what made me think i was autistic // autism symptoms in girls

[@CourtneyMermaid]

What was your experience like? Leave me a comment and let me know! ❤️

[@MermaidLolly]

I cannot tell you how valuable these videos are. Thank you so much

[@CourtneyMermaid]

@@MermaidLolly it means a lot to me to know that. ❤️

[@Lvps]

Please - what are you referring to when you say “the r.. word”? I have no clue what you are talking about. Well, I DO have a clue what you’re talking about, but no particular nasty-ism comes to mind. I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever been called “the r.. word” or not. I have been called a lot of awful things by people earnestly trying help me stop looking like a psycho or drama queen or weirdo, but “the r.. word” escapes me.

[@haileeraestout5567]

I Have Photographic Memories@@CourtneyMermaid

[@haileeraestout5567]

@@Lvps Yeah It'll Get Her Booted If She Says "The R Word"

[@HarrisonsGX]

I do the sigh thing: for me, I'm anxious a lot and without realising it, I'm often breathing very shallow and when I realise, I expel the air that's been held in my chest for ages.

[@mejusthot]

Same with me n the breathing thing. I was told years ago it's just anxiety but I see it differently now

[@mysticmama_3692]

I do it too and it's because I hold my breath unknowingly when I'm anxious.

[@mejusthot]

So often it doesn't seem I'm able to expel All the air though some of it it seems,

[@joycebrewer4150]

I really sighed a lot, when I found myself housed with people I had a hard time getting along with. It was safer than fully verbalizing my thoughts. But I had no peace except middle of the night until I was able to move. I have to tie my shoes really tight. I think it is a subtle, continuous stim. I remember starting this when I first learned to tie my own shoes. A few falls occasioned by laces that worked loose made me aware how tight laces are reassuring. Tight to point my feet don't swell when I over-ate salt, not until night when slide shoes off.

[@katieosborne5203]

I also do the sigh, and I often get asked if I’m okay.

[@VioletFoxisms]

I’m currently in the middle of my assessments. Here’s something interesting: I’m a gifted teacher and I’ve had 2 VERY obviously autistic students. I’ve spoken to admin, the school psych, and the ESE director about getting them assessed. The ESE director said that if their grades are fine, they can’t get them assessed. If they’re not causing issues, they can’t get assessed. I’ve dropped very obvious hints to parents (teachers can’t legally name a condition since we’re not doctors) and they’re oblivious about it. I find it very frustrating because my grades were fine and I wasn’t a disturbance (extreme rule follower) and I faced many issues directly linked to my (alleged) autistic traits all throughout life. By the time it got very bad, services were no longer available to me, as I was over the age of 22. I wish it could be more than grades and causing trouble to get an assessment in the public school system 😫

[@vivianstewart7523]

Please don't stop trying to get kids assessed.

[@VioletFoxisms]

Update: I got an autism diagnosis

[@cincomithell]

Society as a whole barely understands the term autism, let alone can really recognize it. Autism in women… is another 20 year exercise in getting the word out.

[@user-nm3ug3zq1y]

Funny, how you only get taken seriously if you cause trouble. I was a calm, anxious boy. Always like in a bubble, few friends, constantly lost in daydreams, not participating, hard time following along. However, written tests were good, so I made it through. As a man in his forties, now doing the typical tests and getting highish results everywhere. AQ50, RAADS, CATQ, MQ, you name it. Huh. Considering assessment now.

[@mountaindesert34788]

That's awful! I'm really fortunate I got into a developmental disabilities program while I was homeless which ended up housing me. I feel very fortunate for all of this and guiltynbecauze other disabled people who lack basic needs can't get helpnlike thus. The assessments to get into the program I think are what helped me get approved for disability (ssdi) but I also have a crazy life story and plenty of medical records related to mental health and addiction. It's like a rap sheet 😭 I know I shouldn't feel guilty for getting this help. I've been to drug rehabs and long term program but never got the help as an Autisfic person with living independently. They'd say oh just vdt a job like it's the easiest thing in the world and it hurt my self esteem when everyone else got jobs super easily and I couldn't. My goal is to become self employed and sell photography. I don't feel optimistic cause I feel like everyone sells photography or like it'll make pennies a month. Overall I'm more fortunate than most disabled Americans and feel like anytime I'm depressed that I'm an ungrateful spoiled POS. The whole system for disability needs to change like yesterday. The application and way they will deny people even with clear medical records for SSI/SSDI is evil. Then if you work, they'll use it against you. Or you need a lot of money sometimes to get a diagnosis just to get accommodations. It's insane 😢

[@jasminvomwalde7497]

18 years ago at age 24 I told my therapist about my suspicion about having Asperger‘s (as it was called back then). She brushed it off and told me my problems are caused by my traumatic childhood. And I believed her, after all she was the professional and I „just“ the patient. Now I‘m 42 and about to have my ASD evaluation. Doing my research and listening to other autistics experiences has already helped me so much to understand myself and my needs/boundaries better and to not fight against my own nature all the time because „I should be different“. I lost so much time already and I refuse to waste any more. Thank you for sharing your experience ❤

[@SakennaM]

I stumbled upon these videos today, KZbin doing its thing… I did all the tests, I score high. But then I think that is it just my CPTSD? I’m also in my eary 40s. 😢

[@TsiamoKlara]

​@@SakennaMIt could be both.. I recommend Dr Kim Sage here on YT, she talks about both.

[@Minakie]

"Why do you even need a diagnosis at this point?" is something that only a NT would ask. Anyone who was diagnosed later in life knows exactly why we're paying all this money and going through all this trouble. Words alone can not explain how much this actually means and what a difference it can make in someone's life.

