Hoovering | When the narcissist comes back

In this video you’ll learn about the concept of “hoovering” and how narcissists try to pull you back in after you leave them or even after they discard you. You’ll discover the 3 tests that manipulators like narcissists will use to try to engage you again. Stay tuned to find out what the most common hoovering traps are.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
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[@jsmitala89]

It really is heroin withdrawal. I’m on day 27 and have resisted so much intense hoovering

[@shaniecegullison]

Amazing If you can then I can. I'm on day 2

[@Breakingfreefromnarcissism]

@@shaniecegullison I'm on day 25

[@raccuia1]

Remember what the alternative is: going right back to hell and horror. Is that what you want? Of course it's not so stay no contact.

[@Bibiemireh]

Day 15

[@WakeUpToCash]

I grew up in a narcissistic family, and it was one of the hardest life experiences. This is a breath of fresh air my friend! Thank you!

[@ashikdennis9202]

Same here. Learning how to heal now.. I send my positivity to you.

[@2legit2Kwit]

I get my own closure. Once I find out they mess with my peace, their done. My closure is paying my bills, exercising at the gym, finding new love.... see ya. I just bought a house. Leveling up is a great way to get closure. Leave them in the dust. Start a new hobby.. hiking, running, going keto, get a dog, start learning a new language. Do things to improve your life! Building you up will deflect from their attempts to undermine you. NO CONTACT!!!

[@cynthialozano8107]

SuperNova Great advice 🙏🏼 Thank you

[@LindyLooo99]

This is my life story! Way to go!! Life is so much better!

[@ApostleBenDover]

I will print this comment and put it up on my wall.😍

[@anajadwa6875]

This is great advice and the only thing that will make survivors become sovereign human beings again. However, depending on the damage done to the survivor ( how long you were in the relationship, the extent of the abuse) it can take many years to get to the point you are describing. Many survivors first have to heal from the effects of the abuse before they can become functional again. Effects like complex PTSD which include panic attacks, agoraphobia, social anxiety, learnt helplessness, physical effects like adrenal exhaustion, digestive problems and much more. So for those survivors who are not able to just get up and start living your life because you are suffering from CPTSD don't beat yourself up, be compassionate with yourself and focus on working on your recovery, though it may take a few years you will get there and its worth it. You are worth it.

[@brendadunn9633]

Ana Jadwa han Thank you for the great words, I have been married for 40 years and i am Co-Dependent and CTSD. I have so many signs of being a Narcism because of the so many years and the Trauma Bonding. I have only learned most of this the last 3 years. We are in the midst of Divorce and this is so hard to walk away. I miss him so much, but I have a wonderful support group and in counseling. And Anne of Green Gables is right try to do new stuff that has nothing to do with him, but your advice of slow and grace is so important for me to keep right in my face. I pray for healing in a reasonable amount of time.

[@jj-yf4qf]

I didn't know he was a manipulator until he started calling me that during the discard. I realized he was projecting and telling me who he really was. It was a scary realisation.

[@anyapi987]

j j that just happened to me, he sent me a message about how he was feeling that was exactly what I was feeling, I got crazy

[@GJ-ix1yo]

I got hovered in 3 times before finally going No Contact, and it happened exactly how you described it. First sweet words, then accusations and finally straight up threats. My narc is malicious and he had abused me in the past, and everytime I went back the abuse would get worse than before and it would happen quicker. Last time I agreed to invite him over, the abuse happened the minute I closed the front door, and this time he brought a gun and held me hostage for 24 hours before he left. I seriously think I would have been dead, had it not been for the fact that I was able to fake it and make him believe I loved him and would stay no matter what. I ended up filing a police report and getting a restraining order against him. He is now serving time in prison, but I have no doubt he will try hovering me in as soon he is out. Go No Contact and leave this cruel people in the dust behind and don't look back. Its never going to be better!

[@bonnie3232]

For some reason it took the 3rd time before I did the no contact also. One thing victims must realize is that while a restraining order gives them legal leverage, sociopaths do not obey the law. And it is only a piece of paper and does not protect them physically.

[@montek2539]

You will need protection when he gets out. Don't trust a restraining order to stop someone like that. Please stay safe

[@dorothykitzinger4094]

Its do hard when its ur Son but finally Iam doin it becsuse of this video 💜

[@chrismike4377]

@Gitte - when they tap the low grade broke asses out, they all-ways return to who was always there for them, you and me... people like us, super empaths... these types JUST WANT... and are attention whores... liars, cheaters, thieves and killer... I got threatened, smacked, hit, punched, scratched, strangled and bit, laughed it off, $ stolen, password and emails hacked... she made fakebook acct's to catfish people - admitted she thought it was funny to fk with people, she is gorgeous, but it is what she uses, I AM her true friend... not sure she was ever mine... awhile back she said "I found my girl power again"... riiiiiiiight.... she got my "mother" on her same page, fk her too... mom spells 666 on your dial pad for a reason... and whoowheee... she's gonna hate it when she dies all alone, I ain't gonna be here... not no more...

[@dorothykitzinger4094]

They all are dont feel bad.u great

[@hambone9444]

Thank you so much, I think I've healed more in the last 17 minutes than the last 3 months.

