When it comes to narcissists, actions speak louder than words

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@NarcSurvivor]

The narcissist will say something, but do something completely different. Their behaviour is very contradictory with their words.

[@joseenoel8093]

Try to peg them on this action and it's about as futile as your relationship!

[@joseenoel8093]

@Duck Billed Platypus No way man, that pic's taken from afar so we can stick to the work at hand! He's not a narc, he lets me free load like Dr. Ramani yet never complains unlike my narc whose always complaining about my natural parasitic nature! 🙋

[@joseenoel8093]

@Duck Billed Platypus hay cool name you've got, that's an Aussie animal aye? And a mammal to boot! Happy hump day from French Canada 🇨🇦 where my front entrance is adorned with winter boots 👢!

[@emptytank7139]

I don’t think that Narc Survivor is a content thief, I think that Narcissistic Abuse is just very difficult to overcome and even he still needs to watch other channels on Narcissistic Abuse for continued healing.

[@user-hz5sq5cb1o]

@Duck Billed Platypus - What are you a Spy Narc on this channel??? This educated lady knows her stuff and helps many. Why don’t you find someplace else to spend your time. I, for one, do not need or value your opinion.

[@MzShonuff123]

Dr. Ramani's cat has some very strong feelings about narcissists 😂

[@laurie5587]

I'm so glad I wasn't alone to notice!

[@butterfly32812]

Smart cat!! 😸

[@andrewschultz6608]

I like how the cat talks after "dogs that don't get walked" as if to say "Aww, come on, is that a big deal?"

[@debratandy9725]

😂😂

[@yuu_miran]

the cat is amazing! with a very cute meow)))

[@pisces_chick2511]

Here is one I just came across... "Know the difference between those who stay to feed the soil & those who come to grab the fruit"

[@joseenoel8093]

Feeders can stay/grabbers run and hide!

[@joseenoel8093]

Feeders can proudly say 'Look what I've accomplished!', Grabbers need to no get caught so they can return and steal another day!

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

Never heard these words, but very true. Thank you.

[@helenluceyatkins7290]

I really like this one. How true it is also

[@xenatron9056]

That is an awesome quote...thankyou, have screenshot it to show my friends. We will overcome.

[@pacificcowherd6647]

Narcissist's moto: "Give them nothing; take from them everything"

[@hannaha188]

So true

[@joanneorozco5660]

My adult daughters have been silent for 2.5 years. My multiple attempts to open communication after all their intentional hurtful actions has come to my final words and actions. Maybe my silence will bring me peace!!??!!

[@annaswanson5903]

💯

[@dakoderii4221]

"By 2030 you'll own nothing and be happy" - World Economic Forum

[@geraldfriend256]

@@joanneorozco5660 That is brutal.But good you are moving on..

[@meredithcosta7374]

With narcissists, their lack of action is as "deafening" as their words and promises are loud and hollow.

[@xGroteskx]

Exactly!

[@Joncampbell89]

This.. this hit me hard.

[@HaleyMary]

Exactly! I've noticed that with some people I have known who would talk about doing stuff together, but when it came time to try to make concrete plans with them, they never followed through on their word. I understand a lot of people have busy schedules, but this person never seemed to try to ever find some spare time at all. I learned not to put my life on hold waiting around for others.

[@ardent9422]

Brilliantly said!

[@creepyamy92]

Omg "loud and hollow" this rings true in another level

[@dsmusicbird]

Things the Narc has said: -You must be blind -You're the Only one or Only person who doesn't see how much I've changed -You're such a negative person -Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, on and on and on how I'm the problem or I am the cause for his lack, etc, etc, etc 🙄 Never gets anywhere No productive communication No resolutions Just blame shifting and accusatory

[@joseenoel8093]

Yes on the negative person! Such a cheap shot! I'd shoot back "The game is called Angry Birds", Monday was Women's Day, my son's (22) teacher told them, via Zoom, that Dec. something was Men's Day and repeated this to me, -"oh", then laughed, I said -"Why are you laughing?" - "Because nobody cares!" 😉🙋💕🌈🎠

[@phoenixrising8007]

The toxic X lived with his previous common law spouse 8 years yet never heard of PMS ?!? 🙄 ya right! It’s just ME

[@franceshaggitt3104]

Nasty sick 😷 people

[@ElRegulus]

I find the phrase "I love you" to be one of the worst lies to tell another person. I actually don't like hearing it tossed around all the time as it loses its impact to me, especially without the actions to back up the phrase. I know many people would rather hear it all the time but I'd rather hear it when it means the most, even if that isn't often. Similarly, "you can talk to me about anything" when doing so just gets you screamed at or dismissed. Well, I guess it isn't a complete lie... there's just a hidden price of having trust broken.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Really or used against you later !!

[@Nitya-r86]

I agree 100%.

[@andix3944]

@ El Regulus, totally agree. My narc ex used to insist on us saying 'I love you FOREVER'. When I used to say to them just 'I love you', they would actually say 'you didn't say forever, you have to say forever'. At the time, I was too blinded by my feelings for them (and not aware of narcissism at that time) to even imagine they didn't genuinely mean what they were saying. But their actions definitely did not match up to their words where one minute they were saying they loved me....forever 🤦‍♀️🤣..., they wanted to marry me, have a baby together etc, and literally the next day they went ghost (which I now know was the discard) and during that time hooked up with some random from their work. Clearly their definition of forever was not the same as a normal person's.

[@xenatron9056]

those words can be vey manipulative, especially in a dysfunctional relationship. Kind of the ultimate gaslighting.

[@joannemcnamara4272]

Yeah you your spot on. My soon to be ex narc used to insist to me after an argument, and also even to our children, “tell me you love me!!” Over and over again. Are used a gram by the year and get him the hell away from my kids. I never even heard of such a thing. Such a horrible manipulation.

[@gabsasusual]

Sometimes the narcissistic person is the one who always asks us to “show” them that our actions match our words because for them it’s never enough and in the other hand they’re doing just fine, they’re “perfect”.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Yes! "If you really loved me like you say you do, you would ........" "If you were really the person you claim you are, you would ......."

[@lynettecaballero1660]

Narcisstic manipulation tactics to get more from us as they neglect their promises,no integrity or are to be held accountable or responsible for their own words.

[@beexkat]

@@moniquejackson7741 "best friends don't act like this" ..

[@leahg3926]

As if I'm a lawyer and have to prove my conclusions!

