WHO AM I...? | HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

Hey guys just me, having yet another existential crisis lol nbd
nah its not that deep but seriously what do I even like? Who even am I? What am I even doing? how do cameras work? i don't even know lol
♦ SOCIAL MEDIA ♦
I N S T A G R A M
/ rawbeautykristi
T W I T T E R
/ rawbeautykristi
BUSINESS E-MAIL: [e-mail]
__________________________________________________________________
♦ CODES: ♦
I have a few discount codes with different brands, they are affiliate links so if you use my code, I will receive a small commission from those purchases!
COLOURPOP: DISCOUNT CODE "KRISTI" - 10% OFF
BH COSMETICS: DISCOUNT CODE "KRISTI" - 10% OFF
MAKEUP GEEK - RAWBEAUTYKRISTI
SIGMA
sigma-beauty.7eer.net/c/196942...
CAMOEYES:
CODE: RAWBEAUTYKRISTI - 10% OFF
__________________________________________________________________
Thanks for watching!
Kristi
xoxo
HI! My name is Kristi! Welcome to my channel!
First off, I am not your average KZbin Beauty Vlogger. I do the typical Product Reviews, Makeup Tutorials, Lifestyle Vlogs and SO much more, all with a sense of humor and a bit of a potty mouth. You can ALWAYS be assured that i am giving my full and HONEST opinion. SUBSCRIBE & Join in on the fun!
FTC Disclaimer: This video is NOT sponsored. All opinions are 100% mine. I only talk about products I genuinely like and only give honest reviews.
ALL LINKS beginning with an asterisk are affiliate links * Affiliate links meaning if you click the link and purchase items through that link, I will receive a small commission on that purchase*
Some products are sent to me for consideration of a review. (PR)

[@gabriellamorrow2151]

Kristi when you talked about “I am Kristi, I do make up” it sparked my memory of something that my therapist helped me with, is two things. The purpose of life isn’t to find what you ARE. There is no one thing you ARE, other than Kristi. Everything else, make up, plants, bees, farmers markets, are all things you LIKE and DO. She helped me with this when I was upset with my physical and mental health. I would say “I am fat. I am depressed.” And she would reframe that and tell me, “No, YOU ARE GABI. You HAVE fat on your body. You are not the fat. You have a depressed mood currently. You are not depressed.” We are not just our bodies. And we are not just what we do. Just like being a mom, you’re not “JUST” a mom. It’s something you do. It’s a description of your life and your offspring. The second thing was when you were talking about how you’re kind of good at several things. Like make up, not a MUA. Like plants, not a garden master. “Tried and failed” and water coloring. This is all with the expectation that to succeed, you have to be “good” at it. But here the rub, the purpose isn’t to master these things. Life’s purpose isn’t to be a finisher. You’re literally only every finished when you die. The purpose of life is the doing. Every single day when you’re doing things. Not completing them. It’s ok to do things for the experience, and not to be “good” at them. Don’t finish things just because you tell yourself you have to be. Why would you force yourself to do something that doesn’t bring you joy??? You do things while they bring you joy, and when it doesn’t anymore, you move on. There’s nothing wrong with that. I am the same way with many of these things so I can wholeheartedly relate to what you’re feeling. As a mom as well, so I really get it. The main thing here is be cautious of telling yourself you have to finish things, unless you can shift your mindset to make finishing things bring you joy. And if you do that, find small things, that you know you can finish. And start there. Find small paintings, small garden projects, things that can be completed in an hour (what is free time as a mom). And most importantly, love yourself through the journey. The purpose is the journey, not the destination. And also yes, ADHD 100% presents different in women. A lot of doctors like to think it’s only the very obvious ADHD in men. Not true. Also Kristi, an ARTIST online finishes a painting…. That’s what they do. That’s their channel. Don’t compare yourself to that.

[@jennigthatonecrazydoglady8100]

💜

[@catwmn14]

Love this, 💯

[@alicecry]

This needs to be up voted more. Reading this made such a huge weight fall off my shoulders. Thank you for sharing this, you have no idea how much you just helped me change my perspective just now. ❤️

[@magdalenakuffel3213]

This is so smart

[@shainaannx17]

Seriously love this so much xo

[@cherishhardy4344]

“a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” You're allowed to have multiple interests it's totally normal and you do not have to be amazing at anything. If it sparks your interest and brings you joy that is all that matters 💖

[@LucretiaPearl]

This is so true!

[@Nikibaby74]

Exactly this!

[@angela.b.]

I had to reread that 3 times to fully comprehend it😂

[@heidiheidibobide]

Came here to post this quote. It's so true! I love that I am interested in so many things! I compare myself to me now! As long as I'm doing what I want. We have become such a society of comparison and frankly self absorption.

[@leelee2925]

Love this!!

[@misshouston]

My boyfriend from the other room: "Is that YOU talking??!" Girl, you're going through the same thing I am. The same thoughts I have. It's such a relief to hear someone else has them, too!

[@rachelvanaken901]

The thing you’re “good at” is being a voice and a friend to all of us. We don’t care if it’s makeup or gardening or painting… we’re here because we love spending time with you as a person

[@KenzieTaylorlovekenziie]

100%

[@BeautyBanter]

Well said!

[@heather1980]

My therapist has told me over and over that “should” is not a great word. I want. I choose. I am. None of us are perfect. I’m not an MUA. Makeup is fun. I love rollercoasters and I feel like that community has centered on the best word: Enthusiast. I’m a coaster enthusiast. I don’t need to know everything, but I have lots of random dorky knowledge. I’m a makeup enthusiast. I watch KZbin videos. I’m sparkly and fun. I’m a cooking enthusiast. I love throwing things together that taste good. I’m not a chef. I might not know what I’m doing, but it’s fun.