[@horrorcops]

Ive found your channel and realised I was with a narc, I feel like my eyes were opened. it was crazy I feel obsessed to learn everything about their behaviour now. he has sent 5 emails in the past 2 days, I blocked him on my phone. everything seems like it all makes sense. I have been no contact and I can see that he is just an evil man, everything I went through in my already hard situation. im really happy that you are here and there are others like me. I always wondered why this man was a bit strange, all of the pieces of the puzzle, I feel like I was asleep and I just woke up. I guess this is painful to go through, but this will be in the past and I will move on and heal. I watched your video about red flags, and I think there was another narc I met, who tried to lock me down immediately and the flattery, phone calls, etc.

[@jesusislukeskywalker4294]

you do realise elvis is female right? And putting infant girls on steroids is not cool. you don't have to like it. it's been going on for centuries. WAKE UP

[@tawnytuppence5573]

I’m new to no contact (four weeks tomorrow) and learned the hard way that I should have blocked my abuser because I got hoovered so badly today. She sent a suicide not to me via text; she has threatened suicide to me for nearly two decades, but never in a text. I immediately called two adults who live with her, but no answer. I rushed to the house and found her to stop her from doing anything dangerous. Instead she waved her naked ring finger at me as if it was supposed to mean something, but she has been threatening divorce even longer than suicide. She then harassed me with insults. I just kept asking if she needed an ambulance, and we are not talking about me right now, but she said I was the one who needed emergency help and pelted me with accusations. It was insane. Since I knew she was safe, I left, and I blocked her. I can’t be held responsible for her happiness or safety. Normal people don’t text things like this. I feel she manipulated me with alarm and fear. She intentionally hurts me, though she will deny this is her intention every time. Its just that I am “too sensitive.” It’s abuse, and I don’t want to be treated this way. Back to no contact-for good. You’re right Meredith-she punished me for being away.

[@InnerIntegration]

Good job blocking her. Threatening suicide as a form of manipulation is one of the lowest things someone could do.

[@tawnytuppence5573]

Thanks Meredith. ❤️

[@luludear1209]

Don't forget that you've been hurt/traumatized. Look after yourself & make sure you get to a good space. Look back . Look back & unpack how you got swept up. Your not responsible for someone else's happiness. If the rejected your love & support by hurting you. Then why be responsible for their well-being ? Being a good/kind person doesn't mean you let someone guilt you. Stay away ! Block ! If they call hang-up , if they rock -up to work simply call security & report that your being harrassed. You see them don't show them any emotion. Simply leave the area if you can. If they show up on your doorstep , have your photo record incident & ask in a even btone for them to leave. Keep records of text's & emails & don't hesitate to get a restraining order if it escalates. Stay well!

[@vibekes2416]

Some narcs really don't like the comments in here 🙄

[@kellykirkpatrick8978]

You should unblock her let her send you another text message threatening suicide and then call the police every time she does it call the police when you do this the results are left up to her an r on her not you she won't do it ever again I can assure you been down that road sounds like a psycho

[@humanagain4341]

You are so right. I'm glad and thankful you have this channel to validate our experiences. I've learned there is no "proving yourself" or trying to set things straight. It absolutely IS a waste of energy. They have decided who they want to paint you out to be and how they want to tear you apart. If you try and set a boundary or confront them about hurtful behavior, you are going to see their fangs. You have to back away and be convinced and solid in who you are as a person. Wish them well and move on.

[@TI_Ted]

Wow, this is astounding ; it's a precise, accurate and comprehensive account of this kind of abuse, which is unbelievable, until it happens to you.

[@ellengrace4609]

12:10 the anxiety and panic, so real here

[@basicinfo2022]

Yes!! Its major withdrawal. God got me through it all.

[@KoiPondPeppy]

HOLY COW! Test #2 - just experienced with my brother. The words you used were so close you could have been repeating what he said. Amazing. I always thought he was pompous and condescending but never thought of him as a Narcissist. Thank you for the insight. I'm blown away.

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

So-called friend of 30 yrs + moved recently to another state. Everything was new to her there at 1st - therefore she ditched everyone back home. I called her out & told her she was such a fake friend/person. 6 months went by & now she is starting to Hoover back. My boundaries are in place ! She must not be able to find new supply. Well ya know - the older you get - the harder it is.

[@valerieh.708]

This was excellent. You really covered all the bases. And good to be reminded that manipulators are adverse to closure.

[@brianlichtblau8870]

Your amazing because you have the courage but God has graced you with this gift of extinguishing the dark. Thank you for your service

[@lludson]

This really helped me. It really helped. Thank you. This will be lost in all the comments. But I have watched a lot of videos on hoovering and that whole dynamic. This helped me find further clarity. Thank you. ❤

[@eduardoricardo94]

I am grateful for every youtuber that helps people deal with narcissists. Thank You ✨

[@jj6464]

Thank you Meredith for your words of wisdom and insight. Having it all laid out like that sure does make things a lot clearer. You truly are an inspiration x

[@amandamoe523]

After two n a half years of a total roller coaster ride, alot of lying, guilt trips, with-holding sex from me, with-holding any physical affection (except when drunk), but always expecting oRal from me..... I finally blocked him (last night). It has been SO quiet all day. It's kind of nice, kind of sad. He ghosted me last night for the 7th time. I am truly done. It has just reached the point of not fun anymore, and just stupid.

[@angelsarah79]

Thank you for making this video. He just texted “I miss you”. now I know what to expect next. This helps so much.

[@FrancesShear]

Thank you. Thanks for the warning. So true that for as long as a person practising narcissism is convinced that they are superior to their target in any major way in order to paint the other in a confining negative light to justify their false positives then that person is dangerous to their target.

