How to Respond When Someone Belittles You: Confidence Tips

[@jeffersonfisher]

Pre-Order my new book, The Next Conversation, today! www.thenextconversation.com

[@Adalasia]

@@jeffersonfisher I just bought the pre order hard cover. Thank you Sir. I need your words in my life. I’m so tired of being this super submissive and stop putting up with just everything people do to me silently and accepting it. Thank you for helping me find my own voice and learn to say no and stand up for myself

[@juliadiy1522]

On Belittling: sometimes that person belittles you to get others present to laugh. And they’ll say I was just kidding you, thinking you’ll laugh at yourself too.

[@DeStresswithDee]

Deeply Grateful for you being in the Universe and sharing your message. It helps those who are suffering with PTSD CPTSD after trauma learn to get their power back with words and self confidence. And then it snowballs and they start to take care of themselves better and protecting their peace and their strong Buddha Berry Tree. I purchased several yesterday hardcover and soft and will be giving them to all my clients🥰 You helped me end a 10 year relationship with someone who I love dearly and was hoping to lead by example with my healing but he isn't ready. Hardest and Easiest thing I have ever done and this was THE FIRST TIME I have ever ended a relationship due to an absent Dad and an abusive Mom and the stories I created not based on facts. Very shy, sharing to help others. In Loving Kindness, Dee

[@antonroux6737]

congratulations on the book - looking forward to reading it when it comes out in the coming months - you are deeply talented at this stuff

[@bex-fl-1]

I hope the book has a good index. 😂 I’m going to need to carry it around with me.

[@ShazWag]

I recently received a remark that was clearly intended to hurt me. My reply after looking at them silently for a few seconds was, "I hope you realise that saying something like that , that's clearly intended to try and hurt me, actually says more about you than it does about me." I said it calmly and in a matter-of-fact way. A short silence followed, then I left the room. Maybe it was the wrong thing, I don't know, but it felt right at the time, and they didn't respond. They did, however, look a bit stunned

[@LeotheMiniDachshund]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 nothing wrong with what you said. Only you can stand up for yourself

[@johnparnell8571]

Good response, and I hope they won't try it on again.

[@marthawhite3353]

Perfect response! love it -

[@Snapsta123]

Says more about you than it does about me, is sorta sounding so cliche now tho

[@j.s.korenic007]

Don't you just love it when you turn the tables on them like that, though? That stunned look is priceless 🎉

[@whereinthehellarewewill1363]

My husband over drinks. I ran through what he said to me in front of many of our friends. He apologized and said ‘that must have made you feel terrible’ I told him ‘it didn’t. It did however show your character’ that stunned him.

[@janerasimmons3445]

Wow! That had to hit hard. Good for you.

[@kimmicake5570]

Wow, I’m glad to have come across this comment and I’m going to use this. Thank you so much for teaching me.

[@whereinthehellarewewill1363]

@@kimmicake5570 sharing information helps us evolve into good humans 🩷

[@Patrioticfight]

Good for you, ma’am.

[@mxx286]

Love it!

[@sharonmierau1979]

Hey Jefferson: For those of us who need repetition to learn, you have succeeded for me to stop others from belittling me. 1. Ask for them to repeat 2. Ask for intent 3. Silence Thanks😅

[@CL-un9gg]

Thanks for the time saver ❤

[@twocents7495]

@@CL-un9ggcan you repeat that?

[@CL-un9gg]

@@twocents7495 you heard 😂

[@johncampbell9216]

Silence with a smile. 👍

[@lynnebucher6537]

Asking for a repeat is a powerful tool. Honestly, I wish I'd had this 3 step advice many years ago when I was faced with a put down artist.

[@bobbullethalf]

Silence usually works, but the ego in people will never cease to amaze me.

[@EkimDyslexia]

i say " Ive been called worse things by better people"

[@Music-q2f1n]

​@ArtemisSilverBowI think the silence. Is give me the narcissist. Pleasure... Because they think that they have won 😢. I've been given the silent treatment and sometimes it tells me that I don't matter and that is not what I want to feel

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

​@@Music-q2f1nSilence treatment is a horrible tool to control. Staying quiet in some situations to protect ourselves is different in my opinion. For example when you are in a good mood and soneone is obviously trying to provocate you.

[@queeniearroyo1146]

Indeed , it works

[@janniechoquette8828]

I have a gf that often says things that either hurt or make me feel inferior. I used these 3 steps just yesterday and she was stunned. While i dont think it was a life changing moment for her, i felt great. Her two grown daughters and my daughter were there and they all told me later that they are going to follow your advice too! Thanks for the empowerment.

[@DivestedConfessions]

I don’t know you, but why are you with the woman who does that?

[@Snapsta123]

​@DivestedConfessions you'd be surprised how many people are in relationships like this 💀

[@pamhuber6661]

❤❤😮

[@tess7798]

I am learning so much from you. Thank you!

[@thesmarttees1536]

Please get away from her sir!

[@suraya1224]

My cousin & I used to be best friends. We had a disagreement, I calmly stated my opinion, & her reply was a sneering, "You're just like your mother", clearly intended as an insult. (My mother, a lovely woman, had died a few years earlier. My mom's older sister (my cousin's mother) was a back-stabbing, 2 faced narcissist, & I had been slowly realizing, looking back on all the times she screwed me over, & even admitted she was jealous of me, that my cousin was vy much like her mother, but I never said anything). So, although I knew she meant it as an insult, I replied, smiling, "Oh! Well, thank you!". But she had to make sure I was hurt, so she twisted the knife, & actually said, w/ a straight face, "It wasn't meant as a compliment." I didn't flinch, calmly got up, walked to the door, and casually, without a glance back, said " Have a nice life", & walked out. I haven't spoken to her in the 10 years since. By then, I'd gotten tired of allowing horrible ppl into my life, bcs I didn't have boundaries. I woke up that day, and am glad I finally did.

[@krissyaguilar1814]

🎉🎉🎉

[@judyholland7236]

Good for you! 👍

[@I.T.S.CAPTAINMORGUE]

