What I've Learned About How to Heal After Being Cheated On

[@L.RaeHoldt]

Affairs are not mistakes, they are choices.

[@mariatada3228]

Affairs and cheating is a choice especially it happened again and again. I think the person been cheated become insane when they blamed themselves for what cheater done. To survive these kinds of traumatic experience you have to learned to heal while in that kind situations. Distancing and not caring it helps you to survive and get ready for separation or divorced if you cannot control the cheater.

[@Sunaina_mehta]

I can't thank you enough. I feel like someone finally understands how i feel. When he cheated..its wasn't the affair that hurted me the most but it was his words and actions after i got to know that he cheated. I can't help but think what could i have done better, tbh i wasn't a good girlfriend either but i really loved him, if i had a chance i would do things differently but i just don't want to do things differently now for him because i feel like he doesn't even want ME. I never felt this stupid in my entire life

[@333apples]

❤

[@heltonja]

@@Sunaina_mehta Cheaters always try to shift the blame. Don't do it for them.

[@tracysnipes2144]

@@heltonja his family and friends knew and blame me and the sidechick thought I was trash due to him disrespecting me and been loyal To her. If I was more lovable or more sex or more sexy or a baddie from instagram right? So I was the marriage that should’ve happened so they say. Well he could have left 30yrs ago. He was trash and I forgave through 25yrs and he still didn’t disappoint.

[@randompizzaz]

I feel exactly like this too :P

[@heltonja]

You may get an apology from a cheater, but you will almost never get a sincere apology.

[@beerussama6376]

Yes.

[@michaelekstrom9641]

They're not sorry for doing it. They're sorry for getting caught

[@israelsanchez517]

​@@michaelekstrom9641 I was about to say that!

[@winebilderivalmartial2987]

Facts

[@PJHEATERMAN]

Or you get the gaslighting. It's more salt in the wound.

[@stevehix1656]

I"ll share exactly how I handled finding out about my soon to be X wife's affair. I did everything for myself and my children. Totally ignored the X only to finalize the divorce . This literally drove her crazy,sense she was a control freak. I started surfing more,more surf trips, hanging out with family and friends. Started counseling to better myself,lost 40lbs working out more. Try these things if you find yourself with a cheating spouse,focus on yourself, mentally and physically it works.

[@stacysnider4899]

We CAN bring ourselves out of the PIT the cheater tried to throw us in!!! It takes WORK but WE CAN DO IT. Self care and ignoring the ex is an awesome strategy. It drives them crazy, because as we upgrade ourselves, suddenly THEY realize we are ‘marketable’ instead of their FORMER opinion of us as yesterday’s trash. 😂

[@stevehix1656]

Totally true Stacey stay strong and enjoy. Life is a beautiful journey.

[@markcarr5142]

I found out my wife of 17 years was having an affair this past June. The pain is unimaginable. I lost 38 pounds, my work suffered, my mental health declined. I joined a gym, got a trainer, am gaining muscle, getting definition in my arms and chest. Women are taking notice of me, and I started taking better care of myself. Eating better, started seeing a councilor weekly, and I'm in a much better place than I was several months ago. I was frantic about trying to save the marriage, but as I've been able to step back from her, I can see that my heart no longer wants to be in this marriage. I'm waiting til after the New Year to file for divorce. I'm going to get better, and she'll be the same when I finally leave her.

[@jasonbaker4120]

@@markcarr5142I too found out after 17 years of marriage around Christmas. It’s hard with 3 daughters to do whats best for them. I want so badly to ignore her and get a divorce but that would devastate them. Since finding out I have doubled down on my fitness, daughters and work. I have basically cut her out of my life but we still live together. With each day, the thought of her leaving is getting easier and easier. I sent her separation documents months ago but she has not responded.

[@colindavidson6483]

@@markcarr5142so how are you doing now?

[@monocle2848]

WAnting to know the details was more about wanting to know the reality that i had actually lived. I needed to know how much of my life was deceitful

[@333apples]

❤

[@johnsonjj117]

It makes you question every good memory you shared. I know personally, I had to grieve the fact that we would go on vacation and have a seemingly amazing time, laughing and enjoying eachother but mere hours after getting back she was texting him how much she missed him and how miserable she was.

[@333apples]

@@johnsonjj117 💔

[@leontezwilliamson-bey3738]

Facts

[@maryanne1373]

Same

[@Pia-mia]

I was not enough for him but I AM ENOUGH. So terribly hard navigating this. Thank you for this video. It makes sense.

[@lisaarends8742]

You are MORE than enough.

[@stacysnider4899]

You were enough when you were BORN. You are worthy just because you EXIST. HE is not worthy of YOU because the content of your character is ABOVE a lying cheater! You are a child of God - THAT is why you are worthy. “I am a daughter of the King.” - 2 Corinthians 6:18

[@dailyambientandsoothingmus687]

Having a hard time with anger, bitterness and resentment from what he did. I seeked and found all their messages to each other- so romantic! A hole took her on dates, bought her gifts, concerts, wrote her poems and didn’t do any of that for me! I was the house keeper, cook, babysitter etc. hurts so much! I am filled with anger. 20 years with this POS!

