when curating your life becomes a trap

[@Letty4]

I'm a dog walker/pet sitter who lives & works in a upper middle class area and no one's home is aestheticly-curated like influencer videos. It's nice to see that we're all using mismatched towels or have a weird little table that doesn't quite fit the room.

[@osteophagus]

Same! The only perfectly curated spaces were in the very wealthy homes that had more "show" areas. But the places they actually loved looked very much like everyone else's homes.

[@maddie8415]

My reaction to this whole discussion is that I find it really amazing how normalized it has become for average people to be so serious and obsessive about everyday things. In the recent past terms like "aesthetics" and "curation" were only really used when having a serious discussion about a form of art. I'm not saying that it's not okay that people use those terms so casually now, but I certainly notice that the ideas of curating and aesthetics are making people overconsume in a big way because they feel like their lives and the things they own are never "enough". That just keeps us broke, unhappy, and doing things that harm the environment and vulnerable people.

[@philhagls4276]

@@maddie8415 exactly it seems so exhausting to have to think that everything you buy and do has to be „curated“

[@maddie8415]

@@philhagls4276 Yes! Especially when the things you already have serve the purpose intended. The fact that people agonize over things like bath towels matching each other and fitting a certain "aesthetic" seems like such a pointless waste of money and energy. It really is just a way to get people to spend more money replacing perfectly good things.

[@belindagritter1572]

It's because we are constantly being presented with ideal situations everywhere we look whether on TV or on social media. Everyone looks like they are living a perfect life in a perfectly decorated home. That's all we see so our brain begins to believe that's what is expected of us. You are so correct about the use of the word curation being used only for art until recently. Now it's a buzzword.

[@maddie8415]

@@belindagritter1572 Yes, I think at the end of the day people are seeing more of fake things online presented as "real life" than actual real life. It's mostly just a way to manipulate us into buying things we wouldn't have otherwise. I guess it's a tale as old as time for people to be convincing us to do things that benefit them and hurt ourselves. The only way to take our power back is to be honest with ourselves about what's happening and resist it.

[@Sandilini]

There is definitely a trap. “Minimize/curate for a more simple and happy life. Have more time to enjoy the things you love”. But then you end up spending all of your time thinking about how to make your life better instead of living said life and it becomes a distracting obsession. This has happened to me on multiple occasions. I’m particularly vulnerable because I have a perfectionist personality type. For example, I may obsess over trying to find the perfect bag for x use case while my husband may be perfectly content toting things around in a grocery sack. It’s like productivity. So many of us fall down influencer rabbit holes and try to optimize our workflows and tools, but with all of that time we could have just done the thing.

[@bugaboo_daisy9000]

You are spot on

[@M_SC]

10 or more years ago I was in minimalist groups on Facebook. And when some people discovered capsule wardrobes they wanted to talk about buying things. I was so confused. I tried to explain that it means getting rid of everything but a few things that all went together. But they thought they had to buy special capsule clothing. It was mind boggling. The ways people can misunderstand things is astounding.

[@maddie8415]

I've found that most minimalist influnencers and pages are very caught up in the buy and declutter cycle. They talk about doing "ruthless" declutters (which often seem to involve being more wasteful than they need to be, or like you're going by someone else's rules). But they rarely address why people are so cluttered or what we can do to fix the actual problem of buying too much. I really think that the only way many of these minimalists feel they can stay relevant is to not truly help people solve the real problem.

[@shawnaripari]

i've also found this and stopped watching for this reason

[@serenaemary9573]

@@maddie8415 YES!!

[@MsSimpleMovies]

​@@maddie8415 Like the cash budgeters who buy ALL THE THINGS to "budget." Binders, special envelopes and labels changed on a whim or for the season, cash tray, binder charms, candles, bookends for the binders.... You can spend $2 for a box of envelopes, use half, stuff money in them and keep them stored in the same box. Some people are CONSUMING while cosplaying conservation.

[@crollo321]

I think it’s possible to curate a collection without decluttering or overspending. But that requires significant amounts of time, a lot of reflection, long term dedication to the one aesthetic, and using up or adapting what you already have first. It’s not going to happen for most people. It certainly won’t take place on the time scale of social media trends.

[@yuiopterw]

I curate my sim's lives. Works for me 😂

[@daphblue]

Tell me how 😂

[@DL-idk]

*proceed to create a new Stardew valley farm 😂

[@michi4277]

i do the same, but in Animal Crossing. if i feel tempted to buy/wear a certain outfit that doesn't reflect what's in my wardrobe, i do it there! i can also buy a ton of decor in that game without ever feeling bad because i didn't spend real money on it 😆

[@tinywalnut6337]

My style of curation IS mismatched items. Almost nothing in my home matches, except sort of incidentally, like the matching pair of bar stools I rescued from being thrown out by a fellow resident. Literally everything else is a unique piece, but the color theme and style is present throughout, which gives my place a really pleasant consistency.

[@M_SC]

❤ sounds wonderful. But I think a colour scheme makes it matched? I guess it depends on your definition

[@jennifersatelier1]

I love a mismatched "aesthetic"!! ❤❤❤

[@samisparkleheart]

Sounds like a harmonious living space with character and coziness

[@VDOVault]

It's called 'eclecticism' & if you love it & it works for you it is 100% fine.

