What is Buddhist Nonattachment?

[@brandonwilliams3788]

I really struggle with not letting nonattachment devolve into indifference. Your videos have been so helpful on my journey, thank you!

[@DougsDharma]

Glad to hear it Brandon, yes this is a struggle!

[@nickscurvy8635]

I think indifference in fact can be seen as its own form of attachment. It takes a lot more to justify it as such because its more subtle. But identifying my own indifference it feels like a form of attachment. It isreally easy trap to fall in when one is so attached to being attached, as many in our society are.

[@nickscurvy8635]

Lol i was commenting when i was below one half of the video was through. In case you cant tell, i am not very skillful at doing one thing at a time yet lol.

[@thenightwatchman1598]

@@nickscurvy8635 you still didnt really explain the difference, probably because you are special pleading right now.

[@jazzypoo7960]

As an adult, I've always been a renter. The apartment that I live in now is the best ever. At first, I could see myself fighting to stay here as long as possible. Then my better voice instructed me to blow up those thoughts. I believe this mental detachment is helping me enjoy every moment I might have squandered in negative thinking.

[@DougsDharma]

Exactly so, TK. This is the insidious nature of pleasures, they make us feel that they are the absolute best and have to be clung to forever. It’s something that we all have to confront and practice with! 🙏

[@purpleice7277]

Tide Kiosk *Can totally identify. I finally have an apartment that I love. And all I can think is how sad it’s going to be when I have to move. That’s crazy, right?

[@martine2651]

You've made a great point here! Finding the middle way between nonattachment and pathologic dissociation from the world seems essential... and the hardest part for that matter. I remember your video on spiritual bypassing, these really are potential mind traps. it may be kind of alluring to distance oneself from life, but I do not believe Buddhism aims for that. I have come across a term called "Engaged Buddhism" when learning about Buddhism in Vietnam and the Buddhist crisis of 1963. Especially in Vietnam, Buddhists never seemed to stay away from wordly affairs.

[@DougsDharma]

That's right Martin, engaged Buddhism is a very important movement in contemporary practice. It's difficult to find that "middle path" between detachment and overattachment to the aims, but that's what we're trying to manage.

[@SucceedEng]

Non attachment should go with kindness and compassion along with equanimity.

[@nickscurvy8635]

I love that identification of aversion as being a form of attachment. That's an incredibly useful and insightful way to frame it.

[@DougsDharma]

Glad it was helpful Nick!

[@SHurd-rc2go]

I've needed your talks about attachment and non-attachment at this time, due to a failing friendship. Thank you, Doug. Stay safe and well.

[@DougsDharma]

Glad to help! Here's to wishing you the best getting through a difficult situation. 🙏

[@samarthkumar]

I really love how you anticipate and clarify the questions that arise when from modern secular thinking against the traditional wisdom. The difference between non-attachment and indifference in this case. Thanks!

[@DougsDharma]

Great! You're very welcome samarth! 🙂🙏

[@brandon637]

Loving the content! I subscribed because you portray a good source of “early Buddhism” or “secular Buddhism.” Either or I enjoy the core of Buddhism stripped of traditional metaphysical opinions. I wish to help spread this “core Buddhism” to places like prisons an what not. This type of Buddhism I think can be widely adopted by all people religious an secular.

[@DougsDharma]

Excellent Brandon, I agree! Some of course will prefer a more traditional approach but what is essential to secular Buddhism should be common to all. And even those not interested in Buddhism generally could stand to learn a lot from the practices anyway. 🙏

[@AriaLaurel]

I really appreciate the wisdom you share. It was really helpful you talk about non attachment in the framework of kindness, compassion, and sympathetic joy. I'd wondered why my efforts at non attachment had been so fruitless and painful, but it became so clear when you mentioned those goals. In desperation I had not been striving _for_ these skillful states of living and had instead ended up on a path of indifference by blindly scrambling away from pain.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes that's very easy to end up doing. Indifference is a "near enemy" to non-attachment. My video on "near enemies": kzbin.info/www/bejne/Zpyll36krtGdac0

[@katsujinkin60]

It is eerily difficult to watch this now, knowing that everything we see in this video will later be gutted by fire. I hope that Doug is keeping this lesson firmly in mind as he deals with the destruction of his beautiful home. I wish him and his wife all the best in the midst of this tragedy.

[@charkitahood2532]

What tragedy has happened?

