What is gaslighting?

[@elsh332]

They don't just deny YOUR reality - they deny REALITIES reality.

[@elainasilva844]

LOL 😅😆😆 THAT IS SO TRUE, NARCISSIST REFUSE TO ADMIT REALITY IS REAL, EVEN WHEN YOU ACCUSE THEM OF WHAT EVERYONE KNOWS TO BE THE TRUTH!! ESPECIALLY A SELFISH EMOTIONAL IMMATURE, GOLD DIGGING NARCISSIST, ANOTHER SISTER OF MINE TYPED OUT A NEW WILL HAD MY DAD SIGN IT, THE NIGHT BEFORE 4 WAY HEART BYPASS, AND TOLD HIM IN FRONT OF: ME, HIS LAWYER, HIS BEST FRIEND, MY MOM,( OH JUST SIGN IT DAD ITS A NEW APPOROXY MAKING ME IN CHARGE OF YOUR HEALTH CARE DECISIONS INSTEAD OF MOM, BECAUSE I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT GOING ON BETTER, IT IS JUST A HEALTH CARE APPROXY!!) LOL DENIGH DENIAL, SHE HAD HIM SIGN AN ENTIRE NEW WILL AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TAKE MY DAD OFF DIALYSIS SND LIFE SUPPORT, WITHIN ,,24 HOURS. SHE MADE GAIN 50 POUNDS IN LESS THAN A DAY, WITH LIW BLOOD PRESSURE SHE IGNORED, MY NARCISSIST SISTER INSISTED THE NURSES TAKE MY DAD OFF LIFE SUPPORT, AND DYLYSIS IN LESS THAN 48 HOURS AFTER OPEN HEART SURGERY, AND NEVER ALLOWED MY DAD'S HEART TO HEAL, BY ALLOWING HIM TO HAVE THE DYLYSIS MACHINE, HE SAID HE NEEDED AS WELL AS OXYGEN AND LIFE SUPPORT UP TO 6 WEEKS TO RECOVER PROPERY..SHE KILLED MY DAD, SHE TOOK HIM OFF THE LIFE SUPPORT ALL THE NURSES AND DR'S SAID HE NEEDED TO RECOVER, AND LIVE AFTER HAVING A 4 WAY OPEN HEART SURGERY!! THEN SHE KIDNAPED MY MOM TO HER HOUSE, TOOK HER OFF ALL HER CARDIO PILLS, AND POURED MORPHINE AND ATTAVAN DOWN MY MOMS THROAT WHILE SHE WAS UNCONSCIOUS , AND CAUSED HER TO DIE IF DEHYDRATION AFTER 7 DAYS!! SHE DENIGHED ME AFFECTION AND LIVE FROM MT PARENTS KILLING THEM BOTH!! MY ADVICE( DONT EVER MAKE ANYONE YOUR APPROXY!!! THEY WILL KILL YOU!! )

[@david4ev]

😂 it's sounds so stupid but it's so true. A professional narcissist tries to turn it on you when you realize who they are and you just want to laugh. I have been on social media scrolling but denying all these signs that I'm dealing with a narcissist then more come. I wanted to bring a recorder into it last month and she said not to. I'm a virgin narcissist victim sry lmfao

[@mimi-lg8lo]

What's up with the weird clip? The camera cutting away showing only a corner of a chair? 🤔 Fabulous information Dr. Rami! ❤️

[@mic396]

That is good one wow

[@nltinc.4864]

Yes!! My husband denies his own lies, denies that he gaslights me, denies the impact that his begrudging has on me. He denies that his pedophilic friend behaved inappropriately around our 12 year old daughter and the impact that it had on me and on her. He can just proceed to deny watching me walk out the door.

[@indexplus]

If somebody says they never said that when they did, it is the end of conversation and respect

[@user-zh5fh2li9u]

I agree 100% !!

[@chiarac3833]

Yes. And any relationship as well. I will be respected, not asking, I'm telling you.

[@bethanndavis115]

When they say they didn't say that, they are not gaslighting but lying.

[@kenoconnell7730]

I have situations like this all the time where my wife denies saying something I know she said, but there have been times where she tells me I said something, and my daughter, whom I trust, backs her up. Very confusing for me.

[@xoxjelloxox]

Then I wonder if they forgot or I didn’t say that actually

[@carmenkanitz9706]

Those type of people don’t have “insight”! They can’t recognize their own problems. Instead they blame others!

[@Krikket-hm6pz]

So true. Oh man, I have said that very thing about my mother who acts like she's above reproach, is never wrong, never at fault and always has a defense/deflection mechanism on the ready. The woman irks the sh*t out of me, so I've made her feel my distance. She hates it. I love it. 🧘‍♀️🙏😌

[@cinny_]

This is so true.

[@JaquelineGoodspeed]

​@@Krikket-hm6pz She's your mother. Have a little respect and you don't hurt someone so you can feel good.

[@pinchebruha405]

@@JaquelineGoodspeedthe only time I’ve found myself agreeing with transgender people: some women are just birthers > zero when it comes to nurturing, so many lives destroyed by the very birther demanding respect for her Motherhood Badge. You sound like my professional career criminal drug addict life long friend/sister who demands the children respect the mother no matter what… never mind they don’t respect laws or others property… yeah no free pass for those that try to hide behind the I am a mother therefore respect me! 😢

[@kathleen4611]

I don't think there's very intelligent

[@paulfsweatt4948]

The best part is when they accuse you of gaslighting them repeatedly

[@jrod7017]

💯%.

[@lots3799]

🤔Sounds like the GOP.😅😅😅😅

[@nicolewheat2093]

Also they accuse you of doing exactly what they are doing and then act as if you actually did something

[@spaceghost8995]

That's what Donald Trump does everyday.

[@AK20741]

It's called Deflection & it's all part of the behaviour

[@michie0587]

​@@spaceghost8995😂😂😂😂😂 TDS is real.

[@spaceghost8995]

@@michie0587 You can't gaslight me.

[@michie0587]

@@spaceghost8995 😂😂😂 The left always accuses the right of what they themselves are doing. Think about this. Who said Trump will get us in WW3? Look at where we are today. Seriously think about that.

[@meathead5670]

They deliberately lie about their lie.