[@SimplyKatieWalks]

Thank you, Shawna. Since my very first comment on your channel, ive struggled with building a wardrobe and a style. Ive got a style now (old lady sporty golfer, i absolutely love it)and a small wardrobe thats wearable. This video told me its ok, to just stop and wear it. My goal is to go one full year without adding anything. 🎉 I just noticed ive been a member for 8 months. My goodness your channel has grown so much in that time. And well deserved!🎉

[@shawnaripari]

thank you so much for all your support Katie, it's great to have you as a member of the community! I'm glad you took away such a positive message from this video too!

[@wafawaffles]

never been so early, thank you shawna for being my inspiration to declutter and do a no-buy challenge that’s been going strong 🥺

[@M_SC]

You don’t have to build a wardrobe or have a style at all, that’s an entertainment. It’s fine if you want to! But struggling is too much, entertainment is supposed to be fun. Old lady sporty golfer does sound fun.

[@brittanyreed6342]

@@shawnariparigreat videos I’m a new fan here (: I like the no buy idea, but to make it more practical any tips to fill that shopping hobby void ? Lmk thanks & great work!🎉❤🥰

[@ThoughtsonThoughtsandFeelings]

Congrats! ❤

[@caitlink83]

I briefly had a perfect capsule wardrobe. Then my body changed, I had a baby, my job changed, and even the amount of time I have to spend on laundry or shopping changed.

[@Nero-zq6ic]

Ive definitely done both extremes of over buying clothes to be "stylish" and over decluttering and rebuying things to be "minimalist". In the end it was the same trap of "looking the part". The constant overthinking just made me miserable.

[@palasiksivain]

one of the reasons i love your videos so much is that they allow me to see into the mind of someone with a more financially stable living situation that i grew up with. my family has always been on the poverty line, and so am i now as a disabled adult living on my own, that it's completely foreign to me to even think about buying more consumable goods like makeup before you run out of the stuff you currently have. because to me, i've never had any other choice than to BE intentional - otherwise we would have been homeless. the way finances and social classes shape our perceptions of life is astounding when you become aware of it.

[@serenaemary9573]

You're so right! A great topic on it's own.

[@DerpinaTheBrave]

I really do find that my curation of my personal aesthetic has helped me be a more conscious consumer in a few ways. I only wear specific colours so that already cuts out half the store and usually most "on trend" items. I have also started making my own clothes to fit my style and that has made me treasure my clothes a lot more, they are no longer disposable to me because I feel proud that I made them! But the third happy effect is that I consciously look for small businesses to support when I do want to buy something new. I shop online from small women owned stores a lot. Curation helped me cut away a lot of the misery buying I was doing. I'm currently considering another declutter but less because I want to fill my wardrobe up again and more because now I've really nailed down what clothes make me happy, I dont see a point in owning the clothes that make me less happy. My only thing I have to keep on the lookout for is continually adding new pieces just because my favourite seller has made a new piece. Im trying to stay in a happy place of respinsible consuming rather than just overconsuming inside my aesthetic lol

[@coolchameleon21]

same. it’s taken years, but i think i’ve found the style that i really like. i try to avoid buying trendy decor, and stick to things that i know i’ll like for a long time. if i do get bored of my decor, i try to make new things before buying. crochet, sewing, macrame, painting, etc. if i have to buy, i try to find things second hand first. i wish i was one of those people who enjoys living in a super minimalistic and neutral space, but i can’t do it. i need color and decorations or else i feel anxious

[@Shetooktothewoods]

@@coolchameleon21 I am a complete maximalist and something of a magpie when it comes to art and textiles. At this point, I have to be VERY selective about adding because any new item has to fit into the collection (aesthetically and actual wall space). Almost all of my art is secondhand, except a few pieces purchased from artists. Somehow, it all seems to flow.

[@emory5533]

I heard your voice in my mind yesterday... I almost bought a new desk for crafting, but then you "said" that a folding table would have more practical uses and would be easier to move ... 😂 Then I decided not to get it at all yet because money is tight and folding tables aren't going anywhere

[@shawnaripari]

i hope my voice was nice to you! This sounds like a win

[@k4nd1incyb3rsp4c3]

I also hear shawna's voice in my head when I'm tempted to buy something. She always gently says "stop for a second. Do we need this? Is it useful?"

[@sol.oriens]

@emory5533 I'm setting up a crafting area in my house and I've been tempted to just buy a new table too. But I have a desk that's going mostly unused right now so my Shawna voice told me to use it first. If I can't make it work after a few months of use, then I'll see what my options are. But first, we make do.

[@houseasyouseeit]

This explains a lot for me. I recently unfollowed a few minimalist/finance creators who seem to buy and buy and in this definition they are definitely curators! And they had influenced me into a similar bad cycle which I have battled and still battle with. It’s exhausting. The exhaustion comes from having to be constantly aware of ALL your rotating stuff (thrifting is not a help here because it’s still stuff.) And it’s so stressful that when I take a break the relief is palpable. That relief is what I try to grow, more time away from thinking of stuff and hence less purchases.

[@mharris3866]

This is me as well!

[@xHayleyT]

Yes! There totally is a way to curate sustainably, but we need to be conscious of actually being sustainable, not just buying and decluttering. In my life, I've seen people become interested in curating when moving out of their parents' houses or to college, because they don't have a lot of home goods at that point. There's a misconception that curation requires buying new, because they think that is the only way to find matching sets of things like dishes. I've found that secondhand stores and estate sales often have whole matching sets from people who have curated in the past. A great way to curate without buying new!