[@katsujinkin60]

@@charkitahood2532 There was a fire in this house, and most of it, including the room we see in this video was destroyed. Fortunately no one was hurt, and restoration was done eventually.

[@Hupplang77777]

Be your own lamp. You have to become your own Refuge is similar meaning. It means Other's knowledge will not liberate you. You can learn from them and proper implementation will gain more experience and you can see your achievement clearly. Buddha said Appo Deewa Bhawa.

[@andersbenke3596]

Very good! I especially liked the part about being non-attached to external things, such as your city. I do this myself, with regard to certain things, like my computer and it is really silly. It is just an electronic box around which my life should not be centered. Also, thank you for your well written responses to my recent comments. It is always nice to engage with someone who is both respectful and does not shy away from expressing their own opinion.

[@DougsDharma]

Wonderful Anders. I find myself becoming attached to odd things at times myself, which is why practice is a process! Be well.

[@JodyLuvsHumanity777]

I loved ❤️ the way you addressed important distinctions between non attachment energy and indifference energy👍, slippery slope one can find themselves on inadvertently creating resistance energy under the guise of energetic boundaries. ☮️❤️😁 all! 🙌✨️🙏☯️😇

[@DougsDharma]

🙏😊

[@rahulkrishna7256]

Thank you. These video answered my confusion about deeply admiring non attachment at the same time passionate about science. Before seeing these video, I thought it will be hypocrisy. But now I relish both budhism and scientific aptitude. Thank you for these video. You are really helping students like me.

[@DougsDharma]

My pleasure Rahul! 🙏

[@masterphotog4131]

Great wisdom, keep up the good work!

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks so much!

[@stephenrizzo]

I think you brought out the middle way aspect of this nicely. Emotions that are harmful, excessive, unproductive, etc… are the issue.

[@DougsDharma]

Exactly so Dread, thanks!

[@productionstudyos]

Doug I want to thank you for making consistent uploads that are of high quality. You are very helpful to a young buddhist learning the ways of the dharma

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks so much for your kind comment Beck. Glad to hear you're finding the videos useful! 🙏

[@kunalgulati3358]

great video as always, thanks

[@DougsDharma]

My pleasure, Kunal. 🙏

[@purpleice7277]

I’m new here. I’ve always been overly attached to people and have been criticized for it my whole life. The most pain I have suffered because of it is my children. Having my 19 year old, who started detaching from me at age 17, has been killing me. I’m trying to figure out what part of this pain is my attachment issues. It’s so hard with loved ones in general but with your kids, it’s truly devastating. I feel like I have a missing limb. 💔

[@DougsDharma]

Sorry to hear about it Kham. It sounds like you know you have an issue here but need to figure out a way to deal with it productively. While this can be done through meditation and dharma study, I think in this situation it might not be enough. You might also want to consider consulting a good therapist, particularly a family therapist. They can often help us work through these kinds of family issues, if we can find ones with whom we resonate.

[@travisrambo9332]

Thank you

[@DougsDharma]

You're welcome, Travis!

[@kimberleyshott8970]

Thank you for this Gift 🎁

[@DougsDharma]

🙏😊

[@subhashiniisubha3340]

Thank you Doug 🙏🏽♥️

[@DougsDharma]

🙏🙂

[@Alexlinnk]

Thank you, well explained. in KZbin it's hard to find videos about detachment

[@DougsDharma]

Glad it was helpful!

[@lorenzomuratori2462]

Very well explained!

[@DougsDharma]

Glad it was helpful Lorenzo!

[@andrewtom8407]

Very good point in addressing "indifference" as the nemesis of non-attachment and clarifying the differences between the two. While non-attachment is more of a practice with good will in mind, indifference is an attitude and simply a term for "I don't give a damn." ☺️

[@DougsDharma]

Exactly so Andrew, it's quite a difference!

[@adamstewart276]

Great video.

[@DougsDharma]

Glad you enjoyed it. 🙏

[@davidknight7933]

Very helpful, thank you Doug

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks for watching, David. Glad it was helpful! 🙏

[@SucceedEng]

A state of mind where you don’t identify with the world. Equanimity. Less prone to being pulled this way and that.

[@ginahamlyn2569]

That helped me today thank you.

[@DougsDharma]

You're very welcome Gina, thanks for the comment!

[@piedpiperscuba]

Thank you, Doug!✌

[@DougsDharma]

You’re very welcome Pat!

