What Writers Get Wrong About Story - Jeffrey Davis and Peter Desberg

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Peter Desberg is professor emeritus at California State University, Dominguez Hills, and recipient of the Distinguished Teaching Award and Outstanding Professor Award. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the area of stage fright and performance anxiety. The author of 23 books, he has been quoted by such publications as The Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today and The New York Times, and has consulted for companies including Apple, Boeing and Toyota in the areas of pitching and persuasion, corporate presentations, and using storytelling and humor in business presentations.
Jeffrey Davis is a professor of screenwriting at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles, and served from 2009-2019 as the department chair. Davis has also written and produced trade shows for Dick Clark Productions and counted among his advertising clients Dell Computers, Toyota of America and Honda. His has more than 30 credits to his name, including Night Court, Remington Steele, and documentaries for A&E, Discovery, and The History Channel. As a consultant, his areas have also included writing, pitching, and employing storytelling and humor in business presentations.
MORE VIDEOS WITH JEFFREY DAVIS and PETER DESBERG
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[@filmcourage]

More bad movie pitches - bit.ly/3VskEJ2

[@cruxofthecookie]

Peter: "A conflict is different than a problem". _Amen._

[@entrepreneurialtv937]

Difference Between Conflict and Problem Entrepreneurial TV In storytelling terms, what's difference between, conflict and problem In storytelling, conflict refers to the struggle or opposing forces that drive the plot of a story. It is what creates tension and moves the story forward. Conflict can take many forms, such as character vs. character, character vs. nature, or character vs. society. A problem, on the other hand, is a specific issue or obstacle that a character faces. A problem can be a source of conflict, but it does not have to be. A character may face a problem that they are able to solve without much difficulty, or the problem may not be central to the plot of the story. To summarize, conflict is the overarching struggle that drives the plot of a story, while a problem is a specific issue or obstacle that a character may face.

[@Lilitha11]

The pickle story actually reminds me of Harold & Kumar go to white castle, which is literally just 'some guys are hungry and want to get a burger, so try to go to white castle and stuff gets in their way'. So you actually can flesh the stories out and make them a lot better than the initial pitch sounds.

[@EddieCaplan]

Take a look at this description of H&K from IMDB: "A Korean-American office worker and his Indian-American stoner friend embark on a quest to satisfy their desire for White Castle burgers." This description tells us about the characters and their goal. The pickle pitch tells us neither. The pickle jar is an obstacle, but is it the goal?

[@sun018]

You guys had me burst out laughing on the deliberately bad pitch! 🤣 I really like your style and teaching, thank you and thanks for (good) scripts 🙂

[@12thDecember]

Thanks for sharing your insights. One quibble about that Samurai fly pitch: there's no such thing as an "ex" Vietnam veteran. If you're a veteran, you're a veteran forever. There's always that one nitpicky detail in a movie or book that makes you say, "Wait. What?"

[@shareekwillis2799]

Word to live by. Conflict is not the same thing as a problem.

[@rociomiranda5684]

The Ana story actually happened at my workplace. Not in the USA, by the way. Our Ana was bullied into a nervous breakdown by two senior employees.

[@AndreaClinton]

That happens all too often.

[@hiplessboy]

Oh I just love hanging out with these two dudes!

[@yasumotonoboru]

Jeffrey Davis being so intrigued by "getting superpowers from a fly" clearly shows that he has never heard of Spiderman.

[@bandanadan5928]

I imagined the pickle story as a silence animated short

[@DominickvdHoff]

The one that goes back in time sounds kinda cool, even if there are no direct connections you might catch a through-line or a theme

[@homeirasoufi7565]

Very helpful , As always I enjoy and learned a lot.

[@filmcourage]

Cheers!

[@scottbowers9061]

Now I know where my blue specs went! Great episode as always.

[@sun018]

Ps wish these guys did more video's, really enjoyable and great teaching thank you 🙂🎄

[@filmcourage]

Here are our previous videos with Jeffrey and Peter - bit.ly/3WHzso8

[@sun018]

@@filmcourage Thank you so much bless you 😇🎄❣

[@dreamcatcher5502]

One word shoots all this down... SEINFELD !!! 😂

[@MichaelChin1994]

How so?

[@Mu_76388]

I won't lie, I would go and see "Samurai Fly" hahahah.

[@recoveringintrovert717]

Very much the same vibe as Cocaine Bear

[@andressantamaria2987]

Thank you as always for the amazing content!

[@filmcourage]

Glad you enjoy it!