[@shawnaripari]

ohhhh buying sets from people is actually a great idea for specific items

[@standdownrobots_ihaveoldglory]

I used to read a lot of blogs about creating a capsule wardrobe. Yesterday I realized that, due to a huge change in my life coming up, I needed to reduce my wardrobe by about half, but only temporarily. I got out a notebook to start planning a capsule that could get me thru December, but then I decided to sort thru my clothes a bit first, get rid of the summery stuff & obvious things I won’t need. After I did that, I measured the width of all the hangers, checked to make sure it’ll fit in the new space, and boom, I was done. I wear mostly neutrals & easy-to-combine colors, my job requires biz casual & I only need a few truly professional outfits. I had been making it all very complicated, but faced with an absolutely insanely busy fall, the solution presented itself. I still have plenty of of clothes, no real need to get more complex and certainly no need to go buy anything. I ordered a 2nd pair of my magic pants (utility pants for outdoor work & foraging, but they are incredibly stain resistant, look like trousers & get compliments at work/when I’m out lol, and they are actually leggings cut from a fabric with structure so they look like real pants but pull on) in a different color, $25 comfy do-anything go-anywhere pants are worth their weight in gold (tractor equipment & supply is the best clothing retailer lol).

[@kannakanina6552]

This entire video puts words to the discomfort I feel about the modern trap of overconsumption due to exposure to curated social media culture. I see an image or get an impression of an influencer's home, makeup collection, or wardrobe and feel an impulse to compete... but it's just not sustainable to keep up with an ideal instead of actual needs. This video calmed the anxiety I have been feeling because I have the perspective to challenge the instinct to compete with curation culture. I can choose to consider being content with what I have and save my time and money for things I need. I want to shift my focus to having a realistic amount of items that I actually use and enjoy rather than making life an endless, emotionally and financially draining quest for perfection and improvement in my possessions.

[@Jasmin-uf4sj]

I'm so glad you talk about this because the concept of a curated collection bothers me so much. It sounds so intentional and luxurious (which is fine) but imo it leads to overspending. In this context I often see high end products that "earn their spot". In reality one can say I have a curated make-up and skincare collection but I just buy one or two thing of each (blush, serum, creme) use it til the end and decide if I buy it again. That's why I use the same cleaning gel since 5 years. It's cheap and works well.

[@shawnaripari]

hmmm this does make me wonder about a staple or core set of items vs a curated set of items. It is giving the impression of luxurious items or more expensie items being viewed as curated vs less expensive items being viewed as a staple routine. I guess this could be a matter of perspective. But, perhaps one is more inclined to view the expensive stuff through the lens of curation. Interesting thoughts

[@neurospicyrainbow]

My apartment used to be military housing when it was new. So I filled it with second hand leather furniture and rugs and it totally works with the “vibe.” My bedroom is decorated permanently tho as a “spa” aesthetic which I am perfectly happy with. If you’re a normal person, create a home rather than a house, but don’t “keep up with the kardashians/joneses” as that is the trap.

[@AbigailFaulkner-kv3ei]

Thank you - I needed this discussion. It amazes me how I can look around my very cute, very obviously "me" house and love what I see, but then I get online and start to feel like it's not quite right, or it's missing something, or it doesn't have a consistent "aesthetic." All bullshit. All manufactured by capitalism trying to separate me from my money by making me feel inadequate. Your content is armor for the fight. I appreciate it!

[@newhopemakes]

I really appreciate this discussion! Very thought provoking. I especially liked your mention of keeping mismatched things that have sentimental value. If you do that long enough - it becomes a curation of its own & a really unique personal style! I also like your point about how a "dream wardrobe" is not a static thing because bodies, circumstances, preferences, and styles evolve over time. I ran into this sewing my own clothes a few years ago... i really had a 'dream wardrobe' for the moment - but my life is completely different now (living in a different climate, different work environment, body has changed, relationship status changed, sense of self/style grew in a different direction etc...) Now I am back to just preferring shopping secondhand so everything is less precious and acknowledging that every so often I will resell stuff or otherwise let it go. Not endorsing the constant cycle of buying/decluttering... just giving myself permission to have changing tastes and needs over time.

[@tamiard2858]

For that perfect thing equals to “the hunt” to find it. Unfortunately, new items are always being launched. I play this game and it’s never ending. Great video!

[@JustToSaveYou]

A dream wardrobe is one where every piece fits comfortably.

[@carinahotzel4996]

​@@JustToSaveYou 💜 💯 correct

[@chloegantzel]

I recently fell into this trap!! Wanting fewer nicer things that reflect my more consistent lifelong preferences turned a little bit into an opportunity to buy stuff that I didn’t need and get rid of perfectly nice things. This video is very timely ! Luckily I caught on to myself before getting rid of a beloved purse in pursuit of the “perfect” leather tote.

[@TheMadameMiau]

During lockdown I got really into the idea of curating my surroundings. I think it was a coping mechanism to deal with the feeling of not having control over anything going on outside! I spent SO much time and money (and honestly, resources) and it was never enough. Right now I still have some leftover projects that are useful and bring me joy (like my spice rack), but I'm also letting go of the idea of perfection and it honestly has made my day-to-day SO much more peaceful 😭 Thank you for this video!

[@beethimbles8801]

I pointed out Stanley cup snack trays to my husband today at the shop. He thought it was hilariously funny in a sheer disbelief way! I thought he’d die from hysteria when I told him about the restocking my Stanley cup videos! Ah my sweet summer child, how innocent his world is!

[@rachael5025]

your vids have really helped me a lot for a few months now. i do indeed get stuck in the 'thrift things i need and declutter and thrift what i need' cycle. i am somewhat overwhelmed again by the amount of things i own but i realized that i have a lot of extra closet space. i can hide away some mugs and plates and other random things that feel like too much right now and put a reminder somewhere to go through it all in a couple months. i can cycle all my things like my clothes. i dont have to get rid of stuff, just trick my brain into being excited by simply owning it again!! and trick it into thinking i own less so i dont struggle to function via having to clean everything always. its in a closet not getting dirty its fine!