That was brilliant! 👍😁👍 I totally understand. I have a non-blood related narcissist that me/EVERYONE in the family has to Walk On Egg Shells Around. All The Time! If their Not the Center of Attention, They Make Sure They Are! Every holiday, or major family events for 30 years I've endured this quite intelligent, but opinionated /insulting person, belittle beloved family members. Everyone has to laugh, while being insulted because his quick wit/sense of humor is flawless! When it's someone's birthday, everyone is ready/waiting for the "Blowing Out Of The Candles," moment, but the family's V.I.P. is nowhere in sight. Where is our V.I.P.? Why are we waiting? Finally our V.I.P shows up and presents their birthday card. Let the celebrations begin! (While waiting, we've already gave our birthday cards to the recipient, so our V.I.P. Is the Center Of Attention.) One year we didn't wait. (There was no malicious intent, it just happened.) Our V.I.P Threw A Temper Tantrum! We ALL Had To Leave. (It was quite embarrassing, but we quickly learned our lesson and it never happened again. We always waited...) It took me years to realize what was going on. While we're all waiting, that's was the perfect opportunity for our V.I.P. to go to their room and sign the birthday card for their grand presentation. And of course it gets better. Our V.I.P. got a beautiful pit bull shelter dog that matched their ego. The dog was o.k. until I called it a "Bad Dog!" for jumping up to grab the plate of cookies I was carrying. Ever since, it always tried to attack me. (Maybe it sensed how much I hated their owner.) One holiday weekend, during our family barbecue, I went upstairs to the the kitchen. The V.I.P. was there sitting at the table 5 ft any from me while their dog was jumping up attacking me, trying to bite my hands. 4 times I was moving my hands away trying not to get bit. I looking at our V.I.P. hoping for Help! The V.I.P. gave me some of their good advice and calmly told me "Not To Stare At The Dog." I had to go to bathroom to save myself, while hearing the V.I.P. consoling their dog, telling the dog "It's alright," "It's o.k." I finally got the nerve to step out the bathroom to get away. And I did what I always do... I Acted Like Nothing Was Wrong! (Years of training made me an expert on doing so.) Hoping the dog would have calmed down, but didn't. The V.I.P was still sitting in the chair restraining their dog. I stopped to pet the other dog, who was always excited to see me, while ignoring the pit bull and it's master. I went downstairs to try and get away, but the dog got loose and bit my hand. The V.I.P. was no where in sight and didn't even bother to chase after the dog went it got loose! Once again, I acted like nothing was wrong. (The bite was minimal and I acted as such.) Making no big deal about it, so I wouldn't ruin the family barbecue. I didn't sleep at all, for a week... Wondering, if I should still I put with this narcissist for the rest of my life, for the sake of the family or never see them again! I finally decided to confront this Narcissist. I called him on the phone. (I would normally go to the person and speak face to face, but I didn't know what this Narcissist was capable of doing in an agitated state.) I asked, why didn't you help me when the dog was trying to bite me? Who does that?! I was told that it happened so fast that they didn't know what was going on. "Then why did you tell me, "Don't to stare at the dog?" I also heard you when I was in the bathroom consoling your dog. Saying, "It's aright." "It's o.k. Then said they were trying to calm down the dog. "I would've of smacked the dog on the butt and disciplined it." "That dog could have done permanent damage to my hand and I would loose my Job!" But of course I was wrong again. I was told, that's not the right thing to do. Then admitted that they should have put their dog in their cage while I was in the bathroom and something about how much he cares about me, and how their going to get the dog trained. There was empathy in the voice. ( I was actually surprised! But not fooled.) "I had to go to the bathroom to get away! You Did Nothing!" My response was... That they got up and grabbed the dog while I was in the bathroom. It Was My Fault for stopping to pet the other dog. Teasing the pit bull while they were trying to restrain it. Then they hung up on me. I called back and said, "You think this is about the Dog?" "It's about how you throw your Temper Tantrums when you don't get your way!" Then they hung on me again. That's the last time we spoke. No longer can visit my family or enjoy the ethnic, delicious traditional meals my mom used to make passed down to the family. (Holidays mean nothing to me anymore with no family to enjoy it.) It's been over 10 years... And yeah, I see some of the rest of the family once a year, maybe. There are great grand kids now, who I never. met. Another generation who have to put with this narcissist. Thank God for finally getting treatment/therapy. I hope and pray it works. As far as the pit bull is concerned, it bit the veterinarian. They tried get it trained, but end up getting rid of it.

[@vibekes2416]

👍😊 I would have done the same thing. Congratulations 😊

[@sitmengchue4077]

Very bitchy, like her mother! You did well! It is v heartbreaking to discover a person's real character but what to do? Walk out to save your heart. 11:02

[@gyorgybernard8647]

Capable, generous men do not create victims, they nurture victims. You're a good egg Mr Fisher.

[@dampergoldenrod4156]

Capable, generous PEOPLE do not create victims, they nurture victims

[@smith899]

I have noticed this over my life. The insecure person tries to belittle someone. The secure person tries to encourage someone.❤

[@shylohmonster]

​@dampergoldenrod4156 did you intend to gatekeep language?

[@stephaniesmart]

Once I asked a person in a stern manner “excuse me” could you say that again & the person said I said “you’re a LOT older than you look “. It took me a minute to realize it was a compliment and not an insult😅

[@knit1purl1]

Great comment and true. As far as people pushing back because the poster stated "men." Grow up without a good dad figure and an abusive mother and you might know how important men are in the life of kids. And it goes into being an adult.

[@tanyatressler3132]

Great advice! Thank you! I am 74, my 54 year old son has issues and he loves putting me down..I am too old, annoying, and so forth when I am the sweetest person ever! My teenage grandson steps in and tells his dad to knock it off. I would get upset and teary eyed but now I feel STRONG! Yes! I will do like you suggest..I am now excited and hope he starts his nonsense today because I am READY! By the way, you have kind eyes and great smile ❤

[@I.T.S.CAPTAINMORGUE]

Stay strong, it seems obvious that your son has issues/disrespectful. Right make Might.

[@glzgowlass]

So update. Did he start his nonsense and how did you handle it? Glad you have a great grandson.

[@tanyatressler3132]

@glzgowlass Unfortunately my son started in again and I really tried to diffuse it..he got angrier at me but then stopped his nonsense for a couple of days at least. And has started up again but not as much..so I DO see an improvement..very little but still an improvement..and yes, my teenage grandson is the BEST! Always looking out for me..total opposite of his dad! 💕

[@judithnewell815]

You sound like you’re a beautiful person with a jackass for a son.❤

[@tanyatressler3132]

@judithnewell815 Oh thank you so much for saying that! You are so nice! My unhappy son has really chipped away some of my self-esteem but luckily my beloved autistic teenage grandson is helping me immensely to feel better..he is a true blessing 💕

[@Deborah-uw5ip]

When someone insults or belittles me, I fall silent....because I'm too stunned to think of a response. But I guess it works Lol But thanks for the competent responses!

[@9582278]

I'm the same way and I'm not good with the comebacks.

[@GreatLee05]

@@Deborah-uw5ip Same here, depending on who it is. I was bullied when I was younger, & I also have anxiety, so if I’m around someone like this, I freeze up & get very uncomfortable. Thing is, I know they sense this & as a result, they do it more. Fortunately, I don’t need to see this person regularly, but when I do, I get so stressed out. I’m always nice, but for some reason they feel they have to pick on me. For example, if I avoid this person, I’m accused of ignoring them. If I try to talk to them, they give me the dirtiest look. It’s awful because no matter what I do, I can’t win. 😕

[@Deborah-uw5ip]

@@GreatLee05 IKR it's a no-win situation. I think it's because we ARE always nice, and they can't stand that and want to rattle our cage. I don't mind being accused of "ignoring them" because I am! Lol I think we "win" by not interacting with them at all (if possible).

[@acustomer7216]

@Deborah-uw5ip same here. And I usually fume over it much longer than needed & these great comebacks come to mind later. I can't wait to try this technique

[@Deborah-uw5ip]

@@acustomer7216 That's so true for me too! I fume and sometimes even have an 'out-loud' verbal episode by myself, where I say all kinds of things to the air! Lol I hope to order Jefferson's book and practise--for the next time! Good luck for you, me & all others!

