What Is An Intimate Relationship With An

[@NarcCon]

Book Link Below: Weaponised Love -a.co/d/g4bB4MI

[@Grrrrrrr123]

I am in the midst of leaving my husband of 30 years. He is a narcissist alcoholic and I have suffered mental abuse for many years. Therapy and channels like these have saved my life ❤️🇮🇪

[@rhanson1192]

Been there, 55 years, one year out, keep moving forward ⚘

[@pinkposey8134]

You got this!

[@GSV845]

Almost 22 years. I kept hoping and praying it would get better....and sometimes it would briefly. Finally his behavior got so outrageous the kids and I were forced to flee our home. We've been out 6 months now and it's been the best 6 months over the last 22 years! They don't change... they don't get better the cycle just keeps repeating itself.

[@crystaljean522]

Good for you! Good luck and God bless you with strength and clarity. It isn't easy, sometimes it feels like one step forward and five steps back but you're undoing decades worth of entanglement and emotional abuse, so of course it takes time. Be easy on yourself on the bad days and be proud of yourself for the smallest of acheivements. With narcissistic abuse, we just need to be proud that we were/are resilient enough to survive it without winding up rocking in a corner mad or dead even! 💓💓

[@majellakeane9989]

40 years of mental abuse from an narcissistic person….married 33 years…the most hurtful divorce ever…financially and mentally exhausting….finally free and 2 years out loving life 👍🥰 keep going and DON’T LOOK BACK 😍you got this 🥰

[@wendyapfeldorf2120]

The relationship with the narcissist starts out with you thinking you have met a normal person who has genuine affection for you. As the relationship progresses, the narcissist’s behavior becomes more abusive. You spend a lot of effort trying to get back to the early stage of the relationship. You give up your friends and family because the narcissist flirts with some of them and criticizes the others to you. You know you should leave the narcissist but can’t seem to pull it off because you have become trauma bonded to them. Your self-esteem and self-confidence have become depleted due to the criticism. Your decision-making skills have become impaired due to the gaslighting. Some people never leave the narcissist. Some people leave when the abuse gets to be too much to take. Leaving the narcissist and going No Contact is the beginning of your recovery from narcissistic abuse.

[@marionthompson3365]

Summed up nicely.

[@sarahwoodward4470]

I can’t get my head around why they are the way they are! I went no contact then contacted them again 🙄

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

​@@sarahwoodward4470 No contact means NO CONTACT. You want to heal and get over this trauma. But you are scratching your own wound. Maybe you are hooked on the pain?? Get over it!

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Sums up how mine went

[@charlesagibb6593]

If I'd listened to this 22yrs ago I'd have said "Your mad Paula". It was an age of innocence where I thought everyone thought and treated others as I did. Naive for sure. With an army of flying monkeys in a small community, a very sick person was able to destroy the lives of 5 people and walk on with their head held high whilst playing the victim. Even when someone who had known me my whole life said "You've been had Charlie, we've all been had" I still went on loving and caring for the " false self" projected by a Machiavellian Chameleon. Two years ago "the penny dropped". I can't get 42yrs back but I can relax and breath. Thanks for your videos, Two years ago I held up the "Mirror of naked truth" and the Covert Narcissist was terrified. She stonewalled me and other than using the children to triangulate, she's powerless. Happy Days!! x John Prine says it best for me . "Some Humans ain't Human"

[@meredithyoung9200]

This is so big! I have been single for 20 years and have thought my relationship issues was me and that I was damaged. This is so helpful and EMPOWERING!

[@druidvw2088]

The only solution is no contact / grey rock. Prayer and fasting can help to break the trauma bond more quickly, but you have to get out while you still can. Peace, dear ones.

[@missrockstarglamazon6846]

Correct

[@cookingforbeginners6770]

What about paying and fasting so he may be able to hear God, for him to humble himself and so he can change

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

​@@cookingforbeginners6770 He won't, and it us not of your concern. Just get out and start your recovery.

[@monicahocking1507]

@@cookingforbeginners6770 Yes but for that to work they have to admit they need help and there lays the problem . Pray and fast for him/her but first do it for yourself.

[@delightfuldeb1218]

He couldn't sleep in the same bed with me from day one on our wedding night. Always separate rooms. He got mad and said my queen size bed was too small for him, but he wouldn't go buy a king size bed. The bottom line is you HAVE to get rid of them. There is NO relationship with them. They will never be a loving, giving, thoughtful human being. That's what makes it so sad - knowing this after what you thought was real at the beginning. I still cry and am still trying to heal and move on. It's just going to take time.

[@PRETTYGIRLSWAGG918]

Most horrific experience of our lifetime . Hugs to you darling ✨

[@marionthompson3365]

Hang in there Deb. Best wishes to you.

[@sonlightpsalm942]

Don't beat yourself up over the past. It's gone, never to be relived. You got to change and grow as a person so you don't ever find yourself in that situation! Much healing sent your way. Your a survivor on your way to, becoming an overcommer! 👍

[@i.l.9546]

My 14 years marriage was a constant fight. I was sure if I try hard enough my husband will love me and we will having a happy family life. I wanted this so bad for my lovely children, giving them a happy stable childhood in peace. So I tried to fullfill everything for my husband. It was extremly exhausting with a business to build up, a house, the kids, my aging parents (narcissistic too) and his vicious parents. When his emotional abuse went trying to destroy the childrens trust in me, I knew it was time to end that mess of a marriage and save the children from his toxic impact. I went a sort of grey rock without knowing anything about narcissm but I felt it was the best way. I was tired, boring, and even encouraging him to find a better woman. At that time he said noone would believe what a wonderful loving person I was. During the divorce he nevertheless hurt my childrens emotions terrible, killed our dog "accidantally", led our business into insolvency and showed his disgusting face. I was so shocked of what I saw. It was a horrible time but in the end, after 8 years have went by, I can say that my way was up only. And so did my kids. They are aware that their father is sort of strange but dont know he is narcisstic. They will get it I hope, but I trust in god to lead them there when they are ready for that knowledge. You can't go back in time unfortunatley, and sonwe have to take this bitter lesson and make something better out of it. My children will hopefully not get trapped in a narcissist s circle. I always tell them what I have learned about selfesteem and boundaries and Manipulation. So glad I found this channel, it helps a lot because of the examples from real life.