[@bereal6590]

Oh yeah, we don't do enough we don't care enough we don't ask enough. Then you ask or offer to do something and it's, I don't need that I'm fine!! Wth! Can't win!

[@laurapalmer2126]

who else hears the kitty :3

[@joseenoel8093]

I missed it, I was giving mine a pedicure!

[@gettingbett]

Meow! Miau! Mrow! Nyaaa~

[@jayaom4946]

I had to turn the video off, check on my kitty and then ask my 5 year old son if HE was making kitty noises while coloring! He seemed confused! 😂

[@laura4a645]

@@gettingbett miauw....

[@karenward8029]

Yes! Had to check it wasn't my cat😸

[@Joncampbell89]

I can’t tell you how much you have played a role in my own progress. Thank you

[@realrarelyssa9819]

Right!!

[@bereal6590]

Same 👍👍👍🤗🤗

[@Djdulcedeluxe]

🙏🙏

[@Sekouguru]

Indubitably

[@Morealiens]

Yes!! She's helped me also over my awareness (of what I was experiencing) and healing journey. 💖🕊😘I Myself share in extreme gratitude and have the upmost respect for this beautiful being.

[@kc8639]

Don't allow them to be the "action" in your life. You'll be waiting a long, long time. Be your own action and leave them right where they belong, in the rearview mirror.

[@moonchild66]

💯💯💯💯

[@yumnah9812]

So true Im with one and he does the same thing . Good at talking against doing

[@youresweetspy]

thats true keep saying and less doing

[@shraddhawatwe7493]

I once told the narc : your actions speak louder than words And was given a month's silent treatment Now when I look back, I just laugh 😅 Thanks Dr.Ramani 🙏

[@84mztoya]

I'm going thru this now but day 1 of silent treatment.

[@ednabmode9223]

Why do they never get that the silent treatment is never a punishment, but offers relief from them. I cheer when my mother does it to me, she just doesn't get how much joy and peace it brings to my life!

[@missnukkinfutz]

Lmao last time that happened I said "Am I getting the silent treatment??? AWESOME!!! 🤗"

[@sfc5774]

A month?! I think we have a winner! 🤣

[@RovvyWade]

I made the mistake of telling mine that the silent treatment was the worst thing she could do to me-she then perfected it. Longest lasted 8 months with a 4 day break before I got “punished” again. Told her it was abuse and cruel and no way to treat a partner and was told I was just crazy and a spoiled brat. I used to leave after 3 months of silence and was told I always abandon her, she could never answer when I’d ask “why do you want me to stay just to ignore me?” and when I stopped “abandoning” them she started throwing me out. She still says our marriage failed bc I always abandoned her and justifies all her actions bc of me leaving. Now when I look back at our marriage the silence was the “good” times.

[@acquaify]

“ what you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying “ - Ralph Waldo Emerson Great video Dr Ramani, You Are the best! 💐

[@user-hz5sq5cb1o]

She is the best.

[@hzlkelly]

Note to me as a parent: Do everything I'll tell my kids I'll do no questions or excuses. Or if unable, apologise & make up for it later.

[@xenatron9056]

and let them be right sometimes. Teach them how to wield power.

[@hzlkelly]

@@xenatron9056 yes!

[@MiaLa16]

Yes!

[@devidaughter7782]

he told me he loved me, and wanted to marry me, but our time together was almost always centered around his needs, crises, wants, and preferences. he showed little interest in hearing stories from my life. it was almost always me listening to him, 'supporting' him, accommodating him. I know now that 'to be used is to be abused', and this was not love!

[@joseenoel8093]

Oh you got away, lucky you, I always say "We got married because we were both in love with him!" Blessings! I'd often often so very often do what 'he' wanted but my hobbies/interests/restaurants were not on our outings/he'd even go other routes if biking together/behind me/ahead of me/leaving me with wtf moments/no more/done/my mom was the same/drag me all over the world/him too (travelling is over rated) then they act like they're done you a big favour but in reality you're kinda tired as you've kinda sacrificied yourself, some more and they think you should kiss their ___ for having taken you away from your chosen lifestyle!

[@devidaughter7782]

@@joseenoel8093 leaving him was not about 'luck' - it was a very conscious, deliberated and difficult decision that I made to put my needs first!

[@TheQueensWish]

You are indeed lucky because you have the current resources right now to learn about narcissism, what to look for, how toxic and abusive it is. Many us, myself included, did not have the internet when we got married. We didn’t hear from anybody the warnings that everyone gets today. If I’d had the warnings it would have helped me to spot the trouble ahead. Someone else just posted this: If you want to know the end, think of the beginning. Something like that. I’m so glad for you and others who get empowerment, and allow themselves empowering actions to resist the narcissists who try to latch onto our lives. It’s a success story.

[@jaclynh9343]

What is the diff between self absorbed ppl and narcisistic BC those hurt feelings can come from that too. Ppl being self centred but not necessarily narcissistic

[@devidaughter7782]

@@jaclynh9343 great question- maybe we can put this Q to Dr. Ramani for her to address some time!

[@TheBagmaven49]

Here's a Yiddish proverb for a narcissistic couple; “Zey hobn zikh beyde lib: er zikh un zi zikh.” - They are both in love: he with himself and she with herself. 😁

[@JudgeJulieLit]

In Modern German, "Sie haben (fur) sich beide Lieb: er sich, und sie sich." (They have for themselves both love: he for himself, and she for herself.)

[@jenelynamerica6076]

"If you want to know the end, look at the beginning."

[@devidaughter7782]

the incredible Iyanla Vanzant always says this in her show 'Iyanla: Fix My Life'!

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

The first appointment I had with my ex best friend she changed the appointment 3 times. When I said 'Maybe its better not to meet if their are so many obstacles'. Then she was very quick to 'agree' upon the appointment. It didn't feel completely right but I let it go and we met. She has always changed her appointments etc throughout the whole relationship I had with her. she always had an explanation for that.

[@moonchild66]

That's brilliant!!!! And true!💯💯💯🖤🖤🖤🖤

[@devidaughter7782]

@@geertruivanbroekhoven7209 on my first date with my ex, I paid for supper for us both. it bothered me but I didn't want to be someone who made money 'a big deal'. sadly, in the months that followed, I continued to pay for us both, and in the end I finally had to recognize that this was a profoundly imbalanced relationship that likely wasn't going to change. the end really was right there in the beginning!