[@deannastokes248]

Jefferson, I am a retired 79 yr old woman that has spend years in the business world. I really enjoy listening to you and learning new skills of communication even at my age. I hope more younger people find you while they are working. Thank you for taking opportunity to learn more.

[@atomicplaygirl66]

Thank you for your example. I just KNOW you are a blessing to the younguns around YOU. 🙏 ❤❤❤

[@hopper8571]

I’m 48, woman, in business world. Read your message and wanted to let you know that,although I’m no spring chicken, I’m young and listening to his advice. BUT I wish I could talk to you too! :)

[@traciw5474]

Silence speaks volumes 👍

[@dianawortman4994]

I'm deeply positioned into my sixties and have taken verbal abuse from people I love and strangers a like for as long as I can remember. Many comments have left me emotionally hemorrhaging since childhood. Example: Have you ever heard the expression "hit with an ugly stick"? Not only was this expression said to me but in front of others, and expanded upon to "not merely HIT with an ugly stick, she was BEATEN with it!" Everyone laughed. I was between ten and twelve at the time. I was a very quiet and meek child. I remember being ashamed of who I was and responed by exiting the room as if I were deserving of such a remark. Obviously, I had been verbally/emotionally battered for a long time. How can a precious child protect themselves without encouraging even more verbal abuse? With that one example, I try to leave a kind word to others before I leave. I suppose I assume everyone has been exposed to hurtfulness and want to express appreciation/positivity to others. I often will will tell someone after they have assisted me in some fashion that "I appreciate them" or that what they have offered me was "valuable or appreciated!" Am I weak? Do I need professional help? All I know is that when I see photos of myself as a child, I cry sometimes. I wasn't ugly at all. I was someone's precious daughter or just a sweet little girl. One positive thing (I think) that came from those experiences was that I don't see what others must see. I can find beauty in everyone. No matter if circumstances may have left someone's body disfigured. What are other sincere, kind words that I can offer to make others that might have had a rough day, week, or year know they are valued? I have grown stronger than that meek child. Sadly, hateful and ugly comebacks spewed from my mouth until I developed/toughened enough to gather my wit's about me.

[@leanne123]

Good job. I'm still working on control without just reacting.

[@dos14dos14]

I’m sorry that happened to you.

[@nicelydone9776]

That time of your life is hard. At 12 you are wondering if you are pretty, and if someone tells you you are not, even if it is not true, you believe it, and then if someone does say you are pretty that other person can stick in your head. I did make a list of things I was looking for in a boyfriend at the time, I wanted him to be kind/nice, but also be able to protect me. I found my husband at 16, (married at 20) He has only told me I am beautiful, and protected me from the bullies. We have been married 38 years now and we find ourselves falling in love more and more everyday.

[@vibekes2416]

​@nicelydone9776 You've been so lucky 😊 Congratulations. My opinion, there is no one who are ugly.

[@vibekes2416]

Hi 😊 first of all, I want to say, NO you don't need help 😊😊 It sounds to me like you have found your inner strength ❤😊 Children can be really cruel. I went through a lot in school, bullying. I left the place after finishing school, and have no interest whatsoever to meet any of them again. They are a part of my past. And there they shall remain. 🫤 I moved to a different country, and I have to say there are narcissistic people and bullies everywhere. But i pick my friends very carefully 😊

[@Tcg252]

Boy I wish I knew this when I was in grade school!!

[@laurabenson1278]

Amen!

[@worthyisthelamb7]

And high school, college, work….😂

[@susanharber6488]

Ditto!!!

[@susieneves9596]

Me to😢

[@peggymccabe5090]

💯 💶 💯 💶 💯 💶

[@sharonlain5830]

When people show you who they are. believe them. Yes, some people intend to hurt and belittle you. I don’t negotiate with terrorists . If it’s in business, stay calm and carry on. Don’t react. I’m a 70 year old and your skin gets thicker. Enjoy every day no matter what. Life is short. Don’t let people get in your head. It’s not easy but practice and you’ll get stronger ⭐️

[@stellabythesea1492]

Thank you. Just turned 65 today and bought the book bc I still need help.

[@robinanderson724]

I think asking to repeat the comment is better, at times, than staying silent because some people take the silence as their comment is true. I am definitely trying the repeat the comment the next time I’m belittled. That’s an awesome response! Thank you!

[@dolorestroeller4734]

True. When I go silent my daughters respond is “ See now your mad, you always do that” So now Even when I say nothing I’m wrong 😑 actually having these comments may work a lot better than my silence 🙏🏻

[@goodmorningsundaymorning4533]

​@@spiderlegspinch9001 you're dead inside.

[@lucius4556]

@Spiderlegspinch..that's why sometimes only a smack in the face will do, forget the words 😃

[@LoreBuenosAires]

If someone says something without an intention to hurt other, the repetition can be a chance to apologize instead of reaffirming their words

[@pauline-v3b]

Asking them to repeat their abuse doesn't work with malignant narcissists, they repeat it louder

[@licksnkicks1166]

My husband is a narcissist! I am going to try this technique on him. I know he will go ballistic. We went to the beach yesterday and grey rocked him. He really tried so hard to engage me in a conversation. He started criticizing this hip hop dancer practicing his steps at the beach. I told him that he was judgemental and didn’t talk to him at all. I think this will be my go to. The stress of this relationship is pushing me right to the edge.

[@Uplift2023]

@licksnsticks..Keep putting one foot in front of the other honey and get away from him when you can. There is light at the end of the tunnel and even before then. Don't break. We women bend but never break. ❤

[@elainedahlstrom8288]

Simply leave and stop living with that

[@Patrioticfight]

Stay two steps in front of him, don’t allow him to push you to do something that will ultimately hurt you. Take the high road, and hit the road if it will save you.

[@licksnkicks1166]

@@Uplift2023 we never break but bend. I will always remember that. Thank you for your amazing words!

[@licksnkicks1166]

@@elainedahlstrom8288 I can’t leave. He’s on his 5 th major surgery and that would be rather heartless. I just do my own thing!

[@Haberdashery22]

People who insult others need to be told. Some might change some might never change! I just remember, when I was 9, being horrible to a very quiet girl in my class. Eventually she told her parents who told the school and my teacher took me aside and gave me a really strong dressing down. I was so ashamed of myself and would apologise to her properly now if I could. 70 years later! You need to deal with a bully or someone who puts you down, from the outset. I honestly have not intentionally hurt or bullied anyone since.

[@kathleenknapp]

Good got you. You were willing to learn.

[@ginamaclachlan1843]

Hello Jefferson, I have always been the person that when insulted or belittled , didn’t know what to do. I just stand there and take it and feel stupid. I guess I’m an easy target . Your podcast today is empowering. When these little hurtful comments come again, and I know that they will, I have tools to use without being hurtful back. Thank you

[@alimccreery755]

I grew up with been given the title of scapegoat without my permission so after having been abused by a few narcissists and not knowing I educated myself and opened my eyes. My life has totally changed with how I understand people and their intentions. I believe in grey rock and stonewall as a means of protecting myself especially towards bullies.

[@knit1purl1]

Me too. When I realized what gaslighting was, I thought of all the times it was used on me. There is no way an 8 year old is responsible for things I was accused of.