[@belindagritter1572]

When I think of curation I immediately think of a museum where the exhibits are carefully curated. Usually that doesn't mean that they are small but that they are always in search of something that fits into their curation. When I think of a curated wardrobe I think of culling down my wardrobe to my most worn things because too many things are just overwhelming. That's actually where I am right now and I am working on carefully curating what looks best on me from what I have. Same with makeup and nail polish. Get rid of what doesn't look the best and focus on the colors that work. Now, that being said, there may be a time and a place for a new product or two. As you said, styles change and sometimes it only takes one new item to update your wardrobe. Searching for the best available in the whole world is like chasing the wind. The best is only best right now. New products are being developed and brought to market all the time. I remember what we wore in the 1980's. Would not be caught dead in most of that stuff today. By keeping a carefully curated wardrobe that is not very large, it is possible to add a couple of things to improve it. No one wants to look dowdy so to ignore everything around you is not actually practical. I want less clothes. . . not so that I can buy more, but so that I can enjoy what I have. I did purchase a few things a few weeks ago and I considered each thing first and then purchased. Did I absolutely need these items? No. For sure but the new cabled vest goes with everything and that one item can change my existing clothing to give them a new fresh look. Ideally the art of curating anything is like putting things on a balance scale. Too much is always too much. Too much time and attention paid to looking for the latest and greatest tips the scales of the priorities of your like out of balance. A balanced life is a happy life. I have a friend who has spent a lifetime buying and decluttering and is addicted to shopping. Everything is always either coming or going. She is never satisfied. Balance your satisfaction or your will end up like her with all your money being spent and you don't even know on what. She actually said she had no idea where all her money went. That's not curation either. Taking care of the things you own is actually part of curation. After all, you bought it because you liked it. The appropriate time to start looking around for a new foundation or blush is when the one you are using is getting low. Curation properly done is being very, very selective and having the wisdom to know the time and the place to accept something new in and weed out something else. Crap! I cannot be brief.

[@mharris3866]

This discussion is what I needed. I've noticed the word "aesthetic" being used ALOT. Today was the first time I heard the word curate. I had to look up the definition and I am 43 lol. Curate- to select, organize. And OMG this word describes me. I never knew how to describe the way I function. But thank you for this video. I am adhd/bipolar and when manic I have a shopping addiction that's comes into play. When not manic adding to cart and logging off usually fixes that need to buy. For me I want most things to match and be aesthetic but once I am set in my mind how I want things I quickly become looking for the next best thing. The items that I have mismatched and never bothers me is towels, pots/pans, plates/cups and utensils. I love older items that have meaning or just vintage looking. I don't want the new Tupperware I want my childhood ones my.mpm had. (Thank you ebay for finding the perfect set) Shared this video to my sister because someone finally explained what I do and possible why. My sister and I are opposite. She is OCD and Adhd and I'm ADHD and have trouble with organizing and staying on task but when manic...I want to declutter everything and then I go to buying "new ideas". It is a revolving door for me. I'm hoping to beat this cycle and learn to enjoy what I have which will help me save money. Social media has made it difficult for me because everyone decorates seasonally and im.always trying to get the next cute decor then causing more clutter. I have told myself to stop buying mugs and blankets for each season. I have too many and it's overwhelming. I find myself doing this with clothes as well. I want my closet to look one way...but in reality I have dresses and my goth attire for nightlife and business casual for work..like I have to tell myself it's okay to have different styles. I just want to say I loved this video. I think I'm all over the place right now so I am ending my thoughts here lol. Adult adhd is hard!! That's why I makes notes on what I want to at least cover in my replies to videos.

[@RongRoseLiu]

You’re a very reflective person and have provoked some great food for thought for me 👏🏻

[@emileeshay5823]

For me right in this moment, I have to focus a lot on the things I already own. I have struggled with using shopping as a coping mechanism and it got very out of hand so thinking about what I do have keeps me focused on using what I currently have and realizing I don’t need more. It can be stressful sometimes but as the time has gone on it has made me more aware of my own habits, spending, and items to keep me aligned with my future self goals

[@mharris3866]

In the same boat!

[@90mama141]

I’ve been curating, but according to my lifestyle NOT aesthetics. So I love this video as a reminder that if I have towels, I don’t need more. I don’t need color coordinated bins because I have containers. I DO need to get rid of makeup, because it makes me break out. But I won’t be looking for a replacement. I am getting rid of clothes, because I live in the rural cold and a ton of fancy dresses doesn’t suit my needs. I will be getting some better boots and gloves, one of each, because my boots don’t fit my wide feet and my gloves are cute but don’t keep my hands warm. So I am curating, but hopefully the right way lol!

[@brygoatart]

Very wise insights here. As a recent first time homeowner, moving made me believe I needed to figure out how to perfectly design my rooms. I since gave up on that (cause money and time!!) but watching your content lately has helped my mindset so much. I’ve been in the process of decluttering my closet over the past few years too, and this reminder was important to make sure I’m only getting rid of the stuff I truly need to move on from. I should keep that shirt if I still like it and it fits, even if it isn’t as cohesive in the wardrobe “aesthetic”

[@tillywallenstein]

I really liked the concept of optimizing my belongings. I wanted to have just a few things but of good quality or functionality. Basically I wanted the best version of an item from a category, for example the backpack I liked the most of all backpacks there are. But now it just stresses me out. As Shawna said: Everything revolved around my stuff. And I was never satisfied because there´s always something better out there, right? Optimizing and perfecting things are too tiring for me. Life isn´t perfect, I´m not perfect at all, so why has my stuff to be perfect? I don´t want to put so much effort in perfection. I don´t want to feel the pressure of having to optimize everything around me all the time. I don´t want to be perfect, I just want to be.