[@flightydancer]

At the end of the day, everything loving is fake in the "relationship". The narcissist's actions may be good and virtuous, but they are from bad intentions. If you keep staying in the relationship, you will be destroyed. So save yourself!

[@ms.texassoldier7203]

I'll tell y'all what an intimate relationship is like with a narc. It's like living alone. Oh wait, it's like living with your worst enemy. It's painful most of the time. Then if you're fortunate to become educated on narcissistic behavior, you begin to see light. When you're in it though , it's like an emotional death and revival over and over and over until your mind can't handle it anymore

[@cheryldee95]

Absolutely spot on, Paula. When my 30 year husband (now ex) was caught having a four year affair with a woman he claimed to have met and innocently became close to, at work - I immediately wanted a divorce. He refused to give me a divorce and instead said that he had broken it off with the woman and wanted to save the marriage. We endured 10 months of very heated sessions with a marriage counselor, where the narcissist repeatedly accused me of being the problem in the marriage - hence (his words) “Driving him to have an affair”, and the narc actually had a LIST (I kid you not) of all the things that would be required for ME to do and change within myself - to save the marriage. The narc, however had nothing to work on or change…because he smoothly took no accountability whatsoever in the breakdown of the marriage. He even used future faking right in front of the marriage counselor, and actually said the words “I just want things to be back to the way they were in the beginning of the relationship” - which actually meant - he wanted things to be back to the time when I didn’t know he was a pathological liar and what turned out to be a serial cheater who had been hooking up with women he was meeting on Ashley Madison (the infamous on-line cheaters site). And it was also finally discovered that the woman he ‘claimed’ he had innocently met at work - had never worked with him…at all, and he was STILL seeing her, and she was actually only one (of the ‘many’) Ashley Madison affairs he had going on - sometimes several at the same time. Unbelievable!! The marriage counselor told he that while he was supposed to only give his clients ‘guidance’…not ‘advice’…he told me to run for my life…because this guy was clearly a pathological lying, sex addicted malignant narcissist - and in 10 months of sessions, he had shown not a single drop of remorse, much less… intention of ever stopping what he was doing. They will lie and deceive forever..if they can get away with it. Thank god for the advice from the marriage counselor. He literally saved my life.

[@laurae8324]

Narcs are very capable of fooling psychologists and therapists. However, the day after my ex spouse and I had our first session, (he swore there was not another woman) the psychologist actually saw him with his girlfriend. It was in the parking lot of his gym, where he got out of his car and into hers. There were no holds barred after that on her part, although I didn’t know it for a while. He never did admit to the truth, but I had confirmation after I put a voice activated tape recorder in a flower arrangement on the kitchen table. I hope you’re having a happy life now!

[@cheryldee95]

​@@laurae8324 They really are ruthless, conscienceless manipulators. I don’t believe a single word that comes out of his mouth anymore. Not that I have anything to do with him. I don’t. But unfortunately, our daughters do - and I’m sure, in time…they will also realize the extent of his inability to ever tell the truth about anything… through their own interactions with him.. And, yes - thank you, life is much happier without his constant criticism and manipulation ruining any ray of sunshine that tried to peek through the dark vortex he chronically cast in my realm. Divorce is not ruination. Staying with the narcs is what ruination looks like.

[@majellakeane9989]

3 times I went to marriage counselling and all 3 told me to leave him….

[@laurae8324]

@@cheryldee95 I want to tell you I am estranged from my only son and he has no love or respect for me or my Christian beliefs. And my beliefs were/are not extreme by any measure. He has emotionally and physically distanced himself from me ever since high school and he’s 48 years old. I once thought he would see the truth, but so far he hasn’t. He says he’s a Shaman, is into the occult and takes psychotropic drugs. He thinks I committed child abuse by taking him to Sunday School and that I was judgmental but I know I was not. I’ve been asking myself how this could’ve happened? I can imagine his cheating dad thinking I was judgmental bc I divorced him. And then he began to work on him, while I rarely said anything bad about his dad. (I’m not suggesting people say anything bad). I’m saying this for anyone with children, especially young ones, do not underestimate the evilness of the narc. Your ex-narcs are trying their best to get your children to not see the reality of their evil motives and manipulations and to project evil on you. IMO, it’s your job to prevent that. Learning about spiritual warfare and prayer is the best way to combat any evil. I pray that anyone reading this will accept it as me speaking the truth in love. It’s very lonely without my son, but I do have a 20 year old grandson who sees the truth, I think. I’m very thankful for him. Sincerely, Laura PS: I pray for my son and grandson every day and will not ever give up.

[@KleeKaiPuppies]

I was also married to a narc and they all are the same dark spirit, just in different bodies.

[@beautypablotamarini7315]

1. BORING 2. BORING 3. BORING 4. HUMILIATION 5. BLAMING 6. SHAMING 7. DAMAGING 8. EMPTINESS

[@jeffcollom7945]

It’s like a bad psychedelic trip including ptsd flashbacks and cognitive dissonance isolation alienation panic attacks constantly ruminating. Only good side is you realize who your real friends are. Since becoming aware as an empath you can see how the narcissists prey on people even their own family members which is totally not even imaginable to empathic people

[@sandrathomas2893]

That's the hook! It takes much time to identify something your brain isn't wired to even imagine....