[@jjjooooey]

Absolutely 🎉❤

[@TheBenzwanger]

I'm still trying to get a diagnosis and I have found it's extremely difficult and everyone turned you away to a different source than that source turns you to a different source. I score off the charts and every test I've done online and identify with every single thing every autism blog says about it but I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness so my autism really flew under the radar for very many years and now that I found this out I've noticed family and other people think I'm using it as an excuse when all the signs have been right in front of their face the entire time and that's really upsetting. 50% of autistic adults go undiagnosed..... That's a lot of people but I'm also noticed not many people know anything about autism. I didn't either because I was born in the '80s and they didn't test for stuff like that.

[@Minakie]

@@TheBenzwanger I honestly got diagnosed for myself. I let it slip to my mom at some point (because she was insulting my stepdad for "being stupid because he's on the spectrum" and I couldn't just say nothing) but I don't really know if the rest of the family even knows I'm autistic or not. If they do, they didn't hear it from me. My plan from the start was to never tell my family. I spent my entire childhood, teenagehood, and even early adult years complaining to them about my struggles and asking for help, and they always undermined me and never took me seriously. So, I felt like they had lost the right to know what diagnosis I was given, especially since they kept telling me that "it was all just in my head". They know about the anxiety (and maybe the depression?) but that's about it. They don't get to know about the ADHD, the autism or the C-PTSD.

[@victoryamartin9773]

That term, "It's all just in your head," is typical gaslighting to get you to question your reality. To that I would say, "I agree. It's in my head, not yours. That's what I'm asking you to accept."

[@elecrestis153]

I have been doing research for about six months now and whenever I see videos like yours where people with a diagnosis talk about their experience, I feel so understood. It's very reassuring. Thank you for sharing this.

[@queenarielleoftherealm]

I love how you explained accommodations as “human needs”- such a perfect way to put it! 🙌🏼

[@alishaoverbay]

My journey started when my daughter was diagnosed, after doing research and seeing her do things that I did as a child really had me thinking, I relate to another of things but I have talked to a few people and I always get let down my mother in law said we're all a little autistic and when I tell my husband things he says everyone does that not just you and he doesn't understand why I want to get tested, he also said that I'll just make excuses for being a certain way rather its me or not and not try to change, I feel so alone but these videos help me feel better that there are others out there like me that I can relate too. I'm so happy you got your diagnosis and have support thru it. I bet it's the best feeling in the world to finally understand yourself better now

[@melissaholland6919]

You're not alone..as far as I know, I'm an ADHD'er, so I still can relate (diagnosed as adult) and have a son "slightly Asperger's". I'm wondering, though, if there's another component at work in my life. For years and still to this day, I've said I feel like I don't do life well. Anyway, I hope something I said was helpful, at least made sense, or something. I care. 🙂

[@realliferapunzel5943]

How coincidental I just finished my evaluation just yesterday! I'm gonna get the results by next month or so. Even if they say I am not on the spectrum I will still look up to you as a professional mermaid and tailmaker! ❤ Edit: Just got my results today, I was officially diagnosed with autism so I just wanna give a formal hello to my fellow rainbow infinity mers!

[@MissL4lly]

Congratulations. Massive deal. I'm halfway through the Assessment. Huge deal. X

[@kathryndohring5481]

I love the speed you talk in your videos. Most times with other peoples' I have to play things on 1.75 speed so I can bear to listen.

[@vampbat]

Edit: Thinking on it.. This is my 2nd time watching. I think the first time, i watched at "normal" speed. :) Kudos to brains hearing differently! Original message: I am only watching this video at 1.25... Instead of the usual 1.5 or 1.75

[@plainmarienc]

I didn't notice the speed of her talking until you mentioned it! This feels like an optimal speed to me! Life at 1.5 speed! xD Oops, maybe too many exclamation points.

[@breehogg2878]

love it!!😅

[@rebeccamay6420]

The speedy speakers hold my attention much better than people who talk slow-to-normal speed. 🤗 I think y'all'd like "The Aspie World" -- Dan talks so rapidly and yet he enunciates so clearly! 👀 😊

[@funniful]

Haha same!

[@Roseforthethorns]

4:21 NO GREY AREA drives my family up a wall. Like. My sense of right and wrong is so strong and so deep

[@senecarus_whitur]

The way you describe your sensory issues resonate so much with me. I used to gag at certain textures as a child and was deemed „fussy“. Noise cancelling headphones are a savior too

[@fleabear1]

I have an unofficial diagnosis from my therapist. I do not have the money to be tested but the evidence is mounting so to speak. I appreciate your honesty and I feel it is helping prepare when I do get tested. Thank you.

[@tracirex]

we are cut from the same seam-free, tag free, extra big cloth - (except I wouldn't be happy walking around naked in public). yay dinosaurs and horses. don't mask or change - you are easy to understand and you have a nice tone and presentation. yes, you make sense. tell your story. you will help a lot of people. learn autistic culture and be a leader.

[@melissaholland6919]

Yes, seam free, tag free, extra large, but not naked...I don't like the sensation of my skin on my skin. And I agree that Courtney has a great tone and pace; nice to listen to. And, I guess one of my "things"-I notice teeth and Courtney has beautiful teeth and an adorable, friendly smile. 🙂

[@Gooseberrifaerie]

all of this had me in tears the whole time. especially the “doesn’t try hard enough” thing. it was always “ivy isn’t trying, you need to work harder. you need to be better. you need to just focus more.” and the reality was i WAS trying really really really hard. i worked really hard, i did everything i could but it still wasn’t perceived as “trying hard enough”. as i get older and lean more towards getting diagnosed officially, i realize now that i was failed IMMENSELY by a LOT of people who were supposed to notice the things that were different about me. hopefully i can come back to this video in a little while and obtain a diagnosis. it doesn’t need to be autism, but this is resonating so much with me.

[@avionpiscean33]

Hearing this is too real. I was diagnosed early, but a lot of these things I can absolutely relate to. Especially when it comes things like food, and clothes.