[@anniecasts511]

Yay this video is just what I needed this afternoon. Love your longform videos on these subjects. Thank you!

[@isabellep6119]

Thank you so much for sharing. Recently figured out that I was getting exhausted from curating every aspect of my life. Totally agree with you, it can become a trap. What a waste of time and energy, and money too. I am getting my drugstore facial cleanser, as no one is going to care about the less than esthetic packaging. Curating for me was like I needed to present my life on IG, all the time. Very happy I just let go of it. ❤️

[@shawnaripari]

sometimes there is power and relief in just letting go

[@jenniskang9311]

the cycle of curation -> deficiency really opened my eyes, as someone who also has always had an appreciation for aesthetics and design, it's definitely a tough line to draw. when am I truly wanting to change/curate something in my life because it will bring me joy, and when am i just reaching for an arbitrary level of perfection that doesn't exist?

[@osteophagus]

As I've gotten older (I say as though im 70, im 30) I've realized comfort, practicality, and actual enjoyment of the items we have are most important to me. I personally live the eclectic maximalist look so i might be biased. But i found when i moved into my apartment and needed ceetain furniture i went to ghe local thrift store, bought what i liked and worked without a thought to how things would go together and it all worked out. And if something stands out as different its a thing i love so it feels like a fun statement piece rather than "ugh it doesnt match". I'm slowlt curating my slace. I want a certain vibe and look but the old stuff that doesnt currently match that vision is welcome to hang around until I happen to find those perfect pieces. People need to have patience too. The only people who can immediately perfectly put together a room are people with moneyyyy. The rest of us need time - often years to really build out our spaces to make them ours. Take the time to find good stuff you love and works fkr you.

[@belindagritter1572]

One more comment. My style can best be described as eclectic. Only the sofa and the chair in my living room were from the same collection. Everything else in my house was added piece by piece whether new or from an estate sale. Things don't have to be expensive. I try to get things that look good together. I've been married so long and am so old that it is rare that anything is added to my house. I like a house that looks like it is lived in and is welcoming to guests. I hear that often from people who visit. They say that my home is cozy (although not small) and when they come in they want to stay. I am the happiest when I hear that. I do have one set of matched towels in the guest bath but after the first person uses it, the rest are getting mix and match from the linen closet. I frequently have guests for several days at a time and everyone has enjoyed their visit. I think it's mostly about the company and the fun.

[@grotesia]

one of your best videos (at least from my perspective). thank you so much, i needed that

[@itscarolinemary]

love your pumpkin mug 🎃🍁🍂🧡 even though the topic is about curating and consumption hahah

[@bobbih2022]

I love this video and agree with most of it. I’ve noticed myself falling into this aesthetic trap. Curating and decluttering also gives a “fresh start” start effect which I’m a sucker for.

[@alisonsmith7162]

Always love the thoughtful insights you have on topics Shawna. I wonder if the desire to curate increases with increasing income? When my hubbie was our sole breadwinner we bought what we needed, and if there was extra money for extra 'wants' they were only from thrifting, garage sales or gifts given to us. I've enjoyed my variety of blue hues of towels from these sources for years, as a result. There was always the thrill of coming across say a blue towel if others were getting ratty, and I found one. I'd say we're pretty content. When I started working as the kids hit mid teens, knowing that I enjoy decor, I still stuck with previous ways of finding bits, and was intentional in keeping a limited colour palette, so curating. Being of an age (mid 50s) to be pretty sure of my main style of stuff I like means I don't follow purchasing trends. Thankfully I don't have to 'do' makeup, great clothes, hair or jewellery and our tastes in most things are basic. I'm very thankful when growing up that there wasn't the option to get everything I could ever want, let alone curate it. We didn't necessarily even know of extra stuff to want, or resulting FOMO till TV came along. Thus, one thing that would help would-be curators be more content and prolong their usage of their stuff, would be curating the sources of input that inform their desire for what they're trying to curate eg if one is into makeup, get off those tik tokkers until you've used up what you have. That's part of the intentionality.

[@nickilubra3981]

I’m glad I’m eclectic!!! Everything I own fits 😊 It’s just about placement really, what looks good next to what and in which rooms. Same with clothes, time and place for different getups. I can appreciate wanting to stick to a certain theme or aesthetic but tbh homes, wardrobes and such lose alot of character and personality by doing that.

[@brittanyreed6342]

Dido 💯

[@Julie-si3hi]

Same! Nothing matches..mugs,furniture, plates,towels,clothes,pictures and books everywhere,I ❤ it!

[@nickilubra3981]

@@Julie-si3hi I love that too!

[@chelsey8737]

I feel like it's necessary to mention that low-income houses don't have the ability to curate goods the same way that middle or upper income houses can. It would take my family many many months, if not years, to curate our house because it's so expensive and because everything we have are things that family members were gonna throw away or things that we got for really cheap. I feel like it's really important to note that social media is primarily people who are financially stable and have disposable income to do these things and they are influencing the way that regular people who maybe don't have disposable income or don't have it to the degrees that these influencers do to buy goods to match the trend

[@mharris3866]

This!! I have found myself falling into these traps alot these days. It's like I love that look but for me to accomplish it it would take months even a year to purchase said items and then for what to declutter and off to the next trend. It is a revolving door for me and it's exhausting.