[@AnaLockett]

Omg wow

[@emartinezr]

My wife is a consumate narcissist. Her father is the 1st person I ever identified as a narcissist... and this video is 100% precise. With narcissists, it's ALL WORDS. Actions are always very very different, ussually opposite.

[@HoneyDrops2023]

tell me about it...

[@moniquejackson7741]

Before I even learned what Narc Abuse is, I remember saying to one of my Narcs, "I'm going to start going by what you do because I can't trust what you say".

[@exhaustedwife862]

Yes. He thinks everything can be forgiven and forgotten if he just makes us dinner or buys us things.

[@TAXSHELTER]

You are so spot on.

[@4bearsi678]

Yep. I was thinking the other day how my ex was good at doing one thing for the kids and that was buying them stuff or take them somewhere! If she done that then she was the best mom ever and should be viewed as such. 🤦🏼‍♂️.. Not to say that gifts shouldn’t be appreciated but if that’s all you bring to the table then that ship will sink before it leaves the dock! There’s no substance

[@1chienandalou]

My father. Literally would be (and always was/is still) incredulous that anyone could ever even question anything about his parenting because didn’t you see him buy his kids if not one but two of everything? (That he thought we needed btw, not necessarily even close to what I actually needed or wanted)

[@kimgibbs6585]

@@1chienandalou What children neeed the most from their parents is their time. And not necessarily materialistic things.

[@steviep9780]

@@kimgibbs6585 Yes, their time but ESPECIALLY... for their parents to see them for who they are, not just for filling a need in the parent.

[@DanielaGlint]

So Dr Ramani has a cat... one more reason to love her! All cat lovers raise your hand!

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

In *3* hours, *11K* people viewed something positive to help themselves take control of their lives. Wrap your head around that. So grateful for Dr. Ramani sharing her knowledge. 👍👏😎

[@HandbrakeBiscuit]

The cat, meanwhile, is saying "stop merely saying you'll feed me and just feed me!!"

[@devidaughter7782]

"I'm going to use my voice to be heard!"

[@swabby429]

Perhaps someday we will meet the feline.

[@DoctorRamani]

@@swabby429 There is a picture of her in my. instagram.

[@Kashumann]

I have never commented before but I felt like I had to. A few months ago I got out of a narcissistic relationship. My ex was great with words but always fell short when it was time to act. I would communicate this with him and explain that “actions speak louder than words.” The confusing part was that he would always disagree and that I was someone whose love language was through act of service. I started to believe it and I felt like maybe I was being a bit too needy. However after my narcissistic ex discarded me and I decided to seek a therapist, I understand it more. Narcissists are extremely malevolent and can so easily make you doubt yourself and your reality. Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for helping people like myself find ourselves again and become stronger and better.

[@NooraJ-qv7uw]

MAN! The way we deceive ourselves because of wishful thinking!! Ever since I was a kid I knew deep down that my relation with my narcissist mother wasn’t normal; or at least not as good as her relation with my other siblings, and I knew her words of affection - which were rarely uttered- were empty; actually after a while I would feel sick when she says something nice to me cause I know she is faking it! And when people around us started noticing, I was the one to be blamed of course because I was the scapegoat and the shame parade was carried on perfectly! It took me 20 years to finally slap myself and wake up and stop hoping that it will ever work between us.. she is who she is, always was, and seemingly, always will be.. yet being aware doesn’t make it easier, I know there will always be a part of me wishing that I might have a normal, healthy, and loving relationship with her..

[@barshar.1287]

Same here... God bless uv

[@atanamorell2]

First my ex stopped being verbally loving. He said he showed his love through his actions, like taking the car to get the oil changed. Then, over time, he stopped doing any of those things, because he said I was lazy and didn't contribute to the family. It wasn't until my teenage son called him out for being a huge hypocrite for never following through with his promises that my eyes were opened to his projection and gas lighting.

[@lilz0208]

Like I am looking at my own story.

[@steviep9780]

Listen to your son, he's wise beyond his years!

[@atanamorell2]

@Stevie P It's true. My son dealt with his father the best. Called out his BS and threatened to leave home. I said to him that maybe my marriage would have lasted longer if I had been more combative. But he said no, he thought it would have made things worse. Just so glad we all got to leave because the ex had started drinking a lot and things were escalating.

[@steviep9780]

@@atanamorell2 wow, your son really is special! I'm glad you all got out.

[@jadewheeler4104]

This is sooo true. My ex Narc would say I'm just giving him Lip Service. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black. Huge talk, No Action!! Followed thru with NOTHING🤮

[@atanamorell2]

Yes, exactly this.

[@beexkat]

lip services?

[@shannonjones4895]

"A watched pot never boils." The narcissist is excellent at hiding their rage from many people.

[@lumity238]

So True, my daughter narcissist ex boyfriend is good at that, he makes my daughter out as the bad one. Just breaks my Heart, how much he has ruined my daughter now. She has PTSD and depressed.

[@shannonjones4895]

@@lumity238 So sorry to hear that.. Hope she can get some good help.

[@Chuleta_9]

I don’t believe actions nor words, I believe patterns. His actions were of someone who both hated and loved me, and his words would just twist everything I thought I knew. Patterns is where is at.

[@tamelashafer8852]

As a researcher… I completely agree… pattern recognition helps locate seen issues, which is the only way to create real solution options… my opinion! 🤜🤛

[@JohnDoe-fz7hz]

Following the force of habit is treacherous. Very well observed 👍👍👍

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

When I would say to my ex best friend that I didn't like it when she (regularly) said one thing but did something else, she would reply: "You are sooooo structured, I am more 'go with the flow'. We are just different, that's all. You make a problem out of the fact that we are different, I don't. I more 'easy going'. " This made me doubt myself sometimes. I felt something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I am not THAT structured at all. I need to practise some discipline to have structure in my life. It doesn't come automatically all the time. Now I know the translation of these words of her is the following:" I often don't like to live up to agreements I made myself with another person. That is because MY feelings, MY moods, MY needs, MY emotions can change on whatever moment and My feelings, My moods, MY needs, My emotions are more important then whatever I promised or agreed upon with someone else. That is not very correct towards other people, but that does not interest me. THEIR feelings do not interest me. Only MINE. If someone does not like this, I just tell them they are selfish, or difficult, or not flexible enough. or too intense. I also talk a lot about my feelings and how I would like to have the freedom to follow my feelings at all times. Anyone who buys into that is my friend." Yes, right.