[@CourtneyMermaid]

Thank you so much for watching and for commenting. ❤️

[@neuroticnation144]

I sigh a lot too. I think it is in part that I shallow breathe, like a small animal trying to be as unnoticeable as possible. So of course it catches up with me and I take a deep breath which sounds like a sigh. I’ve also discovered there’s a connection between autism and autonomic nervous system dysfunction which includes heartbeat, breathing, digestion, and sensation among other things. There’s another word for this but for now it escapes me… so frustrating!

[@melissaholland6919]

Interesting..I hope you can come up with the term you're looking for. But, I relate to you on the breathing thing. My husband thinks I'm upset. I'm just trying to regulate and normalize my breathing.

[@AshleyBromiley]

YES! The sighing thing! I sigh all the time and everyone is like "What!?" and I'm like "I'm just breathing, jeez!"

[@RainbowCurveCostuming]

Hi from Ireland, just got late diagnosed last year. So I feel you ❤😊

[@CourtneyMermaid]

❤️

[@HeilielPrince]

ADHD and Autism have a lot of similarities. I myself have ADHD and it certainly has a lot of it’s own issues that suck. I have a few friends in the spectrum though 😀. I’ve learned a lot from them. Oh and I had no idea you were just a year older than me. Awesome! 😀

[@Thennow870]

I have autism. I'm a long time fan. Thank you for sharing your story. Love You.

[@ClaireKinmil]

This is the third autism related video of yours that I'm watching. I believe I have a mix of autism and ADHD, and apparently, I've passed it on to my kids. My husband is extremely accommodating to all my issues and quirks, so I told myself I don't need a diagnosis. Now, you're making me think... I might pursue it regardless of if I'm currently getting by or not. Thank you for the videos.

[@forbeautifulskin4254]

Wow! I’m 54 and not diagnosed but this is me! So much of this hits home. I’m blown away right now bc you described me with almost every point. Thank you for sharing

[@lidu6363]

Last year I finally got a diagnosis appointment with a psychologist. Not an ASD assesment. We went through some DSM-5 questionnaires and such. I received the assesment which reccomended me to a psychiatrist, with suspected general anxiety disorder. When I read the report, I was like "who is this talking about, that doesn't feel like me." I have no idea how is a diagnosis assesment supposed to "go." How I'm supposed to "act." Not that I would have a chance to book an ASD assesment appointment in my areaa, but if I did, I would definitely be scared that there will be some miscommunication between me and the psychologist and I fill feel like a fool afterwards.

[@MsTachke]

It took me 20 years to accept that I'm autistic. I also have adhd and nld. I could accept adhd and nld but not an autism spectrum disorder, because I thought too much in stereotypes. I also couldn't fit in an autistic geoup because I have a very mild form of asd. Until I saw a video of Kaelynn, a young woman with asd. I said to myself this is me, certainly when I was younger. Than I'm seeing a video of you and this is again me. I also have hsp. I think you also have hsp. I'm also rocking in my chair. I can't look at someone and pay attention to what they are saying. I'm also absent minded. I always had difficulties in making contact with people. People don't understand me and are misinterpretting me.

[@samiemike3026]

Thanks for sharing Courtney! This information is so helpful for so many people! I’m actually studying to become a therapist and hearing from your personal experience helps me understand so much! ❤️

[@CourtneyMermaid]

I’m so glad to hear I helped! Thank you for your comment and for watching!

[@kaye_dee_did]

Courtney, I feel like you walked around in my brain and stole all my own issues. I love you! You are helping me with my discovery of this. After 5 mental health diagnoses, I'm 45 and I'm actually autistic.

[@lydiatheglimmermaid]

This is one of the most eye-opening videos I've ever seen. Thanks for sharing all this with us.

[@snaify]

Your gift of articulating your experience is a profound resource! I'm celebrating this flowering on your channel.

[@ZSchrink]

So many things in this video resonate with me, thank you for making it. I'm still awaiting an official assessment, but this video was useful all the same. But goodness, looking back at my childhood and remembering the times when people told me to stop doing X, Y, or Z thing and now seeing it through the lens of potential autism is both relieving and a touch frustrating that I couldn't be granted simple human kindness.

[@natashav3442]

You are you and I’m thankful for you

[@CourtneyMermaid]

Thank you!

[@SarahKey]

i relate to this video SO MUCH also a late diagnosed autistic thank you for making these videos

[@athenamichelle6811]

I have a bunch of the same experiences! The texture of food and fabric especially! Like, slimy foods(especially fat in meat and what not) make me gag and reel repulsed by them. And fabrics I'm so picky with! Especially fuzzy ones. Some are fine, but others make my brain go brr in not a fun way. And some I can feel them snag on the ridges of my fingerprints and what not. And I hear EVERYTHING. I do a lot of the stimming you mentioned too. And I get obsessed and hyperfocused on things. I started to take my assessment recently, so there will be some answers soon

[@CourtneyMermaid]

Thank you for sharing! ❤️

[@monical.8360]

Hi, I am 60 years old and only realized a couple weeks ago that I am autistic. How's that for late diagnoses?! I've also come to realize that most of the people in my family also have some level of autism. All of this has been hugely insightful, and now I understand so much about what has happened not only to myself, but also some of the things that others have done that didn't make sense. Thank you for sharing.

[@CrazyGaming-ig6qq]

"your attitude really sucks!" My attitude sucks? Listen, Im expelling air. It's just air. You made laugh so much here 😂I can so relate to being misinterpreted, It's actually not fun at all, I mean in the situation itself when it happens, and it always looms in the back of my mind a dark cloud threatening to start pouring down rain. It's only a matter of time before I do or say something that gets perceived in a totally different way that I experience it or what my intentions are. It's nice to hear you talk about it in this humorous way, Being able to laugh about it now feels like such a relief, when it is otherwise often feels like this burden of threat that I always have to be mindful of to survive socially.

[@EthereallaASMR]

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at 7. I have been obsessed with unicorns, fairies and of course mermaids since I was a child. Mermaids and mermaiding in general is one of my passions and obsessions.