[@alexislopez3745]

This is GAME CHANGING-- Thank you ! 💓

[@melissaandreag]

I say “should” way too much!

[@marypoppins2232]

you're sparkly? If I was sparkly, that is all I would need to be

[@ellespoonies]

@@marypoppins2232 sparkly can mean so many things. you can be sparkly personality wise, just like you can be bubbly.

[@fruitcup1020]

This is amazing! Thank you for sharing!

[@victoriamullin8491]

I swear, every time you post something in this vein, I wonder how we’re not actually the same person. You say the exact same things I think or say. I know you get a lot of hate for being honest about how you’re feeling but it really helps me to hear someone feeling so similarly.

[@pippysplaytime1234]

AGREEEEEEEEEEE

[@queenkamie1743]

Same

[@MakeupJunkie0412]

Same

[@eternalgrowth7122]

SAMEEE how are we all the same person

[@queenkamie1743]

We need a group chat seriously I’d love to connect with someone like me in this way. Support group 😂

[@amie1696]

Dude you’re out here on KZbin just saying out loud what the rest of us are feeling. I resonated so much with everything you said. Please don’t stop making this kind of content- it’s real and we are here for it. Also- an air fryer video….. we all need dinner ideas lol 😂. 💙

[@haliekelley6762]

Same girl!

[@teslagoth9401]

Yes on air fryer video. She convinced me to buy one ;)

[@jesseeyoung]

Raw Beauty Kristi’s next video: “GRWM and then let’s can some beans from my garden” is something I can absolutely get down with!!! Like I’d actually love watching that! Country life is amazing! ❤️

[@eli-fm5zz]

what got me out of a similar mindset is recognizing that life is made up of a series of activities, not titles. you are not a gardener or a makeup artist, you are Kristi! Kristi who gardens and Kristi who does makeup. you don’t have to have identity, you can just do

[@ZijnShayatanica]

Thank you so much for this comment...

[@chiknlittle]

LOVE this

[@kimberleethompson7453]

One thing that helped me was saying “I like gardening” and “I like doing my make up” and “I like decorating my home” instead of labeling myself a garden, makeup artist, and interior designer because with labels come a pressure to perform. But you aren’t performing for anyone else. You’re doing it for you.

[@The3GMom]

Love this!

[@madtadbecker8933]

yess

[@HSF365]

I feel like getting caught up in the micro-labels make us feel like we need to live up to a vision of what it means in our heads. You are an artist. With makeup, acrylic paint (you are painting a whole mural!), water colors, pottery, landscaping, etc. You pursue creative works, you are an artist! The details don't matter and someone else's definition of what an artist SHOULD be doesn't matter.

[@harleyjennmc]

Well said!

[@chyk44]

Ever since high school I've felt this way. Never being able to finish something I want to do or find my purpose/ passions. I can never seem to take on more than one task or routine. I understand where you come from in this video.

[@anastaciakristine5171]

"I should be filming a video testing out new makeup, because you guys like that. " ... oh no mama, we are here because we like YOU.... Every version of YOU... and you know what, I have 6 kids and my baby boy is a month older than yours and I'm going through the same exact stuff THIS TIME... keep posting WHEN you want to... we will be here 🤘

[@mypathunfolding]

Commenting because I want Kristi to see your comment.

[@RawBeautyKristi]

🥹😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💕💕💕💕

[@anastaciakristine5171]

Message me if you would like to talk. We are in the same area and I have so much to say and ask... let me know. Also, you are doing beautifully 🥰

[@katieabdai2011]

Ya. If it was the makeup I wouldn’t watch anymore. I don’t even do makeup KZbin anymore lol

[@katekilgore8889]

Are you even a mom if you haven’t lost your identity at some point? This video hits home. Currently pregnant with my second kiddo and I am so different than before my first kid. My career is different, work style is different, friend group is different, what is important in life to me is different. I am 95% a different person today than even 5 years ago. I love your non-makeup videos, as I feel like your truthfulness is something you don’t hear enough of in parenthood community.

[@Postwarinktrap]

Ma'am...are you me?! I had my first son in 2020 and am currently 5 months pregnant with my second, and I started a new job November 2021. I don't even know who I am outside of being an employee and a mom 😂🙃

[@themomwiththethroattattoo4525]

I like that you’re everything. That’s why I’ve been watching your channels forever. Because it’s a bunch of everything that I love, being a mom, gardening, makeup and talking about normal life things. I hate that you’re struggling but love that I am not alone in everything that I feel. I’m praying you find your purpose and feel better. ❤️❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@chocoholic6611]

Kristi, just on that “sticking to things” point: it’s so hard. I totally feel you. One thing that helped me is the book “Atmic habits” - overhyped but honestly worth it. The main point is: start small, ridiculously small, and stick to one habit. Just one tiny thing, but the consistency is the moat important. Once consistently exist, everything else is just a question of scaling up.

[@MsCuddlepoo]

Hands up who here was diagnosed with ADHD in their 30s! 🤚 Seems like there’s lots of us around. Great that we’ve finally got a diagnosis, sucks that it took so long.

[@mayraortiz1464]

I was diagnosed at 34. I’m 37 and thriving when I’m hyper focused! Lol

[@iluve2laugh]

I see a woman in the process of growth. Growth is awkward and uncomfortable, but ultimately beautiful. This is very relatable, thank you for vulnerability. I’m glad you posted. P.S. you do look amazing! The makeup is sexy and the hair is giving me vixen vibes. I always am a bang advocate so I’d push you towards the curtain bangs. You’re beautiful!

[@emilywilson9186]

I just want to say, watching this video felt like therapy for me. Literally. For someone else to completely explain exactly how I feel so flawlessly. I love watching you come to rational conclusions and literally talk this out with us and with yourself in real time. It just makes me feel so hopeful for myself and maybe I can get to a point where I feel like someone again.