[@paulinamartinez3234]

It took me 15 years to leave him. I am still trying to understand how did I fall into this trap and being decieved. I didn't believe I was in a narcissist relationship. It's even hard to explain to others even more to defend. But I have learned to just not give him or them any reaction and set boundaries even if they don't like. God is so good and what it amazes me is the way the Lord has been taken care of me and my kids. All the glory to Him. Never put a man aboves God.

[@travelbug4536]

That was such a good summary of a two-year relationship I had with a narcissist. I'll never forget walking past the creature in Rathmines, the way it was grinning. It was a creature. I honestly feel I am lucky I did not end up in a body bag.

[@missrockstarglamazon6846]

Problem is Paula when you talk about it people listen like it’s just you having a bad relationship, most don’t even understand this personality type. I have 3 brothers also like it I’m a only girl of 5 boys never have I received a card or gift from any of them, had my inheritance hidden from me never saw my dads will . I’ve cut them all off , now they have spent the money they are trying to sniff around but I removed all of them even relatives connected . And it feels friggin Awesome! But you do attract these types because they see who we are strong empaths with so much love to give .

[@tathe3786]

Have Two brothers and the same expierience… And a marriage 22 years to a man like my brothers… feels familiar but was not meant to work… yes the whole Life you have to Fight for yourself to stay in the light!

[@tjtampa214]

The only support and reassurance some of us have is thru online video channels like this one. Thank you. 🍂🧡🍂

[@FourWinds-Nathan]

It has showed me all my true friends it’s been a filtering exercise and it’s so positive- the bit about impact 20 minutes in the emotional ripping apart and beliefs shattered etc is so true and so accurate and so validating hearing this - thanks Paula - Nathan

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🌹

[@frankisebree8638]

100 accurate when I found out about the cheating and listened to the apology and stayed… things got worse and began to cheat openly and complain about my reaction to their cheating. They , re-traumatized and purposely triggered me to record my reactions and tell everyone I was just controlling and jealous to justify break up . ..it was only through prayer , counseling and no contact was able to survive. I am still healing but it’s not so devastating.

[@marionthompson3365]

It's a nightmare of confusion and bewilderment. I never knew what was coming next on any given day/night. End result over a decade before the fog started to clear. Thanks to you and others, I now have definitive explanations and understanding of how their personality disorders and narcissism can traumatise those of us 'normals'.

[@bradmcewen]

In the awareness of the aftermath, the signs missed, would not have been missed by someone of experience to malady. All the lessons of attachment, cluster b naivety, societal norms that contaminate self care, trying to adapt to the ways of another than disgust you but didn't sink in at the time. That alone is mortifying. Your renewed validation will not come from anyone else. After your deep dive into knowledge of a subject, all you need is to realize is your discernment is all you need. Hard lessons need no repeat performance.

[@mjhensley-young9384]

Yes 👍🏻. This is where my peace is at this time. As long as “ I understand “ is powerful 🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

What hurts the most is ruminating about those good moments after it's over. These people are evil I don't care what others say about it. These types of behaviors are sadistic

[@missrockstarglamazon6846]

I remember I use to fly to Guernsey from London because this narc would cry help I’d drop everything , I jumped on a last min plane to get there, and then come face to face with a miserable face and a reply of you didn’t have to come and a smirk .I swear the last time I got that I looked back and the narc knew It was the RED ZONE , and this was now time to run , I saw red mist and it was not clearing , all this while my dad was dying . I truly believe I was being pulled away from my dad by the narc , he died and I never got to grieve him properly because the narc sucked all the empathy and love I was saving for my dad out of me . I even let this narc see my dad by video while he was on his death bed thinking this narc really cared nope it was all for pleasure , but oh I got my revenge BIG time so BIG the narc lost all responsibility in their job HO came down on that place like a nuclear bomb and I got to watch the narc crash , it was beautiful karma the narc got demoted and couldn’t figure put why as I Spoke directly with the chief executive’s secretary of the company , I couldn’t believe how swiftly they acted , I bought the house down And I have no regrets none . I must have saved so many form the abuse this narc was doing through the role this narc had . Keys taken uBack no control over the banking nothing . And I sat there while the narc was trying to figure out why the world had suddenly turned upside down.and I’ll never let the Narc know .

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

So spot on, she'd apparently been abused physically and sexually, who couldn't sympathise, thats what I did, it was all lies. I treated her like a princess, at the end, I'm labelled abuser. This is the most accurate video I've seen and I've watched thousands. So painfully accurate.

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

Same man. I know exactly what you feel

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@sgtmuffinbadger6147 there are too many of us about who have experienced these monsters.

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

@@JohnSmith-wo7ns they suck us in using our empathy against us then toss us aside along with the memories feelings. Horrible creatures

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@killjoyredux8361 thank you , you too

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

@@sgtmuffinbadger6147 they'll end up lonely and bitter. That's what I cling to..

[@cmrandall9151]

When I watch these videos I'm just left speechless... Absolutely speechless. The information you provide so strongly reflects my experience I don't even know what to say. It's like you were right there in the chaos carefully watching my relationship play out. Every single confusing event, conversation, text, and behavior is clearly explained... I feel a strange mix of emotions. I feel informed and validated, but I also feel stupid and naive that I fell for something so common and textbook. It's like I failed to do my research before starting a big project. And then finally I feel hurt that the person I loved so much was just a con artist doing the long con. Nothing was real, and he was someone with a personality disorder just doing his thing that he's probably done a million times before. wow...

[@rozvasquez4956]

Im feel the same way

[@marionthompson3365]

Yes, it's horrible. Best wishes to you.

[@sandrathomas2893]

Evil is a fixed construct. It operates exactly the same across the board, it just disguises itself as virtue. I say it because these people have chosen to separate from humanity/ God/ love/ self and goodness. We all choose.