[@CAGChannel1]

Oooh, nice fall look :)

[@Labbfreak]

This is such a great video/discussion. I definitely fell into this trap with makeup skincare and bought things that I couldn’t really afford to see if they were better while I had good enough options sitting unfinished.

[@Moonpie90]

A lot of curating is just trying to live up to such weird notions of what X should look like. I remember thinking as a teen that I'd know I was an adult when I only wore socks that match and my bra and undies were always a set. It was a weird marker of adulthood to me that took a while to shake. Now I have an image of what Christmas should look like with my husband or what an adults bedroom should look like, the preconceptions of 'goals' come quicker than we can shake them

[@CocoB22]

We simply don’t spend enough time living our lives. ❤. We are decluttering and curating and capsule wardrobing and then ordering more junk instead of living.

[@annie-sc]

Really great video. Also I don't understand owning a lot of makeup products, like... girl, those things expire 😂😂😂

[@Hungergamesharrypotter]

Under 3 hours yay this made my day I love your vids

[@MarySmith-i8q]

Late to comment, but im glad you touched on home decor. Im struggling to get past the "perfectly curated" everything matches and is neutral colored aesthetic that i see on Instagram. Before instagram, i just picked things out that i liked and was perfectly happy. Now, i dont let people come over because i feel ashamed my home is out of style😢

[@Kelbel5995]

Love this video! I think it's so easy to fall into the trap of the Diderot effect. My goal for the upcoming year is not just a low-buy/no-buy but also to think about/obsess over my stuff much less.

[@hayleypflug7384]

Hi, Shawna! I hope you enjoyed your break. This is a great topic for a video. Living intentionally has helped me love myself and give myself grace. I was always trying to skip the step where I forgave myself for my poor financial decisions, for spending money on things I didn’t NEED. For not being more proactive about my future.

[@LadyVintageBags]

Thank you for your videos! Ypu've helped me so much over the last 2 months! Since i started no buy August and transitioned to low buy september i only added 1 piece of clothing to my wardrobe and i waited and thought about it for a month before buying to reconfirm i genuinely wanted it vs a impulse. I even kept removing it from my cart but found myself putting it back in so i knew i definitely wanted it. Gave myself a pat on the back for waiting to make sure i really wanted it and not just impulse buying it and for only buying one piece of clothing over 2 months.

[@shawnaripari]

congratulations on your no buy! This all sounds so great

[@eleanorandrews6048]

Thank you for this I have myself fell into the curating trap many times whether make-up or clothing It has placed me on a hamster wheel of purchasing and decluttering looking for the perfect items as seen on social media. Currently I am doing a no buy from September to November and have made rules for myself that I know I can sustain. For September I cannot buy any clothing items ,for October I have no clothing and shoes. For November my no buy will include clothing, shoes and make-up. For December, no clothing, make-up, shoes and perfume.From January through to March it will be all of these categories included.These categories are my issues and I am tackling it one by one and so far it is working for me ,my lust for new clothing items has seriously disappeared and I feel really happy like a weight has been lifted.I have purchased a pair of black pumps in September as per my no buy rules as my old pair is done and have served me well the last few years❤

[@geniej2378]

The other part of curation via declutterring is it doesn’t leave alternatives to your current aesthetic. I prefer curation into storage rather than declutter, and reassess next season. So every season I get “new” options to consider.

[@Breb-y9t]

This idea of curation is popular because of influences having a 'brand' and now everyone feels they need to also become some kind of...brand. It's an abnormal and constricting way to go about your life. If you are going to 'curate' just make it the rhings you happen to love. If that fits some kind of category cool, if its a fun hodgepodge, also cool. Just live your life and love what you love.

[@ChristysChannelYall]

My curation…collected from the dumpsters at my apartment complex lol. People throw out nice furniture and home decor here where I live so I have been cleaning up and using what I find and my place looks adorable imo.

[@themagicknightress7132]

Not sure if this falls into your niche, but I’ve been recently looking at reducing plastic consumption since it can leach into food/concentrate in our bodies and I’d like to have a kid in the next few years. Maybe a video on reducing grocery-related waste or decreasing single-use plastics would be an interesting topic?

[@viktorias1963]

at this point, I more or less stopped decluttering things altogether, Maybe a piece I didn't like this summer will be one I like next. Maybe sometimes I want the challenge of styling something not ideal to me. For me, having options makes me less likely to buy things. Is it ideal, maybe not, does it help, it does.

[@daphblue]

I used to follow this girl on instagram who said her family was minimal and she posted content like that, but at the same time she recycled through stuff so fast that she got a new rug, massive glass cabinetry (mostly for display and not for storage) and a new sofa all in the same couple of weeks. And those are only the items I remember but I know she also thrifted several pieces at the same time. My husband and I need a new couch, but we really can’t afford one until probably the end of next year because we have some foundation work needed on our house.

[@JenniferCullen]

I think for me, curating my life, is more about curating with what I already have. But I have always loved the mismatched eclectic style, so that might play a part. But for me, its not about having everything be perfect, but creating my space to feel homey and have a certain energy to it. I rarely if ever buy home decor, but I do find new functions for items all the time if I get bored. I think of it like a museum. Museums do buy new things, something I try not to do, but they also have collections that they rotate through and don't discard things often. They make shows and collections out of what they already have.