[@maddydion6481]

Kristi, you are sooo not alone. I feel the exact same way. I am so grateful that you are so transparent in an era of such curated perfection. Because your perfection IS this!!! I am also team “must be one single thing” and I’m so glad to know it’s not just me!! Don’t ever stop being honest or posting content like this. for as long as you might feel this way at least LOL. Thank you thank you thank you!

[@kayann100]

As my best friend says, “my hobby is like, collecting hobbies.” I have ADHD lol. I have the same guilt about not being a “master” of anything but I like that it keeps things interesting!

[@kylieikerd1]

I hope she reads this! ADHD here too

[@JessieLee_]

Same I have ADHD as well. I’m no Doctor but I’ve been watching Kristi since 2017 and I see it in her.

[@jennifermalcolm6838]

ADHD here too and everything she is saying is 100% me.

[@linaishaltso197]

Also adhd here. I feel the same

[@AmyLorraineCreates]

Came to the comments to see if other ADHDers commented 😂🖤

[@brittanylink3302]

Kristi, As someone who recently left my 14 year relationship, lost my health, my job, my house, and moved back to my mom's at 30, I REALLY needed this. This is why I adore you. It makes me feel a little less alone in the world with how lost I feel. I am so sorry you're feeling this way, but I appreciate your realness more than you know. I have watched you for years and will continue to as much as you upload if it makes you happy. Thank you so much for continuing to be real

[@asiawilk]

That sounds really hard! You are doing your best, be kind to yourself

[@andreajgunn]

Wow hugs. This could happen to any of us at any moment, and I hope for you the best biggest blessing of your life soon to come.

[@iluvzurara2]

Hugs! Def feel that with you! What is it about 30 that our health is going downhill?!? My life now is pretty consumed with figuring out my health while I find lots of my friends are moving on and my career trajectory so far is a total failure so while Obvs I do not understand everything you’re feeling you’re def not alone in many aspects. Wishing you the best!

[@jessicasims9850]

Thank you, Kristi! It is so refreshing to have this raw honest content. I am feeling lost and directionless and withdrawing from social media more and more because I feel like it adds to the feeling of not being enough, not being successful, and not hitting life’s milestones and not having myself figured out like other people. Thank you for always being so honest with your feelings. I hope reading these comments makes you feel abit better as you have done for your fans who needed this video.

[@jenniferpaige7223]

This is what you’re meant to do! Make people feel less alone. I resonated with every single thing you said. 💓

[@thehungrycatherpilla6427]

I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE UNDERSTOOD OR HEARD BY A KZbinR. This is literrrrallllly me and my life over the last 10yrs with chronic illnesses. Thank you 😘🌻

[@maggieellis1488]

My aunt once said to me (she is very wise) that Motherhood is being constantly overwhelmed by the underwhelming moments of life. Obviously motherhood is the best thing ever but it feels like I do nothing at the end of the day but I did a million mundane or underwhelming things. I feel you!

[@cherryontop8177]

Oh man I'm over two years in to this motherhood journey and I am with you. Just found out in May my 2 year old daughter has cancer and I am right back to square one. Seems like taking care and time for myself is the least if my priorities. No clue who I am shit is so hard. Just want you to know that you cheer me up no matter the content. You rock.

[@jenniferslambert4642]

So sorry.You will get through this🙏

[@Sjudit84]

I see your comment 10 months later, hope you and your little one are doing well!

[@Kriistall7]

I'm here for exactly this actually. I couldn't care less about makeup, im here because I've never heard anyone articulate this stuff like you do

[@aephus]

adhd does present diferently in women! and honestly, a lot of what you talked about reminds me of myself when i got diagnosed, and i was 25. no one thought i had it until i started studying adhd and the adult symptoms (esp symptoms in women) and it felt ridiculously familiar. and the doctor i'd had my entire life insisted i didn't have it and was crazy for wanting a referral to a specialist. the specialst knew i had it in the first 10 minutes! i have a history of starting new projects and moving on to a new one before finishing the current one, and never being interested enough to go back to it until something ends up sparking that. my interests change at the drop of a hat and i end up feeling similar irt being decently good at a lot, but an expert in nothing. i can't speak to whether or not you have it, but there's might be the chance it's being missed because you don't meet "traditional" critera people think of when they think of adhd! either way, definitely not alone in that sort of feeling

[@gamesandjournalythings]

Diagnosed at 42 👋🏽

[@s.a3099]

YES same! Same exact story. Also diagnosed at 25.

[@kayann100]

Same and I was diagnosed at 33 after years of being dismissed by doctors because I “just had depression and anxiety.” It took a female psychiatrist who had ADHD herself to finally take me seriously.

[@s.gabriel2853]

I have recently started suspecting I have ADD. I’m thirty-five.

[@kylieikerd1]

Completely second this!!!

[@Mary-lj2uu]

7 years ago, I was a Mennonite wife with 4 kids (7, 6, 4 and 11 month old) in a Mexican colony. I left with my kids, not knowing what my purpose would be, but I escaped to Canada, learned English, got my GED, went to Massage school and am now a massage business owner providing for my kids, living off my land. Believe me when I say life is a book. And every "I dont know what the next step is" is a new chapter, that will lead you into a new little or big part in your life. Then you get to close that chapter, take what you learned, and wait for the next chapter. Its beautiful. I am currently in the same mindset of "what's next?" But I'm waiting for that chapter to begin. Hope this helps someone. Also big part for me was to constantly pray to God what the next step was, and He'd always bring me right into it!💕💕

[@mikaylalindsay3492]

Also, I love just listening to you talk. I find you so extremely relatable. Especially about being a starter and not a finisher and having many hobbies but not being an expert at really anything lol. Love you so so much 💗💗

[@simmercici]

I feel SO seen. I actually talked to my therapist about this and she told me to put a deadline to things I want to do and stick to that deadline so you can have an end. I can say that I went right back to where I was, half assing everything.