[@PPMOCRG]

I went NC with my toxic narc. sister about six years ago. She still tries to hoover me. Nope, I’m done.

[@GeoGallagher]

Jan M ... how does your narc sister try to Hoover you? What was the “trickiest”? How’d you repel it?

[@PC-jd3dw]

I finally asked my sister not to contact me (by text) after getting insulted, told I was a user when I asked her for help, told that everything I say is a lie (what?), etc and getting hurt over and over. Every few months I get a text saying she misses me, that I am her only sister, etc. So what confuses me no end is that if she really believes that I am such a user and a liar, and deserve to be screamed at brutally by her because I am so 'difficult', then why she would want a relationship with me? I wouldn't, if I really thought that about someone. So weird.

[@alienpyramid]

That was like 17 minutes and one take...WOW, awesome very informative!

[@gothmaze]

I finally understand what the people in my life have been doing. The way that you describe it is so helpful. I have a feeling that it is this hoovering that has programmed me to self sabotage. No longer will I continue this program. IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!

[@SaraX2024]

OH yeah.. he always said, "I'm not running after you." LOL. After 6.5 months of no contact, me dumping and exposing him, he hoovered via third parties (common colleagues) last week; I told the colleague not to forward anything to me. I thought, I was rid of him, as I exposed him, but also know he is highly delusional and was kind of fearing it after the 6-month mark; and there's something in it for him - join a class I am in that he wants to attend. Of course, knowing that there's such an agenda as joining the class, any apology now would be too late or insincere, if I ever receive one at all or whatever else he will come up with. Third party hoovering is pretty coward, only to test the waters or cause confusion.

[@mandyg5747]

dgmoocher D I agree. We need to protect ourselves. A friend wanted me to face up to her Narc Bro in law who is an ex of mine. I told her that I have my own Narcs to handle and confrontation is not advisable having done this previously and suffered from it. She likes to expose him regularly but has support from her normal family whilst I live alone. Weird thing was that this encounter took me a week to recover from. It's as though speaking about him passed on some of his evil through her. Is this even possible? She definitely was not herself and it was more than health issues. The place we met is not one that I like to go to either as it has low energy but plans were changed. It sounds crazy but the Law of Attraction gurus do say what you think of or vibrate becomes real. Anyway I am paying attention to my extra senses these days.

[@mandyg5747]

dgmoocher D r Yep I am seeing that it is spiritual. Or lack of it.....these people are all religious. People i have been taught to trust. In a congregation you are kept separate taught that the enemy is in the outside world. .. but I have found that the people outside the congregation who I have chosen as friends are far better 'christians' despite many actually being in non Christian faiths. Perhaps spirit and energy are one and the same? It's such a tangled Web they weave. ....

[@SaraX2024]

I have to expose him and need to keep doing so, because I live alone and we work in the same industry. That way, I created my support system and won't see him in the industry. My ex is a fake Christian LOL.. acting like the good guy. Good luck, Raman. I just read from so many reports, they tend to hoover after 6-9 months. Mine is obviously textbook AGAIN. LOL

[@mandyg5747]

Sarah Z Perhaps them doing things text book is like God's warning system or something. Dominators aka violent people seem to follow same patterns and say same things. Tho I now see that dominators and Narcs are from same mold. Do what you must but please just stay safe.

[@SaraX2024]

So yesterday, I watched the new Mission Impossible movie. I must say, the last scene kept me stunning. Tom Cruise's character Ethan Hunt apologizes to his ex for everything he had done to her. And eventually, she thanks him for making her a Survivor that led her to the right path, no matter how badly he treated her. That'd be a nice comeback we can only ever wait for. Meh.

[@ramasax6532]

my oldest sister is a big-time narcissist, deva and an abuser. She physically & emotionally abused me for many years, until I was 32. The physical stopped when I was 17, coz I started to stand up and blocked her from any harm. I was into sport & dancing, and that what kept me going. The emotional torture didn't stop. She will come over to my mom's house and starts the verbal torture for over 10 hours. She doesn't get tired and she will refuse for anyone but her to have the last word

[@beinglove1655]

Narcs usually don’t send many messages or call multiple times. It is a triggered empath or co-dependants in separation, who does that.

[@InnerIntegration]

No. Many narcs, psychopaths, sociopaths and borderlines will blow up a person's phone when they become unhinged. The more overt ones will do it all the time.

[@Rhiaanon]

New subscriber! I love how you break things down!

[@Poeme340]

So true-the narc may try to hoover you out of no contact simply to punish you for ignoring them and then discard you again in a quick cycle. They can praise you and wound you in the same sentence in an attempt to trigger you. All “closure” must come from within-the narc lives in an addictive cycle which repeats and repeats. Simply and completely, move on and heal. If I didn’t experience it all I wouldn’t believe this darkness existed in the world. There are, however, healthy and loving people in the world as well but you must be free and healthy to let them in. Thank you for your excellent video!☮️

[@Constance8651]

I fell for it! I swear he plotted it all along just to get back at me for discarding him when I found out he was dating someone else. Every time he has a new supply, he turns cold and distant and start ignoring me. Then, I’d chase him down for a confrontation asking if I’ve done or said something to offend him. Then the cycle begins and he’d call me crazy and say I need to get help. I exposed him yesterday, and he discarded me. It still hurts today.. and I’m trying to heal

[@arielross3739]

Love you Meridth! As always, posting timely videos that Always seem to help me right where I’m at!

