9237]

We just have to focus on thankfully being out. I've been out almost a year. ((hugs))

[@hippydippy11]

Yes exactly the same, that was also my wake up call! Very puzzling initially until you slowly begin to put the pieces of the puzzle together and you see a not very pretty picture!!

[@jeniferfuhrman1525]

I know exactly what you mean! I just didn't understand until these videos.

[@demongo0]

Yeah, that peculiar feeling as you are alone, maybe even more alone than when truly alone. Or the feeling that you are the only adult (this is especially when you have kids with them) - often when you're overwhelmed and seek for assistance you may get that feeling that your spouse is looking as one more kid on you.

[@BriBri82]

"Namasteeeee...the F away from me". You're hilarious!! 🤣🤣🤣

[@brendarewan7441]

Why is it the poster can say anything but commenters can get blocked typing the same word?

[@obadiahscave]

Amazing story, brother.. My experience is similar.. And I thought I was going crazy, until I started watching your channel.. I think you might have saved my life.. You're a good man, friend..!

[@viktorija4485]

I thought I was insane too...That Im wrong, that my feeling are not ok... Until I saw Richards channel. Its cognitive disonance :/

[@chrisbailey7820]

Hope your doing well bro

[@pamelaprivette5361]

I love the remark you made in refering to your Narcissistic ex: "I loved a ghost, that person did not exist." I can relate to that. It is both haunting and incredibly sad---but incredibly liberating to realize the truth of the matter. Thank You for sharing your personal story, along with your psychological pain. Thank you for your videos and for passing on your invaluable information on Narcissism and other BPDs, so all of us who have been affected by this insanity can find our healing!

[@MJ-qb5ph]

‘I didn’t think this girl would run a vendetta against me …. I thought women were nurturing’!!!! Yes. This is why content like your Richard is so important. I was blind like you. Mine were psychological terrorists. My sister in law took me to the point of suicide. I think there needs to be much more dialogue on female bullying - particularly covert narcissm. Thank you Richard. Bless

[@deadislander]

ME TOO 😭😭😭

[@cklg88]

My mother was a narcissist, my EX-husband was a narcissist, his mother was a narcissist, my neighbor is a narcissist; literally, ANY words out of their mouths is worth a penny of their weight. I find that there are cultures that have more narcissistic tendencies than others. Narcissists are commonly very insecure deep inside, at the same time can be an extrovert wanting constant attention. I find they don't listen because they are already waiting for you to stop talking so they can get their voice heard. So yes, lights are on but no one is home is right - there is someone in there that just wants to hear their own voice and that's it so they are not listening to a word you are saying (that is unless you are talking about how wonderful they are) then they are all ears. Narc’s don't like me anymore (and I love it) because I can spot it so fast that they know I know and they cannot get anything over on me, it's beautiful I can walk away and feel like I just dodged a bullet for future acquaintance and waste of time in my life.

[@katydrew5274]

I think British people are more narcissistic..I'm talking the baby boomers really. They are often superior and love to ignore/ ghost instead of communicate.

[@jillfraser2749]

Ditto 😉🌻

[@Blondehairedwarrior]

CKLG waiting for you to stop talking .....yessss , this was soooo my dad.

[@Bar_Bar27]

They really know that you know, that you're "different" and won't be an easy target, then they start to hate you out of nowhere and you wonder why.. because they are narcs and now have been Spotted! If someone hates you for no reason, a narc..

[@leprechaunalley7207]

Yep. Just had someone block me on Twitter for ignoring their request for pictures of me and just treating what they said with respect, but ignoring this other thing. I shouldn't have ignored it. I should have called it out.

[@Longshot_NYC]

"Namaste the f*ck away from me" is so perfect for my situation. Incredible timing.

[@tullyarcher6226]

The predators need you to accept dichotomous thinking so their sob stories have the effect they want: to make you stop thinking of them as abusive. They can't be, because they're a victim!

[@mireillelebeau2513]

But everybody know that a victim ( in another context) can be the abuser? No? Nobody have heard of the triangle Victim/abuser/helper? where everybody can change of role model if context change?

[@tullyarcher6226]

@@mireillelebeau2513 Many people haven't. For various reasons.

[@tullyarcher6226]

@Pine Trees I'm sorry you went through that. It's so manipulative. ☹️

[@AtomicSonicHalos]

@Pine Trees I am so sorry that you went through that $hitty, $hitty $hit!! I can empathize. Mostly, though, I thought you deserved, from one human to another: You shouldn't have gone through anything like that! I'm so sorry, you Kind Soul!

[@pneumarator1444]

Smarty pants! 😉❤️

[@Akfitnessforlife]

What hit home for me was when you shared the begging for scraps as if they were the best thing ever.

[@nelsoncarreiro6099]

My God you described my life perfectly. I'm completely broken at end 9 years of this. Just hearing one person understand to describe me my life was divine Universe. Thank you Richard. 🙏

[@MichaelEarthOsada]

I like the analogy, "It was like having a house that was so infested with some sort of rot or lice that we had to strip everything down to the foundations, and even dig out some of the foundations and start again, such that the person I am post the relationship has very little do with the person I was before." It really was a deep self-healing process. Thanks for sharing this side of things Richard.