[@SBTemples]

Totally get it. For me, finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 31, and as a woman, OMG, it WILD explains so much. Realized how much is both awesome and what workarounds help. I still experience literally everything you describe, and still finding my footing.

[@saras.5045]

Same here! Diagnosed recently as an adult and I was literally about to say: "I feel like this... And I was diagnosed with ADHD."

[@hanbanan4230]

I was diagnosed as a child, and I would be SHOCKED if Kristi doesn't have it. I'm inattentive type, and a lot of what she was talking about is exactly what I go through and have gone through my whole life.

[@jacintahunting]

I was dx’d a few weeks ago at 33!! Started a non-stimulant ADHD medication and it has been INSANE how good I feel and how easily I’m able to let go of a lot of these feeling she’s describing.

[@queencelestyna]

Yep, I was 32, and knowing how my brain works has helped me manage my expectations while also getting things done.

[@CarolinaLeonxD]

When you were mentioning being “half good”, I genuinely would love to watch content on people growing and learning and experiencing life for themselves and them just bringing me along. I don’t want to see “perfection” because I cannot relate to that. I relate to a human being who is interested in their hobbies and passionate about their goals. Being perfect means you never get to learn and grow and explore more. If you are willing to share that with us then I would love to watch.

[@chaturangaful]

Yessssss!!

[@horsenlady]

I completely agree!!

[@1catlover]

Same

[@harleyjennmc]

This is literally me. Never heard it put in words before. So glad you spoke on this. you say you are struggling with who you are and i understand that feeling all too well, but to me...you are who i go to to feel better. You ALWAYS make me feel better even if its about the shitty stuff we all struggle with. I at least feel im not alone. Maybe making people feel heard and seen is your gift of who you are. Why do you/we have to be good at 1 thing? I love that you are multifaceted.

[@jennyyycaloca]

I love all of your content..I’ve been following you since day 1 but my god I LOVE this Kristi that you’ve become. I love the content that you’ve been posting. These thoughts that you’re having about being half good at things (which you’re not you’re great at them) about figuring your purpose and what you’re good at, your mental health, mom life..everything I feel them too. I’m sure a lot of your followers do. You help me feel like I’m not alone and your videos literally are like therapy to me. You’re doing great Kristi. You may not think you are but you’re helping so many of us and it definitely resonates.

[@melissakessler77]

Kristi, I am 52 years old and am realizing that we are all just out here trying to get by. Social media allows people to edit their lives and slap some proverbial (and literal) filters on them, and the rest of us try to compare ourselves to them and feel inadequate. I consider myself an underachieving overachiever who suffers from paralysis by analysis. I want to do everything to the point that I do nothing. I also feel like I have wasted so much time not pursuing my natural talents and passions. I agree that structure helps. Not so much a strict schedule, but a list or calendar with blocks of time set aside to spend on things you want to work on. You are fantastic and you will be ok 🥰

[@gloria_grace_harvey]

Kristi, I would literally watch you do the washing up while listening to you talk about life. Film whatever makes you happy and people will enjoy it! We are here for you, not specifically the things you are doing :)

[@WILDFLOWERTEA]

I related to this way too much. . . Thank you for sharing & letting me know I'm not alone in these thoughts. I get it. . . I get it SO MUCH!

[@jessical3413]

This was an amazing video!! When you share these everyday feelings you don’t realize that we are all feeling the same thing and it helps so much to be able to relate and not beat our selfs up! Love you!!!

[@alexamedford3004]

I always used to joke that I was a "renaissance woman" because I have a huge range of interests but I'm not specialized in any of them. Then one day I found a book called The Renaissance Soul and it's basically about how some people's strength is in being a jack of all trades and it really affirmed and encouraged me in embracing that part of me! You don't need to be a pro at something for your interest in it to be valid! ❤️

[@jill2675]

I felt like this my entire life until I received my ADHD diagnosis. Once I knew what challenges I was dealing with it was so much easier to figure out how to manage life enough to NOT feel like I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing. I knew what I wanted and/or needed to do daily, but without a list in front of me I would literally forget and never get anything done. And oh btw, it got 10x’s worse after having my children. I love your content, just keep doing you and find what works for YOU then smash it each day. Just don’t be so hard on yourself in those days you don’t finish, we ALL have those days. You’re an amazing artist, mom, mua and so on, so don’t let that voice we as women have tell you you’re not enough, you are!

[@dwysan]

Kristi, you've been doing KZbin for how many years? And you haven't quit. You've completed it. You make your living from it. You have 2 palettes with your name on... That's not 87%, that's 200% dude! 💕 P. S. They hair is 👌🏻

[@carla5jonasfreak]

I’m so glad you uploaded this because I’ve been struggling a lot and I haven’t talked to anyone about it because I don’t know how to explain it / put it to words but YOU just made me feel so seen! I 100% understand what you’re saying 😭

[@annamarie6228]

I’m almost 56, I still don’t know. I feel like I’m a leaf in the wind also. There are times I embrace it, and times it frustrates me. If anything, I can relate. Just be happy and grateful for your happy moments! EDIT: the amount of unfinished projects is ridiculous! If get a method on how to get them done, please update!

[@mindfullycrocheted]

My new motto - and I literally bought a little wooden sign that says it - “Hold on while I overthink this”. We spend a lot of time thinking or ruminating over life. That’s not a bad thing as long as we are also living it! With regard to change - humans are constantly changing, little by little in mostly imperceptible ways. Change is life. Not to change is to stagnate and that is bad! For you, because so much of who you have become has been on video, it is easier to see the culmination of your change. Embrace the change!