[@heedmydemands]

I love faeries

[@eemard]

😆 BURST INTO FLAMES🔥🔥🔥 so awesome that you can share your journey and experiences

[@CourtneyMermaid]

Thanks my love! ❤️

[@linn357]

Omg I love this! I've had issues with food my entire life, but I never before connected to my autism. I just thought of myself as being picky. Clothes also, I wish it was acceptable to walk around in PJs at all times, and I wouldn't even be caught dead in jeans. I love cats on another level, all cats. Not liking cats is unacceptable to me 😅❤

[@CourtneyMermaid]

Thank you for sharing your experience! I'm glad you enjoyed the video!

[@michaell1603]

I’m concerned that way too many people are equating personal preferences with “being on the spectrum”. Lots of people don’t like wearing jeans for example. Lots of people don’t like certain food textures like slimy or messy foods like bbq ribs. Lots of people might hate the sound of others chewing food or breathing through their noses. Lots don’t like certain smells or the feeling of a certain couch they sit on. Absolutely none of that is indicative of “autism”. It’s normal human personal preference. So yes, you can absolutely survive sitting on a couch you don’t like while wearing jeans that may be uncomfortable to you. You cannot erase discomfort from your life. The rest of us just deal with it and don’t bring it up as a quirky personality trait of ours

[@KKIcons]

I think a bot might have replied to your comment. Definitely gave me stranger danger vibes. Just wanted to offer support in case you come back, some people, and most bots 🙄just don't get how profoundly being on the spectrum affects your whole life. I saw this with raising kids, how different from other kids, and how I had to learn to adapt to them to help them. Comments like yours help me to understand my youngest, and not make the same mistakes.

[@jjjooooey]

Yay cat lover 🎉❤ great comment

[@HSunday40]

It’s funny you mentioned the sighing thing. I moved to a new classroom this week where I’m sharing a very large class with another teacher. I just told her today that I sigh a lot. Some people misinterpret it as me being mad or unhappy, but it’s just a coping mechanism for me. I do it when I’m in pain, or just to release emotions. I just worry people are going to be offended. Btw…. I have severe ADHD (even at 41). Sometimes I wonder if I’m mildly on the spectrum, but then I feel like it’s probably just from having ADHD instead.

[@DonWinn]

I've already watched a few of your videos and have found them helpful, or more accurately, comforting. At 62, I have just been diagnosed with Autism, along with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Acute Stress Disorder, etc. Sadly, I've gone through my entire life masking to the point of constant autistic burnout and some serious physical ailments as a result. I'm still struggling with autistic burnout and to what extent I'll recover is still in question. Yes, getting a diagnosis as young as possible is so important because going through life pretending sucks the life and joy right out of you and serious mental and physical consequences can result. I do have a question on stimming for anyone who sees my comment. While I'm sitting in my chair at home, I frequently and vigorously shake my feet, sometimes for an extended period. I even do that at night while in bed. If I'm in a rocker (love rockers), I'll give it a good workout. Does anyone else do that with their feet?

[@Dopiechops]

I have NEVER heard such an accurate description! A mac book in a world of PCs trying to work using the pc instructions. THAT IS HOW I FEEL TOO !!! I couldn't describe it before so I'm using that from now on. Thank you

[@Mariatyra]

I believe my husband is autistic. When he was smaller they told his parents they suspected he had autism but he was never diagnosed. The biggest things I have noticed about him is that he is very hypersensitive to noises(owns a pair of head canceling headphones) and he has brought up he does not like doing eye contact, says he's antisocial. He is very honest to the point it can come off rude. He doesn't like PDA and doesn't understand emotions. He is well above average and has great memory to the point it's scary how much he can remember(he knows every word to the Shrek movie since he said he loved watching that movie as a kid). LOVES to play video games(talks a lot about them nonstop) because he can escape reality. He is very organized and punctual. New places stresses him out. I am trying to be more aware of this condition because I want to better understand him. Thanks for sharing :).

[@bobbyjarsulic862]

I don't even know how one "mermaids". (You do you though!!!) KZbin fed me the original video with the diagnosis story having never seen your channel before. Currently going through the screening quizzes, and I sent them to my sister too because she and I have occasionally expressed "the question" to each other about ADHD and/or autism. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your story. Every person you reach begins their own journey, and hopefully we can all understand ourselves better together.

[@mentallycolourful]

I am 2:59 in and in tears already. Everything you said and more: olfactory, temperatures and visuals are included in all those that you mentioned as things that make my skin and soul crawl, too. I am sitting here struggling with even starting a GP e-consult form and asking for an appointment, as the last time I mentioned that I believe I am autistic and that I also believe I have ADHD, too, the GP I saw said that he doesn't think so as I managed eye contact. I was dying inside from forcing myself to stare at him as I thought it'd help me to be taken seriously. I just did the ADHD UK online assessment and scored very high with a total of 17 out of 18. I am now going to watch your video from the start and list all the things that I suffer with, and then use that and the ADHD UK Q and A form printout to present at my appointment. Once I've battled my anxiety and attention span. I hope you realise how much of a truly wonderful human being you are, to share your mental health journey on here. You are helping hundreds or thousands - if not millions - of us to action our health requests and demand better health care. Thank you for being you. ❤

[@Mommy2Gav05]

Omg! I wasnt expecting to relate to so many things in this video girl. Myself and two of my kids together can legit makeup every single thing you said! I feel you on the fatty part of meats. Memory. THE TSHIRT omg thats a huge one for me! The Sigh is definitely sooooo releasing ❤❤❤ You got this girl!

[@MermaidLolly]

Oh my gosh it’s like you’re literally describing me. Like I know other people don’t like the textures of things, but like the thought of touching velvet, particularly crushed velvet makes me want to vomit. I was diagnosed with panic disorder, anxiety and depression, particularly around my sensory issues, like I categorise sounds in my head, if there are more than 5 different sounds at once I have a panic attack. The more I think about it the more I think I need to go back to my doctors and get them to take me seriously.