[@dopeblacktherapist]

My mental trap is feeling like I'm a bad person for ignoring and blocking. Even though he mistreated me I still care in a sick way and I don't like hurting people:( I guess I am the people pleaser... He is hoovering hard right now and I almost gave in. Thanks for saving me from making a huge mistake.

[@sunstar2599]

Yesterday i met an old friend. After his untreateable disease is diagnosed. She unmasked her façade. Now 100% certain: she is a narc. She is upgrading her looks with breast operations. He is almost paralyzed by his nerve disease. But she is thinking 4 her looks.

[@FRMHEVN]

I had no idea there was a name for this one either... thank you. May your night be peaceful.

[@Michelle_9_27]

It makes it so hard when it’s your family, both parents & siblings. I have lost my entire family. Including my son. Most people cannot understand this, & it looks like I’m the one that’s bad because I’m the common denominator. It was over 50 yrs of this dysfunction. I was the empath , helped raise my nieces & nephew & lost every one of them. I’m mourning an entire family & all I knew. I am married & he stuck by my side. Very sad & can feel so lonely. I was told I was crazy, too sensitive, think everyone is after me, never an apology in over 50 years. I’m sorry for anyone going through this. I know how hard it is. It almost took my life. God & my husband helps me through. It’s nothing but evil IMO.

[@chiastar8053]

Thanks again one of the first specialist community information hub. Clear and consise keep well stay safe💐

[@jlj777]

You have to discern everyone and anyone that you come in contact with each and everyday even if it is the same person on a different day. Treat people accordingly to the way you want to be treated in every encounter. Peace and love !

[@Tryingtohelpnow]

Thing is. I tell her exactly that. That she can’t help anyone. That’s where I’m confused. She cheats, lies and manipulates me. But I hear you say that. It makes me think I’m going insane. She is a supposed life coach. But she has cheated on everyone. How do I deal with it? So exhausting. I feel bad for calling her out, but it’s all the truth.

[@kc3810]

This is true for my mother's senior caregiver, who is such a leech and narcissist. He says he only wants what's best for my mother. I want to block him bad. Thank you, Meredith, for your wise message. Such good advice. thank you! I'm not sure my mother can heal from this, she feels like he saved her life, which he didn't at all, it's "Stockholm Syndrome". Please warn viewers about senior care givers. Some of them are the worst.

[@AZDC99]

15:48--"when will they stop hoovering you? When you call them straight out as a narcissist or manipulator.." Truth! after I heard them all sudden really revealing their true colors known them for years, this former best friend (for AZ, not a childhood one from my native DC) of mine in my 40s (I'm 46), got in the gospel song about our neighbors. He lived in the same apartment complex and we knew each other for a decade and avoid being living as neighbors for a few years. anyway, after hearing him get too excited and join other people's misery and he's dropping through his wall obviously to report on how glorious it was to hear of a grandmother and Graham daughter and mother not get along, I realize exactly what he was doing to me and got proof later that he was basically as a confidant taking my info and telling my parents and the leasing office if our apartment office. Well, when I said the scavenger of pain song describe them perfectly from the band death, it took about two weeks or three weeks and then he basically discarded me by saying that he was busy moving because the rent went up even though it didn't. I felt ashamed that I was the one discarded it because I wanted to do it to him all along. I had stood up to him every step of the way but I've also become a doormat because he started preaching in little things and coming up with some weird kontrolfreek rules about his apartment about where the play stuff cigarettes and all that crap. my mom is another narcissist who statistically obviously enjoys inflicting pain on their scapegoat. I have a few girlfriends that in the past met almost enough of the MPD criteria for me to watch the video alone on that. but the truth is everyone has degrees of narcissism and it takes a lot of it to classify someone as a straight-out one for life at all times. So I can't put those former lovers quite into the narcissist Bach's although I certainly can put a last fees of one and realize that I was dumb enough to stick with one it was probably always one looking back. It might sound trite to some, but I like how you talk about the karma factor and I'm not exactly mr. Karma believer guy but I see proof as life goes on that you folks are right in that I've had good or bad karma hit me back too. Anyway, I will forgive myself for accepting narcissistic abuse from that friend family and even the occasional girlfriend at the end phase. but it must be noted that I was the one who stuck around for too long because it just insidiously sneaks up on you and creeps up on you. it's time to be like I was in my twenties and say my way or the highway if someone is getting rather insensitive in any way shape or form. Thanks for the video. This is a great time for it for me because I'm recovering and it's getting to be about that time where the hoovering is going to occur. I've already put it out that I'm not going to go back like I did in the past and even have some stupid lines or whatever. But basically,I need all the reinforcements I can get in this does it so thank you Meredith

[@jesseb214]

Deff amazing ..it's sad that ppl like that take us good ppl who got big hearts and try to destroy us with everything in them..I learn they don't get nowhere and they always come back

[@jaymichelle5496]

You definitely know your stuff!! I've never heard a more accurate picture of what to expect from an a**hole! From the bottom of my heart. Thank you😊

[@stevrgrs]

This is very helpful but dangerous information. I am clearly the empath/INFJ/ codependent but I have done almost all of the things you’ve said in the video and it was all because I was trying to help and have the person see what the issues are so that we can grow. Then videos like this are used against me to justify her actions and accuse ME of being the narcissist :(

[@RealwithAida]

I’m in No-Contact right now.. but why am I so obsessed with karma destroying his heart. I just want to witness him in terrible pain.