[@anonymous111delta4]

if you wanna catch a liar just remember they have to tell more lies to cover the last lie the higher they stack; soon the lies fall

[@mollyannmurphy4104]

Please keep teaching people about this .my friend ended up in serious danger . Managed to get herself out but it was a long road back

[@awakenedmortals8391]

I appreciate this talking couch for putting together this interview for us

[@LisaLira]

I started to record him. When he denied what he said, I played the recording. His response went from denying to “so what? Do you have a problem with me saying that? And why do you record everything?”

[@vaska1999]

I hope he's in your past now.

[@fumarate1]

Typical Narcissisit always got answer for everthing,always have to have the last say in everything and they will turn it on you and say your the one that always has the last say.

[@1TightMinute]

Then he probably went and told everyone how crazy you were and blew it out of proportion like you were taping his every move.

[@dianawardrip5171]

Hope you dumped him!!!

[@maryblushes7189]

They get abusive when you show them up.

[@southernhorseman2006]

I actually bought a recorder to record my narcissistic ex. Got divorced 14 years ago then found an awesome woman who I've been with for 8 years now. Life is so much better without having to deal with toxic people.

[@jeffghalen4518]

God bless you. This is what I’m praying for.

[@kennethspencer8379]

Same thing happened to me buddy. My current gf is awesome!

[@jeffghalen4518]

@@kennethspencer8379 I bet you feel so light, almost like you had wings. 😅

[@TalentedMisterHeat8]

Women are narcissists by nurture , so please understand the difference between being toxic and being narcissistic 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@sophiepilatin1401]

​@@TalentedMisterHeat8 Women aren't narcissists by nature.

[@paulatristan8189]

I totally agree with everything this woman says. She hit the nail on the head with me. I had to figure out for myself the person I was talking to for a few years. We became close (no intimacy). Then after a while I noticed if we had disagreements he'd be the first to try to make me doubt what I said. Saying you're hearing me wrong, or you're the one with the problem or you have issues. When I'd call him out and pin point him down in a calm manor.. he'd keep quiet for a few seconds so would I. Then he'd say, I think we need a break. Meaning time away from each other. I guess he thought I'd be devastated by what he said. He waited for my response and I just said when I hang up the phone it will be the end of you. You're a narcissist, I'm not playing your games I know all about you. He then said, "wait" maybe we can , then he said I'm sorry which he found it hard to say at anytime to me. He started to go on talking while I quietly hung up the phone on him. Later the next morning at 5am I received this long text message from him. You know what ? I didn't even read it. I was DONE with him. I deleted the text and was so happy I did. I told him in an email his text was deleted. I blocked him on email, texting and blocked his calls. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders ! It feels so good. Well guess what, I found out he's in a relationship with someone who is a complete narcissist omg. How do too narcissists make it together unless he simps down to her, I would totally disrespect that in him. Let him be someone else's problem.

[@SUGAs_Shadow85]

One of my FAVORITE gaslights from a previous relationship: "you're twisting my words"

[@shandagibbs2192]

Facts, and narcissists will always flip it on you. Start to make you think you’re the one tripping.

[@lasombradelaluz8802]

Indeed, they always tried to pull it with me whenever I caught them in their lies and called them out on it.

[@caveman357]

Just got out of a relationship with a woman who was doing this to me. Crazy thing is that she is a therapist, and truly believes she is correct 100% of the time. Telling me that I said and asked things that I would never ever say

[@Bluepearl187]

Exactly, I’d tell him how I felt and he’d turn it around on me and make it about him.

[@user-et5qs2en4c]

Yep, I have one that is excellent at it❗️

[@lisaclark6134]

Yes, and it usually works.....sadly!

[@octoberdawn1087]

I didn't get brave enough to start recording conversations until it was too late. It was literally the days that led up to me escaping. But by then he figured out that's what I was doing, and he changed from screaming to crying and seeming like a victim. These people are so good at their craft

[@leahweinberger583]

I wrote notes to myself. Eye opening at the time. Even better since I've moved on. Gaslight morphs your reality out of shape.

[@francescathomas3502]

@@leahweinberger583 Yes Keep a diary. That is what I had to so against my gaslighting mother when I was a child.

[@lightfriend09]

I had a family member like this. I believed their accusations and tried to fix myself for months. Then one day they blew up at me for something that was so far out of left field, I snapped out of it and realized their accusation wasn't based in reality. I went no contact that day. Still messed with my head even months later as I tried to sort through what was real and my fault and what was not. I'm thankful to be in a healthier place now with a wonderful husband who showed me you can actually work through conflict without drama, blame, and grudges.

[@user-et5qs2en4c]

Yes they are ❗️👍

[@cr8786]

Sounds exactly like what my ex-husband used to do!!!!! 😮

[@user-vg6pj2my2n]

Leaving my kid's dad was the BEST thing I did for us. Wish these youtubes were around back then. This clip rings so many bells. 😢

[@ChristinaB9782]

This is my supervisor 💯%!! She makes me hate going to work!!

[@krisknowlton5935]

Just remember, people don't quit jobs, they quit bosses.

[@Infrared1967]

And if they can't deny they said it, they say maybe I did but you took it all wrong and you're too emotional.

[@Smileater]

Yeah, whenever they feel trapped, they go to aggrrsiveness or plain lack of shame and would use the "love" you feel for them (which normally is lack of self-steem or fear of loneliness) against you.

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

Ok, I'm an adult and somis my sister, but she treats me this way.

[@debarpitatarafder3417]

Absolutely

[@user-sq8ug5ct1m]

Oh so true

[@jamesdavison2416]

yeah and you most likely are soooooo

[@joeanderson6797]

16 yrs of me saying sorry and going to counseling because i was continually told im the reason that our marriage was not working..now 8yrs divorced and no antidepressants, no counseling, no stress, no gaslighting...Im very happy and live an almost stress free life...its wonderful and i now know im good enough and never needed her acceptance or approval to have happiness

[@UNcommonSenseAUS]

Been there boys. Recovery is long af from the years of abuse.

[@gregmedlin5274]

Love it I went 25 years I was pretty damn stupid but I had kids and didn’t want them to grow up without a father in the house. And both of my kids grew up to be great people so it was worth it.