[@miroslavkozik987]

It may sound silly, but I am attached even to my lovely dog golden retriever. So the fact I will lose him some day, raises unpleasent emotions in me, such as fear of loss, emptiness etc. Greetings from Serbia, love n support of your channel! 🙏

[@DougsDharma]

Oh it's not silly at all, Miroslav. So many of us are attached to our pets, they are like family! And welcome! 🙏😊

[@killuasleftfist3612]

Thank you for helping us all on our journey to enlightenment and Nirvana

[@DougsDharma]

🙏😊

[@vesnablazin4607]

Thanks for great presentation. I'm still confused how i can be not-attached to person who is my partner and lives not with me, on the beginning of our relationship. For me non-attachment could be achieved when you spent some time with the person and you trust that person you know where that relationship is going on. But on beginning just when you meet some person and like to be with that person - you like that person, how to achieve non-attachment ? I have problem with that - I need to say I'm beginner in Buddhism and learning a lot of new thinks but I would appreciate your guide. What to do not to lose that person, be with that person , love him and not to be attached. Thanks

[@DougsDharma]

It's a tough one! That's why a deep practice of non-attachment is really best pursued either by monastics or as you say by laypeople in very mature relationships.

[@vesnablazin4607]

@@DougsDharma Thanks for your prompt reply. Do you have any advise . I had with my husband non-attachment relationship for almost 40 yr.. Now after few years of living as widow I met one man and I feel attachment toward him. How to prevent that - in early relationship. I'm trying meditation and positive thoughts , what else I can use ? Please advise . I don't like to lose him and he is "old" Buddhist who will not accept attachment . Thanks a lot

[@DougsDharma]

Without knowing your situation personally (and not being a psychologist!) I can't comment, besides saying that I wish you the best. 🙂

[@vesnablazin4607]

@@DougsDharma Thanks a lot, I asked only can you suggest what to read or which your video to follow not to be psychologist. I will search your Videos and may be found what I'm looking for . Thanks a lot for all your replies . Best Regards, Vesna

[@patrickdallaire5972]

@@vesnablazin4607 Oh Vesna. After reading your comments here, I feel an empathic reflex rising in me. I am no psychologist and only a beginner in terms of mindfulness but maybe (emphasis on the maybe) sharing it will help you make some sense of it all. Just keep in mind that I am projecting myself on you and that I am by no means an expert (I work with computer software data and functions, not human emotions, cognition, and behavior). It seems perfectly normal that you feel a strong desire to attach the ones you love so tightly. It seems you lost someone precious to you and that it was traumatic. As someone who has been through trauma, I have developed a strong aversion to "loss" or "abandonment" (relationships). I am tempted to make a potential partner and myself the "one and only" (a little bit of exaggeration here) source of "good" feelings towards one another (a co-dependency). I am tempted to have high expectations for myself and the other person and take them for granted. I am tempted to "quickly escalate". I am currently investing time in a new relationship with someone. So, as you can guess, the temptations I just described are present. However, I am currently going through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a scientifically-backed form of therapy that makes mindfulness a core aspect. I am learning to not let these emotions completely control my thoughts and behaviors but I am not ignoring them. I try to keep in mind that we have and would benefit from maintaining other emotional anchors in our lives, that we "like" but don't "need" each other. I am going forward but keeping in mind that we are both choosing to take a risk and either one of us can slow down or exit the relationship at any point, willfully or not. Anyways, maybe this is all obvious stuff to you, I am still young and certainly haven't been in a relationship for 40 years (I'm not even 30 years old). I could probably learn a lot more from you than you can learn from me. Considering your strong desire to do so, I am confident that you will find your middle path. Take care.

[@anicca6877]

So helpful. Thank you, I wish you good health.

[@DougsDharma]

You're very welcome sanket, you too! 🙏

[@chinnaba]

Well said buddy.

[@DougsDharma]

🙏😊

[@davidmeacham9527]

Since I was a kid I have keenly felt for the injustices of the world, and often felt ‘pain’ for others. I find non-attachment from selfish motives or self-obsession quite possible. Finding a way to calm a burning sense of injustice is extremely hard. But through meditation, I have been more able to choose when to engage with certain thoughts and emotional states. I’d be interested to hear what others think.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes exactly, thanks Dave. Usually we term "non-attachment for selfish motives" something more like "detachment" or "uncaring". And of course self-obsession is its own form of attachment! So these are all things to be aware of and avoid as much as we can. We don't want to become selfish or uncaring in the practice, that wouldn't be helpful. The point is to give ourselves a space in which to engage more skillfully with our thoughts and emotions, as you say.