[@cairosilver2932]

"Anyone who buys into that is a useful object to me - like a phone or car. But if the object 'breaks' then it's useless to me, so it's useless. And by 'breaks' I mean exerts their own will and exerts their own personality"

[@annaswanson5903]

Does anyone else have a narcissist in their life that says for example, “you and your sister are the most important people in my life” but never help when there’s an opportunity to be helpful? Does this make you angry?

[@joseenoel8093]

Covert maglinant mom trying to convince me me and my kids were the most important persons in her life just prior to being hauled away, Section 10, by social worker, a menace to society, about time!

[@joseenoel8093]

I don't know if it makes me angry 😠, I think my anger lies in her ability to endlessly try to make me out to be her fool! Hope you can use your anger in a constructive manner, aka, no contact no problems!

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

Yes, many narcs often have something very urgent and importent to do FIRST (like taking a bath, or reading an article, or whatever). Although there are also narcs that looove to 'help' you sometimes, but who turn out to have a double agenda, it is not really about the help. It is f.ex. to get into your house, or to lovebomb you with their help to win you over, or to work on the image of their fake personality in general. I think it is important to check if the 'positive' thing they do comes from their true self or from their fake personality. BIG difference.

[@alisha55555]

Yes. It literally makes no sense. They would be doing something if it was really important to them. I think that’s what’s so frustrating, the cognitive dissonance and the huge gap between what they’re saying and what they actually do. And if you call them out on it, they get mad, play dumb or act like they have no idea what you’re talking about. Excuse my language, but you will be forever mindfucked dealing with those types LOL. Stick to people who do what they say, mean what they say, are consistent, etc. They may not always be nice, but at least they are consistent and what you see is what you get. I’ve noticed with narcs they are typically over-the-top nice and all talk; I believe it is how they compensate because they know they are not authentic/being their authentic self

[@kelseypeters-dawson6237]

My aunt literally says "those kids are my life!" Kids not kid meaning plural. Yet she only ever takes the one to the movie theater, the one out to restaurants, and the one to go shopping. Never the other kids just the one.

[@christinedegarmo4714]

The one I know, has been talking for years about nothing that applies to life, he’s ended up being how he was when we met, he’s had no career, no money and is exactly where he was when we met. No job, no future, no deep relationships just continues to talk and still go nowhere, he’s almost 60, now I just see him as a threat to my future, absolutely no hope.

[@mejayne4210]

I hate to say this, but get out, or you will not have any $$s for retirement, He will bleed you dry, I could be wrong, but I don't think so.

[@linw7320]

The fact that you have stayed in the relationship says more about You than it does him

[@smurfmama2020]

I agree completely with the fact that action is more important than words. Lao Tzu said “ the way to do is to be”, and in my interpretation of that, I feel like narcissists are not present to their own soul, so they certainly can’t be present and attentive to ours. They can’t DO because they aren’t able to simply BE connected to themselves on a deeper soul level because they are inauthentic beings. In their disconnected nature from themselves ( being) they can’t act out of love. Not an excuse for them, an observation.

[@leen894]

My narc parents and narc ex would do one nice act and expect me to me satisfied with just those crumbs. They acted like it was enough, while I was starved of affection and love.

[@laura4a645]

My mom never hug me. Not even when I was a toddler. For many years I have huge fear to be near children I thought that I had a phobia. Now I realized I was triggered to my childhood trauma when I see children. After knowing the cause, slowly now I am no longer scared of being near/around children.

[@prpudd4323]

This isn't a proverb, maybe a wise old saying: "a stitch in time saves 9". If I had noticed signs of narcisism in the beginning, I could have set boundaries 40 years ago to keep my marriage from unraveling.

[@charzemc]

What does 'a stitch in time saves nine' mean please??

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

@@charzemc - I think it means fix/sew a small hole before it tears into a much larger hole.

[@tomranz6947]

@@charzemc Back in the old days when people fixed rips in their clothing because they couldn't afford to buy new, if they stitch a rip when it first happened they saved a big chore later on of stitching a large frayed rip as opposed to fixing it when it was a small rip. I hope that answers it.

[@tomranz6947]

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 EXACTLY!

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

@@tomranz6947 👍😎 I think the narc's ability to convince us the hole doesn't exist (the gaslighting) takes years to recognize and deal with appropriately. At least for me, that's how this proverb applies to dealing with a narc.

[@fleep9008]

Everything they "Speak", is 100% opposite of there actions. Well, maybe for an hour.

[@Cat-sx6ep]

So true he said trust him he loves me and a stand up guy guess what he is a thief a mama boy , a bum , an abuser , a manipulator etc.

[@fleep9008]

@@Cat-sx6ep Just remembered, that is not you. You are awesome. Thank You for Sharing. Keep it Real.

[@shubhangijain98]

This reminds me of something my narc said to me- He literally said to me, "words speak louder than actions for me" He said this when I pointed out my actions of supporting him, he said " well you never say it."

[@joseenoel8093]

You made him a victim once again, oh how but how do you do it, we're so good at this, narcs get to accomplish this act without our even trying to MAKE it so!

[@ladybaabaa3294]

To your narc - if you're DOING it, you shouldn't NEED to say it.

[@skdewolf7606]

My ex would flip it back and forth constantly -words count more than actions. Then it would be actions mean more than words. I said well than none of it means anything. Because to me they are equally important because you use your words to tear me apart - that’s an action.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

@@skdewolf7606 SO true!

[@shubhangijain98]

Lol totalllly forgot but my narc EX. yess! EX now! And, what happened was, he used to blame me for not being supportive enough and when I would bring evidence of me being supportive, he would say "well, you never said supportive stuff" And I'd say "But is did "supportive stuff didn't I? Actions speak louder than words, right?" He'd say "no, words speak louder than actions to me" This happened a couple of times atleast. He really played a number.

[@Rachel-gf2lp]

Anyone else freaking out looking for their cat for a while before they figured out what was going on lmao?!?!

[@daleswain9520]

Yes... just commented on Moon Calf's post about the same thing that they said. lol

[@ameliashostak4764]

YEEESSSS!! Too funny, took me a few mins before I realized it was HER cat and not my own lol.

[@lauramatthews883]

My cat does this when I get on the phone 😂 I do believe your cat is dying to share her (or his) thoughts on NARCS! 🐱

[@artryan5330]

And they like to procrastinate too.

[@steviep9780]

YES, and then at the last moment ask you to do it for them... using guilt to get you to acquiesce.

[@usedusermoser]

My mother says all these words but it lacks emotions, and feels empty. They are not in line with her actions, it feels like a recording they’re playing again and again which they have copied looking at other parents. Sometimes I wonder if they are actual machines, an AI robot which is trying to copy humans but lacks a soul.