[@revivedlady8300]

Each word spoken is true. Follow and listen to Paula. She is a loaded text book. Wonderful at explaining the delusional state which we have lived by being enslaved to a prison behind doors that people who do not live in never see.

[@PatsyTakken]

Thank you Paula for your wisdom and insight. I am keeping this for a very dear person that I pray for daily and I suspect is right in the middle of this experience. I shall present it to him when the time is right. I tried to broach the subject just over a year ago and the shutters came down but I think he needs to be in the right place to recognise what is going on. I understand it is simply a process and that I can’t speed it up or make him see until he is ready.

[@splainyourself9811]

My narc hub knew the bible inside out and "mostly backward". I wanted a spiritual man for a husband and confused his knowledge with spirituality. His interpretation of scripture benefited him only. He was very oppressive and abusive in that I could not fit into his ideology. I was never submissive enough. After I left I listened to the book of Proverbs everyday for about 6 months and got my head straight on what healthy horizontal relationships looks like. That is how I healed.

[@CVICURN1]

Thank you so much for making this. I need what few friends I have left to understand and they don’t so I feel so alone. I have no one to talk to about it because no one believes me as to how horrifying this was. So now I can send this out to my friends and family. Thank you

[@NarcCon]

You are so welcome!

[@kerryannmoor5908]

What a totally wonderful video, Paula! So sensitive and accurate. I have saved this in case one day my daughter will listen and understand my experience with her father, and not think I m a liar. I lost myself and a career that I adored. Still rebuilding me.

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@VILHELM1221]

It’s like you’ve been watching my relationship through a crystal ball. Incredibly accurate

[@lynnsmith2648]

Honestly I don’t think a narcissist knows what intimacy is because they are not capable of true intimacy. To a narcissist intimacy is sex. Animals have sex. A narcissist will never understand intimacy. That’s why narcissists are so frustrated and hate themselves.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Some of them are physically repulsive as well - cannot fathom how anyone could be sexual with them

[@GLeon-ov9yu]

He would lay there and want to be “serviced”. There was no intimacy.

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

Lynn Smith. Re: intimacy with a narc. they truly f**k themselves.

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

This is accurate.

[@terrapintravels3829]

I wish I had friends and family who would be willing to listen to this video. I've decided to not discuss my healing with them because they cannot understand and perhaps have no willingness to understand. Thank you for this very compassionate video.🌷

[@windysmith7367]

I feel the same way.

[@beatricehudgins2836]

💗💃You have studied this subject quite well and have an excellent way of explaining this topic. Enjoy your videos on this intriguing subject ⭐.

[@biljanavoucko4999]

Hi Paula! You are extremly clever and your videos really help in recovering from thiese pathological relationships i.e.nightmeres we all went through with these menatlly ill people. One thing is however there that I would change. It is the use of word Empath. I woul use normal or healthy people because empathy is just a trait of normal human being. When you use empaths and narcissits it seems as if there is inbetween a normal person who is not targrted or has sime extra skills and narcissists do not target them.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@bossfirst6190]

O how much care your friends need after this narcissist relationship and how much they need you too listen too them for maybe 5minutes...How many people have taken their own lives out of embarrassment out of the let down. The narcissist will always do the monkey jump and not be suffering but they do in reality because every day they get up they are living a nightmare.. Always remember never idolise anybody only God for we are in this world but not of this world.. Thanks Paula...EH

[@sandrathomas2893]

They don't suffer. There's no conscience empathy or remorse.

[@princerupert6161]

My family used to call the narcissist in my life 'Dracula'. How insightful others can be when one can't see the wood for the trees? Wonderful, insightful and perfect for those who could get lost in the technical terms of psychology. Beautifully explained!

[@edgreen8140]

Beautifully stated Paula! A difficult topic to explain to those who don’t know about it.

[@neeruahuja2014]

I woke up from my narcissistic abuse SLEEP after 37 years. And still have to live with him

[@cajuncrackerranch7990]

Thank you for articulating an extremely difficult subject to communicate to others after being in a relationship with a narcissist. Great job! Great content! You are much appreciated. 🙏

[@valb9963]

Only other victims of this may listen to you,so find your own tribe and heal each other.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹🙋‍♀️

[@sonlightpsalm942]

Hi Paula: Thank you for your compassion to our community. This world 🌎 is certainly an interesting place to be, pitting good against evil. It's certainly been an unforgettable experience 🤔 being married to a covert or shy narcissist for 38 years. Truth be told, the narcissist as well as the empath both are under the "curse". And both have tried to cope the best way that they could. Both have been traumatized and chose a different path to survive. Now mind you, I'm not having sympathy for the devil, but those that chose narcissism chose the dark path due to trauma, and are under a spiritual bondge and derive pleasure out of their partners pain 💔 that they mercilessly inflict on their partner, family members, etc. For some strange reason they get their needs met through the most Macabre ways possible out of selfishness, and sickness to their demon. For the empath, we gave up self for the betterment of the situation. The difference is when the empath becomes aware they want to improve, and not find themselves in that situation ever again. 😑 Unfortunately we have old programing from childhood. The things that we have to work on are, complex trauma, abandonment issues, codependency, people pleasing, feelings of worthlessness, trying to fix others, and taking on other people's burdens which we have no responsibility to do, and other things that were instilled in US as children. Until we get to the place of healing, and understanding what and why this abuse has taken place in US, we will be bound to recreate the same patterns in the next relationship, as subconsciously we're trying to fix what was wrong in our past growing up. That's why we're drawn like a moth to the flame, and then get our wings burnt off! LOL I've studied the narcissist for 6 years, and only recently along with the help of your Channel have come to the realization, that it's time to work me! I've tried to be in relationships but without fixing the patterns Within Myself will only result in failure and being drawn into the old patterns. Just like the narcissist giving himself or herself over to the darkness, we in turn give ourselves over to the narcissist! It's our responsibility to fix our self and not derive our happiness out of trying to fix someone else's problem! I completely agree with you, we certainly are not crazy, we just have to unlearn the programming of our youth. Thanks again for all that you do in helping us to understand this sick and twisted world.