[@sierracorthell6575]

Your feeling mirror mine EXACTLY!!!!! thank you for uploading this. It honestly helped me so much. 😍

[@YukoNinja34]

Literally me right now!! So glad to know I’m not alone. Trying to figure out who I am and what I like. Totally understand and feel the same as you. Thank you for making this video!

[@allanahalfacre4454]

I need you to know that so many of us connect deeply with this “new you”. I am working on healing myself and the programming I developed in childhood and I am very much confused with who am but I’m working on being okay with that and taking one day at a time. I started going to the gym this January not even as a resolution type thing just bc I wanted to try and I finally started to kinda like anything fitness related lol. Now I’ve been going almost every day since then and it’s finally a routine and I don’t hate it! It takes a long time to become a routine, I know they say two weeks but I think you gotta try a few months sometimes before it becomes natural. I feel so much more in tune with my body and it definitely helps me get anxiety out, I never wanted to believe anyone when they said exercise works but sadly it does for me now at least lol. Anyways, thank you for sharing your authentic self. I will watch anything you wanna try ♥️ you’re a jack of many trades Kristi, and that’s kick ass. We never figure out who we are, we create it!

[@heathersloane5764]

Girl, SAME!!! I’m a hobbyist is what I’ve come to. I like lots of things, but am not even close to being an expert. I enjoy learning, so I collect knowledge, but also know nothing. I just had a conversation with my husband about this exact topic. I feel like I have no identity. It’s hard. I feel like no one else around me feels this way.

[@Kookie-ei7bm]

Very well said, I feel exactly the same way!

[@Cast_Iron_Kitty]

That IS your identity! Hobbyist, perpetual learner, lover of life!

[@catladymallory9242]

You went through so much change in so little time. Becoming a mom, moving to a new home, Covid, you’re doing amazingly. One day at a time, make small changes and integrate more and more as you feel comfortable. I resonate so much with all of this. 💕

[@yenijimenez2195]

If you never finish anything no one can ever “judge” your final product or your “performance as a _______”. So leaving things unfinished keeps things positive for you and only you know the potential final product 💕

[@staciesilva8624]

I have severe anxiety and adhd. It absolutely presents differently in women and interestingly if you’ve had anxious feelings they can override the, can’t finish feeling of adhd. I didn’t know I had adhd until my anxiety was medicated and quiet. Even without a diagnosis being kind to yourself in the not so great days is SO SO important.

[@faithnowlin1697]

Omg this is exactly my experience. I was told I couldn’t have ADHD since I never turned homework in late and was a perfect student (on the outside), but it was all just because of my intense anxiety. When I got medicated in college I almost failed a couple classes because my anxiety wasn’t nearly as bad so I had lost the drive to get homework done no matter what. It was a weird realization lol

[@lexysvlogs]

I am grieving my mom hard tonight. I lost her to cancer when I was 9 and I’m now a mother myself. If you ever feel comfortable enough making a video on what it feels like being a mom without a mom, I would so watch it and support it. No one ever talks about grief or grieving their mom and I feel so alone.

[@user-od5hr3up6g]

💔Aww Lexy, you’re not alone. There are many of us out here grieving our moms.

[@vm4862]

Sorry for your loss. There are many of us including those with living Moms who are so self absorbed they couldn't care less about their daughter becoming a mother or their grandchild. Both extremes suck. Hang in there 💗

[@margaritahernandez6715]

kristi, i can relate on every level !!! From starting projects and leaving them halfway done to the airfryer situation lol. I wake up everyday and just think and think about what i want to do with my future. I take it day by day, but i am in a rut that i do want to get out of but don´t know how or what to do to get out of it! And kristi, thank you for uploading this video and let me just say i absolutely LOVE your natural hair color. you DO look AMAZING!!

[@Kamilachan]

I can't believe you even thought of not posting this! Loooooove these vids!!! Your thoughts are so great, so always share them! You're effortlessly interesting and entertaining

[@saras2124]

“What do I like, everything and nothing” I feel this so hard. I too feel like I’m in a limbo between who I was and who I am becoming but I feel stuck and don’t know how to propel myself forward.

[@emilymulvihill3545]

“Sometimes I feel a little bit of whip lash from the idea that what I was interested in morning, noon and night has shifted so much.” I think that is so beautifully put. Welcome to being human! We are dynamic. We are ever evolving. Don’t let your assumptions about the expectations placed on you hold you back from your beautiful, winding journey through this life. You’re right where you’re supposed to be. ❤️

[@halfofmyheart3167]

I love how nicely you put that. I needed to read this and definitely need to remember it. 💝💞

[@ashleyjones4702]

It's as if you were speaking from my mind and saying my feelings out loud in the best way! I feel like the identity crisis we feel has a lot to do with motherhood as well. We have so many societal pressures that the lines of who we are and how we feel we should be are blurred, as much I go the less traveled route, I can't help but feel judged in a way? Just know, feel solace that you are not alone! Thank you for being you! ❤

[@cassidy9035]

So many things you said in this video are SO RELATABLE to so many, including myself! I feel like I float through life not knowing what my purpose is or what I'm good at constantly. I've decided that my purpose in life is not within a skill or career it's just to simply live my life and enjoy the people, relationships, experiences, etc. and not put so much pressure on myself to be the best at something. KEEP DOING YOU GIRL!! Also, LOVE the hair color on you, and this makeup look is to die for, you look stunning!

[@RunningaTightShipwreck]

I'm further down the road from you and my babies are starting to leave me. There have been so many versions of me that I feel like a freaking Barbie doll. I have no idea who I will be adventure wise in 10 years or even tomorrow. Your core is always the same. You're Kristi and we love ya.