[@lorenzo3507]

¡Feliz navidad al mejor canal de storytelling! 👏👏👏👏

[@mohanedmohamed6738]

the jar pitch needs more but it can work i guess. lets say that instead of a guy who can't open a jar a big store holds a jar competition and there is a jar that the one who opens it wins "like arthur and Excalibur" and we get to know through a flashback why the competitors are there and why each one of them needs the win and how some of them interact with each other in the competition. it might work and it might not work but lets try to give the idea a chance no matter how weird the idea is.

[@kb2vca]

Great point - but that was their implied critique - there was no story. Your set up IS the basis for a story - and perhaps , then, the stakes are much higher than a character simply wanting to open a jar...

[@mohanedmohamed6738]

@@kb2vca i agree with you completely and their critique is absolutely right..... all i am saying is they need to give an example because all of us are still knew to this. so by giving an example it will be easier to digest and more understandable "atleast for me". but i do agree with you and with them. also i wrote this as an exercise.

[@recoveringintrovert717]

I more conceptualized that the jar of pickles represents some emotion he's repressing, and each person he comes across teaches him something about what he needs to learn to open up to people. Then he gets to the girl, who is also struggling with the jam. He reiterates his lessons to her, and she gives him the final piece that opens both their jars. Then they can both go home, but they choose to sit down and watch a movie together instead, having learned to open up to people. The end

[@mohanedmohamed6738]

@@recoveringintrovert717 yeah that also can work .... that's what i am really asking for what can we do with an idea that is still in the early concept stage not just there is no conflict ..... it there is no conflict lets try and find one. lets embrace the weirdness.

[@recoveringintrovert717]

@@mohanedmohamed6738 exactly :) I love weird stories

[@filmcourage]

Which of these 3 pitches did you enjoy the most?

[@joemorgenstern9846]

All three because they highlighted fundamentals of a good story.

[@PerpetualBass]

I liked Peter

[@user-vw6xp5nl6t]

I’m in love with the jelly jar girl

[@Ruylopez778]

We need to make it a non-linear vignette, culminating in the vet samurai fly opening the pickle jar. Working title; PULP PICKLE.

[@thomaswolf6645]

These guys have no vision. They praise TV for taking risks and then bail on that last script, which was kick ass.

[@andressantamaria2987]

what's kick ass about it?

[@ArgaAditya]

Couldn't agree more. Even the jar man and jar lady is really awesome idea for short comedy, or even feature film.

[@BionicDance]

"Alara, you wanna open this jar of pickles for me?"

[@kb2vca]

Interestingly, and this was not anything made explicit, the story that Jeffrey Davis told that showed him the difference between an "incident" and a story: The king Died. The queen died AND The King died. The queen died of grief. In my opinion, it's not so much the simple inclusion of grief being introduced, but the implied idea that the queen's death was CAUSED by the king's death. THAT is the essence of a story: every element is caused by actors' actions and the viewer/reader and the protagonist needs to be aware of actions and their consequences so that they can respond to them or pre-empt them. Events that merely follow in time are episodes. Episodes are not stories.Events that occur because of - and which then have an impact on the protagonist are what make the story.

[@WanderingWeirdly]

5:00 Maybe, much like a fly, he now has about 24 hours to live and use his newfound powers, which puts a ticking clock on him achieving his goals?

[@trinelangohr6661]

Hm, the "jar of pickles" might not carry a movie, but it could make a nice music video.

[@TheHerakin]

Will my book jbe rejected because the first chapter (1900 words) is a flash back (in media res)? How can I be sure of this? Thank you

[@SDW90808]

These guys are great.

[@dreamcatcher5502]

I feel like I'm really missing out by not knowing about the Apple watch story. Can someone share a link ? 😁

[@shaccooper]

You get superpowers from a fly “Peter?”

[@Zebred2001]

Are these really the best examples they could have come up with? These pitches are so terrible that no comment is necessary. So bad that some Hollywood hack producer will probably green light them!

[@wexwuthor1776]

Merry Christmas Film Courage!

[@filmcourage]

Merry Christmas!

[@AndreaClinton]

That was too much on the main character (MC). You dont wanna make your audience work & you dont wanna ask too much of your audience. If he a cop who gained super powers from a fly, great. Now he can stop the bad guys without working so hard. If he's a Vietnam vet who became a cop, he's already a hero, does he need those powers? What if he's a cop who was a Vietnam vet bit we dont know except that there's a picture on his mantle? That can fly (play on words). But if we want to show all this, where is the story?

[@grantgreyguda]

👍 👍

[@blueshattrick]

But Sauron IS a villain

[@WizardImp]

It COULD be a movie. It's not about pickles and jelly. Main character's crazy, right? What kind of crazy? What adventures do they get in? The female character... that's the sub-plot, right? What's driving HER? And what's the deal with these impregnable fucking jars?! Sounds a bit like After Hours meets Falling Down. Just not a great pitch, that's all....

[@Tomer_007]

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