What To Say When Someone Dies

[@rachelfaith9169]

My Dad passed away last year and my siblings didn’t want my mom’s family to know (they were divorced and they were jealous of my dad’s fortune). Well it still pains me that only a handful of people knew and we received just 3 condolence cards. No real closure or support. 😞 His neighbor cried when she found out and she gave us a card, flowers and wrote a favorite memory about an interaction with him and her son which made her son look up to my dad.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Dianna IsMyName. what a kind gesture from your neighbor. I hope you get more support.

[@christinalw19]

A Real person with empathy. 🙏🏼😢

[@miffedcuttlefish6139]

I tell people that "there's nothing i can say that will make you feel better, but if you need a shoulder, mine is wider than it looks."

[@Ikono3]

Look at me I couldn’t say that.

[@Ikono3]

@@shirleysmith6131 I don’t think it’s great it’s too much.

[@miffedcuttlefish6139]

@@Ikono3 it's incredible how you could turn a metaphor for comforting another and being there for someone into something to be offended by, but I suppose it's not surprising in current year. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Stay mad, or change it, I honestly couldn't care less.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I love it!

[@mariee.5912]

That's kind.

[@ELITEGAMER98.]

I've recently lost 2 uncles on different sides of the family within 14 days i definitely needed this video.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Wow! I am so sorry. That must be tough for your family. I hope you are there for one another.

[@littlewing4065]

I feel I need to let you know that I personally met and worked with your son after losing my own son who passed near the same age. Ironically they shared the same name.. Your son was so kind and allowed me to just talk which I needed to, be angry, vent and sometimes cry with no judgement or advice. I just needed to express even the ugliest feelings I struggled with towards God. He went out of his way to not only listen with empathy but then went one night to help me clean my son's grave and then had your talented daughter do a drawing of my son from a photo, which he and his sweet wife presented to me, something I will forever cherish. I will never forget his beautiful and loving support he gave and didn't need to do. I commend you and your sweet wife for raising such an exceptional young man. I realize now that God knew I hated Him at that moment so He sent a piece of Himself in your son. It took me a while but I eventually made my peace with my creator.. Thank you for all you do Dr. Paul. 🙏

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

LAbrat, thank you so much for sharing this sweet feedback. I remember my son coming to me several times during that period wondering how he could best support you as a friend. He is a good man with an even better heart. My daughter's gifts have touched many hearts and lives as well. As I read your comment it warms my heart and reminds me that my own kids are really God's kids and merely on loan to me for a time. You have reminded me once again why I do what I do. Thank you!

[@littlewing4065]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV ❤

[@jenniferminzey23]

Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate your helpful insights into this very sensitive situation.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Jennifer Milhoan, you are welcome.

[@mereiriz]

I lost a baby, and the absolute worst was to hear “it’s okay, you’ll have other babies, God needed a little angel.”

[@mariee.5912]

Omg, I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. People think they're comforting you, but looking for the other side it's painful.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

That is a huge loss. I am so sorry.

[@saragraysonruiz2451]

Thank you. In a very sad situation like this, your respectful suggestions are very considerated.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You're very welcome

[@kaymack5304]

You are such a blessing to so many. Thank you for all you do. I just started your book Pathologically Positive and am enjoying it immensely.

[@pricediver]

yeah i agree this channel has changed my life.....

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you, Kay Mack.

[@christinalw19]

I remember when my poor Dad committed suicide in 1973. I have been missing him so much lately, and I am 70 now. My cousin John has been the only one who expressed sincere condolences. He is a worthy friend and relative. 🙏🏼😘❤️

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

So glad you have John. So glad we are understanding death through suicide better these days.

[@AishaMBudgets]

The present, perfect tense is really useful! Thank you so much for that.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Aisha M, you are welcome.

[@LeahTackles]

The present tense is so helpful. I just heard this within the past year and I’ve already found it helpful. Thank you

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are welcome. Glad you are here at the channel.

[@NC-gm2lb]

Will you do a more detailed video on this topic and/or one on children who are grieving?

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

N C, I will add it to the topic list.