[@lisaarends8742]

I dealt with a lot of anger too. Nothing about what you're going through is fair. I hope that you're able to use that anger as fuel to build the life you deserve.

[@dailyambientandsoothingmus687]

@@lisaarends8742 Thank You Lisa. I know it will take time and also decisions from me not to let them have control of my life and my thought life. It’s such a hard and long journey! I pray for all ladies and guys who have gone thru and is going thru betrayal!

[@stacysnider4899]

OMG that BREAKS MY HEART. I am shocked at these cheaters behavior! 🤬 It is SO wrong what your Ex did to you and exposing yourself to that disgusting evidence is just soul crushing. It sounds like you know how destructive holding onto (TOTALLY justifiable) resentment can be. I have done a TON of research on resentment because it is so difficult to get rid of. It just HANGS ON to torture you for something YOU are not even responsible for! If you hold onto it for too long, you will likely turn bitter. And bitterness can destroy your life! I HATE to say ‘Forgive’ because: 1. Cheaters don’t deserve forgiveness. 2. What he did was NOT O.K. 3. Cheaters often think this is a free pass to keep cheating. 4. The cheater should be giving YOU gifts like making amends and recompense. You should not be giving HIM any gifts because HE did the crime. However, the only thing I could find that helped me release the rage & resentment is saying, “I forgive.” It ALMOST KILLED ME and then it literally saved me. For REAL. This gift is for YOU - NOT HIM!! You don’t even have to tell him you are doing it! This is between you and God. I hurt SO badly when I was cheated on - I had MANY painful things that kept popping up in my head. EVERY, SINGLE TIME I started saying, “I forgive BOTH of them.” Those words were so hard to say, I almost choked trying to get the words out! You DON’T have to FEEL like saying it. I just kept saying it - It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my ENTIRE life. I PERSISTED every time the painful thoughts would come up. It was BRUTAL but it WORKS. Forgiveness LITERALLY broke the chains that connected me to that evil and I GOT MY PEACE BACK. Forgiveness is all about YOUR HEALING. Do it for YOU. LET GO of that resentment that can TRULY eat you alive (IF you let it!) THE CHEATER TOOK ENOUGH FROM YOU - DON’T LET HIM TAKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!! 💕

[@dailyambientandsoothingmus687]

@@stacysnider4899 Thank You so much sweet girl! You know my pain because you have been thru betrayal! It hurts like a mother! I am working on letting go, forgive and not harden my heart! Thank You so much for your words of wisdom. I am asking God to help me thru this process as well b/c I can't do it on y own! I pray we will be normal one day! Normal as normal can be. blessings!

[@dailyambientandsoothingmus687]

@@lisaarends8742 Thank You I am working on loving myself and finding who I am to get thru this!Thank You so much so much for yout message. Blessings

[@solomonobu7291]

Cheaters never stop......it becomes a part of their lifestyle

[@JEANNEHUNTER-q5t]

My ex has cheated multiple times on three wives. I am glad I got out first!

[@berettaobd2]

False!!!! My ex wife and I cheated back and forth for 13 years idk if she's been cheating on her new guy or not not my business however I have not and will not cheat on my current relationship have zero interest in anyone else

[@johnsonjj117]

@@berettaobd2Having no interest in anyone else shouldn’t be the barrier to you cheating. That’s the equivalent of saying “I dont feel like eating because im full”. What stops you from cheating should be in a moral foundation

[@mariatada3228]

This very true cheater done not once twice .These behaviour is part of thier lifestyle that they think hidden but actually the person they been cheated knows.I know many been on these situations. And recovered when they divorced

[@catherinemxoxo]

the first few seconds alone made me cry. thank you for this. it’s so hard.

[@grumpygiraffe]

Thank you for the advice.❤ I feel like I've been left bleeding in the gutter while my wife walks away still holding the smoking gun. This has had a profound effect on me, how I feel about myself, how I view my worth, how I view 17 years of commitment I gave to our marriage. I'm right at the beginning of healing, I still feel as if it were yesterday that I found out even though it's been a month. That month has been so awful... I feel so awful. I hope I can look back on this video some day and realise I've made progress because right now, I can't see through the fog. I can't see how I'll get through a single day while carrying this pain, let alone anything constructive. I am also sorry you went through this Lisa and anyone else reading this, it's the worst emotional pain I have ever felt and I'm sure you'll all agree. 😢

[@dawnavitt6415]

Agreed. It's been 4 yrs for me and it still burns. Years of counseling for me and nothing for him. I'm not the person I use to be.

[@sarahAnn812]

I look back and am a little embarrassed about how I handled the cheating...but I didn't commit any crimes & it gave me the angry fuel to get through grad school, so I won't be to hard on myself. Lol. You are so so right that the person who hurt you cannot be the person to heal you. That's so hard, because you instinctively want to turn to your spouse for help. Great talk!

[@d_t_8__102]

Im so hurt that she's cheating on me. We've been together for 12 years. She left and has no emotions for leaving. Im stuck in this empty house, and all the memories are here. I didn't get to leave like her. I didn't get to run away. I hate being alone.