[@alimccreery755]

I’m exactly with you on this. I was the family scapegoat and even as an adult it’s still impressed upon me that I’m supposed to let people verbally and emotionally abuse me just because. After I got educated on narcissistic abuse I’m saying I don’t think so cause homey don’t play dat 👍

[@ellen-marieconnolly8290]

You’re not alone. Xxx

[@barbarabreedon7640]

I felt the same way at school even now, but thanks to Jefferson he helped me to address it nxt time. X

[@celticrose2]

Say: Could you repeat that? Did you intend to hurt me? Then dont respond to their rude answer. Thank you 👍🏻❤️

[@alimccreery755]

I came to the realization that most if not all the individuals that I had for friends were toxic and so I went no contact and blocked. I feel good about my decision and I have a clearer picture as to why I’ve made bad decisions regarding my relationships. It’s like a weight has been lifted off me. 👍👍

[@sophiabright8371]

YES! I moved to a new country and was unable to find people who were genuinely kind. It took me ten years to stumble into a group of truly decent folks. One thing I did was to totally shut out the groups of toxic folks who bamboozled me. My life is so much better now. I don't worry myself about having 'friends' because most folks are not interested in friendship on a level that suits me. I'm very happy going it alone. I do want to say that I have my problems and have behaved poorly in my life. I finally woke up and recognized what was going on and did my best to at least apologize, in person or in writing, to those I mistreated. We are all 'human' and we all make mistakes. I was the epitome of 'hurt people hurt people'. I went through a long period of self-recrimination and deep shame. I will never forgive myself for some of the things I have done. For me, the way back was vowing to do my best going forward, giving hurtful people grace & space, doing my best to let people know if their words or actions were hurtful to me, and WALKING AWAY if I didn't see any effort to repair the situation. I am finding my own peace as a result. My meditation teacher has a BEAUTIFUL and EMPOWERING reminder: My peace is more important. I know I am better off when I choose my best option over sacrificing myself. It's still a process to unstick myself, but I can see the difference as I stay focused on my inner desires. The good ones! 😂😅😊😅😂 Be well, everyone! We are HERE for the best reason - to learn to love and take good care of ourselves. Why not? We are all that we have, and if we are not strong and confident, we don't appear to have much in the tank to contribute our best.

[@motivated2connect]

I’m literally in tears right now! I was so badly isolated and so busy trying to deal with these toxic types and Narcissists and bullies my whole life that I never got to learn these skills. I’m 47 and wish someone pointed me to you years ago but glad I managed to find you!!!! I can’t express my relief and gratitude enough!!! I was so gaslit and bewildered/bamboozled that I couldn’t think straight let alone know how to handle these tactics, too busy dealing with so much disrespect and managing my emotions/CPTSD.

[@peggymccabe5090]

Same here going thru this process losing my mother my sister in law wouldn't let me see her and my brother during hospice

[@Music-q2f1n]

I care about you because I have been gaslighted by my narcissistic 47 year old daughter and when I called her out on it she was angry

[@Music-q2f1n]

My adult daughter said to me in front of my granddaughter you're interrupting me all night long when I was talking to my friends😮. So I said. Let's talk about this somewhere else not at a public place and in front of my granddaughter. ! I was calm and rational but I said please don't criticize me in front of your daughter and that triggered my daughter. It didn't work in fact she ghosted me and for 6 months after I called her out on her behavior so it worked against me. I was hoping that she would feel convicted. She did not feel convicted.. she made herself a victim and I was the villain she wins every single time I just don't know how to use these strategies and I really like this podcast😊

[@sheilaking1300]

Great advice. I was workplace bullied twice, I didn’t know how to respond so stayed silent. Their vileness stunned me into silence. I’m now careful who I mix with but I still come across this nastiness. Thanks for teaching me how to respond.

[@1963Austria]

Same here. At first I can walk away, but it it continues, Iose my tongue.

[@susanp.collins7834]

Went to my sister's 60th birthday in 2014. It was in a very isolated area and I couldn't get away. She subjected me to verbal abuse the entire weekend, culminating in punching me in the breast. She demeaned me, belittled me, humiliated me, broke down my sense of self-worth non-stop AND in front of her other guests. This, by the way had been coming on slowly over the past few years. Our mother was an alcoholic and she married a man who both enabled her and taught her the drinking habit. I don't know if this was a contributing factor. Anyway, I walked away. Went back home, changed my phone number and went No Contact. She died three weeks ago. We were never reconciled and a lot of people thought this was dreadful. Not a bit of it. One more family member who thought it was okay to treat me like rubbish gone. It's taken me 68 years to set boundaries but they are now set. Cross those boundaries and the Russo-Ukrainian war will look like a Sunday School outing...

[@Uplift2023]

At 68...you're not as strong as you think Rambo-Rina. At 58 you were still putting up with your sister's treatment. Calm down with the war statements...I don't see anything in your post that would lead anyone to believe you have any battle skills.

[@maryd253]

Susan, you did a great job getting her out of your life. Keep up the good work!

[@susanp.collins7834]

@@maryd253 Thanks Mary!

[@glzgowlass]

@@Uplift2023can you repeat that?

[@mindy1230]

I'm proud of you for going no contact. ❤ I have a Narcissist Mother who I went no contact with. I struggled with defending myself for the first 30 years of my life. It took a long time for me to begin being true to me and self advocating. I was not invited to any family events for years. My little sister died. My Mom tried to get my brother out of prison on furlough to attend her wake but I was not told until after. I only asked her why was I not invited. She screamed and raged "It's all about YOU poooooor Mindy!" And hung up. 5 minutes later my sister's daughter calls me screaming the same words threatening that I had better not go to that funeral. I was very upset but decided not to go to the funeral at the end. My sister and I had bonded before she died. Our mother did drugs with my younger siblings. To help my sister who was dying from drugs, I actually turned her in to have her arrested on a warrant. I wrote her that I loved her. Our mom would make my sister shoplift writing out lists and waiting outside in the car. My sister told me all this sobbing how horribly she was used and bullied even though I was always the scapegoat and she was "favored". Stay strong...sometimes being on the outside is the best place to be and cutting people out of your life is the best choice you can have. Our Mom tried to get us to compete for her attention. Or she would pit us against each other. I'm done I'm done....❤

[@mermiefasmart1387]

Thank you. I used this on an acquaintance who publicly ridiculed me for my political preference. He immediately backed down and treated me with respect. Other people definitely observed and the result calmed my nerves. Thank you again and again.

[@user-eg1xw6rj3k]

I love this because these are things that are simple and easy to remember in the heat of the moment. My biggest problem with unkind people has always been not being able to think of what I want to say/do until a few minutes after it's over. These are things I can easily remember in real time. Thank you!

[@debbiecloer]

I listen to you every day and you have helped me in so many ways; in just daily conservations with my family as well as my staff in my restaurant. Your ways of using words has been amazing and gives me more respect for myself and causes less conformations that could get out of hand. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@suziegriffith]

Great advice. So often in work settings men put women down. Either they’re intimidated by how smart the woman is or have personal feelings. This is a great management tool.