[@UNcommonSenseAUS]

@@gregmedlin5274 Same situation. Hung on as long as i could. Zero honesty. Zero accountability. Absolutely unbelievable the extent of the abuse & resultant trauma.

[@UNcommonSenseAUS]

@@gregmedlin5274 no good deed goes unpunished.

[@honorableone625]

Marriage is a trap

[@TonyChev]

I had chronic pain and was on pain meds for a misdiagnosed broken ankle. My ex constantly told me I said and did things I didn't do. I thought I might have been confused due to the drugs. Got surgery and no more meds. Figured out she was a lying narcissist. She's gone and I've found the woman of my dreams. The good thing is you appreciate a good spouse more after living through that hell!

[@johnbarr2100]

I switched and made all serious conversations to either text or email. She would still gaslight and deny what she said even when it was in writing. The sheer insane pathetic nature of them is quite sad and ridiculous once you truly see it for what it is.

[@TinySnek]

It cutting to the sofa is killing me😂

[@tianamarie989]

Me too! I'm like, is she talking to herself?? Are they trying to portray something here with the cameras?

[@veritylee513]

The invisible interviewer.

[@camez2345]

😂😂 I know! Like when Clint Eastwood talked to the empty chair 😂😂😂

[@JDforeveralone]

That what puzzled me too 😂!! Thought the furniture is some AI stuff!!

[@karlamkuhn760]

@@JDforeveraloneAltho I got it in the interview or whatever, your comment was Funny! Appreciate that! Thx! -Azariah (The LORD GOD HELPS) PSALM 20:1, 6-8; PROVERBS 16:25; ISAIAH 43; MATTHEW 24; DANIEL 3; JOHN 3:15-21; JOHN 14-21; ISAIAH 30:18-22; ACTS 1-3; REV 2:9; 3:9; GENESIS 6-9; PSALM 9:10

[@nadiavoun7137]

Yep. I had a boss who was narcissist gaslighted everyone. She eventually was charged with stealing hundreds of thousands $$ from the company. Then tried to blame people who she fired or quit years before. Stupidity is their middle name. They can't remember all their lies & always get caught.

[@mariahconklin4150]

I know addicts do it also

[@mariahconklin4150]

Exactly lol

[@debbieblue5856]

I had a boss like that! I reported her to HR. I had been in a gas explosion. I had a TBI. She put me on disability. HR said she could not do that! I can come back. However, they will do everything to get fired. She would say mean things to me. I am a Certified Medical Coder with Associates. I just said, "I will stay in Long Term Disability."

[@fumarate1]

like Judge says to lie you have to have a good memory.

[@nickinurse6433]

We can say "always" when Trump finally is locked up

[@JoeJ-8282]

I lived with a roommate who was a major narcissist a few years ago. I'm glad he's gone now because I had to do that exact thing when talking to him, which I thought was just ridiculous. Needless to say, I feel MUCH better now, with no roommates at all, especially him!

[@Kathylopex-gf2uq]

That advice needs to be publicized worldwide.

[@ThePsychGuides]

Recognise these signs in your partner. Such narcissists will make you feel unworthy and question your own identity. Living with such people is really terrible.

[@Da_Xman]

"Partner" is only incidental. Gaslighting applies to everyone (relatives, supposed "friends" and acquaintances, the people on the street, business people, clergy, social workers, co-workers, bosses, politicians (you get it - everyone and probably even your own damned self). No one's exempt.

[@vocalsunleashed]

​@@Da_Xmanyes! I feel so gaslit by the social workers at assisted living where I live. I am going to record every conversation from now on

[@Da_Xman]

@@vocalsunleashed Just recognizing the situation for what it is will help immensely. You might politely state your observations - without blame - if there's an opportunity? Other than that, if you must follow the social worker's directions, the only choice is to do so or possibly lose any opportunities or benefits offered. Also, you might keep in mind that there's a possibility that what you're interpreting to be happening isn't actually quite what's going on but, instead, triggering a similar time in the past when something like that actually was. If you attempt to politely sort it out and it keeps happening, keep paying attention to see if what's just been mentioned might apply; if not, all you can do is either persevere and maybe learn and gain something or leave, whichever is most optimum. Simply observe, relax, be certain of yourself and at peace in your heart; don't doubt yourself; your alive and aware; that's the bottom line and quite enough to get you by until the situation changes for the better. And, keep on keepin' on - that's the really important part! ✨🌈♥️👋🥴👍✨

[@robinelizabeth7411]

the first example is actually "dismissal" of another's emotions. the second example is actual gaslighting where they deny an actual real event

[@fumarate1]

Or they play dumb and make you look like the stupid one.

[@DadeMurphie]

Came here to point that out.

[@seajelly2421]

Yes and no. It is invalidation (dismissal), yes, but it goes beyond that. "You have no right to feel that way" is telling the person that not only is their emotional communication getting dismissed, but that _they themselves_ should _dismiss their own emotion._ That's what makes it also gaslighting. It's denying them their own reality (their emotions).

[@DadeMurphie]

@@seajelly2421 It's not gaslighting as it does not seek to make the person question the reality of whether or not they feel that way. It acknowledges the reality that they do feel that way.

[@seajelly2421]

@@DadeMurphie but that's exactly what it does.

[@L4Lxo]

This hit me hard today 😔

[@haroldjackman2010]

I love Dr. Ramani. She brilliantly explains narcissism in plain English.

[@boxonothing4087]

Gaslighting people by accusing them of having gaslighted you has also become very common. It makes pushing back against actual gaslighting a lot harder.

[@111...]

Wow. That's horrible. I would find and work with a licensed therapist, one who is very familiar with narcissism; be prudent in researching them first by learning about narcissism, this way you can find a therapist who isn't pushing for clients based on psychological & social media pop culture "buzzwords", of claiming they're specialized in dealing with narcissism when, in fact, they're just looking for clients based on trendy labels. You pay them, you spill all to someone, so make sure that someone can actually help you, please. Good luck!

[@Parcha64]

That's why it's best not to use buzzwords. Using the vocabulary to understand what you're going through is good around safe people. I caution against using the terms with a manipulative person and try describing the details of the conflict directly. You can use your knowledge of gaslighting by describing the definition through their actions. That way there's no weaseling out. You have a problem with their bad behavior, not with "gaslighting". Narcs are really bad at connecting their own actions to larger concepts, so you have to spoonfeed everything to them

[@sunnyjoy229]

​@@Parcha64 so true!