[@joyalways1179]

They do not know how to connect emotionally, AT ALL! Yes they DO NOT know how to love. With a narc it is all your love that keeps the relationship going. I had been with my narc husband for 32 years. I almost suicided. Jesus saved me in so many ways. I am doing amazing. Best shape of my life, full of joy. Leave the narc, follow Jesus. Thank you friend for your honesty, you are so right on!❤️

[@danad8201]

I have been with my covert narc for 34,5 years. I am getting divorced just now. Wonderful time. I am excited being away from the marriage. The greatest shift in me was made by Richard and his videos, especially video 1984 Bateson double bind. Unbelievable. Disgusting.

[@susanthomas9610]

I know jesus saved me too we needed him so bad to protect our sanity, I came to thinking and it's why I feel I am on the way to healing that it was like rape that horrible act that became my realisation, rape of my mind body and soul trying to suck the life out of me truly a parasite. I have our lord to thank for my eyes being truly opened.

[@jem2250]

"they're just not there" no communication is ever complete. There is no couple, no "us" as a team. Vulnerable narcissism - me too for years I wanted to understand - it was like I was living with 2 different people. I got cancer over 26 years of the stress and anxiety.

[@helenhingston2661]

Exactly, no 'us' or ' we ' always 'I' or 'my" even after 61/2 years.

[@RedroomStudios]

totally agreed with the lack of "us" or "team'! in fact my ex made me feel like an enemy to be defeated at every turn in the relationship. she was impossible to communicate with, just as Richard said... she could never just focus on the specifics of the disagreement, everything always turned into a personal attack and her bringing up stuff from the past as well as information about me that she got out of my relatives and then twisted it to make me feel like I was somehow damaged.

[@kaylees1072]

@Jem your story seems so similar to mine. -22 year relationship -every conversation was never completed. If I tried to finish it he would say he couldn't handle it mentally or emotionally and would find different ways to exit. -my health issues include constant back pain, anxiety, then anxiety attacks after 3 different disclosure of infidelity days however he never disclosed info. I had to find out. Daily headaches, insomnia, crippling clinical depression that required medication. He was able to get away with it for so long because he would always bring up his abusive childhood into every discussion that then turned into a battle because he was always defensive. The final thing he said to me that broke the trauma bond is: why do you keep trying to have serious conversations with me. I don't want to talk to you about anything unless it's about random topics or current music artists or cars. I realized after 20 years he only wanted a woman to be quiet unless he introduced meaningless topics to talk about. He didn't want a partner with her own ideas, agendas, or plans. I'm a teacher so my every day is all about this. Now he said this to me before yet not so bluntly with words. Like if I brought up home repairs so we could put our house on the market he would say fine wouldn't do them and then months later would walk out because I was being a nag to a man who was just trying feed him family. This is was a bunch a crap we were never struggling financially.

[@jem2250]

@@kaylees1072 Maddening, isn’t it? I hope you are healing now. My ex moved on to live w a trauma nurse who is well to do. How is that for irony? He gets away w so much. Charms, knows how to pick a woman who can care take etc. It has taken me years to let go of my resentment and grief over lost years. Getting there.

[@sponkmcdonk3898]

@@kaylees1072 this is word for word how a woman was to me.

[@truthseeker_phoenix]

It’s OUR LOVE we feel when we love them. It hits them and boomerangs to radiate upon us. In essence we fell in love with what is inherently ours inside of us. They got nothing on us.

[@michalos_skruberix]

Yup, and i found it very True, they Look for already wunded People like i was/am, they use that it is so good to feel like loving and accepting yourself through their fake gaze. Narcissistic abuse experience allows you to See the lack of selflove as the only love there is in Such relationship is from the non mentally ill person.

[@modiaz2026]

It’s amazing how much Richard was able to get from his experience and how much he was able to give back to those of us who needed a helping hand. Thank you, Richard

[@user-ze4gt1cx9c]

I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for 12 years. I have watched many videos, trying to get my strength up to leave him. He has emotionally abused me, worse than I ever knew was even possible, which has also caused physical results. I would say in all honesty that he nearly destroyed me. I thank you very sincerely for sharing this video. Something in me clicked while watching you speak and I feel that I have the strength finally that I've been hoping for.

[@BBrunnel]

good luck I hope you were able to leave him sending you so much love!

[@jolesliewhitten6545]

Plan quietly and run! Don’t let him know you are leaving.. Be safe.

[@janet947]

Please read why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft and that will open your eyes to what’s going on and how to safely move on..

[@erinmurphyart4590]

Please update. Hope you got away!

[@Chaxbs]

How are you now?

[@DC-1773]

Just watched Lord of the Rings, The Twin Towers. As I watched Golum/Smegel, I keep thinking about the victim / abuser character. Sam could only see the abuser, and Frodo only saw the victim, neither one could see the whole reality of his character. We believe these two types are incompatible, but they aren't.

[@sage9836]

Wow! This is an amazing comparison.