[@asya4553]

Im sorry to hear that. You can move too if you want to and start over. You seem like a good partner, her loss

[@jimmylostigen6023]

What I understand is you can make new memories inside that house. Since it's empty, picture it as a empty canvas, a start for a fresh new painting. You restart your life, you paint and you rearange as you wish. Never let your ex ruin your future. Start your new you, and your new home. I hate to excercise, but I learned that that is a good way to get the frustration and depression out! Things that happens to your body is just a pure bonus!

[@beanallene]

I've got the big empty house too, but he took off with the money so I'm probably going to lose it. He spent 2 months unemployed and 2 months after he started a job making 6K a month he decided to leave me with a house that I cannot afford on my own. 😞

[@lilleezil4809]

​@@beanalleneI am so sorry

[@beanallene]

@@lilleezil4809 Thank You

[@mindyhoward1505]

This is the only video on this topic that hasn't annoyed me. I feel very understood, and also I feel I understand more.

[@69pacecar]

Thanks Lisa. I still occasionally struggle with it after almost 4 years now. Things have been much better emotionally over the past year but sometimes I just slip again and get all sad and lost feeling and have to dig myself out of the emotional hole again. My marriage lasted 35-years so I guess a long period of recovery is not unusual. I'm glad to know that you are still doing well and in a good place again. Thanks for the videos and the encouragement.

[@stacysnider4899]

My heart and prayers are with you. 💗

[@tass4592]

My siater, i am a guy i cried while listening to you. I am going tgrough this process. Thank you God bless you.

[@DAwad-go7zm]

Thank you! In 2020, your videos helped me understand and put a name on what my cheater was doing to me and what I was experiencing. It nearly destroyed me. But watching your videos really helped in between my therapy sessions. There is nobody who gets the pain of infidelity and the signifigance of it like you do. Your videos were key to helping me through the first 9 months after learning about ex husbands infidelity. I learned what gaslighting and betrayal trauma was. Then, somehow, i found the book Leave a cheater, Gain a Life, and that helped me realize i didnt have to put up with abuse any longer. It saved my sanity. I filed for divorce and never looked back. Please keep your videos up. Your videos would be the kost useful if you had them in an order and could help a person who was newly cheated on. Like, first cover that they didnt deserve it, not their fault, then 5 stages of grief, and then teach about gaslighting and common symptoms betrayal trauma. Maybe also overt and covert narcissists, etc. Your explanation of compound infidelity really helped, as well as what a double betrayal was. Knowing the therapy terms of this stuff really helped me. Its just a suggestion, but . THANK YOU for these videos. It comforted me and educated me until i finally i summoned the courage to divorce my abuser.

[@KrisDKatootz]

All the items, Ted Talks, videos I’ve came across this is the most organic and so simply yet beautifully explained. Thank you for posting this. You’re reaching those whom are hurting or were hurt.

[@lisaarends8742]

Thank you 😊

[@tamitrager3353]

I agree 100%!!!!!

[@1949coupe]

Thanks for the message. Some good points that I can relate to. The video seems to be coming from the assumption that you have made the decision NOT to try to reconcile. In my own experience, while I did not directly cause the affair, I can't say my behavior and our marriage was wonderful before the affair. We have been together for 28 years, married for 25 so far. I at least wanted too try to save the marriage, since I didn't want to tell my kids years from now, "sorry guys, I didn't even try since I was so angry at your mother". Until you have been betrayed, you cannot begin to understand betrayal trauma. There is a reason Dante put betrayal one level above hell in the Inferno. Other guys think its about ego and being emasculated because another guy banged your wife. Its WAY deeper than that. You have to get over the fact that the person you loved and built a family with was capable of that level of betrayal. The lying and destruction of trust is hard to digest. The messages that hit home were being obsessed with finding our more, looking at emails and following her etc. I justified it as finding out more about him to save or relationship. It caused more pain that than it helped and I wish I hadn't done it. It only made things worse. At least I didn't confront him. That would ended badly....for him physically and for me legally. Once I made the decision to try reconciliation, one of my greatest difficulties as suffering in silence. Who could I talk to about the affair and how I felt? My family, hers, our friends, neighbors, etc.? Once you let out what happened, there is no way she could recover from that, so her only option would be to leave. But keeping her dirty secret while pretending everything is fine while you are dying inside was one of the most difficult things I have experienced in my 50+ years on this planet.

[@KittyC68]

New here. This gave me that lightbulb moment with your analogy about healing after a car accident. Mine has been a long struggle and I'm now at a happier content place emotionally. Your videos are helpful to many I'm sure.

[@vedinthorn]

You're absolutely bang on about the worst part being the lies and manipulation. At first i gathered and kept evidence to destroy her reputation because she deserved it, but i never ended up doing that for various reasons. Now i hold onto them to remind myself that, no, I'm not crazy. I was not manipulative, she was. She was the liar. She's the one calling someone else night and day. She was the one telling them that she would leave me for them but wasn't ready to tell me yet. She was the one who went to her friends for help with leaving me, but instead lost her friends because they lost their respect for her. She was the one promising to marry someone else while married to me. She broke her promises, not me. She's breaking my home up, not me. My silence towards her is not me being cruel, but it is the nicest thing i can do because everything in me otherwise wants to scream at her non-stop for days.