[@1c2h3e4u5n6g]

If only, at least you can reprogram robots

[@1chienandalou]

That’s what I used to call my ex (affectionately at first, like a cute robot, in horror later...)

[@manishaoberoi4090]

Can totally relate to this equation

[@moonchild66]

Deffo I know what u mean....its like they read a script over and over to u...so creepy x🖤

[@cairosilver2932]

They are masking, so the mask essentially is a robot. IMO the problem is they are so hurt inside they can't touch the real, authentic them and they really think the mask is them.

[@lindseygriffin2122]

When my ex left, he told me he left his cat because he felt she was really ours and didn’t want to separate her from me. Painting it as if this was a noble gesture showing his care and consideration, but in reality, he rarely fed her and almost never changed the litter box. He begrudgingly did it a handful of times during my pregnancies and after that it was all on me. Actions do speak louder than words. (Just a side note-I do love that cat and I’ll gladly take care of her.)

[@joseenoel8093]

I stay with mine for the cat's sake, he knows it too and lucky for it!

[@lisarodriguez6966]

Most likely the only thing you got with any real value.

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

Oh this is so typical, a narc wil regularly say he or she did something for you, where as they only did it for themselves, but they reframe it so it looks so social, so empathic, so wonderful of them (wjere as they couldn't care less). Many times the gifts they give are also something they didn't really like for themselves. But they try to sell it to you as 'something special'. OMG, this is sooo true. Real red flag !

[@215hana]

Same with my son! He used to keep him on weekends while I worked but couldn’t even look after him!

[@tallstranger8546]

Blue print of my situation.

[@jimmyjack7030]

Proverbs 20:11 even a child is known by his doings

[@catwhisperer2358]

When asking the narcissist to stop forcing their "help" on me, I get to hear about how ungrateful I am. Yeah, I should totally be grateful for your controlling, manipulative actions. Thanks.

[@LS-fe4ob]

Wow same here

[@martaperedo3439]

Thank you so much Dr. Ramani for all your help you have no idea how much of a help you’ve been through my progress💚

[@el_m_rtnz853]

This was one of the many red flags I could not ignore & the one that made me start questioning what was happening. It was the non-lie. He would say the words but his actions negated them. The worst example was when I asked him why he was staring at me like that {he had this dead look in his eyes & he looked evil} and he responded with "because I love you" in the most monotone voice. Nothing about that moment felt like love. “What You Do Speaks So Loudly I Cannot Hear What You Are Saying” Ralph Waldo Emerson

[@1chienandalou]

Yes, eerie. That wasn’t love that was something more like... consuming, feeding, like an animal.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Getting stared at when you doing certain things together is really creepy I never knew why he was staring at me it makes you feel like a bug !

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

Many people confuse the words/the meaning of 'I love you' with the words/the meaning of 'I want you' (for wathever purpose) or 'I desire you' (sexual passion). This is well expressed in the words of C.S. Lewis: "Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good, as far as it can be obtained." We all have narc traits to some degree. But it is good to check if the narc trait is coming from someone who is a good person in general but at a certain moment that person can be f.ex. tired, or afraid, or suffering in some other way. And then some 'narc reaction' can come out. But maybe the same kind of words and actions are coming from someone who has narc traits that are a pattern and that have a destructive influence on you or your environment or your relationship etc. This poem of C.S. Lewis can help to check if there is real love going on, (with some temporary default) or if the 'loving' is actually 'wanting' or desiring' something that the narc wants to satisfy some selfish or sick need. If a person is going through a difficult time, but is not a narc, then he or she will probably be able to explain why they are temporarely a bit 'selfish', and need some time for themselves or are not capable of taking up the responsibilities they usually do. But that is something totally different that the chaotic actions and reactions of narcs that usually just want to obtain what they need in a certain moment because of some mood, feeling, emotion or need they are experiencing.

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

There was a narc in my live, who would go around telling all kinds of people who knew me, that he was sooo worried about me (collegues, friends, etc). He wasn't. He just tried to get information about me everywhere he could. I didn't want a relationship with him, and he couldn't accept that. But many people bought into his lies, because he is 'the charming type', and therefor 'a popular guy'. They would tell him things about me, trying to 'help him'. They even tried to convince me that I was ungrateful because this man (the narc) was 'caring sooo much about me'. It was some kind of 'stalking by proxi'. Horrible experience. It isolates you by lying to your friends and environment.

[@steviep9780]

That is SCARY!

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

@@steviep9780 It is emotionally very destructive. Narcs will tell no matter what to get what they want. My brother is a top manager in a international firm. Very high income, high status. He told his collegues that I had attempted suicide (not true). Why ? He wanted some days off of work, but he didn't want to ask that. That would ruin the image of him being a hardworking man, and there were some important meetings on the agenda. He also wanted some attention, some pitty (narcs like to play victim to get attention) etc. How I know ? Because one of his collegues is an old friend of the family. And this man suggested to my brother to drive him (from Germany to Belgium) to go and see 'his poor sister'. But my brother refused. This man thaught that was strange .... and started to make some phonecalls untill he spoke to me. I was at home, a sunday evening, preparing to go to work the next day. Narcs are relentless. If they want something, they will use and abuse, and they will receive money, applause and admiration while doing it. My brother is also a bit of a Weinstein. Unfortunately many rich narcs get away wirh a lot because many people are blind when money and status are involved.

[@steviep9780]

@@geertruivanbroekhoven7209 That's so nuts. Your brother would get along with my sister, my only sibling, my twin. She beat me horrifically until I escaped her after university. Very violent. And I never pressed charges because we were all we had in the world. I regret this very much because now she lies that it was I who beat her. There were witnesses, and she will tell this lie directly in front of the victims and/or witnesses, DARING someone to call her on the lies. That's usually how I got beaten was by doing such things.

[@corinneperegrini6003]

I'm glad that the narc is in your past now....those people are unbelievable...if I didn't go through narc abuse myself, I would not beleive people could be so evil...

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

@@steviep9780 That must have been horrible to go through. Narcs can create a lot of isolation and loneliness. I wish you all the love in the world.

[@Thais8500]

I want to know more about “co-parenting” with a narcissist, I was with him for 11 years and we have two kids together and I find it so hard, before I was that shield for my kids and now I can’t since he sees the kids every other week and the kids come back so broken inside that I have to rebuild them again in other for them to go again....