[@PsalmThirtynineEleven]

@D C Brilliant analogy!!!

[@CrawfishCuban]

That really makes alot of sense...before I could never really understand why he was like that.....but he's a monster.....a narc monster looking for his supply" the precious"

[@ThePossumone]

Very good point

[@toocutepuppies6535]

So, once you've learned to turn off the "empathy" gene, how do you turn it back on? Now I feel like I'm not nice to anybody because I don't trust ANYBODY.

[@emmanolan6643]

Katie Weird If you can turn your empathy off and on you might be cluster b yourself non cluster b neurotypicals can’t turn empathy on and off like a tap

[@toocutepuppies6535]

@@emmanolan6643 You can turn it off when other people finally beat it out of you, physically and/or emotionally. Trust me.

[@Getnodrama]

@@emmanolan6643 it is just a reaction from abuse and childhood delusions. Very healthy. Stay alone as long as you need to, find People who are stable (if there are some) and remember that every relation is just a reminder of who you are and are not. You are one the good way. The first answer seems good to me. Also, dont try to love everybody. Just be you

[@CuShorts]

Katie, I get what you mean. Something approximating an answer is: practice forgiveness, practice compassion. Even to the most wretched. Maybe this poem will help; background music submersed in judgment the wings shed i have become a purple beetle in the void skittering through the weeds popping up in Hell i dream of being something much better the fault is found in the aspiration to power the most high, the most powerful beings in the universe they are glowing creatures of Pure Compassion they span the dimensions, their Loving Eyes shepherding all souls they have not chosen this path, they have grown into it they did not want to be powerful, they wanted to be right

[@TaijaT76]

I would like to know that too. I feel it’s there, still alive, but I’m not really connected to it, I feel numb and depressed all the time. I don’ t have meaningful relationships to ”prove” I am even a real person. I feel I’m horrible inside and dirty and afraid to trying to connect again to anyone (I have PTSD from previous relationship above childhood CPTSD)

[@anitaelliott8684]

Richard my story and your story were exactly the same . The PTSD, the intelligence, the sexuality, the moral boundaries. My Narc was a military man who had PTSD and I would read and read about PTSD and none of it fit at all. Then I started looking into Covert Narcissism and of the 20 symptoms he had 19. That’s when I knew. And 6 years later I watch this video and your explaining my story. Almost exactly.

[@ThePossumone]

They say they are empty so they are not there

[@lindasmith998]

64 years old and starting my life from scratch, I finally got out ,he took everything I had worked for all my life . The evil in him is something you have to see and hear for yourself to believe. He turned everything on me as he always did , got people believing him, he spent around two years ,pretending to be a vitamin, once I filed for divorce. The thing is he knows he's a narcissistic person on a high scale ,but he doesn't care .He told me " I'm not the monster you are " once I realised what his problem was .I would say he is totally void of any empathy, but can fake it well .

[@holly3503]

The number one thing for me was two things: First, that there are people in the world for whom the lights are on but no one’s home. That’s a powerful image because I see now that they never come home. The inner deadness is permanent. And secondly, that their out of control energy is contagious. I used to think I failed because I let myself get worked up by this person’s attacks. But if it’s contagious then my only real mistake was exposing myself to that person’s toxicity. Thanks, Richard!

[@i_am_whole_again]

I have watched your vidoes for about 2 years now. IMHO this is the 1st time we've seen the REAL You. We've seen Teacher You. And Mentor You. And Jokester You. And Woo You..... But I really feel like I just got a glimpse of the INNER Child You. It took courage to be this open and honest about a time in your life where you were vulnerable. Im honored that you trusted us enough to not only allow us in thru the garden gate, but you opened the front door, and had a chat. Namaste.

[@laurafinley7773]

You are spot on in your description. It's only because of people like you, I also have a friend of a friend to talk to, that I am resigned to get over this extreme betrayal & start again.

[@annetteskeels3870]

16 years with the narc. 20 years to recoup. I did my time. My kind, loving heart is still intact. Moving on to sharing that gift with other worthy people. Thanks for your videos, Richard.

[@PatriciaSobralArtz]

I can relate so much with the part where you talk about the realization that they never loved you in the first place, the moment I realized that, it was so brutal. The discard wasn't as bad as the realization I had a month later, after trying to figure out what happened. Also what you mention about the person you were before the relationship and the person you are now are completely different people. I still have no idea who am I supposed to be, I certainly will never be that person I was again, it absolutely breaks a person.

[@catbishop206]

It feels like I'm sitting talking with a close friend, when Richard speaks. It really takes an incredibly warm and genuine human, to come across the screen that way. Thank you so very much for all you do!

[@MDOY79]

"She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes She can ruin your faith with her casual lies"

[@bubblerings]

She's always a (Narc) woman to me... (la di dahh)

[@carollangley2984]

Billy Joel

[@ashleygarden6906]

I love that you are opening up about your story. ❤

[@RedroomStudios]

agreed... he has hinted about it many times but I think this is the most detail he ever got into. I found this to be one of his most powerful videos.