[@barkburton1]

Well said!

[@NoMoreRatRaceForMe]

You are so sincere and authentic. My wife cheated for 4 years before I found out and it was with 2 men, one of which was married and had two teenage kids. I appreciate your videos. You are beautiful inside and out and I wish you the best

[@Nonofo346]

You’re the first not shoving forgiveness and the fix it narrative and that’s appreciated. The approach of acknowledging your audience is valid was enough for me. Definitely didn’t feel gaslight with you. Thank you!

[@lisaarends8742]

One of the reasons I started sharing was because that common message made me so angry when all this happened to me. Sending you all the best.

[@Nonofo346]

@@lisaarends8742 Me too. Did more damage. It really forces the narative of working on myself as endurance for the relationship to work but no part is about letting go for my good. After forgiveness I realy do not see the relationship serving the new version of me that had grown from cheating. The message of 'Its okay to walk away" needs to be shared too because I defitley did not heal for him or the relationship, it was for me. I then found that without trust I need to let go. And the fact that its okay to put me first in all of this. I am not willing to build again. I am not willing on carrying the weight,mental and psycological labour, and energy to make it work... and its okay. Its okay to want something else for yourself after this. There is life after this ...

[@debbieclarke2839]

Wow Lisa, that was the most profound and helpful, heartfelt advice I have heard. It has really encouraged me to rise up in my own strength and stop hoping that my husband can make me feel better. Thank you so much

[@venusfab9633]

Thank you so much for this video. I have been through a lot right now. I need these words for me to move forward and be healed. God bless you.

[@lisaarends8742]

Sending you thoughts of hope and healing.

[@junoponyo]

Watching this now because my ex have moved on and already dating someone in less than a month since break up then just found out that he started talking to the girl before we broke up so it was so easy for him to forget and let me go (We broke up on December 25, 2021, it's January 27 2022 now). One of his reasons of breaking up with me is he wasn't ready to be in a relationship and he needs to focus on himself and even told me that he wants me to find my happiness first and focus on myself too. It sucks to be the only one who's really hurting and he even made me feel and believe that it was my fault.

[@junoponyo]

@Nitu Florin vasile Hello! It's been tough but I'm doing much better now. Being around my friends and family really helped a lot. Hope it goes well for you too. 🙂

[@stacysnider4899]

I am just sitting here shaking my head at this comment. Making her feel like it’s her fault and him leaving her for another woman like this is just disgusting! Everybody has flaws. He has flaws and SHE didn’t cheat on HIM! What people neglect to see is that there must, first and foremost, be a character flaw for the cheater to be capable of stabbing their ‘loved one’ in the back. I have no respect for cheaters at all!

[@Gotoworkkk]

It just wasn’t obviously meant to be with your ex. He’s probably in a much better place now and hopefully so are you.

[@CedroneTravels]

I can relate to the searching and compulsion. It literally sucks the soul from you and all your energy. Makes it so much worse.

[@caper3224]

Thank you my dear. This was the most organic, unassuming narative I have ever heard. Thank you for your insight and as a man I can still relate. Love from all of us hurting from betrayal.

[@DJM77777]

Thank you for the content. Heart is so broken right now. I'm so sad this is my reality. They are apologetic and saying they are taking accountability, willing to do anything it takes. I dont even know what to ask for if I was to accept an apology and move forward. But I don't know if i can trust them ever again. Today, I'm so mad at him, but if he ever does it again, I'll hate myself. I don't want that either. 💔

[@patticlark2137]

I hope you know how important your video is. By sharing your story and advice you gave a voice to the craziness in my head, body and soul. I long to get through one day when my stomach doesn’t turn as the thoughts start running through my mind.

[@pernamore1978]

I just got cheated on. I really needed this. This video is 3 yrs old but it still helps. You're a very beautiful woman, and I'm sorry that happened to you years ago. Thank you for this video. New sub!

[@JennfromD]

Thank you for this video. My husband has told me so many times that his cheating was my fault. You made it clear, which I knew, that it's not my doing.

[@Be-cy6qw]

I don't think I have to search an advice after being cheated on. I'm in the middle of this stage. We're done, but my heart is still painful. I was crying after watching your video. A million thanks for that. After all, I will move on, but it takes time. I'm healing, and I make sure that the pain will go away.

[@samysamy1-t2x]

Hello, how are you now. How much time it took for this pain to go away. It's been almost a month since the cheating thing happened with me, and I am feeling so much pain, it is UnBearable.

[@Be-cy6qw]

@@samysamy1-t2x hi there, it's been 5 months already. I'm okay now. Hope you're doing well either.

[@samysamy1-t2x]

@@Be-cy6qw i want to talk to my partner, want to know why it happened, why why, should I call?