[@Consiouschoices]

Well Said. I agree 🙂🙏🌸

[@davidcoppotelli3957]

If your new to this Channel you came to the right place to get education and the great knowledge that Paula brings to the Narcissist Round Table. Narcissist's fear this beautiful woman. She knows them oh to well.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🙋‍♀️🥰

[@marilys3549]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us on how to deal with narcissist abuse.

[@slw908]

It's been 2 weeks since discard, she blocked me, and I decided to go no contact for my healing. I have some confusion if she is truly a narcissist. The difference being she didn't put me down, but was very supportive most of the time. What made think she possibly narcissist is she had terrible up bringing, the relationship did gradually wane or decrease in value. No intimacy, very little affection, and some silent treatment episodes, which was really hard to endure. The relationship changed so much from how it was in the beginning. She was shallow, couldn't have a deep conversation, I felt possibly there was someone else at times. But, the discard she didn't blame me, she blamed long distance, which really was only hour and half away. She didn't have any ideas or solutions how to work on the relationship. I got tired of having to do everything, it didn't matter whether it be planning entertainment, travel, etc. I did get frustrated with the lack of communication. I ended the relationship, only for her to ask to meet and talk. I agreed, the morning we were to meet, she texted me to say she couldn't go forward that she loved me and blamed it on distance. Then blocked me..It was worst feeling I couldn't believe it..I figured she had someone else. Although she said it would be extremely hard for to let go. So, it's all so hard to process..

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@MN-qu7ys]

My son married a narcissist. She identified me as a problem when they became engaged. I asked him at that time if he was truly sure he wanted to marry now, as they were going to wait two years then marry. I explained that waiting would give him time to truly be sure. Shortly after that, she began an attack on me, setting up situations, lying, etc. I was not invited to the wedding, her mother threatened to kill me. I imagine she lied about me to her family to have this reaction. My son and I went thru a period of non-contact. They married, moved and didn’t tell me they were moving. They have moved 6 times in 7 years. Now her parents live with them. My son and I have re-established contact, but he seems like two people: one in denial and afraid to address things, and one who still agrees with everything that is going on. He moved from Cali to Virginia into a house he had never even seen (he said she picked it out). It was very remote and in the woods. I was glad when they moved out 9 months later. Sometimes I think he is participating in the lies, other times, as time has gone by, I think he knows my reluctance for the engagement was for good reason. I await the day he wakes up. In veiled ways I have let him know I will be there for him. I can’t address the situation directly with him. I pray for his health and safety.

[@NarcCon]

Keep supporting him ask about him only keep contact up he’s going to need you

[@animaladvocate8938]

Heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. She sounds awful.

[@kmax2584]

Thank you Paula this is a great description for friends and family members of an abuse survivor, and it's also a validation for those of us who survived it. 💛

[@mgu1N1n1]

Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!

[@bonnyB123]

Thank you. I have just been discarded. It's hard. I gave my everything in this marriage to the point where I got sick. We are still married, but he has taken off his wedding ring. BUT GOD. GOD IS MY ONLY HOPE FOR NOW AND THE FUTURE!!!

[@NarcCon]

Hard as it is now..God has possibly directed this..view this as your chance at joy 🌹🌸

[@belladonna70]

thank you so much paula,..its so hard to explain especially to loved ones.

[@malene1234]

My ex narc was married and he was telling me all along that he didn’t love his wife anymore and was separating from her. He even moved out to an apartment and out of the family home so I thought he was serious. He was only triangulating her and trying to hook me in the process, but little did I know at the time. I was groomed and totally brainwashed believing he was indeed separating and totally in love with me (a hell of a love bombing he created) After he was done with me he moved back to the wife in question who was there all the time waiting for him. I’m sure this was not her first rodeo with this monster ‘cause they have been “together” for almost 20 years. He even wanted to impregnate me at one point after his mask slipped telling me that his wife will be ok with it. Totally messed up. Despite the brain fog and my trauma bond I realized the whole situation was totally toxic and managed to walk out, but it was hard. It was like coming out of a nightmare. These people are twisted and the influence they have over you at one point is so scary that you start becoming a zombie or a slave doing whatever they ask you to. The victims lose their autonomy, their personalities and they become a shadow of themselves. It’s a harrowing experience to have to go through. Thank God I got out, but the damage is huge and I’m still trying to heal. One day at a time.

[@alexiphigenia1618]

Oh my gosh Paula. I've learned so much from you and others like you. I love your channel. Yours is one of my favorites. I'm re-visiting the Menendez Brothers Trial. That's an extreme case of horrifying abuse of two boys who were trapped from birth and are in jail now because they tried to protect themselves when threatened. Heart-breaking. We really need people like you doing this work - to help release ourselves and others from the Hell they've created. They are hell. Everything you talk about is why it's so difficult. They're so unbelievably deceptive. They turn the innocent into easy prey, scapegoats, exploit our vulnerabilities, by replacing our inner compass with theirs.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@GLeon-ov9yu]

These narcissists follow the same script. Idealization, Love bomb, Devalue, Discard. He professed an ideal love and then systematically with held all validation & kindness.