[@su-enaahleebeautifulcontra3617]

This is so crazy!! No one can tell me synchronicities aren't real!! I just uttered the same thing 10 minutes ago, that when they say "I love you" it means the complete opposite.

[@chillizabeth]

Enaah the Virgo it’s so fucked up.. they use it to manipulate & use your love language to get you to put your guard down/weaken your boundaries 😣

[@mbaksa]

I'm my situation I felt that "I love you" was not about hate, rather as a method to encourage me to continue doing stuff for her.

[@phonesthesiste]

As my therapist explained to me: for sure as a child, he was a victim. But now he's an adult, and as an adult, he's a torturer. You're living with the adult. I found your KZbin channel yesterday, and I agree: vulnerable/covert narcissist is the worst one. I lost 12 years with him. And it took me 3 years (the last ones) to realize who he was for real with the help of my therapist and friends. Incredible!

[@MassimilianoBariola]

22:10 "but they do more than that, they attack the ROOT of who you are, the ESSENCE of who you are, and they don't just attack it, they'll let you know that they hold you in CONTEMPT for it. They reject you utterly as a human being for it". I have wondered myself many times if I am also a narcissist (they project a lot. but maybe some of the points are valid for me?). But this bit hit home for me. She was very vocal and open about it, in private, many times. And each time it was a barbed poisoned spear, cracking my core me more and more. I shared with friends that something had broken within me, that my inner integrity was no longer there. I felt like a bonsai snapped in two, and badly reassembled. I lost pleasure in many things, and interest in female relationships. I simply feel like my relationship and emotional wings are broken, and I am too tired to flutter the stumps. I gave my all, I ripped my heart out of my chest to sustain and comfort her, and my heart and worth as human being got summarily thrown into the composter. I hope, one day, to recover a little. because at this precise time, I see my future as that of an an old man reserving a small table to himself and looking into the distance, getting scared and anxious any time anyone gets close.

[@susanthomas9610]

Dont despair you met a demon their out there we all know that, that's why we have been though such hell.Your a wounded Warrior, in time you will become stronger, believe me, fight the good fight!

[@nylaclancy2655]

I've been living that exact way for 20 yrs now. But I don't really go anywhere. Safe..it's warm..

[@ArchAngel435]

​@@nylaclancy265525 yrs, I also prefer to stay warm

[@gerry4281]

Good job you had no kids with this person. At least you could walk away. Thanks for this lesson Richard. So many men have suffered and yet we don't always hear about it.🌞

[@char8095]

The reconstruction of the self and your life really hits the mark. It takes so much effort and so much time and who comes out the other end of the recovery is a very different person.

[@SaraX2024]

5.5 months only with an extreme narcissistic psychopath... took me 2 years in total to recover. My life did a 180 through counseling and self-reflection. It's hard mental work to reflect on and heal your entire life. I was lucky that this happened to me at 30 and not later with even more years to reflect on and more time wasted.

[@just2_sharew_u526]

Blessed with time. I have maybe 10-15 years left

[@paulclinton6414]

5 months with a loser narc, sorry for your lost of time and life.

[@cc1294]

3 years of and on with a narcissist. My saving was/is that he's married. I had to threat him that I will tell his wife and go to the police if he's not letting me go. I also had to leave my hometown because of his nacissistic stalking. Thank God I'm not living with him or having children with him. Still a lot of healing has to be done. I will go to therapist this week. After a lot of searching on KZbin for information about narcissism, I now understand so much more about it all and it's making it a lot easier to cut the strings. Heal, set bounderies once and for all, and get on with my life 💪♥️

[@frankiecheriton850]

The rejection for me 100% heightened every single day! I was living in fight or flight and had a really bad eating disorder.

[@mandolaa]

Trauma is contagious! So true. Hurt people hurt people

[@passionatagreen]

I’m 8 months no contact, but the hostage taking trauma bond was so powerful it took a huge toll on my health and my confidence, and frankly I was crushed by the indifference and the cruelty of the narco path. Therapy and detoxing has helped me overcome the damage inflicted by the dark triad narc. Happier, stronger and narc free is the only way to be. 👏🙏❤️

[@MeganMingler]

Wanda Jane i’m only four months and no contact but our stories sound very similar. I’m glad to see you were doing well and congratulations.

[@passionatagreen]

Megan Basile It is important that we move on from them. We must love ourselves, as we are worthy. All the best in your recovery. 🙏❤️👏

[@RedactedATS]

I remember journaling about that 'pathetic sense of gratitude' for scraps of affection he deigned to throw my way. I also remember that I wrote about it several times and I KNEW that was going on and I KNEW what he was doing, but the knowing of that didn't stop me from going back for more . And I hated myself so much for identifying it and yet being unable to break out of it. I berated myself for it while also knowing it wasnt something I should berate myself for. The cognitive dissonance seemed to be in several areas, not just one. I felt tangled up and couldn't see a clear way thru. And running thru all of it was seeing the game and yet not being 'strong enough' to get out. Ugh. I'm out now, it's been over for a few years, but I still have no plans to get back into a relationship. That and a few other relationships all with strong narcissistic types really did a number on me. Better alone than go back to that, being single is infinitely better!