[@wendyandfriends]

Thank you for another wonderful and clear training for us all. Carol's situation is common for many of us, and we weren't taught how to deal with it other than to "laugh it off", "shrug it off", "let it roll off of you like water on a duck", "don't let it bother you", etc. Some of us were raised in family cultures where one of us got belittled all of the time, about anything and everything, decades upon decades of it. Thanks to your training us on this, even after a lifetime, we now have the tools to start putting into practice ways to call out the garbage treatment, and hopefully halt it. Thank you!

[@carolshafer5931]

Yes it's helping me too I feel the same way, so thank you Jefferson Fisher !

[@nette4307]

@ Wendy: your comment about "family culture" turned the lights on in my head. I've always thought of patterns, mechanisms, dynamics etc. "Family culture" is an extra way of thinking about my own family, and it adds a different perspective. Thank you so much!

[@FirehorseG]

My ex who was 55 yrs old at the time, said to the crowd (all his family) 'she's a good scrubber' when a convo came up about cleaning. I said nothing, didn't laugh (neither did his family), but I gave him a look and tackled him on way home calmly. I didn't want to cause embarrassment to his family, yet he was the one trying to be the funny guy at my expense and didn't spare my feelings. I ended it after a few more passive aggressive experiences with him. Horrible, weak, snidey, unhappy, angry man he was. I won't let anyone off the hook now in public.

[@MsSeetree]

Congratulations on your new book!!! Thank you for doing a good public service

[@ernestinehemingway7799]

its called *wounding for sport* and its endemic

[@LiveforHim73]

I like this phrase! My sibling said to me in a 3 way text he didn’t intend for other sibling to read, “No wonder everyone hates you. “ This sibling really has lost all his friends. He thinks he a prophet and if they or we don’t agree which is most the time, all is going to hell. Concern for his mental well being but he won’t listen to any counsel. He says psychology is from hell too! He’s a hurting person that’s built a arrogant all knowing wall around himself. The past 2 years have been most difficult dealing with him. But I can’t be around him anymore. Too toxic.

[@Bella-fz9fy]

The ironic thing is,although they might make you feel stupid or inferior,THEY are the weak ones who for whatever reason feel inferior,and are usually jealous of the person they put down.

[@andreadanburg5649]

I like to respond with “Thank you for your input.” I make a point to behave as nonchalantly as possible.

[@BrookeS-z8d]

Isn’t that just reaffirming their statement?

[@andreadanburg5649]

@@BrookeS-z8d , Not at all. If I responded with “thank you for your helpful input” or thank you for your input, I will consider your thoughts” maybe. But an unemotional “thank you” usually dissuades the person to ensure they don’t speak rudely again.

[@deadmanswife3625]

Thank you for your input is a great response in my opinion. It acknowledges the person it lets them know you heard what they have to say and it lets them know you don't necessarily have to worry about it because you have your own ideas your own opinions and your own life to live LOL😂

[@BrookeS-z8d]

@@deadmanswife3625 thanking someone for insulting you is actually crazy

[@user-pd7il3xz5j]

​@@BrookeS-z8dreverse psychology.

[@melissaseilerhubbard]

Love your advice! I’m 49 years old and have been quiet for most my life. You have a great way of explaining things so that I can remember what to do! Thank you!

[@richardnz55]

Your teachers and role models must be so proud of you Jefferson for the positive service you are providing people around the world (like me!) Thank you.

[@dorispettengill6422]

My oldest son, that's 54 yes. old, will 90% belittle me !! I love my son, because he's my son, but I don't like him !! He blames everything wrong in his life, on someone else !! That's the type of man he is !! So don't piss him off !! After his dad passed away, he told me he wished I had died instead !! I was the best mom I could be !! My husband and I even raised his son !! My other son and I have a great relationship, but the brothers hate each other !! I'm not sure what to do, it has been like this years !! Thank you, Doris

[@incognito595]

I BELIEVE IT IS GENETIC. THE ABUSER GOT THE DEFECTIVE GENES. I MEAN THIS LITERALLY.

[@Music-q2f1n]

My 47-year-old daughter invited me for Christmas Eve last year and proceeded to tell me in front of everyone that she thought I was toxic and she's not going to see me anymore and she's not going to let my granddaughter see me😮😢😢 I was stunned Christmas Eve I was always thought Christmas Eve was my favorite holiday my son who is her younger brother did not stand up for me as he doesn't want to lose his sister's approval so he didn't say anything.. it is now almost a year Christmas Eve is coming and I have not seen my granddaughter or since last Christmas Eve .😢😢 I'm going to tell my son that I'm not going to celebrate Christmas this year because your sister spoiled it for me I'm 77 years old I know some people would say don't let her spoil your Christmas. Well she already did. She got away with it so I am writing a letter an emailing it to all of my friends and cousin who support me. Explaining why I can't do Christmas Eve and I'm hoping that someone will understand the 77 year old woman needs her holiday it's the Lord's birth but I don't know how to enjoy it can anyone help me with this 🙏

[@conniekilleen4821]

Yes I've got a son who does it all the time, intention, or intentionally, either way he obviously, suffers from , depression, and other toxic conditions, not my problem, but it seems, it's all my fault everything is my fault his herbal smoking, his fathers death, he lashes out and threatens, me with violence, when he gets, a rage on, and I have to sit their and take it, until he calms down, I hot the law on him, but that has not scared him he just continued, to run my Life..I give him the silence, treatment but only it hurts me not him, one does not know, how your children can turn out from sweet little kids, to controlling narcissists,

[@JustCaring]

Thanks Mr. Fisher you have no idea how much watching your videos has assisted me to become a better communicator other than replying with an emotional reaction . ❤

[@clairelane3642]

A commenter from the NYT recommended you, Jefferson, you're a breath of fresh air! Thank you for your service helping others deal with nasty people, huge problem with humans!

[@vaishalinain7442]

Clicked on this video by mistake, learned an advice for life. Amazing skill to build on....

[@Janartable]

Wow. This was just fantastic. So many things to say. First of all…it’s excellent advice. Dead on. I used to tell my students, if you watch and say nothing, you’re supporting the bully. Same thing if you accept someone bullying you. If you say nothing, you are almost polishing the bullseye on your heart. I always used to say that a bully actually doesn’t feel good about himself, and is like a dark room with the light switched off. Along you come, and he puts you down and it’s like he’s flipped the light on, and he’s feeling better (empowered) once more. So don’t but but but, or try to defend yourself, your armor isn’t strong enough. That’s why he chose you. So, just say something in an even tone that is matter-of-fact. “I know you need to put other people down so you can feel on top.” Just call it. And walk away. And here you are saying the same thing….you just stay calm and call it for what it is. It’s about the other person. It’s not about me. Key fact to always remember! I love the way you presented this. And you went back and repeated it over and over. We need you to do that for it to sink in. You have to wake up the memory muscle! Hah. We hear something once and it might be great but it scoots right to the back of the memory bin. So I love how you did that. And your visuals and audio were perfect for me. I thought several times that I love how you enunciate every word. Slowly and with confidence. You know your stuff, and you want us to know it too. I’m forwarding this to a few of my friends and relatives. Some of them know this more or less, but have been beaten down and need to have their confidence rebuilt. Fortified. This will really help them. I’m sorry this comment is so long. I just really appreciate your subject matter, your advice and your presentation. I used to teach social skills and work with bullies and victims in groups and one on one. It’s work that is so important. True life skills. So thank you for doing these videos. I’m off to subscribe and share!! Great job :)

[@ErikStone]

Thanks for your advice. I'm a pretty calm person and rarely fire back at someone. But you offered some good ways to handle being belittled.