[@Be-cy6qw]

​@samreenasam74 don't try to ask. Cheating is cheating, and they never answer the question why. I asked a tons of question and it just made us more tired. You should give yourself more time to relax, or find another hobby as meditation or travel somewhere else. It helps a lot to avoid overthink. We all here with the same reason and we have to get over by ourselves. Nobody can't help us due to each situation has a different reason. I hope you can get over it. When you feel better, and if you forgive her, you can talk later on. But not now.

[@samysamy1-t2x]

@@Be-cy6qw thanks for this, but the urge of telling her Why she did it, despite me doing everything possible to make her happy, to make her life good, is killing me inside. I am unable to move on, I talk to her in my thoughts. Wiil i be able to move on and be Happy. HELP

[@mercymirror2537]

Thanks this is honestly one of the best talks l have ever listened to anywhere. I rarely leave comments, I started listening listening to you because I was by ex

[@MargieGarcia-b8s]

Absolutely best guidance to heal …if I only knew then … thank God I came thru alive , thanks .

[@MojonMan]

My ex cheated on me. She slowly stopped coming home. She didn’t want to talk about it. When we did it was everything i was doing wrong and her denying she was with someone else. Even though i knew she was with someone else. I got to the point where i couldn’t handle the stress anymore. So i moved out. She didn’t hesitate to move this person in the next day. Its been 6 months since then. Its been the hardest time of my life.

[@leodeluxe426]

It too shall pass. Be kind to yourself it's gonna be ok. You are still loved and worthy.

[@melmo6235]

Wow! This really touched me very deep!!! I am so thankful people like you who have been through so much have the courage to come on here and pour your heart out. This is life-saving to me!! 😢😊

[@justingriffiths6931]

Lisa, Thank you for this. I hear you and so many others saying to not obsess about the pain, to focus on my own healing. I think what I have found in the last few months is that my diagnosis of ADHD (which I got at age 35) is holding me in a hyperfocus on the pain and on arguing with my ex-spouse about how they hurt me. I can recognize this hyperfocus, but it is very difficult for me to find something else to change my thoughts to.

[@mindyhoward1505]

"What do you want to be able to do? How do you want to live? How do you want to love? Let THAT be your driving force."

[@wizardofahhhs759]

I didn't discover my wife's affair until after she died. I don't even have the luxury of being mad at her. Hurt? Hell yes!

[@barkburton1]

Omg this is so sad. I hope you have found peace. I am so sorry 😔

[@merolynten1484]

From your presentation, I am picking out "Give yourself tangible Goals to work towards".❤

[@333apples]

Lisa, I thank the Lord Jesus for you and for your video. I’m in so much pain but your words are soothing to me. I may have to listen to your video several times for a long while. ❤💔

[@CharcharBinks-h8u]

We were so happy. I had a 6 year old son from a previous relationship and we had a daughter 2 years ago. Bought a house. My ex fiance was begging for a ring and more babies. A cpl months after proposing in front of my whole family on xmas she cheated and monkey branched to that new guy immediately. My house is empty and quiet. Been painting the walls building stuff trying to change all the happy memories. She's heartless & evil now. A completely dif person its scary like that movie pet cemetery. She also abandoned my son and broke his heart too.

[@jerrman29]

My wife cheated on me years ago, and she had my mind so twisted around I didn't know up from down. So I just buried everything and went numb. After years of building my self-confidence and learning about relationships, I know now I should've left immediately. I don't think she's cheating now, but I also didn't think she was cheating then until I caught her. Would it be wrong to leave now after all these years of letting it go? Because it's still causing me hurt, anxiety, and depression.

[@WaotJay]

Am just hanging around waiting for a good reason to leave to present itself. 😌

[@WalksfortheSoul77]

If you’re still hurting over her cheating than you can get out at any time. ANY time. You may consider talking to her first to give her a chance to respond that you’re still in pain over the cheating. But honestly, you don’t owe her that and it could backfire big-time if she’s a narcissist. Any warning to a narcissist of an impending ending and they will get you first and harder, and it will be very painful. But they won’t tell you it’s coming they will do it sneaky so that you will never know until it hits you in the face. So if you suspect she’s a narcissist, then I would not let her know you’re leaving. There’s a lot of videos on this to be found. I didn’t realize the person I was dating was a narcissist and told him my intention to leave. He then went on to pretend like he wanted to stay with me and acted nicer than ever. In the meantime, he cheated and discarded me in the most cruel and humiliating fashion possible. It was meant to get back at me for saying I was going to leave.

[@Overcome-m7s]

Yes ma'am, the rehurt is more painfully than the initial shock of being cheated on infidelity I didn't know what day of the week it was what time it was if I was going or coming to work if I ate if I didn't eat everything I need that was pure and holy and loved was just ripped right out of my soul and stomped on and threw away. It ripped a hole right where my heart was and it feels like every time I take you in a breathe air just sucks in and goes out I never felt emptiness a loss of something then I was feeling at that moment

[@bilinski2546]

thank you. i live in a country where therapy isn't a thing. this is the closest i could get, but also maybe just what i need to listen to everyday for the next coming days of healing.