[@MsGlamourcat]

As usual I really feel so much resonance with your experiences. And I too went through 2 narc relationships, not 1, but 2 of the goddamn things before I "woke up" from what was happening. I thought to myself "this is sooooo weird! I'm such a good person, honest, kind, loving, empathic, supportive, appreciative, humble, resourceful, self-sufficient, organised, high-functioning, no debt, no addictions, great job, etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah". And then I googled "Domestic Abuse" because I was sure that's what I'd experienced, because there was: the reeling-in where they'd pursued me for months with "love-bombing" and begging for me to give them a chance because they were "different", the flowers and gifts, and always wanting to rush to the next level; then once they had me, they isolated, forced big investments both emotionally, financially, then came the put-downs, devaluing, gaslighting, future faking, promises that were never kept; then came the all-out verbal and psychological abuse when I expected anything in return or promises to be fulfilled, which led to yelling, screaming, name calling, using my childhood against me, right through to physical violence, doors being barricaded when I'd try to leave, threats to destroy me financially, to destroy my career... and what was worse was I didn't even know how to fight back because I'd grown-up with just my mum (my dad died when I was young - and these creeps would even use that against me!) and we were very close and supportive of one another and mum and I never fought, she was so supportive and loving, compassionate to everyone not just me ---- so that was my model for how to treat others and how I expected to be treated in return. I got out into "the real world" only to discover that's not how people treated one another at all! Doubly shocking because I'd been a straight-A student and highly regarded in my home town, so people treated me really nicely especially knowing the childhood trauma I'd experienced, so I was wrapped-up in cotton wool by anyone that knew me because they'd seen how despite my hardships I never let it hold me back and chose to use it to excel. But meet a narc and they don't care about your past, what you overcame, your achievements, your goals and dreams --- nope, no siree, it's all about the narc now and what you can do for them! Veer from the path they've chosen for you and it will be all-out war - you're going to pay! Both narcs had "mummy issues" for sure, and they were looking for a "mummy replacement" --- the creepy weird relationships they had with their own mothers should have been the red flags from the outset --- both mothers saw their sons as "gods" yet infantilized them - now that is super weird stuff!

[@truthseeker_phoenix]

One of the best talks on the subject I’ve EVER HEARD. Thank you Richard 🙏

[@DavidEdwards-e6m]

For 7 years from age 22 to 29 I suffered horrible relationship with a narcissist, she was 3 yrs older than me and previously married to a much older man, I was soooo naive but confident, I fell head over heels in love and was so easily manipulated, she made every decision, including what I wore. I eventually ended up in a psychiatric hospital a fumbling mess, I remember looking at myself in a mirror and having a clue who I was, I had no opinions, I didnt know what clothes to buy or even how to have my hair cut. I have since become a narcissist sniffer, I can spot them a mile off and avoid them like the plague, usually they are slightly dim and mouthy, they are bullies and for years after this relationship i took great pleasure in outing these people as publicly as possible, showing the world how weak they really are. They only bully and prey on kind empathetic people and when i collared them most of them cry or breakdown, they are sadly very damaged. Nowadays I've gone full circle and just steer clear as after all they are sick, damaged people.

[@rhysweaver7178]

I suffered for 5 years in an intimate relationship with a borderline. I found my inner psychopath in that time, brought out through her use of projective identification. I've always been quite self aware and I believe my inner psychopath or what Jung calls the shadow is what protected my emotions. It was a fight to save my emotions from being destroyed by her. Right in the beginning my love was being rejected by her, I thought suck it up and be a man. What I learned was I became a fool. I've become reacquainted with my emotions and now after going no contact for 2 years. A beautiful thing. Victims become perpetrators in some shape or form. Cluster B abuse is bloody insidious. Stay frosty out there.

[@BDCsSanctuary]

Very insidious.

[@RedroomStudios]

amazing comments! I really identify with the fight to save my self identity as she tried to control and limit who I could speak to / have as friends, how I was to behave that conformed to her idealized vision etc. when I fought back against her controlling ways she called me abusive. there was no compromising with her... everything had to be her way or I would be made out to be some sort of monster. its all about manipulation and control and it can be a massive struggle to hold onto your own self, goals, dreams, etc.

[@sandrahollett2299]

I really hope what I’m going through is like an inner psychopath and not that I’m actually out to harm or drain from people. I’m scared because I find spending time with people I love to be healing, but I recognize that I can be quite draining

[@DannyBrownDesign]

im so glad you are here to put these experiences online so that we all know we are not alone and that though this happens we can fight to get through it. I recommend jiu jitsu to anyone that has experienced this awful abuse in order to move on with life. Much love

[@katydrew5274]

That was my ex...I could never properly communicate with him, he was an extremely charming facade and control freak and incapable of vulnerability..took me mostly 3 years to recover also, even longer.