[@tathe3786]

I came out of a narc/alcoholic family, got in a marriage with a narc/alcoholic for 22years, 3 kids! Got divorced… an awful one, Lost house / home.. much Money but went away with my nearly grown up Kids. Lived in peace for some years. Fell in love with a wonderful guy… who dies a year later by cancer… one and a half year later got hooked from a former alcoholic/ narc. For two circles during 4 years… In the second circle I realized what happens to me a live long.. and always there was isolating… in family and in marriage and in the latest relate…. Isolation to make me do What they Want me to do!!! Me trying more and more to comfort them… just as a Child…. I can feel deep down the feeling of never beeing enough… fighting for to be seen and loved! But in my memory addiction was always the „winner“… and This Illusion of the Perfect world… they all seemed to wait for the holy one that saved them… losing they life waiting and not seeing what we could be for each other!!!

[@joannamartinez6882]

I’ve never been in such a dramatic situation before. So much drama! I never thought I would go through something like that. It drains you emotionally and makes you doubt yourself a lot. These people brainwash us and truly make us believe we’re crazy or wrong when we start to question them about their behavior. He used to always tell me I was perfect for him until I started questioning him and setting boundaries. Then, he would tell me I’m not the person he thought I was. He really thinks I am guilty for the ending of our relationship. Even though he was the one that went behind my back to message his ex, whom he’s with now. He wanted to live with me and go spend time with her whenever he’d go see his kids. Nope! 🙅🏻‍♀️ I ended it. He wanted his cake and eat it too!! I know I wasn’t perfect but he cheated emotionally several times. I didn’t wanna risk it. I felt like I was going insane.

[@windysmith7367]

They have this thing about exes. They just never let them go and expect us to tolerate their behavior. Almost anyone knows this is not healthy behavior. I couldn’t believe mine was secretly talking to one of his ex girlfriends that he supposedly broke up with 10 years ago (according to him) and had also told me how bad her character was. In retrospect he probably told me this lie to disarm me. I was already dealing with his ex wife being in the relationship. It all blew up when I tried to set a boundary. Still difficult. 3 months no contact.

[@juliacross2713]

Paula this is the best advice ,you are absolutely amazing how you tell it , Thank you so grateful 🙏 All on here take this super woman's advice , she is simply the best 👌 💖

[@NarcCon]

Thanks Julia 🤓🙋‍♀️

[@kaytiedidd1780]

I just listened to a man who said that often those of us who are always being sought out by narcissists, are likely, 'intraverted narcissists ourselves?' I don't think I caught the word correctly, but I do believe you know what it means. I have been in this marriage well over 50 years now, and only learned within the past 5 years that there is even a personality disorder known as narcissism! I was simply taught that people are kind or they need help learning to be kind. I truly believed this! I was only 17 when my husband began seeking me out, and even stalking me. My grandmother tried talking to him, but NOTHING ever appeared to help him. He simply learned how to treat me around 'certain' people. However, as only a 17 year old, I saw there was something there that was just 'off.' Unable to get help from any of the adults around me, I finally married the man, and it has been a life of darkness for me! If you could only know how often I have questioned myself, and how I live in my past 'faults!' At the same time, while my husband has me in the darkness and taking care of all the trouble he has brought to the family, he was walking straight ahead, head held high, swinging his arms in great 'self confidence and joy!' I have even had to take care of traffic violations for him! NOTHING has ever been his fault! NOTHING! I was DETERMINED to MAKE the marriage work. Well, it has stayed for over 50 years, but I cannot say it has 'worked.' If ONLY I could have understood this many years ago. Though, I am STILL not for certain that I did not seek HIM out because of my own narcissism! This concerns me!

[@NarcCon]

[e-mail] - coaching?

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Paula this is exactly whats needed, 6 months on, people still don't get it, why I think of her, its not intentional, it does it automatically. At times its dreadful. Thank you.

[@brigittaspelthuis2343]

Sorry. englisch is not my language but I suppose you will understand. This contribution is so important , Thank you for your all what you do for us and your sharing. Every one can send this video to a victim and can send all to them who loves them but do not understand totally ( how can they if you did not experience this ) what the hell happened? It is all absolutely accurate and solid helpful information about the whole cycles of abuse and the time after the abuse to collect your real self again , back ! You did not lost it, you are this still , you only forget and put it far away. you deleted a part of your self in a box far away to serve an disordered person you thought to save him/her ! the price is you. They break your wings , and that is devils work , and you thought it is was a present a gift from heaven . For everybody who is involved also family and friends, send this video, it take 20 minutes for a short explanation, you can never explain in this way here. God I wished they love you so much that they do this for support you need after a discard so badly. Your bruises are not always outside visible. The covert narcissist doesn't´t hit you , he is keeping you different down, emotionally abuse is still very underestimated . And understand , that all the good , it was you, you mirrored in this person , with a disorder . This person is a mirror . It is not this person , it is you and that what you want to see to stay and to save both ! It will not functioning , you are in hell and run , but also educate your self , with the right channels like this one, and pray for your self and everyone who needs help . Even for the toxic partner, there is no help, no real friends , no fulfilled hearth , on earth for him so he needed Devin help the most. It is not our business anymore leave it karma and put it in god hands. Care for your self so will god do for you too.

[@philipwertz5041]

Prayer going your way...only God knows the pieces this filled in within this nightmare. GOD BLESS YOU!!!! Finding you/your KZbin has been a major break through...oh my gosh...I don't even know where to start to express my thanks!!! I am in the midst of discard I "held the mirror up" about 2 years ago and since then I have "had to be gotten rid of" (it seems we are about to go into separation although have been completely separated "in house" for two years appx.), I probably could benefit from a buddy (I reside 20 miles north of Charlotte NC & work 40 minutes north of Charlotte). I also need a counselor/therapist that gets this. ....I am praying...scraping....clawing...for healing from SLD/co-dependent rediscovering who I am. "Knowledge is power" - can't get enough of this stuff!!!! pray for time to heal learn...