[@arielmaxwell6320]

I'm kicking myself for not watching this yesterday when it popped up. Last night I went to a church activity a lady told me her son died a few months ago and I said the two things I shouldn't have, I'm sorry for your loss and how did he die. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Ariel Maxwell, when we know better, we do better. Hopefully you can send her a nice note or follow up with some flowers.

[@fiat3879]

This is very helpful! Thank you! God Bless you✝️

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are welcome.

[@natalianegritto]

Dr. Paul you crack me up! When you go into the role playing - such a serious matter but funny and so real world.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you.

[@lovetheoutdoors2]

Thank you. Very helpful! Much love and peace.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you!

[@katiec6828]

Man I wish I had seen this video a week ago when I went out of town for my uncles funeral. Very helpful tips. I was in the category of not saying much because I didn't want to say the wrong thing

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Katie C, I wish your family healing.

[@katiec6828]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you

[@angelyhazecaturay7662]

Sir does ur channel happens to have something to say for little children when someone dies too? And thank you for this video. It’s really helpful

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I thought we did a video on this, but I can't find it. If anyone comes across it, please let me know.

[@lucrecia0005]

Thank you for this video! I agree with a lot of what you say. I lost my mother in April and I hear often words like 'How are you?' I know they come from good intentions but... isn't it obvious how someone who lost a loved one can feel? I agree that a simple 'I'm sorry for your loss' is really powerful and there is no need to continue on it with 'that's so terrible' etc. I remember some people said this to me and I started to feel even worse because I didn't know what to respond to this and I felt confused.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish you the best.

[@Ikono3]

It happened to me a week ago and I didn’t say anything, your video confirmed that I should have said something. I almost said “how are you?” but I did not.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Melanie, sometimes we are unsure. You will know for the future.

[@sarac.3259]

Paul, thank you for this. I vividly remember two colleagues' different reactions when a parent died (prefer not to say which of them) very suddenly in the 1990s, and I had been with the company about six weeks. One (the company CEO/owner) said, "Do whatever you need to: if you feel like doing some work that s fine, if not that s fine too"; a director, who I spoke to every day, said nothing at all, presumably because he had no idea what to say. So I think this is really helpful. Thank you!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Sara C., it is tough when we don't know the person very well. Glad the video is helpful.

[@treefrog0826]

I tell people this " I'm sorry about ??? And I know when somebody ends up leaving us it's always really sad but at least we know where they went

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

David Bowman, empathy always works.

[@natalianegritto]

I wish you were my parents 🥲 why didn’t anyone ever teach me this? I needed this!! I always say the wrong weird creepy thing around death. It affects me so much that once I even went blind for a whole night after the funeral of a 4 year twin old from our church that died in a house fire. When I lost my significant other, I hated everyone’s words- rejected everyone. Complicated grief, quite pathological 🤭. Which made my death related interactions even more awkward.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am glad our paths crossed here at KZbin. Grief hits us in unexpected ways.

[@katc9405]

Thank you . The present, perfect tense is especially helpful. I have come across a co-worker who absolutely do not want to bring up their recently deceased loved one. Like he's still alive. It is so uncomfortable to be around them when they act like everything is perfectly fine. But it isn't fine with them because they don't want to acknowledge it. I don't expect them to talk about it with everyone... But not to acknowledge it is something else entirely. poor thing.

[@ratty5]

Denial is a step in the grieving process. Nobody wants to feel the pain of loss. They might run away from it for awhile but it’s going to catch up one day. That’s when caring people like you come in to help pick up the pieces. Hope it all works out for you and your coworker.

[@Davidjune1970]

Some people grieve with a select group or by themselves and do not open that door in front of others. This is especially true for men as there is a lot of social pressure to be stoic. The reality is coworkers are often not in the inner circle for getting moral support, especially for men who try to keep a workplace/personal life barrier. Anyway just understand that how they behave at work is not a reflection of their sum of the grief they are under. Only that they are using work to function and the other part is handled outside of work.

[@painteroflove]

@@Davidjune1970 Women too! Plus, if the other people say "something/anything" then WE (the ones with a deceased loved-one) have to "respond" to what they said, etc. It seems perfectly FINE to not "go-there" especially at work. Your comments about people "sharing" only with a few special few is on-target.