[@MrBiancadel]

Hello Jefferson, I am a clinical mental health counselor and one of your followers! I appreciate your practical tips for dealing with challenging situations and people. I've recommended you to several of my clients who are experiencing emotional abuse, as your advice on setting boundaries is incredibly helpful. Also, your guidance was essential for a woman who was being belittled at work by a male coworker. You truly help people maintain their integrity, which is priceless.

[@ms.schnapp7415]

Love this! To add, for personal relationships such as family, friend, significant other, I'd say "It's hard to get close to someone like this" or "This kind of behavior pushes people/me away". When someone close to you acts this way, it almost always kills the intimacy.

[@Deborah-uw5ip]

That's good. I remember one time I said: "You're losing love points when you talk like that."

[@hopper8571]

Oh this is good. When my husband does not support me with the kids I feel like it is hard to be close to him….etc. TY!

[@bettygachao9596]

Narcissists never change...even this may not help.

[@juliefreeman4993]

Hi Jefferson Fisher, today I is 29th September 2024. You can up by chance and I’m so grateful. I’m 66 years old on 1st October and want to start my life over again as I’ve just got out of a very nasty abusive relationship. Very narcissistic, I’ve rarely come across that word before. However I feel so encouraged by your way of dealing with this type of person. I live in England but I’m sure abusive people like this exist all over the world. My name is Julie, so glad to meet you Sir 😀

[@Hemlockqueen]

@@juliefreeman4993 hello julie from scotland. You did it you got out. Well done lady . Ps belated birthday wishes xx

[@juliefreeman4993]

@@Hemlockqueen Thank you so much, how kind of you to say. The most difficult thing I’ve ever done but I got away. Thank you for my birthday wish….lovely. All the best to you and the beautiful Scotland xx

[@Hemlockqueen]

@@juliefreeman4993 hello there 👋its difficult i know where you coming from.but we did it .more power to us..i hope your having a good day ?

[@juliefreeman4993]

@@Hemlockqueen thank you for your reply, and yes I’m having another good day. I hope your well too

[@Hemlockqueen]

@@juliefreeman4993 hello there. Its so easy to have a good day with out a narc hey.yeah im good thank you .just wondering where the summer went

[@SandiHerzog]

Way to call them out politely! Thank you.

[@lauraaquino71]

Hi Jefferson, I show my 16th year old daughter this video to give her tools to deal with a situation that is going to be common due to the political climate and people feeling entitle to belittle humans of color or different race. I am mexican and my daughter was born in the United States. We are brown. Yesterday when I pick her up from school she was upset. A classmate make a "joke" telling her to "go get you citizenship" . Other classmates were laughing. She didn't say anything but got really serious. I told her we need to be prepare and know how to respond. Thank you for the work you do to educate us to have better communicaton skills.

[@kathy4451]

GREAT ADVICE! I will pass this message on to my 14 year old grandson who gets bullied on a regular basis. He thinks those who do this are friends. He's still learning what a true friend is. ..Thank you

[@CozyMysteryWriter]

So, how should you respond when they try to gaslight you after you say “Did you intend to embarrass me with that remark?” I have had people say “Oh, don’t be so sensitive. You can’t take a joke.” What should be the response then?

[@catritz]

Good question!

[@ravendragonsong5842]

Waiting for the answer to this one as I deal with gaslighting from several people in my life. Yes I have distanced myself but I have a bit to go to leave the situation.

[@1funkateer847]

I don't get the joke. How is this funny?

[@softsophisticate]

Firstly, understand that that is a typical and classic narcissist / emotional abuser response. They know exactly what they are doing. Look them in the eye. Tell them to naff off. Repeat if necessary until they understand you will not be disrespected by them.

[@lilayork6410]

Grey rocking has been helping my gaslighting problem. These steps will be added… let’s see what happens.

[@catb8661]

I have a friend who uses passive-aggressive comments to punish me when she's unhappy with something I've done that irritates her. She'll even make comments about me when we're socializing with other people. One evening, when we had plans to meet friends at a winery, I picked her up late because I had gotten delayed at a store. I apologized, and she started attacking me for consciously being rude to her by being late. I am probably late 2 out of 10 times, but I never get affirmations when I'm on time. So I finally let her know I'm not happy with her habits that annoy me, but I keep quiet. Of course, she didn't take accountability for her actions and said I was lying. When she attacked me with an insult about my family relationships, I simply got quiet, turned the car around, took her back home, and dropped her off without a word. She needs me to drive her when it gets dark early because she can't see as well, so I knew she couldn't follow me and I drove to the winery to meet friends for dinner and to listen to our favorite band while she missed out. I know she'll never apologize, but I'm tired of her passive-aggressive remarks towards me that are intended to hurt and punish me. By the way, we're both 75.

[@mlockette8084]

She is toxic. Find a new friend if she never apologizes.

[@catb8661]

@mlockette8084 I'm already working on that.

[@mialite7959]

Doesn't sound like she's your friend. Friends don't do that. Ask yourself why you're hanging around her. Edit: feeling sorry for her isn't a good enough reason. She's toxic and is damaging you.

[@catb8661]

@mialite7959 I haven't been around her since that incident. She went too far.

[@lollylula6399]

Good on you. It sounds like you've had to deal with a lot from her. You deserve better than this, you deserve people that can reciprocate your care, warmth, and kindness - or at a minimum display appreciation for it. Unfortunately the fact that she can't take responsibility for her side (along with the other toxic behaviours) strongly suggests she's just not capable of having healthy relationships.

[@AlEdJedLee]

Nice. Long ago I figured out that my silence after someone’s stupid comment can just let those words “twist in the wind.” And now I have the “‘Repeat? Purpose?’ Silence”plan. Thank you!!!

[@rickgutierrez7234]

Awesome! Love it Jefferson there are a lot of people who like to make others feel inferior just to elevate themselves. Thank you for the service you are providing to us that need help.

[@gail1776]

Your advice is brilliant. Instead of freezing from being blindsided, and being afraid to say the wrong thing in response, I feel uplifted and empowered from this episode. I will watch all of your videos over and over and never miss a single one. Thank you .!!

[@brendacollinsdeeks7268]

I have recently become aware of some of the belittling things that people say to me. Thank you for giving me a way to respond.

[@cor3944]

“Don’t laugh it off” and “Did you say that to embarrass me” are the best advices I have ever heard since years. Thank you ❤

[@Adalasia]

I need to write all of this into my shadow work book. My ENTIRE life is this

[@kelleyreimer2231]

I have thought about doing the same!

[@tess7798]

I have been thinking of doing this too!

[@katherinegordon8088]

I’m a parent of a brilliant attorney. I need help with holding boundaries. Often when I have a sentiment her response will be, “Very good” in a dismissive tone then she walks away. You must also know that you have helped me and my lovely daughter begin to hear one another more clearly. I am the full time Nanny for my Grandchildren and our relationship means the world to me.