[@Roadsidewisdom2]

What I notice is if I send questions or my view she completely ignores what I ask. And if she does address it, 99% of the time she shifts blame or projects. What confuses me is sometimes she will admit her faults, her cheating, but NEVER changes it

[@babiegirl5261]

I did no contact the moment i left. And it was even before i started watching videos like this and learning. I think i may have had a guardian angel then. I filed for a permanent protection order for me and my kids and now he is hiding to avoid legal consequences. So arrogant when they think you are weak but falls away with tail between his legs when you start fighting back.

[@xuanius]

A good way to mitigate the hoovering is to respond very pleasantly, but clearly ending the conversation with a generic statement that provides no chance of follow-up. This way, you can architect a "natural end to the conversation" whilst avoiding narcissistic injury and reprisal.

[@keepingtime525]

Been too long to finally hear this. Thank you...hug back

[@TMiller808]

Great info. Thank you

[@sharhughes1086]

The creature drove pass my job the other day he could of went another route, My knowledge and wisdom is on point, he wanted me to see him so I could break contact like I've done in the pass, I took him to court in October and guess what he followed and stalked me in April, now its August and that beast wants me to know yeah I'm still around, that Monster is blocked on FB plus I deactivated my page and changed my number the only way he will see me is by driving pass my job thinking I would be triggered, I'm doing just fine know kinda triggers what so ever, It's been a Year July 5 2017 and still going strong. # No Contact for life!

[@sharhughes1086]

Raman Dhaliwal Who ever that monster was with got the Hell out of Dodge I remember him saying he can get a woman but they don't stay long, they figured out how crazy that monster is maybe he discarded them or they discarded him and caused a Narc injury, That beast is barking up the wrong tree he can do drive by all he wants I will never engage with that beast, I had on my shades so he couldn't see me looking @ him driving by but I spotted his license plate and on the passenger side doesn't have any hub caps, I had written down his plates before I took him to court and gave it to the authorities, I'm way ahead of that beast, Everyone stay Narc free No Contact for life!

[@RedHotMessResell]

I just experienced the Hoover tonight. He was mad I blocked him and said crap I shouldn’t have said on social media. Now my brain knows he only cares about me when he needs something from me. I told him how he was manipulating me. And at first he was trying to say “I did so much for you. I can’t believe you’d say that.” Then when I said nope. He started apologizing. He dumped me before a drs appointment that was a big deal and I texted him to tell him I needed another surgery and he didn’t reply. He only did when I was tempted to ruin his reputation. I know he’s selfish. But it worked. He pulled me back into wanting him. But he keeps saying he doesn’t want me but he wants me in his life and on his social media so he can keep up with me……… im so confused

[@tbd5082]

I hate that my exN is a low level Narc. They are the most confusing. If someone confuses you - drop them.

[@kullykk2345]

Spot on! Thank you! Q: If they can't contact you, due to an order and you have completely blocked all contact from them, will they try to hoover you by playing games with someone close to you like ringing them but not speaking or leaving a msg? Since the narc was convicted of assaulting me my Sister has been receiving odd phone calls. He had her number. Once , before the assault, when he was hoovering me my Sister received an odd phone call. I said to him to never ring my Sister and he said to me coldly to never tell him what to do. I have changed my number, moved house, am not on social media and changed email addresses. I have a restraining order against him - NC 10 months. Xx

[@InnerIntegration]

That's definitely possible!

[@kullykk2345]

I can't believe the audacity. This mystery person keeps contacting her from different numbers. If it is him he knows my Sister will tell me as we are close. She has always seen right through him. I did ask her to change her number at one point as I was getting fixated but became strong enough that I didnt fixate on it so she didnt change her number. Its like he is trying to get a reaction from me but I am passed that now!

[@kullykk2345]

Raman Dhaliwal That makes a lot of sense esp about the jealousy. They clearly underestimated us! I am getting on with my life and believe he should too - he got married about a month after he assaulted me. Wishing you continued strength and blessings. Xx

[@lyndiex4215]

Raman Dhaliwal very well put....RelationSHIT....exactly what we got roped into!!!!

[@TGIF82]

I am completely new to this and if it was not for other people who pointed me this, I would always think that my family is just that. I still struggle to recognize the signs and trust it, it’s confusing. My mind also goes into, does it mean I am too? Well, I grew up with them. i knew as a child that this environment is not ok, maybe intuitively. Too much abuse and stress under one roof.

[@Scriptorsilentum]

i missed someone once and it was mutual. i was offered another chance to be there. i didn't accept the offer and still don't know why i declined, but no regret about it.

[@medina3127]

He hovered me 4 times after he discarded me in a span of 6 months and after 6 months I was ready to talk to him. I didn’t know he was a narcissist. After the love bombing Phase that lasted for 6 months. It started all over again. He crossed boundaries over and over. He hurt me so bad and lied so many times. Finally I couldn’t take his behavior anymore and discarded him. He used intermittent reinforcement to make me feel like I did a mistake. And I felt like i did. I started watching videos about attachment Styles until I realized I was with a narc. That was the end. I’m no contact for 3 weeks now but I have to meet up with him in a couple days because we have an apartment together. This time I will be strong. No more fighting im not his supply anymore.