[@bahle20]

I would like more of this too. Though my kids are teenagers, he broke, ghosted and abandoned them. They had opened a what'sapp group to stay in contact but he even failed to show up there as well. It is challenging

[@lumity238]

My Daughter is going through the same thing with her 4 kids. Breaks my Heart.💔

[@ultimatelym]

1) Get a good therapist (for you & the child(ren) 2) Research "triangulation" (they use the child(ren) 3) Document everything because: "gaslighting" 4) Engage in a hobby, you really love, to keep your sanity when they are with the narc 5) Invest in fire-retardant attire & gear because it's going to be Hell on earth! 6) Find a community of parents in your sich Good luck and stay stronger than their contempt for you!

[@leahg3926]

That's so hard. I had similar experience... 11 years. When my daughter would get home from weekend with dad, she would be so 💔... I would sit with her on the couch an hold her silently. It was so hard. Now she's 25, happy, married and has minimal contact with dad. She had some therapy, and probably will again. But she's healthy. Things do work out

[@rebeccaschreiber1907]

I am so afraid to leave my husband for this exact reason.

[@gqfilipino95]

Love the videos. Always learning something new with my continued healing process.

[@DianaIsabel929]

Mom would you stop making plans for me without consulting me. Does it again. I get angry - this is exactly what I asked you not to do. Well I didn’t talk to you because you get so mad. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Isabel Graham,You deserve better

[@joannemcnamara4272]

Classic gaslighting. So infuriating.

[@PancakeX]

"Actions & words needing to talk with one another." Really hit right at home for me, especially as someone with ADHD whom experienced a narcissist using "actions speak louder than words" and "you're inconsistent" as a weapon towards me no matter how much time & attention I gave to him. I never could be enough and always ended up abused and yelled at for any inconvenience, tiredness, slowness, or clumsiness from me. And if I'd ask "what's wrong with me?" and "am I a bad person?", the narcissist would say "you're just misguided".

[@shubhangijain98]

I was watching out for this notification like a HAWK lol.

[@decemberlotus]

Lol

[@KatyWithAWhyyy]

So true Dr R. I’ve found along with actions and maybe more importantly is patterns. It’s hard but if you pay attention and become objective you’ll see the pattern and cycle repeat over and over. No one is EVER at fault for someone’s abuse or cruelty but we ARE responsible for our own participation and engaging with them. Myself included.

[@PAWright2770]

Light bulb moment! He would list all he does and constantly point out what I don’t do ( even though I would do it in front of him) Yet never open up about feelings. Vulnerability is weakness. Ugh.

[@triscuit4000]

"If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll always ask for milk." -Laura Numeroff

[@lauraheller531]

Dr. Ramani, would you please consider addressing the feeling of dread when you do need to communicate with a narcissist. I’m using grey rock and the feeling of utter dread consumes me. Thanks!!!!!!!

[@geertruivanbroekhoven7209]

Since I was mutulated by a narc doctor, I have had to see many doctors to try to repare the damage done. In the medical world there are sooo many doctors with big ego's. And many times if you don't just agree upon whatever they say or do without any explanation (many times they are wrong !) they go into narcissistic reactions. This is very easy for them, because "Doctor knows best, and doctor has the power in the medical world." No, unfortunately doctor does NOT know best many many many times, and the patients suffer the consequences of their maltreatments. Sometimes the rest of their lives. And then you have to go through this hell of consulting doctors who maybe, maybe, maybe can help repair the damage done by the cowboydoctor. The feeling of DREAD when going through this hell is the worst I can describe.

[@steviep9780]

I would like to hear this addressed as well, even though it's in my past. For the last 2 years before I went no contact, I did my best to grey rock my twin but absolutely dreaded dealing with her (it was during a lawsuit of I would have gone no contact sooner). I suppose grey rock isn't for everyone? It must take something I don't have or just couldn't learn fast enough?

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Laura Heller,Your lovely smile can make the news!

[@l.5832]

Grey rock did not work for me. When he did not get the response he wanted he upped the ante including emptying out bank accounts and punching me. I signed a separation agreement, then he filed a completely different agreement with the courts, leaving me nothing. It was a nightmare. They WILL get the response they want even if it is you begging for your life as they are killing you. Just leave.

[@steviep9780]

@@geertruivanbroekhoven7209 I'm so very sorry you are going through this! Sending healing vibes!

[@yamlwoz]

My maternal narc is always giving me things that I don't want. Sometimes it's to watch me squirm as I try to look grateful (as expected, and not worth the trouble of looking any other way). Other times it's because it's rubbish from her house she can't bring herself to actually throw. Sometimes she even asks for the things back, so I've basically just been storage for her. She checks up on her gifts to make sure I use them. As soon as she checks out of this planet I'm going to hire a skip bin and joyfully fill it :D

[@RaeShanti]

My “mother” does the same thing. I remember having a collection of Coke memorabilia, most of which she and other family members bought me over 17 years and I knew that the only way to get everyone to stop giving it to me was if I got rid of it all. I decided one day I no longer wanted the collection, I no longer drank soda and I no longer needed it to fill a void, so I decided to sell my collection. She said she wanted xyz if I was getting rid of everything because she bought it. I told her that if she wanted it then she could come to my house and pick it up. She never came. She never comes to my house to visit...that is a hole other story. So I did not keep the stuff she asked for. I instantly became an ungrateful little bitch. Because I got rid of objects that I owned. Objects that were no longer serving a purpose. But I’m ungrateful.

[@TheMaxx111]

"Little asks don't get heard..." How about, "Dad, stop showing up at my house I own uninvited and screaming at me because I did not shovel my driveway at 7:00 am."

[@mndldvs1]

Sounds like my father.. I was brought up in a "show home" as my friends used to say and I consider my house to be well looked after but definitely lived in..when I know he is coming to my house I spend hours getting everything just so and he will always find something to criticise, a few weeds creeping up a tiny crack in the paving, the dustbins not being in a straight line, the grass being above 2cm...I keep saying im 40 years old and am not going to go along with this in my own home but I still do the obsessive cleaning and sorting. At one point I was not allowing my son to cook his lunch because my Dad was coming around! luckily my mum puts him straight but the damage has already been done and I can't change my response to it. I have developed avoidance strategies which isn't a solution but helps when I really can't handle it. The pandemic has been a gift for this reason, which I realise is a very sad thing to say but its the truth.