[@Gotomama]

You’re a person with hobbies and interests and I imagine the pressure of social media to be one person who is really good at one thing is intense. That’s why I really pulled back from social media for my mental health because I believe it robs us of knowing who we really are and we no longer need validation from the world to know who we are at the core ❤️❤️❤️

[@Nessa_Madness]

Dude, this was so nice to hear you air out all of these thoughts and feelings you have. I especially connected with you on the part where you said you kinda half ass things in that you do it and you keep it at it for a bit but then you drop it…THIS IS ME, I AM THIS. I used to feel so bad that I did that and couldn’t stick to one thing. I use to blame laziness and that I needed to accept that I was just lazy but no, I don’t think it’s completely that either. I’m still trying to figure it out, but one thing that has really helped is to just accept that I do it and that it’s not a bad thing. Best of luck with anything you feel like trying to fix this, but I just want to say, don’t force yourself to “fix this”. You’re not broken and it’s absolutely okay to like many different things. Think of yourself as a Jack of all trades instead of a specialist of one thing ❤️

[@nottooshabby88]

Wowser bowser! This is exactly what I have been focusing on in therapy in last few weeks! I’m trying to apply structure because one of my issues are that I am good at whatever I set my mind to. Which means I hyper focus and get shit done but everything falls apart. It also means I procrastinate bc I know I can get it done when I need to. Balance and structure is my words for this year!

[@nataliew4818]

i love that you described this feeling of “floating through space” because that’s what quite LITERALLY what we are all doing on this planet. maybe your feeling that is just the feeling of taking it all in. i think it’s okay to stop once in a while and know that we are just little humans occupying this gigantic planet in this gigantic solar system and we can do things like garden which humans have done since humans EXISTED it must be ingrained in us somehow as a deep desire. and there’s billions of us and our brains are so complex that we CAN have multiple interests and not know what to do and that’s okay and since life IS constantly changing it’s nice to know that it can also stay the same in the most mundane but important ways. i’m still only halfway through the video you are just a human that a seriously resonate with and love videos where you update us on how you’ve been feeling mentally bc usually it helps me a little bit with feeling more accepting of myself and more normal knowing that you feel and think so much of the same things too

[@amaemae94]

I’ve felt this pressure of needing to know exactly who I am/will be ever since Kindergarten, when they asked you what you wanted to be when you grow up. Not a clue then, or now at 27. It boggles my mind when people have careers at such a young age, and know exactly what they wanted to do/be since birth. Like I can’t even comprehend it. Like you said, I’m good at a multitude of things but nothing feels like it’s truly me/ I’m born to do this. I would love to find something and automatically know, this was my purpose in life.

[@kristabrown6309]

THIS! I relate so much. Also 27, momma of one, and I’m lost as a goose as to who I am. It is sooo frustrating.

[@beauteefulanomaly]

While some people are really good at one thing, we need people like you and others on this post because we are the ones that appreciate the things we learn from others in every category. We bridge the gaps between the mastery and the love of understanding. I didn't know what i wanted to do either until recently. And it still feels strange to be doing a 180 in life but that's the beauty of change and growth!

[@jennaglaubitz7062]

This is amazing how spit on you are articulating my feelings about life. I feel 100% the same as you! Thank you for having a safe space where people who feel this way can come and find community. 💛

[@mammycher8895]

I just love how you examine yourself and are so self aware. Not many people are. So refreshing. I can always relate to something. xo

[@CaseyNaatz]

Raise your hand if you'd watch literally ANY video Kristi put up 🙋‍♀️

[@dianahuerta638]

Raising hand and feet

[@Debo_OG]

I just enjoy your videos. Whether you’re gardening, talking about being a mom, doing makeup, whatever. ❤

[@emilyballard9410]

RBK HITTING WITH THE TRUTH BOMBS!!!! this is why so many people love your videos 🥰

[@Hannah.Love.]

LOL I'm sorry, I love you and can genuinely relate to this video more than I'll ever be able to express but "I feel like I'm having an existential crisis. I need to do my eyebrows." HAS ME CACKLING. Me too, girl, me too.

[@imjustanasshlesometimes3488]

I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 35. I'm not the "classic" case either. I'm like a 90% finisher. I self sabotage myself horribly. I think having my 2 boys (2.5 yr old and 10 month old) kinda brought a lot symptoms out. I honestly thought it was horrible anxiety... but I learned a constant state of overwhelm is very different than anxious. I feel like I'm having an identity crisis... learning different neurodivergent traits... and 95% are me. I don't know... can 100% relate to what you're saying though.

[@andicreates]

I was just going to bring up ADHD as well! I got diagnosed about 6 months ago and resonate with everything you just mentioned!

[@mayraortiz1464]

I can relate. When my son was born my ADHD became so obvious.

[@Kvikurten]

Also Got diagnosed a couple of months ago… I can relate so much- all my symptoms got worse after having my daughter 🥴

[@Keyshauna56]

I think you’re a really good artist: painter, special effects makeup artist, YT influencer who knows how to be honest & vulnerable & how to connect with a huge audience, a devoted mom ❤️, and many more things. Have compassion for yourself bc you’re amazing.

[@KatieSullivan9112]

I felt this video to my core! Especially the half assing and being a starter but not a finisher part. That is exactly me.... I am with you.

[@Sayori23]

No worries, you're not alone with this. I feel this so much. I'm also interested in so many things and "good" at them but not like... a pro at anything. And that makes it hard to decide what I want to dedicate myself to. But there are these kind of people in the world too, and that's fine! We're gonna find our place eventually :)

[@jourdanwinters7644]

This is the anthem of a stay at home mom. I was in veterinary medicine, worked every day for 16 years, had a child, remarried, had another baby and stayed home after that. It’s being a new mom and losing yourself while simultaneously re-learning what your life is now. You will get there, but you can’t force it. So relatable, my gawd.

[@shrefu]

10 minutes in and I HIGHLY recommend the book “Do Nothing”. That book changed my outlook on the guilt we feel over choosing leisure for the sake of it over the grind.