[@mandyg5747]

My problem is that my Narcs - my 2 sisters and my mum plus my other sister who is their flying monkey aren't trying to get back into my life. They just.dont give a damn. Worst sister the Golden Child has ignored me for 31 months because I asked her not to leave one of our other sisters out of something. My dad does phone tho he is one too but healthier, so I have to be careful what i say to him too. But I am utterly devasted at losing my my entire family plus my boyfriend just 4 months ago. As I cannot see my neices and nephews because of this. Their abuse has affected every area of my life plus my religion and health and I have made bad choices re partners and missed out on having children. I just did not know that I had any rights in any area of my life. It galls me that I must remain silent and try to build a new life mid 50s whilst they remain untouched and happy. What do I do? Opt out of society for a year or so? I hate that no one understands or plays it down....it's only 50 odd years of abuse and violence. ..no biggie!... cheer up it'll get better type thing...its not sexual abuse. ..thank God but what the hell do you do whilst recovering? Plaster a smile on your face, keep calm and carry on? Most people are totally ignorant about NPD...and if you try to enlighten them they think you are crazy.or being negative.... how is everyone else coping? I either wish they were dead or trying to suck me back in...Neither is how I really feel tho... it's just so hard to handle. You suffered the abuse in silence now you suffer the fall out also in silence. Is there no end to this misery?

[@mscsunshine5531]

Mandy G I wish you relief and joy . Keep doing the work and keep U emotionally safe. ♥️

[@agnessamcconagal9357]

That's why we binge watching narcissism youtube videos. Sometimes it's the only place we can hear answers and be understood by other people.

[@mandyg5747]

carolanne holder Thank you Carolanne. I find Art helps tho not done any for a while. ...and the ladies at the Embroiderers Guild are lovely. I guess it's just a case of accepting that there will be days that it all feels like too much and to make the most of what I can do to be happy. I hope one day to smile and agree with them and maybe see them at Christmas when I have built up my strength and learnt to put my shields up. It's difficult to understand how my own siblings are so different. No empathy. Love to all you blessed people who are in the recovery process. I say blessed as you all spread so much love. Thank you.

[@mandyg5747]

Agnessa McConagal Yes! Am going to have to limit them tho or not listen to them before bed.. anyone done Meredith's course? Very reasonably priced.

[@mandyg5747]

Tewdy Quew oh you poor thing. It's so tough constantly being strong, isn't it? I decided at 38 to be happy with the 'children' that I had meaning my nephews and neices. Whilst I hardly see them at present as they are grown up/teenagers I know that at least one from each family/sister is empathetic. The most gentle being the daughter of my worst sister. Hard to figure. ...I hope you find something in your life to give you peace and some Fun times. You are loved especially by The Creator, even if you may not believe in one. ..no matter He loves you and has a plan...just difficult to wait for it to unfold. Thank you for replying. I don't feel as upset or alone now. Perhaps there are good things we have in common too...am sure there will be. Much love to you.

[@ThomasWBaldwin]

Blame shift, perfect! thank you.....

[@obiwan9236]

My narc I discarded tried the hoover trick. Oh how it had a dream, bad things were happening, and I was the only 1 who could save it. I had no plans of falling for it. Listened for about an hour or two, then when the question came do you forgive me after my horrible dream? I said this... You know what allot of motivational speakers had a dream, Martin Luther King had a dream, a little different then the 1 you really had I'm sure, but his dream he wanted people to get along, and deep down you don't dream what Dr. King does, so go home and leave me alone! You won't believe the rage this brings to one suffering this disorder!!!

[@sadhanarane4796]

How amazing you talk in detail ..so so true...

[@tragicsevens_]

Thank you 🙏🏻

[@Twighlight333]

Omg, most of these that you spoke off happened to me but guess from who!! His new supply, after me and her confronted the narc in a phone call ( she was with him when I called her phone so she put me on speaker) about an hr later she txtd me apologizing, saying sweet things, like you are too beautiful you don't deserve this, I want to be your friend, and then proceed to add me on social media all within the hr of me and her getting off the phone, I of course blocked her and told her she deserved better too but no I can not be her friend, she then waited about 3 weeks and messaged me on another social media platform again playing victim.. feel sorry for me vibe, asked me questions about the narc like does he use drugs, and she couldn't stop telling me I made her feel insecure because I was so pretty and I just kept thinking why would another women say that to another women?? It just didn't seem right, so she again asked if we could be friends and again I declined she would stop contacting me but then she would do it again and again, on her final message she actually turned mean said many mean things about me and my appearance attacked my motherhood anything that she could, she accused me of still messing around with the narc, claimed that she had to make fake profiles just to stalk me (because I blocked them from everything and changed my number twice) she was all over the place in that last message, I did reply back to some of the things she was saying and the other things I just ignored, at the end I told her you need Jesus I'll be praying for you tonight and blocked her again but this time I screenshot the messages and sent them to the narc with a txt that said keep me of yalls bs. And I just deleted my whole profile before he even had a chance to open it, till this day idk nothing about the outcome of those messages because I got rid of all my social media so neither one of them could get a hold of me...... anyone have an idea of what was going on?? I sometimes think she's a narcissist too!!

[@andreaxxx2239]

4 months no contact now. My ex narc never hoovered me and never will. He has new supply! A 24 year old girl. He is 53😱. For me he is dead. But it hurts, it really hurts! I'm trying so hard to get my live back, but he is always on my mind. Night and day! Its freaking me out. I lost 16 pounds of my bodyweight! Sometimes wishing i was dead😥

[@Noemie291]

I almost forgot how good your videos are

[@Noemie291]

oh and she wrote me like 15 letters in a year but I never opened them.

[@statusstrategies7443]

great video

[@deee1776]

Thank you 😊

[@samloutalbotmusic]

Excellent talk

[@anonymousvendetta99]

I'll just play the game..