[@thinkingoutloud-AV]

Your channel was recommended to me by my therapist, and I must say you do a far better job by bringing on such relatable scenarios and practical solutions - Thank you so much! However, I am always dumbfounded by passive agressive comments because they often come from the same people who praise you on one hand and whenever convenient insult you on the other hand. It's like you never know where you have them on a particular day. Often such people are either in family or colleagues, and you can't just avoid them either. Over time with repetitive interactions such insults accumulate, and can generate trust issues in general. Your response is much appreciated!

[@relateandcreatewithmary8394]

I completely understand where you’re coming from. As a Conflict Resolution Soecialist, these types of scenario’s are when you need to take another step which, would be setting personal boundaries. Saying something like, “The way you are speaking to me is unacceptable.” Or. “I do not respond to disrespect.” are just two of many responses you can use. If the person persists, silently walking away from the conversation leaves the individual with their own words to think about. I hope this is helpful.

[@patbraden4342]

Agreed

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

Didn't you know such people are psychopaths? Wise up on narcissists on KZbin, and know they will never change , bc they are dead inside.

[@goverstreet9817]

I guess it’s okay

[@rookieproducer]

Today I happily told my English teacher about a trip to London. That London has many nice outdoor seatings you can have drinks before the show. She has no smile during the whole time I described my trip, and then said it looks sad that you had drinks alone. I decided not to talk to her again in my life. She is jealous and can’t stand to see I enjoyed London.

[@sandrahammann3008]

I love just listening to you. You always make me feel better. Your kindness and warmth are comforting. Thank you so much. I’ve never heard anyone like you before!

[@bev9588]

That was BRILLIANT and INSIGHTFUL! My partner is a sweet guy, who had a bit of anxiety with other men in social situations. Some cocky arrogant people this summer at a campground, had a tendency to belittle him, talk down to him, make snide remarks to him out of earshot of others! An example: ‘ Yeah you can walk with us make sure you stay behind me!’ He never had a comeback making him an easy target! Your advice is fabulous. He needs to know it’s not his issue it’s theirs!

[@SharrellKline]

Congratulations on your book! I know just how hard it is to launch a book and hope yours is discovered far and wide.

[@pameladanese6837]

Your coaching resignates with me! It's helping me take an honest look at my actions. It's not easy to see my faults, but I'm thankful for you! You're challenging me to be better and not the same. .

[@falconbritt5461]

Hurray!! A book from Fisher!! Thank you. Gotta love a person making a positive difference in the world!

[@dihasmail]

Jefferson you've been incredibly worthwhile for me to stop and listen to anytime you pop up on my KZbin. My friend likes to pull little fast ones on me and usually I am not fast enough to pop back. But today I did. She was turning into somewhere incorrectly from the wrong lane and I simply said gee there's another entrance around the corner if you want to try that one. She was driving. And then she said did I ask you to help me turn into the shopping center? I said nothing. Then when we got in she started blubbering off about how I should do something or another and I said did I ask you for your advice? She smiled sheepishly and said oops I said yep that's like a boomerang isn't it didn't sound good to me either. And the rest of the day was just delightful. Thanks Jefferson.

[@imallierambles]

I was 52 when I learned how to deal with a bully or narcissist. Thank you for helping me find my voice.

[@temuchen]

When someone is rude to you, it does not reflect on you. It only reflects on him or her. Be proud, calm and forgiving. What goes around comes around. Namaste.

[@eugeniah25]

OMG, Jefferson, I wish I had found your channel months ago! Thank you so much for teaching us the best ways to respond; I appreciate it. 🙏🏼❤👏👏👏👏God bless you!

[@DG20473]

You’re definitely an old soul with wisdom beyond your years. Thank you Jefferson. I’m so glad that I found you.

[@MarthaRobey]

I wish I knew this years ago. Was in a toxic situation and finally kicked the person out of my life. Was humiliated constantly until I did that.

[@hcmangs3634]

Jefferson, this is beyond helpful. Will have to work through this, just listening to this video gives me crazy anxiety & emotions, heart pounds, stomach, etc because it brings up my struggle with confrontation. My parents are very difficult people w lots of the covert narc reactions, so will try when this happens, just need to work on how to stay ‘calm’, I get so uncomfortable. SO much easier said than done. Just the other day , my child was in the hospital and of course staying there with my child & dealing with all the emotions of my child’s disorder, hospital, etc, my mom came to bring lunch for us, had trouble figuring out parking so made a big ‘to do’ about her dealing with that, then I met her in the lobby to escort to the hospital room, she looks at me and says ‘You look awful!’ , I wasn’t prepared with this video, so when I gave her some ‘wow (!)’ reaction she kept doubling and tripling down. She hasn’t acknowledged me since, both her & my dad since I called my dad to tell him how hurtful that was, they both are now not calling me, they’re playing victim. Makes me sad how they act like little kids with zero self-reflection & so much hypocrisy.

[@nanapoppi3]

Passive aggressive people love to control situations with shaming and guilt. The longer you practice self esteem the easier it will get and the stronger you will be. It takes time so be patient with yourself.

[@eileenvannurden1343]

My sister disrespects me all the time to others..really hurtful. I’ve cut her out of my life many times. Recently got a text not meant for me of her calling me a liar. I asked her why are you so hateful and that hurt. She got all apologetic, but I know she’s still two faced.

[@barbaracrook5492]

Ditto. I have a jealous, narcissistic sister just like this. I keep her away from myself and my children

[@emesezitasomoskeri1876]

Congratulations for your book, I can wait for the audio version of it. Thank you Jefferson,sending you my gratitude

[@LaoSoftware]

Audio book is perfect. You can listen to them during your commute to work. I listen to them during my long flight to Laos. My one month vacation there.

[@ChokePointMoments]

OMG! I made someone say it again and it was like they hit a brick wall. They couldn’t say it a second time. Pre-ordering your book now!!!!

[@bertartin532]

Today i had to go to court and represent myself. I used some of your suggestions. It help me not be nervous by being prepared. It was landlord issue. The Texas laws typically side with the landlord; its cut and dry. I had to deal with a controlling passive aggressive landlord manager. She insulted me over the phone this morning and I had to bring that up. I just saw your message on how to deal with insults so Ill use that next time. Ive been recommending you to my friends who deal with work issues that can use your advice. I appreciate all the feedback and videos. I don't know how you do it all and keeping it going. Ill definitely look into your book. Thank You. Albert

[@brokerjenn1]

Many many thanks to you! This is the very root of ALL issues daily. So helpful, So thankful!🎃

[@amagnificentmess5743]

Great advice. In June a friend had made a comment that I perceived was putting me down,. I said to her, "when you make this comment, I question your intent." I said I didn't understand why she would make a comment like xxx when I gave two examples in relations to a comment of a 3rd person --all sitting at lunch. I told her comment was irrelevant to my examples, and that she had repeated what the 3rd person had said. She back peddled and said that she was agreeing w/ me. I said, if you were agreeing w/ me, you would have said, initially that you agreed w/ my examples etc., instead you said xxx. I like the idea of asking them to repeat what they said, but if they change the wording then it goes into this is what I heard you say. I like asking them to repeat their negative comment, so they can hear it more consciously, bc at times people make comments habitually and don't realize they are saying something negative. It's good to call the out on it to let them know that we don't appreciate it and we maintain our integrity.