[@mikebrown910]

This is exactly what I went and am going thru. One thing that I feel helps me out ( from being such a sucker) is that I did not see nor understand what the hell was going on and who could be like this. And this is why. Its because I am a healthy person and I don't understand unhealthy. Its only going thru this that I realize that there are some messed up people. I don't think I would change a thing, going thru this has given me a opportunity for person growth. It's showing me exactly my character , its like you said making me stronger

[@catmomjewett]

Really good points. I never felt so good about myself, my own value, my instincts as I do after 27 yrs of tangling with narcissism. After that marriage and realizing my mother was one, as well, I am over the moon gratified that I am still intact. Not long ago, I was like walking dead. Now I am someone I love. Basking in that sh!t

[@jeniferfuhrman1525]

Agree, I feel the same

[@alllifematters]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's really a difficult thing to explain to others who haven't been through it. How easy it is to be distegulated by someone else's disregulation. And how that can be the norm...in this way, they separate us from the rest of the world and I think having to live in between the world out there of somewhat status quo striving people and the dark, empty self centered world of the narcissist is maddening. There's so much beauty in the world, in every moment and the narcissist tries for some unknown reason to hide away from this beauty and to take us with them. We are the sensitive people who are here to learn how to empower ourelves. To build strength around our sensitivities.

[@katc3091]

THIS!!! THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE RECOVERING FROM A BREAKUP FROM AN "N" RELATIONSHIP NEEDS TO HEAR!!!!

[@Robin7-26]

When you first started telling your story I wanted to hug you. You have such kind eyes and seem to be a truly caring person. Then I started crying because everything you were saying that you experienced and went through brought back all the memories of what I went through also. There were times I wanted to kill myself and you described the way they take you down little by little. How they are a hologram, a projection of what you want to see but not who they really are. It's been a couple of years being over this person so it opened up the doors again. Like you, I learned a lot from the experience and I am not the same person going in as I was coming out. My house, the trusting soul that I once was, is gone. Life is a lesson and hopefully, I won't ever get involved with another one of their kind again as you did. I don't know if I could pull through again. You explain things so well and I appreciate that. You make sense of the senseless. Thank you.

[@sacredrain7757]

Hurts me to see good, smart, loving people destroyed by another’s damage, but thank you both for letting me know that the illusion is so good that anyone can get sucked into the vortex and get seriously spun out for years after. Tnx for sharing.

[@dontpanic80]

Just reading through so many comments and, if they all have the same characteristics, so do we. They won’t give 2 minutes thought to us though whereas we are trying so hard to process this and understand both ourselves and them. We are trying to see a safe way back to ourselves but it is a new ‘self’. Wary as heck and not the same at all. Anyway. They lost more than we did.

[@analee3299]

@@sacredrain7757 it makes us more street smart, hopefully. Sociopaths play on niceness. A book called The Gift of Fear discusses how a evil man asked to help a women with her groceries up to her apt. She said no. First red flag. When someone ignores your no. Then he said can I use your bathroom. I promise I will leave as soon as I am done in one minute. Red flag 2 making a promise. I forget what 3 was but it kind of seem like an analogy to the narc's way as they do this too.

[@analee3299]

the nice person said they didnt want to seem mean so they ignored their unease. So now as a survivor of abuse when someone asks or invite you somewhere, I think it is easy to say no. or say to the evil guy. I said no. and mean it

[@sacredrain7757]

Thank you for sharing. I am still vulnerable.

[@dianajane6185]

I realize he cannot love me. He thinks he does. I was scammed from the beginning. I have been with him 38 years. I have been recovering from it, attachment trauma upon more trauma, while staying in it. The first 35, I was completely alone in this! Now I know it’s all real. I am real. He is what he is. But I can still be too reactive when he attacks the essence of who I am. Yes, total contempt, rejection, and sneak attacks. But when that isn’t going on, I can manage. We have built a decent life. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I went through a previous one too.

[@analee3299]

you deserve to be happy and free. With God all things are possible.

[@vickibarker8658]

I can totally relate to your story. I have been with my narc for 21 years. I have never experienced such a devastating sense of helplessness and imprisonment. He started off really abusive and contemptuous. Over the years I have got stronger and have left a couple of times, sadly to return. The worst thing for me is the fact that he has adapted himself to the changes in me. So the more self respect and strength I get, the “kinder” an

[@juliareed9823]

Goosebumps! Wow 😳 Narcissism is rooted in cptsd. So interesting how you believed women weren’t capable of real abuse. I grew up with a narcissistic mother but fortunately I had a Dad who loved me unconditionally, otherwise I don’t know how high my chances would be of truly healing.

[@grantparsons2536]

Anytime I find myself making excuses for my narcissists behavior or wanting to break no contact, I come and watch a video. Thank you for sharing your story mate. 🙏

[@lauratheexplorer6390]

13:04 Eating can be like a drug but also putting on weight is for protection. If you don’t feel safe.

[@eagleeye2300]

Indeed. Another one of my mechanisms was to keep my hair really short for 40 years.

[@marijanadrmic6724]

Anxious to know: what’s her version of the story? That’s always interesting to hear... ‘cause I have realised that they have very twisted perception of reality, especially about themselves... thanks!

[@duderanch18237]

If she's remotely borderline, she'll change the story entirely, twist facts, etc. And believe in her mind her recollection of events. I dated a girl with borderline for 6 months. She sounds exactly like his ex was.