[@alidaoust3581]

I’m checking this out!!

[@ntkitten85]

Ahhh, Kristi! I’m actually so glad to hear this from YOU. Not someone like you, but actually you. Because I feel this way all the time. Including the add/adhd element. Hearing you say that you too feel this way about yourself is super reassuring to me because I look at you and I actively think “she’s so effing talented, she’s just amazing at everything. She thinks about wanting to do something and then it’s done…” like I’m super envious of you, except I’m not at all I just think you’re incredible and wonder how the hell you do it all. Imposter syndrome is real, and your brain is definitely not being kind to you right now so try and look at it objectively as a lie that your mind wants you to believe.

[@meagenlund2178]

Every time you post a video like this I'm like I feel the exact same way! It really helps me a lot so I don't feel so alone. Thank you so much for talking about this. I love your videos 💗💗💗💗

[@kaitlynjackson2384]

This. This is everything. 1- I feel this in every bone 2- literally just doing this… this is everything. You’re perfect always. In any form. Any shape. Any personality. I’m very out of sight out of mind… so I get it. We love ya ❤️❤️

[@Emociional]

Overwhelmed with how little I'm doing... Felt that in my soul. It seems like a lot of people can relate to this right now, not sure why and it drives me crazy. But trust me, you're not alone in feeling like you just don't know.

[@julie-bn8mv]

Your hair and makeup is beautiful. You overthink everything perhaps add. Be like Laura lee and do your videos with all the things you want to do. Your videos of just talking like this believe it or not help many people. You are real and not afraid to say what u feel . That helps people. I love you just the way you are. Start date nights twice a week and get a babysitter might make u feel good.

[@celloafterdark4173]

I'm really glad you posted this, I've had a very rough week with this even though I have a wonderful job- but can't help grieving all the other things I don't have time/money for

[@Jessieellensykes]

You are so me! Everything you said literally felt like it was coming from my brain. You’re so comforting to listen to . You look stunning too by the way 💗💗💗☺️💗

[@carlywalton341]

I just got diagnosed with ADD as an adult and all of this sounds SO familiar! I'm on medication now and it's crazy how it helps! I have anxiety and I was worried about taking a stimulant but the day I started I felt energized but calm and content and like I could just HANDLE shit! I had coping skills all my life to manage (although a lot of it manifested as anxiety) but with having kids and the pandemic it just wasn't enough anymore and I just felt so exhausted all the time from the mental work and now with my meds it's wild like omg I didn't have to struggle all the time!!! There's a podcast called Ologies ( SO GOOD) and she did an episode on ADHD and it was the push I needed to talk to my doctor. Especially the anxiety/ADD link for women was like omg they are talking about me. Even my husband was agreeing!

[@richelleharris6227]

I literally posted a comment saying the same thing!!

[@MsCuddlepoo]

I’ve wondered often if Kristi has ever considered ADHD. I was diagnosed a few years ago in my early 30s, and Im now Mum to a one year old too. A lot of her struggles resonate with me.

[@kalliepetersonkikibright8365]

Most of what she described reminds me of myself and I attribute all of it to my ADHD. I was dx’d at 37, last year, after my kids were dx’d. But my kids were dx’d years ago and I kept telling myself that’s not what it was. But it was. 🤷‍♀️

[@asiawilk]

I think we often get caught up in labels of things, instead of just enjoying what we enjoy :) Also these labels only get applied to our professions. But our work is not our whole entire life. We are complex human beings! We are not just one thing, and those things can change too, just gotta embrace it :) It's also okay to feel confused and lost while making these new realizations, as long as you are still allowing yourself to do what you like even if it scares you a bit

[@itsjess6965]

I feel like you were describing myself, to me. In the last 2 years I’ve finally overcome my postpartum depression and now I’m out and I’m feeling stuck, trying to figure out my purpose and journey. Thank you for this post!

[@roxystarcallan53]

Kristi, thank you. I literally talked to a friend today about how I’m stuck in a state of indecision. This is so relevant to my life and I hope you know you’re not alone. Thanks for putting my feelings into words

[@effortlesslysteph386]

Kristi, I have ADHD. I cannot finish tasks… I’m not kidding, everything your expressing sounds like what I experience daily! Women with ADHD arnt tropically hyperactive! It’s more of a hyperactive brain. Too many thoughts, unable to prioritize them all. 💓you!

[@FlailTV]

Same here. I was looking for someone to mention ADHD. I know it's not a good look to go around diagnosing people on the internet, but I was diagnosed Autistic/ADHD about a year and a half ago, and nearly everything Kristi is saying right now could be coming directly out of my mouth. Obviously, the whole 'just because you do it, that doesn't mean you have it and just because you have it, that doesn't mean you do it' thing about ND conditions is important to keep in mind. We're all different and our neurodivergence manifests in different ways. But still, that's the possibility I'd be looking into if I were in her shoes.

[@sophiemcdonald7832]

This is exactly what I’ve suggested hearing her talk and as someone who knows they have ADHD but yet to be diagnosed fully!

[@sophiemcdonald7832]

I definitely have inattentive ADHD rather than hyperactive. Executive function, working memory and time blindness!