[@joannadavignon1608]

I’ve been gaslighted all my life. What hurts is when you’re told that someone’s your friend as long as it’s just the two of you but when around others your not friends

[@PhenomMy_Journey]

Been through it. Feel your pain!

[@SuperWisernow]

Start getting away from that person and Find a REAL friend

[@neneppete4737]

Two faced backstabbers 😮

[@Lori_L]

It's tough when that person is your parent &is now elderly. Boundaries are important & so is therapy (for me)

[@cynthiab1659]

Yes !! This lady knows her stuff !!

[@spruce5123]

When you are experiencing true gaslighting... You will immediately feel uneasy in your gut.... And cognitively you will begin to question whatever it is that you believe to be true.... It's a very uneasy feeling that comes over you.... However take comfort and courage that the uneasy feeling is your instincts alerting you that you are being deceived.

[@dani323]

This 👆💯‼️Your gut/instinct/subconscious KNOWS! Even when the law says the opposite! And we are ignorant of the law, our subconscious (higher power/God's wisdom in us/universe) KNOWS! Trust y/our instincts/gut/inner voice. To be clear and be able to hear it, focus on own self (breath)🧘‍♀️

[@jenniferbloh-michael8662]

Oh my God , it was AWFUL😊

[@kanothe187]

It's worse with triangulation because then with the parties outside of the individual corroborating each other it really makes the dissonance all the easier.

[@fee6362]

Not if you are use to it from your parents

[@fumarate1]

and the way they look at you its kind of like there sucking you in with there eyes and they hold in place but its hard to leave there space.

[@navneetakumar1814]

It is time for me to get out.

[@beautiful_one5915]

Ditto

[@dorothywillms115]

Sounds like you 2 are in agreement so after 53 of a hellish marriage to an ADD nutcase I suggest you go. I didn’t because I had no way to support me and my 2 children, which he didn’t really want, and being from a very religious family and unsupportive parents I had no money, no support and no where to go. Tonight I found out he stole my inheritance and gave it to his favorite kid. It makes you want to die.

[@suehowie152]

Good luck..Life is better without a narcissist.

[@user-uk3eh8ne7q]

It's ALWAYS time to leave a narc.

[@billcoupe4468]

She's just exactly right!!

[@Kennedy4ever]

He made me question my memory ALL the time. I began recording our discussions and listening to them later I finally realized how he would spin his words and try to twist my emotions in such a way that so that he would be the " " winner" and it was a huge affirmation that leaving him was the right thing to do.

[@Smileater]

I'm glad for you

[@janviergalle]

I deem that people nowadays are much more evil than 40 years back especially in the west.

[@jessicanielsen6134]

Using a tape recorder is definitely not so you can play it back to the narcissist (covert or overt)---- anyone who's tried this knows (1) the narcissist will still find a way to deflect/argue/gaslight, even if you've heard the convo word-for-word repeatedly and know otherwise, and (2) you *never* show the narcissist the tape recorder, because (at the very least) their "hurt" and "outrage" will overshadow any point one could make with info gleaned from said recordings, and once they know theyre being recorded they get even more manipulative and slippery

[@nerored6235]

Not to mention the accusations of you trying to manipulate them and going out of your way to try to hurt or attack them or to use it as a weapon against them to make you feel guilty for doing it.

[@shaut9120]

ya they refuse to listen to it and hangs up the phone

[@Martive_Led]

Don’t forget 13 states require two party consent before recording conversations; big players include CA, FL, PA, MI, MD, WA. This law applies to public as well as private property and requires any video to delete sound and/or the topic of the conversation.

[@abost09]

​@@Martive_LedI record so that I can validate my own memory so I'm not going crazy. But I do live in one of those states.

[@Martive_Led]

@@abost09 If the other party is privy to your ‘personal’ recording, you are still libel for prosecution.

[@briannasteele417]

Sadly, I didn't learn my mom was a narcissist until last year. And back in December, I recorded a conversation we had. Since then, I haven't called her, and I rarely answer her calls. When I do answer, I am very dry, and I barely engage. I choose to protect my peace and my energy. 33 years I've dealt with this behavior and more. There's so much I've had to rebuild within me and heal.

[@kristinej.4182]

Omg.. listening to her just gave me chills bc yes I actually was thinking that I needed to voice record my conversations with my ex to prove what was actually being said. So many conversations we had were about my trying to be heard the way I wanted to be heard bc he would often discredit my thoughts. What a blessing it was to get out of that mess.

[@anthony19723]

She hit that spot on. The voice memo was the trick. I never thought it would come to that but it was always already that way. The voice memo was for me to actually believe I was told those things. It helped me get away. Pay attention.

[@user-io9ie5cs8j]

YES, almost exactly what I did

[@betsygarcia4346]

I voice recorded and got out last weekend. I feel like I broke out of a POW camp, but I am feeling better day by day.

[@user-io9ie5cs8j]

@@betsygarcia4346 Good for you, Betsy! So glad to hear that. I know what you're going through. It gets better 😉

[@anthony19723]

@@betsygarcia4346 Good for you! It's painful but you have to do it for yourself.

[@SALTYCOMBATDIVER-ExInstructor]

I thought if they heard themselves they would see what I was seeing. I never did record the conversations but told them it would be helpful if we had recorded conversations. They just gaslight you and accuse you of being the bad person. This seems to he a new development for some. Long term relationships have ended this way and I'm still confused as to why.

[@TheAngieIshmael]

Not "your" reality, but REALITY. Truth is objective.

[@WorthlessDeadEnd]

*_THANK_* you.

[@warlockpaladin2261]

Says a lot about which collection of narcissists she is trying to cozy up to.

[@moregrouchy]

Facts are objective. Truth is subjective. Your truth is not my truth, that's a fact.

[@oldmanyoung7892]

Yea. The ones agreeing w the clip are the gaslight ERS 😂

[@WorthlessDeadEnd]

@@moregrouchy Lies. Truth is truth. There is no "your" truth. There is only truth. Gender means sex. It is not an abstract construct of society. Get out of here with your Marxist groupthink.