[@Julia-kimbo14]

Well i remember when my dad died, when i went to work i hadnt forgotten he had died, but i could put my grief and hurt and pain down for a while, and be around people who maybe didnt know of my loss, but also people who wernt grieving his death. So maybe this lady wants time to process how she feels and what needs doing regarding his affairs. At home she may have others she has to be there for, or has the loneliness and the full on grief to bear.

[@abdiea4821]

I would not share with a coworker anything about the passing of a loved one, and perhaps work would be my "safe space" where my mind was off the passing and would behave completely normal. Please do not pressure your coworker into talking about their loved one.

[@songbird5266]

Thank you.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are welcome.

[@niu745]

Thank you for sharing this video. Your words are very comforting :)

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are very welcome.

[@niu745]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV keep doing what you are doing. Your touching lives!

[@sheenaverghisjoshy]

Thanks for these very practical tips.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Glad you like them!

[@freedbyhisgrace9075]

My son passed away suddenly in May this year. It was very hard for all of us, and for me most of it was very surreal. He was rushed to the hospital in the early hours of a Saturday morning, and died late Sunday night. It was so unexpected and devastating. The funeral home was where the reality of it all hit, though. There were so many people, and we were all just kind of milling around and hanging in small groups. I really didn't know most of the people there, and wasn't interested in striking up a chat with anyone except within my own family. I do think what gets said by others, will largely depend on the circumstances of the death. The suddenness of my son's death left no time to reflect on anything. I kinda felt sorry for everyone, because we all seemed a little lost, and no words could have remedied that. The one take away I had after we all left the funeral home that night, was that all of the people that came, knew and loved my son. That alone, spoke volumes.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am so sorry for your son's death. It sounds devastating. Just remember you are never wrong about how you feel and I hope you are able to grieve.

[@freedbyhisgrace9075]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV -Thank you for your kind response. I did think your video was very helpful and thank you for making it. Many of the comments were very helpful as well.

[@nicolehaley5475]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. It seems like he touched many lives 🙏🏼

[@freedbyhisgrace9075]

@@nicolehaley5475 -Thank you :)

[@strawberryme08]

We need this more now than ever. Deaths are picking up!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

TinaMfam, it will hit us all eventually.

[@En_theo]

Can you make a whole video about how to explain death to kids please ? Do we need to give them the "paradise" explanation until they're big enough to make their own decisions ?

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

En theo, I will think about it. There are so many beliefs and not sure if that is wise.

[@christinas6528]

Thank you!!

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

You are welcome, Christina S

[@baetheistbaetheist2593]

Thanks for making this i just had a death in my extended family

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

I am sorry. Glad it is helpful.

[@rachelrose20]

Thank you, thank you 🙏 xxx

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Rachel Rose, you are welcome.

[@chrisoulalakkas7935]

The older i get, the more i learn that some people are not good for me no matter how much i care for them.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Sounds like you are learning about what really matters in life.

[@findideaaboutphotography1364]

The fact i don't feel the same emotion but i want to pretend that I feel makes it worse

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

FIND IDEA ABOUT PHOTOGRAPHY, I always say you are never wrong about how you feel. There are reasons for how you feel.

[@dinero1169]

My wife and I had many....many miscarriages, my favorite thing ( NOT) people have said is " Well at least you get to try again, right?😁" 😐😔

[@dinero1169]

@@NC-gm2lb Thank you. Some people don't know but if you click his little picture you will go to his channel. You don't have to but we are wrapping up our small break and going to be doing more fun videos again. Have a wonderful day.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Yikes, that is not helpful.

[@alidexer4785]

Good nice joob good 😌 good bro bro peye good 😌 I hope your day will have to do good 👍 I just want you to know I will see what happens

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thank you.

[@Ikono3]

How did she die 😂

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Thanks for watching.

[@sandywhat2429]

That's not true, there's plenty of wrong things ppl say.

[@LiveOnPurposeTV]

Could be. Sometimes we need to think about the intent.

[@sandywhat2429]

@@LiveOnPurposeTV always.