[@CourtneyMermaid]

Thank you for sharing this. ❤️ If this really hit home, it might be worth following it up. I’m sending all the good vibes ❤️

[@christiangenger]

I got diagnosed with GAD and depression, along with cPTSD and ADHD… but I also believe I am on the Autism spectrum. Thank you for this! I don’t have all of the things, stimming was shamed out of me, but I have signs that I’m masking HARD! So, I may have to reintegrate and allow myself to be myself for the first time, with my own acceptance and permission. That’s hard! It’s not usual to find it so hard to “just be yourself”, is it? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I never could “just be myself”, because I didn’t know who I was! I was who I needed to be in the context I was in… did you feel that way? This is so helpful, thank you so much!!

[@CourtneyMermaid]

I absolutely did feel that way and definitely relate! Thank you so much for watching and for commenting! ❤

[@daniellavanwallinga7891]

You just popped up in my feed, and boy am I glad you did. I’m a 45 year old and I have two kids on the spectrum. I’m undiagnosed autistic and I found so much in common with you. Unfortunately I can’t go and get a diagnosis because of were I live it’s a lack of knowledge in adult women in autism and it’s cost a lot too. And maybe you get misdiagnosed and I can’t take the risk of that. But I feel all the emotions in your videos when you got your autism diagnosis. I was crying with you and for myself. I hope in the future that things can be better for all of us that have autism and struggles daily ❤️Love from Norway🇳🇴

[@Heatherfwlr]

Been deep diving in these videos from you and other KZbinrs today to see different views on their “am I autistic” and “how I was diagnosed as an adult” videos and it all resonates with me so much!!! I have pages upon pages of notes I’ve been taking today; all to take to my dr (which I take notes with me to almost every dr appt because if I don’t I won’t remember most of why I’m there). I’ve gone 45 years without knowing why I’m the way I am and not loving or liking myself, being told I’m lazy and pathetic but I feel like I could do 100 tasks on the inside but it doesn’t show on the outside of me because I’m sitting on the couch and don’t know why I can’t actually get up and do the things that I should be doing. I can only wear one specific type/material of tank tops and I have to take off any other outer clothing as soon as I walk in the door, I have to have a blanket on my lap at all times, I rock back and forth and don’t even know I’m doing it, and so many other things that are relatable to you. Thank you for your honesty, insight, and bravery to put it all out there. It’s helping so many, including myself, to realize where to start with asking for help (since no dr has ever put two and two together to even question if this could be autism-I have adhd, depression, chronic anxiety and many more diagnosis). Thank you 100 times over, I appreciate you so much and am so glad you got the answers you were looking for!!

[@TaraMistsword]

Thank you so much for telling YOUR story ❤

[@onyx_the_water_dragon3889]

It ‘s so cool! I can relate to most things you named at the beginning of the video, but it’s like, way less intense and it’s not an issue but it’s still there. I think I’m adhd, I love this video, love uuuu 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

[@joanneosullivan5757]

Again, I send you the biggest, thanks I have watched a lot of autism videos and I have yet to find one so relatable so thank you for your vulnerability and determination to be seen. and keep your videos coming for others to benefit from your experience.

[@CourtneyMermaid]

I'm so glad and grateful that you find my content helpful. Thank you so much for watching and commenting!

[@simmerjojo2897]

I have variety of interest/passions that it most of the time turn into obsession in terms of mermaids, makeup, extension nails, painting , Polaroid the sims, etc…I mostly lean to the creativity aspects, but only temporary, which I’ve noticed. My interest switch like every 4-5 months 😂. It’s one of the beautiful thing about being autistic.

[@sinzelvizun7408]

Late diagnosed at 36. So validating to hear your perspective and experience in a world that constantly invalidates our experience. Thank you for sharing! ♥

[@elizathemermaid]

A while ago, I watched a KZbin video about autism signs in girls which made me start thinking. I got diagnosed as autistic last year. I relate to so much in this video. I have those same noise cancelling headphones and I pretty much live in them. I hate slimy anything (especially food!) and that nose-whistling sound drives me crazy. I basically live in leggings (the mermaid leggings you make/sell are very sensory friendly for me, btw) and people always found it weird that I hate the way jeans feel. I would love to hear more about accommodations you've made for yourself. Awesome video as always!

[@laceyj7335]

I will definitely be looking into resources! I’ve been wondering for years now if I have some sort of anxiety/sensory processing issue going on, and while I don’t relate to a lot of what you talked about, sound is a BIG deal to me.

[@jenb8229]

My son got diagnosed with Autism yesterday, and I came to KZbin for more info. This video and your results video popped up as a suggestion. I have to say, after watching them both, I think I may personally take those self-assessment tests because I see a lot of me in what my son does and what you describe you do.

[@EmmaWilkinson1]

I have not yet been diagnosed but I do have a lot of autistic traits and symptoms. I am waiting on an assessment but I was told it could be a year. Thank you for sharing your story ❤

[@katestatt]

i always sigh for no reason and people always ask are you okay?? lol hahah i'm also a very picky eater, socially awkward, i don't understand social cues much and i follow the law always. i have an obsession about the pokemon spheal (very good boi), as well as dragons and everything about the ocean (including mermaids). i think i might have adhd, i've been researching that a lot and i'm looking into getting a diagnosis soon.

[@phoenixroseastrology769]

I love the Mac vs PC analogy. Perfect. Thank you! 😁

[@MermaidTaurva]

Oh mer goddess!!!! I’m so so happy for you to have answers!! Yes, everyone deserves to live life with the accommodations they need. Oceans of love Courtney, good for you! And huge shout out to Eric who seems like such a dude!! X

[@Blake.Cooper]

As an elementary school teacher, I find this so interesting. My brother has 3 sons. The oldest is very high functioning Autistic (top of his class as a Jr. in High School) and the middle son is very low functioning (attends special school for special needs kids) and the youngest is "normal". It's such a spectrum and you are so "tuned in" to your autism. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@hollybrackley1661]

I also sigh a lot, and I never understood why people are so put off by it. Many people have seemed genuinely angry with me because of it, and I’m like, I’m sorry! I just do that! I don’t even realize I’m doing it until someone points it out. People have even asked me if it was because of one thing or another but I really don’t know why I do it and it really doesn’t mean anything.