[@missrita1826]

Thank you for explaining what gaslighting is, never know the meaning before.

[@andreabrunkow9314]

They aren't denying "YOUR" reality. There are not multiple realities. What they are denying IS REALITY.

[@catut7042]

mine stopped saying stuff once I started recording conversations.

[@user-vd9bu1jz1i]

It’s so annoying for someone to look you in the face and say they never said something YOU KNOW they said . Then they try to use “ how are you going to tell me what I said “ which is valid but STILL I KNOW for a fact what I heard you say. You said it ! 😭

[@kellyjones9608]

That was me. I started writing down our conversations in my journal because he would say, “I NEVER said that. You make stuff up!”

[@user-sn3rv1zc5z]

Nice couch shots.Thank you for that.Fellini would be proud.🪐🦀💼

[@deewilson446]

Listening & learning about narcissists makes me happy and reminds me how blessed I am that mine decided to move 1,000 miles away before he imploded 😂

[@SpiderBRidin]

Love hearing beautiful stories like this! Mine melted down right before my eyes, then I moved out, hit her with divorce papers, and she moved over 1,200 miles away. My dog was her replacement... Way more loyal.

[@user-et5qs2en4c]

🤣😂🤣❗️👍

[@user-et5qs2en4c]

@@SpiderBRidinHope things go well for you from here on😊

[@katherinehunter932]

Look at that happy smile. Good for you!

[@jeepnj2502]

When you start having to screenshot convos bc they keep saying "i never promised that" "i never said id be there" etc. Its not denying your reality, its showing they dont feel promises or their words mean anything binding. Words are just tools for the moment to get what they want.

[@vaska1999]

It's denying reality, not some private subjective experience.

[@TinySnek]

@@vaska1999😂😂🎉🎉❤❤

[@JohnJohnson-ds2gd]

Re: "I never said that." ..with a self righteous attitude. Thank You. I used to question myself. No longer *Crazy how they end up alone or with someone lonely or sick and that person "needs" them.

[@barbarajordan3145]

Yep! That's when I realized I was being wrapped in a mind game and the one who was mature enough to stop the relationship. Run, don't walk away, RUN!

[@Indy__isnt_it]

It only gets worse with them as they age, belligerent MF'ers sorry, I'm telling their truth. He doesn't know I record his nasty verbal abuse probably 10 nasty recordings of his rants and rage. He also antagonizes physically, watch a pissed off kangaroo! They puff out their chest, fling their arms out wide, giving them an appearance of larger than what they are. This one puts his hands on his hips while chest puffing, extending his elbows so if I walk by I hit his arm, his wingspan is blocking a doorway, he's not a mother flucker AT ALL. If you want to laugh, Google kangaroo tangles with a human. (I used to like those cute little joeys, no more, nasty like a narc!!!)

[@gracerev1]

Gaslighting is what we used to call lying.

[@todayslist37737]

If we just stuck to the old terms I wouldn't have had to sit through this interview 😂

[@WorthlessDeadEnd]

Yes, but it's a specific form of lying. Simply accusing someone of lying is vague, and they can just as easily turn it on you and accuse you of lying. Knowing what these specific terms are and what they mean is helpful in the long term.

[@warlockpaladin2261]

It's a bit more than lying on its own... the term refers to a specific technique that liars use.

[@aprilbarter]

And lying deliberately is called "bearing false witness against your neighbor".

[@lizh1988]

It's done to disorient the person being gaslit, trying to make the victim feel as though they are disconnected from reality.

[@ybrmods3421]

I look after someone terribly ill. This makes my heart wretch every time they deny something horrible, they said. Wow, I could not have explained this any better than the clip did.

[@corinnefogarty7880]

Excellent advice. Not that all narcissists will gaslight you. Some are just passive/aggressive or will walk away and leave you hanging. That's your clue to leave them. Honest relationships with them are impossible.

[@rottman88]

I was once married to a gaslighting narcissistic female! They do exist.

[@hustlecrowe84]

I was dating one who tried to off me several times, I had to leave. Was I a saint? Absolutely not, at all. But, does it warrant being chained to a radiator, struck above the gentalia w/a hammer, stabbed in the hand with a pair of scissors, had hot cooking oil thrown at me, told i was gay because i wouldnt have sex on a healing broken hand (from being drunk punching a sign- again, no saint at all). But as a male, the 1 in 9 stat is not a reflective stat for males abused by female counterparts. My narc found me when I was homeless, knew I wouldn't turn down living with her, but it almost cost my life. I was in recovery, on MAT. She knowingly kept out bottles of Percs, and notes saying, "Hey, help yourself". She was the survivor of childhood sex trauma inflicted by her father, living with patterns that reflected a violent hypersexualized drive. In the end, I didn't want to call the police for having a toaster thrown in on me in the shower because (a) I was no saint, (b) I was put in fear, & (c) I would've been the one in cuffs or asked to leave any which way. Save the taxpayers money, walk away, survive, save yourself. Don't look back in anger, don't try to reconnect or tango with these people in the first place. Best decision was going homeless for five months and getting my own place out of it. But no supportive dv services really truly exist on an equitable level as women because of how many men do come forward, and how much doubt is cast.

[@marshalucas7984]

I knew a woman that was gaslighted for years until she found her worth! Now she’s healing !

[@Mikejames1080]

Most females are.

[@cassievining340]

@@hustlecrowe84I’m so sorry you went through that 😢

[@dani323]

Yeah, they DO exist! I grew up with one! My middle sister. I was looking for this comment. Thank you!

[@0800HOE]

I find it amazing that so many people are talking about narcissists. From 2008 to 2016 (with a 3 year break) I was with one and NOONE was talking about it. I didn't know what I was up against and didn't know what was happening. I finally got out after stumbling on a website. She spoke of similar scenerios that I went through. But the genius of her realization was one question she repeatedly asked herself and I often would ask myself. And the ultimate question you find yourseld asking yourself when you are with a narcissist is this, "Am I Crazy"? This means you are with a narcissist. RUN!