[@elleoh7837]

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I need to hear this so bad, so glad that I clicked this video. It helped me. And, I think i will listen to this every time I need to hear it again to remind myself.

[@EveryManandhisLizard]

Eternally grateful I found this video. Thank you for these powerful words

[@lisaarends8742]

You are so welcome. I'm glad it was helpful

[@JyotsnaBahl]

Omg. Thanks Lisa for echoing my thoughts! 😢 After watching hundreds of videos, consulting many psychologists and what not, finally I found someone talking absolute reality and practical ways. I typically don't comment on videos but couldn't stop myself this time to express my thoughts. 12:08 is something I realised yesterday after a long time of enduring pain. Need to heal now badly, gonna follow your tangible steps. Hope it would work for me.

[@vanceg6387]

i love your rough stone analogy; time really is the only healer.

[@jacintarochecouste2412]

Exactly what I was needing to hear. Thank you.

[@regalcompendium]

Thank you so much Lisa for making this video. You have no idea how much you have helped me. You saved me mentally from spiralling out of control.

[@lisaarends8742]

I am so glad that the video could be a life raft for you when you need it. And I am so sorry that you feel as though you're spiraling. It certainly is both a horrific and destabilizing thing to go through.

[@regalcompendium]

@@lisaarends8742 Lisa, thank you so much for replying back to me. I wasn't expecting to hear from you. Thank you! I am now going through all your videos. I was wondering if you are available for paid 1 on 1 online coaching sessions? I would love to seek your advice regarding my current struggles.

[@jessicalong6011]

God bless you Lisa. Thank you so much. This has truly been so real and helpful. I just want to watch it over and over and take it all in! I appreciate you for giving of yourself to help to heal someone else. Thank you.

[@ivahelf4077]

Thank you for sharing & posting this. I have had 10 months full of disappointment, pain, anger, doubt, and every feeling in between. after 36 yrs a week ago, we finally signed marriage dissolution papers, after. After the hell I went through I do not care if I do not ever see him again! I am working on my healing, but what worries me is the damage all this caused our kids. my youngest is having a hard time wrapping his head around it! as he put it; ("I guess our family was all a lie!") how can I help them with the new reality?

[@stacysnider4899]

To discover infidelity after 36 years of marriage is TOTALLY, UNEQUIVOCALLY devastating! I have 3 older kids myself. If possible, I would get them into INDIVIDUAL therapy and wouldn’t take ‘No’ for an answer. There are therapists that are government funded and will work on a sliding scale. I would tell the kids, “I know this whole thing is a shock, and it feels like the family was a lie.” “You are right - your Dad couldn’t have done what he did without lying. What he did was very wrong and there is NO excuse for it.” “But the one thing that is true is we BOTH love you kids - always and forever.” “That is one thing that is NEVER going to change.” Their Father has just blown their world up and it is in NO WAY fair that you are the one left picking up the pieces. But we Mothers have to piece it back together for the sake of the kids. What they are desperately looking for is safety right now because their entire world has been turned upside down. I would make sure that routines and family rituals are in place for them. Hopefully you are able to function (if not I would call a Psychiatrist for medication - I am not in favor of meds except in dire circumstances.) Doing routines like keeping the laundry done as usual and at best having regular dinners with them helps them feel better with the stability of home. It’s also important that Mom stays as stable as possible (and doesn’t do things like regularly going on drinking benders with the girlfriends.) I would look for a support system at church and ask the kids to go with me (mine always say ‘No’ but I ask anyway!). My kids aren’t believers, but if they see you leaning on the strength of the Lord in this crisis, you are setting an example they will never forget when they themselves have times of trouble. You & your family are in my prayers. 💕

[@lisaarends8742]

Great advice Stacy!

[@stacysnider4899]

@@lisaarends8742 🥰

[@barkburton1]

What a great video. The hardest part for me honestly is how she could live such a double life… I now think back on so many occasions we have had together recently and think to myself wow she was probably texting him while we were at the baseball game or dinner or in bed together. Not to mention all the manipulation she used making me think she is at certain places when she was with him. Cheaters are all around awful soul less people. You have to be pretty evil to knowingly hurt your unsuspecting spouse. All of us deserve better. To anyone reading this comment… I hope you find your happiness. You deserve better 💜

[@monicaplange7804]

The best I’ve heard so far. Thank you Lisa.

[@tamitrager3353]

My experience is so much the same. Thank you for posting

[@LaMariposaDelFuego]

Excellent advice.

[@Gursinggh]

When you wana know more it hurts when you dont know anything it also hurts. You cant control someone's action and you are not responsible for it. So move on

[@radharaj9586]

I am good through 25 years happiness,he's back with in 5 months affairs but was not a physical approach,he didn't want to tell anything about it, like who's the reason to start, it's very painful when am not able to know what made him to lead it 😢

[@Gursinggh]

@@radharaj9586 his insecurity to be abandoned or his dora to explore more, those people think they got someone new and that new ome is perfect and we keep on begging them so they take us for granted by thinking that we are very needy but we are not needy we just need good for them all we just wanted to protect them. Those people when they find our replacement they start finding every little flaw in us what we have done bad in relatiomship. They ignore good moments. And when they see that nobody is perfect and their new relationship is not better then they want to jump back to us to drain us more but to fulfil their ego and space until they find new supply again. So move on

[@Gursinggh]

@@radharaj9586 its very simple people do this out of ego, and its unacceptable. No one is allowed to fk up our mental health. We just need to leave everything on god and move on. I accepted once and i regret it because these people never learn. They will do it again and again.