[@quitmanlott7394]

I have been called a liar so many times, its easy for me to doubt my own sanity. But thanks to people like you, I now know what time it is, and what is happening is natural for me. Being openly autistic solves more problems than it causes. I still mask to some extent, so that I don't freak others out too much. I do understand the power of eye contact and facial & body language, so I consciously use them to my advantage. If you want to be correctly understood, you have to communicate in a neurotypical way. *** I developed my own fighting style because I got tired of being bullied. The idea is to take care of business and not really hurt anyone. I never forget these types of conflicts, or the people I hurt; they all pop in and out of my brain often. This is not pleasant for me. I go over it again and again , trying to figure out what I could had done better.

[@calebandrewcox826]

(wife of Caleb) I get you girl! Oh man, the sigh....so sick of being accused of crappity crap when I'm just expelling air. I also look up and over a lot and it's often confused with eye rolling. thanks for this vid!

[@stefanied5723]

I love expelling air heavily. It feels great and helps me regulate.

[@NinjaWolf87]

After watching all of your videos and gaining confidence in my own suspicions, I am actually thinking my daughter may be on the spectrum as well. She is not my biological daughter, but I have been able to understand how she thinks far better than my wife. Like she has done certain things or said certain things and I've been all "yeah, makes total sense" and my wife can't comprehend the thought process. This is also why she can only do her homework with me. But she has been struggling with school lately and you said a number of key phrases that I heavily suspect she may be on the spectrum and struggling to figure things out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@anjachan]

I discovered autism some months ago. And I was shocked how much I relate. To you too 😉

[@potatoO0o]

My name is also Anja!

[@anjachan]

@@potatoO0o cool!

[@plainmarienc]

Wow, Courtney. What a fantastic list! I hadn't gotten more than a couple minutes into your video when I pulled out a piece of paper and started taking notes of which of your symptoms matched my experience. Me, me, also me.... Okay, to save time, let's say *everything* except a couple that were less/more extreme. (I've been through the list before - this is not new, but it was a striking confirmation.) I was especially struck by your comment about hearing electricity. When I was younger, I thought that finding department store security systems painful was just a weird sensitive quirk, along with all my other hyper-sensitive quirks. But now I can't go to sleep with my iPad charging nearby, because the tiny little electronic whine of (apparently) the electrons moving, digs into my brain. After my official ADHD diagnosis (late 50s), I starting seeing more about autism. That's been a fascinating and fraught journey of self realization. I'm on the fence to pursue anything official, partly because I get so much infuriating pushback from people I would have expected to be supportive (some relatives get it tho). But I'm trying to be more "self accommodating" and helpful to myself, and that's enough for the moment. Thank you so much for posting your experience!

[@laurakaat252]

Hi Courtney. Thank you for sharing. All of it resonates with me. I’ve suspected I’m on the spectrum for a few years now. At my annual physical I asked my doctor how to proceed with the diagnostic process, and he was like “I don’t worry about you”. I let it go, thinking he only sees me once a year for a half hour. Of course he’s not going to really notice. I’ve taken the quizzes you indicate and I score high on them. I need to print them and gather history, then find the right professional. I’ve since found out that I don’t need a doctor referral to begin. I’m really glad for your videos. ❤

[@joshuanaponte1605]

You are so amazing Courtney❤

[@calebajao8180]

the women's t shirt part, WHAT IS THAT! WHAT IS THAT! ahahaa, golden, you're funny and lighthearted spirit really shines through authentically courtney !!!!

[@rockinriver6372]

i was diagnosed adhd at 18, and both my brothers were diagnosed young, and at this point among my siblings we’re pretty sure my sister also has at. people are always so focused on the outer portrayal, and since afab people are socially conditioned to not take up space it typically goes unnoticed. also, since i was researching adhd & other related conditions, i realized that im also pretty positive that im autistic as well, but im not pursuing a diagnosis for that

[@shanyasyag]

I have add and anxiety disorders and i can relate to a lot of things you said . it's nice and comforting to watch your videos , I'm actually looking into buying noise cancelling headphones so thank you for the recommendation 😉

[@CourtneyMermaid]

I'm happy could help! Thank you for commenting and for watching! 💖

[@christalintentions]

The tickling description tickled me! 😂 I never knew how to explain it and you got it spot on! 😂 I will literally explode! 😂

[@lindaterzich6632]

Oh, I have been watching Jennifer Msumba on you tube, if you have not seen her channel. I have so fond of her.

[@debvandusen3623]

You sound a lot like me. Im 67. Just took 3/4 of the tests and this has been my problem all my life. I didn't cry but sat back in overwhelm mode. Been told it's depression before and that seemed to fit for my childhood and teen years. And my 30's.

[@zzmv64]

This is the first video I have seen of yours. My husband sent to me today. And you had me crying in the first 5-7 minutes. I am not 100% everything. But I am pretty close to 85-90%. I am 54 and never thought any of these things were all one possible thing. But many of the things you said teachers and doctors diagnosed you with. But a couple years ago my husband and I had a heated discussion about him moving a chair away from a table, going from four chairs to three. I do not like odd numbers (is this another symptom). And he couldn't understand why I was so upset with this little thing. And he started asking the question to himself and he is a researcher. So he started looking things up on internet. Then I started seeing things on Facebook about some of the symptoms that are misdiagnosed in women. So then I started questioning it myself. Thank you for this video. I love dolphins. And I love being near the water, but I’m afraid of the water. So no I don’t swim. I will check out more of your videos. Have a blessed day.