[@lizh1988]

To some people it seems like a fad, but the absolute selfishness of a narcissist so fits the descriptions that people talk about. I guess this is a period of time when this sort of thing just has to be dealt with. For me it's been a blessing to have to stay in and focus on the internet. C19 got me in the Long Haul, for a year and a half I didn't leave the front sidewalk. I'm no contact with most of the people in my life who fit the description. Minimal contact with one, not sure how far I can get away from this one. I'm still recovering from so much. But so glad this all is being talked about, and I was prepared for it.

[@user-bv9df2ol7q]

Exactly!!! When I started asking myself "Am I crazy?" It took me a second and then I realized, crazy people don't know they are crazy and would never ask themselves that question.

[@jimmysblacksmithing462]

Very well said! Unbelievable, how there are so many people like that! And yes, if you do not have children walk away always! I feel terrible for children who are involved in the middle of these psychos!

[@user-hm6tw8ks3m]

I recorded them to show myself after a couple days of no contact when i start to miss them. To show how horrid they are and to not forget. That's not love.

[@TinySnek]

True wisdom 😅

[@a2shillam]

That is, in fact, addiction. When you become so used to the abusive mind games that have become your normal that you seek to fill the soundtrack in your mind when the voice is absent..... it was a horrible way to live. I was crying to get out, but out of what?? Nobody knew the extent of my trap, that place where I lived in my mind. 😢 Hell.

[@marshalucas7984]

A lot of relationships doesn’t even understand the concept of gaslighting! This is good!

[@mariahconklin4150]

Right? 😂 I guess my boyfriend is a narcissist 😂

[@helenbostock2350]

True thank you for explaining

[@kristinmcmahan8814]

So true!! It happens gradually I didn’t understand why or what was happening for almost a year. Lots of crying, hurt & confusion before I wised up. Began to educate myself on this horrible type of abuse. It’s a hard thing to come to terms with and doesn’t happen quickly but the good news is no one can ever do that to me again. People will try and I will have no problem walking away.

[@kitt765]

SO, SO TRUE. It's actually very frightening and feels like the carpet just got pulled from underneath you. LEAVE as quickly and quietly as possible. I did. He couldn't believe I had actually left and accused me of not telling him what I was going to do. To which I replied that I most certainly had🤣🤣

[@mimithemermaid3860]

“Getting out” of a relationship is not always an option when it’s a close family member…

[@vaska1999]

Dr Ramani has a number of videos describing strategies to use in such a situation. Well worth checking out.

[@Vic-jw7vb]

​@@vaska1999 can you name them she has so many as I need to watch them too.

[@francescathomas3502]

Yeah. Like my toxic mother!! I had to marry a foreigner and move to his country to get away from her.

[@susanlisson7066]

There are ways and Dr Ramani has many videos to help you, plus sometimes there’s even helpful advice and support in the comments section of her videos. Good luck and I hope you find some peace. 🙏🏽

[@koricastricone4604]

That’s what I was gonna say!! It’s my MOM that’s the problem!! & a narcissist can’t even be helped, cause they will NEVER admit they even have a problem in the first place! 🥺😢💔I’m beyond frustrated!!

[@jeanlapoint8297]

I had to be out of the house to see it. I needed the kids at my place (a few months after we had separated) because school was starting the next day. He said school doesn’t start tomorrow. Everybody knows it starts Wednesday! School starts every year on Wednesday! It was even in this week’s paper! You’re so ridiculous! School did start the next day. I was right and all of a sudden I realized he’d been doing this to me for years and making me feel stupid all that time! My decision to leave has been reinforced so many times over!

[@mykeprior3436]

lol you got a date right and think that invalidates an entire relationship. jesus.

[@brendajohnson150]

Lol!😂😂😂😅

[@AkeruZikora]

​@@mykeprior3436 She said she realised he'd been doing it before in other cases.

[@kekejefferson9219]

OMG, that is so good! I knew it was too much at work when I shopped for a voice recorder and camera. Before it gets that bad, leave or get a transfer.

[@patricewilcox792]

😊 THANK YOU 😊 THEY RESPECT NO ONE ELSE 😢

[@sylviafernandes8818]

He tells me to change my thought process or stop thinking all together. He's never wrong & even if he's wrong he's right.😢

[@mrreemann3739]

My boss does this to me every day 😂 I probably should start writing it all down.

[@lookingtowardsthesun]

Please do. And if it escalates don't be afraid to report the person and leave as soon as you can.

[@sandrajohnson8227]

She is absolutely right .

[@dtrude000]

I was married to one. Explanation spot on.

[@melisue7487]

Wow, you just explained my relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve mentioned to him before that I need to record our conversations cause he absolutely does this and I swear it’s to just argue more or to want to treat me like shit more

[@djmandyland]

The really intelligent ones will say "you're denying my reality!" Right back and its like you can't even combat that because their reality is literally distorted so they literally do view you as the one gaslighting them too but you are living in TRUTH. My ex was so good at manipulation he would tell me "you don't realize do you? You're completely gaslighting me and you don't even know it, listen to yourself Amanda!" I'd lay in bed all night wracking my brain wondering what in the world just happened. Then I finally became grounded in reality and facts enough to say stop... I know what you are doing, I am trying to come up with a mutually loving and beneficial solution for us both while you steer the entire conversation in a direction that puts me down and makes me doubt the actual truth. That's of course when he started raging because he knew I broke free of his spell so to speak.

[@Hafhafnhaf]

I Assume you left because you're still coherent and alive.

[@fumarate1]

sometimes it can take years to wake up to them cause they fail to see the future and once they are expose all hell break lose,

[@1TightMinute]

Yep this is my mom’s specialty. It could be a room full of people telling her she said something and she will just say “y’all are all ganging up on me and turn herself into the victim.” I’m still not sure if she believes the lie or if she just can’t handle being wrong.

[@koricastricone4604]

Yep!! That’s MY mom too!

[@814Misslee]

Yes..spot on!! I told my boyfriend that I'm going to start recording our conversation.. Thank you

[@deec411]

So true. My ex husband and long term ex boyfriend both did that. I have just met a wonderful, loving man and feel cherished for the first time in my life. ❤❤❤

[@usualsuspects42]

mine would say "that's not the word I used, I wouldn't have used that word" so any discussion of what I was upset about would never happen. I would say, "so, unless I carry around a tape recorder to get what you say on tape, we can never discuss it. I can't believe I stayed.