[@TheMaxx111]

@@mndldvs1 If your father is anything like mine, the best thing I did was go no contact with him. I tried telling him I am a grown adult, accounting manager, and I cannot have you constantly telling me what to do and criticizing me. That just lead to more anger and punishments. There was no way to get him to listen to anything he does not want to hear.

[@mndldvs1]

@@TheMaxx111 I'm sorry to hear that, the feeling of never being good enough never leaves you and you deserve better. I actually watch these videos to educate myself in order to support my partner and step kids recover from the abuse of ex wife / mother as they're still suffering but I see a lot of traits in my own father. I fully support the benefits of no contact, I'm not at that point yet but I worry about him getting worse in old age, he's actually got a bit better since retiring but I don't want to be naive either. I hope you are on the road to a happier more confident life, I know how crap it can make you feel. Thankyou.

[@leahg3926]

Whoa! That sounds insane!

[@graceface418]

When I would bring up his actions and words not lining up, my narc husband would rage and yell about how I was making a big deal of nothing and (my fave) 'Its not possible to prove love" through actions, because love is a feeling and you can't physically prove internal emotions. He would ask me what he was supposed to do to "show" me he loved me that would prove it once and for all. This frames his lack of consistency and inability to be intimate and honest as me being 'insecure' and 'demanding'

[@mirandachan5222]

Completely feel the same way about the last sentence!! Just broke up with a guy like this that I date for 2 months. Because I’ve catches his pattern already🙄 we need to really be smart and don’t doubt yourself

[@joseenoel8093]

I noticed the sarcastics tones which play into their words, trying to emphase 'Special Superior Meaning' as our Lordship is speaking (perhaps pity them as they think we're drowning them out, not possible)!

[@melissaadams8773]

Ohhh!!! Also this quote is a favorite too: "Say what you mean...mean what you say".

[@ailenefisher8068]

I can be alone by myself; I don’t need company! I only now see all of the crap I put up with for so long! NO WONDER I was always so tired all of the time! Going through the pain of the start of no contact was SOOO worth it!!! Yes, the (constant) lack of action spoke LOUDER than ALL of the words I used to get!

[@JahBreed]

'I never said that.' Okay then....let me just discard everything my body tells me it knows about people who act like you do.....🤣

[@PsychedPerspective]

Another thing I’m learning is .....leave on the first red flag 🚩 stop 🛑 going back and forth. If your needs aren’t being met bounce. We have to stop ✋🏽 going back on our own words and boundaries. We show people how to treat us.

[@slgreetings]

This explains / is so validating for me... makes me cry. 4 times I went through this... but none of them gave me anything, rarely or never took me to dinner, rarely gave a present.... 38 years later, my worth was me being so happy if I got a text. Never again. I'm awake now. I Love You Dr. Ramani❤

[@thlp6872]

@Mary Kay - It’s not how you start but how you finish. I hope you’re healing and giving yourself the self-care you deserve. May your future relationships be as enlightening and rewarding.

[@slgreetings]

@@thlp6872 Thank You THLP... 💗

[@ImadeUlook]

This was possibly the most devastating and perplexing traumas to overcome. To be honest - 2.5 years on and I'm still broken. I never give affection with agendas and selfishness. I want nothing in return, except emotional reciprocation. It's inconceivable that I never treat people like crap and can't wrap my head around why it comes so easy for others.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Pens'nme,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏

[@ImadeUlook]

@@christianpulisic7784 you're sweet 😘 however, I do not identify with that paradigm. I'm trained to apologise for existing 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@julianacunningham3945]

“Eternal vigilance is the price of safety”

[@peneodea2919]

While I was recovering from breast cancer I start watching Dr Ramani and realised my toxic relationship was him being narcissistic. He gave me very little support during treatment so I got the courage to kick him out. He thinks it’s all about him not giving me flowers .....wtf! I thank you for opening my eyes and giving me strength to start a new life 💐

[@mazkraut9776]

There is a good subject: narcissists and their choice of pets! :) My guess would be that they have a lot more dogs than cats. Dogs can give someone constant proof of their loyalty, whereas cats couldn't care less whether a human narcissist needs reassurance from them.

[@cliffp.8396]

I agree with the 'parents being present', this is truly all that mattered to me as a child.

[@LyndieLouWho]

Narcissists say one thing and do another. They lie to you and to themselves. They are cold, hard,, walking, talking contradictions.

[@zlatkajupe]

When even the cat agrees with Dr.Ramani lolol 🐱

[@barryosullivan3428]

'Never argue with a narcissist-they'll take u down to their level and they'll beat u at experience!'-Me paraphrasing someone else 😊

[@ednabmode9223]

"Never wrestle with a pig. You'll only get muddy, and the pig will enjoy it." I think this a George Bernard Shaw saying, but whoever it was who said it was spot on!

[@lumity238]

So True and they'll Haunt you for the rest of your life.

[@barryosullivan3428]

@@ednabmode9223 I think this is actually a better way of putting it Edna

[@FreeSpirit47]

In addition to actions speak more loudly than words. 1. Only treat someone else as a priority when they treat you as a priority. 2 When someone tells you who they are, believe them. 3. Neither a borrower or a lender, be.

[@ghuyakalika]

I need strength. As scapegoat I can't really do this anymore. I poisoned myself by accident exactly 8 months ago today. I died and went into a coma. My narcissistic father promised to work on our relationship and I was silly enough to believe him. Thank you Dr Ramani. Without you I don't know what I would have done. This is exactly my dad. He does both but there is no balance or consistency Today I am taking action and soul distancing from my entire narcissistic family system.

[@yasminrahman5898]

All the best to you. Take care🤗

[@joseenoel8093]

Hi hon, strenght on, they're awful, keep tuning in and learning, you're a survivor and you weren't the one in need of poisoning! More projection from your dad! I wish I could sacrifice my mom to the volcano 🌋 gods to appease them, all the ashes they spew out are the unwanted cremated narcs, the 😈 devil's out of room. I hope you can avoid him/hit the books/get an overnight babysitting job/eventual no contact no problems! Careful, grey rocking too much, laying low with aggrevate him too, play the fool, give him attention until you can rescue yourself!

[@ghuyakalika]

@@yasminrahman5898 Thank you!

[@ghuyakalika]

@@joseenoel8093 Wow! Thank you so much. This really made me smile. 🌋 Do you think grey rocking too much etc would aggrevate him?