[@onyx_the_water_dragon3889]

Please, I would LoVE to watch a video about self-diagnosis (what a hard word to spell) 💙💙💙

[@MacheteKitten]

I am curtain I'm autistic. I've suspected it for almost 20 years. I had so many signs as a kid. Like sensory issues, troubles socializing, not understanding WHY most of the other kids didn't want to be around me (I was actually homeschooled from grades 3-9 because being around other kids was too stressful for me, to the point that I had developed a severe eye twitch and other issues), troubles communicating and getting my words out correctly, trouble with knowing what to say to people, stims, self harm, and on and on... I had multiple psychological evaluations in childhood but each time they misdiagnosed me (these diagnoses, like ADHD, were later taken away when it was clear that wasn't the case). Apparently, at some point, they suspected "high functioning autism" but it was never looked into. My mom said she doesn't recall this but it's literally in my medical records. So WHY I was never properly assesed for autism, I have no idea... I learned a lot of coping skills as I got older, and became good enough at masking so that MOST people couldn't tell anything was different about me (A few people who know me very well have said they can tell... Including my friend with 4 diagnosed autistic step children and who also works in mental health). I tried twice (in my late 20's and early 30's) to get an evaluation. My GP was on board with this but the psychologist he sent me to (FYI these were NOT official assessments and we only spoke for a brief period each time. I don't think he knew much about autism because he clearly expected me to act very differently) told me I probably just had GAD and social anxiety. I know I don't have those. I know I do have some degree of anxiety, which many autistic people have, but I know its not JUST anxiety. I also don't fit in with social anxiety. And funny enough I found out just last year (after gaining access to my medical records) that the psychologist said autism was a possibility, particularly after reviewing notes from my childhood evaluations, but he felt I had advanced my social skills enough since childhood and he didn't seem to think that me seeking an official diagnosis would help. Yes it wouldn't help to know that many of the issues I've faced in my life are potentially because of that... Ok then. I would love to know for sure, but unfortunately testing is expensive and I can't afford it. It just kind of really pisses me off that the signs were there when I was young, the suggestion was made, but nothing was done about it.

[@StarlightConly]

😂😂😂 All of these things! I'm listening and am just checking off all the things I do on the regular. Definitely don't mask. The right people will find you! ❤❤❤

[@lisaharrington3241]

I can totally relate. I can’t afford to get proper assessments, but I am 60 now . I do agree that it would be nice to accommodations

[@userbunny]

I love that your glasses fit perfectly to your shirt.

[@Swissfairy]

Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences. I feel less alone 😅 so many things that I feel just the same. So happy to have found your content here . 💚

[@RI0Tkitty]

THE SIGHING! I do this so often and sometimes it feels like I’ve been holding my breath, like I’ve been tense, and I sigh and release it and I get the “What? What’s wrong??” 😮‍💨 (I’m checking out all your autism related videos after discovering your recent one 😊)

[@Luna-ii4mx]

Im glad youre bringing this up, as autism in girls is way different from boys

[@CourtneyMermaid]

Absolutely!

[@robokill387]

Not really.

[@HumanimalChannel]

​@@robokill387it actually is.

[@rileywalstrom3037]

Girl, the AHA/epiphany moments when I had some of these same realizations about my childhood self versus my now self with clothes, sounds, lights, etc is insane. That's one of my biggest frustrations is how did my family and teachers not see that my extreme "weirdness" was actually autism?! A huge reason I transitioned from AFAB to physically masculine presenting with top surgery and testosterone but identifying as non-binary is because it genuinely helps my sensory issues. I don't need the restrictive bra to go out in public, the added body hair creates a barrier between myself and the extremely uncomfortable clothes, I don't have to wear all of my clothes 2 sizes to large as well as inside out, I wear mirrored sunglasses to redirect people from focusing on my lack of eye contact as well as blocking the harsh lights EVERYWHERE except in the comfort of my own home, and noise cancelling headphones which block out excess noise as well as create a natural barrier from random people because they think I'm listening to music when I'm usually not, so I don't have to talk to everyone unnecessarily in public. I looked and acted ridiculous as a child because that was the only way I could cope in a society full of neurotypical people without anyone to notice my challenges and help me manage them.

[@jjjooooey]

I liked a lots of comments so far but your is the best for me 🎉🎉🎉❤🎉

[@joycebrewer4150]

I am sad for you that you felt you had to leave your birth gender in order to cope with life.

[@rileywalstrom3037]

@@joycebrewer4150 it's not even like that. I transitioned because I'm transgender. It's how I'm most comfortable, being myself now. It's just an added bonus that I pondered about after the fact that my sensory issues have gotten easier to manage.

[@Gmarieproductions]

I really appreciate you making this video and putting into words how I feel because I have trouble saying it out loud and saying how the world makes me feel it helps me

[@NicoleRamosnixxlove24]

I just started noticing different behaviors and when an AS friend pointed it out it was like Pandoras box opening and now I can't stop researching and I couldn't feel more Identified it's scary and I want to tell everyone but it's terrifying

[@gregrogers5038]

I love your take on it. I feel like now that i've got the manual i now need to work out how to game the system, lol.

[@rebeccadempsey964]

I’m totally with you in the sighing front. I get told I’m moody and I’m in a mood. I’m not I’m just getting rid of my nervous energy. Also people really take my tone badly. I sometimes think I’m being nice to someone and they think I’m being sarcastic or even nasty. It really upsets me x

[@mysticmama_3692]

I had the opposite experience with academics. If i read something i would retain it. I never had to study. I wasnt good at math, but it was the ONLY subject i ever struggled in. I DID get the "doesn't make eye contact" notes on my papers and for a while they thought i couldnt read because when i would be put on the spot to read out loud i would freeze up and cry. When the realized i could read...they just brushed it off as me being "shy". I was called "shy" my entire life....and it was just that i couldn't make eye contact and i was uncomfortable talking to people i didnt know. I can make eye contact with people close to me, but if i dont know you...i will look at everything BUT your eyes, lol.