[@xiaomaozen]

I've never heard of it before, but I really like the concept of a "near enemy". When it comes to "indifference", I always have to think of emotionless zombies. 🧟 That would certainly be a complete dead end. Charlotte Joko Beck once said that non-attachment doesn't mean that you have to drop all your preferences. And I find this an appropriate way to express it. Preferences yes, but without that compulsive kind of grasping or clinging which would run our whole lives if we let it. Anyway, there is a kind of attachment - especially among Buddhist practitioners - which is very tricky to deal with. Attachment to non-attachment: A new arrival said apologetically to the master, "I have come here empty-handed!" "Lay it down then!" said the master. "Since I have brought nothing with me, what can I lay down?" asked the visitor. "Then go on carrying it!" said the master. 😂 🙏

[@DougsDharma]

Excellent! Yes, we can get attached to anything it seems. Even to nothing!

[@harsh5089]

Very useful 👍👍👍 Doug Smith,does attachment to Dhamma is a positive attachment or a negative attachment?

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks for the kind words Harsh. As to your question, I think it is answered by Ānanda in the sutta “Unnābha the Brahmin” that I mention in this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jJa2mYGlir2hrtk , as well as in the parable of the raft in the Water Snake Sutta. That is, some attachment may be positive for awhile but in the longer term it must be overcome as well. 😊

[@Hupplang77777]

Attachment to anything is always bad.

[@dash445566]

@@Hupplang77777 what about attachment to nonattachment

[@harrisontonks3623]

in some case, correct if i am wrong. but its about learning to love your something but then learning to let go at the same time if something bad happen? eg; losing a love one?

[@harrisontonks3623]

i am all new to this

[@DougsDharma]

Well yes Harrison that's a big part of it. All things change, including things we love. So it is wise to hold them lightly.

[@harrisontonks3623]

@@DougsDharma okay thank you

[@localnugget]

Doug, early in the video you mention that attachment is a special kind of desire- for being and for non-being, as discussed in your video on just desire. With that being said, do you think it’s safe to say desire and attachment are the same thing ? So it would also be correct to say that attachment is the root of suffering in place of ‘desire’ or ‘craving’? I don’t think the language impacts the teaching much, but I’d like to hear your thoughts

[@DougsDharma]

Hi Chris, I think I'd say that these are all related concepts, but there may be subtle distinctions between them akin to emphasizing one or another aspect of the problem. For example "identification" is a way of emphasizing the problem that is different from "craving", even though these do point to very closely related concepts. The basic concept is in the Second Noble Truth: what is the cause of our suffering?

[@Hupplang77777]

Chris 3000 I am writing as a Buddhist to you. You are right, Desire and attachment are two different mentel phenomena ( Desire its self is not a bad because altrisum, loving kindness, all the good attitudes are also desire, but attachment is always bad emotion even to your own believe. Because it develop lot of wrong views to other believes.)

[@supremereader7614]

Thanks for this, great explanation and I want to look up near enemy… 😉

[@DougsDharma]

😄 Glad it was helpful!

[@annabellacrewe8858]

It's very Hard to accomplish this "exersice" ! I feel it extremely nessesary to get through it, because my life has been filled with a huge ammount of pain because of attachment to people, children, boyfriends, my parents ! I can see now, that being an only Child made me both lonely and to overprotected by my mom ! I set myself free, BUT the hanging tight to attachment almost ruined my life as a grown up !!! Now I am 70 and have chosen to live Alone for Most of my life, due to 2 reasons; my parents' bad marriage and me loving freedom !! But I do know now( listened to Echkart Tolle and others four years now) - and today You, that my tendensy to kling to the people, I like and become "friends" with is not good for me ! Moreover I learned not to engage in reactivity and raging from other People against me..Rehearsing being responsive every day ! I need so much to write a letter to You about a situation I reside in with the only grown up people I know ; it is very, very difficult, because they do not speak english, they are from Syria ! I have no children of my own, but they have 3 and I have known Them for 7 years now ! ....well it gets to long here ! Thank You for a very enlightening talk here ! Annabella in DK !❤

[@DougsDharma]

You’re very welcome Annabella, I’m glad you’re enjoying the videos! All the best to you on your journey. 🙏

[@Nathouuuutheone]

The link about buddhist free will does not appear on screen. Might I suggest adding it to the description as well so issues like that cannot happen?