[@kathleenmarie2024]

After I rented a new place, I got really stressed over the idea of how I would decorate it--especially my entryway. I ended up buying some new stuff, but that had more to do with getting rid of things that were no longer a part of my life (I was also going through a divorce). But I also decided to go through all the things I already had and I created a functional entryway with that and made myself accept that it was FINE. Its functional, it does not have to be beautiful, its okay to be okay with what you have already. Its in no danger of being featured in Small Cool Spaces on Apartment Therapy but it works for me and I am learning to be content that not everything is aesthetic.

[@vvitch-mist20]

This almost happened to me, with like spooky things bc I'm goth. To help break me I got a much needed wallet bc I like small wallets and the coin purse I was using was getting out of hand. This wallet was under $10 and is so perfect I'm gonna use it for as long as possible lol. (The wallet I got had cute cats on it)

[@personal.victoria]

I curated somewhat perfect wardrobe as well this year. Perfect in colours and materials etc, but it doesn't save from boredom really, that appears already only several months in. I do find it easier not to buy new things now though. Because rarely anything I see is as perfect in colour, texture, fit with other things that I own. Also I have more perspective on what I actually have so easier not to buy duplicates.

[@AJourneyToEternity412]

Very interesting video...my towels are all white, and on top of every towel-pile in my (white) cupboard is a white embroidered lavender sachet, and besides the towels there are white, lace-trimmed duvet-covers in that cupboard and white night-gowns. So I get your point that striving for perfection should stop.

[@JudelovesRiver12]

This video came to me at the most perfect time because I currently am hyperfixated on my house and what is the next item that will “tie the room together” 😅😅

[@dinapawlow1622]

Always enjoy and learn from your postings. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@mandarinachinita]

Happy with what I have. I try to be intentional with purchases and avoid trends...and less is more.

[@MirandaPurpleClouds]

Im not into beauty and clothing, and very rarely buy things in those categories. My partner bought me a Christmas calendar for my birthday with lovely shampoos/conditioners and stuff like that for, i dunno, two three years. Im still in the process of using those up, so now ive said i dont want another one of those, because id rather pick out my favorites from all these ive tried, to buy in full size WHEN i run out. It was a really fun present though, and I love using them all. Im overall in a process of using what i have but in areas like art/stationery (pens and notebooks and stickers) They make me happy to collect but also i need to remember they make me even more happy if i use them, than they just collecting dust

[@ghostreyn]

I got caught in this when it came to holiday decor. I would buy new decorations each year to fit what was popular in stores that year to create a certain look. I am looking to not buy any more of these if I don't want it year round as it is becoming such a waste of money.

[@catherineleslie-faye4302]

People tend to forget that museums curate pieces so that they last for decades. And that it is the variety of similar items that are not exact matches which brings value to each item in a museums collection.

[@simplylovedwell]

So well articulated!

[@SloanePaoPow]

"Curation" seems like another type of marketing to get you to shop more.

[@mharris3866]

Yes!!!! It's a trap I fall into. I add to my Amazon cart daily after scrolling social media. I am seeing it be so unhealthy for myself.

[@personal.victoria]

Makes me think of my grandparents. They always had house full of things, but owned everything for many decades and never did decluttering. Grandma even used ex son in low shorts to make a pillow case out of them 😂 They still don't understand the concept of decluttering perfectly working things.

[@syddlinden8966]

I would argue that mismatched eclectic use it till it's dead is a form of curation. And I also agree that the way that curation is used online is more about aesthetics and that's very problematic.

[@TheUIATarot]

Ah I love the sweater!!

[@CAGChannel1]

Save the sweater from purgatory; it looks so good with your hair and complexion.

[@M_SC]

@@CAGChannel1really does. Wish I looked good in plaid.

[@shawnaripari]

I put it back!! It was so scratchy and uncomfortable. I really wanted to like it

[@CAGChannel1]

@@shawnaripari boo! But we get it. Comfort is most important, but it had a last good show!

[@shawnaripari]

@@CAGChannel1 you never know with the purgatory drawer. I thought last year would be it 🤔

[@cocorunny6597]

there is a level when your inventory can be too high. If that happens you tend to buy more because you don’t know what you have. Obviously its best to avoid this, but if your working your way out of that curating can help, but not for aesthetics reasons

[@belorama8]

I get what you're saying, and I definitely agree that when misapplied like any other approach widely spread online, that curating your possessions can become a problem. Using aesthetics as an excuse to get new things is just wasteful. Capitalism will take advantage of any ideas online. However I will say that I definitely feel like at least an exception to your persepective. Maintenance is a natural part of any object's life, having to monitor and maintain anything house, car, computer, personal care items, clothing is always going to be a constant process. I don't think unplugging from that reality will be that helpful for people who already have negative relationships with spending and purging. A lot of us are unplugged from the realities of where our objects come from and it makes it really easy to be wasteful. I see curating as being really conscious about your actual needs and what it takes to meet them. Taking good care of the things you already own. Capitalism has enticed us to focus on what objects are meeting needs we may or may not even have, rather than what our needs actually are. At least for me personally, You aren't really curating for yourself if you don't know Or aren't being realistic about what those baseline needs are.