[@braniofan7894]

Thanks for telling the truth that happened to me god bless u!

[@mariamistretta3860]

My ex tries to do that with me. Every time I try go on some dating site. So not nice. I forgive him, but not stupid to listen my ex bullshit. I'm better off with someone who will treat me right. I know other women go through this I do have compassion for these women who have to put up with these type of men. At least the past show me what I don't want a relationship or friendship to be like.

[@lolohenderson6475]

Mine just stated texting after 3 years!! I thought he was done with me! You said it all!!! He’s so sorry and sober now!! Whatever!!

[@PokemonGoPlus]

You described my ex perfectly😔Wish I knew this stuff while caught in it.

[@ubentertainment2457]

Outstanding!

[@erynd2524]

You have to get to the point of where enough is enough. Once you get to that point, you won’t care one way or another if they’re hurting or what happens to them. I kicked a now ex friend to the curb after she sweet talked me into letting her back in and then she had another one of her social media temper tantrum fits over something she perceived as having happened. Enough is enough. This person and I both board our horses at the same facility and one thing I did was state clearly and in the strongest possible terms that she is no longer allowed to go near me or my horse,she doesn’t exist she is looked at as though she was never born and never existed. I changed my phone number, blocked her on social media andI am keeping her blocked. She has to look at me every day knowing she can’t push me around and be a bully. I have gotten to the point where I just don’t give to rips as to whether or not she’s ok.

[@Clucehilton]

my ex narc is now dating a close friend of my therapist...while reaching out to me begging me to take me back- how much more messed up can they get?

[@123agv]

I blocked my ex on all social media and phone. I even blocked her family. I have been in no contact for 1 1/2 month’s. Now she is contacting me thru some other people’s phones. Texting me things that make no sense at the same time insulting me and accusing me on things I did not do. I just ignore her. I don’t even live in the same state.

[@frankfieldfrankfield6230]

thank you very much. I think, persons who are involved in this destructive relationships needs start a process of awareness. Trying to fix it being stuck into the ordinary belief system, that claims for victimizer-victim dynamic, that not make sense, it's crazy. Only create more of the same stuff in different situations. For example, is probably that kids involved into parents destructive relationship, will made the same mistakes when they grow up or worst. I think, this healing process starts from oneself. No more reactions or feeling that a need to get our achieve somethin to be success. The healing process stars to live in abundance from oneself inner freedom. This point of view, allows to healing both side of destructive relationships, because deals with the polarities. From the real freedom of being as a being with inner freedom.

[@cfxmishmash1051]

How do you do this with kids and what happens if there are emergencies with kids and how do you handle the manipulation that ur a bad parent for not respecting the other parent?

[@jenniferpowelldesandria6374]

Thank you!!! This is great content and literally just applied to a situation in my life Witt a very covert narcissistic person. Because they are related to me it’s been very hard for me to come to terms with cutting them out of my life and I honestly just realized recently that they were a super covert narc I set some boundaries filling expecting them to understand and respect them but uh no I got trashed and there I realized it. But what I have come to realize is that this person is super dangerous with my kids. Have you made a video about handling specifically narcissistic relatives?

[@yasiasorbo9201]

What if u live a mile away n they just show up at ur house ringing ur bell???

[@2121KJW]

Apparently I’m the one who wanted out of this relationship for so long I never loved her I m the bad person for not putting up with all the manipulation anymore? I’m the bad guy because I was blind but now I see ? I’ve responded to my detriment truly Please get out whole you can Thank you Meredith 👍🇨🇦

[@shaniecegullison]

When you said they Hoover you with Marriage 🤣🤣😂😂😂😂yup he can try

[@bettyboo3075]

Thank you

[@cherylfarrington4911]

I wish he was well.

[@fredericmoresmau4303]

if you think I am not worth it, just stay away and stop luring me in.....

[@iron4us]

Yeah, they love to apply vacum...

[@mckonal]

i would like hear you talk about "how a healthy and ideal relationship should be like". you talk about narcs all the time and i just keep wondering what is the abuse-free reactions when in love or in a relationship or while breaking up.

[@carolb3869]

I received a b’day card after 1 yr 9 months strict no contact, so I called police.

[@josephineananda]

What about a covert hoovering coworker?

[@stephaniecmrg]

This was an amazing video Meredith , thank you so much! My ex did exactly what you said play by play. He tried to get me to come back to him, saying he would do this or that. When that didnt work , he thought I would at least agree to continue to have sex with him. He would send me penis pictures wanting to sext and I wouldn't respond to anything he would text me unless it pertained to our kids. He got so enraged by this that he actually tried to blackmail me. I either responded to the sexting or he would report me to my job saying that I would see clients ( I'm a massage therapist) for sexual favors and get paid for it. Accusing me of prostitution. He of course followed through , which led to an investigation by my companies legal team. They finally decided he was crazy and dropped the complaint. Since then , he has attacked me through my children. Has been trying to turn my kids against me, convincing them I'm a terrible parent, telling other people I am not capable of parenting. It's been a year and a half now and hes still going strong at that angle. He now has a new wife and has now gotten his wife , who seems to be a narcissist herself involved. I stay strong and above it, I continue to concentrate on myself, limit contact with either yes or no responses through texts and only if it relates to our kids. Thank you so much for all your help.

[@davidnguyen-tri9031]

Zero contact can't work when you have kids together and share custody.