[@420Mrgreenkush]

I cant believe I staying 😢

[@usualsuspects42]

@@420Mrgreenkush Be kind to yourself, you are staying right now because It is VERY VERY difficult to get away. But you can do it. Just start thinking about it. Don't let him know anything you are thinking. Don't let him know anything.

[@Lostinathens]

​@@usualsuspects42exactly

[@bettyc.parker-young1437]

​​@@420Mrgreenkush I left a very bad marriage 20 years ago abruptly. No plan. For me that was the best way by surprise. I am very happy now. God bless.❤ You have lots of resources now. Look into them but not on your gadgets. On others. Get assistance. 👍

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

I would say to him, “ I WISH we had a recording”. His response would often be that he had a perfect memory, so we don’t need a recording.

[@eire7888]

😂😂

[@maryrorick6129]

Sounds like my dad with my poor mom. :-(

[@vc9732]

so true! and I got out! Praise Jah!

[@marilynschmidt6400]

Shuts them right down when you say "why would I say that?" They try and mess with your head and try to put their misery onto you

[@karenquinn1707]

My ex-husband gaslit me constantly. 29 years with my narc! Ugh! I was his empathic dreamgirl. Never again!

[@crystalgreen6027]

Yeah, I am with a gaslighter and a never-ending talker, married for 21 years. I know that, and I just don't listen to that nonsense. But I didn't have a happy life for 20 years, and we have three children. Now I am waiting for the last one, which is 17, y/o get a license, and car, and set into college. Then I am planning to be free and happy!

[@fightingfiresusa2961]

30 years here. God bless both of you ❤ Thank you for posting your experience, it means so much.

[@dorothywillms115]

53 years! Why didn’t I just up and leave. I came from a religious home and hyper and angry mother. Divorce was considered evil and I couldn’t go back to my parents. I had no money,no support, few friends and a baby. Who could I have left her with?? I couldn’t afford a babysitter and never heard of welfare. So I stuck it out. Turns out I finally took him to one of Dr. Amens clinics and found out he and my child both have ADHD. Now he’s going almost totally deaf and acts so self righteous and holy it makes me want to die. Tonight I found out he took my inheritance and gave it to his favorite kid. In all these years I never argued about money but this is more than I can bear. Time to send him to the old folks joint. Trouble is he is very strong and at 75 still works long hours on his precious farm. About 10 friends of mine have died. We live out in the sticks and Iam isolated. Sorry for complaining and thanks for listening. Oh by the way councelling did nothing because he knows better. KZbin is my companion. Any other old women out there who understand my fate??

[@tonivenneberg6087]

So TRUE! With my Ex for 17yrs. Always denied he said things, I started writing them on the calendar. He got so mad at this and tore it down!!! Go figure!

[@fumarate1]

Yes they hate the truth.

[@shawnaw601]

so true! i used to voice record my narc all the time! i have been narc free for 9 years now! never going through that hell again

[@rosemarieramsingh8749]

She is the best!❤ right on!

[@hamhead2765]

They also disappear during a conversation and then reappear

[@becklaneartist]

I've had multiple narcissistic, abusive bosses but one of the last ones targeted me to a point where I did record him & reported him to hr. The crap he did & said was so bizarre & over the top he made other employees afraid for their jobs as well as their lives. In the end, the company owner, hr & a GM had a meeting with me & tried gaslighting me over his horrible behavior. Your videos helped me understand what was going on. I'm still suffering from PTSD from the non-stop abuse - I can't work for anyone anymore but, at least, I can see the behavior more clearly now.

[@elainasilva844]

IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM I TOLD THEM I JEPT FALLING DOEN EVERYTIME MY SISTER STARTED SCREAMING AT ME AND I TOLD THE DR. MY ARMS JEEP MOVING UP AND DOWN WHEN I TRYING TO SLEEP AND MY ENTIRE TORSO MOVES UP AND DOWN IN THE BED, AND SHAKES LIKE IM HAVING SEIZURES, I CANT STOP IT EVERY NIGHT WHILE IM TRYING TO SLEEP AND EVERY MORNING I WOKE UP GAGGING AT 6 AM TO 12 NOON NOT BE ABLE TO STOP AND HE SAID YOU DEVELOPED P.T. S.D. SEVERE HIGH BLOID PRESSURE 200/ 90 ECT DAY AFTER DAY FOR 45 PLUS DAYS IT ROOK WEEKS OF BEING NURTURED AND SWEET TALKED TO BY MY LIVING NEICE TO MAKE ME FEEL SAFE, SECURE, LOVED, AGAIN, ENOUGH FOR THE NIGHT SEIZURES TO FINALLY STOP, AND THE MORNING SEVERE REFLUXING FROM P.T S.D. BUT I STILL CANT FALL ASLEEP AFTER WORKING 10 PLUS HOURS UNTIL 1 OR 2 AM THEN I NEED. TO GET UP BY 8 AM UGH!! P.T.S.D. FOR LIFE SUCKS!! EVERY MILITARY MAN HAS IT, BUT OUR GOVERNMENT WOULD GO BANKRUPT IF THEY DIAGNOSED AND TREATED EVERY ONE OF OUR BRAVE SELFLESS SOLDIERS, THE IS A REASON WHY DR 'S REFUSE TO GIVE PATIENTS REFERRALS!!! ALL EVIL STARTS AND ENDS WITH MONEY AS A MOTIVE!!!

[@elainasilva844]

IM SO SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU AND SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE ARE BEING ABUSED, AND TAUNTED/ MADE FUN OF/ MADE LIGHT OF THE MATTER OF THE VICTIMS BECOMING ILL, EMOTIONALLY, AND PHYICALLY, BY SELFISH, ABUSIVE NARCISSIST IN THIS WORLD!!! GOD BLESS ALL THE LOVING KIND PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD AND PROTECT THEM FROM ALL NARCISSIST AMEN!!! / SO BE IT!!