[@DougsDharma]

If you scroll down to the bottom of the description screen the video is there.

[@clairebradbury11]

I can see that non attachment to things can be very liberating in many ways but is it desirable, or even possible, not to be attached to one's family and friends?

[@DougsDharma]

Great question Claire. I have an upcoming video on non-attachment planned, and I’ll try to get to an answer there.

[@DougsDharma]

The upcoming video will be a bit too long to include your question, but I'll tackle it in a video soon thereafter. Planning, planning. 😄

[@bohlmandan]

Would you consider Buddhism a way of life, religion, or both? Thx.

[@DougsDharma]

I have a video out on how Buddhism can be seen as a philosophy or way of life rather than a religion: kzbin.info/www/bejne/apOqgad_eLBlhNU , though in that video I also do say that it can be seen as a religion. It depends how you look at it, or how you approach it.

[@bohlmandan]

@@DougsDharma Thanks I am teaching about Buddhism at my church and am gathering as much information as possible.

[@streetfire7787]

,yes,,,how do you get past the idea that when your in non attachment your really "attached" now to being non attached ,,which is still a form of attachement,,,please add some clarity possibly to my question

[@DougsDharma]

Well this is a question for each practitioner to ask themselves. It's not a theoretical question, but an actual, lived question. If one is attached to attachment, one will feel it and should practice to overcome it.

[@CapitanTavish]

This is my main struggle question, no one seems could answer, I hope you would do.. How can I know what to do or what not to do, if (for example I succeeded in non-attachment) I will have no more emotions telling me whats wrong or what’s right, how can I not being an automata just accepting everything happening to me as I don’t have any preferences, how can I improve my life if there is no desire to improve, how can I solve problems if I am not interested in them. I don’t get how to find the path if every path become the same.. by extent, for example, what it will be the difference between killing or not killing, steal or not steal, should one just follow blindly precepts to not kill or not steal without any desire? I don’t get it pls help

[@DougsDharma]

Being nonattached doesn't mean having no emotions, nor does it mean having no preferences, nor does it mean just accepting everything that happens to you. It may help to check out my earlier video on desire in Buddhism: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jJa2mYGlir2hrtk

[@123arcadia]

How does it relate in relationship

[@DougsDharma]

I have another video talking about that topic: kzbin.info/www/bejne/i6XblneJqNKLgLs

[@timnitz2654]

I don't see that you have any videos on Buddhism and freedom. Since I first learned of Buddhism as a teenager I thought that one of the benefits, if not the focus, of Buddhism was freedom: freedom from caste (or any social hierarchy, at least for the monks), freedom from identity and thought control (whether from culture imposing identity and ideas on you or you imposing it on yourself), freedom from physical and social control of others (through reduction of craving, which is a tool of control), and freedom from toil and worldly stress (for the monks at least, and for the laity if they reduce their desires - for so much of toil and stress is in the attempt to acquire goods, living standards, achievements, to satiate addictions and desires, etc). In general, the less you crave the freer you are. Does any of that jive with your understanding of Buddhism?

[@DougsDharma]

Absolutely. The Buddha often discussed enlightenment as freedom from bondage, that is bondage to greed, hatred, and delusion, and more traditionally to the round of rebirths. I did a video on freedom of the will (a rather more western concept, but not unrelated) awhile back: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fpeUdmxnrrCnrLM

[@timnitz2654]

@@DougsDharma Thanks! I watched that one too. It would be neat if someone did a video of a sort of "roundup" of freedoms that Buddhism enables, for the laity and the monastics.

[@DougsDharma]

@@timnitz2654 Good suggestion, I'll think about it. Impossible to be completely exhaustive though, there are probably too many!

[@cultureal9544]

No attachment leads to knowing you are able to, wherever you find yourself, no matter what has happened

[@DougsDharma]

Yes, it also leads to you not being attached to outcomes of your actions.