[@TriciaStewart84]

I love your computer analogy! That’s how I totally feel!

[@The_Vanished]

I am so thankful to find my tribe. Ive never felt understood on any level. Everyone is upset, oh they arent autistic. Like we decide. I am capable of determining that for myself and if i wasnt i would just work and socialize at the same level as everyone else. Why would I want to have any disability or pretend my whole life just planning that at age 40, when i finally have the appropriate information to understand that im autistic, and it is exhausting. Yes, it was just so enjoyable to put in massive effort for job interviews and just for no reason at all not be able to think quickly enough to appease the neurotypical. Yes, i am actually scheming right before your very eyes and withholding my answers 8n order to decieve the intervier in a very overt and even flaunt my intentions in their face. Let me just exhaust myself all day everyday and just purposely fail to perform to a standard i could easily achieve but im just screwing around instead. I had a doctor who said and diagnosed me with every cluster b personality disorder. Like is it that or adhd and autism? Hmm, oh well he obviously would have been taken to the doctor as a child so thats not at all possible. Allow me, the doctor whom is the arviter of reality, decide which symptoms you are misrepresenting and i will reinterpret those how i choose in order to fit my diagnosis. I literally cant participate in society any longer. I always questioned the whole thing as i dont just accept things as they are already. Ive had to operate at an unsustainable level just to fail and to hand 3very position and promotion to a neurotypical. Then, because "i choose to be lazy" i have to live on unreasonably thin margins and luckily, i was autistic so i was okay with eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal for years. I listened to the same albums while i worked a second job delivering pizza and draining any energy reserve to work as many hours as possible to make up for cognitive deficiency.

[@ElektraDesigns]

When I was a kid I was obsessed with horses, cats, little mermaid and beauty and the beast. As I got older i shifted gargoyles then shifted to anime. I thought I was just a geeky girl but these were literal obsessions compared to other kids. Totally I can relate to those. So many things are so relatable in this video. Im not diagnosed yet but have a strong feeling I'm on the spectrum.

[@estherbutler6002]

It’s really interesting listening to you. I have ADHD and sensory issues. I was given an autism assessment. It was probably a shorter assessment than yours. They decided I definitely have ADHD but don’t meet the criteria for Autism. Obviously some of the traits are cross overs. People in my life who know autism think they see traits in me. I do very much relate to the sensory issues. But it’s very possible just part of ADHD. But what I am listening to in your videos, is what my daughter is managing. In the uk the weight for diagnoses is years long. But fortunately my daughters God parents Stepped up amazingly to help me get her assessment before starting Secondary school. She has been diagnosed with high functioning Autism (Aspergers) with ADHD. The ADHD part was not recognised at school. In fact none of it was recognised at school and I got told time and time again that my daughter was fine. Regardless of me telling them constantly about the struggles I felt she was having, the melt downs and the other typical autistic traits I was seeing. I was constantly told I need to go on a parenting course as it was obvious that it was my parenting that was lacking and not my daughter who was struggling. So I learnt what I could and found for myself a different parenting style that worked for my daughter and together we stared to see a massive improvement in how she was managing. But school were not willing to make accommodations and the struggles to keep her attending was real. The things you are saying are giving me insight into things my daughter does. She often sighs and I jump in, wondering what she’s worrying about etc. and she is like “what are you on about mum”. So confused. But what you’re saying makes sense. It’s often as she is decompressing after school. Listening to you is helping me see what my daughter is probably going through. It also give me hope to see that she might find her path like you have. Even if there are difficult steps on the way. Thankfully she has her assessment and the school she is now in is incredibly and makes accommodations as much as possible. Hopefully as I work with them and they get to know her more they can continue to help her manage. School has to be our whole world during term time so she can have everything in place she needs to manage. Thank you for posting and giving insight. I feel the more I understand the more I can put in place what she needs.

[@AmaindeJH]

THANK YOU FOR SHARING THE MATH THING. That is all. Thank you.

[@86PKG]

Sometimes in life, you gotta just swim through it, dear. Doesn't matter if you're on dry land or not. Just keep swimming.

[@StarlightConly]

I'm STILL fighting for a diagnosis. So many gaslighting "professionals" that refuse to send me for late diagnosis at 43 because im a pro at masking when im around people I dont know or trust. Going tomorrow to start again with my Primary Care. Fingers crossed that I make progress for once. ❤

[@kaye_dee_did]

I decided to just accept it without evidence because I am having the same issue. 45 here.

[@StarlightConly]

@@kaye_dee_did I'm fine with just self diagnosis. I'm just thinking ahead at this point. If anything happens to my spouse, I will need accommodations to make sure I can find some way to take care of myself. After unmasking, and a massive meltdown that sparked it all, I can't hold the reins like I used to and can't pretend like I used to. I've lost skills and abilities, and genuinely have had to acknowledge my level of disability in this neurotypical world, so I can learn to work WITH my current level of abilities. We're not getting any younger, and this isn't going to get easier. I need that diagnosis so I can plan for my future, hoping to have one. 💜💜💜

[@AlexApproBAT]

Yes! Another great video that I'm very appreciative of you doing! Once again, a very similar background on traits (funny enough, I'm watching these as I've learned that counter sounds help drown out terrible/hurtful sounds, like the painful Friday leaf blowers) and discovery process (for me it was memes that I identified with for ages and one day I happened to notice where a chunk of them were coming from and diving deeper the realization lightbulb finally lit up). Funny enough, I have a similar dulled pain thing where days later I wonder where a bruise or scabbing cut came from... but I'm very touch appreciative (and tend to seek out touching or being touched) and I don't seem to have much of a tickle reaction. I love hands, so I love touching mine together or others... but over the years I've grown more and more disgusted by feet (mine or other people).