[@bio3m]

Rich was an abusive cheater, duh 😂😂

[@TheCarrottTop]

That’s why you can never win an argument, as their perception is always self conceited.

[@marijanadrmic6724]

TheCarrottTop and they are so convinced in their ‘reality’ because they are sooo afraid, deep down, to even think of the possibility of something else...

[@TheCarrottTop]

I think they’re fundamentally very sad, scared little people...pitiful really.

[@lynnconway8761]

Richard this is one of, if not the most precise, best explanations of narcissistic abuse, captured in this most honest and helpful insight to what and how we, as survivors, are subjected to. I have, just over a year ago, come out of 25 years of such an ordeal. I have learned all that you have spoken of, and continue to learn and accept, and I want to congratulate you and thank you for putting this together. Through counselling I have learned to give myself permission not put a timescale on the recovery process. However, I am stronger, I am confident in the knowledge that I will be whole again, and by the grace of God, become the person I was created to be before I allowed and enabled the abuse in both mine and my son’s life. I am ashamed through my choices that my son has suffered tremendously at the hands of this ex marriage. Thank you so much for sharing your personal story that I am sure is a repeat of so many of us who are all too familiar with these type of “human beings”

[@jakezo369]

Thank you for this. My narc mother was also an abuse victim. My father abused her. And she in turn turned against me and blamed me for everything. She would even say, my father started abusing her after I was born! I believed everything she said and was so miserable until I found videos and articles that helped me understand better.

[@bieberfan6300]

Oh my you have been through a lot Richard . Have a wonderful, happy life going forward ❤️

[@youaresoulessence]

Another good and revealing vid Richie 👊 i wrote about this a couple of years ago regarding the nature of a nest of ticks.. (parasites).. When you get bitten young, your immunity suffers through your assigned meaning being toxified.. You are trying to work out what it is as they inject the next dose.. You dont realise but you are in an induced semi traumatised and partially conscious state.. Believing it is you.. As a result as an adult, your immune system is still weak to this toxin (loosh harvesting) and in combination with loneliness, codependence and toxic optimism, you have the formula for their entry point.. Until you heal, your inaccurate sense of love, is YOUR weakness, and their toxin is your continuance..

[@sacredrain7757]

You spoke me. I’m just learning all the lingo, but I see myself in the comments of educated folks like you. Tnx for giving me your words.

[@franktownfrank]

Your insights are right on Richard. In Buddhism, they use the term afflictive emotions. I never quite connected to the concept. When I think about what you and Pete Walker convey I have come to see that most people are living though one emotional flashback to the next. I see this in myself. So thanks for all you say and do. I really appreciate your wisdom, clarity, and unembelished, authentic, perseverance.

[@operationmindfuck7145]

Disney programming has a part to play by showing an idealised version of women and reality and this sets you up later on.

[@obadiahscave]

That's interesting, and probably true...

[@cantabrian1009]

The 'Disney-esque' fairytale fantasy story and expectation is something I have experienced. Woe betide anyone that doesn't follow the script....

[@deegeo3659]

Don't forget about Prince Charming! Took me forever to realize there's no such thing.☹️

[@lausdeandl]

One reason I dislike Disney.

[@deegeo3659]

@Vanessa Poss I believe you are right on. I've noticed both Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast are about narcissistic relationships. Snow White is scyzophrenic, with her multiple personalities..,.ie the 7 dwarphs! There are so many double meanings in all their movies, not just cute fairy tales.

[@davespark10]

I replayed this 5 times. Scrolling through all old photos, deleting them one by one. Richards words, filling in the blanks of the past, FINALLY seeing the 🔥🚩BURNING RED FLAGS 🔥🚩 what a mess. Thank God im still breathing and free from this nightmare.

[@RyanSiegelGplus]

Thanks for sharing your story - Can relate. Very well articulated. Cheers~

[@RiverFyre]

Maybe for some of us old timers who've interacted and followed your evolution witnessed this chapter in your life, I'm happy to see you reclaim your emotional and spiritual sovereignty from her and thank you for your raw honesty. We all have blind spots. No matter how much we understand the psychological dynamics of the dark triad. But we continue to learn and readjust perception. Connection over illusion. Stay cool Richie.

[@GingerBeachStudio]

I hate that I needed this blinding reminder today.... But I am grateful for you and what you do. Big hugs🤗

[@laurafinley7773]

I am trying to stay no contact but it is hard. I feel better when I don't have to think of his lies, etc, etc, etc. But I suppose it is better to deal with it than become bitter & hateful yourself! Thank you for constantly reliving your torture to help us. Thank you 😊

[@janetrent3399]

I think there is a saying that says “ What doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger”! Enjoyed your video. Thank you!

[@wendyjones6077]

The lights are on but nobody is home. That is it exactly. I am convinced that men are blind to evil in women. These narcs inspire a very beautiful dream in you. It is so hard to let that go. It takes a very long time to come to terms with it and understand what the hell happened to you. Nobody is born with the coping skills required to navigate it. It is not a regular breakup so those who have never come against it minimize your emotional body slam from hell. I rebounded from mine and went directly to a different kind of narc. The second one was much less painful to get rid of. You are great at helping people through this.