[@afanasibushmanov7463]

Great points, but I'm not sure if I agree with the sports example that you used. It's one of the rare situations where I think attachment can lead to happiness. Being attached to a certain team makes the game much more exciting to watch in my opinion. I'm a basketball fan and my favorite team wasn't in the playoffs this year. I watched plenty of the playoff games, but I didn't care who won because I wasn't attached to any of the playoff teams. During the years when my favorite team was in the playoffs I was much more interested in the games. The games were more exciting to watch even though the team that I was attached to/rooting for lost. Sports are really just entertainment so I don't necessarily view attachment as a bad thing in that situation. I guess I'm trying to say that attachment isn't necessarily a bad thing in situations that are as trivial as sports unless the attachment becomes an obsession of course.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks for the great points again Afanasi. Yes, attachment often does lead to temporary excitement and happiness: that’s one of the reasons we pursue it so often. The problem is the let down afterwards; it’s like a drug. That said, of course it does depend on the case. If you are viewing sports as trivial entertainment, then you’re not really that attached to it, and then of course it can be exciting without too much of a downside. The kind of sports attachment I’m really discussing is more the obsessive sort, where we fully identify with the team as “us”, as “who WE are”, and thus where we set ourselves up for all kinds of unpleasantness when the team loses, as inevitably it must. 🙂

[@afanasibushmanov7463]

Doug's Secular Dharma You're right about me not necessarily being attached to my favorite team right now, but there was a time in my life (from like 2001-2010) when I actually had a strong attachment to my favorite team. I felt like it was part of who I was. I actually thought the attachment was good for me at that point in my life because other aspects of my life weren't where I wanted them to me. I almost used the attachment that I had to my favorite team as a distraction from the negativity that was going on in my life at the time. I was eventually able to let go of the attachment naturally because my favorite player from that team got traded and the team also happened to be on the decline. I think the Buddhist concept of nonattachment is beneficial about 99% of the time, but I think there are rare cases when attachment can be beneficial as long as we understand that the attachment isn't something that's going to be permanent and that there will be a point in time where we're going to have to let go of the attachment.

[@DougsDharma]

To use a somewhat problematic term from later Buddhism, it sounds like you’re saying attachment can at times be a kind of “skillful means” towards better thinking and behavior by distracting us from stuff in our lives that’s worse than the attachment itself. It’s hard to disagree with such a claim, sometimes being attached to something innocuous is better than falling into ruin, if those really are our only two choices. But if we do have a third choice, it’s better to lose the attachment as well. I think that’s what you’re saying with the attachment being impermanent. True attachments usually are thought of as permanent, as part of “who we are”. 🙂

[@gregdeveer803]

I like that you brought this point up, Afanasi. Gives me an opportunity to ruminate a bit. I totally relate to what you're saying. I recall when I was younger I was way more attached to my favorite team (the Seahawks). If they lost, I would be crushed and it would ruin my weekend, but inversely would be elated if they won, although only transiently. I still love them, but am less attached now. That makes for more muted highs and lows, but it's still fun to watch. Sure, winning isn't quite as intense (but it's still a bonus!). And losing isn't as big of a downer, which is nice. So all-in-all: I don't think I'd trade my previous experience (more attachment) for my current one. That says something I guess!

[@keeganlloyd3593]

Does non-attachment include not attaching ourselves emotionally to the change of form in people? Like when someone passes away- it is difficult to not be attached in this way? Can you speak on that at all?

[@DougsDharma]

That's right Keegan, one of the most important practices of non-attachment is non-attachment to form, or to physical bodies and objects. It is indeed very difficult not to be attached in this way, so the practice towards non-attachment is going to be long. I've done a number of videos on non-attachment that you can see here: kzbin.info/aero/PL0akoU_OszRiCb2Jxe488IqJQvT8uARjm

[@williamisabell9539]

Meister Eckhart the German mystic who was shunned by the Church for his Zen like teachings said detachement is the greatest virtue, even above love, he was far ahead of his time and paid for it.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks for that William.

[@andreyacates4424]

How do we relate nonattachment to things like marriage?

[@DougsDharma]

That's a great question Andrea. I think many of us laypeople will find it difficult to practice complete non-attachment with those closest to us; we are naturally attached to them. This is why the Buddha left home, and why he considered the monastic path to be easier. That said, I did an earlier video on this topic that might be helpful: kzbin.info/www/bejne/onK5l6yNaLiSmrs

[@andrewtom8407]

It may be helpful if one can figure out what aspect(s) of the marriage that one is mostly attached to. Is it the companionship, or a sense of security, etc., that one feels the most need in a marriage, or even in any relationship. Knowing what one is attached to in a relationship makes it much easier to due with any breakup or loss by dealing directly with that very aspect(s) that causes attachment.

[@vertexmodel1517]

Was Penelope attached to Odysseus? What do you think fellow Buddhists?