[@ladiebugs]

Great video. Sounds like my marriage with my husband of 19 years. He's currently financially abusive towards me now that I filed for our divorce. He discarded me for his new supply he met online. She got him a new job working with her so they can travel together. Thank you for another great video.💛

[@valb9963]

Sending love, prayers,hope and hugs to you Paula, with gratefulness, and to all of the survivors. You will meet your match. But before that, you will meet yourself. Greetings from Ohio 🇺🇸 🌎 ✌ ☮ 🕊

[@NarcCon]

Happy 4th Val ❤️

[@truthseeker_phoenix]

Two things that I hear a lot in relation to the narcissist and that’s references to Alice in Wonderland (; and mirrors. What I find so bizarre is that my covert narc ex was obsessed with Alice in wonderland (she would say that she was Alice) and her website and “brand” was all about mirrors.

[@tvc-u4v]

Thank you. ✌

[@NarcCon]

You're welcome 😊

[@TraceFaceIt]

Spot on once again my friend! You look excellent too btw!!

[@NarcCon]

Hey Trace..thanks 🥰

[@bittu-kd7zy]

Beautifully explained Paula!

[@bettywhite8407]

Speaking for myself( Pure Misery).

[@jules5501]

Thank You Paula!

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@karenlouise2156]

My Sister was married to a narcissist for 7 years. She never came back 35 years later she is a selfish, sadistic, narcissist who will harm those who were very good to her. So, some never come out of it 💔

[@animaladvocate8938]

That's so sad. It's like she's gone. I got away early on and needed to rest so much and could feel the negative evil energy leaving my body. Have you listened to Sam Vaknin? Im so sorry.

[@shaunduffy861]

Thank you Paula, beautifully said ❤️

[@psychicmediumtarotrev.laur2724]

Your hair looks amazing, lady!!

[@NarcCon]

Thanks 🤓

[@splainyourself9811]

Intimacy...In to me see. Never happened with my narc hub.

[@MeritaKidd]

My story ,,thank u ,,I'm trying ,,but I feel so worthless,,I was told I was trash,ugly and no good,,,words that I can not express on the channel ,it's that bad,,

[@NarcCon]

What kind of source do those vile words come from..not a peaceful one I’m guessing…must be threatened by your beauty 🌹

[@mt6534]

It was as if everything you state they do to the person they claim to love, I was accused of doing. I truly still worry was it all me like I was told. Become functional when they disappear and you get your feet under you, I am told they noticed how well I function alone. Then added that proves I am a narcissist. Get a life and don’t lean on me I am working. You are too needy. Yet never called or texted all day until he did not show up after work for hours. Asked for a call just to let me know what was up. That was demanding and controlling. Began to think I was crazy. Pulled back from all my loved ones because of feeling embarrassed by what I was living in. Met this person when was very vulnerable. Think looking back he saw that, but also how free I was in being just me without regard to what others thought. He wanted a piece of me and my position in life plus funds. Lies he would tell to me if challenged would admit it was not true. That confused me as well. Not an apology, an admission for what purpose? Yes and God and positive thinking was his arena and above me. His words, “You are so stupid. Stupidest person I have ever met. But you have the purest soul of anyone I have ever met. Where is that little notebook.” Still blows my mind.

[@paysonadams4597]

Thank you, Paula. It's too late for me. The Smear is Complete. All, and I do mean Everyone, of my friends have been touched. 4 months after leaving the narc of 17 years, my world started and just wouldn't stop hemorrhaging and my narc parents involved themselves in 'taking care of my mess. I tried explaining what I was healing very messily from, to my parents. My mother: " You must have just pushed them too far." My father: " Sounds delusional to me. Do you have his phone number? " He also said he had a 'working knowledge's of narcissism. He has, obviously not heard about no contact!!

[@NarcCon]

If coaching would help contact me?

[@lizacampbell2183]

Sadly my family, after 8 long years, seeks to punish me further by holding me accountable and taking measures and using those lovely words and silent treatment themselves for the yucky my ex spilled onto them behind my back. 😩 No contact is better than gray rocking. And again sadly isolation is the only protection anyone can give themselves. Reprobates.... They are the majority now

[@triplekids3]

Thanks!

[@NarcCon]

Thank you so very much for your donation and kindness 🌹

[@giuseppescibilia7503]

Dear Paula, I have listened to almost all of your videos and I have learned a great deal about Npd, thank you so much. I would have been so lost had I not learned what I know now. Thank you!! My situation was rather different than that discussed in most of your videos. I did non marry a narcissist but had an affair (first and last) with a narcissist that was 22 years younger, I knew from the getgo that something was wrong and knew that I would never leave my wife and that I had just strayed because of insecurity issues. However the thrill and the boost to my confidence kept the story alive for 1 year. I was wondering if you could do an episode regarding different types of romantic relationships (e.g. affair with a narcissist) if you think that there may be different dynamics at play that may be worth underlying. Thank you very much

[@belladonna70]

your such a lovely soul xx

[@NarcCon]

Thanks for such a lovely kindness 🌹

[@srm47]

Spot on as usual.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

One good thing is that often narcs actually end up with narcs - nightmare if you are otherwise anywhere remotely closely to their sick diseased orbit though

[@Sage-1111]

Why is it so hard to get out of it ? I do not want to go to family & friends anymore.

[@edwinedy49]

Its really hard, that i have to admit! But you have to be strong. Secondly, that person is not the only one on earth..so my dear be strong and don't give up on yourself

[@felicity5272]

It is due most likely to the trauma bond and the CPTSD. It is like we could only think about the good times. I have to force myself to think of the horror my ex put me through and my family. It takes years to heal from narcissistic abuse and trauma. Narc Con , Mr. Quinn from Assc Direct Channel,and Doctor Ramani helped me a lot. I read a lot of books on narcissistic abuse which also helped me. It is really hard but one day at a time. We could survive this since we the victim of narcissistic abuse are the light and narcissists are in darkness. The narcissist would never find anyone as empathic and caring as us.