[@buseberksun352]

This was the Best advice I had ever gotten so far. Thank you

[@iiisa82]

Thank you so much…your words brought lots of reassurance to me during these difficult times in my life/marriage.

[@Katherine_02]

This was your personal journey, it isn't the same for everyone. I, for example, choose to work toward reconciliation. I would suggest that you present your experience and choices as yours instead of presenting your experience as a path to follow. I will say, however that I appreciated your transparency, desire to help, compassion and suggestions. I did, indeed, appreciate many things about your video. So, thank you.

[@Luketa1978]

You are beautiful . Thank you. This made me feel so much better and helped me to stop blaming myself for everything.

[@WaotJay]

Beautiful last words ❤❤🥹

[@tamitrager3353]

Yes…I will forever miss my best friend

[@KayoYuuki]

I'm very grateful for the opportunity to listen to your advice, your deserve the world. It's quite funny tho how I did all the petty things you just described, specially the pick me up haha, I did became a comercial model tho and got a lot of self steem, these silly coping mechanics do work sometimes ☺

[@elskar1]

Thanks for your wise words Lisa!🙏♥️

[@bazuu1504]

Thanks... I really needed this 💖

[@ierikopj]

Thank you Lisa. Going through this now. Your video has helped me pass this painful experience. Thanks so much.

[@MichaelAlbrecht-d7z]

This was incredibly meaningful for me..V v wise advice.

[@antoinetteparker6937]

I've forgiven him but I can't seem to stop looking through his phone checking where he is, tracking his device. I took snapshots of all his messages and I can't seem to delete it every time I say I'm going going to do it. Listening to you has given me this courage to do so. Thank you for sharing your experiences

[@lisaarends8742]

I hope that this brings you some peace.

[@stacysnider4899]

I don’t blame you because this is a safety seeking behavior. Cheating traumatizes people and our brain is just trying to protect us. 💗

[@antoinetteparker6937]

It's now 4 months and I am in a better place than I was. I still have my moments of doubt but I'm working on it. We communicate much better now and he is really putting 110% into our relationship.

[@joyk3070]

I Discovered the affair 6 months ago and i truly understand you. The more i kept the Screenshots the more i read them and got more hurt. I cleared all the messages he sent me during the time he had affair because to me they meant nothing. I deleted the Screenshots the affair partner sent me. I basically go rid of all details from my phone although they're still in my head.

[@briellewalker5654]

Lost my job because I chased him across the state after a fight. I wanted to fix it. He didn't want to. Blamed me and told me he didn't love or miss me. It was so out of the blue I knew something had to have happened. Found out the whole time he had someone else. Lost my man. Job, hopes, dreams, home. Everything. He took everything. Even hearing about how bad a person he is now, even now that I don't love him anymore. So why am I still sad?

[@KrisDKatootz]

You’re holding on to what could have been possibly or if he would’ve just stayed? Let them go and focus on you and finding your happiness.

[@stacysnider4899]

I would be sad in this situation because your ex showed you just how incredibly selfish and evil people can be. I’m sorry he took ALL that - which looks like everything in the physical world. However, you keep your SOUL and Jesus is still there - so you kept the most important things. You CAN recover - it will likely take time - but it IS possible. You are already a better human being than them because you are not a lying, manipulative cheater with NO values. 👏👏👏

[@AL-sg2jd]

I found out about her affair shortly after I told her I wanted to marry her and I was devastated. Two days later fired from the best job I’ve ever had because I couldn’t focus at work. It’s been one month. I was madly in love with her and she was with me but something changed it all and my life turned upside down

[@Gotoworkkk]

I know it’s hard to hear this, but men do have options they keep opened. It sucks what he did to you, but hopefully you find someone better than he ever was.

[@gggjjj2333]

Ur crazy

[@firepig33]

Thank you Lisa, God bless you for helping others..

[@farisroy_]

Lisa, thank you. 🙏🏼

[@angeleyesjr9676]

What kills me most is my wife's parents even hate me after she cheated on me! 18 years together 3 kids built her home and she won it all!😣I forgive her I just do understand how someone has no sympathy no heart no sorrow whatsoever for someone who sacrificed everything for them! Only to find someone who makes them happier and hide the duo relationship for gains pleasure money excitement all while giving me the shortest straw of drama no intimacy insecurities and accused me of everything she was doing! I tell the kids to respect there mother no matter what but even they are depressed every time she puts him first! That's fine with me I'll take the kids and give her exactly what she want! I GOT EXACTLY WHO I NEED & THATS MY TWO TEENS & MY 12 YEAR OLD LIL MOMMA I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR! Dad will always be I'm there life matter what she decided to make my kids an option this led to them resenting her!