[@ngonigriffith1491]

I am a Christian. I also have a mental illness. In one episode, I left my parents house without clothes, a cell phone, even without shoes. I walked naked to a hospital and told them that God told me not to love the things of this world. They locked me up in a mental institution for two weeks. I left everything, even my parents, whom I love very much. I believe, even though I was in psychosis, that I practiced non-attachment.

[@sidharthchand8072]

Nothing last forever love health balance I’ve learned that the hard way

[@DougsDharma]

🙏

[@troytempest290]

Subbed.

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks!

[@middlewayers]

Is compassion a sort of attachment?

[@DougsDharma]

If there is attachment, it's not true compassion, at least in its purest state. The related state with attachment would be something more like pity.

[@patrickcahill4396]

Hi Doug! On the subject of non-attachment does it not follow that we would become 'attached' to the three refuges? And also in the Mahaparinibbana Sutta the Buddha states "...be ye lamps unto yourselves, be ye a refuge to yourselves. Betake yourselves to no external refuge." Contradictions?

[@DougsDharma]

Hi Patrick, interesting and important questions. As to attachment to the refuges, or to the dhamma itself for that matter, I think the question is answered by Ānanda in the sutta Unnāba the Brahmin that I discuss in the video on desire: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jJa2mYGlir2hrtk . Attachment is a form of craving or clinging, and those can be useful in certain rare circumstances, so long as we realize they will have eventually to be overcome. As for the Buddha’s statement in the Mahāparinibbāna Sutta, I think there he means simply to be saying that we must work on purifying our own minds; nobody else can do it for us. This is a point he makes again and again; there is a whole chapter of the Dhammapada dealing with the self in this context. So I don’t think he’s talking about clinging to the self there, indeed the practice he’s recommending is one of *not* clinging to the self. 🙂

[@patrickcahill4396]

Doug's Secular Dharma interesting. Thanks Doug. I suppose it could also be akin to the simile of the raft. Letting go or leaving behind once you have reached the far shore. Utilising as opposed to being attached to. Perhaps :-)

[@DougsDharma]

Absolutely, the raft simile is another key one in this regard. Most folks though tend to overlook the part where we are clinging to the raft, as we cross the river. We aren’t on the other side yet! 😁

[@patrickcahill4396]

Doug's Secular Dharma just going off topic; I was wondering if you may consider doing a talk on the 'deathless'? I see the term being used often but do not fully understand it. Is it a later Mahayana concept related to non-duality and/or 'emptiness' (sunyatta)?

[@DougsDharma]

Oy, confused and confusing topic. The word comes from the early texts. Basically it’s another way of saying “nibbāna”, since once you attain nibbāna you are said to escape the rounds of birth and death. (It could just as easily be termed “the Birthless”, though I suppose that doesn’t sound quite as nice).

[@marymyers4751]

No it is not that the city is more affluent it is that it is more inaccessible to those with less. Either way..change happens but one must truly understand the change to change the change.

[@DougsDharma]

Maybe so! Thanks, Mary.

[@sarthaklodha2474]

Pls a video on jainism

[@DougsDharma]

I have mentioned Jainism many times in these videos, but it's a bit outside the scope of the channel. That said, I might consider it eventually if I can find the right context for it.

[@AnattaAnattata]

สาธุ! สาธุ! สาธุ! 🙏🙏🙏

[@DougsDharma]

🙏😊

[@Zero-sj8qh]

Success and failier two sides of the same coin? So non attached person lives relatively happily no matter what happens around his life since he seeks peace. IMHO its one of the most difficult qualities for a layman.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes. It takes a lifetime of practice to attain such wisdom, even if we are lucky. But we can I think get closer over time, and every once in awhile we can get a glimpse of the freedom of nonattachment.

[@soundhealingbygene]

I like to think of the idea; this too shall pass. Also wouldn't nonattachment also include nonattachment to nonattachment or any other Buddhist concept? for example with impermanence not everything is impermanent. If I cut a sheet of paper then the paper cannot go back to a state of not having been cut. Or if I smash my laptop with a sledge hammer, I can't make all the component's function again the same way. Sorry my mind is a paradox, wrapped in an enigma, surrounded by a conundrum.