[@Shetooktothewoods]

Hm. For me, curation is more about interrogating the “stuff” for whether it serves me. My pretty minimal skin care and makeup serve me. I don’t need to keep testing new things. Right now, I’m using up the “tried but meh” small collection of sunscreen. I’ll just reorder my favorite in the future. I recently moved into a tiny home I’ve owned for 20 years. It has all my dad’s stuff in it (he’s alive and well, just lives elsewhere) and I am curating the space to be mine. That includes removing the vintage (circa 1969*) bed (with an ancient, saggy box spring) and bringing my bed out of storage. The dining table (also 1969) is too large (it comes up to my chest when seated and dominates the small dining area) will also be dismantled and replaced with my folding wooden deck table and two ladder back chairs with rush seats that have been in my family since I was a child in the 70s. An enormous (say it with me… 1969!) sofa that’s upstairs in the sleeping loft will be replaced by my down filled chair and a half chaise that I’ve had since my youngest were nurslings 20 years ago and an antique vanity I’ve had since I was a child. My art and his art have been combined and re-hung so they all fit together… And I just “curated” his (disposable) razor and bandaids that I swear had an expiry date in the 90s right the hell out of the bathroom with extremely limited space. I discovered that I have an absurd amount of dental floss while I was organizing, but it’s all the same kind so I’m good there. 😂 *my parents married in 1969. This is their original furniture and it does not fit in this space, let alone allow me to use and enjoy *my* stuff. I guess what I’m saying is that curation in my life is a lovely thing. But I’m in my 50s so have collected stuff over 30+ years of adulthood. It’s somewhat different than curation for the going aesthetic that will be completely different next season or next year.

[@Fiercely_Nic]

I think the term 'curate' is so broad and dependent on the idea of categories that people have it's almost a moot term. Some people curate their, say, makeup by aiming to have 'one each'. One of each what? One lipstick? One red lipstick (one mauve, one brown, etc.). One red lip gloss (one red matte, one red liquid, etc). Which tone of red? It's all fine and fair. It can be so granular. I think the idea of 'what fits with my current lifestyle' is the first thought of curation. That determines what's clutter for me. That sweater I loved 2 years ago, that I still kind of love, but generally I don't dress like that anymore? It goes. Etc.

[@tycutiovevo]

shawna i missed you while you were gone

[@thatstotallyrad7339]

thank you for this video. really needed this

[@OhLordyItsJenny]

Shawna can you please talk me out of buying a very expensive espresso machine 😅😅

[@nemfreudexplica8021]

let me help 🤣 I got one during the quarantine time, at least to me there's a learning curve to make a good coffee, and it won't taste the same as the barista haha. I was able to make a good coffee, but I figured out that sometimes I just want to go outside and use coffee as an excuse :P So I was buying it from the shop downstairs in a few weeks... I did not use that much tbh, left with my ex and do not miss it! I would buy a cheaper version, see if you like it and then upgrade later :)

[@OhLordyItsJenny]

@@nemfreudexplica8021 thank you!!!

[@stephaniedawson6805]

I think it depends on your understanding of "curated" - for me it's about making more conscious decisions when deciding to bring something in my house, and not throwing things away because you're aesthetic has changed.

[@gracieofgod8899]

My home finally felt curated in my 40s. It’s okay if your home isn’t curated in your teens and 20s. Take your time with it.

[@scorpio7938]

Great listening i have mismatched um everything i dont care it works im good i think some people get very caught up with everything matching one of my lamps is sixteen years old 8 bucks and its still good is it in trend mode probably not but its functional and i like it make up even when i was younger i always had a tiny bag of make up i cant declutter that because theres nothing to declutter in that area just using up my lotions and body washes and conditioners which are almost done i will have to purchase soon but not till all is used up

[@nataliet4293]

As a middle aged white woman with disposable income... Curated collection just sounds like the reason why you don't have everything in a product line. Like why would I buy yellow foundation? Or blue foundations? Well I'm pink. Is my foundation collection "curated" or do I see no point in spending money on things that are unusable? Meanwhile the collections that I consider properly curated are because the person has a strong identity outside of the 'basic' that requires effort to find additions. Like lolita or gothic lifestyle girlies are giving each other real non-basic curation choices when they talk about makeup and clothing.

[@chloerafferty9288]

I think it can easily be an excuse to over consume

[@shawnaripari]

it can definitely turn into that

[@imaanie.]

Just want to send a heart..💜

[@shawnaripari]

thank you!!

[@scorpio7938]

I like your fall shirt and cute mug

[@jenniparker3092]

Oh, the irony... This video was interrupted by an ad for a cat supply subscription box full of "carefully curated" items each month. 🙃

[@kittenandgoat]

I see 'curating' as a fixed collection. You can't keep changing it - you may add in a piece - or drop a piece - but it's not an evolving lifestyle. coming from the art world - you curate a show on a theme - then you move on to the next theme show. Isn't that more the micro trends that are taking over?

[@shawnaripari]

thank you for sharing this perspective! I very much appreciate the alternative view

[@9872orca]

Fantastic video!

[@pinkroses135]

I curate stuff all the time. Just the other day I curated a shower curtain from walmart cause the other one had mold. I hope I'm doing it right. 😂

[@Gen-yh1jz]

All I can think about is 200 for towels. Where is she buying her towels. Now I feel like a don’t have nice towels. I don’t Curate I just want to have nice towels.

[@kindasavvy4566]

@@Gen-yh1jz 😂😂🤦‍♀️

[@sedgefirst]

Can somebody pls confirm or deny for me the scale of western consumption? Is buying 5 lipsticks a normal thing? Is this example a real thing people do? Also, is changing your wardrobe every season a normal thing people do? I live in Europe, maybe it's just me, but buying just a sweater is a big deal for me, i buy maybe a thing or 2 every quarter.

[@blissfulbecky]

Great video!:-) Subscribed & Liked!:-)

[@kaaatieeeeeeee]

I’ve been watching you for months and just realized I wasn’t subscribed 😅

[@shawnaripari]

thank you for subscribing!