WHAT THE NARCISSIST HOOVER MEANS. WHY NARCISSISTS WON'T LET GO

#narcissisticabuse #narcissisthoover #narcissism Why can't narcissists let you go when you end a relationship with them? Why do they seem so desperate to win you back? Don't be fooled into thinking that the narcissist cares about you or the relationship. I explain in this video why narcissists hoover and why they can't let go or leave you alone.
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Emergency: 911
National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433)
Crisis Text Line: Text "DESERVE" TO 741-741
Lifeline Crisis Chat (Online live messaging): suicideprevent...
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www.ywca.org/w...
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South Africa POWA: 011 642 434/6
Australia: 1-800-RESPECT

[@nicholecornes1915]

A man with an experience is far greater than a man with an opinion

[@missj2045]

My ex would hoover by saying that he wanted to be a family again. We have a child together. That got me every time. That was my vulnerability because I really wanted to raise our son as a family. So I'd go back to him expecting we'd both really try and just magically be in love again. In reality, he was only ever looking for a quick supply/control/attention hit. The reconciliations would last about 48 hours, after which he would discard me for some petty reason (didn't answer the phone quickly enough..) and then he would suddenly have found a new girlfriend. I think he liked the triangulation opportunities that followed. That was his hoover pattern for about 7 times that I fell for. It was harsh. It took me about 3 years to break the trauma bond enough to be able to say NO WAY to his hoovers. I wish I'd known from the beginning (for certain) that they would ALWAYS end very painfully. For those who are still stuck in trauma bond, it really does better with time. My ex just disgusts me now. My emotional ties to him have pretty much faded. We are okay without him. I've seen his new relationships fail. I know there was nothing more I could have done in ours. He is just a miserable and ungrateful individual. Life is much more kind and peaceful now. That relationship definitely needed to end. It's a blessing to be away from that lifestyle. I have grown so much emotionally and spiritually since then. So trust me, it gets better and it's worth it to leave as soon as you can.❤

[@kel_a]

Eerily similar to my story. These creatures are all just alike, it's unreal.

[@KleeKaiPuppies]

Never go back. Read Mathew 1245. It’s true.

[@wmhhealth2018]

My recent ex narcissist used a discard to hoover me back into the relationship as she knew I was pulling away. She asked me why I was not willing to fight for the relationship which was honestly an insult. I accepted the discard and walked away and blocked her.

[@emmanolan4570]

You really know what you are talking about and you present it so clearly , thank you

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Thank you. 😊

[@aquarianhealer]

You are so right. It hurts more to have them admit to doing the things they did that hurt you and say "you have made me aware that what I did was wrong and I'm getting help now". I'm working very hard to be a better person cuz I don't want to live my life that way. I'm beyond angry and sad when he admits things now that I've called him out on in the past. Grrrrr STFU

[@Emilia7788]

because of unlucky circumstances the ex could speak to me after 2 months no contact he wanted to win me back tried to be touchy even i realy could feel the lies this time i turned his "offer" down now i feel very bad, as iam a bad person but i know its not my fault so contradictory feelings before this started to feel good again now i feel 10 steps back even i turned the offer down i can recommendeing enough to take no control serious even they pump into you on the street pass by them like you dont know them

[@tinac6114]

Mine will send a text & then ghost which leaves my emotions reeling.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Thank you girl

[@shemashalomramel4211]

I so understand this I have a narcissistic X as well he would always triangulate me with his girlfriend the only reason he's with her is because he couldn't have me and he's so miserable and he's going to get an apartment and he wants to marry me but not her I finally talked to her about the whole thing because him and I had been on and off for years and she was really upset hates me now but at least I found the truth so I know when he says those things their relationship is not on the Rocks nothing is wrong with it. He is judt lying

[@manapeace]

Refusing a hoover with calm and compassion feels like a graduation ceremony. ❤🎉

[@mheiseus]

They want your reaction, that’s it. Validating their own sick ego

[@johnelder-hh3ix]

you are right about the word salad emails-- they say a lot of things that ALMOST MEAN SOMETHING... but nothing tangible

[@bubbles1366]

Its only been a few weeks and Ive gotten hoovered twice already. The most recent was a "Crisis Hoover" where he reached out to me at 3am because im the only one he can talk to about his nightmares and his dog that is apparently sick and possibly dying.. I didnt know how to handle this and I didnt respond :( I felt so cold and mean and I jus didnt know what to do I felt so bad and its kinda harder than the hoover where he randomly showed up where I was working and trying to ask me to talk with him...

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

They make it difficult on purpose. You have to realize two things. First, an ex partner that shows up at your work to corner you into talking is dangerous. This person does not respect you and is acting desperate. That’s dangerous. Second, you are worth protecting and sometimes you’re the only one who can protect yourself. Please never feel guilty for protecting yourself. When you feel guilty say to yourself “I am protecting myself”. You deserve protection.