[@DougsDharma]

That's right, non-attachment means among other things non-attachment to views and opinions. This is the parable of the raft: kzbin.info/www/bejne/apmnnnl8jbmSqck

[@soundhealingbygene]

thanks ! @@DougsDharma

[@LONDONFIELDS2001]

Brilliant common sense advice

[@DougsDharma]

Exactly so Louis, I think of much of early Buddhist teachings that way. 🙏

[@LONDONFIELDS2001]

@@DougsDharma have you checked out the speculative nonbuddhism site? An important voice in all this, in my view.

[@sudiptochakma3351]

Sir I want Recommend you some KZbin Video knowledge Your videos are awesome But still less views Want to spread your videos All over the world But sir Can you learn some KZbin knowledge and How to to do editing with some pictures It will be better for you channel sir

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks for the help Sudipto, always interested in learning more! 🙂

[@paradab6543]

In the teachings of the Buddha, wisdom does arise, Three characteristics, profound and wise. Let me weave them in verses, clear and true, Impermanence, suffering, and non-self, I'll share with you. Impermanence, the dance of life's embrace, Like shifting sands, it leaves no trace. From dawn to dusk, and season to season, All things change, without rhyme or reason. Flowers bloom, then fade away, As night turns to dawn, and day to gray. With every breath, moments fleet, Impermanence reminds us, life is sweet. Suffering, the noble truth we face, In trials and tribulations, we find our place. From physical pain to the ache within, Suffering weaves a thread, where all begin. Attachments bind, desires give birth, Yet suffering teaches, the depths of our worth. Through compassion's embrace, we find release, In understanding suffering, our hearts find peace. Non-self, the illusion of a separate "me", A profound teaching that sets us free. No fixed identity, no soul to claim, We're but a ripple in the cosmic game. Connected we are, in this grand tapestry, No separate self, just interdependency. Non-self reveals unity's sweet embrace, As we let go, we find our place. Impermanence, suffering, and non-self, In these teachings, the Buddha's wisdom dwells. Through understanding, compassion takes flight, Guiding us towards liberation's light. So let us contemplate these truths profound, In each moment's whisper, let their essence resound. With wisdom and love, let our hearts unfurl, Embracing impermanence, suffering, and non-self in this precious world.

[@SucceedEng]

Indifference is sans compassion and thus not non attachment.

[@DougsDharma]

That’s right SucceedEng. Thanks!

[@barneybarnard8171]

What if the thing that you're attached to is your wonderful beautiful wife and kids that you love very very very much? And what if you're attached to the notion you will see them again after they die? Even if it's in between lives?

[@DougsDharma]

Very reasonable question Barney! Check out this video of mine on practicing non-attachment with those closest to us: kzbin.info/www/bejne/onK5l6yNaLiSmrs

[@barneybarnard8171]

@@DougsDharma Thank you so much for responding. I really appreciate the input. What you said about attachment not being the same as love made a lot of since. Because attachment is more about controlling outcomes maybe? Sorry still learning. Do you think it's at all possible we see our loved ones after we die, even if it's before we go on to the next life, like maybe just a brief temporary heaven (for lack of a better phrase)? I'm just kind of really really struggling with the notion of never seeing my family again after I die because I will be someone else. Or am I wrong or misunderstanding everything. The reason I ask is because a couple years ago I started trying to look into everything that I believe and I'm just trying to find the truth. I'm just so scared I will never see my wife and girls again. I love them so much and they are my whole world and my home. They are my 3 favorite people ♥️. Just trying to sort it all out. Thank you.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes Barney, attachment is all about clinging to outcomes. Myself I am a secular practitioner, I don't believe in a life after death. Maybe there is one but if so it's not something I can know about. If you are interested though the Buddha did say to a husband and wife in the suttas that they could be together in the next life basically by practicing together and gaining good karma. Nevertheless the First Noble Truth is learning that all things change and pass away. This realization should be a spur to practice, and to be content with the way things are right now.

[@MedicusVishalus]

I came here to forget the death of my friend

[@DougsDharma]

Sorry to hear it, I hope these videos can help. 🙏

[@MedicusVishalus]

@@DougsDharma Thanks 👍🏼

[@MedicusVishalus]

@@DougsDharma If you don't mind Would you give me your email address

[@kendosa1]

In reality, animal hormone oxytocin and dopamine.

[@thenightwatchman1598]

who cares if theres obvious contradictions. ITS BUDDHISTS therefore we can ignore epistemology right? buddha never wanted this...

[@A.Dajlida]

Great explanation! Thank you!

[@DougsDharma]

Glad it was helpful!