[@barkburton1]

You are a good man. You deserve better and will have much better.

[@leo9859]

Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and encouragement . You have no idea how much helps . X

[@billcarney829]

You said "They destroyed everything and then they just get to walk away". My EX-wife cheated and did NOT help me. It's like a hit and run driver. They don't intentionally hit you but they ARE responsible. THEN, they just leave you there, sometimes almost helpless, to then just let YOU deal with it.

[@barkburton1]

Exactly! They have been hiding this “alternative life” and as soon as it’s discovered… that’s where they go meanwhile totally abandoning the life you both shared. Leaving you in shock hurt and numb. It’s absolutely awful

[@L.RaeHoldt]

I called it a drive by sho*ting.

[@gigistrailsandtales7203]

Thank you. I needed this today. ❤

[@debbysmith7129]

I was married for 43 years good marraige. Then widowed. Then had a narc in my life for 2 years was engaged to him he cheated on me with his ex wife. He is not with his exwife. She has someone new in her life. We are not together now for 9 months. Shoooooo how hard it been. To work through all those emotions. And he goes on his merry way with his head held up high.

[@patriotdefender808]

Lisa, thank you for your beautiful video. I just found out my soon to be ex-wife is cheating. You are a very beautiful woman inside and out, and I hope you have found the love of your life you deserve. Mahalo for your advice!

[@marcelacasas2187]

Being cheated on destroyed me with severe anxiety. When my ex cheated he denied it and swore to his family that it was not true. After a week he confessed the truth. I then cried and he cried. He apologized and plead to stay with him. I stayed with him and he continued his toxic cycle. and eventually ghosted me a few yrs later. Never stay with a cheat because they will cheat again. It's a awful feeling being cheated on. Not even a pill can help with the anxiety you are feeling. Emotional stress is harder to heal vs physical illness. I do not miss or love him after seeing his true colors. I felt like I was not enough for him.

[@hectorandujo4475]

Wife will never apologize, I just ignore her ,you just heal yourself get to love yourself the horrible pain you go thru will make you a stronger smarter person and try to stay positive

[@CedroneTravels]

Why haven’t you divorced her?

[@candacekuhn8589]

THANK YOU. THIS HELPED THE MOST. GOD BLESS YOU!

[@thedrace]

After 16 yrs together, we separated, her affair started on the day of moving, because in less than a month she was living with one of the movers. She is 43, he is 23. I just found out, and am so shocked, I'm a basket case. Ultimate betrayal.

[@divinerepollo5721]

Thank you 🙏 I need to hear this

[@sierra._lifts]

Thank you so much for the advice

[@tamitrager3353]

January 13 Thank you, Thank you, Thank you

[@alilbitofeverythingg]

I'm so sad.

[@lilleezil4809]

Same

[@Random-rt5ec]

The 3 times divorced marriage counselor & my cheating wife both agreed it was my fault she cheated, I never should have yelled at her for spending $$$ more than we could afford.

[@godkidableable]

When I heard it could take double or triple the time to recover I’m like “nahhh”. Here I am 4 years later, having a much better feeling and outlook towards women. I use to really dislike or shall I say hate women because of one girl. I didn’t want to talk, look or be around them at all. Didn’t believe a word that came out of their mouths or their actions. I’m more trusting, but still have my guard up. I want to go on dates and spend time with women again. I’m still afraid of rejection from new people so I haven’t really put myself out there. A lot of people talk about not trusting their judgment with people and I totally get that. Even though I’ve ever only been in 2 relationships they both didn’t end well. Girls I’ve liked either didn’t like me back or life got in the way and we never met. So I just say screw it, a woman who is interested in me will have to come up to me. One day I’ll get back out there and start shooting my shot again. Thank you for your words of wisdom they are helping me see the situation, life, and what I’m going through in a new perspective. Also myself.

[@frankj9853]

Thank you 🙏.. Great video.. It gave me a peaceful night.. ❤️😢👌

[@ameliekolbasin7204]

amazing video ! thank you so much ❤ I hope it'll help me go through my ex infidelity.

[@taranehlarissa18]

I thought I was with my future husband. Come to find out, everything was a monumental lie. He was cheating the entire time. I hardly received an apology.

[@KoreaMojo]

What a great video!

[@jasonoconnell2339]

Thank you so much for this!

[@mathstoinfinityclassinTamizhla]

Thanks Lisa

[@sammysoul]

My ex never admitted to it. I hoped that knowing more details about the cheating would help me. I see that it’s better that I don’t know in order to heal quicker.

[@khoury1980]

16 years we been together, she cheated on me 10 years ago and I suspect again recently. It kills, hurts , I feel useless. I don't understand and so many lies I've caught over the last few weeks. She still wont admit it but I know she did

[@CedroneTravels]

We have one life. Is that enough to convince you to leave?

[@williamgarcia-medina9989]

It hurts 😢

[@lauriemorales7605]

Thank you 💔😭

[@kamaramlochan6871]

Very Helpful, thanks

[@caritawouda2626]

Thank you…❤️