[@edwinedy49]

@@felicity5272 thank you for this. This is one of the most traumatising stage. Breaking free from it needs focus but takes some time. Could you share some books you read please?

[@felicity5272]

@@edwinedy49 Welcome. We will survive this traumatic stage. You are right we have to focus on ourselves to heal. I read”Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse:How to heal from Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse “ by Priscilla, Posey, and Deborah, Mirza’s book “Worthy of Love: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse,” and “Healing from a Narcissistic Relationship” by Margalis, Fjelstad . Most of these books are on audible too. Doctor Ramani, Durvasula’s book “ Should I Stay or Should I Go” will help victims that are undecided about leaving their narcissists. She also explains how we cannot help the narcissists. Take care.

[@edwinedy49]

@@felicity5272 thank you so much for replying to my request. I have got one book so far and am reading it already. Am getting more information about this kind of personality disorder. Thanks alot..🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@Shehroz-Ali]

Thank you so much doc!

[@Petra-qw1pv]

Thank you, you are accurately and absolutely describing this dynamic, the actions, words etc they use. I am very sorry, very sorry that you have been through this, as only than you can truly get deep into the truth of this and help thousands of empaths to get back on their feet, back into the light and " easier" in the divorce process. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@theresefournier3269]

Blossom and bloom!? With twin flames, maybe it was the point?! 🤔 Maybe it's a long and painful process for both?! 😔

[@michaeljames955]

There is a bachelor that lives right behind us, mine likes to stand in the living room changing clothes with the curtains open. Its pathetic.

[@dodibenabba1378]

There is no intimate relationship with a narcissist only one that's in your head. Just come out of a 33 year relationship and I still don't know who that person was.

[@freespirit9806]

I bet most therapists have no clue about NPD

[@monicahocking1507]

Probably most of them don't and I've heard some are narcissists themselves. So careful who you choose.

[@juliacross2713]

Paulais the best 👌 I think therapy best with person been there lived it .to many fakes out there

[@darcybarwick6404]

They don’t ... they don’t understand the spiritual aspect of npd I like to refer to us as being the victims of a demonic attack

[@sandrathomas2893]

They don't. 2/3 are narcissists. You can't apply natural constructs to something in the spiritual realm.

[@Healinglove]

I found a great therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse. I feel so blessed! 🙏

[@danielhiam5108]

My faith in humans is very very low. It's a spin of the wheel now.

[@NarcCon]

Stay with us 🌹

[@michaeljefferson4898]

I like I feel like IM THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM WITH YOU... something very SAFE in your TONE?

[@laneheron8677]

Thank you....just thank you

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@ColKlink-yh1ro]

omg trust

[@No-Name-f8p]

You always look great! You have nice pretty colored clothes ❤

[@NarcCon]

Oh thank you!

[@No-Name-f8p]

@@NarcCon I downloaded this video to show it to a new friend, and the end was so good, I’m using it to construct a thank you note to another friend that was there for me (along with Jesus) during the, “Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.” I’d also like you to come into agreement with me to pray for HG! Could you imagine the impact HG would make if he was a Preacher? 🥰

[@slestage5725]

So good❤️

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@missrockstarglamazon6846]

The narcs Instagram just videos of the narc playing with the cat 😂😂😂 the future looks bleak for the ageing Narc no more recycling old lovers once the looks start going they have run out of options 👏🏽👏🏽

[@monicabelle8581]

Hi Paula...I am on my summer holiday in Europe ...and yes...exactly as you told me in our coaching session...the Hoover will come even after 6 or 8 months...Although I blocked him on every device and blocked his emails...one of his emails landed in my junk folder. It was sent on my birthday. He said...Happy Birthday..may you be blessed with health happiness and joy. I was shocked at the reality of the research on narcissism. It is exactly as is described...a cycle of craziness. Ofcourse my silence remains solid forever. Your video here was amazing...and although I still preferred just telling my family that it didnt workout...your comment about how we are still stuck in this bond somehow...as I find myself still thinking of him...is mind boggling. So my focus this summer is to do more inner talk because I want to forget he existed. I will tell you more soon.😊

[@NarcCon]

❤️🙋‍♀️🙏

[@sheilablanton4894]

hello Paula ❤

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🌹

[@elsie8966]

heartbroken today. my friend took a photo of my ex with another woman. she had same hair cut as me and was walking his dog like I used too. I'm gutted my friend sent me it.

[@joannbarthold3032]

Just be mad at him not your friend. Your friend most likely thinks you are further along in your healing, and didn’t mean harm to you. Love yourself and laugh . You are better off without a narcissist in your life

[@annamariehewitt3173]

DON'T fret over it...He will DUMP her soon enough...

[@elsie8966]

I know. I knew he'd be online hunting but shocked to see him with another woman when I still have all his stuff here. just mind boggling.

[@annamariehewitt3173]

@@elsie8966 It's the BETRAYAL of a relationship that you thought you had but really never did...It will take a long time to heal.. Start the healing by doing small nice things for yourself every day...These things work as a Healing Balm for your wounds...

[@elsie8966]

@@annamariehewitt3173 absolutely is. I'm meeting q friend today. I've gone from positive to feeling I want to burst into a million tears. It really is the part I never wanted to see until I was way ahead. Once again whilst I've been crying tears over him and suffering he's been off out onto another.

[@sylviaamodeo7090]

I have learned that spoiled, entitled, selfish, children who are NOW ADULTS, do not belong in , or deserve my presence. Or presents, l lol.

[@holly1725]

💚🌈🙏🏻

[@danatc]

Very helpful! Warm thanks! 🤍🙏

[@jillnicole4418]

I feel like nobody understands. 🥹 Thank you for the video, Paula. 💐