[@PamsPrettyPlants]

💯

[@CrystalEyes83]

Firstly, Your hair looks so pretty like that. I relate to what you were saying so much, I feel like so many of us are in a weird transitional period right now and it’s stressful and confusing. ESPECIALLY after a global pandemic. It changes you and you had a baby IN THAT TIME which makes it magnified and super super life changing!!! There’s nothing wrong with slowing down and enjoying being a mummy after such a long heartbreaking journey to becoming one. It’s not wrong wanting to enjoy your dream house and dream back yard. There’s nothing wrong wanting to do different content all the time and changing it up often, a lot of other KZbinrs do that now. Laura Lee is one of them moving more to lifestyle and every once in a while she does a makeup review but not often and us her viewers who have grown along with her Accept her and we accept you too. we ALL have lots of different things we enjoy. We like to see whatever content YOU want to share with us. As we all grow older our hobbies, interests, passions and priorities naturally change and that’s OKAY. But MOST IMPORTANT IS MENTAL WELL-BEING. That should come first not KZbin and We get you and love you. Also, know that if KZbin is no longer where your heart lies then don’t do it. Have a farmers market stall if you so wish, study agriculture, landscaping or art for example..if that’s what you want , go where the wind takes you. Take this time of confusion to explore what makes your heart happier and excited again. Changing careers and life paths is always ground shaking and soul breaking but it can be so fulfilling when you find your new path/paths. Do what’s right for YOU and your family, not KZbin ❤️🫶🏻

[@molls2thewalls248]

Kristi!!! I would watch any video you upload every week! I so appreciate these chats because I really relate! Keep doing you and we will be behind you every step of the way! 💖💖💖

[@floortroll]

Thank you so much for posting this!! I was talking to my husband just yesterday about how I feel the exact same way as you’ve described here. I’m not alone😭💜Please shoot and post the video ideas you’ve talked about! I’d love to watch them!

[@luvnafctn]

I'm about halfway through the video, and random thoughts thus far: -The world has fundamentally changed, so it makes since that we would change along with it. -Social and mainstream medias are obsessed with labels. We are not labels, we are humans with varied interests and values, and we should not be expected to put ourselves in a box. Sometimes, we may even have conflicting values and interests, and I think that is okay. Life is complicated, humans are complicated. -Maybe the point isn't to become a "master" at something. Think of all of the amazing things you have had an opportunity to try - of how that variety has made you a much more well-rounded person. About how many more people you are able to identify with. - You're an amazing human, Kristy - we love watching you because we identify with your journey through life. Keep finding new things to try, while inspiring us all to do the same.

[@TheGingering]

You took my comment 🤣

[@erinalva5021]

Woah woah woah! I had to pause and say, you are NOT HALF good at any of those things! You are INCREDIBLY talented. Period. You are in every right to be interested in multiple things and enjoy pursuing those things at any given moment. You are Kristi: wife, mom, make up artist, gardener, potter, painter, singer, and anything else you choose to be. That is the gift of being a human and having ultimate uniqueness. I find myself asking the same questions, but answering them with “Give yourself some grace, you’re human.” We love you!! So happy to see a video from you no matter what it is!

[@leeanndisotell7356]

I totally get this, I too am in a transitional period of my life and trying to transfer from one job that I've had for years to starting over in something completely new to me and some other personal things that have happened that has changed my outlook on the people I want to love and protect and the people that have never and will never truly be my friend. Cutting people out of my life and starting over and wishing that the starting over will be even better than I imagine but taking that first step out onto that ledge is very scary!!

[@Melissa-mr3uq]

I relate with this topic so much. I'm a starter too and all over the places with ideas/projects. Thank you for speaking about this and let us feeling less alone and less guilty about ourselves.

[@FlailTV]

I was DEFINITELY thinking ADHD when you were describing your struggles, because they're so, so similar to my own and I was diagnosed (both ADHD and Autistic) in February of 2021. And it most definitely DOES manifest differently in women/afab/female-bodied people. I mean, it manifests differently in everyone, because it's idiosyncratic, but there is a a distinct difference along gender lines, which is at least partly due to a certain amount of gendered conditioning. The things that boy/amab and girl/afab children are allowed/encouraged to do are often very different, and the behaviours we're admonished, punished, praised, and excused for shape how we act out this stuff. The stereotypical, externally hyperactive 'acting out' presentation is largely based on the behaviour of boys/amab kids with ADHD because (in many cases) they're allowed/encouraged to be more active and exuberent. Girls/afab kids turn inward with it because we're (in many cases) constantly being told to sit nicely, play quietly, be a good girl, etc. But I mean...you may or may not have ADHD. That's for qualified professionals to figure out, if you ever feel like pursuing it further. But you can try out some of the strategies for managing it whether you're diagnosed or not (just probably not the medication side of things, of course), and you never know what might work for you. There are more and more resources and people online every day (although I'd consider some more reliable than others, tbh) talking about their experiences and how they deal with things, what they do to sort of hijack and redirect life-impeding ADHD-related behaviours into more productive manifestations. How To ADHD here on KZbin is one I can highly recommend. I also really like Humanity Hive on Instagram. Another one I like is Connor DeWolfe (he's primarily on tiktok, I think, but I follow him on instagram because I'm old and tiktok scares me), but he's less about management strategies and more about depictions of what goes on in his brain. Coby Watts is another one I know, but he resonates more with my partner's manifestation of (probable, but undiagnosed) ADHD than my own.

[@jennycvek677]

Yes! So much of this sounds exactly what I felt like pre-diagnosis (got diagnosed at 23). I never even considered that I may have it until I saw someone post a graphic about how ADHD often presents in women and felt *so* seen. The more internal symptoms are so often attributed to anxiety/social pressures/etc. and I didn't even know they could be tied to something else.

[@ashleyvrl58]

Sounds so much like me and I just got diagnosed with ADHD at 36 years old. I am being treated for it in tandem with generalized anxiety disorder, depression and PTSD. You may need to see a psychiatrist about it or push for a ADHD self assessment from your doc or therapist. If you feel like there's a missing link nobody should tell you otherwise, it's your life not theirs and you can tell when something isn't right. I hope you can find answers sooner than later 💗

[@sweetd9969]

THIS IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE VIDEO OF YOURS EVER’ love you ❤️

[@Auntiemanda]

This resonates so deeply. I'm struggling about who and what I am. Truly. My purpose. My hopes... do I have actual dreams? It's definitely challenging. Thank you for your transparency.