[@mic396]

@@elainasilva844 Thank you Hit 🎯 on nose

[@janiecepoush1904]

When we have Wisdom, which is a Gift from the Holy Spirit… We can watch for the ‘Red Flags,’ of Narcissism! When you apply all of the knowledge of not being involved, you can CHOOSE to stay off of the Narcissist’s Hit List! Dr. Ramani explains the Acronym D.E.E.P. ~ Don’t Deny… ~ Don’t Explain… ~ Don’t ENGAGE… ~ Don’t Personalize! Because these Demon People WILL WIN! They use Tactics that ALL Good People Do Not Know… It’s like Showing up to an Auction, w/ ZERO Money… Dinner, w/o Food, a Test w/o Studying~ Good People should not Wrestle w/Pigs in the Mud! You will only LOSE & Get up Muddy! So, when you have a “Demon Narc Person-BOSS’ you have to allow them to Always take Center Stage, while you, stay Silent. If it is a Job… This will allow you to keep your Head & Emotions long enough TO LOOK FOR A NEW JOB if the Narc Targets You! I have studied thousands of hours… The More Emotionally Mature & Happy we are with our Own Life, the Easier it is to … “WALK AWAY” w/o Wasting any Energy! It made me Sad when you said that you couldn’t work with others… The Narcs are only 20 ~ 25% of the World… Which means, the majority 75-80 of people ARE NORMAL, ie. “GOOD PEOPLE!” GOD would have us develop Wisdom from our Hard Experiences & Not Isolate & Allow the Bad people to Dictate our Lives into Isolation! 🙏🏻WE CAN CHOOSE to BE BEAVE & CHOOSE LIFE! CHOOSE WHOM YOU WILL ASSOCIATE WITH & WHOM YOU WILL WALK AWAY FROM! WE CAN DO THIS, by Watching for the Signs! 🙏🏻Blessings! 🕊🍃

[@TinySnek]

@@elainasilva844❤❤❤

[@AuSunBlue]

😲 I did this a couple of years ago and it made a large difference. I have only had one "occurrence" with the person, since. (Thank you, Lord!) It used to be a traumatic situation, almost, daily. If only I had thought of it sooner. My health would be better, but I am grateful for the idea and courage to do it. (I prayed for an answer to make it stop.)

[@alesiapatterson4797]

The "I never said that" really ticks me off

[@KB-ih5gf]

I wasn’t recording them but I did run to my journal afterwards and paraphrase them for future reference 🤦‍♀️

[@MissMohz]

100% true. He denied so much that I had to tape him just to play I back when he called me a liar. And yes, not too long after I had to leave No contact - the peace I gained afterwards is priceless.

[@Marebo07]

Love you Doc, thank you for all you do , teach and tell❤❤😊

[@dbcooper030]

LMAO 😂 ….The sofa cuts!

[@janiecepoush1904]

~ I Never Said That! ~ I never Did That! ~ If your Feelings are hurt… That means you’re being selfish! 🙏🏻🕊🍃

[@theirishsaint4324]

Or the really big brain stuff, “well I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, it wasn’t my intention.” Immediately repeats what I said was hurtful.

[@janiecepoush1904]

Classic Narc ~ Yip! My EX insulted my B-I-L in a Restaurant for “Being SHORT & Sm. In Stature ~ Telling him, “He looked FEM!” So I replied, “Your New Pinkie Ring REALLY LOOKS “New Orleans Parade Gaudy!”Joe was born smaller, but he’s a Big Man to his Family that Loves Him Dearly! What’s your Excuse, Bulwinkle?” He turned Red & Left me to get home on My OWN (w/ my Sis)! At least I didn’t have to FLY HOME Fm Another STATE … Yip! That too! Well worth the Air Fare for the Enlightenment gained! Many Narcs often mistaken, Kind, generous & Easy Going Empaths as Stupid & Weak! Big Mistake! Big BIG Mistake! Pushed to the Limit & ‘We Can Be Quite Dangerous!’ So says the Experts… Never thought of it like that, but, yeah! 🙏🏻💛🕊🍃

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

Or, in a lowered, threatening voice: "ha, ha, ha you're just too sensitive"

[@Jmar1024]

​@@theirishsaint4324that's a non-apology. It's YOUR fault for being so offended My ex and current gf pull the same bs and when I call them out I'm the villain. Ugh

[@sananaji3707]

I know someone who does this all the time, I would cut the conversation totally and tell him I won't continue dealing with you any further unless you admit your actions so we can work on fixing them. And then he would try manipulating me by mentioning how his father was the same towards him and blah blah blah.. which I would reply to with you already have the awareness so why aren't you actually trying to be a better human being.. I'm not dealing with you according to your past, it's your present and future choices that I care about. But, oh lord they are really frustrating and keep repeating their bs over and over using different words 🤦🏻‍♀️😂.

[@DrDlane]

I always felt like I needed to record every conversation.

[@andyfield7397]

What a beautiful lady ❤

[@bigred4379]

They usually work “ you’re crazy” into the gaslighting somewhere 🙄🙀

[@EavyMuturuh]

Yep you’re on point.

[@RedMixRecords]

What about if you are absolutely crazy though?

[@UrDominioN]

My answer: Are they a professional that can make that assumption? Because someone who’s using those tactics, will turn a person”cray”Lol.

[@heatherrae4653]

Literally after an argument where he went into a rage which did not meet the level of conflict we were engaged in... - I started writing, "I'm writing about this interaction immediately afterwards, because I feel as if I've been gaslit before so I want to make sure my whole truth is written down in the moment." 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@johnq748]

We all know this lady know what she’s talking about! Spread the word

[@michaeldriskell2038]

Thank you for the information ! Good explanation for this.

[@Futurefeatureco]

Thanks for posting ❤ it’s life changing for us who are victims of narcissists 😢

[@dani323]

Stay the course. I encourage you and everyone else to keep on #movingforward . 1️⃣step then the next. That's it! Let's Meet with others at the front line of Survivors! Next🆙Let's move beyond that! Transformation of our self is the best gift 💝 to humanity! Finish line 🏁 ❤

[@mykeprior3436]

Maybe stop clinging to being a victim like a wet blanket and grow up. Very few people in the west are true "victims" of any kind of oppression or traumatic event.

[@lorsange1107]

Be brave and get out! Don't be like the most of us. 😢

[@cajbaf]

Wow, she just described my mom. Besides denying anything I know to be true, she has to make comments about what is wrong with me every time I see her.