[@ghuyakalika]

@Louis Schreurs Wow alone is all one. That's wonderful 😊 The times I can spend time alone I am truly happy as well. More so than ever before. Thank you so much! Spiritual grey rocking. I am going to do that. Thank you

[@marileeplus3]

The proof is in the pudding!🥣

[@devidaughter7782]

you can tell a tree by the fruit it bears

[@ardent9422]

"They're good at talking but they're not good at doing" they're good at doing things that causes you cruel emotional or psychological harm, that's where their actions speak the loudest, got some of that these past two days, I wasn't surprised though, I expected some sort of punishment or attack because I refused to do something at Christmas that they tried to force on me.

[@Microworldoncamera]

Words and action are two diffrent Worlds in nars mind...

[@ildikof1606]

I now also have a completely new understanding of "Waiting for Godot", and why it triggered me the way it did when I had to read it in secondary school. The waiting for narcissists to change and do what they say is just lethal.

[@JennyGeist]

I love your videos and watch everyday! Thanks so much for everything you do! In one of your videos you mentioned that there should be training for kids in school about this, could you do a video about how to teach children from a young age how to protect themselves? To teach them to keep their empathy but not let others manipulate their empathic qualities?

[@autumninkentucky]

This is exactly what I kept thinking repeatedly when my narc sister kept telling me over and over that she loves me when she was trying to hoover me back in. I finally stopped just gray rocking her and did a total disconnect. The way she has treated me in the past indicates that she actually hates me, or cares absolutely nothing about my feelings, safety or well-being.

[@sophie-963]

Totally relate and recognise this in the narcissistic people in my family

[@Yeshuaseekinggirl]

Mine convinced me to leave a job I can’t go back to, uproot my young son from school, and move to his state Kentucky from mine (South Carolina), after convincing me he was going to marry me. Once I got there he broke up with me and got back with me about 5 times. Putting me on an emotional roller coaster. I started to question myself - am I too loving ? Am I not loving enough? He ruined my birthday which was on Thanksgiving by breaking up with me that morning before we were supposed to go celebrate with 22 ppl. I cried so hard I couldn’t go. He convinced me he was going to pay my car payment and storage unit unit bills if I came. That happened once or twice then he stopped. He even made me pay way my way back. My whole life has been flipped upside down.

[@justanotherredheadattheend955]

My parents so confusing. They frontload all their love(?) on practical stuff, always have. But I can’t even trust them to be emotionally engaged with something as banal as a new show I really like. It’s like as long as it’s anything besides emotional vulnerability or engagement, they’re all for it. But if you try to stick a toe into more meaningful support, they just seem confused and vaguely uncomfortable. I can’t tell if this is narcissism or Boomer-ism 😞 I saw them last night and I feel like a zombie today, even though there was no conflict or anything.

[@jonathanalpart7812]

Narcissism and boomerism...two words for one thing? Haha, kidding boomer friends!

[@annoravetz6697]

I hear the kitty 🐱, lol. The latest is that she’s sitting there by herself, the last person up and quit. The remaining “survivors” are “social distancing” out in a trailer.

[@jmercy3191]

They also expect so much praise and celebration when they do extend minimum effort. They never let you forget what little they do. If you don’t see it clearly, which we don’t when we are gaslighted, you start thinking their minimal actions are enough.

[@loribrown1139]

Yes, Dr. Ramani, it helps me understand a lot! And is this concept of actions and words not speaking to each other a form of gaslighting? It feels so confusing!Thank you for helping me navigate this chaos 🌞

[@ednabmode9223]

My mother had two favourite sayings when I was young. The first was, "You don't need to tell children they're loved, they just know it." Her second was, "My children are scared of me." She was particularly proud of that one! The first one was her complete inability to show any real affection, probably because she didn't get any as a child. No excuses for her though, somewhere down the line she made a decision, conscious or otherwise, to behave the way she did. She still has an awful lot to say about, well, almost everything really, but rarely, if ever, does she put her money where her mouth is and actually do anything about what she's moaning and whinging about.

[@mrskmac716]

We’re scared of them because we’ve seen them rage. My mother was the same. I’m not good with expressing feelings with words because all she had to do was give me a look .

[@rhysmckavanagh9498]

Alright, here is my my proverb for you: Charity covers a multitude of sins. (think Jimmy Saville and other toxic philanthropists)

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

If it looks like a rat And smells like a rat It is a rat.

[@devidaughter7782]

and if it sounds like a cat - it is probably a cat!

[@sixthsenseamelia4695]

@@devidaughter7782 😉 I was hoping people would get the double entendre

[@LoriGeminiTarot]

Whenever my cat makes an appearance in my videos it’s a good omen and brings good luck.

[@JudgeJulieLit]

"It is by our actions that we are happy or unhappy." -- Aristotle

[@precioussoul7128]

He used to say “ I love you “ a dozen times a day but I don’t see it in his actions at all.

[@JamesBlue28]

The Love Language Matrix is where I've been/was stuck for a decade. Somehow, my insistence that Love required action became an ongoing debate. For the first five years I put up with the lack of action and reliability because I was able to make up for it. Then my health declined and having somebody pick up the slack became far more important. Im just not physically able to do it all anymore. Almost overnight the fatal flaws in the relationship were exposed and it seemed like every day it just got worse. When my life slowed down I started noticing things I didn't notice before and reexamining things that had been said and done before. That's part of how I discovered this channel. Almost every video puts to words things I've been feeling for years. A few weeks divorced now and trying to figure out how to navigate with/around this person for the sake of the kids.

[@laurav9661]

I hope my daughters grow up with a better understanding of these dynamics and that we normalize the type of information Dr. Ramani is providing. People have such misguided notions of what love means. How many people stay in bad relationships because their spouse claims to love them so much? How many people mistake the obsessed pursuit as a sign of how much the other person cases for them?

[@om617yota8]

This was the one that finally helped me convince an ex girlfriend that her mom was a narc, or at least not a friend. Mom would promise to take her to a job interview, but half an hour before they were supposed to leave, mom would "go to the store for a second" and then disappear for three hours. Ex would miss the interview. This happened multiple times, and she only got a job when she stopped including her mom in any plans.

[@justsmilelovebnme]

Narcissist NEVER love you , they LEARN you . Know the difference and run for the hills ❤️

[@paulasussman4751]

Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏🏽

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Paula Sussman,Your lovely smile can make the news!!

[@jovanna1967]

My mom’s favorite saying was...do as I say not as I do

[@HoneyDrops2023]

I hated that, it allows the parent to behave in a hypocritical fashion as opposed to doing the hard work of being an example.