[@marilynbrown5274]

Bulleyes! Perfect .

[@slowlyweather]

Congratulations on your new book 🎉

[@zjedinite]

Man life is funny! I became a stay home dad of a boy and girl at age 7 & 5. I raised my kids to be kind, understanding of others needs and given the world we live in I put extra emphasis on teaching my daughter to never do anything she’s not comfortable doing, never to back down, to be a strong and independent woman. Now she’s 15 and I’m literally watching all your videos bc I’m sick and tired of the constant disrespect. I swear if she was a man I’ve would have punched him in the face a long time ago. When younger I always said “she would make a great lawyer” I need to bring her back to reality before I lose her. I went from being a contractor to raising my kids, ladies! By far you have the tougher job. I tip my hat to anyone raising good kids. Swinging a hammer is FUN compared to staying home. Everyone around us thinks they are such angels, my son has literally become the moral compass of our household, but my daughter. Honor classes, always on top of her class. She is a cheerleader and she plays for the town symphony. I’m not talking about HS band, she plays with professional. She’s the only HS student with such privilege. But god dam! She is killing me! I’m going to try these tactics, there are days she literally breaks me into 1000 pieces 😞

[@ericacvl2697]

I learn a lot with you. English is not my first language and I didn't know what belittle mean. Now I do and how to respond to it. Thank you!😊

[@user-ov4wr5yu4r]

Keep on going. 💪 You're doing great. 🌟

[@ciannenewborn564]

Belittle is try to make you feel less, with insult, sometimes very sly..

[@Tutume1111]

I think for us no natives can be even harder to navigate cultural differences and set boundaries in English that gains respect

[@janerasimmons3445]

We would never know from your post. Your English is great!

[@bremnet1812]

Shared this with my teen who is having an issue with a couple of classmates given my teen a hard time in class at high school.

[@tracyjohnson2899]

This podcast came just in time! Tomorrow I’m going to stay with my brother. Almost every time I spend a few days with him, he finds an opportunity to say, “You’re always late.” But I’m not. I’ll be ready for him this time!

[@hopper8571]

Let us know how it goes!!!! I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you if you can!

[@softsophisticate]

How did your visit go? What was your comeback? If I was genuinely not late. I would say: I think you need to fix your watch. It is obviously broken. Or............... "Ok, so which time zone am I late in? Cos in mine I'm on time. And in some time zones, I'm actually really early. :)

[@Maryculligan]

Silence is the best for me.

[@robinsmith4499]

Grateful for your knowledge. My granddaughter is bullied by the cool girls ( mean girls) at school. She returns to the group after being verbally abused. I asked Maddy why she doesn’t walk away. Answers: there are two girls who are okay, I think they need me. I was proud of her, but I hurt because of the situation. I wish she would walk away. It’s not going to happen, because she with the popular girls. Same problem decade after decade.

[@evbemma33]

It is always very dufficult and take long time or strategy to leave toxic job or relationship or group

[@edrathephoenix]

Your granddaughter is compassionate. Like you, I hope she walks away, too, because she cannot rescue the two girls she likes. Only they can learn this lesson for themselves and walk away on their own.

[@bex438]

Hey Jefferson, thank you so much for sharing these tools. As someone who has been bullied for most of my 50 years of life and had numerous belittling comments, I wish I had had the right words, but I have them now so thank you ❤️

[@HollyDykes-hh7cl]

I so appreciate ALL your content and i can hear you clearly.

[@BOOMNERD51]

Thanks, Jefferson! Great advice! I grew up shy, but in college effected a self-deprecating humorous attempt to shield myself while trying to befriend fellow students. This often works well, until someone realizes they can agree with my attempts to laugh at myself ingeniously, by laughing at me. Then, my shy sensitive core felt busted, and I'd do exactly what you don't recommend, laugh it off, or privately feel betrayed. I'd embraced people-pleasing at risk of my own integrity. Now I'm 73, and just learning that I can change through communication skills! I can learn a lot here!

[@eleanormartin6923]

Jefferson, the book will be a number one seller. Congratulations!!!😘😘😘 Communication is the world’s biggest issue. How smart of you to attack and master this subject. Such a necessary one to focus on. I listen every day to your podcast. I just love it.❤

[@carolshafer5931]

Me too !!!

[@janerasimmons3445]

It absolutely will be!!

[@jodiburnett6211]

Having your solid advice in my pocket is life saving. ❤🙏🏽

[@sarihfahrner1765]

Yes! right there with you!!!!

[@marianne1959]

I will say im 65 and learned this long ago ..and it not only works, its served me well. I keep my integrity and enjoy stopping bullying in its tracks. Sharing this with my son who is highly sensitive to others negative comments....you artivulate the strategy so well! ❤

[@coffeek2440]

I wish I would have had this knowledge before I quit my job. I guess it’s ok though because they can’t do this to me any more. Thank you for this instruction on how to handel this situation. MUCH appreciated!! 🙂

[@joannguzzo185]

It's good to know that I am doing something correct; when I'm up against a situation like this I usually turn and walk away in silence because I know that I do not have to respond to disrespect & this type of behavior...

[@johnparnell8571]

Great talk Jefferson. If there are others in the room when a belittling comment is directed at me, another approach might be to say: 'In case they didn't all hear it, would you like to repeat what you just said to me?' If they do repeat it, just let the power of complete silence hang.

[@dudewhathappenedtomycountr9099]

Good in theory, but usually the people in the room are just as bad as the offender. I wish he'd address what to do then.

[@KDcat4292]

I binge watched a bunch of your videos in preparation for facing my ex in custody court. First test drive I did was the question of intent. “Was it your intent to make me feel ignored?” I’d been waiting a month, yet that question inspired a call within the hour.

[@CC..Jeremiah9_24]

This is such great advice, thank you. I’m going to listen again to get it to stick in my head. I don’t like reacting, it does me no good, and I don’t like the person it makes me feel and look like.

[@kastlecardon3639]

You don’t need a studio! Less is more! You’re doing great! Most people listen instead of watching while walking cleaning and getting things done. ❤

[@Snapsta123]

PURE GOLD! Thank you!

[@Jim-xg7mx]

Hi Jefferson, I run 4 residential estates, and so deal with contrary people every day. At 65 yrs old, I find your input valuable. Your points are always relevant, and give me a refreshing alternative. Best of British with your book

[@karenhenry518]

Pre Ordered the audio book! I am Very excited. Well done and Thanks Jefferson! not only do I communicate less emotionally but also get less emotional about things in not taking things so personally!

[@jeffersonfisher]

Thank you so much for pre-ordering. I think you’re going to love it.

[@JJones.SideKick]

Jefferson, I so appreciate you and your communication skills. Thank you for sharing this gift that you have. More importantly, thank you for being a man of integrity and goodness of heart. You are a breath of fresh air in the world today. Thank you for having the courage to let your light, gentleness, and kindness shine for all to see. Please thank your parents for modeling tact and kindness in their communications as you grew up, so you saw what that goodness looks like in reality. I am grateful for you and them. God bless you and your family, Jefferson!!!!!!!

[@saradeluca4966]

Congratulations 🎉 I have pre ordered your book. Can't wait till it comes out in March. You're simply amazing 😊