[@jackgoodings]

she left me at the worst possible moments .. even gave me an amazing weekend to remember her by, and then absolute coldness like she had no feeling, yet she could pretend that she was in love with me and that we were a close loving couple .. oh what a false front. On the last final discard (actually I instigated it by calling her bluff when she said she couldn't see a future with me, so I must have created a massive injury) .. she punished me severely by not contacting me / blocking me for months and threatening me with the police if I got in touch. She knew that I saw her mask drop completely. Then I noticed a few months later that she was looking at my online profiles, so I deleted them. She kept looking then at my dating site profile. I fell for it .. I sent her some messages told her I didn't want her and she called the police on me for contacting her .. pretty sad hey. I think that caused another massive injury. The whole time, she had also been catfishing me in so many ways. Then last month she left a cider bottle outside my house (the flavour we drank, the bottle I had left in her camper van), with a phone call to me and no words and withheld number, and looked at my dating site profile. A catfisher was trying to persuade me to stay in this location rather than move to my mum and dad's town (they're not well). Last week she catfished saying "what I'd change about myself for my relationships is that I would have ignored his lies but my morals wouldn't let me. What would you do differently?" It begs belief. Then someone with no picture winked at me online, and I sent a 'thank you' message .. and she said "I've taken my photos down because I've met a very nice man on here and I'm going to see where that goes. Sorry you've been hurt". Come on .. we know when it's them, and that was her! And she's disappeared also from the dating site .. sorry, I just had to look .. I like to know where my enemy is .. although yes, it messes up the No Contact .. yet even then with no contact, she still manages to prod me (like the beer bottle .. it gets to me, yet it doesn't) .. another attempt to try and hurt. I don't believe she has someone else, and I do believe all of this is to rattle me and I do believe she is building up to a big 'comeback' .. I think she's checking out what works and what doesn't, where I am emotionally, and how I'll respond to her. I'm now finding it quite fascinating, almost sort of studying / observing it, which is how I should have been in the relationship instead of becoming emotionally withdrawn or losing my temper or trying to placate to such extremes as to become ill with stress. What are your thoughts on her actions?

[@Preppygirls28]

Exactly what I did I called him on my day off because I missed him soo much and I wanted the break up to begin with but I wanna stay friends 😭😩he just accused me of a bunch of things that aren’t true then called all sorts of names I can’t stop crying I end up throwing up I cry so much I can’t even sleep without taking sleeping pills

[@andreariegler]

You can't be friends with a narcissist. You will never get a single ounce of sincerity or compassion out of someone who is incapable of being sincere or compassionate. Its like sticking your hand in a rattlesnake pit and expecting not to get bit. Best of luck in your healing, stay strong for yourself.

[@ArtandKitchen_]

Its been a year since we last saw each other, he still hoovers from time to time in chat but I just ignore it, I got a message again now in email because I blocked him in all social media as well as phone, and he said he just wanted to know how me and my son is doing? how am I dealing with the pandemic, and he it doesn't mean he wanna come back , he just wanted to know how am I doing? WHY? I know he is still the new supply all this time LOL

[@lorriecavanah6304]

What if the manipulator uses the children?

[@jdvine]

thank you-your a doll-after a few studies on this-it sounds like,the narc. is the one afraid to move on,and they flip it on you-is that rite?

[@admorgz]

So accurate

[@MicheleHolt21]

Last time we spoke a week ago he told me I was the dumbest person he ever met and not to call him again. Saturday I got 11 phone calls all blocked. He even called from a private number. Nope. I deserve better. Game Over.

[@leratoseele5569]

👌👌👌

[@jackiescreations9064]

He. Told. You....you. were. Dumb.........he is. The. Dumbell for. Letting. Go. Of. Yoi.....dont. go. Back. To. This. Dumb bell...ding. ding. Ding round. 3. You. Are. Done

[@mabelade9536]

Lady you serve him . Never stop praying. Eat good, feel and move on to the highest level to see . Over look his comments. You have got your freedom. Stay strong and safe.

[@Taistelukalkkuna]

No closure, no revenge, just want be left in peace and live my own life. I don´t respond in any way, because I know that any response is what fuels them to try again.

[@latashasalami8229]

❤

[@lexakentucky7423]

His karma will be my closure. Lean back and watch the show.

[@shack109]

Amazing how predictable these people are and how they use the same tactics.

[@jj6464]

It all gets a bit cloudy when emotions are involved eh? Still, shutting down all channels of communication is really empowering 🤗

[@ambaroabdille3427]

When I blocked him and no contact change my phone number he refused to answer our adults children phone calls he thinks he is punished me put I'm so happy and feel sorry for the children

[@Taistelukalkkuna]

Because they generally work, since victim is so used to be manipulated by those tactics. It takes effort to break from it, and when you do, you have real reason to be proud of yourself.

[@damajio]

I have determined that they are all the same interdimensional multi demon acting out the same pattern in different bodies. Mental illness, personality disorders and psychosis are actually demonic possessions .... What did the demon say when Jesus asked his name? We Are Legion, for we are many

[@vibekes2416]

damajio That's what I've been thinking as well 😊 I believe it's demonic

[@Traceyi1000]

Closure will never ever happen. Zero contact is the only way.

[@bonnie3232]

So true!

[@CC-yl9wz]

i tried then i get stalked.

[@jahaha7955]

But if everyone does that. The hell is gonna break loose.

[@jahaha7955]

Why not f´cking heal the narcs.

[@santbr]

That is absolutely true! I have finally accepted that. I want to be in peace again, this man shattered me