[@meanimeconingles]

It literally broke my heart. I send you a warm hug from Argentina.

[@drlarrymitchell]

Narcissism: if you don't get given, you learn to take.

[@paulclinton6414]

Gross.

[@ds-oc3vj]

INA nutshell

[@phoenixmode6909]

Well put.

[@sxymbod4015]

Wow, you hit the nail on the head. After a 20 year relationship on and off with a covert narcissist who I had to work with on a daily basis. This is all true and very hard to get over. It's rooted in your mind and body and cause me ptsd. But, after leaving work I'm much better with my anxiety and depression. Thanks for the great video..

[@hectorcastro9768]

U bet you are

[@1430duh]

This one🖤🖤🖤 I too will never mistake lust for a connection again...You know what’s so crazy to me, is how so many of us have the same story’s it’s insane that they all have the same game plan😳 Insanity...

[@hermosotino]

Thank you for being candid with your experience....got me emotional listening to this because I too suffered emotional detachment as a child to the experience this as an adult from an emotional leech. It's like reliving trauma from the past when the CN discards. I appreciate you deeply for making these videos and hope that you too find healing.

[@miroslavadunkova9349]

I utterly love this! It is a totally different story to listen to videos by clinical psychologists such as Dr. Ramani Durvasula, or even psychologists diagnosed with narcissism as Sam Vaknin, and other specialists with experience with narcissists such as the attorney Rebecca Zung (to whom all Im hugely grateful for all the stuff they put on KZbin, they do great work) AND a narcissist abuse survivor who lived with a narcissist in a closest relationship such as life partner or parent - child. I am a survivor of both (actually yet more) and this video goes to the core. Currently Im recovering from the shock that my husband, whom I always regarded as a good christian and trusted fuly for 16 years, is a liar, cheater and as Richard says - for all those years has run an agenda on me. The fact that my husband is someone totally different than I always believed he was. My waking up took place half a year ago and it still feesl like that was just the beginning.... Thank you Richard for your experience and thoughts.

[@minnesotajude8447]

Dr. Ramani can't stand men. She's a hard-core, radical feminist.

[@marierose6792]

This would be an excellent book, Richard. " The Lessons Learned" You are better than any therapy session could be.

[@teresabaptista7016]

They are hard to spot, these female psycho narcs - and thy are really vicious.

[@polarisx6833]

Agreed. The female narcissists are hard to spot because we are biased to see women as victims and are naturally inclined to help women in need. This is what they exploit without mercy.

[@babydumpling2880]

Teresa Baptista - oh it gets easier to spot them after a while. Took me years ...but can smell them from afar now, thanks to talks like these from Richard & school of extremely hard knocks. Tricky, slimy creatures though

[@teresabaptista7016]

@@polarisx6833 ~~ They exploit without mercy because they are psychopaths and because as females they are much more intelligent than any man.

[@teresabaptista7016]

@@babydumpling2880 ~~ Yeah! Richard Grannon talks are the best and are really helpful in overcoming narcissist abuse and codependency. I was married for 16 years to a male narcissist... It almost killed me.

[@polarisx6833]

@@teresabaptista7016 They are not using intelligence or even seem to have significant self awareness. They are all using the same algorithm. Its like they all went to the same school. Once you know what they are doing, you can predict their behavior with nearly 100% accuracy. You can even manipulate them like a puppet. A friend is dealing with female family member who is a narcissist. I can tell my friend what to do to get specific reaction with a nearly 100% accuracy, which doesn't lesson the pain of a narcisistic attack. It just helps my friend understand the attack isn't personal.

[@ckay9006]

Wow. You went through the mill ...

[@victoriousjoy9338]

It's so mind bending how easily they scam you and how much you give up yourself! This is a very good description of my life over the last 30 years. Thanks so much!! Right now, I'm still dealing with trying to explain this to a judge while getting twisted lies from him and his crazy lawyer.

[@doughnuttouch6944]

The crack is where the light enters. There is no better way to kick evil in the balls than to make something good out of it. Thank you for your work. You give so much to the world by just being honest, authentic and vulnerable. You also have a impact on how women see man and their emotions and the narratives we often carry and hopefully more men find the guts to speak about abuse by women, because this is a real thing that should not be downplayed by society.

[@trayseewritesstuffh8757]

I do rather say sir, I like your hair in this video

[@cathybutcher4826]

Yes, I would like to run my fingers through it. I apologize Richard. I do respect you very much. 🤗

[@rainbows9060]

@@cathybutcher4826 you could be his hairdresser. That way it will all be above board. Tee hee.

[@CWdudeyo]

Same 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

[@thecount_1957]

“Namaste TF away from me!” 😂 Love that, I’m gonna adopt that attitude toward Narcs

[@xenon91]

Unfortunately I definitely feel you. That girl messed with my head for years.

[@tanyag7567]

Thank you so much for sharing this..... you have no idea how much it helped.

[@jackpetersen7545]

Tanya G,You look stunning 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!