[@bubbles1366]

@@LookingBehindtheMirror yes definitely- I've got my guard up now because of that display of disrespect. Thank you so much for taking the time to type this out! Thats a great thing to say to myself and I will be adding that to the collection of mantras 🌟 Thank you thank you for all that you do

[@MrLeonightis]

Don't get it twisted they have no desire to see you again , what they do have is a desire to put you through more abuse, more hell , more time wasting, more belittling, more slander ,etc ,etc ad nauseum , period , thats it don't feel sorry for them, you went no contact for a reason , they are not going to change, ever.

[@jeanetteedwards3129]

I’m so glad I found your channel as I’m @ my last and final discard.. it was brutal! The hovering had started already!! Never going back never responding! You explain things with such clarity and compassion thank you!

[@ianarn]

Well my ex seems more interested in punishing me and triangulating me.

[@ladyvirgo013]

My husband as well, he loves the silent treatment as well. He discarded me and he's shacked up with the secretary from his work. He's the one who filed for divorce yet he's not turning in the necessary paperwork. So malicious

[@ianarn]

I’m sorry to hear of your abuse@@ladyvirgo013 . As always it is not an issue of gender but dealing with narcissistic behaviour is hard to explain to others particularly when they are covert and have many allies in shared social circles.

[@lauradelregno99]

​@@ladyvirgo013they don't want you to move on.

[@shennarice5749]

I experienced the joy of discarding my ex Narc five years ago... and late last year, he started back hovering me like crazy, luckily I pay him no mind... period... and I am much stronger and wiser after the bs he put me through, I just subscribed to your channel because you are very knowledgeable to these useless, pathetic people... Thank you... Thank you Thank you and please continue to put out more great content on this subject to help empaths get the help they need to deal with narcsissistic losers.

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Thank you. And congratulations on your freedom!

[@lexander_The_Grape]

Omg. Your videos are sooooo needed. I am going through so many of these things now. If it wasn't for your videos I would be really depressed.

[@mortischahicks5341]

I am being hoovered right now! I blocked him 8 months ago. And he's calling, trying to FaceTime me and leaving voice mail. But, he's blocked!

[@NarrelleChain]

Yes i am clear that all would be the same. and if i spoke to her I might be lured back in, so i know not to speak to her, i feel awful blocking her but i need to think about it

[@aquarianhealer]

This must have been difficult for you to do. Your words of wisdom and experience will help many of us who are enduring the pain that narcs are often oblivious to. It's just sad that it's generations deep. Hugs sweetie and thank you for sharing.

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Thank you. I hope it helps. We all need a little help and validation from the people that have gone through it before. ❤️

[@AnnaMishel]

You are amazing! Thank you so much for your videos.

[@kevindonohoe3474]

thankyou for such a honest video im going through all of this

[@missminti]

Mine came back after 12 years!! I beloved him and when we reconnected he started abusing me the next day!

[@tamarab9834]

Oh yes! I just had the strength to kick out my abusive husband( I believe a vulnerable narcissist) out of the house 2 weeks ago. I wrote an email saying no talking or texting unless It’s regarding our daughter.. He is hoovering as if I said nothing. (Same as usual). It is exactly like you said, so traumatic and emotionally painful. My friends & church don’t understand how difficult it is and upsetting it is to have any contact. That jolt and sick feeling in my stomach. Great advice to wait awhile to respond. I have been doing that. You made me feel validated. Thank you!

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

You’re welcome. I’m glad my video helps. I know it’s really really hard, but you will get through it in time. Hang in there. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your choice to minimize contact. Thanks for watching. 😊

[@tamarab9834]

@@LookingBehindtheMirror 💕

[@NeldaVermaak]

Hi.You're so right.During the 'big talk'in which he cried and begged.....did'nt mention giving up the harem,said he'd changed jobs.I said no,horrifieď at this abusive person who was oblivious.Found out later he'd stolen something.And had lost his job anyway.Courage and love to everyone.

[@nicholecornes1915]

No more control

[@rosecally1931]

Do they have to control everyone? Just asking!!

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

Maybe it’s more like... They have to feel like they are in total control of everything, including people. They only feel secure if they feel like they can control everything.

[@brendakauffman2222]

They attempt control over everyone. In their mind they are God of the world and everyone is there to cater to them. If you don't, they really don't put any time into you, but see you as an unenlightened person who doesn't recognize how special they are.

[@rosecally1931]

It is so hard,he is not in our life. It is hurts and hard at time's. Never again!!!!!

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

It gets easier with time. ❤️

[@nicholecornes1915]

Lol yeah

[@itsallaboutnothing2672]

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@LookingBehindtheMirror]

😊❤️